Athletico Mince - The McClaren Collection Vol. 3

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

Here’s more of Steve and Casper’s crazy antics from episode 45 to 83… Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Steve McLaren Yeah, yeah, I'm saving up too. Well Steve's looking for a job, of course, after doing his destroy an exit at Derby. He's not going too hard though though I imagine. He's sitting pretty. He's not actually white. He's sitting well, he's sitting pretty because he got a fortune from Derby and mainly he thinks I tell you what I'm going to spend some quality time with Casper. Right. He did get an interview for the Sunderland job. Sunderland job. Sunderland job for the Sunland job. Sunland job. Sunland job for the Sunland job. It's what he

called Ellis shorts. That's right. Well Ellis he wanted to meet him up in... He was an American do it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah okay and he owns the Carnage Club Slag or Castle. It's where Madonna and Shane Richie got married. Yep. And he wants to meet him up there so he'll take him up by helicopter. Right. But he thinks no, I've promised this time for Casper and Casper loves his dreads, loves Thomas the Tank Engine and that, you know what I mean?

So he said I'm gonna get the sleeper up there and make a real treat for Casper. So he puts Casper in his travel bag few things to keep Casper occupied, you know his chalks, his little bath, bath plug that he really likes, his Boeing Boeing button, his little trends. And he's got some little pictures, you know, cut of this stock, defensive midfield,

midfielders in a wheel and bads, they Charlie Adam. Yeah, really likes them. They get to King's Cross. Steve goes to the machine where you get your ticket and whilst he's doing a Welsh bloat comes up to him and says hello Mr McClaren I think a pigeon feather has fallen from the roof onto your front of your head in his boy or don't be dafty a Roddricka plonkersville that's my hair Island because though, that's me hair Island.

Once was a manager had a wonderful idea to design a carpet a long other brand's would fear He sketched around his hairline with reddish ginger ink Then stood on his head on the carpet I'll buy the sink, just a hairline tile A hairline tile It's the Hell Island tile. Hell Island tile. It's the Hell Island you want that. So, Bloak asks him for a selfie, Steve obliges. Bloak says, where are you off to then lovely in it?

By all. So I'm getting the sleeper to Scotchland. That's funny where to say it. Yeah, well they're fellow didn't laugh anyway. He says, the sleeper leaves from Houston. You're in the wrong station. Oh, God, he thinks he's right. Oh, raspberry says, Steve. Oh, raspberries. Come on, Casper. Picks up his bag, but it's really light. Casper isn't in it. Casper! Casper, you're Rodney.

Casper, where are you? He's really worried. It's specifically, he's really worried that he's gone to platform 9 and a half and he's on the train to Hogwarts. That's a worry. Don't worry, worry, wouldn't it? So he runs around asking people.

I've seen Casper. Oh God, Casper. He's a big yellow snake. Have you seen him? Then he goes to the ticket inspector by the platform. Oh, can you help me? I've lost my snake, Casper! God Casper! He's a big yellow snake, I've been seen in! Then he goes to the ticket inspector by the platform. Yo, can you help me? I've lost my snake, Casper! Well the guards, the ticket inspector as well, she's well. He says, now calm down sir! Did you know you've got a chicken hatching out of the top of your head? Didn't boy you all there's lovely! He says, I'll fuck up your cheeky! It's a-

Oh! Then his attention is drawn by a whistle being blown on the platform to Welsh train guard, all aboard, all aboard, there's no Stone Moss jeans from the TU collection at Sandsbury's, a pair of Dunlop trainers from Sports Direct, and a purple, and a rack from very.co.wk. In a hand is a black bin liner, and there's a trail of like some liquid coming from it. The door slams, and she goes in. Could it be, Andy? Oh very much think it would be, is it? The fact that?

Has to be showing, oh God, well Steve can't take a chance. So he headbutts the ticket collector in his tits, right? And runs onto the platform. The guard blows his whistle just to Steve, turns the handle on the first class carriage and jumps aboard, he just made it. Good one, Steve.

Well, it's all quiet, no, no, like it is in first class carriages. Yeah, well, I've never been in a want, but if you've had to walk through, it's all quiet, no, you know, like it is in first class carriages. Yeah, well, I've never been in a want. No, but if you've had to walk through, it's all quite... Oh, it's very intimidating, isn't it? Usually we'll big knobs are in there. Yeah. And they call me Welsh, the posh labra. Yeah, you know. Greg Wallace, the vegetable starliner.

Yeah. In his black pole on there, he's watching Logan. The werewolf film on his Mac's surface pro. Oh. That's nice, isn't it? Then he sees Pius Morgan, you know the gossip columnist. Yes, and he's got his shirt open and he's using do you know like those screenwiper things that you scrape ice off? Yeah, the screen screen is using one of them and he's scraping all the residue and oils of his chest and his stomach, yeah. And then he like flicks, that flicks it into a little tin bucket he's got on the turban in front of him. Is it a bit like this sort of residue you have left in a pan after Friday night? It's honestly, that's a very very good analogy.

It starts to solidify. Yeah, and he's just scraping it, he flicks it in this bucket and then from time to time he takes a sip, a sip from this little bucket. No. And every cycl he says he says hello Stephen come and join me and he says do you think i'm great Steve and then he slurps from his little pot and Steve thinks he's back so yes he says oh yes pious um then pious says do you think girls are thick and that boy is a better than girls and then he slurps from his bucket and Steve says, well you know I'll pay you self, I think, no they're different, you all eat and think to say. And then he says, would you like to mold your fingers into my big fat lady's ass and see if you can find a prize? He says, I'm all right. I've lost me snake, Casper, I better go look for him.

I've lost my snake, Casper. I'd better go look for him. Snake, you say, tell him I'd love a chat if you find him. Anyway, he then downs what's left in the bucket. Shout's over a Greg. Hey, Greg, come here. What do you think of women? Do you think they're thick? So Steve's glad to get out of there, you know. And he goes into the next carriage. And he thinks he can hear a Boeing Boeing sound you know a Casper might impress him, Boeing Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, Boeing, yeah yeah yeah then he sees the Dunlop train has stretched out

into the gang where there she is it's a fat lassie thinks he runs up but he gets a shock yeah and it's the big lass from Tauy and she's eating crispy fried duck. Lots of it. That must be what was dripping out on the bag. Right. And the little dog under the turban is the one with the Boeing button who's pressing the Boeing button. And it says, how excuse me, madam, where's this train going? She says, Stoke. He says, Stoke, fucking Stoke, are you kidding me? Stoke! Stoke has got a fucking train station! He said he'd not like him to swear. And then he hears a voice saying, a lot to him, it's the bloke who took the selfie and he shows him Steve the photo, he's proud of it.

And Steve notices there's a train leaving just behind him on the photo and looking out of the back window is Casper? Right. Do you get it? You know when he took the selfie? Right. The train leaving. Yeah. It says, oh my Thruppani bits, Steve. Do you know where that train is going? And the man says, Inverness in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, in the end, Can I go to the toilet? No. We left Steve on the train for Manchester. Feel free to say, oh yeah, anytime you're in this. We left Steve on the train for Manchester

with Casper on another train to Inbanese and our fault, we're pretty exciting, did you? Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you about that side of the story next week, right? Because I want to tell you about someone else that happened on the train, right? I went back to the first class carriage to see what Pius Morgan was up to, right? Oh yeah. A bit fascinated. Turns out we sat with Alan Brazil, oh I didn't say before when I passed through, because he was in the shitter, you know, one of those machines that shagged, right? Yeah. So I sit behind and so I can listen in and Pius says so Alan Pius says it. What is what voice like you're so Alan? Is he not Barry on on resise?

So Alan do you think women are thick? He said I'll just do that. That's fair enough Yeah, I suppose they are a bit thick, but listen Pius They're not easy on the ice. Well, that's okay by me, right? Pius says that's superb, George. Who's the thickest woman you've ever met, though? Jesus, I can't even see, I've met so many thick ones. And you've been so many foreign one these days, don't you? And while I can't even tell if the thick

has just been difficult, right? Pius says, I've got a big soft fat ass, Alan. Would you like to mold your hands into it? See, if you win a prize Tommy Walsh the Lerberer had a go and he found a pasti I know I'm okay son listen who's your favorite ape is it is it thousands a cheetah bubbles the chimp a Caesar from the planet of the Ips. P.S. says I like Caesar best because he's outspoken, right? Alan. And P.S., you're incredibly outspoken when it comes to Arsenal.

Do you still want Venger out? Or does that not feel outspoken enough now? P.S. says, well, I'm thinking of pretending. I want Tony Pullis's manager. That's pretty outspoken, I reckon. He's woo-hold on Tiger, that is straightened beyond belief, it's almost litigious. He says, well that's what I'll go for then. He say, Jiro had a go on me ass, he found a couple of walnuts and a scotch egg, Alan says,

go on now, I'll have a pork about. So he puts a newspaper on the table to catch the seepage and presents his big cloud of an ass to Alan Alan dives in and they and guess what you find you see found Bingo he says a nice leg of lap Nice in it. Jackpot. Pia says the earth pre-bested as well Tell your wife to slow cook it on a gas mark for if she can read numbers and then both laugh and Alan waddles off down the toilet to get back on his machine. That's a nice little dab of it. That was done, and I think they were staying my clarinet all of a sudden. No, but you know,

it was a side story. He doesn't get off until we get right up to the north west, so I had to fill right page into it because I don't know know what's happening with Casper, do I? I'm thinking we should, is that the end of that bit? Yeah. ... Steve McLaren, interested. Well, what would happen if I said no? Well, I've got a good song.

I mean, if you said no, but likely I would move on. Be-be- Be personally not asked. The listenership might probably might be. Go for it. So when we last saw Steve, right, he was on a train bound for Glasgow, yeah, and Casper, Snet was on a...

Can I just add? Yeah. What was Steve McLaren-Bad Link with this week? Well, I know it all ties in. Oh, are you gonna mention it? Are you? All fucking ties in. Oh, right, okay.

Do you think these aren't, this isn't factual? So when I like me, and Casper's on a train heading for Inverness, right? So with those people looking through. I think it must be fans. To ISIS. Well, I don't know. Are they really?

Yeah. You kidding me? Of themselves. We'll get you tits out. Yeah, as I said, oh, yeah, as well. I know you jump in the boys and and girls which is a shame. So and Casper's head into win Vaness. So Steve gets all over guard and explains his predicament. The guard, I don't know if you remember for the purposes of the

story, all British rail employees are Welsh and I've stuck with that. Yeah. Oh that's terrible sir. Excuse me sir. Why have you got a crescent of ham on your head? That's not a ham crescent, sir, Steve. That's me mid-head oxbowl, aeach you Rodney Plunker. It separates my hair island from the mainland hair. Let me tell you all about it. Let me take you to the west Sussex town. Come with me, squeeze me, listen to the sounds. Well, luck, well, dance, you'll pat me on the head. If you're a lady, we might just end up in my bed. I'm a creature with a feature that will blow your gypsy mind. Of a hairstyle, it's unique mind that nature has designed. Mid-head Oxford, why don't you jump on in? Mid-head Oxford, it's perfect for a swim.

Do you know what to mean? Do you feel me? It's bigger than both of us. It's a new way, full of joy and hope. It's a mid-head Oxford ticket for a spin. It's a mid-head Oxford, it's made for natural skin. Please world, you've got to listen. Together we can end the madness.

A different world where harmony costs nothing. The front bits and island full of fruit and spice. The back lot is a country where everything is nice. On Sundays and Mondays no one goes to sleep. You can cross to the island. The water's not that deep. There's a market at the southern street food and home a part of the upper sea. There's a park and a cafe where the sausage rolls are free. I'm offering you a life free from pain and skilled doggery. A self-spat, a self-spat where you can save of a life without pain and hardship.

Mint, it's a made-to-head Oxford, not new hope for you and kind. Mint, head, Oxford will take away your fears. Mid head oxbow will lubricate your fears. You have to believe me, it's a movement and uprising. It's got a lot going for it. Come on sign up, let's change things for the many, not just the few. What do you think, Andy? Seven out of ten.

Just seven, you fucker. So the guard says, how in the very hell sir? I tell you what, I'm thrown ahead to Coventry and that's the station master to hold the train. We're only five minutes behind, lovely boy, that's nice in it. So they get to Coventry and the station master's on the platform and him and Casper are playing

with Casper's Boeing, Boeing button. Right. I have an arach good laugh so that's nice, isn't it, Andy? Um, I'm Mr McRallor and is it? What a lovely snake, what's his name? Bloody Rodney Plunko, if I had my way, says Stake because he's a bit an eye, Andy, because he nicked off to the wrong train. Come on Casper, let's get a fireton.

So the station masters, as I told the guard to allow you in first class, less people. Be nice of a Casper, ain't it? Boy, oh, there's lovely and tidy, ain't it? So they get settled. Casper looks a bit bashful. And Steve won't even look at him when he rests his head on Steve's lap.

He's in the right old, got a carbon with him. Suddenly, there's a lot of houffing and puffing. And out of the toilet's come Sean Daish. He's on his way back to Burnley. Right, right. Probably have to change at Preston or something. I don't know. Yeah, I like him so.

And he's been, we're big exhibition in London of those machines that Shaggy, you know, of them. Yeah. So, shit. He says, all right, Steve, all right, Casper, do you mind of that, join you? I've just had a child and some company takes me mind off the air, I get in the ball sack after I've passed the Hobbit soccer to. Not at all. Hey, how's it going? Burnley. All right. He says, just dreading water. If I keep me

head down, I might get England job when Southgate gets his final taxi. If not, I'm going to open up a welding academy once we go down. No foreigners, just local lads. Oh my bloody balls. Now at this point in the day, Andy, I heard about Danny Rose saying he was an athlete with his wedges. Yeah, he was to go north, doesn't he? And he wants to go up north. So I'm going to abandon that story to tell you. The Claren is back in business. He is.

Now look, if you watch our live show that's on, is it on YouTube? It's, if you go to our flarecomins.com it's there right I'm just I only mentioned that cause it's a 75 minute show which includes Steve McLaren Steve McLaren the climax of the story between him the fat lesson Casper so and a judge and a judge so if you've listened to that this is the next. Fast forward from that terrible awful day at court, well, I won't give them any spoilers. And Steve is now manager of the London club, QPR. Do you remember QPR? Do I remember you?

Well, when my football team used to be in the championship. Yeah, you remember QPR, yeah. Ian Holloway was the manager before. He was. He hadn't been seen apparently since the very day of his sacking. So that's quite interesting, isn't it? Anyway, so Steve turns up for his first property at the training ground, Sipson Lane. He's cocking a hoop and he enjoying a nice pot pie. Pops his head out of the window at the suke's security

gate says, hello Fatsil. Just a jocke silly of me. I'm the new manager Steve McLaren I was told there would be a pass waiting for me at these gates this morning I need to measure up for new beige carpets in the offices the man says oh what voice do you do I know yeah no that's just the odd minister and Gaila was that yes of course oh Mr McLaren I think a bit of pork by crust has got stuck to the front of Oh, no, that's just the old minister. The reggiler was that? Ah, yes of course. Oh, Mr McClaren, I... Oh, I think a bit of pork by Crust has got stuck to the front of your head. Would you like a Belinda wipe?

No, I don't need a Belinda wipe. That's my hair island, your Rodney Plunker. Let me tell you all about it. It's my front of hair, de-donement. It's a marvelous design. It's a miracle in the making. This hair island of mine. It helps me sense you movements. It helps me read your mind. It's a natural fascinator. This hair island of mine. Cause there once was a manager

had a wonderful idea to develop a hairstyle. All other teams would fear. He fed his forehead with lipids and proteins and grew a hair island in the shape of New Orleans. It's my hair island. It's my hair island. It's me hair island, you Rodney of Plunkasville. Oh, suit yourself, looks more like the ship of Lake Eury, but there you go! These are a bit joe-filled in me. Man gives him the pass. Oh, and can I have a pass for my snake, Casper, please? Oh, no, I don't have one here, and snakes and reptiles are not allowed on the promises I'm afraid. But Casper's assistant manager, if he can't come in, then we'll never finish 15th like I promised at the interview.

Oh, let me see him, I'll see what I can do. Everyone at the club is desperate to finish 15th, so I'm happy to help. Casper, Casper, my love, come out and sail over to the nice man. But when Steve turns round and he's the back of the car, he sees the boot doors wide open and Casper is nowhere to be seen. Oh, oh. He looks at the main building of the train in complex and now on the ground floor he can just see Casper's yellow tail disappearing through one of the ground floor windows. There he is, lift up the gate and must fetch him before he gets hurt.

So Steve gets in the building and searches. Casper, Casper, where are you? You naughty silly Casper. Casper, I've got your mighty bites or Casper. LAUGHTER Well, Steve and the man helps him as well. Oh, I'll help as well. I've searched the whole training ground. And the man says the only other place that could look as the OSLT room in the basement, it's got like all the sprinkler pumps

and all that sort of shit under, yeah? Well, the go inside, turn the lights on and the security man is immediately smashed across the head with a flagging of cider. Steve can't see anymore, just a terrible smell of cider. You can see a large bed of hay that's full of like rabbit droppings and three old saxopataitos in one corner. Suddenly Steve feels the cold steel of a lawnmower blade round his neck. It's a you know, he's been hiding down there since he was sad

I'm watching you in Hollywood talk like Bob You fucking wanker McLaren coming here to take my job with your fancy ways and your fancy hair island I've been waiting for you What you mean? What's your specific beef? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But, but, there you go. What's your specific beef? Oh, you don't need no fancy pants manager, are you at the finish 15th? I nearly done it last season and I got no thanks. I've been living down here with me rabbits and me cider.

Just waiting for this moment, I'm going to cut off your fancy hairhorn and make you eat it. No, please, not my hair, Ireland. It's where all my average power comes from. But he can feel the bled at the root of his hair, Miracle. Then out of the corner of his eye, Andy, he sees Casper crawling out from beneath the hay. Oh, Casper has a huge build up in his throat, and he raises his head up high. Steve says, do he Casper has a huge build up in his throat and he raises his head up high. Steve says, do he Casper? And Casper does, he spews a stream of hot sick, straight at Holloway's face, it fills

his eyes with stomach acid and rabbit drop in juice. Ian peels off, my cider, my cider! Somebody saved my cider!" Well, the security guard wakes up at this restraints hollow air and Steve takes Casper in his arms and gives him a hug. Oh Casper, you little beauty, you know all about hollow air's plans, didn't you? Casper smiles. Would you like a mighty bite Casper? Casper smiles again because Andy of course he would. Right Casper, let's go and measure up for those new carpets.

So Steve McClaren, we're summoned this week to meet Tony Fernandez in the chairman's office at QPR. Right. He stands for Andrew. What does it stand for? He's four major changes. Yeah, I didn't know until I went last year that's their London's Irish club.

Did you know that? No. It's like you've, you meant to have an affinity. If you're Irish, you're a QPR fan. Yeah, is that it? Yeah. Like if you're a scaffolder, yeah, you Irish, you're a QPR fan. Yeah, is that it? Yeah. Like if you're a scaffolder, yeah. You've got an affinity with West Ham, right?

That's how you understand it. So, he's summoned to meet Tony Fernandez in the chairman's office. He's a bit worried, Andrew, because they're a bottom of the league after three games. Very much so, yeah. I know points, right? So, Steve is sat in his own office in his underpants, you know, eating some jelly and carnation. Yeah.

It's with Casper, he says, Oh, dear Casper, I'm all in a pickle. I don't know up from down honestly. In a word I'm shitting out sprix. So we just go home and watch Poirot. Well, on hearing this, Casper slides out of a drawer, bringing with him a light blue short sleeve shirt.

Polyester and a yellow and blue striped tie, Steve picks them up. Oh Casper, you're little wonderful. It's a BHS polyester comfort fit with breathable amp it inserts. Where did you get this? There is rare as worms in top hats. Well Casper just winks,. You know that way as Andy. Yeah. You know that's sort of been your encounter.

Yeah. I can face anything with one of these stretches across my chest. So Steve puts on the shirt and tie and steps into a pair of M&S elasticated waist, tornish blue jeans with a slick kick on the flare. Ooh. Yeah. Well, he's London guy. Yeah, you know. Yeah of course yeah.

They're London guy with your big bag of pepper and a lovely sweat. So he puts his proposed round his neck, popped Casper in and strives round to Tony Fernandes office. Oh Tony. So what you got to say for yourself McLaren? This is not the start of the season we expected. We are already nine places away from a glorious 15th place finished. Explain yourself. Is it alright for let Kasper run around a bit Mr Fernandez? Yes, sure thing. Oh what a lovely carpe, you've got Mr Fernandez. 100% well with super-guard treatments if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah no mistake. Would you like a bite of me crispy peanut fun and laughter bar Mr Fernandez? No no I don't, I have some tomatoes already. Are you sure? It's like nutty-shite but with a chocolate curtain. Yeah I'm sure as, I'm sure. This office is quite extensively glazed, Mr. Fernandez. You might want to draw the blinds when you're not here to protect the carpet from sun damage, you know. Look, cut the crap, my glommies, and explain the gun I'm awful start to the season. How are you picking your team?

What are your tactics? What are your goddamn tactics? So, Steve says, I'll tell you Mr. Fernandez, just listen. I choose the team. From the adults in the squad, I put the one with gloves into the go. For my defense, I choose the tallest lands and in midfield I put the brightest boots and then up front. I put one fat one thin and a winger to take corners that we win. I tell them all to pass the ball around and try their best not to damage the pitch. Come on if we lose the ball. Try to get it back if we win the ball. Try to mountain attack but most of all keep your jerseys clean. I know muddy boots in the changing room If Casper sees a player trying hard He notes his name and writes it down And then at the end of the match We give that man a fun and laugh the bar

If we lose the ball, we try to get hit back. If we win the ball, we try to mount them attack. But most of all, make it look like you're trying. And if the crowd says you are, say they're lying. Oh yeah, boot back to papa, do papa. For nand laughter in the chocolate cuddle. Do papa, do papa, for nond laughter in the chocolate cordle. Do papa, do papa, do the for nond laughter in the chocolate cordle. boot back to papa, do papa, do papa, do papa, do papa, do papa, do papa, do papa, do papa.

For nond laughter in the chocolate suit, I tell the team. Oh, go on, catch me, do a dance. Tell the team, to run as fast as they can And then half-time to wash their hands And at full time. When we've lost again, We all pretend that we're very upset. What do you think, Mr Fernandez?

I think it's bullshit. You You got three games to get four points or you're out on your saggy ass! Yes Mr Fernandez, of course Mr Fernandez. Hey what's down on the top of your head? Is it a kipp of fin? No you don't, that's me hair island, my hair! Oh fuck off with the songs already and do one! So Casper and Steve leave the office. Hey Casper lad, I think this might be our easiest destroyer exit to date.

Casper gives him a smile and a wink and they both tuck into a crispy, fun and laughter bar. It's nutty-shight in the chocolate cuddle. So I'm looking for a better update on QPR. Nutty-shighting, a chocolate cuddle. So hungry, there. A lot of, um, QPR. Yeah, well, you know what, the Australian exit, I think he's perfected at this time you're right.

But you're right, he's got a fault with it. He don't saw many of them though. The more you do, the better you get. So Steve McClaren. Andrew. Yes. He's gone and got himself the boaty. The boaty? Yes, and then booty Who could have seen that coming well?

You know on this on this podcast we Brad I was hoping seeing this Not since coming so you got the sack and let's first say it's got all the harm or hallmarks of a classic British manager destroy Yeah, I mean actually perfect of a classic British manager destroy an exit. Perfect. So I managed to find out what happened on the day of the sack in any way. I can't reveal my sources and I never would.

All right. So Steve was in his manager's office with Casper, the snake, who's his assistant manager at the moment. Yeah. Officially. He's topless person around like. Steve or the snake? Steve.

Steve is. Yeah. The snake always wears his skin. You know, it's for, he's topless person around like Steve or the snake Steve Steve. Yeah, the snake always wears his skin You know it's for these topless person around like you know that fancy American law professor That's how he looked like and he's nibbling on a toffee and marshmallow fun and laughter bar Yeah, right Steve says oh dear Casper Oh dear Casper what do you think Mr. Fennant deaths? Well, I mean the right, total paper day, don't. I feel like I could drop a ton, and you know, should we just go and watch a skirt to the country?

At that moment, Casper dropped a lump as well, as if to confirm he's feeling a bit, you know, a queasy as well, like, oh God, do you think he, what you think he wants, you think he needs some carpet advice? Maybe he's thinking of changing to a patent wave in this car, out of his. Casper, Shakespeare's head. No, maybe he wants me to give him a box of fun and laugh the baths for his family and friends. laughed the bads for his family and friends. Caspalty's sex is a... Oh, I know what he wants. He wants to have a chat about next season's

new kit. I sent him a design, you know, based on a cross section of a date and walnut cake. Dark brown, light brown and beige. Yes, yes, I bet that's what he wants to talk about Class of the shag's his head Just as the boring's it's mr. Fernandez's secretary, right and he's ready for stave Well aren't hearing this Casper opens up a little a draw in the desk revealing a lovely light blue shorts leave comfort fit Sure and a blue and white hooped tie nice Pucku Pia in it oh Casper you're little fountain of yummy sweet bubbles it's 100 it's 100% round with double sis. There's others rare as left-footed palakings. I can't fail with this resting gently on my toes.

Caspers smiles in the gorge walkthrough until Mr. Fippenanders is office. So why you gotta take for yourself my clown? One winning for the games! If this continues, we'll never finish in 15th place and wipe that piece of large leaf curry and wipe that piece of large leaf curry under of the tubby or her. No telly silly rudely plunker, that's not largely for Coriander, that's my head, Ireland, my Ireland, enough, enough already you dumb a fun and laughter bar Mr. Fennandez? It's nutty shite in a chocolate cat suit.

No, I have some cherry tomatoes already. I must say I'm very impressed with the durability of your carpet Mr. Fennandez. Just look at the heavy traffic area by the door. It's still literally actually, it's good, isn't it? Yeah, well, maybe. It's certain like the pilot's a bit threatened, really. Oh, that said, Bumbelina, should I do a quick re-plum with me, wouldn't come? No, just leave it.

Are you sure, Mr. Thedna, hadn't passed? I sure was, how I'm sure. I'm sure. Now quit stalling and explain why my team can win a gun and match. Are they shit? Are you shit? God I certainly smell shit! Look Tony, and there are things that have been you know a bit skew with in recent weeks but I've got a new motivational song that should turn things around just listen up in this league

there are twenty-fourteens but the best one is the QPR we're very proud to have the cleanest kits And a super gorgeous manager I should have hoots I should have breathable And our socks feature a seamless toe The changing rooms are fully carpeted And the wind bowlesses are always as low We are the QPR, we'd like to shake your hand

We are the QPR, 35 best team in the lab We always make it look like we are trying Fiftyth place is what we are supplying When lose our draw No matter where we are We tidy your pen, thank the staff There's more to life Than three points on the board We always give the away from the good life We are the QP, I'm a fun man laugh to buy We are the QP, we've all got company cars And if you say that we're shite, then you're lying

If you're selling a duds then we're buying Oh yeah, do that, we'll be, do that, we'll be, do that For that laughter in the chocolate cuddle We'll back do, we do that, we do that, we do that Hold that laughter in the chocolate cuddle We do that, we do that, we do that, we do that We do that, we do that, we do that, we do We do that, we do that, we do that, we do that

Hold that laughter in a chocolate suit Go and cast the dough you dance We keep touch tight when we mark a man But let them have the ball cause that's polite And if we score, we let them get one back Cause at QPR we're really very nice So what do you think Mr. Fernandez? Do you think that will do the trick or do? Sounds like bullshit to me! Oh, but I suppose it might be what it drives.

Well, at this point Casper crawls up the side of Tony's desk here his neck swells up Sazah, a watermelon-and-a-massive and he spews a torrent of half-digestive from the left of bars right into Tony's face, yeah. Oh, oh. That's it, you saggy-est helmet!

You are fired and take that long pig of yours with you. Yes, Mr. Fernandez, of course, Mr. Fernandez. Well, back in Steve's office, Stephen Kasper laughing right off. Right? Yeah. He Kasper, I was so worried. I thought he might not sack us and we'd be stuck here without an exit payout. I think it was you spewing on him that did the trick. Kasper smiles, yeah.

And Steve Dalles a number on his phone. Hi, is that Sam, Sam Aladais. Oh hello Sam, I've got some great news. Yeah, yeah, just wait for it. Destroy an exit, a QPR successfully completed. Yeah, see you at British Managers' lunch club next Thursday. At rules, yeah. Yes.

Hey, how's Tony Poulis getting on at Middlesbrough? Nearly there you say, nearly there, that's excellent. Then puts the phone down, come on Casper, let's go to Mrs. Fanning's care box and get a shit load of ice-dum mums. You must be starving, that was quite a load you dumped on that plunk of Fernandez. Bap, bap, bap. So that's the another chapter complete. How many jobs has he been through? No, since we're doing this podcast, I think four or something. Four, five, maybe. But there you are, I don't know details of his pal. He knows what he's doing, don't he?

He's no mug. God, they all do, don't they? They all do. So Stephen Casper. and don't he? He's no mug. God they all do don't they? They all do. So Steven, Casper, yeah, I'm having a right all time. Yeah, you know, because he's done his destroying exit. Of course, destroying exit. Yeah, they're just sat at home eating fun and laughter bars, watching the telly. I'm totally time. So, yeah, So he's a little extra from it. Hey Casper, I'm so glad we don't have to deal with that Mr Bennand death anymore. He was a right lord Rodney of the city of Plunk, wasn't he?

Casper nods. Watch you, we watch next Casper, more Poirot. Casper shakes More Poirot? Casper Shakes is Ed. I know. What about some escape to the country? That's such an exciting show. Casper Shakes is Ed. Well, what do you want Casper, your little yummy clod of friendly bubbles and suds? Would you like to go to the carpet shop? Check out the new arrivals.

Book Casper's Shakespeare's Zed. I'll tell you what, I'll sing a song for you. We are the Cupid, we haven't got a manager. We are the Cupid, we'll finish bottom half. Book Casper and't listening. What's the matter, Casper? Do you want to go in the pond for a swimmy woo-woo? Casper nods and Steve lets him out of the back door, right? But suddenly there's a big bang on the front door and it flies open. It's Ian Holloway. Oh, he's unshaving, his eyes are all dark and baggy, yeah. His coats all stand and ripped and he's holding a big plastic bottle of farm cider, yeah.

Well, I know what you've been up to McLaren. You never intended for Cupid, aren't you? I finished five things. You came in a destroyer club and then get out. That was my job, you stole. I don't know what you're run about Mr Holloway. I think you've had too much track to win. I would never do anything like that to my good friend Mr. Thinand and his wonderful mid-table team. Oh yeah,

well explain this bastard tape then. So Ian turns on the little tear recorder that he'd hidden in Steve's office the day that he was sacked. Oh. Hello, is that Sam? Sam Aladai? Say hello, Sam. I've got some great news. Just try and exit it, CUPIRA successfully completed. Just you wait till I give this to Mr Fernandez. And the newspapers, you'll be finished, McLaren. No, it's just that not what you think again. Shut up you fraud and take that lump of pork scratchin' off your head

whilst I'm talkin' to you. Oh, okay, that's it. That's not a pork scratch, isn't it, Pipping Willie? That's me, Herr Island! Shot a fuck up McLaren. No, have you got a carrot, a driver's to the Fernandez gaff? I've got my clown car in the garage, but it runs on candy floss in grizzly-beds dreams and I'm clean out of bus. Well at that point Casper rears up behind Holloway's shoulder, his next well's up and he forces a jet of spew directly into Holloway's ear. Holloway

forced to the floor dropping his tape recorder. As my head exploded or shomoff, cause I sure as fuck think it might of, hey where's my tape um thingy thing? You know the tape, tape playing thingy. I tell no, what you are and about Mr Halloween. I didn't see you with one. Maybe it's the farmer's side of playing tricks on your mind. Wayans a bit confused and he starts searching for his tape. Steve looks out of the back window just in time to see Casper disappearing into the pond with the tape recorder in his mouth. Well, I think it's time you went on your way.

Oh, you got lucky somehow. I'll work it out and I'll be back, McLaren. Do you hear me, I'll be back! And with that, he stumbled out onto the street and made his way off. Good work, Casper, you yummy fountain of sweet iced crispy biscuits. Shall we get back to Puerro? And Casper nods, as if to say, fucking fucking right we should. So, but you know, one question I've got from that, yeah, I heard a reference to track the wine.

Yeah, where can I get track the wine? You track the wine, you can only get it on the edge of fields in Somerset. Oh right, that's a good far from me. You look a dry one. Good stuff though. Steve, yeah, Mr. McLLearen sent by a mistake he sent some to Mr Fernandez but for some reason is it tagged? He tagged me in. So it's beautiful

song. I'm sending you this song Mrandez, because I don't think we had a proper chance to say goodbye. I know I didn't get you, you covered it 15th place finish, but maybe next season with some of the changes I put in place, your dream will come true. The offices at the club have never been so beautiful. I've put it, the tumble dryers are all so

proficient. Confency units now. The muffins and fancy served at half time in the hospitality area, a gluten free and reduced sugar. Everything's in place. You just need a little bit of luck. Yes, you just laid a little bit of look. I thought the chorus was there, but it's not. There we go. Oh, Mr. Fernandez Oh, Mr. Fernandez Miss you Fernandez days, because kiss you for nine days.

Oh, Mr. Fernandez, Mr. Fernandez, Miss kiss you for nine days, still miss you for nine days. Thank you for giving Casper the chance to manage an average club. He was so proud and I think that like me you realised he was a yummy fat souffle filled with happy bubbles, suds and candy thoughts. Maybe we could visit the club one day, fluff up the carpets in the areas of heavy traffic. We'll always remember you Mr. Fernandez.

Oh Mr. Fernandez, Could you Fernandez? Oh Mr. Fernandez, Still miss you Fernandez Oh, Mr. Fernandez Oh, Mr. Fernandez Kiss, Mr. Fernandez Miss Kiss, Mr. Fernandez So sorry we took you to the cleanest Mr. Fernandez. Thank you.