Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - Rickety Cat (w/ Paul Feig, Wendi McLendon-Covey, and Thomas Lennon)

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

On this episode of Bad Dates, Jameela welcomes Paul Feig (Spy, Bridesmaids), Wendi McLendon-Covey (Bridesmaids, Reno 911), and Thomas Lennon (Reno 911, A Night At The Museum) to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Paul tells us how his sexy cowboy plan almost got him trampled, Wendi talks about a cat who shat in the middle of her dude chat, and Tom goes on a ten day date that was nine days of hell. Plus, Jameela reads a listener letter about a blind date derailed by the unexpected visitor behind Door Number 2. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Paul Feig’s new book is “Cocktail Time - The Ultimate Guide To Grown-Up Fun” and his spirit is Artingstall’s Brilliant London Dry Gin. You can see Wendi McLendon-Covey each week on The Goldbergs, and you can hear her in the forthcoming Pixar movie Elemental and the TV show Grimsberg. Tom Lennon is the author of the best-selling novels featuring Ronan Boyle.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, Prime Members. You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon music. Download the app today. Wendy, Thomas and Paul, I'm so thrilled you're here. I'm such a big fan of all of you. I can't fucking believe it. We are thrilled to be here. Thrilled to be here. Rankus, rankus, rankus. No, no, it's not, I mean, it's not important, but it would be great. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm waiting to do that. But I'm also just so glad that you will know each other because you've all got some shit on each other, you know?

For your Thomas, you've done stuff together. Wendy and Paul, Thomas and Wendy, is all very incestuous. Yep, inter-connested. There's just simply no other way to talk about our relationship. It's filthy. It's a filthy, filthy, three-way relationship. I'd say we're all made in the comedy mafia.

I don't know if we're all, maybe Paul, maybe you're probably a copo. I would say you're a lame state. Yeah, definitely. Oh, definitely. I would dare say you are both royalty. Oh, wait, am I Andrew? Yeah. No one wants to be Andrew.

I didn't want to break that dude, though. Dang. But I don't sweat ever. Neither does he. That's it. Bad dates. Bad dates. Hello and welcome to Bad dates.

A podcast that celebrates the absolute fucking disasters that we can all face on the road to love, to shacking, or to both. I am Jermida Jamil, I am your host, and I am inviting some of my absolute favorite people to discuss their most iconic dating clusterfucks. Today I am joined by the excellent Paul Feeeg, Wendy McClendon, Covey, and Thomas Lennon, and I have to say, I am so excited to get to know all of you, but I'm also

kind of excited for you to get to know new sides of each other. Because I feel like we're all going to learn something significant and maybe against our will in the next hour. And I hope everyone's ready. Before we get into everyone's stories, I would like a bit of insight into what the experience is like of dating you guys. This podcast is just about all of the silliest clusterfucks we've ever had, but I also think it's nice to get a little bit of insight into the human being. Paul, I'm going to start with you just by asking you. Yes. Simply, I would dare say. Hot.

You'll get a great meal. Sure. There will be a very good meal. And then everything will be underwhelming after that. Great. And kind of, you know what? Same. Same.

Yeah. Wendy, what about you? I'm a very active listener. Okay, I will make you feel fascinating, no matter how boring you are. That's right. I'm also very insincere. The perfect combo. Does this mean you, do you take it all the way to faking an orgasm or does it, does it stop conversationally?

Um, it's just conversationally. In bed, I, I give very little effort. Right. You know, you're, you're lucky to be there type of thing. And let's get this over with. No, I'm kidding. Um, I'm superior in all areas. You don't call out, don't't know who I am during the...

Exactly. Okay, next one. Exactly. Yeah, that's what people like. But I am a good active listener. That's one thing I will admit. Yeah, you sound like a kind day. I like that.

Tom, what do you think? I think I'm probably in the same boat as Wendy. So I've been married for 20-ish 21 years. Well done. So I think probably the best thing that ever happened to me was that when I was sort of actively out in the dating pool, people couldn't give you like instant, yelp reviews everywhere you go of every day of your life.

Oh my god, thank god. You know, like, because I'm sure it probably, I don't know if I was an amazing date a lot, but also like people weren't just Yelp reviewing everything that existed in the world at the time. You know, there was really no technology for that. I mean, the whole podcast is basically one giant Yelp for me. Yeah, so I would say.

I kept getting to date really, really interesting, beautiful women, which is, and it's great that they had no way to connect and learn how to, there was no warning system, there was no way they had no failsafe where they could be like, hey, this is gonna really be like some of the, like the sweatiest, weirdest couple of minutes of your life. So yeah, it was great. I was great that that was not really, you know, that said, I think I'm pretty fun. I definitely was one of those people that tended to fall in love very fast. Yeah. How fast? I could basically, I could fall in love, you know, give me a solid 38 to 40 minutes.

Of like, of finding me amusing. And there you go. They laugh at our jokes, and then I go straight party. Oh my god, I love you so much. Did you guys enjoy that? I mean, it sounds like Tom really enjoyed dating, but did you guys enjoy the process of it? I find it terrifying because I can give no signals whatsoever. I find it absolutely petrifying once we're in, we're in.

But I put people through a rigorous three-month process before I'll even kiss them. Not good. We're just not some sort of like, not 90 days to get the ring sort of shit, just like it takes me that long to understand that you're interested. Yeah, well there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean, I always would say back when I was dating. I said, I wish God or whoever's in charge would come down just line us up and go, you two go together, you two go together and just be done with it. I despise dating, despise it. Right, right, right, right. Well, I kind of want to know why and therefore I think I want to hear your story first.

So nobody gets it? So did you say 60 days or 90 days? 90 days, 90 days. Okay. Like, three wine cless months. That is really intense. But yeah, when the wanking comes to pass, I think it's worth it.

It's a wild. Yeah. She shoots me to the ceiling. Oh, God, that was disgusting. We're moving on. Immediately, had Derek cry to life. Bad dates. Bad dates. Paul, your story is called the worst Christmas ever.

Yes. I rank in bass production. Yes. Thank you so much. Yes. Well, much like Tom, I fell in love very quickly, but I also thought that you could buy love. Oh, they don't mean in sort of a drive-down town, to that thing.

I mean, I would buy presents, and so I was a stand-up at a club in downtown LA, and there was a cocktail server there who I was in love with, just she was my type, she's beautiful, everything I like. I was always in love with Terry Gar, so any woman who looks like Terry Gar, she's beautiful. Everything I like, I always always love a Terry Gar, so any woman who looks like Terry Gar. That's all.

And would hang out with her occasionally, and we kind of were getting along, and I thought, oh, she kind of likes me, she kind of likes me. And so I was trying to decide if I was gonna stay in town for Christmas for the first time away from my family, because I'm from Michigan. And she said, well, if you do stay,

you should come to my house for Christmas. I'm like, bang, game over. Like, it's a date. It's gotta be a date. So first thing I do is I've been talking to her about stuff and she's, she was mad because her roommate had broken their coffee maker. And so this back in like the late 80s.

And so I said, I'm gonna buy her the best coffee maker ever. So I went and bought this $200 coffee maker that was like a- Fuck me. Bohemoth. I mean, it ground the beans. You can set it. It would make it the night before we do all this stuff. Yeah, I mean, back then you're basically bringing a whole Starbucks. Yeah. You know, back then and we saw a big the mobile phones and the dildos were like, I can't believe I can't even imagine I'm being honest. And she opened the door and must have said, fuck me. You just brought me out.

They were hoping she would say that. I just written it across the front of the computer. $200 back then is like $10,000. Oh my God. Especially when you stand up. Yeah, that's a house. That is a house. Absolutely.

But I was all in. So she was known for being a horse person. She was in the horses, their family lived out in Chino. so I'm like, okay, I'm going to press her. So I went to this second hand cool store and I bought cowboy boots, secondhand cowboy boots, a real popular one. So I put that on and I had this jacket because top gun had just come out. So I had the number jacket, a leather bomber jacket. And I show up at her house. Sorry, so you're like top half, top gun, bottom half, well, or am I ice man?

I don't know, did he wear boots? Did somebody have a wear boots? I love the whole village people of this whole outfit. I love it so much, it's great. So, you're your coffee sky cowboy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're the coffee sky cowboy of her wedding ring. I mean, who could resist that, really?

It's like get there. And she opens a door and she's at a t-shirt and jeans looking pretty like she just rolled out of bed. So I'm like, okay, well, maybe it's early. So I walk in and then her whole family is sitting around watching football, dressed in sweats and looking terrible. So I'm like, okay. And so she goes, oh, you want to come help me wash my horse?

What a pick up line, right? Can I do a briefly blog and I do the sound of your boots as you walk through that line? Please do, please do. Go on. That's right. That's how dirty her carpet was, exactly. Okay.

So I go, sure, of course, which is the last thing I want to do is wash a horse, but of course, if it'll help her fall in love with me, I'm going to watch that goddamn horse. So her dad goes, oh, you know what, get Paul some Galasha's. So he doesn't get his nice new boots during, he was like, oh man, charity, susp me out as a city slicker. So we go out, she watches the horse, and it's, you know, whatever it's all stinky and everything. But then she goes, I'm gonna take him for a ride

in this corral. So she goes, do you ride horses? They go, of course I've ridden horses my whole life. I was on twice when I was a kid. You know, when they walk you around the pan. Yeah, this is very funny, Bryce. Can I roll the skate? Exactly, get ready.

Yeah. So she goes, what do you want to ride him? I said, like, of course, she goes, really? I said, yes, okay. So I get on, first you want to write them? I said, of course, she goes, really? I said, yes. Okay. So I get on first problem, it's a English writing saddle, which if you don't really think about horses, I don't know anything. English writing saddle is like a stack of pancakes, basically.

You know, like a western saddle has a big nub. It has a big joystick nub in the middle. Well, the western one does. Yeah. And that's you hang out to the English. It's so you can jump over things. Yeah, you're just sitting on a donut. So I'm like, okay, so I go, here we go.

And I kind of hit the reins and the horse stands there. And I hit it again and I go, which you're supposed to do, and it doesn't do anything. And she goes, well, just squeeze his ribs a little bit. So I go, okay, I squeeze the ribs, won't move. Finally, I kind of squeeze really hard. That horse takes off like a shot out of hell and just starts barreling towards the gate. And he's, so he's going a mile minute, I start to slide off the horse.

My foot hooks in the one steer. I fall off the side, but I'm hooked on the side. So I'm literally doing the splits on the side of the horse with my one foot dragging like a trick rider. Oh my God. And the horse will not stop. He's going to kill himself and me. He's decided he hates me so much. He's going to commit suicide and take me down with him.

So I mean, we're at the gate. I'm like, I'm dead. And I she goes like, stop. And the horse stops and I slam into the gate and like almost knock myself out. And have to be- Wait, could she have called that out earlier? Do you know what she could have said, you stopped a little sooner?

I don't know how compressed of a time this one. It might have only been the course of five seconds. It felt like an hour that I was bearing towards this fence. So I had to be extracted off the horse and it was really embarrassing. Okay, we have to stop. We have to stop for one second. Round of applause for Paul's elastic balls.

It's elastic balls. I can't believe you didn't split wide open. Well, you know what I, Wow. Very supple scrotum, exactly. So, which is the name of the band I used to be. By the way. So, I was like, okay, so that's over with,

I'm already humiliated, she's like, all right, let's go eat. So, we go back in, I'm going, okay, now big feast is going to happen. We go in, everybody's still in sweats watching TV. She goes into the kitchen, she goes, pulls out this Tupperware thing, she goes, okay, what kind of sandwich do you want? Stop it. And she goes, yeah, we had a party last night. We got all these leftover cold cuts. So I make the world's saddest sandwich.

But then you have to make your own sandwich. Yeah, of course, well, you know, because I'm a good lunch. This is sub-wet, yeah, that's right. So the whole time she keeps kind of eyeballing this enormous present, you know, and I'm clearly going to like something's wrong and I'm getting really depressed too because I know my family's having turkey and gravy and all that kind of stuff back in Michigan. So she opens up the coffee maker and your eyes are like,

oh my God, but not like, this is so great, more like shit. What did this loser do? He spent so much money. So then she goes, oh, I got something for you. Disappears into her bedroom for a good 10 minutes. A good 10 minutes. Oh, I believe I hear the sound of rapping going up. He's actually like Tom.

And she comes out with these two presents and one is the small little kind of square. I open it up, it's a calculator like you would have been given for many. She's like the because you spent- Like a solar calculator that you would get in a box of captain crunch. Exactly. But I kind of feel this is like- And so it's kind of cool. She's like, you spent $200 trying to fuck away

to this from the comedy store. You need a calculator to figure out your financial plan. They have to find an answer. Exactly. Because you probably could have done that for quite a bit less. Exactly, exactly. So then, and then, present number two is clearly a book. So I unwrap the book, and the book is called,

How to Be a Papa Rotsie. Oh, no. Which I take is a meaning. I've seen your act so many times, you should go and do a different line of work. And the book has clearly been thumbed through a million times too. I might add that too. So then it's just like this is terrible.

And I'm like, well, do you want to go see a movie? She goes, oh, I can't. I've got a date. No. What? What? I do not like the sounds of this person. Yes.

So she thought you were. so she hurried you along. And I would just a sad dude, you know, kind of want to be comic, but she thought you were her gal pal. Yeah, totally. I was in clearly On Christmas day, wash my fucking horse. And I'm going to feed you and help yourself to whatever leftovers are in the fridge and none of us can be bothered to put our pants on. If we're left over, Capacola. I feel like paying pull could have been the only way she could have made that more offensive. I was just giving you a tip at the end of that.

You know what? I would have been 200 dollars with a gone a long way. I'll tell you that. Oh. And where is she now? Do you know? I do know where she is now. You do.

And she's actually quite successful. And then actually, I will say I actually am quite friendly with her. So that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. It took a long, I mean, years later, we reconnected and just as friends. You were able to laugh it off, but I...

Lamp it off. Can I just say that I'm so impressed at your restraint to not take the coffee machine back? Because I have 100% and the kind of low life to do that sort of thing. Like, what the fuck would I leave a $200 present with you? But you can't be a dickhead, you can't be like you invited me over

for Christmas therefore, you owe me love. But when you're in Syria, if you get a used calculator back. Yeah, if you're a serial follower in lover and you also think, you know, the presence, well, you kind of think, oh, I just left a giant seed that will know blossom. Every time it's coffee is like, you know who gave this to me?

That great guy who fell on the side of my horse. First washroom. First washroom. First washroom. I lived in the friend zone until I was about 22 years old. That was my address, like my PO box was just friend zone and W3. I fully relate. Did it shape the way that you then looked going forward at these situations?

Did it make you a little bit paranoid? Did it hold you back? Did you stop buying several hundred dollar presents the first time? No, no, I did. I didn't say sadly. I just figured, oh, maybe this, I misread the signs, but in the next time I'm gonna get him right. So I was super depressed and I go, what am I gonna do?

I'm gonna go see a movie. So I went to see it and my cowboy boots and my leather jacket. And I loved it. It was so much fun. It was kinda like, oh my God, it feels so great. So I'm coming out of theater, just whistling, feeling great. And up ahead to really cute young ladies

come out of some restaurant or something and they're walking along. And so I'm behind them, you know, but like you get 20, 30 feet and they kind of look back at me and I kind of give my shy smile and they look away. And so it turns out they're parked like exactly where I am. So we're walking, parking a lot, they keep glancing back, they keep glancing back and then one of them goes, oh my God, he's still after us, run. And they run in terror to their car and dive in. And that was the worst Christmas ever. Oh my God. Oh my God. This was all on Christmas day. All on Christmas. The spirits did it all in one day. Enjoy. And you went to the cinema on your own, right?

Oh, yes, of course. I fucking loved doing that after rejection. I got rejected once and then went to watch... And this was ill-advised. It was very on the nose. There was a Jennifer Aniston film called Love Happens. And I went and watched it on my own at 10.30am with all of the snacks, you know, the hot dogs

and the nachos and the popcorn. And I was sitting there and I was like, I'll have it to myself. It's 10.30 in the morning. No one else is gonna be here, apart from some young couple who are just clearly at the beginning of dating. They come in and they sit right in front of me

and then start making out with the entirety of the trailers. And I'm like, this is like being fucking tortured. I've just had my heart broken. And I am now watching these two couple. They're definitely about to fuck. I don't think they can see me here. I'm brown and I'm in the dark. So I think they think that they have this place for themselves. I think we have the same idea. And when it becomes evident that she's about to suck him off, I then stick my face in between the two of them and I'm just like, I'm so sorry, but do you think you could at least just move several rows behind me?

So I can enjoy this film because otherwise I feel like I should be paying a lot more. I do it again and good luck to that young couple who I terrorized. They didn't know I was there. I completely killed, like I am a serial erection killer and I feel like to even kill erections that weren't on my turf feels incredibly criminal. That man was Prince Andrew, he was not sweating, he was just with a friend up front. No, I was in my 20s, I was far too old for Prince Andrew and on that note, let's move up.

Well done. And scene. Scene. We'll be right back. Bad beats. Hello listeners, Jemila here. I wanted to let you know about a new show from Smartness Media and Wondery called Just Jack and Will.

It is the ultimate Will and Grace rewatch podcast. Sean Hayes and Eric McCormack, who starred as Will and Jack, will be watching the whole series from the beginning. And it turns out that while Eric has seen the show many, many times, Sean has somehow never watched his own sitcom. So they're going to be looking at it with fresh eyes, bringing on their fellow cast members and fabulous guest stars, the writers,

and the director of the show, and all the people behind the scenes, who helped Will and Grace win an astounding 18 Emmy Awards. Sean and Eric have hilarious chemistry, and if you've listened to Smartless, or Sean's appearance was Conan on our very first episode of Bad Dates, then you will know just how silly and irreverent they can get and you will not want to miss it.

Just Jack and Will is available anywhere you get your podcast. Episodes are available one week early and add free on Wondery Plus. Follow and subscribe to it now. And we're back. Alright so Wendy, you're up next. And I mean, following that is a huge task, but your story is called Dinner in the Dark. And yes, I am deeply interested.

Okay, dinner in the dark. Well, let me set the table here. This was 1993, and I had spent the summer being very upset about a breakup that of course was supposed to happen. We were not meant to be in a relationship, but I dragged it out and made sure everybody in Southern California knew how upset I was. And I needed to get my life back in order and the only way to do that was to go

back to school and the only way I was going back to school is if it was at a community college, okay? So I is a required class where you go in front of a proctor and you have conversations with people that show that you're an active listener. See? Oh, okay. Good. I don't know if you've studied. Because I took this class.

So I meet a guy in this class and we became like the bad kids who caught up and were always laughing. But I really liked this guy. He was very, very funny. And we're walking to our cars one night and he goes, Hey, do you want to come over to my house? My parents are going to be gone and I can make you dinner. And I said, Oh, well, I'm gonna let you make me dinner,

but right now, why don't we go over to El Torrito? Because excuse me, I had a credit card. Oh, it was a limit of $500. All right, so most money mischanges everything. Yeah, yeah, let me just show him what's what. What? I will trade for this first excursion. Nice. With my credit card. So wait, what is Alterita? Because remember, I'm a... I don't work for them, but it's a beautiful, it's a slightly upscale, fast, casual Mexican, but with an upscale flair.

Wendy, am I incorrect? Yes, there is no drive through. But you can get a margarita there. Closer to like an applebee's maybe. In Spanish, El Torrito means the Torrito. So, you know, you're welcome to me, and now you know what that means. Thank you, Wendy.

Thank you. Anyway, so the time comes, you know, I'm gonna go to this guy's house, his parents are gone. So I go to this guy's house and I'm all dolled up. I've got a full face of makeup on, hair outfit, you know what, credit card, feeling good. Present excuse me, yes. Credit card paid off.

And he opens the door and he's in socks and a t-shirt Present X-ray-speaks. Yes, credit card paid off. And he opens the door and he's in socks and a t-shirt and jeans. Oh, no. No, no, no. First time. I'll just describe. Nope. But he's, you know, he looks cute and obviously very comfortable in what he's doing.

I feel like, oh, he must make dinner for girls all the time. But I go in the house and it is very dark and freezing cold. And I'm like, huh, this is weird. Okay. And maybe dangerous, but no, it's fine. I can throw hands if I must. But this was the era where we didn't know that we shouldn't send like hot girls into the basement and move it.

Do you know what I mean? Like we didn't know that. We were still experimenting with that. Exactly. You see how it would turn out? With the data now, obviously, obviously now. Yeah, the data you're in back. So you're looking into the revenue, basically.

Well, what's inside? So I see this this sad little kitty cat sitting on the coffee table Can and bone this is the Jeff Dahmer story I go over to the kitty Oh kitty high kitty and I pick it up and the guy goes no no no Don't pick up the cat Kitty, hi Kitty, and I pick it up and the guy goes, no, no, no. Don't pick up the cat. It might shit himself because it's very old. And he's very sensitive and it might shit everywhere.

So just leave him alone. And he's on the dinner table. He was on the coffee table next to the dinner. It burned off the course. The cat has left over El Torrito also. So I mean, it's the cat's been living on whatever came back from El Torrito. So we sit down for dinner. It's steak paccata, which I've never had before.

And wow, what an involved recipe. I'm very impressed. It smells great. It's delicious. Okay. So now I feel like I gotta go to the bathroom. Where's your bathroom? Oh, it's down this long dark hallway in Tooth. Oh, no. Just go down to the very end. Oh, no.

And it's on the left. Okay. Robert De Niro went in good fellas. We're all shaking our heads violently. Just go further, a little further, a little further, a little further. Little further, little further. So I go down the dark hallway and I open the bathroom door and I try to shut it, but it won't shut. Oh no. But I'm like, well, I'm all the way down at the end of the hallway.

Oh no, no. So I'm just gonna go for it. This'll be quick. This every horror movie I've ever seen. Every horror movie ever. So I'm on the turl it. I'm doing my thing. And the door opens wide open because little rickety cat pushed it open with his face and

walked up to me and maintaining eye contact with me. Shits on the bathroom rug. Next to its litter box. Okay, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm aroused. Of course you are. How could you not be? So I'm looking at this cat

and I'm looking at what the cat's doing and I'm like, he's gonna think I did that. What? But I also don't feel like I should pick this up because I don't feel like this is my responsibility. So I'm just gonna act like it didn't happen. And let's finish this up, because the door is wide open.

And again, this whole exchange took about 30 seconds, but it felt like an hour and a half. So I walk back down the dark hallway. Again, it's very dark in this house. And I see Kitty sitting in the corner. And I'm like, damn it, I am gonna make friends with this cat. So I'm down on my hands and knees going, Kitty, come on Kitty. Little Kitty.

Oh, sweet Kitty. And the guys looking at me like, what are you doing? Well, I was talking to a cat-shaped pillow. The same. Markings has the rickety little kitty. And he saw me talking to this cat pillow. Then he goes down, he goes down the long dark hallway to the bathroom and said, oh my God, there's shit on the carpet. I'm so sorry. And I said, well, yeah, he did that right in front of me.

I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think I did it, but I didn't know what to do. So I just left it. He goes, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. Okay. Well, all right. Let's go back to the steak. Pocata, it's fine.

Whatever animals do with what they are gonna do. All right, so we're eating. We're having a great conversation. All of a sudden, I'm like, okay, I gotta go, bye. Very abruptly, because I thought I was gonna ship my pants. This steak, Pocata, is not sitting well. Okay, so he's poisoning my cat. It's what I'm getting from this.

Horizons and really weird stuff. To just drag this story out even longer, please. I'm about to shit my pants all of them out of durable outfits. All right. And I gotta tell you, it was 1993, I looked good. Anyway, I made it home and I didn't ship myself. All that to say, it was a very weird night.

Poor guy thought I just was not interested because I left so abruptly and because of the weird cat thing and like everything. It was a weird night. However, we've been married for 26 years. Yeah. So we're down. Wait a minute. It's real. My little friend, the background, there's Greg. Oh, my God. He's at his desk. It was Greg. It was my haggles. This makes me so. It's about 670s. Not that little. But yeah. Do you still have the cat pillow? Do you still have the pillow?

The cat pillow. The cat pillow is still sitting in his mother's house in the same place. And it is always dark there and it's always freezing. They just, you know, some people just like it dim. I don't know why. Is the old cat still around? Did it dim? No, Kitty died like weeks later.

It was about 18 years old. Okay, wow, Fahrenheit. But anyway, it was a weird date, but it ended well. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so great. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's fun. It's so fun. It's so fun. It's Because it wasn't pretty and I know I blew through some stop signs. Thank God you didn't blow through the back of your dress.

Exactly. I want to tell you that. Exactly. Exactly. Mobad dates right after a quick break. Bad dates. Celebrity beef. You never know if you're just going to end up on TMZ or trending on Twitter or in court.

I'm Matt Bellasife. And I'm Sydney Battle, and we're the hosts of Wonder Woman's new podcast, Dis and Tell. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud from the buildup, why it happened, and the repercussions. What does our obsession with these feud say about us? We're starting off with a pretty messy love triangle between Selena Gomez and Justin and Haley Bieber, a seemingly innocent TikTok of Selena talking about her laminated eyebrows. It snowballed into a

full-blown alleged feud. But it doesn't seem like fans are letting up anytime soon. Despite both Selena and the Bieber's making public statements denying any bad blood. How much of this is teen jealousy and lovers quarreling, and how much of it is a carefully crafted narrative designed to sell albums? Follow this and tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon music or wonder ya. And we're back.

Tom, you went on a 10 day date? Yeah, what? Only now, as in my hate adult years, can I see how ill advised this idea was? Were you taking hostage, just so just when? I was, I was, well, kind of. You could say so. So, I was sort of free wheeling at this point. It was like the 90s in New York. And I just, you know, broken up with someone I've been dating

for a really long time. And as I probably pointed out, I tend to fall in love very fast. This was, it was fascinating, because Susan was on paper way too beautiful to date me. She just wasn't. Nonsense. Exactly. It's so sweet that you say it now. But Susan was just off the charts, like just stunning, like seems too good to be true Okay, so

We're we go on like maybe one date and it's like goes fine But nothing I mean no big news, but I'm on a date with Susan. It feels cool the next day I'm shooting a a scene in a movie with John Bon Jovi Which is very exciting Thank you, wait a minute. I love everything about a little picture called row your boat with John Bonjo. And later on, I go check my answer machine. Or maybe she even came in and Susan said, look, it's like early December. She's like, I've got all these frequent flyer models.

Take now we've been on one date. So this will be our second date. She's like, have you even kissed at this point? No, have not kissed. No kissing, no fingering. No, we have not had any, nothing, nope. No, not first base, not second base, not third base, not home. So she's like, do you want to go to London with me

for 10 days and we'll just like do Christmas shopping and like, God, goof around and I'm like, I've got a day to do this. I know, geez. One million percent I want to do this. This is like the best thing I've ever heard. I'm per cent, I wanna do this. This is like the best thing I've ever heard. I'm like, this is like what people do in a rom-com. We're gonna go like goof around and London

with scarves and stuff. Montages, oh. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it.

We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. We're gonna watch it. Later on, boy music is gonna play in the background. So anyway, so like a day later, with Susan's freaking firemiles, we're flying, you know, like coach, but to London.

And we're kinda like, starting kinda like, canoe-doll on the plane a little bit, and it's kinda cute, and we're like, oh my god, we're gonna London. Like on our second date, for 10 days. You do feel like you're gonna end up for the rest of your life with someone that you have such an epic experience with.

It feels so, it's so cute. It is so cute. And we're like, oh my god, we get there and then you have jet lag and we get to the hotel room. And we're in this unbelievably beautiful little charming. It was like, I'd never heard the word boutique hotel before, but that's what we were staying in. So it's like the windows looked out

and it was just like, look like Mary Poppins out the window and we both have jet lag and we've been kind of canutling on the plane. And that first evening there, Susan and I, make love in this incredible, incredible little quaint. Boote co-tail. And that's when while we're making love, Susan looks me straight in the eyes and starts

weeping really, really hard. Oh no. Yeah. She starts crying really, really dramatically. And I'm like, hey, we should probably stop this. She's like, no, it's okay. No, it's okay. This is just something that happens. So Susan's just weeping really, really hard.

Because she's in, she's so moved. I don't think so. I think it almost feels like it's kind of unrelated. And she's basically like just like, no, no, it's okay. Just, well, yeah. So Susan's weeping while we sort of make love. And it doesn't go, it's very, very strange. A bit of a bummer, killer.

Exactly. It's a real bummer. How so? It seems like such a compliment. Staring in your eyes and weeping is not what you, you know, I was not expecting that. And it was pretty weird. So now we're in the hotel room and then I'm like, this was maybe this was a weird idea to like take a second date to London for 10 days.

But there's only nine days left. There's only nine days, there's only nine point nine days left. So this is gonna be great. The short version is basically by the morning of the second day, we had broken up and we're not speaking. Wait, what? By the following morning. You were waiting for me. we're not speaking. Wait, what? By the following morning. You were late and we're missing something.

I was missing something too. Oh no. Well, so there was no discussion of it. You just had a icy evening at dinner. I see evening and then sort of like slept and then the next day. And then it was like Susan would just sort of stare in the middle distance and then she was kind of mad at me.

And then like three days in Because we only had the boutique hotel for the first like two nights or three nights All three days in me'd six days left and then we went into the guest room of her best friend's house apartment in London So now we're absolutely broken up. We're not really talking to each other But apparently I didn't, I should have flown home. But I kept thinking it was somehow going to pull this out of the fire. But it never came out of the fire.

But what did you do to see it, Spike? I really never knew what was wrong. I think what happened was she was basically a couple different people, depending on what time of the day you caught her. So like the one that invited me to go to London was the fun one. Sorry. That does eye contact and to London was the fun one. Sorry. That does eye contact and weeping is a different one. But then we definitely had a moment where we did put on scarves and be like in Coven Garden

with scarves on. But then anyway, it was a dreadful like six days that we rode out. And basically like an endless sort of wall of chilliness and just such a bummer. Are we sharing a bed? Yes, but it was like we weren't even touching, we were just like staring at the ceiling or just like, oh my god, oh my god. Sorry, but England is the worst place to have jet lag because going that way, you don't fall asleep until 5 a.m. and England closes at 10.30 p.m. So that's a solid six and a half hours in isolation

with someone who suddenly doesn't like you. Does really, really, really change your mind about me really fast. So, but it was really weird. So we had this sort of like chilly several days of not a montage set to a battle-drawn. Did you not go and try to make a palace guard laugh? Because that's always, get to things going. and try to make a palace guard laugh because that's always gets things going.

We definitely tried to take all the guy in the mirror. And they love you for doing it. Yeah, and you clown and the other. Oh, they love you. And then we flew to several places and I ended up going home to my parents in Chicago and she was going back to her manor in her estate. I very coughed up.

I tried to go to a sadness I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office.

I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office.

I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm trying to go to the office. I'm And not only that, she's like, I think you're the one. Oh my Lord. And I was like, oh, both really interpreted that really differently.

Because I thought it was like a lot of weeping and sort of staring into the middle distance. I mean, when did you just look angry? What's going on, Wendy? What do you think? It was a real bummer. I'm upset. I know. I'm mad.

I'm mad. She presented as delightful. Yes, did present a light. Well, there you go. We'll know where tears of joy. I also should say never presented as delightful, but did present as very hot. And again, I think this might,

I might learn a lesson. It was your penis that tapped in your passport details onto that airline website, right? And I never thought, wow, she seems really nice. I'm so, wait, sorry, what was that conversation like? It was so weird. We didn't talk to each other for nine and a half days. She didn't seem like she remembered it.

And then I, that's when I realized that maybe sure there was just a couple people that lived in there. You know, there's a couple people in there and some of them were very fun. You know, yeah. They just weren't in London. Yeah, they didn't. They stayed in America.

That one got, that one got, got cried away into a boutique hotel suite. Oh, fuck me. Fuck me, that's so annoying. Oh, God. Oh, man, that's so annoying. Oh, God. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. That's the exact opposite of how anything like that should work. We ran into each other years later.

Medmyle, lover at a groke, she still looks like that. Yeah. By the way, I was wondering what I was going to say. She still looks absolutely amazing. I don't know what sort of secret it is. Yeah. Is she married? Yes.

To someone I know very well. Oh, there it is. Yeah. Is she married? Yes. To someone I know very well. Oh, there you go. And do we think he seems okay now? Yes, everything he's doing okay. He's fine. I just got a weird, I caught some weird window into a weird window of weeping. You were transitional.

I've been whisked away once. Yeah. I'm just remembering now I was 24's guy guy invited me to New York on a concord. I'd never been in a concord before. Took me away. We stayed in some really fancy uppery side hotel and he got me my own room because he was a gentleman and we fucking went and saw Harry Connick Jr.

And he was playing. So I love Harry Connick Jr. And then at one point, Harry Connick Jr. turned to him over in the front row and he started looking at so I love Harry Connick Jr. And then at one point, Harry Connick Jr. turned to him, oh, we're in the front row. And he started looking at me and pointing at me and started singing a song to me, but then kept on gesturing. This is your song to her.

And it was like, this is like a fucking movie. This is incredible. Like, this is meant to be. And we went to a bar afterwards. And we both loved the song Where Or When. And this piano player was playing. And he was like, all right, last song, last song, last request. And this guy just whispered to me, he was like, I wish he'd play Where Are Weed.

And then suddenly at the other side of the bar, this was like the carl aisle, this woman went, Where Are Weed? And the fucking guy starts playing Where Are Weed. Oh my God. Did you have a date with Tom Jones? You want to have a date with Tom Jones? You were in the world. This was, by the way, this was Mr. Tom Jones. Yeah, I like that.

I'd like to be very clear that you were with Mr. Tom Jones. Concord. And I see Eric Connick. Up his leather pan. Oh, God. Bye. But we had the most romantic.

It was like fall in New York. We were walking in central part, falling madly love. End of the day, just before we're about to get on the plane where we're sitting next to each other, but get on the concord, I may as well add. Back to London, tells me he's married. Oh, no. Oh, I have six hours of traveling next to him traveled in silence. Never spoke again. I kind of saw that coming because he was so organized.

He obviously like he got the flights ready. He got the good Harry Connick tickets. He told Harry Connick you were going to be there. You know, like this feels like a married guy, a good reliable guy. I mean a shitty reliable guy. Yeah, I was wondering if I feel like he's now married to the girl you went on a date with.

There you go. I could do it. I wonder why he would tell me that before you get on the plane, does he think that's like sort of the decompression zone where you could deal with it for six hours? I think he's trying to get into my pants, but he didn't know about my three month rule, you know? So, I'm gonna take more than I may have cut off,

like I may have shaved off a few weeks for a trip to New York, but I didn't take my nickers off during that four days. Thank God. Nothing's harder than somebody telling you they're American. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, he waited your last day, told me he was in love with me, or read flying, and then immediately said, by the way, I'm married. Don't worry, the only good news is I'm planning to kill her.

That's gonna be fine. You can just hang on for a couple of weeks. Bad dates. These stories have been fucking ridiculous. We have one last one sent into me by one of our faithful listeners and I was wondering if I could read it till you all. Please. Okay, so high-bad dates podcast.

I prefer to remain anonymous and you'll soon know why. I took this guy to the London particularly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was in college in New York City and I was set up on a blind date by a friend with a hot guy. I said yes immediately after I saw his picture.

He was even hotter in person. We meet at a bar and everything starts off great. At one point, I showed him a picture on my phone and he put it down on the table facing him. Then a text notification came up from my friend who set me up and he saw it and handed the phone back to me. It said, 20 bucks as you're totally gonna bone this guy tonight, let me know how it goes.

I felt my face get red, but powered through it. I mean, this is pretty good. This is a hot start. It's humiliating, but it's a hot start. It's late, and this guy offers to ride the subway with me back to Brooklyn to make sure I get home safe. Okay, nice guy. Just before we get on the train,

I let out what I thought. Where I thought it was. What I thought was a harmless fart. Oh no. It's a harmless fart. Oh no. It's a shark story. But it's a shark attack. It's by the way, it's a shark week here on Bad It's Buzcast, so it's all shark week. But it quickly turned out to be considerably more than anyone bargained for.

As we got on the train, he said we should sit down, but I insisted we stand for no reason at all except for the hostage I was holding next to door number two I'm visibly sweating on the subway and I can't believe I didn't pass out we get out at my stop And there's an elevator that takes you up to street level the only people on it with me my date and one other guy By now there's no getting around the wall crime in my the guy. By now, there's no getting around the war crime in my part. It's very elegantly written, I will say. Yeah, this is so well written. Just before the elevator door opens, the guy behind us clearly

referring to the hot stink screamed, what the fuck is going on? I felt like I would vomit up my heart. He walked me to my building and before he said goodnight, he confirmed what we all knew to be true, saying, this is so great. He said, I'm so sorry, this happened to you. I walked away. That is a gentleman, right there. What a gentleman. And that was the last time that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston

were so uncomfortable. Exactly. They never ever saw each other. Exactly. They never ever saw each other ever again. God, God, there's nothing worse than a kind to get by. The rest is history. There's something like this. I'm so sorry, this happened to you.

It means he knew the whole way. What a f***. I think he had anything kind of... I like this guy. Yeah, he did say that the silver lining is that my friend still owes me 20 bucks. So, you know, nice to make this a real good guy. He would have had a second day. That's all I'm going to say.

Oh, God, what a nightmare. I just would have said, like, hey, let's give you, let's wipe you off. Let's split that 20. Yeah. Like, you get 10, I get 10. Don't always in it to win it. I'm in it to win it Let's make lemonade out of this Even though around the corner fudge had literally just been made Let's somehow turn this thing around we're both coming out $10 ahead an eternal

Optimate Tom an eternal optimist what a joy My god a what a filthy episode to have just before we all go and eat lunch. I'm sorry guys. I'm sorry, but this will be I'm not I've learned a lot today. Whatever. Yeah, I like we have as expected. I really felt like we would get to know each other better. And now it kind of feels like family. I think we've said things to each other, but me here every year at the same time. Let's do it. I always ask just in case, does anyone

and you don't have to have any dating advice out there for the people? My only dating advice is how I kind of met my wife, which is I was so desperate, you know, my whole dating career when felt like Tom fall over with everybody and do all this stuff and it worked so hard to try to meet fall in love. And finally, when I had this one terrible thing happen

with somebody else that blew up my face, I was like, forget it, I'm a bachelor, that's it, I'm done. And the minute I went like, I'm done, then I met my wife because all the desperation and the weirdness went out of me. So be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Same for me with my boyfriend. I was like, no, I'm going to be single, I'm going to be a hoe, I'm going to hoe my days away. When I'm 80, I'm going to start taking heroin and it's going to be fucking amazing. And that's when I met him. I met him. It's when you're, it's the watched cop never boils.

Exactly. There you go. Really upsetting, isn't it? Can I get that stitch on a pillow? That's a bad one. This is gonna sound misogynist, but I really think if there's a lesson to take away from this particular episode as ladies don't even fart for one second.

Yeah, yeah, you just can't. It's anything that's kidding, exactly. Tight, that's right. Ladies, no solid foods before or during a day. Exactly. It's same goes for your cats too. That's right. Guys you've been a fucking joy. Thank you so much. It was so nice to meet you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So nice to see you all. Oh yeah. Nice to see you. Yay.

Pullpeaks New Book is cocktail time, the ultimate guide to grown up fun, and his spirit is arting soul brilliant London Dryjin. You can see Wendy McClendon-Covie each week on the Goldberg, and you can hear her in the Pixar movie Elemental and the TV show Grimsburg, and Tom Lennon is the author of the best-selling novel featuring Ronan Boyle. Bad dates is produced by Smartless Media and Wondery, created by Robert Cohen. Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Jemila Jamil.

That's me, produced by Stuart Bailey, produced and engineered and edited by Devon Tori Bryant. Talent producer is Anne Harris. Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Music by Kushy and Evan Schletter. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Jason Vaatman and Sean Hayes. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Coursen and Bernie Kaminsky. If you've had a bad date and you'd like to tell us all about it, our number is 984-265-3283

and our email is baddatespod at gmail.com. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We can't wait to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We will see you next time for more. Bad dates. Smart. Blast.

Tsk. Mia. Hello, Prime Members! You can listen to bad dates early and add free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen early and add free with Wondery Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey. by completing a short survey at Wondery.com slash survey.