Aware & Aggravated - 6. Dating Apps Are Damaging

Episode Date: December 12, 2021

What everyone needs to be aware of about dating apps. The mental damage, the misconceptions, and everything in between. Learn how to mentally protect yourself in this episode. Watch the Podcast on YouTube!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgs8c2Z_97gA_1TkJos18w/videosBook a 1-on-1 call with me 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationSupport the podcast with a donation : https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @LeoSkepi@NotLeoForLegalReasons My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 

Hello friends, today we're talking about dating apps and all the issues that I think are wrong with them Which is a whole bunch and I'm gonna list them all and get all in depth with every single one because I genuinely believe that Dating apps are fucking us up worse than anyone realizes Also no offense to anyone that is on dating apps or likes dating apps I've been on them. That's how I have all this information that I'm about to spit at you But I just hope this episode makes you think of some things and take some shit into consideration Because I've got some new perspectives for you and I say new because I know you haven't thought of all of this I know it because nobody over things like me

What's funny is like I joke about that but y'all don't realize I don't watch TV, I don't watch Netflix, I don't know what's going on, what shows are good, what people are talking about, every time I like, I've seen this movie, no I have no clue what you're talking about. I haven't seen the fucking Lion King. I've been busy since I'm little, like I don't even know most movies people talk about, but my point is, any free time I have, I spend it over-analysed in some shit, I don't do know most movies people talk about, but my point is, any free time I have, I spend it over-analysed in some shit. I don't do what no people do

and like distract myself with stupid, mindless bullshit. I'm too anxious to do that. Like if I'm not constantly working towards something or learning something, I feel like I'm not doing enough, but that's a whole other topic we're not gonna get into. And like sometimes it just be no point, but I spend all my time reflecting and overthinking and on TikTok, because I love a TikTok. But anyway, let me walk you through every

issue as I see it getting on a dating app. Okay. So the first problem you run into is when you're making the profile, you're trying to represent yourself through pictures and for someone that is as complex as me, that is very, very hard. I've got like 12 personalities, okay, and that's being lenient, that's like a low number, that's a low guess. I don't know how to portray that online in a couple of pictures. They all dress different. I don't actually have like split personality disorder, but I'd be five different fucking people, okay?

Like you'll see a picture of me in one setting and be like, okay, I get it. Have one opinion of me and like what I could be. And then you'll see me in another picture and be like, that's two different fucking people. Like I look the same, but my vibe and the outfit I'm wearing is two different people because there's like 12 living up in my brain, okay? Whichever one wanted to express itself that day did.

Like, if you see me day to day normal, I look like one way. If you see me at the gym, I'm another way. If you see me at the club, I'm a fuck boy. I be showing up gold chains, not back. Hello, how you doing, you know? There's a whole nother element to picking pictures of yourself to put on a dating app, because pictures only show so much.

There's a lot of things you don't see about people and things you can't represent, like the way that you move, the way that you walk, that can make or break somebody. I walk nice, I feel. I have like cool mannerisms, and you can't portray that through some fucking pictures on a dating app.

But like if you see this profile on this motherfucker is like super cute, but he walks like a duck. Like that's the deal breaker. For me, it might not be for you, but for me that is. But that also works against you because if you have good mannerisms and you have a nice walk and the way that you move your body, people can't see it. Like that's that adds hot points.

That adds a lot of fucking hot points. You got height, you got the build of your body. Like the way your body is built, are you like top heavy? Are you bottom heavy? What you got going on? Because you can pose in a picture and cover all that up. Like if you are built really good, sometimes it doesn't come across in pictures. So that's another, that's pretty points you're losing because you're trying to represent yourself through some goddamn pictures. You can't represent your personality. That's the other thing you can't put in the picture. People would be trying too hard to wear certain clothes

to express their personality and they just look like a fucking weirdo. Like they have the cool, like what they think is cool socks, like with the cartoons and shit on them or they'll wear some kind of like weird fucking bow tie or like a tie with their like dress clothes and they'll just, they try too hard to like express theirself and they look like a fucking

dweeb. Like try and put my personality on a fucking day nap. You can't. You cannot represent my personality on a dating app. And that loses hot points for me because I'm half personality. The people that like my personality love it. The people that don't hate me. So my personality is hot points, okay?

Like those are hot points that I'm losing out on and that pisses me off. Like you, I'm not the cutest in pictures, but when you see the way I carry myself, when you see my personality, you'd be like, oh fuck, like, but if you just judge me off the way that you see me in pictures, it's like, eh, you know

Another thing you miss out on and you can't put in pictures is the way that you interact with people The way that you talk to people. Are you fucking insecure? Are you socially aware? Do you hold the door for people? Are you aware if who's around you? You can't represent that and Pictures, like you can't some people are really insecure and weird and look like a fucking deer in headlights when there's other human beings around them Like that's unattractive. Are you confident? Are you like sure of yourself? Not a cocky asshole. Are you afraid to speak up? I don't like that shit I need someone that will speak up another thing that works both ways that you can't

Portray on your profile through your pictures is the way you smell. Now the stinky motherfuckers gonna slide on this. They get a free pass that like they get to hide that. But the motherfuckers that smell good, me, I lose hot points because the way that I smell, dude. Like one of my biggest fears is this stink. So I am like A1 on my hygiene. I always have on deodorant like an excessive amount. I always have on a shit ton of cologne. Even when I go to the

gym I have a separate cologne for the gym. I have a gym cologne. I have a running errands cologne. I have a going out cologne. I got different smells for different things I want to do. But my point is I fucking smell good because I'm terrified to stink. But anyway that's hot points. I lose, I miss those, I don't get those. Like literally only getting half of me, not even. You're getting like a third of me through my profile if I try to get on a fucking dating app. So you're gonna miss out, but we're gonna get to the part

where for someone like me, it will make you insecure. We're getting there. But my point with the whole trying to choose pictures of yourself, you can't grasp who you fully are as a person through pictures. Even if you don't even talk, like you can't grasp someone and their energy. That's another thing you cannot show online as someone's energy. If you meet me in real life, the people that have met me, all of my friends, everyone in my life says I have a safe, protective and calming energy. Like people just feel safe with me. They feel good about theirself. They feel okay. They feel protected. You can't portray that online. You have to meet me in person. You have to experience it. You have

to like feel it. I know some people don't believe in the energy shit, but you're a fucking idiot. Wake up. It's a real thing. The way someone makes you feel is huge because some people can make you feel gross, some people can make you feel uneasy, some people can make you feel like.

Like your skin is crawling, you wanna get the fuck up and get away from them. Like people just have that aura, that energy, whatever you wanna call it, about them. So the people that have really good energy, they can't show that online. That's more, that's not even hot points. That is like marriage points. That's like motherfucker. I don't never want to lose you points is if you make someone feel good, we miss those too. So with this, people can create any kind of facade they want. They can make their self look any way that they want to online. They can make their self look taller,

look cooler, look smarter. They can fucking fake a personality and make it seem like they are the funniest person in the world on a dating app. When you give someone control over the way that they portray their self, they're only going to put their best foot forward. Like they're not going to put any of the real shit about them out there. Like they're going to try and construct the best version of theirself or construct the best image of theirself they can create. And that sets you up to get fucked, not physically. I mean, you probably will want to fuck them when you see them online, but like when you meet them in real life, you'll be like, oh, no fucking

sidearm, stiff arm. Get the fuck from me, taser. So that means they can hide things. They can hide anything they don't want you to see. There's motherfuckers that have kids. There are people. No offense to handicapped people, but I saw a mother fucker with one leg. Have a tender and I seen him in real life so I knew he had one leg. I knew he was like, I knew what he had going on on tender. He looked fully legged. I don't know how to word this, but he made it seem on his tender that he had two legs but that's not something people consider like you just see him in normal clothes doing normal shit you wouldn't think oh does homeboy not have a fucking leg like you can hide it really well and nothing against him or people that do this but that's

something that I feel it should be disclosed this means they can hide whatever they want to hide they They're not going to put anything that makes them look bad on their profile. You're going to see all that shit in person. You are only looking at online. The best constructed version of their self they could create. And this makes you think people are greater than they are. And it really sets you up to fail. Like when you meet them in person, you're like, what the fuck is this? I do have a little example. I was not gonna pull any examples from my own life, but I feel like I need to. There was this boy.

I met on Tinder like a yearish ago. I don't know when the fuck it was. It was a long time ago. Don't quote me on the day. I don't fucking know. And he was a fucking 10 out of 10. His pictures, dude, were so fucking hot. Like Instagram model. I was instantly trying to find his Instagram, because I'm like, this dude is like Instagram famous, the way that he fucking looks like get real. And I, look, I finally found his Instagram. He only had like 2000 followers. I was like what? But his pictures dude like He was a 10 out of 10 the body was on 12 not even on 10 the body was on 12 the face was on fucking 13 everything was just like Perfect his attitude. He had in his fucking pictures like he was tough stuff and he didn't give a fuck. He was not insecure At all he was so cocky. He was fucking spit at you if you were ugly than him like that's the way his pictures looked online

Let me tell you how fucking disappointed I was when I met up with this boy So we talked we bullshit it to me agreed to hang out when I got to his house He opened his front door and I thought uh-oh That's all that's all I could think was uh-oh Because I knew it was him It wasn't enough of a difference for me to be like is this your fucking roommate like I didn't get catfished but I was like oh So this is you in real life like this is really you and I was thinking that my head

I didn't say nothing like I was like okay Maybe he's fun. Cause he seemed really fucka fun. His personality seemed cool. Like the way we had chatted, like, on the, like messages. Like he seemed cool. So I was like, let me just truck and hang out with him. See how it goes.

So I walk in and we start hanging out. This motherfucker was like talking to a loaf of bread. No, a loaf of bread will absorb information. This motherfucker was like talking to a brick. He was so stupid, stupid is like being generous, no personality, flat as a board, was extremely insecure. Like when he was making us drink, this motherfucker was shaking like a salt shaker. Like he was so when he was making us drink, this motherfucker was shaking like a salt shaker. Like he was so nervous, he fucking spilled some shit. Like I get being nervous, but like the image you had portrayed of what you were

and the way you were talking before I came over, this is not who you are. You know, that shit pisses me off. He was very insecure. He had no personality at all. His body did not look like how it looked. It was one of those phases for him. Like when you're in a cut, like when you're working out with the hard and you cut down and you take like really hot beach pictures and then you put a little bit of weight on because it's like not healthy to maintain such a low body fat percentage. Like he

had like, parked up a little, um, not bad. Like he still looked good, but he did not like his pictures. That's a turn off for me. Like I would rather you downplay yourself and then be better than I even imagined in real life. That's what I do with everything. Even when I'm about to fuck, I'm like, now my dick is small. I'm like just to prepare you my dick is little.

And then when people go down, they're like, oh my god. Like, it's funny, you know? Like, I like to play it down. I like people to be pleasantly surprised, not fucking disappointed. And let me tell you about this guy's breath. Bad breath is something you will never catch me with in my entire life.

I have like three packs of gum on me at all times. I don't fucking know bad breath. I'm very conscious about it and that's one of the things I cannot stand as someone with bad breath. This fucking dude's breath was so bad. I'm surprised. I walked out of there with eyebrows and eyelashes still on my face. I'm surprised that and burn them off with that hot ass breath. That's something else people can hide. And like I said, we were drinking. He made us drinks.

Alcohol was in his mouth, and it didn't kill whatever he had going on in there. He got close to my face one fucking time, and that was it. Wrap that shit up and got out of there. Like it was so stupid. It was so fucking stupid, because when I was talking

to him and like messaging him, I was so excited to like go meet up with him and like, I was putting effort into what I was saying. Like I was so trying to like put my best foot forward. Like, is my fuck I have me nervous? Is my fuck I have me like watching what I say? Like, and then to get in real life and it's like you're a fucking goober like for real That shit was so upsetting and like that experience made me Start digging into tender and like all these fucking issues because people are never as cool as they seem online and Social media gives people that are no bodies the opportunities to look like some bodies gives people that are no bodies, the opportunities to look like some bodies because they get to construct an image of whatever they want to look like.

So something about Tinder and about the human brain that is working against you is when I was on Tinder looking at this boy, when I was looking at his pictures, your brain sees what you want to see. Your brain like sees shit better than it is. It's kind of like the whole mask phenomenon when everyone's wearing a mask and all you see is like their eyes and up Your brain will Construct a cuter image if the rest of someone's face is a mystery like your brain will make them hotter in your own head Then they actually are that's why you're so disappointed when someone pulls their mask down and they're ugly because you thought they were gonna be cuter

Like you just always assume people are gonna be cuter if you can't see everything. But also, your brain, when you see a picture of someone online, it already starts projecting everything you wish and hope for in that picture. Like the person that you could see, anything that you could potentially want, your brain is going to start thinking of it. And it's going to be subconscious. Okay. Because how many times have you seen a couple of pictures of somebody and like there are four pictures, they're like, fuck yeah, you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's like they're

the vibe that you want. And then that fifth picture ruins it. Like they got a fucking pink t-shirt on or they got some stupid shit on and it ruins the vibe that you had just created in your head like they didn't match up to it. That's what your brain does to you like it will show you what you're hoping for and you will see in pictures what you're hoping for and you won't see the bad shit. It's like these hot people that have messy rooms in the background, have to people don't

even notice that the room is messy. I do because I'd be looking for shit like that. But people don't see the messy room because they're looking at the hot person. Your brain makes you blind to what you don't want to see. Now your brain is a fucking asshole because it does the opposite when it comes to you. When you look at pictures of yourself, you are nitpicking and seeing every fucking thing wrong with it. You see everything that you don't like.

Okay, when you see somebody else, it's like your brain gasses them up. It's not fair. Like I'm realizing this is not fair what your brain does. But like your brain gasses up to other people, but like when it sees a picture of you, it's like ripping you apart. Your brain is only gonna see where you're inadequate and like ripping you apart. Your brain is only going to see where you're inadequate and how they're great. So this is immediately going to make you insecure. You don't know this is going on when you're getting on Tinder, but this is what's going on. So you're already set up for fucking failure with this. I know I'm not the only one that does this, but you know how when you're swiping through a dating app and it's like average people or like ugly people and you're like,

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, and then you find the hot one like one little fucking unicorn comes through and You halt every mother fucking thing you're doing and so you swipe right or you like them whatever direction it goes for you Like you like this person you like giving me a little heart or'll thumb up whatever the fuck I don't know how dating apps work. I've only ever used tender and grinder But you like the person okay, you do the interest button you're interested and Then immediately you run to your profile to look at it again You're like oh my god. What the fuck pictures do I have up? Do I look hot enough? Do I need to add new pictures? Do I need to change something is my bio stupid? Do I have up? Do I look hot enough? Do I need to add new pictures? Do I need to change something? It's my bio-stupid. You see someone hot and you immediately

Get in secure and start trying to make sure your shit is perfect before they see you Because I do it all the time or did when I was on these fucking apps So this is where things get really complicated when it comes to dating apps is It really complicated when it comes to dating apps is you're being judged off of the way that you look in pictures. You are being subconsciously sent the message. Your only way of attracting someone is through the way you look. If you are not hot, you will not catch anyone's attention. No one's going to give you

the time of day. You're going to get swiped on. No one your interest is going to like you if you're not hot. This is going to start making you think that where your value lies is in your appearance and the way that you look. You're going to stop seeing all the other things about you that make you valuable because the only thing that is being reflected to you by these dating apps is Your only value isn't the way you fucking look Your brain's gonna start adopting that your brain is picking up on that Like I said in the beginning of this all the great things that you miss out on and all the really important things that you can't portray in pictures out on and all the really important things that you can't portray in pictures. All of those things you're going to stop seeing as good things about yourself.

You're not going to recognize those anymore. You're not going to look at, oh, hey, the way that I walk is actually kind of fucking cool. No one cares because the way that you're gaining attention and the way that you're getting approval is through a dating app where none of that plays a role. All it is about is the way that you're getting approval is through a dating app where none of that plays a role. All it is about is the way that you look in pictures. This is very dangerous territory when it comes to having any kind of self esteem. I would really like for someone to try and fight me on that one because there's no getting around that. You can't portray yourself fully online.

All you can show is the way that you fucking look. You might be able to throw a funny little one liner in your bio. You can't represent your personality on there. So what are people looking at you for? Not your personality. So this is what's going on subconsciously that you're not realizing. Then you get the mother fuckers that are only on there for sex. Like if you're actually on there for like dates and like a relationship, go for you babe. But then there's other people that are only on there for sex and they're going to objectify you even worse. And that's going to reinforce his beliefs and these thoughts

that you're already having. It's going to make you even more blind to other things you have to offer. You're going to be seen as your pretty, you're worth talking to because you're pretty. I'll swipe you because you're cute. Then're worth talking to because you're pretty. I'll swipe you because you're cute. Then people are going to send you the message of, I'm only going to swipe you because I want to fuck you. They're looking at you for sex. They're looking at you for your body, what they can get from you. They're not interested in getting to know you. They're not going to validate anything good about you, any good traits you have, they're not seeing them, they don't care, they don't give a fuck about your

personality, they don't care about the way you interact with people, your mannerisms, the way you walk, they don't care what kind of heart you have, they don't care if you have empathy and compassion or if you're a deep compassion or if you are a deep person or if you know a lot of things if you're knowledgeable, if you're smart. None of that matters to these people that are trying to get your attention. Dating apps put you in a whole different world

and it's not real life. I know the whole social media, it's like, talk shit on that. But dating apps are a whole different beast. Like that's a whole different alternate reality. And it really can fuck you up mentally. It will ruin your self-esteem. It will make you blind to anything good about yourself that is not the way you look or what you can offer sexually. And that will lead you into feeling worthless, into not feeling good enough, into feeling like you have nothing to offer people, feeling like you have no value. You're not going to respect yourself if you don't feel like you have anything to value.

You're going to get into situations and relationships that are so much below what you're worth because you don't see your value. Dating apps are meant to keep you cripplingly insecure so you stay on them. So you know when you're on a dating app and you've like gone through all the people in your area and you're like, Oh, well, fuck, I guess I got a like expand my radius so I can go to like a 50 mile radius or a hundred mile radius instead of fucking ten because I'm out of people. I'm out of people that I could possibly like. They're all ugly or they didn't sweat me back or whatever the fucking issue is. You start to think that this is all that's out there. So when you've gone through all the people in the hundred mile radius and you're out of fucking people to swipe on, you're going to be like, damn, are my standards too high? Maybe I should just go back and just see,

maybe I should just like, I can swipe on a few people. Maybe I miss a couple of people. Maybe I was too harsh. It's gonna make you start thinking that there's less out there than there actually is. Which makes you insecure about having high standards. You're gonna go back and you're gonna start lowering your standards.

You're gonna be like, oh, maybe I could give them a chance. Maybe this could work. Maybe that worked. I guess they're cute. That's where you fuck yourself because these are the type people that should not have access to you. Your standards keep you safe. As soon as you lower them, you open yourself up for low quality experiences. It's just a cycle of that. It's a constant cycle of keep swiping through to lower your standards and then maybe they'll get low enough where you'll start matching with people and you'll start liking some people and you'll get some reassurance off the app that you're fucking cute again. But what you'd forget to

realize is not everyone that is single is on a dating app. There are so many more people in this radius that you have picked out that are open and actually looking for a relationship than you can even fucking think of. They're just not on the app, but you get convinced that they're not. You get convinced that, oh, this is all there is. And the ways that these dating apps are developed are to fool the fuck out of your brain. So if you're convinced that's all there is, you'll keep swiping, you'll stay on it, you'll lower your standards, you'll keep swiping, they want you to do that. But you need to remind yourself what you see on these apps is not all that there is. There is so much more. I guarantee you there's 10 times what you're seeing. Maybe even 20 that exist in real life. The people that you're looking for.

The people of quality. I'm sorry to say it are not on these fucking apps. Every once in a blue fucking moon you'll get someone that's worth the fuck that's desperate enough or too busy. So they'll get on that's worth the fuck that's desperate enough or too busy So they'll get on one of these abs and you'll find them That is so few and far between I wouldn't even bother wasting my fucking time because like I said There's too much to sort through okay, so someone can look cute But when you meet up with them and they walk weird or they're actually short Or they don't look like how you thought they would or they don't have the attitude that you thought they would that they were portraying online

It's just a waste of fucking time. You can knock all of that out just by meeting someone in person Start going places to meet people If they walk weird, you'll see it immediately. You'll know not to fucking talk to them. Don't approach them. They walk like a fucking duck. You know what I mean? You can narrow it down in real life. And one of the most reassuring and uplifting things is when you've been on a dating app

and you feel so fucking ugly. And then you go out in real life, like say you go to a bar or a club or you go to a fucking yoga Class because you're into yoga and you start seeing the people there and you like meet more people You'll realize you're a lot cuter than you thought Dating apps make you insecure. They're fucking meant to so you'll stay on them. I Just think there's too many problems with dating apps and too much bull shit to sort through that it's not even worth my time. That's why I'm not on them. Now if I get

to another point where I'm I be bored and I have like free time and I want to go do all this and take the chance then I might. I'm not bashing dating apps. I kind of am. Not really. I'm just making you aware of what the fuck is going on so you can protect yourself mentally if you choose to get on them. You need to be smart. You need to watch out for yourself. And you need to realize how these things are fucking you up mentally without you realizing.

Oh, and one more thing I want to mention is how disrespectful it is when an ugly mother fucker swipes you or like super likes you. What the fuck is that? That is the most like dehumanizing experience. Bitch, you thought like it starts making you think like am I fucking delusional or are you like? What did you think was gonna happen? Did you think you had a chance? You know like I'd be getting mad. I'm like you really Looked at you and then look at me and was like yeah What bitch? I'm sorry what

Run that back turbo rethink that through bitch through, bitch. Cause did you really think or were you just like taking a shot out in the wild? You know, like were you just like, ah, I guess it. Ah, fuck, I guess I'll just see me in that lack, just in case. Like, what was the, what was that race head? You know? I just think that it's so disrespectful. And I be getting my feelings hurt

when ugly motherfuckers swipe me or like me. Cause I'm like, you really thought, like you thought he was the same caliber, huh? And another thing talking about disrespect is people on these apps got big fucking balls, okay? They're all tough stuff. And they say a lot of shit that they would not say in person, like they wouldn't dare test you the way that they do online and they

would not be as slick with the shit that they say if they were face to face and that's just the internet in general but I just need to reassure you that about dating apps because people are so goddamn sensitive and people are so goddamn stupid so my last thing I definitely want to bring up is you need to keep in mind a lot of the times people forget that it's actually another human being on the other end of the phone. When they're communicating,

when they're swiping or not swiping, what they're saying to you, when they message you, it looks like a game, like on your phone, it looks like a game. And when you do it so much and you swipe so many people You get desensitized to it and you kind of forget that it's a human being and they have feelings too Like the person that you're talking to and the person that you're swiping That's a human and a lot of people forget that so their actions are not gonna be

the best when it comes to like what they say and what they do and how they handle shit. Like if they just ignore you, they forget that it's another human being. Like they lack consideration. So that's all I want to say about dating apps, but I do want to make an entire episode about hook up apps like Grindr or whatever the straights got for like when they want to fuck each other. Um, that is a whole like five hour podcast of things to unpack. So I'll definitely do that soon. But in the meantime, if you have anything else you want to hear me talk about, you can leave a review of this podcast. Five stars, preferably five.

I'm holding my hand up like I'm in a backhand the fuck out of you. If you don't give me five stars, like don't say nothing. If you're gonna give me one star or like anything less than five, just shut up and just don't talk to me. Okay, bye. But if you're gonna give me five, I would love to hear what you have to say. So if you want to like comment a topic, you can leave a review and then you can add a description to it, or you can message me on my Instagram. I'll put it in the description of this podcast

because I'm not gonna try and spell it all out. You can message me on there. Anything you wanna hear my hot take on, or you wanna hear my perspective on. I really hope that you got something out of this podcast. If you did like it, share it maybe. Tell your friend about it. Tell your friend that's a dating apps about it, maybe. Maybe they need to hear this. Alright that's all I got. Thank you for listening

and I will talk to you guys next Sunday.