Aware & Aggravated - 54. Realizations From Traveling Europe

Episode Date: December 11, 2022

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Hi friends, I'm in a bad mood. I don't know why don't fucking ask me. I was two seconds away from recording this episode on the couch like deadass I was gonna fucking get my mic I was gonna unplug it and I was gonna go make this handheld and like go sit on the couch and just like veg out While I talk to you about Europe, but hi friends I'm officially back from Europe and I have a lot of realizations. I want to share with you and just like things That's it. I have some things I want to share and then next week I'm probably gonna do an episode about Losing friends not losing friends like out growing people out growing friends and how to navigate that But I needed to talk about what I learned in Europe because I learned a bunch. Like Leo was going to fuck through it.

So I'm gonna just give you like a background and when I say I was going through it. So we got in that fucking fight in Berlin. We got jumped, cool, the number one. Then we go to Romania. And then we, me and my friend both catch a cold and we're like fighting for our life, not really. I were like, coffins, shit up,

but like a typical cold, you just don't feel good, you wanna sleep. And then we leave there and we go to Rome. And when we get to Rome, we're there for four days. The first night, we get food poisoning. And I'm literally sick and bed throwing up, pissing out of my ass for like the four days straight. So I literally flew to Rome, ate some pizza

that wasn't good, apparently. From this hyped up pizza place, don place. Don't fucking take recommendations offline. I don't trust nobody's judgment. Like y'all say things are good and it's not good. It's not for good. So I'm done, I'm done listening to y'all. Like every time I try somebody's Starbucks drink that they recommend, I'm like, phew, it's fucking shit.

But the same thing with food. So like, no more recommendations for goddamn restaurants. But we go to this fucking restaurant, we get food poisoning. I'm sick of shit in Rome Like it's our oh my god. It makes me so mad. It makes me so upset. I literally saw nothing in Rome I saw the inside of my Airbnb and the pizza that I ate That's it. We didn't see shit else. We didn't do shit else like I was already just sick for four days And I'm the type I'm, I'm a little tough stuff. Like, if I'm sick, I don't go fuck.

I can still function. I can still like, get up and be fine. Like, when I had my cold, I was like, okay, and I can be sick and still do things. So, that was not the case with the food poisoning bitch. I was sick and be a dead. Like, my body would not get up. Like, I had cold sweats, like, body aches.

Shit show, absolute literal shit show. And then we finished our trip off in Madrid, which was pretty. It was real nice, it was cute. I'm glad we went because I didn't get to see a fuck thing in Rome. So, I have some realizations I want to share with you about all of that, but I kind of, I was gonna go a different route, but like after giving you the background of this, like I have like the five little like points I want to hit on

But I really think I'm just gonna jump into the one I learned about being sick and Rome so When we were in Rome we were in the perfect location like our Airbnb was like it was no as expensive one of the trip And it literally makes me fucking ride with anger that I paid all this money to go to Rome and I didn't get to fucking like it wasn't worth anything like it was a waste of money. All I literally I just saw the inside of the Airbnb like I didn't want to be positive and be like oh like yeah I was sick but at least I had a nice place to stay. Fuck that I'm still upset that I wasted money and didn't get to see nothing in Rome but that's the point that's part of the realization. When I was in Rome, I was in the perfect Airbnb

and the perfect location could walk to anything. I had money to spend, I was ready to have a good time, but I did not have my health. And if you don't have your health, you don't have shit. And I learned that like firsthand. And I've had run-ins with this before, like working as a nurse, I saw a lot of shit, very young. and I understand like if you don't have your help you have nothing and I've been with people at the end of their life I've seen all of that like I've seen everybody's biggest regrets

I've seen people my fucking age I was 19 and I was working with a kid that was 18 and he didn't have his health and he was dying like he was stuck in the hospital with cancer and his health and he was dying. Like he was stuck in the hospital with cancer and couldn't leave, but I could. I'm getting chills talking about this, but I was 19 at the time and I was like, this fucking kid, we are the same age and his life is about to end. Like if you don't have your health, you don't have a fuck thing, but going to Rome was a nice refresher of that, but seriously, like we all get so caught up and like, oh, I to make more money I don't have enough money. It's this it's that like there's so much stress, but it's like Money didn't matter when I was sick. I didn't give a fuck like I it didn't matter what location I was in I could not get up and go explore. I had money to spend finally and the time of my life

I'm like I finally have money to spend and I can't fucking spend it, because I don't have my health. Everybody's after everything, and everybody's chasing everything, but health. And it's like, there's this weird dynamic with money. It's like, I'll worry about my health once I make money. At least that's how I've been, like most of my life. I'm like, I'll worry about my health once I have money. Like, once I have everything taken care of, I'm gonna like, like, let shit and like, discard it until I feel like I'm in a place where I like can

worry about my health. Does that make fucking sense or not? Like, make sense to me. But that was a big thing. I was like, I'm not worrying about my health till I have money. It's like, once I have money, I'll eat right, I'll do this, I'll do that.

It's like, you have to start taking care of your health before that. And I learned that, I'll do that. It's like, you have to start taking care of your health before that. And I learned that, like, for real. And money comes and goes, but I would have paid anything to fucking have my health back when I was sick. Like, that shit rocked me. Like, I'm not new to a stomach bug, but like, grud, I shit got me good.

Like, I was like, damn, but the whole realization was like, it doesn't matter how perfect your circumstances are. You have money, you're in the perfect location, a beautiful place in the world, you have a place you can go explore. You're with someone that's fun, like you have a friend. It's like me a couple of years ago, like I didn't have anyone I was friends with,

like close with like that. I didn't have like money to go travel and do shit It's like all I wanted was like money because I was like money a friend take a trip see the world And it's like I finally got all of that and I got everything I wanted But I didn't have my health to enjoy it like having friends doesn't fucking matter Having money doesn't fucking matter being somewhere in new in the world, having beautiful things around you, doesn't fucking matter if you can't go enjoy it. Like I could not get up out of the bed. Like my body was like not having it. It was like I was nauseous, I was sick, I was dizzy, I had a fucking headache from hell. Like my head was killing me. Like I couldn't get up and go like see anything. And even if I did like force myself to get up and get out of bed I would have not been able to enjoy any of it

I would have been like I just want to go lay the fuck down So without realization my biggest thing was like don't take shit for granted like your ability to just get up and walk outside is a lot and You have so much access to like beautiful things like just walking out So I sound like a fucking goddamn hippieie don't I like a fucking tree hug Oh yeah But for real like to just be able to walk outside and like see things go see a fucking tree to just be able to get up and like leave your house Like that's just such a big thing. You don't realize like we all take it for granted

Like the little moments the little things we take it all for granted until you don't have it So my big realization with that was like mother motherfuckers start taking care of your health, like start taking care of yourself and really make sure you're able to enjoy life. Because money doesn't fucking matter, people don't matter, nothing matters if you can't enjoy it. Like your health will fuck you up if you don't take care of it. So that was my big thing, and I'm still gonna have fun with life. I'm still gonna have a cigarette here and there.

I'm still gonna fucking do a little like, here and there. Like when it calls for it, like a festival or something, like I'm still gonna have fun with life. I'm still gonna indulge in things, even if they're bad for me, but like, I'm done eating bad food. I'm done eating like bad shit.

And that's the other thing I wanted to talk about. One of my other realizations was like, it's so much easier to eat good and like, it's easier to like lose weight in the US because there's no fat free, low calorie, anything. There's no sugar free shit. Like you have a sugar free coke and that's it. If you ever go to Europe, Romania is the only place

that had them actually. It's diet Pepsi, but it's mango flavor. Oh, bitch. Oh my god. Those ten out of ten. But my point with this is you can't like find sugar free anything. You can't find shit. And the food over there, like I saw a very like, I saw poor parts of the world and I experienced a lot of shit with that. But like, just wanting to be able to eat right and like nourish my body It was a little bit more difficult in these places So like coming back home like I'm happy to fucking eat clean

I'm happy to be like on my meal plan and be doing my shit like I have just so much gratitude and I'm gonna grateful fuck Okay, and this is gonna lead me into my next realization I'm gonna grateful fuck. I don't like the whole This is gonna lead me into my next realization. I'm an ungrateful fuck. I don't like the whole trying to like force yourself to be grateful, make a gratitude list. It was like you're fucking shit every morning. Like three things you grateful for.

No, I don't fucking like that. I hate that. I hate having to put effort into trying to be appreciative or grateful. Okay, I know I have a lot, and I have a lot more than most, and have a lot of me. I appreciate it for it. But I don't like the fucking put effort into appreciating me. Like I don't want to fucking sit here and write it down. I don't want to sit here and have to force myself to be

grateful for shit. It just feels like I don't like it. It's exhausting. I'm tired of it. I don't feel good doing it. I'm gonna grateful fuck all right. I always want more bigger better faster But it does feel good to be grateful and If you're not gonna intentionally try and do it I found kind of like a cheat code to be more grateful and feel more appreciative and like I don't feel like life is hard anymore at all like after seeing all these different ways of life and how people live I thought I was struggling, bitch. I thought I had something to complain about.

Fuck no. Okay, nah, I have no room to complain. I have no room to do nothing. Like I'm a, I'm a, like born again. I'm a new virgin. Born again virgin. Like I'm a grateful fuck now. But the thing is, I don't have to intentionally try to be grateful.

I kind of like hacked the system. You have to go experience the lack of things that you didn't even realize you appreciated in order to feel grateful and it takes no effort. So like me traveling to these countries and I couldn't access certain things or I couldn't do certain things and live the way that I wanted to

and do things that made me comfortable, I experienced the lack of a lot. And it made me so appreciative without having to try. Like I'm just such a happy dick now. Like just like being back in the US and just like living day to day life, I'm a happy fuck. I have my health, I barely have any money left. I spent all that fucking trip. But I have like so much to be appreciative of and it's like taking no effort to do it. Like just experiencing the lack of so many things, health, food, resources, experiences,

like things that make me comfortable gyms that are decent, like experiencing the lack of all that, made me realize how fucking good I have it. And it's like I just walk around now with every little thing I'm just so appreciative of it without having to try and That's my little like hack I found was like don't try to force yourself to be grateful go experience the lack of things go experience other shit and it's not like I intentionally took this trip and was like oh I'm gonna be so much more grateful afterward. I had no clue what the fuck was coming. There are so many things I didn't realize

that is a luxury. I know that sounds so fucking stupid. Like these realizations sound just like dumb. Like they get better, I think. I don't fucking know. But this is just like the things that I realize and they sound so small and so stupid. But like I said, I'm an ungrateful fuck until now.

Like I don't like to intentionally have to try and be grateful for things, but this made it until now. Like I don't like to intentionally have to try and be grateful for things, but this made it so easy. Like I don't have to try and like make a fucking list and like, right, can't think of a grateful for. Like, I don't have to do none of that. Like just experiencing a way of life and living a certain way for like a month. Maybe a happy dick.

All right, I'm gonna put a little chapstick on and then we're gonna go into the next one. Oh, I just got pissed off reading it. I I'm a mess over here. My biceps keep like twitching because like I haven't I didn't get to work out very much in Metal Europe trips like I went back to the gym today and I did back in biceps and like I haven't trained my biceps in a minute So like they keep cramping or like doing like this like the little cramp roll bad and they'll like do that move. Oh my god. Fuck it hurts. Okay, so the one that's gonna piss me off I'm gonna hit it real quick. I'm gonna give you my tip of how I like Stop being so angry all the time and then I'm gonna get into the next one about the pace of life of Europe and like enjoying

Small things and how living is not like a waste of time to them, but the airport living is not like a waste of time to them. But the airport, I fucking despise people at the airport. I love flying. I love the experience of going to the airport. But the motherfucking people are so stupid, situationally unaware. Fucking inept. Like they're just goddamn idiots. Like I, I don't know why the airport brings out the worst of people It brings out the worst of me because people are so goddamn stupid But go into the airport anytime I had an interaction with a human being especially like other passengers and also People who didn't know how to do their fucking jobs that work at the airport. Oh that pisses me off too I was so angry so often when I was traveling

like I had to catch a lot of flights and I'm like I just kept getting so angry in the airports and I was just looking around like anytime someone would do something I would get so fucking pissed. I'm like you're fucking stupid and that is like when I checked myself. So I was like okay Leo, looking around at everybody and telling yourself when they do something and consider it that they're just fucking stupid is pissing you off So what's the thought that could make you feel better? Okay, what else could you say besides they're a fucking idiot that will make you feel better about This experience and like take off some of this anger and this aggression and this rage because I was ready to just fucking swing

Like when you're walking through the airport and motherfuckers just stop right in front of you in the middle like the walkway when you're driving you dumb shit do you just stop in the middle of the fucking road no why because you'll get hit okay move your fucking ass people that just stop in the middle when they're walking oh it grips my ass and makes my fucking ass itch. I, but instead of looking at these people and being like, Leo, they're just fucking stupid. I was like, okay, what's the thought that would make me feel better to think it? Okay, I was trying to like be the positive poly

and like make myself feel better. And I decided to start saying, they're just distracted. Instead of saying they're fucking stupid. Because when I look at people and I'm like, you're fucking stupid, being stupid is a fucking choice. Being situationally unaware is a choice. Being inconsiderate is a choice. People can educate themselves.

People can look around a fucking room and understand, okay, I'm walking down a heavily fucking traffic hallway, basically. And there's a lot of people behind me Maybe not stop walking in the middle. Maybe fucking not like you have the ability to become aware and to be Considerate and to be smart and educate yourself That's your fucking choice to be stupid So that's why it was making me so angry. I'm like how are y'all so fucking inept?

So looking at people and saying, okay, they're just distracted. Like, maybe they're trying to like, they get on their phone and they stop walking. Whatever it is, you got on your phone, you're distracted. You're trying to figure out what get you're at, you're distracted. You think you just went the wrong way, so you stop. Whatever.

But I just flipped it. Instead of looking at people and being like, you're fucking stupid. I would just think to my, I was not saying that. I was thinking it in my head. Couple of people I did yell at but But in my head I would just think okay, they're just distracted and it made me feel so much better Like it made me feel so much more calm because I didn't feel like it was a personal thing like I wasn't so like

What's it called like ignited by it? I wasn't like fueled with like rage and like it pissed off because people are just dumb. Like just walking around the world, looking at people like they're fucking dumb, like it's gonna piss you off. So just looking at it and saying, okay, they're distracted. They're not stupid, they're just distracted. That made me feel a lot better.

So I wanted to share it. And I know it kind of sounds like small and like a stupid thing, but it really did help me. Like it made me feel a lot better inside. So I wanted to share it. I hope that it isn't like dumb though. Like are people even gonna give a fuck about this episode Leo? Are they? We'll see. So something else

I want to talk about that kind of goes with like a realization. I don't know. It's the pace of life in Europe versus the United States. Like Europe, people don't look at you like you're a waste or that you are wasting your life if you are living. Like if you're just experiencing like being alive in the US, it's like if you're just alive and awake and you're not doing anything, people look at you like you're a fuck up, like you're a waste. Like there's this pressure to constantly be doing shit all the time. And in Europe, people don't have that. They don't have that pressure on them all the time. And in Europe, people don't have that. They don't have that pressure on them all the time. And they don't look at each other

like they're a fuck up or that they're like not good or like they're just something's wrong with them. And they're just like lazy. If they enjoy living life, like I'm talking in the little moments, like literally this is a stupid example. But walking outside to have a motherfucking cigarette. People in Europe smoke cigarettes. People don't vape in Europe. You wanna know why? Because they don't look at walking outside

and having a cigarette for like five minutes as a waste of time. The US is so up, you're fucking asked about, don't waste time, be efficient, ah, fast. It's like, everything is like, go, go, go, you have to be moving all the time. And like, your biggest fear is like wasting time and looking like a fuck up And that's kind of like the theory that I have around vapes like vaping. It's so accessible

It's easy. You can do it as you work It's like you can it doesn't slow you down like to vape it doesn't slow you down at all to go take a break Walk outside smoke a cigarette like that's a whole like little experience You know so vaping and like in the US outside, smoke a cigarette. Like that's a whole, like little experience, you know? So vaping and like in the US, it's so popular here because it's just, it makes you, it feels more efficient. It's not an inconvenience. It's like you're allowed to stay on track

and not like waste time or be a fuck up because you go smoke a cigarette. So like I love in Europe that they just take a minute to go do anything. Like when they eat, they're just in the moment. They hang out, like when you go to a restaurant, the waiters and waitresses are not in a rush. Like they'll get to you when they fucking get to you.

And I kinda like it. Like it's annoying when I'm ready to fucking go. But it is nice to just relax and just like not feel that pressure of like the go-go-go fast fast fast Everything has to be like not waste of time like that's a stressful fucking thing like a stressful way to live but people in Europe they just Focus on living and they don't look at it like it's a waste

So like the joy in the little moments of life like to sit down and have a cup of coffee or like sit down And enjoy your meal and talk to the people that you're with or go outside and have a fucking cigarette Like for five minutes you just slow down and you just live in the moment and it's normal and that's like It's weird to not do that. It's weird to be so fast and stressed and like chaotic But in the US it's weird to Exist and that's a big realization I had I was like D'you know like we really over here Giving stupid

And another big thing I realized is people in Europe are not distracted like in the US It's like I said there's such a fast pace. It's like you constantly have to be doing shit and everybody's so distracted all the time But in Europe people are not distracted because they're living in the moment. Even if they're playing on their phone or doing something, they're doing it. They're not like, their brain is not divided in split in 500 directions. So when you talk to somebody, they're present. And it's a nice feeling. It's the weirdest fucking shit.

And I didn't think it was that big of a deal until I'm back in the US and everybody's like, it's not a bad thing. But I'm like that. Like I'm buried like a mile a minute, like fucking go go go all the time, split with my focus in every fucking direction. And I've realized after coming on from Europe, like take a fucking second.

You know, like it's not a waste to go just like chill for a minute. It's not a waste to be present. It's not a waste to anything like being present with any moment is like a big thing Like even just driving down the road or like fucking having a cup of coffee like it's not a waste It's you don't always have to be looking for how you can be most efficient with your time to not waste it like you're not a fuck up You're not a piece of shit. you're not a failure because you aren't running 1,000 fuckin' miles an hour all the time in every direction.

Like, it's just a nice freedom and to go, like, for me to talk about it's cute, but to go experience it, like, I highly recommend like going to a different country, go experience different cultures, different shit. I'm gonna incorporate that into my life. Like, I am smoking cigarettes again. I have the whole thing about like I quit nicotine,

like I quit vaping, but going to Europe, bitch, I have a cigarette now, but I don't use like, I don't smoke because I'm like feigning for it. Like I kinda like brought back the ritual from Europe and I like, I don't smoke inside. I'm very paranoid and like conscious about the way that I smell. I don't smoke inside I'm very paranoid and like Conscious about the way that I smell. I don't want to smell like a fucking cigarette. I don't want to stink so

Whenever I'm like doing shit like I'll just take a little break take a minute go outside and just slow down Just have a cigarette and fucking just chill for a minute like I just like Cuz I can't smoke inside so it's inconvenient like vap vaping you can do everywhere, you can fucking do it in the shower. Like you can literally do that any time, any day. But like to go just take a break for a second, go smoke a fucking cigarette. Like, oh my god, I'm not telling you to do it. I'm just saying like for me, I just slow down for a second and it like, regrounds me and I just feel fine. It's not even that it's the cigarette. It's like just taking that break and not feeling bad for it and just like coming back to myself in the moment And it's like my meditation like I fucking meditate with cigarette Y'all sit down like I was like, and do your little shit. I go have a fucking cigarette and that's my meditation

But it's just like a minute to just chill and relax So I think I'm gonna do a podcast episode about my whole like nicotine experience like quitting nicotine I guess really not that fucking hard and after I quit for like three weeks. I was like It's not as hard as I thought it would be I did it like There was no withdrawal. It was not like this fucking giant task I thought it would be and I have the self control where I can like have a cigarette here and there if I want one So like every day I like I'll have like one or two and I just enjoy that little moment. If I get out of hand with it and I'm smoking like 10

of fucking day, I'm gonna like cool it. You know like a pack. I'll like, no, we're not doing that. Like I'll have like one or two cigarettes a day. But it's like, there's intention behind it. It's not like, oh I'm gonna, I need to go smoke. It's like, I need to cigarette. It's like, I'm gonna just go chill for a second.

Take my little break. So yeah, I just, I just wanted to talk about that. Like I love the whole like slower pace of life. Everybody's still moving, everybody's still doing things, but everybody's present. And I guess that's the thing that I like the most and they like experiencing it. It was just so fucking nice.

Okay, this episode is not long enough. Oh my God, okay, I guess I don't wanna talk about this last one, but I guess I will Okay so Going to different countries. I don't want to talk about it Leo just fucking tell him your story you hooked up with somebody okay, so be it So I hooked up with someone when I was in what the fuck was I Madrid? I think it was Madrid the boys there is fucking delicious all, like I did get tired of walking around in public though

Because like I'm like a decent looking person for like a normal place, but like a Madrid everybody was cute So I didn't like going out. I was like why everybody high Like I'm fucking it's cure, but Hunson real shit. I hooked up with someone and the realization I had around hookups It's like I knew I was done with hookups before like I haven't hooked up with with anyone in like four months since August like however many months that's been it's like August to now it was like that last one I told you guys about in my hookup culture episode like I haven't hooked up with anyone and I wasn't really like that into it back like even then but like I

hooked up with someone in Madrid because I was like, fucking, I'm out of country. I could do it. So like I just hooked up with someone and it was great, it was fun. The guy was hot as shit. Like it was a great hookup. Like everything physically went good.

But mentally, check the fuck out. Like I just was not into it. I was not with it. Like the more aware you get the less Pleasure the least the less is that the correct English? But the more aware you get like the less pleasure you get out of things because you're aware of what's actually going on Like I tried to be in the moment and just enjoy it for what it was like it was just a hook up But I'm someone that my god, it's so annoying to the hook up but I'm someone that my god it's so annoying to say this but like I'm someone that values sex more now like I don't like to be sexual with someone if I

don't know them one or two I don't have any kind of like attachment or like connection with them like I have no desire really I can force it like I can fucking get it up and have a good time but I'm just like like this is it but I realized with hookups like they're not it Like it's not fun like it's they're empty as fuck and you don't really get anything out of it And you just get like a little bit of headache like that's really all that comes from it because it's like I don't fucking know dude like I thought I was done with hookups before but it's like I had to like check I had a hook up and it's like now I know I'm 1000% just like over it like I have no

Desire or interest and like even when I was going to hook up with the dude like I wasn't even that fucking excited I was like okay, I guess I'm gonna go do it like I'm in a new country fuck it like I'll just go for it, but I'm just it ain't it, it ain't no more. Like it's really not shits. And like that's kind of like sad to realize. Cause like all the things that people derive so much pleasure out of, I don't find pleasure in anymore. Like there's certain things I used to find pleasure in,

like hookups and like, drug. But now, like I've become so aware, it's like I understand everything for what it is. Like service level, deeper and then even at the core of it. Like I understand shit. Just I'm fucking annoyed because it's like everything that everybody says, like this is what you should want. This is what you should. This is what will make you happy. It doesn't it doesn't make me happy

I don't enjoy it like the things that people derive joy from I don't it doesn't work for me Like I see how empty it is and it makes me sad to engage in it and Then be disappointed or like not feel anything. It's just like damn like you kind of feel like defective or like flawed Because I'm someone that's not run by my sexual desires. I Don't put a lot of like value Into sex or like getting off It's like the more I've waken up the more I'm like I'm unimpressed. I'm in different. I'm gonna fuck everybody is so run by it Like sex is so fucking fun to so many people and so many people love to go out and fuck and I'm just like

I feel disconnected from people because I'm like I don't share that with you. I don't feel that. I don't have those urges. I don't like value that. I guess that's it. Like I don't value things that other people value and that's kind of like the hard part about growing up too fast. Like I'm I just don't get it. Like I can't relate to people anymore and it's kind of like isolating when you aren't someone that's run by sexual desires so I don't know that's that's kind of a realization with that like it's there's a lot more about why I'm done with hookups than just like oh I'm just not feeling it like it's it's kind of like a disappointment like I said it disconnects me from people I can't relate to people. I don't understand that side of other people. Like I get it.

I've been there. I used to like be run by that shit. Not really. Like kind of. I always had self control. But I did make some like stupid fucking decisions and I was like just so horny and feeling it when I was like 18, 19 where I was like,

oh fuck it, I'll drop my standards and go fuck. It's like, I don't do that anymore because I've developed myself and my awareness and my mental capacity and all this shit. It's like, cool. I used to do that. Like I understand why y'all do it, but I guess I'm just kind of disappointed

where I'm like, y'all having not grown it, y'all having like moved past it. Like you still think there's something in that. Like I see how empty it is, and I see so many people chasing it. And I think that's where I'm just like, I don't past it. Like you still think there's something in that. Like I see how empty it is, and I see so many people chasing it. And I think that's where I'm just like, I don't get it. I just kinda am sitting there,

and I'm just like y'all don't see it. Y'all still revolving your life around that. Like you're fucking up your experiences and doing all this shit just to go fuck. Like I don't know. Why am I getting sad? I think I'm gonna leave it off there. So that's all I got for this episode.

I will talk to you guys next week about outgrowing friends and shit like that. If you wanna keep up with me, all of my links to everything that I have and everything I do will be in the description. Check it out. I'm gonna go have a cigarette and then edit this. Ha ha ha ha. And then see what the fuck's going on.

But thank you guys for watching. Leave a comment let me know what you thought like if you liked any of this really y'all let me know if you liked it because I don't fucking know like I don't know what this one like this one was like this shit I'm talking about seems like cookie cutter and stupid but like it was big to me I don't know I don't know y'all tell me if it was good or not because I really don't fucking know what this one usually I'm like, alright that was a good episode, but this one I'm like, what's it? Just leave me a look on it for a little mental reassurance. But everybody stay safe, be careful, take care of yourself, and I will talk to you next

Sunday.