Athletico Mince - Ep. 84 - Private Dining Areas

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

All-new Crime Files, a trip to Slaughters, a pet quiz, an old friend returns, and lots lots more…  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've been photographed from magazine, Bob, but you've chosen to wear what looks like your grandad's pajama top. I bought it last night, on my way back home, thought I'd treat myself. I've fallen a bit down in the dumps that I've got, I've got fucking walloped by the rain, yes. Yeah, we out doors, were you? I was out doors for 20 minutes and it's 20 minutes of the most torrential rain, the UK. Right. Has it ever seen? Right. It means full on some part. I think it's deliberate.

An act of God, perhaps. Well, there was only me getting wet as far as I could see. It was just a little cloud above you, the trench and you went and bought that as a... So I got off the train at me train Railway Station, said hello to the fat controller, you know, and thanked him for his wonderful service, crossed the road to the British Art Foundation. I was going to say it does a rake of charity shop. Now, on me way to the train, I'd popped in there, I'd seen this shirt and I thought to myself, I'm 50-50, but if it's still here, when I get back from London, yeah, London.

I'll buy it. I got it wasn't snapped up in that time. Because you could have, what you could have done was you could have asked to keep a back for you, beeing the counter, because they'll do that. No, I was letting fate decide when it was the shirt for me. Right.

I mean, I feel like duty bound to describe it now. It's... What, is that brown? Yeah. I mean, it's a milk chocolate brown. It's a chocolate brown. It's milk chocolate when it's got that whiteness on it. But it's been left out in the sun.

With a white stripe, another stripe, a gold stripe. It's got all the bronze together. Triple X. X, X, X, X. What an excellent, as well. Do you like it? Yeah, you do. Do you want a name, Andrew?

Oh, we started. Yeah, do you want a name? Going on already. Yeah, going on. What about Ken Barrier? Well, that's interesting. You are. I've got a similineum.

Really? Yeah. Ken Barrier, logistics manager for Rossis Frozen Fuds. It's interesting. You are. I've got a similineum. Really? Yeah. Ken Barrier, logistics manager for Rossis Frozen Foods. Yeah, we've been serving battered cod and the like. Yeah. For a good while now. Bride's done in the community.

That's really sure. A good while. He once set fire to a air stack that belonged to Brad Pitt. So that's a beer backstory for you. Yeah. Fancy it? So all right, is that the only one? No, you can have Yasmin Erquat Hog. Ooh, posh lass with a Hitler mustache yeah. And she gets her kicks throwing mice at bells.

What do you think of that? No, no. Wrong for so many reasons. Okay runny up dogs. Well you can be Ken Kiki does if you like. Yes please. Er, already you want to know why? What he's about? Well he kicks dogs I always. He goes around the estate and he kicks in one front door, each night 9pm. Says he's got a letter from the SES that allows him to do it, but no one's ever asked to say it.

Okay, well he just carries it, right? Wouldn't would, you know, not what he's kicking you door in. There's the invisible toddler. Yeah. He's actually an invisible man, but he crouches down. Yeah. And then there's press twice for space, press thrice for shade. Oh, I'm well, yeah. That could be a near-be-get-have, or it could also be emission statement.

Yeah, it could be a near-be-get-have. Or it could be, didn't you give me something like that as a prescription from a doctor? Or a doctor you need some seeds. So what would he be called if you put doctrine in front of him? Dr. Press twice for space, press thrice for shade. And all I've got is... know, I've got anal problems. I'm gonna get the ear in a slater on. I've got a list of things to talk about.

All I know about him is his part of my own part machine. I'm talking about it, you know. I'm eating again, I hope it's a little bit. Yeah, please don't. I've got one bit of fish left. Well, let's just stop while you eat it shall we? Because the feed back, was back.

And I'm being polite when I say that was horrific last time. So we're here in Soho in brand new studios we've never been here before and it's very swanky isn't it? Yeah I hope their sound quality is good that's the main thing isn't it? Of course it is. So came down Cana Bistrate again Did you? Yeah we were here. Did you whistle? I did a little chone. Yeah. When you walk down can I be straight? You never know what you might see. And I scream, vancelling tractor parts being driven by a chimpanzee. Oh. There we are. That's what I saw. That really did. It won't take me back to the mid 60s. Yeah. Well, you were in shirt. They me back to the mid 60s. Yeah, well you were in a shirt,

a day of just a couple of come from the 1960s. You're gonna want the shirt off, man. Psychedelic, it's like psychedelic mixed with shit. My wife wanted me to ask you, have you got tittats? No, nothing. Nothing. I've got blank tits. Do you fancy a tittats hat?

Nah, never thought about it. Milden bit or so on. I'm trying to reduce them, I'm trying to lose a bit of it. I bet you're the full of the most delicious deep bronze cream. I've been doing the chest press at the gym which squaces them together. Yeah. And the squeak as they push against each other. Oh nice. It's nice. It's a bit like a bit bit bit. Been one of the older railway carriages.

Little bit, yeah. Rhythmic. Rhythmic squeaking. Yeah. That would be in the musin scenario, because as you know, ladies and gentlemen, like unusual incidents. You do. And this hasn't happened, but it would be an unusual incident if you were on a carriage of a train. Yeah.

And there was a really annoying squeak. And you didn't know that you were sat right at the back of the carriage. Yeah. So you search high and low only to find out its and these tits are squeaking and it's not British rails fault or lack of men and the carriage. You can't get a compensation claim to put in. I would like to if I may. I taped the later set episode of Celebrity Footballers

House with Martin from home. Oh good. Holmes under the habit. So can I play that fresh player? Yeah. Okay. My, my, my, my, my, my, my, Martin. Do do do. My, my, my, my, my, Martin. You can join the Nandy. My, my, my, my, my, Martin. Do do do do. My, my, my, my, Martin. My, my, Martin. Martin. Ten, ten, ten, ten. Well, hello, boys and girls. My Martin! My Martin! Ten!

Well hello boys and girls! Today I'm at the home of Mr Phil Jones who plays for the United Footballers of Manchester Club. As you can see it's a detached house merely constructed from brick but with a roof made out of what would appear to be pie crust must on you you are a little bit different but I like it yeah

Martin hello I'm Martin from OBSON toar, you must be full. It's Phil Jones, it's house, did I say that? You mentioned that, yeah? Right, Phil Jones, you've got helped me with this one, it's... Old Lord, it's all but like... It's chow-it, right? Right, hello, I'm Martin, you feel more and more... So, I'm a...

It's regretfully to meet you. Come on in, you know. Well, this is a lovely open hallway with a three-chistakester in the first floor. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r ysgynna, yw'r eigua'r teith ysgrydd ar weirrein, a'n smelt y rhaid mewn mwm swardro, yw'r yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, a'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r eu stad, yw'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio. Ddiadau! Mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r

gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r

gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r That's unusual and if you don't mind me saying it's gonna be different but I like it. That girl shall we go upstairs? Can't go upstairs, never go upstairs. That's very unusual, why not? Because at Monster, you've got a monster upstairs, I don't believe you.

Well, I've got a monster, some more fool you. What? You've actually seen it. No but I heard it, met gurgling, clanking sound. Might be just your radiators need bleeding. I've got any radiators. The monster ripped them out. Fair enough. bleed, bleedin'. I've got ten ear radiators, the monster rip the moat. Fair enough, I need an original sight these days, you're actual house monster.

But I've always liked them. Thank you. Right, this must be their kitchen. I see you've got a child's plastic oven and kitchen set. How cute is that? Is it your daughter's? Yn gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio'n gweithio more than usual. Thank you. But I like it. Well, thank you for showing me your house. Before I go, I'll go and add your stask. Is your roof actually made of pie crust? Yutti pork pie crust, lard, water, flour. I thought so. A little bit different. I like it a lot, a lot, a lot. Are you not worried that the monster will eat through it? No. No, months have monster only each kids. a lot a lot a lot are you not worried that the monster will eat through it no no months have monster only each kids are standard monster then thanks for having me and good look thank you so I pressed stop yeah stop now yeah yeah yeah stop so did you think that was a good episode

it was up there with the others yeah yeah high standard high quality yeah yeah oh I thought you were being a little bit sarky then no No, no, I enjoyed it. Yeah. Enjoyed it. Yeah. Enjoyed the monster and the reference to pie. Tove my keen interest there. Very keen on the monster-sized pies, aren't you? Would you, all before going further, it was your birthday race and it wasn't a pub. Was it? Was it? 23rd of May. Oh yeah not so not so long ago. I saw some people celebrating and wishing you happy birthday and that. I got you a little present and it's a couple of sashiers of sweetener that I got from the travel lodge last night. Oh right thank you. You forgot to bring them. You forgot. Oh well nevermind they'll probably be still there next time. Whenever I go to another one I'll get them and bring them in next time so something to look

forward to for you there. Oh well. It's to start the count eight I was you know I like unusual incidents and now I've got a mention. Someone told me to say that the bought a copy of me gone fishing book yeah right and then the rain started walloping yeah yeah and they protected it with a packet of ham slices all right like as a ham rally you know what I mean. That must have been a big packet of ham slices. I agree but you still get big packs, don't you? You do, yeah. So I thought that, if I'd seen that, I could have said I was an unusual incident. Yeah, but you're really, really in a via Twitter.

That's nice. Thank you very much. And a nice little plug for your book there as well, don't you? I went to Stockholm, I did tell you, didn't I? I saw you on the telly in Stockholm. No, that wasn't Stockholm. Where were you somewhere else? Hamburg. Yeah. It's more or less identical to Stockholm. Like it's just. Yeah, that's sort of thing.

Port Town, you know, it's got like shopping area, all the area, hipster area, efficient transport system. And that is every European thing. I know it's good already. What? Why do you think it's good? Right down where you think this is going. I've got it, man. Go on, get on with it. Right. Anywhere. When I was in the old area of Stockholm, I found this amazing bar. I mean, the wife went there three nights running 30 craft ails on tap. Right. 300 different craft ails on tap, right? 300 different craft ails in bottles. Yeah. And 300 the same number whiskies available. Did the old-tests like juicy throat jungle mix were washing up

like water? No, I don't have those ones. I mean, I did with the wife I had a raspberry one and it was delicious. Okay. Anyway, so it's all that local food. Well, well you know like mousse, reindeer, elk, all that sort of stuff, all the worldy place, you know, about the front restaurant at the back and I was there all three nights, well on the third night I'm sat eating at the bar with the wife, I'm having a beef burger, of course, yeah, she's having some deep fried veggie balls that can't area. Yeah, you know that and possibly symbolic possibly not. No, Tony Fernandez, do you believe this? The QPR chairman is the table just behind. Do believe it. Yes, just be on the wife.

Hey, Bob, have you tried the Capushi berry soup? It's straight up wonderful 15-titanum on the menu the golden listing I Said are not only I'm now stabbing a burger Where do you fancy one a couple of me chips? He says no, it's okay. I've had some cherry tomatoes already Enjoy yourself and I swear on my fat neck life's too short to be a dope So I thank Tony for his incredible advice. Yeah, yeah, and I'm enjoying me burger when I hear a voice behind me Right now if you think you know where this is going tell me about sure I though You doubt in yourself. Yeah, I

Hear a voice a familiar voice behind me. Robert? Oh, oh, oh, oh, you see. Robert, is that you? It's the older man. The older man. Yeah, and it turns out he's on a business partnership with like Beanie, you know, with the Stockholm

jet set counsellors and all that. I said, oh, hello, olderman, what are you doing in Stockholm? I'm on a business partnership visit, Robert, with the Stockholm Jet Set, Robert. I said, well, may I introduce you to my wife, Lisa? No, that's all right, Robert. May I borrow you for a moment, Robert? There's something I would like, someone,

I would like you to meet, Robert. So the wife says, that's okay. Text me through to a private dining room,rew. Oh, no, that's a vodka I bet you've never eaten in a private. I've never eaten in a private dining room. No, oh, just me on one big table That's quite private. No, but a public book private. Don't know what that means. I've had one I have there's a nice one at the tonne time near middle sprue. Oh, I still open So it takes me through just one blockke sat on his own, right? Eating raw herring sweet corn. He's plump, very red in the first and he's wearing a tight yellow

long sleeve shirt. Sounds nice, don't you Andy? Mm. Oldman says, Robert, this is Alderman's Fang Bergstrom, my counterpart, over here in Stockholm, Robert. I said, hello, Sven. Well, at this point Sven gets up and I can see that he isn't wearing any trousers. Oh, God. And his legs are covered in some sort of like render of fat. Right. Yeah. No, it's hard to tell from the distance. He says, hello, Bob. What sexy guy you want make out? I said, oh, no, that's okay, I'm absolutely fine. Robert, how dare you, Robert?

How rude of you, Robert. This is Sven Bergstrom, Robert. And I promised you would have a go on him, Robert. Well, at this point Sven stands, as he stands on the table, so his massive pink thire is a right next to my face. Oh, God. I couldn't smell the fat on his thighs, you know,

and it's like quite sweet smelling, you know, like quality dripping. Yeah, yeah, a bit of sweetness to it. I'm tempted. You wouldn't be, wouldn't you? But my wife's just next door, you know what I mean? Then the door will. What happens in Sweden stays in Sweden?

What do you not mean? Yeah, but it does what happens in the private down there and you know mean? Yeah, but it does what happens in the private animals there. And you know what, anyway, suddenly the doorway fills up with some familiar faces. It's all the aldermans crowding, sound clout, vecoral sticks of bleach, Susan Cooper headed that...

Dr. Ramm Ramm, but yeah. They're all there, and they start chanting. Pick it with a twitch. If it is there with a stick of bleach. Yeah. lick the oldum and lick the oldum and lick the oldum and lick the oldum and lick the oldum and so that just gets me like in a trance and so I take a little lick just above his knee just gently quite cautious at first but you know someone enough I get stuck right

in and I've cleaned off both his thighs. It's really really morish. Mr. Prince. Sven says, Talk on tab, Bob, use one sexy unit on Joyce Darkhorm, it's Groovy as hell. All right Robert, off you go, that's all we're required Robert. It gives me a little peck on the cheek as I pass and I go back to the wife. Right. Wife immediately says to me, what are those little blonde hairs around you now?

Oh. Well, of course, Andy, it's like dye hairs and that with dislodges. Yeah, come loose. Then, you know, being a bit too vigorous and that. Yeah. But I tell her the old man made me try this pig snout dish or something. Yeah. And she seems to accept it.

You get away with it. Yeah. I couldn't, for any way in the end, I couldn't finish me burger, I was so full. You were very, wouldn't you? It was interesting that the older mum was quite happy for you to enjoy the Swede. Yeah, and just get a little peck at the end of himself. Using me, Andrew. Yeah, when you're out.

Using sex to get deals done, you know. Yeah, yeah. Do you feel used? No, not really. No. Not really. We've got back a long way. Have you seen Godzilla? What recently, no?

The movie. Oh, right. No. Terrible. I think it's a, I think it's a like a public duty to, however few people it is. I don't do it. I don't.

I don't. It's anyway. Never be in a position where I'll watch Godzilla. Going back to that 20 Fernandez what was that for a life advice you gave your life's too short life's too short to be dope or something yeah I'm gonna get that tattooed life's too short to be a dope Adrian Childs as Adrian Childs as Adrian Childs as Home Brough Kits, P is Mork, P is Mork,

P is Mork, Conceptic Tits. Nice. Do you want to do a quiz? Yeah, of course I do. It is cold. landed, you promised me you've been fair, quiz? Yeah, of course I do. It is called... Randy, do you promise me you've been fair? You're not being completely fair. I'm being as fair as you're being when you do the music.

I do, I'm fair, I just go. Yeah! Be and cute, cheaper slather. Gone then. Alright, it's called... Lead, Boeing, Quack, Quack, B-err! Scratch, P-errts! L-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-G, M-E-une, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, mune, four items are these are the cheapest of each particular item and I want you to put them in order high to law or low to high it's up to you first one are you getting a pen and paper

are you okay taking it seriously yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna nail it shit just got real say right retractable dog lead retractable dog lead yeah reptile feeding dish like you what you expect me to know the price of reptile feeding dishes table to turn down there don't like it dear scratch-pourced for a cat I put that in because I know you have a cat I've got two cats fair enough and finally a lookout ledge for a rat a lookout ledge a lookout ledge for a rat. A lookout ledge. A lookout ledge. You'll be using clothing that cause you thought it would be a key, not because it's something.

It's just an item that they sell. A question my morta versions. A lookout ledge. So you look at the rat or the rat? No, it's the rat sits on it and looks out. It's like to go high up in the cage. Retractable dog lead. Retractable dog lead.

Reftile feeding dish scratch post brackets cat Look at alleged brackets rat or actually any rodent does enough to be a rat chinchilla Hamster So can you pick I have no idea what a rat ledges. I mean I just just a little bit of wood Just a little bit of wood like you're encouraging me to think it's shit. It's a fortune in it It's like a 40 quid ends so much evalio your rap doesn't it Well, and it's happiness

Specialist area rap product see you've given me so much shit over the waste because I didn't get these right Okay, now the table's a turn you don't like it most expensive dog lead second I've put dog lead 99 99 scratch for 799 Rat ledge 499 reptile feed up 99p. No So close fuck well close isn't good enough. It isn't I'm not happy retractable dog lead. You're a penny out 10 quid, right? Scratch post cat it quit a penny out again. Yeah, look out, ledge rat, four quid. 99 P.O. Err, and the reptile feeding dish was the one you got wrong.

That's third, six pound, fifty. For a reptile fat. I did okay there. Err, you didn't, you got them wrong. This is what I've done before. I've got one out of place and you go, not good enough. So you've never been one out of place.

So there you are, you've cleared and field at lead, boring, quack, quack, bleh, scratch, peanuts, ledge, mule, mule, give me just a little more time. Thwack, ping, dish, ah! Yeah! Chacha, chacha.

Right, well, Barry. Speaking of pet shops, we're talking about that. You know pet shop boys. Yep. Do you reckon I'm still always on their mind? Well, I mean, it wasn't that a cover. It was 1987. That's probably forgot about me now.

That's a good point because it was Elvis Presley's song originally, wasn't it? I thought it was Dusty Springfield. Well, Elvis did it in March 1972. That was three and a half months before I was born. Right. Was he thinking about me before I was born? Maybe. He was singing it. Maybe.

Might have been done all. Nice to know the winner. Do you think all the fares that you see in dreams, our fares that you have previously seen, even if it's just, you never know it's done, but... Errr, no, it's called an imagination. Really? Mm-hmm.

Are you absolutely sure about that? Certainly. I'll fucking Google it. Certainly. You can't prove it. So, Andy, I will open North London again last week at the Police Training College in Hinden. Right.

Yeah. I was giving a talk about the use of drones. Of course, yeah. Crowd control. I swear on that, aren't you? Hostage situation. Yes, very much so, yes. It went down very well. Is that a crime club spin off thing? No, it's something I don't talk about a lot. Right, well done, but military technology in that. And I'm kind of the

go-to fella. Yeah. So I went down well, I was feeling cock-oops, I thought I'd pop into slaughters, it's just around the corner, really. Oh yeah, yeah. As I sit down while I was feeling cockoops, I thought I'd pop into slaughters, it's just on the corner really. Oh yeah, yeah. As I sit down, the waiter is at Adrian Lewis's table taking his order. Good afternoon to you, sir. Can I start by wishing you a very warm welcome aboard the HMS Fook.

Strap yourself in nice and tight for your ordeal and fuck off where you're about it. Oh, your tender words make my heart leaped with joy. Let's hope your hot offerings are just as tender. What's going on today? What's going on today you meet, eagie, gatekeeper? I'm happy to announce that Ron Craggs has once again heard his rancid ass in the whole kitchen, and that three ambulances

have already attended the scene as a result of his methods. All my testes just switched over positions at the thought of his meaty heart-a-stray fork-fog-fog. What do you recommend for a starter? You mighty grizzled king. To give you will a picture of pan-ruined yacht-jordd, drenched in ben juice that's curdled slightly, while on a ship, over from New Zealand and lips, served cheekily, or one of runs used bandages. Fuck off. No you, fuck off.

Fuck bang, fuck, plank, plank, my guts are roaring in anticipation of this flashy bounty. Right on the me options for men's you depraved grease in airbler. Well, option one, we'll send you all away at a shithead and back again, in the outsidely and of the M-Fuck. Its volcano-roasted lumps of army wolf, and an anonymous sauce, dumped on a bed of spaghetti, made from zebra arteries. Holy Fucker Mollie, plentiful now you monkey little titan. I only want to hear the second option out of politeness. Should you fucking face right?

Cos option two is a blanket of brisket that's been fried on an electricity pile on next door to a New Gala power station. Oh fuck fuck fuck. Pile on fried cow blanket. I love a king size fuck. I think I've just spilled myself all over myself. So, for and, about that. Well, just then Ron Crags' appears out of the kitchen.

Oh, yeah. As always. Yeah. What the fuck am I going to do? Are you two planning on making the wind, fuck untrily? That is what I'm going to do, so I'm cracking on with you chosen young cakey-holes. I was just allowing the customer to exploit the full gamut of our specials menu, Ron.

GAMMIT WHAT THE F**K N- WHAT? WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- WHAT THE F- Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei.

Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Mae'n gweithio'r ddei. Don't fucking make my voice, Mr. Fuckin' Lewis. I've got a gun for it and it's in a rope-tough area. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, here's count me in then. Good lad, I'll go and get a leather horse call and for your shit burn it, they're ragabone in the cap-ack. So that's what went down really.

I left without order because to be honest with you, I don't agree with Ron Craigs' method understandable. It's private dining there though as well, rubbed off area. Yeah, rubbed off. Nice. So that's like a theme in it, kind of, yeah. Hey, hey. Oh, God.

Hey, no, I don't know. Get a load of this. Listen, listen up. No, you're listening. You're not believe this. Do listen, listen up. No, you're all listening. Hey, you're not believe this. Do you remember that advert? Maybe it's Maybelline. Yeah. Well, it is.

It is Maybelline, my brother-of-the-law is the work in the factory. You remember that advert, right? Go to work on an egg. Yeah. That's right, it broke. So now I'm going to mop it instead. Okay. Yeah, hey, do you remember episode 15 of Athletic Olbids?

No. When they started doing observational comedy. Oh yeah. They're on episode 84 now, what's that about? Oh, Vince pastives there. A bit of Vince pastives, but a bit of sales. You didn't know that was the old man, absolutely no sales. No, that's not South Africa.

Welcome to Crime Files. No, it's South Africa. Welcome to Crime Files. Jeff Pearson was an ordinary hardworking guy living the good life in the Leicester, Shavillage of Poland. He'd recently taken over ownership of the nonsense potry shop on the High Street and business was solid. He was married to his childhood sweetheart Christine and they had two beautiful children Ross and Rebecca. Life couldn't have been better. Then one day in September 2018 a phone call from Ross's school set into motion a chain of events that would end in tragedy. Later that day Jeff was seated opposite the headmaster of

Ross's school, Mr Hunt. Sorry to have to call you in Mr Pearson but I'm afraid to say an accusation of bullying has been made against your son. Apparently he's been intimidating a lad from the year below. Neil Gray, son of the footballer, Dmitry Gray? I don't believe it. Ross is such a gentle boy. He wouldn't hurt a fly. They say that they say that they say that can't be right.

Do you have any proof or is it just his word against my sons? I'm afraid there are several witnesses Mr Pearson including two members of staff. Oh my god my god no how could this? Why? I've read him stories about bullying and we go to church for Christ's sake! This can't be happening to lovely us! Look Mr. Pearson, I'm willing to keep this between ourselves so long as you agree to discipline your son and meet up with the father and work it out between you. Now I would suggest a neutral venue. Do you have a sound effect for a garden centre or a cafe? Yes, a cafe! I'll meet you with a blue teapot on the high street. That's a cafe. No, that was a moment, won it?

Right. The blue cat, the blue pattern, I'll wear it on the high street. That's right, sorry. The following day around mid-morning, Jeff Pearson was seated alone in the quiet backroom of the blue teapot, another private dining area. Wow, in that extra hotel.

So, it's an episode title. His mind was running in an over, was running in over-driven as he searched for the right words to say. He knew he must be careful not to blame Damaria's son, but at the same time was reluctant to fully admit his son's role in the bullying. If he was lucky, Damaria would speak first and he could just play it by ear. Then he felt a shadow on the doorway, and two men stood ominously over him. Damaria Gray and Jamie the chin Tzadi. Vardy spoke first. So you must be the father of that little wanker Ross.

You do realize that the boy he's been bullying is not just an ordinary. He's the son of a premiership footballer. Your penance will need to be appropriate and visceral. Is that a threat? I suppose you're going to thrash me with that massive chin, are you? You can't down south of you. Hello there, Aunt DeMauria. Neil's dead.

Pleased to meet you. Can I get you another coffee or another ice popper? Would have had to top for yum yum with hundreds and thousands on top. No, no, no, that's okay. What's he doing here? I thought this was just between the two of us Jime insisted and you know is a really cool guy. I'm not right at this sort of thing, but he's busting at it Busting at it. How he said it he went to the house all right

Well, I'm not exactly happy about him being here. Surely this is a confidential meeting and only the parents of fact it should be involved. Put your hands on the table, bro. Let's just guess this resolved so we can move on and drink from lives beautiful and bountiful syrups. Well, Pearson puts his hand on the table, not sure what is expected or what might happen next. Well, what's that? Well, what, oh God, that's not right. Pfft. So, I see if it's that one. No, that's the countryside.

Well, it was a born crunch in sound. Oh! Well, what happened next was sick and even the most hydrated fan of crown fiction. With one kestrel like sweet Vady rammed his chin, hard down onto Pearson's hand, and pressed it down hard so that you could hear the bones in his hand crunching in the creaking.

Ooh. Oh, my fucking Lord! What are you doing man? In the name of every shit in the source released me! That's the fucking hand I used to fasten my nonsense fucking potty fucking ape! Careful, Jaime. Every community reloads heavily on its nonsense potty. For gifts and whimsy, you know bits and pieces. Shush brawl, I'm just letting the bullies pay to have a sniff of what your child has been suffering. How'd you like it nonsense potter? It hurts, it hurts like fucking hell!

Your chin is as heavy as a blacksmith's fucking animal! And the point on the end is a sharp as a diamond-ended fucking gavelet! Release me, you fucking man of tarned! Look, just live in the moment, bros. Save the pain and be reassured that if your son so much is even breeds near my mate's son again, the pain will be threefold and ten. Do you feel me? Yes!

I said, do you feel me? Yes! I said, do you feel me? Yes, I fucking feel you! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! non-sense vats for his wife by a way of reparation. OK OK OK OK OK OK yes! Well Jamie releases his chin and Pearson sprints out of the bistro and straight across the high street straight into the path of an oncoming tractor. So see if I've got that sound of it. OK, I'm sorry. So... Yes, I had it. That's good.

The tractor was being driven by Harry Maguire. He just ran out in front of me. I was just thinking about my early crops buds. I didn't even have time to break. No charges were brought against Maguire, but one on look of Swore that he heard in whisper to Jamie Vardy. Did I do good boss? Did it go like you said? You know what's coming next? Climb 5

Wow What do you buy at Lettuce? Well, that was something else. I mean, I'm going to get on top of the Sunday. In about 20 episodes of time, it will be the nation's number one crime outlet. I think it's top three already. Oh, no, it's really. I think if everything else that you do is tits up There's always going to be room for you in a radio for afternoon player I was so that voice Fuck off him yeah, I killed him off in the first week. So yeah, I've just I hope he got real I'm bringing back his rig please get the best thing in it

please, it's the best thing in it. T.V.Y is Andrew. Yeah, T.V.Y is what he's been watching. Well, I've watched an Icelandic film on, I'm not finished it yet, so on Netflix called, I remember you. Yeah. And in the first, say about about 35 minutes in, I have shit myself twice.

Really, really. Literally. Um, have you listened, I'm going to do a couple of podcasts, Mr. Right? Um, the shrink next door and sword sword and scale. Yeah. Sword and scale. Sword and scale has been around a bit, but it's the best introduction to our long slabs

of, um, true crime. Right. And the shrink next door is a fascinating six-part story of a strange psychiatrist. Right. And over the father's day weekend, I have a suggestion which is you sit down with your father and watch King Kong's Skull Island. Is it good? Fabulous.

But then good zilla. Oh, and the rest. Okay. As always, it's been a pleasure, Andy. Yeah, tell us. Hello. this been a pleasure Andy yeah yeah