Athletico Mince - Reheated Mince Vol. 1

Episode Date: September 21, 2018

While Bob’s away fishing, we thought we’d put out a compilation of some of our favourite bits from the earliest episodes of the podcast. This one includes jambon, Susanna Hoffs, the reverse toiletand a brief mention of a now-much-loved character… Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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See you after details. Are you hungry, Tonk? Yeah, alright, minty tits there. Can I just, where I've explanation? I saw that you sighed then. Yeah? Bored. it hasn't bothered me because Last week I had my side receptors Not removed I had them treated. Yeah, they're blanked out with a chemical them switched off That's a good way to think about it. So me side receptors. I've seen you do it. Yeah, but I haven't earned it

I don't feel another thing. I feel fantastic, because I feel like a free man now. A free man. So calm. And just serene. Yeah. I feel like a free man in a free advert in a free magazine. And that's free. The freedom times.

Cool. Yeah. Well, you didn't play French music. No. Which surprised me, because we are in France this week. You've joined me in your tell in Marseille at Le Verre port in Marseille. Here we are. Here we are. Thank you very much for coming. Up to our necks in Euro 2016. Yeah. I sadly actually

explain in case people are thinking of, then I've got stories about the shenanigans of what are you. After I saw it kicking off, I've actually been in the sortenanigans of what are you, that after I saw it kicking off, I've actually been in the sort of hotel now, the weather's been shit anyway, and the clothes, the fans on, not that we're dead, gone there, so I've been in this hotel room now, four days on the trots, sort of like, home arrest, that's all it feels like, you got a lot of hamline around, I have, I've got a lot of ham, I just look, I see, place, Jambon. Jambon. Jambon, right? And there is a reason for that. I've, I'm Friday when I realised it wasn't safe, I thought I'd better batten down the

ashes, get some supplies in. So I nipped out, and it's not nice out there, and I nipped out, and there's a shop, I'm not going to say it's called this Jambon shop, but when I got in there, I just seemed to be good Jambons. Well, the wall's Jambons, yeah. It's not like you get up the ass there in packets. It's like uncooked and thin sliced, all different sorts of Jambon.

So I got about five kilos of Jambon. It looks a bit like a, the fallout from a waxy abattoir there. Well, when you smell it, God, yeah. Well, the problem is, it's like, as I said, it's not, I ain't got, I've got that little mini fridge there, but like, I've got, I've got it let you just subscribe to the listeners and the, I've got a fan on,

and I've layered out a lot of the jam bottom on top of the doover, hoping the fan's gonna keep it cold. Yeah. I've got, have you been in me toilet bathroom? Not yet, no, I've layered out a lot of the jam bond on top of the doover, hoping the fan's gonna keep it cold. Yeah. I've got... Have you been in me toilet bathroom? Not yet, no, I've got a glass. I've filled up this sink in the bathroom and I've filled that with jam bond. And see, on me beds are terrible, that's layer actually.

Lay it. Right. Milk. I've filled out the jam bond in that. Jam bond in milk. Well, I just try to keep it cool and you know what I mean so I've got that and I've got pat pat I've got bread yeah why are you laughing what was you what you got this did the fixing I just

arrived like 10 minutes ago got off the tree and jumped in a taxi and I've walked in with this hell the sambon hell yeah well it's the only two two to be honest with you how lucky are you for I'm going to leal on the one 14 to do it yeah I'm going to take the jambon will you no I'm just gonna leave it for the for the mead you know I haven't I've put that sign up none I'm none I'm none I'm none I'm none I'm not in to ruptale I'm not a rebate that's not about that And anyway, so, because Jambon is good stuff, if you went up there, but I can't go up the Azzdaria,

so I've got all this different types of Jambon, sliced, fricking, take or whatever, that's going off, I can hardly sleep. Have you seen me, see me winder there, Andy? Yeah. That opens about four inches. And I put the jam on the cell so it could get the draft. Yeah, and I've knackered up the mechanism so I'm gnawing this room. And if you look through, sorry, I'm going on about me roaming, it is quite, it is

carnage, isn't it? Terrific. I wouldn't even put a picture of the net on it. If you look through, sorry, I've got none about me Romeo and Les Jambo, it is quite, it is carnage, isn't it? It's horrific. I wouldn't even put a picture of the net of someone even Twitter, they wouldn't believe it. And look, you can't see from there. On the wall opposite that bear's wall, someone's written, Viva tomato.

I hate that, I'm stupid, they could have seen. Well, you see someone, well, I thought it says, I can't get me for brass-on through that gap there. And it says, Viva tomato. So every time I look out the window, all I'm reminded of is that I've remembered to get the pie. I got a pie, I got his young bum,

but I didn't care, I need tomatoes. So you need your fiber there? How you do with your fiber there? You can have scurvy. Oh, of course I do. When you get the liel, some limes, some limes in your pub, please. I'm going to get out of here, honestly. To be honest, I mean, it's beautiful, the weather has been, I haven't been very good, and it's hot in here, sorry. It's very, I don't

notice you're just wearing a basketball vest. Yeah. I thought it would be like an England one, but it's not just, I say a basketball vest, it's just like a plain white cotton vest and you've scrolled Chicago pastips on it in red marker pen. No I haven't. It just says, I'll come to you with that. I'll do it because you can't because I'm not wearing that gown. Turn around. What's that on the back? Turn around. You've written, you've scrolled some bullet points on the back of it. Yeah, no, no. They'll shout be rad. Okay. They'll shout not harsh the vibe. are they? They'll shout be rad. Okay. They'll shout the harsh the vibe.

Okay. And they'll shout be punctual, wherever reasonably possible. Yeah. Well, I would actually, I would happily stroll around La France with that on me back. Chicago pass, nips.

No, the only one, it's not on this, you're says she can't go. Chicago pass, nips. That's so, um, I haven't slept much. You know, I'm being understandable. Yeah. It's beginning to smell like you're nickers in it, I'll be honest. So the big bonuses, Andy, I know we'll get onto the football

tonight. The big bonuses is, you know I like the observational comedy, yeah? Oh, you're a well-entered, aren't we? And the hotel room, so I've been writing observational. The future comedy. So do you want to hear a little bit of some? Yeah. Yeah. So I'll do writing up to this to a future comedy. So do you want to hear a little bit of some? Yeah.

So I'll do the observational voice. I said, ah, I've never noticed like, in the hotel, in the hotel that the lead on the kettle is so short, you have to put the kettle on the floor next to the socket, which is really difficult with my brass hand. That's a good one, isn't it? That's a good one. Seven out of 10.

OK. Ah, if you notice, isn't it? That's a good one. Seven out of ten. Okay. Ah, if you notice, every time you go in the toilet, ah, ah, ah, ah, from the aircon, and then it goes off after about 20 minutes, then you go for a wee, and it goes back on, and you go, oh, God! I forgot about that, and your Brassand starts to vibrate.

It's just, it's just, it's just, do you like it? Seven out of ten. Yeah, you turn on the shower and someone set it at about 2,000 degrees and it all gets in your brass and mechanism. Ha! But you can't work out how to use the stupid plug.

Go on, the plugs are stupid. So you have to unscrew your brass and use that. You know the plug in the sink. Yeah. How do you use that? a'r plwg'r stuwpid, a'r yw'r ysgrwy'n ymr a'r ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgrwy'n ysgr I'm going to get my antro there, my brass and, and show the pigeon. You know what I mean? Do you have your other shoe, the pigeon? Andy? No, but I don't want to talk to you to fuck. So yeah, you like, I was a vacation comedy. Can I ever go at that?

Good, do it, my husband. I did one last week, did I, about putting some petrol in the car, landed on the five pound exactly, you went, hey kids, you've got a future in this so I've done some as well nice one I'll tell you who you don't see much of these days the IRA I'll tell you who you don't see much of these days Tommy Cooper that's a good one yeah you don't the landline rag the other day I did that trick could have been anyone could have been the IRA the other day I took my some of ice cream out the freezer after that one before I want to do it so that it's getting

scoop that's quite good to be my advice as well. So, but you'd lose, of course, you would don't want to rephrase it. You know, you've defrosted the whole. Just enough, just so that it's soft enough. Just let it soften off, scope. I'm not trying to defrost that, I'm trying to cram my milk. It's got, you know, like, with all the troubles in the world

and there's terrible possibilities with Brexit and that, it's nice to have a bit of observational comedy in it. Yeah, good. You were telling me, oh, you don't mind me saying, you were telling me that when you go at the cinema, you don't buy any popcorn or whatever and that. No, I'm not talking.

You take in a jar of dull me old sauce. Yeah. Well, then drink it. Yeah. Well, then drink it. Yeah. Well, yeah. If it's the winter, I'll drink it. I hate it up before I go in. Right.

And I'll take it in a thermos. Oh, and it's the winter. And drink it out with thermos. Right. I don't pour it into the little plastic cup that goes on the top. I just go a little straight from the thermos flask. If it's the summer, I'll just have a call out the jar.

He promised me. Yeah. So drink it down. It's like a soup. It's a bit like a smatcher from the jar. Yeah. Bloody hell, sorry. And what do you get? You dip natural in it or something like this? No. No, I just go down out the jar. Have you tried it? Don't this. No, just because it's down out the jaw. Well, that is good. Have you tried it?

Don't not get till you've tried it. Well, I don't know that I've even tried it. Do you, is there a particular one you get? It's from our true taste. It's good for you. No, I like the one that's got extra vegetable lumpsin. What's that called? What's that called?

Extra vegetable lumpsin. Dolmio lumpo. Yeah. And you get added vitamins added vitamins obviously from the fresh vegetables put in it yeah I know that's a green pepper and some onion and well that's quite extraordinary I don't know if I believe you Andy but it's quite extraordinary I'm telling you lovely man in a stir waiting for the chicken to be reduced. If you grab the Piri Piri drumsticks, before me, I'll break your fucking neck.

I will break your fucking neck. There we go. Yellow label hour. Summed up in song. Garilinica. Yeah? Yeah. I once met Gar Linnaker.

I went out for a night drinking with Gary Linnaker and Tom Jones, so Tom Jones. He doesn't play for? He doesn't play for, but I'm putting the context of me. Gary Linnaker played for Leicester City, Yalifax Town, I believe, right? Yeah. So we're having a drink and it struck me, though. Oh, the Welsh Tom Jones. Yeah. So we're having a drink and it struck me though. Oh, the Welsh Tom John. Yeah. Six, bum. Yeah.

The sex bomb. It was a lovely man. And so is Gary actually. I love the night, but I got to think into myself. These two were got serious cash. Right. And they're like yourself. Just thought I'm a long friend here. And I thought that all million. Oh, and I thought that all millionaires. And I thought to myself, but you know, they're nice people.

They're not, you do know you get some boastful celebrities, sure ones. And like, I mean a lot of pop stars. I know I've got the Bentley, I've got this, I've got this, I've got tattoos made out of. Tony Cotty. It's like Tony Cotty if you want. Yeah.

And so I said to Tom Jones, I said, Chris Chumming, Chris Chumming. That's not Tom Jones. Is it not? That's Adam and Harry Ant. So I said, Tom, you were friends. He said, well, come on. For once, just tell us about so many.

You spent a load of money on. You love it. You don't want to apologize for it. I ain't going to tell anyone or whatever. It's a no or no or no, no, no. No way. Is it from India? Oh, yeah. I tell them honestly, I really like to know.

I'd love it. If ever one day I'd load some money. I'd like to spend it on some big indulgence, something like that. It says, no or no, no. I don't like stuff like that, get an out. Or whatever. I said, please, Tom, please, please, I beg of you.

I beg of you. Please tell me. And he says, all right, I got a fucking gold plane. He says, I said, what did you make, God? He says, fucking gold taps did you make, Gold? He says fucking Gold taps, Gold walls, Gold seats. And Gold thread in the carpet, so fucking Gold plain. And I thought to myself, well, good on you. Does he fly it then? I just keep it in the garage? I don't know, I mean it would be his personal day. Oh, okay, I'll doubt.

Shit, no, that's a point. Be heavy, won't it? Yeah. Gold in a tick off. Gold fitting straw. He said Shit, though, that's a pot, be heavy, won it? Yeah. Goal, then I'll take off. Goal, fit in, straw, he said. So I thought that was a nice little story about Tom Jones, the footballer. But I mean, I just want to emphasize, because I've told the story, we're emphasized that,

what a lovely fallory was, and how reluctant he was to tell the story, and how obviously it must have been something he didn't want to get out. He didn't boast about it. Yeah and he didn't want it to get out at all. Yeah, that was nice of him and Gary was lovely as well. Wives questions, questions direct from my wife himself. First one's ever so simple. Andy, do you watch mobile wives? No, Bob's wife, I do not watch mob wives. I've not even heard of it. Excuse me. Well, I'm not in the crime club, I'm a... It's not in Bob's crime club. You don't know, mob wives.

No. The greatest single half hour of television, but you'd kiddin' me. No. the greatest single half hour of television, but you would kidnly. Nope. It's just a couple of weeks watching the first series of Game of Thrones to try to get into that. And how did you find it? Really? I mean, I watched the first series,

left a bit of a gap, I don't know, two months, till I watched the second one. I had no idea what was going on. So at the end of the first one, I did have sufficient motivation to try the second one. I have no idea what was going on. So at the end of the first one, I did have sufficient motivation to try the second, but it's quite complicated for Northern. It seems to be mostly about genealogy. Yeah. No, I know what you mean. He's a bit of fighting.

It's a maths, it's like medieval maths. It seems like a problem. Yeah. But you say you don't know mob wives. Right. Yeah. You say that you've only recently watched Game of Thrones. Yeah. But I'm aware that for a few years now, you've been having to go up Game of Thrones. Yeah.

So what's that all about? You're obviously perfectly aware of Game of Thrones. I'm aware of it. But are you doing the same with mob wives? You know, you well know. I'm not even aware of mob wives, but I'm prepared to give it a try you doing the same on mob wives? You know, you well know. I'm not even aware of mob wives, but I'm prepared to give it a try. Will you give it a try? Can I give it a try this next week?

I would love to hear what you think of mob wives. I think it's electric. Well, channels are fun then. It's on ITVB. Oh. BAE, that is. Not BAE. Oh, not just BAE.

But the in B.E. or not just B.E. But the in between B. B. Yeah. So well, thank you for that. And I suppose if you aren't saying it, you aren't saying it. That's a question. You, wife's question number two, Andy, you look like Greg Wallace. Is that... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. How can I finish the wife's question please? That's very disrespectful.

You look like Greg Wallace. Is that why you hear him do you feel his success should be yours first of all I don't look anything like Greg Wallace no I don't know yes you do no Greg Wallace looks like Bunsen Huni Jo from the mutt I don't know that the scientist doesn't got any eyes but he he wears glasses. Oh, well, there's a vague. Yeah, yeah. That's Greg Wallace, and that's not me. That's not who you're looking at right now.

Well, you say that. Who do you think I look like right now? If you put my car, my Greg Wallace cardigan on and some of his design aspects. So it's a big stretch in, isn't it? I've got a dress up with them. It's not a great deal, and you're cardigan in a pair of specs. It's just because I haven't got much hair, and I've got a round up with them. It's not a great deal. I mean, a cardigan in a pair of specials.

Just because I've got more share, I've got a round head. Why'd you hit him? I don't trust him. Why don't you trust these mortars? What do you think his mortives are? A televisual domination. No. That's not his motive. Getting as many followers on Twitter as he possibly can. That's what you, so you don't trust that motive. No. I don't trust anybody with lots of followers on Twitter.

I've got more followers than you. I know you have. I don't trust you either. Okay, well it's gone, it's a bit of a blind alley. I'm with the wife there. I think your resentment is based on the fact that you think I am, not only do I look like Greg Wallace I could sell veg better than him I could eat food better than him. Well of course without seeing this. So why, why?

Oh why isn't it me? That's where you are. Maybe it will be me eventually Bob. Maybe it will be. Maybe this podcast is going to be a springboard to me being on whatever the 2333 equivalent of MasterChef is. Well, I mean, you'd be dead by then, so you'll not know how it turns out, but. Third question from your wife, Andy, I'm aware that you fervor cheap cuts of meat goes flank rabbits, wings, that sort of thing.

But have you ever tried tin beef burgers? I think you and your family would flourish on them. What do you mean by flourish? I would have she mean by flourish. Oh, I imagine she means the same as any English-speaking person means, you know, that you thrive. You thrive. Yeah. In a nutritional sense. That's what's new. Just your skin would glow, your bones would stop creaking, you might even put a bit of height on, someone like that.. I've never tried tin beef burgers I don't even think there are thing you're very disparaging about their beautiful You can get a chicken in a can and I love a chicken in a can you know in France it's considered a delicacy because it's salt in it

So pardon me what was that under your breath? You could fill your boots for them, can't you? It's more than you're over there. You hope that you ring with it's fill your boots for them, can't you? Oh, I think so. When you're over there. You hope that you're ring with it's. We hope to you ring. There's a apricot hanging off it.

And a tenor chicken under the arm. Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. Ma'am. Montele Fennetta. Well, a chicken de la can. Les Galleis. For what?

A grand. PuffaVois, Mexican. Yeah, but you get your point across. That's the end of the wife's questions. They haven't led anywhere in particular. No, they haven't. I think we've tried to water that a bit this week. Yeah, but as a recommendation,

I really, really strongly recommend that tin chicken, I'm not going to say anything. Not because. Mob wives, I'm not going to say anything. Mob wives and a tin chicken at the same time. Yeah, and a tin beef burger. Just one. Fill your pan with fat and you're left with a bit of. Yeah, and a tin beef burger. Just one. Fill your pan with fat,

and you're left with a bit of leather, but a bit of tasty leather. So what else would we like to do? I've got some questions for you, Paul. Oh, I don't, well, you've given me the blood relatives of mine, but are they just bogus like these Twitter things? No, no, these are all real questions from blood relatives.

All right, well, let's get through them quickly, if you don't mind. Try to get inside your mind and your lifestyle. Bob, yeah there's a millionaire living in a booking them ship pleasure dome with your solid move to booking them, Trevor. Could you just please be quiet? All right all right. I'll start again.

Bob, there's a millionaire living in a booking them ship pleasure dome with your solid gold hip replacement. Do you allow your servants to have free electricity in their quarters or do you make them generate their own with exercise bikes that you picked up cheap from the Argus out lot on e-beer? I don't have any servants, I don't live in Buckeymchur, next question. So how do they power the quarters? I don't live in Buckeymchur. You haven't denied that you don't give them free lectures at the end. I don't need to deny it, I don't need some.. They have to use these exercise bikes to get the light on. They get the talent to work. I don't need to. It let you man.

You're a occasion that you let them actually have some free time for themselves. I don't have any servants. The next question is please. Excuse me. Bob, there's a million air living and booking them should pleasure done with your solid gold hip replacement and your addiction flower nectar. Do you allow your servants to operate under their god-given names or do you issue them with new identities once they arrive off the boat from Caliere? New identities which could consist of anything from a random series of letters and numbers to a contemptuous grunting noise.

I refer you to my previous answer and I would only add that's your do-like nectar. A do-like nectar. A little piece has been stripped away there. Well, a tiny little bit. Yeah. And when I'm in hotter countries, I sometimes buy a nectar thing. I don't know what you call it, and you don't pick on it, but it's to attract hummingbirds. So I refer you to my previous answer, plus I add that I actually do like nectar.

So do you refer to them as their proponyms like Carlos or I refer to them or previous? Who are you? I prefer to refer and we prefer to be previous answer. Have you got another question? Bob, there's a million air living in a book and I'm sure it's pleasure to do them with your solid gold hip replacement addition to flower nectar and your walk-in bath mid-evivory. You're all bastard. Can you confirm or deny the existence of o'r solegol, hip replacement, addigion, a phlawn ecta'r, a'r yw'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, o'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith,

mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, mae'r gwaith, a circle while your poor servants are forced to dance naked to the complete musical works of your soon-doer in a giant paddling pool filled with swarfriger. Bobfest. Tell me about Bobfest. The regard to Bobfest, it does exist. I don't have any servants. I haven't had it replacement. Why you would think I've had it replacement the way I move is beyond me. But you say you're a good mover. Yeah.

Silky. You can't deny that, Andy. I don't I'll pull along, do I? I've not seen you do stairs before. Well, when we leave this building, what behind me? All right, it's a wheel text book. Right, a wheel. All right, I've filmed it.

With regard to the rest of it, I refer to previous, I don't have any service and I'm not a millionaires. So much to you charge for Bobfest? How much do you charge? There is no such thing as Bobfest. Ah, so it's free. There's no such thing as Bobfest.

All right. Do you know how you charge? Are you finished with your charge? You need a license wouldn't you? Although you probably get that as a back-and-a from the parish counsellor's area, you're let come in anyway. Yeah, because I'm so sweet with the Olderman. Yeah. The dirty Olderman. No, I'm just old. You're sweet on the dirty Old. Yeah, because I'm so sweet with the alderman. Yeah, the dirty alderman.

No, well, you're just old. You're sweet on the dirty alderman. No, I'm not sweet on him. What you said when Pylfilterswaffig? Are you saying what you said when they say I'm sweet with the alderman? You said we're kissed, are we correspond? Are you saying you've kissed? I've snogged the alderman.

I'm just saying snogged. I'm saying kissed, it might have just been a peck. But I think you've kissed the alderman. Well, I've kissed the ald man. Well, I'll kiss the older man. Thank you, love. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats,

but ice tea and ice cream. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats, but iced tea and ice cream. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See out for details. Do they ever tell you about when I went to the World Cup? Do you want to talk about? Which one? This was the one I'm specifically wanting to talk about is the World Cup in Spain in 1982. Oh yeah. Did you ever tell him a story about shit? Do you know the name of the mascot of the World Cup 1982, the official mascot Spanish one? L-tubs. No. Not what was it Andy? I can see. Oh right, so you just one guess, is that I was going to be with me. It's like endless questions near the footballer. Oh, I imagine

another guess. Oh, no, Lassal. No, Lassal de Ban, I don't know. Naren G tour. Naren G tour. Little orange, he was. Oh, right, I was just going to show it. It sounds like a really sweet little orange. So he was, sweet boy. Anywhere's up. So I did have a tattoo I told you about. You told us some stuff about that time, yeah? About all we lose in the case and the shit pit. No. Well, I've given it away now. Was that it?

No, it was just a, you know, some I've never forgotten because it was really visceral thing because we're at the England, England supporters camp, just camping, yeah? And all they had was like a pit, about four foot deep, about five foot by five foot four foot deep. This is why I've been caught first of all.

COVID in planks with a hole in the middle, yeah? You just bent, took your pants down, bent over, dropped your tods into the pit, yeah? Well, as you put it, yeah, deep was it? It was about four foot deep. Was there a noticeable sort of pause between it leaving your body and hitting the, hitting the heap?

I don't remember that. I don't remember that. But they... It probably has to be like 20 feet for there being noticeable. I know it was about four foot deep. Yeah. And it's not very deep, is it? Well, would you like to be a bloat? I mean, this is four, five foot by five foot by four foot deep. Yeah, and any three deep is it? Well, would you like to be a bloat?

I mean, this is five foot by five foot by four foot. So I don't know how many cubic feats of Todd that is, but that's quite enough for them to have to share. That's a lot quite quick, though, wouldn't it? It was clear every day. All right, that's nice. No, that was nice of them. Nice Spanish infrastructure there.

So anywhere we met, Mickey Drink, yeah. Yeah. He did what it happens to, you know, if you think it through, it's obviously gonna happen. He bent down with his pants round his ankles and the car keys, the van keys that had brought us all the way through France to Spain, fell in to the top top toad pit,

yeah, clink right in. Can you imagine? I can imagine. We took the planks off, couldn't see it. We got a tent pole. It submerged. We got a tent pole stirred it about a bit, couldn't find it, but this all run away home.

That was the way we were getting home. So this reminds me of, do you remember Cracker Jack with Stu Francis? Yeah. When they used to have the triathlon blamons and yet they get an apple over it with your mouth. Yeah. It reminds me of that. Yeah, well I wouldn't have instantly tried my mouth

Andy, you got straight away, would you? You tried the pool first. So anyway, Mickey drink that they get in. I promised you, he went, went down with underpants, got in there and he found them. Did he? I promised you, when Dan was underpants got in there and he found him, I promised you found him and it's not found anything else in that fuck. His only saving grace was on the wall nearby, they had for the campsite, they had about five of those, you know like you get near continent swimming pools, showers, just outdoor

cold showers, they had about five of them. I'll never forget when he Yeah, there are these things wrapped on his nose for the smell and that when he ran out with the key through the keys onto the grass and Running all of these showers. Why hero he wasn't how many hours did he spend in the showers afterwards? Oh, I can still know That's been in there for like 12 hours until I was absolutely certain. And the call showers were, they were just cold water. Yeah, just cold water. Oh God, that's almost not worth bothering. He's a brave man to make you drink, and he-

Is he still around? Yeah, he's still around, yeah. He's probably enough, if the bottom mouth of his body can beautiful skin. Yeah, well, maybe beautiful skin. That's how the scoffer is in me, isn't it? Yeah, through accidents. That's science for you. Andy, can I bring something up? Go on then. It's like, I don't know whether you're going to be annoyed with me, but when we got here, I saw, I've written it down here, I saw,

it's apparently what I think it's going to be. Yeah, you know, you've got your, I don't know what you call it, not script, you're writing you knew Tabitha Huntly Mystery. Yeah. And it was out on the desk through there where we got the tea. Yeah. And this is a little, extract that I saw from it that you've written. Here it goes. Tabitha had never been inside and as the store before and found the smell of stale deodorant

nappies and tracksuit overpowering. She covered her face with her lest gloved hand and walked directly to the meat counter where the mysterious Andi had promised to rendezvous. She stood waiting as the boss-eyed counter-assistant sliced up a lump of happy bear luncheon meat. Good waiting is the Bossaid Counter Assistance sliced up a lump of happy bear luncheon meat. Would her investigation into the death of the wife of wealthy socialite Bob Waterman finally make progress? Suddenly Andy arrived, he was handsome and muscular, well dressed, athletic and holding a lot of expensive electronic equipment. She couldn't help but have an instant attraction towards him. So what's this all about? It's just working progress. You know some of the names might get changed in the final edit, but well, it's obvious what you're doing there, isn't it?

It's just in keeping with all the top of the hunting stuff that I've done in the past. Well, I know it's a tab of the hunting novel, but what is it going on in your man when the wife of Bob What's going on in your mind when the wife of Bob Waterman has been killed? And like the heroes, Blood Cold, I hadn't some blood with lots of electronic equipment called Andy. Yeah. Well, what, what, what about it? I don't think you're probably just reading into a coincidence that's there.

Do you want me wife dead? Is that what I am? I'm not seeing a dawn. You're not seeing that I do either. Well, I mean, I worry because it's that if you're obsession with, I'll say, the socialite Bob Warteman and his wife is running so... I'm really an air-sortialite. No, no, I just don't say these. I haven't finished it yet. It doesn't say, is he a million-eve?

Probably, is. Does he have servants? Probably. You see, my worry. You know, can you see like I'm in a crime club as you know every night on the telly. Can you see when they're making the links? Yeah, same 15 years time. Yeah. But they're missing, you know, when I've been killed and then they make this link to this novel you're right. Paranoid myth. I think you're getting paranoid. Yeah. Do it, is it, these heart tablets you're on, is that one of the side effects?

Engaging paranoia. No, I don't get paranoid at all. Do you know what I get muscle pain from them? Kidney problems. Right. And we take the rattle. Right. The teeth have gone loose through them.

But mentally, you're fine. That's mentally absolutely fine. You know, you would say that, wouldn't you? You're very disparaging, but you couldn't give a shit about my heart problems. I just asked about them there. We're not ready yet, but totally indifferent in a negative way.

Oh, it's made you paranoid. Do you know what I'm looking at, Yandy, if you don't mind me saying, your day could come, it could be you who suffers without problems. I don't think so. And then no, I think so, and then you'll be on the phone,

saying, oh, boy, boy, I got my art snuck it up. Can you give us an ever good mechanic or something? And what are then pills that you use? I'll be all right. I'm gonna live forever, mate. Why is that? Just damn. Did you, did you have your parents suffer from heart disease?

Nothing. Nothing. No. Yeah. Well, they kind of like machines, basically. Premium. Emotionless machines. Yes. God.

Do you know the American actor? Oh, I love him, man. Has he got a name? Oh, Christian. Ha ha ha. Christian Slater. Oh, yeah. Christian Slater.

What was he in? He was in the Christian Slater, sure. Oh come on, be sensible. He was in true romance. True romance, great film. And that was Heather's. Heather's is a good film and all in it. And he's been in some other films that weren't good. Just because you've meant fair enough. There's a judge in them. Yeah, each and every one of us to a man or a woman has been in a bad film, aren't we? Yeah. At some point. Oh, lost the vision that you do a roof. I don't know, to a roof. You've all made mistakes. All made mistakes. The, um, man, you, do you know the film that won the Oscar spotlight, is it called? Yeah. I won't say that

that is. What can awful is it? It's terrible. But that one that won the Oscar's last year was rubbish as well. What was it? Bird Manosman's all right for a pretty good waters of it now you say fuck now fuck birdman that's what I say her locker was bad for it that didn't get into that didn't get beyond the open entitled no I just wanted to put it out there that if you're thinking of watching spot like honestly don't bother that I tell you what was better than it what did I go and say this week? I went to see London as Fallen. Oh yeah, that one everyone says is rubbish.

Yeah, the said rubbish, but it ain't, like the said spotlights, you know, they're giving it an Oscar and it's so dreary. Anyway. It's almost as if you're completely out to step with my opinion. No, no, I just like to be at an attend, you know, I'm in. It's good that you've got your own beliefs though

So you're not just following the crowd. I'm doing a movie with Christian Slater. Are you right now? I'm the past I'm telling me something I'm telling me I like to All right, and I'm doing a movie called Churchill the Hollywood years, right with Christian Slater And I explain to him believe you've been in a movie Sorry and I explain to him, but if you've been in a movie, sorry, I promised, and I explain to him that I would like to reverse the toilet, yeah, so that you sit fairs in the system. That's good, right? Simple as that.

Christy and Slater agreed, I'm keeping it short, he agreed to invest in this business and Ben and I just, he did me some initial sketches of how it might look. All right. With... On some proper technical drawing. No, not just on air for paper.

It's a fine packet. Better quality paper than printer paper. I don't mean that bad. A decent air for paper it is. Right. And... You could go into a investors office and say, look, I've got this.

And he is the initial seriously. Yes. The paper was that good. Yeah. Mr. Christian Slater from Heathers on a reasonably high quality paper as designer reverse toilet. I just wondered if you guys, you investors are interested in taking this up. Where would you go with that? Would you go to the armoureded shanks with it? No, shit in the world. Because it's almost like laughing in the face, isn't it? It's like you guys here, you've defined what the toilet is that we know. Arm heat, the tele-heat, you're lo,

you shit them right up because at the moment, only a pass security. Probably not the sense that you've got a decent quality air for, me equals decent idea. Yeah. Get out. So we spend no time staring at the back of a door, yeah? On the floor. Yeah. You reverse this system and face the system. Yeah. You could still put little wing mirrors on the system if you want to look at the door. In case you think there might be an intrusion. Oh, wait, if that's your thing, you can still do that.

But on top of the system, you could put your laptop, you could put an adult colour in book. You could. Whatever, you could put a little pop plant there, you can stare out of the window. It's genius. That system surface is just going to worst, isn't it? Absolutely, it's not so huge.

It's not being utilised at all. Sometimes you see a bit of popp poory on there or a bog roll. You could get some paper and you could design a reverse tile. No, you couldn't, you could just say, you've already done it. I've already done it. I always want some front, so just remember this, guinea nace. A place called grass, where they make perfume, you know about perfume? Do you know the group called the Bangles? So it's anohoffs. So it's anohoffs? I don't know. Well I was staying

at some of those Twitch pictures of myself. I don't want to know about that. I was saying, you know, Christie and Dior, I was, no, I promise you on, yeah. I was saying it is Villa, just outside of grass. And I was a motorcycleist then. And she wanted some, I can't, I'm not gonna pretend I know, she wanted some, she said, could she go on the back of me bike? Right.

To the shops. And I was one of those really like, you know, like, bendy, bendy roads. Yeah. And I, I took her there. Absolutely true. So Susanna Hoffs, do you know the one I made? Yeah, the singer. Yeah. Yes, she was singer. She was. She's on the back of me motorbike. Right. I got to the shop. Yeah. She wasn't on. She followed off. Really? I didn't even know. God. Absolutely true.

She survived, I assume, because she's continued to make music since then. Oh yeah. Well, actually, I drove back trying to find out that unless she was still, she had a terrible, she had shorts, she was wearing shorts, and she had you know those roadburns. And we all was terrible. It's about the size of, I don't know, a Scotch pan cake. We accept that as a measure.

And, but, you know, absolutely true. Only what she, there's no punch line to this. But whilst she'd been waiting, she'd covered a face and mark her pen. Oh, fucking way up. How much was that? Since, yeah, I don't know. I didn't, I didn't think anything.

Because, because the skin had broken, there was obviously a bit of blood that you think she was going to be prayer. And it, honestly, it's true. I, I, I, I, I said, are you, are you alright? And she showed me the burn thing there. And then I said, I said to someone, I, what about your face? And she just said, it's Mark a pen. Ha, ha, ha.

Well, I'm going to go now, Andy. But I'm going to sign off with me a little song if I might. Before you do that, can we just mention that we're on Twitter at Athletical Mints. Yeah. If you want to suggest songs that you can sing next week. Okay, well, I'm going to sing a self-pen song this week. Oh, all right. Okay. Here we go. It's called Little Bird.

All right. I'm just a little bird whose leg got bust by a bottle that was thrown into my favorite bush. I've got a lovely smile and a winning face. All the other birds think I'm a fucking disgrace. Oh, just laugh at it. Right, one arm off, and eight. Turtles stickers. Thank you for having us. I had a song as well.

You're bastard, bro. How's that one? See you Andy. Thank you. Say Bob. Bastard. you