Aware & Aggravated - 17. Why You Aren't Happy

Episode Date: March 6, 2022

My 3 theories and realizations around happiness and how to create more of it. And you know with me, it's never that cookie cutter bullshit everyone else tells you. Hope this episode helps! Watch the Podcast on YouTube!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgs8c2Z_97gA_1TkJos18w/videosBook a 1-on-1 call with me 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationSupport the podcast with a donation : https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @LeoSkepi@NotLeoForLegalReasons My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 

Hi friends, this week we're gonna talk about why you're a miserable fuck, okay? I'm gonna start off the podcast like that. Oh my, you know, we're just gonna go with it, okay? I'm not reefing this intro. Hi, I'm gonna share my three little theories I have on happiness and why people are unhappy, you know, like people always talk about comparison is the thief of joy, eat my ass, that's some kindergarten shit. Okay, we're gonna get into my like, deep loath theories. You know, there seem real simple, but they're real helpful. I promise, I promise a whole bunch.

And I am gonna go ahead and call out before somebody tries to give me shit. One is its own thing. Two and three are a little bit contradictory, but kind of not. And my third little tip theory is kind of like a trick for anxiety too. So this episode's gonna be real helpful. It's gonna be real, real helpful. So get your little notebook out, bitch.

Take some notes, because I'm about to rock you. And I'm not gonna be mean this week. This one's actually gonna be like a nice one. Like last week I attacked the fuck out of you. This week I'm gonna help you. Okay. Okay, let's kick Sunday service off. All right, my first old theory, why you're not happy. And again, it's because a lot of people spend time trying to not do shit. Let me explain. That sounds real dumb. They try to stop caring about someone or something. They try to stop loving somebody. They try to stop doing things that they realize are

damaging or bad. So basically just trying to not do shit because that is resistance as fuck. So what people don't realize about trying to not do things is you can't actually stop wanting to do them. So if you have a desire, you can't not want it. Whatever you want, you want. You can't make yourself unwanted. So don't even fucking try. What you can do is try to figure out why you want it.

If you look at, if you want to stop caring about something, why do you want to stop caring? If you look at loving someone, I don't want to love them anymore. I'm gonna stop loving them. How do I stop loving them? Stop looking at that. Look at why you don't want to love them. Why are you scared to continue loving them? Also ask yourself what feelings am I trying to avoid? What feeling states do I not want to feel? feelings am I trying to avoid? What feeling states do I not want to feel? Get clear on what you don't want to feel. And then look at what is that making you realize you do want to feel instead? What feeling states do you want to feel? Because most of the times, the shit

you're doing is trying to get to that. But you need to be clear and become aware of what you're actually trying to get to instead of just shooting in the fucking dark. And the same thing goes for if you keep doing shit that you know you shouldn't be doing. Just look at why do you keep doing them. Stop going at yourself with the attitude of like judging yourself as bad or wrong. The fact that I care, no, it's bad. I want to stop doing it. The fact that I keep doing these damaging behaviors or sabotaging behaviors, no, it's bad. I have to stop doing it. The fact that I keep doing these damaging behaviors or sabotaging behaviors. No, it's bad. I have to stop doing it. Stop looking at it like it's fucking bad because

everything you do is serving you as some way. There's a need being met, even the self sabotaging shit. There's a reason you're doing it. So look at yourself with an attitude of trying to understand why you're doing what you're doing. That's the first fucking step. Stop with the judging. Stop with that. That will never get you anywhere. Like you're doing what you're doing That's the first fucking step Stop with the judging stop with that that will never get you anywhere like you're just gonna keep going in a cycle Of okay, I need to stop doing this and then putting energy in a stop doing it. You that's resistance You need to learn how to Pull the anchor out of the fucking ocean before you try and drive your ship or you're not gonna fucking go nowhere Okay, so when you pull up that resistance then you can get somewhere fucking ocean before you try and drive your ship or you're not going to fucking go nowhere. Okay.

So when you pull out that resistance, then you can get somewhere. So when you look at why do I keep doing this damaging behavior, you can see how this thing was benefiting you. And then you can find another way to get that need met. Does that make sense? The same thing with caring, all the awareness you need to truly make changes and to truly stop caring is in the middle of what you're trying to run from. You have to go into it. You have to try to understand it. You have to face it before you can fucking get away from it. The only way out is through. Okay, so quit trying to run from it and go to fucking do it. And I think this is a big contributor to unhappiness because people are trying to run from shit.

Like you're trying to not care. You're trying to force yourself to not do whatever it is you want to stop doing. That's annoying. Like because you constantly are just like judging yourself and beating yourself up mentally for everything you're doing and thinking and feeling and you can't control the way that you feel. So stop with the judgment, stop with the fucking bullshit. It's making you miserable. A perfect example of this is someone that wants to be successful, but they don't believe

that they can actually be successful. So they try to convince theirself what they want is to stop wanting success. So once you have a desire for something, you can't get rid of it. Okay, so if you want to be successful, you can't stop wanting to be successful. You're fucked. There's nothing you can do about that. If you want it, you want it. There's nothing wrong with wanting things. But if you feel the urge to want to stop wanting success, look at why.

Why do you want to stop wanting success. Look at why. Why do you want to stop wanting success? Do you think that's going to prevent you from being heartbroken when you never achieve it? You have to look at why you don't want to want it. What are you scared of? You know what I mean? You got to face that shit. So you got to get really real with yourself and you got to be brutally honest.

And that's one thing that's great about being honest with yourself is nobody has to fucking know. You are safe in your own mind. You can think whatever you wanna think, no one's there to judge it, no one's there to nothing. Like, you're safe in your own fucking mind, okay? So you have to get really honest with yourself and face all this shit.

Because if you just spend your whole life trying to stop wanting success, you're not gonna get anywhere you're never gonna stop wanting success and you're never gonna get successful if you keep trying to not want it all your energy is gonna be spent in the wrong fucking direction and you're gonna get nowhere so that's my first little theory and belief on why you're not happy okay did you like it okay so two, I'm gonna get vulnerable and I'm gonna tell y'all straight the fuck up what I was dealing with and I don't care if you judge me,

I don't care if you get mad. This is a safe space, goddamn it. Okay, this is my fucking podcast, leave me alone. So my second little theory of why people aren't happy is they don't have meaning, like they don't have a why for the shit that they're doing. And let me elaborate, cause that sounds real stupid, right?

Okay, hang on. So what I was dealing with is I was creating TikToks and I was making this podcast, and I was trying to just like keep consistent with it. And then it started to get really fucking draining. Like I was like, there like keep consistent with it and then it started to get really fucking draining like I was like There's no point behind it. I'm not making fucking money So I was looking at it like it's a waste like I'm posting TikToks for what? I don't give a fuck to get famous. I don't give a fuck to get more followers

I have plenty like that's fine my podcast. It's doing good I'm getting like 10,000 listeners in episode like that makes my fucking heart happy. I'm like, yeah, okay, cool, but I'm like, okay, what now? You know? Posting the podcast like for what? Posting my fucking TikToks on my life coach and my other account like for what? Posting on Instagram for what? I felt like my time that I spent posting on social media and creating all these things was for nothing. I can't really fathom of how much I'm helping people. I'm starting to realize it because a lot of

y'all are messaging me and saying that like the shit that I'm saying is changing your fucking lives and that is like hard for me to accept because I have my own kind of like beliefs and shit about being worthless and whatever. But I'm slowly starting to realize that I'm benefiting people and I'm helping people and I'm like, whoa, but that's only fun for so long. Like I'm a selfish prick. Like what the fuck do I get out of it? Like yeah, it's all fun and games like help people, but like I was getting drained

with it. I was getting drained with the podcast. I was getting drained with the TikToks. I'm just getting bored because I'm not making drained with it. I was getting drained with the podcast. I was getting drained with the TikToks. I'm just getting bored. Cause I'm not making money at it. I don't see myself making money from this in the near or foreseeable future. And I'm tired of fucking doing shit where it's like the outcome is promised later.

Not bitch. I need some fucking instant shit. I need something that's like, now, I need something like quick. Cause I'm tired of just having to have faith that shit's gonna work out. No, I wanna see some fucking results now. I'm sick of this shit.

I'm sick of putting it out in the future. I'm all down for doing what needs to be done and you can't expect instant gratification, I get that. But nothing in my life has been instant gratification. Like jerking off, that's all I fucking get. Okay, that's all I fucking get is jerking off Is that's my Instagram ratification? Even going to a music festival. I got a plan the shit months in advance. I got a drive there. I got a no no nothing

This is like a little rant you know, but just I that's where I was looking at it I was like what am I posting this shit for like I don't want more followers. I don't see myself making money from this. So, I'm bored. I'm over it. Like, it was taking so much energy from me to do this shit for a couple of weeks. And then I was like, okay, so there's a realization about to come out of this shit.

And it basically was that I had no meaning. I felt like I was working toward nothing. So, I sat down and I was like, Leo, look, fucker, what do you wanna do? Like I needed to make a goal for myself and incorporate posting and shit into it so I could feel like it was worth the fuck. So I was like, Leo, what do you wanna do?

So I decided I wanted to get my life coach certification and start doing one-on-one Zoom calls with people with like advice or whatever the fuck I can help you on. If you need to talk about shit, if you need a new perspective, whatever you need. I just wanna start doing one-on-one Zoom meetings with people and talking to people directly and seeing the impact that I have on them.

Because making a podcast is cute and fun, sure. But I'm not getting to live the results. I'm not getting to like see the benefit that any of this could be having. You know, I'm just hearing about it, but it's different to experience it. So I want to be talking to someone and see their fucking face light up with what I just helped them realize. Like I want to interact. I want to see this shit and I feel like I have so much to offer and I could offer people

a lot on a one-on-one basis. So I decided, okay, I'm going to, in May, start working toward getting my life coach certification, because for the next two months, I have a lot of shit going on, and it's just not a good timing. So, I was like, okay, so Leo, if you're gonna do the fucking life coach thing,

my life coach Leo TikTok, I was like, get consistent on it and grow that. So now making TikToks, you can make the content, you can share what you know, it's like free advertising. People will want to talk to me once they see how my brain works and once they see the knowledge that I have to offer. So with this podcast, it's like,

now I feel I need to keep making it. I need to talk about more and more shit. I need to talk about wanting to be a life coach on it. So people know that's going to be a thing. So now when I go to make a podcast, I'm energized by it again. I'm excited because my new goal is to become a life coach and to start working with people one on one. I'm still gonna do my TikToks. I'm still gonna do my podcast and shit, but I'm just saying that's my new goal. So now I feel energized by doing the things that it's gonna help me meet that goal. So making my podcast is gonna help me reach more people and that's gonna help my goal

of becoming a life coach. Same with making TikToks. Now I'm excited to make them. Now I'm excited and I'm always thinking of ideas of like new shit to talk about and I've been doing a lot of lives on life coach Leo and just giving people live advice and people are fucking loving it and getting it interact with people like one on one even though it's just their messages like to get live feedback as I'm talking to them. It's so fucking nice and I'm loving it. But to do that shit takes no energy now. I'm energized by making TikToks, by doing my podcast because I feel like it's gonna help me achieve my goal

of being a life coach. So all I really did was assign meaning to what I was doing. Like I have a new outlook on what I'm doing and now I feel energized by it and happy with it instead of drained by it because when I was looking at it from the perspective of this is fucking pointless. Like for what? Like there's no use in it.

I was kinda drained by it. Like sure it was fun here and there but to get consistent it felt like a fucking drag and to like put a schedule on it, I was like, ew, like fucking no. Like, it's fine when I want to do it, but I'm going to leave it as that. But as soon as I looked at it from the perspective of this could help me achieve something, I'm instantly like excited to do it. I'm happy to fucking do it. Now, I feel like I have fucking meaning in my life because I'm not just making random fucking tiktoks in a stupid little podcast. I'm like working toward something. Does that make sense? This has helped me a ton, and it just came from switching one perspective and like setting one goal.

So I'm not doing anything different. It's just in my brain the way I'm looking at it. That is completely changed the way I feel about it. So the main thing to look at with this is when something is like draining you of energy or it's sucking your fucking energy and shit just seems like harder than it should, look at why you feel drained. What are you telling yourself about what you're doing? Because that's the reason you feel drained. When I was looking at this shit like it was pointless, it drained me. When I was looking at it, like it was helping me get to where I wanted to go, now I feel energized. That's a good thing for people to follow

when you don't feel in touch with the way that you feel. Follow what gives you energy and what makes you feel drained, okay? Look at that shit. That's better than if I tell you, well, how does this make you feel? If you're cut off from your emotions, like I was for a long time,

you have nothing to follow. Like your emotions are your guidance, but when you can't feel them because you learn to come off from your emotions like I was for a long time. You have nothing to follow. Like your emotions are your guidance, but when you can't feel them because you learn to come off from them or they're you're like detached from them, you don't have anything. So look at your energy, look at your energy in your body. Or make you feel tired. What makes you feel energized because one day I was so fucking tired and I wanted to go take a nap and I thought about doing a live. So I jumped on live and I talked on live for like two hours with people and I felt so fucking energized. I didn't need no live, so I jumped on live and I talked on live for like two hours with people and I felt so fucking energized.

I didn't need no more nap. I didn't even think about a coffee, like I didn't need anything. So that's one tip I have for people that can't really feel their emotions. If you want help doing this, I have the app positive focus and there's an entire section of journal prompts

full of questions to ask yourself on different topics, different areas of life for shit like this. Again, awareness to flip your perspective, everything you need really to get started with this and to develop yourself and to switch your fucking mindset is in that app. So even if you're like, oh, this might not even work. If're looking at the topics a lot of the questions inside the different topics are more universal It's just under one thing is that makes sense? So it'll be a lot more helpful than you realize and you can apply these questions to different areas of your life You just got to switch a couple words around if you want

But I think they're very fucking helpful and a lot of you guys have found them helpful So I'm throwing that out for the resource for people that don't know. I'll put the link to download it in the description of his podcast. It's on iPhones, Android, all the fucking shit in between. So yeah, if you want help and this is like sparking your interest, but you don't know where to start because that shit's overwhelming. I get it. That's why I made an app for it. I got you babe. Let go get it.

Go discover yourself. Go change your life. Because like I said, it just takes switching one perspective to completely change the way you feel about what you're doing and how you're living. Again, the app is called positive focus. If you just want to search it in the app store, it's the blue eyeball. It's the icon. So, yeah, it's also linked in the description. Love you.

I had to plug that really quick just cuz it's a helpful resource Okay, so my last theory for this Happiness topic that everybody won't shut the fuck up about I'm kidding. Do y'all know when I'm kidding because I feel like people don't really know when I'm joking versus when I'm not But I just want everyone to know if I'm ever deadass serious, you'll know like whenever I'm actually aggravated or I'm actually talking shit You a 100% no you will without you will have no doubt that maybe I was joking Okay, if I say some off the wall shit, I'm probably kidding Most of the time if you get me you get me okay, whatever so back to the third thing

You got to get in the fucking moment with shit And I'm not talking about all that mindfulness, fucking meditation bullshit that everybody preaches online. Like you need to meditate. You need to practice being mindful. Shut the fuck up. I have a brain that does not shut up with thoughts. Okay, 24 hours a day.

I don't have one second where my brain is not thinking of fucking thought. I can't meditate, doesn't work. I either fall asleep or I think about too much shit. Okay, like I can't, I've tried it. Like I really have, but it just doesn't work. I sit still a lot and I'll just like pay attention of a sensation to my body,

but girl, to meditate, no, can't do it. Fuck you. Now, I'm not talking about that when I say get in the moment. But my counselor a long time ago told me a couple of things that do help, but this is not what I'm talking about. I'm about to get to my point, but I need to throw you these couple tips. So I was asking her, like, how do I get more in the moment? And she said, Leo, feel your ass in the chair. Love you at least if you ever listen to this.

But she said, feel your ass in the chair. Love you at least if you ever listen to this, but she said feel your ass in the chair when you're in the moment. When you're at a restaurant, feel your butt in the chair, get in the environment, feel the weather, feel like the sensation of your skin. What is the temperature in the room? Feel the cold on the glass when you pick up your cup to drink. Like just feel how it feels to be in your body and to be doing what you're doing in that moment and it will bring you back to the moment. That's something that helps people with anxiety too.

But my point with the whole, get in the moment, shit, is stop doing things so that. And what I mean by so that is, for an example, for me, I'm going to the gym so that I can look good, so that I can be healthy, so that I can X, Y, F**K and Z. Stop with the so that. I'm going to the gym, period. That's it. I'm going to the gym. If I decide, okay, I want to look good, so I'm going to start going to the gym. Okay, the reason I'm going to the gym is because I want to look good.

But I don't need to remind myself every fucking time I go to the gym of this expectation that comes with it. Remove the expectation. Remove the so that. So I decided I'm going to start going to the gym because I want to look good. Okay, cool. So when I get in the car start going to the gym because I want to look good. Okay cool So when I get in the car to go to the gym tomorrow, I'm going to the gym Period so that when I'm at the gym. I'm not looking for everything I'm doing to have an expectation It kind of like frees my mind to let me be more in the moment and to enjoy the task that I'm doing

It's just the task. So just do the task. Stop with the fucking so that. And I know it's kind of like contradicts the last one, but not really. Like if you get what I mean, you fucking get what I mean. It's like you understand why you're going. You set the goal. You're going to go do it. It takes to reach that goal. But like with me posting a TikTok or posting a podcast. I'm posting a podcast to share what I know. You could even go as far as to say, I'm just posting a podcast, but adding to share what I know helps me.

So I'm making a podcast to share the awareness that I've gained through what I've experienced in life. Okay, great, that's it. I don't tell myself, I'm posting a podcast sharing what I know so that I can become a life coach. Uh-uh. Cut that part. I'm not doing this shit so that I'm like, I'm just sharing what I know. I'm sharing what I know. That's it. Whether it's on a TikTok or a podcast, I am sharing what I know. I know why I'm doing it, but I don't need to have that in mind every time I take a step to get toward where I want to go.

That will fuck you. It will make you anxious, it pulls you out of the moment, and it puts expectations on everything. Because every move you make, you now expect a result with it. If you're expecting results and you don't get one, you're gonna get pissed off. Like, when I go to the gym gym and I don't start looking good, I'm gonna be fucking pissed, you know? Like you need to reevaluate, you need to own up to that. But I'm talking about when you need to keep yourself going because in the gym, you're not gonna see a result

for a while. So you just gotta remind yourself, I'm going to the gym, period. I'm not going to the gym so that I can look a certain way. That is gonna fuck you because if you keep saying, I'm going to the gym period. I'm not going to the gym so that I can look a certain way. That is gonna fuck you because if you keep saying, I'm going to the gym to look good. After three weeks, you're gonna be like, man, I don't look that much better, fuck this.

But after three months, you're gonna be like, damn, I'm gonna keep going to the gym, you know? But I'm just saying when you're working towards something, stop doing shit so that. Stop reminding yourself why you're doing everything because it sets the expectation of You need to get something for what you're doing right now. Just do the activity to do it I'm going to the gym period go have a good ass workout while you're at the gym be at the gym went to the gym You know what I mean go and fucking do it have the experience do, do the task. When I'm making this podcast, I'm sharing my awareness.

That's what I'm doing. I don't, I'm not reminding myself so that I can become a life coach because whenever I go to become a life coach, if it fucking flops, I'm going to look back on everything I just did and be so much more discontent and so much more upset because I'm gonna look at all the effort. I just put into the things leading up to it as a failure and for nothing. I'm gonna look at everything I just did like it was fucking worthless

and I shouldn't even have like wasted my time and effort. So stop associating everything with a fucking so that and just start doing shit. And like I said, this helps with anxiety because it helps you not get overwhelmed because if your every move you make has a so that on it, you're expecting so many little things from every move you make.

So your brain is trying to take into consideration what you're doing and then also what you're expecting to get from it and also the other five things that you're doing. So every single thing has like a stack of like another, an extra little add on to consider. So if you just look at your life as actions, you're good. You'll have a lot less anxiety. You'll feel a lot less overwhelmed all the time because I deal with that a whole lot.

So simplicity is the key for that. It's helped me a ton. This frees you up to find the fun and shit. This helps you have fun in what you're doing because you're just doing what you're doing to do it. Like with going to the gym, it's like your goal is to lose weight. That's a given.

That's a given with going to the gym. That's just a bonus. So if you start going to the gym, you're gonna lose weight. That's a given So put that out of your fucking head. You know that's coming. You ain't got to worry about it But now when you go to the gym you get to have fun You get to talk to people you get to mingle you get to learn new exercises You get to like tap into what feels good and like you know what I mean? You get to find the fun and shit you get to find the fun and what you're doing

Same with doing my lives on TikTok. It's like, I just get to have fucking fun. I get to just enjoy what I'm doing as I'm doing it. I'm not like holding myself accountable and reassuring myself, this is all for something. Because if something gets in the way of it or one of my actions gets prevented, I'm gonna get fucking pissed off

because if I'm doing this action for something and I can't do it now, I'm gonna get even more fucking mad than before if there's an expectation on it. I hope I'm making this simple enough so people are like able to keep up with it because my brain be going a mile a fucking minute. I really think my biggest tip with this part is simplicity.

Like simplify everything. Make it as simple as possible. And like my example with going to the gym, if your goal is to lose weight, that's a given with going to the gym. It's just going to happen with going to the gym. So that doesn't need to be your focus every time you go to the gym. That's just going to be the bonus of it. And I hate those fucking people that are like,'s just gonna be the bonus of it. And I hate those fucking people that are like,

fall in love with the doing of things. Ooh, it's like, no, don't fall in love with it. Don't try to make yourself like like it. But look for the fun in it. Learn how to set yourself free mentally from stressing out while you're doing so much shit so you can actually find the ways to enjoy it. Take off so much of the expectation of what you're doing.

Like you still need to do things so that, but I'm saying just try on a new perspective and try on not adding so many so that's. All right friends, do you feel happier? This is the end of YEPS up. Do you feel better? Did you like it? I hope so. If you did like it, you could leave me a five-star rating on Spotify and Apple Podcast. Whatever

you're on, you could throw a five-stars. Just throw it on your way out. Thank you so much. Thanks for coming to Sunday service. Thanks for listening. If you guys have any topics you want to hear about, send me a DM on Instagram. I'll leave my social media ads to my TikTok so my Instagram and everything in the description of his podcast to just look for me. But yeah, I want to hear what you guys want to hear about. I was going to do a Q&A for this one, but a lot of people asked about happiness.

I was like, let's just do us a whole fucking episode on it. You know? So these are just my ideas. If you agreed, cool. If you didn't mind your business. Okay you agreed, cool, if you didn't, my job is this, okay, don't be fucking rude. Don't try to attack me for it because I am a Pisces, I am sensitive, I will attack you back.

That's all, I love you guys. Also my app, I'll put the link to that in the description if you wanna download that, but that's it. So stay safe, I love you, Zal, and I will talk to you next Sunday. So stay safe, I love you all and I will talk to you next Sunday.