Aware & Aggravated - 22. Being Insecure & How To Stop

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

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Hi friends, today we're going to talk about being insecure. All right, I'm going to give you my kind of definition of it. And you know what, like that feeling, like I'm going to just go ahead and just start this episode off the bat bitch. We ain't got no time to waste. What if we die? You know, let's just get into it. So like, there's a couple different versions of being insecure and everyone's kind of

got their own. But like I'm talking about the insecure feeling of like, you just have something wrong with you that you don't know what it is, where that comes from, and then also feeling insecure with like all kind of shit and what leads to that feeling. I'm not gonna give too many tips about confidence and like how to be more confident,

that can be its own episode in itself, but for this one, I to dig into like the whole topic of being insecure and feeling like you have something wrong with you and then how to combat that and like how to stop doing that. So in truly old fashioned, we're just gonna go into how you got fucked up as a kid, basically. So my whole thing that I've learned about feeling insecure was that

anytime something bad would happen to me, I would make it mean that something was wrong or bad about me. And a lot of times there's situations where you can't control what's going on or you don't have an explanation. And when I was younger, I just adopted that. So every time something would happen, it was just like, oh, it's my fault. Like taking accountability, taking blame for it, shit like that. But also it was like, oh, it's because something's wrong with me. Like when someone didn't pick me or I felt like my parents, like someone else's kids more than me, like I would just be like, oh, like there's just something wrong with me then, or whatever, but that led into a lot of bad shit. But telling myself it was about me just became my go-to

thought process, like anytime something bad happened, it's like, oh, it's because of me. Oh, it's this, oh, it's that. There's just something wrong with me whenever there wasn't an explanation. But a lot of the times when I was younger, I didn't ask for an explanation. I didn't know that, like there was't an explanation. But a lot of the times when I was younger, I didn't ask for an explanation. I didn't know that like there was any other explanation

other than there was something wrong with me and that it was my fault. And I know a lot of people struggle with that. So that's why I wanna open up and dive into this whole topic with the whole insecurity thing. And I plan to come on here and tell you guys my theory and what I learned from myself, but I took it a step further and I googled it

and I started like researching it and talking to some people. And I realized this is actually like a common thing and like a common phenomenon for a lot of people. So when I was younger, telling myself, oh, there's just something wrong with me, put the blame onto me. So like when I didn't understand

why a situation was going on or something hurt me or someone like treated me bad, I didn't know why they did it. But telling myself, oh, it's because of something wrong with me or something I did something wrong or it's just me. Telling myself that put the responsibility on me. and what that does is gives me a sense of control over the situation Because if I'm the issue I can change I can figure out what's wrong with me and I can fix it and then this won't happen anymore These bad things won't happen anymore people won't treat me bad anymore Because like I've mentioned before like I had a tough childhood with bullying and I couldn't understand why people bullied me and just fucking hated me and wanted to make fun of me so bad and wanted to like hurt me. So that was a thought process I kind of went for and then I turned the blade

at myself and I was like I'm gonna figure out what the fuck is wrong with you kid. I was like we're gonna figure out what's wrong with us so that people stop hurting us And that right there will make you feel more empowered than facing the reality of People just are treating me bad or I don't have any control over this situation Like you're facing powerlessness when you don't know what's going on or someone hurts you or someone does something when you don't know why and you don't know anything you can do to stop it. That was my only way of claiming a sense of power and feeling empowered about the situation

I was in and the way I was being treated. And when I said I looked into this, this is a common phenomenon in people that are raped and people that are attacked and abused and like beaten. Some rape victims will say, oh it was my fault, I wore a slutty dress. Oh it was my fault, I shouldn't have like been nice to this guy. Oh it was my fault, I got kidnapped in a parking lot, I should have been more aware of my surroundings. People that do this are doing the same thing that I was doing because it's easier to look at the situation like it was my fault

than for someone that's been raped to look at the situation and say yeah, I was powerless and someone raped me. That's a lot harder to face and accept and deal with and that will make you like deconstruct your entire sense of safety and well-being in the world and your hope in humanity. Like looking at a situation like you were just abused, just fucking because like that will fuck with you to try to face that. So a lot of people do this whole, oh, it's something about me, there's something wrong with me.

That's a common like coping mechanism, I guess we could say. But my situation was a little bit different because there was no explanation for what was going on with not being chosen, not being treated good, not being wanted. I just kept saying, oh, it's because there's something wrong with me. There must just be something wrong with me. I don't know. And I didn't have anything to base that off of. I had no idea what was wrong with me,

but I just told myself, oh, there must be something because of the way people are treating me. And then that led me to believe that something was just innately and internally wrong with me and I'm doomed until I figured it out. And that's what led me to fucking myself up

and completely losing myself and who I am in any sense of self that I had from a very young age. So I tried to become everything that everybody else wanted, especially my parents. You guys see so much range and my personality and range and everything about me. It's because I've done so much shit trying to gain approval and I've changed myself in so many ways and I've become so many different versions of myself and I've just tried so hard to gain the approval from others since I can remember that I lost myself and it got to the point where I kept telling

myself like when I would become a new version of myself because I thought that's what my parents would want. I would still feel the same like not prioritized, not really wanted. And then I would just tell myself the same thing. Oh, it's just because there's something wrong with me. Let me try something else. Let me try something else. And then I got to a point where I was so frustrated. I'm like, what the fuck is the something else? Like I don't know what else to try anymore. Nothing's working. So I had to look at the way I was thinking about shit

and telling myself that there's something wrong with me. Because that belief served me for a long time. Telling myself that served me for a long time and made me feel better and more empowered about a situation I could not change. Now I'm able to change it. And then when I moved into this mindset of like, I do have control and I can change

things. That's when my belief that used to make me feel empowered made me feel disempowered because now when something would go wrong, I'm saying now, but like in the recent past, when something would go wrong, I would just say, Oh, it's because something's wrong with me. And it would make me feel powerless because I'm like, fuck, like I did everything right and there's just something wrong with me that's just holding me back and preventing me. So I had to reevaluate and that's really what it was. I just got up against so much frustration and I was trying and it's like I had to start looking for other solutions to my problem. I had to start looking at other shit. And what I mean by

other shit is the meetings I was assigning to situations. So there were sometimes in my childhood where I keep saying my parents just because it's easy to just spit that out. But really anybody in my childhood, my aunt, my uncle, I was very close with my aunt. Like she put herself in my life and tried to shove herself in the mom role and like manipulated me into certain things. Like when you're a kid, you're easily manipulated and I was very, very attached to my aunt. And then one day I woke up and she had abandoned me and moved to Pennsylvania. So I've had this fucking issue with everyone, even with friends, like I've said before in the podcast, I've never felt someone's favorite. I never dated really like in school growing up. I never fucking dated until I'm

21 and that relationship was a goddamn motherfucking shit show, which we will not talk about. But I did have to own up to the way that I was perceiving situations in the past of like, oh, I'm not good enough. That was also being clouded by my judgment, because there were situations that were not as personal as I thought. And I had to own up to that, which sucks. And it's not easy to do. And it's kind of painful. But you have to do it if you want to actually fucking grow and get through shit. But the main thing I want to say first is the only way out of this, and if you have this belief, or if you have a sense of insecurity, or if you just feel like everything going wrong

has something to do with you, and it means something is bad or wrong about you, what you need to do is start seeing and looking for the other possibilities that don't have anything to do with something being wrong with you. But I'm gonna give you a couple examples of like straight up real life things that have happened to me. And then the one breaking point I had where my whole mindset flipped about being insecure

and feeling like I had something wrong with me. Like I had to come face to face with it and I'm going to tell you a situation that rocked the shit out of me to make me do that. Okay, so one of my first small examples, an insecure person, be making every goddamn thing mean something bad about them or just something bad in general because how I used to be when like say I was texting someone like I had met someone and I was texting them and I was excited to talk to them. And it's like, if they were taking a little bit too long to respond, I would start thinking, oh my God, they don't like me anymore.

Oh my God, they don't like me. Oh my God, I'm annoying them. Oh fuck, like I would just start getting really insecure about them even liking me. And I would start tripping the fuck out just because they wouldn't text me back. I'd be like, oh my God, they don't like me anymore. They're ignoring me. Like I would get tripping the fuck out just because they wouldn't text me back. I'd be like, oh my god They don't like me anymore. They're they're ignoring me like I would get like that, but then Me now like after growing up and like growing out of that mindset

I'll throw other possibilities out to myself like oh, maybe they're busy Maybe they're doing something Maybe they're in the shower. Maybe they're wiping their fucking ass. You know, like you never know what someone's doing. So if someone's not texting you back, don't automatically casastrophize and be like, oh my god, it's something about me. They don't like me. Take the me out of it. Start looking for other explanations that have nothing to do with you. Just stop immediately attacking yourself when something doesn't go the way you want. So my next example that's kind of small is like if you're driving down the road

and a car cuts you off, someone that's insecure is gonna make it mean something about them like ah, like they're gonna take it personal. It's possible that that car just spotted you and was like fuck them, I don't like them and cut you off. But you don't know if that's the truth, but an insecure person is automatically gonna assume that. So what you need to start doing is looking for,

okay, is that the truth? Or could a possibility be that this person is just in a rush and they're not looking around, they're not seeing who's in their way, they're in a rush to get somewhere and they're just trying to get there and they're not worrying about who's in their way and any other car that was in my spot they would have got cut off too. Look for other ways to see situations as

not as personal and as not as like of an attack on you. Oh one more little example that happened yesterday and I'm very conscious of this at the gym. I read something funny on my phone and I laughed like out loud like I literally laughed like I was laughing and this person walking by me like look down and got like really insecure because I assume that they thought I was laughing at them. So I pulled my phone up and made sure they knew I was looking at something on my phone. So from their perspective, if they're an insecure person, they're going to assume that I'm laughing at them because I'm just laughing.

And insecure person is going to tell theirself that they're going to be worried that you're laughing at them when you're actually not. You know what I mean? Like I used to be that motherfucker. Like anytime someone would look at me funny, I'm like, what the fuck are you looking at, bitch? Like that's what I was thinking in my head. Or if I was on an insecure day where I was like sad, I would be like, oh fuck, what are they looking at me for? Do I look ugly? Do I look bad?

Yadiada. Like it just depended like the mood I was in, of how, which way I was gonna take it. Was I gonna get aggressive insecure? Or was I gonna get sad insecure and start like nitpicking get aggressive and secure, or was like I'm gonna get sad and secure and start like nitpicking myself and being like, oh my god, do I look okay? Do I look like shit?

Is something wrong? But start looking for things in your environment. Like that guy that thought I was laughing at him yesterday. Like if you could have seen my phone in my hand, you could have thrown yourself the possibility, oh, maybe he's laughing at me, or maybe he's laughing at something on his phone, he has his fucking AirPods in.

Maybe he's listening to a funny podcast. Maybe he's listening to a funny podcast. Maybe he's listening to a weird egg made it. You get my point. Okay, now I want to move into the fucking riveting realization that I have, the shit that rocked me and knocked me on my ass and I literally got this mindset beat out of me. So, what happened was with my app. So when I started my app, I was like, okay, I see what's on the market. I see the other apps that are like my app that are notification based and

send like positive things. I have the app positive focus. So if you want to download it, you can. I'll put the link in the description of this. But it's basically an app for notifications of like just new perspectives and positive messages to come to your phone every day. So I wanted to start an app like that. I saw it was on the market and I was like, I'm going to top this easily.

Like what I'm about to make and the shit that I could make and the quotes that I could share would be so much fucking better. Like this is what I like I could make something that people actually would feel better with because the notifications I was getting from the other apps were like weak sauce. They like sucked and they didn't really do shit. So I wanted things that would actually make people think

and would actually like help their life. So I was like, I'm gonna make it. So I made the app and I was trying to get it like out there. I'm like, obviously I can see that my app is 10 times better quality Of what it's sharing than these other apps and these other apps have like millions of Fucking downloads and millions of users like it was insane and I was struggling to even get like 100 downloads on my app. So I was trying always different avenues of ways that I could

figure out how to gain awareness of my app and get it out there to people. So I was posting about it on my social media, but I didn't have near the following that I have now. It was a very small following. So one thing I was doing was every single day, I was going on to the email lists of different counselors and psychologists and therapists in all different cities all over the United

States. And I was sending around two to three hundred emails every day to different therapists for two months straight. And I was sending them an email basically saying, like, hi, just letting you know that, like, I'm the creator of this app, and I'm informing you about it so that you can share it with clients as a free resource if you want to.

Like, just letting you know that this app is available, check it out if you get a chance. Let me know your thoughts. Yaudiata, like, I just offered it and like, made a lot of people aware of it that are in the mental health space so that they could recommend it to clients and I could help myself grow. You know, like I was trying to be very smart

with the way that I was doing this and I was just being very genuine. So I was doing that for two months. I was sending 200 to 300 emails a day and my app was not growing and I was trying to post about it. I was trying to advertise in other ways. I made a Facebook page. I was

paying for Facebook ads. I was doing everything I was supposed to do according to the YouTube videos that I was watching for Facebook ads, but I was not getting shit for fucking like return on the ads. So I was getting very like hopeless. I'm just like, God, fucking damn bro, like everything that seems to work for everybody else, I'm doing it times 10 and it's not fucking working. Like holy shit, like I was running the fuck out of my Facebook ads and I was sending the fuck out of some emails to these goddamn therapists and counselors. And my app was just not growing. Like it just't Cracking any downloads. I was getting so hopeless and my app didn't have anyone upgrade on it for six months that wasn't my like

Friends or family so like they all supported me, but I got no actual like new upgrades or downloads on my app and Mind you I didn't have excess money to be throwing at this shit. Like I completely stopped going out and hanging out with friends. I fucking was like a hermit for like four months and I didn't go out to eat.

I didn't go out to see anybody and that's when I like cracked down and lost the bunch of weight is because I had no fucking reason to go out and do shit. Like I was like, okay, if I'm gonna eat at home, I'm at least gonna meal prep and eat healthy. So, I didn't fucking hang out with anybody. I didn't see anyone, I didn't fucking do shit, I didn't spend money on shit, I didn't

shop, I didn't eat out, I didn't buy anything, I wasn't going out, I wasn't buying drinks, I literally was saving as much money as I could, so I could put it into this fucking app and the Facebook ads. But my whole point with like sending all the emails is like that's something that I could do for free. Like I was trying to exhaust everything I could do for free because I didn't have the fucking money to be throwing at this. But it seemed like the emails weren't working. I eventually stopped emailing the counselors every day because I'm like, this is taking up too much of my fucking time. So I was like, I'm gonna start getting into Facebook ads and finding ways to really figure out how to do this shit because clearly learning from these fucking YouTube

faggot's ain't working. So I was like, let me read some books. Let me do some like, let me do a course on advertisement and talk to some people that are in this space and I can actually learn from it. So I spent some time learning marketing and advertising, learning Facebook ads and I still was getting no fucking results. And I was spending hundreds and like getting up into thousands of dollars on Facebook ads and I was getting like no fucking anything for it. So then

I was left in the place of like okay I'm doing everything I'm supposed to fucking do. I'm doing the Facebook shit right. It's just not working. For whatever reason it's not fucking working. The therapist thing didn't work. I sent thousands of emails over those two months and barely any of them got back to me and nobody downloaded my app and got it. So I was like, what the literal fuck? I can see logically I'm doing everything right. And then that thought came up.

Well, Leo, it just must be because something's fucking wrong with you. Because I was doing everything that I saw was in my power at the time to achieve the goal that I wanted. And I was like, well, just for some reason, and ain't fucking working for you. So you just got something wrong with you. Like, you knew this since you were little, you, like, it's just been a thing. So why did you expect it to be any different? And I went into that and I was like, bro, what the fuck? I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I was at the point where I was like, no way. I'm like, no fucking way. It's me. Like repelling myself. I'm some kind of like vibrational repellent from what the fuck I want, like success or whatever. And I was

just like, bro, like I was so frustrated And it led me to a point of like a fucking meltdown and then I started thinking So I said okay the app must not be good enough So I thought about adding the journal prompt section to it and I was like okay What are we gonna add after that and I couldn't think of anything like I made my quotes better I like added more potent shit like I I made my quotes better. I like added more potent shit. Like I was trying my best with the damn thing. And then I was okay, I'll add the journal prompt section. And then what am I gonna do after that? I was like, okay, after I add the

journal prompting section, there is no question of the value of my app. So, what does that mean? You know, like I saw the value of my app in that moment. I was like, once I make these changes, it's no longer going to be about the problem of the app. Like, it's fucking good. And I can obviously see it's better than without there. So then I was faced with, okay, if it's not about me, something being wrong with me. And it's not about the quality of my app because I can clearly see that it's not about me, something being wrong with me, and it's not about the quality of

my app because I can clearly see that it's great, what the fuck is the issue? So I realized I need to try to find people that are going to value my app. So I was like, okay, Leo, where are the people that are committed to self-awareness and committed to growth. And I realized in that moment, they're not on fucking Facebook, scrolling Facebook all day, where I'm putting my ads. In that moment, I was like, well, damn, like here I was this whole time freaking the fuck out. And like, I wanted to just give up. Because I was like I'm doing everything right. And there's just something wrong with me. It's just not going to fucking work. Clearly

it's not working. If I entertained that thought and I kept believing that, I would have quit. But the fact that I questioned it and came to this new awareness changed everything for me. Because then I geared my attention toward finding the people that are committed to self-growth. I still don't know where the fuck to find them, but I'm doing better than I was. And I'm starting to see a little bit of like a punch up in my app. And I'm like, finally, like something's fucking finally working. But it's taken a lot of time and it's taken like building my TikTok audience and making videos and finding the people slowly that are going to be able to see the value in my app and appreciate it because these losers on Facebook want the apps that already exist that are

just cute little messages that are going to come to you. They don't want things that are going to make you think. People that are distracting theirself from their life on social media and just scrolling mindlessly are not the ones that are going to be able to appreciate the life changing shit in my app. Like they don't want to change their life. They want to cope with their life. That's what they got their phone in front of their fucking face. And they're scrolling everything, you know?

So that whole situation really had nothing to do with me as a person or anything being wrong with me at the core. It was about the way I was going about trying to get downloads and people to use my app. Does that make sense? So you can lie to yourself and blind yourself from like the true problem going on if you want, but the whole insecure thing kind of like cracked for me in this moment. And I felt so much more in control. I felt ready to fucking go again. I felt like restarted. It was like a lawn mower died and you just pulled that fucking string

and it just restarted. Here I go. It's like I got that refresh and that reboot of like, okay, like I have a whole new perception. I have a whole new like outlook on this shit. Now I'm ready to go. And it's made it a lot easier for me to make things and keep going, knowing that it's not an attack on me every time something goes wrong. I look for the other possibilities.

But something I find funny about this is in the past, the belief that something is wrong with me made me feel empowered. that something is wrong with me made me feel empowered. But now all that belief was doing was keeping me blind to what was actually in my power and in my control. You know, just a little thing I want to throw in here. Another thing people struggle with a lot and a lot of people ask me about is trying to grow their social media and grow their TikTok girl I don't know how to work that fucking algorithm. You see me not giving a fuck on TikTok

I don't know how it works. I genuinely don't get it like I don't use sounds usually I don't use captions. I don't use hashtags I just make a video and throw it up and it fucking does what it's gonna do I don't know how that works. I've tried to look into it and it doesn't make sense to me. Like I just don't give a shit. I'm just like whatever and I just go for it because TikTok is very unpredictable and very like choosy. I don't know. I don't get it. I don't know. That's another situation where you need to catch yourself and don't make it mean something about you because you can post a quality ass video. You can post something so funny or something so useful and so good.

And it just doesn't pick up on the algorithm for whatever reason. It does not mean that what you made was bad. It does not mean that what you shared was bad. People just didn't see it. People it just for whatever reason didn't hit the algorithm. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. It does not mean that there's something wrong with the information you shared or the video you posted,

because I know a lot of people that post really good content and they don't have a lot of followers. And I'm one of them, because on my life coach TikTok, I have like 166,000 followers, but the information I share, I honestly think is 10 times better than most people that are on there, but I know people that share basic ass cookie cutter fucking information that have a million plus followers, and I'm like, I know what I'm posting is good, and for the people that are actually gonna like it, they'll find it, they'll find it eventually, they'll get to it. And I do what I can, I post every day, but it's like, it's helping the people

it's meant to help. And my content is shit that's for people that actually want to see their worth, see their value, and see their control. And that's not always pleasant and nice. The other people that are really famous are the ones that are like, oh my God, you should just love yourself.

Oh my God, you're beautiful, you're beautiful are the ones that are like, oh my god, you should just love yourself. Oh my god, you're beautiful. You're beautiful just the way you are. You need a self care. You need to take a break. You need to take it easy on yourself. Like they just say that stupid fucking shit that makes you feel good or like the motivation pages. They just say shit for two seconds that makes you feel good for a minute.

And then it does nothing for you. I say shit that makes you think. I say shit that like, we'll change your whole fucking life if you let it. But I no longer let that affect what I think of my own quality of what I'm posting. Like I know it's fucking good, so it's good. If the algorithm doesn't pick it up, okay, so be it. If you're posting shit,

it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or something wrong with what you're making. The algorithm is fucking weird. It's a little robot. So don't tell yourself it doesn't like you. It does not know you. It has no personal vendetta against you. It don't personify it. Okay.

It's a fucking little algorithm, whatever. But now I'm going to give you an example about dating and rejection. And when someone doesn't want you because it's very very easy to be insecure and try and attack yourself and blame yourself. So when you look at when you like someone and they don't like you back or they don't want to be with you, if you look at that objectively, you do not have to make it mean anything bad about you. You do not have to attack yourself. Here's a stupid fucking example but it'll illustrate the point, and I might do one that

gets a little deeper, but I'm 6'7", I'm fucking tall. Imagine I like this guy that's 5'9", okay? And I'm like, ooh, I like him. I'm real into him, like, I'm everything he could want. And I like him a lot, like, he's fucking Hugh, I want to be with him, and like, why would he not want to be with me? Like, I can see all the reasons he would want to be with me, you know? Like, I wanna be with him and like, why would he not wanna be with me? Like, I can see all the reasons he would wanna be with me, you know, like I'd be a great fucking boyfriend.

And if this guy comes to me and says he doesn't wanna be with me, I would ask why, one, but say he just doesn't like tall guys. He's scared of taller guys. He's not sexually attracted to really fucking gigantic guys like me. He wants someone more along the same size as him. That does not mean anything about me. It is simply the fact that he does not prefer something about me. It does not mean it's bad, it does not mean it's wrong. What someone prefers and what someone likes is their preference. People are allowed to have their own preferences.

It does not mean that he's attacking me. He's allowed not to like tall guys if he wants a guy his size. That's totally fine. Same with someone that's very outgoing. I'm a very outgoing personality. Some people might not like that. Some people will prefer someone that's more of like

introverted and more like a home body and doesn't socialize like me Which is totally valid Old me would have turned the knife at myself and been like you don't need to be so outgoing You need to fix yourself and if another guy didn't like the fact that I was tall I would be pissed that I was tall Because I'd be trying to gain the attention from the person that doesn't want me based off something I can't control Instead of going directly for people that would want me for exactly what I have to offer

Like there's motherfuckers out there that like tall guys So if I run across the one short one that I like but he doesn't like tall guys So he doesn't want to be with me whoopie shit like whoopie fucking shit It doesn't mean to be with me. Whoopi shit. Like whoopi fucking shit. It doesn't mean anything wrong about me. I'm not internally flawed. He just has a fucking preference. Like there's no nothing about that.

People want what matches their preferences and people value what meets their needs. So this boy, if he likes short guys, has a need of having a short boyfriend. I can't meet that need for him. It does not mean I can't meet other needs for him. It does not mean I'm useless. That's just one need that he has that I can't meet. So it makes us incompatible. Just because you can't meet every need for somebody, it does not mean you're useless. You just need to find the people with the needs that you meet. But if you feel the need to go at yourself and change yourself for someone, that means

that you don't think that there's more people. You're operating from a mindset of lack and that this is the only motherfucker you'll find that you like. And you convince yourself this is the only person you'll find that you like and you convince yourself This is the only person you could get love from Which is easy to slip into but I want to reveal that that's kind of a reflection of childhood and how shit felt back then because For someone like me my family and my parents there is a limited amount There is a limited amount of people that cared about me when I was younger, and there wasn't any go find another fucking person to take care of you.

All I felt like I had was my family, so I was trained with that lack mindset of like, what you have, you make it work. Because there's no one else that will love you. And you figure it the fuck out, so like trying to gain approval from my aunt or my dad or whoever it fucking is. I had one option, which was to change to be what they wanted. And I got the whole message my whole life that I was fucking useless because I wasn't able to meet the needs of certain people, but I didn't know that there was other people

I could meet needs for and that mindset will follow you until you break it. So if you think the way that I used to or you relate to what I'm saying in this, just realize that you are no longer in a house where your options are limited, where there is only a few people that could care about you. You don't have to change for them anymore. You don't have to change for people anymore. You're allowed to be yourself.

And I think that's the biggest gift you can give yourself is to put yourself off the hook for trying to force every single person to like you and to want you. I get why you did it, but now that you've listened to this podcast, you got a quidit babe, you got to knock that shit the fuck off because you're no longer in a space of lack. There's so many human beings you could find and access with needs that you can meet so easily just by being who you are would be enough for them. You just have to find them. But stop convincing yourself that this one person you like, if you're in a situation like this is the only motherfucker

you're gonna find because there is plenty more. So that's my little point on rejection is just take it in for two seconds. Just hold on and you don't need to change who you are every time someone doesn't like something about you or they don't prefer something about you. Let's just say that. It's not that they don't like you. Start looking at it like they don't prefer this thing. So no matter what it is, whether you got a big fucking nose or you have small lips or god damn I'm sorry baby if you do. But like if there's just any problem, any like quirky thing or anything about you like your personality or what you like to do, things you enjoy. If someone isn't okay with the fact that you like that, it doesn't

mean there's anything wrong with you for liking it. They just don't prefer that and that's okay. There's just incompatibility there. If you try to force it and be with them anyway, that is not going to lead anywhere healthy or good. You will fuck yourself up. Trust me and speak it from experience. Do not try to mold yourself and change into what someone else wants. Go and find the people that want exactly what you have. And I'm someone that was like, where the fuck am I supposed to do that for so long? And then I made a TikTok and I started fucking around. And like I said, I just started being myself. And people loved me just for being me. And I started my podcast and people enjoy me and enjoy hearing what I have to say just to hear what I have to say, just to hear what I have to say, because it helps them.

Like I've finally found some people that get me and appreciate me for exactly who I am. Now, if I would have spent my time in energy trying to fix myself and be everything everybody else wanted me to be, I wouldn't have found you guys, because I wouldn't have been spending the time in energy I've spent trying to find you and putting myself out there so that you guys could find me.

I'm sure you can think of a ton of other examples of how this kind of applies, but these are the ones that I've got and I hope this episode was helpful and I hope you guys learned something because this is a thing that helped me with my whole insecurity thing like just look for the other possibilities that don't mean anything bad about you. When you feel negatively about something or you feel hurt by something, that is your signal to question everything you are telling yourself in that moment. That's the time when you get to reflect and figure out all these things that you're telling yourself that are hurting you. That's when you get to reflect and figure out all these things that you're telling yourself that are hurting you That's when you get to question it. So use the hurt as an alarm bell to call yourself out and question what the fuck you're telling yourself

This is one of the most healing things I've ever done for my relationship with myself One and one of the most healing things I've ever done for my relationships with other people because I'm no longer Fighting for the attention of people that don't want me. I'm no longer trying to prove my worth to people that don't want me. Like if you don't see me, if you don't want me, bye. Go ahead and go on somewhere because I know there's somebody that is. Like once you see that you are valuable and you are able to meet needs for people, when people don't appreciate you, it's going to piss you off.

Because you're going to be like, I think get the fuck away from me then loser. I know it sounds like a little hateful, but it is like if someone doesn't see who I am, bye. You have no clue. You can't even fathom how much you would benefit from having me in your life and that's okay. I'm not gonna sit here and prove it to you because I'm not gonna waste my time on someone who doesn't even see what I have to offer.

I'm going to go give that to someone that's deserving and does see what I have to offer and does appreciate me. So yeah, that's my two cents. If you like this podcast, I just have one request and it's that you go leave me a five star rating. Thank you so much. If you want to keep up with me, all of my social media will be linked in the description of this podcast. Also if you are interested in one-on-one coaching with me, I have now created an application process so it's no longer just free to schedule. I'm doing applications now to keep up with the demand because it's got too high so now

I'm screening people basically to see who's a good fit and who's not. Because I want to work with action takers. I want to work with people that are serious about transforming their life. Because the shit that I say, y'all know. That's what it's for. And where I specialize is with the people that have been looking for answers they can't find. And the people that have been trying shit and it's just not working. I'm the person that those people can go to.

So if you're interested in that, I will put the link to the application in the description box also. And I wanna make it very clear that you've already got what it takes to get through what you're dealing with or to improve your life or to reach your goals. And I'll help you see that.

And it's gonna be a lot easier when you got me in your corner because of that's exactly how I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel like you have someone that has lot easier when you got me in your corner because that's exactly how I want it to feel. I want it to feel like you have someone that has your back and like I'm in your corner because that's what it is like I'm there for you and I'm there to do shit with you. But anyways thank you so much for listening. Please stay safe and take care of yourself and I will talk to you next Sunday. Monday.