Aware & Aggravated - 99. Feeling Like A Burden & Being Scared To Take Up Space

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

In this episode Leo walks you through some new perspectives that will break any fear you have of being a bother or an inconvenience to people. He explains what this insecurity does to your personality to help you better understand yourself and then shares exactly how to flip it. The way people have treated you in the past means NOTHING about you, and Leo shows you how true this is.   ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   😁 WWLD Submissions: https://forms.gle/sNtQjjwvXUisfdgh9   👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS  https://leoskepitemplates.com   Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi friends, this week we're getting into it. I'm going to teach you how to stop feeling like a bother and stop feeling like a burden to people because this is something I had to break a long time ago because of how exhausted I got with it. Because when you constantly feel like a bother, you're always worried about and looking to see how you're possibly in the way or you're in inconvenience

and you're trying to pick up on hints all the time of someone actually not liking you, or a hint that someone wants you to leave but won't directly say it. Like when you're in that mindset of constantly just being aware and looking for how you're in the way, your brain is trained to think that way and it's very hard to break it and kind of snap out of it.

But when you do think that way and you're constantly on the hunt for how you are a bother, you're never going to see how you aren't a bother. And how people actually do care about you. You're going to feel hard to love. You're going to feel unloved. You're going to feel unlovable because of the way you're looking at every situation. So I, we got to take this back to like upbringing, conditioning to life.

And I'm going to break down a lot of things and then walk you through flipping that mindset because competence can't live there. Competence cannot live in you when you look at life like this, when you're constantly on the hunt for how you're a burden. You're always going to be scared to take up space. You're never going to want to inconvenience someone and you're always going to feel invisible and unlovable until you flip this. So let's do it. So when your brain has kind of been

prompted and taught to think like this, all you're ever going to see is how you're in the way or how you are a bother to people. But I want you to become aware of the flip side of that because it does exist. You just need to become aware of how you are of use to people and how people actually do want you around and how you aren't inconvenient. That absolutely exists. You're only used to living and hanging out in this area of how are you in the way. You've never been shown and reflected that you are of use and you make people feel good and you meet needs for people. You've never been reflected in your ability to meet needs for others and be useful

to them. You've been discardable. You've been just in the way and convenient. You haven't been reflected your of use. So I want to just start with that. You being in the way and you being a bother exists. And so does you being of use and actually being appreciated. But you did learn something from this. You became very, very self-aware, like hyper-aware. So I want to help you see that you learn something out of this. It's not just something bad and it's not going to stay bad forever. Finish this episode, it's going to flip. But this whole mindset has taught you a very, very important skill of being aware of how your actions and your presence and anything you do impacts other people.

That's something a lot of human beings running around this earth do not have. Have you ever driven a car? People are so inconsiderate and do not understand that their actions have consequences and their actions have impact. Even the way you say things, the way you communicate, what you say, how you say it. All of this is something you've just learned to be aware of. You have so many skills now because of this mindset. You're only seeing how it hurts you and how it doesn't feel good,

but you've just been prepared with all of these skills. Now you just have to learn how to use these tools, which can be used for the benefit of every relationship you have, because you've seen how you're in the way. You're very hyper aware of the space that you take up. You know when you can take up some and when to take up none. That's huge. Like, they'll just kiss.

It can get toxic, and you're probably in that if you're watching this, like where it's a toxic version of being so self-aware and knowing how you contribute to absolutely everything. But this is the exact set of skills you need to create security and safety with relationships, with people in your life, with friendships, with partners, with anyone. You have all these skills.

You got them in a way, and you've been using them in a way that is led to unsafety, disconnection, actually feeling like a bother, being a match to people who you do bother and are an inconvenience for. But these are the same exact things that are gonna work in your favor to deepen connections, bring you closer to people

and bring you security and safety with the people around you. And I really wanted to bring this up because a lot of people just feel like fucked up when they go through certain things or they have a certain mindset like being very insecure or something like this where you're hyper aware of how you're a bother.

People get so discouraged by these experiences or upbringings or traumas or whatever it is but I just want you to see what you can extract from it. That's how you don't let trauma limit you and holds you down forever. Like you can extract all the things you just learned from this and see all the gifts and all of it. It's just a matter of which perspective you want to take on it. So this is the one that I've found that helps because you have a relationship to getting love from people and basically staying out of everyone's way got you love it got you accept it's a got you approval not being

an inconvenience not being a bother got you loved so you're going to have an association and a very very strong urge to stay the same way. It's not gonna feel right to change any of this or to take up space. It's gonna feel uncomfortable and I want to warn you of that because of how you've been programmed and conditioned to perceive love and feel love. Like you got love, you got approval, you got acceptance. When you shut the fuck up and stayed out of the way, you had no feelings, thoughts, you don't want to bother nobody, you made everything easy for everybody else and put yourself in that little glass box no one can see in. And I'm speaking

about all this so in depth because I dealt with it for so long. I was kind of treated like a doll in childhood. At certain times with certain caregivers, I'm not naming names, I'm not blaming nobody because everybody watches my shit now. Hey, but basically acting like a doll is what got you love from all the people around you or the key people around you. If you deal with this mindset and these feelings, what I mean by you were raised as a doll and rewarded for being a doll is I'm gonna set you up on this shelf. You're gonna sit there, shut the fuck up, look pretty and not want or need anything. When I walk over and want to play with you, you're happy about it, you have fun, we have our little experience, but it's all dependent on when I want to

play with you. When I don't want to play with you, you shut the fuck up and have nothing going on. You don't feel nothing, I don't have to deal with your emotions. You just sit there and look cute. When I want to play with you, you're grateful for me playing with you and spending time with you and showing you attention. So that's where I mean. We were kind of treated like a doll. You were expected to behave like that.

And when you have a parent or a caregiver or someone like that is supposed to take care of you when you're younger treats you like this, you're gonna feel very isolated. And you're gonna feel very disconnected from this person, especially if it's your parents and it's like the only people that you are learning a situation of like what it's like to feel loved and cared for. If you grew up with this dynamic, God damn bitch. It's a rough one to break. It's a rough one to break, but it's not unbreakable. Like this is fully gonna flip. And it starts by understanding why you are the way that you are. So like actin' like the doll.

Having no feelings, having no emotions, having nothing that you need from anyone because you're a doll. You don't need to be taken care of, you sit there and take care of yourself and you look cute until I want to play with you. Being like that got you loved. That's what I talked about. You're gonna have that strong association with wanting to be different and Speak up and have a thought or have a feeling. God forbid you have a feeling. God forbid you're upset. Like you're, you've been taught that's very inconvenient. But it all makes sense when you look at how you were conditioned. Now the other aspect I need to talk about with feeling like a bother and feeling like a burden, people sacrificed for you a lot and then made you the fucking

problem for it. That's something we got to flip right now. Because when people have sacrificed for you, they didn't communicate anything. You probably weren't aware of it. You probably weren't aware that people were enduring pain or inconvenience or problems or stressed out with their own stuff and still trying to do things for you. They just sat there, shut up, bottled it up, and then one day exploded on you. That's how you learn to be so hyper aware. You have to find the problem before the bomb goes off. There's no detection of it.

You don't know if someone is actually building resentment towards you or if they are mad at you. It's a guessing game. You got to spot the issue before it's verbalized or before you're aware of it to prevent the person from exploding because if you can spot what they're upset about and then do something to fix it or stay out of the way or remove yourself from something and not be in the way like in the way that's pissing them off that they haven't communicated you can diffuse the bomb before it goes off you don't have to deal with someone lashing out at you or freaking out. So you've been trained basically to read absolutely everything. And that's where a lot of people think that they're empaths

and they think that this is some like super spiritual thing to like being empath. It's like babe, you are so sensitive to a change in anyone's mood behavior, thoughts, looks, emotions, actions like you're so just aware. And being an empath kind of is a learned behavior in some cases. Some people are like born with it, you could say, but most people learn this because of how they grew up and situations like this.

But this also can lead you into making problems up when there are none. Because like I said, nothing's communicated. No one communicated when they were building resentment towards communicated. No one communicated when they were building resentment towards you. No one communicated before they just popped. Everyone was acting like everything was fine. And then they lash out and like, degrade the hell out of you for needing something

or feeling a certain way. And they just like attack you for it. So your brain is wired for much more complex and silent situations. You need to kind of figure out without any signs of it. So like, this is a pattern that can lead into when you get with someone healthy or you get into a normal relationship,

you're gonna be making shit up because you're not used to people communicating and talking. So that's the biggest thing is like, people sacrificing and shutting up or people just not talking and communicating about the way that they feel toward you led to them blowing up. The way to fix that is to get around people who communicate and also you need to see as someone who's scared of being a bother for you to voice how you feel and what's bothering you. Other people are gonna want to make sure

you're okay and know about it. They'd rather you not lash out. They'd rather you not freak out on them and cuss them out and just sacrifice and build resentment. Like you're setting them free from building resentment by addressing things and talking about your feelings when they're small, when something can be done about them. Once they're too big and the snowball has gotten too big going down that hill, it's got to explode, it's got to hit something, it's got to blow up. So talking about things when they're small is going to help you not feel like a burden because now you see it's useful. You see what happens when you don't talk about things and you're used to being on the

receiving end of it. It's not fun, it's not nice. To sit down and shut up and hide the way that you feel is robbing people of genuinely connecting with you and also dealing with resentment and everybody lashing out and fights and problems and issues. So that's the first thing to get about feeling like a bother. You absolutely are not. And I know you're not going to accept that.

So let's hit this from a different angle and make you aware of a little bit more. But real quick, before we dive into all that, I want to talk about one of the sponsors for today's podcast. And it's Hello Fresh. This is one of my favorite things I've found recently. So with Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. This lets you skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. They take away the headache of trying to figure out a recipe to make and what to cook yourself. They have over 40 new recipes every single week you get to pick from. So it keeps

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If you are interested, go to hellofresh.com slash 50 aware and use code 50 aware for 50% off plus free shipping. That's hellofresh.com slash 50 aware, code 50 aware for 50% off. 5, zero, not 15, 50. And now let's get back to flipping your perspective about being a bother. The reality is the people who tried to love you

that made you this way, just were not able to love you. How you needed to be loved. There's nothing wrong with you and that's what I want to get across. This doesn't have to do anything with you. Let's talk about busy parents and the bandwidth most people have or don't have. When you're a parent, a lot of people don't give their parents enough credit. You're having to take so much into consideration as a parent. Let alone working and sustaining life and being your own individual person plus having a kid.

Like, it's a lot. So if you have a parent with low tolerance and low capacity to handling a lot and taking a lot into consideration and dealing with a lot of moving parts, because that's what a child is. Living life is enough having a child and trying to live life That's overwhelming for most people. They don't know how to balance it all So if you have a parent who has low tolerance for taking things into consideration If your parent has already stressed out with work or anything else going on in their life or like a relationship

When they come home if you display any emotion, whether it be your upset or you need something from them, you can't give to yourself because you're too young, they're immediately going to feel powerless and that flips into anger. So a lot of parents will get mad at their kid when it's not actually at their kid. Like they've already are at their breaking point with how much they're tolerating

and trying to juggle and take into consideration. And then you come home and it's not that your feelings are bad. It's not that you needing anything is bad or wrong or isn't convenient, but they're going to feel like it's an inconvenience and they might freak out because they don't even know how to deal with what they're already dealing with and then when they come home and you have something going on It's like they pop and they don't have the bandwidth to Care take you and also do everything in their life like there's so much stress on parents and people in General now and I don't say that to discount how you feel when people don't have the bandwidth to care for you

They will make you feel like an inconvenience But what I want you to see here is it is not you you are not the problem your feelings are not the problem What you need is not a problem The people you need love from and we're trying to get love from Did not have the capacity or the skills to be able to take you into consideration and love you how you needed to be loved. You could have been asking for the bare minimum and like I said with the doll analogy for you to need anything is gonna overwhelm this person who's already overwhelmed. What does your parent caretaker whoever it is? And I really want you to understand where this person is at, where it's not even like they don't love you enough.

And if I meant more to you, you you would care when someone is tapped out with their Capacity of what they're handling They cannot make room for anything else and they already are doing a lot like most parents do do a lot for their kids Some fully neglect them like I said not discounting your experience But it's not a matter of your parent or whoever didn't love you enough It wasn't a matter of you weren't good enough or if they just cared more, they'd treat me different. Some people are up to their neck.

They are drowning in just living normal and taking care of themselves. Some people are in such a pit of depression they can't get out of. If anyone's been depressed before, you know how hard it is to just take care of yourself, much less a child and like make sure the child doesn't feel neglected when you're just trying to keep your literal head above water It's a different thing. But like I said my whole reasoning behind explaining this is to reassure you and to reveal to you

You are not hard to love. You are not an inconvenience. You are not a problem You are not hard to love. You are not an inconvenience. You are not a problem. The way people treated you when you were younger has nothing to do with you. It has to do with them. So I want you to exploit that perspective for a minute. If the way I was treated and feeling neglected and all of these things I feel, if this actually didn't mean anything about me, what would change? You're gonna feel such a relief from

All of the pressure and the pain you felt and carried for so long all your feelings of being defective and and inconvenience and feeling Unlovable and just feeling so numb and like lonely All that shit's gonna like lighten because you're now seeing You were not the issue. There wasn't just some defect wrong with you where you weren't good enough and you caused and deserved the way you were treated. Sometimes you are just collateral damage. Sometimes that happens. But like I said before in the beginning

of this, you learned so many skills from this. Like I would not be as aware as I am if this didn't happen. When you're neglected, you learn a lot. So don't get caught too far deep into resisting and hating the way you were brought up. Look at the gifts that you learned. And look at the skills you learned without even realizing it.

So now that we flipped a couple of those little perspectives, I wanna talk about confidence, because that's something all of you are gonna struggle with and it's something that I struggle with a lot before I flipped all of this. And my point with confidence is it cannot exist when you are constantly on the hunt for how you're in inconvenience

or how you're not good enough or how you're in the way. You can never feel confident when your brain is trained to see that because what you look for, you see more of. And like I said before, you're going to be making shit up that didn't actually accumulate. So you're going to see how you're in the way even more than you actually are. And confidence can't live here. Componence cannot live in a home where you're constantly looking for how you're in inconvenience.

You're not seeing how you're abuse. So you're never looking for how you're in inconvenience. You're not seeing how you're reviews, so you're never gonna feel confident. But I do also wanna hit on the shame and guilt you feel, because when you have a parent who is dealing with a lot and they treat you like a doll, you're gonna kinda be taught to shut the fuck up and just enjoy and be appreciative of the little bit of time that I give you, of the little bit of anything I give to you, you better be so grateful for it because you

see what I'm dealing with, you're lucky you're even getting a piece of the pie. And even if your parent did not verbalize that to you, that was their underlying kind of intention behind everything that they did with you was, I'm going to do this so you shut up and leave me alone. It was like, I'm going to meet this need for you, do this thing for you, spend time with you. You better be appreciative of it. And like God forbid you weren't overextatic about it or you wanted to talk about how lonely you felt when your parent hasn't had time for you at the time when

they're trying to come and give you attention. They're going to see it as a fight and an issue and they're gonna look at you like you're ungrateful and it's gonna make you Learn to just sit down and shut up and accept what you're given even if it's like the littlest bit and you know How that's gonna flip in the relationships and the future y'all motherfuckers except in the bare minimum over here You were trained to but not no more. I'm unwiring always for you. No more settling for nothing But when people do this to you and they guilt you and they shame you for just accept and appreciate the little bit that I'm giving you, like be appreciative of it. That is them avoiding, looking at how much they're actually neglecting you. They're not looking into your

perspective and seeing how you're feeling and how you're potentially feeling neglected and how your feelings make sense. They're so trapped in their own perspective of how much they're trying to do or take into consideration, like I said, drowning. When they're in this perspective, they're just looking for the little bit they can give to each thing. Like my job, all these little headaches, always in convenience, is living as a normal person, taking care of my job, all these little headaches, always in convenience, is living as a normal person, taking care of my kids, spending time with my kid, they're seeing what little bit of energy they can give to each thing. They're tapped out, like I said. So when a parent gives you a little bit and you seem ungrateful, or you're upset, or

it doesn't go how they wanted it to go. That little bit that they gave you to tap themselves out, they're going to be pissed. But like I said, this does not mean anything about you. This is their way of staying blind to how bad they're neglecting you and how what they're doing is impacting you. Like they're not even able to take you into consideration. They're tapped out over here. Like I said, trying to do everything else. But I just want to say, if this happened to you and you experienced this, I'm so fucking sorry because of what you're now feeling, what you're going through and what you're having to do the work to break and rework in yourself. It's the most painful fucking shit and people don't get it. But I want you to know, it gets better. Like I'm someone on the other side of it.

Like keep going into it, keep doing the work, keep flipping these perspectives and looking at things different. But the biggest point I want to reiterate to you is you are not inconvenient, you are not hard to love, you are not annoying and you are not a bother. You're not a bother at all. And it does make total sense why you feel the opposite of all those things I just said.

It makes total sense why you don't feel that. But I'm someone who sees this from both sides. Just hear what I'm saying and look for confirmation of the opposite of what you've been trained to look for confirmation of. You've been trained to look for how you're a bother, how you're an inconvenience. It's time to flip it. It's time to give your brain something else to scavenge your hunt. How are you actually have used to people? How do people like me? What needs do I meet for people? How is the way that I feel not annoying? Who has the capacity to love me the way that I want to be loved or just hear me

or hold space for how I feel? Who can give this to me? That's what I want you to start looking for and going and finding it because just becoming aware of things is a lot. It will save you or leave you have a lot of pressure and stress but you have to go out and actually meet these needs. You have to go out and actually experience the opposite of all this shit that you've been through. It's going to happen so quick. Now that you're aware of this, your whole vibration just changed. What you're a match to right now, energetically, just because you watch this, or listen to this, is completely different. And since I'm talking about going out and experiencing these things, I do want to talk about one thing about constantly looking for hints that kind of fucked me for a while.

Like, I literally remember the day that I kind of flipped all of this and I was literally hanging out with my friend, Randa, who was a friend since like 6th grade. And I think I was in like 10th grade and you know how you like take the summer off and you have like two, three months to kind of do whatever. I was so isolated and so lonely. I didn't want to bother anybody I didn't want to be like hanging out with anybody I didn't want to try and make plans. I was so sensitive to like being rejected But I also felt like I was such a bother like no one would want to spend time with me No one would want to hang out with me like

That's how I genuinely felt so I just didn't reach out to anyone. And she reached out to me and like asked to hang out. And I got so excited. I was like, oh my God. And I like went over to her house and we were hanging out. And I still remember the feeling of like being so aware and feeling so uncomfortable in my body and watching everything I did did walking in the house.

I made sure to take my shoes off so I didn't potentially like leave dirt in the house or like walk through or fuck anything up. Like I was so sensitive like she got me a cup of water. I didn't even ask for water. Like she got it for me because I was I felt like an inconvenience to even ask for that. She brought me a cup of water. Before I left I literally put put it in the sink, washed it, and left it there. I don't want to be an inconvenience. I don't want you to clean up after me. I was so hyper aware of everything. I still remember all she genuinely wanted to do was just hang out. I had an experience that for a while. Someone just wanting to hang out with me and just not have to do anything or be doing anything for them.

It was like, just hang out in my room. Like she was picking out an outfit for some shit for like whatever she was going to. I can't remember now like the details, but like she was picking some outfit and then we were like listening to music and she called one of her friends. We were all just like bullshit and then hanging out.

But I was so aware, the entire time of any little hint she would give me that I should leave or she didn't want me to be around anymore. Like after like an hour and a half of hanging out, I was like, get making an excuse to like put my shoes on and leave. And she was like, wait, why are you leaving? And I was like, oh, like I figured like, you were ready for me to go. Like it's been an hour and a half. And she was like, no, like I don't want you to leave. Like what the fuck? She's like, I'll tell you if I like, if I figured like you were ready for me to go like it's been an hour and a half and she was like No, like I don't want you to leave like what the fuck? She's like I'll tell you if I like if I want you to leave like you don't have to think I'm like throwing a hint And I was like girl I pick up on any hint like you could literally like sniffle like and I'm like oh I need to go

like I literally was so chronically like insecure but like such an inconvenience, such a bother, and that day literally healed so much for me, like just her wanting to spend time with me and just hang out and do nothing. And then we literally hung out for six hours. We went and got food after that. And that was another thing, like feeling like an inconvenience. I was like, oh my god, I'll drive.

I don't want you driving. I don't want you getting mad at me't want you like getting mad at me later because like you wasted gas. Like, cause a lot of people were weird about that. Like, wasting gas. She was never like that. But like so many people were weird about gas money and shit and I never give a fuck.

But I was like, I'll drive. Like I'll get us there. Like I'll like pay. I was like, I don't give a fuck. Like I was just so insecure that anyone would ever like me or want to be around me. And I was alone for so long. I was like, I finally have someone who like doesn't seem like they are inconvenienced

by me. So like, I want to make sure I'm on like my best behavior to like make sure that they don't get annoyed with me and like put me up on a shelf and not want to play with me. So we went to the lunch and when the bill came, we split it. Like I was like trying so hard to pay. And I I was like I didn't have a lot of money. Like people thought I did. I didn't have shit really. And I was like true. I would literally put myself out to make sure no one like got mad at me or like anything.

Like I used to feel so indebted to people. I felt like I had to float the bill and always pay. But we were at the lunch and I tried to pay and she was like hang on, I'm out in my car, we're splitting it, you're not paying for it. And I was like, so shocked that she reciprocated wanting to take care of me, take her out of someone wanting to pay their own bill was new. Like I always just paid for shit. Cause I felt so fucking bad.

When I say I know this feeling, I know this feeling and I don't miss it at all But just the uncompterability of like Being somewhere and always thinking that you're picking up on a hint and looking for any hint like you're gonna make things Hints that aren't hence so stop looking for it and while I'm over here teaching you about how to not be a bother I'm a bother you real quick with an ad, but it's worth it We're gonna talk about footwear because if you're someone like me, I'm very sensitive to my feet being wet or touching weird things. So like when I go to the beach, I don't like stepping on glass that people leave around. I don't like stepping on seaweed. I don't like feeling critters

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Like you can wear these every day as like normal shoes if there's bad weather all the time You can wear them to the beach like with these full sneakers You can wear to the beach in the water and they're gonna be just fine And they also have gloves and a lot of other accessories and things that you can use because some people when they're doing dishes or having to touch certain things, they don't like to have to like feel it and touch it. A lot of people are texture people. So they do have a lot of different things and I actually like them. You all know I don't talk about anything I don't actually like. The shoes are real easy. They're versatile. You can do them on a hike. You can do them to the beach. You can do them in its raining. You can literally wear them anytime, you can also wear them as

like a day to day shoe, because like I said, they actually look good. So if you got a trip plan to the beach or somewhere wet soon and you want to be like me and not have your feet touch any of it, head to vessie.com slash aware and you can get you a pair. Come on, Ryan. And you'll also get 15% off if you use code aware when you check out so you're welcome You can literally voice to someone whenever you're ready for me to leave say a code word or like say that you're tired So you don't have to tell me you're leaving be like all right

I'm tired. I'm like okay, so I know when to leave be like I don't want to sit here and be anxious and like pick up on a Hand just voice it to me like asking people to just Communicate with you is huge, especially for someone who over thinks like how I used to do this so bad, it's going to help you with lots of just ask people to be honest with you, be open with you, talk and like when you're ready to go just say it. Like I'm not going to get mad just like tell me girl because like I'm here to hang out, I'm chilling, I'm bullying, whatever. Like just open in that means a communication for everything is huge, especially if you're worried about a hint with like leaving or

overstaying your welcome or anything like that. But that's where I go back to talking about how people were silent and not communicative of what they were feeling and thinking what they wanted is gonna fuck you because you think everyone's like that. Not everyone's like that. Not everyone is gonna just put up with things. And when you finally meet someone who is clear and direct and honest, don't feel like they're being rude. They just don't have the same conditioning as you. They were taught that how they feel is okay.

And I want you to take inspiration from them. I want you to see how they confidently say, all right, I'm ready to go to sleep, I'm ready for you to leave. Or anything along those lines, when they directly communicate what they feel, don't take it as an attack. Just look at it and admire how they were able to say that. And you weren't impacted by it. You didn't give it. You're like, okay, I'll go. Like, you're going to see that there's no negative consequence for voicing the way that you feel. And I want you to just become aware of that and start absorbing that when you see it and experience it.

Like appreciate when people are direct and upfront and honest. Now I'm not talking about the mean asshole. I'm talking about them just being straight up and direct. But that's one thing that's gonna help you a lot with reworking all this is trusting people not to sacrifice for you or hold in what they're feeling and what they're thinking.

Like just laying the foundation and giving them that like you want them to talk about it, it's going to help a lot, it's going to help a ton. You have to trust people not the sacrifice for you. Communicate that. Like just be very open and direct about it. Now I do want to talk about one more thing and it's kind of cute and small and it's just going to open your perspective up a little bit to make you feel better about taking up space. I want you to think about how you're kind of like feeling avoid whenever you are somewhere. So like if you are in class somewhere or you're in something where you have to like participate. When a teacher is up in front of the class and she's saying something or she asks a question, for you to raise your hand meets a need for her. She feels heard. She feels interacted with the teacher is gonna be appreciative of someone

Rating their hand. If you're in a class and everyone's just too insecure to raise their hand, the teacher's gonna think no one gives a fuck. So you're actually by participating and taking up space and raising your hand and answering a question or whatever it is. Interacting with the teacher is gonna save her from getting insecure and feeling like no one gives a shit So by you taking up that space you're saving that teacher from a very bad feeling state Another thing I want to talk about is like restaurants For you to go take up space on a restaurant People are not annoyed with you waiters love when someone in secure is at their damn table because they're the easiest people to take care of and they make money and When someone's at work, if there's a restaurant

that's not too full or not too busy, they're gonna have to look busy. They'd rather have a table that's super easy to take care of. You, if you go by yourself or if you go with somebody, like you going in that restaurant and taking up space is meeting a need for that waiter. They don't have to go around and look busy and pretend to be busy and try not to play on their phone,

so their boss doesn't catch them. They have a table that's easy to take care of, you're thoughtful, you're sweet, they make a little money, and they're getting to do their job and have something to take up their attention network so they don't have to look fake busy. Like you're making it easier for them.

You might make their day, they might like your outfit, or you might bring a little happiness to them, you never know what it's gonna be. They might enjoy the interaction. They might have had just the shitty table before you and now they're excited to get someone who's easy and just cool and like easy to take care of. So look at the void you fill with that. Like for many different things, also you could take it to the extent of like the owner is happy you're there. They're in still in business. They're making money. Like you're filling a void. You're not an inconvenience, you're filling a void

that people are appreciative of. Another example is like a dance floor out of club or a dance floor anywhere. When the dance floor is empty, it's not fun. So if you're on a dance floor, even if you dance like shit, if you're someone just taking up space, you make it look more fun to everybody else. The host of the party is gonna be excited that people are out there dancing and having

fun and it's going to be inviting to other people who also want to come out when there's more people out there. Like it's just more fun. So another thing, you're not inconvenience, you're not annoying, you're not in the way, you're feeling avoid and people are going to be appreciative of your presence there, just you being there. And that's kind of the same thing with concerts or like raves especially if it's like a smaller thing The DJ or the person performing is happy to see it full They're happy to have a crowd to perform for just you standing there is gonna bring them peace and make them feel better

You're not an inconvenience once again, And you can also look into this and friendships also. You see how you're feeling avoid for the friendship. Like you love when you have that one friend who always has something going on and they always have like gossip and like shit to talk about with their own life and like things that they're doing. When you go meet up with your friend and you just sit there and shut up, they don't like no one likes it just to be a one-sided conversation. When they share with you and you have things to share back or you have an exciting story or something like going on, you're giving excitement to that friend. But you have to voice how you're feeling and voice what's going on with you.

You can't tell yourself, oh, it's inconvenient, it doesn't matter, it's not interesting. Because that's how you were taught. No, that doesn't count anymore. We're looking for the voice you feel. That's a big void to feel fill is being like a fun, entertaining friend or also the friend that people can come to when they're upset. You can hold space for their emotions.

You can comfort them and be there for them. You being that friend is feeling a huge void for other people. I could literally make a list like 10 pages long of things like this, but I just want to say a couple of those to get your brain turning and thinking and seeing how you're not and inconvenience. You're actually very important and you're actually contributing a lot and you

are appreciated. And the last thing I want to say is you're going to have to be a burden and being inconvenienced to people to feel appreciated, to feel secure and to feel grateful. You are gonna have to be an inconvenience to someone, you get what I'm doing with the air quotes, you're not actually an inconvenience, but you're gonna have to let people be inconvenienced because they want to be by you and for you,

so that you can have something to be grateful for. They're gonna have to do things for you, for you to feel grateful. So you're going to have to get comfortable with that. And the last little reassuring word I have is you're not going to feel like an inconvenience to the right people and to the right person at all. They're not going to make you feel like anything they do for you or give to you is too much or difficult or inconvenient. They're not going to have that underlying feeling and kind of like intention with everything they do for you. It's not going to feel obligated.

They're not going to feel like they're sacrificing for you. Some people are just going to derive joy and feel happy by doing things and being there for you in a way that makes you happy. So for someone to go out and buy you something or do something for you or plan something thoughtful for you, bring them joy. Just you being there is going to be enough for them to want to inconvenience themselves. I hate to keep saying they're running convenience, but like when they do anything for you, a lot of people are going to do it because they want to. So the right

people, you're not going to feel like an inconvenience around. And that's where I want to leave this episode. If you're watching this on YouTube, leave this video a thumbs up and hit subscribe if you're new. If you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, that's also where episode one through 39 of my podcast is it's audio only on Apple podcast and Spotify. I'll also where episode one through 39 of my podcast is. It's audio only on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. I'll put the link in the description. But if you are listening to the audio version,

leave me a five-star rating, or you are an inconvenience. Just kidding. If you want to keep up with me on social media, I will link all of my accounts down below. I got Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, all the things. Add me on Snapchat for sure. If you want to see more like behind the scenes

and like unfiltered me, because that's my most unfiltered app. And they paid the things. Add me also now, chat for sure, if you want to see more like behind the scenes and like unfiltered me, because that's my most unfiltered app. And they paid the best. I will also have the link to all of my merch and my app and everything else you need for me in the description. So if you want to check it out, go look at that. But that is all I have for this week's episode. Everybody, be safe, take care of yourself. And I will talk to you guys next Sunday.

Take care of yourself and I will talk to you guys next Sunday.