Bad Friends - Andrew Schulz Knows Rudy is a Spy

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

Watch Andrew Schulz Special "Infamous": https://theandrewschulz.com Thank you to our Sponsors: http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS & BLUECHEW & https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2022 & https://shadyrays.com code:BADFRIENDS  0:00 Andrew Schulz Gives Booby Dating Advice 5:17 Rudy Thinks Schulz's Nose Is Too Big 12:12 Bobby's Best Role Play 17:59 Bobby's Moment of Honesty and Authenticity  22:40 Bobby Has a Thing for Nancy Pelosi 27:30 The Funnies Improv Scene  35:07 Infamous: Andrew Schulz's Special 44:18 What Offends People 55:36 What Santino Thinks of His People in Ireland 1:00:23 Kim Jong-Un, Jimmy O. Yang, Ronny Chieng and The Asians Hotter than Bobby 1:06:25 Fancy's Movie "American Carnage" is Out More Andrew Schulz Flagrant 2: https://www.youtube.com/c/Flagrant2 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andrewschulz Twitter: https://twitter.com/andrewschulz For tickets and more: https://theandrewschulz.com More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Oh!

Yay! How you doing, buddy? How you doing, man? Good to see you. Hi. Nice to meet you. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Do you look different? Yeah. You look next level. You look next level. I'm Italian. It goes to Italy. It's more Italian. Yeah.

First of all, I know what I see on your wrist. What is that? I know what it is. It's a little something, bro. What is it? It's a little something. Bobby doesn't know about watches. None of your business.

Bobby. What is it? Is it a fancy watch? None of your business. Yeah, how much? None of your business. It's more than your car. Well, I see diamonds on it.

No diamonds. No diamonds. Ever diamonds. Yeah, but there's like, it's like shiny. It is shiny. Silver? Yeah. Let me ask you a question.

Bro, let me ask you a question. Dude, what makes it shiny? The silver? What makes it shiny? Dude, just say yes. Let me ask you questions about it. I don't know much about it, right? Please, neither do I.

I'm a fraud. All right. So, is it stainless steel? It's steel, yeah. Is it stainless steel? Because that's the good stuff, right? No, no. They want it to stain now.

Oh, they do. Yeah, stain steel. All right, all right. Everybody likes stain steel. All right. Does it have a, does it do, does it do multipurpose stuff? For instance, time is one thing. Obviously it does that, right?

Yeah, yeah. It does the time. Only thing it doesn't do is time. But it does, also someone's, it like follows the, so losses. Follows the solstices. Solstices, right? Does it do that? No.

Does it, is it waterproof? Yeah. Oh, that's a very good one. Yeah. Does it do gate, obviously? You got to tell me your name again. I'm Rudy. Nice to meet you.

Rudy Jules. Yeah. This is Andrew Schultz. Wait, your name is really Rudy Jules? No, it's Jules, but he made it up. But I made it up because Rudy Giuliani. Little Jules. Little Jules.

Queen of New York. This is the king of New York you're meeting right here. Say God bless. Good to meet you. Good to meet you. It's the king of New York here. It's the king of fucking New York right there. I thought you'd be really short.

It's the king of fucking New York and you're not even. What? What did you say? I thought you'd be really short. Because she saw you on TikTok. Okay, so. She thought you'd be short? Yeah, because I saw him on TikTok.

How tall are you? I have a short upper body. Torso? How tall are you, Schultz? 6'2". So we're similar in height. People will say to me when they see me live, oh, I thought you'd be shorter, because I think tall people don't look tall on. Are you all legs or do you have torso?

I'm pretty leggy. Yeah, me too. Dad's pretty leggy. When we sit down we look small. Yeah, look at me and him. I'm almost as, you know, me and the Marshmallow. I get the reverse. The Marshmallow.

I get reverse. When people meet me. Toasted Marshmallow. Sorry. When people meet me, we thought you'd be much taller. Yeah. Bobby, we haven't spoken since. Since what?

Since your whole thing. Since you're free. Because, you know, she's the niece. He doesn't give a fuck. So we got it, we got it. Are you a spy? Yeah, she's a spy. She's a fucking spy.

No, I'm not. You can't get me. I'm not the enemy. But what's wrong with you? She's a spy. You keep inviting her behind enemy lines. I know, dude. Get her out of here.

I know, I know. I was thinking maybe she shouldn't be here. But don't think, dude. I know, but think she's here. It took you 15 years to get out of that relationship. I know, I know. Yeah, but you know what? This is his tactic.

What is it? He keeps the enemies close. So, so he can lose? You don't know his plan. What is his plan? He doesn't want to lose some. He wants to lose all of it. So Korean, by the way.

Huh? So Korean. Yeah. Just keep him up north. Like, haven't been our neighbors. Keep him next door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He lives downstairs.

They live upstairs. Exactly. No, we live in the same place. Wait a minute. Are you guys still in that same place? Yeah, in the same place. Yeah. But she's also, we sleep on the same bed.

What? This is, but... It's a double. It's pushed together. They just separated. No, it's not. No, we sleep on the same bed. What I do is I have a long pillow.

Yeah. And I just put it between us. Yeah. Yeah. What does that do? Oh, a long pillow. Oh, my God. What?

I thought you were saying like an Asian sound. Yeah, long pillow. Yeah, long pillow. Like... Did I say long pillow? No, I thought it was like long pillow. I said long pillow. I was spelling it L-U-O-N-G.

Oh, long pillow. Yeah, long pillow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the makers of long pillow comes long pillow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She really just is here to judge, right? Yeah. Like just looking at you and making sure you're sad.

I mean, I didn't think that we would talk about it. So, do you have something to say? I love it. I mean, he's almost free. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? But you guys still live in the same place. Why can't you guys be best friends?

Imagine you guys would be best friends and you have your own places. And she can do her thing. That's true. And you can do your thing. She is gonna... Right? Is that the plan? I think so.

You don't know... I love you. You don't know what's going on. I don't know. You're part of the plan. Are you part of the plan? Have she talked to you about it? Maybe.

Oh. Oh, that's nice. She only knows six words. You can't smell a rat. Six words. She only knows six words. You can't smell a rat. No, I know.

I see her there. Look at how she's sitting. Of course. Little rat. Little rat. Where's the new place gonna be? She got more Asian as time went on on the show. Yeah.

I think what it is... Can I be honest with you? Please. I think she thinks that you're cute. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. And she's...

Listen. Look at this. And she's a little intimidated by you, I think. Look at that right there. That's me. No, his... All mad. What?

He's what? Just say it. He's a comic. He can handle it. His nose is too big. His nose is too big. That's true. It's cartoony.

Yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah, yeah. It just covers your whole face. I can't see your eyes. Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. Hold on one second.

You said it covers my whole face. I can't see my eyes. So you like people with big eyes? Yeah. I just want someone that has equal parts. Don't say equal. Proportion. Proportion.

You guys are home to the biggest eyes. Yeah. Don't say you're into big eyes. You're into slightly less than white eyes. And if we're looking at each other, I have much bigger eyes. Let me see. Rudy, look at me with big eyes. Big eyes?

Go big eyes? Shultz, big eyes? I mean, I can... Yeah, it's a little bit bigger. I've got her double. Yeah. And I'm squinting. I'm double.

Big eye me, Rudy? Look at this. Look at this. Yeah, no, that's still him. He's still him. Look at this. No, you're... Don't be irritated.

Like, your face is like this. Like, chill out. Like... Yeah, get it, get it. Get her! Get her! No, but like, what's the... This is fun.

I like this. This is... You can't have fun if there's someone in a corner like... Yeah, yeah. That's her natural face. Are you like... Is it like ick? Are you like into the ick?

I do. Yeah. It's the whole thing. It's the whole thing. And it needs to fucking stop. Why? Teacher. It's too much.

Are you teacher? Like, how long has she been in America? What's the deal? 30 years she's been in America. Oh, you're new. She's new American. Brand new. Yeah, she does another rule.

She does another rule. She doesn't know the law, pop, do her face thing, the American face thing. Yeah, yeah. So everything is like bright here. Do the American face thing, Bob. Right? But like, even... Can you pause like that, stay like that?

I'm gonna show you what you look like looking at me. Okay. And then I want you to assess the comfort of the people that see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be a fun game, right? That'll be fun. That'll be a fun game. I'm just looking...

Just like that. Okay. I'm not... What I'm gonna do is... Go. Ready? Hold on. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. So this is what I've been looking at since I got... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So I'm already feeling like... You're like... But I'm not judging you.

You said the big nose thing. Even the tonation. The tonation. We're gonna cheat you everything. I'm not judging you. Yeah. I'm not... It's like this.

I'm not judging you. I'm not judging you. She can't do this. She smiled. She smiled. It's your voice that's holding you back. It's hard. It's hard.

No, no. It's not hard. You're in America now. Everything's easy. You just go like this. You go like this. You sit back. You relax.

Do your legs like him. Can you put your legs down? Put your legs like him. Do your legs like him. Can you cross your legs? There you go. Right? Now, how do you feel about the Jews?

Their noses are so big. But I thought you were a Jew. No, I'm not. Yeah, so it's fine to say your nose is big. I love it. Very smart. Very smart. It all comes around.

I actually appreciate the honesty. When you were in the bathroom, he thought you were Jewish. He said, you're not fucking Jewish. No. He's German, right? Yeah. Other side. Prussian.

They're probably Jewish. Maybe. Maybe. You know, my family moved to Chicago. What? Yeah. Your whole family did? Nobody's in New York.

No, no. My family moved from Prussia to Chicago. Precious Russia. Now it's Germany. Right. And Precious Russia. Yes. That's where they make Precious Dolls.

You know, a little Precious Doll. 100%. And then from Chicago to New York. Oh, okay. Got it. Okay. There's some speculation. You move there and you're like, uh-oh.

Might not be the best to be Jewish. I'm Catholic. Right. Is there a history of... We would have kicked you out. They had our way with you, pal. Keep moving along, bud. Is there an uncle or grandfather that was funny in your family that you kind of take after?

I think my dad was funny. That was a really good question. I don't know. I'm just trying to get in here. Are you on a tonight show? And is there anything in your past, anyone from your past that people remind you, you know, your family members remind them of? I love you.

What the fuck are you doing, man? Even when you're asking questions, it's about you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. It's always, always goes right back to him. Why? Because the way I did it? Yeah. And I'm trying to go, look at me, look at me?

No, because the way you did it is going to make me make fun of you for doing it. And then you can be like, what's going on? What? It's called, it's called setup. Here's a good setup. Here's a good setup. You're good. This is an entertainment podcast.

This is an entertainment podcast. Get a new apartment. House. Get a new apartment. I bought the house. For her. I will. And her.

Yeah. Is that wrong? That's true. Why is that wrong? No, true. True. Don't you think it's fair? Let me ask you something.

He would still, he wouldn't be living in a house. She would appreciate that. Yeah. You don't think that she would appreciate that? She would love that. Okay. Let me ask you something. It's not like you guys did much decorating it.

You know what I mean? Like it's not like she's, she's. You haven't been upstairs. You don't know what the fuck my house is like. It's like a Lego land in the bottom. You don't need to go past that. I saw it. Right?

I saw it on the bottom. You get the gist of it. I got the gist of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked up the Japanese game show to get to your fucking house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All you need to do is put Vaseline on that driveway and have a bunch of fucking Japanese people try to make it to the top.

It is a Japanese game show. It is a Japanese game show. Yeah. And the crowd loves it when they break their neck. Just. They are the best at game shows. The best. They've mastered.

The best. Game shows. You don't get, you don't win unless you get hurt. You have to get really, really fucking hurt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't there one where they like jerk you off while you sing? No, no, no. What?

You have to like karaoke and they jerk you off. One of the best ones I ever saw was they, they had a porta potty on the side of a ski hill. So people, and they just, they were taking a shit and they would just lift up the top and everyone would be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, and then it would be on skis and they'd push them down the hill. On fucking shitter all the way down the hill. They're the best.

It's unbelievable. Look at this. Japanese game show has women jerking off men while they sing karaoke. Oh, that's great. Yep. Can we see a little bit? One of the two things Asians love. What?

Happy ending karaoke. Yes. They've mastered it. They've mastered it. That was the pitch, by the way. All right, so. Look at this guy's fucking three frame. How awesome that is.

Yeah, so. So he's got to finish the song before he finishes. That's got to be the pitch. Finish the song before he finishes you. It's called. Oh my God. What a great, and that's on television. Yeah.

Oh, that's amazing. The best. The best. This is the best. Let's just see. One of the girls wearing a mask, though, shout out to her for really staying safe during this whole thing. Well, that's from, you know, it's for the shots for the stuff, the Aaron shot.

Yeah. If she knows what she's doing. Yeah. Let me ask you guys something. What do if I'm not interested in meeting anybody else, but if I were to be somebody else, yes, he is. What do I need to do? Do you and Clyde have a role play as like neighbors?

Oh, we do. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm going to get you an Airbnb for a little bit and like operate our lives and then like, you know, I'm a 16 year old kid and she's a camp counselor. Yeah. And she's like, this is your room. This is the log cabin you're going to be in. Yeah.

Oh, really? Thank you, Mrs. Q. And I, you know, yeah, I've never been to camp before. And she's like, you know, lay on your back, I want to show you something, right? And I'm just like, I'm not tired. I just got here in the morning, right? And she's just basically get on your back. So I lay on my back and she's like, you know, you've been a bad boy. I just got here.

I just, you know, I've never been a bad boy. But had you been a bad boy? I had a bad boy. I had a bad boy. And then she pulls the penis out, right? And I'm like, are you going to tell my, my mommy or my dad? She's not going to tell your mom. And she's like, no, no, no.

And then when she sticks it in, when I stick it inside her, right? When she sticks it in. She's a great actress. Yeah. And she looks at me. She likes that. And I'm pretty good, you know what I mean? All right.

I'm like, I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. What do you think? I think it's disgusting. Fucking gross. Well, you don't do role play?

Not pretending to be a 16-year-old camper. I'm probably not 16 enough. I was a 19-year-old. You know what I mean? But basically. At camp? Yeah. At camp.

At still at camp. Yeah, still at camp. I was a counselor. Can I just redo it for you? Yeah. You're both counselors. That's better. Yeah, we're both counselors.

All right. All the kids went to bed. You're just fucking in the woods. Is this better? Well, now I can't share the other ones. This makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't share the other ones.

No, you can share the other ones. Uh-huh. You can. What are the other ones? Were they bad like that? They're worse. I can't even move it. You don't role play?

Huh? I like her wife, by the way. No, I don't role play. But I like her. Thank you. I met her in Montreal. Do you remember? Yeah.

Yeah, she's a sweet girl. I remember. I remember. She likes you. She thinks you're very funny. Yeah, but does she think I'm a good guy? Uh-uh. No.

No. She didn't think you did anything to be a good guy. Yeah, yeah, but you think I'm a good guy. Yeah, that's what you demonstrated. Yeah. Which you are a funny guy. I'm a naturally funny guy. Are you going to bring girls over?

I mean, I just... No. Why are you pointing at them? Andrew, I'm going to be completely fucking honest with you, okay? Yeah. When you set up the mic for her every episode, are you like, why? But that's been like two years of that. Two years of that.

Is it two years of that? Yeah. Yeah. She's smiling at me. She's feeling a little bit better. See, I'm going to tell you something right now. Yeah. I'm going to tell you this too, Andrew, okay?

Yeah. All right. And this is... And don't make a joke. Let me talk first. Oh, come on. No. Then you do your little clever New York stylings of comedy.

This guy is... All right, your little style... This guy is... Yeah, you do. You do your New York style of comedy, like, crass and gotcha, and you're the clever thing. Don't fucking do that, all right? All right, let's hear it. And I've been around your kind before, bro.

Back in there, Gerardo and Norton, all those fucking boss. I've been around it, dude. You're a young generation. You can't treat me like this. I love you, dude. Here we go. It's all right. Look at me right now, you BDI fuck.

All right? And you don't impress me, either way, right? You're one of the best guys and you're killing it, isn't that? You'll never scare me. This is not even close to his intimidating. You know what I'm about to say. Yep. When you walked up to me and pulled out your penis...

When? What do you mean, when? When? The time. Okay. This is a thing with me and you. Okay, go. Don't act like this is a thing.

This is a new discovery for me. You did it once and you know you did it once. Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead. And then... Now we're acting like we cut it every time. All right. Go ahead.

So let me just... Okay, go ahead. You told me not to interrupt you, but when you stood up and started adjusting your penis... Right. I actually got PTSD and I felt very intimidated. You're traumatized. Not trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not trauma. Yeah. Trauma. You know? Yeah. But it's... Back home? Yes.

Right? Home. Out of it. Home? Yeah, yeah. She's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

But you came up and you were doing the thing where you were like really whipping it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was an odd thing, man. I know, but... What was the thing you were gonna say when you stood up? What's this whole fucking charade you put on and then quit? I'm gonna do it. We'll do it.

But I wanna talk about the fucking whipping of the dick. No, just do the thing already. Wait, let's see the thing. Can we do the thing? No, I can't do it because Jewel's there. I don't know why I'm gonna do the whipping of the dick. Just say we were gonna say... Not the dick, asshole.

What was the thing you were gonna do when you stood up and you've seen it, right? Are you old enough? How old is she? She's 42. She's fit... We went different directions. We went different directions. I went 42.

I went 15. No, she's 20. She's 20. She'll be 21. She'll be 21. This... This what? November.

November, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good for you. Good for you. Both of you, all right? All blown up. So number one, I literally, I honestly believe I'll never date another girl again. Oh, shut the fuck.

All right, go ahead. That's what I'm talking about. And that's not friendship. I said I'll stop. But you did it. Okay, so do it again. All right. So I...

This is what I'm telling you my heart and my truth. Okay. All right. I honestly believe I never wanted to date a... I was thinking we were gonna make it a little longer. You're like... We'll never date another girl again. You think we're not gonna make fun of you?

This is the whole thing we do. Yeah. Come on. Can we do this? We'll do it once without. Do it once. I don't want to fuck you. Come on, Taz.

Shut the fuck up, man. You Spanish fuck. Don't even fuck it. Go, go. You fuck you, man. Go, go. No, I want to say this before I do it. You're not dating any more girls.

No, I want to... I want to give you... Give a second of honesty and authenticity, right? Right without being mocked, man. You got it. Okay. I... All right, well, that's not doing it.

That's not doing it. Don't be so emotional. Let's not fucking do it. Don't be emotional. Just say it. You're acting so silly, dude. Fuck you. You're not allowed to make me laugh and then be upset that I'm laughing.

Yeah, but you're not allowed to fuck you. Fuck you. You're right. This is great. My bad. I feel like I'm fucking in the middle of just the best little fire story. Yeah, my bad. All right, so finish.

You're never gonna date another girl again. I honestly believe that I'm never gonna date another girl again. Yeah, I believe that too. Why is that a big fucking deal? Nobody thinks you're dating again, dude. Okay, number two. She put her niece here. Tito Bobby was just checking her girl out.

Did you even try to speak English? Did you even try just right there? What the fuck just happened? Tito Bobby was what? What? Tito Bobby was checking a girl out when we were in San Diego. Who was the girl? Oh, I'm sorry.

Let's go, my boy. Who was the girl? Hello. Who was the girl? Hello. Who was the girl? She's got. Ship station.

Oh, I'll tell you this. Andra, we wouldn't have a business without ship station. That's right. We wouldn't be able to ship. When you run a business, time seems more precious. Every misplaced moment feels like a missed opportunity. A lost chance to make your business better or even just to step away and recharge. Ship station gives you e-commerce sellers like you more time to do what they really

love, unless what you really love is managing every single little detail of order for you. of order fulfillment. No, thank you. ShipStation automates time intensive shipping processes. So you can get back to focusing on bigger things, developing new products, honing in on your marketing strategy or interacting with customers. It's no wonder ShipStation is trusted

by over a hundred thousand sellers, including the bad friends themselves. This is how we get you the stuff, man. You wanna know how we ship stuff out? It's through ShipStation. It works with all your store fronts, Amazon, eBay, Etsy, and more, and lets you automate all the manual work that goes into shipping.

You also get deeply discounted rates, normally reserved for Fortune 500 companies. Let me tell you something, 98% of the companies that use ShipStation for a year keep it for as long as they're in business. It's time to let go of all those shipping tasks. ShipStation can do it better and faster. Sign up using promo code BADFRIENDS

for a free 60 day trial today at ShipStation.com and start saving time with every ship. That's two whole months of shipping made quick and painless and it's free to try. Just go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in BADFRIENDS, ShipStation.com, make ship happen. Blue two, I have ED, I am not ashamed.

You're not ashamed and that's okay. And you know what's helped me, Andrew? What? Blue two, baby, I love chewing it, man. It works. I know you do. I love it. Blue two is a unique online service

that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Seattle's, but in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. And the process is simple. You sign up at bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers. Once you're approved, you're gonna receive your prescription within days.

You can start getting that thing pumped full of blood once again. Yeah, the best part, it's all done online. So no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You know, sometimes you take blue chew, and I know you've taken it

because you come in here a little bit pumped up. I get pumped up and jazzy. You get a little bit thick and jazzy, and I like it. You're like, you're too jazzy right now. What's going on? You're blue chewing. I'm blue chewed up, man.

You're blue chewing. Blue chew is great for yourself and for your partner. You can find out way more about it at bluechew.com, and I'm telling you, if you're looking for a little bit of extra zig in your zag, you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform. Blue chew can help.

And we got a special deal for our listeners. Try blue chew free when you use our promo code badfriends at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's bluechew.com promo code badfriends to receive your first month for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information,

and we thank blue chew for sponsoring the podcast. Oh, Bobby. It was a white girl who had really big butt and big boo. White girl. And fat tits. No. That's how you know you. You are doing it.

You are doing it. You are doing it. Who was Nancy Pelosi? Who was it? Was it Nancy Pelosi? Was it Nancy Pelosi? She was an 80. Listen, all right.

But you like big fucking fat tits. That's not what it is. Yes, you do. You like fat tits, bro. And you like white girls with fat asses. Yeah, who was it? It was Nancy Pelosi. Yes, it was.

Yes, it was. It was that. It was that. And you want to grab one of that fucking poop, huh? Hey, Jules, fuck you. Jules, fuck you. Jules, you done good. I'm just telling the truth.

You were walking in a mall, UTC mall, right? Yes. And there was a girl wearing like yoga. And I like a tight yoga outfit. And what did you see? And she was so ugly and bumpy. No, no, no. Stop it.

Bullshit. You're lying. It's fucking disgusting. Yes, you did. No. You're fucking you. You're smirking. Yeah, look at that fat piece of shit.

Where are you? You saw. You saw. What did you see? I saw a fat piece of shit jiggly, jiggly. No, you didn't. Tell us what happened. You're like, you were checking that out,

and we had an argument about that. Go fuck yourself. No. Now, let me say something. He looked, right? I never. And did you look? And she had super fat asses.

What does that even mean if I fucking looked? Yo, listen, you're a man, bro. That's right. You can look at however many asses and tits you want. That's true. That's true. That's true. You're in a mall.

I know. It's your fucking world. You're Bobby Lee. You're Bobby Lee. You're single, ready to mingle. True that. Stuff that face in some fat white girl tits. But I know.

But it's so funny that you white dudes. White dudes like you guys. I'm not white, bro. I'm Italian. Whatever. You're both Italian. You Italian dudes. Yeah.

They're taller, fairly good looking, right? Very funny at your craft, right? That's all that was good looking. You think you think you think it's easier for you to get women than for me to get women? Yes. That's the system we've developed. I know.

And it's also easier for you to get food in America. So you came here. So you have to put up with that. That's the sacrifice you make when your family brings you here. It's a little harder to get laid, but there's food every day. And a refrigerator, right? It's a little bit harder. There's food every day, and there's a refrigerator.

That's just what it is. It was funny, but I want to fight you. No, but this is the payoff. It's funny, but I want to fight you. This is what your family worked for. Yeah. OK, so I'm here. Thank you for the food.

Thank you for the delicious food. You're welcome. And I love refrigerating my meats. It's great to refrigerate your food. Right. But what I'm saying is that does it have to be that hard to get pussy? No, it's not hard to get pussy.

You had a beautiful girlfriend for many years, right? Yeah, that's true. Smart, beautiful. But what I'm saying is it is harder for me than you guys. No, it's not. It is. No, it's not. Do you get DMs?

Have you tried? Do you guys get DMs? Have you tried? For random. What do you even mean? What do you even mean, bro? Girls that you don't know, they just send you breast pics. Breast pics?

Yeah. How big are they? Every variety. You know what's crazy about you? I know you like a fat, white tit. I do. You like a fat, white tit, dude. It's just something about you.

And you know what you want, dude? And you're like a little kid around them, aren't you? Oh, I get it. Giddy. Yes, I do. You want to shake them? I shake them. I get giggled.

You want to shake them? I'm in a fucking car. Take me to the ball pit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like jumping into the little red and yellow balls that little. It's called a ball pit. It's a ball pit.

The ball pit, I like it. I already said that. I like it. Hey, the reason you're not getting DMs is because everybody on earth knows that you're winning a relationship. Now you're going to get girls that are going to go, hey, I'd like to hang out with you. What's going on? Bobby, you're single.

They're going to be throwing at you like crazy, dude. You're single now. Yes. But people didn't DM you because they didn't think you were single. Oh, you don't want it. No, you do want it. I don't want to. I don't feel.

I love Kalyla, and I would never betray her. Why would that be betraying? Time out. You don't want to fuck? Not right now, no. You don't want to hang out? No. You don't want to go on a date?

Not even have sex? You don't want to go talk to a girl? Why? I don't know. Too fresh? Too fresh. Would you role play? Would you role play like not a?

What if she role played like she was Kalyla? There you go. She's very good Kalyla. No, no. What if another woman tended to be Kalyla? They would have to be like, they have to take Miser and Technique classes. Let's get them enrolled. Miser and Technique classes and really know how to add information.

So maybe some improv work from Chicago. Fine. Right? And somebody that really doesn't break, right? Because I know when they're breaking. Who's, OK. Who's your dream girl? Who's the girl that you're like, it's unobtainable.

She's a famous person. Everybody knows who this is. She's so hot, I'm not going to get her, but it's a thing. Like a taller Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman. Let's get her enrolled. She's a great actress. But she could be a Kalyla.

She could be a Kalyla. Five inches taller. All right, we'll stretch her out. Someone that looks like that, but has that skills into this acting. This is your crush forever. Yeah, but she's got to be five inches taller. Got to like taller girls. She's still taller than you.

Nobody speaks English over here. What are we trying to do? OK. Hey, two words. Two words. Two words. Cheap labor, OK? She's not taller, we're the same.

I think his acting got stronger. Last time I was here, he spoke better English. She tried to say something twice. I had no fucking clue what was happening. Spain, Mexico, Philippines. We can't hire Americans in this fucking place. You can't. No, we can't afford it.

It's so expensive now, dude. These guys work no insurance overtime. And I'm 5'3", so we're the same height. So you want somebody like 5'7"? 5'7", 5'8", that's my jam, right? Climb naturally. And they have to have that kind of skillset where they can cry on cue and memorize their lines.

Why did they need to cry? Because in the role play. Oh, because they need to cry during your role play. Yeah. What are the role playing scenes where you make them cry? I don't want to get into that. Now we're muddled. We're muddled territory, right?

Maybe we could just talk about one of those. One of those scenarios, because that seemed like really cool. Well, I'll give you the beginning of the scenario, but I won't go there, all right? OK. So I'm driving a car. Oh, I already know what this is. What?

It's a poop on me thing? No, it's not a poop on me thing. I'm driving in a car. And I'm in the desert dressed driving down the street. It's a piss on me thing. Oh, there's a hitchhiker. Oh. Right?

I pull over. Hit her by accident. Hey, young lady. Hey, young lady. Why is such a young lady hitchhiking alone? He loves a southern. He loves a southern. Alone at night.

Well, little old me just got lost. Yeah, you need to. Where are you going? Maybe I can. I was just going maybe to go check out one of these little bars up the road and go have a drink. Oh, you like to see the city lights, huh? Love the city lights.

I'm getting in and I'm going to the city lights as well, my friend. I don't want to know I can trust you. You can trust me. Look at this cross. Right? And I thought, I got to cross. Look at this cross.

Is that a little dead Jesus on that cross? Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Oh, wow. Get in. Maybe I don't want to. Get in. Get in. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

My arms are broken and I dropped my couch down the desert. Can you help me put the couch back into the v- How are you driving with no water? Just help me with this couch. Man, you're terrible at this. I dropped my couch in the desert. The fucking. Right, but you have to back in with the couch.

Yeah. So wait, you go to wanting to fuck this girl to help making her help you move? Well, no, but this situation is like, you choose to go the direction of you took a long time to get in the car. Because you have to fucking work them up too? You're not just going to get in the car? You are a stranger.

Am I seeing? You're a stranger. Yeah, but you have to understand it's a sexual situation. All right, well then, Andrew can do it then. I don't want to do a lot of fucking. I don't want to do a lot of like. Go ahead and pick up Shultz then. Go ahead.

The dialogue scene is too long. Yeah. Right? So you had to get in the car. All right, here we go. I actually, I thought it was really good. Thank you. I thought it was excellent.

It was accurate. Before you did the moving the couch there, I thought you were both murdering it. And I'm being 100% honest. I was sitting here and I was going like, fuck, maybe there's a skill to act. Literally, I was like, god, these guys are like, really good at acting.

Yeah, yeah. See, you just got to get there. You got to get there a different way. All right. Yeah, why'd you take that big jump? Like, it was so realistic. I know, because it was so realistic. All right, so.

In the line, the big city lights. That's funny. Let's go to the cross then, back to the cross. Yeah, let's go back to the cross. I'm the director. Yeah. I'm the director. I know you are.

I'm the director. OK, OK. And if you don't like where it's going, you can say cut. No, thank you. Can I say cut? Oh, can I do it the director does? Hey, is that cool? Is this the only accent you're missing on this fucking show?

OK, ready? OK, sound roll. OK. Roll in. And sound speed or whatever. OK, roll in, and action. Well, I don't know if you can tell, but I have a gigantic golden cross.

I can see that. Are you religious? I am, in fact. Which denomination? Presbyterian. Really? Baptist. Which one?

Those are two different ones. Well, I belong to one out of Waco, Texas. That's a crossbreed. We use both elements of the church. Wow. Anywho, I got to go because I got to go to work. And so I'm going toward the city lights. If you want to write, you don't have to if you don't trust me.

But if you'd like to get in there. I don't. Well, I see it. You don't seem trustworthy. Well, then you have a nice night, lady. And I hope you have a good night. Can I tell you something? What?

The next time you try to pick up a girl on the side of the road, you don't have your dick out. Your dick is out. My bad. It is your bad. My bad. You know what? Can I tell you why?

Are you putting it away? Or what are you doing? I'm putting it away now. I'll tell you why, lady. OK. I'll tell you the reason why my penis was out. What is it? Because I have an infection down there.

And that's why if you think there's anything sexual going on here, that would also be an impossibility because I have an infection and I have to air it out when I'm drunk. You've seemed to have lost your accent. What? Here I am. What are you talking about?

No, it's because when I start talking about my genitalia, right, my accent, I get so shy. Show this infection. What is it from? It's a rash that I got when I was fishing. Go on. You got a lot of splashes, dude. Well, it's the funniest scene in the history of television.

It's not even close. Bro, the fact that you fucking, how did I get the rash? Anyway, but fishing. And then you're like, well, I don't really trust you. He's like, well, OK, then. I work in the morning. I got to go. You're not even committed.

I am because I want her to feel because you know, I'm not going to be able to do that. Because I want her to feel because I want her to want it. Yeah, because after that, she could go, you know what I mean? She could go, oh, well, actually, I will take a ride. Oh. You know what I mean? That's what I was thinking.

She's asking for it. I was doing reverse psychology. And I was thinking, like, maybe, oh, that's enough for her to go. Didn't work on me. I'll get in the car. Didn't work on this already. It didn't work on this girl. No, no, no.

It didn't work on this girl, but you know what I mean? Yeah. That was really impressive. How did you get that rash? Well, when I catch a fish, I unhook it, and I rub that thing on my dick for about 15, 20 minutes. No. That's how I de-scale it.

How could you get a rash from fishing by the way? Fly fishing. What is that even? Go ahead. I don't know what it is. Where are you? How are you going to get there? Well, I'll tell you how it's going to be.

The reason why I said this is I was watching a bunch of episodes of Naked and Afraid. Love. Which we've said to the producers, him and I would do. We've said all the time we'll do it together. So I'm watching Naked and Afraid, and I saw a guy fishing naked. And I don't know why, but I connected it to you. But then I'm thinking.

Wait, why wouldn't they let you guys go naked? We've emailed. They won't get back to us. It would be a five-minute episode. Which would be hilarious. It'd be one of the funniest in the world. I want to do it so bad. We want to get naked somewhere and be in the jungle.

You know what they do? They do fan now. Like, they use fans. We're not fans. And they do only 14 days. No, we're doing 21. We're not going to do 21 days. Yes, we are.

We have 48 hours, 48 hours, three episodes, and it will be the most hilarious fucking show in the history of the show. I don't know what they do, New York comics, two New York comics, two LA comics. And we converge. In day two, we have to converge. You know how they converge?

What do we have to do? Hang out. You mean we have to, like, work together? So you and I survive for two days by ourselves. And then a mile down, they say, you are going to meet the New York comics. Who'd the New York comics? Who would it be?

Well, I was thinking Schultz and maybe just Stefano. Oh, that'd be funny. That would be fucking funny as shit. Or your Indian friend. Akash. Akash. Your Indian friend. This guy.

Your Indian friend. I love him. Didn't you have him on the show? Yeah. I love him. What's his name? Akash. Akash what?

Sing. Monkey. I got to give him some props. He's good. Don't suck it like that. He also texts me like every day. He's the best. He's a sweetheart.

What do you mean? Just to say what's up? He always asks how I am, how I'm feeling, what's going on. And I've only met him a couple times, but I really think he's a great guy. He is. He is a fucking good dude. This guy keeps good people around him.

No, he really is a good guy. Always. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing guy, hilarious dude, incredibly fucking loyal, and not a bad bone in his body, I mean that sincerely. There are a lot of people in this business, and granted, we're competitive. We want the best for ourselves, et cetera,

but the dude is the most genuine. No, he's a funny dude, too. And really funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? Yeah. I had him on when he had his special put out, killed it, and I'm going to talk shit right now because I'm

jealous because you're fucking special. Easy plug, easy transition, because genuinely though. That was good. I read it, and you sold a lot of money. They did a fucking, they did a variety article about how much money you made on the first week on that fucking thing. Do you know this?

No, I didn't know that. They did an article. Look it up. It's a variety, or one of these things that says, you sold a million bucks worth of fucking special tickets in a week or some shit. They just say things, you know? No.

When I talked to, so I talked to. I was at the club. I was at the club. They used a photo from when I met you. The photos they used for these articles. Why? So long ago. I don't know.

I was at the improv and Moment House, the president, came out to me. And he goes, you know the business we're doing with Anderson? I don't know. He opened that way. And I'm like, yeah, I know. I get it. You're right.

And I think that you're, can I say something? We bought yours, by the way, guys. Did you really? Yeah. You bought it? All of us watched it. Oh, cool. Yes.

But I think you're. Fun? It was fun. I think you're paving a new road. I mean, for us, a direction for us to go, I think that's the future. The kids been doing that for a long time. That's nothing new.

Well, look, I hope that, I hope it works. It is working for you. It's working. Let's say it works. I think it's a cool way where, like, if you have a community, you guys have a community. People fuck with you. You guys learn that with the Moment House.

I mean, I don't want to say you're math, but, you know, obviously I spoke to them and you guys fucking killed it. We did good. Yeah. And it's like, because you guys have people who care about you, listen to the show. And they're down to support.

And, you know, if you have a community like that, then I think maybe you could do something like this. We're going to find out Sunday. But if you do, that's when it comes out Sunday. Yeah, I'll know. It's just like what we did on Moment House, and in terms of, you can pre-order. So you can order it before it's out.

So like this, like, click on the pre-order. So you go to pre-order it. Right. Right. And go ahead down and go ahead and buy it. Who's ever computer this is? Is that ours? Who's this?

It's mine. God bless. So you go ahead, pre-order, buy it. It signs you up. And then you get it. You know, you get in line to get the special when it drops, just like kind of ours did, except this is his stand-up special.

Instead of being live, it's. Exclusive for this. Exclusive for Moment House. And then they watch it for what? You can watch for how long. We're going to give it to them forever. That's it, forever. Yeah, so I'll just, after like the two weeks or whatever,

you can buy it for two weeks. And then after that, we'll just give them an unlisted link. You don't have to buy it right now. Now, would you, yeah, don't buy it now. Would you now, after the two weeks is up, right? Will you sell? Is there a. Look at it.

He bought a ticket right there. Live. Fucking go. Is there an ability to sell that now special to a streaming service of some sort or not? I mean, I own it. So it's like I can do whatever I want with it. In my mind, I just want as many people see as possible.

So you put it on YouTube. Maybe having parts on YouTube or maybe Instagram or these different things. Like, because that's what sells the tickets. 100% You guys experience that. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, for me, you have the freedom to do that.

If you do a special with a traditional network, they go, OK, you can put three minutes out. We'll pick the minutes that you can put out. Sometimes I see the clips that they choose for Netflix, for people specials. And I'm like, are you not concerned that they put this one minute out? What I never understood about clipping from a corporate level

is sometimes they're clipping a setup. And that's it. And you're like, there's no punch line, no payoff. And it's like, this is what's supposed to convince people to go watch the special? I don't get it. This is the unique way to do something, to give people a little taste like you do.

Because you know what Rudy said? Rudy goes, I know him. I see him on TikTok a lot. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that what he said? Yeah. Because you do, right? Mm-hmm.

You see him on TikTok all the time. And you see his clip, and you watch the joke, and you're like, give him a pound. And you watch the joke, and you go, funny. You liked it, huh? Yeah. See? So that's what fucking works.

The reason why you're doing this is because somebody wanted you to edit. Yeah. They want me to cut a few jokes. Cut a few jokes. And you want to mention who it was. It's CISO. Everybody knows it was CISO.

So CISO wanted you to cut out, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. A couple of jokes. And you just basically, was it Roku? It was Roku. I think it was Roku. Yeah, it was Roku.

It was CISO Roku. 2B. 2B. 2B. 2B. It was definitely 2B. Not 2B. Did you consider it?

Did you consider it? No. No. Did you argue and go, no. And then they came back. Well, then we can't. I wasn't like bullied. Like, here's the thing.

I don't have an issue with streamers. Like, I have stuff coming out on different streamers. I just think like with Stand Up, for me, I built a career off of Stand Up. Like just putting my clips out online. So I don't want to water it down the second I put out like the big extravaganza. Yeah. Like why change the thing that's worked? DoorDash.

When they go anywhere. Everywhere. Any city. Or here. Yeah, or here in Los Angeles. You use DoorDash. I use DoorDash because I'll tell you why. They're efficient.

They have the best restaurants. By far. Yeah, they're quick. They're dinner check. Deodorant check. Morning pick me up from Dunkin' Check. Get everything you need. Whenever you need it with DoorDash.

They connect you with the restaurants that you love right now and right to your door. And now you can get the grocery essentials you need with DoorDash. Get drinks, snacks, other household items in under one hour. Ordering is so easy, Bob. Tell them. Yeah. It's open the DoorDash app. Easy.

Choose what you want. Easy. Where you want. Easy. And your items will be left safely outside your door with the contactless delivery drop off setting. They get over 300,000 partners in the US, Puerto Rico, Canada, and Australia. You can support your neighborhood restaurants or those go-tos that you love. You know, those old schools.

Papas, Chipotle, and Cheesecake Factory. For a limited time, our listeners get 25% off and zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more. When you download the DoorDash app and enter code BADFRIENDS2022. That's 25% off. Up to a $10 value. Zero delivery fees on your first order. When you download the DoorDash app and the app store and enter the code BADFRIENDS2022.

Don't forget. That's code BADFRIENDS2022 for 25% off your first order with DoorDash. Subject to change terms with supply. Shady Rays. Bro, I'm telling you right now, if you want to look like you're in the future and the past at the same time, man, you got to get Shady Rays. These are my sunglasses for life. Sunglasses season is here.

It's here. There's no better option than our friends at Shady Rays. Shady Rays is an independent sunglasses company that offers world-class product that's just as good as any expensive pair that we've ever worn. Durable frames, extremely clear polarized lens for outdoor adventures. That's not all. Shady Rays offers the most insane protection of all I wear. Every pair is backed by lost and broken replacements.

If you lose or break your pair, even on day one, they told us they will send you a brand new pair. No question asked. Wait a minute. Wear your Shady Rays with confidence because they have your back long after your purchase. I got to tell you something. I love Shady Rays. This is my multiple pair with them.

The best part is. Look, yours are so dope. Well, I'm dope. Well, I'm dope. And yours look amazing too. Thank you. Yours look amazing as well. That's all I want as a compliment.

I didn't even look over. They look incredible. Rudy. Wow. No, these are great. I will say this. Honestly, I do love these and I do wear them. All jokes aside because they're well priced.

And if you do break or lose them, they do send you new ones, which is phenomenal. There's no other sunglasses company that does that on earth right now. Exclusively for our listeners, Shady Rays is giving out their best deal this season. Where do they have to go, Bob? Go to ShadyRays.com and use code BADFRIENDS for 50% off two plus pairs of polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated five stars by over 200,000 people. ShadyRays.com, use that code BADFRIENDS. You know, it was interesting though, like the thing that got the articles going is like,

it was, I bought it back. They liked that. Then there was like the censorship thing. That was cool. Still nothing. And then I dropped the joke and I was like, here's one of the jokes that wanted me to cut. And it was one of these abortion bits.

Yeah. I was like, abortion, censorship, buying it back. And they're like, ooh, that's a story. Yeah, right. Because abortion's in the zeitgeist. Yeah. And I really learned kind of how media works a bit from seeing this. Oh yeah.

To see how they click, click, click, how it does like the perfect triangle. Yes. Yeah. Any negative backlash or no? I'm sure when a special comes out, like people see it, there'll be people who are upset at certain jokes and like. It's natural. Yeah.

But when you do a special with a network, you're doing it for like all the people who watch the network. And some people just watch Housewives. Some people just watch the cartoons. Yeah. So like they might be upset about this. When you put it out yourself, you're just worried about your fans. So they have an expectation for the comics.

Last night, Harlan Williams went up on stage in the main room. One of the best comics I've seen in years and years, and I mean that wholeheartedly, when he fucking riffs, he's unstoppable. Dude, hilarious. He's unstoppable, dude. He's this bit on stage. He crushes. He was at a mall and there was a guy with a tracheonotomy.

Tracheonotomy. Tracheonotomy. And he thought it was a dolphin and he does a dolphin noise with the tracheonotomy. You know what I mean? Yeah. And he threw it by some fish and she threw it in the air and the guy caught it with his tracheonotomy. Whatever it might have been, right?

Yeah. And a group of 25 women from the main room all got up and left. Oh, wow. Asian women. But one white woman was crying. Oh, really? So I followed them out because I want to know. Asians kill the dolphins, isn't that your thing?

Don't you like fucking call? That's the Japanese. And this is one crazy cove. Okay. Maybe, yeah. What is it called? It's a murder cove or something like that? No, it's called the cove.

It's called the cove. And also, can I just say something? Yeah. I hate dolphins. If you see a bloody cove, don't swim into it. Yeah. That's their fault. Yeah, it's their fault.

They're out there and one of the women's crying and I walk up and I go, you know, like, fake concerned. Why are you crying? Like that. That's your fake concern? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

Let me try that again. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, fake too. Why are you crying? Is this the guy in the truck again? Get on here. Anyway. Why are you crying?

She goes, that bastard. I go, who? Harlan, the nicest guy on planet Earth. Yeah. The sweetest guy on planet Earth. Yeah. My father had a tracheotomy. Yeah.

Right? And he struggled for so many years. Right? And I'm like, and she goes, he made fun of me. I go, it's a comedy club. Do not go back in there. Yeah. Because I was next.

Yeah. Do not go back. No, but I understand comedy. I understand it. He went too far. I go, Dendo, watch mine. Yeah, that's bad. She thinks that's bad?

Yeah, yeah. Because you're with 24 Asian women and I talk about their posse color. Yeah, he does. Oh, dark. Yeah. Dark, right? Yeah, but I just, the sensitivity now of crowds and. It's rare.

I'll say, I'll say it's still rare. I think it's still rare. It is. I think more times than not, most people, nine times out of 10 at a comedy show are in for the wild ride. You're going to get a few rogues in there. Because you're seeing your fans. No, no, no.

At the store. At the store. Yeah. They're coming to Hollywood or New York. They're trying to go like, wow, we're about to see some edgy, you know, stuff. Right. Do they want to pretend that they're open? Right.

But if you sit this, did the same act in front of a random crowd in the Midwest that didn't know who you were. Yeah. Right. They would be offended. Not the Midwest. No, we did that for a year. I did it for years.

Yeah. That's how we built our careers. In New York or LA maybe, but not the Midwest. What do you mean the Midwest? Like the Midwest are less offended by things. For sure. I did. I don't know what you're saying.

Are you serious? Yeah. I don't know what you're saying. You think that people in like San Francisco are more easy going with jokes than people in the Midwest? I think the argument that you're saying is this, and I'm probably going to lose this, right? I want to go in.

Bro, he always sets himself up. Yeah. He's just like, look, I know this is wrong. I'm going to spend three more minutes talking about it. No, no, no. That's not what I'm doing. All the time. I still believe my point of view.

Yeah. But I've heard, I know what the argument is. Then give it to him. So your argument is, is that liberalism creates this wokeness and cancel culture, right? And they're more sensitive. Is that what you're saying? Is that your point of view? Not liberalism.

Yeah. I believe religion and Christianity ruins it. I believe when you go to the Midwest and you talk about Down syndrome or you talk about you can't see the R word, like I've, I've been on the Midwest and have religious people come up to me and go, he said Down syndrome. My son had Down syndrome. So well, then you shouldn't fuck when you're on drugs and that's why you have a Down syndrome. I'm like, I get mean.

Is that what makes it? I get really mean. What? Is that what makes it? What makes what? Down syndrome. No, I'm just kidding. That's my response.

I'm being honest. I don't know what that makes it. I don't know what that makes it. Let's put a disclaimer. So your argument though is, is that people in big cities and liberal cities are more sensitive. No, big people in big cities are more sensitive because you have to be. You don't get too good at your house and just ignore everybody.

Like you live on top, next to and below people. So you have to be a little bit more considerate because in order for us all to function, we have to be considerate. Yeah. Whereas when they go to a comedy club, I feel like they, you know what I mean? They know they're more aware of their farm because liberal. No, they go like this. Oh my God.

What is that person feeling? Oh my God. Good. That person. My music's really loud. Could that be bothering somebody? Yeah. Right.

Oh my God. That person. Is she upset at that joke? And that's kind of the mentality. Whereas if you have a fucking ranch in Ohio, it's like, don't tread on me, bro. Like, well, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's worried about you. Yeah. I find those people to be bad for me. Which one? Who's your audience? Tread on me.

Tread on me. I've had them pick me up. Like after shows, like in the South, like big Southern guy, pick me up and go, you're the funniest Chinese guy I've ever seen and pick me up and go, God damn it, honey, look at him. Maybe you are the funniest Chinese guys I've ever seen. Yeah. But my point is, is that and I've had the most people walk out, you know what I mean?

In Texas or the Midwest, like he was offensive. He showed me his penis. All this stuff. Well. It's against God's. Well, do you show your penis? No. But because that could be an issue, because they'll be like, it's a comedy show.

And then. No, I know it's my penis. But it is funny. No. It's terrifying. And that to this day is one of the scariest things. I could do it now. And you would laugh.

What made me laugh was your fingers. Your fingers get like rigamortis when you do it. I know. Yeah. It's all a part of the character, dude. Yeah. It's a great deal. What are you doing on your phone?

Nothing. You know, your attitude. I can call you out right now, dude. Okay. The last dinner we had, I had to pay for it. You got damn right you did. Yeah. And I spent over $1,000.

Yes, you did. Where'd you guys go? We took to see the fucking Mastros because this guy said he leaves and he has to, oh, I have a golf tournament. Every time it's a golf tournament or something. Golf tournament. It was fucking. I was going to a show.

Oh, whatever he has to do. It was fucking 8 p.m. There's always something that he has to do and they're not always left with the fucking bill. Time out. Yeah. I'm going to get out of your fucking mouth, I'm going to pay for the bill. Why are you getting aggressive?

I'm just asking a question. Don't fucking do that. Don't fucking set me up. I'm not. Fancy? I'm the innocent one. Fancy, you're the proof. He said I want to pay.

Fancy, am I the innocent one? Did he not say he wanted to pay? I said yes on the other show, but now I'm going to say no. I think you just left on the right timing for Bobby to pick up the bill. You're fired. I love it. And you know what? I'm the fucking fired, dude.

The fucking fire, dude. You know, before you. Fast lighting. Thank you, Carlos. Thank you. But now dude, you're back on the team. That's why you did that. So you get back on your fucking team.

Carlos, you know that's right. And I know what you're doing. Look at me right now, dude. Don't do that. Look at me. All right. Scum. You're a piece of shit.

You're a piece of shit. You know what? I'll call Jesse because Jesse knew that you said you wanted to pay. I'm sorry, Andrew. No, no, no. This is really. I just want to say that's right. Yeah.

And this is the truth. And I want to be. And I hope this doesn't interfere for our friendship and our chemistry in our show. Right. You really need to pay the next time because you're crossing a line and I believe that you're. Let me tell you something right now. I'm not talking.

No, I'm not. No, you are done. Let me tell you something right now. You little fucking piece of shit. Now let me tell you something. I drew pay for the biggest dinner. I paid for the biggest dinner we ever had. Which one?

Which one? You fucking fat turd. Which one? You fucking fat piece of shit. Where? Which one? Go ahead and tell them, fancy. Christmas.

I remember our fucking Christmas dinner. And you ordered fucking five appetizers. Where? In Mastros. In Mastros. You fat fuck. You ordered the whole fucking menu. Seafood tower.

Fat ass. Fucking four tomahawks. Fuck you. Shut the fuck up. You pay for that? You fucking right I did. I'm sorry then. God damn right.

That's all you have to say. Are we done? No. That's all you have to say. But now everyone listening right now, they see how fucking crazy you are dude. I didn't know. I was asking a question dude. Put up Gaslight again.

You saw it though. You saw it. Put up Gaslight again. Come back. Dude you need help. Time out. Are you ready? Yeah.

Andrew's special is available now. Please go to Moment House and watch it. Incredible dude. That's crazy shit. You can't tell an Italian he didn't offer to pay for dinner. God damn. Fucking right. You can't.

I mean it's a cultural thing. By the way nobody lived Italy the way that you lived Italy. Bro you had a nice time. You guys were together. After he left, that's when I showed up. Right when his vacation was done, we went there. Oh so you never got into each other. No.

Well he was also with his fucking beautiful wife. Dude what's the best meal you had in Italy? I'm curious. Sottosale. What is that? Big shout out to Sottosale, a restaurant in Favagniana, a little island. So what I did was we went to a group of island chains off of Sicily. But we went to a place called Sottosale.

And you know what one of those moments happened where it's a local spot. It was a Michelin or a fucking whatever. And the cat who ran the place loved like the dude that I was with. Cause he's like this smooth British motherfucker. And this dude, I mean dude showed us the rope. He's chill with us all night. He was drinking wine with us. All the other tables.

Pissed. Pissed because they got no love. They got no love. Was he a fan of yours? No he just, the guy that I'm with is smooth. He's a smooth motherfucker and he knew how to talk to him into getting us a good table. And I was like, I don't know, how many people do you have? And he did it so cool and was so right to him.

And was like, I'll break off the staff. Yeah, you know, do the right thing. So this dude loved us and he just wanted to sit and chat. And he was pouring wine, breaking open cellar wine and shit. Your wife was there? Yeah. It was me, us, another couple. And then one of his sons and his son's friend.

And the meal was just unbelievable. But you could see other people like this. Like why the fuck are they getting all of this shit? You know, he'd come out, he'd be like, you know, from the chef for just for you. And I was like, you love that shit. You love when it's just for you. Yeah, you would love it. I'm like everyone else, man.

I'll wait in line. Fuck. So Sicily was crazy or what? So look, I love Sicily. I love going to the islands. We had a boat. We had a catamaran. We just went island hopping.

Stayed on the boat? Yeah. But we'd stay in the marina, right? So we dropped anchor like twice in a harbor where there was no waves. But we'd stay in the marina. You go into town, get dinner, drinks, whatever, come back. Then the next day we'd boat out to another little bay, swim all day, fuck off, then go to another island.

Amazing. But Favignana, man, what a fucking... The only problem is, people in the group, not everybody is a huge seafood. For south of Italy, you gotta like seafood. That's... Yeah. If you're like a red sauce meatball spaghetti guy, you gotta go up top. Yeah.

Yeah. But seafood galore. I had the most fun I've had in a long time. And I even FaceTime Bobby. I see I'm still thinking about you even when I'm on vacation. Didn't I? Never FaceTime. Yes, I did.

I have proof of it right here. Did I pick up? No, you didn't pick up. Okay. So that means you didn't? No, no, I did. Right there. Look at it.

7522. Bobby Lee. I mean, you just do for a second just to show it on the air. My point is, I didn't pick up. So that's not... No, you never pick up. You can't use that as a thing. And you're inconsiderate.

I check. But my point is, in terms of the Godfather stuff, did anything happen? Did you go? No, you didn't have time to go because I missed it because I was doing a thing for Moment House with bad friends. Okay. I see what you're doing. Anyway, how was your...

No, no, that's what literally would happen. I see what you're doing. How was your... No, no, no, no, no. And then also, by the way, right as we got there... James Condot. James Condot. God bless.

One of the best. Yeah. RIP. What? You better not say anything bad about Santino. Santino? That's the character. Oh, yeah.

Can I continue? You did die. That's great. I love... Dude, I'm a huge James Condot. Don't say anything bad. What do you mean? Don't say anything bad.

Elf. Godfather. He's the man. He was a bottle rocket. I'm friends with his son. Don't say anything bad. Bottle rocket. He was the fucking man.

He's the best, dude. Anyway. And I'm going to say this right now, and this is going to offend some people. And that's okay. But after we went to Italy, I went up to Dublin, spent a few days in the other motherland for me. And? I got to tell you something.

I love Ireland. Easy. These are my people. These are fucking my people. I'm one of the best times. I loved it so much. I love Ireland. Okay.

A amount of the people look like... I understand. They might... I understand. ...have blood together. Really. A lot of people there look like they might have been related. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, you'll see 50 of them. You'll be like, this is a family reunion. Yeah. And they all look... They kind of look like... Yeah. I got a little nervous.

There was a few times where I'm like, these people aren't related. These people look like... Yeah. Yeah. Because, dude, at the end of the day, I'm not trying to shit on my people. I'm just trying to say, it is an island. But so is Sicily. And you don't get that vibe.

So what's going on here? Yeah. But Sicily, Sicily touches the boot. It almost... It's fucking... It's right there. And also, like, Africa. So it's like everybody's in an island.

Yeah. Because Tunisia's right there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But Ireland is out there. It's way out there.

Yeah. And to get to another place to get another person, it takes a lot of time. It's a lot of time. They do. Yeah. They very much do. My mom's from Scotland. It's a real thing.

But at least Scotland can go down to England. Look at this. The data based on... Well, we fucked the sheep. 71% of all marriages in this period indicate a first cousin marriage rate of about 1 in 720. Okay. See?

So 1 in 700... Isn't that weird? People. Why are you being weird? Weird, dude. It's not that fucking weird. And that's weird, man. We weren't just judging the Philippines.

This is white people. Everywhere. Everywhere. Dude, look at how shocking. Yeah. The number of marriages indicate a first cousin marriage rate of about 1 in 625. So 1 in 600 people, I'm going to see of... Yeah, that's tough.

Yeah, dude. It's in Ireland. Yeah. It's in Ireland. Look at Australia. They're all the same. Yeah. Good eye, man.

They're all the fucking same. They're all fucking the same. They have no chin. No chin. I saw a couple of guys at the end about no chin, buggy eye. Yeah, man. And you're like, wow, there's something going on. Uh-oh, look at this.

What country has the highest inbreed? Data and inbreeding several contemporary human populations are compared. Showing the highest local rates inbreed. Brazil, Japan, India, and Israel. Brazil is number one. Brazil's fucking... It's massive. It's so big.

It's massive. Yeah, yeah. How are you fucking your family? It's so big. And their martial arts is breakdancing. So maybe that's something to do with it. Capoeira. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so when they're doing that, they're fucking. They're fucking. That's a dance to fuck. That's a dance to fuck. Oh, I guess. India's wild, too. Like, India's 2 billion people. They can't stop fucking.

That's why they're fucking their cousins. These people are fucking everything. Japan is a surprise. No. No. Island. There's no new people there. No new people.

Yeah, but my point is they're so brilliant and smart. What does that have to do with anything? What do you mean? There's no new people. But even inbreeding, you would think through generations that they'd be just the dumber people. No, I don't think that happens necessarily. Uh-uh, yeah. Oh, you're saying that inbreeding, that doesn't affect intelligence or anything like that.

I don't think so. I think. So if a brother and sister, I mean, a cousin's one thing, but you think of, but I've seen cases in the South where brothers and sisters have a baby and they come out a little bit, you know, like, you know, kind of like, you know. I need to save myself a little bit. I love Ireland. Yeah.

I'm not saying everybody there is an inbreed. No, but you're saying they look ugly. I'm just saying. Right? That's kind of what you were saying. No, what I'm saying, what I'm saying, a lot of people look alike and look at the sexual relations and cohabitation in private and it's not, approximately 2.2% of all marriage in the United States are between second cousins.

So, hey, we're not good either. All right? That means that there are about 250,000 Americans that are in relationships with their cousins. Yeah. A quarter of a million people. So white chicks have to just fuck Asians and stuff. I mean, if you're, if you're, listen, if you're a white girl out there, right, you're like, I like white dudes only, right?

Yeah. Think about it, right? They could be your cousin. Yeah. Right? So go black or Mexican. It's like the odds are. What do you think?

If you, if you made love to a 50 year old, old Korean man, just a little chubby. 51. Almost 51, almost 51. Yeah. You're all right. Think about it like this. In the order of white girls who want to fuck outside of white men, where do you think you are on the list?

Don't be rude. No, no, I'm asking. I think you're being rude. I'm not. It's a question. I posed a question. Let me ask Andrew this. What do you think we are?

What did you just say? What the fuck did you just try to say? What did you think about that? Yeah. What do you think about that? What do you think about that? What do you think about that? What do you think about that?

If a white girl is like, I don't want to have sex with white dudes, they're fucking girls and they're going to some other category of men, where are you? Koreans or you think just me specifically? You're not like, you're not fucking Shang-Chi, you're not that guy. There's like in terms of Asians, you're not Shang-Chi, you're not the really rich Asian guy who's fucking a piece. Yeah, he's a piece. He's a dime.

You know what I mean? You know that guy? But you're, but you're sexy. But seriously. I want you to be real. I want you to be real. How real can I get? Look at how hot that guy is.

Holy fuck. Listen, he's pretty handsome. The other guy is ridiculous. The pretty rich Asians is fucking gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

Crazy rich Asians. Yeah. Crazy rich Asians. Jimmy O'Yan, he's talking about. Yeah. Jimmy O'Yan. Is it? Is it?

You're above William Hung. Hey. Look at that. You're above William Hung. Stop. Thanks for coming, man. That's fucking rude. I said above.

I said above. Oh, below. Wait a minute. Hold on. When he gets up, when he stands up, he's going to do Gangnam style. Do the thing. Do it. Oh, you're above Psy.

You're above Psy. You're above Psy. You're above Psy. You're above Psy. You're above Psy. You're above every squid game. You're above every squid game. You're above every squid game.

What else? What else? What else? What else? This is, I like this direction. You're below Jeremy Lin. 100%. You're.

You're above Yao Ming. Yes. Okay, that's good. I think, because Yao Ming is just odd looking, right? Yeah. part let's move on now y'all me is odd looking let me ask you some okay Ken Jung you yeah you're above him mmm oh my god thank you so much money but Ken's money is thicker Ken's money might be thicker it is thicker no now here's

thing below Ronnie Chang yo yeah Ronnie's a piece he's a piece but Ronnie's a piece what Jimmy O Yang you're above Jimmy oh yeah I don't know I think that's it I don't know man no you're above Jimmy oh yeah I gotta be honest it might be a kid I know but you know what being 51 almost and he's younger much younger much and he's got a very beautiful girlfriend so I'm gonna take that I'll be even with oh if you match for age yeah you brought your age down like forget it oh yeah oh yeah I kill it yeah okay but that's not what's happening right now yeah yeah well says there what are other Asian well there was an obvious that they're above

Daniel they came obviously Ali Wong he's she's a girl and still what it who cares yeah yeah yeah you're you're you're above her I'll go good good good thank you you're above Ali you're a hotter guy Randall Park Randall Park no Randall Park's above me way above not way no way Randall Park and you wait I'm sorry that's way above look at his jawline he's tall he looks like John Leguizamo he does yeah and John Leguizamo John Leguizamo was handsome he's handsome sexy guy yeah now Randall's hot dude no Randall's good 559 he's huge he's towering gigantic who's funnier I mean come on Randall Park whoa you really

believe that whoa what are you talking about whoa you really believe that you blink when you get you really believe that no man be honest be honest you're Mike you're by far the funniest that's all I care about funny you're the funniest Asian I think alive right now period name a funnier agent Kim Jong Moon dude is hilarious dude is funny dude is funny I like Kim Jong-un don't watch your special don't watch you special Kim Jong-un you watch my special we're donating all the money that is hilarious that's real he's objectively that's not Halloween dude that's his everyday attire holy shit dude what did he say to the barber when he when he was like what kind of hair do you know so you know so you know you watch three stooges yeah you watch three stooges yeah I watch three stooges well I want a combo between the two more you know more he's an air airy all right and the fucking barber's like scared because I don't think he's never seen him before

yeah pick around and then he's like how about this right and he's like he's got look at that one hot he's lost weight for this is kind of got a flat top on that he can't he lost weight recently what did he really lose wait let's see dude how much the right oh wow is that photoshopped or not that's photoshop that's an Instagram filter he didn't lose anyway yeah maybe he looks much thinner now I'm the barber for that so I'm the and you're the guy you be Kim Jong-un no you be Kim what you do I love when you do a good Asian action I love a good Asian accent go good morning Supreme Leader Kim hello why you didn't like the more

I know I haven't seen a new movie called the do the right thing this hair black people have food fro where black people attack us that's hilarious this is like an 80s fucking fro cut yeah this is a hundred percent this is a Spike Lee joint yeah yeah this is a Spike Lee joint totally huh say go to momenhouse.com put Andrew Schultz in this Google he's on the main fucking page he's on the main sir and honestly see that because I honestly and I hate it I hate to blow fucking wind up your ding dong but when I saw you at Montreal and we did that show together right I when I saw you the first night because I didn't know who

the fuck you were right I literally didn't and I go I watch this guy I sat there and I just realized I go oh no this guy is pure funny like shit comedy and you know what I love about him is he takes a point of view that's the opposing offer opposite and he makes it he proves a point yeah you know you can you know you can you can take the opposing offer but you've most comics they fail but this guy pulls it off and that's so it's the craftsmanship craftsmanship of it very good I'll let you get it out I didn't step on it thank you thank you so much yeah anyway watch Andrew Schultz's momenhouse special thank

you and fancy has a movie that he produced called American Carnage what I'm gonna watch it what is it on YouTube it's an every VOD platform and on the movie theater everywhere VOD but also by the way I'm kidding I'm telling him it's filled with like very good actors Jenna Ortega is fucking huge do you know who that is yes fucking huge and George Lindbergh Jr. who I know yeah it looks like a great movie and well isn't that the one with is what's his name in Eric um Eric Dain Eric Dain yeah I'm friends with Eric all right look at it yeah so go watch American Carnage after you I'm not I'm gonna be honest with you go to

momenhouse and by Andrew Schultz especially watch it you're gonna love it and watch America couple of bucks laying around yeah and in your next paycheck yeah then go watch this on VOD you go watch American Carnage to support the Fancy because we love him very much thank you thank you so much for being a bad friend dude thank you guys for having me thank you love you man thank you