Aware & Aggravated - 33. Breaking Out of A Mindset

Episode Date: July 10, 2022

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Hi friends, so this week I want to talk to you about breaking out of certain mindsets You know the ones that I got you trapped is shit and you don't know how to get out of them I'm gonna teach you how to do it. I've talked about certain mindset shifts I've made in previous episodes, but I'm gonna share with you the process I go through when I'm trying to break out of a certain mindset and I'm gonna teach you also how to identify You have a mindset or a belief or something that is holding you back. I'm gonna teach you how to figure out like,

yeah, that's the problem. You know, because sometimes you're like, am I the problem or am I not? Bitch, you are. Like I'm just gonna be real honest. Like I'm gonna teach you how to spot when you are the problem. Okay, and I am gonna to give you like straight up examples

from my life and the biggest one I've had to break recently Which was convincing myself that everybody at the gym fucking hates me, but we're gonna get into it Okay, y'all know my brain does its own little thing and it thinks in its own way And it just be making shit up and I have to catch it all the time But let's jump into this shit. Okay, so the first thing I'm gonna tell you is stop acting like you fucking know everything Okay, because when you convince yourself that you fucking know everything, you're gonna hurt your feelings. Like, I do it all the time, babe, I get it. I'm right there with you.

It's not a fun road. Like, this whole spirituality and self-development, this is not a fun path to go down. Like, it's a constant attack. Emotionally, from yourself, from your higher self, from everyone around. Like it's a constant like attack emotionally from yourself, from your higher self, from everyone around you. It's a fucking gang bang mentally, right? Like I get it. But the first thing is stop acting like you fucking know everything. Stop acting like you have the answers to everything. Because when you operate from that place, when you assume something, you don't question it. You just think that you're right. And it becomes

a subconscious thing. So let's unpack all're right and it becomes a subconscious thing. So let's unpack all this shit and let's break it down and I'm just gonna teach you the process and then throw you the examples of what I did. Okay, great, so let's do that. So the first way to know that you have something about your mindset, you need to shift is notice when you start feeling negatively.

When you have a a weird, like, you're drained, you're tired, you're unmotivated, you're like pissy, you're sad, like any type of negative kind of feeling, start paying attention to when you're feeling them. Okay, even if it's like your tense, like just any kind of negative feeling state, that's your message, that's your messenger.

All right, I talked about this before and the being there for yourself episode about your emotions being messengers, but this is the signal that you need to fucking like shift something. So take note of the negative, all right, and then you're going to ask yourself, okay, in this moment right now, what am I telling myself? Like, what am I convincing myself of? So my example

of this was being at the gym. Y'all, I hate to fucking gym. I really do. Like, I hate it. Like, it's a hobby of mine to be into fitness and all, but like, fuck the gym, bro. Like I literally hate it. Like, I have to do it because I want to look cute and I want to like live long. Not too long, damn it. I want to be out and I want to like live long not too long dammit I want to be out while like 55 like put me the fuck out but I have to like work out like I make myself do it because it's like I know I know I should and I do it because it's like there's a sick enjoyment that I get being at the gym like pushing my body because I go to failure on a lot of sets I like to push my body and like beat it the fuck up a little bit but the whole like getting ready to go to the gym and like getting in the car and then trying to find the fucking music at the gym and then Being around all the fucking people at the gym. I fucking hate it like I don't want all the thing that I like

Glamorize the gym lifestyle like everyone else does that. I don't like it I fucking don't like it, but I have to go so I make myself go But I was at the gym the other day and I just felt so tense and like, ugh, like just not good. And I was on the treadmill and I was like, all right, fucker, where about to go into this right here on this treadmill and I dead ass

almost stop walking and started crying when I fuck them into this. Don't go into shit at the gym, all right? You don't wanna look like a fucking pussy, crying on a treadmill but This was the perfect time to do it So like when you get triggered when you feel that negative state is when you're it's like the everything is right there

Like you just have to ask the right question and the awareness will like pop out It's like popping a pimple that already has a head It's like when you have the pimple that has like it's just under the skin and you can't pop it That's what it's like to try and revisit something you've been triggered by. But when you're when you visit it in the moment when you're feeling it, it's like the pimples right there, all you have to do is squeeze it and it's gonna pop. Like why the fuck did I just use that example? Ew. Why the fuck do y'all listen to me? So the awareness is right there ready for you. If you have a moment like when you're feeling

the negative emotions to question it right then and there. You can just like save it for later. Like put an animal to go by and fucking take it home and be like I'll revisit that later. You just have to like remember what you're feeling in the moment so you can question it. So my ass starts questioning like, what am I feeling right now?

Cause I noticed like I just felt like heavy and I felt tense and I felt like a lot of pressure and I'm like, okay, what the fuck is causing me to feel like this? And I just like looking down like at my gym the cardio section is on the second floor So you can see over into the gym and I was just looking around at people and I just felt so like ill like inside like while looking at people I felt like I didn't belong I felt like no one liked me I felt like people hated me I was like in my head like people are probably like making fun of me and like the shit that I post on TikTok like all this shit was like going through my head and I was feeling all these things and I was like oh my god I didn't realize I was

feeling all this I just thought I didn't like come into the fucking gym. And then I realized I felt watched. Like I felt ridiculed, I felt like a spectacle. Is that the right word? Like people were just like watching me. Like I felt on display, I felt watched. I don't like feeling like that at all. But I realized, okay, it's not just like this little tent

feeling I'm feeling inside. After I checked in with myself, I noticed I was feeling all of this and I was like, what the fuck? Like this is why I'm saying you always have to question how you feel, look at it. Turn your attention toward it and just wonder about it. I get curious,

because that little tense feeling, that little like tightness in my chest was all these things I was feeling. I just didn't realize it. So then I had to ask myself, okay, what am I telling myself about being in this gym that is making me feel the way that I'm feeling? Like, what am I convincing myself of that it's contributing to me feeling all these fucking things? And then I started observing

like my inner dialogue of like the thoughts that I think while I'm there. And I'm like, well, telling myself that people are looking at me and ridiculing me is one thing. Telling myself that people don't like me is another thing. I'm just assuming people don't like me and we're gonna get into that comes from my childhood in a minute, but I was like observing that.

I was telling myself people were making fun of me like in their head, like they're laughing at me because they found my TikTok and like a lot of people know it and like they're watching me and looking at me like they're ridiculing me. I was telling myself that like everybody looks at me like I don't belong there and I just felt like the odd one out but I was also telling myself like I don't fit in I don't belong here. I don't relate to these people. There was so much I was telling myself and so much going on in my inner dialogue that was contributing to

Me feeling all the shit I was feeling and in the sense of belonging like you can't feel like you are accepted That's the word. That's a good word to put it as that. I didn't feel accepted at the gym and A big thing that came from that was like the ridicule thing It was like telling myself that people were looking at me to criticize me, not looking at me to possibly admire me or possibly just see me at the gym. And it's not like there is no thought behind it. It's just like an observation of like, okay, there's a human being, you know?

So this is where it comes in. Could act in like you fucking know everything because every single thing I was telling myself, I have to go through and revisit. With telling myself that I'm not accepted, I don't fit in. Why do I not fuckin' fit in? I look the part, I'm working out, I'm not doing anything fuckin' weird.

I very much fit in at the gym. Like, I look normal. I look very much normal. Like, I was convincing myself that I didn't. But, I had to question, I'm like, okay, so go get in the mirror right now. Do I look very much normal, like I was convincing myself that I did it, but I had to question I'm like, okay, so go get in the mirror right now. Do I look like abnormal? Do I look like I don't fucking belong here? Am I wearing a fucking tutu and have a magic wand and I'm running around in the gym?

Like, that's someone that doesn't fit in in the gym. Like I'm wearing fucking workout clothes. I'm working out, I'm in decent shape, I'm like, okay, so like, where the fuck are you convincing yourself that you don't fit in here? Cause from the looks of it, you look like you fit in, fucker. So like, where's that coming from? You know, and then I just had to go through each thing

and kinda like nitpick myself like that. Like I had to quit acting like I know everything, like telling myself I don't fit in. Yeah, you're gonna start questioning the voice inside your head. And then the voice that was telling me people find my TikToks and they don't like me. And they're like ridiculing me. I had to think, is this coming from anything? Has anyone said anything negative about my tic-tocks? No. Has anyone ever been rude to me at the gym? No. Has anyone ever said something bad

about my tic-tocks to me in real life? No, because they know I'd mop the fucking floor with their ass. Like no one has ever said anything to me in person face-to-face about my tiktok's. People talk shit online, but I'm talking like no real interaction I've had or someone has been rude to me. And it's in their best interest. But that's the thing is like, so where's this fucking belief coming from that? People judging my shit and then I had to think like okay The shit that I post I like it. It's fine. It's funny. Like I don't it's not embarrassing I don't let myself post embarrassing shit. So That belief kind of was just like floating and fucking thin air like like for no reason like I was telling myself people were ridiculing me for no fucking like

Point like nothing had happened to make me believe that, but I was still like telling myself that to begin with, but that's when I was saying we have to go through and that one further. Like me getting bullied as a kid, my relationship to being around people was you're gonna be nitpicked, you're gonna be ridiculed, people are gonna talk about your appearance, you are gonna be the spectacle, people are always gonna have something to fucking say, and people are not just gonna like you like I was not liked when I was Younger like it just I was bullied as fuck so that is something I've carried with myself until this day like the automatic Assumption and throw my guard up like people don't like you so get ready My whole point was saying all this shit is like basically from my past I was taught

point with saying all this shit is like basically from my past I was taught that people don't like you and you need to be ready like anytime you walk out of your bedroom your family might say some shit and then when you go to school people are definitely gonna be saying shit so my experience when I was younger like in school because school is your only like world when you're young like it was mine it's like you go to school and you go home and that's it shut up that's all you have to fucking do so my experience with the world was beyond the fucking defense. People don't like you. People are not just going to be nice to you to be nice to you. That's not how you're treated. That's not how the world fucking works. That's

what I learned when I was younger. So that has stayed with me. Even when my world opened up and I overlaid that, like I took that belief and that like experience and I plastered it over my entire life. So when I was functioning in the real world and I was going places other than just school once I was like 15, 16 I could drive. I had the same outlook toward the world that I did at school. So like people were not going to be nice to me and I was on guard all the time and I still have that and I never questioned it so it just continued. This is what was contributing to me feeling like ridiculed and watched and like no one liked me at the gym. It's because I was convincing myself

of the things I was thinking but also this old belief, this old mindset that I hadn't questioned before because I didn't realize it was like Coming up, you know, so like that mindset kept me safe and got me through school But now I'm noticing areas where this mindset is Making things uncomfortable and now that I'm aware enough to start questioning that and wondering where that came from. I'm seeing it So that's where I say your next step with all this shit is after you've noticed how you're feeling, you've thought of what are you convincing yourself of? What are you telling yourself about the situation?

The things you're telling yourself, you gotta ask, are these things logical? Like has something happened to cause me to think this way? Or am I assuming people don't like me because of a past experience? And a mindset that I've been carrying for years, I haven't been aware of because that's exactly what was going on with me. So that's the way I break out of these fucking mindsets and then my next step further is like look for proof. How is what I'm assuming true or not true? Like at the gym. Okay if I'm convincing myself everybody here looks at me because they don't fucking like me. How is that true?

And then I thought about all the people that are giving me a bad look. And I'm like, okay, but has anybody said anything? Has anybody done anything that was directly like unquestionable, they don't like me? And the answer was no, not a fucking thing. So then I looked for, okay, so how is it not true? How is telling myself that people here don't like me?

How is that not true? And then I start seeing how all the people at the front desk are always so nice to me and people smile at me and I've been recognized by followers and I'm actually very welcomed and people are open and people are sweet and people try to work in with me and people try to start conversation.

Like I looked for all the proof that discredited what I've been telling myself this whole time. And I immediately felt relieved because I realized this was not true. And as soon as I realized that, everything like all the pressure fell off. Like all, everything fell off of me. And I felt a lot more relaxed and comfortable and accepted. And like, that sigh of fucking air. And I felt a lot more relaxed and comfortable and accepted and like That sigh of fucking air like just that is what I felt because all the tension all the pressures off I

Thought a lot more comfortable immediately like as soon as I started questioning all this stuff I just felt relieved and that's what made me almost start crying on the fucking treadmill I didn't cry. I stopped walking so I can get it together, but I didn't fucking cry. So that's where I say I look at How is it true and then how is it not true and then given like the proof that I've found by asking that question I get to decide do I want to continue to tell myself that people don't like me or is it okay? For me to think the opposite, you know, because it makes a lot more sense with all the things that I listed that people don't like me or is it okay for me to think the opposite? You know? Because it makes a lot more sense with all the things that I listed that people do like me and a lot more people are nicer to me than mean to me.

So it makes more logical sense to believe that I am welcome to the gym and that people do like me and that people aren't looking at me to ridicule me. So the other thing I felt was very disconnected. Like I felt very isolated at the gym, like there's a lot of people around, but emotionally I felt very alone, and then I had to call myself out on some shit, you know? So the trick that I used to feel more connected to people is looking for how we're similar

and looking for what we have in common, because you can't be looking for how you're the same as someone and feel disconnected from him at the same time. Doesn't work. So, I started looking around at the people on the bottom of the gym and being like, okay, how are we the same? And then I just let my brain kind of like go wild with all the little ways that I could relate to every person I was looking at. And I immediately felt more connected to them.

Like I felt that wall come down that I had up because I was like they don't fucking like me. Like I got that down. I reasoned through that. And then I started looking for how I was the same as people and like well other people have needs too. And other people are anxious too and they want to feel included too. They want people to be nice to them too.

But then I started thinking okay what are more ways I can feel more connected and welcomed at the gym. And then I started thinking, well, you could ask people if they need a spot, you could ask people for a spot because I'm the motherfucker that will let the wait crush me for a ask for a spot. Like I wanna go heavier, but I don't wanna take that risk,

but that's something I can do to help get that feeling state down of like I don't belong here is start asking people for help help other people like interact with other people and see their response to me and see the interactions like I talk to people here and there I'll interact here in there but I need to make more of a practice of it and I have been since I've realized all this like I've been making a bigger practice of just doing little things to help me feel more like included and Accepted and like people like me looking for proof of that has made the experience of going to the gym a lot better Like I'm a lot more excited to go. I'm a lot happier about going. I still fucking hate it

But I feel a lot better emotionally. I don't feel that like tension or the and I don't feel like the, oh my God, I fucking hate this. I don't feel like the whole, I have to look like I could rip your fucking face off at any moment so people don't fuck with me. You know, like I'm very unapproachable at the gym because I'm trying to catch my breath and I'm trying to not die, you know, and I do push myself to failure.

So if you ever see me at the gym, say hi. Like I'm super friendly. Like if you come out to me like, hey Leo you just like let me know you know me from online or you listen to my podcast or whatever the fuck it is like my wall is immediately gonna come down because your friend not So like don't ever be scared to talk to me like I'm gonna look fucking scary if I'm by myself somewhere I'm gonna look fucking mean. I'm gonna look scary, but I promise I'm not gonna be mean to you So I do have one more trick. I'm gonna share with you about breaking out of a mindset, but the biggest part of the one I just told you is becoming aware of the mindset that

is causing you to feel the way that you do. And then questioning, does it make sense to have this mindset? And then you get to decide, do I want to continue forward with this mindset or do I want to pick a different one? And that's where your whole life's gonna fucking change. So that's just the whole basis of what I've just explained. But my last part about flipping a mindset is educate your goddamn self. Like learn something and educate yourself more about something you think you already know because it's going gonna be impossible for certain

mindsets to exist once you gain more knowledge like you're just gonna know more and you're gonna realize oh shit I was thinking before was fucking dumb and I'm gonna give you an example or two maybe about this so the first one oh my god I'm still fucking mad about it to this day so when I was like 14 I think I was like kind of pudgy and I started to die. Like I was just eating clean and trying to like do my thing for the first time at 14. Like I tried other shit at like 12. Like y'all I've had like weight issues and spin self conscious about that shit since I can remember. Being a chubby kid was not fun.

But from starting at that young of an age I have so many fucking tricks up my sleeve. I'm gonna do a full episode About all my diet hacks and all my tips and tricks and all my shit that I've learned But anyway my point of the story is I had just started like this diet and I was like a week into it And I was like barely fucking eating. I was eating like super super clean and my dad and my sister were like seeing me do this and One day I was sitting down and I stood up and I started walking into like the living room wherever the fuck I was going And I got really really lightheaded and I got dizzy and I started seeing like black spots and I was like what the fuck? And then I noticed it kept happening like over a couple of days. I was like oh my god something must be wrong Like I was laying on my bed another time

and I went to go walk down the hall and I just like jumped up at a bed and took off walking down the hall. And I got really, really dizzy and I had to like hold myself up on the wall for a second. I was like, what the fuck? And that's when I asked my dad and my sister, I was like, hey, like I think something's wrong with me.

Like every time I get up, I get like really dizzy and I'll see spots and like I can't see for a second. And they were like, oh, you need to eat sugar. Like you need to like have a snickers bar whenever you're feeling like that because it means your sugar is low. So me not knowing any better, I was just like, okay, like I'll just eat fucking sugar. I guess that's the problem. So I ate a snickers bar.

Anytime I would feel dizzy after standing up. And sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn't. So I would just eat another Snickers bar, anytime I would feel dizzy after standing up. And sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn't, so I would just eat another Snickers bar. And I was just like eating fucking sugar, anytime I felt like that. But I was convinced that that is what needed to happen, like when that means my sugar is low. And fast forward, one of the things I learned going through nursing school was about orthostatic hypotension, which is basically low blood pressure whenever you stand up. Because whenever you're laying down, all your blood is like dispersed like all throughout your body.

And then when you change elevations, like you stand up really quick, all your blood like by gravity sinks to the lower part of your body. So that means there's less circulating in your brain. So all of a sudden, all the blood drops to the lower part of your body for a few seconds until your body can pump the blood back up because of gravity. That's what makes you feel dizzy sometimes. That's what makes you feel like a little light-headed seeing black stars and shit. When I learned about that, I was so fucking mad. Because I was like my stupid fucking ass really believed for so long It was because I had love sugar like shut the fuck off. Oh my god I'm still mad about it cuz like what the fuck like I know I was young and I just like believe to told me something But I was still operating with that mindset and like I just like believed it and then I learned the truth about why your body

Experiences the things that it does like why when you stand up all of a sudden or you stand up too quick You all the sudden feel the way that you do. It's called orthostatic hypotension. There's an explanation for it Like it's not that your sugar is low. It doesn't have shit to fucking do with it It doesn't mean you need to eat a fucking snickers, Leo. Like, oh my God. But that's an example of gaining knowledge. And it will immediately kill out your last mindset. Okay, so my last example I want to give you is about money.

And this is the reframe and the mindset shift that like fucked my shit up in the best way possible. So I was always operating from a belief like, since I can remember about money that it's hard to make and like if you want to make money you have to like work your fucking ass off and you have to like basically work a job you don't like and like you have to kind of like suffer for money. It's like how much you're willing to suffer is how much money you're willing to make. And then I started realizing like, no, that's not really true because there's some people who like have a fuck ton of money

passively like in stocks and shit and like they don't have to work and they don't have to do nothing. But I'm like, I could tell it, it didn't make sense. But like I just kept riding on with that fucking belief. But that was always weird for me because I also saw people who had stocks and had big businesses who like barely fucking worked and made a shit ton of money, you know? So my belief of like hard work equals money was like there for a while, I just really didn't look into it that much, but the thing that blew my fucking mind and completely flipped my mindset around money, money is just an equal exchange in value. So in order for you to get money,

you need to give someone something that they value to exchange for it. So, you can offer a service, you can offer a product, there's like different shits you can offer to someone, but it's just an exchange and value. So, if you can contribute value to somebody, you can receive money for it. Like, it's just monetizing, it's just an equal exchange.

And I was like, what the fuck the fuck like your ability to make money It's not like you're just cursed like I thought I was for so I thought I was just fucking cursed I'm like I wasn't able to make money doing something I didn't fucking hate which was like working as a nurse But I heard that and everything fucking shifted because my outlook was no longer about like working hard to make money You're like you have to have some secret trick Or like something just working against me like it wasn't any of that. It's just offer fucking value to people who value it and they'll pay you for it Like it's really that simple like meet a need for someone

provide them value and it's an equal exchange. It can't not be. Like just offers someone something so fucking valuable and they'll pay for it. Like it's that fucking simple. Because what I do now blows my fucking mind. Like I do coaching calls with people. And I just the heads up, I have cut off applications right now because I'm at capacity and I can't take on anyone new. But if you want to submit your email

for when I start taking clients again, you can click the link in this description, and it'll take you to that application, because I close the other one because I have too many people right now, I'm like fucking capacity. But anyway, about what I do, there are people who have told me,

my coaching is fucking cheap. It's $150 per 50 minute session. I started at $90 a session, and I've had to like increase the price to keep up with demand. And I thought $90 was a fucking lot at the beginning, because I didn't think people would value like what I'm saying. I just have this weird,

people have not valued me my whole life, so it's like, I don't know, I just thought, it would be the same thing. I've always been able to see my value, but people haven't. So when I started my coaching, I was like, okay, I still think 90 is high, but people haven't. So when I started my coaching, I was like, okay, I still think 90 is high,

because people just don't seem to fucking see and appreciate what the fuck I have to offer, but I'm just gonna do it. And then I started booking up very quickly, but I'm at $150, and people are still telling me I'm cheap. People are telling me I need to be $500 to $1,000 an hour, and I was like, what the fuck are you saying to me? Like I was sitting over here thinking that people were not gonna really see my value and be able to appreciate

How I could change their life because the shit that I say and the ways that I work through things with people like it is life changing and After giving that to so many people, like seeing their response to it, they're like, no, you need to double, triple, quadruple your fucking prices. Like, that's how valuable you are to me. That's how what you've given me. That's how much has changed my life. And I'm like, holy shit.

But that is me offering value, like me having a conversation with people and getting them through their problems, working through it with them and offering them the insight and perspectives they don't have, and that they can't access, that is so valuable to the right people. Other people would never pay a fucking dollar to talk to me.

Other people have told me they would pay a thousand dollars to talk to me. So it's just literally about exchanging value. And what I provide people, they're willing to pay so much more than I thought. So break that fucking mindset if you have the same thing of making money is hard and you have to suffer for it. Like, no, you just have to provide value to the amount that you want.

Like in money and you have to find the people that are willing to pay for that. So here's just an example. Say you work at fucking target. You're providing value to your manager, to your boss, to the owner of target. Like you giving your time, dealing with customers, checking them out, and like working and doing what you're doing,

that is you offering value. And you're offering a lot more value than they're fucking paying you, the fucking $10, $15 an hour, whatever it is. But you're offering value. It's just a matter of what other value could I offer or how could I offer this same value to someone else who values it more,

because they'll be willing to exchange more money for it. You know, like just that mindset shift, like we'll completely change everything for you. So that's the last one I wanted to make. I'm gonna leave this episode off there. I hope this was helpful. If you wanna follow me on Instagram, I will put it in the description below.

My TikTok will be there too. The application for when I take on new clients will also be there. Everything you need to know, and if you wanna keep up with me, it's in the description. But thank you so much for listening. If you have any suggestions for topics

you want me to talk about, send me a DM on Instagram. So I will talk to you next Sunday, and please stay safe until then. The world's fucking crazy right now. topics you want me to talk about, send me a DM on Instagram, so I will talk to you next Sunday and please stay safe until then, the world's fucking crazy right now.