Aware & Aggravated - 119. How to Fall Madly in Love with Yourself. Abandonment Reversed

Episode Date: March 10, 2024

In this episode Leo reworks your mental frame around self love and shares a new way to approach it. This new perspective will help you never question your worth/value again, and completely transform your relationship with yourself. This is how to stop abandoning yourself.    🎟️ TOUR TICKETS: https://events.seated.com/leo-skepi   ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   👕 Clothing/Merch:  https://leoskepicollection.com   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi friends, I have a whole new approach to self-love and loving yourself and I need to share it with you. And this is basically how to never question your worth or your value again, regardless of how other people treat you. My old podcast episode, episode 18, was about self-love and my kind of 12 steps journey to it. And in that episode I talked about how self-love is not just the feeling that pops out of your ass, like you have it or you don't. It's something you can work toward and something you kind of have to work toward and this new way of looking at it is the best approach I've found this far and this new perspective I unlocked on it is the best thing I've found. So I'm gonna tell you exactly how I repaired

my relationship to myself and this whole thing but I have to tell you first I'm going back on tour. If you're watching this episode or listening to it I've already prepared my relationship to myself and this whole thing, but I have to tell you first, I'm going back on tour. If you're watching this episode or listening to it right now, tickets are on sale for all new cities. I'm going all over the United States. As of right now, I have 20 shows that I'm doing

and I'm going everywhere all over the US. So, a lot of you got mad that I didn't come to your city or come to a city near you, but this time I'm coming all over. I just had to do a little mini tour to test it out. But like I said, if you're hearing this right now, tickets are on sale. So the link will be in the description of this podcast,

whether you're on YouTube or Apple podcast, Spotify, any of the audio versions. And all the ticket links will be in my social media bios on every platform. And this tour is called in Leo We Trust, because I just think it's fucking funny and you guys love that. I am gonna be talking about competence for the most part,

but it's gonna be 10 times deeper than I did before. The things I've learned over the past few months and the perspectives I've cracked, I cracked a big one recently about resentment and I'm probably gonna do a podcast episode about it soon. But everything I'm gonna talk about on this next tour is gonna be at a level I didn't even know existed till I hit it.

I am so goddamn excited. I can't, I'm trying to keep it together and contain myself but I'm so excited for this. So if you wanna ticket, the links are in the description. The last mini tour sold out. So I warned you, if you don't get a ticket, sorry, don't come screaming at me later. Okay, now let's get into the new mental frame around self-love. This is the perspective that's going to help you never question yourself again, because I just went through a period of that,

of feeling unappreciated by people and feeling like my value was not seen and I started to question it. We're done with that. We're never doing that again. So this is the way to experience the love that you give other people and to completely flip your relationship to yourself. I want you to think about the person that you love most. Most people, it's gonna be in a relationship

and I kind of took this into a relationship standpoint. Think about someone you're dating or the perfect person you can imagine to date or just use someone you love a lot, like your parent or your kid or whoever. Imagine you switched bodies for a day, and you are responsible for taking care of this person that you love so much.

Like you just got to be in their body for a day. Now, how would you take care of that body? How would you take care of the emotions that come up? And how would you take care of the emotions that come up and how would you take care of the mind that's inside that body of the person that you love the most? This question is gonna reveal everything that needs to change in your approach to yourself. And I made a full list of everything that I would do and how I would treat the person that I love the most.

So I'm gonna run you through my list and give you actual like like, applicable daily steps and things you can implement, make this very practical. But if you wanna make your own list, make your own list because when you see how you would treat the person you love the most, if you were inside their body and dealing with their emotions and their feelings,

you'll be able to see how you treat yourself is not like someone you love. The first thing I wanna point out before I jump into my list is when you just think about being in the person's physical body, when it's someone you love, you're gonna take care of that body and cherish it. You're gonna take care of it like something that you cherish. So that's gonna go ahead and reveal a lot

about how you currently treat your body, but let's jump into my list about the deeper things, like the emotional stuff, the mental stuff. So first thing on my list, when I care about somebody, I'm not afraid to hurt other people's feelings for the person I love. What I prioritize and what I care more about is that the person that I love is okay and comfortable and they're taken care of. Their feelings are top of consideration for me.

Other people are still considered, but the person I love comes over it. I don't really worry about that being an inconvenience to other people. Like for me to put my effort and focus and attention into them, into loving them and making sure they're all right, I don't really care if I'm an inconvenience. It doesn't matter to me.

And I'm not talking about things always having animosity and things being angry and aggressive and mean. Of course I mean stand up for them and protect them, like stand up for yourself and protect yourself like you would someone you love. But I'm talking the little things. When you're in your head and you're worried about how doing any little thing might piss somebody off or make them mad at you, like the whole rigid and like the fear and like worry to take a step to make yourself feel better. When it comes to someone you love, you don't have that. You feel free to step up and take care of the person

that you love. And you're never gonna realize how special that is and how much that's appreciated until you start doing it for yourself. You're allowed to be a bother to other people. That's showing yourself that you love yourself. I don't mean in the drastic extent. I'm saying any little thing you're worried about doing

that might inconvenience somebody, if it's to make you feel better, so be it. Do it, be your own advocate, speak up for yourself like you would someone you love. Even if it's as small as leaving somewhere, you're uncomfortable. Don't force yourself to stay somewhere. If you don't like it and you're uncomfortable there. If you don't have to stay, let yourself go. If other people are gonna get disappointed or upset,

okay? If someone you love was uncomfortable at a party or at an event or something that you're at, if they were uncomfortable and wanted to leave, would you tell them, shut up? No, so-and-so is gonna get mad, we're gonna stay here, no. You would take what they wanted and what they felt into consideration and make that important, and you would get them out of there. You would leave with them and make sure they're okay because you wouldn't wanna force them to stay somewhere

they're uncomfortable. Take that same approach to yourself, and if you need to disappoint people, so be it. It's not a hateful thing, it's not a mad thing, it's just no longer hindering yourself because you're so scared of being a bother. An example I've used before is like when you're on the airplane and you got a pee

and you're on an inside seat. A lot of people, myself included, I used to be so insecure and worried to inconvenience and bother the person next to me because I had to pee. I would literally force myself to sit there and go to a point where I was in pain just so I didn't voice to the person, hey, can you get up so I can go pee?

Not letting yourself suffer for a little shit like that is huge. And you're never gonna feel safe with yourself until you start to speak up for yourself and advocate for yourself. But I wanted to bring up, flipping it like someone you care about, would you force someone you love to sit there?

Would you tell them to sit there and shut up and don't be in inconvenience? Or would you say, that's not too much to ask at all. Ask them to get up and go piss. What you would do for the person you love is the approach you need to take. That's how you can kinda check if you're being unreasonable. The next thing on my list is,

you know how when you're dating somebody, you text them throughout the day and check on them and you're just always wondering what they're doing, what they're up to, you check on them because you care. Treat yourself the same way. Start checking in on yourself. Don't text yourself. That's kind of weird. But what I mean by this is you have just the genuine curiosity of the person that you're

dating. You check in on them. You want to know what they're doing. You want to know how they're feeling. Start checking in with yourself like that. Wonder how you're doing. Check in with you and your internal world. What are you feeling? What are you thinking?

What's going on? What's T? Check in on yourself the way you text and check on someone you love. And that just comes from a genuine place of just wanting to know how they're doing. And then watch how much more looked after and cared for you feel by yourself. And then tell me that's not valuable. Next thing on my list when it comes to someone that I love, I'm willing to stop my day if they're not all right.

You need to take that same approach to yourself. You need to be willing to halt what you're doing if you can, don't be too dramatic with it. But be willing to halt your day. Like if your person texts you and says they're upset or they're really down or something's bothering them, you halt what you're doing to give them your attention and your focus.

When you feel down and you feel upset, if you're willing to halt your day for someone you love, you need to make room and do that for yourself also. And I do wanna clear up something because a lot of people get too extreme with this shit and they forget discipline. So the way that I implement discipline with this, because you sometimes can't just stop your day,

but checking in with yourself when you do feel something off, before you do something, even if you're gonna do it, just checking in and seeing when you do feel something off. Before you do something, even if you're gonna do it, just checking in and seeing how you're feeling and noticing it and then choosing to do what you want it to do anyways is different because you're taking an action from a standpoint of being aware of what's going on and being like,

okay, I feel this way, I'm still gonna do this thing versus feeling something, not paying attention to it, bulldozing it, avoiding it, closing your eyes to it, and just going for it anyway. There might be something you need to take into consideration with yourself, and if there's something you can do to make yourself feel better about what you're about to do, check in with yourself so that you know what to do.

This seems like such an easy concept, but we forget about it. And that's something that tends to slip my mind a lot when I'm really, really busy. But since I've started implementing all this, I feel brought back to life. You are the only person that's ever gonna be able to make sure you're okay.

And just checking in with yourself and knowing what's going on is the best thing you can do. Just acknowledging it, even if you're gonna still continue forward with what you need to do. Just being aware of it, checking in and looking after yourself and just genuinely being concerned with what's going on inside you, giving your attention to it

like you would for someone you love that's not you, like outside of you. Next thing we need to talk about is when someone you love is down on themselves or their second guessing themselves and they're kind of beating themselves up a little bit. How are you going to treat someone when you see them doing that to themselves? And if you take on the perspective of being inside the person you love's body, how are you going to respond to those thoughts and the things going on in the person's mind that you love. You're just in their body observing it.

How are you going to reassure this body you're in for the person you love? How are you going to approach those thoughts? Because you see the value in the person that you love. You're just in their environment. You're in their body observing what's going on. How are you going to address it? How are you going to take care of those thoughts? You're not just going to let them go and let them beat the person you love up.

You're gonna combat them and be like, no, the person I love is not worthless. They're not stupid. They're not dumb. And you're gonna want to reassure the thoughts inside the person you love's head. Do that in your own head. When you're second guessing yourself,

you have to be accountable. Duh. Like always be accountable and check yourself. You would check the person you love, I hope. I'm like that, I check the people that I care about, but I also reassure them. Like I see and call out what needs to be called out, but I don't do it in a way that's degrading

and dismissive to all their other qualities. I remind them of all their other qualities and empower them and reassure them. Literally anytime you start worrying about it, just imagine these thoughts them of all their other qualities and empower them and reassure them. Literally, anytime you start worrying about it, just imagine these thoughts in the person's mind you love and you're in their body. Look at how you approach it, look at how you handle them, and then use that to yourself. All right, next on my list is when I care about somebody, I'm very, very aware of how my actions impact them and what will hurt them or what could potentially be damaging to them and then I do not do them. If you were in the

person you love's body for a day, what actions would you not take that you usually do in your own body? What would you have to stop doing? But another angle with that one is with the people that I love and the people that I care about, I am willing to do things that hurt them if what I'm doing is in line with what's best for them. If I see something is beneficial to someone I love and care about, if it means causing them a little bit of pain right now for what's best for them, I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to hurt them a little to get them to what they need and what they really want. If you need to remove something, remove it. Because you see why you're doing it. You see the positive benefit.

Now with yourself, if you know that there's something you need to do or something that could cause you pain but would benefit you, and if pain is the upfront thing you need to deal with but what you want is on the other side, you need to be willing to endure that and put yourself through that to get to what you want. That goes in line with discipline, that goes in line with so many things,

but just doing what you need to do, doing what's best for you is not a fun thing. It's a pain in the ass, but this perspective makes it a lot easier for me. Next thing with people you love, what do you do? You make time for them. You prioritize them. You like hanging out with them.

One of my favorite things to do is hang out with myself. But you have to make the time to hang out with yourself and to be alone and have your own little moment. Prioritizing and making sure you have time for someone you love is something you need to experience if you do not feel like you love yourself. You need to make time and schedule time if you have to, if you do not feel like you love yourself. You need to make time and schedule time. If you have to, if you're that busy, make time to be with yourself and sit with

yourself. I'm not saying you have to meditate and all this bullshit. I'm just saying hang out with yourself, read something, journal, something, check in with yourself, put on some music, hang out, have a time where there's no distraction. I mean, finish my podcast, but like, have a time when there's no distraction from you. Just hang out with you. Do what you want to do. Go shopping one day by yourself. Go take yourself to dinner. But the point behind this is making time for yourself because it sends you the message you're worth prioritizing. And you get to feel what it's like to have someone make time for you. It's yourself. But like I said in the beginning of this, this is about not questioning the love you have to give and how you care about people and

actually loving yourself. When you experience this, you know what other people feel when you make time for them. You see how valuable it is when you give that to other people by giving it to yourself. That's the main thing with all this. Next thing. This is gets delusional with a lot of people but you know when you're dating somebody or you really care about somebody and What is important to them? No longer seems weird like people can be into some weird shit And you all of a sudden are like cool with it and you're like, okay This is important and you make it be important important. And you make it be important for them

and you let it be important for them. And you prioritize it. And you make sure they get to do what's important to them. You don't criticize what's important to them. Stop criticizing what's important to you. If you like something, do it. It's not up for criticism. It's not up to be questioned and dissected.

You're allowed for what's important to you to be important to you. So start showing yourself that's okay. The same way you would do that for someone that you do care about and that you do love. And I do want to emphasize even if it's some weird shit, other people don't have to understand. If it's important to you, it's important to you. That's okay. That's fine. But you allowing yourself to let it be important is the thing here. You're allowed to like what you like. Now like it. Next thing's a little one, but it's big. When're allowed to like what you like, and I like it. Next thing's a little one, but it's big.

When you care about somebody a lot, you be complimenting them. You be appreciating them. Give compliments to yourself, god damn it. Like when you get in the mirror, or you like something about yourself, give yourself a compliment. Like make a mental note of it and point it out for yourself.

Like the way that you point things out, and you say things to make someone you love feel good, do that about you. It's not weird to compliment yourself. It's not weird to look in the mirror and be like, hey, you ate with this fit, that's kind of cute. Or to be nice and be like, okay, you look hot, the fuck? Like complimenting yourself and giving yourself encouragement

and little boosts like this is huge. That's something people forget to do. And there's so much shame around it. You're allowed to compliment yourself. And that's one thing I wish a lot of people would do more and not make it seem like it's so weird. And anyone watching this video, you don't have to worry about the misplaced confidence. You barely fucking have any if you're dealing with self love.

You're cripplingly insecure when you're on this spectrum. If you're watching this video, you can never get to a point where you delusionally have a big head. You're allowed to compliment yourself. You know it takes a lot to get a compliment from yourself if you're watching this. I know I see you. But literally practice giving yourself compliments like the same way you would give to someone that you love.

Start looking at yourself like that. It's fine to be like, I'm funny as fuck. Or like, that was cute. Whatever I did, that was cute. Whatever I just did, that was cute. Or just anything you can appreciate about yourself, take a second to do it. It's not weird. It's not crazy.

It's necessary. And if you wanna tap into the perspective of being inside their body, what little things do they say and like think that's cute? Like, what little mannerisms do they have where you're like, oh, that's cute. Then look at yourself like that. Start looking at every little thing that you do

and be like, oh, okay. Like appreciate it for a goddamn oh, okay, like appreciate it for a god damn second, okay? Before we keep going, we're gonna take a second to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. The first one is ZockDoc. And this is gonna be your new go-to for anything you need with a doctor.

ZockDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Once you find the doctor you want, you can book immediately so you don't have to wait on the phone and deal with the receptionist and stuff like that.

But also, they have verified patient reviews. So you can go through and read the reviews on every doctor and find the one that seems the best reviewed and suited to you. Kind of like when you're in college or you're in high school and you can look up the teachers and get reviews on the teachers before you book their class,

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when you visit lumie.com and use code AWARE. Now, back to the podcast. Now, the next thing with people I love is I like to celebrate them, whether it's their birthday or an accomplishment or something that they did. Giving them a moment of praise and celebration with them is a big thing. I love to do it.

And that's something I was not going to do this year for my birthday was I was just going to work through it because I have a lot of stuff going on with this tour and everything that's going into it. It's a lot of work, but I was like, I just want to kind of skip my birthday and go over it. I'm 26. I feel like I'm getting old. I don't like it. I just wanted to just not celebrate it. But I've hit this whole new mindset

and this new approach and I did celebrate myself. Like you need to start celebrating yourself and your accomplishments and the things that you do and achieve with a moment of just gratitude and appreciation for yourself for it. Celebrate your goddamn self like somebody you love. If you would buy them balloons, go buy yourself balloons. If you would buy them flowers or buy them champagne

and drink with them, do it. Get your friends together. Celebrate yourself, make yourself important. Make what you've accomplished be important. And as soon as you see it as important and you let yourself feel important about it, people are gonna wanna join in. The next thing is a really, really big one.

And it's with the people you love love you see the entirety of them. You see all of them when you look at them whether it's physically emotionally mentally any of it. You don't just look at them and see their flaws. Do not fucking do that to yourself. Stop looking at yourself and just seeing what's wrong with you and the little few things you would nitpick or the things that you want to change. Look at the entirety of yourself. Stop just focusing in and pinpointing the things you don't like. You don't look at someone you love like that. And I'm not saying don't change things you want to change. I'm just saying don't only focus on that. Look at and see yourself entirely as a person instead of just your flaws and just your fucking issues. Everybody has things they want to change. Everybody has things they don't like.

But when you look at someone you love, you don't only see those things. So stop doing that to you and literally watch how much changes just off of that. Because when you're insecure and you're not operating like this, you'll only see in situations where you'll look back on conversations. You'll be like, oh, I shouldn't have said this or this wasn't funny, I'm annoying, I'm this, I'm that. Look at the entirety of yourself, not just this one or two little things you said

in the minute conversation and nitpick yourself for it. There's things that the people we love do that are fucking annoying. There's little things that are like, okay, irritating, but we overlook it because we see them as an entire person, not just these one or two little flaws or one or two little fuck ups. So that's one thing I really wanna say

is don't be like that to yourself. You're not like that to someone you love. So put that toward you. Now the next one is justifying emotions. When you love someone and you care about someone, they do not have to explain and build a case for why they feel the way that they do. When they come to you and say they feel something, you see it for what it is and you acknowledge it and say, okay, you don't poke at them and make them prove that they're

justified to feel the way that they do. Stop fucking doing that to you. That's something I had to crack recently, very recently, is feeling like I needed to build a case to prove why I feel the way that I do. Me just saying, I'm uncomfortable, I'm tired, I don't like this, or I feel like I don't resonate with this. I felt like I had to fight to hold onto

and be allowed to hold this emotion. You don't had to fight to hold on to and be allowed to hold this emotion. You don't have to fight to hold an emotion. How you fucking feel is how you feel. So don't write yourself off or look for all these things and all this proof of why you're allowed to feel the way that you do. Oh, it's because I have this, this, this, and this. Stop making the proof.

You feel how you feel and that's it. Stop fighting to feel like you're allowed to acknowledge how you feel and like feel like you have to prove your anger or prove your hurt or prove your sadness because when you feel like you have to justify feeling hurt by something, you're just gonna see all the ways it hurts you and you're gonna get stuck in it and you're gonna start

to fight to be able to hold that emotion and be stuck to it and attached to it longer. Like if something small makes you upset, it's allowed to make you upset. You don't have to, like it triggered me from this, from my childhood, it's from this, this and this and it's all these things I already have going on.

You understand how you feel. You already know why it's bothering you. You understand why this impacted you. Even if it's something small, your reaction is your reaction. And the way you feel is the way you feel. Stop feeling like you have to remind yourself and give yourself like a fact check of like,

you're not allowed to feel this way, but I felt this, this and this, and I've been through this, this and this. Now I can feel this way. Just let yourself feel how you fucking feel and acknowledge it. Stop trying to stack proof for it and just validate it. You're upset by something, you're hurt by something,

you're mad, okay, that's totally fine. Now what? Just letting how you feel be how you feel and just seeing it for what it is is gonna set you free a lot faster than having to justify Why you're allowed to feel that way? That's not up for discussion no more how you feel is how you fucking feel now? Acknowledge it in yourself like you would someone you love

now the last one on my list Is the one that's helped me the most when it comes to someone I love I always reassure them and make sure I say to them, I'm with you, and I make sure they know that I'm there for them. That's something I've had to start saying a lot to myself and it's been very emotional to just look at myself in the mirror or to just say to myself in my head, I'm with you. When you stop abandoning yourself and you reassure yourself like you would someone you love,

I'm with you, I've got you, I'm here, it changes the entire way you feel about anything. Just bringing your attention and your focus to yourself helps you not feel abandoned. Like when you're going in to do something and you're nervous or you're scared or you're worried and you just say to yourself, I'm with you. Your consciousness, your focus, your everything is centered with you.

This body and your mind, it's all separate. Your soul is separate, but it's the same at the same time. But just getting the verbal reassurance of I'm with you, I'm here for you is going gonna change your entire fucking life. Literally anytime you're feeling upset or Literally any emotion. I'm with you when you're in the good moments and the happy moments I'm with you. You feel so much more reconnected to yourself and it becomes a lot harder to abandon yourself When you start treating yourself like someone you love and reassure you you're with you and you've got you. When you start loving yourself like you love other people,

it becomes impossible to question your value and your worth because you feel it. Like you're never going to go forward after you start implementing how you love other people toward you. When you lose somebody or you break up with somebody and you leave them other people toward you, when you lose somebody or you break up with somebody and you leave them, they leave you, whatever it is, you're not going to be able to question yourself because you're still with yourself. You still have love. They didn't take it and they didn't leave with your ability to appreciate yourself because

you are still giving yourself to yourself. This is something I cannot emphasize enough. And I just went through a whole big period of questioning myself. And this is the whole resolution I've come to around it and feeling solid in it. No one can come in and out of my life anymore and take my ability to appreciate myself because I'm not leaving myself. I'm not leaving with them. I'm still here with me. Like I said on the last point, I'm not leaving myself. I'm not leaving with them. I'm still here with me.

Like I said on the last point, I'm with you. Whether you're happy, sad, pissed off, I'm here. That's all you have to say to yourself. And it's the craziest thing, the shift that will happen. But I hope you found this helpful. If you liked it, leave this video a thumbs up. And if you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave this podcast the five stars rating.

Thank you so much. And also, tickets, again, to my tour will be linked in the description. I'll also have the links to all of my social media and everything else you need from me. But everybody, be safe. Go start implementing this shit, all right? Take care of yourself.

And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.