Aware & Aggravated - 118. Allowing Yourself To Be Unappreciated Will Ruin You

Episode Date: March 3, 2024

In this episode Leo talks about his recent breakthrough that pulled him out of his worst depressive episode yet. He talks about questioning yourself, validating yourself, and a major block to it. He also revels all the reasons he truly HATES Los Angeles.    ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   👕 Clothing/Merch:  https://leoskepicollection.com   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi friends, so for this episode, I'm gonna tell you about the realization that broke my numbness and It's real deep. It's real bad and I'm gonna give you a personal update about what's going on with me at the end because I'm back in LA We'll get there, but I discovered the block I had to feeling grateful and feeling appreciative of anything in my life And I let you guys watch me go through this really, really bad period for the past few episodes. But I finally cracked it. I sat in it long enough and I found out so much in my brain. And I know it's going to help every single one of you because so many of you related to exactly how I was feeling. I tried to explain what I realized to a couple of therapists. I

reached out and was talking to different people trying to understand the pit I was in because it was bad. It was like where I was like a long long time ago worse for different reasons. Again I was better off saving my money and just banging my head into a wall because the therapist didn't get it. I tried to explain this whole thing I'm about to walk you through to the therapist and they just didn't get it. Like I don't know how they didn't get it, but I know you're going to. So where I was at was very numb to life, numb to everything, could not feel appreciation for shit, didn't like anything, didn't care about anything. I could logically look at things and see

things to be appreciative about. I did not feel it. I did not feel appreciation for anything. I was a miserable fuck. But your external always matches your internal. Nothing outside of me, I had no gratitude for a fuck thing, to be honest. And like I said, what happens external is also internal. So I sat down with my little notebook and those of you that understand journaling, get what I'm about to say.

A different part of me took over. But I looked at my resistance and I asked what my resistance was to feeling grateful or appreciative to things. And as soon as I asked that question, a very, very hurt side of me like stepped up and like just started writing. And I wrote down, I literally have it written in front of me, appreciate things for fucking what there's none for me. That was the first two lines. The little hurt side of me went at it. Like I was writing a lot more than that. But be appreciative for fucking what is the part of me that spoke. It's like the hurt

part of me was just so upset. Like be appreciative for what bitch? There's none for me. And the lack of appreciation was more geared toward like what I get from other people and not feeling appreciated by people. It also was with myself but like the main thing that came up was like I realized I was so much more wounded by so many people than I realized like all the hurt kind of came to the surface. Usually I'm very mad and pissed off and anyone I don't feel appreciated by, I wish them nothing but suffering and I want them to experience pain every single day that I'm not in their life.

That's usually how I respond to this and I had none of it. I had no like vindictive, no anything. But I saw with this how wounded and like hurt I actually was by so many things I thought didn't really impact me. I didn't let impact me and I just let the anger be the cover for it and just not really notice any of it. But the reason that I was so like I hope you have nothing good happening in life is because having a

track record of so many people not appreciate me made me start to question myself. And it was like pathetic. Like some of the shit that I was writing out was fucking pathetic. And I'm not going to tell you some of the things, but I was genuinely just like questioning my value as an overall human. But each person in my life that I felt like didn't appreciate me started to pop up in my head. All the people that I've cut off and like, distanced myself from, or we've like,

distanced ourselves from each other. And I didn't ever want them to live another day with it easy to breathe. I wanted you to just miss me so bad and be so upset you didn't appreciate me when you had me that you couldn't walk. Like I wanted you to just be in pain for the rest of your life for not appreciating me. And the only reason you feel like justified to want that is when you feel damaged in the same level. So all the people that I've lost because

I felt like they didn't appreciate me, every single one of them walked away with the ability to appreciate myself. And I genuinely felt like they took that from me. Like my ability to appreciate myself left with each person that I pushed away or we both walked away. But in this state of like being at one of my lowest lows, I was not able to give myself reassurance anymore. It wasn't working. Like anytime I tried to reassure myself or give myself proof that I am valuable and worthy of being appreciated, an image of one of these people would pop up into my mind.

As like my brain kind of discrediting the advice I was trying to give myself or like the reasoning I was trying to give myself, I felt like my brain was shooting down and like shooting a hole in every single piece of reassurance I was trying to give myself. But this was very much confusing because looking at my life now and looking at who I am now, I have more than I've ever had and I'm better than I've ever been in every aspect. So looking around my life and looking at myself just like logically, it didn't make sense why I've felt more valuable in the past than now

when I have more and am more now. But with looking at the things about my life like money, success, Fame to a certain extent my physical appearance interest from men is a big thing That could be a big validation. I don't care also Hookups and like sexual interests and shit. I don't hook up. I don't do that But my point is I had all these things and none of it mattered. Like I felt excited or appreciative of none of it. I didn't care about any of it. And that was my biggest thing was like, what's the point of going forward? None of this shit matters. Like nothing that I have matters working for any of this.

It don't do nothing, girl. It's not shit. That's the perspective I was stuck in. And I saw this all so useless, but I really had to look at like, why does none of this matter to me? And with every single thing I just listed, I don't let any of this validate me at all. Like I didn't let any of this stuff make me feel better about myself. I didn't allow it because I looked at it like surface level validation of like,

you're gonna let money and fame and people liking you and being attracted to you be validation of any of your worth. That's like low hanging fruit is how I was looking at it. I'm like, it's pathetic. When people run around and gloat and feel good about themselves because they have followers or a certain amount of money

or you have people that want you. I look at that like it's embarrassing to like let that be validation of anything. I wasn't letting anything in my life validate me at all. Then I had to look at why. I had this mental block of letting any of these superficial things, money, fame, success, interest in people, hookups, I look at any of these things and using any of these things to kind of like validate your worth as something that will make you less valuable. I was looking at it like if you rely on money or fame or people wanting to fuck you as validation

of your worth, that's actually going to make you less valuable. That's how I was looking at it. That's why I couldn't see any of this shit as validation. That was like the big block in my head. I wasn't letting myself let any of this mean anything to me. I literally trapped myself in my own hell because I saw a perceived loss in value. If I got reassurance or validation of value through any of these things.

So I was sitting here questioning things about myself, not able to give myself reassurance, but not letting anything outside me validate me. But what really trapped me is I looked around at everybody else who lets these things validate their worth as like pathetic. So I was over here self-righteous because I'm not allowing these things to validate me. I'm just sitting here in pain, questioning everything about myself

and not letting myself get any kind of validation or like reassurance from it at all. Like I got satisfaction off of trapping myself in the pain. Does that all make sense? Cause I look at people who are over here thinking that they're somebody because they have money or because they have fame. I look at it like now you're less valuable in my mind

because you use that. So me not doing it, I felt like the little bit of value that I still thought might be there, like a little bit I felt was still there, not the logical value, I could see that. But like a little bit of value I still felt that I had, I was trying so desperately not to lose it and getting validation through other shit

or any of this would have taken that away. So I was in a standstill of like, we're in hell. Just becoming aware of all of this and realizing the dynamic of what was going on in my brain and my emotions set me free from a lot of it. It's like I was observing the prison I was trapped in. I was no longer trapped in it, cause I like saw it and saw what was going on in my head.

But these things that I didn't want to use as validation for myself do matter to me. I do appreciate them, but I had to make them not matter to me. That's where a lot of my numbness was coming from. And like that just pain I was in and like the crippling just depression of like not wanting to do anything not wanting to move like I just was stuck up against this wall and I've been in this for months, but it just hit a breaking point of like

Everywhere I turned it was more pain with no way to get myself to like feel better or reassure myself or see my own value and like my appreciation But with all this I realized what I really want to be Appreciated for is my heart and the way that I care for people and love people I don't want all of these superficial things to matter and be like the main reason someone wants me I want someone to see my heart and appreciate that and care about me because of that. Not all this shit that I've achieved and all these things that I have that are external. And I did have a really big realization around letting people go. And there's two types of people I've learned. There's people who lead with logic and there's people who lead with their heart.

I'm someone who logics my way into everything but I always lead with logic and there's people who lead with their heart. I'm someone who logics my way into everything, but I always lead with my heart. And I've been encountering a lot of people who do not lead with their heart, they lead with logic. And I've been leading with my heart into a lot of situations. And my heart keeps getting fucking stomped on. I see now that I've been leading with my heart in a lot of situations I should not have been and will not fucking do again because my heart and caring about people the way that I do has not been appreciated in so many avenues and it's led me to question my heart and like if the love

I have to give really is valuable. It made me start to question my decisions my heart would make too. Like I wouldn't trust my heart and trust the love that I have to give was valuable but it also made me not trust my heart and my intuition and my gut because I was just leading in the wrong places with it. Like there is a time you need to lead with strictly logic and I've learned this the hard way. I described in one of my past episodes the way I've been feeling is just like utterly heartbroken and like a pain of like just waves of grief every single day like a breakup. And it's like, I didn't understand why.

My heart has literally been broken in a way that I didn't understand could happen with life, with people, and with all the shit going on, especially like it's protective of myself as I am. And I still went through so much of this shit but having my heart be brought into situations that it shouldn't have been brought into and having it be placed in the wrong hands and being up against people just leading with logic and not leading with consideration to anything else made me realize I've been trying to give my heart

to so many people, but not myself. Like what I need right now is my heart. Like I need to care about myself the way that I've been caring about other people and I need to lead with my heart with myself and stop abandoning myself, because that's what I've been doing. I've been, without even realizing, trying to like just lead with my heart and do the

right thing for so many situations. I had no fucking goddamn business doing it for. So right now I feel a lot better. I feel not numb anymore. I feel brought back to myself, but I'm on a whole journey right now. It's like how to love yourself phase two. Like I'm on a whole like new rediscovery and redefinition of self love and like redefining life

and caring about myself and giving my heart to myself and really feeling what it's like to be loved by myself again. Because this version of me, like from where I've been to where I am now, for me to care about me, that's what I fucking need right now. I need to get my reassurance by giving it to myself. Like trying to get reassurance from giving my heart to other people, there's none to be found. But I think next week I'm going to do an episode about this whole journey I'm on.

So I'm gonna kinda break you into what I've been doing next week. But this is literally a whole rebirth of self love to myself in a way that I did not understand. But the main thing I learned, and I've known this, and I've learned it in so many ways, but this is a whole new way of learning it. The way people treat you is not validation of your worth

at fucking all. And I have a whole realization I realized about LA. I fucking hate this goddamn place. But I have a realization around it and my kind of approach to it that's gonna make you feel better about what I just said, but like the way people treat you is not a reflection of your value.

Cause I was logically seeing it, but like feeling it was a challenge. So LA itself, Los Angeles, this fucking city has so much to offer someone who values what this city has to offer. This city has so much potential for business, for success, for fame, for every single thing you want, business-wise, fame-wise, success-wise, this is your place. It has so much to offer someone who wants that. I'm someone who values real people and genuine love and people who have a heart and lead with it. This city is so made up of people who

walk into a room and are instantly trying to prove themselves. They're instantly talking about how many followers they got, how much money they make, and they're only assessing people and reading people for the confirmation that they're worth their attention and worth talking to. If you don't have followers here, you're not going to be looked at twice, sadly. This is a place that has nothing to offer someone like me because I walk into a room, I walk into events. I walk into every situation looking at the person in front of me. I don't walk into a room with the thought in my mind. I have this podcast. I've charted this. I have millions of followers on tiktok. I have this much money in the bank. I don't let any of that be in my mind. I walk into

the room as a person. These people walk into the room as an influencer or as a businessman or whatever image they've constructed. These people walk in and need to stand on the fact that they have money or followers because if you take it away from them, they're not shit as a human being. They could not survive in the room. They can't hang. They can't have a conversation. They're boring as a loaf of fucking toast. They have nothing to contribute They just so desperately cling on to the fact that I have this many followers or I make this much money. Look at me I'm important. Look, I have all these things I'm important and dealing with people who are all about this and what's to show and what's in front of you and

Proving that they have all these things. so they're important are not my fucking people. I don't give a flying shit if someone has followers or money or not. I'm gonna be cool and have an interaction with every human being for the human being, not for the image, not for the face, not for the facade, not for the brand. I don't give a fuck. If you were to personify LA as something that had thoughts and feelings and like if you made it a person, LA would not feel valued by me at all.

I fucking hate this place. I do not value anything this city has to offer. I look at LA as useless. I have no appreciation for it. I don't like a fuck thing about it because of what I need and what I value I can look at this place and see it as useless Other people who value what LA has to offer look at this like the best fucking place on earth

but my point here is if LA was a person it would question itself because I saw no value in it LA was a person. It would question itself because I saw no value in it. It's not about who values you and who treats you like what. It's about what the person needs and wants and if you match that or not. LA can never be what I need. I will never see it as useful for me to feel content

and for my heart to be like held and fostered. This place is for business. I don't like being around this shit. I don't like being around these fucking people. It's like being around a bunch of shells. No one really is like a person for the most part in the scene and in like the lifestyle shit that I'm in. And that's why I've stopped going to a lot of events

and I've stopped going and doing a lot of things and being around a lot of people. It's the same fucking shit. If you see me at an event now, it's because I genuinely want it to go and I know it's fun or like it's a good time. And there's actually a chance to like meet humans not walking fucking billboards that need to say, I have millions of followers. Girl no one cares. I have nothing in common with most of these people. There are a select few that are cool and that I really like. And my team is great,

but this has all just made it very clear around what I value and my own value as a person. I'm never gonna feel valued here for the thing I wanna be be valued for which is my heart People give a fuck about the numbers and the fame and all that. I don't care about that Anybody can get it. I don't need to stand on that to feel credible as a person Everybody else does that's their fucking issue I want to be recognized for the person that I am not the things that I have and this has pushed me back

into like a deeper connection with a lot of the friends that I had before LA and my family. And a lot of people around me got dropped and are getting dropped currently. I've just forgotten about a lot of them. As soon as they reach out to hang out, I'm blocking them. I'm just not here for the bullshit no more.

And the main thing that has drained me so bad about being here It's ten times harder to be myself here absolutely nothing about myself that I value is valued here and it has made me Question like I said all the things I was questioned about myself This place has made me question Like I said, all the things I was questioning about myself, this place has made me question every single aspect of my personality and I have a full fucking list of all the things and why.

Like I just want you to see and I wanna articulate when I say I hate LA, this place has no space for someone like me. First thing on my list is loyalty. Being loyal here is inconvenient to everybody. People can't fucking be loyal to each other because it's gonna get in the way of opportunities for them. And for me with business,

when I go into business with certain things, I'm loyal to certain brands, companies, or people that I work with, that's just how I fucking am. And that is so inconvenient for everybody else because they get like pissed off that I want to be loyal to certain people or pay respect and like be considerate to people. It's seen as annoying. I'm a bother. Like things about my personality here are a bother and it's only a matter of time before

you're told by everyone and everything you're the fucking problem who you are makes everything just more difficult before you start to question shit. The next thing is wanting quality like things that I want to make and things that I want to do I want quality fucking shit Like my merch and everything I'm doing with the clothing, the fights I've gotten into with so many people because I will not accept shit quality. I'm not gonna sell things and put things out that I don't like.

The headache that has caused working with people who don't value that It's driven me insane and it's not just with merch that's just the first example Quality with absolutely anything nobody gives a fuck about making things that are quality Nla none of these fucking people Genuinely care none. They could care less. They see the money, they see the price tag, they're like, yep, put it out. These people are dumb, they'll buy it.

Next thing is being tough. Me, addressing things head on, mm-mm, that shit don't fly here. People like to do the whole behind your back, passive aggressive, not really say what you think or want or need. They like to do the whole like behind everybody's fucking back shit.

I don't have time or energy. I really don't. I'm the type of person, I'd rather just be very direct. I'd rather you be direct with me, give it to me straight, I can handle it. These people cannot handle it. They're like little fucking dandy lions. God forbid you tell the truth about something. Oh my god! It's like you're everyone's arch nemesis

because you fucking said something direct or you just want to be direct about something. Especially when it comes to standing up for yourself. That's one thing that irks the fuck out of me about LA. It is respectable here to tolerate disrespect. That makes my fucking eye twitch and my ass clench. I don't like that and I'm not the type to do that. I don't tolerate disrespect. But me being someone who operates off of being respectful, it's congratulated, it's commendable here to tolerate disrespect, to make things go smoothly for everybody else. The next thing that makes it a utter bitch for me here is that I don't sell out for things. I pride myself on being credible and sticking to my word and having a credible word and having people be able to trust me. I can't begin to explain. I don't even want to say headache.

The fucking aneurysm. This is given me with the people in this city and the people that I've come across and the people that I've had to do business with and work with. I am literally the biggest nightmare for brands and for business and for everyone here because credibility like the disrespect thing it's expected for you to tolerate disrespect. It's expected for you to not be credible. Who gives a fuck? Everybody gives a fuck about the check. Nobody cares about their mouth and their word and having a soul and

like genuinely being someone that can be trusted when they speak. That, oh my god, that one pisses me off because I am made the problem all the time, especially when I stick to my word. I directly tell people, like with my ads I do in my podcast, I'm not talking about shit, I don't want to fucking talk about, and the people that I have said this to must have thought I was fucking kidding or something, because now it's all of a sudden a fight when I decline certain shit. And you know what? We're gonna fight about it. I fucking told you up front.

This place, I can't, I can't, I can't get into it. I don't want to get aggravated. Let's just skip to the next one because I'm about to say a lot of things that are gonna get me in trouble. And if I hear anything from anyone tomorrow about this episode suck me. The next thing that's not tolerated here is the fact that I'm considerate of how my actions impact other people and I care about the consequences and how I impact people. No, that's very inconvenient. That's very much pain in the ass and I I've I've made the bad guy all the time for being

considerate to people. This place is so ass backwards twisted. Like I said, nobody operates and treats people like they're humans. Everybody acts like they're just business transactions. No one gives a fuck about anybody. The next thing here to look down upon is discipline. That one's a really big one. Discipline is not like commendable here. Nobody's gonna apologize you. People are gonna make you the asshole. People are gonna make you inconvenient and make you seem like you're crazy or you're wrong for being disciplined, especially when it comes to taking care of yourself. The next one makes me giggle, because it's just so me. I don't prove myself here. A lot of people, like I said, walk in places

and immediately feel the need to prove themselves. They'll name drop, they'll say how many followers they got, they'll flash a little money, they'll do some shit to make it very clear that they're worthy of being where they are. I fuck with security all the time because when you walk in places, if they don't recognize you or know you, they treat you like dog shit. And a lot of people will throw out a name or throw out certain things to make them seem

more credible. I happily will fucking leave. I don't care, I ain't begging to get in nowhere. I'm not asking to get in anywhere. If you don't see me as like worthy of being somewhere, I'm fucking out. I don't try to prove myself. And a lot of people get mad at me that I don't

because these people always find out. They hear the commotion, they hear the shit, and then somebody always recognizes me, walks up, or someone from my team walks up and clears up what the fuck's going on, and they're made aware who I am. And then it's, oh, come on in. Nah, now I'm fucking pissed, fuck you. You treated me disrespectfully.

I'm gonna judge you based off how you treat me. Just cause you treat me different because you realize I have some followers and I'm like with certain people. Nah, it's still fuck you and I'm gonna still carry this attitude. I'm not gonna switch just cause you switched. I don't give a fuck.

But my point with this whole list is I've been made to feel like I'm wrong and bad and annoying and nothing about me is valued. I'm seen as an absolute fucking headache by everyone here. Now we're gonna take a second to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. The first one's Liquid IV.

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and use code aware50 to get 50% off. That's code aware50 at factormeals.com slash aware 50 and use code aware 50 to get 50% off. That's code aware 50 at factor meals dot com slash aware 50 to get 50% off. Now back to the podcast. Los Angeles and this whole influencer lifestyle and this whole online shit is for people who can be pushed around and dicked around and folded like a piece of paper. It's for people who can be molded into what everybody wants you to be and whatever is gonna make them money because they're associated with you. This place has absolutely taken the life out of me and it didn't break my character

but it broke my fucking heart. This place is not fucking it. Literally the only thing that saved me was going on tour and meeting all of you guys. I loved every second of tour and I loved being in New York because in New York everybody got money, everybody's somebody, no one gives a shit, no one cares who you are in New York. They're worried about the person,

not what the perception is of what you could be, what you could get from being around me. It's like, it's just a lot more genuine. I really didn't realize how much of a toll LA has taken on me. It's made me question a lot. But I'm kind of like recalibrated in my shit again. And I'm not questioning myself anymore. I'm questioning how I treat these people who have no sense of self and do not value someone with a sense of self. That's where I'm at now.

I genuinely feel like I went to war. The way that I'm having to like reconstruct and like really heal myself from this it sounds dramatic, but it all is making so much sense It doesn't matter how strong you are when you turn around every single fucking day and you're the issue and Everything's a problem because God forbid you want to have good character or nothing about you actually even being valued it's gonna take a toll on anybody and this shit took a toll on me

but I'm learning like the absolute resilience out of all of this and like the confidence now, like I had to question all of this I had to go through this because like, woof. This just brought me back to myself tenfold. I've never felt more isolated somewhere in my life. Once I get done with the rest of my little shit I have to do here, once I leave, I hope nothing brings me back. I hope nothing brings me back to this goddamn city, okay? But my whole point was saying all that is to give you the perspective and the understanding

That value is not dependent on the way people treat you. I treat LA like dog shit. It doesn't mean it has no value It just has no value to someone like me because I don't want what it has other people love LA and eat it up. They value what it has, but the value of LA and the value of you and me as people is not dependent on who treats it like what. It's gonna be appreciated by who appreciates what it has to offer.

And the more that I've leaned toward people who value genuine people and being loved and cared about and my heart, it's like, as soon as I'm seeing the validation in myself, it's literally all around me. It's been around me. I just couldn't see it because I was over here dealing with all these bullshit fucking people

and I'm sick of them. Like so much of this is business. I'm very isolated. I don't hang out with that many people but I've just stopped giving my attention to shit. I'm not responding them. Like so much of this is business, I'm very isolated. I don't hang out with that many people, but I've just stopped giving my attention to shit. I'm not responding to fucking DMs. I'm not responding to texts. I don't care, and I'm done pretending like I care.

There's gonna be a podcast episode coming about that soon about stop pretending like you give a fuck when you don't. But all that being said, yeah, I despise LA. And I came home from New York early and I had to book an emergency flight home for some big business things that came up very last second. And you are gonna hear about the announcement I have next week.

So I'm here to execute and to be business to do business. My heart is in a suitcase, not here. I did not walk back into LA this time with my heart. There's not a single motherfucker left here that's gonna be able to stab it or mistreat it or not appreciate it. You're not gonna fucking see it. In this city, I lead with logic.

I've learned to leave your heart out of it. For the people I care about, you will always have my heart. Everybody else, business is business, bitch. I don't give a fuck how you feel. It ain't about feelings. It ain't about people. I'm gonna start matching people's logic. And that's my new approach to while I'm here,

because I'm getting the fuck out as soon as possible. I'm here to do my business shit and get back out. But this is the ultimate match the energy. And there's a whole new version of myself I'm feeling called to step into. It's a weird mix because it's like the version of me that leads with my heart and the version of me that leads with logic. These two things are both two new versions of me and they have to be there at the same time. It's just a matter of which one do I show to who. I'm

worried a little. But like when I check my heart out of things and I'm just gonna approach people with what they approach me with, I'm scared. Like I'm genuinely worried about how things are gonna go. Because if we're not taking feelings into consideration, we're not taking the fact that we're human beings into consideration. People like to play that when I'm being nice and considerate of them. But when you're not considerate of me, as soon as I hit you back with that, then it's a real big issue. People don't like it when you dish it out back. So this next period is going to be a lot of chaos, but my heart is not protected. I'm not fucking giving that shit to nobody who don't deserve it, who ain't worth it. I'm giving that shit to nobody who don't deserve it, who ain't worth it.

I'm giving that shit to me. And I'm giving logic to everybody else. But that is my update. That's my new big realization. I'm on this whole journey of self-love again in a whole new way. And I'm happy this has all happened. Like, now I can look back and see that I'm happy this all happened because this just shifted a lot. And I'm happy this all happened because this just shifted a lot and I'm so goddamn excited, but I hope this helped some of you if not all of you who are dealing with it right along with me I'm still battling it. I'm still like learning the self-love thing giving my heart to myself vibe like Trying to get through this and go through the motions like the numbness has lifted the depression still like peaks are head in here And there to check on me. I'm like bitch, but it's getting better day by day, but it's still

a process. I don't want to get on here and be like, oh, I'm cured. I'm perfect. Wee. It's like, I'm a lot fucking better, but this is still a big learning process and like changes in growth and all this shit is not fast. It's not quick. It's not fine. At all. But for all the people who were upset that I didn't come to their city in January, you can be real excited next week. So, everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you next Sunday.