Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Hobosexual (w/ Roy Wood Jr and Beth Stelling)

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes comedians Roy Wood Jr (The Death Of Dick Long, Space Force) and Beth Stelling (Rutherford Falls, We Called Your Mom) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Roy tells us about Mapquesting his way to a dangerous hookup, and a down low situation that almost blew up, Jameela dishes about a challenging date in chicken duds conducted in the dark, and Beth introduces us to “The Vapist.” If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Beth Stelling’s new one hour comedy special Girl Daddy is streaming now on HBO Max. You can find her standup dates on her website BethStelling.com. You can catch Roy Wood Jr. on The Daily Show on Comedy Central and in the movie Confess, Fletch, now streaming on Paramount Plus.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, Prime members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today So I go over we do what we do And it's perfect because you know she she has a place to live. I don't so I'm on my hobo sexual shit and I'm over there Yeah, I won't own that that's a I won't own that. That's a It's a popular vernacular. No, that's a got that one from black women on black Twitter I thought I was many a hobo sexual. I'll tell you that where they really just wanted a place to shower Even hobo sexuals didn't want me back. They're right. So just like stop bragging Sorry, sorry to brag but some people just wanted my hot water and lean cuisine. I'm gonna live here.

Ha ha ha ha. Yeah. Bad dates. Bad dates. Hello and welcome to Bad dates. A podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking disasters that we can all face on the road to love, to shacking or to both.

I am Jermida Jamil, I am your host, and I am inviting some of my absolute favorite people to discuss their most iconic dating clusterfucks. Now we have all had them, no ones above it, it doesn't matter how hot, smart or funny you are. And if you don't think you've had a bad date, then the chances are you might be someone else's bad date. And maybe you just haven't thought about that.

So well, myself and my guest now, processed that information. I can see a thousand yards there. On the right face. Yeah, it's me. Yeah. Who's good to me? Who's good to me?

It's me. It's time to meet our panel. So first up, we welcome my friend, Beth Delling, who is a fabulous writer, comedian and actress of credits on Rick and Morty and crashing and her new comedy special which is so fucking good girl daddy is streaming on HBO Max and we also have, honestly I'm such a big fan of yours. I'm such a big fan of both of you but it's so nice to get to meet you for the first

time, Roy Wood Jr. Thank you for joining us. He is a stand up and actor, a producer, writer and podcast so you can currently find him on the daily show. And his most recent comedy special is called Imperfect Messenger. Guys, thanks for being here. Thanks for coming to tell me all of your dirty secrets. Yes, so happy to be here.

I'm really trying to figure out who's bad date was on. I know, right. He is like ego death, isn't it? It feels bad. I for sure been somebody's bad lay. But sex dating. We've all been there. Do you have sex?

Yeah. Oh God, no, I just thought I'm that one. Yeah. Well, I can't do reverse cow goat. You know, not the metric upon which, but I just have no strength in my arm. It took me directly to Will You Bite my Nipples, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna take a shower.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. No, I can't, I've got no, I'll put sort of, I don't know if it's like buttock strength or something, but I've got three pumps in me, and then I just sort of collapse like a pancake, and then it's just sad. I'm gonna just sort of slowly look back.

Oh. Everyone looks, we're just looking to point out. The trick is eye contact. If I could speak from a man's perspective, if you just make eye contact while you're banging, that'll earn you five free non strokes. And you can use that as like, I'm not in Beetlejuice,

how am I supposed to whip my neck around? It's like death becomes death. That's why it's sexy. If you can do it, it's like a monster. Oh, demon. Right. When the boxers be punching punching and then they clench periodically because it's hard to punch them,

that's what looking back at a guy is like. Like you rest and just look at us. And that's enough to keep us going while you replenish your stamina. What about, I think it just held up like a handheld mirror. What about that? That's a good idea. It's got like a really weird mirror.

I have one of these really extra close ones, so it's just your eye. Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. I'm going to break five times, maybe, from my car and just hold it up so you can just see my eyes. Put it around your neck, like the music on a flute or whatever. Put it on your neck. Yeah, it was really stressful working. I got to work with Megan the Stallion for two years and her butt and thigh strength is so iconic and it's just like these Stallion versus me more of, kind of like, Jameela,

the My Little Bony. It's very humbling, very humbling. I can really turn around to see how my butt looks in jeans, let on alone be riding something. We need to get you one of my rearview mirrors. I'm going to start selling them on the podcast, on a selfie stick. So it's easier to use while you're fucking. I'm so sick. Roy, what's it like to date you, would you say? I was told recently by someone that I let compassion.

Oh fuck. But what I think they meant to say is that I don't, I don't show, I had it, I care. Yeah. But I can also sometimes, I guess, to the fault of some women, I can be very methodical about things andical about things and practical about things. This is sounding slightly serial, Ketteri. Can you just be a bit more specific?

No, I think this place, I was just gonna say, this is playing right into my theory of why your career is going so well. And it will. Okay. So it started with, why don't you smile in pictures. Shit, that does sound serious killer. I smile, but I don't believe,

I don't subscribe to the audiology of smiling for every single fucking picture you've ever fucking taken in your fucking life because now you're lying. And I don't know if you've ever looked back at a picture of yourself from a time where you were down bad or even in that moment, you felt some kind of way. I just remember that.

So I would rather tell the truth, but in other people's pictures, people want you to perform for their picture. Beth and I. Beth and I. Yeah, Beth and I are no strangers to probably being told our whole lives to smile when we don't look too good. Okay, so you didn't smile for pictures. You're happy on stage.

Why aren't you like that off stage? Because on stage, nothing else fucking matters. So I can only think about a singular thing, but off stage, I got 20 tabs open, dog. There's shit on my mind that has to be dealt with. Also being paid. Maybe if you were paid for the photograph, you would smile. I don't want to take that back to her. I'm going to let her listen to the sniff. Okay, so Roy is giving slight American psychovide. Beth, what's it like to date you? Gosh. This is tough to think about. I mean, I guess it's like, you know, a fun free ride.

I guess it's like, you know, a fun free ride. That's nice. That's nice. For me, it's like dating sort of Mr. Bean. Uh. Bad dates. Bad dates. Roy, I'm dying to hear your story of a bad day. Yours has a central theme and it is dangerous hookups.

These two stories happened at like 22, 23-ish, which were dangerous times. Mm-hmm. A reckless even. Where men, I don't can't speak for you ladies, but men will do a lot of weird shit to get laid. We will jump a lot of hurdles and there was two that stood out and I always had to be what I like to call you know everything that sports in my world with me and my friends. So when I moved, when I graduated college in 01, I moved back in with my mom for three years. So during that time, anytime I was trying to date or trying to get late, I had to be the road team. I can't take you back to my mom's house and sneaking up during the day because my mom

also lived 10 minutes from the house. So it should come home for lunch. So like the block is too hot at the house. So any time I had sex, it was either on the road as a comic or it was at a woman's house wherever the fuck she lived in Birmingham. So at the time I was doing morning radio, I do a sketch that goes at that time viral over email where you would send a tattoo. Whatever it is, I'm now in the big graces of the city of Birmingham.

So, I meet this woman at the comedy club and she gives me a number. She gives me her dress. You need to come on through. And so, we full a little bit over the phone. This is pre-texting. So, you're like straight phone sex in and all that shit. Come on over and she gives me your dress. And I never knew the address of the projects.

Like I'm from the hood, but I never lived in the project. So I didn't know the actual, you know, when you say this road, this house number, I put that shit in that quest, printed my shit out. I want to go get some ass. I pull up on the west side and we know them. And the way the projects are laid out in the south is they're not built up like in an urban, you know, they're built out and spread around. Right. So it's like these multiple duplexes. So you've got to snake through a bunch of different duplexes to find your duplex.

And the only way to do that is by foot, you cannot pull up. So at this point, it's one o'clock in the fucking morning. Oh, shit. And you're holding a little map quest directions. Yeah. And I park, I get out and walk. And I can't explain it, but when you're not from a neighborhood, you do not move like you're from that neighborhood.

There's nothing. You just, it's just a swagger to your walk the way your head like it's clear. I don't live here. Mm-hmm. And a couple of cats come off the porch. Oh, shit. So I look and there's two guys on the porch, one at my 10 o'clock, one at my two o'clock. I have to walk between these two porches. I walk between them. Those two guys come off the porch, they circle behind me. As I come through into the next opening, I can see her spot, and those two guys come behind me,

and as I'm walking through the opening, there's two more guys that come behind, like they sneak behind me. So now I'm being trailed by four guys. Oh no. And they go, hey, big dog. Oh no. What do you do? And without turning a number one, you don't turn around, big dog. Oh, no. What do you do?

And without turning a number one, you don't turn around, you don't break stride. I don't know you, so I'm not gonna give you an opportunity to encircle with me. Like, you're not, no, I'm gonna keep moving. Okay. So, what's up, big dog? I go, huh?

Where you going? I said, man, I'm for the government, I'm hauling their tie. And then the guy stops for a minute, I stop walking, I turn around. And he goes, man, you're the nigga from the radio, ain't you? And I go, yeah, you got man, you funny as fuck, man, go here. We was about to rob you, don't keep doing the thing. I only shit. Oh, holy shit.

So I go in. I get the thing. God, that's an amazing feeling, isn't it? You've just sort of cheated almost death and you've been complimented, like the ego stroke. On top of that, it's like incredible. I go in, I get laid, I come back out. And it was good.

And it was, no. That's the other things. Why, why wasn't it good? What happened? Sometimes you just don't, like sometimes there's not that chemistry and sometimes you can get grossed out. But I think men pump through the egg. Men pump through the egg is an amazing sense.

I can't. Did you pump through the egg, Rob? I will give you my Roy has gone to therapy answer. Okay. Knowing what I know now. Okay. This one was content with having sex because that's all I wanted. But deep down I didn't awaken her emotionally.

Therefore, she cannot be connected to the experience and she was just kind of just like well if this is all we can do then I'm okay with that but she was not against it but she wasn't as connected as she could have been had I worked harder to create a real connection. Now at 22 years old I was just like man just pussy whack. Yeah. Oh. You ain't put no effort into it. Where's the reverse cow girl? Where the fucking difference is?

Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? Oh my God, this is amazing. Oh my God, this is amazing. Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck?

Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? Oh my God, this is amazing. What the fuck? of my rise in morning radio. Uh-huh. A guy at a station event comes over to me and goes, take out your phone and call my girl. She mad at me, but she'd like your prank calls. So calling you up and then give me the phone.

And this one is, he's got tats out the ad. Like he's about that that life this guy. You're like, whatever you say, sir. Yeah. This is a this is a listener who has made a request with me is station talent. Why would I disappoint one of our prime listeners? Yeah. I call this woman.

I cheer her up, you know, joke, joke, joke, whatever, whatever. I hand him the phone and he go there, baby, I love you. I just wanted you to cheer up. She says thank you and they're a happy couple. I go back to my business. About eight o'clock that night I get a text from her. Wait, he made you phone her from your phone? Yeah, because that would be the only thing she can answer the phone. This is back when we still answer unknown numbers. This is the one.

Oh holy shit. Okay, so you got a text from her. So by eight o'clock that night, I get a text from her that was really sweet, which you did this morning. Oh shit. I'm like, well, you know anything, for the jams, listeners, thank you for listening. I know.

Would you like to come over so I can tell you thank you to your face. No. Oh, fuck. Really? And I'm like, what about the mother fucker? And she's like, we've been broke up. I don't even know why he had to do that goofy shit. This feels like a trap.

So I'll go over. Oh no, Roy, you didn't go over. You did it so hard. Thank you. Why did he not? So I'll go over oh no Roy he didn't go over you Just told us how scary this man was it's very scary man He's like he's either he wasn't sending you up He just seems because he's dumb enough to give you her number so scary that I hope he's dead or found Jesus If you hear this he'd make comfort better found Jesus. At this point. Because if you hear this, you may come from, but hopefully it's like a wife and like kids

and like things that make him happy. Yeah, sounds like things are going that way. Yeah. Oh my God, Roy. I'm dying. So I go over and it's a pretty regular thing. Now I'm deliberately parking my car for houses down, which is, you know, on some man's shit, if you fucking with a woman who got to do it,

who think they still together, fuck what she say. This man clearly still loves you, which means he'll kill me so he can't see my car in front. So stop applauding yourself for your like, like your careful planning. This is fucking insane. I'm a lot of not asked you to ask me if my tactics get me alive to this point. All right, Jason born. Go on. She's like, why do you fucking a bulletproof vest?

So then what happened after long, long story short, I go over a couple times too many and it becomes why don't we ever go out? Oh, I get this happening. I don't want to just be this girl who you and I understand that and that's the inevitability of mostly I don't believe that there's such a thing as casual sex. I think one person is agreeing to compromise what they want and then eventually those wants become, they bubble up to the top, right? Oh, you've done so much therapy. I love you so much. Go on.

So. No. So we get to that bubble up and she goes, I wanna start going out and I'm like, my fucker, your boyfriend is like, Birmingham, everyone knows everybody. If I'm out with you and you've been known to be connected with him and you're telling me

he's still trying to call and get it to you, we can't fucking go out. But then she goes, well, aren't you a man? Like, you ain't afraid to die for this pussy? Yes, I am. I'm very afraid of being murdered at a fucking Applebee's. it's really sad because she was like we had vines Yeah, yeah, yeah, but also she said she gave her shoes a bit of a dick Yeah, well she said I know she get a little bit

I think if you say to someone who could get murdered aren't you a man? I hate that shit I think that is I think shit. I think that is toxic. I think that's toxic. I think I hope that they actually got back together and found each other. I think they sound like they deserved each other and they had a nice thing going. And I think you were just a nice palette cleanser in between. That's how my story ends. We'll be right back. Bad beats! Looking for love? I'm Jujube. And on this season of Queen of Hearts,

we're going all the way down to sunny sexy Miami. I'm setting up the hottest singles in South Florida. Maybe I can find them their perfect partner or someone to fulfill their sexiest fantasies. A man who unconditionally loves me and is a raging feminist and then ties me up rubbing oils on me, then surprise gets a girl to lick my... and another guy to put it in my... and as a huge...

But remember, there's a twist. No one can see each other until the very end. Cameras on! Oh, hi! Hi! Woo! Got me blessed. until the very end. Cameras on. Oh, hi. Hi. Woo. Got me blessed. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on Amazon Music, included with the Prime. Download the Amazon Music app now, or you can listen ad free by subscribing to Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. to Wondery Plus and Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. And we're back. Alright, guys, do you have time for me to tell you a quick one of my bad days or is?

Please, please. Okay. The date starts with me having gone to, I was also a radio DJ back in the day, Roy. That's what I used to do for the BBC. And so we were going out to record like a comedy bit to have the title show. I was in a chicken suit and while I was out there because England is full of crime, someone stole my bag that had my clothes that I was going to change into for my date later. So I have no clothes, I live way too far away to go home.

I have to turn up at this second date in a chicken suit. That's incredible. So I find this restaurant that's called Dinner in the Dark. And it's like this incredible concept where everything's pitch black, right? So all the waiters are actually blind because they're able to traverse pitch black. And the point of the concept is that if you lose one of your main senses, it elevates your other senses, right? So I should have tried getting

fingered in there. I wonder what I would have felt like, but either way the food is supposed to taste better, right? And so I thought this is going to be amazing. It's an unusual culinary experience. He'd never done anything like this and also like he was a person in our industry who was much more famous with me, so I was like, here he won't really be recognized. Anyway, we go in, we sit down for the food, it's incredibly awkward and you realise you can't like actually see anyone's reactions to anything you're saying, it's like completely cut off, it's not the kind of place you go to, but someone you don't know very well because you have no way of reading each of this queue, so the evening starting off from quite to, but someone you don't know very well because you have no way of reading each other's cues. So the evening starting off

from quite an awkward vibe. And you can't tell how close other people are to you or if anyone's looking at you or listening to you and he's got quite a distinctive voice. So I was like, fuck, this is quite stressful. The food comes, the food. Considering the whole point is that you're supposed to extra taste the food

because you can't see it. The food is fucking disgusting that night. No. Fucking foul and then more of a sense this is in England. Okay. They have them all over the place and obviously they might have just been a bad night for this restaurant. But it's, I'm lots of other people like it, but we got a bad night of food. And so the food was disgusting and you can extra taste how disgusting it is because your sense is elevated. So I become like everything is just going wrong. Everything is so awkward and weird and the food is disgusting and I'm like, are you guys

naming it? Like to each other out loud? Are you saying like, this is bad? No, we don't want to because we don't know like where the waiter might be like, we don't want to offend anyone. We don't want someone to anyone. Everyone's going to shit in your food. So we're both being very, very quiet and just trying to be like, God, this zebra cheek is really... Ew! Chewy, all this shark bollock,

they're really throwing you out there with all these interesting meat-shark-goes. You would never love the cheese yet, exactly. And so, when I get angry or embarrassed or anything, I go completely silent. I don't voice my opinion. I think it might be an Asian thing, but as an Asian woman thing, but I just go completely silent,

like deathly quiet when I'm screaming inside, because I fucked the day up. And he now thinks I've left, because I'm completely silent. He reaches across the table to find me to see if I'm even there anymore. I just feel two massive fingers go right up my nose. And I have no idea where they've come from. Or someone's grabbing me from behind and I'm being sex trafficked. And so I scream, I lift the table up, the food and the wine and the shark dick, and everything goes all over him.

He starts screaming, then the blind waiters start screaming, and then the other guests don't know what's happened. They don't know if there's an ambush, if there's a terror attack, like this is my business. They're in the height of our terror attacks. There's a Pakistani person screaming, what's happened. They don't know if there's an ambush, if there's a terror attack, like this is London, the height of our terror attack. There's a Pakistani person screaming, that's me. And so you created like complete pandemonium and we had to be rushed out. I was, by the way, still in my chicken suit. So like leaving all of this and not even being in a hot, redeemable outfit is one of my...

So there was no beat. One of my big disaster days, no beat, but like a sort of a bingo wing that joined, that joined my wrist all the way down to my hip. So I couldn't even extend my wing to give him a hug. Good. Good. Good.

So that was pretty bad. I managed to not only make my own bad date, but everyone else's bad date. And there was no kiss or shag at the end of, I didn't get laid. You could say, sorry. Bad dates. I did three years of no shagging, no kisses, no dates. And it sorted me right out. And that left me completely, I didn't even date, so I was just a deer in the headlights when I got back out there. But how did you deal with people making advances? You just know things.

Well, that's the thing, Roy. OK, not all of us get people making advances. So I think that's a very presumptuous question. Some of us are very tall and very weird, and people don't want to date us. All right, some people talk to us for five minutes and then they change their mind about the advance that they'd started.

Some people, all right? It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is.

It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. I didn't say it on the scale. I wasn't bushwhacking, I wasn't dickwhacking, my left right and centre. I was being more discerning. I was oddly fine. It was a placid cemetery.

My vagina. No. No. And I think on that note, I think on my vagina, it was a placid cemetery. I do have a boyfriend now. That poor bastard. Um, that lucky, lucky man.

Okay, well, we will be right back after this quick break. Bad dates. Celebrity beef, you never know if you're just gonna end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court. I'm Matt Bellasife and I'm Sydney Battle and we're the host of Wonder E's new podcast, Disantel. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud, from the build-up, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and

Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wonder Yeah.

And we're back. Beth, I would like to jump straight into your worst date. It is called the vapest and I'm thoroughly intrigued. I really had to like, way what's bad because the truth is, I don't really date. I mean, someone comes up to me and they're like, I love you and I'm like, I must too. You know, like, I over commit far too soon, which is why I don't really date. I mean, someone comes up to me and they're like, I love you. And I'm like, I must too. You know, like I over commit far too soon, which is why I don't like dating. Can I say the one that it was up for contention? You can say anything you want. Okay. So the one that was in contention was pre-app times. This was like just out of college. I was living in Chicago when I was in a play. Bertolt Brex, good person of such one. And I had a crush on the guy who was playing the butcher. Like I really liked him because

he was funny. And I got him to basically, you know, agree to go out to eat with me. And because I think I used to be more aggressive, you know, back in the day, or confident. And he took me to a diner. We were at Clark's diner. And Chicago days, it's like you're up until 2 a.m. You're out drinking and you're eating and you can eat it anytime. So this was like late night, probably after the show.

I'll give you this. All right. And during the meal, I burped really loud, which is like highly lauded in my family. It's just about the name. Cause I found out the hard way that men don't like that. I didn't burp his name. He probably would have liked that.

But he looked at me and he was like very upset, like Jesus, how did your mother raise you? Is what he said? And at the time, of course. Fuck, he's fucked. Jesus. I know, I know. Because you could tell like,

we're both like funny people, we're both playing the funny roles in the play. So it wasn't like he was so upset, but you could tell he didn't like it. It was like if that sort of judgmentalism makes me want to just take a shit in my hand and give it to someone. I still gave him a blowjob later, but I'm not happy about it.

I'll be clear to your airwives. Yeah, yeah. I was like, that was me prepping the path for your pain. No, I did write a joke about it later, of course. Because at the time, I don't think I said anything that I would have wanted to say, but I wrote a joke about it later, which was like, how did your mother raise you?

And I said, alone, all by herself. We were doing the first book, too. So the vapist that I was talking about, he's still in my phone. All by yourself. Yeah. We were in the first book too. So the vapist that I was talking about, he's still in my phone. Are we saying names? You don't have to say any names. Well, it says his name, comma, 46. But now it's been a couple years.

Wait, so okay. Do you write the age on your phone all the time? Yeah. It says his name, comma, 46. And... Does that ever get removed, like, if they make boyfriend status, do they get less name or sweet heart or bad name? Or just to get outdated as they age.

No, it's not. I think he's older now. Okay, so we agreed to go for a walk. And it's almost just like, right? And I didn't want to tell him where I live, so I met him in a parking lot of a grocery store Like I'm already very wary and Here's the thing when I walk up because I'm five nine which is like tall, but not that tall

and he Basically is standing on the car. What's the thing? Like that the parking what all the bumper the car. What's the thing? Like the parking lot. All the bumper, the car block, the brick block. Why can't we think of it? But yeah, the brick block. The car has a name. Yeah, the cement bumper.

We could call it a stadium. Don't drive out this parking space into the store blocker. Yeah. So he's standing on that, but then he hops down, and he's just much shorter than expected. Now, I'm not saying I'm against dating short guys. standing on that, but then he hops down and he's just much shorter than expected. Now, I'm not saying I'm against dating short guys. It's just like, let us know. All of his photos made him look much longer.

I respect a man he poses in his dating app profile with Christmas tree. Give us an idea of where you line up on a tree. Like give me, or you've been a doorway, a doorway, I can't enjoy a short man. I think. But this is what I'm saying. I enjoy being climbed like a tree.

But don't trick us is my point. I would like to know. It's in any fashion what you look like if you're using filters, a bunch of things like everybody should try to do their best to not surprise someone like some bellina size. So what's he a pixie fairy or just a pretty short? And that's okay, fine. It's just all I'm saying is I've dated men shorter than him. That's not the issue.

The issue is like, why do all your photos make you see much different than that? Right, right. So it's like, what else are you lying about? That's the issue. Got it. So he's vaping and I say nothing about the vape. It smells like bananas or something, banana cream pie, which is what I heard about the rest of the walk.

But it's just vaping, vaping. I truly have said nothing about the vape, but he's defending the vaping nearly the entire walk and saying, how good it tastes and why it's better for you than smoking. And I'm just sort of like, I don't care that you're vaping. And as the walk's going on, I'm just like, if I'm telling you like a block into the walk, I'm like, I have to get out of this walk. But this is the bane of my existence. Like why I went on a full long walk

with them, I still kept walking. You try to like turn the walk around. I'm like, all right, my fuck, let's go back the other way. Like where are you walking? Is this like one of those endless New York walks? Or I'm like, all right, my fuck, let's go back the other way. Like where are you walking? Is this like one of those endless New York walks or something? Yeah, maybe L.A. to a vaping store, really? Okay, keep up. A vaping museum. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I felt very like I didn't bring up the vaping. And so why are you just continuing to talk about how it's a problem when I didn't say it was?

You know why I know why why? Because the last person had a problem with it and so he was establishing the grounds of what he Don't tolerate with you out the gate even if he was doing it subliminally and I know this because I've been going to fucking therapy Roy will you come back every week? And I and it's something that I'm not even saying that I'm keen on it. I don't give a fuck, but I know why I'm doing it. And I think my hypothesis is that because that's where a lot of my behavior with women now is rooted.

And I am, well, the fuck, let me tell you what I'm going to do, what I'm going to do, I like video games, fuck it. Right? You're coming up the gates with the information. Yeah, yeah, so no, because you're only lying about his height, right? So he's now got to,

he's now got to be straight up about, he's gonna like own up to his, his vape habit. Yeah, but it would be different though if I couldn't see it. I probably just slag off how shit reverse cowgirl is the whole like the whole walk that I go on I just talk about how bad it is bad for your health It's the move of Satan whatever I can do to justify the fact that I can't do it I'm sure we all have I'm sure we all have some part of that

Is reverse cowgirl that good anyway? I don't see I would have no Yes, yes, it is. It is. Not for me though. At the right angle though, because otherwise you might break the dick and like broke the dick. This is what I mean, it's dangerous. Oh, that happened to my flatmate

and I had to come in and save them. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. Yeah, I was like, Broke the penis. 24 years old, yeah. She, it was broke Dick Mountain. It was crazy. You can break it, Dick. Yeah, they started screaming and I was like, oh, she, it was broke Dick Mountain. It was crazy.

I had to, yeah, they started screaming and I was like, oh, they're having a really good time. And then they started screaming for help. And I had to go in there, everyone's naked. I had to like peel her off him. No! And like put her in a blanket and then get him. I think it's called like a, this is such a horrifying name.

I'm so sorry to everyone, but like a banjo string. No. It was broken in time of his penile missile. This is such a horrifying name. I'm so sorry to everyone, but like a banjo string. Was broken and so, like, his penile missile. And so, yeah, that was like, it was like the craziest, like, um, shacking triage that anyone's ever had to do. So, you know, he's fine. He's fine. He's back in the game. He's fine. He's fine. He's banjo string reattached. Yeah, it's invasible surgery. You can bleed out from that shit. If you've got blood clotting issues, you can bleed out internally for you to break your dick and all the blood, just keep dribbling out inside your dick.

Oh my God, Roy. That's not the medical term. Oh my God. Back to bed, back to bed before my teeth fall out of my mouth. Oh my God. These are my fears. So just bring it up. I'm so bringing up.

I'm sorry. I'm so glad you're in therapy for me. So what is, so how does this day end? It cleared. Okay, so we finally make our way back. I'm exhausted. By the way, I forgot to mention too, like, when I said, let's me in this parking lot of this grocery,

he was like, oh, I hang out there all the time. I was like, oh, that's a red flag. He's like, yeah, I was just smoking there last night. Oh, it's his whole identity. Yeah. Yeah. But I did hear from him once more because I was doing David Spade Lights out

and he sent it to me, like a clip of me on the show. And he said, you look hot in this. And I said, well, I've aged in dog years. And he said, wait, objectively, how much worse do you look? Because that will affect my masturbation head games. And I said, shh, me, crumb. And this is like two years after the day. And I go, if that's what it's for,

then picture me 104. And he said, but like athletic for 104, right? That's great. You know what, I'm coming around to this guy now. I'm really glad that, no, I'm glad because the way that you set this up, right, we're talking about how you sort of, you feel like you owe people something. I was really worried that at the end of this date, you were going to be like, yeah, and so because I don't have any boundaries, I let him stick the vape up my ass.

I didn't know where that was going to go. So I'm really proud of you actually. I guess I had to ruin my both proud, yeah, that you've got the body and the door. And yeah, exactly. You just gave him your home address. So you know, you know, what? I got dumped over weed when I was like 21 because I was with someone who was just

smoking so much weed that he'd stopped sort of leaving the house or doing anything. And he's sort of just like sunken into a big depression. I was like, me or weed thinking obviously because you know we're pretty much engaged, he's gonna choose me and cut to like a movie five minutes later I have a box of my belongings and he's waving me goodbye. I think I need to. Yeah. That's the exact reason I used to date my heads. They can't leave if they're already gone. Oh my god Okay, well look you're both single I wish you both luck out there and please come back anytime if you have any more horror stories that occur in this coming year

They're come away. Oh, they're coming I got a training rig hit at my weigh in two months. Thanks guys. Beth's Tellings, you amazing one-hour comedy special girl daddy is streaming now on HBO Max and you can find her stand-up plates on her website BethStelling.com and you can catch Roy Wood Jr on the daily show on Comedy Central and in the movie, Confess Fletch, now streaming on Paramount Plus. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Demi Bajramil.

That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced, engineered and edited by Devon Porri Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vapeman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coulson and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad day and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283 and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it.

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