Aware & Aggravated - 29. Being There For Yourself

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

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Hi friends, so in this episode I'm gonna give you all the things I've learned about being there for yourself and all the shortcuts that are gonna get you comforted because I know what it's like to not have anyone to turn to and not know what the mother fuck to do with the way that you feel. Okay, because sometimes shit just happens and you don't know what to do, what to think, where to go, who to go to, if you have anyone, like it's just a fucking shit show. And I know how hard it is to navigate the way that you're feelings. So this episode I'm going to share everything I've learned, because I've talked about it before. And we all know that I've gone through most of the like worst parts of my life alone. And even if I've had people around me, I felt like they couldn't get it.

Like they wouldn't even understand or know how to begin to understand when I was going through a feeling. So I just didn't talk to them. Like, I truly felt alone and how I felt. But that led me to all of a shit I know now. It was very painful and it sucked. So if I can prevent you from having to go through that, I've got you. So this is your cheat sheet.

And I also want to make this episode as a comfort thing. So when you are upset or you're going through something or you're not feeling the best, this is an episode you can go to for comfort because I always look for that I always look for someone's video or podcast or just something to have on in the background when I'm upset Like I just want to hear someone fucking talk, you know what I mean especially when you're by yourself Like I just want to feel like someone's there for me in a way even to vicious the voice, you know So I want to make this episode of people like that because a lot of you said that my episodes are comforting So this one is specifically for that because I'm going to tell you what the fuck to do. We got this So the first thing I want you to do when you're feeling upset is

Look at is there something causing you to feel the way that you do? So you don't have to understand the way that you're feeling But I just want you to look at is there something that caused you to feel the way that you're feeling. But I just want you to look at, is there something that caused you to feel the way that you're feeling right now, that something happened, that any event happened, that someone do something, that something shift that is causing you to feel the way you do right now. So if someone broke up with you and you're sad,

no shit, if you broke up with someone else and you're sad, no shit, like it makes total fucking sense. If someone died, no shit, you're sad. If one of your friends has just fucking sense. If someone died, no shit, you're sad. If one of your friends has just made you feel like they don't really care about you, no shit, you're sad. So first step is validating if something did happen that the way you feel is normal and it's expected. But I do know sometimes that you don't have an explanation for the way that you feel. One day you just wake up and kind of a funk and you don't like the way that you're feeling you're not feeling down, you're feeling very sad and it's just out of the blue.

So I'm going to give you tips on that too, but I want to give you an example first about is there something causing you to feel the way that you do? Something I used to entertain a lot is the thought of not waking up. It would feel good. And it started to scare me a little bit because I was kind of like happy about that thought. Like, oh, if I didn't wake up tomorrow, it wouldn't be the worst thing ever.

Like, I'm talking about when I was going through shit. I'm okay right now. Don't check on me, bitch, I'm fine. But like in the past, I would just kind of entertain that thought and be like, you know what? If I didn't wake up tomorrow, I wouldn't be mad about it. Like, it kind of would be a relief. But if you're entertaining the thought of not waking up

and it feels like relief, but you don't actually have any plans to act on it, then that's your message right there. The way you feel is your message of your under too much fucking pressure. Because if thinking about not waking up feels like relief, it only is gonna feel like relief when there's something to be relieved of. So you're under too much pressure right now in your life.

And that's causing you to feel the way that you do. A lot of people will get scared if they even entertain the thought of, oh my god, like not waking up, it would be terrible. Like they get scared, they freak out, and the way that they react to feeling that way is what makes it seem worse, It makes it seem like a problem. But if you don't look at it like a problem, you look at it like it's a little message. Like what is it trying to like what is this feeling trying to make me aware of? What is the message that's coming through with it? You're under too much goddamn pressure bitch. Take some off. Look for the areas in your life where you can stop spreading yourself so thin where you can set yourself off the hook mentally because you're

beating yourself up a lot. And you're holding yourself to really high standards. So get realistic with it, reevaluate the pressure you're under, and brainstorm some ways to get some of it off of you. Okay, so even if it's just little mental things, mental shifts you can make to get rid of some pressure that you're putting on yourself, great. But there's nothing ever wrong with the way that you feel.

Ever. Nothing is ever wrong with the way that you're putting on yourself, great. But there's nothing ever wrong with the way that you feel. Ever. Nothing is ever wrong with the way that you fucking feel. It's understandable and it's explainable. So let's move into when you're just in a funk and you don't understand why you feel the way that you do. I go through this a lot and every time I'm about to have some like breakthrough fucking realization that changes my life, I'm sick of them.

Like I'll get this weird funk for a couple of days. And it's not really like it's a breakdown, but kind of, it's like, it's my message that everything in my life needs to be broken down. Like, I need to change some shit because the way that I'm going is not right. It's like, I'll just get into a funk.

I'll get into this like little pit of like, sadness for a couple of days. And I don't understand where it came from. It just comes up. But I love the way that Tiel Swan talks about being upset. So she flips it. She says, when you're upset, just flip the word upset and look at it as a setup.

You're being set up to become aware of something. And I fucking love that. And that will shift your entire perspective on all of this. So, if you're being set up to learn something by the way that you feel, and like I said, the way you feel is never wrong, then the way you feel is a little messenger. I look at it like it's a messenger, it's a little visitor. So whenever I get into a funk, I look at the funk of like the couple day period or week

or whatever it's going to be. I look at it like this little feeling state and this little feeling of being down is a messenger, it's a visitor, it's coming to visit me to make me aware of something. And I always notice in the beginning of my funk, I'm like trying to figure it out immediately. I'm like, what the fuck is the, what is it?

What is it? Like I just wanna know what the fucking message is and figured out so that this feeling could go away. But that's not how you treat a visitor like you don't want to treat a visitor Like you just want to get rid of it. You want to make the visitor feel welcome You want to make them feel like they're okay to hang out and stay and that's the way you need to respond to this funk that you feel You need to understand it's a visitor It's got a message. So treat it like that. Allow it to come into your life and allow this funk to come in and just sit with it.

Make space for it. Let it hang out. It's got a message for you. So make it comfortable and let it stay as long as it needs to because it's here to help you. And I want to make sure everybody understands that part because just this mindset shift about the way you're feeling is going to change everything. So when I say you need to make room for the visitor, you need to allow this visitor of this funk of this negative feeling state or this just down feel, that's how I feel.

I feel it's just very down when I get into the funk. It's like, I'm not inspired by anything, I'm not encouraged, I'm not motivated, I'm not happy about a fuck thing. It's like a come down. That's how I feel like it's just very down when I get into the funk. It's like, I'm not inspired by anything, I'm not encouraged, I'm not motivated, I'm not happy about a fuck thing, it's like a come down. That's how I feel. Like it's that level of like, I don't really wanna live. And it's not that I wanna die. I just feel nothing positive to make me wanna live.

That's a little bit of like funk. It's like a numbness and kind of just like a down feeling, like a little down state. I don't know. But when you're in this state, I wanna reassure you, it is completely fucking normal to start questioning everything. You're gonna question everything about yourself,

yourself, confidence, what you're doing, what you like, what you don't like, decisions that you've made, people you've cut off, you're gonna start questioning everything. Your job, what you wanna do with life, what you've been doing, like literally your style, the way you look, everything is about to start to like be questioned. And that's just what comes with being in this mind frame and having this little funk come over you.

I just wanna reassure you of that because people don't fucking tell you that. People don't warn you about that. Do not take any questioning serious that you notice in this funk. So this is my way of like weeding out, okay, what thoughts should I trust and what should I not trust? So start observing yourself questioning shit. Like you have to become aware that you're questioning things and it's not going to feel good. It's going to feel fucking painful.

And if you just let yourself mindlessly question shit, you're gonna feel lost, and then you're gonna get scared. And then you're gonna get that even bigger feeling of like, oh my god, if I just didn't wake up, it would be better. Like I fucking get it, you're not crazy. I fucking get it, okay, and we're about to navigate this shit. So step one is start observing yourself questioning shit. Just start observing it. And I'm talking shit that like two days before the funk you were like feeling good about you were

Amped about you were like yeah, you felt confident about and now all of a sudden in this funk you're now questioning it Do not take that fucking seriously Okay, because every time I get into a funk I question my coaching abilities. I question my podcast I question my social media. I question my coaching abilities. I question my podcast. I question my social media. I question fucking everything. I question if I'm actually as aware as I think I am. Like bitch, I question everything. But it's funny because like before my funk,

I will be so confident about my coaching abilities. I'll be so confident about the awareness that I'm sharing in my podcast. I'll be so confident about everything. And then being in in my podcast. I'll be so confident about everything. And then being in this funk will make it seem like all that confidence I had just got wiped the fuck out. It's not gone. It's just the mood I'm in. And I'm taking my thoughts of questioning things too seriously. I'm making it mean that they're true.

And that's my next point is when you're in the funk or you're in a down mood, point is when you're in the funk or you're in a down mood, you take a lot more things as fact and like it's certain and that's the way that it is. So if someone has criticism of you, whereas before it wouldn't bother you, you're a little bit more receptive to shit when you're in a down mood. So like people's criticism will hit harder. You questioning yourself just by questioning things, it will make you think that something's gone wrong. Basically, you're not gonna be good at buffering yourself

and kind of like checking yourself and being able to filter out what is true and holds weight and what doesn't. So like your ability to like critically think and weigh out the options, it's like everything that's hurtful is going to hurt 10 times worse because you don't have that barrier anymore. It's like you're barrier to bullshit and you're barrier to questioning yourself and feeling

down about things and you're barrier to not seeing your worth is up. Like that one's up, but your barrier to protecting yourself is down. You just don't see shit for what it is. Like you're very clouded, you're jaded. And I just want to reassure you, that's normal for the way that you're feeling nothing's gone wrong and it will change. It's not true. It's not here to stick around.

That's just something that comes with being in a funk is you're going to start questioning and doubting shit. So the first thing I want you to do is give yourself reassurance that you're not taking your thoughts seriously. It's like when you're hung over and you're anxious as fuck. You don't take your thoughts seriously from that day because you know you're gonna be wacky. Your thoughts are not accurate. They're gonna be anxious and weird and you're gonna be all in your fucking head and that's

expected after you drink alcohol. Just how you don't take your thoughts serious when you're hung over. Don't take your thoughts serious when you're in a fucking funk. Anything you're questioning, set it to fuck free. Just set it free from your mind and understand you're gonna have shit come up, you didn't realize you were insecure about or things that you were questioning. But reassure yourself, it doesn't mean it's true. So tell yourself, after this funk has passed, if these feelings are still here, then I will go into them. I'm not gonna go into them and question them and question everything that I'm doing and start changing everything

that I'm doing just because I'm in this funk. That's the main thing is do not change what you've been doing because you're in the funk. If you have goals you're working toward, work toward them. If you're working on your business, if you're working on going to the gym, if you're working on eating healthy, don't just start throwing shit away and making all these changes because you feel a little different. Like I said, the messenger is here to hang out. Now you allow the visitor to come and hang out, you don't allow the visitor to come and disrupt your entire fucking schedule of everything you're working on. So continue working on the things you've been working on, address things,

observe your feelings, but don't take them too seriously during this time. So the next part of that is when you start question and shit, if you can't set your mind free from it and you keep questioning it, just look at the fucking facts. Look straight up at the fact. So how I said when I start getting in a little funk, I'll question my coaching abilities.

I'll question my podcast and how good it is. If I'm actually smart or not, I want you to start looking at things that the proof is obvious and so in front of your face, you can't even question it. So when you're questioning things, go look for the answers that are unquestionable. So when I go read reviews of my podcast and I look at my DMs because you guys DM me

all the time on Instagram about how much you love my podcast and I love that you DM me. My Instagram is the Leo Skeppy if you want to DM me. I would love to hear what you have to say. And if you have any like ideas for future topics send them to me bitch like we're in this together. I'm here to talk about what you guys need help with. So tell me. But I'll go read DMs.

I'll go look at you guys as a message. I'll hear your words. I will hear other people's reaction to me and what I'm sharing. And also I'll look at my coaching testimonials. The ways that I've helped people, I'll go back and look at things people have said to me. And I'll remember the ways that people end calls with me

and how most of my clients reschedule with me right after the call they get off of. That only happens when I'm able to contribute value and to truly help them. It's so obvious when I look at it that the thoughts that I had questioned in it were something that were in my head and when I look for the proof in real life, I ain't fucking there. So that's what I want you to do is look for the facts and look for the shit That is not able to be questioned like how am I gonna go read the reviews of my Podcast and be like I'm worried my podcast is not that good and then I have all these reviews of people saying it changed Their life and it helped them more than their therapist has how am I supposed to fight that you can't so then I have to make my brain

Accept hey fucker. You're doing good, you're fine. You know what I mean? So when there are not any facts or there's no way for you to directly reassure yourself and look at, okay, the way that I'm feeling is like a little just incorrect. The way I'm feeling is a little inaccurate when I start questioning my abilities. Like when you're feeling that, this is what to do. When there's no facts to look at, I want you to formulate a plan. So when you've tried to set something free from your mind and it won't go away and you're just worried about this thing

or you're just so self-conscious about this thing, you're worried about it happening, you're worrying, you're worrying, you're not good enough, whatever it is. Formulate a plan for the exact scenario you're so worried about and the one that you can't stop thinking about. So what are you going to do? Make an action step, like action plan list of things you're going to do

after this funk is over if the way that you feel does not leave. Having a list of action steps is going to make you feel so reassured and safe and comfortable and it's going to allow you to free yourself From that worry and the shit that's going on in your mind like it's gonna help it Just kind of like put it at rest and it's like the thoughts are only coming up because you won't address them So when you address what you're thinking and what you're worrying about when you address it You make a little plan for it the thought can fuck off like it will leave you alone because you're ready for it And even if it doesn't leave you alone you can now reassure yourself every

time that thought continues to come up I've planned for it so I'm not gonna spend time worrying about it. Okay so my next tip is about before you fucking call someone or before you ask someone to come be there for you and come for you this is all the shit you need to do before that. But also everything I'm about to list is how you can actually be there for yourself before you go to other people. So if you don't have anyone there for you, you can still do everything in this list and

you should. But the worst thing is when somebody is like all emotional and fucked up and freaking out and they come to you. It's like girl, get your fucking self together, get your thoughts together before you come to me and just start unleashing all of your shit onto me. And I'm not talking about a serious situation. Like if someone in your family dies, I'm there for you. You're allowed to freak out.

You're allowed to be dramatic. If there's like a serious event that has happened and you need someone there for you, call me immediately. That's totally fine. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about little bullshit fucking things that people freak the fuck out over and they don't check in with theirself before they come to me. And they just start freaking out and it spirals and they don't have their thoughts together. They're just blurting out all this shit They're feeling all these things and they're just like a fucking little tornado and they come into my life and come into my world Expecting me to help them figure it out. It's like bitch

Check in with yourself first if it's not something like catastrophic and huge You like come to me immediately for that shit, but when it's something like day to day and You're just overwhelmed and you're dealing with things, motherfucker, I want you to sit down and check in with yourself first. So what I want people to do before you go running to other people or before one of my friends, if you listen to this before you come running to me, fucking sit down, check in with yourself. And I want you to make a list of all of your concerns, worries, what's bothering you, and what is going on so that you're prepared to talk about it. Kind of treat it like you're going to a meeting.

Like get fucking logical and put it all on paper so that you can come to me and list off exactly what you're feeling, thinking, worrying about going through. I want it fucking list it out so we can have this shit organized so we can be as efficient as possible. I know that's a weird approach to take, but there's a point behind it. As you try to make a list and write out the things you're worried about, the things you're feeling, the things you're concerned about, what's bothering you, you're gonna be able to see it all outside of your head. So when you write it all on a piece of paper or you type it up in the document,

you're gonna see everything that was going on inside your head that felt so overwhelming and like it was so much to deal with, you're gonna see it laid out on paper. And it's different when you're thinking it versus when you can see it in front of you. So when you see it on that paper and you see all your thoughts spilled out in front of you, you're gonna be able to be there for yourself a lot. Like you're gonna be able to sort out a lot of what you're feeling and thinking and worried about. You're gonna be able to look at this list of shit

or this giant page full of things that are just going on. You're gonna be able to individually go through and look at everything and Cross things out. Okay, well that makes sense now that I'm looking at it That is that makes sense or that doesn't make sense or yeah, I'm not gonna worry about that Where the fuck did that come from that was just a random thought you'll be able to cross out a lot of shit You'll be able to reassure yourself of a lot of shit that is on your paper. So Getting everything that's inside your head out in front of you so you could look at it

and observe it is your first step in dealing with it. Because there's gonna be a lot of things you can solve for yourself and a lot of things you can get yourself through, comfort yourself through, and reason yourself through. And then what's left on the list that you need guidance with or you need help dealing with, you wanna see a new perspective, you need insight,

you just need a little advice, you just wanna share it with somebody, then you come to me. You come to me with your list of the things that you cannot handle, because that's where I can be of most use to you. That's where we'll get tighter. That's where you'll feel like people can actually

be there for you, is after you've gone through the list and handled all the shit that you can handle. But by writing it, you're going to realize you can handle a lot more of it is my point. And then you'll be able to go to people for what they can actually be of use with. Cause I know there's so many situations where you go to somebody when you're upset and you feel like they were no fucking help. It's like you just don't fucking get it. But you didn't get it. You didn't go to talk to them prepared. So you're going to be able to poke holes in your own worries. You're going to be able to poke holes in your own stories and the shit that you're telling

yourself. You're going to be able to redirect your thoughts in your mind when you can see it on paper. Like that. Just remember me saying poke holes in your own stories first. And then what's left you go to talk to someone about. That is where they can truly help you. But my whole point of saying even if you don't have someone to do this with or someone to go to, just getting everything out of your head and sorting through it yourself is how you're going to be able to be there for you. Like there is

going to be times where you make this full fucking list of shit and you get yourself through it and you figure it all out for yourself and you don't have to go to anyone about it. And by doing it more and more, you'll be able to be there for yourself through more and more things and handle more and more things. You'll be able to see new perspectives on your own. You'll be able to be there for yourself, but sometimes there is like a comfort aspect that you want. So doing the list before you go try to get comforted by someone, you'll be spending your time enjoying their company and being comforted by them.

You're not going to be spending your time trying to sort out the way that you're feeling and all these emotional ups and downs. Does that make sense? Like, you need to make it easier for yourself to go be comforted and to be allowed to be comforted. Because if you go out somebody venting and freaking out and screaming about shit, they're gonna be like, whoa, like cool it, bitch. So get that sorted out with yourself when you can.

Like I said, there are gonna be situations where something is just way too overwhelming. Like if you find out your partner's cheating on you and you're freaking the fuck out, go be with someone. There are situations where you need to go be with someone immediately, they need to be able to walk you through it and comfort you as you're going through it. But for the situations where you can handle it yourself, and it's not like super intense and trying in the moment, I want you to start

trying to be there for yourself first. But one of the big things I want to make sure I point out in this is when you're feeling some type of way, that's part of you inside of you screaming for your fucking help and screaming for your attention. So whenever you're feeling down, you're feeling angry, you're feeling sad, you're feeling anything you're feeling, there's part of you that needs your attention. So I want you to face it. I want you to look at it. I want you to validate that part of you. That's fucking screaming for your attention. What I want you to face it. I want you to look at it. I want you to validate

that part of you. That's fucking screaming for your attention. What's bothering it? It's easy when you can look at it, separate as a separate person, a separate part of you. Okay. That helps me a lot. So I know that it will probably help a lot of you. Look at it like a part of you that's screaming for your attention. What does it need from you? How can you give it your attention? How can you be there for it? What does it need you to know? How can you take it into consideration? The party that's upset. You know, and that will help you a lot with this whole process.

But remember when I said the funk was kind of there as a visitor? So sometimes these funk pop up to disrupt your life. Like I said, it's a visitor. It's a messenger. It's got a message for you. So usually a funk will come in when you've been ignoring the way that you've been feeling. Something's going to come up where it's like not ignorable. What's the word for that? Like you can't ignore it. That's exactly it. But if that's what it takes, is this funk coming to visit you for you to be

brought back toward yourself and to become aware of something that you need to change or become aware of everything that you're feeling to the point where you have to throw it on paper and look at it, if that's what it takes, then that visitor served its fucking purpose. It's forced you to lay out how you're feeling and observe the thoughts you've been thinking. Because you're going to discover some things you've been thinking that have been holding you back or that you shouldn't be thinking or you're going to realize that certain thoughts have been putting pressure on you that you didn't fucking need.

And by getting you to a point where you fully make a fucking list of everything going on and you start strategizing and you start looking at changes you're going to make to your perspective, your thoughts, your actions, whatever it's gonna be. If that's what it took to get you to make changes to your life, then that's what it took. And the funk, the visitor, served its purpose. Every breakdown is setting you up for a breakthrough and I want you to fucking realize that. I don't know if I've heard that somewhere if I just came up with that, I don't fucking know.

It probably was on some goddamn Pinterest quote. That's my reassurance. You feel the way that you do for a reason always. And I hope this episode helped you. And I really hope you take it seriously because these are the things that I've like completely transformed me and the way that I do shit and the way that I handle things.

And it's what's made me a lot more resilient to things because When I start feeling a negative way, I don't start freaking the fuck out. Oh my god I have to get away from it. It's like no, I look at it like part of me is screaming for my attention Now I'm gonna look at him. What does he need? Because when you start feeling a negative thing, it's like part of you screaming for your attention when people run the opposite way of that All that's gonna happen is your emotions are gonna have to start screaming louder to the point you can't fucking ignore them. And it's gonna body your ass, okay? So don't fucking run from how you feel. Like sometimes it's okay to go get drunk and just have a fucking night

out when you're dealing with too much. Go do it. It's fucking normal. Like you're human. Like it's too much to take it on all the time but don't run for too long just understand that part of you is yelling for your attention part of you needs you so go do what you need to do to get to a point where you're not overwhelmed and fucking drink have a good fucking night have a good weekend whatever it is and then come back to yourself okay no one's judging you for going to party in a little bit no one's judging you Have a good fucking night, have a good weekend, whatever it is, and then come back to yourself. Okay? No one's judging you for going to party in a little bit. No one's judging you for smoking a little bit.

Nobody's judging you from de-stressing a little bit. Like, it's not fun to go into your emotions all the fucking time. Like, take a little minute for yourself. Take a break. The party that's tired of responsibility, let them go fucking be let off too. And then come back to the party that's screaming for your attention. You need to take care of all parts of you. So that's all I got for this episode.

I really hope you enjoyed. I hope you took something from it. If you like this podcast, I just have one request and it's that you go leave me a 5 star rating. Thank you so much. If you want to keep up with me, all of my social media will be linked in the description of this podcast Also if you are interested in one-on-one coaching with me I have now created an application process so it's no longer just free to schedule

I'm doing applications now to keep up with the demand because it just got too high So now I'm screening people basically to see who's a good fit and who's not because I want to work with action takers I want to work with action takers. I want to work with people that are serious about transforming their life. Because the shit that I say, y'all know, that's what it's for. And where I specialize is with the people that have been looking for answers they can't find. And the people that have been trying shit and it's just not working. I'm the person that those people can go to. So if you're interested in that,

I will put the link to the application in the description box also. And I wanna make it very clear that you've already got what it takes to get through what you're dealing with or to improve your life or to reach your goals. And I'll help you see that. And it's gonna be a lot easier

when you got me in your corner because that's exactly how I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel like you have someone that a lot easier when you got me in your corner because that's exactly how I want it to feel. I want it to feel like you have someone that has your back and like I'm in your corner because that's what it is like I'm there for you and I'm there to do shit with you. But anyways thank you so much for listening please stay safe and take care of yourself and I will talk to you next Sunday. next Sunday.