Bad Friends - Bobby Cries & Rudy Becomes Jules

Episode Date: January 17, 2022

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://www.liquid-iv.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://butcherbox.com/badfriends & https://www.meundies.com/badfriends & https://www.b...espokepost.com code: BADFRIENDSYouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 Podcasting From San Diego 0:57 The Reason Doc Can't Drink 9:22 Was Harry Styles In Harry Potter? 18:08 The Real Mexicans Of San Diego 25:05 Doc Has The Cutest Eyebrows 27:49 The San Diego Date That Never Happened 41:35 Rudy and Fancy Introduce The Show 45:55 The Day That Steven Brody Died 59:08 Doc Runs The Light On Stage 1:03:24 Doc's Gay Uncle's Story Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Eric Griffin and I ate pizza last night. No, I know. You guys ate pizza, but then after you ate pizza, he ate again with us.
Starting point is 00:00:18 No, no, no. He had two gigantic slices of pepperoni and jalapeno pizza. And then I go, you want more? He goes, oh no, man, good. And you didn't finish yours, and he finished yours. He finished then mine. I know, he told me that. Then he did a yawn.
Starting point is 00:00:38 He went, oh, man. I'm so full. I go, where you going? I'm going home. He went to get more tacos. Well, because I brought up Kevin Hart last night. Do you know that? You know Kevin came to the store? Yeah, I heard.
Starting point is 00:00:54 So I brought up Kevin. The laugh factor, I didn't go. And then they showed up to the store. I also, I brought him on. And the crowd thought I was kidding. Because he didn't get on stage for three minutes. I stood with the curtain open for three minutes. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:01:10 So people were laughing because I kept going like this. They thought it was really funny. Wait, somebody got bumped. Who got bumped? Well, Lisa Treger never showed up. No, she was canceled. Oh, she did? Do you know what he said in the green room to Kevin Hart?
Starting point is 00:01:26 What does Stephen Fuhrer say? Stephen goes, you don't have an arena? You can go play? He is so funny. That dude is so funny. You don't have an arena? He said it again to me. Chris Spencer was like, it was very funny.
Starting point is 00:01:42 I guess he said it. He was like, there's no Scotiabank. You can't go do the United Center. Or the crypto.com. Is it open tonight? And then he went on. So Griff stayed, watched Kevin's set. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:58 And then came outside. I was outside with Faheem and Aristotle. Aristotle's in town? He told me not to tell you. Fuck. He told me not to tell you. You know what? That's really weird. I'm going to call him right now, but he did say don't tell Bobby.
Starting point is 00:02:14 I don't think he hates you. I don't know if he likes you. That's not good. I don't want to be one or the other. I don't want to be in the middle. Being in the middle is kind of fun. You shake it up a little bit. Then I have to prove myself.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Do you like her or hate her? I love Rudy. I know, but you don't like her. I hate her. I see how that works. Let's call Stott and see why he didn't pick up. He's going to go, hey, I'm on SNL now. Don't put me on the fucking.
Starting point is 00:02:46 He's been acting real. I'm going to say something. I'm going to ask him something. I watched the Beatles documentary, by the way. It was amazing. I get a force for her to do it. Fuck him. She's Yoko to us 100%.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Oh, she's Yoko. There's a scene where they're, do you know who the Beatles are? Yeah, but I don't understand who Yoko is. Bring up a picture of Yoko Ono. Yoko Ono literally destroyed the Beatles. No, she made it better. Her singing is amazing. Come on, dude.
Starting point is 00:03:26 So Yoko Ono, right there, Yoko married John Lennon. And forced the Beatles to literally shatter. They were already shattering a bit. He said, I got to call you back. So he'll call us back. He's talking to his high powered agent now. Ever since he went to New York? Yeah, he smokes a pipe now.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Oh my God. He walks Fifth Avenue and smokes a pipe. Like Moriarty? Moriarty. Moriarty. Moriarty. He's getting a little too famous. A little too big.
Starting point is 00:04:02 No, but here's what happens. Explain Yoko Ono to her. And what Yoko really is. So Yoko was an artist. Yeah. A street artist from Japan. Correct. She met John in New York, I believe.
Starting point is 00:04:18 He wandered into some, you know, means exhibition. Somewhere in the village, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, and they met. And she knew who he was, but she was really confident. I think she's just eclectic is a good word. Yeah. So she probably didn't care. She didn't care.
Starting point is 00:04:38 So anyway, they start dating and she starts showing up at rehearsals. She's everywhere. Kind of like you are. And then she started giving notes. Now, you know, if the Beatles were, if the Beatles were, let me ask you something. If the Beatles were like on their first album. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:54 That's one thing. Even still. But they had already done Revolver, Rubber Soul, I mean, just Sergeant Pepper. They had done everything. Everything already. They were the Beatles at this point. They have four or five hit records.
Starting point is 00:05:10 She's in the fuck. I don't like that. Not good. You don't sing now, right? He does triple harmony, right? Ringo, go take a nap. Right? And I don't even know where.
Starting point is 00:05:26 What's the other guy's name? George. She doesn't know who he is. Who George? You met her a thousand times. Who are you, George? What do you do, George? What? I write the music.
Starting point is 00:05:42 The fuck? Yeah, she didn't care. And so now you're George. And these guys are like, There's a scene where she's reading a newspaper in the middle of their shit. A fucking cologne. She doesn't give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:05:58 She's with the Beatles. Okay, do you know what this is to you? Imagine you start dating one of the guys in what's the group that you love? One Direction. And you're giving One Direction notes on song and you're just fucking them
Starting point is 00:06:14 off the whole time. You're on a high note. You're dating Harry Styles now, right? No, give her someone else. You can't get Harry. Who's the fifth guy? Let's see which one. Dude, you can't get Harry. You're nuts, dude.
Starting point is 00:06:30 You're nuts, dude. There we go. Slow down. Left to right. Can you name the boys left to right? Can you zoom it in? I want to know. That white one. Nile, Zayn, Louis, Liam, Harry. Nile is left. Zayn, Louis,
Starting point is 00:06:46 Liam, Harry. I say Liam. Liam is in the green shirt. Evens... Yes? What's the brown one's name? Zayn.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Maybe the brown one? See, the brown one would look at her and go, I should be with you, but I can do better. He could do better. And I think he'd leave you for Liam or not. The brown one would spit on you, the other whites wouldn't. The other whites would hit you. They would hit you, but not spit on you.
Starting point is 00:07:18 That's correct. No, you cannot have Harry. You can't have Harry! We have Harry. Louis in the middle. I know that one. You don't get that one. He's second in command. Which was the Ringo?
Starting point is 00:07:34 I feel like it's the guy you named. What's his name again? And what's his last name? He's yours. You and I do have... You and I are sharing Harry, right? Right. Just for reference.
Starting point is 00:07:50 But honestly, he has two tattoos, right? The upper body says, yeah, and the bottom body says BL. So always remember my territory. I know. I understand. I'll respect that. You respect mine. When I'm in there,
Starting point is 00:08:06 we're not doing this game. It's not sexual or gay. Can you share? Do you share anything with us, ever? My food. Tacos. You're cold. The fucking prop Taco Bell fucking
Starting point is 00:08:22 that's been here for three weeks. You want us to eat that shit? Still, you have to share. Anyway, you get fucking... Can you remember his name, ever? Liam Payne. So listen, here's the deal. They did two albums. You're not coming in, right?
Starting point is 00:08:38 They're international fucking superstars. You're in the recording studio, right? Now, let's say now we're one direction. We're playing, right? And then you have to stop us and correct us. All right? If you want to be my midnight girl,
Starting point is 00:08:56 you will always be my midnight girl. Excuse me, sorry. Yeah? Can you make your voice a little bit louder and make it more pleasant? Oh, all right.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Sound guy, he wants it more louder and pleasant. Ready? One, two, three, go. Do you want to be... I didn't say scream. She didn't say scream. Who's bitch is this? Calm down.
Starting point is 00:09:28 I'm Zane. Oh, you're Zane? All right. Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? You want Andrew to sing it? Zane sing it? I should have been Nile. He's Irish.
Starting point is 00:09:48 You have to sing it. More lively though. You look angry all the time. Imagine. That's how the album Imagine came. That's where the song Imagine came from. Because she was giving notes and they looked at each other like, can you fucking imagine
Starting point is 00:10:04 that we're going to take notes from this fucking version? Okay, I'll sing. Here we go. Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? That's better. So I'm the lead now.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Can I get one more shot? Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? That's pretty good. Still not good enough? Fuck! I get exactly what he did! I want Nile to lead. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Yeah, and now after rehearsal... So what did she already figure out about what she... Just kidding, two people against each other. She already figured out about what she did to the Beatles. Exactly. She put a wedge in between these... That's a clever... You don't even know and you know exactly what she did. You know how to do it.
Starting point is 00:10:52 So she wedged between the group members. They started to resent each other. Therein lies the end of the Beatles. You know what you probably also do? What's the... her boyfriend is who? Liam. When Liam's not around, she says compliments. Yeah, she goes up to other people.
Starting point is 00:11:08 She goes up to you. She's so cute too, you know? If I hadn't met Liam... Yeah, and they're like, what the fuck? Maybe some of them buy it. They get a little hard. Oh, haven't I? And then that's another wedge.
Starting point is 00:11:24 And when they get hard and I walk in and she goes... He's hard! What happened? Extra sabotage! So Liam walks back in. Well, Liam's going to the bathroom. Let's start from before. I was like... Baby, I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Starting point is 00:11:40 That's good. Bye. Now you say your compliment to him. Nile, I love your voice so much. Oh, cool. Thanks. Your biceps. Your biceps are really good.
Starting point is 00:11:56 I've been working on them. Great. Wonderful. The bathroom was nice. I've got a boner! Nile, that's a boner! He has a boner! No, no, shit! Because of me!
Starting point is 00:12:12 He got a boner because of you! He flirted! He flirted with you! I'm finished! You red fuck! See what happens? Very good. Very good.
Starting point is 00:12:28 So now you learn about Yoko Ono. Can I just say this too, though? Play a little bit of Yoko singing. I don't even do that yet. It's that Sean Lennon So Yoko and John had a son
Starting point is 00:12:44 named Sean. I'm a huge fan of his. He's dope. He's a great musician. He sounds just like his dad. Super talented guy. And there was a time where him and I were DMing each other on Instagram. Very cool. Holy fuck.
Starting point is 00:13:00 So then Jeremiah Watkins asked me to do his podcast and he has a Yoko Ono wig. Right? And so I put the Yoko on and I You know, I did the ding! You know what I mean? And we do the impression.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Ever since I did that impression on his show he won't DM me back. So I don't want to make fun of his mom. I think it's because I'm making fun of his mom. We just did it for about five minutes. I don't want to continue because maybe there's still a chance. Doubt it? I doubt it.
Starting point is 00:13:32 I killed it. I love him so much though. Does he know that we're comedians? This is half of the fun. And also probably a lot of it's in my mind. A lot of it's in our minds. Probably it's in my mind. But it's real. It's definitely real. He hates me. I lose sleep over it, I know.
Starting point is 00:13:48 But I'm a huge, that's his mom. But Sean, he has another son named Julian. And Julian has one of my favorite songs of all time. What is it? Why don't you sing it for us Julian? I don't need this music but I just need the lyrics. I can sing you the whole song. Give it to me.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Saltwater. Julian Lennon's Saltwater. And if you listen to the lyrics, it really means a lot. Here you go. But I need it. 185 fun for him to read it. We'll talk about that later. It's about the environment.
Starting point is 00:14:42 It's a good song. I've been singing about it since the 80's. So he knew about it. I'll leave you with another line. I love to hear another line. Love it. We climbed the highest mountain We make the desert bloom
Starting point is 00:14:58 We're so ingenious We can walk on the moon Well, maybe. But when I hear of how The forests have died He knew about the trees. They were dying back then. The whistleblower.
Starting point is 00:15:14 We were de-forcing for a long time. He knew about it. He was the first guy. Listen to the lyrics. It tells on itself. What's more? Where am I dying? The forests have died.
Starting point is 00:15:30 I have lived for love But now that's not enough For the world I love Is dying And now I'm crying And time is not a friend No friend of mine Our friends were out of time
Starting point is 00:15:46 And it's slowly passing Anyway, I don't want to sing the whole song. I don't like this song. Why? He's a guy. So much stuff about him. I know, but back in the day We didn't know about the environment back in the 80's.
Starting point is 00:16:02 And yet we did. And he was like, I'm gonna write a song like my daddy did. Did he have an accent? Is he from New York? No, no, Julian has an accent. Is he born in England? His other son was born in here. My dad used to sing about it.
Starting point is 00:16:18 I'm gonna sing one. Can you imagine if you would get a British A role on a British show? I would get fired day one. They're like Bobby, look. All you have to do is come in the room And tell the king That his horses are ready.
Starting point is 00:16:34 That's all we want you to do. I'm gonna use the accent, bud, because it's back then. So, and action. The horses are dying. First of all, they're ready. They're not dying. The horses are ready. The horses.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Because I'm an English actor And I love Benedict Cumberbatch. He's in this movie. They're in this scene. They're sitting at the table. What's the line again? I read the script, but all my favorite. Your highness.
Starting point is 00:17:06 The horses are ready. Here we go. And action. Your highness. Yes, my liege. Your horses are ready. Why do we... I'm a huge fan, by the way, Benedict.
Starting point is 00:17:28 I'm gonna get another shot. That's it. You're fired immediately. That's it? I get two shots at it. It was so bad. You do it. Okay, ready? Can I have conversations with my... Hello, so how's your tea this morning? That guy's getting fired.
Starting point is 00:17:44 Are you a new guy? I don't forget to say this. Since the camera's on you, and I'm doing the reverse, it doesn't matter how I sound. Because when you turn the camera around to me, I'm gonna nail it. You didn't even get into...
Starting point is 00:18:00 my character, by the way. Oh, yeah, because you have a hunchback. Well, I know. I live out in the barns. Yeah, you do. I know who I am. Sweetie, how's your tea in crumpets? My lord. Hello, one second, please. My lord.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Sweetie, I'm talking to the queen. The horses. My lord, the horses. Hello, hold on. They're ready. The horses, my lord, are ready. Sweetie, the horses are ready. You think I could nibble on a chicken bone?
Starting point is 00:18:32 God, listen. But that was good. But there's the director now. He's asking for more lines. No improvising. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Aaron Sorkin wrote this. Word for word. Very good. Scene's over. You can go back to your trailer.
Starting point is 00:18:48 Oh, am I fired? No. Were we writing the script about you? The whole movie's about you now. You did one line, you changed it. I took it to the top. They're all fired. You're firing Benedict and Kate. The whole movie's you.
Starting point is 00:19:04 And it's just me on the poster. And then there'll be stories about it, right? He did one line. And he changed the fucking fabric of show business history. Those black interviews where the celebrities are sitting there and it's all black and they're like, what it did was more than art. It was revolutionary.
Starting point is 00:19:20 It was life changing. And they cut to me going, the horses are ready. The horses are ready. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to do a British role once. I would love to try one time or something like that. Well, you could have accents.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Yeah, but I would do cockney. I can't do proper British stuff. You know how fancy is... He's fancy Spanish? That's harder to do than... Well, what's the other way to say it, fans? Less fancy Spanish?
Starting point is 00:19:52 Street Spanish. He doesn't speak street Spanish. You know that, right? Like in Mexico, you could tell people use street terms when they were talking to him. That's interesting. I've never... Because in America, we obviously all speak American. Right, English, I mean. No, you're right.
Starting point is 00:20:08 I speak American, you guys speak English. I speak American, too. We speak English, right? No, we speak American. The British speak the English. But in Spain, obviously, we have dialects and accents. Right, and I'm sure
Starting point is 00:20:24 because we also have our, like, the urban guy. We have dialects. We have urban dialects. Southern... Does Spanish have an urban dialect? So come in here. No, fans, tell us. No, tell us from there. He's on camera. Yeah, yeah, so you're a Spanish
Starting point is 00:20:40 hip-hop music producer. You trying to just say a black Spanish guy? No, he's white. You know how some white... For JYP? What is that? JYP is, like, the puff daddy of Korea. JYP? Can we get him on the show?
Starting point is 00:20:56 He's in Korea, but... So he calls me and he goes... Years ago, he goes, Yo, yo, what's up, dude? And I go, excuse me? Yo, yo, what's up, dude? I go, dude, who? Do you bro, what's up? And I go, who's this? JYP, dog?
Starting point is 00:21:14 What's going on? And I go, who are you? I'm just the puff daddy of Korea? He's the puff daddy of Korea. Dude, he flies me first class. JYP, let me see. He flies me first class. To Korea. That's when I did the fucking music video for the female group.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Oh, right. It's because of JYP. JY Park? Yeah. So this guy is P Diddy? Yeah, that's the P Diddy. Wow. That's my boy. So, like, you know, even Koreans have a guy so the Spanish people have that guy.
Starting point is 00:21:46 Do you have that, fans? Yeah, they're called Mexicans. That's... Wait, that joke is so good. So good. That joke is so good, it made me not laugh. It is so good. It made me so jealous of that joke.
Starting point is 00:22:02 It was so good, I paused. I paused and I let it absorb. That is so fucking funny. Here's what I want for the edit. I'm not kidding. I want you to loop that clip five times over and over again. Yeah, they're called Mexicans. Yeah, they're called Mexicans.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Yeah, yeah. How serious? Seriously funny. Very good, fans. How do you think about JYP? Do you like this guy? No. Do you know who he is? He's 60 years old in that photo. He looks pretty good to me.
Starting point is 00:22:34 Wait, do you know who this man is? No, but his eyebrows seem like angry birds. He does look like an angry bird. Angry bird. He looks like an angry bird. JYP is an angry bird now. Look at him. Will you side by side an angry bird picture with that?
Starting point is 00:22:50 I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. So good. So dead on. Which angry bird does he look like? The yellow one? Yeah, I think the yellow one. Because he's Asian, don't do that. Let me have that. It's funny.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Another good one. The yellow one. Right there, it's in the middle. Down, middle. Zoom in. That's JYP. That is it. That's JYP.
Starting point is 00:23:22 I think it's still the red. You do? Oh, that's yellow. It's the yellow guy. I'll go yellow. I don't know why we're arguing against it. Why is that even a thing? She knows what she's doing.
Starting point is 00:23:38 What have you been up to? Are you going back to Hawaii? You guys just get by a house there. You guys are there every fucking week. Seriously, you're there so much. Why don't you just go move there? I don't know. My neighbor goes to school in Hawaii.
Starting point is 00:23:54 My neighbor's daughter goes to school in Hawaii. She lives here? Her parents live here, but she's in college right now. She goes to college out there. Why don't you go to college out there? Yeah, but we'll just fly her back. If she flies back every week anyway, what's the difference? She does, yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:10 You're happy at your college now, right? That sounded so fake. I mean, she's not doing anything. Are you meeting anybody? Any boys? Any girlfriends? One girlfriend? Oh, that girl, that's who you went with.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Liquid IV! This is my favorite thing because I ain't love water, but I love it more with Liquid IV. So much better with Liquid IV. You're getting so much of the electrolytes and nutrition. It really is so much better. They've got good flavors, like watermelon, lemon, strawberry, peyacolada.
Starting point is 00:24:42 One take of Liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster more efficiently than water alone. It's very good. Sometimes I'm at Whole Foods and I wait in that line and I see the Liquid IV and I feel like it's family. It's calling you. It's calling me and I want to turn to everyone and go,
Starting point is 00:24:58 hey guys, this is my thing. This is part of our thing. One stick of Liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster more efficiently than water alone contains five essential vitamins. B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C. B3, B5, B6, B12, and vitamin C. All right, with three times the electrolytes
Starting point is 00:25:14 in traditional sports drinks, they're made with premium ingredients, non-GMO, free from gluten, dairy, and soy. They're so good. They've also donated over 19 million servings globally to people in need. That's incredible. Grab Liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco, or you can get 25% off when you go to liquidIV.com and use code BADFRIENDS at checkout.
Starting point is 00:25:30 Experience better hydration today at liquidIV.com. Promo call code BADFRIENDS. That's 25% off. Anything you order when you use the promo code BADFRIENDS at liquidIV.com. Butcher box, send me the meat. Send me the meat.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Send me the meat. And when Butcher box sends me the meat, dude, I get meat. I get meat. The best meat. I have so much Butcher box, man. It's been awesome. They source their meat from partners with the highest standards and they're more searching the grocery store for 100% grass-fed beef, free-range, organic chicken. Go to your local grocery store.
Starting point is 00:26:02 Go to your local grocery store. Sure. Grab some meat. Yeah. Then order some Butcher box. Yeah. Compare the two. Compare the two. They're not the same. Not even close. They're two different things. High quality. It's not even close. My favorite thing about Butcher box
Starting point is 00:26:18 is that it's high quality. The quality is genuinely my thing because I don't like buying meat at the grocery store anymore. I do sometimes. But Butcher box, you're guaranteed to get high quality beef. Every month, Butcher box ship security selection of high quality meat writes your home free shipping in the continental United States.
Starting point is 00:26:34 No antibiotics. No added hormones. It is really good meat and it's 8 to 14 pounds of meat depending on the box you choose. I love the pork chops. And the chicken, too. I like the chicken, but I'm a big red meat guy. Give me the steak. You know, I like the steak. For a limited time, Butcher box is offering new members a great deal for the new year.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Sign up at butcherbox.com. To receive the ultimate New Year's bundle in your first box, this deal includes ground beef, chicken thighs, and pork butt. That's what it's all about. That's more than seven pounds of meat added to your first day for free. Get this New Year's bundle before it's gone by going to butcherbox.com
Starting point is 00:27:06 Bad friends. That's more than seven pounds of meat added to anchor. Anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool. These are, there are creation tools
Starting point is 00:27:22 that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and many, many, many, many, many more. Many, many more.
Starting point is 00:27:38 Go ahead. You can make money from your podcast, too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm
Starting point is 00:27:54 to get started. Your first box free. Get this New Year's bundle. Alright, last night, last night we had a nice dinner. Yes. And I want to thank you. I'm being genuine right now. Well, so last night... You picked up the tab for Jim Pocci, which was not cheap.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Well, I didn't even know. I was a little shocked when I got the fucking thing. Because, so, Nick Swartzen's in town. He's back living in LA again. Back living in LA. He was away for years. A year and a half. And I had to go say hi. So, we went and had sushi at Jim Pocci. And like an idiot, I went.
Starting point is 00:28:26 And I only had two things. I ordered like really light things. Like I'll have one yellow. You had one cut roll and one piece of sushi. Right. And like an idiot, I go, I'll take the tab. And Swartzen looked at me and was like, what is he doing? I know.
Starting point is 00:28:42 I'm like, I'm your friend. And then as soon, I did one of those double glances. I got the bill, I went. But it was good to see him. It was awesome to see him. He was so good. I'm so happy he was back in town. And then we went and did a spot together.
Starting point is 00:28:58 I didn't have a spot, but I came to the improv. And this is what I love about the pandemic being over. Being up there. Because I wasn't coming up and I was up on top of the stairs at the improv. To watch Nick go up. Right. If with all those people,
Starting point is 00:29:14 it just made me feel like a part of the community again. Yeah. It's a little bit more alive again. It feels good. It was great. Really good to hang out with everyone. And then when the store was awesome too. The store was fun as well. But yeah. So we went to go get food after
Starting point is 00:29:30 you guys ate pizza. Grip was in the parking lot. And I said, let's go. Fihim said I'm hungry. And all that's open is like pink taco. Chips and salsa, I already ate sushi. And Grip was like, well, yeah. I mean, I don't need to eat.
Starting point is 00:29:46 I'm not going to drink. And I was like, well, do you want to come hang out? Yeah, fine. So he comes over there, we're hanging out. We're sitting there and he's like... Nine periodos. He goes, maybe I'll give myself some steak tacos. That's amazing. And literally then two steak tacos comes.
Starting point is 00:30:02 And then chips come. And salsa comes. And then queso comes. Oh, of course. And he goes, what's that soup? He knows what it is. He knows queso before they even took it out of the fucking thing. He put it down and he was like, I'll give him some chips on that soup.
Starting point is 00:30:18 And I was like, that's cheese, dude. That's not soup. It's so obviously cheese. It's so funny. And then Theo came, we ate some food. It was really good. Theo showed up too? Yeah, because he's back in town for a couple of days again. People are coming back a little bit before everyone goes for the holidays.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Yeah, it's definitely... After the New Year, by the way. After the New Year. She got her booster? No, my mom, it's weird. My mom will go and say stuff like, I see you in six months. So far away.
Starting point is 00:30:50 She doesn't want to see us physically. Why? Because she's a hoarder. Yeah, let me just call her. Call her? Does she really does collect everything at the house? Does she have like a bad habit or anything and all that shit?
Starting point is 00:31:06 Yeah, but she also... Does she have animals too? No, she has no animals, but she also... You know, she has a... BLM. Not BLM, the other one. BTK. That's a BTS.
Starting point is 00:31:22 She has a BTS obsession. You know that. So she screenshots all day long, photos of them online. No, you told me. She uses all the Korean dramas. She eats whatever she wants, because we send her money, right?
Starting point is 00:31:38 And she lives like a queen, but she doesn't want to see us. How much money do you think you send her? I already... How much? I already know. I'm the one that sends it. Since... Which doesn't seem like a lot, but if you think of... Well, she already has money, right?
Starting point is 00:31:54 From your dad? No. Nothing. For the last 20 years, I've sent her $3,500 a month. Every month? Mm-hmm. Wow. That's great.
Starting point is 00:32:10 And she doesn't spend a lot, so she just saves it. Yeah, she's not doing anything. Let's call her. She's not going to pick up. There's no way. Please pick up. What's her mom's name? Jeannie. Love that.
Starting point is 00:32:26 There's no way she'll pick up. Her own son? Her own son? The love of her life? She's looking at her eye like a... Hey, by the way, with every ring. $3,400. Yeah. $3,300.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Yeah. Voice mail? Mom? I'm doing my podcast with my friend Andrew in LA. Oh, how? No, just me and my friend Andrew.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Andrew. Yeah. He's a white piece of shit, mom. Yay. I've seen him before. No, no. That's Jeremiah. She met Jeremiah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Mom, Jeremiah's ugly, huh? Yeah, I'm handsome. He's a very yum-jeonet. Yum-jeonet. He's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, what are you doing right now, mom? Mom, can you not speak in Korean? Mom, can you not speak in Korean?
Starting point is 00:33:32 I like that you translate. Can you speak in English? I can. Okay, good. I'm going on a way to lifetime fitness. Lifetime fitness. What are you going to do there?
Starting point is 00:33:48 Exercise. What exercises? Swimming and exercise. Oh, they're two different things. Yeah, it's the same place. Oh, the same place. Do you know that Bobby has never exercised? No, I know he exercised
Starting point is 00:34:04 every morning to get up, you know. Yeah, it's a lot of work to just get up. Yeah, you think me getting up is exercise, mom? Oh, yeah. To me, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it goes free, yeah. My insurance is paying.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Otherwise, I have to pay $100 a month. Oh, for the insurance is paying for the membership? Oh, they're paying for the membership? Yeah, they pay for me. That's great. Taking bath and everything there, you know. Are you still obsessed
Starting point is 00:34:36 with the boy band, mom? Why? BTS. Are you still obsessed with BTS? Yeah, they did. No, they died, mom. Yeah, they died. All on a bus.
Starting point is 00:34:52 They were on a bus, mom, and they just died. Really? Yeah, you gotta look it up, man. It's really sad. Oh, no! Yeah. No! That's not true! That's not true!
Starting point is 00:35:08 They all died. They are performing right now in Soviet stadium. That's how they were dying on the way to the stadium, mom. No! Yeah, they died. They're on a fire. They're on fire, mom.
Starting point is 00:35:24 They're on fire, mom. Can you take me next to this concert? Yes, yes. There'll be no one on stage because they're dead, but... No, you do it then. You do it. Oh, you want me to do the BTS song? You'd be a K-pop star.
Starting point is 00:35:40 You could do it. You can do everything. That's what you've always wanted from me, right? I'll help you, okay? Okay, mom. Mom, I love you. I'll see you soon. When do you want me to come? January.
Starting point is 00:35:56 Can I come? Can my friend Andrew come? Yeah, yeah. My friend Andrew doesn't smell. It's okay. No, no, no. Not for Andrew.
Starting point is 00:36:12 It's okay. It's okay. You know what you just said? This is the funniest thing. So I go... Mom, my friend Andrew... I'm telling them what you just said. So I said, mom, Andrew has a small penis in Korean.
Starting point is 00:36:28 You know what she said? She goes, In Korean, just like you. I could hear it. Mom, I love you. I miss you. I'll see you in January, okay? January. I'll come with you. Okay. I love you.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I love you. I love you. No, text me every day. I love it. We text each other every day. I love it. Okay, okay. Love you, baby. Okay. Bye. Thank you for calling.
Starting point is 00:37:00 That's so sweet. I know. Lifetime fitness. She seems clear, though. She seems happy. She doesn't seem like she's losing it. No, is she? Was she losing it? No, all my family members on her side of the family, in the last three years of their lives,
Starting point is 00:37:16 they get dementia. I know, but she's still clear. How old is she now? 81. Oh, wow. That's getting up there. Don't make me feel bad. She's gonna die. Maybe January might be...
Starting point is 00:37:32 No, don't say that. Bro, if she dies in December... And you said that? I would have blamed you, bro. That's my mom impression. Is that what you're doing with your face? So racist. Do your mom swims laps in the pool?
Starting point is 00:37:48 That's incredible. What if there was an exchange program where you had to hook up with my mom? I had to hook up with your mom. Would you do it? Well, no. My mom is still young and agile. My mom is an 81-year-old... From the waist up, bro.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Can I just say this? Show me a nude. They do this as a test. The doctor is right. Her vagina is fresher than Elaine Chao's. Elaine Chao's, it's better. No chance. 81.
Starting point is 00:38:22 How old is your mom? In her 60s. Big difference. We could swap maybe my grandma or something. No, no, no. We're swapping moms. My grandmother's 91. Should we call her and see if she's around?
Starting point is 00:38:38 Yeah, yeah, call her. My grandmother's literally good. No, it's not late. What am I saying? I didn't even know what time it was. She probably won't answer. Don't say anything fucked up. I'll be mad as fuck. I don't know what fucked up is.
Starting point is 00:38:54 I don't know what fucked up is. The same way I treated your mom, very nice. Okay, what's her name? We call her Nana. I'm gonna call Aunt B. Hey, Nana. Hi, sweetie. Hi, sweetheart. How are you, my boy?
Starting point is 00:39:10 Good, babe. I'm on my podcast right now. You're on my podcast right now with me and Bobby Lee, the little fat Korean guy. You remember him? I showed you pictures of him. Yes, I do. Here I am. Hi, I'm the fat Korean guy. Hi. Not a member when Poppy was in the Korean War?
Starting point is 00:39:26 Yeah. Yeah, he was fighting these scumbags that I'm sitting next to right now. Yeah, I'm a little too young. I wasn't in the Korean War. No, he was hiding in a washroom someplace. But also the Americans fought with the Koreans. That's right. We were the same team.
Starting point is 00:39:46 We were friends. Yeah, yeah. Nana, what are you doing right now? Not a thing, honey. You're hanging around the house? Yeah, I'm hanging. All right, well, we just wanted to call and say hi, and I love you. I'm coming back in a month to come say hi. I'm going to go do something for promo.
Starting point is 00:40:02 I'm going to come see you. We'll go back out to lunch. Oh, honey, I love that. I love it that you're so thoughtful and good to me. Oh, I love you to death, babe. You're the best. I can tell, but you're so good to me. I love you. I'll call you later. I'm going to let you go, okay?
Starting point is 00:40:20 Okay. Say bye to Bobby, Nana. Bye-bye, honey. Bye-bye. Love you. Love you both. Love you both. Love you, babe. Bye-bye, honey. She's the greatest.
Starting point is 00:40:36 91, dude. She does love you. You almost made me cry just now. Did you hear the joke that she made? No, but she's so sweet. She loves you so much, and that was such a nice thing. That was like a really sweet thing. Bob.
Starting point is 00:40:52 I don't know why she's so fucking pure. I like when you get emotional. And so full of joy, and you're a piece of shit. You're like one of the worst humans I've ever fucking met. And still another human being likes evil. No, dude. Dude.
Starting point is 00:41:10 When a whole human being is so good in their nature, that they see a piece of shit and an evil piece of shit, and they go, and they go, I love that. Right? And it's like, you shouldn't love it. You know what I mean? Because it's not lovable. It's not a lovable thing.
Starting point is 00:41:32 It's not a lovable thing. This is the best acting you've ever done. This is really good. That woman is the best. I love her to death. You're a piece of shit, dude. Did you hear the joke she made? I can't understand why she loves you,
Starting point is 00:41:48 because you're fucking amazing. It gave me so much confidence in the human condition, dude. I'm a lovely person. No, you're not. You're a fucking awful human being. Look at you. But fuck, man. That was pure, dude, babe. What are we wearing right now?
Starting point is 00:42:06 I wear me undies right now. What am I wearing right now? I'm wearing it too, and it makes us really close. And you know what? Right now I've got my little pizzas on. I have my little porcupines, and the thing is, is that when I know you're wearing me undies, and I'm wearing mine, no matter where you are in the country,
Starting point is 00:42:22 I can feel it. And you get hurt? I can feel it. Me undies is great. You guys know what me undies, we've talked about it a lot. If you're gifting underwear for Valentine's Day, it's coming up groundbreaking. Gifting matching underwear for you and your significant other.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Now we're talking. Express your one-of-a-kind relationship when you match your bottom half to your better half and matching pairs. Me and Bobby like to do matching pairs. It makes us feel cutesy-pootsy. You know what I mean? I like it. You can even get dog hoodies or buddy bands to match
Starting point is 00:42:54 your four-legged BFF. They also have super-cut and super-soft undies, socks, bralettes. Yeah, bralettes. I call them bralettes. Lawnwear and more available in sizes extra, small to... Four XL.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Me undies has a great offer for our listeners for a limited time. There's for Valentine's Day as a first-time purchaser. You can also get 15% off and free shipping right to your door. Go to meundies.com slash badfriends. That's meundies.com slash badfriends. To get 25% off matching pairs, 15% off your first order, free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Starting point is 00:43:26 Go to meundies.com slash badfriends. Be spoke post with a box of awesome coming at you. Bro, don't yell at me. I got a knife. I got a travel bag. Yeah, you got all kinds of stuff, man. You got that thing where you sharpen the knife? Pummel?
Starting point is 00:43:42 I think. The winter is here, guys. Upgrade your daily routine with Be spoke post and their new seasonal lineup of must-have box of awesome collections. Here's the deal. The box of awesome we've talked about on the show, you basically go online. You take this little quiz at boxofawesome.com,
Starting point is 00:43:58 boxofawesome.com, and your answer is going to help them pick the right box of awesome for you. It's free to sign up. You can cancel at any time. Each box costs 45 bucks. It has over how much? Oh, my God. $70 worth of gear. Can I say something, too? So much. Plus, with each box of awesome, you're supporting small businesses.
Starting point is 00:44:14 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small, up-and-coming brand. That's huge, man. That's baby stuff. That's good stuff. Baby stuff. Baby, get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com. Enter the code BADFRIENDSATCHECKOUT.
Starting point is 00:44:30 That's boxofawesome.com. Bad friends for 20% off your first box. Get 20% off your first monthly box of awesome.com and enter the code BADFRIENDSATCHECKOUT. That's boxofawesome.com. Code BADFRIENDS for 20% off your first box. Great. Your grandmother.
Starting point is 00:44:46 I took her out to lunch with my mom. Is that your mother's side? It's my mom's mom. You can tell. It's the only one I got left. Because my dad's dad died in the middle of COVID, not from COVID. He died because he was just old. You know what's crazy? I called him on his birthday
Starting point is 00:45:02 the week before he died and he sounded amazing. It was wild. It stinks because when they get older, like that, you don't know. You don't know. You don't know. Every time I go home, I make sure I see her as much as I can. We went out to lunch and she was funny as shit. She was like, she's tiny, dude. She's this big.
Starting point is 00:45:18 And I was like... Perfect guy for me. Let's be honest. Perfect guy for me. Yeah. Let's talk about it. No. We're not talking about... How big is your mom? 4'8". Perfect.
Starting point is 00:45:34 Little backpack for me. I got little legs right here. Your grandma? Front pack. I have a front pack with me. Fanny pack. No. I do tongue jabs for your face. I'll do tongue jabs.
Starting point is 00:45:50 I get to meet your mom first. I get to meet your grandma. I'm going to January with you. Come to Chicago. I dare you to come to Chicago. You won't come with me just to go meet my family. But I'll go. I'll be there.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Dude, at this point in our relationship with all our fights and all our bullshit. I would totally go. I'm playing at Chicago Theater on February. You should come in February. You want to do that? No. Just come. I have so much dates myself. I don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:46:22 You're going back to Hungary. You want to talk about that? You're shooting your movie. You got to go all the way back to Hungary to shoot half of a scene. Well, the movie I did last year, they need reshoots. I'm excited. Why? To see the celebrities.
Starting point is 00:46:38 You are excited to see the celebrities. That's so gross to say it like that. That's exactly who you are. No, I'm not. No, fuck you, dude. Yes, you are. Let's take a vote. Is he excited to go back to see the celebrities? Raise your hand if it's a yes. Rudy, yes.
Starting point is 00:46:54 That's four to one. I'm excited. Or can you say it like this? I'm ready to go back to see my people. You know what Bobby said to me when we were sitting in the Raptors of the Improv? This is verbatim. Don't lie, though.
Starting point is 00:47:10 We're sitting next to each other. Look at this up here. This is awesome. I said, yeah, it is great. I like being in places where other people can't get to. I was like, exclusive places? He goes, exclusive places. You loved it.
Starting point is 00:47:26 And you go up these stairs. And you go, they can't get up here. That you would lie. Out of your fucking teeth. What did you say? Say what you said. You fucking dipshit. What? Say what you said.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Purvatim. Purvatim? How do you say it? Verbatim? Purvatim. From now on, it's called pervatim. This is what I said. And repeat to me, pervatim what you said to me upstairs. I'm going to tell you what I said.
Starting point is 00:47:58 I think I opened up by saying young chap. I said young chap. Yes, I did. This is pervatim. Young chap, right? It's nice up here, I said. And I said, I wish
Starting point is 00:48:14 everyone I wish everyone can be up here with us now. Literally nobody believes it. I didn't fucking see that. Tell the audience, I didn't see that. That's so gross. Do you think after all these years they don't know who you really are?
Starting point is 00:48:30 These people know you love exclusivity. I said it. But I said it. Rudy, does it sound like something he would say? I said it thinking that you weren't going to say anything about it. You talk like this all the time. You talk like this on the show about exclusivity. You love it. You love to go to hotels where people can't get to you a little bit.
Starting point is 00:48:46 You love the little fancy. You love being fancy. You're fancier than fancy. Bro, you're fancy as well, you know it. You're the most fancy guy. You're so much more fancier than me. You love golden goose shoes. You love high-tech fucking golf bags.
Starting point is 00:49:02 High-tech golf bags? Which one did I buy? I look at your golf bags and they're high-tech. Where are my golf bags? You've never seen my golf bags. Yes, I have. From the back of your nice fancy cars. Let's look at our cars. We're not going to talk about our cars. Is it a brand new?
Starting point is 00:49:18 It is. I just got a new car. It's one of those fancy 6-6... 6 what? Figures. No, it's not. It's a figure. I'll guarantee it. It's a fucking Nissan Cube. You can look it up. It's 40 grand. It's a six-figure fucking car. There's no chance.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Now, regardless of what it is, now look at my car. That should be enough. You don't care about cars. I don't care about any of it. You're telling me you don't like fancy shit? Are you fucking telling me you don't like fancy shit? I don't like fancy shit. Rudy, fucking pipe up.
Starting point is 00:49:50 He loves all the fancy things and he buys everything every day. I don't understand. Yeah, let her finish. You talk it up. Sit up straight and fucking let him have it. Tell me the stuff he buys, the fancy shit he's into. Give it to him, Rudy.
Starting point is 00:50:06 He buys so many shoes, but he doesn't wear it. He buys clothes and I only see him wear one time. One time. All brand name, by the way. Fancy brands. Fancy brands. He buys beanies. Lots of fancy beanies. Perfumes.
Starting point is 00:50:22 Lots of perfume. A lot of food. Food you need, though. That one I can't combat. That's it. Interesting. Jackets. Fancy jackets. He had a leather jacket last night. A fancy leather jacket.
Starting point is 00:50:38 It's funny. I do. I use my money for ridiculous things. But I also use my money for things like paying for things that people in the house need. I agree with this. Someone that's not even blood related.
Starting point is 00:50:54 Is there a non-blood person in your house? I imagine somebody not blood related. Wait, someone that's not related to your family lives in your home? Lives in my home. Rent-free. Rent-free. Food. Payment-free? Food-free. Cell phone? Be honest with me. Do I ever say
Starting point is 00:51:10 you want shoes? Or if I'm at the mall? Yeah, you asked. Just looking at somebody that's not blood related. Not blood. To lock eyes with them and go, hey man, get whatever you want. Does he say that to you? Whatever you want? Wow. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Do you want to take back some of the bullshit you just said? No. I was being honest. Yeah, I know. But I'm saying there's two sides to every coin. But the truth is you're fancy as fuck. Stop pretending you're not fancy. Can you admit you're fancy and we can both be fancy?
Starting point is 00:51:42 Let's ask the guys. Let's ask the boys then. Yeah, Pete. Yeah. Andres. What did I say? Say Pete again. I was Pete. Ready? Pete. Yeah, that's what he did.
Starting point is 00:51:58 I was moving the mic towards my face. No, go ahead. Go ahead. Would you say we're both fancy? Thank you. That's it. They can't even hear that. You're not even on the mic. He just said it. Nobody hears it. Yes, thank you. We're both fancy in different ways.
Starting point is 00:52:14 We're fancy in different ways. You like high tech golf bags? I don't even know what that is. I like nice cars. I've been to your house. Your house is like a fucking showroom. Well, that's because we're trying to sell it. It's a furniture showroom. What did you say?
Starting point is 00:52:30 He's clean. You have nice things. I am very clean. You have nice things as well. I'm actually souping up my car next to your house. I was literally across the street from you. Oh, yeah, that's another thing. That's ridiculous. So you already have an expensive car. No, it's not that expensive.
Starting point is 00:52:46 And then what are you going to do extra to it? I'm doing a thing. Tom Segura, actually. Tom Segura, your buddy Tom. What do you do extra with your car? What do you do extra with your car? This is a good point. You're adding what? 150 horsepower to the engine.
Starting point is 00:53:02 When I buy a car. People that love cars. When I buy a car. When I fucking buy a car. When I look at the fucking, you know how fast it goes. I just accept what's on the thing. You don't look that.
Starting point is 00:53:18 It goes to 80 or 100? That's the limit. Not fuck face. You're so fancy. You're like, you know what? Now fuck it. I want to go extra 100. For no reason. I'm never going to be able to use it. It's stupid. It's based on your ego. No, no, no. And it's extra fancy shit that we all don't need in our lives.
Starting point is 00:53:34 I like fast cars. So listen to everybody. Anybody who likes fast cars knows. I love you struggling with food. Paying rent. You have a family member that's sick that they need. And you can't get the funds. This fuck?
Starting point is 00:53:50 He's putting more horsepower into his engine. That's fancy. We're both fancy. I just want to make the point. You die knowing that. Any fan out there that likes cars will understand exactly why. I've never in my life, let me tell you something.
Starting point is 00:54:06 My first car, Hyundai Sonata. Beautiful car. Started at the bottom. No, it's a fine car. I'm saying. I started there just like any average person. I was paying $189 a month. I was working hard to keep that car. For the first time in my life, I bought a car.
Starting point is 00:54:22 I got to actually buy it. Didn't just lease it or rent it. It's nice as it can. Because I bought it. I got to buy a car. And guys that like cars know. You can do a stage one or stage two turn up and they take the fucking turbo. They send it to Germany and Germany blesses it.
Starting point is 00:54:38 They say, God bless this engine. Germany takes it. Literally they go, okay, we have your turbo. And we're going to make it to fancy and then there is the turbo. And then they send it back to me. And I put it back. They put it back in my car. And it's sexy and I like that.
Starting point is 00:54:54 It's not for other people. I feel the same way about my shoes. And that's okay. I feel the same way about my shoes. And that's okay. Don't roll your eyes. Let me see your eye roll. Do it again to him. Oh, that's good.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah. You don't like when people eye roll. I don't like eye roll. What do you think it is? It's like, get out of here. That's not what that says. I know, but in my head it does. You can't really roll your eyes, can you?
Starting point is 00:55:26 Let me see if I can. You're looking up. Did I roll my eyes? It looked like you just looked up for a second. That's a good one, right? You look like the emoji. Yeah. Why do you think you're getting so cocky and snappy back with Bob?
Starting point is 00:55:42 Because he lets me. No, right. You're letting me get away with it. I want her to be... No. I think she's getting more confident. Here's why I don't say anything. Because the shy girl that moved in two years ago couldn't even lock eyes with anybody.
Starting point is 00:55:58 An American. I agree. Because she was so intimidated by being in this country, right? And now she's locking eyes with people and she's fighting back. And I like that. When we first met, she was so much more shy to me. I was scared of you. Are you scared now? No.
Starting point is 00:56:14 Not at all, right? Like, earlier today. But I'm so sweet with her. I am very sweet too. Can we talk about your mood now when we first started the podcast before? What was that all about? Because I feel like we're in a different space now. Get it! Fuck! Give me the fucking phones! Give me the fucking phones!
Starting point is 00:56:30 Give me the phone! Fuck! So fucking mad! Fuck! Fuck me, dude! You're fucking Venmo! Fuck me! Look! God damn it! You go to fucking pay! You go to fucking scan!
Starting point is 00:56:46 And you scan the fucking code! Yeah! In the beginning, I swear to God, when you were screaming, I was like, I don't know if I can do this right now. You just couldn't figure out Venmo. It doesn't matter. It's not that hard. It's not that fucking hard!
Starting point is 00:57:02 It's for you to react that way, even though it wasn't that hard. Because you're not dumb. Are you dumb? Yes! I'm fucking dumb! Don't scream! When you're so dumb, sometimes it's hard for me to be around it. Alright, well...
Starting point is 00:57:18 That's me. What's this portion of the show? Rudy's gonna do what? Go ahead, Andres, explain what you got. We have a really good scene for Jules. It's Jules on Pulp Fiction. This is Jules from Pulp Fiction,
Starting point is 00:57:34 and you're Jules from Bad Friends. That's pretty great. Let's hear Jules. Have you seen Pulp Fiction? I thought about it. Great. I'll give you $5,000 right now. If you tell me who the black kid in the corner of the actor.
Starting point is 00:57:50 Phil... Phil, I know you're nervous because you know I know his first name. Yeah, I'm so scared right now. Holy fuck! Don't say anything! You gotta get it. His name is Phil... I mean, you know I know him.
Starting point is 00:58:06 I'm not gonna give you the money unless you tell me the name. Yeah, yeah. Because he was on Mad. Yeah, I worked with him. I know, and people don't know that because it doesn't really look like him in this movie. It doesn't, no. The first letter is an H of his last name? No.
Starting point is 00:58:22 What's the first letter? I'm not gonna, because it's a lot of money. I'm not gonna tell you anything. Please. This stinks. Anyway, I'll just tell you, Phil Lamar. I knew it. I knew what you were doing.
Starting point is 00:58:38 You have the dialogue. I wanna play the kid. Did you just shift in fart? Can I tell you something about that scene? It's so loud. How he's yelling at that kid. And the gunshots? Imagine being in an apartment next door
Starting point is 00:58:54 just playing video games, and you hear like, you'd be like, what the fuck's going on over there, dude? It's an apartment fucking complex. Everyone would have heard them yelling at him for the fucking five minutes. You're like,
Starting point is 00:59:10 you guys, I'm playing a game over here. What's the fuck is happening? For sure people would have knocked on their door. Yeah, when Donald Trump won 2016 in my apartment. The best day of your life. You called me and you go, dude, we did it. You go, we did it. And I went and bought fucking 50 flags.
Starting point is 00:59:26 Right, because I like to sew. No, I like to sew outfits from the flags. What kind of outfits? Pure American outfits. American outfits. With Donald Trump won in 2016. So anyway, when he won, you could hear crying,
Starting point is 00:59:42 right? My neighbor's crying. Because you lived in Beechwood Canyon. That's who lives up there. Bitches. The next day. Not me, dude. I was in the valley. We were riding in our trucks.
Starting point is 00:59:58 We did it, boys! We did it, boys! The whole city of Burbank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can I finish my point? Yeah. And I went down to Orange County. So there's a lady crying and I remember like,
Starting point is 01:00:14 the next day I went to my neighbor and I go, you were crying. She goes, no. The cries was from the other neighbor. I was hearing the cries from two buildings down. Holy shit. So my point is is that, and she was whimpering. She wasn't even... gunshots and a black guy screaming
Starting point is 01:00:30 at the top of his lungs. I'm hearing all of it. That would be such a funny scene if we remade this scene and just showed all the people that heard this scene taking place. Like just a guy eating outside like, what the fuck is going on? They're so loud.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Two kids playing Jenga. And the loudest, it's so loud it fucking collapses. What does he look like? What the fuck, man? Alright, let's see you guys do the scene. You're obviously Brett. And you're definitely the jewels. Alright, let's do it.
Starting point is 01:01:02 And you have to do it the same way he did it. Commitment. By the way, if you disrespect this role, that's one of the greatest actors of all time. You're shitting on him. Brett doesn't matter. Nobody knows Brett. No, that's mean. Whoever Brett is, I'm sure he's a great actor.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Go ahead. What does Marcellus Wallace look like? What? What country are you from? What? What ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English and what? What?
Starting point is 01:01:34 English motherfucker, do you speak English? Yes, yes, yes. Then you know what I'm saying. Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like. What I... Say what again. Say what again. I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Say what one more goddamn time. He's black. Go on. He's bald. Does he look like a bitch? What? Does he look like a bitch? No.
Starting point is 01:02:08 Then why are you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett? I didn't. Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. No, no, no. But Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody except Mrs. Wallace.
Starting point is 01:02:24 You read the Bible, Brett? Yes. Here we go. This is a good one to get through. Commit, commit. High energy, commit. I'm Vincent by the way. You're doing great.
Starting point is 01:02:40 I'm just holding a gun. Well, there's this passage I got memorized. Sort of fits this occasion. Ezekiel 25.17 The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Starting point is 01:02:56 Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brother's keepers and the finer of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee
Starting point is 01:03:12 with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. Very good, Jules. Very good, Jules.
Starting point is 01:03:28 I'm sweating. Very good, Jules. Can I tell you something? What? I didn't know it was that long, that line. It's a long line. When you think back, you're like an avenger and you know that part. But all the other stuff. That's a long line. It's a hard line to say.
Starting point is 01:03:44 I think back for Samuel L. Jackson. He had to do that and the timing was so good and the inflection, because when he goes furious anger the way he does that. You know, Fancy doesn't like him as an actor, by the way. Why? Fancy says he's not that good. Samuel L. Jackson is one of the best.
Starting point is 01:04:00 Yeah, I like him. No, you don't. I like him. By the way, your character, Brett, because I wanted to not disrespect this guy. Gentleman named Frank Whaley. Shout out to Frank Whaley. He has 22 titles on here. Yeah, I've seen him in a million things.
Starting point is 01:04:16 I don't really recognize him that much. I think he was swimming with sharks. Do you ever see that movie? The movies he's got listed on here are Pulp Fiction, Broken Arrow, The Doors, Vacancy. I mean, he's done a fuckload of stuff. He's swimming with sharks. Kevin Spacey, Frank Whaley.
Starting point is 01:04:32 Wow. You ever see him swimming with sharks? No. Oh my God, you have to watch this fucking movie. He plays a real executive. He's based on... I don't know what executive it is. Sharks. Running this...
Starting point is 01:04:48 Oh, right, I remember. Network, right? Or I think it's a network production company. And he is so nasty in it. Kevin Spacey. Yeah, Frank Whaley. Loses it. Is just this meek assistant to this executive.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Mogle. And he fucking goes crazy. And it is... My favorite Mexican. What's his name? Benicio Del Toro. Who is this? See how much you guys know about One Direction.
Starting point is 01:05:20 What is this? Fill in the blank. Oh, this is like finish the lyric? You don't know, oh, oh You don't know, you're a hoe. No, you can't be a hoe. It's one word, right? You don't know, oh, oh
Starting point is 01:05:36 You don't know, oh, oh Is it two words or is it... Whatever you want it to be. It's not because we're trying to guess what One Direction's lyric is. You don't know, oh, oh You don't know, superstar You're superstar?
Starting point is 01:05:52 Wait, I'll sing it. No, let us guess and then... You know it! I know what it is. You don't know, oh, oh You don't know you're confused. You don't know, oh, oh You don't know you're mentally slow
Starting point is 01:06:08 Is that it? No? You can't put an A in it. Mentally slow, I said mentally slow. You said all mentally slow. No, I said you don't know you're mentally slow. That's good. You're mentally. It's one word, so you're mentally, that's it. Mentally slow. No, no, slow, that's two words.
Starting point is 01:06:24 Oh, it's got it wrong with oh, oh. Oh, it does? You don't know, oh, oh You don't know you're, oh Oh, it could be... You know what? It could be oh. Or it could be... You don't know, oh, oh
Starting point is 01:06:40 You don't know you're slow. You don't know you're slow. You don't know, oh, oh You don't know you're beautiful It's the tone, I just didn't know the... But I did know the song. Did you notice? It was the tone? Yeah, I didn't know it was the tone.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Did I not guess it as you said it? I did. Alright, go to the next one. I blank all night to keep her warm and time is frozen. Alright, the story of my life I take her home I call all night to keep her warm and tight is frozen.
Starting point is 01:07:12 Tight is frozen? Time is frozen? Oh, tight. Oh, time. I can't read his glory. Let me start over. The story of my life I take her home I confuse I confuse all night long to keep her warm and time is frozen.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Okay. Oh, I know it. I already know it. I actually don't know what it is because I know it. Yeah. Story of my life I take her home I fuck her face I might be warm I think that's it. I heard it in the radio.
Starting point is 01:07:44 Fuck her face. Fuck her face. Is that it? No. But I do know that, but she knows I know the tone. Story of my life I take her home I fuck all night to keep her warm and time is frozen What is it? It's not fuck all night?
Starting point is 01:08:00 Drive. Drive? I drive all night to keep her warm. Dude, these guys need to get better lyrics. I drive all night? What the fuck? There's a theme. It's about driving. Yeah? All these motors. Let's go with the theme. Is that what it is?
Starting point is 01:08:16 All these motorheads They can't blind me with your love Nobody can drag me down They can't blind me All these lights It's got to be lights. It's lights?
Starting point is 01:08:32 Fuck yeah, we got one. What's the next one, Bob? Lights is the theme. And we blank all night to the best song And we beam all night to the best song ever And we beam all night to the best song ever Now I can't remember
Starting point is 01:08:48 Is he losing his memory? And we dance all night Why would it be beam? Why wouldn't it be beam? I want to be more beam. Well, dance is cheap. Dancing is easier. Beaming is harder.
Starting point is 01:09:04 Beaming all night? To turn into light. To beam all night? And to beam all night is better than dancing. And he can dance all fucking night. But if you like causing up in hotel rooms and you like having sea grill
Starting point is 01:09:20 these could be Taylor Swift lyrics. But if you like causing chaos up in If you like causing If you like causing Mayhem up in If you're causing Causes
Starting point is 01:09:36 But if you like causing fucked up If you like causing trouble in hotel room Is it trouble? Fuck yeah. OK, here's the last one. Tonight let's get some
Starting point is 01:09:52 and we're old while we're young And we're old while we're young and we're old while we're young Tonight let's get some and we're all old while we're young and we're younger while we're younger and we're younger while we're young while we're young
Starting point is 01:10:06 Tonight let's get some and we're younger while we're young and we're younger while we're young is that not it? Tonight let's get some Live some and live while we're young. Live? That's so easy, dude.
Starting point is 01:10:21 And Ian, you should write fucking music. Lazy. Lazy. Fucking lazy, dude. And you know what? Yeah. These guys are so rich. I know, we should.
Starting point is 01:10:30 For writing this stuff. Yeah, we fucked up. That's okay. We can do our own little band in the future. Yeah. All right. Anyway. I love you.
Starting point is 01:10:38 I love you. Hey, welcome to 2022. I love. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo. I'm going to tell you this right now, Jules. OK. And this is real.
Starting point is 01:10:54 What I'm about to say to you. OK. This is not a joke. You want a data guy who you know in your head will get along with everyone else in your life. But I'm not data. I'm just saying that don't see anybody unless you meet somebody that you're willing to share.
Starting point is 01:11:11 So we can meet the person. No, it's the boss. Why? Because I'm scared. What are you scared about? This is what I want to get at. Love. No, because of you guys.
Starting point is 01:11:20 You're just going to embarrass me. No, we're not. If he's a decent guy. If he's a great guy, we'll be along for the ride. Like if he showed up? Yeah, if you were dating Samuel L. Jackson, that'd be stoked. Your boyfriend, Samuel L. Jackson? Love that guy.
Starting point is 01:11:32 Love that guy. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.