Aware & Aggravated - 20. This Year Was Meant To Humble Everyone. Tips for 2025

Episode Date: December 22, 2024

More of the major lessons I learned from 2024. Part 1 was episode 19 if you want more!   Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi     Merch: https://leoskepicollection.com/      My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1     FaceBook Support Community:  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw     Business Inquiries: [e-mail] 

I'm looking at my notes right now. This is going to be real twisted a little bit, but what do you expect? It's me. Hi friends. This is what I want you to know before 2025. Don't be naive. Don't do what I did. I have seven of the biggest lessons I learned in 2024 written out and I'm going to tell you about them. A couple of them are real dark and twisted, but it's what the world taught me. Not everything's Danny Lyons and happy pretty, all right? We've got to get real deep on some stuff. But I'm going to talk about loyalty, resentment,

a self-love trick that I learned. Well, actually, life taught me. It beat it into me. I'm about to give you all the weapons you need in your tool belt to not get played like I did in 2024. So let's just do this. I'm in a very happy, good mood. And my first point is about resentment. Like this is a very serious topic. So we got to focus. All right. Enough with the giggling. Okay. So lesson number one is the most important. That's why I'm doing it first.

I learned a ton about resentment and not wanting to get revenge. And then the whole thing of like, which revenge is the best to get because sometimes you got to give revenge. When you have somebody betray you or do you wrong, resentment only can exist if there is a perceived threat. Only reason you resent somebody is because you feel threatened by them or you feel a threat from them just living and existing.

And there is zero ability to have compassion while you feel like there is a threat. So a lot of people will judge you for your reaction about when somebody fucks you over. Oh, you shouldn't be this harsh. You shouldn't be this mean. I'm the type when somebody hurts me or does something to me. I want you to die. When somebody fucks you over, oh, you shouldn't be this harsh, you shouldn't be this mean. I'm the type when somebody hurts me or does something to me, I want you to die. I wish the worst on people.

And a lot of people were saying, I'm like, dramatic. Really nobody in my life was saying this. Everybody agrees with me. But people online, it's like that more like sensitive perspective was like, oh, you're too harsh, you're too this, you're too that. Whatever. But if you relate to my mindset around things online, it's like that more like sensitive perspective was like, Oh, you're too harsh. You're too this, you're too that whatever. But if you relate to my mindset around things of when somebody does something

bad to me, I don't want nothing good to happen to you. I want you to suffer every day you breathe. I want every breath you take in your body to hurt. I want you to regret what you did so bad. But the whole thing I learned about wishing that harshness of bad happening to people is because I perceived them as a threat. Like them just being alive, it was a subconscious worry that something else would happen or they could do something. When you can have compassion for someone very

fast after they do something bad to you, it's because you do not perceive them as a threat. So if you struggle with resentment and you hate somebody, it's fine. And I say that because most people aren't gonna validate that. When you're over here like, I wish nothing but the worst dog shit to happen to this person. Look at how the person who wronged you,

look at how you're perceiving them as a threat. That's the real issue here. You don't truly want bad things to happen. You just want them away from you. Long as you leave me alone and get the fuck out of my face, I don't care what happens to you. I'm not wishing nothing bad, not wishing nothing good. I'm indifferent.

And that whole dynamic will help a lot of people understand their resentment better. If you mad at somebody, it's not wrong to be mad at somebody. It's not mad to be upset that you got betrayed or you're hurt. But that understanding piece is something that was missing for a long time.

And I noticed I have no compassion at all while things are happening or going on. A lot of people are gonna try and bully you. And like, not bully you, but they're gonna like, be kind of like rude, innocent. Is it rude? Not really. When you're highly emotional and motherfuckers coming at you with logic, when you feel like this person is a threat to you, there's a huge disconnect. They're not going to understand. They're going to seem like they don't get it.

You're just going to be like, shut up, like a yapping chihuahua. You're just going to like slap into the side and be like, shut up. You don't get it. Yeah, I'm harsh. I'm crazy Whatever because I wish the worst on this person you're not wrong for it and just give yourself that little bit of grace and Don't try so hard to have compassion while you still have an active threat in your life That all makes sense and your brain can't do it You can't have compassion for something that you subconsciously fear or worry is a threat.

It's gonna come in time. As soon as this person no longer is perceived as a threat in your head, you can humanize them again. And your brain's gonna do it on its own. But if you struggle with having compassion, this is a big thing I learned because I'm so compassionate until you do me wrong. Then I'm the most heartless

and like ruthless person you've ever met. And it's because I perceive things as a threat or people as a threat. And that kind of made me understand myself better. So don't take action until you look at, okay, I feel resentful as hell. I wish the worst on this person. Hope the head falls off. How are they a threat? And that's a quick way to get rid of resentment is get rid of the perceived threat. Cause if there isn't one, what you mad for? You could still just like hold a low resentment. It's fine. It'll go away in time, but nobody can rush that process. So don't try it.

For someone who tried it. Don't, don't let nobody pressure you into having compassion and not wishing the worst on people. They getting what they earned. So how you deal with it and when you come to terms with it is your fucking time. That's your business. But I do want to hit that revenge piece that I mentioned. Getting revenge by your own hand.

You preaching to the choir. If you can't like let go of that, I get it. I fully understand it. When someone does me wrong to a point where I want to harm them, I always thought nothing's ever gonna make me feel happy. I want the revenge. I don't want karma to do it. She's taking her sweet ass time.

Also, I was like, I don't want life to get them. I don't want karma to, I wanna be the one to do with. I wanna be the consequence. So you did something to me, now don't want life to get them. I don't want karma to, I want to be the one to do it. I want to be the consequence. So you did something to me, now I'm doing something to you. And I want to like cause that revenge at my own hand. And you're not crazy if you deal with the same fucking thing. Luckily now, but also unfortunately at the same time,

I'm in a position where I have too much to lose to go and get revenge on my own and like do it how I want to. So in that whole like restraint period of like the cost being too high, I've gotten to reflect on it. There are some things I will always get revenge for. You kill someone I love. I'm getting my revenge.

I'm not waiting on life. I'm not waiting on karma. I'm not waiting on God. I'm not waiting on nothing. I'm doing it. Hello. I'm not waiting on karma. I'm not waiting on God. No, we know nothing. I'm doing it Hello. Nice to meet you. But with forcing myself to kind of hold back and wait it is Such a better feeling To let somebody crumble their own life then for you to do it. It's weird

I always thought it was the opposite. I always thought nothing's gonna make me feel better I want to know I caused that to you I want to know that I hurt you and I want you to know that I fucked your life up because you tried to fuck Up mine. I used to be very much like that. No I've gotten revenge like that in the past, but this whole new wave of revenge. I'm like watching it happen. I Take shit on the chin do what I'm gonna. If it's not too much of a betrayal, I'll take it on the chin and just wait. If you do me wrong and I'm silent, be very scared. I'm either plotting or I'm doing some kind of hex and shit.

But watching people's lives crumble at their own hand and their own doing is so much better. It feels so much better. And for me to like take joy in people's misfortune, like I said, the whole compassion thing, I find joy in it because I perceive them as a threat. The people who I haven't gotten revenge on and then life got them for me after I stopped perceiving them as a threat. I feel bad. I genuinely do. Like, I'm like, Oh damn, that's when the compassion will kind of like come back in. It's like, Hey, now you feel bad. So that's when you get that safety of like,

okay, I'm glad I didn't enact revenge and things just happened the way that it did. Cause now I feel bad and had I done worse, I would have felt way worse once that whole threat is no longer there in your head. So I just wanted to kind of warn everybody about that because that was a rough one for me. Okay. Lesson number two, it's about your relationship with yourself and something big that I learned. Keep secrets with yourself.

There are certain things that you should have, like hand in hand, where only you know about it. Like having secrets with yourself that you're gonna take to the grave, ah, it's the best. It's like a bonding thing with you. If you struggle with self love, or like any kind of self esteem or feeling

bad about yourself, confidence, whatever it is, do stuff and have secrets you tell to nobody. It's not a whole thing of like being an authentic and hiding shit. It's just fun. It's a bonding thing. It's like a bonding thing with yourself that like, you know what you really have to, you know what you really about, you know what I mean? It's the best fucking feeling just to have secrets that like, you can think of. And it's like, nobody knows. And there's like a secret confidence that will kind of come from that because like, bitch, you have no idea.

Like you have no clue and it makes you a lot less impacted by judgment and people's opinions. Cause like, girl, you don't fucking know the half of it. Like chill. But the other aspect of that is it sets you up to not be so hurt when you lose people. I've been through this many, many times. I used to have a lot of secrets with myself and then I was trying to soften myself and be nice. Fuck that. No. And when I would lose people, when I didn't have secrets with myself, I felt like I lost a lot of myself with them.

Like I shared too much of myself. I kept no peace for me. And when I lost a certain person, a friend, a partner, whatever, it hurt way worse. And I felt so much more lost and confused. Didn't know who the fuck I was. All this and that question, you doubting yourself? No, you don't give somebody every secret.

You need to have secrets with everybody. You need to have secrets you got with your every secret. You need to have secrets with everybody. You need to have secrets you got with your best friend. You need to have secrets you got with your siblings, with your parents. You need secrets with everybody. It's a very bonding thing. When you both got that, it's nice. It's fun. It's something I've learned, but also with yourself, it's the most important. Have secrets with your God damn self and don't share them with nobody. Like agree. Okay. These certain things I'm taking to the grave.

Nobody's ever going to know. But that's a really big thing I learned about feeling more whole and like feeling like you're enough with yourself and it's changes your whole perception of you. It's fun. And it's very bonding. Like I'm my best friend. My mom's my best friend. My sister's my best friend. But like really, at the end of the day, I'm a best friend because I do shit and no shit Nobody else does like there's certain things nobody else knows and like I said about the losing people part You don't lose everything. You still got your little secrets you have with yourself

You still got like part of you that nobody can have try it do it. It's fun. Keep secrets with yourself All right. Number three is about loyalty. And this is one that wrecked me. And I really, really, if you own this in a one of these, listen to all of them, but like this is the most important one. If you have someone in your life, whether it's business, friendship, whatever the fuck kind of dynamic it is, you cannot control how someone treats you. Treating someone good does not guarantee they will treat you good back. It will not guarantee that they care about you as a person.

For me with business situations I've been in, people I've taken more than care of, I've personally been invested in them and like cared about them as a person, slid the money on the side, helped them, made sure they were all right. Nothing will be able to guarantee you loyalty if it's not just in someone's character. If caring about you is not something that people value, nothing you can do or give them will change that. So when someone does not treat you good and it doesn't match how you treat them, get the fuck out. Leave immediately. Do not do what I did where you see how you could potentially

get them to care more. Like it's this weird like oh if I care more and I do things for them they'll care more for me. No. If they don't care they're not gonna care. Leave it. And there's like a big thing that I missed subconsciously. I didn't look at it like I was earning their love or earning their support or their loyalty. I just looked at it like, this is how I care about people. But I ran myself stupid doing way too much when I shouldn't have. And then ran myself where I was like banging my head in the wall of like, how can I get these people

to care about me? You can't. If they don't care, they don't care. Let them go. Kick them down the fucking hill if you got to. But do not do that thing where I did, where you turn it against yourself and you stick that knife in you,

trying to do more, be more, and earn their loyalty without realizing it. I never thought I'd be the type person to do that. I never thought it could like slip by my head. It can. So if you notice you're not being treated how you want and your first thought is, Oh, I should do this favor. Oh, I should treat them like this. Oh, I should be nicer. I should do more. Your reaction should not be when someone treats you bad. What can I do more? No. Oh, I'm getting pissed the fuck off.

Cause like I wish I could have like gone back to January of this year and just punched myself in the head and then gave me a little hug and said, this is what you got to look out for. Save your heart. At the end of the day, you cannot control what people value and what people care about. And people can convince you all day long, Oh, I care about you. I'm there for you. I'm this, I'm that. If you notice the actions don't line up with it, they're full of shit. Okay. This is a big problem I have with people saying, I love you to me and my close,

like personal life to say, I love you comes with responsibility. You gotta fucking act like it and you gotta put your ass where your words are. To say I love you to me, you gotta earn that for me to take that and accept that and believe it. You gotta prove it, you gotta earn it. I don't like how people just so freely be, I love you, I love you. From supporters, I absolutely love it. But I'm talking personal life, I love you from like supporters. I absolutely love it, but I'm talking like personal life because when people tell you I love you and then they don't act according to what would happen when you love somebody. No, it's bullshit. Do not fall into it where people are saying I love you,

but you are confused a little and you don't feel like they love you enough or like you're okay maybe I can do this thing and I'll feel more loved like you don't gotta do more I don't care who's telling you I love you I care about you what the fuck are you doing are you earning the ability to say that are you just talking you know alright lesson number four let's get off the angry train you already know the change you need to make with your life. So make it, do it before the heat gets turned up. If you know what you need to do and you're just bullshitting it and putting it off and pushing it off, you need to change your life, change a certain thing, change your behavior, stop doing certain things,

remove certain people from your life. Do it. As soon as it hits your awareness, you're like, okay, for sure I need to do this thing. Everything from that moment you're like, okay, for sure I need to do this thing. Everything from that moment, you become aware, this is what I need to do. From that moment going forward, everything is lining up to force that to happen. There's no cheat the system. There's no get around it. God, the universe, whatever your beliefs are, you are put on the track to do it. And if you don't choose to do it, your awareness already did.

You already are aware of it. The choice has been made. That's the path you got to go down. For you not to go down it, you will be shoved by life. You will have people have falling outs with you. You'll lose money. You'll lose opportunities. Things will start going to shit. Everything will happen to force you down that path.

I got into a car accident, almost died with all the changes I knew I needed to make, but I was like justifying not doing it. No, I waited too long. The heat got turned up so high to burn my ass to make the change. I'm aware I need to make. So my biggest point with number four is you I'm aware I need to make so my biggest point With number four is you already know what you need to do You already know the friends you need to drop you already know the changes to your behavior You need to make you already know if you want to leave that motherfucker you're with do it

Stop waiting because as soon as you're aware you need to do it The countdown starts the ticking time bomb has started It will blow up if you don't do it. Your hand will be forced. So from my experience, I'm never doing that again. Stop being the little frog in the boiling pot. Like you're the frog that you get sit in the pot of water and somebody turns on the stove and the pot starts getting hot. You ain't boiling yet. You just over here like, oh, this is nice, comfortable. I'm over here in the wadi hanging out. All of a sudden it gets warm. You're like, oh, okay.

Jacuzzi and shit. All of a sudden it starts boiling and you got to jump out. That's what happens. Make the change, all right? Trust me. Our sponsor for today's episode is iRestore. And they have the clinically proven game-changing hair growth device that's here to help you turn back the clock on hair loss.

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I don't make money off of each sale. They just track how many people come from me. So that helps me a ton. Thanks for hanging out with me on a little break. Now, let's get back to the podcast. Okay, lesson number five is about listening to what people are actually saying to you, especially when it comes to criticism. And I'm talking with the people who are close to you.

So for someone close to you to come to you and say, you know, you're just hard to be around. You're like a lot like it takes a lot and like it's kind of exhausting mentally and emotionally like keep up with you and deal with everything you got going on. Do not go into the whole rabbit hole of, Oh, I'm too much. Oh my God, I need to change myself. I need to change everything and make sure that they're comfortable. And I need to make it easier for them to be around me and to care about me

because I don't want to lose their love, but I love. And what someone's actually saying when they're telling you it's hard to be around you or you're too much, the underlying message is I'm not enough. And instead of facing that, I'm just going to tell you, yeah, you're too much. You're causing a lot of problems. They're going to point to that instead of saying they're not enough and they're not strong enough. So don't get in your head from my experience of somebody telling you that and it makes

you insecure, makes you doubt yourself. No, pay attention to what people are actually communicating with you. Everybody is an issue for everybody until you find your right people. So another example of this is like if you are dating somebody and they're telling you, you don't put in enough effort. Like if someone criticizes the amount of effort that you put in and say that you're not trying enough or you're not like putting in enough effort with them, what they're actually saying is I'm insecure about how much you care about me.

I don't know if you love me. I'm kind of questioning it. I'm like worried that you don't care. I'm worried that you don't really love me that much. That's what they're saying. When they're criticizing, you're not doing enough. That's what they're saying. I'm scared to lose your love. Oh my God. I love you so bad. Like I'm just ski over here. They're protecting the vulnerability with an attack. They're trying to like communicate to the best of their knowledge. So learn how to read through that shit.

Because if you hear your partner come to you and say, you don't put in enough effort and you go into a fight or an argument, nothing's going to get solved. And it's probably going to turn to a breakup. You feel attacked. You feel pissed off, irritated. What the fuck you talking about? Maybe all that needs to be cleared up is this is how I feel loved. This is my love languages, the main one or the main few.

I'm all of them. You're gonna show me every fucking day, every love language. I speak them all, you're gonna speak them all. But maybe you just need to talk about things that you could do that would make them feel more loved. And that's the solution. So don't get caught up in the whole argument shit. That's a big way you can avoid a lot of arguments

is pay attention to what people are saying. It's not always about you. And it's not always that you're too much. Maybe they're just saying strong enough and it's not that you're not putting in enough effort and there's something wrong with the way that you care about people. They just don't feel loved. And that's a conversation that needs to be had of like, what can you do to make them feel more loved or what can you communicate is the way that you've been showing love that they just haven't been seeing Maybe you don't have to change nothing that you're doing how you treat them

Maybe they just need to become aware of like when I do this thing or I say this thing This is me sharing and like communicating how much I love you This is something I do only for the people who I love and they'll see it and they feel more loved and boom They're gonna shut up about you ain't putting enough effort. Right? All right. Lesson number six is about materialism. This is going to be long winded. It's going to be a couple of story times that like all correlate, but it's a huge thing.

And if you deal with being materialistic or you don't like people who are materialistic, this is going to change the whole way you view them. So I saw this wreck that happened online. This guy was driving his like super, super expensive car and he was in the car with his friend and he was recording it. He totals the car. They like hydroplane, it was raining.

He totals the car. His friend is like bloody fucked up in the passenger seat. He gets out, still recording, and is furious about his car being totaled. Bro, my car, what the fuck? Like, his only concern is the car. And a lot of people were like flaming him for not being concerned about his friend,

which is fully valid, because when I got in the wreck with my mom, my first concern was her, her first concern was me. We didn't give a fuck about the car. We cared about each other. With the wreck, with the guy, with the really, really expensive car, and his friend, for someone to be materialistic is a trauma response. From my experience and also what I've learned, it's a trauma response to attach to objects and not people. Objects are more safe and secure.

If you feel unstable with your connection to people and human beings, if you've got issues with abandonment or people just treating you bad, you're going to attach to objects. That's a deeply neglected person and they feel no safety and no stability with other human beings. They attach to objects and shit. Because if I take this cup, it's sitting here. I control everything. It's not going to leave me. It's not going to do anything.

If I set it here, it's going to stay there until I move it. It's a sense of stability and like safety. And if something's expensive, like that car, it's a to stay there until I move it. It's a sense of stability and like safety. And if something's expensive like that car, it's a sense of like, accomplishment connection to yourself in a weird way. Also connection to like how you're perceived by others. It grants you that and helps you control people's perception of you and make them like you more. Materialistic people are not just assholes. They just don't trust people.

They don't see people as a way of finding connection that is secure and stable and is fulfilling. So you turn to objects without realizing it. A lot of people have collections of the most stupid shit and a lot of people spend money on stupid things. Like from our perspective it's dumb, but there's people with purses like purse collections and they got 50 Birkins. They're attached to those. One, it's part of their identity. And two, it's a sense of like safety and connection with things. Like the more things you have,

the more like false senses of connections that you have because you don't trust your ability to connect with people. It's not safe. It's very safe to be connected to an object. Can't go nowhere. Don't judge you. It don't nothing. Another angle of this with materialism for someone like me where my brain is going 24-7 non-stop. For me to fixate on a physical object, it's such a relief. For me to fixate on a physical object,

it's such a relief. My brain does not see anything at face value. I don't see nothing as just what it is. When people are talking to me, situations, opportunities, anything that happens in this life, when you're really aware, everything's deeper. There's always something under the surface. There's always more to shit. Like people always say, Oh, you read too much into things. Nope. My brain just be doing it. But when your brain does not accept things for what they seem, you're always going into it deeper.

To see a physical object is such a relief. Like I told you, I had a fixation a couple of weeks ago with Versace pillows and I was like picking all the different colors I wanted and like organizing them, decorating the house. Like I still every single day, fuck with them and change the little order of them to make sure they look right. For me to fixate on a physical object is such a relief

because it is what it is. It is what it seems. It is so easy. It's so simple. The pillows are pillows. They're not gonna change color by accident. They're not going to change color by accident. They're not actually a different color that I'm not realizing. I'm not being betrayed.

There's like no chance of dealing with something blindsiding me. It is what it is. It's a fucking pillow. I mean, and that whole activity of me shopping online for them, buying them, getting them, having them here, appreciating them. It's very, very easy. And it's such a relief for my brain because it's simple. It's easy.

It's guaranteed. It is what it is. There is no deeper to it. There is no like anything more to it. So if you're also somebody that deals with materialism and like fixating on shit, look at that dynamic. That's what made me become aware of it. And I've stopped buying the pillows because now I'm aware of what's going on. I'm like, ah, this was fun, but this was an expensive little hobby.

I need to find something else. So that was like a relief when I realized it. But next time you see somebody who you're like, oh, they're a superficial asshole, maybe they're neglected. They need a hug. They need someone to care about them as a person. They don't feel safe with human beings,

and that is one of the most painful things you can experience as a human being, because we're all wired to connect to each other. We're all biologically pulled toward each other. We're all wired this way. So for you to experience so much hurt, where the one thing we biologically need as human beings, which is human connection,

for you to see that as so unsafe, you never seek it out or you never truly have connection, that's painful as hell. If you've been pushed to that spot, hey friend, it's fully gonna change. Because like I said, I no longer feel that way with everything, because when the wreck happened, first concern was my mom.

At my tour and one of my shows in Miami, the fire alarm went off. My concern was everybody in the audience. My concern was everybody's safety, not the money, not my outfit, not my jewelry. I was ready to start ripping everything the fuck off just to make sure everybody's all right. It fully can switch and change. And the people who are the most materialistic, I think truly have the biggest hearts and they have the ability to care so much. Don't allow people hurting you so bad to never give that love out and care for people. It's a very isolating thing. It's awful. So from my experience and from what everything

I've observed and like random things that have hit me in the head, that's one big piece of advice. You're not fucked up. You're not flawed and you have the ability to love more than you even realize. So that's T on that. All right. Lesson number seven. This is kind of like two in one. So I'm going to talk about what I learned about weed and what helped me quit it and also a really big thing that has to do with working out.

I had a big like break from working out. I was really consistent with it for like two months this year, couple months ago. Like I'm back in my groove, like working out really hard. And when I don't work out, my brain, weird, depressed, sad, moody, insecure. I just be in my head. Like motivation is shot. When I don't work out or get my blood flowing, I don't feel like myself. So now for me working out every day, I make myself take like two days off out the

week, sometimes one, but I have to get my blood flowing or I'm not level headed. I'm not me. It's like working out is my way to access like the true me. And I'm not saying working out is the end all be all. I'm not a stupid Jim bro like that. I'm just saying like that whole process of like doing something difficult, stressing your body out, working out, the clarity you get, the way you feel, it's your ticket to the true you.

You're not gonna meet the true you if you're just sitting in a house all day. That kind of like wrecked me. When I took like a month off, I was losing my mind. I was going nuts and I fully like wasn't thinking logically. It's not that I wasn't thinking logically. I'm making it seem like it was a big deal. Like I'm actually gonna like be in a fucking straight jacket if I don't work out. It's not that I wasn't thinking logically. I'm making it seem like it was a big deal. Like I'm actually gonna be in a fucking straight jacket

if I don't work out. It's not like that. It's like the doubt, the worry, the down feelings, the insecurity, all that crap, it goes away when you're working out. I don't know how to explain it. There's a lot of things I can go into from the medical aspect, spiritual aspect.

Who gives a fuck? I'ma just tell you what the hack is. Workout to get back to yourself. That's like how I look at working out now and like my biggest motivation to do it every single day. Even when I don't do it and I feel even worse, I'm like, I have to go get to me. So like, I'm about to go workout. We're going to go sad, depressed, whatever, put on some good music, and then I'm going to feel better at the end. I always do. And it's like after the workout, I'm like, all right,

even if I didn't feel good before, or it was like a piss poor workout, it still brings clarity. You still feel better and I feel more myself. So that's a big thing that I've learned. Now, talking about the wheat thing. So the whole month where I wasn't working out, like it's like two months, there was like one month where I kind of went

and then one month where I just didn't go at all. I was gardening every single night to go to sleep and I liked to garden to the point where I was like incoherent. Like I wanted to get like dumb, like stupid until I knocked out. The feeling I was after was absolute exhaustion. I liked getting high and having to fight off sleep and feeling that pull where I had to

like fight to act normal. I'm like, okay, I'm tired as hell. No girl, you was just high. And weed is like a fake way to feel that. So I realized, okay, you ain't going to the gym. You work and doing meetings, you're doing like normal stuff. And you're like being a normal human, but like, you're not doing enough to make yourself tired. And that was the feeling I was after every single night. I wanted to feel exhausted. And I usually live my life very, very high paced, fast, doing shit nonstop, working out really hard.

I like to feel exhausted at the end of the day. And not working out so hard and not doing so many things made me like, I want to get much more high. I would just keep and keep going to like get that exhaustion feeling. And as soon as I realized that I was like, wait, what? Let me try and get this naturally. I started working out really, really hard again, doing way more than I was doing to hit that feeling state. I wanted to feel at the end of the day. And for the first few days I would smoke a little bit and I was already

exhausted. So smoking just a little bit gave me that feeling of like, I gotta go lay down. You know that? But then after a few days of like being back in the gym really hard, exhausting myself with what I was doing all day, every day, I stopped needing the weed to feel tired and like get that feeling and say, I was just tired, you know? But that feeling of exhaustion is what I was really after.

So if you struggle with gardening, like smoking, can I don't know what I could say and not say on YouTube. They'd be demonetizing me. Getting high, okay, can we say that? You're gonna wanna get high a lot less if you just get tired. So if you're looking for that feeling, that's another way to get it. Work your ass off, actually achieve shit. And then you go to bed feeling like,

wait, I'm so tired. I feel high. I didn't even have to get high, you know? So now if I want to a little bit, I just do it here and there as I want it, but I'm not like on it every night trying to like supplement that exhausted feeling that I was feeling before. Other thing with like the whole like getting incoherent and like knocking myself out was the whole like mental relief of the day. There's no more pressure. And like once I would get high, I was not going nowhere, not doing nothing. So that voice in my head that was like, Oh, we should be doing more, wasn't there.

It would just like shut up. Cause it was like an excuse of like, yeah, I'm too high to do nothing. I can't do anything. So like me kind of like not doing what I could throughout the day, feeling guilty about it, the weed shut it up and made it like, okay, well I can't. So tomorrow, and it didn't stop until I stopped it.

Like I had to break the cycle. I had to change it. And you just got to do what you got to do. You got to get up and just exhaust yourself and do your shit. Like if you're using weed to shut up that voice, it's never going to shut up. So don't get caught in a cycle that I did. Do what you know you need to do. Get so exhausted. And then at the end of the day, if you want to garden a little bit, it's not to escape that voice in your head that's telling you you could be doing all this other shit.

You did it all. Now you're having a little ganja because you just want to relax and you like earned it. You know, that's a whole different dynamic and that's something I wasn't aware of. So I wanted to share it and help everybody else because 2025 we not fucking around. All right. If I had my gun, I would point it at you. We not fucking around 2025. We doing some shit.

All right. No more of this crap. No more 2024. I can't wait until New Year's, bro. I can't wait to just put this year in a little casket. I can't wait to put this year in a casket and never think about it ever again. It hurt real bad. I want to do my little thing where I tell you guys to comment an emoji. Like for the people who make it this far, I always say at the end of my episodes, if you made it this far, comment a certain emoji. And

I was trying to think of one. I'm like, a leaf like a little leaf because we talked about weed if you're watching this on YouTube duh comment a little leaf if you made it this far but leave this video a thumbs up and subscribe and all that and also leave me a comment what you want me to talk about next week I put out new videos every Sunday if you're listening to the audio version of this also if you watching this on YouTube will you pretty plea plea please Christmas gift to me? I don't even fuck with Christmas, but I'm gonna use this opportunity.

Hit the download button on all the episodes. Every single episode, go download it, because that's what helps me a ton. Also rate me five stars. And also if you download the episode, you can listen to me on planes and whenever you don't have wifi, I'd be on your phone. I'd be there, so you don't gotta worry about it.

I never leave you, just download me. As always, there. So you don't gotta worry about it. I never leave you just download me As always I'll put all my social media in the description Everything you need for me all the merch is there my app go look see Keep up with me wherever you want to keep up with me. I got all my socials and shit there But with that being said that's all we got for this week. So everybody be safe Take care of yourself and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday I'm not ready you guys next Sunday. I'm not ready to leave you yet. My attachment issues is flaring up.

I don't wanna say bye yet, but we gotta go. So, love you so bad. See you next week.