Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Frozen Tips and Kissing Cousins (w/ Nikki Glaser and Esther Povitsky)

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Nikki Glaser (The Nikki Glaser Podcast, FBOY Island) and Esther Povitsky (My Pleasure, Dollface) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Nikki takes us on a ghosting rollercoaster, Esther’s blind double date goes the opposite of good, and we learn a lot about the dealbreaker that is “Cool Beans.” Plus, a letter from a listener rattles off a truly heroic series of her top dating disasters. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.You can hear Nikki Glaser Monday through Thursday on The Nikki Glaser Podcast, and tickets for The Good Girl Tour can be found on her website NikkiGlaser.com. And check out Esther Povitsky’s podcast My Pleasure, with new episodes every Thursday.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, Prime members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. I dated this guy and I really liked him. One date he said, cool beans, seriously. And I could not. I didn't know what happened. I was, I liked this guy so much too. He told our waitress, cool beans about some update for our order. And I go, is that because she talked about the edamame, are you literally saying Koolbee, like what? I asked him. I have to this thing I've ever had.

It's so petty. Oh my God, now I'm wondering if I say it. I could totally say that. No, you could say it and it would be adorable. But he deserves a woman, not me, some Amazbals woman who will accept him. Ha ha ha! Bad dates! Hello everyone and welcome to Bad Date, a podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking

disasters that we could all face on the road to love, to shagging, or to both. I'm Dramedage Mel, and I'm inviting some of my absolute favorite people to discuss their most iconic dating clusterfucks. We've all had them, it doesn't matter how hot, how smart, how funny, how rich you are, and if you don't think that you've had a bad date, then maybe that's just because you're someone else's

bad date, and you don't know it yet. So while you now process that, and while we all process that, I can see you look on Nikki's face. Oh god. Let's get on with the show. Hello to our guest. Today we have the excellent, excellent, hilarious Nikki Glazer joining us. Nikki is an incredible stand-up comedian who has hosted Not Safe with Nikki Glazer and

F Boy Island. And she hosts the Nikki Glazer and F Boy Island, and she hosts the Nikki Glazer podcast and I Heart Radio, and I'm so excited that she's here. And also Esther Povitsky. Hi, Esther, by the way, hello. Hi. Nice to meet you for the first time. You will have seen Esther and Crazy X Girl friend alone together and Dolphase,

and she hosts the podcast, My Pleasure. We all have podcasts. I now think it's a prerequisite to allow anyone on the show if they don't have their own podcast. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can be friends with non-podcasters in 2023. I'm crazy. Wait, Nikki, are you also freaking out that when she said that you could be someone else's bad date, like I just flooded, I'm flooded with times where I was definitely that. One of my worst dates was where I thought,

I thought it was great. I thought it was the best date I've ever had. And it, we didn't get a second date, making it therefore probably the worst date because I thought I was like, I had found my long lost boyfriend that I've been looking for for years. And this guy had, it was not mutual.

And I had no idea. I thought I could really read people. And it's, and now he's famous. Oh, that reminds me of an e-contest. I took once in college where I thought I did really well. I thought I got an A and I literally got an F. So I can really relate to that. Whoa. What, what did you have the wrong scan tron or something? What happened? No, I just was going through my college classes completely delusional and that I knew better than everyone else. Clearly. I think that's quite legendary.

I personally, I love people with a deleted self-confidence. I think they're the greatest, especially women in particular, I fucking live for that shit. We have to all have that a little bit to get to where we are right now with each of us having 16 podcasts. There has to be to think that people want to listen to us talk this much. There's got to be some delusion. You got to believe. Are you running out of your own bad dates to talk about Jameela or one side of her? I haven't been to many dates.

Why I have this podcast is because I haven't been asked out a lot. And even if I have, I probably wouldn't have known it because unless you're inside of me, I don't know if you, like me and this is a vibe. Obviously, post me too. That's very complicated. I really relate to that because I didn't date until, you know, I had my first boyfriend's 24. My first kiss was 18, like, and that was like on a dare

or something. I didn't date either. And I really don't like dating because I hate the pretence of we are sitting down to decide if we're gonna have sex and then maybe be together forever. Like that is in the air and it's too much over. Oh, there's never even thoughts about it like that. You did.

It's too much pressure. It's too much pressure over a bowl of ramen or whatever the heck you meet for. It's just, there's too much pressure over a bowl of ramen or whatever the heck you meet for. It's just there's too much wing on it. So what would you guys say it's like to date you? You know, we're going to talk about your experience of dating other people, but how is it to date you? Do you have a sense of this? Mm. Esther, do you want to take this one? It's been a while since you've been out there, right, Esther? Yeah, I don't think I should even publicly share what it's like to date me. I think it can't be good, whatever it is.

I think honestly, my current partner, who is my fiance, who's last name, I also have, even though we were not married yet, it was just, I took his last name more as like a chess move. But what? She's complicated. Sorry, you can't. Wait, this is not his last name more as like a chess move. But what? No, it's complicated. Sorry, you can't.

Wait, Pocka. This is not his last name. No, I'm so I changed my legal Instagram, not legally yet, but his last name is King. So I'm going by Esther King, like kind of. I didn't know that. Oh, that's cool. So, but anyway, so he is my partner.

We are till death, he was part. But after we started dating a little bit into the relationship, he told me he was like, you know, our first kiss, you were really excited. Like, he totally told me basically that I was a bad kisser. And that I just like had too much, which is how I kiss like I'm in middle school. I just give a lot of energy.

I'm so happy there. That means a lot of time, doesn't it? So much tongue. Like I say, if you think your kissing style is gonna beat mine, mine is like if it's rock paper scissors and I beat everything, like mine just dominates. I'm the opposite.

I'm like wartime rations with my tongue, especially at first, honestly, it's like World insomnia. I'm the opposite. I'm like wartime rations with my tongue, especially at first, honestly, it's like World War II. It's, you need a voucher. You know, it's a long, long sign. There's a lot of broth, big mage, breakfast, kisses. Jesus, that's so funny. Do you get into tongue later?

Are you big tongue now? I wouldn't say big, but I think I'm a modest tongue. It feels like the depression era rather than curing the actual war. So it's still modest. People are waiting in line to kiss you, yeah. Anyway, this is helpful. Bad dates. I'm gonna start with Nikki. Nikki, you have an intriguing title to your story.

I have never heard it before. It's called Leave It in Las Vegas. Okay, so this kind of goes back to a guy that we met and we kind of met under circumstance where our romance was kind of secretive and like people didn't know, but it was like under the radar, it was all very sexy. And-

Was there a reason for this? Was he married or? No, no, it was just famous. Work related, you know, like a show man's kind of thing. And so I, he pursued me really hard out of the gate. He was not someone that I would have ever been attracted to, but it was, he liked me so much and seemed to pursue me so much. It worked.

And it was the first time I had actually given into that and been like, this guy actually seems to think I'm pretty great. And you know, why don't I be to trust him and actually go for this guy that likes me a lot. So, as soon as I was like in and I kind of shut down other things that were going on, so I could focus on him, soon as I shut those down, he lost interest. And he had been begging me to kind of shut those down.

And so I was abandoned in this situation, but then, you know, he would come back around and we lived in separate cities after we met, we kind of had this little romance, it fell apart and then the job ended and then we're both on separate coast and we would stay in touch on FaceTime and this was the weird thing that had happened to me before. How in touch were you just talking or were you whanking on FaceTime? Well, this is it. Okay, so we had not at sex at all,

but we had hooked up when we had been in person in the same city, right? Right. And then on FaceTime, there was never any mention of the romantic vibe we had. There was never, it was like we were buddies, but we would still talk about meeting up to do those things. So it was this weird thing of,

this guy would never compliment me about my looks, anything sexual, there would be no flirtation. And it was really driving me crazy because I know I had just seen him, I'd been in the same city, we had hooked up, we had had this whole thing. And then I flew home and we're face-taming every day. And it's just like buddy, buddy talk.

And it's getting to the point where- In a way, this is the guy, I feel like I've spoken to you about this person before, where this is the guy who you would even compliment to see, right, if he compliments you back. Yes, that guy, that prick. I would like answer the phone with, like, I would put my chest in the freezer

before we talked and wear like a white shirt. I remember sticking my chest in the freezer before we talked and wear like a white shirt. I remember sticking my chest in the freezer so many face time I could be like a low angle with like just a perfect silhouette of my nipple. So, so he'd say something and he never said anything. I was so thirsty and it was so, have you ever been with someone like that that is like can't give you compliments? Like can not tell you you're pretty, can't tell, even though he's getting hard and like, you're being able to get him to do a jacket. So clearly, there's something that's right, horny about you for him, but he can't say it.

I date English people only, so we're all too embarrassed to tell each other anything, to say anything. We don't give or receive compliments. So no, I don't understand what you're saying, but. I've also been mid-sex and say to a guy, you're so hot while he's fucking me. And then he did not respond. What? It's hot.

That ain't killed me. I'm like, you're so hot. And then it's just dead silence. He does not give the compliment back. And also, read your freezer nipple trick, which I love. And I'm gonna use you're so hot. And then it's just dead silence. Like he does not give the compliment back and also read your freezer nipple trick, which I love and I'm gonna use that on. Sure. Everyone I know.

But I have done a similar thing where I put peppermint oil on my lips before a FaceTime call to like make my lips look, yeah, to make them look coffee. Yeah. And see if they notice to like try to get a lip compliment. It went on like this for a while and then eventually one day he took,

he was kind of feeling sick and he couldn't get to sleep so he took Ambien and then he called me and I knew he was on Ambien but I didn't know what the deal was with Ambien and how it affected you. And it makes you very racist. Okay.

Go on. The one time I took it, I did like, delete Twitter from my phone. Just in case that was a side effect, I was like, I don't know what this thing does. I've heard stories. I don't feel that's in my heart, but I got to get, I took the white sheets out of my apartment. I go, I don't know what I'm going to do with these. I take too much. So. Sorry. Okay. my apartment, I go, I don't know what I'm gonna do with these. I take too much.

So, sorry, okay, so you had to have me in. This dude, no, he's on Ambien, and I'm talking to him, and now suddenly he's getting a little bit sexy. Like, he's starting to get a little horny, and then it leads us having phone sex, first time phone sex, and also making plans about seeing each other going away together, and I'm like, finally, this guy, I knew he had a, I thought it was like maybe like one drink,

you know, like it impaired him that much. I knew that things were coming out because he was impaired, but I didn't realize what was going on. So the next day I went into work and I was like, my friends all knew, I was doing a radio show at the time. My friends all knew I was like,

so into this guy and not getting what I wanted. And finally I'm like, last night it happened, we told each other everything, we're into each other. I feel like he's my boyfriend, it's just gonna take like one time to see him and then this is like on. And this is like, could be real. And I was in the bed, it was like the best day

I've ever had, I was like skipping around New York City and then later that night, we got out. So that's seen for 500 days of summer, right? We're in the Southern New York, we're in the musical. Okay. Things are turning into cartoons. Like I was so happy. I just, I remember how on top of the world I was

because I'd conquered this guy that seemed so disinterested in me, but I knew it was there because of the boners and the common number thing. And I knew that was like, I knew, if you could hook up with me in person, it's there somewhere. So then I go home that night to FaceTime and again, and it's back to kind of like buddy buddy,

and I kind of made some slight joke about what we had talked about the night before, like kind of sexy, and he was like, what are you, what is that? And I go, oh, you know, it's the, you know, we were doing last night, and he was like, I don't remember anything from last night. And I was like, what do you, nothing?

And he was like literally nothing. I was on ambient, I was blacked out. And I go, well, you said a lot of things that really affected me. And he goes, he was like, sorry, oh God. That, yeah, Ambien, it really is bad for me. I react to it wrong. And there was no sense of guilt or embarrassment. So he becomes kind and emotionally, so that's the side bad for me. I react to it wrong. And there was no sense of guilt or embarrassment.

So he becomes kind and emotionally, so that's the side effect for him. He becomes kind, sexual and emotionally available is his side effect for Mambian. And then not being on it, he becomes cold and I go, do you want me to tell you what you said? So you can, you know, because I wanted him to know what, and he goes, no, I don't even wanna know. I don't, I'm a bearist. Oh, my God. And I was like, I was so hurt and I would love to say that I was like, I'm done with him,

but instead I kept talking to him. And then months later he came to town and was like, I would love to have lunch with you. And I'm like, back on, ready to forgive him. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. On the water. And I go to meet him and he held my hand. And he was like, can you please hold my hand? I was like, no, ew.

And he's like, please just hold my hand. I need to tell you something. And I was like, OK, and so I held his hand, and which was just so magical because he never held my hand except to one time he, when I went to his hotel, to blow him before he left town. I like took an Uber to downtown LA before he had to flight that morning

to like go hang out with him. And I just like waited for his assistant to leave who was just hanging out way too long. He could have like told him to leave so long. We had like two hours together and he waited till like one hour 45 minutes to be like, hey, could you run down and give me something? I'm like, finally this guy is leaving.

It's only enough time I blow him and then he holds my hand as he walks me to the elevator and he does this hold where it's interlocking. And I'm like, oh my God, yes, it's like such an intimate hand hold. And then he bolth me into the elevator. He just like, the elevator comes, he doesn't walk me in, he just lets me, he releases me into it.

And even then I was like, we're it to gonna be together because he also gave me the sweatshirt that he was gonna give to Goodwill. And I was like, I like it. And he was, I was like, we're it to gonna be together because he also gave me the sweatshirt that he was gonna give to Goodwill. And I was like, I like it. And he was like, you gonna do you want it? And I was like, oh my God, boyfriend sweatshirt. I was like smelling it all day. Like thinking it was me.

It's so embarrassing. My friend was like, it's brand new. It has a sticker on it. It's from a bank, from a promotion. Like, this is not his like, some varsity jacket. But I was like, so like, back in. I'm a little girl a promotion. This is not his varsity jacket, but I was like, hmm, so like baggy, and I'm a little girl and I'm pulling the sleeves.

It's an extra small. So that was even before. Six months later, I was in Las Vegas and I was doing a show and he was in town for something and he was like, I'm gonna come to your show and I go, wow, okay. And it was a little bit flirty, I go, here we are back at this.

And it's like three in the morning, one of these where you're like, come on. And so we go back to his place. I have to leave for the airport at, I'm gonna pick up at five. So I have two hour window to make something happen. We go back to his place and he just makes a b-line. He goes through this big suite.

He makes a b-line for his bedroom. And he just gets in bed with fully clothed. this big suite, he makes a B line for his bedroom and he just gets in bed with fully clothed, takes off his shoes and gets in bed fully clothed, jeans the whole thing. And so I am just like, okay, it's not touching me or anything. I follow him and I'm like, I'm gonna play this fucking game.

And so I get in the bed, same, fully clothed and we're just laying there like two kids, like I felt like I was in bed with my cousin, like looking at the ceiling, like talking about life, and I'm fucking furious because I have no time, and this guy is not doing any kind of sex stuff, we're in his bed, and then he starts to fall asleep. In his clothes, next to me, I wasted my whole day,

and I asked him a question and he goes, and I can feel him kind of like jolt, and I go, are you falling asleep? And he goes, why are you mad? And I go, aren't we gonna hook up? What is happening here? I just like, what is going on? And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And I go, I am, he goes, is that what you wanted? I go, I'm in your bed. And he goes, I know, but like, and I go, why do I have to go with your clothes on? And he was like, I don't know. I just, and I go, you know what? I go, this is just so weird. And he's like, I know, but like, and I go, why do I have to your clothes on? And he was like, I don't know, I just, and I go, you know what? I go, this is just so weird. He's like, I know it is weird.

And I'm like, okay, maybe he's nervous or something. And I go, because I wasn't gonna make the first touch. I had to, and he goes, are you sure you want that? And I go, yeah, I'm pretty sure. And he goes, am I gonna get me, too? Are you sure with this? Because this was like me, too, time, and I go, I am in your bed.

I took my shirt, like, how could the signs be more clear? So then he finally acquiesces and starts touching me. So yeah, we hooked up. I got nothing out of the deal, of course. And then he got, I just wanted it to be over. You mean, is it, and you didn't have an orgasm? No, not even, I mean, so far from, okay. So far from and that's not entirely his fault.

I think he did try, I want to go on record and say he did try. I was so angry. I mean, honestly, I don't really don't begrudge women faking orgasms because it's sometimes too hurtful to them to be like, you're, no, I disagree. I'll fight you on that on a set for a cut. Really? I fight. Yeah.

I will fight you to the death. That's why they don't get better. We are enabling. When we do it, we are enabling. Sometimes we are different. We are sending a bad shagger off to the next woman, no, we do it. You know, I mean, with no warning.

We gotta take that back. I take that back. So this time he did not hold my hand, walked me to the front door of his hotel and just let me off into the hallway, didn't even bother bowling me into the elevator this time, and never heard from him again. And to be honest with you, I never got a date out of it. I never got it actual like, we're dating. So it doesn't even count.

Like that's so often these guys that would be bad dates. There would be no dinner. There would be no like courtship. It was, it doesn't even count. Like that's so often these guys that would be bad dates. There would be no dinner. There would be no like courtship. It was, it doesn't even count as a date. It was just me making myself available to win this guy was available to let me hang out with him. Thank you, Nikki. That story was a fucking ride.

It was a ride. It was amazing. It was a great ride. It was a great ride. Thank you. I definitely relate to it. And also I agree, don't fake orgasms. I definitely relate to it. And also, I agree, don't fake orgasms. I will never do that. And I, but I did it in high school. And I have to say

that when my high school boyfriend dumped me, he would not speak to me, but the one power move that I made at the end of that breakup was when I told him I faked all of our orgasms and that he, I called, he called me back right away when I told him that. Yes! So even if you, whether you fake or don't fake, always keep in your back pocket that you can tell them that you were faking it in real life. Oh, that's so painful.

OK, we're going to be back right up to this. Bad dates. Looking for love? I'm Jujubee, and on this season of Queen of Hearts, we're going all the way down to sunny, sexy Miami. I'm setting up the hottest singles in South Florida. Maybe I can find them their perfect partner, or someone to fulfill their sexiest fantasies.

A man who unconditionally loves me and is a raging feminist and then ties me up, rubbing oils on me, then surprise gets a girl to lick my foot and another guy to put it in my bed and has a huge... But remember, there's a twist. No one can see each other until the very end. Camerazone. Oh, hi.

Hi. Woo. Got me blessed. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on Amazon Music, included with the Prime. Download the Amazon Music app now, or you can listen ad-free by subscribing to Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts or the Wonder Yap. BAD DATES! And we're back. And after that roller coaster, it is time for Esther's story. Esther, your story is called Last Minute Surprise.

And I'm dying to find out more. Okay, mine is very quick and almost I would say hack compared to Nicky's which is so vulnerable and like took us all on a journey of like a related ability so please no one be too excited for this one. But I don't know why clearly I'm like obsessed with high school still because mine is from high school. That full, it's full, it's full, it's full of years. Yeah. It is. Thank you.

So basically, I was newly single after I got dumped by my boyfriend. And I was like, for the first and only time in my life, I was open to going on a blind date, right? Like I was just so, I needed to meet anyone that I could possibly meet and a girlfriend of mine that I took dance class with. She had a new boyfriend and she, so she wasn't from my high school, so she had access to all these guys that were like new and exciting. And

she, she's like, my new boyfriend has a friend. He's single. And I think we should like go on a double day. I was like, perfect. This is exactly what the doctor ordered. Let's go. So we go to California Pizza Kitchen. And we all are ordering our margarita pizzas and buttering our bread, and it's just great, like, you know, mid-2000s Midwest vibes. And I was working there in the mid-2000s. Shut up. You worked in a CPK. Yeah, I worked at CPK.

It was the, I think it was the hardest test I've ever taken to memorize that menu. And like, I remember the flashcards and everything. But yeah, as soon as you said the buttered bread, I remember the plates with the three pieces. It, yeah, it's good. It's a good day. It's a good day, by. Oh my God. In a mall.

Yes, old orchard mall. The first time I ever tried a brownie Sunday was at a CPK, like I owed them a lot. Four minute moments. Yes, I used to go there all the time with my friends. I worked at Johnny Rockets in the mall. Oh, yes. I have similar histories. Okay, so we get there.

I'm sitting next to my friend. We're sitting across from the boys and our booth and I'm like, he's cute, okay? Like, he's tall, he's Jewish, he's really kind and like sweet. It's just going great. Like, he's attentive, we're having our side convo and I'm like, wait, I'm not, I will say this, I'm not like instantly attracted, it's not like, oh, he's so hot, but it's like, this is going well. Like this is a good on paper.

Yeah, and like he's, like I said, just, what more do you want than like an attentive, curious person who wants to get to know you on a blind date? I don't know, it just felt, I felt heard and seen and it was really comforting, right? Like it was just a comforting conversation. And the date goes on and we basically like the check comes and he goes, what did you say your last name was?

And I'm like, oh, it's Povitsky. It's like, whatever, it's Jewish and like old and weird. And he looks at me and his face completely changes. And he goes, I think we're cousins. Oh! He's like, my last name is Yale, Jason Yale. And I'm like, instantly, I'm like, oh my god, I remember this kid, this guy,

from his grandma's funeral. No! No! I'm like, oh no, no, no, he's correct. Like it all flooded back to me. I remember being in his basement at his grandma's funeral. Like this is my cousin for sure. My God.

And I was just so embarrassed. And I was like, okay, excuse me. You were definitely floored at this point with your cousin. Like there had been no care. But also that feeling of familiarity you mistook for like, oh this is gonna go somewhere, but actually you've just been in a basement with your mute trivily dead. Grandmother. Yes. And like, it's like the comforting warm-fifelt was just like a guy talking to his cousin.

It wasn't anything more than that. It was like he had your dad's eyes. Or something like that's what dad's eyes. Oh, no. The womb feeling of being close to your own DNA. Yes. And like, it's so check out too, because my dad famously doesn't talk to his relatives, so I grew up having no real relationship with my dad's side of the family, like very much my mom's side is like the people we spend holidays with. And so I just, I never would have known

if he didn't say anything. Like thankfully his mom, his mom's main in last name was my last name. So that's why he was able to put it together, but. Wow. Yeah, that hurt. So his mom was sisters with your dad. No, his mom, so my dad was an only child,

but he had like many, many cousins. So he was my dad's first cousins kid, exactly. Oh my goodness. You see where I come from? Where I come from, that's not that big a deal, but I didn't put a big phone. No, I'm joking, I'm joking. I think a kid would have been not.

You have to be a separate cousins removed, but still it's a little bit weird. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine.

I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine.

I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would have been fine. I think it would somewhere right in the middle because I don't remember having a hard fun laugh, but I remember having a late, uncomfortable laugh. I'm like, okay, let's wrap this up. This is great, but we're, let's move on from this. And I, yeah, but also like sometimes people are on the pill

and apparently some contraceptive pills, like you know you're supposed to be attracted to other, not brother, is the way that the expression goes. It's in like, who are as far from your DNA as possible, and those make the strongest or whatever, like, in. Yeah. But the pill sometimes fucks people up and makes them attracted to the opposites.

They're attracted people who are more genetically similar to them. And so it's actually not necessarily the right person for you. You sometimes hear about people going on the pill and no longer being attracted to their partner. I just started. It's a pill today because I'm freezing my eggs so they're like starting. Stay away from your family, Nicky. And I have a reunion coming up. No, that's so interesting. My boyfriend even like is like sitting in the back in the kitchen, like freezing out her tits in the refrigerators. My eggs are the only thing I'm freezing.

I'm just in there. Oh my God, Esther, I'm so glad you found out before anything physical happened because that shit would scar you the life. Thank you. Oh, maybe not because Nikki, I do have a hot first cousin. So it's like, you know, that wouldn't have been that bad if things had gone down. You know, but I have a question for you guys.

Like, do you believe in this theory that your smell, body smells are supposed to indicate whether or not you're a good fit? I've had guys who love the smell. Yeah, guys who will literally sniff my armpits and smell my breath and be into it. But then there's also guys who are like so repulsed by it. And I'm like, is that? Is that? Is that? It's so extreme. No one's just like, okay, with my existence. I'm really strong. I hate perfumes or aftershave of any sort. I have can't stand smells. And so, I should have artificial smells. So I really have to fit the body odor of the person that I'm with because they can't hide.

They're you can't hide from my nose. Because I won't let you douse yourself in anything because I have such a strong reaction. So I personally am pro the pheromonal indicator. Right. So I don't have any body odor issues with my fiance, but I do feel like a lot of the times like our breath. We have we bump on breath together.

That's all right. That's different. I think breath is different. Breath is dependent on like what you eat and your gut health. So I think we're not going to stress about that. Okay. You that makes me feel better. Yeah.

We're recently having sex and I was just like your breath is so bad and I was scared to say it, but I just had to be honest as to why I was avoiding his mouth. And then he just burst it out at me. He's like, so is yours. And I was like, we're on the same page, carry on. That's love. That's love. Did you stop to have a mint each? Or no. No, we just avoided each other's faces. I would stop to have a mint. And that's how we know there's something wrong with me. Everyone would be given a mint or a small lid of mouthwash. All right, well, then during this next break,

everyone go and sniff yourselves and then maybe wash yourselves and we'll be right back. Yeah. Bad beats. Celebrity Beef, you never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the host of Wonder e's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened,

and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It's snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully

crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder yet. And we're back! Okay, so I've heard such fabulous stories in the two of you and I'm so deeply grateful for both of you to come on here and share with me and to trigger my deep dark memories. I also put out a question onto the internet to my followers to see if they had any of their own horror stories. And normally I get sort of three or four DMs from different people and then I read them out on the podcast.

However, one person, one woman, her name is Maddie Bonanzio, had so many horror stories all of her own that she gets this episode section dedicated just to her. And it's an iconically bad list of things that she has witnessed on dates that maybe we want to stay inside forever. Okay, so this all just happened to Maddie. Who is now, by the way, getting married to someone that she loves and so it's all ended up happening. But Jesus Christ, did she have to kiss a lot of frogs? All right, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna run through them and stop me if anything triggers a memory or a thought. So she says, a man told me on a first date that his favourite food is live baby octopus because

you can feel them struggle in your mouth. Oh my god. You thought cool beans was bad. Imagine how much of an odd scary serial killer deal breaker that is. I watch them in odd scary serial killer. Deal breaker, that is. Oh, that is so disturbing. Like, what city was she in? So I never go there, I'm scared. I don't know. I don't know, but it's very don't fuck with cat spibes,

in my opinion. Yes. All right, so she says on a second date, she went to dinner at a man's apartment, and he had a full BDSM outfit that he bought for her, even though they had never discussed this in any capacity, including her shoes somehow in her size, and she has unnaturally small feet.

Oh my God. I would feel seen kind of, because I'm going into that, but for you, it would be like the pretty woman necklace. Also, I have a size five, which is a very small foot. Oh, yeah. And like, people, like, I'd be like, oh my God, like, you knew that's so thoughtful. I don't know.

I'd be a little, like, complimented. The audacity of this guy, though. Jesus. I have ginormous feet. I'm a 10, so I feel like someone would have to show up with two separate canoes. And I would presume they were shoes for me. Alright, she says,

a man, this is my favorite one. A man cried on our first date after making out, because, and I quote, this just confirms I'm gay. No! That's my favorite one that I've ever read. I actually can't believe. That's my favorite one that I've ever read. I actually can't believe, I mean so happy for him that he's like solidified his journey,

but oh my God, crying into your mouth after a kiss, that kissing you feels so wrong, that he has qualified his sexuality as not being to do with you is amazing. But counterpoint, like it's almost kind of a compliment. It's like, well, he knows that if I'm not doing it for him, then no one knows. 100%.

I love that way of looking at it. And you know what, from having spoken to this woman a little bit and going to her Instagram, I bet it's that because she's, she rules. Yeah, it's got to be. So I like that, I like that. That's a better spin. Mine was naturally a British negative one about me.

The next one is also very good. A man ghosted me, then texted me two weeks later saying, sorry, my ex tied me to my bed frame. Oh my, I would probably follow up on that and be like, I need to hear the story, let's go out. Of course you would. Of course you would, yeah. You would be instantly wet from that.

The guys excuses are not fucking writing back. No one's bad at texting, no one loses their phone, no one breaks up, like this is, that's how desperate they are for excuses because there are not any more, not to text back. I think I might try that now with people. Just try to make them think I've been kidnapped. You know what I mean?

Just give it a really dark take and sort of spin. So I mean, what trooper that woman is, I'm so happy that she's found her person and is now living as a user. And God knows that she's really done her market research with these people. So we know that that's a good guy because she's got enough self respect to have walked away from these clowns. But I don't know how these guys exist out there. Just having these lines and like how many people have been come before her to hear those

kinds of things and like, you know what they this woman's show baked orgasms Nikki that it is it's a culture of women who didn't fucking say part of the brand I will take that yes I'm I've changed after this episode I will no longer do it even with myself sometimes I do it alone oh my god there's nothing funny and not wanting to hurt your own feelings for master, guys, you've been an absolute dream. Esther, Nikki, you're both so delightful and kind and funny and I'm so happy that you're currently in happy relationships and should that ever change or should you ever have a horrible old memory reserve? Please come back any time.

I love to. Thank you, girl. Hell yeah. You can hear Nikki Glazer Monday through Thursday on the Nikki Glazer podcast and tickets for the Good Girl tour can be found on her website, Nikki Glazer.com. And don't forget to check out Esther Povitz' Youth podcast, My Pleasure, with new episodes every Thursday. Bad dates is produced by smartness media and wonderery,

created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jameena Jamil. That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced, engineered and edited by Devon Torrey Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnet, Jason Bateman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky.

If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more. Bad dates. You. Spark.

Blast. Sneer. Hello, Prime Members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.