Athletico Mince - Ep. 83 - Hats Off To Marvin Pipkin!

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

Bob’s ray gun repair update, a trip to Slaughter’s, visits from Roy and Mick, a song from Steve, and the introduction of ‘Crime Files’…  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athl...eticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello Andrew. Hello Robert. Well reason we're here. He's given that your team got beaten. Yeah the humiliation started to wear off now. It was two days ago. It's only football in it. It's only a game I know that's what I said to the lad. Have you enjoyed your season knowing League one? It's been all right. It's been it's been the best one for about a decade. Well, there you go. There you go. It was League one. Yeah. Just sort of a deflating end. We just got to go again next season and say what happens I've got a feeling it might get worse. I don't know. But that's sunland for you, and that's football. Well, I found a creme, yes, left over from Easter yesterday.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Did you? In the kitchen cupboard, so that's a nice find, didn't it? And it. In the room, yes. Well, obviously, it was just in date, yeah. But I'm not even just, I think, out of a couple of weeks. I've still got, you know, don't tell anyone, but I've still got some tubs of celebrations left
Starting point is 00:01:03 from Christmas. Yeah. I've been, I all the celebrated at Christmas. I have, yeah. I have a celebrate at Christmas. I bet you had them. Well, I had them under the floorboards. No, that's just one in the kitchen cupboard. I just didn't know it was there. Oh, New Zealanders and the you know all of them. Yeah. I've told you about me one. No, what I'm talking about, it was concentric pans, you know, a smaller pan inside a bigger pan.
Starting point is 00:01:20 Yeah. And I put my hand in to take the little pan out and got my fingers crushed completely caught there. Did you ask the call of emergency services? No I didn't, but it needed some thinking. Do you know what I mean? I thought, all right, like stop pulling think. Do you know the catch monkeys in some country where they put some sweets, it isn't sweets, Andy Waddon, well it is something to send to monkeys. Monkey guns, yeah, in a hole. And then the monkey goes in and grabs them.
Starting point is 00:01:52 And it hasn't got the sense to open its hand. So it's trapped there. And that's how they catch the monkey sweets. I was making similar errors and just tugging and tugging. You were like a monkey but with some pants. Yeah. This week I had an unusual incident and they don't come along that much. Simple as this.
Starting point is 00:02:12 I threw a cushion like me first fly of the season. You know, I made a big fly in me living room. How does it make the go on? Throw it, I've got it. Put down a marker basically. Send a message out of the rest of the fly community. Yeah. This is what's going up when you come in here.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Cushion, bang, can't see the fly, presume I've got it. Sit back down with the caution. And I hear the buzzing and the fly was inside the cushion. No, that was in the nose. You're listening. I'm not a cover. Well, I don't suppose I throw it so I that it like penetrated the cotton. No. Then we must suppose I throw it so I'd like penetrate the cotton.
Starting point is 00:02:46 No. There must have been a little gap where the zip was or something. Wow. Nice on your usual list, wouldn't you even you agree? Oh, definitely. Thank you. Worthy of the inclusion on a documentary of some kind. Why it's question.
Starting point is 00:02:58 Oh, God. Good bit of an Easter thing coming in. Did you hide? Of course. Some hard boiled eggs around your back garden for the kids at Easter. You know what? No. This is the first year when my kids have had no interest or to wear it in any kind of egg hunt. And it's a fail a little bit bereft. Did you actually get eggs? And they weren't interested.
Starting point is 00:03:19 Not in bother because they showed no interest. It's just didn't happen. Okay. Andrew, will you pass your old underpants down to your son? Why already do? Oh, she's doing a regular basis, yeah. Really? Yeah, to give him a quarter of the size of it. He doesn't use them away. He uses it as like head protection
Starting point is 00:03:37 when he's out in a bowel port, yeah. Well, no one would come near a pariorald underpants, you may as I antivlog it. They're very solid. Very. Very solid. Andrew, do you stuff your kids pillows with chicken nuggets so they can suck through the goodness if they get packaged, peckish at night? I've never thought about that, but I think I'll start.
Starting point is 00:03:56 They were not from now on. You took the sun. You took an idea that is. My son has been on recently and he likes chicken dinosaurs with waffle potato waffles. Is that a dish you? It's a whole lazy 20 odd. God, I don't know what to say at that. His big business idea in life is to have a mobile chicken dinosaur and waffle.
Starting point is 00:04:19 Have you encouraged him to do that or have you told him to eat us? I love him to do it because you might not even put a great big inflatable dinosaur on top of it. Yeah. To little people in. Those noises, you know, AARGH! There's a van that drives around Sunland and it's got a massive six full teddy bear on the top of it. And it's all monkey from the weather.
Starting point is 00:04:38 I don't know what it's for though. I just think it might just be some fella with a teddy bear. Would you like to do a little quiz? Is that the end of the White's questions? Yes, thank you, Fran, Son of Andrew. I'd be polite there and make sure you finish that section. Would you like to do a quiz? I've got a quiz for you this time.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Oh, right, because you were useless, so let's say if you were. Yeah, I'm useless. Turn it around. And you've been fair. I have. I've even brought the evidence if you want to say it. No. But hopefully it won't come to that.
Starting point is 00:05:02 It's called Ribs, Bowing, Quack, oops, prawn, peanuts, chili beef, wuff, wuff, give me just a little more time. Thwack, pink, rolls, ah! Now then, this quiz is based in Hilton Chop Sui on the Hilton Roll and Sunderland. It's been my Chinese take away of choice for over 20 years. The food standards agency recently gave it one star out of five for food hygiene in the latest inspection. And that's a big increase from their previous score of zero. So once I wonder what they got the one for just because you could actually open the door and get a job. That's what it is. I don't I didn't look at the report in death, but it was zero.
Starting point is 00:05:46 It's gone up to one. So, you know, they've turned things around. And I've been going there 20 years and I'm not dead yet. So, you know, what's the worst that could happen? So, hit me. I've got four dishes from their appetizers menu. Right. And obviously, I want you to listen them in order of cost. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:02 Green chili beef. Yep. 12 mini vegetable chili beef. Yep. 12 mini vegetable spring rolls. Yep. Prontost. Yeah. Barbecue spare ribs. Okay, spare ribs most expensive.
Starting point is 00:06:14 Mm-hmm. What was the second one? 12 mini vegetable spring rolls. Second most expensive. Then what was the next? It was chili beef and prontost. Chili beef and then preant us the cheapest It's not easy. This is it. It's not easy
Starting point is 00:06:30 Barbecue spare rooms 5 pound 30 So you got that one you got that right 12 mini vegetable spring rolls you said a second That was the cheapest at three pound and you'd be confused by the 12 12 ring rolls The keyword is mini. Oh, well, they tell you that. I don't know. I've never had them. And then green chili B5.10, per on toast, three pound 80. So no, no, no, no, no, that was you've just played. Ribs, Boeing, Quack, Quack, Oops, Broad, Peanut, Chili Beef, Honk, Woff, Woff, Give me just a little more time! Thwack, Ping, Rolls, Aaaaah!
Starting point is 00:07:14 And I enjoyed it. Good. So as you're aware, Andrew, I don't actually have a functioning rake on at the moment. Yeah, I'm very sorry. So are there any plans to get it refunctioned in the new view? Listen, I'm not Andrew. So I went up to North London to inquire about the repair, yeah, infinity rocket plastics, yeah, to see if I could get a reconditioned unit in the meantime, just tied you over,
Starting point is 00:07:43 or maybe replace it with a new model, you know? You just want the solution, didn't you? Well, I'm, yeah, I've got a Reagan Andrew. Bloke was nice about it. I think the feel guilty that me, Reagan, has now been from Ipswich, and now I'm informed it's in Gdansk in Poland for specialist attention. Right.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Well, he took me into the rear workroom to look at a few models, yeah. Blonde last from Ukraine. Skinny fella from Finland. That was just kind of for the lulls for a bit of fun, but actually it is a photography studio studio. Oh, it's interesting. And just as they were leaving. So he lets me have a go over a couple of very guns, man I'm in heaven. So we did a good space, a good space to it is like a fire and range and you do like he's got it looks like plasma. I'm sure it's not plasma. So he lets have a go of the Zeltron 60, which is very, very
Starting point is 00:08:43 effective apparently against winged enemies. That's an upgrade on your current one earlier. Did we attempt it? They just buy 111 and forget about Gdansk. Well, like the look of it, but then I tried to fizz the ZX, right? Very good against climbing enemies. And general assholes like trendrunks, scramblers movie HGV drivers that kind of person
Starting point is 00:09:07 so I thought it was very good but I handed it back to him he points it straight on my first shit Tykey strides off and point your back at the colonies you South African and yeah what could I do he's got a Pfizer ZX point in that me. You got to do it. And it's anti-climate. I'm an excellent climber, as you know.
Starting point is 00:09:30 So I just did what I asked. Right. He says, Look, I'm going to feed the barrel of this Helicom P40 into your irons and let's have a party and you're the sending come on. So I feel and feed it, it feeden it in, you know, and then he pulls the trigger. Oh God. Oh God. Oh, say stop, please stop. He says, hat, your gun will be ready when it's ready. These are complicated units you fucking dollop.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Well, suddenly it stops. And it's it stopped. Yeah, and I use screen, yeah. It's the finished model. And he's blasted him with the Xaltron 60, you know, the earlier model I tried. Yeah. He's come back in.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Oh, that's an up-go, thanks mate. I don't know how much more of that I could have 60, you know, the earlier model I tried. Yeah. He's come back in. Oh, I said, oh, God, thanks mate. I don't know how much more of that I could have taken, you know. And he says, finished. So, oh, finished. Why is that? I don't know. Gang the bangers.
Starting point is 00:10:37 You've got to love fucking love them. That's good enough for me. Yeah. So I leave and I head over to Sloters and the sawmats will tell you what happened to Sloters. Yeah. Take the table right next to Adrian who's already sat there with the waiter, giving him his order.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Good afternoon to you sir. And me, I first of all, see a very warm and heartfelt fuck off to you and welcome again to the stadium of pure muscle fuckery. Oh, oh, much a fucking appreciated sir. Rumour has it that the one an only matey genius wrong fucking crags his head chef again today. Correct sir, and that opens up a whole new nightmare of animal bastardization and I step out for curry.
Starting point is 00:11:29 Oh fuck fuck, well at my tip milk is curdling in anticipation as we speak. What would you recommend for my 100% meaty Fokken starter? I would look no further than the Ron Crags platter of cool cool-shaped ox-tongued strips, serve the decent to a big fucking lump of turkey fat. Oh, fork, fork, oh, fork, and how exactly are the strips shaped you, forking clunker? Rubbed your own Ron's thighs and ballsack, as he sleeps in the boat of his, vulver, the 90-meat wagon, fork, oh. Oh, you fuck off.
Starting point is 00:12:05 I'll take two of those platters, and let's go large on the Fork in Turkey lump. What about men's? Me, I recommend the 9-inch sphere of pork and turtle brine, dressed with a wig, a finely pulled goose ligament, in the ship of a mullet. Oh, does it come with a goat's horn on the side? No sir, so very fucking sorry. But I promise this dish will tell you
Starting point is 00:12:32 all the way to the prudleeth school, if I don't give a fuck and back again on the fucker dilly line. Well at that point Ron Crarags himself, the actual Ron Crags arrived at the table. What the hell are you doing? I'm in the first date! Back on the telly, what's wrong with shit chat? This is a meatbass on yucky so ring meatburger! I reckon, don't run, I'm just taking the gentleman's order. Go on, I'm joking, the DJ's! Well, I'll come and show you like a book, ain't those big sweat that's been broad in a septic water tank!
Starting point is 00:13:12 Oh, sorry about that run. It hits me, tits, you know. They're on the revolve and throwing out gobules, you know, like a St. Bernard on a merry-go-round. Listen, run, get back in the fucking kitchen and work your magic. Let me deal with the customers. I'll deal with you in a minute, Nate.
Starting point is 00:13:32 I'll deal with me, shank, Malette. Well sure enough, Ron does have a big mallet in his hand and he's clearly got a lump, the way he's... Jesus. Well just at that moment, I realize I've still got the fires a rare gun in me pants. Right? So I blasted Ron, he falls to the the deck, yeah. Where they all just think he's out at attack. They're not expecting rare gun attack, you know what
Starting point is 00:13:56 I mean? Don't die, Ron. You're too young. And there's too much meat to be cooked informed by your gifted meaty face. Oh, where is her? I'll drag him back to the kitchen. The meaty vapours will soon bring him round. Oh, couldn't you fetch some knuckle treats on me, Sam Bernard? Oh, while you're in there. Consider it already fucking done, sir. Well, I took me chance, Andy, and left, you know, in case another diner had seen me with the rag on and that. So, did you think that story was a bit like the movie Pan's labyrinth, you know, because it's got food in it and that kind of is this pans involved in the cooking of meat.
Starting point is 00:14:34 I thought it seems to be a pan thing that the sword saw far. I'm gonna see a yeah, I'm gonna see yeah. And can I just say Andrew that people might be thinking, well, he does have a rag on because I had the Pfizer in the pants but I returned it to the shop because that's not my style to be a thief. No I mean no. So he's already a bastard but not a thief. I'm not a thief no way. Here is one for you. What have Belinda Carlisle, Nile Quinn and Remy is... Got in common. They've all introduced football videos. Close, correct answers, Naut, Naut in common.
Starting point is 00:15:14 And I can't believe I've got away with that one again. Oh, you're fast, man. Well, I'm quizzing you. Yeah. Right, well, I'm quizzing you. It'll trough false for you, all right. All right. True or false? The frosted light bulb was developed as a joke
Starting point is 00:15:29 true or false True, oh, it is true. Do you know why? I Know I do in the 1920s engineers at general electric would be told as a joke to develop a frosted light bulb and real electric would be told as a joke to develop a frosted light bulb. Newly hired Marvin Pippkin got this assignment, not realised it was a joke. Anyone who went and done it. Anyone who went and done it.
Starting point is 00:15:50 And look, there's now frosted air frosted air frosted there before can wear. That's often Marvin Pippkin, that's what I say. I've got some things for once. I've been watching, I've been an effort. Tune-Obble. Sky Atlantic. Everybody's talking about it. Everybody's talking about it. It's magnificent. It's scary, but it's magnificent. Uh, other thing, forensics, the real CSI. Yeah, that's been good. That's, you've seen that, I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that. I've heard that.
Starting point is 00:16:20 That's on I player now, because it's finished. The mind reading police dog on Britain Scott talent. Yeah. Not sure what I think about that, but it's not good things. Alright, I don't watch it normal. I've lost the habit. It's something very, very wrong about it. We'll see what happens down the line. Big, you're a big thumbs up to me. I can't get your novel unfortunately because I can't get scared, haven't they? Yeah, go on no TV. But you have to fork out. It's a seven-quid a month or something, you can just dip in and out. I have watched one very good thing, which was dead to me on Netflix. I've heard good things about that as well, really good as well,
Starting point is 00:16:51 really good, really good dad. And apparently the swimming called Last Breath, which has meant to be good, Spain on, baby say four, it's a deep sea dive, a stranded on the sea bed with five minutes of oxygen, a no-hop of rescue. If it were moon! Documentary! So someone was with him to met the documentary? Well this is about the aftermath I think. I guess that he survived. Well then if it's about the aftermath it's not about him being on the seabed. Might be, might have had a camera or a mud or a selfie stick.
Starting point is 00:17:17 I could have had a selfie stick. Might have, see. I think the sun lemma like rocket infinity rocket plastics actually. Yeah you've put one up before you've ever heard about it. That's the end of the tally round up. Thank you. Steve, Mr McLaren, sent by mistake. He sent the song to Mr Fernandez,
Starting point is 00:17:44 but for some reason it is it tagged? He tagged me in. So it's a beautiful song. I'm sending you this song Mr. Philandas because I don't think we had a proper chance to say goodbye. I know I didn't get you, you covered it 15th place finish, but maybe next season with some of the changes I put in place, your dream will come true. The offices at the club have never been so beautifully carpeted. The tumble dryers are all so proficient, content to you and it's now. The muff and fancy served at halftime in the hospitality area a gluten free and reduced sugar everything's in place you just need a little bit of luck missed yes you just need a little bit of luck
Starting point is 00:18:41 I thought the chorus was there but it's not. Here we go. Oh Mr. Fernandez. Oh Mr. Fernandez. Miss you Fernandez. Because kids, you Fernandez. Oh Mr. Fernandez, Mr. Fernandez, Miss Kisses, Mr. Fernandez, Still Miss You Fernandez. Thank you for giving Casper the chance to manage an average club. He
Starting point is 00:19:22 was so proud and I think that like me you realised he was a yummy fat souffle filled with happy bubbles, suds and candy thoughts. Maybe we could visit the club one day, fluff up the carpets in the areas of heavy traffic. We'll always remember you mr. for nine oh mr. for nine days cuz you for nine days oh mr. for nine days still miss you for nine days oh mr. for nine days oh mr. for nine days Oh Mr. Fernandez, Kiss Mr. Fernandez, Miss Kiss Mr. Fernandez,
Starting point is 00:20:11 So sorry we took you to the cleanest Mr. Fernandez. Oh, that's an that sound. Genuine point I'd like to make here. Right. You know, it's Kingdom, we've got 11 points in the Eurovision song called Estee of the Wig. It's an awful song. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:37 If you'd been on doing that, it would be a comeback, you know, top 15 perhaps. Maybe. Oh, hold on, that's right. Right, he's upside. Top 15 perhaps maybe Oh, oh done that's right right is outside Yes Sorry, right? So what you do here today, right you You don't already want to be a wholesome No, I'm starting up my own podcast Recording the first episode here today. Oh, that sounds good. What's that about?
Starting point is 00:21:14 Stupid, stupid question. It's about whoo of course Yes All right, right. So you got that special guest son on that. No, I don't think podcast work when launch of Citadel Contrast Pates. They're gonna be a fucking game changer. Base, Shade, and Highlight, all with one count. Two weeks to their launch, and I'm giving you the talk to them. I'm also gonna be demoted in Aero and Arth to my absolute disgust about the final episode of Game of Thrones.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Game of Thrones. Thrones. Thrones is, I'm going to be publicized in my own line petition which calls for the entire series to be re-wraith and stop animation using more ever-fingers. I have over 70 signatures already so I'm currently confident. You said an hour and a half for that bit so how long is your podcast going to be in total? Well, about 10 hours. I'm confident that it's exactly what people want to hear. Okay. Look, can I ask you about Wilfred Sahar, right? I'm sure a palace fan is going to want to know if you're planning to sell him or not, you know?
Starting point is 00:22:39 Look, he's starting to 10-year contract or summer and he's going nowhere. A 10-year contract? Well, that's news to to me so it'll be staying like a palace blur then. No you tit. A 10 year contract is part of my warrior crew. I cook you a floppy fuck or he ends up playing football but I have his not running my gaff. A 2 per year every Sunday afternoon I'm going to get legal all over his skiddy ass. Oh I hope that works out for you you know. I cook him as what you think. I'm bored rigid. Oh, I hope that works out for you, you know. I'm a good cleanless, what do you think? I'm bored rigid by this discourse then.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Please grant me my exit. You haven't got whenever you want, Rory. No, I will. Is that a dog? Yes, Rory. Over there? Yeah. Yeah, I'm off then.
Starting point is 00:23:16 You fat chump can have your chair back. I might have sat in it and put it down. I'm not even sorry. Well, that bad. Well, there it was. There he goes. Oh, God, he. Oh, he Oh yes, I didn't know it was real. It was already a bit of mint off. Only a skinny chat. Drenched. Yeah, when the skinny, the sweat channels are more defined. Yeah, it could come out a lot faster. A lot faster and penetrate.
Starting point is 00:23:38 A lot more deeply, you know. Yeah. You could have had this episode three days earlier if you subscribe subscribed with Club Passives and it would have any adverts in it. It's only two pounds a month plus that and you get every episode of mince three days before non-subscribers and all adverts took out at least one exclusive episode of our Athletical Pass Nips spin-off podcast, a Benpick's animation, a compilation episode each month and advance notice and early bout tickets for any future live shows we may or may not do. How about that? Oh yeah!
Starting point is 00:24:08 And here's some little bits that you're missing from the latest athletic or passing episode. Kick! Eat pie, shit! Don't fuck about Henry and just chose one. Duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-duff-d this injection because he's a biker. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. You're putting on like you're doing a good job, you're doing a good job. If you want to subscribe, go to patreon.com slash Athletic Ormints and for more information AthleticOrmints.com slash Passnips.
Starting point is 00:24:37 So, Andy, I got a new feature, what kicking off this week, because as you know I love me crime TV, so I'm calling it crime files, I thought that's like, where's that Brexit party, you know what it is, it's crime files, yeah. So I've taken me first episode, and so I press the play button, right, yes, how it goes. The village of Poland is much like any other picture postcard, lestershire village, the church, a post office, a village hall and a well-kept village green. But on the 15th of October 2015, its peaceful tranquility was shattered. Three months earlier, two new residents had arrived in the village. Their names, James, the Chin, Vardy and Harry, the farmer Maguire. The Maguire property soon became an eye-saw,
Starting point is 00:25:36 the front garden piled high with barrels of fertiliser and pesticides, as well as discarded seed planters, plows, troughs and tractor spares. Four doors down, the Vardy residents, things were even worse. He constructed a huge onyx fountain on his front lawn powered by a diesel generator. The fountain was the shape of an upside-down chin and was in operation 24 hours a day. Such was the volume of water dispersed by the Chin Tain. The pavement and the basement of his neighbor's home were often flooded. Back to the 15th of October, and a group of Polden residents were sat in the back of
Starting point is 00:26:17 the local village pub, discussing the Vardy Maguire situation, little did they know that the farmer and the chin were in the adjacent snug and could hear every word been spoken. The chairman of the meeting was Roger Pearson, the local GP. Only yesterday Vardy was driving along the high street in his Porsche, with his chin jutting out of the window scraping it against parked vehicles and laughing like a schoolboy. Tom Dawson, the owner of Dawson's the plumbers spoke next. My wife is at the end of a tether. The Maguire's back guards piled her a horse and chicken shit, and she can't even put the
Starting point is 00:26:54 washing out on the line, because it gets tinted, and none of us can get any sleep because of the drone of Vardy's generator. My whole family is on the pills. Neil Upton of Upton's pottery nonsense was next. Last week, in the middle of the night, I caught Maguire pumping gallant upon gallant of liquid pictured into the main sower, and the next day I saw Vardy encouraging songbirds to land on his chin by resting seeds along its length. As soon as they landed, Maguire smacked them on the head with a shovel. It has got to stop!
Starting point is 00:27:26 Well, at that moment, Vady and Maguire appear in the doorway. It would seem to me, says Vady, and my bro Harry, that we're causing you some consternation in the village, so tell me what are you going to do about it? Roger the GP, we just want all this misbehavior to stop. It's not appropriate and a small English village. Harry, the farmer Maguire, all I is doing is farming. Farmers in my blood in it, and if I can't farm and I don't want nothing to do with life because farming is my life. But do you have to store so much manure in your gardens? It's a residential area for Christ's sake! May I correct you there, Doc? It was a residential area but now it's something much bigger and important than that. It's home to
Starting point is 00:28:25 Premiership footballers. You've been in a state of status for too long. You're all in your comfort zone and we are here to stir the pudding. Must you run that hideous fountain all through the night? No one can sleep for God's sake. Jamie did score 12 goals in a row once, and in my book that would be meaning to do anything he bloody wants for the rest of his living days on this earth. Well at this point nail up ten from Wuktun's pottery nonsense stands up. I've had enough of, have a fucking nut! And he points a hunting rifle at Vadi.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Hey Mr. Upton, with your nonsense pottery, don't do anything rash, let's talk, I have whole violence in all its forms. Not if it's firemen related though Jamie, ain't that right, they'll tell me that that is so. Yet fair enough, if for the food supply chain then I'm cool with that. At this point, Upton fires his gun. It's a direct hit right on the tip of Vardy's granite chain. The bullet penetrates no more than a millimeter before ricocheting off the wall and then deep into the chest of Upton,
Starting point is 00:29:38 a nonsense potter. Upton was never charged with attempted murder though, because he collapsed a week later on the floor of his nonsense pottery studio and died. Whoa. That's the crime file, episode one. Wow. No, I hope you liked it. I did. You know, Vardy is the worst kind of criminal because it's sort of law level, but he's getting
Starting point is 00:30:03 inside their edges, isn't it? Getting inside the edges. That's right. That's the worst crime at all. Just like he does on the pitch. Yeah. The odd like pinch here, the odd little kick there in your face. And the line in here. Scraping the chin against, you know, like, Bernasti, that's Vade's chin against the back here, Ed, wouldn't it? It'd be awful.
Starting point is 00:30:19 You'd stick it in. Yeah. Or in between the swabs. Oh man, and he's great at that stuff. I love him up that stuff, stuff. I love him up my club, though. Because you wanted to. You know what to mean? He wouldn't have stuck that up, but you know, maybe
Starting point is 00:30:29 he's spent three years time or something when he's finished. You know, I've got banana ram and lilies. Oh, not this, please, not this. You know, they've gone. Great, the end, yeah? No, the left and the right scene have gone off on a world tour.'re not gonna come back for three months. Oh right right so I've got that the Sublette they don't uh Riezier. Riezier moved in now. I don't like it. They're awful. Riezier's awful. The comment is just put their bags down and they're sitting in my
Starting point is 00:30:58 unpacked doors and they're going straight off to the pub and they're working on the building site right and they're coming every night and the drunk and they just fight. The one who's the boss, Vince, he's a biker. He bites with the one all the time. I don't know what the dog has to start fighting, I get scared. But I need the rent money so I'm just gonna have to pour it. Okay. I kind of stand there, I just want to open my arm.
Starting point is 00:31:20 I come back anywhere, I was super out of my arm. Yes. I was no easy put to a kind, but I'm on edge. When was hoping I'd run a car and I knew where I was, I was hoping I'd run a Alright, I'm lucky. Oh, I will. Hey, we don't think there's any name for that phenostillity, there was that finely honed character to be fair. Look, I'm lucky, we there was Mick McCalfey. We're else at the door. Yeah, get him in, see why you are.
Starting point is 00:31:59 Nice to walk him down. Hello, Mick. How are you Mick? How are you doing? Oh, for just busted, oh for like a busted. Why, what's the problem? Everyone in everything I see is a bastard. Coffee for quit, Busteds.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Car park in 12 quid, Busteds. Lock tight, Fired quit for a tiny bastard Joe, bastards. Clean bastard on's where the crane doesn't reach the bastard chip. From the bastard on, Baker bastard, shall I go on? No, that's alright, Mick, so how can we help you? I want to do a bastard podcast like that Lanky Busted Patriot, where do a busted start? We'll get you some of the core presenter I reckon, make it to learn easier. Like oh, it better not be a bastard.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Are you in holiday? No chance, Georgia will busted. Robby Fowler? Can you, the busters, no busted chance. Richie K's? Creepy, Buster's, no bastard chance. Richie Keys? Creepy, airy, bastard of a man. I'll do it on me, bastard alone. What are you gonna talk about?
Starting point is 00:33:12 Buster's, things bastards do. What are you gonna call it? Athritical bastard. Oh, it sounds good, I tell you what, I'll send you an email about starting it up. What's your email address, Mick? Mick, Buster McCarthy, at at busted J-mail.bustedcom. Usjagbusted. Usjagbusted. Lovely I'll be in touch with you. Say it and you're
Starting point is 00:33:37 paired a funtnar than Busteds. Say it, McE. I almost did that idea with that character's voice just a fuck off. Right, I don't know what you've had so it's good for now. We were lovely to have that, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to sing my another version of the... I left you some fun and laughter about in the trophy cabinet, because it looks so empty, and I put some carpet fluff in form in your button drawer. I'm sorry to say I cast the left a little coller in my office. If you leave it to dry on the windowsill, it would make a lovely earring for Mrs. Fernandez. I'll never forget the first time you said. I got a jury tomorrow all wearing.
Starting point is 00:34:31 I'll wear you said, this guy I'm team plays like a bunch of compulsion berries. Good luck on choosing my replacement. He is hoping you get a carpet lover and someone who cares about cleanliness. Don't get that awful hollow air man back. He's a laminate man and if he's not a high on the farm side he'll be on a dowler about potato blight or something. Mr. Fernandez, kiss kiss Fernandez, Miss you Mr. Fernandez, kiss you Fernandez, Miss you Mr. Fernandez, oh Mr. Fernandez, I miss you for nine days. So Andy, as the music carries on, takes us to a Mexican beach.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Wow! Wow! Multi-story car park, right? With a view of the sea to the south. Yeah. It's time for us to say goodbye to all our listeners. Thank them once again for their attention. Yes, and hope that they'll return in the near future.
Starting point is 00:35:48 I hope so too. Listen to more of our stuff. So, bye-bye. Mr. Fernandez. Kiss kiss Fernandez. I miss you for nine days. Miss you for nine days. Mr. Fernandez Mr. Fernandez Mr. Fernandez
Starting point is 00:36:10 Mr. Fernandez Mr. Fernandez Mr. Fernandez Mr. Fernandez Mr. Pinnantres Thank you.

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