Aware & Aggravated - 112. Your Attention Is What Makes Them Special

Episode Date: January 21, 2024

In this episode Leo breaks down his awareness around the power of attention & focus. He then tells you the dangers of letting it be uncontrolled, and delusions that you can get trapped in with convincing yourself someone is more special than they really are. If you have someone you can't let go or move on from, this episode is your new lifeline!    ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   👕 Clothing/Merch:  https://leoskepicollection.com   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

All right, I'm gonna put my crystal down. We're gonna get into this. Hi friends. This week, I need to reality check you about your attention and your focus because your attention and your focus is what makes people special. So if you have someone in your life

that you are just fixated on, cannot get your attention off of, I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know. One, about your attention and two, how to let them go. Whether it's a relationship or a friendship or anything. And also just the general understanding about how powerful your focus is because your attention is what makes people special or not.

I really need you to understand how powerful your focus and attention is. Where you place it is gonna dictate and determine a lot. When you put it on yourself, you know things get better. You listen to this podcast, you already got that down, but I need you to understand your attention and focus is very powerful and when you put it on someone, you can convince yourself of anything.

Your brain can make anything or anyone special and most of the times you make people more special than they actually are. You can literally convince yourself a peanut on the ground anything or anyone special. And most of the times you make people more special than they actually are. You can literally convince yourself a peanut on the ground is special. You can convince yourself through psychology and just like delusions in your own brain

that something is special or is more special than it really is. You can make yourself imagine this little peanut on the floor and if you decide to make that special, you can. When you're very, very aware, and you have the gift that all of us have, which is awareness, it's a gift and a curse,

but you become very, very convincing. You can see all the different angles and aspects of things that most people can't. And you and your brain can kinda do this dirty little dance where you fill in voids and make things more special than they are and you convince yourself of it and you get trapped in it. And so much more of this is in your own head than you even realize, so I wanna teach you how to crack this.

And I have to break your heart a little bit. Like this is a very heartbreaking thing to do is face the reality of things and to understand the power of your focus and your attention. And you have to be very selective with what you give it to. You can run yourself stupid and get yourself overly attached to things if you do not watch your ass. So like I said, you can literally take a peanut on the ground and convince yourself it is the most special thing in the world and you can fully make yourself believe it. And I say that again because I just want you to get it.

You know what I mean, and I have to use the peanut example and I might use it a few more times throughout this episode. But with people, we're gonna get a little spiritual. Your attention and your focus is the only thing that keeps them alive. And what I mean by alive is existing in your current reality. People and things will cease to exist in your Experience in this life as soon as you take your focus off of them

There's a lot of fear and crazy shit in that because like I said if you take your focus off of it It dies. It's like when you're a child when you have your parent walk out of the room You don't have any certainty they're gonna come back. Your brain will convince you you just lost this person forever. And then you learn the habit and the routine of when the parent goes out of the room and then comes back, you understand that they're coming back

and you can fill in that void and give yourself that reassurance. And another example is the dark. People are not scared of the dark and the unknown. You're scared of what you think is in it. So like if you put someone in a dark room by themselves, your brain's gonna start automatically thinking of like scary ghosts and scary demons and shit that could be in the corner of the room.

The dark itself is not scary. It is what you think is in there. Your brain can trap you in a false reality. If you start to think there's a demon in the room, you're going to start seeing a little random shadow or you might see a figure or your brain is going to start looking for proof of that thing. Like I said with the peanut, if you tell yourself this little peanut is special, you will start to see proof of that and you will start to attract experiences into your reality that confirm what you're telling your brain or what your brain is telling you. But like with the kid, when the

parent walks out of the room, before your brain gets the ability to understand what's going on, you will fully think that they just died. Your focus is no longer on them. You can no longer see them. They're no longer in your reality, but you're sitting here thinking about them. And to a child, that person just died. Like they're gone. They're no longer like existing in their reality. And what thoughts they think are gonna dictate how they feel about the experience. So if a kid is sitting here and can reassure themselves,

okay, the parents coming back, they're gonna sit here and be chilling. The other kid who doesn't have the ability to say, okay, the parents coming back has just experienced a loss and is gonna be in a panic mode, a panic state, fight or flight, freaking out, bugging out, the parent probably died, they're not coming back, there's no reassurance, there's no anything,

but your brain decides which way it's gonna go, which experience you're gonna have. So you could be sitting here being okay because you told yourself they're coming back or you could be bugging the fuck out because you're like, they're never coming back. Which one are you gonna look at? And that's what I'm saying, your focus is powerful

and can determine how you feel about certain things. But what I want you to understand about your focus and attention is people are only gonna remain alive and feel like they're in your reality if you're focused on them. As soon as you take your focus off of them, stop checking their social media,

stop looking them up, stop thinking about them, and stop convincing yourself that they're special. There is gonna be a form of loss and mourning that comes with that. There's one thing to lose someone and there's another thing to mentally let them go. I'm gonna do a whole podcast episode about how to let someone go.

This is just to make you understand the power of your attention and focus. When you keep thinking of this person, looking them up and trying to hold on to anything to keep them into your reality, that focus is what you're gonna see proof of. You're gonna see how you're still falsely connected. But like I said, when you remove that focus,

you're gonna feel that panic and the fear and the loss of them because your focus is what keeps them alive. If you don't think of them, if you aren't looking them up, if you aren't seeing how they still exist, they do cease to exist in your reality. They're not actually dead. But for your experience and your perspective, they're gone. And one more point I want to throw at you about attention and focus. So you see how powerful it is.

If you think about celebrities online and influencers and a lot of these fucking weirdos, the only reason that a lot of them are special or seen as special is because they have people's attention. People watch them, people follow them. You decide with your focus what is important and what is not. For you to keep watching somebody, their perceived value by others is gonna go up because they have so

many people's focus and attention on them. And that's gonna make other people think just because other people's attention is on them. It's gonna make other people think, oh, they are important, they are special. They have all these followers, they have 100 million followers, like, oh my god, they must be special. If you look at these celebrities and people that society makes famous now If you take away the fact that so many people watch them what value do they actually have a lot of them It's fucking none. They're all useless and fucking boring no substance no personality Most of them are contributing shit to shit. Like they're just online and they have followers.

So it gives everyone a false sense that they're important. When they're not, they don't actually have any value. But do you see what I'm saying with the connection of people's attention makes you perceive that there's value there. When you take that attention off and you look at what they just are, you see there's no real value. Like there's so many influencers, we all look at them and we're like, why the fuck are you popular? Why the fuck are you famous?

You're nobody. I hate that that sounds so rough and rude. We all think it, but I just want you to see the power in attention and focus on things. But with social media now, the way that things are monetized is attention. So people have been able to make careers and profit and make money off of the attention that they garner. So that's a separate conversation, but what I want you to see here is just people's attention being on something

makes it valuable. There doesn't even have to actually be value there. Just enough people's attention on it can make it valuable. The same thing goes with you. You guys are all the people who give your attention to certain things. You make these things important. If you do not lend attention to it, it ceases to exist.

It ceases to be important. There's no attention on it. Okay, now I wanna talk about how convincing yourself of something can really fuck you. And this is when you make something more special than it is, and this is where your attention will make something special. Your imagination is very strong.

We're also gonna talk about the potential of people and all that in a minute. But your imagination is strong as hell. Like I gave the example of being in the dark. You can scare the shit out of yourself. But with people, the realization that hit me the other day, you guys know that I see visuals. I have a weird way that awareness and perspectives come to me.

I just know shit I'm not supposed to know. The visual I saw, it's like if you take a box, like a cardboard box, if you just put this box in your house, you put it on a table and you convince yourself there's something special in that box. Your brain is going to hype it up. Your brain is gonna think that this box needs to be protected.

It's so special. When you tell yourself that the unknown of what's inside of it is special, when you put your focus on how it is special and convincing yourself of this imaginary narrative, you don't fucking know what's in it. But just by the look of the box, you see certain things about the box. This is going to relate to people and their appearance and what they portray and what you see.

You can convince yourself by the exterior of this box, oh my God, there must be something so special in it. And you will fixate on that. Your brain will look for all of the proof of what's so great in this box. You're gonna get so excited. You're gonna get so infatuated with this fucking box because you've convinced yourself

there's something special in it. You literally can drive yourself to a point of madness and be doing insane shit for what's in this box because you just convinced yourself there's something special in it. But with people the mask always falls. A lot of people portray that there's something special and there's something like in the box. Like their box is pretty. They decorated a certain way. They try to be perceived a certain way, but when you fixate on the outside and convince yourself there's something special in it,

when you eventually get the box and you get to open it, your brain can make you see a false reality. If you open this box after you've convinced yourself, it's so special, there's something so amazing in it, I can't wait to get it, my life will be better once I have it. When you open this box and you see nothing actually in it, your brain is not gonna accept that. Your brain has convinced itself there's something special

in this motherfucker. It's not gonna accept there's nothing in it. Your brain is gonna look for proof. Your brain is gonna be like, there's something more to it. I'm not seeing something. You brain is gonna look for proof. Your brain is gonna be like, there's something more to it. I'm not seeing something. You're not gonna face the reality and the truth of the situation because you've hyped it up

and you've put your focus on how it's special for so long. Your brain is trained to think like that. It's not just gonna let that go or pull that focus off. And the convincing that you've done for yourself of like having this belief of this thing is special, you're gonna look for proof of that belief. You're gonna look how, wait, it might not be in there or it's hidden.

Let me keep looking. Or you're gonna look in there and see something and it's not as great as you thought, but you're gonna fixate on how it's better. And your focus is gonna be on how it's not actually the reality, it's on how is it special. Like I said with the peanut, when you open the box and you see a fucking peanut in there, oh my God, wait, there was something special in this box. It's just a peanut, but what about this peanut is so great and your brain is gonna fuck you.

It literally is gonna fuck you. And I wanted to make you aware of this to stop you in this process, because I don't want you to be blinded by your brain and your own beliefs and your own thoughts and put your focus and attention and energy onto something that is not actually special. You've just convinced yourself it's special.

Your attention on it made it special. It's not actually special. It's a fucking peanut in the box. So I'm gonna relate this to relationships. It can also go with friendships or any like opportunity or experience that you're wanting. What you have to do is get so faced down

in the reality of what's really in this box. What this box actually is, okay? It was a pretty package. There's just a fucking peanut in there. Like I said, you're gonna have a little bit of that morning process. The thing you thought was so special, you have the heartbreak, it wasn't.

All this excitement, all this preparation, all this convincing yourself your life was gonna be better, is destroyed as soon as you see the reality of it. Looking at the truth is very hard. And I'm someone who values the truth over the way that I feel. Because I'm not gonna live in a false fucking reality. And that's why I spit the truth so hard and some people love it and appreciate it and some people fight me because

They want comfort they want things that feel good and not always the truth because the truth will literally rip through how you feel It's not good or bad. It's the truth So when you see the truth of your little peanut in your box of this thing that you convince yourself with the festival, you have a heartbreak. You're gonna have a mourning process and it's a lot more than you realize. So I don't want you to look at this like, oh, it's just no big deal.

I should just be over it. I should just move on. No, babe, you've been in a whole cycle with this fucking box and you have so many emotional ties to it and so much emotional investment in it. It's very hard to see the truth and not stay blind to the fact that it's a fucking peanut. Like you're gonna want to keep looking for how it's special because you don't want to give up what you've just experienced and

you're gonna have to also mourn how you thought your life was gonna get better once you got this thing. When you realize there's no thing in it and it's just a fucking peanut, the whole desire you had, the whole idea of what your life was gonna get better once you got this thing. When you realize there's no thing in it and it's just a fucking peanut, the whole desire you had, the whole idea of what your life was gonna be like, gone, wiped out. So like I said, your emotions will blind you. And the way to get into reality about someone or a situation or an opportunity is put their ass on paper. This is, like I said, very hard because it's gonna hurt when

you've convinced yourself something special and you've just looked for proof of how it is, and then you start looking for proof of how it's not special and looking at the reality of it, not even looking for proof that it's not special, looking at just the truth of it. A lot of the things that you thought were special about it or thought were true about it were just in your head.

They were just from your focus. You were looking for just the good, just the special. That's all you saw. Now you're going to be looking for the truth, the reality of it. And the way you do it, because your emotions are not going to let you just like think of this. I want you to put it on paper, write down the reality of the situation and everything going on with the person or the opportunity that you convinced yourself was so damn special. The best question I've learned to ask myself about people or situations like opportunities or like a friendship, a partner. If you want to get in the square-ass reality of this box for this situation, if I were to go meet someone new or have a new opportunity, what exact things about this current person or opportunity,

do I hope are in my next one? And that's gonna make you pull out and see. The things that are actually special about it and that list is gonna be way shorter than you fucking realize. You're gonna have to face the truth of it and that's a very fair assessment. That's how you see the truth about what is special

about this box and the peanut inside of it. What do I hope is in the next thing? The next person, the next friend, the next opportunity. Whatever it is you're fixated on. Find the exact things you hope are in the next one. And then look at that list. You're gonna have to prepare to cry. Get you a little box of tissues.

Maybe get a little crystal or something. Get a little comfort somehow. Maybe have someone near you so you can go get a hug. Cause it's gonna break your goddamn heart. But it's gonna hurt you. But when you chase that truth, it puts you in a square reality where you're no longer just a dumbass

who is fixated on this box that's not really special and taking all these actions and doing all these things that should not be taken and you're not doing things that you should not be doing for this thing because there's a false perceived reality of it. When you see the truth of it, your actions get a lot more in line with what it's worth and how much energy you should be lending of it. When you see the truth of it, your actions get a lot more in line with what it's worth

and how much energy you should be lending to it. And if you even want to keep this fucking box. Cause like I said, you can miss yourself at special when you see the reality of it, you might want to withdraw all your focus and attention from it. Or you might just be in a better reality of it and be able to kind of calm these heavy,

heavy emotions you feel, these like false, overly boastful emotions. Like you might have felt way more than you should and this putting their ass on paper will help you not feel so emotionally invested and falsely emotionally invested if you're going to continue with them. But it also might make you aware of you don't want this box. You might want a new friend. You might want a new friend, you might want a new partner, you might want a new opportunity, not this one, because now you see the truth of it.

You've corrected your focus, you've gotten a grip on your focus and your attention and your emotions, because your emotions can make you blind. Do not let them make you be willfully blind, because when you're over here, just fixated on this box. And like I said, you're feeling more than you should. You're taking better care of it than you should.

You're taking actions you shouldn't be taking because it's not as special as you think. You're prioritizing it in a way that you shouldn't because you're not looking at the reality of it. When you finally wake up and see the truth of this thing after a certain amount of time, you're gonna look back at all the effort and energy you put into it as wasted. So that's what I'm saying. Look at the truth of it before you continue with all this emotion and energy you're putting into this thing and prioritization and caring about it. If you need

to stop caring about somebody, this will fucking do it. This will really get you emotionally in check and make you see the true power of your attention and focus. Get it off that goddamn box with a peanut in it. Another question I like to ask myself when I'm putting someone to paper or putting an opportunity to paper, what aspects about this current thing do I think I will never find again? What are the things that are specific to this person or this opportunity that I truly can never get again? This is another one that's going to make you realize what you're worried about is most likely replaceable and not as great as you think. Okay, so be careful with that that but pin to paper anything you feel

So much for pin to paper it make sure you're in reality about it before you treat it better than you should Because like I said when you look back you're gonna kick yourself Do not be willfully blind so now I want to talk about something that's gonna happen and what you're gonna be a vibrational match to When you do not look at the reality of things and you let yourself just stay in a delusion. When you believe a certain thing, you're just going to be constantly looking for more proof of it. It doesn't matter how much proof comes up in front of you that this box is not special,

you're not going to see it. You're only looking for confirmation of what you believe about the box. It's special. So you're just blindly looking at the couple little crumbs and the couple little things that are letting you believe this is still valuable. It doesn't matter how much proof comes out. It does not matter how much is contradicting that belief. You're not seeing it.

The universe will wake you up and it's going to do it in a very perspective evoking way. So most people and one of the fastest ways the universe will wake you the fuck up and show you what really matters and what's really important is an illness. And that's a fucking scary thing to manifest and a scary way to be waken up by the universe. And usually it's not a little illness, it's usually a big one. Cause like I said, the universe is gonna try and poke holes

in your argument about how special you think this thing is. It's gonna try. Random fights are gonna come up, random bullshit, random things are gonna get exposed. And if you continue just to ignore it and go down the path of, it's special, I'm not gonna let it go, I can't let it go. When you fixate on it, the universe the path of conti- it's special, it's special, I'm not gonna let it go, I can't let it go.

When you fixate on it, the universe is gonna have to wake you up loud and when it screams it's gonna come through an illness or a really close call with death to jolt you into a perspective to question everything. So listen and pin to paper their ass while the universe is being nice with you because it will wake you the fuck up. And one of my favorite quotes about anything you've been through in the past that got really really bad. I'm sure you can all look back and see. This quote said, if it never got as bad as it did, would I have still waken up? And this is a situation where this shit can happen.

The universe is just gonna turn the heat up and make things worse and worse and more painful and more hard to deal with and more things you just have to close a blind eye to. To the point where it's just gonna have to snatch your eyes open. Do not do that to yourself. No one and nothing is worth that because your life is gonna be on the line if you don't wake the fuck up. Now I wanna talk about the potential you see

in other people and the issue with that. A lot of times with potential and people falling in love with the potential of someone comes down to you're seeing what you would do if you were in their given circumstances. You're not seeing the reality of them and the potential you see is what you would do in their shoes, how you would take advantage

of that situation, how you would handle things, how you would improve things, and you see the potential of them, but it's really about you. You're only seeing how it's gonna be great, it's gonna be good. You see the potential of what you would do in their shoes and you think that's the only realistic possibility.

There's absolutely a potential of that, but there's also a potential for them to do what they wanna fucking do and not maximize their potential and not handle things the way that you would handle them, there's a reality of both. And it's very hard, and like I said, heartbreaking to face that the potential of someone that you've convinced yourself is so great, box with a peanut, is not the reality. It's just the box. You're convincing yourself it's all this and that.

Look at what is inside. It's a goddamn peanut. I Love this analogy. It's so funny. Now. I'm gonna talk about something that's a little deeper and a lot more fucked up with Loving someone sometimes you have to see that You're not loving someone for them The things that you're doing for them and the way that you're taking care of them

and the things you do to make them feel special and prioritized and loved is just satisfaction for you because you know how special you would feel if someone treated you the way you treat them. And this is kinda fucked up because you're really just loving someone the way that you so desperately wish someone would love you. And that will have you looking stupid as fuck. You will be doing so much for them and doing all these things to make them feel special and cared about and prioritized and you're showing them how much better their life is

now that you're in it. You're showing them what it's like to be loved the way that you wish someone would love you. You are gonna think you just wanna do all of these things for them, but what you're subconsciously doing is loving them and trying to love yourself through it in a weird fucked up way.

You're doing all these things for them and you don't really know why you love doing them. It's because you know how special it makes them feel and how good they feel from getting your love. You see how of use you are. You see how great it is because you fucking wish someone would do it for you. I just don't want you to be in that

delusion of thinking you truly love someone when there's a weird subconscious self-serving motive behind it. Because when you do this and you put love into someone or something that's a box with a fucking peanut in it, when you're just trying so desperately to love them and help them and heal them in a way that you wish you could be healed, you're going to feel so attached to them and you're going to feel like you care about them so much more because you're investing so much time, effort, and energy into them. When you invest in things, you care about them more. Why are you caring the way that you are? Really. Like really sit there and look at it. Is it like I just said before with like the whole thing of you loving them, how you wish someone would love you because you know how happy you would be?

You know how much you would value someone who loves the way that you do. So when you give all this love to somebody, all you're banking on and hoping for is that they will value you beyond comprehension and never risk losing you. So you might be doing all these things to prove your own value to yourself and see it reflected in someone. You're not actually doing it because you love this person. That's a hard pill to swallow

and that's a motherfucking horse pill. But the biggest thing I want you to see with all of this is the more focus and attention and effort you put into someone or something, the less you have to put on yourself. And a lot of the times if you're trying to prove your value to someone by loving them the way that you wish you could be loved, you're robbing yourself. You don't actually have that much energy to give.

You're having to take from yourself to be able to love them the way you wish you could be loved. So you're already taking all your focus and your energy and putting it on them and making them the special one. That's already taken up a lot of your energy you've already got. So where's the extra energy to put into yourself and to take care of yourself and to actually love yourself? Where's all that?

You see what I mean? When you're trying so desperately to love someone and value them and you try and take care of this box, you better make sure it ain't a goddamn peanut in it. Because if you're doing all this for a box, you're convinced it was special and you open it and see nothing, you just rob yourself of all that attention and energy and focus, you've been shoving into this box.

So get clear on it before you do that. And be very selective and protective of your focus, like I said, because it's powerful, because you're putting all this shit into other people, imagine you flipped it at you, and you put that effort and focus into you, how you'd feel. You convinced yourself you were special

and looked for the proof of that. If you spent your energy there, things would be a lot different. Better use of your time. Before we keep going, we're gonna take a second to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. The first one is squeeze.com. This is my favorite company for juice cleanses.

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You don't have to worry about reaching and cutting yourself, which I really like. But they have customizable delivery options for scheduled refills as low as $2, half of what you pay for bigger brands. You also get a five blade razor with a weighted handle, foaming shave gel, and a travel cover, the one that I talked about for $3 at harrys.com. Slash aware, you got to use that part for it to be three bucks. harrys.com slash aware. And gotta use that part for it to be three bucks. Harrys.com slash aware. And they also have other products too. So they have scents and things you can roll on,

spray on, they have lotions, they have deodorant. They have hair products. I actually do use certain hair products. People that are gonna look at me and be like, oh, you're bald. I still do use stuff for my scalp. So I don't get danger, all right? But you can get started with a $13 trial set

for just $3 at harrys.com slash aware. Make sure you type in slash aware because it drops the price. You're welcome. And yes, it's a subscription service and they're just going to keep showing up and you're not going to be mad about it. Now we're going to talk about deodorant, which is something that needs to be talked about more. Loomi is our last sponsor and they're a deodorant company and trust and believe.

More people need to put effort into wearing deodorant because I'm tired of smelling onions when I'm at the gym. But a lot of deodorant brands do wear off so a lot of people do wear deodorant and then it's not the long lasting type like Lumi. Some people put on deodorant and think it's like okay just one and done. I put it on multiple times throughout the day but you need a longer lasting deodorant. So if you've been thinking about a new one or want to get a new one, Lumi, highly recommend. They actually have a lot of really good scents,

but the best thing about Lumi is it's an all over deodorant. You can literally put it anywhere on your body. Do you have to? I don't know, depends where you smell. But just, you know it's safe. You can put it wherever you want to. Lumi was actually created by an OBGYN, because the doctor saw how normal BO was being mistreated and misdiagnosed.

And like I said, Loomis got you covered for a long time. It's 72 hours, it claims that it works. I do not ever just put on one swipe and hope that does it. I put it on multiple times throughout the day, like I said. But it does say it's clinically proven to last 72 hours. So if you got a little extra stink, there you go. It's also baking soda free and para-brand free. And I have a special offer from my listeners.

New customers get $5 off a Lumie Starter Pack with code AWARE at lumideodorant.com. That's spelled L-U-M-E. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack when you visit lumideodorant.com and use code AWARE. Now, back to the podcast. So a couple of things I want you to ask yourself if you feel like this is hitting home for you

is I want you to take the focus off of what they're getting from you and ask yourself, like all these things I'm doing for them, all the ways I'm showing love to them, do I actually want to do these things or do I just feel good doing them because I know how it would feel to have it done to me. That's a reality check from hell,

but really ask yourself that. Do I actually wanna do these things? Or do I just think I feel good doing it? Because I know how it would feel to receive it. Then you want this person to feel like they're special. You wanna give them that, especially if someone's insecure and they come to you and they say that they're insecure,

they feel like they don't have anything to offer, they don't feel like they're valuable. It's like if someone said insecure and they come to you and they say that they're insecure, they feel like they don't have anything to offer, they don't feel like they're valuable. It's like if someone said that to you, for you to heal them and show them how special they really are, you would die for someone to do that for you. So check, are you just trying to heal them the way you wish someone would heal you? Are you doing these things

because you actually want to do them? Or are you getting the satisfaction and the sense of feeling good about doing them because of what it's reflecting? Check yourself on that, please. Please, please, please. The next thing you're going to ask yourself, because now you see everything you're putting into this, you're showing all this love to this box you're convinced was special. What are you getting? I want you to take the focus off of what they're getting because it's reflecting how valuable you are and ask yourself, what am I getting from this thing? And that is going to be a real slap in the face most of the time. And one more thing I want to point out is when you fixate on loving someone like this

and doing this for someone and trying to convince yourself this box is so special, what you're looking for is the reaction that they see your value. Cause like I said, you're doing all these things, you're seeing what you're giving to them and you see what they're getting because it makes you see how special you are.

What you're now going to be fixated on is confirmation that they fucking see it too. If you don't feel appreciated, you're never going to. And that is where you can fixate on any little inkling of them seeing the value in you that you see that they should be appreciating. That's going to be your new fixation. So you're not even gonna be questioning what you're getting out of shit. You're just gonna keep doing more and more and more and trying to get that reaction and that validation

through their appreciation of what you're doing. You see how that all makes sense now? You see, I don't want you getting cut up in that fixation on the way that they react to it. And with me saying check your fixation you might be having on the way that they react to it. And with me saying, check your fixation, you might be having on the reaction, is so you don't get caught in it. And like I said before, putting all this effort

and energy and all this shit into getting this fucking reassurance. Do you even need it? Do you even want it? Now that you're aware of it, and now that you see you're putting a lot more into this than you're getting with this fucking box, now you can't run the risk of being trapped in that.

Like your fixation will just jump from how they're special. And then to how they're seeing that you're special. Do not let that fucking happen. Okay, so I know I just went on and on about when you convince yourself someone is special when they actually aren't, how to get in reality about that. Great, but now I need to hit on when you do actually see

something special in someone and what to do about that. The biggest thing you need to get is if you recognize something about someone as special and they don't see it, you cannot make them see it. You cannot love someone into loving themselves. You cannot make someone aware of the thing that you recognize. If they don't see it, they don't see it. And the reason I want to warn you about it is because you can drive yourself stupid and hurt yourself and get to a point where it's bad because you're trying to make someone see something about themselves as special when they don't. So remember me saying, you cannot love someone into loving themselves.

And I know it's hard to deal with that. And a lot of the times you're feeling like you're just leaving people to suffer. And like I talked about before, you wish someone would have done things for you, so you're trying to do it for them. You have to worry about yourself too. Trying to constantly go around and love people

and see the special in other people, then take away yours and hurt yourself to make other people feel better. You can't do that. The way you can, it's just going to cause more fucking headache and you're going to be in more pain looking up more videos like this. But the reason I say you have to sometimes let people not see it if they're not going to see it is because they have to be the ones to take care of it. If you recognize something special in someone, you can't do anything. It's like you guys see certain things in me and if you saw me start spiraling

and not acting in line with the gift that I have and what I'm able to do and being the ultimate version of myself, if you guys saw me slipping and not taking care of it because I didn't see, this is something that needed to be fostered and taken care of, it would drive you insane trying to make me see it. But you cannot control if I take care of it or not. The special thing that I have when you recognize it in somebody, you can't control if they take care of it or not. It's one of the hardest things to watch, but you cannot control if it's taken care of or not.

It takes the person recognizing it and seeing it and seeing themselves in a different light and seeing themselves as valuable and something worth taking care of to take care of it. And you can try all you want to make someone see it and you can get stuck trying to make someone see themselves. And this is where I'm gonna say, letting them go is not bad.

And letting them go before they see their own value doesn't mean you don't care about them and doesn't mean you don't see it. If you see something special in someone, letting them go doesn't take that away. You're gonna notice and feel like you're the only thing that reflects it and you're like trying to hold on to this person because I'm the only thing that's like something good in their life and reflecting them something good

about themselves and I'm the only one that can see it and I'm the only one that can help them see it. For you to walk away, it doesn't go away. It's always there. The thing that you see that is so special about this person is ready for them to act on it and see it as soon as they start looking. You trying to force someone into finding it is not going to work. They have to start looking. They can't be a match to it because you just put their face in a certain direction. They have to hunt for it. They have to look for it. This is one of the most heartbreaking fucking things, but I want to give you that reassurance. It doesn't mean you don't care if you walk away, and it doesn't mean the thing about them is going to go away with you, because like I said, what you put your

attention on, it ceases to exist when you don't. This is a situation where when a value is actually there, it's not going to go away because you're not focused on it. Like you're looking at it like, I'm the only thing that's making them potentially see it or feel it. It's going to be there. What needs to happen is for them to come face to face with it and sometimes losing someone is what does it. If you notice you're hurting yourself trying to make someone else see that they're special,

you putting all your focus, energy and attention into them is going to be a neglect to you. That's why I'm saying you need to get in the reality of shit and you need to let yourself off the hook. If you notice that you're neglecting yourself and you're noticed that you're hurting yourself trying to make someone see that they're special, it's okay to let them go. Some people have to get to a point where they learn that they have to save themselves. It's a very painful place to get to and I'm sure we have all been there.

If you're listening to me, you like me, we've been through the worst of the worst shit, right? You know how to save yourself. Some people have to hit that point. Some people have to stop being saved so they look for it in themselves and they save themselves and they look for their own value and they save themselves and they look for their own value and they see it for themselves.

So don't carry any guilt for that. But also I want you to see how you are hanging onto an idea sometimes when you are just desperately trying to get someone to see their own value because you're selfishly seeing. If you could just be like this, you can meet all these needs for me. You could be exactly what I wanted if you would just act like you were fucking special and take care of the thing that I see

If they don't see it you subconsciously are gonna look at it like they're robbing you of Both potentials. Let's not go down that road. Okay. Just hear me when I say it's okay to Let someone go because that is what's gonna kickstart their journey of trying to figure out and see that they're special on their own trust. And one other thing that I've learned through this long life of 25 years that seems like 50 is sometimes people are special

because they're not yours. What someone would have to be and who they would have to turn into to belong to you, to date you, or to be friends with you would ruin it. Like what makes them special would be ruined because they were yours. Some things are not meant to be yours.

Some things are only special and only allowed to be special because they can be their own thing. It's like with me and people that I've like been with my whole life and people that I've like been interested in and dated and like whatever, certain aspects about them, the thing that I was so drawn to and the thing that made me so attracted to them was like the way that they lived their life and their freedom and their creativity. Like I love creativity on a motherfucker. But like to be able to be creative means you have to spend your time doing certain things

and going certain places with what I require from a partner and what I need to feel safe is not gonna allow them to fully express themselves for who they are. It's not that that's bad, but in order for them to continue doing what made them so special special for me to try and date them, it would ruin it.

It would take away everything that they're doing and everything that allows them to be seen as special in my eyes. It's fucked up and it's very sad. Like your love can hurt people. Sometimes love is not enough and sometimes love can be damaging, especially to a motherfucker that don't see their own value when you pour love at them. Ooh, it's like pouring poison on them.

They don't realize because they're not oriented and they don't understand love. But same thing with seeing something as special and trying to make it yours. You can ruin it. And sometimes it's only special because it's not yours. It's allowed to be its own thing. It's allowed to be its own thing. It's allowed to be free. It's allowed to be and do what makes it it or makes them them. And when you try and put them in a certain place in your life, it's going to ruin them and ruin the thing that

you see that made them special because of what you need. And That's one of the saddest fucking things to realize and I've had to let a lot of things go That's really fucking sad. It's heartbreaking Like it's really fucking hard to go through and like let shit go but like sometimes you just have to and what comes with that Is the awareness that you might always care about certain people and certain opportunities and certain things that have happened that you no longer have and you can fully care about something and let it go. You don't have to stop caring before you leave or let something go. You can let it go even if you love it and sometimes you might love something or love someone even after it's gone. Like you see clearly how it's not meant to be.

When you just see that and you make the conscious decision to not go forward with it, you might always care. And that's okay. You might always care about certain things about people. And that's fine. That's a normal part of life. But like I said, you don't have to stop caring to move forward and you don't have to not look at something as special anymore,

because having it would ruin it. You don't have to degrade it and convince yourself you don't like it. You can still appreciate it and care about it and let it go. And let it be free. It's heartbreaking. It's very hard. And you might always fucking care, but that's okay Part of you human bitch

but one really big thing to remember is if you're only focused on like I said with the focus thing if you spend your focus and Put it on something that you've lost and you're upset by it or you're focused on how this thing could just change and be different. You're putting your focus here on what is not right, what is not compatible and what is not a match to you. So your attention is not going to be able to be put on things that are a match to you and things that are also special over here. You're only focused on this shit. You're never going to be a match to seeing the opposite or seeing other things that are special when you're just hung up on this one thing. And like I said before, when you remove your attention and your focus off of something, the heartbreak of that is

hard. It's very, very difficult. You're going to get through it. You're going to be fucking fine. You're going to be more than fine. But the true end is when you remove your attention and your focus from something. When you take it off of what doesn't work, what isn't right, what is not compatible, and what you do not want, what can't meet your needs. And just a situation you know you need to walk away from, when you take your focus and attention off of it,

you're free to put it on what is a match to you and what is equally as special and a better situation. And lining up with what you actually need in this life, things that are actually going to meet your needs, things that are actually going to be so much better than what you were just hung up on. So like I said, removing the attention and the focus is the official end. So be prepared. When you do decide to really take your focus off and take your attention off, that's the real end.

And it's gonna feel hard and you're gonna feel a heartbreak and it's gonna feel like a breakup all over again. And it's okay and sometimes that's beautiful. The special thing you see does not go away. You're just choosing to go look for other special things that are gonna fill that spot 10 times more. But just enjoy that part of life. Love and loss is normal.

New beginnings are gonna come. They're always gonna come, but you're not gonna be a match to them till you get that goddamn focus off. So do that, okay? And that is where I'm gonna leave you with this podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, leave us a video, a thumbs up.

If you're watching it on YouTube, leave a comment too and let me know what you think because I got into this shit. But if you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave this podcast to five stars rating. Maybe share it to your Instagram story too because I always see them and I always go through

and like them. I love when y'all share my shit. As always, I will leave all my social media linked in the description, my app, my clothing, everything you need for me will be down there. But if you've watched this all the way to the end, I just wanna say I'm proud of you and thank you for seeking the truth.

But with that, be safe, take care of yourself, and I will talk to you next Sunday.