Bad Dates with Jameela Jamil - The Girlfriends That Live Inside Of You (w/ Matt Braunger, Chloe Radcliffe, and Devon Walker)

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

On a brand new episode of Bad Dates, guest host Marie Faustin welcomes comedians Matt Braunger, Chloe Radcliffe, and Devon Walker to discuss their most iconic dating fiascos. Matt catches somebody not moving to Denver and pays for the whole seafood tower, Chloe relates a series of bad decisions and unfortunate events, and Devon wants to see Us but doesn’t necessarily want to see her. If you’ve had a bad date you’d like to tell us about, our number is 984-265-3283, and our email is [e-mail], we can’t wait to hear all about it.Marie Faustin: @reeezy on social media, @whyare.yousingle on Insta for ticketsMatt Braunger: MattBraunger.com for tickets, new special DougChloe Radcliffe: @chloebadcliffe on social media, solo show Cheat at UCB NY, and at Edinburgh Fringe, tickets hereDevon Walker: @internetdevon on social media for tickets See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Smart, plus media. You know what's funny is this episode is gonna be like 45 minutes long. Great. Whoa. Great. Cool. Yeah. So they're gonna cut a lot of this out. Okay, great.

Hopefully not. I feel like I have some hot riffs. So if y'all are listening, just, just go ahead and keep those with me. They are listening. Yeah. Jot down the riffs. Yeah. I'm gonna listen to it. I'm not in this some hot riffs. So if y'all are listening, just go ahead and keep those ones. They are listening. Yeah, jot down the riffs. Yeah. I'm gonna listen to it. I'm not in this at all.

Yeah. Not even listed in the podcast. Yeah. Oh. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Bad Dates.

Bad Dates. Bad Dates. Hi everybody and welcome to Bad Dates. I am your host, Marie Faustin, your single by choice friend, your friend who goes on a lot of dates. Now Bad Dates is a podcast where I talk to funny people about bad dates that they've been on. So this is a safe space, just not safe for work.

Let's introduce the guests that we have and the voices that you've heard. First up, we have Matt Bronger, actor and comic known for BoJack Horseman and Upload. Hi, Matt. Hi, how are you? And we have Chloe Radcliffe, comic, actress and writer for The Tonight Show and Comedy Central.

Hey, Chloe. Hello, how are you? How you doin'? And last but not least, we have Devin Walker, actor, writer, and comic from Comedy Central, Big Mouth, and SNL. What's going on, Devin Walker? What's up? Nice to be here. You know, obviously this podcast is about bad dates,

but like, are you guys people who like going on dates? Do you do you remember like good dates? Dates fondly? Let's talk about that. I feel like I'm awesome to go on a date with. And so I don't feel like I have a lot of bad dates. I feel like there's a lot of dates, although I'm now happily in a relationship,

in a monogamous relationship, but I feel like I have a lot of dates where I'm like, yeah, I didn't have a, like I was doing all the work. So I don't want to go on another date with them, but like, I'm awesome to hang out with, so they're gonna think it was a great date, you know? And I've never done anything wrong in my life. I know that like when Chloe was single,

I know she was really going on dates because I've bumped into Chloe on multiple dates. Just when I've just been like at some random bar and like the Lower East Side and like Chloe's just with like an Ecuadorian man in the corner. And I'm just like, oh hey what? Like that's happening.

He was Iranian, he was Iranian. He was Iranian, I'm sorry. But yeah, similar, honestly, I feel similarly to Chloe. I think I'm really good on a first date. I think it's down the line. It's two or three years later where I'm like, kind of more, where I'm like more of a problem, but like right up top, I think I can nail a first date.

And that's okay, Devin, that's okay. We're just talking about dating. I don't think anyone would like to hear a podcast about how to make a long time relationship, like snore. What is your maladaptive coping mechanism in relationships? How do you ignore your animal instincts and how monogamy isn't natural? Right, yeah.

Bad dates. I'm Mike Bubbins. I'm Ellis James. And I'm Steph Guerrero. and we're convinced that our podcast, The Socially Distanced Sports Bar, is going to be your new favourite comedy podcast with just a little bit of sport thrown in. You don't have to love sport, like sport, or even know anything about sport to listen. Because nobody has conversations which stay on topic.

And it's the same on our podcast. We might start off talking about about ice hockey but end up discussing, I don't know, 1980s British sitcom Alo Alo instead Imagine if there were nuance in your pitch for Alo Alo He's not cheating on his wife, he's French. It's a different culture If you like me and Mammoth or you like Alice in Fantasy Football League, then you'll love our podcast. Follow The Socially Distant Sports Bar wherever you get your podcasts. The Socially Distant Sports Bar, it's not about asymmetrical overlords. James podcasting from his study and you have to say that's magnificent. Hello, I'm Alice Levine.

And I'm Matt Ford. And we're the hosts of Wanderers podcast British Scandal. Where we tell you outrageous tales of how the mighty have fallen on these pleasant pastures. In our latest series, we're donning the tennis whites and downing the Pims for a Wimbledon-themed scandal. Yes, we're telling the story of Boris Becker, how he went from being a tennis child star Wimbledon champion to having a one-night stand in a London bar that turned into a headline-grabbing paternity row.

And then tax evasion that saw him behind bars just a couple of miles from Wimbledon Centre Court. So if you need something just a little juicier than the current rolling coverage of aces and juices and people queuing for things, then this might just be for you. To find out the full story, follow British Scandal wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. I'm excited to hear what you guys have to say and get into really the nitty-gritty of your business because I'm a nosy person.

So I guess we'll start with you, Matt. What do you want to talk to us about? What happened? First one really isn't even a date. It was more like me and my friends were going out with like her and her friends. Let's just all meet out and we're at a bar and I was talking to this girl and I thought we were kind of hitting it off. And so I just asked her for her number and she was like, oh, like, you mean like for a date? And I was like, yeah.

And she's like, no, I'm actually, I'm moving. I'm leaving Los Angeles like next week. And I was like, oh, okay, cool. Well, where are you going? And I think she said like Denver or something. And I was like, okay, cool. Well, this was a fun night, blah, blah, blah. And I'll see ya.

And weeks go by and then I saw her at this restaurant in my neighborhood. And she's just posted up. It's a place called, it's in Los Feliz, it's in my neighborhood, it's called Fred 62. And she's just sitting there and I'm there with Fred. I go over and I'm like, hey, what's up? How's it going?

You know? And it wasn't even, I wasn't even like Col and I'm like, hey, what's up? How's it going? You know? And it wasn't even, I wasn't even like Columbo, like, one more thing. What did, didn't you, you know, like busted. I was just like, how's it going? And she's like, I'm good. And I'm like, I'm sorry, you told me you were going to leave town.

You know, like, I don't know how I said it. And she was like, oh yeah, no, I changed my mind. No explanation. And to this day, it's the funniest shit. Cause like, what ground do I have to stand on to be mad at her for lying? You know what I mean? Like what, I would just make myself look worse

by being like, but you said, yeah, deal. You should have thrown a drink in her face, little housewives style. I just went, okay. And just walked away. I just left. I went back to my friends

and I thought it was the funniest shit that she offered no explanation, nothing. She was like, I just walked away. I just left. I went back to my friends and I thought it was the funniest shit that she offered no explanation, nothing. She was like, I changed my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. I feel like that, that's the thing. Cause I have other friends that guys or girls have done that to them or they've lied and been like, I'm moving. And then you bump into the person like on the train

or whatever. And I think it's because we're in big cities, we feel like, oh, I'm never gonna bump into this person in New York or I'm never gonna bump into this person in LA, but the city is only big until you're trying to avoid somebody and then it's really, really small. Yeah, I've heard that about like people that go to like giant state colleges too, you know,

where someone's like, it's great, she could just hook up with somebody and never see them again. But every one of those people that had that philosophy, there's like, oh my God, they're my psychology 101 class next to me now. I went to one of those like big state schools and what it is, is like, it's the bars. Because like the school is really big, but there's only like seven bars in these towns that anybody can go to.

Also the problem with Los Angeles. Yes. There's only seven bars. Very true, very true. Also, I have a very similar to Matt's story. I had a time where like when I lived in Texas, I was hooking up with a girl for like, I don't know, like a few months.

And then eventually she like broke things off. She was like, you know, I really think I'm, I had an epiphany, I think I'm into women and I want to like go explore that. And I was like, all right, bet. And I'm talking about maybe three to four months later, she's on Instagram with a whole boyfriend. Well, how did he look? Was he real delicate looking?

Yeah. Was he petite? Was he kind of femme? Yeah, was he femme? No, he had a beard. He was not, he did not, he was not bringing a femme vibe to the table at all. Axe over his shoulder.

He was a butch guy. He made a log cabin. You were done with this man specifically. You were done with men. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. Matt, you had another story for us. Yeah, so I was in Portland.

I grew up in Portland, Oregon, and I went back between living in Chicago and LA. I was there for like four months. So there was a girl there that I was kind of, like we were seeing each other, but not really. We both knew it was like, all right, there's a time limit on here. This is just for fun, you know, no strings, you know,

open relationship is even too committed, I'd say. So we're just hanging out. Wow, you said, we just chilling. Yes, you know, she was is even too committed, I'd say. So we're just hanging out. Wow, you said, we just chilling. Yes, you know, she was a friend of a friend and we would, the two of us would go on dates. We would go do stuff, right? And I, one night, cause you know, I was like probably a couple of weeks from moving to LA

and I'd been saving, I'd been bartending, saving up money for the big move. And we went out to Jake's, it's this big old seafood place downtown, it's really good. The bill was pretty high, but I was like, you know, I got it, like, I'll get it and stuff. And she's like, the bill comes and she's like, oh, it didn't say I got it.

I was like, all right, cool. And she goes, she's just kind of waiting and we always split the check and I was like, all right, I'll get it and I got it. I was like, all right, cool. And she goes, she just kind of waiting. And we always split the check and I was like, all right, I'll get it. And I got it. And as soon as I pay, this is the only reason why it's hilarious to me under the bad date thing.

As soon as I pay, she goes, okay, confession time. I'm back with my old boyfriend. So she inhaled half of a seafood tower. She has 42 oysters. Hundreds of dollars. And then she goes. And was like, confetti. And I was like, okay. And I go, so what are we doing?

And she's like, we're just out as friends. And I'm like. And she. And I picked up the check like a phone and was like, hello? Like just kind of making fun of the situation. Yeah. It hit me in that moment.

It's like, well, but am I an asshole? Because she never reached for the check. And I was like, uh, but it was, I still, it's one of those cat phrases in my mind that I'll still go confession time to myself and make myself laugh. Okay, confession time. That was literally like, gotcha bitch.

Like that was her to me. Thank you for sharing. Sure. I'm Afua Hirsch. I'm Peter Frankipan. And in our series Legacy, we look at the lives of some of the most famous people to have ever lived, and ask if they have the reputation they deserve. In this series, we look at J. Edgar Hoover.

He was the director of the FBI for half a century. An immensely powerful political figure, he was said to know everything about everyone. He held the ear of eight presidents and terrified them all. When asked why he didn't fire Hoover, JFK replied, you don't fire God. From chasing gangsters to pursuing communists to relentlessly persecuting Dr. Martin Luther

King and civil rights activists, Hoover's dirty tricks tactics have been endlessly echoed in the years since his death. And his political playbook still shapes American politics today. Follow Legacy Now wherever you listen to podcasts. Peyton it's happening. We're finally being recognized for being very online. It's about damn time. I mean it's hard work being this opinionated. And correct. You're such a Leo. All the time. So if you're looking for a home for your worst opinions, if you're a hater first and a lover of pop culture second, then join me

Hunter Harris and me Peyton Dix, the host of Wondery's newest podcast, Let Me Say This. As beacons of truth and connoisseurs of mess, we are scouring the depths of the internet so you don't have to. We're obviously talking about the biggest gossip and celebrity news. Like it's not a question of if Drake got his body done, but when. You are so messy for that, but we will be giving you the b-sides, don't you worry. The deep cuts, the niche, the obscure. Like that one photo of Nicole Kidman after she finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise. Mother.

A mother to many. Follow, let me say this, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to episodes everywhere on May 22nd or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondery Plus and the Wondery app on Apple Podcasts. Okay, Chloe, I guess let's get a woman's perspective here. Would love to hear about a bad date. So my high school crush, I really shouldn't say his full legal name into a podcast. My high school crush. Close, one of those names. I had such a huge crush on him for years.

He was both smart and popular. He wrestled and played on the football team. He was hot, whatever. Oh, okay, national honor society. Yeah, yeah. And we were friendly, but we weren't close. And then, high know, high school college, I like, you know, turned into a person who was not who I was in high school, started doing stand up.

And a couple of years back, I was doing a show. I was home for the holidays and I was doing a show at a club in my in Minneapolis. And there was a guy in the back of the room who kept like staring at me all night. And it was like weird, it was creepy. And I kept, and I didn't look at him. I didn't wanna make direct eye contact with him because I was like, I don't wanna encourage this. And I could tell while I was on stage,

he was looking at me in a weird way. And I got off stage and I was like, just avoid eye contact, don't look over there, don't whatever. And finally I wound up close to him and I looked over. And also this man was moving in a way that signaled to me that he was disabled in some way, like maybe developmentally disabled.

And I finally looked over and it is my high school crush who is so drunk that he is like jerking, like his like movements have no longer. So he's not disabled, he's just drunk? He's disabled himself. Not disabled at all. I think it's what he's saying. He's disabled himself.

The drunkest person I've ever seen. How is he moving his body? Chloe, please. He's disfaded both. What am I gonna do it? He's disfaded, he fayed, disabled himself. He has. I didn't even know you could do that. Yeah, I've never. He fayed, disabled himself. I didn't even know you could do that.

It was a stupefaction. I mean, I think you can't do it in one night. I think it takes a decade of like paralyzing drinking to do that. And that was the night that really set him over the edge. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. And I just, I don't know. Maybe we do this round, Robin, but I'll just,

let's all say how we pictured this guy. I see him as one of the dancers on Thriller. You guys go. Oh, I see him as, was Beetlejuice twitchy in my mind? I see him very Beetlejuice-y. Michael Keaton. It was, I would say it's somewhere between the two. Devon, you want to give it a go? Yeah, I imagined him very Beetlejuice-y. Michael Keaton. It was, I would say it's somewhere between the two. Devin, you want to give it a go?

Yeah, I imagine him kind of swinging around like Sammy Davis Jr. That's what I'm picturing. What? It's like, man. That's kind of, I'm sorry I shouldn't. Well, luckily, this story has a lot more to it. So.

Didn't we go to high school, babe? So we were talking and I was like, oh my God, I haven't seen you in so long. And then I was, because it was a holiday show, like everybody was home for the holidays and a bunch of comedians were going to hang out at a bar around the corner. And I invited him to the bar.

And he came. He had just left that bar. Yes, because I, and it's because I was so, like he was showing interest in me and it's this person who I had a crush on forever and I was like, oh my God, now he likes me and now I'm cool. So he came to the bar, he was weird at the bar,

who saw that coming. When we all left, I like made an excuse to finally like leave and go home, go back to my mom's house in the suburb where we grew up together. And he's Facebook messaging me and he said, come over, come to my place. I'll get you an Uber back to Prior Lake. It'll be worth it, I promise. And like crazy typos.

I mean, he's just blackout drunk. And I should have, okay, so I won, I won. My high school crush hit on me, I won. And then the next day. You won. I don't know if I say you won. Well, she's doing better than you. He lost.

Yeah, I would say he lost for sure. And so then the next day, I messaged him and was like, but we should hang out sometime. Stupid, dumb, just insecure. I just need this guy to like me. And so then we were like, okay, well, we'll go on a date in a couple of days. And so I met him at a bar in Minneapolis. He shows up drunk.

I can like smell whiskey on him. Oh my God. I think I had two drinks at this bar and he had three, he for sure had one extra than me while we were there. And okay, again, I've won, this is it. At this point, it's clear. He likes me, he's into me, and my life is better than his and I should walk away.

And then I said, should we go to your apartment? Yeah. And we walked in. It's not giving winnings, sis. No! None of this is saying you're winning. It's like, it doesn't seem like you're, also your intent was not to like, to me you would win if like he had crossed you

and now you're like, I just need to see that his life is worse. This is somebody that you really had a crush on and cared for in a big way. And cared about a lot. And his life was just going bad. Pretty bad. That sounds like a loss for maybe everyone involved actually.

Yeah, yeah, everybody's losing here. Like there's no winners. Yeah, you're going against the wishes of the girlfriends that live inside of you. Like your friends in your psyche are like, no, in your life I can change. Girl, get out of there. Yeah, absolutely.

And you're like, I just wanna see. I just wanna see. And you're like, I just want to see. I just want to see. And so we went back to his apartment and then he started drinking Everclear out of the bottle, like grain alcohol. Oh my God. Bro, that's why he got the twitches. Yeah, that's it.

That's why he moving like Sammy. And after like an hour, nothing had happened. We had been sort of, we had been talking for like an hour. He hadn't made any moves, nothing physical at all. And I was finally like, I have to leave. And I left, I walked out. And what a bad date that was. Oh. That's crazy.

I'm just glad this story didn't go to the inevitable hookup. And if it was a hookup where you're just basically. Winning the whole time, Matt? Winning the whole time. If what you like is a wiener that is completely non-functional. Useless.

If that's your favorite thing, then yes, you're winning. But it was like, I mean, that's where I think the story's going. I'm just like, there's no way. I know, you were saying it and I was like, oh. There's no way. Yeah, he's gonna have to unroll no way. There's no way this man can fulfill his male function. There's no way. Yeah, he's gonna have to unroll it.

Yeah, no. Like a fruit by the foot. You know when you're like trying to put your hand in a sleeve that's inside out? If you, and you're just like, where is the, where, that's what it was gonna be. There's like some bunched up thing at the end that you're like, I can't get through this.

Yeah, this is. Matt. Just like. Yeah. Another one. Okay, so a cool gay friend posted a very pretty picture of me at this happy hour on his Instagram. And he was going to dinner that night.

I was not invited to this dinner. And there was a French guy who was at that dinner who responded to my friend's story and was like, who's that bring her to dinner to my friend's story and was like, who's that, bring her to dinner. My friend explained that this French guy was dating this awful woman who the entire friend group hated and they had made the French guy visit New York

as a, literally explicitly as a trip, where on this trip they were gonna convince him to break up with this girl. And that apparently on the trip, he had been on the trip for a couple days and so they had already convinced him to break up with her but he hadn't broken up with her yet. And I was like, sure, fuck it.

I've cheated a bunch in relationships. Bring me on the dinner. I don't care, sure, whatever. So I went to this dinner. Ah! And he was hot and this French guy was hot. So I go to this dinner and this guy and I hit it off immediately.

We're sitting next to each other. We know that we've sort of been set up or that he sent me, guy and I hit it off immediately. We're sitting next to each other. We like know that we've sort of been set up or that he sent me whatever. We hit it off immediately. We have this great time. We're really, really clicking. It's really, really fun. We go to is it La Esquina? Is that the like secret cocktail bar that's like in the taco restaurant?

La Esquina, yeah, I think. Well, it's not a secret anymore. It's kangaroo. Yeah. You know, OK, so you want to walk five feet down the hall and then take a little left? Hold on. Wait, go on. So we're in that bar. The whole group of us is in that bar. And this French guy and I had gotten very drunk at this point. The rest of the group leaves. Like everybody goes

home. Me and French guys stay. I'm wearing a tube top with no bra. And he pulled my tube, we're like making out very heavily in this bar. He pulled my tube top down, boob out of the tube top. He's like sucking on my boob. And I remember being like this is- At the speakeasy? At the speakeasy, in which is like dark, but not that dark.

And like there's little crannies, but not that deep. And I was like, it's insane that we're not being kicked out right now. And the whole time I knew that this guy was, my strategy to not hook up with this guy, cause I was like, I'm very flattered and like I'll kiss him, but like I don't want to go home with him cause he's in a relationship.

You said I'm not going home with him. We could do it here at the bar. Yeah, I don't have to go home with him because he's in a relationship. You said I'm not going home with him. We could do it here at the bar. I don't have to go home with this guy. I got a lot of skin that I can fucking. So we went back to his hotel and we like fooled around a little bit. And then his girlfriend FaceTimed him and I sat behind the phone. Well, she was like going crazy. And here's the thing, I don't like calling women crazy.

This woman was really like crazy with a capital C. Like if I wrote her dialogue in a movie, you would be like, that's not believable. Nobody talks like that. She just like kept going on and on and on about, she was like, where were you tonight? And he was like out with friends. And she's like, but how do I know? And he's like, cause like, out with friends. And she's like, but how do I know?

And he's like, cause I was there with them. And she's like, but you didn't send me any pictures that you were out with friends. So how do I know? I mean, like she was nuts and she needed to go. And I'm just behind the phone on the FaceTime. You're saying she was nuts. I'm also like, she was right.

She was right. She was 100% right. So I don't know how crazy she was. He actively was cheating on her in the moment. She was right. He's always just like, it's excuse time. So. Yeah.

She called it. Yeah, she did. She wasn't wrong. She wasn't wrong. And then we woke up. How am I supposed to know that? That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we woke up the next morning. You spent the night. I spent the night. I spent the night. Anyway, a month later in Saint Tropez, we... Yeah. We bump into her again. Yeah. You said, so as soon as they hung up on FaceTime, I busted it wide open for that man, and we had a beautiful night together.

She said, soon as the FaceTime was done, it was time for my face time. Time in my face. A series of bad decisions and unfortunate events. But was the sex cute? We didn't actually have sex. We didn't have like penetrative sex. Girl, you didn't bang Ratatouille? That's crazy.

But yeah, he taught you how to make a souffle or something. Yeah. Yeah, un croissant. Yeah. Bad Gates. Peyton, it's happening. We're finally being recognized for being very online. It's about damn time. I mean, it's hard work being this opinionated. And correct.

You're such a Leo. All the time. So if you're looking for a home for your worst opinions. If you're a hater first and a lover of pop culture second, then join me, Hunter Harris, and me, Peyton Dix, the host of Wondry's newest podcast, Let Me Say This. As beacons of truth and connoisseurs of mess, we are scouring the depths of the internet so you don't have to.

We're obviously talking about the biggest gossip and celebrity news. Like it's not a question of if Drake got his body done, but when. You are so messy for that, but we will be giving you the b-sides, don't you worry. The deep cuts, the niche, the obscure. Like that one photo of Nicole Kidman after she finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise. Mother. A mother to many. Follow Lemme Say This on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen to episodes everywhere on May 22nd or you can listen ad-free by joining Wondery Plus and the Wondery app on Apple Podcasts.

I'm gonna say it is. Nancy's love story could have been ripped right out of the pages of one of her own novels. She was a romance mystery writer who happens to be married to a chef. But this story didn't end with a happily ever after. When I stepped into the kitchen, I could see that Chef Brophy was on the ground, and I heard somebody say, call 911.

As writers, we'd written our share of murder mysteries. So when suspicion turned to Dan's wife, Nancy, we weren't that surprised. The first person they'd look at would be the spouse. We understand that's usually the way they do it. But we began to wonder, had Nancy gotten so wrapped up in her own novels There are murders in all of the books. that she was playing them out in real life? Follow Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Happily Never After, Dan and Nancy early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Let's wrap this up in a nice neat little bow. Devin, what is your bad date story you want to share with us today? Yeah, so it's kind of a two part story, but like, I'll try to make it as brief as possible. It was a girl.

Yeah, if you could go quick here, Devon. So it's there was a it was a girl who was a co worker of like one of my friends. Well, you know, you know him, you love him. And this was like this like five years ago. And I remember we all sat down and we were like talking. It was just like a friend hang. And me and this girl realized that we have a mutual friend who's like a good buddy of mine.

And she was like, oh, well, we should all go hang out soon. I was like, okay, sure. And so she puts me, this guy and his girlfriend all in a group chat and is like, we should all go to brunch. So we all go to brunch, while we're at brunch, you know, we're talking about like Queer Eye and like all kinds of other stuff.

We leave the brunch, this girl texts me. Queer Eye. Cool gay stuff. Yeah, we're talking about cool gay stuff. And you know, and so after that brunch, she texts me outside of the chat, which we'd never talked outside of the chat before. She texts me outside of the chat and she was like, I feel like me and you should be watching Queer Eye together

like this weekend or something like that. And I was like, okay, okay, she's shooting a shot. I respect it. And so we like text a little bit more. We like set up a date, go to this little cocktail spot and we sit down and we have a date and our whole vibe is different. All she talks about is this, uh, breakup that she just gone through. It's the, it's, it's, I swear, it's the only thing that came up.

She was just talking about how this man did her wrong and like how, like he said he was going to do one thing and ended up doing another thing and like that. And I was like, ah, well, I knew it was bad news, but I was like really in a stage of my life where I was like, oh, well, I knew it was bad news, but I was like really in a stage of my life where I was like, I had recently moved to New York and I was like, I was really outside. Like maybe the most outside period I've ever had. Where I was kind of-

You were outside. I was outside. Marie, this around the time I met Marie. And I did Marie's podcast and my episode was about how I used to really be a hoe. That was like the, and this was from that time. I don't even remember that's what your episode was about but yeah okay so Devin was a hoe and he moved to New York. During this period I was really really I was moving and so I was kind of just like saying yes to every experience. You were inside while

outside. You know what I'm saying? And so she's talking about this ex the whole time. And for some reason afterwards, I had picked a bar near my house and I still was kind of like, well, do you want to come to my apartment? And she was like, yeah. And so she comes over, we hook up, whatever she leaves. As soon as she leaves, I have just a weird feeling. I was like, I don't think I really want to see this girl anymore. Like something feels off about this.

And then I look at my nightstick. As soon as she leaves, you're like, oh, I actually didn't really like that lady. Yeah. She might have been crazy. I was like, that's probably gotta be it. Just something about this like feels really not right. And I look at my nightstand table and her earrings are on it.

And I was like, okay, here we go. Oh no, leave behind. You know, I couldn't tell for sure, but I was just like, man, it feels. Intentional. She wasn't over here. You know, it feels kind of intentional. She was only over here for like an hour.

You know what I mean? She did not spend the night. She was over here for an hour. Come on, David, give yourself an hour and a half. Nah. Hey, if you can't get it done in an hour. She's leaving. It's like, yeah.

You know what's fun? I really did. I gave myself an hour to be generous. Maybe it was 32 minutes. It'd be wild. If she left right after, that would be incredible. She left right after. That's why it was an hour. Yeah. You know, let's be incredible. She left right after that. Thanks I guess.

That's why it was an hour. Yeah. You know, let's be generous and say it was an hour. But yeah, she leaves, her earrings are still on the nightstand. And the next day, I remember her texting and being like, OMG, like left my earrings there, like I'm gonna need to get them back. And I didn't really, I was like, if this is a tactic, I don't really want to like see her again, like really immediately. I can't do that. So like, I was like, Oh yeah,

I'll like give him to, I was trying to defer. I was like, Oh, give them back to you. Like, you know, maybe, maybe in a couple of weeks we'll see each other like that. I was kind of trying to like kick the can down the road and she was like, no, actually those are my favorite earrings. Her favorite earrings. I wear them all the time, so I'm going to need those back ASAP. And I then was like, oh, maybe I could send it in like a courier. Maybe I could send it in a courier. Put them in an Uber package? Yeah, maybe I could put it in an Uber package.

And she was just like, oh, she was like, that's a shame, because then this will mark exactly the weekend that this happened. She was like, she was like, it's a shame because the Jordan Peele movie, Us, was coming out that weekend. And let's say this was like a Wednesday, the movie was coming out on Friday. And she was like, she was like, oh, I just got two tickets to Us. And I was kind of hoping that she would come with me to go watch it. You said us?

Seeing us? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, damn, I don't wanna see this girl again, but I do wanna see that movie and she already got the tickets.

This is genius. Yeah. Even, oh God, even just from a typography standpoint, just like, I wanna see us with us. Yeah. I think. I don't want to see her, but I do want to see us. There it is.

That's wild, yeah. So I was like, I was like, ah, well, she got me. Well played, well played, cause I'm going. Checkmate. We went to go, it was like a late show. Like it was like, it might've been like an 11.30 showing on Friday night. It was a late one.

And so like. This is a genius trap. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, truly. It was like, it was like the latest show at the theater. So we get out, it must've been like one or something like that. And it was, it was in, it was at the theater in Williamsburg.

So we were like around her apartment and she was just like, oh, you know, it's late. Would you mind like walking me back to my place? And I was like, all right. Okay. You were like, who's going to walk me home? I was like, okay, word, word, word. And we get back to her building and we're like on the, we're in the lobby downstairs or like in the like stairwell before we walk up and we're like talking for a second. And she's like, Oh, do you want to come up? And I was just like, you know, I don't think that's, I don't think that's a good idea.

I'm actually like not really feeling it. I think maybe you said I'm not really feeling it. Something, something to do. This is five years. I said something to the effect of like, I don't really see this really going any further. I can see Devin going, okay. Confession time. going any further. I can see Devon going, okay, confession time. Confession. Listen, you paid for the movie and all the popcorn and the Coke, but. But I'm not really into it.

I'm talking about like, as soon as I was like, I'm not going, like a switch flipped, she busts into tears and is like, I knew you were gonna do this. I knew you were gonna do this. And I told you before that I didn't wanna go out with somebody and fuck them and then just have them not wanna deal with me anymore.

She had been saying that. She was like, yeah, this guy was talking over people with you. And you're like, I get why people don't wanna deal with you. Yeah, I was like, this is kinda, it's all adding up. You're like, no. I'm on the same side as this guy that broke up with you.

Yeah, I probably would've done the same, but she was just so pissed off at me and we go back and forth where I'm just being like, well, I don't have done the same, but she was just so pissed off at me, and we go back and forth where I'm just being like, well, I don't have to fuck you. That's not, I get to, you know, I'm allowed to say no, even though we did it before, I can do that. So we're going back and forth about that. She goes upstairs, I call an Uber,

in the five minutes between when I call the Uber and when it shows up, she comes back downstairs and is like, and another thing and is like going in on me. And I'm just like, I cannot believe this is happening. And I eventually like, I leave, hold on, I leave. And then when I'm in the Uber on the way home, she's sending me paragraph texts. And I talked about this with the producer. I have I have one of the texts. Oh, please read it. Oh, no.

I guess this could have been the whole story could have been you just reading the paragraphs. I love the background. OK, yeah, the blow by blow is so good. Yeah, we've got it. Wow. OK. So it's we've got a text that. We've got a text at 12 13 saying I'm in the theater straight back and I'm to the left. And then the next text, that's at 12 13 a.m. Oh, so maybe it was like a midnight showing.

And then next text is later that night at 3 11 in the morning, she said, the other day I literally asked, are you going to fuck me and then not talk to me again? So then you watched a movie with me and then did it. I'd never want a relationship with somebody I just met. I just wanted consistency and not to look like an idiot. That's a tech.

And you're like, look lady, I didn't fuck you and then not talk to you again. I fucked you and then I talked to you when we met up for the movie. Yeah, I talked to you and then I decided that I didn't want to do that anymore. She sent all that and you were like, LOL. But you know what?

I commend you for being honest and being like, yeah, you know, I'm not really feeling it. I feel like a lot of people would come up with an excuse or lie or be like, I gotta go get my bike. It's locked to a sign. You know, like people would come up with an excuse as to why they couldn't do something. Legitimate reasons you mean, Marie?

Sure. Right, right, right. People would be like, I'm moving to Cleveland or Denver or whatever. To insert city here. Right, that's what I'm saying. That's the one thing that you did differently is you were honest where all the people lied.

So- And in hindsight, maybe I should have lied. In hindsight. Maybe, you should have lied. Bad dates. Thank y'all for sharing your bad dates with us, and you know, taking us on a journey that makes me feel like,

have I actually been on bad dates? Ha ha ha ha ha. The answer is yes, we all have. But let people know where they can find you, where they can catch you, if you're doing your solo show again. Let's start with Chloe and work our way around. I am doing my solo show, Cheat, in New York in July

at the new UCB. And I'm doing a run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August in Scotland of a totally different hour. So if you are in the UK and going to Fringe, look me up at Fringe. And otherwise I'm at Chloe Badcliff on all socials. Badcliff. Yeah, like my last name but bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And Devin, let people know where they can catch you. Yeah, I'm actually on tour. I'm going on tour with James Austin Johnson and Andrew Dismukes. We're going to Chicago and Portland and Seattle and San Francisco and LA.

We got all those shows coming up. When are you in Seattle? July, I think like the set, like July, like 16th, 17th, something like that. Okay, where can people catch the show dates? Just go to my Instagram, go to my Twitter. I'm at internetdevin on everything. And just click the link and all the info is in there.

Yeah, yeah. And Matt, where can people catch you? Where can they see what you're doing? Just to piggyback, James is an old friend. And I'm from Portland. And so I was telling people, go see this show. These guys are all super funny and stuff. So not that you'll need my help, but like.

No, we will. We'll take it. We'll take it. Yeah. I still joke. I'm like, James Austin Johnson, the guy that opened for me in Brea? No, you can find all my stuff at mapwronger.com.

I have a special on YouTube called Doug, named after the worst guy I ever met. And then I'm gonna be at the City Winery New York, July 18th, City Winery Boston, two shows July 19th, and then City Winery Philadelphia July 20th. So I think this will be here before that. Yeah, or? Hopefully.

Hopefully, if not, cool. Just go mapwronger.com. And as always, I've been Marie Faustin. You can catch me at My Life Show, Why Are You Single, or you can just catch me online. It's Reezy everywhere. And I think that we learned a lot today. I think we learned that you can get a seafood shower while having a boyfriend from another man.

I think that's what I learned on this podcast anyway Rate comment subscribe, you know do the things that you do when you listen to a podcast that you love. Goodbye Bad Dates is produced by Smartness Media and Wondery created by Robert Cohen Executive producers are Robert Cohen and Stuart Bailey produced Produced by Anne Harris and Devin Torrey Bryant. Engineered and edited by Devin Torrey Bryant and Kyle McGraw. Talent producer is Anne Harris.

Associate producer is Maddie McCann. Executive producers are Will Arnett, Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman. Executive producers for Smartless Media are Richard Corson and Bernie Kaminsky. Music by Kushy and Eben Schleder. If you've had a bad date, please share it with us at 984-265-3283, or write us at baddatespod at gmail.com.

We would love to hear all about it. That's all for this week. We'll be back next week for more. Bad Dates. We'll be back next week for more. Bad Gates. Smart. Last. Media.

Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer, your favorite quadruple threat, actor, singer, dancer, and my new role, podcaster. My podcast Baby This is Kiki Palmer is blowin' up y'all, cuz every episode I bring on an icon. Like when John Stamos and I talked about internet trolls hating on Disney adults, or when Jordan Peele explained why we love scary movies even though the world is already creepy as fuck. Tune in to learn a little and laugh a lot, cuz your girl keeps it real. We'll explain why we love scary movies even though the world is already creepy as fuck.

Tune in to learn a little and laugh a lot. Cause your girl keeps it real. Listen on Wondery Plus. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts.