Athletico Mince - Ep.14 - The Susanna Hoffs Motorbike Incident

Episode Date: June 8, 2016

Jamie Vardy’s massive piggy bank, a Tabitha Huntley Mystery teaser, Steve McClaren's night out at the theatre and more revelations about Bob’s relationship with the dirty alderman. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, Treble, Treble side. Alright, honk, it's honk. Alright, honk honk. Oh, nice to see you. Can you come back with me there with honk honk? Yeah, very distraint. I'm going to go back to the station.

Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to go back to the station. Oh, I'm going to there. Right, honk your tongue. All right, honk honk.

Oh, nice to see you. Came back on me there with honk honk. Yeah, very disrespectful, the treble side, isn't it? I just sort of limber up and let a triple jump. Yeah, you, you, you, you, top skip jump of verbal yoga, which is what it is. Yeah, so as it's developed originally, it was important to you not to, obviously,

you're not disrespecting me, I'm thinking, obviously, but it brought you good luck, a single sigh, but now we've got a travel. So how does the rules work? Is that travel the lock or are you? It's partially the look thing, but it's like me lungs as well, gets me lungs sort of moving.

But before we start this, imagine if I was sort of wheezing all the way through, like, yeah, it would be better because I had a door you say, ha ha, let's see. No, but all your asses, the look admit, are you doing it for look or for warm in your body? I'm doing it for the people. If it's look, the look administrator used to respond to your single sigh. Yeah. Now you're happy that they'll respond, hey, I'll show you, we'll respond to your single sigh. Yeah. Now, you're happy that they'll respond,

he or she will respond to the triple sigh, yeah? Different size could bring different types of look. Well, let's say all this podcast score that goes there. I'll keep a diary on how lookier I am over the next few days. Yeah. Based on the triple thing that I've just done. What would you consider good luck being bang on, bang on the back of the block,

who reduces the chicken at Marissa's butter. That's, or land on right on five pounds when I put some petrol in the car. Landing on it, not doing the little incremental squeezes on 4.95, 4.97, 4.99. Seven, seven, one. Yeah. Just landing on it without even stopping. That's how it observes observation. You ever done that? That's observation comedy. Is it? You should, honestly, you might have fortune doing that stuff.

Like the Mac your Mac and tires of this world. Mickey Mac and tires. Oh, lame stuff. So you called me honky honk honk honk. I still haven't come up with a name that pleases me for you. I was jotting a few down here. What, I, well, Ronnie Artdog, I've used. But there's some a bit,

Jovey, it's too Jovey about that, because there's a bit of an edge to you, Andy, so Ronnie Updog. Ah, I think I'm quite Jovial. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't be. But, you know, you can be, but there's a bit of an edge there as well, and Ronnie Updog hasn't got any edge. No, he's all good times, isn't he? No, Ronnie Updog, yeah, he's all slippers and daphrter and dancing about so. I've seen the slow Kenneth. No. Mint tits. Minty tits, mint tits, something like that.

I have got tits. Yeah, of course you have. Yeah, short list that one. Alright, I'll say, we're running up dog, Hong Hong from the hunker, lovely to say. Let's crack on with Mathletico. I thought it would mean episode 14. Jesus, 14 of them. Yeah. Why why why? I had second world world didn't even ask that long did it? Didn't ask 14 weeks now.

So my wife, right, blurted out to me during the week. Yeah. That Joe heart is half asked and she don't know now about football the wife at all, right? But she is very good at picking these things up. So I said to her, no, he's not half-assed. And she said, no, I know I can see. I know he's a half-assed type of character. Right. So I thought I'd ask you, Andy, do you think he's half-assed? Half-assed, jaw-hard.

Jaw-hard. Jaw-ass, half-hearted. Jaw-hard, the keeper. Yeah. Yeah, do you think he's half-assed? As a human or as a goalkeeper? Juh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h no opinion. Well, I'll put it out there because if anything, it was a half-hour statement. Well, I'll tell her that. You can. I'll tell her that. I will do. Vardy, he's coming in for a bit of a cashmoney for all in a... It looks like it. It's like a scratch card from heaven. It is for a minute. Not a 25 gram one the way there is it. No. Is that the biggest one you can get? I think so. I've seen a hundred thousand pounder right up high in the display. So Vardy, right?

Look at Vardy. Think about Vardy, his essence and that he's now got the big money. Well, what do you think he's going to... He could get it in a lot of trouble with the big money, but you think what's going to happen. I just started off. I think that it'll get his chin cobbled a bit, because he got a bit of a blare, Danny, just to come for that, chump for that down a bit.

I think he'll buy a drone, Lonnie. Yeah, Lonnie. I think he'll get a monster truck. Monster truck and drone. You know, like a lot of them who have re-engered others now don't know, I think Vario will go one higher, one of them monster trucks at the end. Yeah, and then, sure're the fucking massive wheels. Do you find them funny?

Can you not help but like, like, monster trucks? It's negr if you say you want to love them. I thought you might. The, um, it'll also I think you'll buy a massive like onyx, is it onks, onks? Onks.

Onks, massive onks pigeon. I think you'll do that. Do you think you'll do that? No. I think you will massive, I think it's pigeon. I think you'll do that, do you think you'll do that? No. I think you will put his cash in. No one would look inside a massive... What, like a piggy bank, we're slot on the top. Yeah, probably.

How big will it be? Oh, it's massive, it's about six foot. Right, so you'll need like a ladder or something. You take the head off on your little step ladder and pour your money in out the bucket, out the money bucket and then later on, you climb in. It seems like the sort of fellow who insist on being paid cash as well I think. Definitely. You know yes I have it a lifetime. I think you'll buy a brass hand to replace his current hand. I would buy a brass hand. I'd be

honest with you. You're a millionaire aren't you? And also I think you'll buy a full-sized hobbit chessboard for his patio. You reckon? With proper hobbits on proper goblins. No, they'll be cast like platt. I'm not familiar with the Hobbit, because I'm 43 years of age. But you don't know Tolkien, Hobbits? No. Well, they're like, well... Obviously, it was around when I was at school and stuff.

That's just a lie, and they... But the sort of people who were into that kind of thing and dungeons and dragons and that, and then I went to Game of Thrones, obviously. They were the kind of people who were into that kind of thing and dungeons and dragons and that. And then I went to game of thrones obviously. They were the kind of people who smelt a bit unusual and you wouldn't like to spend a lot of time around. But there's a lot of time. There was a tell you about their obsessions and...

It's irrelevant. It's like you said to, you know what Hobbits are. I don't really. You know what they are. They're like beaded with cloaks, aren't they? Is it like a little goblin? Oh, forget it. But you'll get a full sized chef set, chess set with them.

With live ones. No, you're not live ones. Right. All right, don't get agitated. So what do you think, Vardy, you just think he'll get the, what did you say? Monster truck. Monster truck.

Who wouldn't get a monster truck? If they came in the money. I suppose I would, yeah. Of course you would. Of course I would. Probably already got one. Probably about three. Paul, move on. Go on, what's on the origin? Can we establish your credentials as we like to do? Oh yeah, of course. We'll begin to the show because you are, of course, the memory man. I'm a suspect in a tough one this week. All the statistics from football, from time memoriam. No, not from time immemorial. Not from 1876 to date.

Oh, you don't know anything before then? Nope, I don't. Hmm. Just test me out. All right, then here we go. Memory man, do you remember the name of the White Horse from the infamous 1923 White Horse FA Cup Final? Do you remember its name?

Yes. Two-parter. All your horses. All your horses. Do you also remember how many toads it deposited under the freshly leared Wembley pitch? That deer. Yes I do. Manbury man. Oh! The memory man comes good once again. Sorry I need that to appear, I'm really strong on.

Is it? I'm really strong on that period, period yeah I thought you'd be wake on us oh well that once again credentials established back to the archive for me next week then yeah trying to get another memory that you might not know about good look and you can bring something up go on then it's like I don't know whether you're gonna be annoyed with me but when when we got here, I saw, I've written it down here, I saw... You're probably wondering what I think it's going to be. Yeah, you know, you've got your, I don't know what you call it, not script, you're writing, you knew Tabatha Huntly Mystery. Yeah.

And it was out on the desk through there where we got the tea. And this is the little extract that I saw from it that you've written. Here it goes. Tabitha had never been inside and as the store before and found the smell of stale deodorant, nappies and tracksuit overpowering. She covered her face with her lest gloved hand and walked directly to the meat counter where the mysterious Andi had promised to rendezvous. She stood waiting as the Bosseid counter assistance sliced up a lump of happy bear luncheon meat. Would her investigation into the death of the wife of wealthy socialite Bob Waterman finally make progress? Suddenly Andy arrived, he was

handsome and muscular, well dressed, athletic and holding a lot of expensive electronic equipment. She couldn't help but have an instant attraction towards him. So what's this all about? It was the work in progress. You know, some of the names might get changed in the final edit. Well, it's obvious what you're doing there, isn't it? It's just in keeping with all the top of the hunting stuff that I've done in the past.

Well, I know it's a top of the hunting novel, but what is it going on in your man when the wife of Bob Waterman has been killed? And like the heroes, Blood Cold, I hadn't some blood with lots of electronic equipment called Andy. Yeah, well, what about it? I don't think you're probably just reading into a coincidence that's there. Do you want me wife dead? Is that what it is? I'm not seeing a dawned. I don't think you're probably just reading into a coincidence that's there. Do you want me wife dead? Is that what I am? I'm not seeing a dawned. You're not seeing that I do either.

Well, I mean, I worry because if you're obsession with, I'll say, the socialite Bob Waterman and his wife is running socialite. Millionaire socialite. No, no, I just don't say these. I haven't finished it yet. It doesn't say. Is he a millionaire, but it's probably his. Does he have servants?

Probably. You see my worry. You know, can you see like I'm in a crime club as you know every night on the telly. Can you see when they're making the links, saying 15 years time, when they're missed, you know, when I've been killed and then they met this link to this novel you're right paranoid mid I think you're getting paranoid. Yeah, do it. Is it these heart tablets? You're on is that one of the side effects? No, I'm not.

Gitching paranoia. No, I don't get paranoid at all. Do you know I get muscle pains from them kidney problems, right? And we take the rattle, right? The teeth have gone loose through them lost But mentally you're fine. That's mentally absolutely fine You know you would say that wouldn't you you're very disparaging about you know You couldn't give a shit about my heart problems. I just asked about them there We're not ready yet, but it's totally indifferent and in a negative way. Oh, it's made you paranoid

I don't you know looking at Y, if you don't mind me saying, your day could come, it could be you who suffers without problems. I don't think so. And then no, I think so, and then you'll be on the phone, saying, oh, boy, boy, I got my hat snuck it up. Can you give us an ever good mechanic or something? And what are, what are the pills that you use?

I'll be all right. I'm gonna live forever, mate. Why is that? Just damn. Do either of your parents suffer from heart disease? Nothing. Nothing. Yeah. Well, they kind of like machines, basically. Pretty much.

Emotionless machines. Yeah. Well, I've enjoyed my crown club this week. I've been watching deadly women homicide detectives, evil kin. You spoke last week about mob wives. Did you want courage, mate, to watch it? Did you watch it? I recorded a tape. I was going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say Deadly women, homicide detectives, evil kin. You spoke last week about mob wives. And you were encouraged.

Did you encourage me to watch it? Did you watch it? I recorded taped six episodes of it. Yeah. I've watched any of them. Why? Not asked. Why?

Because I asked. Yeah, basically. If I come across it in the schedules, saying that that looks interesting, I probably would have watched it. But what because you explicitly said you need to watch mob wives But you got as fast taping it just so that you could tell just that I tell you that I hadn't watched it Yeah, that you taped it, but I'm yeah, you want to know about mob lives now

Because I might watch it for next week mob wives is follows the story of to reality show the story of four New Jersey Italian descent. Yeah wives girlfriends of Mafia people right and have got very deep voices like that for the ladies. Oh, it all of you If I see her again, I'm gonna dump on a tits. That's kind of thing But you know, I'm trying to entice you and if you don't watch mob wives don't watch it. Maybe I don't want to watch it though. Do you want to join my crown club?

No. Well not because I seen your bedroom. Yeah but I what I would do is I would text you the schedule for the evening. Right. I'd recommend some um crown crunchies I call them. Right. Crunchy munchies to have during the crime club. Yeah. I'd fill you in on the background to the curses. Yeah. Tell you which ones were reconstructions, which ones were true crime.

Yeah. It's up to you if you're interested. Only night. No, no, no, it sounds shit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha It sounds like a lot of work. It sounds like I'll be having a lot more contact with you. I would say to do with this. No, you get a text. And that's not something that I want really. Oh, God. I've been digging out a couple more reviews of the podcast.

Oh, yeah. Genuine reviews on the internet. Genuine reviews from the internet. Here we go. Here's one. Great podcast, but the other blog is absolutely lashing Mortimer in the comedy sticks here. Sad to see one of my heroes chuking his legacy away like this.

Okay, who's that from? That's from John Doerhandle. Oh, it's definitely. I can't even come up with a better false name. That's his name on the internet. It might not be his real name in real life. Might not be his god-given name, but that's what he calls himself on the internet.

John Doerhandle. And there's another one. Mortimer is doing important work here. Yes showing that modern slavery is nothing to be ashamed of Hopefully is changing the minds of the podcast millions of listeners And who's that from Andy? That's from From Mike Ashley. Mike Ashley. Yeah, do you like Mike Ashley? I don't like Mike Ashley. Why don't you like him? I don't like his shops. I don't like him. I don't like his shops because he's not successful. I don't know the way he conducts himself. Same as Greg Wallace, isn't it? Oh, the same more thing again, is it working, working class boy does good? I don't like it,

do you? I've got a problem with this. You're one of those like 1950s differential characters. You know, it's fine if the for the Aristotle's and for the educated the Oxbridge people to dominate, to make their money, make their edge funds and all that, but you don't like working class lad doing it. I don't like people who live me on stamp. Getting out of the ghetto. Yeah. You got a problem. You want to look into it.

You want to look into it. The euros coming up, Andy. Really are coming up really soon. In hours from now, you could count it in hours. You could. Yeah. For me, they start the day after bin day, so that's two days on the truck.

Two days on the truck. You were celebrating. Yeah. Do you always watch the bins being empty, or do you just put the bins out and then think, well, they'll be empty? No, I put them out. I'll listen to them being emptied. I hear them from the living room of

the fungalore. Do you put a glass against the wall because you could just look out the windy now? I could look out the window for one or two but I don't need to. There's nothing to say that I haven't seen before. No, I bet you're all right. I bet you do watch them. Just to check them. I've got every little bit of fucking deeper born. Do they have bones, chicken, deepest? No. They've got every little crumb, every bit of shite and out of the bin.

Well, there are in black plastic bags, so why would they be in the bin? Do you not put your rubbish in black plastic bags and then tie the tops? Some I don't. Some stuff you just chuck into the bin. Tuck it in, yeah. Well, of course you a million,

how you probably get the van that comes right afterwards and slushes out your bin with disinfectant. Don't you? Well, you get your gardener to do it for extra two quid. I wouldn't give them two quid for that. I'll give them what we used to be called 30 shillings. One pound 50. So, I don't hope potatoes. What are they? What are they? Supposed to be the greatest potato in the world.

Right. What do you reckon? They're big. They're really big. The idea of potato. Right. Well, I know nothing about the Idaho potato. Yeah. I've never seen one of them. I've heard of one. For all I know this could be another one of your wind ups. No, it's not a wind up at all. I'm just wanted to, I just fancy talking to you. You want an opinion about a potato from me right you Prearm me with a bit of information please photograph a couple of paragraphs about where the from well of sith and ride or where the from what they're about Just just some bullet points about a potato and I'll give you an opinion all right You don't you can't just go what do you think about the Idaho potato? I wouldn't try to catch out, Andy.

Why are you though? I honestly wouldn't try to catch out. Let me fill you in. That's how it feels. It's the biggest producer of potatoes in the world's Idaho. It's a, you know, second, India. Other? Can you believe that?

I can't actually. But a massive, it must be a strain of potato. They're like rugby balls, guys. No, they're like, why are you laughing? They're the rugby balls, guys. Well, who's there for them? Well, I'll tell you what, because I know you like this sort of thing. You know, you sometimes find them hollowed out, right?

And you like sprites, not you? Little sprites and tinklets. Right. They're living side of a massive Idaho potato. Oh, that might not be true or whatever, but they make beautiful rust But obviously one size of rugby balls. They only got a rustic for a month Well, maybe Andy, I mean, but see you know start to sound like you just making this up not all done a minute But we see we're getting there so no, I don't like the sound of that Bob

So number two and the I said you oh Wouldn't like it. Well, it sounds a bit negative. I'm not cooking it for a month. Number two, it wouldn't fit in your can fry dry, fry, air fryer. So you wouldn't like that, would you? Like you put it in chip, don't you? Chip it up first. Yeah, but if you chip up an idol potato, the size of rugby ball, the size of the rugby ball, is that going to fix it? The actual max, wouldn't you? The chopper up were an axe. Is that going to fit in your fried rye?

It would, enough would fit for a portion. Yeah. Only one portion. I don't want to do the whole thing. I could do two lots, couldn't I? You're in Asda, right? Yeah. And you get your potatoes for your tea. Your tea potatoes, yeah?

Yeah. Right? Do you prefer a little bit bigger but I like a large particular thing. Well, I don't know. That's I don't know. Right. I've never seen them in the aster. Just like mob wives, it'll come to nothing. Before we do this again, if we ever do do it again, would you ever look into what I don't but I'll try. Thank you have a look in what I'd offer to you? Right, I'll try.

Thank you. It's starting to become a chore. You're giving us homework. You've got us looking up potatoes. You've got us watching television programs that are interested in. You're trying to lure us into your bleeding crime club. The wife's question, you're interested.

I've got a fan of she puts them, she writes them on the back of this butler perper. Hey Doctor, you know Doctor Oct here, Doctor Oct here. Do you know he was in the SS? I see. Yeah, I absolutely promised you I wouldn't lie to you, he was the SS officer. And then we closed the peaches. Yeah, in that extraordinary. That shouldn't be allowed, shouldn't it? Do you reckon Papa John's?

Oh, so I didn't fit anything. You, well, he was a Cambodian leader, wasn't he? What pulled part? Papa Doc. Now Papa Doc's heighty. Was he? Heighty. That's what I'm thinking of.

Papa John and Papa Doc. Say heighty. Heighty. Sonland, heighty. Heighty. So I am suspicious of Papa John and Papa Doc say hi to you. Hi, the sun and Haiti. Hi, so I am suspicious of Papa John why? I'll tell you why Andy because of his guarantee that he'll replace any Pizza if you're not happy with it. Yeah, I don't believe that. I don't believe you could phone up 10 times under shot

with it. Yeah. I don't believe that. I don't believe you could for up 10 times under shot. Because you're a bit small print. They'll be small print. Yeah. Is he a centine being is he an actual person? Papa John, like in the sea with it's your Mr. Pringle is Mr. Pringle's real. I looks real on the actual. The jolly green giant's real. Yeah. But they are all real. Well, Papa John's real. The Colonel's real, the Kern Sanders. Yeah. He's real. Captain Bird's eye. No, he's in the milky bark kid.

Actor. Bertie Bassett. He's a sweet. He's not a ho-no man. Well, he's real. But check it out. Papa John pretends does adverts for Papa John Pete. Right.

Fucking hate Peter. Papa... What in all its forms? Fucking hate. Yeah. Fucking freak. It's no less than a swear, London. No, but honestly, what, you like pizzas?

I love pizzas. Do you know what I saw? In, not in Asda, but in Cienesbury's cutlox goes on a Saturday morning. And you know, Cienesbury's will heat up your pizza for you. They'll like the freshly made pizzas and they'll heat them up for you for an extra quid. Right. Takes about seven minutes. You go off and buy your chicken dip as

you come back. Yeah. There's your pizza ready for your tea. I saw one, a fella walking around with the box with the heated pizza in 9.15 a.m. on a Saturday morning. Hot pizza for breakfast. Early morning. Sun plate, obviously. Well, it's just like it's an unrizzled bread with tomato sauce on it. So why not have a breakfast? Yeah, why not piss something quid for that? 3,49, but you know. No, if you went Papa Jones,

you ever got a dominoes, two for a chooser? I only got a dominoes when there's a voucher on. One has a special offer. Yes, here for example, two for choasters. Do you ever do that? No. Well, a pizza's 17 quid. Yeah, but you don't buy two, do you? No, but I'm just saying I would only go on two for choosters for me boys. Right. But obviously in doing that, I do find out

how much one pizza would cost. 17 quid. Or the Wednesday or the 17 quid. Well, don't go there. Go somewhere else. There's about to be other Peter. What you want. You're sending me down Pat with John's, aren't you? I'm sending you down. I'm sending you to the next. I've already expressed how I feel. How about a local establishment? Mr. You're an artist and pop up pizza. That's what you have a local trader. Yeah. I used to do these chains. Are you still making artisan candles? Are you still going to sports directly for all your darts and that?

Yes. Yes. Exactly. I mean, even after the days revolution.. Yes, exactly. Even after the days of revolution. No, I might not go after the days of revolution. Can we have the questions from the wife? Of course, Jesus Christ has started to drag on this. I don't mean, do you know, I hope you are as I don't mean to bore you, Andy, you don't mind. Do you mean then?

Well, I've made some notes and it reminds me to what I'm going to ask you. And I think, Andy, I'm going to be interesting, and I'll bring that up. Right, the wife's questions, are you the cum? When you go to Azda to buy a new sweatshirt for the cum in the ear, and they only have the size one size lower

and one size higher than yours, which where do you go? Bear in mind your titties. What? I question answers it so freely, doesn't it? So higher. You go higher. go bear in mind your titties. I question answers it so freely. Doesn't that so higher? You go higher. Yeah. You it's not like play your cards right.

There's no option. Go higher. Well, if you went low, wouldn't it control your your wear witness? I don't know because I've got that tick care of in a different way. Different. Strapping.

You got a brass strap cell now, yeah? There's it's taking care of. So you go, you go a different way. And a different way to start. Strapping. You got a brass strap cell now, have you? There's, it's taking care of. So you got, you got a size up. Yeah, of course. Just let them bounce for a, see in price more material, isn't it? Up there, where you live in Sunderland, Andy, do you get garden birds and pretty flowers?

Yes, and yes. You do. I have pretty flowers. Yes, and yes, you do. I have pretty flowers. What's in the into flowers? Me, me, me, me, me, fungal. You don't have any in your garden. No flowers in the garden at all. It's because they don't grow because I've no, because they've got it converted into a little football pitch for me, me boy. So what's the point of having flowers on? They get their heads kicked off. Well, about the front garden? Who says the front garden? Well, is there if there is a front garden, what about the front garden? I can't know. There's not. So where do you put your bends? We've been so many put your bends out when you put them on the on the pavement on the pavement

yeah which is directly outside your front door. You know. Or you're some kind of like Victorian terrorist bungalow. You move on the next question please. Yeah, of course. I don't think you've given that short shift, aren't you? All right, you get lovely birds up there, dear. So do the birds not visit your garden because of the football pitch. You've got to be both spuggies. That cost me to, yeah. Have you got one you're proud of? I've got a woodpecker in my mind. We've got to need both spuggies. I've got one need you proud of. I've got a

woodpecker in my mind. We've got two pigeons hang around. Pigeons are doves. Pigeons. Wood pigeons. Yeah. Not town pigeons. No. And you're in court. Why do they come? I think they just like the vibe. I don't know, specific. If you spend an underground on a kid's birthday party, there's no monster trucks involved. Yeah. You have bollocks that open. Well, the kids are only two. Well, the more reason. Would you know, 100 grand, there was a wall of flowers. Should have been a wall of flims.

Ah, and there was a real genuine ballet dancer. And it was held at both, should have been a straight dancer. And it was held at both, well, a straight dancer, and next to you, a fricking pop-up pizza, a zan-pizza and wax castle. Straight dancer and a monster truck and a wall of flames.

What more would a two-year-old need? Well, they didn't get it. And I could bring that in for about 78 grand. Well, I was gonna say, it's a lot of new. Been ripped off there, isn't it? It didn't really top up. If you looked at it, there was a jug there, there was a cat-bouncy castle, there was a wall of flowers,

and which is catering direct and three grand. It depends what they're having, I mean, but you'd struggle with it. Checking the us one out. Two-year-olds. Presumably dip us. Oh, there was a huge cake. You know, like a massive cake.

Yeah. But how much could that be? Two thousand. Massive one. I would have gone 160. 160 grand. 160 quid. Ha ha ha.

160 160 grand 160 quid I was once in France, I just remember this guinea nace place called grass Where they make perfume you won't know you know you know about perfume And then I Do you know the group called the bangles? Susanna hofs Susanna hofs, you know? I don't know her. Well I was there. I was there on Twitter.

I was staying at some sort of Twitch pictures of herself. All right, and they don't want to know about that. I was there in a Christian Dior. No, I promised you on there. Yeah, I was there in a villa just outside grass. And I was a motorcycleist then. And she wanted some, I can't, I'm not going to pretend I know, she wanted some it.

She said could she go on the back of me bike? Right. To the shops. And it was one of those really like, you know, like, bendy, bendy roads. Yeah. And I took her there. Absolutely true.

So, so is Anna Hoffs. Do you know the one I made? Yeah, the singer. Yeah, she was singer She was she's on the back of me motorbike, right? I got to the shop. Yeah, she wasn't on You fall enough and I didn't even know God absolutely she survived I assume because she's continued to make music since then oh, yeah Well, actually I I drove back Trying to find another there unless she was still she had a terrible she had shorts, she was wearing shorts and she had you know those rodburns, we all was terrible

it's about the size of I don't know a Scotch Pancake, except that yeah as a measure and uh but you know absolutely true only what she there's no punchline to this, but whilst she'd been waiting, she'd covered a face in Marka pen. Oh fucking way of the size. I don't know, I didn't think anything. Because the skin had broken, there was obviously a bit of blood that you think she was going to be prayer. Honestly, it's true. I don't sign animals. I said, are you all right right and she showed me the burn thing there and then I said I said to someone like what about your face and she just said

it's Mark and Penn. So that was me in France but there you go. You might get the go back there again soon. Yeah. No I have seen if you grit us try and yeah if we can finish second in the group that's the important thing Right, I've got some questions for you. Oh great from blood relatives of mine. Yeah Bob, yep as a millionaire with your all-weather cum quad orchard Car as if when you think in a book on a holiday Do you look for the last minute all inclusive deals on the Costa Delaigan chips on Tallyt X or do you enlist a travel consultant

to secure a month of safari expeditions, fishing trips and motion about in the jungle like a bellend? I bought my own holidays and what you suggest in that I employ someone to book holidays for? Yeah, because I've been a travel consultant. I wasn't really listening. I do not. Did you call me a millionaire?

I won't really listen. Yeah, did it become? I'm not a millionaire and I don't employ a travel consultant. I wasn't really listening. I do not. Did you call me a millionaire? I won't really listen. I'm not a millionaire and I don't employ a travel consultant. Right. Have you ever flown over a volcano or had air balloon? A flown over volcano, but not in a hot air balloon. What was the in helicopter? No, it was in, yeah, it was helicopter. Yeah, exactly. Do you go to the kind of restaurants where you choose lobster right over tank and it's alive? Yeah. Do you go to the kind of restaurants where you choose lobster right over tank and it's alive? Yeah. Do you? Yeah.

So what's the problem with that? No problem, just make an observation. Alright, yes, I do that. Yeah, I do that. I'll move on. Bob, there's a millionaire with your old weather, come quite orchard and your collection of art treasures bought from a sort of despots. When you go on holiday, do you pre-order a selection

of sleeves to tent you or every woman at your resort? Seeing as how your home sleeves aren't allowed to travel because they're not even supposed to be in the UK to start with? No, I travel abroad just with my family. I don't take any slaves, servants. I don't take them because they're not allowed to leave the UK.

I don't hire any. I'm supposed to be in the UK. Where do you think I go on all of that? Because I don't know. I got their luxury resort. I've got all the slaves. And there's the slaves there waiting for you. Well, you said you choose to call them slaves. I would call them a hotel staff. But fine margins, isn't it, really? I suppose it is, yeah.

Quite the confession that was. Bob, is a millionaire with your all-whether cum-quat-ordered, your collection of art treasures, o'r oes. Cwyd yn fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r sleif sydd, if you like, a chwysig i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rhwbich i'r rh I kissed the old man, isn't it? If I have kissed the old man, may I just say, I am not the first to have kissed the old man, right? That doesn't make a right though. I don't comment on whether it's right or whether it's wrong. I'm not saying it's right, or wrong. You've kissed the old man. I haven't kissed, I've not been around your place.

I've not kissed your old man. Is that the end of your question? Yeah, that's the end of me questions. Steve McLaren, did you hear about what happened this week? Now what's he been doing? Put it in a nutshell, big glass run out of beans, which he'd done the toast.

Oh, right. So, Steve bless him, go to the lovely lad, Rayley, Steve. Says, don't worry, love, right? Put a bit of cling film over it, keep it warm and I'll pop down London's to get you some beans, right. We took his big yellow snake with him, because it's been, do you know it's been, I told you I told you it's been spewing up a lot. Buster up in the bedroom, yeah. So he took it with him, towed London's, right.

Right, round his neck, round his neck, exactly? Right, and he's neck. He's exactly, yeah, he's round his neck. Not a lead. No, he just wraps it around his neck. Yeah, and it sometimes curls his tail just up his, his short sleeve on his shirt, but it's basically, he's round his neck like that. That's his gap. Protection thing, isn't that,

it's a mix of your secure. Yeah, well, what the snake's doing is, is that if you trap them, they use the tail to pretend to bite you so that you'll leave Go of them, you know, anyways, that's another matter. So the girls behind the counter Shat herself when she saw the snake, right? And

Because she might she like screamed right the snakes peeled up again On the lottery display. Yeah, yeah, and and Todd it up on Do you know the gallic you know the Jerry milk too for a pound on the counter Todd it up and that he was shot out of the shop, but the the bug of the world is he barbed out you've barbed from the shop Well, he was barred with a snake and he ain't letting go of a snake because it's got this problem Yeah, the snakes barred, but he's not gonna go about with it Snakes not gonna go off at all the cards. So he gets old, wife blanked him.

Sorry, fat last blanked, big last sorry, blanked him all night. And they just watched CSI Miami in silence all night. Did she have the tourist on a tour? No, she left it there deliberately. She had nothing to eat, just a mitch, to prove a point. Yeah. So that was a bit of a bad night for him, on it, Andy.

Yeah. Have you heard how about Steve this week? Well, I heard that he's been to say, Joseph and his amazing technical dream course. Right, the theater. Yeah. With the big glass, because Joe McAlries in it. Nice. And she's a massive fan of Joe McAlries.

That sounds a really lovely production. Who isn't? But she pulled out all the stops because obviously she's such a big fan yeah and she wanted to do it a notice from the audience so she had a Trilby hat took a Trilby hat got a rainbow colored band and put it around just above the brim then she got some multi-colored Christmas lights as well put that around the top put them around the top of the hat, and a little bit of material with I love you, Joe, written on it in Mark Penn across the front of the hat. So she's given that a stave to put on, he has to wear that. He's there at the shore with her, he has to wear that because he's like a little bit taller than she is. So there's more chance, Joe,

Joe saying, and there's a little arrow after it says, I love you, Joel, pointing towards her. towards the big lass. So he knows this, not Steve saying that he loves Joel McElary. It's the big lass. And the pair of them's got gloves as well, with flashing lights and the fingertips.

You're seeing them ones, the other TN is off. Yeah. So they've got them on and they get up when the weave them in the air during the upbeat numbers. Yeah. Steve switches the hat on and the lights on the hat start flash. Yeah. And yeah, you can't help yourself in those upbeat numbers. We've kind of, they've gone prepared. Yeah.

So obviously, Joe McAldery is going to be giving up these all and you'll say them and you'll think, so I'm on love tent. I'm loved. Did he say? What happened? I don't know. Well, that's a is it. I don't know what I know at the outcome. I've a cry. I just knew that. I've got. I don't know what I know at the outcome. I forgot to cry. Just knew the goal. Yeah, for some it was going to happen. But Steve's basically thinking about it.

It's only a few months since he was the manager of a Premier League football team. Yeah. And now it's come to this. Now he's just a kind of ballad with a Trilby on the narrow. A human ballad. A ballad. A sort of thing. Oh, well, that's Stephen of course.

As always, we wish him all the best and he'll be back. Have nothing but love for Steve McCarran. First Mr. Steve, you've been McLaren. Do you want to stop now? Do you want me to sing me song now Andy? I can give you a proper finish. No, right. What about you one in a Euro 16 facts? No. Oh, I'll give you them quickly because we promise a bit of car. They're really quick. Iceland, yeah, you will be cheering on as the highest per capita consumption of Coca-Cola in the world. Yeah, Romania have the other world's largest producer of plums and a yeah, and would you believe Sweden has more McDonald's restaurants than any other country in Europe? I knew all of them anywhere.

There you go. Time for me song, go on then. Well, it's a tribute to Noel Edmonds. Oh, that's nice, okay? Because he's come up with a shitbox today, hasn't he? Yeah, a shitbox. He's a machine that's gonna cue everything. Yep.

And make you happy. Noel Edmonds lit my fire. He turned me on and spat you happy. No ledmonds lit my fire. He turned me on and spat me out. He made me his bitch with his love machine. That be a dough shirt, that hair, that belt. If you loved him forever, then you'd know how I felt. Yeah, no ledmonds, he lit my fire. He's like, oh, he's lit your fire a little bit, Ellie.

It's not off my applaud your songs, Bob, but that. It's not bad, is it? That's off the map, right? See you.