Bad Friends - Asian Brad Pitt & The No Nut October

Episode Date: October 3, 2022

*NEW MERCH* https://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://babbel.com/BADFRIENDS & https://hellofresh.com/badfriends16 code: BADFRIENDS16 & ttps://vroom.com  0:00 Andrew's New Year's Event 00:56 Rudy's Concussion  5:10 Fancy Doesn't Want to Share a Room with Bobby 8:53 Whiny Whites Came Up with Yelp 14:28 Does Bobby Look like Lemon Head? 19:04 Bobby & Andrew Cuffed Together 24:36 I Was Never Gay Anymore 29:42 Andrew's Rules for Pizza 44:20 Balut or Deep Dish? 47:15 Andrew and Bobby Make a Pact  55:35 Steebe Weebe's Special 1:05:03 Bobby Tells the Future to Fancy's Students More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is up bad friends? I'm so excited to announce that I'm gonna be doing New Year's Eve shows in Boston Boston, Massachusetts at the Wilbur theater We're doing on the 30th and 31st So if you have plans on either of those nights you get one night off to come see your boy at the Wilbur theater on the 30th And 31st in Boston, Massachusetts I'm so excited to be bringing in the New Year in Boston and Tickets are going on sale this week They'll be on sale on Thursday pre-sale code will be Cheeto and then everybody else will get them on Friday Open to the public, but get them early. They'll sell out so Andrew Santino comms

We're gonna get those tickets to see me in Boston for New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve Andrew Santino comm Andrew Santino Dotcom Who are these two idiots Bad friends I've been watching that show see I can't watch it anymore. It's I hate it You know what C is? Yeah, it's awesome. You see the whole thing. Yeah Who came back to the show bum bum bum it's my little Rudy girl Rudy girl Rudy girl She hit her head or did she get hit Rudy girl was it domestic abuse bum bum

Do you want to tell us something about your boyfriend hurting you physically and not talking about it? It wasn't he hit you in the head and we're taking him to court. Yeah, by the way two two court things going on You know why Carlos isn't here. Why because he's afraid. He's scared. He's scared. He ran scared Why are you going so fast right now? He ran scared. You're doing great. You know why why? Because because he knows he's going to court for the Kaleila case. Yep. Oh Shit, yeah, I'm pressing charges as well. I know he may love to her mouth. He made love to her mouth Do you know about this? No, you know Carlos the Mexican the Mexican. He tongue kissed Kaleila Oh Mike, you know what she's playing dumb isn't she dumb?

Oh you liar dude And in his mind he was eating her pastrami I like it's a fucking deli. It's a Jewish deli all the beef. They have proof. Oh Yeah, it's on tape bitch I can read energy dude. Can't you read energy big time in yours is bullshit your energy right now is bullshit You know what dude? You're in your fucking boyfriend beat you. Yeah, put you in the hospital Why do you Filipinos take so much abuse he Chris Browner? Is it because of Manny Pacquiao? No, and it wasn't my boyfriend Who was it? It was someone else name him

No, oh, so was her boyfriend. It's wife. It's either nobody or your boyfriend sounds like it was her boyfriend But I have a concussion Yeah, you do kid. Let's find out if you have a concussion. All right. This is the protocol. Okay What year is it? You're fine That's it. No more. Oh, there is. Yeah, what is it? What happens? Um, who's the vice president of the United States? Mmm President Kamala Harris very good president. Oh, yeah, she's vice president. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you know what that means

She knows something we don't know. We don't know is she really run the country Whoa Creepy yeah, Rudy, what's going on? We haven't seen you in so long Glad to be back So good you're back Can I just nothing dude? Can I just say something you come with anything? No, he did okay. I have something to bring up what? You? got emotional Over some of the attacks you got from that clip. Oh, yeah, I had to do the Instagram wait

What happened the clips that fucking is it you who what happened? Yeah, there was a clip of her not knowing about black culture and she got ripped apart on online What do you mean? I don't even understand what the clip was was it she was saying something about oh Were you talking about how much you don't like black people that Wait, what was the clip she said something she was just trying to remember she was doing stuff with her hand I forgot what it was but like right and then I asked if like you date like a black guy You have to know like you don't want to get attacked again So ease ease and do it fancy brought a bunch of college students to the show today brought them to my show to go

See me do an hour in Brea. They saw it. Uh, not all them. Oh, yeah, all them. What am I saying? All them came? Yeah, they all came do you guys like it? Lies they hated it. They didn't like it at all. Did you two of them fell asleep? Were they on the list? No, fancy bought tickets like an asshole. I told you that I was pissed off. Yo, yo, yo, let me just say something to you I know get him We you know we rip on each other on the show Right, right. We tease each other, but you have to understand that we're a part of a family Right, there's no difference between you and any of my cousins for instance

Little different, but yeah, I know I probably love you more than my cousins. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, you don't like your right and I would do pretty much anything for you Right, so if you paid for a ticket it just weird Okay, right so from now on you just go. Hey, I need this many for this show. All right promise look at how uncomfortable he is Dude in the Philippines, are you gonna be like this? Yes? Yes No, we're gonna we're gonna bond in the Philippines, bro. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm excited You guys are sleeping in the same bed in the same room, right? You're sharing a room No, we're seeing in the same hotel or no. Yeah, okay good get a room with two beds

Get a room with two beds. There's no more. Come on He's a clean guy. He's not gonna be the share room share room. Thank you What what why that's offending me the budget is in your room before it's it would whoa, whoa What's like riddled with cum? What are you talking about? Sometimes yeah Well, do you remember Mexico? Yeah, I was high and on drugs using drugs. I'm gonna bring up another come uncomfortable thing Why this is great? Why why can't we up to we're here? No, I said yes You know what sometimes we need a clean house

That's right, and sometimes we need to say what's on our minds and what's really going on I know what this is gonna. I know what you're you know exactly right now You the Jews. Oh The Jews I've taken over that. Okay. I didn't know where you were going I had my own thing and I thought we're gonna be on the same page weed What happened what weed you? No Jews Your replacement. Oh jet ski. I thought yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. This is all over the place

What were you gonna say Jesus Christ? I feel like you're upset that you think that jet ski has root. Yes Well, let's talk about there's some threat. You're threatened by it I'm not yeah, because you haven't been on in a while. You think am I getting weeded out be honest Let's fucking talk about it. Okay. I'll be honest. I kind of like it You do you kind of like what? The juicies here. Yeah. Yeah, you like it when she's here and you're not here or when you're here together When she's here, and I'm not here. All right. Okay. Amen. I don't think that's how you feel number two Who do you like more more doc or juicy? I haven't seen doc in a while. You'll never say again

I missed I may never say miss him a lot. I like both but I only met just ski twice and And doc this is a really good save because I know and doc I've seen for a while. What she's doing right now Yeah, I can tell it's bullshit. It's bullshit. I can tell not I promise Did you not cry in front of your mom on zoom and because of the racist thing, but also you think you're being weeded out So so are you saying the racist thing made you upset and sad and by the way, I'm sorry for that I hope I'm I'm mad at the people that she's not racist by the way Well, like watch trivia, okay? Who's Rosa Parks the one that had to go to the the one the wall

That's not a Yo, she thinks it's fucking matrix the back of the bus, but she didn't go. Uh-huh. And so yeah Booker T. Washington Yeah, that's not a woman. Yeah, it's not a woman. I don't know it. You know you've met women named Booker Maybe she thought I said hooker T. Walker. Yeah, I thought you said hooker Yeah, that's totally fair and that's also somehow even more racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah Rudy is not racist This show is a fucking comedy show. It is so what are we talking about Rudy? Malcolm X. Yeah, who you know Malcolm X? Yeah, what did he do? he's the one that's the same with I

Have a dream we'll be right back Yeah, yeah, the same one you didn't name the guy you what's the other guy's name? I am what's I'm blankie I know this isn't fair. This isn't how do you play a Marlon through King jr. Junior my bad. See you messed that up Are you racist? I didn't finish my sentence by the way. I didn't let you're right. Let me finish I gotta tell you you're not racist Rudy. Well, you are to white people. Yeah, I'm I'm proud of that That's okay. There you go. And that's who you were attacking was attacking you or was the black people attacking you? It's always whites. It's always white online doing all the damage. You know it. I know it. We all know it Pete dude when we leave here Pete spends four or five hours on online talking mad shit

Oh, yeah, don't you Pete? Yeah all the time. See also Pete. I just on my spare time I look at the January 6th like footage and I try to see if you're there, you know what though? Yeah, and I we got out before any of those cameras. I know I think I saw your back. I was wearing a mask So oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Pelosi. That's a Pelosi mask. That was you bring this up This is how you know it start type it find out who who founded Yelp who found out I gotta tell you, you know, it's a white person. This is a complaining website Let me see it was a woman Yelp was founded by Russell Simmons and Jeremy Stoppelman. Who's Russell Simmons not Russell Simmons Wait not Russell Simmons

Wait, what? Really? No, no fucking way did that guy found not Russell Simmons click on that Russell Simmons. Oh my god Business man, it's gonna show there. Yeah, go back as well. Go back. Go back. Go back. How about the white Russell Simmons put that white White Russell Simmons. There he is right there That's not the same guy. Yeah, that's that's Russell Simmons, right? So what did we find out again whites change your name? Yeah, look at that. That's Russell. Change your name, dude Right. Yeah, we already have a Russell Simmons. If my parents last name was pit and they call me Brad at as soon as I can I'm Alexander or whatever, you know, I mean, but it would be cool to be the Asian Brad Pitt. Oh, that's different if I'm Asian

That's one thing. Yeah, because that's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the Asian Brad Pitt's the shit That's if I look like me it would be. Yeah, fried crub You're great in fried crub Sebon by the way spelled S-E-B-O-N Sebon sick. I'm Broadway. How is it that boy break up? I was in 12 monkeys Booty to train on oh It's a new one. By the way, that should have been an Asian Brad Pitt that should have been an Asian Brad Pitt in bullet train Of all people that deserve to be in that would be Asian Brad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why is regular bed on bullet train?

Yeah, everyone around him is Asian. Yeah, what the fuck? So this is Russell Simmons. This is the point who started yell who started the complaining whiny website criticizing everyone's bullshit whites Fucking whites are at it again. Yeah, this is why you don't like these people, right? Mm-hmm. Now. Do you like me even though? I'm one of them. You're okay. Thank you. You are cuz I'm a little bit different Yeah, you have red. Thank you. Yeah. Now. How about Pete? I like Pete. Okay. What's different about Pete? he Go ahead and say it Because he has a

bigger Go ahead go ahead body. What are you trying to say? He feels like A father figure. Yeah, he looks like a daddy. Yeah Okay, he looks papa-ish Now do we trust fancy even though he's not white? Well, he wants to be let me tell you something this guy I've been trying Fancy's the best he is right. Yeah, we do really love that guy, but we do hate whites. Let's okay good except George I like George. Oh my he's the most white. That's that's one that I think is put his kid

fucking hates me why It's half Asian. He fucking hates me Tommy. Who's this? Who's that? Who? What's his name? Who is he? The other day George brings That's probably why I fucking hate you. Yeah, you don't even know his name. Yeah. Yeah as soon as I walk in the garage

He like like freaking the fuck out. Whoa, right? So then I had to put on Momoa. What's it called? Moana Moana Jason I had to put on Jason Moana Just hanging out. Hi. I don't call Jason. Yeah, be nice kid these locks But um, I had to put on some momo up Moana and then he calmed down But every time he would look at me He would freak out and then Kala walks in and he's melancholy does the second time runs into her arms So I think I'm a fucking I think they sense it. No, no, no Bobby. They think they said something That's what all babies react to you to Bobby

We explain yourself like all the other kids explain you go in front of their face They just cry. Hmm. It's is that a fact. Yeah, it sounds like a fact. Yeah, it might be a fact Yeah, but why do you think you scare little kids? I think because I look like a baby, but I'm big They think you're the biggest baby. Yeah, so it kind of scares them. They're like, well, he looks like us But you know what I mean? He's so much bigger. Is this big baby gonna hurt me? Yeah, yeah What do they think when they see me they love me kids love me because they I look like a clown Did they really? Yeah, they go, oh, they're excited about the hair because they can't believe the color It's shocking. How often do they see this babies once they're like, it's it for real. Yeah, and I'm like, come on

I also live in a sewer so that doesn't help when I crawl out But the when they get to a certain age, they like me. Yeah, yeah when they're like 20. No, no, no Like seven or eight they begin to like me because now you're a cartoon character to them What you're like, you know like Jimmy the cricket like if the Lemonhead guy came to life and they're like there he is Why the lemon? Cuz you're sour and sweet. That's good. That's why yeah. Yeah, but look if the Lemonhead guy came to life It's that's kind of you That's right. I never thought

I'm a live-action. Yeah, that's you But how sweet and I and I look like a literal clown. Yeah, so they think I'm kind of a cartoon guy, too We you and I look this is cartoon characters Well, that's kind of why I write that so little kids think we're funny-looking. It's sweet. There. I am. Yeah killed it in that movie There you are got I can I be honest, you know, I talked about this on the show, you know, I tested for that role Did you really? Yeah, I did and I'd be honest I'm not kidding. You tested for it and I and I worked really fucking hard on it What can you and I didn't get it? I can't what's it? Can you do you remember any of the lines or?

Uh, yeah, like how did you do it? You played it real you have to play it real, okay? So I'm being honest. No joking around. Yeah, I did do really well on this audition They actually said that they were like you did fucking amazing, but they were being honest They were like, I think they're gonna go with scars guard, right? That's what did his brother. Yeah Yeah, they were like they're gonna go with a name, but the the the I could tell you after the show who the casters because you know Who they are? Yeah, but he was like you fucking genuinely they were did you go in live or did you live live and I did like a creature I like got down on the floor and did like a thing. I did like an entire performance because I wanted it so bad I really got in the character and I was like plus, you know, I don't need to do anything to my hair and nobody laughed

Yeah, but look at that fucking hair. That's my color. That's my exact fucking hair exactly They don't have to do much. No, I said just white and I'm that white. That's kind of my skin Just give me a little bit of red and then I'm good to go I don't I don't one of those auditions where I thought I got it, but I killed it I didn't think I got it, but I knew I fucking crushed Yeah, but don't you so I audition for Bruno. Oh Really? Yes as his gay boyfriend. Oh, right? You'd have been so good so before the auditions I went to a thrift store and I bought the

Like Jean pants that were weight for women totally so told yeah I took both of my nut sacks and I just put it off the side. You only have one nut sack bud. Yeah, both of the testicles You only have one sack two nuts. I forget I put one sack with the tune testicles in it Do you need to tell me that you have two sacks? Cuz if you do you've seen it. I know I have but I put it off to the side So when I walked in my sack is exposed Right and as soon as I walked in the place just Fell to the ground. How did you not get that fucking roll? They said you're too well-known of face

Oh, get it fuck off. So then they gave me the dictator after that, but like who got it some unknown guy, right? Yeah, but um, where is he now? I don't know you see but I remember having that audition going I crushed it Yeah, and you and I could have bet my money that I would have got it But I didn't got you should have gotten that. Oh my god. Why haven't you and I just played a gay couple a Fun little gay couple that'd be great. Oh and then like but let's do it for real But we're too well known to do like on the streets. Why we can do it in a place where people don't know us I guarantee you and I go to like You and I go to the deep south or China or deep snout. They love us

I'm talking about like I'm I mean like like rural rural I mean out in the middle of nowhere like a small town and if we put makeup on Yes, let's do it. I would love to like that like a couple Let's imagine this a couple you and I moved to Appalachia, you know in the mountains. Yeah small town Yeah, and we're new in town. Yeah, and we're opening up a small business Imagine how they'd react to us, right? But it's obviously, you know, we're making a cake shop here And we're only baking for gays. Yeah, and they're like there's no gays here Asian there are now Yeah, yeah

The only people that buy our cakes are gay Asians Asians So we're getting an influx of gays that we passed a bunch of our Asian friends to come in to play new gays Moving to town. I can I can I'm introducing Boba to this area, right? Hey, which Boba do you want? I love sucking on Boba. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Those boys down there they'd be sucking on bottles at that store all day long That's all they do. If you and I moved to the rural south to a small town and did like a character bit It would be fucking amazing. Amazing. How long would you have to be out there for? A couple months. We'd have to shoot a film. It'd be a couple months. What do you think?

Well, let's do it. It seems pretty it seems plausible. He always says that but it never happens They would imagine what they'd say about him. Who's that gay little French dude? You brought it around. Yeah What about this Spanish? Do you think they go not to me? They ain't what about this idea that I had it with Joe, but he doesn't really want to do it You and I are handcuffed to with each other for two months I See why he didn't want to we could never take it off two months. Yeah, so we shit together

Sleep in the same bed in the same bed. Take a shower together. Yeah, the whole thing. How do we live? How do we live? How do we live? We eat. We eat. By the way, can it be a week? Two months is such a long time. How about a month? I could do because the stakes are higher if it's a month by the time three weeks comes We're gonna kill each other. What hand is cuffed left or right because we we're both righties. We're both right So it's coughing our right hand would be insane Then you could only use your left hand even more that would be even more frustrating. Wait, wait So that's your right. So one of us would be right handed and one would be left handed, right?

Well, we could face the opposite direction. Oh, that's true So that's your left hand right there. So you'd have to walk backwards when I walk forwards. Yeah, we could do that We would fucking murder what I give up my fucking right hand for that for for proper Direction just to do it. I just to do it. I would give up my right Because you know, I could jerk off with my left hand prove it We'll do it when we do the show. Oh, how funny would that be? You hold the iPad. I'll put the sheet over and I have to drink off of my left By the way, imagine you jerking off with my hand handcuffed to your hand

And I just have to sit there and pretend like it's not happening Yeah, stand up would be weird. No stand up would actually be incredible. Yeah, it would be be so it would we'd have to go back to back We just perform at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, or we could do you could do your act I'm just sitting there and then it's once in a while you go like this Yeah, you like something I said and then or you could help me too when I'm doing my I can say this I'll say your punchline. Yeah. Yeah, but you also can give me taxes. You go. Who was I molested by? But what do you think I'm down to do it we have to film it though We had to shoot we had to sell it first. I'm not doing it as a fucking experiment

No, no, let's do it. Let's sell it to somebody sell it first and then go. We're gonna do this fancy. Get on it Okay, what are you one week one week one week? Yeah, he wants a month the kid wants a month buck up or show I think one last time on says we won't last a week Right, we'll do it two days. But do we do we do it in LA or should we just go to a different city? Where would be the best city to do something because I don't want to be in your house and then where do you where do you stay at? My house. No, we would stay at a hotel. Oh, we do a hotel for sure. Yeah That's the only way this would work. Yeah, cuz I don't see your wife and your dog and so that'd be weird I don't want to see your fucking dog. Oh, that'd be great though. If I slept in the bed with you and your wife

Between us that'd be weird. It wouldn't be it would be fun. You'd be our little fuck. Would you be able to sleep though? Yeah, for sure. No, she won't Babble you guys I'm learning a foreign language English and You're barely barely speaking. I know and I And I'm going I'm using babble because it's the best way to learn it How about you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson so you can start having a real-life conversation in a new language in As little as three weeks. Yeah, it's pretty incredible other language learning apps use AI for the lesson plans babble Bobby

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Double I win yeah, yeah, yeah, Rudy. Yeah, Rudy. That's not true We're just open. I promise you this. We'll never fuck each other. Yeah, sadly. We won't sadly It's just circumstances. Maybe in a different life in a different life. It's just not worth it right now We've got too much riding in the line, but besides we sleep together. You sleep with someone you work with it's gonna fuck up our work relationship But I feel like Tito Bobby What is gonna like what do the first move? No, he would do the first move. That's right. Yeah Yes, he would you're curious. Yeah, he is. That's right. She's not the fuck Jules first. No, let's keep going. I just feel like you're gonna bring

someone in the house And it's a guy. Oh, so you're saying now that anti-Kyle Island him are broken up that the first thing he brings home as a man You're making me so angry and can I tell you something really fucking trying to put I'm into this like crazy This is actually what kind of guy. What does he look like? What is the proof? I just have I just feel a vibe kids got intuition. Really you got vibe So you think that as soon as you and Kalyla move out, it's gonna be a sausage fest. Maybe no What is gonna be a white guy? Oh, yeah, oh shit really? Yeah, where's your proof? I've first of all, can I just say this just to define myself?

I've made out with a couple of girls since I've been wrong Did you just hear what he said the girls yeah made out a couple of girls What about guys no guys not in a long time no guys Actually, yeah a girl at the show. Yeah. Yeah, kiss it. He kissed a girl out of a live show What in New York New York one of our fans in the crowd she yelled out tongue-tissed her It was hot. Is that gay You can still like girls and like guys. It's not bisexual. Yeah. Yeah, I promise you not no more gay not never gay I mean no more

I'm not selling it. Can I have that again? No, I think I have that again. Okay. Let's see. Yeah. Go What's the line? I don't buy it. What's the line be fed lines? Holy shit, I just I won't be gay anymore. I'm never gay anymore. I was never gay ever anymore. Okay Go action. I was never gay anymore. It's never gonna happen Okay, by the way, that should be your clip on grinder. Yeah when they play the video I was never gay anymore. I'm not gonna happen Scroll the pictures that you just naked. Yeah, I don't I don't I'm not What I'm saying to you is is that I wouldn't be ashamed if I was I would be completely open

But he's saying he's not but you still think he's gonna bring a guy back to the house, huh? Yeah, no Well, maybe to play like, you know, Mingi video games. Oh, that's what they call it. Why Jenga? Yeah, that a new street term. Yeah, new Jenga. You never played it. No, I've done it Yeah, you stay you have to end in every block you take out you put in your ass. I've done that No, you put a dick a block dick, you know what I mean? You push out the blocks with your dick, you know, we put a dick in put a block and then you pulled the block and then our dicks cut It's a fun game dude Rudy, what have you been doing that you've been gone. Are you working at the bookstore still? Um, she never did it. No, you fucking I knew you didn't ever do it

No, because they wouldn't give me an employment letter so that I can get my social security number I knew it. I knew she was gonna bail I felt it my bones and you know what I bet you some of our fans showed up to that thing because we told them to go No job. Yeah, I'd be scared to like no, so you haven't been working. No, you still dating the same dude It's a guy that gave you concussions. She's sleeping and sleeping You're doing nothing else baking. Oh, what are you baking banana bread? Well, thanks for bringing some they're really good. Well, where the fuck is it with chocolate chips in it though? Why do you ruin it with chocolate? What are you doing? I like chocolate. I know but you don't need it in banana bread

People do this and I don't get it. You don't need it. It's too bland. If it's just banana That's not true. You put some butter on that bitch. Let it melt hot hot hot Yeah, here's the deal make one banana bread with chocolate and one without you put nuts in it Do you use bananas? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you have to ask with this girl. Yeah, you never know. Do you use bananas? Yeah, or is it plantain's? That's her home country food bananas. Yeah. Yeah, what what got you into bacon? Why do you start doing this? I got bored. Yeah, I've just been watching tiktok and it's just all about baking So I tried you're on tiktok. You're on baking tiktok. I'm not on that one

Yeah, I've never seen one baking video on a tiktok Oh, I also was Andrew do not watch the chef's table on Netflix on pizza tried it What do you mean turn it off immediately? Why tried it turn it off immediately. You watched it. Yeah, I tried one episode Bianco the first one. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Why? No, I just know so what do you mean? You don't like it. No, you don't like pizza. I love pizza, but it's just I just I yeah I don't know what I mean. I don't know fucking explain you don't like the you think pizza's for anyone can make it Yeah, they can I know everyone can make it but not like at a level like a high level I think they can I think pizza's a bullshit for I think it's a fraud

I think it's a scam no because any but how many fucking pizza restaurants are there around the world you're gonna make me So angry alright, so that one the Freerford episode Bianco. I think that's what it's called. Yeah in Arizona, right? Yeah, so years ago my brother and I were two hundred and forty five thousand pizza restaurants But look up the one and down in Phoenix Bianco. I think it's just too many I just I think everybody can do it. Fuckface. Let me listen to you. It's not that artistic. Will you listen to me for pizza? Go ahead So I was in Arizona and I ran into Joel McHale

You don't know. Do I know who that is? What is he? How do I think we is wait that's his name, right? I love Joel. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Joe McHale He was on the community Joe McHale. We love him. So I was hanging out with him and he goes dude Have you seen been to Bianco, right? Is that what it's called? Yeah, and I go it's just pizza, right? I made it go any pizza you guys not pizza, dude. Yeah, you go. It's the best pizza I've ever had My brother and I went there. This is before the fucking Netflix. I saw right. Mm-hmm. It was incredible We go this could be the best pizza we've ever had and then by watching the documentary it solidified it What made it so good?

It was the you know how you eat something you go. Oh, this is fresh. Yeah, mozzarella Yeah, and there was something about the dough that seemed very like New Yorkie in terms of the texture of was it was it Brick oven pizza. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a really good pizza. Yeah Okay, I get what you're saying. You're right. You're right. I've had so much you're right I think you're right of the course of my life and then you go to Italy have pizza there You have pizza here. You have you have like New York's original shit and you have all that stuff And you're like yeah fucking pizza still pizza at the end of the day It's not gonna wow me the way that like there's a difference between little Caesars and that of course good

But that's like anything. I just think they hype up pizza so much You're like it's not gonna make me go fuck, dude Not like a a chateau brillon one of these like crazy dishes where you're like fuck what had to go into that was insane To make it perfect. You know what? Why don't you make a pizza and then prove your point? Fine Would love to and it better be good dude. I'm a pizza guy. It's gonna be good I'm gonna make you a very good pizza. Do you have one of those wood-fired ovens? No, but I'll go get one for you You would for this show. I'll make one

Let you should put one at your house. You have a nice you your backyard could actually have one of those But there's a one that they have on the fucking thing is as they had one on a Korean lady in Minnesota Yeah, she puts kimchi on hers. No, no, see this is my problem with pizza. Oh, that's why I put in all this bullshit on It's not pizza if there's mozzarella and some kimchi is that good it does not belong on there at all How do you know because I know Because ancestrally it just doesn't it has no business on that fucking and she looks sweet, but I'm not eating that bullshit You're not I'm not eating pizza if I went to Minnesota And I think one of her pizzas places called Lola and I go I made reservation. I'm going to Minnesota tomorrow

Will you go? I will and have a kimchi pizza. Okay. Are you going tomorrow? I am going tomorrow morning? Yeah, and you're doing the club there and go to Minneapolis. Yeah, I'm doing a theater there Yeah, so go to Lola. Well when this is out, I've already have done it But yeah, and then we'll get the review. Okay, that's fine. You get a pizza with kimchi on it I'm gonna put it in my phone right now. Now I'm gonna go. If you don't go then you're a coward. I swear to God I'll go. What do I fucking care? I'll go to but here's the deal. Yeah, I just don't have time I just don't like these experimental pizzas. The show is great by the way. I was being facetious Can I ask you some questions? What doesn't belong then? Go ahead. I went to a place the other night

What's called Lola? Yeah, hers is called Lola. Lola pizzeria. Yeah, I went to a Pizza place last night and they had honey on it. Is that wrong? Cheese and honey just cheese and honey cheese honey and some sort of so super six set down some sort of weird Supra set so press at the Um Now I'm gonna ask you some fucking ingredients you tell me if that's I'll go fast. Okay, go right fucking honey. No Wow chives

No No, artichoke No, wow Bacon like bacon from the yeah So bacon egg no Well, they've had pizza on egg. Yeah, they do. They're gonna be anchovy. No Any kind of fish? No abs at fuck. No No, any kind of fish. Nope, right? No fish. How about salmon roe the egg get the fuck out of here?

I will go back to your country No, how about this instead of? Tomato sauce chutney get fucked Hit by a bus a guy don't get a fuck it's got to be tomato sauce It has to be a hundred percent. What about pesto sauce get the fuck get hit by a bus get hit by two buses Yeah, okay, what about this isn't the rules of pizza? This is the rules of Andrew Santino's pizza Okay, but the rules of pizza are vague. I've watched the pizza show Yeah, and they go back and forth on what is actually a pizza will considers a pizza what's allowed to be on it

It's it's it's endless. It's an endless argument. Okay pizza historians have watched that show and it was like One party says this one person says this Roman pizza versus other pizza is different kind people have different rules Andrews pizza. Yeah fucking no way anchovies get fucked pesto sauce. Go get fuck yourself You're allowed to have these fuck. How about this? We'll do that. Yeah, why would you that? I think that's a better game cheese What kind can I use American almost any kind of cheese? Oh, that's interesting. I've never had an American cheese pizza But I know why it wouldn't work. I'd be down to try Really, but not fucking artichoke. No artichoke belongs on so many other things not on a pizza cheese basil

sausage peppers Pineapples Fuck you. Hey, you get the fuck out of the fuck out of town pal with the fucking pineapple bullshit You fucking Hawaiians, you know, you see you don't eat Hawaiian pizza. It's not real pizza. That's Domino's pizza Okay, Hawaiian pizza's Domino's stuff. That's why that's white trash pizza. Okay So pepperoni sausage pepper mushroom. Yeah, of course mushrooms belong on there mushrooms are delicious What if I use shiitake mushrooms? I'm in love

I ate shiitake last night for dinner whatever those other mushrooms that are like look like a little white sticks and with a little aged Japanese ones. What are they called? Did they put in ramen? Yeah, get the fuck out of here I knew it. Those don't bother. How about this? How about truffle? Oil a little bit of truffle oil is okay thinly sliced truffle Mmm Maybe Alright, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, but but but but okay, but they're haha, but it's very little. It's done very limited Very limited very liberal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah sausage pepperoni, pancetta is okay bacon is okay

Okay, meats are cool. Oh any meat chicken has no business on a pizza lamb Where am I grease I'm eating it So depending no, no, no, I just I say I think I think it's got to be a red meat to be on the pizza like a bison That's red meat. Yeah, but I've never had bison pizza, but I'll try it really so you're not opposed to it I'm not opposed to it, but it's guy. I got it. It's got to be fucking amazing bison. Okay, but like chicken like those barbecue chicken pizzas nothing from the sea Like a scallop pizza. Yeah, like a lobster go back to China Lobster pizza no, yeah, fuck no

Pizza pizza has to be simple So all the shit on it doesn't take away from how good the pizzas Yeah, that's the point of pizza when people put your heart is closed though. Do you understand what's clogged from all that meat I know my point is is that like in Japan, right? Guess what with the number one ramen place was for a while there? Ivan ramen Some Jewish guy from New York went to Japan I'll start one a poodles big a poodles that one of their biggest I know but Ivan ramen became a hit and

Japanese people went, you know what you know what I did the You know what right? I try so this guy the Jewish guy moves there makes the best ramen in Japan That dude that dude. Does he speak Japanese? No, you know what you know what he used in there Something that they would never use tomato What what kind of tomato in a ramen? What is tomato raw tomato? Then he would just cook in tomatoes in it. That was a thing that they never get out of here Ivan But that's some of the Japanese the Japanese to go get the fuck out of here, right Ivan the Japanese goes Let me try some of them. Yeah, but you're not one of those guys. You're like get the fuck. I'm og Japanese

I'm old-school Japanese, right? So if you were the emperor of Japan, cue him I would kill you what I'd have him killed immediately. I'm just trying to make ramen cue The moment that he's hanging I'm sneaking the little tomato ramen. I'm just like it's pretty good. Yeah. Oh, all right Oh, it's a good. I just think pizza needs to fancy was shaking his head pizza needs to be low-key simple It can't take away from the thing. I actually don't like a lot of toppings. I think pizza should be very low-key You like more Americans put a lot of shit on Americans put too much shit on pizza. Yeah, no, I mark Rita is delicious What about this? Let me ask you another question. You gotta just do like one thing is fine Can I ask you another question about people by the way basil basil mozzarella mozzarella and basil? It's a go

All right, so I saw another one those chef's tables. Yeah, where the guy did this he reversed cooked it I just hear me out. I'm already pissed off Yes, normally, you know, you make the dough flatten it out, right? Yeah, you put the tomato sauce on it Sure, right and then you put the stuffed cheese and then you put it in the oven. This is not what this guy did Well, you know what he did? Okay, so he he fucking puts the dough down got it puts the cheese no tomato sauce Puts it in the oven. Mm-hmm takes it out then put sauce on and puts Fresh sauce on okay. I'm okay because the cheese cooked a little bit. It makes the sauce much fresher

I'm okay. This is okay. So you don't care about like the order is fine order can change the order can change Yes, but it's got to still be this the simple ingredients, right, you know if you want to but also cooking cheese on bread Yeah, give me some more of that. Yeah, you can cook more as much cheese on bread as you fucking want with my house Yeah, I put so much cheese on stuff. It's the Scott. It's repulsive because I went to a place like last night called Roberto's It's a new pizza. There's one in a certain Brooklyn. Yeah, and they have one over there by the air one now, right? It's called Roberto's Roberto's pizza. Yeah, good. I've been there tonight because I've been watching I've been watching the chef's table as soon as you get on a show you're gonna go do yeah Yeah, so once I so I've just been going to a pizza every meal's been a pizza

Really? Yeah, once I watch a show like if I saw a show on like Bison me you're gonna you're gonna go to Colorado need by me. That's all I'm eating Right, so then go ahead. So anyway, so I was what so there I was and I was there and I was going They had a thing in there that I'm like, what is this and it's stretched mozzarella on the side delicious with oil delicious and then Like a puffy bread a dough that they cook and a side of anchovies Okay, all right. Yeah, and I get this. I don't I've never seen it before I don't know what goes first how to do it. So I just pulled the bread up

I put some cheese on it and put some anchovies and I ate it We good good good good. We good good good. Yeah I mean, it sounds good. I'm okay with eating it like that, but that's not a pizza I'm just saying that once I saw had the hand to have anchovy. I'm like, oh, this is an element That maybe the Italians back in the day sure disregarded and I think that you know, I bet they used it. I bet they used it You have to open your mind. I Just don't want to That's how above I feel about food and people and things I know what I like when we did the hamburger thing

You were open to that Would you see? that's because and What was that? What was on that hamburger crazy shit great jizz? Yeah, there was just on that hamburger Yeah, so why aren't you open to fucking new pizza? I? Don't know. It's something about pizza. I that means something to me. All right. It's just it's because it was a kid All right pizza. It just changed my life. I don't know. It just it was my whole childhood was eating p2 I love it. Have you been to Apollonias? I love apples. Do you know about Apollonias pizzeria? Seriously?

No, was that out? Oh my god. That's like one of the most famous pizza spots in LA. Yeah, it got all I got a lot It gets a lot of hype Very very good. It's down on like it's off of Highland or La Brea They're open for like six hours a day max They're open like three hours in the morning three hours in the afternoon when they're out of pizza They're closed. It's in that little strip mall. Look at that photo of it to the third photo in or something like that fourth photo maybe no no no go to Apollonias pizzeria Uh, it's a strip mall is on fucking La Brea or some shit. Yeah, look at that right there. Look at that

That's it. Yeah, man. Wow. It's like one of the highest ranked pizzas in Los Angeles County It's insane. They're never open. Is it better than Hollywood pizza on pico? I don't know Welcome back to the food show Room you can shop thousands of cars right from your phone and have your next ride delivered straight to you Here's what's so great about room. You know, I'm a car guy. I love cars and I hate going to car dealerships. They're terrible It's a handle. I just did it. It's so annoying, right? And this way you never have to haggler negotiate the price of a car You know exactly what you're getting and you're getting a good deal because they have thousands of cars available on vroom.com

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You can buy a car from vroom entirely online. So next time you need to buy a car Just grab your phone go to vroom.com and check out thousands of cars guys go to vroom.com check out thousands of cars today You don't eat pizza do a little scumbag. I do. I just don't care. You don't care about food at all Oh, no, I you know what happened. What I know what you remember the story. No. Oh, yeah, you do what? When we bought your family out. Oh So he comes from the Philippines the first time in LA and I go, you know what I'm gonna be? the Guide the tour guide and I'm gonna give them tastes and sounds and sights that they've never seen that's kind of nice, right? Yeah, anyway, we go to

That place in Echo Park that does deep dish. What's it called? Have you been there like it? Yeah, pretty good. Yeah So remember you and your mom and everyone went to masa. I got two deep-dish pizzas And I look across the table and what are you guys doing? It's because we haven't tried that and we're usually used to like just the birds. They're used to eating eggs bird eggs Did they have any bird eggs there? Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy that you didn't they didn't eat any of it And I saw one of them just poke one with like it was alive Yeah, you eat one piece and you're fine. Yeah, it's delicious. It's delicious. I prefer thin cross

No, no, yeah, no, no, I guess it's good. Yeah thin is great I get you can eat thin more often, but it you do should try that Also, it's like when you go to a different country and and gotta do it and test you you have to eat even if he's like These are elephant testicles. You got to try it. You're in his homeland. Yeah, so if I tell you to eat bird egg If I was in the Philippines, I would do it as the locals. I mean, that's the reason why he's never been to the Philippines correct I'm gonna do it. That's part of it. Yeah, right? You choose not to go there And I'm afraid of fucking one of those lady boys because I know I'm gonna love it

You know Andreas and are going Monday. Were you going Monday? Yeah, he's going me and Andreas are going to fucking the Philippines Monday I'm so excited and you're gonna eat egg bird egg. Absolutely not You Spanish Spanish piece of shit. Why wouldn't you do it? You have to do it. You got to do as the locals do We're doing it one night one night. You should try it eggs. No, just try once. Yeah for the show Do you care about this job? Yes. Well, then do it for the show. I guess see he'll do it make him do it while you're there They should put a row versus wait for fucking duck eggs. I know in the Philippines. This is out of control which side are you on? I don't know. I don't know which side I is that row or is that way? I Can't I have no idea. I can't know because that's insane to look at it's just absolutely disgusting

It's picking up its head Jesus fucking Jesus Christ. Okay, it's insane. And you literally would eat one right now, right? That's insane to me, but deep dish pizza. Nah Yeah, bird heads fine. Yeah, yeah, pizza sauce Blah, it's amazing. I have something to tell you though. What I followed your lead. I cut I'm I Cut porn. I'm done. No more porn. No, why sort of God. Why I'm getting sober on porn Why because I just don't I don't think it's good. It's not and I find myself going to it sometimes I'm like, I'm not even gonna jerk off. Why am I looking at this shit? Yeah, sometimes I'll look at it without intent to jerk off Like I just want to see what's on there. So I'm gonna I'm cutting it out when it was when the first night four days clean four days

I'm clean. Really? Mm-hmm. Well, why don't should I? You know do a pack. I would love to do it together. All right. So I did it last night. Okay. So day one. No do it tonight What do you mean start again? Yes. So should I watch it right now and then start tonight? Because I'll watch it tonight again and start at zero. Let's do that Because I was planning on watching it tonight. I want to jerk off tonight So I would like to start all right. All right. So let's start from zero tonight great So tonight At midnight the last last time last time 11 59

Yeah, if you watch it at midnight, you've broken it. Right. Okay. Can I ask you this too? What are the rules? No porn I know but in terms of if you break it will you text me right away? I promise you we'll call we'll have to call I have to I have to do the same thing. So what's on the line? Nothing a thousand dollars. No. Yeah Let's see who lasts longer a thousand dollars cash when we have to show it on this show And the thousand dollars goes to something good We have to give it to somebody

We'll pick where it goes. Can I think? No, no, no. I haven't agreed yet. No, you said yes. Did I say yes? $500 a thousand a thousand done and it goes to someone good or something good. Yeah done Charity it's gonna be for charity. Why can't I just keep it? That's not that doesn't work Because that's not part of the pleasure all right because knowing that I can take your money and give it to someone else Is great to me. That's even better. I feel like you're gonna win this But we have to be 100 honest. I am all right. I have a question

Okay, please when you go to porn. Do you ever search gay porn? Bobby No, I haven't know why what is your problem? She's just asking a question. I don't like it. Oh seems like a bad one. It's like a fucking girl. No girls We do So I was curious for do I google do I search for specific things? Yes, you know what actually do I search gay porn? I do Women and women women gay porn. Yeah about guys Guys with women guys guys with women who are lesbians. Yes, this guy and guy just one guy with one guy

Is there a girl in the building? No Is a girl filming it? Yeah. Yeah like like a boom operator Is there one check out with tits? That's just no never a guy never a guy Have you clicked on have you clicked on anything unique like like trans porn or I don't want to talk about that right now So you can if you want if you say it if you have if you have Have I seen trans porn? Have you clicked on it? You see it? I know you scroll through it. It's like have I watched it So look of the categories. There's like teen There's like um

There's a old man porn which we know you love then there's like mass solo masturbation videos Then there's like couples one. So you've seen trans just let me defend there's transport and you click on it There's one. Let me just defend myself. It's not there's nothing to defend. I'm not even it's fine It's totally fine. I mean Dave Chappelle wouldn't like it, but it's fine for you. I know I know so um There's this I don't generally like them, but there's this one video I have saved on one of the porn sites that I saved it What I favorited it wow and put in a playlist never done that. Yeah, why I have I figure when it's over It's over and I always when I look at my favorite playlist

It's in the corner right hand on the always going pay Bob. Yeah, and I never click on it, but I know it's there What is it? It's this because when I first clicked on it. She was a beautiful girl. She's probably still is Yeah, I know okay, right and it was it's the first um How do you how do you call it? Transhuman trans person person. Yeah person as a person beautiful trans person sure that looks the most I like most They look like a woman. Yeah

No, but like there's just I know what you're saying you or something like sometimes when you see you'll see an adam's apple You mean on the girl right and you go that scene but you believe that this trend from the waist up I would probably put billion dollars. It's not okay. What's okay? Do you know the name of the point? I don't know I think you do I don't something tells me that you see it all the time And you know exactly what it is. I can tell you what's her name I don't know the name. I bet you do because I don't know the language It's spoken in okay, so it's there and you haven't watched it or you do definitely watch it Sina

Sina how many times be real in my lifetime? I think I put it in my Um playlist. Why are you afraid to click on it? I don't understand because you save it. Obviously you want it You're like a fat person that like hides cookies, but you know you're gonna eat them at some point It's like an alcoholic that like hides booze. It's like who this is gone forever. It's like just dump it out then No, it's like having um, it's the comfort of being near No, you know, it's in the house You know when you flip up that computer screen

It's always gonna be there comforting you knowing I'm always here if you want to click me. No, it's like wolf like x-men Go on right You know, it's like, you know, why is wolverine hanging out? He's so you know, I mean He's just somebody you want to keep around And things get like rough. It's like x-men Because she used to be a man. No, that's not what I'm saying. It's x-men. No No, it's x-men x-men do woman. No, what I'm saying is is that you know, if I was like Xavier dr. X got it, right? You know

You know, um, we'll read this very like, you know, I mean Do you feel like you just want to tell me you like transport and you're afraid to say it? I'm trying to find out an analogy. You don't need to I want to It's better for me. Let's here. I'll get I have one for I have an analogy for have you done it I have an analogy for have you done it the way that I hate Pineapple on pizza. Yeah, the strength. I have for it. Yeah is the way that you love transport Right. I hate it pineapple as much as you love transport. That's not true. It's not the same thing

No, it's not absolutely not it is because I'm saying I just figured out what I'm saying I'm saying is it's not that big of a deal. I don't when I open up and it's not gonna end my life to pineapple I open up and I say have you though. Let me ask you. Yes. I've eaten pineapple with pizza on it with pizza pineapple I've had that have seemed to transport. I've had pizza with pineapple on it. Good. That's all I want to No, can I understand? Okay. No, no, can I tell you if we're being honest? Yeah, I I clicked on a video. Yeah, did not know it was that. Uh-huh. Okay Saw it Saw some of it. That was that. Yeah, that'd be too. I didn't I never come

I tell you what no, that's a guarantee. I was about to come Bambi, listen to what I'm saying. Did you come? I didn't I what I do I switch to it Quickly get away from it and come to something else. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So you will masturbate to it, but then you if you're gonna come a point and I'll just switch to a fucking christian one It's okay to admit this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's why quickly. Yeah. I've never seen one But I did want to be I just wanted to bait you a little I know I know it's okay But but can I be honest? Yeah, I've seen the categories there and I there's nothing there's something inside me that goes See what it's like just for exploration. You've seen it. I haven't clicked on it yet

Yeah, you have I'm promise. I haven't I'm telling you as a friend. I really haven't I haven't watched one But I do think why don't I click on that? Who care? Why not? Let me see because you know what I have seen Overwatch porn where the girls have penises You know overwatch, you know what overwatch is the game overwatch. Yeah, yeah They have like tons of overwatch porno all over the internet and you've seen Well in that in the animation they have the girls have penises and overwatch. Yeah. Yeah, you know this don't you Rudy? No You like you know what overwatch is. I don't overwatch but I didn't overwatch porn. Yeah, it's a lot of like chicks

It's a lot of chicks chicks penises stuff That's cool. So I've seen that before does that count? No. No. Well, I try it doesn't well. I try to be I look dude I try to join your Thing. Yeah, it's not a thing. It's just one video from three fucking years ago, man You still got in your favorites. I should I'm gonna delete it don't that's insane. How insensitive Yeah, I'll put in a different fucking playlist a new one I just a special playlist don't watch this anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Stop watching naughty boy naughty list That's on the naughty list. Yeah. Yeah. Can I show you guys one thing? Yeah, go ahead new comedy special that I don't think you guys have seen yet

And it's gonna blow your mind. Oh my god. Okay They're gonna piss me off In the belly room, huh? So sick the first Lee brother to put out a special that's great. That's a special. I've done stand-up on a spot 10 times No, but he's making it a special. You never said it was a special. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, huh?

You think that was supposed to burn me or hurt me? It's my brother. I I think Jeremiah did it to take a shot at you Well, he has been texting me a lot lately. What now? No, Jeremiah You asked me. Hey, what are you gonna do sister brothers in my podcast and go? I'll get back. No Oh, never again. Never. Wow. Never around your fuck around. Why don't you call Jeremiah right now and say I'll never do your podcast. Yeah, this will be good. You want to fuck around? I fuck around. You want to fuck. Hey start with that Say you want to fuck around? Yeah. I'm down to fuck around. Yeah. Yeah And say Bob say you think uh, you think I don't dance with the devil. I got a fucking trans porn video. I've saved for three years Don't say that

I Hello, you like to fuck around What do you mean, man? I like to fuck around too What do you mean, dog? You know, you like to fuck around with the fire and sometimes people get burned You like to fucking touch a sleeping dragon. Sometimes they wake up You know what I mean? You like to do things to provoke and sometimes they're revenge What are you talking about? I saw the fucking video you did

What do you mean? Stevie Lee's first special try rubbing my face Dude, I think he got funding from a studio. That's great. That's good. You know what get guess what check What's up? You're gonna kill his baby No No, I'm not gonna do that. Okay. Guess what pal? Well, what's up, buddy? Yeah. No No, what? No, I'm not gonna do Scissor Brothers than yours other one Oh Well, yeah, well, you didn't respond. So this is good to get it in real time. No, I was gonna respond

Nah, I don't know if you were Yeah, I was Nah, I was gonna respond Anyway, um Burned him dude Burned him That's what he gets dude. He fucks a Bobby Lee. That's what he gets man Damn, dude. What a fucking guy, huh? You want to play with the you want to play with the guy?

You said you want to wake a sleeping dragon? Yeah By the way, the sleeping dragon should have been your nickname Slap king is not as good as sleeping sleeping dragon. So sick. So good. That's a merch shirt sleeping dragon. Anyway, don't fuck with the sleeping dragon You're gonna get burned. You are the dragon's gonna wake up and he's gonna Yeah, I know. I just said that man and his tail and his tail is gonna Throw the analogy though, you know and his tail is gonna kill your kid Why do you keep bringing his kid? Kill his kid? No, his kid's great. Just kill it. Let his kid grow. It's not that big of a deal to kill his kid Let his kid grow. All right, steal the kid and then give it to Rudy and see what happens. Yeah. Yeah. He dies

That's exactly what I'm talking about. You're not gonna kill no kid. Okay. You're gonna kill a kid. Will you kill a kid for me? Yeah, yeah, dude. I love her She's down to kill a kid What's the oldest kid you'll kill? Like how old is too old? You're like, I can't kill after a certain age Too old? Yeah, like oh, is there no age? No. You'll kill a human no matter how old they are. That's not true. Love that You hold so many fucking babies And you love them. Be honest. But white but white babies. Have you held white babies? No. See different story. This is a white baby. That's true. A white demon

Yeah, dude. A future insurrectionist. Woof. Right. Yeah, January 6th comes every year, man. We can always return. We can always go back You know, if there was a baby right there, I'll be honest And that that thing was on fire. Would you grab it? You would I would would you? I think I'd let other people do it Yeah, right you go help this baby. No, you wouldn't you would grab it. No, you would you're a good girl You're a good person

But if that same baby was across the street in an apartment building three stories off and it was on fire, would you get it? Hmm To be real is anybody watching the mother's like my baby is up there. Can you help would you do it? Hey, babe, you get up there. What is your baby? She has no leg No leg or legs legs no legs. Yeah, so she's in a wheelchair on the ground She's rolled up to you in a fucking makeshift fucking thing. Oh, and she's like my baby's up there I'm like, how did you go? Is there a secret elevator that you drop down? Yeah. Yeah. How do you get up there? She's like, no, I you know, there somebody got me down. My wheelchair got stolen. Yeah

And now what how do I would you would you run up there run away? She's not gonna be able to chase me I know I think about those things at night help saving saving people. No, like I want like if the baby is next to me I this is the scenarios I come babies all the time. Yeah. Yeah. These are the scenarios. I think about at late at night Yeah, so I go would I and I would grab it if it was just right next to me But why wouldn't I go into a burning building? I feel like I would die In a burning building. Yeah. Yeah. Well the likelihood is high. Yeah, something would fall on you I don't know how to get in three stories up smoking elation. You'd get trapped. You get trapped. Yeah

There's so many different things that can happen. But if it was my baby, would I do it? I think so I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know. It doesn't really depend your baby Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know you're so hot. Yeah, your wife would have to yes legs get up there. Yeah How about this though? This is real. Yeah, this is a real real question. Yeah, no jokie Someone is getting robbed when we were in new york, right? We were there on the subway. Uh-huh. Someone's getting robbed You gonna help? It depends on what the robber looks like What do you mean? Well, I have to size up like if it's

Bigger than you if it's a dwarf. Yeah, I'd help. Okay. It's a it's a it's a it's a woman, but she's bigger than much bigger than you And did she see me? Oh, yeah Oh, it might be hindered. Did she does see me? She sees you're sitting you're sitting down right there You're really she's robbing somebody. She I'm sitting here. She has a knife. Some guy a knife. She has a knife Yeah, yeah, not a gun. She has a knife. Oh, I would take her down. You would I would jump on her back You would put her in rear And what if she just stabs you right over you right over the back of her head like this? Yeah, and here's her arm. She just stabs you right in the face

You're really gonna help someone if they're getting robbed. Yeah, but those are not thoughts in your head that you know I mean, it's a instinctual spontaneous someone getting robbed. I'm turning the other way I put my wallet on the ground. I go go ahead Take it. I'm not willing to get stabbed in the fucking face. I watch enough of these prison prison videos No, thanks But if the person being robbed is a hot chick, I would probably do it In hopes that's something and she's like, thank you so much. My boyfriend. My boyfriend is gonna absolutely love you. Yeah. Yeah Oh, by the way, thanks for bringing that up

You girls going, you know, when you direct message me and go, hey, I don't know if you see these this direct message But can you tell Theo I've been direct messaging him like I you I've gotten some from you other guy comics I'm not a comedy pimp Right. Maybe they think I'm not going to relay any of your messages. Well, maybe this could be there for your future I don't give a fuck man. I'm not doing it. Right. If it for me I respond. Can I tell you though? What? You would be great as a little pimp Little pimp is great. Look, you see? Yeah. Yeah, you got the attitude. Slicky. Slicky. Slicky pimp

Why a lot of women have been said can you relate this to Theo other guys too? Do you know christa stuff on all these guys guys want you to say girls girls girls I want to I've been trying to I want to date him. I want to fuck it. No And though he's got no offense and then we think you're they always got no offense. We think you're funny To me to me like it's gonna hurt my feelings, but everybody wants to fuck you. You're the most fuckable guy in the world right now Really? Look into that camera. I'm a fuckable. You're super fuckable right now. I'm a fuckable now. Free little bird. I'm a free bird. What do you think about Tito Bobby starting to if he wants to date other people? What's going are you happy for him? Yeah, if he wants to. Do you get approval?

I don't care. You don't give a shit who it is. No as long as It's not the same age as me You're to hold you 20. Yeah, so it's got to be older than 20 if I dated a 20 year old that would be weird Why? Because we're the same age. What if he wants a 24 year old? half his age Plus two I guess okay 24. Okay, so 23 is fine then. No 24 24 24

There's a bunch of college kids in the other room by the way. Yeah, but they're 20. How old are the college kids? 21. How old's the oldest one? 22. So all these kids that you brought they're only here for a little bit longer I keep saying kids, but they're young adults, right, right? They're there. I shouldn't belittle them But they're all the youngest one is 21. Yes, so they're all grown-ups. They could all enter the workforce and do whatever What do they want to do? They all want to be in film, right? Yeah in different parts of the industry Do any of them have a future be honest? They're not listening I don't think so. Right. Yeah, I could tell when I walked by some of them. No, no, no, they do They do they have a future you want to bring want to see if one of them will come in here and say hi

Okay, who do we bring in? Will you put the headphones on or no? You want the headphones? Yeah, whatever. They're right there What's your name? Madison. Can you talk to the mic Madison? Madison. Uh-huh. Are you white? I am white. Yeah, yeah Hold on. Let Pete sit down. She's looking for you I'm done Are you nervous Madison? A little bit. It's fine. You're gonna be great. It's cool vibes. It's a really good vibe Madison, uh, Bobby wanted to know if you're white. Good starter question. I will have to know. You can't assume these days

What do you think she might be? She could be native, but Native white albino. Yeah, like original white you mean like english? Yeah, old school white. Old school white. Right. Yeah. Um, are you english? German and polish and what part of town did you grow up in on what city? I'm from Connecticut. Wow. So it's a lot of trees. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Connecticut's beautiful. Have you ever been to Connecticut? Hartford? Oh, yeah, the funny bone. Yeah. Yeah, I get that. That's not really Connecticut But that club had me once and they never had me back. You don't want to go back. Do you? Not really. Hartford's not a great place. No, no, you don't that's not a that's not a damn. I gotta get back to Hartford

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but if you talk about like Greenwich, are you from Greenwich? No You're from Hartford. That's fancy people, right? I'm near like New Haven. Oh, New Haven's okay Is that where Brent's from? Morn? Yeah, he is. Yeah, Brent Morn's from over there. Yeah, we know we know a white guy from there. Yeah, yeah He's a good white guy, too So did you see any browns or Asians growing up at all like this like this girl next to you? Did you see this kind of um tree? You guys used to throw rocks at that, right? If you saw that you threw rocks like no, get it down. Get it down. Hurt it

No, no, my town was pretty diverse. I'd say. Oh, really? I would say I would say she's like tall people, short people Korean friend you had in high school Rachel Moon. Whoa. That's pretty fast. And Moon is a cool last name. Yeah, it's a good one, right? Adopted a real Korean. Real Korean. Did you ever go to Rachel's house? No. No. What kind of friend? We were friends. Yeah, but not like she came to my house actually Koreans do that. They go to other people's houses. Yeah, that's kind of part of their agenda So Rachel Moon, you never went? Okay. So are what about a Filipino friend? No, no, and even if she had one she wouldn't admit it. Yeah

Why? Because you're bad people. No, I can't think of it. No, there's no, I'm kidding Rudy We love you. There's no Filipinos that all get up to Connecticut. How do they get up there? How would they get up there? Climb. You go north. You go upwards. You side. Very good. All right. So what do you want to do in the business Madison? Madison, Madison, Madison. What do you want to do in the business? Right now I'm working as a digital marketing intern at a music record label. And do you have money like in your, your parents give you money? Do you have money? What does that, what does it even mean? Because let me ask, let me just clarify. May I clarify? Yeah.

I'm 20. I'm working at a record label as an intern. As an intern. Like there's half eaten sandwiches and things. You're asking how does she get any money to do anything? Like how do I make, like can you go to Chipotle? Like so the money, where'd you get the money from a job that you own? Only fans. That's what all these kids are doing. What do you think all these kids are doing these days? That entire room is an only fans club. Oh, that's true. No, I had a part-time job back in Connecticut. And you saved. And I saved. Right.

Because I've known I've been wanting to come out here for some time. What do you think about LA so far? It's been like three weeks and it's all right. It's, what, tell me the negative. I just think East Coast is the more superior coast. I don't know. I don't know. Why, why, why, why? I don't know. I guess I am biased. Yeah. It's ingrained into her brain.

Well, the weather's better. No, the weather here, the heat wave, though, was ridiculous. Oh, it was too hot. 110. It was, it was too warm in here. Yeah. Well, it's going to be negative four in fucking December in Connecticut. So give us a call and we'll. Our winters are brutal. You're right. The East Coast is probably the superior coast.

We have prettier people. Would you say or no? I feel like it's so, it's hot. I know, but if we, if we took the top five, the top 20 best looking people in LA compared to top 20 best looking people in Hartford, Connecticut, right? Who would win that? Well, New York would beat us for sure. We didn't say New York.

You're right. Did I say fucking New York? You said Connecticut. I said fucking Connecticut. Well, we're going to. You can't lump yourself up with fucking New York. Okay. That's not fair. I would probably say LA then.

But they do, they do, they are New York. She is New York. She says New York. I bet you, if somebody's where you from or whatever, she said New York and well, Connecticut, but New York. Yeah. I say Connecticut because then I'm like, oh, I'm near Yale. And they're like, oh. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

But most Connecticut kids say they're like New York kids. But they could beat us in smarts, I think. Brains? Yeah. We don't care about brains. We don't. It's obsolete. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, this is my brain. Beep, boop, boop. I have one of these things. I don't need to fucking this. What is this? Yeah. Mush. How about this?

We're in restaurants. Okay. Restaurants. We haven't really gone out to like too much here, but like you guys were talking about pizza and we are like the pizza capital. They are. Yeah. New Haven, Connecticut. We have Michelin star restaurants in LA.

No, no, but they are the pizza capital. We are the pizza capital. Ironically enough, they are probably like. Well, Hartford? No, no. New Haven is like pizza capital of the United States. Oh, fuck. No, it is, it is, it is, it is, it is.

All right. I give her that. It's a little undefeated. They beat us in fucking pizza. Really good. But they don't, but Connecticut pizza is nothing else. Yeah. Yeah. Literally nothing else.

They have pizza and nice people. Madison, you're 21? Yes. Madison is ready to enter the workforce. You have a boyfriend, Madison? I don't. Why? I don't know. Because she doesn't need one.

But do you want one or you just focus on your career and your dreams? Right now, career, really. It's like I would rather just kind of like naturally happen. Well, there's a guy out there. What's his name? What's his name? Cody's like our brother.

You don't even know if she wants to date boys. That's what they all say. You don't know what she likes. When they like them, they always say they're my brother. Oh, right. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Do you like boys?

Is boys your go-to or no? Yeah, you never know. I know Cody's cute. Cody is very, yeah, he's very cute. Yeah, yeah. Very cute. But it's her brother. Yeah.

You know, it's her, it's, he's just like my stepbrother, you know? Yeah. Don't do laundry around him. Don't get stuck under a bed or something. Well, I'll tell you what, Madison, we wish you the most luck in the world. What do you want to do?

We wish you a merry Christmas. Thank you. Thank you. What are you trying to do in the business again? Digital marketing. Digital marketing. Digital marketing. I bet you could do it.

When you do end up, if you ever- Well, the issue, because we need a better social media presence, don't you think? We need any of them. We need it in general. In general? Yeah, these guys- Maybe you could, in a couple years, you can help us.

I'll come right back. You will? You'll never move to LA. She'll move to New York, if anything. You kidding me? She's going to go from Quinnipiac to, she's going to live in, let me guess, she'll probably move to,

I want to say Brooklyn, but I think I'm going to actually say Queens. She'll probably move to Queens. And she will have a job in Manhattan. And she'll get murdered on the L train one day. No, no, no. No? No.

Okay. I, you know, I have psychic powers. I do. Really? Yeah, he does. I just need to- Okay, feel my aura. Yeah.

I know. You're going to meet a man. He's going to be a millionaire. I hope. Right? How many millions of? One? Two?

No, he's going to, 12 to 15 millions, if he liquidified everything. Wow, if he sold all the boats and everything. He is 90. He's 90. Yeah. But you never have sex with him. Okay.

Right. Positive. That's very positive. That sounds great. What sucks though is that when you meet him, he's 90. And you think, you think to yourself, I have five, 10 more years. Right?

He's living. He, he lives to 160. Whoa. Yeah, he's the first guy. And he signed a binding marriage contract. Yeah. You have to stay with them to the end. Or they're allowed to kill you.

But you can get side dick. Sure. That's good. That sounds fine. Side dick's good. Yeah, do your thing. Yeah, yeah. So that's your future.

Do you feel good about it? It is what it is. It is what it is. Yeah, you kind of pinned it on her. You like did something. Yeah. I'm like, okay. I got, I got, I have a psychic.

It's happening. Oh my God, you just did it? I just did it. You just did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll definitely reach out to you. Well, he's psychic too. Tell him.

Wait, what did you say? You'll definitely what? I'll reach out to you guys if it happens in my future. God bless, I hope it does. You have something? My psychic? Yeah, yeah. Whoa.

Oh, shit. I saw it. Holy. I saw the vision go in your head. Madison, this is crazy. All right, hit it. You're murdered in Los Angeles by Fancy B. Oh, that was when we, yeah.

That's what I got. Wait a minute. That's insane. You look like a nine-year-old man in my vision, but it was him. It was actually you. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck it too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be careful. Watch. You're going to have a great career and a great life, and we wish you the best. Thank you, Madison. Wish you a merry Christmas. Thanks for coming to my show.

Hope you found it entertaining. It was, yes. Good. Did you like his stand-up? I did. He's great. And thank you for wearing the Bad Friends tie-dye, by the way.

That's very cool. We do want that back. You do have to leave that before you leave. Of course, that is fun. Okay, so you can look in the camera there and you take us out. All right. Thank you for being a Bad Friend.

Very good. Sweet Madison. That's so nice. Thank you, Madison.