Bad Friends - Barnacle Bobby & Lice Balut w/ Rudy and Her Sister

Starting point is 00:00:00 At Salesforce, we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going? Is it secure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure? Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at askmoreofai.com. Hey!

Starting point is 00:00:13 Hey! Ooh, look at this shirt. It's the competition. The competition is on for only a couple more weeks, ladies and gentlemen. You gotta go to badfriendsmerch.com. We're competing to see who can sell more shirts. And the loser, the loser, has to do what, Robert?

Starting point is 00:00:28 The loser has to massage the other guy. Butt naked. Butt naked. On camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone's gonna see it across the universe. So this is my little beautiful, I'm Bobby Mom shirt. And he's got his beautiful little cartoon. Show them. This is something about his though.

Starting point is 00:00:40 It's a great shirt. It's a catchphrase. Yeah, it's great. It's like glorious, right? Yeah, it's great. But you can find that at Etsy. No, no, no, no, no. My point is that this one right here, this Miyazaki one, man, it's so original.

Starting point is 00:00:51 It's cute. You can wear it out. Yeah, you can wear it out, okay? But this one you can wear in. So wear this inside. BadFriendsMerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com for this. Only two more weeks left of this competition. Once the year, once competition's over, we don't sell the shirts anymore.

Starting point is 00:01:05 That's it. And also this weekend we're in Salt Lake City, then Temecula, Reno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Niagara Falls, Tucson, then we finish in Vegas. April 20th. April 20th in Vegas, we end the tour. So that's it for a while.

Starting point is 00:01:19 We're not gonna tour again until 2025 or something. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets, badfriendspod.com. those tickets badfriendspod.com Hey ladies you say you've done this before yeah one time Last year. Hi. Good to see you again. When did she do it? Huh? When did she do it? She did it. Last year. Last year, at the end of last year, right?

Starting point is 00:01:49 All right, let me see if I won the millionaire jackpot. And this was given to Bobby because Carlos hit Bobby's mom in the face. Pretty hard. 10 top prizes of a million dollars. Any of your numbers match the winning numbers. Okay, so the winning numbers are 15 to 28, 36 and four. Now, if I win, is it just me and you,

Starting point is 00:02:09 or do we gonna give some to the girls? Good song. Yeah, obviously. Not with that attitude? Yeah, after that attitude? You know what, you dictate. We'll deport them. Deport, okay, good. If I don't win, you get deported.

Starting point is 00:02:20 We're deporting them. So if I don't win even a little bit, even like a dollar, you guys are are both going back to the jungle, baby You know what you are? Alright 436 2815 and 2 let's go so No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no But twice really tough to win these things. I don't ever get these things my whole family loves playing the lottery Uh-huh, and it's the saddest shit, but the big lottery right now. I just saw in the news

Starting point is 00:03:09 What's the power ball up to right now? 88 million. Oh, wow, shouldn't we get it? I'll buy the ball you buy the power ball gigantic red ball Wow, that would be amazing how much is that what's it is that ball? What is it made of? The power ball itself. Yeah. Oh, money. I feel like there's liquid in it.

Starting point is 00:03:30 What's in there? It's like Boba. Boba. The power Boba ball. But also just a unicorn cum. Is inside there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that's where it's been the whole time.

Starting point is 00:03:39 Is unicorn cum good? No. I don't think so, right? Yeah, no. It's probably rainbow color. It's two, because unicorns are so physically active. Right. Right?

Starting point is 00:03:48 It's got to be, it's just... I feel like it would taste good. Like what? They make Starbucks drinks out of that. Out of unicorn... Unicorn... How the... I have a venti unicorn cum half sweet.

Starting point is 00:03:58 Yeah. Well, I didn't know. Is that like a side menu, special menu? That's in the Philippines. Oh, in the Philippines, they have it. Oh, you have unicorn come and Pog Pog. Pog Pog? Oh, he wants me to go Pog Pogging.

Starting point is 00:04:12 Where you go? You know what Pog Pog is? Sifting through the trash. What's Pog Pog? Where you go sifting through the trash? Yeah, yeah, where's Pog Pog? Pog Pog is two unicorns. Fucking no, no, no, that's not Pog Pog.

Starting point is 00:04:25 It does make that sound. It does make that But isn't there a dish in the Philippines called Pogpog? Yeah, P.A.G. P.A.G. Like he sent it to me. Yeah, it's it's it's when you go dumpster diving and you make food out of What's it called there look Pogpog Pug. Pug Pug. The tag. I've never had it, but I know what it is. Wait, how do you say it? How do you say it in Pug Pug?

Starting point is 00:04:49 The what, what the fuck did I just say? Well, let me hear you. Pug Pug. Hold on, hold on. Pug Pug. Say it again? Pug Pug. No, you say it? Pug Pug.

Starting point is 00:04:57 Yeah, they're sounding like bug bug. Oh. Pug Pug. Bug bug. Okay. So what it is, look at these photos. You dig through the trash. We'll go back to the Wikipedia in it,

Starting point is 00:05:04 because I think it says, there's a literal definition of it. It's the tag-along term for leftover food from restaurants usually from fast-food restaurants Scavenged from garbage sites and dumpsters and then you collect a dinner out of it You guys have never heard of this before and I've seen the exact to real that I think you're talking about You've never seen people eat it. No Because I thought that you ate that and did a shot of unicorn cum It's probably a tradition yeah, well, that's tag along you guys speak the other one to Galo, right? What is it? What's one of you speak? Okay, fucking shut up. How many are there that land that island is the size of like

Starting point is 00:05:44 How big is the Philippines it's not that big it's not of Los Angeles. There's a lot of dialects. How big is the Philippines? It's not that big. It's not that big. It's small. There's just a lot of islands. There's just so many people though. It's too many. Not too many. No, I think so. It's a good amount.

Starting point is 00:05:54 Home to 120 and 180, between 120 and 187 languages. That is fucking absurd. That's too many. In America we have one. Three. Spanish. Oh yeah, Spanish. Spanish baby.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Spanish. Is there a better language? No. It's the most globally spoken language right is it really I thought English dominated no Chinese Chinese what China wait it's Mandarin You know what Chinese is Since you've been here you've been very fucking like what like since you've been gone. Yeah Let him go so been gone yeah I can't breathe for the first time. They're killing it. I gotta let them go. No good. So um... You have to introduce for the people that don't... Alright so ladies and gentlemen boys and girls

Starting point is 00:06:31 hello welcome to another episode of POTTIGER BALLY I mean POTT BAD FRIENDS BAD FRIENDS I mean because I see them all the time. Don't get so angry. But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, let me start over. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to another episode of Bad Friends, the greatest podcast on earth with the greatest host, Andrew Santino, what a handsome young man, leading actor, big star, give him a round of applause. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.

Starting point is 00:07:01 I love this podcast. Anyway, we've got two, we got two beautiful. We got two beautiful. We got a regular here. She's a part of the family. We've got fucking Jules here, but then her sister from the Philippines is here for a couple of weeks.

Starting point is 00:07:15 You're leaving tomorrow. I am. Yeah, but it was really good to see you. And so give her an ESA, give her a, what's your Instagram tag? Cause I know you like followers. Because you always want me to like you always like should I tag you on this? No, because you want to repost it. No, every time we take a fucking photo.

Starting point is 00:07:32 Okay, she wants to be famous. I know she wants to be famous. So every time we take a photo you're always like you want to collaborate or you want to you know, I'm always like fuck you. So my point is throw your Instagram out. Okay, it's is a vera but with a double Z and an R. Okay, you heard it here first. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:50 How old are you now? I'm 15. Don't show her Instagram to anybody. What are we talking about? She's a kid. Yeah, but they can still follow us. Oh yeah, it was so weird when like the people from here found me.

Starting point is 00:08:01 Yeah. They started like bombarding my DMs with like the weirdest thing. Gross. This is disgusting. Wow. This is our family here on this show. You can only DM or even follow her, click to follow her.

Starting point is 00:08:12 Is it private? Yeah. Good. And you can only even try if you're under 17. Right? Under 17. She has a boyfriend now. It does.

Starting point is 00:08:23 I'm just saying in general, even if like, what does that have anything to do with anything? I know You do have a boyfriend. I do how old is he he's 16? I thought first second. I thought she said 60 and I was like Welcome to America He's 16 you're 15 he can drive. No, you don't have cars there. Oh Is it like the Flintstones They don't have cars there. What?

Starting point is 00:08:42 Oh, like the Flintstones at their feet? Right, they're back of the unicorns. Wait a minute, but he can, oh, it's in the Philippines, that's right, I forgot. Do you get licenses there at 16 or no? No, you can only get the, yeah, the student's permit is at 17. And then 18 is the legal driving age,

Starting point is 00:09:00 but no one really drives. No, there's a lot. I mean, your dad's a lawyer. I Like his car. I don't want his car. What does he have? Oh, he just has an Elantra, but he like tweaked it So it's like it's a tricked out Elantra Yeah, we are Can I tell you some yeah, we are the best country in the world. Yeah, we really a lawyer drives an Elantra I know tough times over there. I am Mitsubishi Elantra is top tier. Yeah. But they have running water. That's good.

Starting point is 00:09:30 Is that your cousin's name? Running water? No, but they, they, they, at one point they didn't have running water. Remember? No way. Yeah. No, they did. No, they didn't. No, but your dad has a trick out of Elantra and you love it. Yeah. Is he going to give it to you? I hope so. Me too. We'll tell, we can ask him. Yeah. Let's ask him. And then you have two little brothers. Yeah, they want it too.

Starting point is 00:09:51 They want to get on to it. Oh really? Yeah, but you're the oldest. Yeah. So you get it. Are they still crazy or no? Every time I see them, they're just running around in circles.

Starting point is 00:10:00 Oh, the youngest is crazy. Oh, I just wanna like punch him all day. You don't like him? How is he 10, okay? Yeah, he's a child But they grow up faster there. No, they don't yeah, he has a mustache like fucking mani-paki. Yeah, they all They're born with mustaches in the Philippines. What were you gonna ask me? What? Oh, no, I was gonna tell you that my mom has like the biggest crush on you Also, why is there a dick pic on your house? What? Of what I was like dicks. There's like a big dick and like small small dicks like around it Polaroids what are you doing? You have dick pics at your house on the wall Whose dicks are they I learned who whose dicks you have on your wall?

Starting point is 00:10:42 dick pics at your house on the wall? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks are they? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks you have on your wall? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks are on your wall at your house? First of all, back up. I'll leave you here right now and get your house to see.

Starting point is 00:10:50 Back up. Back up right now, dick. No, because you don't do this to me. I don't like being challenged. You disrespected me first of all and called this fucking belly tiger bullshit, whatever the fuck that. I'm gonna go to your house. If there's other dicks on that wall that aren't mine, we're in a fucking fight.

Starting point is 00:11:02 It's your dick, dude. No, it's not. I know. Is it orange? It's kind of. Yeah, it was your dick. Oh, all right. Then we're cool. Anyway, can I explain the dick pic or no?

Starting point is 00:11:10 Please. We're all waiting. So you know the Wednesday meeting I go to, right? So I go to this Wednesday. That's what you guys do at AA. That's not what we do. So there's this guy named, I can't say his name because of AA. Of course not.

Starting point is 00:11:23 It's AA. But anyway, there's this guy who's a newcomer and one day he goes, hey, let's do a Christmas like an elephant, whatever, Christmas elephant thing. Right. A white elephant. Yeah, whatever, wherever you draw a name out of the fucking thing. Yeah. So I get him for some reason, right? And I brought, I forgot about it. So I brought cash.

Starting point is 00:11:42 So I gave I gave a friend of mine $100. And then this guy, the other guy, gives me a beanie. Inside the beanie was that fucking Polaroid of a dick pic. Of his dick? I don't know who's dick it is. But when I opened it up and I did it, I go, oh fuck, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:11:59 I said, just put it on the ledge. You kept it. But why is there like one big dick and then like small dicks around it? Wait, wait, in one photo? You really are in Hollywood. Yeah, in one photo. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:11 Did I take it? I don't know. Dude, this is what Cat Williams was talking about. You're in Hollywood, dude. You're getting dick, weird dick pic polaroid proposals. You are fucking Hollywood. No. Who's more Hollywood now, bad friends, fans?

Starting point is 00:12:24 The guy that has dick pics on his wall No, no, so that's wow, dude. I'm not ashamed. You're evil. You're in the I'm not a shame Who did you have to suck to get that box deal? Oh We want to give you a show So anyway, why did you put it on your wall? Why now on a wall? Oh my god, you guys are fucking where is it? Yeah, if I was ashamed of it, why would I put it with a drawer? Why did you just roll it? It's an honor wall. Oh my God, you guys are fucking. Where is it? Yeah, if I was ashamed of it, why would I put it with a drawer? Why would you just throw it away?

Starting point is 00:12:49 It's funny. People walking up to see the gigantic dick pic, it's funny. Okay, I don't know. Would you have dick pics in your house guys? Just laying around? Carlos, I shouldn't be asking you. Thank you, Carlos. That's why you're in the program too.

Starting point is 00:13:02 Right. But I mean, you know, if you're gonna, first of all, do you wanna clean my house again? Again? And you're telling everybody the inside secrets of my house? I'm just telling like weird stuff in your house. Yeah. You have a dick on display.

Starting point is 00:13:14 Thank you. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm also this, right? So contradictory way you just said. You're mad about it, but then she's like, no, it's displayed. You're like, right. I'm not embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed.

Starting point is 00:13:24 I'm madding up. Well, my point is this, okay? Is this that next time you see some stuff like that. But I can't keep a secret. I haven't told it. See something, say something. Thank you, Rudy. Okay.

Starting point is 00:13:35 You gotta teach them right. They're doing good. Yeah. And then why is it when you clean my house, that if you wanna talk about things then, let's talk about things. Right here on the show. Talk about whatever you want on the show.

Starting point is 00:13:43 Why is it when you clean my house and stuff like that? I see your phone, it's on, right? And you're in a different room. You're in a different room cleaning. But who's on the phone? Oh, my boyfriend? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:57 And he's just laying there like this. What? Yeah. So she's cleaning another room. Like your face timing and he just lays there? But he's not even, she's not in, she's downstairs. Mm. Like us, we just like downstairs. She's downstairs another room. Like your face timing and he just lays there. But she's not in, she's downstairs. Mm. We're like, she's downstairs.

Starting point is 00:14:09 Right? And I'm getting a drink in the kitchen and I look, I see her phone and I see this gigantic nose. Oh my God. Oh my God, what? He doesn't have a big nose. No. He doesn't have a big nose.

Starting point is 00:14:21 Does he have a big nose? No. See? It's not wide. No. Okay, it's not wide no, okay? It's normal from where you from but from here dude. Yeah, it's not follow-up. I guess Your nose is not even normal What's up with my nose and what is up with your nose

Starting point is 00:14:40 Tell me about my nose. Why is it not normal? Let me see lift up. Yeah, well Yeah, pretty really good pretty normal. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, why do you have this kid? He's your slave What do you read? It's creepy that he watches the house, but I'm not even in the room, but you have to stay on You know me on the phone face on FaceTime. We just like to stay on call. It's normal for us. The fact is he likes it. Yeah. Ugh, it's love, maybe. No, that's not love.

Starting point is 00:15:10 That's weird. He just lays there while she cleans. That sounds like some weird fetish shit. No, because he's watching something and we're just doing different things, but staying on call. Does your boyfriend stay on FaceTime with you when you're doing something?

Starting point is 00:15:21 Really? That's, maybe it's just what young people do. It's what they do. You know? Is these whip, no. FaceTime with you when you're doing something real. That's maybe it's just what young people do. It's what they do. You don't? Is these whip, no. FaceTime my wife? You fucking out of your mind? I live with her.

Starting point is 00:15:31 Yeah. FaceTime? No, you don't do that. You don't do, I mean, we FaceTime if I'm like, across the country on the road, but your boyfriend lives in the same city, you call him, it's different. Young people do FaceTime shit.

Starting point is 00:15:43 Okay. They love FaceTime. Anyway. How many times have you done FaceTime? What do you mean? In general, you never them, it's different. Young people do FaceTime shit. Okay. They love FaceTime. Anyway. How many times have you done FaceTime? What do you mean? In general. You never do FaceTime.

Starting point is 00:15:50 I do it every night. To who? To who? I've been FaceTiming somebody every night. Who you been FaceTiming? Who you been FaceTiming? You know what, dude? What's going on here?

Starting point is 00:16:01 What is going on here today? That's how everybody wore your shirt so they could call you out for shit and make you not feel bad. Yeah, anyway, I do FaceTime. Are you FaceTime with someone that you enjoy right now? Yeah. How long do you stay on FaceTime with this person? Half an hour maybe.

Starting point is 00:16:16 That's pretty good. Do you remember when we were young and we talked on the phone to someone we liked for hours? No, when we were like young, young. Oh my God. And they would sit on the phone for hours and hours and hours, you guys don't know about landlines. No, when I was, when I went on the road,

Starting point is 00:16:28 my first road date was in San Antonio. And I was seeing this girl, Jennifer Field, one of the girl that texted me when I was 23 and ate her fucking vagina in her mom's closet. Who could forget? Yeah. Who could forget? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:42 And I remember going to, because I was opening for Mencia, Carlos Mencia, and we're at the, that San Antonio mall. LOL. Not LOL, it wasn't even there yet. It was in the mall. The other one, yeah. Right, and they had this weird like condo

Starting point is 00:16:55 that I had to stay in. And I remember from after the show, maybe it was like, I was one o'clock in the morning. I talked to her to like eight in the morning. Yeah. On a landline. I remember those. On a landline. And I talked to her till like eight in the morning. Yeah. On a landline. I remember those days. On a landline.

Starting point is 00:17:08 And Chesley, I love you, I miss you. You know what I mean? We be falling asleep and wake up and keep talking. Yeah. I miss those days. Me too, man. Never gonna get that ever again. Now these kids just stay on FaceTime

Starting point is 00:17:16 where they clean other people's houses. Now when a girl calls me, I treat them like a telemarketer. I gotta go, I can't. Wrong number. Wrong number, I can't. I can't. I can't. Wrong number. Wrong number, I can't. I can't. I have so many subscriptions.

Starting point is 00:17:30 Too many, honestly. On my phone and my iPad, all my stuff, right? And it's like, I don't even, I'm losing money as we speak. Tons of money. What does Rocket Money do, dude? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. We all want to lower our bills in the new year. We're all sick of paying for stuff that we

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Starting point is 00:20:43 But you know, here's the thing about young love, though. Yeah. I've been asking around to people. Where has it gone? Young love for me. Well, you're fifty two. And I know I know. I'm not saying young love. Where's old love? No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:20:59 Old love. I'm just saying the feeling of like, you know, St. Andrews retirement home is right down the street from me. Yeah. Come by sometime. I know what I'm saying is the feeling of like. You know, St. Andrew's retirement home is right down the street from me. Yeah. Come by sometime. I don't know what I'm saying is the feeling of like you're in a pink cloud, butterflies. You get, you don't get that anymore. You don't get it. I remember in my, your age, it was intense.

Starting point is 00:21:18 It's different. It was like. But you're feeling it for the first time. Yeah, but it was just like, oh my God, this is it. This is, you know, this is gonna fulfill every. And it doesn't, does it? No, because. Yeah, but it was just like, oh my God, this is it. This is gonna fulfill every... And it doesn't, does it? No, because you always get betrayed. It lets you down.

Starting point is 00:21:31 In some way you're gonna get let down. But... I wanna, but what I'm saying is, I'm trying to find that in my life now. But you're gonna get that feeling. No, I haven't felt that since I was there age. You'll get a different version. What about Atical Laila when you first met her?

Starting point is 00:21:44 I did get her with her for a couple years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway. No, but you're gonna find it in a different way. Stop rubbing your tits. What do you mean? Stop it. I just, you're gonna get me.

Starting point is 00:21:55 Stop, you're gonna get me. You're a warm feeling of, oh, no, can I just do this? You're gonna get me hard if you just do that. I know, but I wanna feel it in my chest like love. You're gonna get the love. It's just gonna feel different. You're not that young anymore. Your viewpoint on the world is different.

Starting point is 00:22:09 So you're not gonna feel the same. You know what it's like for an addict? Remember the first time you got high? Yeah. The greatest thing in the world. Yeah. And then the second time and the third time and the fourth time you got high.

Starting point is 00:22:18 And by the 50th time you got high, it didn't feel like the first time you got high at all. It was kind of a letdown. I think that's what it is. So you're looking at it, looking for the old high. You need to chase the new high, not drugs. You need to chase love in the way of like, this is just who you are now. They should have a business, like a black mirror episode, a place where they wipe your memories. You, Scientology's open 24 hours a day. I know, but just a place where I can just restart.

Starting point is 00:22:44 Well, when you die, I think you restart. You think so? 100%. I think when we die, we restart into another soul and body and entity. I think you've died a thousand times. You just don't know it. Not as Bobby Lee, but as other shit.

Starting point is 00:22:56 What do you think I was? Before this? A worm. Samurai? A samurai worm? Yeah, a samurai worm. A nobler. What if you were a unicorn? Oh, that's why you love it so much. I don't love it

Starting point is 00:23:07 That's what you're mentioning it now. I'd rather have me to work. I rather have minotaur come. You're definitely not minotaur No, no, you're your minotaur. I'm definitely more minotaur than you are. Yeah, but I'm not you're not a centaur Your unicorn what about a siren you're a worm? No, I'm not a worm. You're a warrior What how about a siren you're a worm no, I'm not a worm you're a warrior Worms have been around for billions of years study in the folklore of me of it is now How about it? Can I be a worm like in Dune? No? No, you're an earthworm. You're a little tiny baby earth. No, I want to be one of those in the in the desert Oh, dude, dude. I want to be a dude worm. That's you, you're an Asian jumping worm. No, Google dune worm, Google dune worm. That's an Asian jumping worm.

Starting point is 00:23:47 That's what you are. Google dune worm, dune worm, dude. No, you're not. That's me, dude. No, no. That's my butthole. No. Have you seen my butthole?

Starting point is 00:23:55 Exactly like that, dude. No, it's not. What? It's got the lines and everything. Look, that's me, dude. You're an Asian. And that's Pussy right there, those two girls. You're an Asian.

Starting point is 00:24:03 They're going into your butthole? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You're an Asian jumping worm. Okay, into your butthole? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You're an Asian jumping worm. Okay, well then what are you then? Ask the girls, what was I in my previous life? I feel like Tito Andrew would be like a horse or a... Yeah, a centaur. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:16 Yeah. Right there. Yeah, that's me. Oh, so he gets a good one. Yeah. I get worm. No, no, no, but you've... Okay, how about this girls, what was he before he was a worm?

Starting point is 00:24:24 Maybe you were the one that rode Tito Andrew. That's right. I rode him you rode on my back You were like in my horse hairs No, it's No, dude. Okay, check it out. No, it's like those you know in on a whale, right? They had the little fish that cleaned their back. That's you that's not You're the barnacles on the way That's you that's not 100% that's you That looks exactly like you does that even have a brain and feelings do you know okay? Barnacle Bobby

Starting point is 00:25:04 Barnacle Bobby riding on a whale's right to enough make feel better. What was he before he was a worm? Because you lived another one. So many lives. What was he before he was a worm, girl? Maybe you were working on nine to five. Yes, you were working on nine to five. I was working on nine to five. A regular guy working on nine to five.

Starting point is 00:25:18 What? He was a blowfish? Man, you were- Working nine to five at a restaurant? Yeah! Yeah! What the... What the... Can I speak to the manager? I'm sorry, but the blowfish has forgotten.

Starting point is 00:25:27 So many- our drinks came late. Yeah. Why don't we have any hands? What a shitty server. Shitty. Or I was a blowfish. You're a blowfish. Well, let's go to you guys then.

Starting point is 00:25:40 Oh yeah, what were the girls? Oh, shit. How many varieties of maggots are there? Oh. You can't make the girls? Oh shit, how many varieties of magnets are there? You can't make the call cuz we already made your call. Yeah. Yeah. Oh really? So what you make the call? I can't make a call. I make a call. What kind of fucking game is this? What are you talking about? I think I think I think Rudy. Oh My god, I can I can see it now her previous life

Starting point is 00:26:04 Oh my god, I can I can see it now her previous life What if I butterfly I don't know not about Rudy was Dolphin Rudy was Have you ever been to the Great Wall of China? At the Great Wall of China, there's a little patch That that a little crack in the rocks and flowers go grow Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I coral? Flowers. Oh, okay. There's a group of wild flowers. And the Chinese government has just let it continue to grow,

Starting point is 00:26:30 so now it's a patch of wild flowers. I think you were a wild flower. That's not so cute. At the Great Wall of China. That's good. He said, where were you before this? I can see it in my head. Let me see it if I can.

Starting point is 00:26:39 Oh, I see it, I see it, I see it. Oh my God, I see it. Yeah, yeah. I see it now. Oh, oh no.. I see it. I see it. Oh my God. I see it. I see it now. Oh No, oh no No, she was oh my God she was a little ground squirrel a little Tiny ground squirrel and she popped up Construction site At a construction site, and her head came right off.

Starting point is 00:27:06 Oh, my God, it was a tragic death. That was, oh, you have the ability? I can see. Oh, my God. Let me see Carlos. You really have the, oh, I can see Carlos. Oh, my God, I can see Carlos. What is it?

Starting point is 00:27:17 What is it? Hold on. What is it? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my God. You remember, oh, my God. You know, in New York, in Central Park, they had the horses on the car carriages Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know the bag that catches all the horse poop Carlos that's Carlos was a bag of horseshit. Oh shit. He was the bag that collected all the horseshit in Central Park Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my god of the turn of the 20s. Oh, you're a gift. Wow. Well, let me see if I can do fancy

Starting point is 00:27:39 We have a 180 800 number. It just called me. Yeah. Yeah, call me now for your free history reading. Yeah, it's miss Mr. Cheeto. Mr. Cheeto. Yeah, okay. Hold on. Let me see if I can do fancy. Hold on. Oh Yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, would you get can you feel it? I just gave it to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What is it? He's the um Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What is it? He's the um, oh Yeah, I know what he's it he lies But not on top of human head no, no, no It's a turd it's a turd it's a turd it's a turd creature. Oh, a turd, it's a turd, it's a turd creature. Oh. It's Eric Griffin.

Starting point is 00:28:27 Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Pussy Lice? Is that a real thing? Yeah No crabs and lice are two different things Clans. Pubic lice is super common tiny insects that look like tiny versions of the crabs you see at the beach They live on the skin and coarse hairs people get pubic lice No way have you guys ever known anybody that's got that? No, no, but we used to have so much lice on our hair when you were kids Really? So funny picking it out. Yeah, guess what guess what Andrew and I never had it never had it. You know why shower? It's probably cuz you were a lice in your old life. Yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:29:14 And then you died from getting picked and then you were born as Bobby Lee. Oh wow picked on pick I get it Wait, how do you get lice out of your hair? I don't know. I don't know roll around the dirt. That was. Wait, how do you get lice out of your hair? I don't know, it's just how it is. I don't know, roll around the dirt. That was how you got it out. I feel like that's how you get more lice. Yeah. Combing wet hair with a fine toothed knit comb,

Starting point is 00:29:33 remove lice and some knits. There's something called knits. Yeah, we used to have a lot, and like eggs and like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, at the egg? Yeah, yeah, you'd see like crawlies. And I bet you money, I bet you made you eat those two no Before it's about the hatch right you eat it like a little balloon like little tiny balloon

Starting point is 00:29:51 Yeah, a little balloon on some balloon with sprinkle of lights. Yeah. Yeah Right so basically so you get the little eggs too up there. Yeah, so lice comes from eggs Yeah, they lay them. They're just reincarnating on your head. Oh, that's interesting. They're so itchy. Yeah, yeah, I bet. A lot. Did they come from... Oh, imagine that. That's awful. Oh, that's awful. You never had lice? No. We never have lice. We don't ever get stuff like that. If you live in like a swampy area, you can get like, if you go swimming, it's what you can get leeches. Ticks. Ticks and leeches from the woods. Yeah. You can get, and ticks give you Lyme disease.

Starting point is 00:30:28 You know what that is? Yeah. You guys have that over there? No. Lyme disease. But they have, you have leeches in the water, don't you have leeches? Show them a leech.

Starting point is 00:30:35 You don't have leeches at all? I've never seen one. I've never seen one. Oh, they suck on your skin like that. They suck your blood. They're little vampires. Or is it that? Maybe Tito Bobby was like that.

Starting point is 00:30:44 Oh my God. Oh really now She's saying before before this was another life A good life you were a 95 I was a 95 blow for says a waiter and then you're a leech where where was he a leech? Was he working? Oh you're a leech in the leech in the Philippines. It wasn't working. He was Oh, I was a late the Empire leech. No, you're a homeless leech All right, so I didn't even want to work. No, no you were just You guys going and suck the blood I'm just gonna sit here on the corner and beg for fucking you couldn't get me blood

Starting point is 00:31:21 You would beg for blood you'd sit all the guys would go suck all day. They'd come home. You couldn't get any blood. You would beg for blood. You'd sit. All the guys would go suck all day. They'd come home and you'd get any blood. Wow. No one would give you any. Speaking of blood, I was watching Planet Earth. Yeah. Right? And there was an episode where they have this little, this island where these birch birds.

Starting point is 00:31:37 Birch bird. A birch bird. Yeah. And this tiny island, there's not a lot of food and stuff, right? So how do they eat? There are these gigantic seagulls that fly over there, right? Because they can't make it to the mainland these little birds and what they do is they jump on top of their backs They poke them their back. Mm-hmm and they start drinking their blood. Whoa

Starting point is 00:31:59 That is very smart. Yeah, and the fucking those gigantic birds. They don't even know what's going on They don't care. You know, like those gigantic birds, they don't even know what's going on. They don't care. They're walking around like, you know, they don't know. Wow, they suck the blood out of their backs to stay alive. Yeah, vampire birch birds, maybe. They're like zombies. They are like, look at their eyes are blood red. Oh.

Starting point is 00:32:17 So they drink blood. See, right there. Whoa. Human in that photo. That's cool. And the big bird doesn't care. No, you dig, look at him. He's like, oh. Oh, he just digs in. They dig in that photo. That's cool. And the big bird doesn't care. No, you look at him. He's like, ooh.

Starting point is 00:32:26 Oh, he just digs in. They dig in, unbelievable. So they're just taking advantage of this other bird's blood, but they don't ever eat anything but blood? I think there's certain times of the year where they can't get anything. So they go, oh, we'll go blood. They just gotta eat blood.

Starting point is 00:32:37 It's unbelievable though, look at that. Do you even get full with blood? I don't want you to try to find out. Depends on how much blood you drink, I'm sure you can. You can get full off of blood. Yeah, yeah, you ever had blood? No. Oh.

Starting point is 00:32:50 Oh, someone's not in Hollywood. You never been to a restaurant? You ever had baby blood? You never had baby blood? You never been to a restaurant where they offer you blood? Yeah. No. You know what's so gross though is that bird,

Starting point is 00:33:03 that little blood bird, I bet you in a species format would outlive, it has outlived humans and will outlive humans forever. And they're sucking blood. Meanwhile, we're eating Wendy's and fucking Taco Bell. Maybe we should be sucking blood to live longer. Here's a concern though, what? What if the seagull's gay and he's unprotected?

Starting point is 00:33:21 Yeah, he's dangerous blood. Flies back. That's right. Infects the whole fucking up. Now you're a bunch of friends of herkery, perch birds. You know? I saw this morning, I was watching the History Channel. I love this stuff.

Starting point is 00:33:37 I love the History Channel. I love nature and history. Me too, do you like ancient aliens? I love anything that's ancient. Me too. Nothing current. No modern shit. Yeah, you like ancient aliens hello anything that's ancient me too Nothing current. Yeah, no modern shit. Yeah, you like ancient like ancient old stuff Oh, what's up? Is there old shit like when you in the Philippines is there like old ruins that you can go go visit and stuff There's old shit like old

Starting point is 00:33:59 There's like there's no like Mayan temple. Well the Mayans wouldn't be there. I mean just some temple that you guys There's no like Mayan temple. Well, the Mayans wouldn't be there. I mean, just some temple that you guys. I don't think temples. You guys never did buildings back in the day. They still don't have buildings now. I know. Let me go back to the five ruins.

Starting point is 00:34:12 Go back to the magical five ruins of the Philippines you just were at. Yeah, ruins of famous ruins in the Philippines. Here we go. Here we go. Fortune Island. Oh, the sunken cemetery is cool, though. Yeah, what's going on there?

Starting point is 00:34:23 Oh, yeah. There's just like that. That's going on there? Oh, yeah. There's just... Whoa. That's a dope. That's cool, yeah. So wait, there's a cemetery that got overtaken by water over the years? That sounds like the Spaniards did this. This is from the Spaniards.

Starting point is 00:34:35 That's disgusting. I think this was because of a volcano. Yeah, the Spaniards. We call them volcanoes here. Oh. So, Mount... Or that could be Aquaman's family. Right there, all dead. Oh. So Mount V... Or that could be Aquaman's family. Right there, all dead.

Starting point is 00:34:47 Yeah. Sunken... Cut that out, that's not even funny. And I just throw things out. And I go, why did I just say that? Sorry. You guys have never been here. I've been there.

Starting point is 00:34:57 You swam down there? No, we can't swim. Cause they said it's haunted, so. Shut up. It's haunted so shut up I know really there's have you ever seen a ghost in the water swimming doing a backstroke Probably can't swim so when there's someone swimming on top they're gonna try to reach on to you to get back up in the air Yeah, oh, so we're buoys. Yeah to fucking go

Starting point is 00:35:26 But what happens if a ghost catches you What happens in the water? It's not gonna kill you. It's gonna drown you. Yeah. Oh just like in Lord of the Rings Do you remember? No What do you remember what are you talking about Lord of the Rings? Yeah, but when does he cut when does someone under water in the third movie? There's a swamp area and gogallum tells Frodo not to look But the starry eyes shut the fuck up. Do you remember? I'm not a nerd do that Do you guys not know this right and so then Frodo fucks up and he stares at it looks into the water Looks in the water. There's a kind of a dead glowy eye in there but doesn't try to get

Starting point is 00:36:06 him no but that he goes into a trance oh right then he falls into the fucking swamp so they trans and then all the fucking ghosts in the water caught try to grab them and guess what the fat fuck Sam right dives in and gets him he gets him always a fatty to save the day no it was gallum actually it was a fat fuck oh thank God was Sam and the other guy gay. Yeah, okay What what no? Yeah, he yeah, they were no they were gay dude came out years later. They were gay They were mm-hmm The internet it broke the internet look it up. Yeah. Yeah Well Sam from Lord of the Rings gay is it because they cried a lot on each other's arms. Yeah, that's why I thought yeah

Starting point is 00:36:43 Yeah, well, you know sometimes that happens when you're about to die too. The fantasy science fiction author, Marion Zimmer Bradley, wrote that Frodo and Sam are the most intense love described in the book. I told you. Yeah, but it's not, it's the kind of love me and Andrew have. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up. Hold up, back up.

Starting point is 00:36:58 First of all, the love that you and I have, pictures of my cock are on your hallway. Same thing as Sam and Frodo. That's what I'm saying. it's the love we have. Yeah, gay. It's not gay. That's, most guys would argue it is. Check it out, dude. We go down to Alabama and talk about our love.

Starting point is 00:37:14 No, it's- This is gay, dude. Our love is so- That little Chinese and Irish man are fucking gay, dude. Y'all seen that Chinese dude, that little fucking redhead and Chinese dude? Them dudes is gay, dude. They flirt all the time. He kissed his nutsack one time out live. I did I did but that's okay Okay, what?

Starting point is 00:37:32 I'm gonna let me just explain myself real quick. I want to be real not even in a comedy way All right, and I really believe this okay, okay? I believe that you and our love is so intense Right, that's on the edge of gay, but it hasn't crossed the line. It's so close to gay Okay. I believe that you and I, our love is so intense, right? That's on the edge of gay, but it hasn't crossed the line. It's so close to gay, it's a million miles away. Exactly. So what I'm basically what I'm saying is,

Starting point is 00:37:53 is that if you and I went on a journey, much like Frodo and Sam. You're saying like a date? No, what? Yeah. A day journey, however you want to say it, right? And we're having meals out in the forest. Some call it picnics. Okay.

Starting point is 00:38:07 I mean, I just call it second breakfast. Second breakfast. Yeah, right. B2. Yeah, and you and I, you know what I mean? At night, because it's cold at night. It is. Right?

Starting point is 00:38:16 Because we're trying to get to Mordor. It's far away. Yeah, what do we do? Get naked and hug each other. Butt fuck. No, we don't. We don't butt fuck. We don't butt fuck. We just get naked and hugged. We get naked and hugged because of our body. Body warmed. Yeah. And we're so comfortable with each other. That's right. Right. But fuck. No we don't but fuck. We sleep first of all. Who's the little spoon? Yeah. Who's the little spoon? Yeah. Come on. Yeah. And also can I just say this. I'm a fucking ladle. Yeah. He's a little like a little baby spoon. Oh, so the ring is so dangerous that we had wrapping around Andrew's dick, right?

Starting point is 00:38:47 And my butthole is the safe. Right? It has to turn and lock. Yeah, but that's not gay. We're protecting the ring. That's right. No one can pull me out. Once I'm in and locked, I can't get out. And we sleep, right?

Starting point is 00:39:01 Gull into the tree watching us going, look at these fucking gay fucks. Right? But we do that, right? We do. to the tree watching us going, look at these fucking gay fucks. Right? But, so we do that, right? We do. And then in the morning when we go travel, we unlock and this, I do a little sigh, like, aww.

Starting point is 00:39:13 Aw. Aw. You know what I mean? And then we go on our voyage again, right? Every night we do the fucking routine. Lock the, we lock the, we lock the rig into the safe. Right? But that's not gay, dude. That's just keeping the ring safe.

Starting point is 00:39:27 Yeah, we're keeping it safe. I really commend you guys for keeping it safe. Thank you. Yeah, but then when we get to the fucking mortar. When we arrive. We're trying to throw it in, right? We both die. Yeah, we both.

Starting point is 00:39:39 Because we forgot to unlock. We just jump in together. Yeah. This is how we want to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Morgan and Morgan's 2024 now, so let's talk about something important. If you get injured by a person, place or thing, you deserve to get paid. Yes, you do.

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Starting point is 00:43:55 Yeah, I'm pretty sad. When are you gonna come back to the States? Do you even know? No. No, it's undetermined. Wow. Yeah. Last time you were here was a year or two ago?

Starting point is 00:44:04 A year? A year. God, that's wild. So time you were here was a year or two ago? A year? A year. God, that's wild. So do you usually come every year though or no? Um, yeah, lately. Once a year. Yeah, every single time. Well, you came for her birthday, I remember that.

Starting point is 00:44:13 Yeah. Once a year is a good, are you gonna end up moving here? You said you wanted to last time. I want to. I think all I think she should come for college. Well, you've still gotta get through high school first. You never know, she might not graduate.

Starting point is 00:44:24 But can we do the same program? You got same good program? I got good grades. Yeah, can we do the same thing we did for you same program? Well, you came in high school, right? And we let you let them lived at my house. You came your senior year, right? Junior and we walked you through high school. Why can't we do the same for her? I Don't know you can she can you want same for her? I don't know, she can. You wanna do that? I guess. But she's gonna miss, yeah. She doesn't wanna leave.

Starting point is 00:44:49 So why don't you finish high school, dump your boyfriend and then you can move to the States. But also, we got white boyfriends here. Oh yeah, your boyfriend's brown? Yeah. Oh man, we got some. We got some good whites. We got some good whites. We got some good whites.

Starting point is 00:45:02 Well, he's not brown actually actually. He's not brown. He's the whiter side of the Philippines. I know, but wait till you get here. Yeah. Wait till you see how white some of these guys are. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. Got some.

Starting point is 00:45:15 The skin is so dry. Top whites. Top whites. Yeah, yeah. And we also bought, we have blacks too. We have everything really. We have everything here. Yeah, everything you've ever seen.

Starting point is 00:45:24 We have a more variety. So why not? Let me ask you something in the Philippines if you go to a 31 flavors, you know what that is They don't have a Baskin Robbins and I an ice cream place, right? Is there only one flavor there? No, no We all flavors poop. Yeah poop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah one welcome poop Yeah, we have we have all the flavors all the flavors. We have every single one you've ever dreamed of. And more. She likes her boyfriend. Don't dump your boyfriend.

Starting point is 00:45:49 They have fun and then come. But move on here. Why don't we do that? Yeah. Yeah. Nah. What? We had enough with her.

Starting point is 00:45:56 What do you mean? Well, here's the deal. One comes in, one's gotta go. Yeah. You gotta go back. That's the deal. No. Fancy came in because someone left. That's the only reason it's worth. No, no, no. no, no. You gotta go back. That's the deal, that's the... Fancy came in because someone left.

Starting point is 00:46:05 That's the only reason it's worked. No, no, no, I mean from Spain. When you come here from Spain, you have to send a Spaniard back to Spain. That's the only way it works. It's reciprocation, you have to come. It is. We're full.

Starting point is 00:46:16 Don't you listen to Donald Trump? We have too many. We're fucking full. And you also are poisoning the blood. Yeah, that's true. You're poisoning the blood of pure Americans. Pure Americans. Why are you poisoning? I'm not the blood. Yeah, that's true. You're poison the blood of pure Americans. Pure Americans. What are you mean poisoning?

Starting point is 00:46:27 I'm not doing anything. Yeah, right. Your boyfriend, right, is an American, is he not? Yeah. And if you guys had a baby, what happens? Green card. Poison the blood. But the blood's poisoned.

Starting point is 00:46:38 No. Yeah, yeah. No. No? It's upgraded. I'm not going to have kids. I'm going to abort it. OK. All right, all right. All right. OK. Man, hey, she really is American. No, it's I'm not gonna have kids. I'm gonna abort it

Starting point is 00:46:49 All right, okay, man. Hey, she really is America Jesus Christ, what does that say schools in the Philippines have a stricter management? They have they have stricter management than the United States a higher standard of education do they really well that I'm not surprised Look at this fucking country. We're upside down higher standard of education in the Philippines Students are taught well teachers are considered second parents to the students Wow. Are your teachers like your parents? Yeah, it's like best friends like you like you hug them goodbye and stuff. Yeah, that's insane I fucking my teachers opposite. Yeah, hated. Hey, then hated. They hated me. I fucking hated that. I hated them, man We're bad kids. Oh, yeah, but bad. What happens with bad kids in the Philippines? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:47:28 There's not even a detention. Yeah, there's always a detention. What? There's no suspension. Well, talk to the principal or something. Yeah, but that's it. What does he say? Stop being so bad.

Starting point is 00:47:38 Yeah. Stop being so bad. Be better. Because I remember, on the third grade, someone stabbed someone with a pencil. Right. What, is it prison? No.

Starting point is 00:47:49 It's their Sandy Hook. There was a man stabbing today with a number two pencil. Yeah. And you know how hard those are to acquire. So he stabbed him with a number two, did he die? Nothing. I don't know what happened, but he was still there. He was still going to school. Nothing happened.

Starting point is 00:48:08 That's a, that is a, and that's a talked about thing. Wait, wait, a student stabbed a teacher with a pencil? No, not a teacher, a student stabbed another student. Right. What if that kid still had the pencil stick? Can't take it out. He draws with it. Very good. What does that say though? You go back and said there's never, ever been a school shooting He's dancing it out. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it.

Starting point is 00:48:26 He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it.

Starting point is 00:48:33 He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it.

Starting point is 00:48:39 He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. He draws with it. No, but wait a minute the cops do have guns. Yeah, I just gotta be some bad cops doing bad shit though. Oh See the cops are up to no good. There was one shooting a ten year Demo Nilla. Oh

Starting point is 00:48:57 A ten year Demo Nilla. It's at a university. Yeah, it's not is that high school there? No, that's a college Wow But think about this though English is you know a second language to them, right? Of course. But look how great she speaks. Yeah. We don't realize that that's, you know, her language is her native tongue. I know. And she can do.

Starting point is 00:49:15 They're smarter than us. I think that's what it is. They pay more attention to shit. Yeah. And they- I wouldn't be able to tell a difference. I don't think, would you if she said she was born here? They sound identical. Yeah. Okay. And she's been here? They sound identical. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:49:25 Okay. She's been here for much longer. But you got, yeah. But I think she has more of like a American or something. She has better English than me because I feel like I still have the accent. Well she's smarter than you. That's true. Yeah, that's a big piece of it.

Starting point is 00:49:38 Hey, can you guys like talk like a valley girl? Oh yeah, let's hear you talk like a valley girl. Oh my God, yeah. See? She can do it. That sounds exactly. Exactly. For the next couple of minutes, just talk that way. Say, say, let's hear you talk about yeah She can do it that sounds exactly exactly For the next couple minutes just talk that way say say say say today. I want what do kids do that the mall

Starting point is 00:49:53 I order a coffee. Oh, yeah, I'm so good at this Let me be this let me be the guy Where are you? She's here Like that cuz that's how I do in the Philippines. I always purposely do it What's it what's the local coffee shop called there? Yeah, we don't have one there's no local just Starbucks only Starbucks or coffee bean Welcome to coffee bean Box welcome to boze boze welcome to boze. Can I take your order, please? Hi? Can I get a grande matcha latte, please? Oh my god?

Starting point is 00:50:44 That's so that sounds exactly like a valley. Yeah. Yeah. I rootie you try Rudy you try now. It's Rudy's turn. Okay. Welcome to You sound like you Yeah, you can go far crazier try it. Yeah. Yeah, there we Yes, Queen. Yes, Queen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Can I get an ice vanilla latte? Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, that's pretty good. One with autism, but still. Yeah, that's great.

Starting point is 00:51:14 At least that one's so good. So good. That really sounds like, if you close your eyes, say, oh my god, I lost my valet ticket. Oh my god, I lost my valet ticket. That my God, I lost my valet ticket. That's fucking- Oh my God, dude, we gotta get raging. When I close my eyes, I literally see like a white chick. I do too. Yeah. That's what some of my friends say, because I do it with my friend a lot and then it's become like my accident kind of. Wait, who taught you

Starting point is 00:51:40 to, well, where did you hear to do it? Were you just from- Online. Online. Yeah. The internet. but that I would meet new friends on the internet and they would think I would be a white girl Wow What a superpower you could catfish Wow, she's queen. Wow you should catfish as a white I have catfish really I got money from it wait Money from it. Wait, tell us. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop, yes. That was a fake account. Oh, I have to tell you guys something.

Starting point is 00:52:06 Okay, okay. I have, okay, so you know how you stalk people on Instagram, right? No, we don't. You don't. I've heard about it. Stalk people? I stalk people.

Starting point is 00:52:16 You stalk. You mean you're saying look at someone's Instagram, like an ex-boyfriend or something like that? Yeah. Yeah, but you make another account. It's like a Finsta. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:24 You know what's a Finsta? A fake one. Yeah, a fake account. I know what it is. And you stalk it. Yeah. I have a fake account because I saw a reel and it was like, it was something about like having a Finsta, right? And so I was like, I'm going to make an Indian man Finsta. So I have, I'm just, I have an account where I just act like an Indian man and I talk to my mom on it Oh, yeah, I tried scamming her for an iPhone 15 and she replied to me. No Wait a minute. Did you're you tried to pretend that you're a guy interested in dating your mom? No, I tried to scam her I can't say the username because everyone's gonna know yeah, don't say it. I don't say it. Wait, how did you get money? Who gave you money? Oh, no, no, I didn't get money from that. I got money from discord

Starting point is 00:53:12 What did you do on discord to get money? I would I would pretend to be like a really cute Japanese girl They would give me like nitro and like one time I got minecraft, but then when I stopped talking to them He took it away. I was so mad how much money did can you get on discord? Um, I didn't get money money I got things like that could buy from Goodbye with money. Wow That's crypto. Yeah That's amazing. Now what you do you need to be a full-time scam artist. We need yeah, yeah

Starting point is 00:53:42 Why not? We could do an Indian accent or not? No, I can't. Okay. Yeah, but you should really think about being a full-time scam. No one's a criminal anymore, like that professional criminal. That's not out to hurt people physically,

Starting point is 00:53:54 but a professional scammer. That'd be great. Dude, dream big. Dream big. Dream fucking big. Think about it, there's some old guy right now, there's some really old guy, right? Whose wife died years ago, he's got six or $7 million.

Starting point is 00:54:07 He doesn't know what to do. You could steal from that guy. Yeah, he could be dead soon, you could steal from that guy. I'd support that. Because the money's going to you guys anyways, it's going to my family. That's right. That's right.

Starting point is 00:54:21 So you should support it. Yeah, that's very good. All right, INS get in here. I guess, get in here now. Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. You you should support it. Yeah, that's very good. All right, INS, get in here. I guess, get in here now. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. You know what's so funny though? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:54:31 Carnegie, you guys don't know. You know who Carnegie is? No? Carnegie was one of America's richest men, right? And Carnegie believed that if you die rich, you're a soulless man. So he gave away, look up how much money Carnegie gave away at the end of his life this guy Gave away

Starting point is 00:54:49 Most of his fortune at the end and he believed to influence other rich people to be philanthropic It was kind of the turn of the century. He he was like people should give away He distributed 350 million and had 30 million left which went to corporations endowment fund towards other things He pacifist had a single goal achieving world peace. So Carnegie believed if you die with money, you're kind of a sucker. So he tried hard to give away all of his money. Benjamin Carnegie's son. Yeah, fuck, dad.

Starting point is 00:55:13 I got fucking $10. A bus ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be so pissed. Well, this influenced many other rich families, richer than him, to do the same thing, which was kind of interesting. I watched the whole thing about this,

Starting point is 00:55:28 it was fucking insane, but he was, but because the amount of wealth acquired by him was equal, I think they had said at the time, was equal to like $62 billion that he ended up like lording over and then realized it was worthless. He couldn't do anything with it. He had too much money. More money't do anything with it. Wow. He had too much money.

Starting point is 00:55:46 More money than anybody we ever have seen today. Because what's our richest guy on earth today has like upwards of 12, 20 billion, something like that? Elon Musk. Elon Musk is not in the 200, oh my holy fuck shit. Holy fuck that's a lot. I didn't know he was in the hundreds of billions. That's a lot.

Starting point is 00:56:01 He is the only person who also lost 200 billion. And got it back. He's also only person who also lost 200 billion. And got it back. He's also Bobby's age. What? Wow. Oh, you're saying we're a failure. No, he's just saying that's a pretty big gap of achievement. I know, I know, I know.

Starting point is 00:56:15 But think about this is my point. What the fuck is he going to do with $229 billion? Give it to us. He should. He should. You listening here, Elon? Can you imagine? I watched your podcast.

Starting point is 00:56:26 Genghis Khan, all these guys, six trillionaires who lived on earth and reached the pinnacle. Genghis Khan, Akbar the Great. Wow. Genghis, wow. But did you know that though? Just give out all your money when you're dying already?

Starting point is 00:56:37 You should. If you're dying, what the fuck are you gonna do with it? You should give it all away when you're dying. If you're dying, you should spend a lot, have fun. But how do you know when you're gonna die? I think if you reach an away when you're dying. Yeah. If you're dying, you should spend a lot, have fun. How do you know when you're gonna die? I think if you reach an age when you're like, Yeah. Hey man, it's probably soon.

Starting point is 00:56:50 Yeah, but still, you're like in hospice, right? And you're getting all those treatment, you're, you know, the rich man treatment, right? When do you do it? The day before? Well, I don't think it's like an immediate death. No, I just want to know man on your deathbed you push the button right you go okay all of it draft

Starting point is 00:57:09 up a fucking living will and then in your living will says oh I see that's what I would do yeah on my final right now because when I'm alive on earth I still want all of it well you don't want all of it to the end and then when I'm dead then go bad boy no no no bad boy because you're gonna still- You're just like Genghis Khan. That's right. I am. Fuck it.

Starting point is 00:57:30 You should give it away. I will when I die. When I once, I'm no longer conscious in here. Yeah. Then I'm gonna, I'll have it all worked out with my lawyers. Who would be the most unlikely person that you would give money to when you die? Oh my God, there's so many. You're gonna give people money that you know, don't deserve it or you don't

Starting point is 00:57:46 like anymore just to like show them up or something? Oh, you know what? That's cool. You know what I would do? I would give people money and just go, listen, dude, I knew you were a fucking jackass while I was here and a complete and other fucking asshole. And I fuck it every time I hear your name or saw you. I wanted to vomit.

Starting point is 00:58:04 All right? But dude, here's a million dollars. That's like the best revenge. Is that cool? Yeah, that would be a cool way to say fuck you. Fuck off. Have you ever heard the Adam Sandler story about Adam Sandler was at NYU and college and drama school?

Starting point is 00:58:20 I might be misquoting, but, and I guess one of the professors took him out for a beer and the professor was like, you don't have it. You just don't, I'm sorry, but you just like don't have it. Like I, like you're such a great guy, but like you got to find another thing, dude. Like this isn't not going to work out. Comedy? No, no, yeah, well acting in comedy and everything.

Starting point is 00:58:38 Oh, wow, wow, wow. And then, you know, Adam was obviously like, well, fuck that, I'm not going to stop. And the guy was like, I'm just telling you, I just don't think this is, you're gonna be your lifelong career. Wow. Right? And then at the height of Adam's career, when he's like tip top, I guess he's in a bar with a bunch of friends. And sees that this professor is there.

Starting point is 00:58:56 Wow. Right? And an opportunity to go up to him and what endless of possibilities. What would you do? Well, hold on, let me finish with this. This is what kind of guy Sandler is. I love it, I love it. He walks up to the professor with his friends and says hello to him.

Starting point is 00:59:11 His professor says hi and he turns to his friends and he says, you know what? This was the only professor that bought me a beer. And then introduced him to his friends and that was that. I know. Class. Talk about a grade A classy guy, Sandler. Really class. What a fucking cool fucking dude.

Starting point is 00:59:28 He could have done so many smart assy things. Not rude, but like he could have been like, I guess it worked out. But does the professor remember? That's the thing. Remember Adam Sandler? No, does he remember saying that to Adam? Oh, if you took a guy out for a beer, for sure you remember.

Starting point is 00:59:45 This wasn't in class if he was like, Bobby, next time the scene has got to be... No, no, he took him out just him and him for a beer, one on one, to tell him he doesn't think he should continue. He remembered. And after Adam Steele said that, I would love the professor to double down. And be like, still not working out? Or is that... Once that Netflix deal is done. Yeah, you're shit. You're tough or you you won the lottery. You know that oh Right, right like you still have your garbage. You still don't have any talent. Yeah, right double down. No, no

Starting point is 01:00:16 I don't know what would you say to the professor? I'm at there's got to be people in your life that at the beginning your comedy career We're like you're not you're not gonna make it in comedy or they said something around well I had I had one up incident like that what well I just flip his name out an agent his name is mm-hmm I know who he is you do yeah so Abby sent me a um a meeting with him and we're and we're sitting down in his office and he looks at me across from the desk and he goes, yeah, I just, you're not gonna work. And I go- Not gonna get work as we-

Starting point is 01:00:52 Yeah, I go, what do you mean? He's like, you're funny, but it's like you're just never gonna work. And I go, oh, and he goes, I just don't see it. Wow. And I go, okay. And I remember tears rolling up in my eyes. And then we took the elevator down.

Starting point is 01:01:09 Together? No, me and Abby. Oh, it's just how weird. And my manager was like, it's okay. See, we will find somebody else. Right. And I'm like, I just don't. Like, it's pointless.

Starting point is 01:01:18 Why, you know? And then years later, I was on mad. And David Salisman, the owner of Mad Goes. Hey, Bobby, come into my office. Like, when it was off and he goes, later, I was on Mad and David Salisman, the owner of Mad, goes, hey, Bobby, come into my office. Like when it was off and he goes, I need an Hispanic guy as an actor on the show. We had Nelson and Sancio, but it's been years ago. So I go, Johnny Sanchez. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:01:40 He's my friend. Yeah. So he goes, who is that? I kind of educated him and I called Johnny and I helped Johnny Through the auditioning process. He got the show But his agent Wow, right. So now we're at the first live Right and I'm at video village and it's Johnny

Starting point is 01:01:59 He played Joker one of his characters and it was front of a live studio audience and I'm sitting in a video village. And I, cause I'm so nervous for Johnny too cause I want him to hit a home run. And I feel a presence right here. And it's a- It's a smell. Yeah, not a presence. It's a smell, right?

Starting point is 01:02:19 And I look and I go, I see my periphery and I go back to the monitor. I go, like I do one of those. And I turn around, he locks eyes and he's smiling. And I go, hey man, and I hugged him. Wow. Hey, congratulations on Johnny. I'm so happy for him.

Starting point is 01:02:36 That is a classic. He's like, thanks for, but then I regret that. Why? Every single day. No! I should have done something different. Bobby, that's a classy move. Yeah, yeah. I think at the end of. Bobby, that's a classy move. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:45 Class. I think at the end of the day, you fantasize about all these things, but your true self comes out in those situations, and you go, who gives a shit? Because your heart is really good. Yeah, who gives a shit? Yeah. But have you had a moment like that? Oh, dude.

Starting point is 01:02:58 When I was a PA, when I first moved out here, there was a person who was a super powerful executive. And I wasn't a big fan. He just was pretty diminutive the way he spoke. I was young anyway, but they treated us like shit. Back in the day, Hollywood, if you were a PA, dude, they might as well pissed on you in the mornings. Like they fucking, you were dog shit. And when I finally went to quit,

Starting point is 01:03:24 because I was quitting to go try to do comedy really like full time. And I had to say it to one of these people and somebody else. And I'm being very vague on purpose. But they got, but I said, when after I put in my two weeks or whatever the fuck, he walked down the hallway

Starting point is 01:03:41 cause we were going on the same way. And he turned to me and he's like, you really think this, you're gonna do this comedy thing, huh? Oh, and I said, I mean I really believe like I'm really want to give it a shot and he was like hmm You know most people don't make it and I was like no no no I understand that and honestly But like I have to try and he goes yeah, and he kind of like stood there for a second And he looked me in the face and he goes Good luck, but it wasn't good luck as in good luck.

Starting point is 01:04:05 There's a way to say good luck. This is when I learned the phrasing, the intonation of a word matters. He literally went, good luck. Like you're fucked. It sounded like you're fucked. Instead of, hey man, good luck. Different, right?

Starting point is 01:04:18 No, this was good luck. Like fuck off. Good, yeah. And it hurt me a little bit because I was bummed and I was like, like god these motherfuckers They think I'm dog shit, and I was out every night doing shows two shows a night So I just add something real quick. Yeah those little things too because we're so comics are extra sensitive Of course that we we replay those things in our head. Oh, I see his fucking face

Starting point is 01:04:42 Yeah, they just last a long time. Forever, they're forever. I don't know my mom's middle name. But I remember that guy's fucking face saying that. I know, I know. And then years later, I was at an event and I had gotten on, I'm dying up here. Like I just booked the show. And it was like in the headlines of like Jim Carrey produces, you know, hand picks,

Starting point is 01:05:06 Jim hand picked us, you know? And I was at an event and he was there working for a company and I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's there next to me and other people. He's in this group setting. And I see him kind of looking over at me, waiting to say something. And I'm like, and I wonder what this fucking,

Starting point is 01:05:25 talking and talking and talking. And he turns to me and he goes, Andrew, congratulations on the show. And I said, I'm sorry. Wait, no, there's no way. I said, there's no way you did that. I'm sorry. Sorry what? I'm sorry what? Say your name again.

Starting point is 01:05:47 Oh. And I go, I'm just kidding. I'm just fucking around. Oh, very good. It was a nice, it was just a fuck around. No, but you still had that little, yeah, it was a joke. You had a dagger. But then he kind of chuckled at it and shook my hand.

Starting point is 01:06:00 He said, I'm very proud of you. Like happy for I said, thanks a lot man. Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah. And then I kind of broke off and went to get a hand. He's very proud of you like happy for I said Thanks a lot man. Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, and then I kind of broke off and went to get a drink. Yeah, but it felt So good because I wasn't mean. I was just joking. Yeah, it was clear I was kidding. Yeah, but I went to get a drink and man. I got fucking wasted excited just drinking at a party

Starting point is 01:06:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it felt it just felt like you think he remembers It's like, look at me, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just felt like- But do you think he remembers? Probably not. Yeah. Probably not. Cause I don't think that's, my guy remembered.

Starting point is 01:06:29 No, they probably don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't remember hurting your feelings, no. I have another story. Give another one. But it's not about that. It's more about like, it's kind of that, how if you're nice, something happens.

Starting point is 01:06:41 Yeah. I was working the back door. I've never shared the story before. Good. And I, cause it's one of those stories where it's like, I just feel it's too magical almost. Too perfect. It's a magical story.

Starting point is 01:06:54 Yep. You wanna hear magic? Mm-hmm. How about you? You bitches like magic? You guys like magical stories? I like magic, love magic. So I was, I wanna name any names,

Starting point is 01:07:03 but I was working the back door of the comedy store. And at that time I had no bank account, I had no money at all. I had maybe 15 bucks in my pocket. And I remember Jason Glern, you know, Jason, right? He's like, you know what I like about you, Bob? You're nice to people even though you're completely struggling and things are bad.

Starting point is 01:07:28 Calling it out. Yeah. So one night I was working there and I see this lady in the parking lot and this is when the comedy star nobody wanted to go. There was shootings right and it was just got a bad vibe to it. Yeah. And I see this lady she was wearing like a power suit. She looked like a business woman. She didn't look like she belonged. Right. And I see this lady, she was wearing like a power suit. She looked like a business woman. She didn't look like she belonged. So I walked up to her and I go, excuse me, ma'am, can I help you? And she goes, I just fucking hate this club.

Starting point is 01:07:54 I don't know how to get in here. You know what I mean? I'm seeing somebody, you know what I mean? I'm an agent, right? And I go, okay, come here, follow me. I go to the back door and I go, just come in. I'll get you Mitzi's seat. And I go, do you want it wine?

Starting point is 01:08:10 And she goes, I would love some wine. I go, what would you like? I bought it because they didn't give it to me for free. You paid for it. I paid for her wine, right? Gave her a wine. She saw whoever she needed to see. And when she was leaving, she goes, what's your name?

Starting point is 01:08:26 And I go Bobby Lee. She could do comedy, huh? I go, yeah, I mean, I'm do okay I'm about to do premium blend or something. I don't know. You're a man. That was a big deal. Yeah. Yeah, and she goes, okay and then a couple she leaves the agency that she's at and now she's at Fox Mm-hmm, right and I'm auditioning for mad She leaves the agency that she's at and now she's at Fox. Right? And I'm auditioning for Mad. Right? And so at the end, the final audition for the test,

Starting point is 01:08:53 it was between me and Taryn Killham. And I'm sitting, and everyone's telling me, you're not gonna get it, Taryn's getting it. Right? Because they want a white guy and they only have one spot. But you're just the option, right? So I'm sitting there like, I don't think I'm gonna get it. And I walk into the room, and as I walk into the room,

Starting point is 01:09:17 because Taren had just left, I see the sea of executives. Because at that time, when you tested, you had a test in front of live. It's a fucking worse. You have to audition for the executives and the president. And they're just sitting in a room. And they're just sharing it. I already know I'm not going to get it. So they're just like, right. But as I walk in, that lady walks in with me. The Fox lady. The lady that I helped in the parking lot. And then they go,

Starting point is 01:09:44 some of the executive goes, Hey, what are you doing here? She's not even supposed to be there. She goes, oh, I'm here to see his audition. Wow. And they go, oh, and as soon as I left the room, I got a call, I got it. Wow. You can't say her name.

Starting point is 01:10:01 But how wild. Yeah. Powerful. Do you still keep in touch with her? No. Uh-uh. But how wild. Yeah. Powerful. Do you still keep in touch with her? No. No. No, I don't.

Starting point is 01:10:09 I don't know what... I think she got it on the business or whatever, but my point is is that... She's at home right now watching this, being like, I'm still in the business. But I just remember that. That's powerful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just be nice. You guys got any cool biz stories?

Starting point is 01:10:24 No. No biz stories? No. No biz stories? Are you not no biz stories? Rudy, because of the success of you on the show, have you ever gotten offered anything online? Like has anybody said they want you for something? No, nothing. I'm shocked. I'm shocked too.

Starting point is 01:10:37 I would assume somebody would reach out and be like, hey, I want you to be a part of this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen here, directors, writers, and producers, we'd love you to cast Rudy in something. But I don't have a first ESA. Or even ESA now. Well, ESA's gonna be fine., yeah. Well, listen here, directors, writers, and producers, we'd love you to cast Rudy in something. Or even Issa now. Well, Issa's gonna be fine. Oh yeah. We're worried about this one. Also, if Issa, you come back and you live here, maybe you could be a part of the family. She is a part of the family. I mean, but do this, you know what I mean? Regularly? Yeah. No. No, yes, of course, of course, of course.

Starting point is 01:11:05 I want to talk about Joe Koy. Okay. I do. Well, can I put on some chapstick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you do sexy music while I do this? Okay. Go ahead.

Starting point is 01:11:15 I love Joe Koy. What the fuck? I said put on some, do some sexy music while I do this. Oh, you want me to acapella? Yeah, because he's going to zoom in on my face right now doing it. Go ahead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Starting point is 01:11:42 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right, so what do you want to say about Joe Koy? What I want to say is that I thought he did a good job at the Golden Globe. I'll tell you why. Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. You guys know Joe Koy, don't you?

Starting point is 01:11:52 He had 10 days to do this thing, right? It was a risk. He did the best he could. I thought that they didn't do any of him any favors in editing. Life. OK. No, but what I'm saying is editing, like cutting into the audience I didn't do any of him any favors in editing. Life. Okay. No, but what I'm saying is editing, like cutting into the audience

Starting point is 01:12:08 and seeing some reactions that, that's what I meant. Oh, right, right, right, I understand. That's what I meant. Okay. All right. They didn't do any favors for him. And it's like. Cut into the person he's mentioning.

Starting point is 01:12:20 Go ahead, finish with me. No, I don't want to go. No, finish your favor. I don't want to continue. Please. I want to hear you really you're really on my last nerve and I want no I honestly want to believe I what I'm saying is is that dude you're so fucking rude so you're so fucking rude and so funny so funny okay go ahead yeah what I want to say is is

Starting point is 01:12:41 that you know I because I've known Joe since the man. I didn't say fuck. I didn't say anything. I think you made a noise. I took a breath. Don't I hear you breathing into the mic all the time. OK, sorry. Sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've known Joe for a long time. Yeah. And what I'm saying is that he's a hard worker.

Starting point is 01:13:03 He's an extraordinary performer, and it I'm saying is is that he's a hard worker. He's an extraordinary performer and it was like a difficult Circumstance he was in ten days to take this gig on what I'm saying is is that you know, I love him He's such a talented guy. He's but here's the thing that people don't get. He's a super kind guy, too Mm-hmm, and so I just thought you know, but I rewatched it and I was just like, you know what dude? He I think he did a great job You watched it again. I did did Barbie win this time Anyway, Oppenheimer didn't my my um he got a lot of flack on my heart goes out to him I love him so much and he will be he'll be back and he's never gonna go away

Starting point is 01:13:41 And he's gonna kill it and well nothing changed for him. He's a stand-up. Yeah, yeah, that's true Anyway, let's win the game. Yeah, okay Yeah, we want to see how good you would be in the business if you if you were in the business, okay? Okay, all right. So so the rhythm would be na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Right, so try it Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Public libraries are rare in my country. For students Claire, Maika, Ogoi, and Jane, Rainn, Vanneeda, Mangananis Library is a significant aid in their studies. Mas naka, mas naka aliupo kasi ito kaisa sa social media and sa cellphone po. Said Ogoi, thank you, Hernando.

Starting point is 01:14:42 That's it with Rudy, new, again, again, again. That's it. We're rooting you Again That's it with Rudy news. I'm Rudy Jules. Good night correct It's not you you did great you did great who did the writing It's just not funny was it supposed to be funny? Well, it's a new the real news story Yeah, but I thought at one point it was gonna get crazy in it. Yeah, and funny. And funny.

Starting point is 01:15:09 Yeah, we need a writer. Yeah. But you are, he is a comedy writer. Yeah, it's just the news. I know, but I know, I just... What we assumed you were gonna do was take the news and interject insanely wild shit. Well, I thought it was already funny the way it was. Well, you're wrong.

Starting point is 01:15:23 Just the regular news, don't take your headphones off. Yeah, yeah. What was that? What's that move? Me mad at Bobby. Are you gonna make him use? You're gonna make him fucking use. Be nice.

Starting point is 01:15:31 No, no, no. I'm sober, dude. I'm so happy for your sobriety. And I know you did your best. But as a comedy writer. Yeah, yeah. I just, I was waiting for like, it to get so crazy that we would all be like laughing.

Starting point is 01:15:45 You copy and pasted the news. Well just the quotes because I can't write that. You copy and pasted though. Not completely. I was reading it and then writing it out myself too. It wasn't plagiarized. Like I thought it was going to go shamalama ding dong. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:15:59 Just crazy words. You know what I mean? Show Bob that video then. Show the video that you said I sent you for having me and I'm very excited to pitch degree fail that one's tough. That's a tough one Go back to that real fast that one's the toughest part of the form. We're excited to pitch out for having me and

Starting point is 01:16:20 I'm very excited to pitch degree field. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Since he woke up that morning, he was repeating, wiggly peel, wiggly peel. Wiggly peel. Wiggly peel. Wiggly peel.

Starting point is 01:16:33 Wiggly peel. And the driver is like, wiggly peel. And he's like, wiggly peel. Wiggly peel. That's mean. Okay, keep going. They don't make us do that when we go over there. What do you mean? You know when like basketball players go play overseas?

Starting point is 01:16:47 They don't have to fucking like learn the language to do a press conference That's so hard. Is there a word in Japanese that Americans can't say that all of them Everything. Oh, you think we can't speak Japanese. Well, like give me like a little Japanese model. I can think I do it Yeah, you can do it. You can speak Japanese? Yeah. Oh, that's right. You were learning it last time. Yeah, yeah. What's, here speak some Japanese, say, hey, I'm so excited to be here in Los Angeles. America, I love you.

Starting point is 01:17:11 That's it. They really can, they really do everything really more efficient than I thought they would. You can say that. That's I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles. But saying, I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles. But saying, I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles. But saying, I'm excited. I'm so like... Very... Excited in a way that it's like sexual.

Starting point is 01:17:30 Really? Say it again. I want to try to repeat that. Yeah, let's see. Absolutely not. I'm so excited. Just to say, I'm so excited. Just say to be here. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:49 Nope. I have Coco. I have Coco. That's it. I have Coco. That's it. That's it. One more time. One more time. So hard. One more time, one more time. I'm so tired of coming here. I'm so tired of coming here. So hard. I don't understand how that's so hard to do.

Starting point is 01:18:12 Crazy. As a 15-year-old young person, as you're starting to come into looking forward into like, you're not a little kid. You're not a grown grown-up Do you start to see the world in a way where you're thinking about? What you might want to do in the world what your country? What do you think you want to do in the world? I don't know but you but does anything interest you like that? Are you like you know what I would do for a job would be fun. I should be a scam artist. Yeah, yeah Yeah, we did say that on this show. Yeah, I think that was bad to influence her to do that But yeah, but is he what do you want to do? What would be fun to be as your life?

Starting point is 01:18:49 I should be a realtor. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, she could sell a house. Yeah sell us a house This is my wife. This is my wife, Babina. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi What a beautiful house This was picked especially for you. Wow. Wow, what do you mean? We just, we literally just came here to open house. No, you're supposed to, you're supposed to tell me

Starting point is 01:19:13 what you want and then you send it to the house. No, well it says open house. It says open house and we walked in and we walked in. Why do you know that? I'm Babina, this is my Felipe. I'm Felipe, that's Babina, my wife. Yeah, so you instinctually know that this is our house. Wow. Yeah, I can feel it from your bones What you feel bone bone energy? What do you army hammer? What's wrong with our bones leave our bones out of it?

Starting point is 01:19:34 Yeah, yeah, so miss what's your name? Oh? Bobina what you're You have the same name as my wife Fucking crazy. No, that's how I knew that you wanted this house. Can I see your ID real quick? Oh my God, sweetie, look. It is Bobina.

Starting point is 01:19:52 Wow. It is Bobina. Wow. Okay, Miss, well, how many bedrooms and how many bathrooms are there in this? It has six bedrooms. Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:01 That's a lot. How many bathrooms? Four bathrooms. Six and four? That's not bad. How many square feet? Um... You must know the property you've been here all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many square feet? Around...as much as you would want it to be. What would that be? What would that be, the specific number?

Starting point is 01:20:19 How many do you think? Because we do have...we have certain specifications. Yeah, that's right. How about let's ask my partner. No, no, no, no, no. Pupina. You have another partner named Pupina? No, her name's Pupina. Oh, Pupina. Oh, Pupina, Hypo-Pina.

Starting point is 01:20:33 Hypo-Pina. Oh, she's deaf. Oh, she's a mute. A mute, I mean, she's mute. All right, so Pupina, how many square feet do you think it is? Guess, because it- Maybe around... Just throw out a number, Throw out a number throw out a number just okay ten ten square feet

Starting point is 01:20:51 Wow, so six wait wait wait excuse me for a second. Let's ask something Six bedrooms for bathrooms in ten square feet. This is insane. This is how they do it. Oh, wow, the Philippines Wow, these rooms are so small Well, how big the lot around how many square feet is a lot yeah, we're on 20 so 20 Wow, wow, how much is it how much is the how much is this house? Well, do you want to end around do you want around pesos or well dollars would be preferred? Yeah, because we're in the United States but around

Starting point is 01:21:31 30 mil 30 million dollars square feet of land Oh my god Six better for but intense wow Wow 30 million 30 million. 30 million. We're gonna call our accountant. I don't know if we can afford it. Yeah. Well, can you explain to me the school system?

Starting point is 01:21:51 Because we have six kids. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. What kind of schools are in the area? Well, the one near us actually had a shooting, so I wouldn't recommend that one. Oh, just a shooting. Maybe the other closest one would be around two hours away.

Starting point is 01:22:06 Two hours away. Two hours away. Wow. I think you're selling us. Yeah. I think you're selling it. We do want to be away from everything. How about crime? Yeah, what's the crime rate out here? A lot. A lot. It's high. Tell us how much.

Starting point is 01:22:19 $30 million house in a high crime area. Yeah, 10 square feet high crime no school 656 bed for bath six bed for bath Wow Wow There are actually a lot of people that would try to carry your house So you might be you might want to be careful of that carry it. Oh, so it's portable. So this is on wheels It's a portable house. We are buying a portable $30 million house in a bad neighborhood that they can carry Huh like huh? What's is their HOA fees as there any? We are buying a portable $30 million in a bad neighborhood that they can carry. Huh?

Starting point is 01:22:46 Like, huh? What's, is there HOA fees? Is there any, what does that cost? Yeah. You know what the HOAs are over here? No. Yeah. What do you think?

Starting point is 01:22:54 Oh, there isn't any or there are? Because it says there's HOA right on the flyer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what does that mean? What is that? A month. A month? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:02 Maybe half 30 mil. So 15 million. 15 million a month. So 15 million a month. So 15 million, let me get this straight. We've got eight over eighties. 15 million a month. Wow, what a deal. That's pretty good.

Starting point is 01:23:14 That's pretty good. Does that provide security of some kind? Of course, there's actually, there's actually poopina outside. Oh, she comes with the house. She comes with the house. She comes with the house. She comes with the house. She comes with the house. Wow.

Starting point is 01:23:27 And, but she can't talk, so if something bad happens. She actually can't talk and fight. So she would try to sign the robber. She would sign the robber. Go away. Beware. Okay. Dog.

Starting point is 01:23:39 Okay, I see. All right, so are there any other offers on this house? Because we might be interested. Yeah, yeah. Are there competitors out there or people trying to buy this house? There's a lot of people who want to buy it. A lot of competition. A lot of competition.

Starting point is 01:23:48 We might want to buy it now. Wow. Okay. So people want to buy it right now. I see. What percentage down payment do you require to buy this? What percent? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:56 Around 90? 90% down payment. So we need to have a fucking gut. Around 25 million dollars. Do we have 25 of liquid money? We do. We do. I know. That's all we have. That's all we have, though. $25 million, $15 million a month. $15 million a month. That's a lot. That's a lot for H.O.A. Wow. Okay.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Wow. Okay. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I think you got a future in real estate. Yeah, I do. I do. That's great. All right. So look, we're happy you're back, we're sad you're leaving, we hope when you come back you come see us. You know how we end the, we log off the show, so you wanna say it?

Starting point is 01:24:32 Thank you for being a bad friend. Perfect. Amazing. Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Woo! Yeah!

Bad Friends - Barnacle Bobby & Lice Balut w/ Rudy and Her Sister

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