Aware & Aggravated - 113. Trauma Bonds, Psychology Of Saving Money, & Seeking Validation

Episode Date: January 28, 2024

In this episode of WWLD (What Would Leo Do)? Leo hits on  topics ranging from trauma bonds, how to save money and avoid falling into the trap of advertising, and when to stay or leave when your partner goes to jail.    ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   👕 Clothing/Merch:  https://leoskepicollection.com   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    Business Inquiries:

Hi friends, this week we're doing a What Would Leo Do, but I want to give you a little update about me first. When you're watching this, I'm in New York. I booked a one-way ticket to New York. I don't know when I'm coming back. I'm just going to go figure it out. But my next episode will be me in a random setup with my mic in my hand. So I'm just going to warn you, you're going to come along this ride with me, come along this journey with me. This next chapter of my life is going to be very intuitive. I'm going to just let myself be guided wherever the hell I go and figure it out. All I know is right now, I don't like how I feel here, so I'm getting out and I'm going to follow what feels right and what feels good and we're just going to wing it.

And this new version of me does not resonate with this place at all. Old me didn't, but me now really doesn't. So we're gonna go figure life out. But that's all a little update I have about me. Now let's get into what would Leo do. Oh, okay, let's start with this one. It's gonna be quick. Is it a red flag if you have been dating someone new and they refuse to talk about their dating history. Yes, absolutely. Another quick one. Someone said, my situation ship seems way too good to be true. Please help. A situation ship is right there, your sign. It's not too good to be true. It isn't too good because you wouldn't be in a situation ship. You would be in a relationship with the person What do you mean the situation ship is too good to be true?

too good would be ready to commit and Lock things down with you immediately. I don't think it's too good to be true. I feel it's very much their average Here's a good one. We can ramble about for a minute someone or a of people, a lot of you guys were asking about trauma bonds. Now let's get into that. So from my experience with trauma bonds, there's two ways it can kind of happen. You can have a shared experience together where you've been traumatized together or have traumatized each other or you've both been through a similar trauma and you share a specific feeling state that you feel like no one else Shares the big thing here with either situation any type of trauma bond you have going on you get into this Mindset that this person is the only person who shares that pain or shares that experience with you

And you will start to make misjudgments with the way that you care for them and prioritize them and feel connected to them. And you're really going to feel like you can't let them go because not just the fear of losing them, but the fear of being alone in that experience or pain if you lose the person that shares it with you. There's a lot that goes into it and trauma bonds are hell. But a personal example I'll give you from a while ago with me and someone that I was like trauma bonded with. When I met this person I was in a very dark period of my life and I felt very hopeless, numb, drained, tired, like nothing made me excited, nothing made me happy. It was just living my life running off of sheer willpower and like force.

That's a really hard way to live. And when I met this person, they were in the same position and they were the only person that I found that shared that feeling state and feeling this whole like just numbness to life. And it was the most bonding thing ever But when you bond out of vibrationally very low place It kind of like handcuffs you to it like you're stuck in that spot together When you're alone in it, you're uncomfortable You want to get out of it you want to grow you want to change you want to move you want to do something?

When you find someone that can comfort you in that state, you're a lot more likely to get stuck in it and feel stuck in it because now you have a companion. You suffer more when you suffer alone and it's comforting just to have someone in your pain with you, especially if they share it. If you both just don't know what to do, just having the person there and knowing you both share that is very comforting. But like I said, it's gonna take away your ambition and enthusiasm to make a change, reflect, grow.

You just cope your way through it because now you have a new comfort. You don't have to really address it. You have a new comfort for it. And the bond that is built there is very, very dangerous. Very dangerous because at any moment one of you could make a change or have a realization or have a new like something could shift in you and you change the way that you feel and your little lust for life might come back and when you're the one that didn't make

that change you have a feeling of abandonment. You were left in where you were, where they were with you. But to be the one that leaves, that's very hard too. Because a lot of the time, it's not a quick flip or like a quick change. But if you want to make a change and get out of shit, that trauma bond and the feeling of connection you have, like that person is going to hold such an important place in your heart it's going to feel like. And that's one situation where you absolutely can settle and bend in your boundaries and bend in your values because this person is just so special and they touch that pain in you that no one else can

touch and no one even knows exists. That is a very dangerous situation to be in. Very, very dangerous. And you wanting to leave or feeling like you have to break a trauma bond, it's more than just breaking up with someone, stop being friends with someone, leaving someone. It's losing the only comfort you've ever felt to the pain that you feel and losing your connection

to not feeling alone in it. That's a whole thing to try and leave behind and it's very, very, very hard. And then you have to go through the whole breakup process of losing the motherfucker and you're going to feel like you'll never connect with someone like that again. No one's going to get it. No one's going to truly understand. And it's one of the most heartbreaking things to do, to break a trauma bond or lose someone you had a trauma bond with.

Breaking the bond is one thing. Like I said, then you have to go through the whole period of like missing them, losing them, and like going through the normal heartbreak version of it. But there is no just one way to break a trauma bond. So me just explaining the connection and why you feel so connected to them and why you feel so unable to let them go. It comes down to your relationship with you and that pain that you feel like you're going to have to face

being alone in it and handling it or find someone, a therapist, a friend, someone that can sit with you with it and comfort you or find a support group. Find people online who share that with you so you don't feel so alone and isolated in it because that is the number one thing that leads people to unaliving is feeling alone in their pain and feeling like you're the only one that experiences it. But before you try and break a trauma bond, you need to understand the bond you have. Like I said, what is it that's connecting you to? What is it that you're getting comfort with

by having this bond with this person? Fully understand yourself and what you get from it, and then it will be easier to break it because you see the needs that this trauma bond is meeting for you. As soon as you identify what they are, when you leave and you feel all these things in yourself of like just wanting to go back and like you feel like you cannot breathe without this person, you're gonna understand why you're

feeling this way. All of this comfort, all of these needs that were being met by this weird trauma bonded situation, it's like open wounds. But if you know the wounds are there and you understand what the wounds are, when you snatch the bandaid off of all of them and you walk away and all your wounds are bleeding, you're not sitting here freaking out, running around like, why am I bleeding?

Why does this hurt so bad? Why am I having all these crazy thoughts of going back and feeling like I can't live without them? You see them all. You understand them all. And the way you feel will make sense because it's not just a person you lost. It's a comfort and you're going to feel like you're never going to find it again. And just having that awareness and understanding what the wounds are is going to help you be

able to stay strong in your decision and also navigate handling it better and getting yourself through it. But I'm gonna warn you it's one of the hardest things you'll fucking do is break a trauma bond with somebody. It's very very isolating. You'll become hopeless like I said is anyone ever gonna get it again? Is anyone ever gonna know this pain? We are all human beings. We all feel the same things and if you have gone through something like I have shit that I'm like no one will ever understand that. But we're all human beings and there's always some aspect of a feeling state other people can relate to. There's only so many emotions and there's unlimited ways to feel those emotions through

different experiences. So I guarantee you the pain you feel other people have felt it, can feel it or can relate to what it is you shared with this other person. And it does kind of become a bitch because like I said, if you share an experience where you're traumatized together, like me and my sister, I will never have a bond like my sister again. I will never have anyone who went through life with me, beside by side with a lot of the shit that I went through to fully understand how I am, who I am, the way my brain is. The bitch just gets it when I speak. I don't have to make sense when I'm talking. She just gets it. I don't have to say anything sometimes. She

just understands, knows how my brain works to an extent. She can predict my actions. I'm the most unpredictable person, but she's the one person that can predict it and figure out my next move before I even make it and be right. That's a level of connection I will never get again because we have experiences you cannot re experience. There's no one else that could fill that spot. And that is okay. That is a part of life that some people are irreplaceable. Some connections and some bonds are irreplaceable, but that does not mean other connections and other bonds

are not out there for you. So like I said, when you try to cut this bond with this person, you're gonna feel hopeless, but just remember me saying this, you're gonna feel hopeless. But just remember me saying this, you're gonna line up with more connections. There's eight billion people in the goddamn world. There's plenty of people who understand your pain, you just have to find them.

And as soon as you can look at your pain and understand it, like I said, understand what the wounds are, so you're not questioning why am I bleeding. As soon as you can see and understand the pain that you're in and you can articulate that to somebody better and actually explain it, that's gonna increase your chances

of having people understand it or be like, oh my God, you just put words to the way I've always felt like I do with my podcast. I've put words to the way a lot of you have felt that you've never fucking heard before. You're like, oh my God, he described it perfectly. Sitting with it, understanding it, will give you the ability to articulate it.

I don't feel alone in any of my pain. All the fucked up shit I talk about online, all the things that I've been through, just by sitting with it, understanding it, learning it and talking about it, I have literally millions of people now who relate to the pain that I'm in and I don't feel alone in it.

And none of you guys do either because I'm sitting here and I just Articulated and just like like I extracted the way that you felt out of you and looked at it And I described it because I have it in me. We all share certain things but the biggest thing is you're never alone in it and It's gonna be hell so prepare but some bonds are meant to be broken, but especially trauma bonds. Good luck Oh, no, this one said my best friend cheated on her boyfriend and I told him did I do the right thing? You're asking someone with very old-fashioned views your loyalty lies with your best friend Not her boyfriend. I'm not saying you're a bad person for telling him. I

just don't think that is a loyal thing to do if you're best friends with someone. Like going to your best friend and saying, hey bitch, own up to it, express it, talk about it, please tell him, be honest, I don't like carrying this secret. That's totally fine and that's expected. You best check her in private, but have her back in public. That's how I am as a friend. But if you want to take this one step further, is this best friend you have really someone you want to be best friends with? Do you want to be best friends with someone who does cheat on their partner? That's a question for you to explore on your own.

Do you wanna be friends with someone with that type of character? That's for you, I'm not saying go to bad. That's just a decision you need to make with yourself. But most people will tell you, you did the right thing. You did the morally correct thing by telling her boyfriend that she cheated on him. I do not operate on what other people see as correct.

I value loyalty and who I'm loyal to gets that loyalty right or wrong. So I would not have said shit to the boyfriend. So by everybody else's book, you did the right thing. Good for you, God bless. Have a nice day. In my book, you didn't do the right thing because of who your loyalty lies with, which is your best friend. And I'm just going to leave that there. Okay. Okay, here we go. Someone asked about how to stop seeking validation from others.

Basically, that comes down to you not trusting your own judgment. And I'm not going to tell you like everybody else does, you should never need validation. Shut the fuck up. All right, validation feels good. It feels nice. But relying on it from other people. Do you need other people's attention to be on things to know that it exists and to know that it is true?

If there's something about you that you want validated, does it go away just because no one mentions it or points it out? I guarantee you people notice a lot more than you think. A lot of people just don't voice it. But that's not really where we're going to go with this. I want you to look at how you don't truly trust your own judgment of what you see as valuable in yourself. Look for ways to become more certain of your value.

I have a whole podcast episode about self love. It's an audio version. It's an Apple podcast and Spotify. I also have an episode called How to Actually Feel Lovable. If you wanna practice like recognizing your own value and loving yourself and feeling it. But you using the word rely on other people's validation

it reveals you don't trust your own judgment with it. Like if you need other people to validate it to see it as true You should just see it in yourself and be fully certain that it's true and then everyone else's voicing of that and Validation of that is just a nice like add-on like it's like confirmation of what you already knew was true But you saying you rely on it means you don't really think it's true So let's cut the shit with the whole get in the mirror and tell myself. I love myself. I'm beautiful I'm this I'm that if you don't feel it don't fucking say it

But I talk about that in myself love Episode if you want to hear about that because I have a very different approach to self love one that actually works That's not what everybody else talks about. So go listen to that. And it will help you learn to trust your own judgment because you're fully gonna see and feel yourself after that. So you ain't gonna question shit. You're not gonna rely on other people's validation. It's just gonna be nice to get. Okay, someone said I'm struggling saving money. How do I just stay consistent with saving it? The biggest thing that helped me get better with saving money years and years ago because I had to get good at it. I didn't have much back then. But the thing that helped me with saving money was stop

convincing myself I can afford shit that I cannot afford. There's ways to purchase things. There's ways to get things in your possession, but do you actually have the funds to purchase it? Like with credit cards, you can just go rack up a credit card. Do you actually have that money? That's just alone, basically. There's ways to get things in your possession is what I mean. If you can't go buy something in cash,

you can't afford it. So don't convince yourself you can. You're looking at it like, oh, I want this thing and I can get it, so I'm just gonna get it. But you're not seeing you actually cannot afford it. If you can't buy it twice in cash and not notice the cash is gone, if it's something just like bullshit,

piddly, not a necessity to live, don't buy it, you cannot afford it. You don't have the luxury of just buying shit. If you can't buy it twice in cash and still not worry about it. That's the rule I live by. That's what my dad told me when I was younger. And that's something that's helped me a ton. But the other thing, with saving money, you need to look at your relationship to spending

it. So whenever, this is a really fucked up concept and it makes me so angry when it comes to like buying shit But if you go to a store and you go see something that you want Whether it's some random fucking knick-knack from Walmart or like a new gadget that you want or it's some clothes a big thing with sales Psychology is you imagining your new life with this thing. You see how buying this new thing and having this new thing that you want is going to improve your life. You're already living in the future.

You're living in how my life just got better. Now I can't leave without this thing because once you have the awareness of how there can be an improvement, when you do not get it and you have to sit here in the current, you're like, oh, what the fuck? And it's going gonna make you think that you want the thing 10 times more. So just look at that and become aware of that when you're shopping if you're not seeing that in yourself already. Watch your thought patterns, watch why you feel like you will all of a sudden do whatever you have to do to get that motherfucking thing out of the store and to get this new object.

You're envisioning your life being better with it. Look at how much better it's actually gonna get. And I can kind of explain this with the example of like, you know when you go buy new clothes, or like when I used to have to go back to school shopping for school, I would go be looking for new clothes and I would put on my outfit for the day and I would go shopping and I would be confident in my outfit

and then I would go see all the new clothes and all the new shit I was going to get the new shoes the new everything I was so excited and then as the day went on as I found new things that I was looking at I felt worse and worse about my current outfit but it was my best fit and I was confident when I left the house when you're out and you're seeing all this new shit, you're envisioning your new style, how it's gonna feel to have the new stuff, and you feel worse about the current state of what you're wearing.

The way you can kinda combat that is stop shopping if you can't afford shit. If you can't think of a budget in your head of like, okay, I have 200 bucks and I'm gonna go spend it on what I want. Go shopping when you have the money to spend. Go browse and look at shit. But when you're like, okay, I have this extra money and I'm willing to part with it and it will not hurt any of like anything I need to save for or pay like bill wise.

When you have this money, then go look, then go browse. And most of the times you're gonna to be way more picky. You're not going to be into shit. That's the realization that just hit me in the head. When you have the money available and you get to go select what you want to get, it's less enjoyable. Versus if you go to the store without money and you find something, there's a weird adrenaline rush and a sense of satisfaction and completion when you become aware of this new thing that you want and then you get to scrounge around and find a way

to get the money to buy it. Like you're not shopping at that point. If you go with a certain amount you're willing to spend, you're very picky, you're selective, you get the upper hand of like, no, I don't want this, this isn't good enough. Versus if you go without money to spend, you don't get the upper hand of like no, I don't want this this isn't good enough Versus if you go without money to spend you don't get the upper hand all these things get to tell you no I'm not coming home with you. I'm too expensive

Like you get to go with the option or be like dicked around by all the prices of everything Does that make sense? Does that hit? But that's what really works for me is setting a budget of like, okay This is how much I can spend today. And then go have a ball. Oh, uh, uh, no, we're about to fight. I'm getting in y'alls ass today. This person said, recent X keeps blocking and unblocking me when I'm dating someone new. What would Leo do?

Oh, I know you're like thinking that the X is crazy, but you're in the wrong here. Why are you even noticing that your X is blocking you and unblocking you? Why are you looking their shit up? Why are you texting them? I don't know what the situation is. I don't know if you're just looking up their social media or if you're texting back and forth and all of a sudden it keeps going green. I don't think it's texting. I think it's you just looking up their social media or if you're texting back and forth and all of a sudden it keeps going green. I don't think it's texting.

I think it's you keep looking up their social fucking media. Why are you looking up their social media if you're with somebody new? You owe your loyalty to the new person you're dating. How would you feel if they were over here stalking their exes shit and even noticing that they were blocked and unblocked? The next time your ex unblocks you, block them. Get that shit over with and done with. Get them out of your life and really commit to the person you're with or break up with them and go back to the fucking ex.

But don't do this whole game of stalking your ex this shit while you're with someone new. That's the most hurtful thing you can fucking do and that's how you get someone to put their hands on you. I wanted to like not say that, but it just flew out. Ha ha ha ha. Oh, I could bite this fucking crystal right now. Like that makes me so fucking mad.

Pick one or the other. Let go of the X fully and go into this relationship or let this person go and stop wasting their fucking time and just go back to tech. My whole point with saying all that was it's very unfair for you to be stalking your ex while you're in a new relationship. Clearly you ain't over it, but like I said, block the bitch as soon as they unblock you. Like as soon as you catch another time by doing it, block them in the cycle. Be done with it, put them to rest in your head.

Okay? Oh I like this one. by doing it, block them in the cycle. Be done with it, put them to rest in your head, okay? Oh, I like this one. Someone said, if you have a boyfriend in jail, should you stay with him or should you not wait? Well, depends what he's in for. And the fact that you said jail instead of prison, prison, usually longer sentencing and a lot less freedom or ability to communicate, jail,

you can have a motherfucker be sentenced to like, two years in jail, they'll be out in three months on good behavior and whatever random, you can have a motherfucker be sentenced to like two years in jail. They'll be out in three months on good behavior and whatever random crap you can get in jail time can be condensed very quickly and people will get out way faster than you think. Prison's a different story. So he was just in jail. Like you said, what's he in for? How long is it really going to be?

Whatever they're sentencing, cut it in half. And then maybe another half and you might see the person get out sooner. But figure out if the person is worth waiting for. But I really think you even asking should I stay or not and like wait for him. You don't want to wait because if you truly love someone and truly care about them, you're going to wait. You're not going to like just let them go they are well I guess I have to leave you because I can't see you for a year like I said they're gonna probably get

out in like three four months six max jail is like weird as shit I've too much experience of people going to jail around me and they get out way fast like I said prison's different story if they're booked in prison they they get out way faster than you think. Like I said, prisons are different stories. If they're booked in prison, they might get out a little earlier but depends what they went in for. But if you don't think it's worth waiting for, like if it's a ten-year thing, you really got to sit down with yourself and figure out is it worth it or is it not and don't have a guilt if it's not worth it. Like if you were already questioning staying with them and then they got locked up, you already need to go. You need to cut it because you already been questioning,

should I stay, should I go? Bitch, go. But if this is somebody that you really, really care about and you know this is like a really set and solid relationship and you want it, duh, stay. But the fact that you question it, I don't think you wanna stay. But also from the outside, you can do a lot to get them out earlier, if you know what to do. Not gonna start giving legal advice online, but there's a will, there's a way. Okay, and put money on his books.

Let him go shop at the commissary or something. And put extra money on the book so he can make a lot of calls to you. If you wanna maintain a relationship, you gotta communicate a lot. Maybe sneak him a phone. Don't do that. Okay, I'm gonna get off the jail topic.

Don't sneak him a phone. Okay, I gotta watch it. I gotta watch the shit that I say. Cause I keep getting like, cancer for everything I fucking say, all right? Don't sneak him a phone. Don't mess with the jail. Just put money on his books.

Do little calls. Go to the center and go do the video calls Just put money on his books. Do the little calls. Go to the center and go do the video calls with him. Go sit there. Don't flash anything. Don't show skin. That's one thing you need to know when you go to the video calls. Don't do that. You have to go very professional.

Just do the little FaceTime chats. You can talk on the phone. But remember, every time we talk on the phone, it's tapped. Someone's listening. Okay? So, code words, things you don't want people to hear. Also, everything you write to them is read before it's given to them. Just watch your ass.

If you want to stay, stay. If you don't, can't blame you if it's a long time. If they're not worth it, they're not worth it. So that's up for you to decide. But now you have a couple of tips. Before we keep going, we're gonna take a second to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. The first one is Liquid IV.

Sometimes when you wanna feel brand new and reset and refreshed, all you need to do is rehydrate. It's as simple as that. The whole new year, new me thing, sometimes you just need to rehydrate. And that alone can have you feeling like a brand new person. Especially if you drink alcohol. So I'd use Liquid IV every time before I go out,

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Or you're going to lose it? Is that what you're feeling? Or is it a sense of hopelessness of what now? Or is it a sense of disappointment? That one will get ya. And that one will kinda feel guilty. But I think the reason you feel guilt is because you're shaming yourself

for not being happy with having everything that you want. That's where guilt will come in. What's the emotion under it? Stop with shaming yourself, stop telling yourself yourself you shouldn't feel like this. You should be happy. You should whatever. Look at what the fuck is up underneath that guilt. One of the biggest things I've experienced is disappointment with so many things I've achieved. I thought life would be a certain way. I thought things would feel a certain way. I thought I would be so much happier and I thought

experiences would feel so much better once I had them and once I was in certain positions. And that sense of disappointment is very, very strong and hurts like a bitch. But if you're over here feeling disappointment and you're over here shaming yourself you're ungrateful, all you're gonna feel is the shame. So look at what's underneath it. It could be all of those or just one of them or two of them. But sit with yourself and figure that one out.

But shut your brain up about this should feel this way. Fuck this shame shit, all right? You feel how you feel and that's all right. If you got everything you ever wanted and it wasn't enough, hi, how are ya? We're in the same boat. Don't make yourself feel bad for that. Don't shame yourself for that.

Take care of the way that you feel and face the emotion. Part of you is upset. Even though you just got what you want, it doesn't mean you're ungrateful if you still feel a negative emotion or you feel down, you feel disappointed or sad or whatever it is. That part of you still needs your attention so fucking give it to yourself and stop with the shame. Love you. Alright. Okay, here we go. Here's a good one. Someone needs advice about trusting the process. Babe, this whole trust the process crap that's promoted online, don't trust the process. Trust yourself to go through the process

and be guided through what needs to happen to get you to where you want to go. It's not trust the process and passively just let things unfold. Get clear on what it is you want. Get clear on the actions you're going to take to get there and then be open to even if these things don't make sense right now, I can see how they'll kind of get me there. As you start going down the path, you will be redirected in other ways. You'll get new ideas, new opportunities, random ideas will just hitch in ahead, random inspiration, random just new patterns, new thoughts are going to come out and you're going to be guided.

So I don't want you to look at trust the process. I want you to trust in yourself to go through the process to get whatever it is that you want. That's the thing. It's not a passive thing. It's a very active thing to achieve something or to manifest and get something. Trust yourself to do it, but trust that you're being guided and every step is not for nothing. No step and nothing that happens is a coincidence. These are all building blocks.

And I have a podcast episode about all of my failures. I forget which one, I think it's episode 100. And I talk about like all the random things that I did and how I was so strung along the path, so many different ways. And I was like, this don't make no goddamn sense. This was all for nothing until I kept going. And I started having to use all of the skills I learned

which made all the experiences and all those steps not for nothing. It actually helped me and allowed me to get to where I am now. Understand no part of the process is useless even if it does not make sense. You trust yourself to keep going. You don't trust that it's going to make sense right now. It's going to make sense in the future once you get there. Okay trust in yourself, get your ass moving, trust the guidance not the process. You're responsible for the outcome. So trust that you're going to get there. Trust that you will go through the process but you are being guided about how the process

is going to look and it all is going to make sense. Oh no, someone said my ex dating their other ex a week after our breakup. Oh, shit. That one will get ya. That one hurts when someone you were with jumps back to somebody they were with before you. But what I want you to see is how pussy bitch of a behavior that is.

This situation is you broke up with this guy you were with and he jumps back to his ex before you. That's so pussy because he's so uncomfortable. He's so upset. And the fact that you broke up with him just hurt his ego so hard He's not gonna risk coming back to you. He wants comfort. He wants to not feel how he's feeling so he's gonna go back to his last sense of comfort and Validation and feeling cared about which is the ex before you so he's just resorting back to

What's known what he knows is there and comforting for now He's not looking at how he's disrespecting you how he's disrespecting himself how this person Probably isn't shit and just runs back because he's chasing comfort He's chasing familiarity because to leave someone to break up and have nothing to go back to but them if you know You're never going back if your only sense of comfort is a potential of meeting someone else in the future a lot of people Can't stand in that instability. They want to run back for some comfort. So if he ran back he ran back I Would pay it and What I mean by pay it is pay it no fucking attention

Would pay it and what I mean by pay it is pay it no fucking attention Do not look at it. Don't pay attention to it. You two are done 1000% you are finished you are done. This is something that frustrates the hell out of me because I am someone who operates This is my own rule of a 30-day grace period After I stop talking to someone or stop dealing with someone I will give them a 30 30 day grace period. After I stop talking to someone or stop dealing with someone, I will give them a 30 day grace period before I go talk to anyone new, get on a dating app, which I'm off all dating apps now,

but I will give a person 30 days. Well, I will not entertain anyone. I will not DM anyone. I will not like anybody's shit unless they do some shit like that. If you're gonna go and go run to somebody or go get on a hookup app, or go run to give new people attention a week,

two weeks after we ended, how you know we was sure? How you know we wasn't gonna event together? You know what I mean? Like I like to leave that door a little cracked. If we are gonna sort things out and work things out, if there is a potential to work it out, let's beat that potential to death. But as soon as someone steps out like that

or goes and entertains someone new, hooks up, gets on a hookup app, runs back to an ex, it's done, it's cut. So this person does not get a 30 day grace period, they get a week. He went to his ex bitch a week after you're done block them literally pay it pay it Block both of them on everything erase them from your life move forward move on. There is no getting him back

You don't want to ever have to go through a situation where you break up with somebody to go through a situation where you break up with somebody, they go fuck someone else, and then you have to try and get back together. The fact that someone accessed you in between that, I would never be okay with. You might be okay with it, but if you watch me and you're asking me, it's because you want my fucking advice,

I'd never be okay with it, and you probably never would either. You're fucked up over the fact that he went back to the bitch, let him go have her. So don't question yourself, Do not get down on yourself. I just want to protect you with this. Don't question yourself. Don't look at it. Do not look at it. Block them both. Get it out of your sight. Get it out of your mind and walk forward. Go meet somebody new. You are free. No more 30 day grace period. He spoiled that. He ruined that. You get to go. Do whatever you want to go fucking do. Go meet somebody new. You are free. No more 30-day grace period. He spoiled that. He

ruined that. You get to go do whatever you want to go fucking do. Go meet somebody new who ain't a baby back bitch. And now does I love God for this week's podcast episode. If you want to submit a situation that you want my advice on, I'll put the link in the description where you can go write it in. It's all anonymous, so don't stress. I will also leave the link to all of my social media. Go follow me everywhere. I'll leave the link to my merch, my chronically unimpressed crew neck and sweat pant

little combo that I dropped. I'll also leave the link for my app and everything else you need. So go check the description, do your thing. If you like this video, leave it a thumbs up. If you're watching this on YouTube and you're new, hit subscribe. Hey friend, if you're listening to the audio version

on Apple Podcast and Spotify, you know the drill, five stars rating. But that is what I've got for this week's episode. Everybody be safe, take care of yourself. And I will talk to you guys next Sunday from New York.