Aware & Aggravated - 49. How to Not Get Attached to People So Fast

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

My Private Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/ Watch this episode on YouTube:https://youtu.be/bP6Qrq29GNkWWLD submissions:https://forms.gle/ZafX9BnBiG6smvJfAWork with me 1-on-1 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationDonations to support the podcast: https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @NotLeoForLegalReasons and @LeoSkepi

Hi friends, so this week I'm gonna give you all my tips for how to not get attached to people so fast Because my Pisces ass please I used to get attached to people like that like it was so annoying how quick I would like Plan my future was home like I'd meet them I would see them across the room be like boom we're dating we're married I found the one like I used to get so attached to people so God damn quick And I would hurt my own feelings a lot because I would like get excited by a Situation or get excited by a person and then it wouldn't work, you know, so I'm gonna give you all my tips I had to not get attached so quick because a lot of you guys deal with that and a lot of you guys have written in and asked me to

Cover this so I'm gonna do it, but I have a little announcement to make I made a Facebook community for All of us so I made a page on Facebook. It's like a Facebook group where all of you guys can join it. It's gonna be free, but all of you guys can join it and it's gonna be a private group. So anything you post in there or I post in there, it's like only for the group to see, but I wanted to make a little community so that you guys could go in and like talk to each other,

make some friends one, but two, if you ever need advice on something or you just wanna like get another opinion on a situation that you're going through from someone who's not in it and from someone who fucking gets it because if you listen to this podcast and you like me, your brain just works right, babe. Love you for it.

But I made the Facebook group so that you guys could go in and talk to each other. So if you have a situation or you wanna advice on something, go in and post on the Facebook group and like comment back to each other. Shoot, shape back and forth. Like give your two cents, help people out with their situations. And like when you're going through something, feel free to go in there and vent and like get advice. It's like we all get it and we can all be there for

each other. I'll go in and I'll be like commenting back and shit too. And I wanted to give you guys a sense of belonging and feel like you have somewhere you can go and someone you can talk to at all times because there's a lot give you guys a sense of belonging and feel like you have somewhere you can go and someone you can talk to at all times because there's a lot of you guys that watch this and follow me. So I wanted to give us all a space where we can like, belong and be friends. So I'll put the link to where you can join

the Facebook community and the description of this podcast. Just click the link. It's gonna be on Facebook. I know we don't like Facebook. Facebook's kind of weird, but I feel like this is the best place to do it because it's easy, I don't wanna make a fucking discord, I guess, to God damn difficult.

Like a little chat room? No, this is not fucking kick. So the Facebook group just makes it easy. But I'm really excited about it, and I hope you guys are too. So go join as soon as you see this and start posting it, don't be scared. Don't be scared to post it in there,

don't be scared to comment back. It's a safe God damn space, and if I see a little fucking rat in there, running their mouth or being rude, I'm booting you the fuck out. It's a privilege to be in our little community. So be polite, check each other politely when you need to be checked. Like if someone puts a situation where they're the asshole, politely let them know. But if someone's in there just talking shit or dogging you, I'm a booting the fuck out. I'm not playing no bully in shit. And most likely, we're gonna bully them back.

Cause it's our community. We can do whatever the fuck we want. But like I said, don't be scared to post in there. Don't be scared to be vulnerable because it's just a community of people who fucking get it. Like, we're all there for each other. We all understand our emotions. We understand how to be there for each other.

We all know how to comfort people. We all listen to this. Like, all of you have like an advanced level awareness. So I wanna make a little place where we can all hang out. So the link is in the description to join it. Go fucking join it. Thank you so much. And post it in there. Shoot shit. Make some friends. Talk to some people and give some advice. I love that. And I'll be in there too. Like I said, I'll be watching you. Okay. I'm gonna be watching for these little motherfuckers that want to bully people that I care about because you're done for. But anyway, let's jump into how to not get attached

to people so quickly because I've gotten you. I've got a list of tips and some situations and some things and I'm gonna have to be vulnerable and share some of my personal shit, but I'm gonna do it because it's gonna benefit you. It's gonna bear us the fuck out of me, but it's gonna benefit you. So I'll share it. So with not getting attached to people too fast, it's totally normal to get excited by someone new. Whether it's a friend or like someone you interested in today, it's totally normal to be excited about it and be like, oh my god, like you're gonna feel a lot of things and my punk ass used to take it too fucking far. Like I said, like I would be attached to you immediately and then I would feel like a sense of betrayal when

someone didn't like me back or they didn't like live up to the image. I just like made up in my head of them and like what we could be. I would hurt my own fuck of feelings all the time Like I'd feel betrayed like how did you not like me this much like we was supposed to be together Like as soon as I decide that I like you whether I told you or not I don't want you talking to nobody else Not a single soul bitch don't look at nobody but me don't talk to nobody but me you better only love me. I'm kind of kidding but like I'm kind of not like I still am very like territorial and like if I like you I'm gonna get upset by every fucking thing you do but these are my ways to kind of like knock this out. So my first two little tips the first one is be realistic. What is the

situation at hand? Like what is going on right now? Like let's say I just met some person and I like feel all these things about them and I'm like oh my god they could be the one. Like you know how your brain just kind of like flips into like overdrive and starts convincing you of all this shit and makes things bigger than it is. This is going to help you stop that and like reel it the fuck back in because don't go too far. You're going to hurt your own feelings like I do, okay? Just trust me.

Give your list to go out one of the situation is at hand. So let's say you meet someone and you're super attracted to them, you're super interested in them, you feel very drawn to them, you like them, you're obsessed with them, ah, because that's how I get. Like I will be obsessed with someone and like, 10 seconds, I would say five, but uh, 10 seconds, it takes me to know if I'm obsessed with you or not.

And I have a weird thing where I can feel people. I don't know how to explain it, but I can just feel someone's heart. I don't know if it's their energy, I don't know if it's their heart, but I know intentions and I can feel it. Like I can feel who people are at the core. And it's like if I look into someone's face,

I can see the wall and then I can see what's behind it. Like I see people for who they are and it scares the fuck out of people. Like my friends, when we have like deep conversations and any of the people that I coach one on one, like they understand I just know shit. I'm not supposed to know. And I see things I'm not supposed to see.

Like my friend, Randy, of me had to talk the other night and I was like looking in his eyes and he's like, can you stop looking at me? I feel like you're looking into my soul. I just have this thing I can do that. Like I just like see past everything and then I see everything unfold.

Like when someone describes a situation that they're in or what they're feeling, it's like I can automatically just like see everything that unfolded to get them there. It's the weirdest fucking shit. I don't know if it's intuition, I don't know if it's clairvoyance, but I love it. It's fun. But it hurts my feelings a lot because like I said I can see through people, but that contract with being realistic about someone. Let's say you meet someone and you feel all these things toward them,

like you're obsessed with them, you like them, you're like, oh my god, they're like everything you want you enjoy being around them. Get realistic with the situation. What is going on currently? Like I just met someone. I see a lot of things in them that I like. I'm interested in them. I care to get to know them, but I don't know them yet. Like you feel all these strong emotions towards somebody. You still don't know who the fuck that is.

I know that's weird and it seems kind of like mean to say, but you can meet someone and feel something's there. Yes. But to immediately be like, I love you, I care about you. You don't know them to care about them. You can care about their well-being. You can be interested in them. You can like things about them. You can appreciate things about them, but you're not just in love with them, you don't immediately just care about them, and they don't immediately just like have a grip on your heart. I know it feels like that sometimes, but I want to set your mind at ease from that. Like, get realistic with the situation, you've just met dives.

Alright, like step one, what's the situation at hand? You met this person, you feel strong feelings for, you feel like you appreciate a lot of things about them You're attracted to them you like them you want to get to know them you feel drawn to them That's all fine things to communicate like that's what's going on inside you That's all the shit that's like running around in your brain and you little heart but getting clear with the situation at hand It's gonna help you Kind of like get back in the moment and detach your brain from like going forward and like running with the fucking story of like oh my god what this can be because it's like if

you just let yourself meet someone you meet them a couple times whatever it is and then you automatically start assuming like oh my god we're gonna date we're gonna this we're gonna that and then you find out they're talking to somebody else it's like ah stab in the heart bitch I know it I've been there like you can't shit. So that's really what it does. It's like getting clear on what the situation is and like speaking it to yourself of like, I've just met this person, I feel these flies, cool.

It like knocks out all of your assumptions of how things are gonna go and it kind of removes your expectations of like, what's gonna come from the situation? Because if you immediately meet somebody and you like them a lot and you like convince yourself of a certain thing or something's going on

and they don't behave accordingly, it's going to fuck with you. Like when I like somebody and I haven't said anything yet but I really like somebody at a party or some share like I meet someone out and I really, really like them and they don't know me yet and they're like talking to other people. They're floating around the party. They're doing whatever they want.

Old me would have secretly been like, what the fuck? Like pissed off, like, but her. That you're not like coming up to me like, don't you know that I love you? I wish I was me fucking dramatic, but I used to get attached people quick, but that's a big thing. It's just getting the reality of the situation. What is actually going on right now? But that's a big thing is just getting the reality of the situation. What is actually going on right now? Not what could happen not what should happen because your expectations are gonna get caught up into it too Like you're not gonna expect them to behave a certain way or do anything So it's gonna keep you from feeling betrayed like so just get clear. What the fuck is going on right now? My next tip tip number two is

Once you already like are getting to know someone and you feel like you're getting attached very quickly, this is my go-to-fucking tip to check myself. And I have one of these personally and what I'm about to talk about is a boyfriend scoreboard. I literally have a fucking scoreboard for every guy that I meet that I might be interested in. I have an entire list of every single trait that I would have in my ideal partner. Like everything I want in a partner, it's a literal like three or four page word document and it's longest fuck. And what I do with this document is every guy that I meet, I'll make them their own copy of it. And then I'll put like it's in a table. So like everything that I meet, I'll make them their own copy of it. And then I'll put, like it's in a table.

So like everything that I want is listed here, and then their name is at the top, and then there's a blank check box on the side. Everything that they are, I'll check it off. Like I'll put an X in the thing that everything that they are. And having the scoreboard with like everything that I want in a person, when you feel like you like someone a lot, or you feel like something's like going on very strong, you're like, oh my god, this is going to put you in the reality

of who the fuck is in front of you and what you're dealing with because your emotions will misguide you. They will make you feel like you're up this person's ass like obsessed with them more than you actually are or should be. So if this is a good like a reality check, so I literally will score each guy I'm potentially interested in against my scoreboard and I see how much you fill in and I have a promise to myself I will not trip over somebody who does not fill out the scoreboard. I'm not gonna let myself get upset over them I'm not gonna let myself freak out because they're not what I want. I'll entertain it. I'll have fun with it

I'll see how much they fill it out if they fill it out most of the way Hey, we're gonna take some leeway. We're gonna like go for the bitch. But I'm not fully gonna let myself like freak out or like bug out over someone who doesn't at least fill in like 90% of my scoreboard. Because it's a lot of shit on there girl. But doing this will help you see the person in front of you. Because you're gonna be convinced and like blinded by your emotions, thinking that they're so great. But when you put them on paper next to everything you want in a partner, you're gonna be convinced and like blinded by your emotions, thinking that they're so great. But when you put them on paper next to everything you want in a partner, you're gonna see, oh fuck, like they don't actually match up as much as I thought. And it's gonna kill some of that excitement,

which is good because it's gonna make you hesitate with feeling so attached to them. And I know that's kind of like fucked up and like what's the call cynical Is that the word it just it's kind of like and putting like a negative nearly like it's a putting a damper on things when you do that But it's a good reality check when you feel yourself getting attached too quick Or you feel like you're like you're moving too fast or you feel too strongly It's a good reality check because it's not being negative. It's being realistic What the fuck's actually going on here because you's not being negative. It's being realistic. What the fuck's actually going on here? Because you can sit here and play in your emotions

in the way that you feel all you want. It's gonna fuck you up, all right? So put them on the fucker next to your scoreboard. Make a full list of everything you want in a partner and then score them against it. A boyfriend, scoreboard or a girlfriend, scoreboard or a DBFM scoreboard, whatever you're fucking into. Make a little scoreboard and score this person up against everything that you want in a partner. And the next tip I have about reality of something is when I'm going to talk about a situation I recently went through where I got a crush on a straight point. So after you face reality, okay, you see what the situation is for what it is, you make a scoreboard, even if you don't make the boyfriend scoreboard, whatever.

Assess the situation, like tell yourself what is actually going on, get in the reality of it. And then you have to assess, are we actually even compatible? Like, what actually could come from this? Because I met someone a few weeks ago. And upon meeting him, like, I was obsessed with him. I loved everything about his energy, his personality, he was funnest shit, he was cute. I was obsessed with him I loved everything about his energy his personality. He was fun as shit He was cute. I was like a hair yeah, like I was down with the get down I was like what the fuck like people like this don't like come across my path often

So it caught my attention a lot like I love the fuck out this make from the moment I see him So I felt this extreme and very intense interest in this dude. I was like, oh my god. I was so fucking excited. But I had to give myself a reality check with asking if we're actually even compatible because the motherfucker was straight. Number one, number two, he does not live in this country. So with those two things, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? You know, like you gotta get in the reality and see if you're actually compatible. Cause one, you're straight. You're not interested in me. And two, you do not fucking live in this country like they were visiting.

Like being realistic, where do I actually think this will go? Bitch, it's gonna stop here. It's not fucking going nowhere. But the way I used to be is I would still get hopeful, I would still get excited, I would allow myself to like start think I had feelings for this person and like get so involved and then like break my own heart when I face the reality that he was fucking straight like girl. Face that shit at the beginning and save yourself. Like get your emotions in check and like reel it in. Like you have to accept things are what they are. You really just have to accept the situation for what it is and acknowledge it upfront.

Because if you just feel like intensely towards someone and you just put blinders on and you don't want to face reality and you just go forward into it, one day you're going to get too far down the line involved emotionally. And then you're going to take those blinders off and you're going to have to face the reality of like the motherfuckers straight and don't live here. And then it's going to feel like a fucking dagger through your chest because you're like, ah, like it's going to fucking hurt ten times worse. It's just a matter of when do you want to face the reality of it? Do you want to do it after you're already emotionally invested or do you want to go ahead and

fucking rip the bandaid off in the beginning and face it for what it is so that you don't get hurt. And I'm not saying this is like an avoidant thing, it's just a realistic thing. Like, don't be scared to like people and scared to like, funny love and stuff. I've never been in love, so don't fuckin' ask me about that.

This is not an avoidant thing. This is just a reality thing, because you can't let your emotions run wild. Like, you can't just like put your blinders on and like go with shit It's gonna hurt you and it's not gonna Leach anything like trust me. Been there. Done that plenty of times. That's why I'm here And another way I kind of help myself with this process of like accepting what it is and like accepting the compatibility is like Play the tape forward Play if it's a forward of the situation with this person. What the compatibility is like, play the tape forward.

Play the tape forward of the situation with this person. What the fuck is it going to turn into? Think into the future, not about you with that. Okay, not you together, you separate. Just look at the situation and play the tape forward. Add time to it. What is the likely possibility like gonna come out of it? And I'm someone that like, even if this motherfucker like questioned his sexuality and turned out to be gay and wanted to come

out, I'm not willing to get with someone who is freshly out. You gotta go fuck around and explore and go get in touch with yourself and do all that. I'm not being the ones fucking like hand holder and like leading them through this shit. They need to go experience things and then want to settle down for a relationship. Like to live your life and hiding with your sexuality and then you finally get the freedom to explore it and expect to just jump into a relationship with someone is unrealistic. I'm not willing to take that chance to pit because I don't ever know who's gonna come across my path and if you write one motherfucker I'll do it, but I will fucking hit you But playing it type forward even if he did come out

I wouldn't want to go for it like you need to go do your shit and explore and experience things So that you know what you want in a relationship one and two know what your type is know what you're into sexually You got to go play around you got to go try all that out and then you can come back. We're not compatible It's not gonna go nowhere So adding time to the situation and adding like other possibilities. I saw that in reality It's not gonna work. There's like not really any chance for it to so even if he is straight and ain't gonna work Even if he is gay, I'm not into that. I'm not gonna go down that road with you If you're just discovering your sexuality like I'm Too grown for that shit.

I don't know if that makes sense or not. Like, is it that I'm grown or is it just that I fucking know better? I don't know. So my next tip with not getting attached to someone that you've just met, like this is someone that you've met recently or you don't know that well. Right there, you don't know them that well. You don't fucking know them. So get to know them that well. You don't fucking know them. So get to know

them. Don't just start assuming that they like you as much as you do. Don't just start assuming that you're compatible. Like if I need a dude and he's gay and he's my type and I'm his type and it's like great. Okay. There's still so much to explore about each other to see if we're actually compatible. What are you like emotionally? What do you like physically? What do you like sexually? There's so much to discover. There's so many things that can make you incompatible besides just like sex, sexuality, and like physical appearance. There's so much more that you have to discover about a person like if you have like some weird quirks or if you snore, no, it's not happening. I'm not sleeping with ear plugs and I'm not doing them with no

in my fucking ear when I'm sleeping. My sleep is very important to me. Don't fuck with it. But there's so many different aspects you need to assess and evaluate. If you actually are gonna work out with this person, so if you're getting to know someone, you have to understand you have to get to know them first. Like, you they're a fucking stranger. You have to realize that. I don't care how strongly you feel about someone. They're still the fucking stranger. There's still someone you have to learn like my best friend Alyssa I met her when I first moved to Houston and from the moment that we fucking met it was like me her and my friend Randy It's like we're the little trio like we met and we all meshed so well so fucking fast like we became so close

And we were so comfortable after just spending like 10 minutes together. It was like I knew them my whole fucking life. Like my nipples are hard and I have the chills talking about it because it freaks me the fuck out. But we're so close, so fast. And we felt so comfortable with each other so fast. And that's something I hadn't experienced before.

And my like red flags and like my dress this year were not flaring up. Like typically they do. So it was very weird to me that I felt so trusting of these people I had literally known for 24 hours. It was the strangest fucking experience, but we're all very tight today, like they're my two best friends. I have a lot of other close friends, but like the closeness shit that happened, why y'all moving the trash can right now? Why y'all gonna move the trash can right fucking now? I'm making a podcast.

Thank you for doing your job. It just wasn't a convenient time for me. Okay, back to my fucking little thing. I felt so close to these people so fast, but I had to remind myself, Leo, yes you're friends with them, yes you feel very close with them and very comfortable with them, and you guys work together so well, all your energy is bland,

like they're socially aware, they're emotionally aware, like they just fucking get it. And I had to remind myself, yes you feel this way toward them, but at the same time you don't fucking know them. Though I talk about testing people a lot, I test everybody, like I test a lot of different things. I do things that test if people are gonna steal from me, I do things that test their intentions, I do things that test what type of person they are and their character, like I have all kind of tests.

And I'll probably do an episode about like ways that I test people, because you all need to start doing it. But I still have to get to know Randy and Alyssa, like I have to get to know them, even though I feel like so close to them so fast. And the same thing happened with my friend David, it was fucking strange. So that's what I'm saying.

You still have to protect yourself and watch your own fucking ass and just understand you have to get to know this person. I don't care how good you feel about them. You don't fucking know them, all right? And being too trusting and being too like hopeful and having too good of a heart. Will fuck you. It will. I wish that wasn't true. But I have too many experiences of giving people the benefit of the

doubt. And they fuck me over. I have no experience of giving people the benefit of the doubt and they fuck me over. I have no experience of giving someone the benefit of the doubt and them doing me right. So I don't know if that's my own situation, that my own experiences, that my own like limiting shit and like my perception of the thing, but you have to watch your own fucking ass

and I don't care how good you feel about somebody, you have to get to know them first. I'm just gonna leave it there because if you haven't had that experience, I'm happy for you and I don't want to speak like fear into you, but I will speak reality at you of like you don't know people regardless of good you feel about them or how much you feel like you know them because I felt like I knew these motherfuckers my whole life, but I didn't. And I had to remind myself of that. I'm like, okay Leo, you got the, but you have to have the logic too. You have to see why, cover your ass.

And this whole get to know them situation applies to people that you've also already known. So like, let's say you've been friends with someone for a while and you guys are pursuing a relationship or you're pursuing something more than a friendship. Who you know of them is who they are as a friend. You don't know who they are in a relationship. You don't know who they are in a relationship. You don't know how they are in a relationship. So that's another thing you have to check

yourself on. You might know this person, but this is a whole nother side. You're going to have to get to learn if you're going to take it farther than a friendship. You have to get to know who they are in a relationship. How they're going to treat you. What's going to change? What's going to shift? They're a whole different fucking person. So I want you to look at it like that. So you don't go into it thinking of like certain expectations you have of them as a friend and then throw it into the relationship.

Because it might set you up for disappointment, but you have to get to know people in the new role. So like if you have a friend that you're switching to a relationship, you have to take on the attitude of like I'm getting to know this new side of you. I'm getting to know what it's like to experience you in this way. So that's another reminder. I don't care how long you've been friends with someone, you have to get to know them in a relationship also.

So just keep your eyes open with that and like remind yourself you have to get to know them. So you're not as attached as you feel. And with me saying you're not as attached as you feel, bitch, look at the time. Look at the fucking time of how long you've known this person. Like when I met Randy and Lissa and we hung out for like the first weekend together, I knew them two days. Okay, and I felt so strongly connected to them and I was like, oh my god, like if I lost them, I'd be sad. But if I lost them, would I be that fucked up and not damaged by it? No girl, I knew them for two fucking days.

Luckily we're still friends. We're still friends, we're all very close, we're all very good, but my point is like the time thing. You have to recheck yourself, like how long have you actually known them, how long have you actually had a crush on them? Like look at this shit like for real like be fucker for real bff we are what the fuck so my next tip for not getting too attached too quick is do not tie anything up with this person like make their ability to leave your

life seamless and easy for a good while I want to say like six months, but I know people are going to freak the fuck out if I say that, but like, I'm not saying do this as like an avoidant attachment-style thing. Hi. But do this to protect your own ass and like to cover your own bases. Like, don't get too immeshed and like legally associated and like involved. Like don't be making no fucking commitments of like getting a house together, getting married, signing a fucking lease together. Don't mesh anything that's gonna bind them to you and make shit difficult if you guys do agree to leave. Because like I said, you're still getting to know each other. You still have to assess so many things if you're compatible or not. So if you've committed to a fucking lease and you're going to move in together and you've

moved into an apartment after three months, that's how the gates work. We move in fast. But if you commit to all that and then you realize, okay, this person is not actually like, who I thought that was, or I'm not actually as intimate as I thought, or we're not compatible, what you're going to do now, bitch. Now leaving is gonna be 10 times harder. So, I'd say give it a minute. You'll know when, because a situation you won't be making a decision off of your emotion, you'll be making a decision off of logic. And those are the decisions to make. Like, if you've known someone for a month, don't fucking buy a house with them unless it's a sugar daddy and they're putting it in your name, let me buy you the house. But don't fucking go get yourself tied up with people too quick.

That's going to make you feel a lot more attached, a lot quicker. Because when you move quicker and you do a lot of important things, it makes you feel more attached. Like you're setting this foundation of security and stability with a motherfucker you barely know. That's going to trick your brain into thinking you're way more attached and you care about them way more than you think. So slow it down bitch hold the

With okay, I'm one to talk though Because I like to move quick, but I'm very certain and sure And I know how to judge people's character and like you know, what's not about me? It's really fucking not let me shut up But let me just reiterate my point make it as easy as possible for you to walk away for at least the first like six months three or four if you can bitch okay but you still don't know someone that well like you have to see a lot about a person to decide that you actually know them so don't get involved with them don't do shit too quick that's gonna bind you to them allow for the potential of you guys splitting to be as easy as possible just remember me saying that for like a little bit

So the next thing I want to talk about is before you do something for the person that you like You got to cut all the strings that you have attached to it like you don't want to do something for someone with hidden Expectations or hidden hopes or like anything like that. So a way to weed that out is Ask yourself before you buy them a gift, before you book a trip with them, before you do anything for them or like with them, ask yourself, if we were to split up and break up after this, when I still feel comfortable doing it. And that's how you'll know if you actually want to do something and if you feel comfortable doing it. Because a lot of people only like to do shit with the thought of like, oh, I'm investing

in the relationship. But you have to see, are you willing to invest in the person not the relationship? Don't do anything for them. If you're not willing to do it for them and they're well-being and they're happiness, don't invest shit or do shit if you wouldn't be comfortable with them still having it if they walk away or if you guys split up like that's just a thing to protect you and also to protect you from doing things that will lead you to feeling betrayed because if you do shit expecting like you guys stay together and then you don't you're gonna be pissed so that's a good way to know like if you should or shouldn't do

something am I still comfortable doing it even if we break up? Am I still comfortable with investing this energy, time, money, gift, whatever it is into this person, even if I don't get to share it with them? And that'll bring you a lot of clarity if you should do something or not. Oh God. Okay. This next one is a little controversial. I personally can't do this. But what I'm going to say is don't cut off all of your options. Like play the field a little,

like if you find someone that you like and you go on a first date and it goes good, like don't immediately cut off everybody else that you're talking to or interested in because it's going to help you not like fixate on them. Like if you meet this one person and everything goes good for like the beginning and you're just like, you have nothing else going on, you're just gonna be fixated on them and you're gonna put all of your hope and effort into like making that work. And if it doesn't work, it's gonna feel a lot more devastating.

But I personally cannot do this. I don't talk to people like that. If I find someone I'm interested in, I'm 100% there. I don't like to split my focus and my attention. But a lot of people like to date around. So if you're someone that's comfortable with like dating around and but a lot of people like to date around. So if you're someone that's comfortable with like dating around and having a lot of options, do it until it gets to a point

where you're ready and certain, like, okay, this is the person, then kind of everybody else off. Don't do anything disrespectful, but if you're not the type like me to have a lot of options at once, I want you to stay fucking busy. And that's my next tip is stay busy with what you're doing in your life. Like keep yourself and your goals, your priority, work on your own shit, go to your fucking job, do what you need to do for you, take care of yourself, keep going with your fitness goals, keep going with whatever goals you have, whatever you like to do, stay consistent with it and keep doing it. Like maybe do a little bit more because when you find someone that you're really interested in, if you hyper-fixate on them, every little move they make is gonna fucking hurt.

It's gonna like, it's gonna hurt you on a heart. Like God forbid they don't answer your text fast enough or like, they don't answer your text all day because they got busy. It's like, oh my God, what have I done wrong? Like I get it. I get it bitch, I was like that. So staying busy and staying in your own shit is going to allow you to not like hyperpix it

on every move that they make. Like every little action that they do, if you don't have anything going on for yourself and anything that you're doing, all you have to do is sit here and over-analyze everything and it will hurt the fuck out of you if you do it. Stay busy with your own shit. Don't over-analyze every text, every move, every, everything.

Like by being busy, you have less effort to shove into them and like watching every move that they make and like how they may not like you and then all they do like me and they don't like me. It's like don't go through all that mental, fucking turmoil, stay consistent with what you're doing. Stay busy, allow yourself to have other things to focus on and not just them.

It's totally fine to be excited by them. It's totally fine to go for them and like put your effort and energy into them but like have other shit you're doing that with also so you don't want lose yourself and to hyper fixate and get hurt by every little fucking like slight change in behavior. In my last tip my last little point I want to make is enjoy liking someone and enjoy the heartbreak of it. Enjoy getting y'all famous hair at beach because nothing makes me thrive more. They get my philiter. Like when I like someone, I get like a boost of energy to be better, to do better, to look better, to get more serious about myself, to improve myself more. Like I get that nice boost

and like rush and inspiration. So enjoy that. Like it's very rare that I find somebody I like, but when I do, I feel so good. So enjoy that while you've got it. Like tap into it, use it to your advantage. Use it to level yourself up. Like enjoy having someone there, enjoy having someone that you're interested by

and that you're like enamored by and that you just wanna look at and like touch and squeeze and hug. Like it's so fun. So just enjoy that aspect of it and then also enjoy the fucking heartbreak and enjoy that shit going south and join losing them because everything that you lose in that person

is gonna give you clarity about everything you want in the next one. So even if you lose one, you gain insight about what you truly want out of a person and like it's gonna it's gonna be good It's gonna be a good learning moment, but enjoy the heartbreak Because that'll give me that motivation to of like finding the next one and like leveling yourself up and improving yourself Like be a selfish prick like I am like use it to your advantage

Because I love some emotional like fucking willpower like when I'm upset or sad and I go workout or like I start working on something like I'd be heartbroken like giving so much done like fucking opening new businesses and shit and fucking like working out like hard to sell because I'm like lifting out of pure emotion like put on some monodil right and fucking cry put on a little ethylcane and fucking just like rage like that's the best shit so literally just enjoy the process of it even if it doesn't go anywhere like with the boy that was straight that didn't live here, like I just enjoyed being in his company and just I enjoyed the fact that I liked him. Like I just enjoyed that sensation

of what it's like to be enamored with someone. And then it ended, like, homey left and I'm fucking on my own shit now. Like I just enjoyed that feeling when you've got it because it's nice. Okay, so now I was jumping to what would Leo do. So that's where you guys write in and ask me for advice on your situations about what I would do if I was you. So, the first one is how can you stay consistent in the gym when your family doesn't support you. So, what I had to

understand when I started getting into fitness is other people are not going to get it. Your family is not going to understand. And they don't have to. People do not have to understand what you're doing for you to do it. People do not have to support you for you to do what you want to do. If you have a goal, don't expect people to understand, don't expect people to support you. It's nice to have support, but if someone doesn't want to support you, don't try and force them to.

You don't need support and you don't need people to understand for you to do what you want to do. So what I will say is set boundaries around what your goal is. So if you have like a fitness goal, like you're talking about, if you have a certain time, you're going to go to the gym or going to the gym is a non-negotiable for you to get to where you want to go, make it clear that like you have a boundary around I will be spending this time every day at the gym. On holidays if I decide to go to the gym I'm gonna go early or later so I can still spend time with everyone. I used to do that like I was in the gym every fucking holiday because my family didn't really like celebrate holidays but I didn't give a fuck like even if it was someone's birthday like

bitch I'm still going to the fucking gym I'm still doing my own shit on my own birthday. I go to goddamn gym so Just set boundaries around what you're gonna do So if working out is like something that you want to do set a boundary around it You're gonna do it. It's not a fucking discussion. You have a goal. You're gonna work toward it Same with eating and diet if you have a certain goal for like how you want to start eating Set that boundary, make it a non-negotiable. Like people will offer you food. You don't have to take it. You don't

have to eat what everybody else is eating. And I'm an obedient. So I know what that fucking shit is like. Like my parents love to try and force feed me. My cousins be eating like crazy. Maybe do you want them? Eat them. Come on, come on. Like they give you a guilt trip for like not eating. Like I love it, I appreciate them. But you have to have self-discipline and self-control to say no. You can politely say no, I appreciate it. Thank you, I'm eating clean right now, whatever it is.

And after you say it a few times, they're gonna fucking get it. And they're gonna shut the fuck up as I've offered you shit. Cause my friends be offering me cookies all the time. And I'm like, I hate new weight. But that's it. Just set boundaries around what you're doing.

And don't ask for people to support you. Tell people you'd like their support, sure, but you don't need their support. You're gonna do it regardless. All you need people to do is respect your boundaries and not give you shit. So they don't have to support you, but they can shut the fuck up and let you do what you wanna do.

You're not hurting them. You're not ruining anything for them. You're not making their life difficult. You're doing your own shit and there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm fucking proud of you. And it's gonna be difficult, but you got this shit. Okay, I've been through the same thing. Like, I got 12 years old. I started getting into like dieting a little bit and then 14. I started like P90X and like working out. Like, I know what the fuck I was doing. But like, my family was trying to feed me certain shit. And I'm like, no, I'm gonna have a salad. Like, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, but I my family was trying to feed me certain shit, and I'm like, no, I'm gonna have a stallion. Like, I didn't know what the fuck I was doing,

but I got a lot of like judgment from everyone around me, but I still just did it anyways, because I was the one that had to be fast, not them. So I wanted to fix it. And another thing with that, and then I'm gonna shut up and move to the next one, is when you are around people who are not doing what you're doing,

they're gonna make you feel weird as fuck for it. So me with my diet and exercise, I've always felt weird, and like other people just don't get it, until I started hanging out with people, and being friends with people, who get it? Like all of my friends now are into fitness. They're all into like, meal plans, working out of dieting, like they're all about that shit,

and I don't feel weird at all. And like when I go to their houses, I can actually eat shit when I'm there, because it's all healthy shit. It's all the same shit that I don't feel weird at all. And like when I go to their houses I can actually eat shit when I'm there because it's all healthy shit. It's all the same shit that I eat. Like as soon as you get around people who are doing the same thing you'll feel supported, you'll feel understood, they'll get it. But people that are not doing it, you can't expect to feel like they get it or understand or are going to support you. So that's all I'm going to say on that. It does get easier, I promise. So our next situation is another one about like

a fitness life style. Someone said, how do I eat on my meal plan and not miss going out to eat with friends and family? That's something that I have to deal with a lot because like everything is about going out to eat. Like give me time, you're gonna hang out with someone and it's like, oh, let's go get food. Let's go get drinks, let's go this, let's go that.

It's like everybody has to be eating something all the time. And when you're on a meal plan, it's very hard to do that. So I'll give you a couple of tips that I use. One is like, if I go to my friends house to hang out, I'll take a meal with me so I can just eat it when I'm there. Another thing that I do is I'll eat before I go hang out with people.

Or if my friends invite me to dinner, I'll eat before dinner so that I have my meal in, and I don't have to worry about fucking it up, and then I'll go to dinner with them, and I'll just like get a water, or like get a diet coke, or whatever the fuck, and just hang out. Like I'm there to share the experience,

I'm there in the atmosphere, we get to hang out. It's like, you don't have to eat just because you're out of rest room. People might look at you like you're fucking weird, but fuck up. Let them mind their own goddamn business. Like you can go still hang out with people and be around them and not like fuck up your goals. But another thing that I do with going out to eat because it is a little

weird to like sit there and just like not eat. So something that I'll do and I do this all the time. You can ask anyone the fucking heck is out with me. I will go eat at a restaurant with a friend, but I'll take two protein bars with me because that's 40 grams of protein. So I'll literally go to the restaurant and I'll eat the protein bars, I got the restaurant and I don't give a fuck the people looking at me,

I don't give a fuck the people think it's weird. Yeah, I bring my goddamn protein bars to the restaurant, leave me alone, but I'll order a salad and I'll get like whatever salad that they have, but I will get the dressing on the side. And I usually ask if they have like oil and vinegar, and I get that on the side, because vinegar has zero calories.

I don't put the oil on it, but I'll put vinegar on it. But I get a salad with no dressing, no croutons, no cheese. It's literally just a plate of fucking vegetables, if you do that. And then I'll put vinegar on it, and then like a little salt pepper Whatever I want and I'll eat my protein bars and like I get the experience of going out with people Hanging out getting to be in like the restaurant

History because I love a restaurant But I don't have to fuck up my goals like I still get to go and eat something and I still get to like stay on track with everything There's a way to balance it. I promise. People might think it's a little fucking weird, but who gives a shit? Because you're the one you have to answer to. You're the one that has the goals. And your goals don't give a fuck about who's judging the goals. It's like you have to do what it takes to get there.

So do it. Even if people think you're a little wacko. Because bitch, see something, say something. Yeah, I mean, you're protein bars in a salad. Who gives a fuck Okay, so the last situation for what would Leo do is this person is dealing with phone addiction and when they're studying like they can't Get on their phone like if something gets hard they get bored. They just get on their phone and They get on their phone non-fucking stop and they can't like get off of it and it's fucking with every aspect of their life

So there's a whole emotional side you can go touch on with addiction and like phon addiction and distraction from like something that you feel I get it, but it sounds like you just need more self control and like things to navigate having more discipline around it. So I'm going to give you those. If you're interested and learn about the emotional side of addiction, look at that. I would do a video about it, but like, I don't want to touch on that subject. Like addiction is like so touchy and people are gonna fucking try and attack me for it, but my tip for studying, if you're trying to study or do school work and you keep getting on your phone, babe, put your phone in another fucking room while you study. It's gonna feel uncomfortable.

You're literally gonna have times. Like when I used to have to study, I would have all my books in the shit in front of me in my laptop. And then I would have my phone usually sitting here. And once I would start putting my phone in another room, I would catch myself reaching for my phone and it wasn't there. Like my body was just so used to being in the habit of doing it. You're gonna feel uncomfortable. It's gonna feel weird.

But as you do it more, your brain is gonna start to associate Study time your phone is not in the fucking room and you allow yourself to focus But if you have your computer in front of you to watch a bitch, don't be playing on other shit You need to fucking study but another idea for like social media addiction on the phone is you can set time limits on your apps So you can set a certain amount of time that you're allowed to like beyond social media apps throughout the day So you can set like one hour two hours five hours whatever you want to set it as like let's say you've been on Instagram for like two hours today And your time limit is two hours It's then going to lock all of your other social media apps or whatever ones that you add into the restriction and

Every time you go to open the app It's gonna come up with a screen with like a little timer on it and like you've exceeded your screen time for the day. You can click okay and it will close it or you can click ignore and it will let you open the app. And what I found that to be so useful for is a lot of the times when you're on your phone, you'll just click an app like out of habit. But that screen puts a buffer and it puts like one step extra in front of your habit and your pattern of just clicking onto Instagram on your phone.

If you ever move shit around on your phone, move the apps around, your brain is going to naturally just click where Instagram was or click where TikTok was just by habit. So having that screen flash up with a screen time, it breaks that moment and I'm like, okay, that was just autopilot and it puts you like, okay, hang on. But even if you want to ignore the time limit and get on the app anyways, I won't need to realize and remind yourself when you see that screen and you click ignore, I'm choosing this right now. Like put yourself in a place of power whether you choose it or not.

That's my same idea with binge eating. Put the shit in front of you and choose it. Don't just be like, oh, I'm so powerless to my emotions. Ah, like don't take an unempowered action. Reminding yourself that you're in control puts you in a place of power and you're free to choose it if you want. But you get to avoid that guilt. It'll also make you more accountable and disciplined because if you look at it like, okay, here's my screen time limit. I've already exceeded what I've wanted to be on for the day. I can choose to do it or I can choose not to. You're not just perilous to it. Like, oh, I just

can't stop scrolling. It's like, not bitch, you chose it. So what now? Like, why are you going to complain when your actions are right in front of you of why you're not getting in results that you want? You see? Another tip I have for social media addiction and like spending too much time on it and just scrolling is unfollow accounts that you don't fucking like. And unfollow accounts that you don't fucking like and Unfollow accounts that just distract you for no fucking reason like I follow a lot of quote pages And I follow a lot of people that are like my friends and influencers that I like sure But I unfollowed a lot of pages that was just like mindless bullshit like I love a meme

No, I'd be having tons of meats, but I'm able to like control myself So I'd say if you feel like you can't Unfollow a lot of pages that is just mindless distraction if it's not like a motivation thing a quote or like something that's gonna help you Be all better then Don't watch it. Don't like have everything that you enjoy so much readily available to you Like just trying to like cut back on it because you'll start opening your phone and be like I'm bored And then you'll close it and then you have to find something else to do. And that's my next tip is if you're going to set a time limit for how much you can be

on your phone, do not just expect yourself to quit doing something without something else to fill it in or take up your attention. Because if you're used to spending it on social media, and then you have nothing to do now, and you're just sitting here expecting yourself to be fine with it, you're most likely going to jump back into it. So have something else planned that you want to do, get busy with something else. I don't want to say read because that's so fucking cliche. But like go read, go do something, like go watch a different type of YouTube video, go watch

themselves develop it, shit, like go watch something that is going to help you with what you're doing and not just be mindless social media because you can use social media to learn things. Like there's certain YouTube videos where while I'm eating I love to watch a YouTube video. Every fucking meal of a day I like to have a YouTube video and I like to watch it when I eat. I've been like that since I can remember since I'm little. I grew up on YouTube but oh my god I'm on YouTube now. Hey if you're eating. But when I'm watching videos on YouTube, sometimes I like mindless shit, and then sometimes I like things that are like business related,

or like coaching related, or psychology related, and I'll allow myself to watch these videos, and I don't beat myself up mentally, because I'm learning something from them. So I still get to be on social media and be entertained, but it's not useless mindless social media. So that's another to be on social media and like be entertained, but it's not useless, like mindless social media. So that's another thing that I would suggest. But also give yourself something else to do or watch, and like something else to do with your time,

like studying or like whatever you need to fucking get done, go to the gym, go on and go to the gym walk, listen to some music. I don't know. Like give yourself something else to do to occupy your time, because you have a known way of filling like voids and like empty time slots in your day. So if you just remove that, you're going to be faced with what you're running from. So have something else that's like more productive or more healthy that will help you to do. That's all I got for what would Leo do. If you want to be featured on next week's episode or a future episode, you can submit your situation or whatever you need to advice on.

In the description below, I have a link of like the what would Leo do submissions. You just click it. It's completely anonymous. You just type your situation and send it in. And I have it all in one spot so I can just like run through them. Also the link to the Facebook community that I made for all of us will be in the description. So go join that right now. Don't forget, go fucking join it.

Even if you don't need advice right now, go play in it. Go post something. Go post the hot. If you found this episode useful, send it to somebody. Send it to a friend that you think can benefit or like share it to your story. I like Instagram stories because like you guys share it and then I get to share it online. It's so cute. But I also have a donation spade set up for this podcast. So if you want to support me and help me keep going with this bitch, drop a little donation. Go link to the description also. I have a couple more things to plug one is my social media So go follow me. TikTok and Instagram and all that I'll put that in the description too and my accountability templates like the work sheets that I use to stay this appointment accountable

I'll also link those in the description where you can download those and get a copy and see how I'm able to be so Disciplined and accountable and get so much shit that. Last thing, if you want to download my app, it's called positive focus. It will send you positive notifications to your phone all day long. Nice little things that you need to hear, like boost your mood, shift your perspective from like what's going wrong to like things that make you feel better like what's positive. Positive focus, you see? It's like a positive mindset shift with like normal notifications. Very easy.

And I also have journal prompts in there. So like it's shadow work journal prompts, but also just like journal prompts to help you like process things and get to the root of like, what's going on. So the link to download that will be in the description also. It's available for iPhones and Android. So both of those links are down below. And that's all I've got for this episode.

I hope this was helpful. I hope you learned something. Leave me a comment with your feedback or like DM me on Instagram Because I love to get you guys' little messages. I love to hear what you guys have to say But join the Facebook community God damn it and I look forward to talking to you next Sunday