Bad Friends - Bobby Eats Cupcakes Everyday

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

*CHRISTMAS MERCH IS OUT* Go to https://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors: http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://hellofresh.com/badfriends65... code: BADFRIENDS65 & Head to https://www.viator.com to check out their latest website! Offering over 300K+ experiences you’ll remember and use code: viator10 0:00 The New Christmas Merch is Good For Santa 3:32 Signs: The First Gay Alien Invasion Movie 9:20 Bobby Interviews the New Intern 13:20 Bobby Has a Plan to Make the US a Soccer Superpower  17:47 We Know Bobby's Twitter is Hacked, Don't Buy Laptops from Him 25:40 Going Personal with Juicy & Bobby's Betrayal  34:52 Can You Understand These Gangsters? 37:00 The Reasons Bobby and Andrew Would Thrive in Prison 40:40 Living in the Moment 47:20 Chinese vs American Robots 54:18 Who Eats Cupcakes Everyday? 1:03:25 The Campbell Conspiracy Theory  1:-07:20 James Corden, Trump, Putin are Fans of Bad Friends More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ho! Ho! Ho! Maddy Maddy! Maddy Maddy Maddy! Merry Christmas to you! Look what we have! We have Christmas stuff. Brand new, Krimis merch.
Starting point is 00:00:08 Krimis merch. Juicy's got the Home Alone shout out with her face, and we did her glasses on it even, which is amazing. Mine's just red with bad friends. You got the OG bad friends, and I've got the, uh, the ugly family, um, Walmart photo.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Uh, go to badfriendsmerch.com. You can get all this stuff there. It's great for stockings. It, okay, say some other stuff it's great for. It's good for the under the tree. And? It's good for Santa. And?
Starting point is 00:00:33 And the elves. And? And eggnog. Okay. Wearing this and drinking eggnog is total. Go to badfriendsmerch.com. Hey, bad friends, I'm gonna be in Boston. New Year's Eve.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Come out and see me New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve the night before. If you already have plans on New Year's Eve, come see me the night before. Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?
Starting point is 00:00:56 White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends. What the fuck are you talking about, man? No, no, no. Hold on. So awesome.
Starting point is 00:01:09 All right, Max, deliver the keys and the Red Bull to... Well, that's his name? That's Max. Let's meet him. I'll be back. Um... That's me. That's our new intern.
Starting point is 00:01:22 I know, but... Do you not know who our interns are? I know, but... Easy Spectrum or... Easy? Yeah. You tell me. He's like, super spec.
Starting point is 00:01:29 What are the... He's a super spec, dude. Bring up some traits of people that are on the spectrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we'll just go down the list. I'd love to know because I've been observing them and... You want him to sit down and talk to him for a second? I don't really...
Starting point is 00:01:39 Go ahead, Max. Max, go sit down. Max, right? Sit down. Max, sit down and put on the headphones and... Do you get your hairstyle from the Colkens? What other... I mean, did you see Home Alone?
Starting point is 00:01:50 Oh, that's the one. Oh, Macaulay? Any of them. Do you know who the other Colkens are? No. You know that they're actors? I know Macaulay Colkens. He is the sickest.
Starting point is 00:02:00 There's another one. Who's the other one? The other one's on Succession. You like Succession. I've only seen like the first season. Yeah, he's on it. Well, he's on it. Every single episode.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Who is he? Kieran Colkens. Oh, really? He looks exactly like Macaulay Colkens. He looks just like Macaulay Colkens. And who's the third one? Rory. Rory.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Yeah, from... What movie? Nobody knows. It's Science. Oh, yeah, he was a Science kid? No, he wasn't. Rory Colkens was in Science. He was the kid with the water. No, the girl was with the water.
Starting point is 00:02:27 That's her brother. Look at... Wait, Google Rory Colkens in Science. What did he do in Science? He was the son of fucking Mel. God, don't get me angry. It's a great movie. What are you doing zooming out?
Starting point is 00:02:40 Wait a minute. That's Rory Colkens. Do you remember he tilts the fucking Mel's head? That's him to the left. Go back to the picture, that first one? Yeah. Who's that guy left? That's Mel Gibson.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Is that Kanye West? No, that's not Kanye West. That's the first guy that did that. I think he was... Kanye West was influenced by this guy. Is that Kanye East? East. That is right there.
Starting point is 00:03:01 Yeah, Mel Gibson. Yeah, so Rory Colkens was in Science. He was great in that movie. Shout out to the Colkens clan. Killing it. So did you see Science? No, never seen Science. Okay, do you know what it is?
Starting point is 00:03:12 No. Well, we'll tell you what the movie's about. Well, so for our audience, by the way, this is our intern, Max. He is a family friend of mine. He's working for us. And is he doing a good job, guys? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:23 Fancy tells the truth. And Carlos says, and you know what Carlos? I like you more. Cause Fancy went like this. You know how judgmental he is. Spanish people. You're doing a good job.
Starting point is 00:03:32 So, tell him what Science, cause he's just been out for so long. So Science... So about an alien invasion. And Cheyenne. And Emnach Shyamalax. Oh, he makes good movies. Emnach Shyamalam.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Shyamalam. Shyamalam and Ding Dong did it. Right, so he... Basically, it's like a gay sci-fi, right? It's a gay sci-fi movie. It's a gay sci-fi movie. It was the first gay sci-fi movie of the time. So these aliens come down and...
Starting point is 00:03:54 Mel Gibson sees them kissing in a field. Okay. And he's smoking a cigarette. And he sees... Cigar, it's a cigar. It's a cigar. It's a Cuban cigar. It's Cuban cigar.
Starting point is 00:04:02 Because he's half Cuban in it. That's right. And he sees these two aliens kissing in a field. There's he... That's him with his Cuban cigar right there. Look at him. And that's Cuban right there. Yeah, right next to him.
Starting point is 00:04:10 He hangs out with Cubans. And right now they're just friends. They're just friends. They're just friends, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that, I've seen it. Yeah, that's great, right? You saw it? I've seen science. Yeah, and what happens is... Two male aliens are kissing.
Starting point is 00:04:21 See, Mel is Mel, right, is a preacher, but he's gay. Gotcha. Right, he's gay, but he hasn't come out to his family, right? And he murders his wife, but that's like later. What are you laughing at? Wait, he murdered her? Yeah. I thought the little boy kills her.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Through him though. Right, he takes over his body. Right, right. Through him he does it. Right. Mel Gibson is a gay, this isn't hard. No, no, I know. Mel Gibson's a gay preacher.
Starting point is 00:04:48 He sees two gay aliens kissing. The little boy embodies Mel and kills his wife, which is his mother. So he's the little boy, the alien? Huh? What? That's the little boy, the alien? No.
Starting point is 00:04:59 The little boy's his son. Human, yeah. He's a human, right? The fucking aliens are gay. Those ones in the field, isn't his son? His son's making love to another alien. What are you talking about? And you can tell that they're,
Starting point is 00:05:10 the only reason you know that they're gay when the spaceship comes down, it's like, and then they come out and they go, take me to your leader, your leader, your leader, leader, leader, leader. I thought that part though was like. That was a little over the top. Way over the top.
Starting point is 00:05:24 It kind of throws it off, but. I just thought that was overkill. They didn't need to be that flamboyant about it. Yeah, kind of a stereotypical, but it was a different time. It was. But signs is a symbol, right? And the sign is, is that like.
Starting point is 00:05:36 This is the sign. That's how they say, take me to your leader. On their, on the two gay aliens, on their bodies, there is a, they have a hieroglyphic, tattooy kind of a thing. Yeah, what is it? And it's like. I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Well, it's the, a rainbow flag. Oh, right. Well, no, no, no, it's all inclusive flag. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah. Cause I think they updated it. Well, that's how it came up because the signs came out and that, then that's how they created the.
Starting point is 00:06:01 That's right. Sign for the movement. And the, and the end scene, the aliens are playing tug of war, but they're doing with anal beads. So they're looking both in different directions and they're pulling as hard as they can. And the beads are.
Starting point is 00:06:10 And the, and the, and the Rory Culkin, for some reason he does a jump rope thing. So nothing to the, the thing goes. They're in movie jump rope. He just assumes that it's playtime. Right. Right. And he does like eight, eight to 10, right?
Starting point is 00:06:26 I think it's 10. And his, Mel goes like, stop it. Cut it out. Cut it out. That's what Mel says. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's the movie. That's the movie.
Starting point is 00:06:34 That's a really good movie. Yeah, you should see it. There's a twist though. Yeah. What is the twist? M Night always has a twist. M Night. Do you remember what the twist was in signs?
Starting point is 00:06:42 Well, the twist is, okay. So the kid ends up also feeling really gay. And. Yeah, that's right, that's right. Yeah, I think that's right. Yeah. And then they find out the son isn't Mel Gibson's blood son. That's right, that's right, that's right.
Starting point is 00:06:58 His mom was dead and in her will, they find out that it's not really his father. And then despite the age difference, they fall in love Mel Gibson and his non-biological son. And they're happily gayed again. That's it, that's it. Bing, bing, bing, bing. And they're also dead the whole time.
Starting point is 00:07:12 Oh yeah, they are dead the whole time, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all dead the whole time. Yes, they are. Yeah, that's it. Which is, you know, he's changed themes. Like he should switch it up.
Starting point is 00:07:23 That trauma, I think. I know. Well, the kid, the kid saw dead people in the original one, but this time they were dead themselves. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:32 Yeah, it was no village, but it was pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good. You're gonna watch it? I mean, yeah, it's on my list now. Maybe I'll ask you something, Max. Is that your name, Ron? Yeah, yeah. How old are you?
Starting point is 00:07:43 I'm 20. Where you living? He lives here. I live here. I know, but where? Like down the street. But in an apartment? No, with my parents.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Oh, that's mean. I didn't do, what did I have to say? That's mean. It's, this time of year I have allergies. Oh, is that what I was? Right, and so I just come out. Get him some Clareton. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:02 That's what I was. I'm sorry, get him some Clareton, please. Yeah, with an R. So let me ask you something. You're, you live with your parents? He's 20 years old. I didn't do anything. Why are you making fun of him?
Starting point is 00:08:13 He's like 40 years younger than you. I'm not making fun of you. I wasn't doing that. Juicy, yeah. I wasn't doing that. I'm sorry if that came across that way, right? No, it's fine. Do you have a job?
Starting point is 00:08:27 That's my job. This is his fucking job. This is his job? Yeah, we hired him. I did? I did. Oh, but does it come out of my shit or no? Better believe it.
Starting point is 00:08:35 Oh, my God. Well, next time you hire people, can I go through that process with you? Nope. OK. No, he's an intern. What are you getting paid, Max? Experience.
Starting point is 00:08:44 Oh, so you're not getting any money now? Goose egg. Right. So we're going to give him a gift when it's over. So when you come home and your parents are like, Max, you know what I mean? Clean your room. They're British, his mom and dad.
Starting point is 00:08:53 Mox, clean your room. No, that's a really good British accent. Thank you. Maximilian. Yeah, yeah, Maximilian. That's his real name. That's my real name. And then you go, I was just working?
Starting point is 00:09:05 Yeah, this is working. How much do you get paid? Nothing. And they feel good about that? Yeah. OK. There's a job interview for me. OK, he's already got the job.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I know, but I just need to go through the interview, though. You got it. All right, thank you. You good with this, Max? I'm here for it. You are? OK. Let me, if I were to guess, you've had sex with one person?
Starting point is 00:09:25 OK. No, enough. First of all, first of all, that's illegal to ask about that. You can't ask that. You can't ask sex stuff in an interview. Can I take it back? No, it's over. He's going to sue us.
Starting point is 00:09:36 We're fucked. All right, let me take it. Lawyer up. Can we take it? I'm going to go different direction. Please. I really said, do you believe in God? Is that better?
Starting point is 00:09:43 What are you doing? Oh, you're not able to do that? No. All right, let me ask you, did you play sports? It is illegal to ask a job candidate about their age or genetic information, birthplace, country of origin, citizenship, disability, gender, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, family,
Starting point is 00:09:57 or pregnancy, race, color, ethnicity, or religion. You knocked out all of them. Oh, I get it. All right, so now that I know the rules. OK. Right? May I start anew? Of course.
Starting point is 00:10:07 OK. You like sports? Yeah, I watch a lot of soccer. Do you really? Yeah. Oh, this is something you guys have in common? Really? What club do you pursue for?
Starting point is 00:10:18 Arsenal. No, you don't. Yes, he does. So are my life. You swore on your life. His mother and father are from England. Let me ask him some questions. I'm going to ask him some Arsenal questions.
Starting point is 00:10:27 Go on. Go ahead. Yeah. What's the stadium called? Emirates, of course. And then before that, it was Highbury. Top score of all time, Thierry Henry. Keep going.
Starting point is 00:10:37 Keep going to tickle his fancy. On the Thierry Henry team, name me three other players that were on that team. We have Patrick Vieira, Cesc, or the Penns. Cesc Fabergas. He was younger, but he was. Yeah, and then we have Campbell, Burr Camp, Ian Wright was before.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Ray Parler. Yeah, Perez. Freddie Youngberg. Did you just fall in love with Max? He's hired. He's the fucking man. Bro, you're hired? I don't care if you have the suspect.
Starting point is 00:11:03 He's not on the spectrum. Yeah, I don't care that you have albinoisms, right? I don't care that you're an in-cell and you haven't had sex, right? I don't believe you believe in God or not, whatever we're living in. First of all, he believes in God, and he's a fuck machine. He is.
Starting point is 00:11:16 He really is a fuck machine? He's a sex machine, dude. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. And he's an Arsenal fan? But that's why. That's why he fucks. That's what he says when he gets girls at the bar. He goes, hey, Arsenal?
Starting point is 00:11:25 Yeah, so let me ask him one last. And they just, ffff, right. So wet. Let me ask you something about, what do you think it would place at the end of the year? Realistically, top three. You think because you think that we don't have a bench, and you think that in the second half of the year,
Starting point is 00:11:40 we're going to falter? I just think our team is very young, and that fatigue is going to happen eventually, especially with the World Cup. You're right. I really do agree with you. But I think we'll take top four this year. No, of course.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Champions League, which is going to bring in new players, because a lot of players haven't been coming to Arsenal because we're not a Champions League contender. That's exactly right. And then, therefore, we'll have, it's not, it's not. Nerd alert. Sorry. Nerd alert, it's not nerd alert.
Starting point is 00:12:03 This is what the world watches. By the way, so let's talk relevancy now, beyond the fact that you guys fell in love for Arsenal. Say goodnight to Max. Goodbye, Max. Max, you're the best in the world. Thank you. Now, go back there and do the thing you do with Carlos
Starting point is 00:12:15 behind the scenes that nobody talks about. Max, you're the greatest. Should I just leave this here? Yeah, give him a high five on the way out, because he loves you so much. Wow. Hand shake, man. God bless.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Max is the fucking best. What a fucking good one. Love, Max. What'd you find this little angel? Family friend, dude. He's way better than all these other guys. 100%. Yeah, they don't know nothing about nothing.
Starting point is 00:12:32 So let's talk what happened today, even though it's going to come out in a while. What? USA. We won. You better believe we won. Purely. Do you know what happens to Iran?
Starting point is 00:12:42 Ah, they die. They kill them. They kill them. They 100% kill them. They die. Well, they put the little thing on. What the women wear? What is it called?
Starting point is 00:12:49 A shop. It's called a shop. It's called a shop. What's that thing they put on? A burqa. Burqa? I know why it's a shop. So the Iranians go back.
Starting point is 00:13:00 They put the burqa on. Right. And then they make them tear it off. And then they beat them. Do they beat them? Yeah. Oh, look at that, though, USA. It's going to come out a little bit later.
Starting point is 00:13:10 But thank god we won today. One nil. Yeah, but we're going to lose during the Netherlands is next. We're going to lose. Sure. Yeah, we're out. That's OK. Brother, it's not our main gig.
Starting point is 00:13:21 If Americans pushed our top athletes to play that sport, we would win every World Cup. But here's the problem. Imagine if Michael Jordan, LeBron Jean, any of those guys that played basketball and stuff grew up playing fucking soccer. But here's the problem. Here's the problem. Here's the initial problem.
Starting point is 00:13:41 What's the problem? Watch your mouth, though. OK. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas? Yeah. And I love you. Happy Hanukkah.
Starting point is 00:13:50 I love you, too. The problem is, and you know I like footy, I think footy is tight, my problem is black guys who are the greatest athletes here in the United States, hand over fit. It's not even a conversation. Not even a conversation. It's not cool enough.
Starting point is 00:14:05 That's what I'm saying. It's just not cool enough. But in England it is. I know, but how could you make it cool? Because look, black guy. You have to get rid of the NFL and the NBA. We have to get rid of the two most problems. That's impossible.
Starting point is 00:14:16 I know. What are we going to do? That's what's never going to happen. It's never going to happen. Yeah. But if you got rid of those two organizations. Yeah, then they'd play. And you banned, like if I was the president,
Starting point is 00:14:23 I would ban those two sports. I knew it. Basketball, New York, right? You could only play in New York in those little fucking cement things. They would. Yeah. What are those called?
Starting point is 00:14:32 Basketball courts. Right. But I call them cement things. That's a man. It would just be, it would just be, it'd have to be cooler. That like the problem is, basketball dunking is like so fucking cool. Dude, an overhead kick is so cool.
Starting point is 00:14:48 But it happens so rarely. And dunking happens all the time. OK, I bet you money, a scorpion kick is way better than any dunk. No, no way. You know what a scorpion kick is? Yeah, of course. What is it?
Starting point is 00:14:59 What do you mean? It's fucking where you go over your head and you kick it backwards. That's an overhead kick. Scorpion. And then you, oh no, scorpion. The legs go above the back. Yeah, I saw it.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I saw, what's the name of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Olivia Juro did it once. Yeah. Mikalitarian did it once. Muthinem, who's the M guy? The little Chinese Mexican guy with an M. Maradona?
Starting point is 00:15:19 Maradona did it. Maybe he did it. No, he did. There's a video of him doing it. Yeah, but Olivia Juro did my favorite one. His Argentinian. The Olivia Juro scorpion kick is the best one I've ever seen. But I'm saying, here's the point.
Starting point is 00:15:28 This happens so rarely. Dunking happens every night on ESPN. They have the top 10 best fucking. I equate it to this. Yeah. And listen to me, herey, herey. Herey, herey, everybody, listen up. When you fuck, you fuck before, right?
Starting point is 00:15:45 Cup times? I know. You fuck before? Yeah. Right? She'd be fucking. Imagine, as a guy, that you orgasmed 82 times during a session.
Starting point is 00:15:54 82. But they're like little orgasms. Or you have one orgasm at the end that's a relief. You know what? What? I'll take the 82. That's what soccer is. I'll take the 82.
Starting point is 00:16:05 You'll take the 82 little ones. Of course. No. That's basketball. That's basketball. Yeah, no. I take the one at the end. Oh.
Starting point is 00:16:12 No, that's not good. No, that's not what it's. No, that's not good. What is this going to end? Oh my god. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:16:19 I don't know. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. Now, here's soccer. He has 16 bars. No, that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:16:26 That's wrong. That was it. No, let's go. The little orgasm is too much. All those little ones are the big ones, right? So this is what they are, right? That's what you're doing. Still feels good.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Feels good, right? But this is fucking. Oh, god. I think you should start shaking, right? Well, it sounds like you're hurt. I was hurt. Yeah, that's not good. Maybe it's too much.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Maybe it's too much. Maybe it's too much. But my point is is that. Footy should be bigger here. It should be bigger. It's just not cool enough for the black guys. I know, but it's just. Maybe basketball with feet only?
Starting point is 00:17:08 That's footy. No, but the goal's up high and a little basket. Oh, yes, make it very hard. Are you harder? Yes. It's hard enough to score in soccer as it is. Yeah, make it harder? Yes, then it's cool.
Starting point is 00:17:19 I saw a great meme that someone put out that said, here's how an American wants to fix soccer to make it more American. What? The field is too big. Make it much, much smaller. Make the goals much smaller. Take out half of the people on the field
Starting point is 00:17:32 and then put it on ice. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Then it's a perfect American sport. Yeah, then you can fit more people in the stadium. You can sell more drinks. That's great. Anyway, that being said, congratulations, USA. Yeah, that too.
Starting point is 00:17:46 Congratulations. I want to address something that's been three weeks in the making now, or two weeks in the making now. Bobby's Twitter was hacked. Still there. Please stop texting or please stop fucking adding us, saying, do you know that this?
Starting point is 00:17:58 Yeah, we fucking know it's hacked. We've known it's hacked. There's nothing I can do. We've tried so many different ways. He's hacked. Please don't buy a laptop from him. Don't buy a laptop. Don't buy a laptop.
Starting point is 00:18:09 Apparently, somebody did buy a laptop from him. Six people bought his laptop. Oh, my god. These sucks. Stop buying. Don't even. Don't unfollow me yet. No, because he's going to get it back.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Yeah, I'm going to get it back. Don't unfollow me. Don't buy these. What the fuck are you guys doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't buy those. What really sucks is now you can't do your actual laptop business.
Starting point is 00:18:26 Yeah. Well, that's great. That's true. That's true. I had one. And now, oh, my god, don't even get off of that. It makes me so mad. It's like, I've never had my identity stolen, have you?
Starting point is 00:18:38 That's still not the identity. I know, but this is such a big difference between that. You've never had your Twitter hacked. You've never had your social media hacked. First of all, I would really like you for this new year coming up to let me finish my sentence before you make a joke and you shame me. Oh, so don't do the show good?
Starting point is 00:18:59 No, do it good. Keep doing what you're doing. OK. I like it good. You're right. I'll not change your. I'm not saying I didn't finish what I was saying. I apologize.
Starting point is 00:19:05 I go, I've never had my identity hacked, right? But having your Twitter hacked, it feels vaguely. You can kind of assume what it might feel like if you triple or quadrupled that feeling. You know what? You should have fucking interrupted you because you're right. I had no idea what I was talking about. I knew.
Starting point is 00:19:24 I knew. I always know when you don't know what you're going to say. I knew it, right? So I didn't know what to say. When I kept going, I was like, oh, my god, I'm going into a desert. Bobby's like the guy that he throws a brick through a plate glass window to rob a place.
Starting point is 00:19:38 But then it's like the alarm's going off. And then he has no idea what to do to rob. Well, no, I throw a brick in the second window. And I realized, oh, I didn't bring a ladder. How do I get out there? Right? So I made a mistake. There's a couple of steps that I made.
Starting point is 00:19:51 Two-story bank I'm going to write. Right. But there is something violating about being hacked in any way. Because it's like. How do you get it back? We've tried. I write. I write.
Starting point is 00:20:02 We wrote to Twitter. We wrote to fucking the verified account. You know, Elon. Dear Elon Musk, please help, Bob. But you know, it's has been freeing because Twitter's one of those things that go on every single day. It sucks. 20 days a day.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Twitter fucking sucks. Have you been hacked before? But I am getting messages for him. Actually, I was kind of hacked. When I was a kid, I was like in sixth grade, I had AIM. And I had my AOL screen name was Fun Size Cowgirl. Because I was very small. And all the candy bars that were miniature called Fun Size.
Starting point is 00:20:39 So in my school, they call me Fun Size. But Toy Story 2 came out, Jesse the Cowgirl. So Fun Size Cowgirl, great screen name. Anyway, somebody hacked it. Because that's what I googled in Pornhub. And it might have been you then who took it. Because somebody took my name and started sending out porn with it.
Starting point is 00:20:58 And I got bombarded with messages. One day I logged into the computer. I was excited to talk to my friends. And all these pop-ups were coming up. And they were like, that's disgusting what you sent me. I don't want to ever see that again. Or can send me more, please. So as a kid, what do you do in that situation?
Starting point is 00:21:14 I just started crying. And I was shocked. And then my mom stepped in and like. Took care of it. Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, Jesse J, 3, 1, 2, 0. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Boo. Boo, boo. Yeah, it's like. Please don't buy a laptop from Bobby. I'm going to say it again. Because people have been sending me fucking constant ads. And also, if you are getting suckered by this, A, I'm sorry. But also, come on.
Starting point is 00:21:39 What? Wow, fucking stupid, aren't you? Yeah, I know. You're right. I was like, what are you doing? You really think Bobby's selling a fucking laptop? I'm going to promote my things. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:50 He doesn't promote this show. I'm not promoting this show. Why would I sell you a fucking laptop? It's the same people that get duped into fucking like a Nigerian prince sending them millions of dollars and all that stuff. It's like, you feel bad, but you're like, but do I? That's nuts that they got you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:05 On emails, you get, hey, Bobby, it's Susan. How are you? I don't know, fuck it. Who the fuck is Susan? Who are you? I kind of want to go, I'm fine, Susan. How are you to see what happened? What happens after that?
Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah. That's how they hacked your Twitter account. Yeah. When you started conversing with them. Oh, it's all making sense now. Oh, you're saying that I started conversing with some guy. With Susan. And that's how they, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Sounds like you're saying that. I didn't say that. No, that's not what I'm saying. I don't know. That's what I'm saying. And you know what, dude? Be careful because Max is around the corner and you might take your job.
Starting point is 00:22:39 I might promote Max. Do it. You wouldn't mind? How could I mind? I love the kid. So if I got rid of, Andreas is a big part. Look at, he has a photo of. No, no, he's a huge part of the show.
Starting point is 00:22:47 Yeah. I think Carl off. Fire Pete. Oh, Pete. Pete's never even here. He's not even here, right? I'm thinking about it. Watch it.
Starting point is 00:22:54 Watch it, your friend fucking Pete's going to get fired. Watch it for Pete. You watch it for Pete. So what's going on with you? What? You know what? Talk about your Susan. That's what I'm saying.
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Starting point is 00:24:14 That shipstation.com promo code is BADFRIENDS. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys, during the pandemic and even now, I use BetterHelp for my mental health. And I think therapy is very important. Same. You know, you have to be able to, like, you know, we carry on all this baggage, guys.
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Starting point is 00:25:41 Is everything good? Yeah, things are good. All right, good. I don't think we can. Let's move on. Yeah. All right, hold on. It's uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Well, I'll just say, I told Bobby a secret. And I told you I'm not confided in you at lunch. Trusted you. I trusted you. And wanted you to keep it a big secret. As a mentor. And what did you do? I kept it a secret.
Starting point is 00:26:08 You didn't know it. I kept it a secret. Attention, everybody everywhere. I didn't do that. Listen up to what Juicy just told me. I didn't do that. And that's ridiculous. It was so cool.
Starting point is 00:26:16 I was at the, before it happened, it was closed. And at the comedy store by the office, I was about to host a show in the main room. And I was with Pauly Shore. Now Rick Ingram came up. He's like here for a second. Oh, yeah. OK, I remember.
Starting point is 00:26:29 For a second, he's here on tour with Chris Rock. And we both opened for Pauly. And then Bobby comes up. So I'm like, holy shit. Like, all Pauly's openers are here. And then Bobby looks right up Pauly and just blurts out this secret. And it kind of felt like you wanted to see if he knew.
Starting point is 00:26:50 Like, can I defend myself real quick? Yes. May I defend myself real quick? You can say no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to do it anyway. Right. She says no, she knows that.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Yeah, I get that. So number one, I thought it was, so when somebody says a secret, I think that I always think that the people in this inner circle already know the secret, right? So it's just like, you know what I mean? Did you say don't tell anybody? I said I've told very few people. And you're one of them.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Then I'm on Bobby's side now. I can't remember if I said don't tell anybody. But I felt like it was. I'm on your side. I'm on your side. I felt like it was very obvious. Because when you say, I've only told a few people, that means you've told 50.
Starting point is 00:27:33 No, I really hadn't. But it's also a small, let me just defend myself, right? It's your old boss, a guy that his family owns the club, right? A guy that's hired you to open for him, right? You tell him a lot of things because he tells me the things you tell him, right? He tells me the things you tell him, right? So I just assumed that that was OK in that environment.
Starting point is 00:27:53 Number two, right? Who was I with? Oh, this is the only reason you brought this up? Because Bobby was with the Smoke Show 10. Now I'm getting it. Right, so I'm with the Smoke Show 10. I'm in a smoke. It's the only reason you brought this up.
Starting point is 00:28:11 That's not what I brought it up. That's not what I brought it up, all right? I'm smoking, man. I got the Smoke Show. You know what I'm saying, right? And I'm, you know, because she's like, I want to meet Pauly. I don't know why, you know what I mean? There's other people around, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:28:24 I'm Pauly. So I go, yeah, I bring them, right? There was this awkward thing where it's like, I didn't know what to say, right? And I'm with Smoke Show, right? So I look at her, and I go, just the thing that came in my mind, I was like, how's that thing going? Whatever that thing.
Starting point is 00:28:39 You brought out her secret. Yes. Hey, hot girl, listen to this other girl's secret. No, good move. I think first he said, this is Jessie. She's my sidekick. And then he blurted out the secret. Oh, I said sidekick?
Starting point is 00:28:52 Secret. Nice. Are you not my sidekick, though? I am. Well, then they, they, they, they, they, they, they. First of all, she's our sidekick. I know, but you weren't there. I know, but just say, this is our sidekick,
Starting point is 00:29:02 and they'll go, who's our? Or I apologize. Me and my boy. I apologize, and I won't take a personal if you don't tell me secrets anymore. But how about this? Be more specific. Tell me the secrets, and I won't tell anybody.
Starting point is 00:29:15 I will tell Bobby, but I won't tell anybody after that. And then hopefully he won't tell anybody. I, I got my first taste of a, a, a bad friend from you. Ooh, that's your first bad friend to actual bad friend taste. Oh, good. I like that. Because before you're like this magical genie in my life, when you're just granting like all my wishes and.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Now you see through all the book. Welcome to reality. Yeah, I'm starting to like see it. Well, the reality. What, no, what are you seeing? No, shut the fuck up. What do you see? I'm starting to see some of your flaws
Starting point is 00:29:44 that I never saw before. Whoa, this is wild. Yeah, can I, I'll be honest. And I will say I still love you very much. This is why your flaws. OK. And maybe, maybe because of your flaws. All right.
Starting point is 00:29:59 I'm a flawed man. Let me tell you what Bobby did to me. Thanksgiving day. Thanksgiving day. No, this wasn't a big deal. Thank you. But it made me laugh. I put up a, I never post on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Every fucking month I put up a photo, maybe, and I delete them because I hate them because I fucking hate that app. I put up a photo genuinely of pictures that I genuinely, I wrote thankful. That's all I wrote. I saw that post. He was number one.
Starting point is 00:30:23 There was a picture of Chris O'Connor, one of my best friends in comedy. Like I just put up a bunch of photos of fun stuff because I never post. I thought this would be OK to do within seconds. He texts me, take that fucking photo down, bro. Not even like, hey, what's up, love you. Take that fucking, and I go, seriously?
Starting point is 00:30:41 And he goes, yeah, dude, I look like shit in that photo. First of all, no, he doesn't. He's sitting down naked. He looks cute as fuck. It was on the couch in San Diego. You guys remember that photo. And I love that photo. And it broke my fucking heart.
Starting point is 00:30:53 So I sat on the couch by the fire, sad, and I deleted it. And it really bummed me out. And I was like, you really want me to take it down? And you're like, do whatever you want, bro. Which means, yeah, take it down. Can I ask you something? When you read a script, right? He's reading a script with no stage direction.
Starting point is 00:31:13 And not knowing what the character is saying. Read it. So when you're reading it, right? Well, read your lines. Read your lines the way that you said it. So give me the line. I'll fucking bring it up. Give me the lines, dude.
Starting point is 00:31:23 I'll bring it up. Right. I mean, this is ridiculous. I just feel like I'm on trial. Happy Thanksgiving. Take that photo down. I look like shit. All right, right, I got it.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Happy Thanksgiving. That's what I would. OK, OK, go ahead. Because when I fucking text, I say it out loud. OK, go ahead. Right. Take that photo down. I look like shit.
Starting point is 00:31:46 And I wrote, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. Right. And you wrote, you too. Take that photo down. You too. Take that photo down. Take that photo down, please.
Starting point is 00:31:57 I'm fat in it. I'm fat. Love you. Take it down. Take it down now. I look fat in it. And I wrote, you're not fat. It's an old picture.
Starting point is 00:32:07 And I love you. You're my best friend. Take it down. Don't rage me out on Thanksgiving. Don't rage me out on Thanksgiving. That's the photo. That's the photo? That wasn't the photo.
Starting point is 00:32:19 No, no, it didn't have to. If that had the fucking mermaid form, if I was in mermaid form, you should have kept it in. It was so cute. Yeah, yeah. You inspire people with this picture. Yeah, thank you. That's how much people love the photo.
Starting point is 00:32:30 I love mermaid form. And then I said, you said, don't rage me out on Thanksgiving, which immediately pissed me off. All right. Piss me the fuck off when he does that, when he like threatens me. And I said, who cares? It's fun.
Starting point is 00:32:41 And he goes, you do whatever you want. I love what Carlos is doing right now. I do too. Because Carlos is going, yeah, Andrew get him, because he treats me like that too. Is that what that smile is? Why am I kind of gay in your impression, too? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:54 And let me say something to you. It's just a smile lot of, oh, this like a funny moment. That's all it is. No, no, no. That's what Andreas is doing. That's not what Carlos is doing. What is he doing? Carlos is doing, yeah, get him.
Starting point is 00:33:05 Oh, right. Yeah. That's what you're doing. Well, I saw the post after all this, and I thought it was strange. There wasn't a picture of you with Bobby, but I did see the Bad Friends Marquis. But now I know that that was by your choice,
Starting point is 00:33:19 that you didn't want to be in the post. OK, I'm sorry. That's OK. I also think. Oh, god. What? That you're beautiful. And if you're looking for a woman
Starting point is 00:33:27 that she should accept you and just like, what do you want, like an airbrush photoshop version of yourself online? OK. You deserve someone who really loves you. I like what you're doing. OK. So I'm going to put the picture back up.
Starting point is 00:33:45 No, you're not putting the picture back up. I think that's the answer. That's not the answer. That's the only way to mend this. Yeah. To make up for that. You're no longer my sidekick. I get the post answer.
Starting point is 00:33:52 You're no longer my sidekick, OK? You're in acquaintance right now, all right? You watch it. Let me say something. Hey, it goes both ways. It goes both ways. So I want to say that I'm self-conscious about the way I look because I'm getting old, right?
Starting point is 00:34:05 And these issues never come up, came up when I was in a relationship. And now I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis or whatever because I just, all these new feelings. I was just pulling up your age to make sure that Juicy knew. I know. See what he's doing? It's funny.
Starting point is 00:34:22 It's funny. Yeah. That's it. I know Carlos is on that last row about that right now. It wasn't a trap. I promise. No, but it was funny. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:34:32 What did I send you guys? Didn't I send you two things this week? Oh, London Gangsters? Oh, this was great. Listen to these two fucking guys talk to each other, man. This is amazing. All right. Max could probably make out what this is.
Starting point is 00:34:46 His parents are British. And by the way, this name's Bobby, which I loved. But I thought of you the whole fucking time. Are these friends or are they arguing? They're two gangsters. They're meeting their ex-criminals. And now they're sharing their stories of crime together. It's like a documentary piece.
Starting point is 00:35:06 See if you can make out what half of these guys are saying. Probably not. Let's see. Here we go. I've taken an assistant governor hostage in a maximum security. So everywhere I go, I've got loads of prison officers, man, because they think I'm going to take another one. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:35:19 It means only 10 officers in riot gear, with a governor, an SO, and a PO, can open your door. Got no rights, sorry, and a PO. And they make fun of us all the time. They make fun of us all the time. But those are like their version of hillbillies, right? No, these are criminal. I know, but I'm just sort of in terms of a language, though.
Starting point is 00:35:39 No, I would say this is their version of like hardcore New York gangsters. Yeah, but New York gangsters are pretty clear. That's my point. OK. We're better than them. We're better than them. OK.
Starting point is 00:35:53 And the guy on the left, as you can see, has been shot in the fucking face. Which one? I know you can't tell. Are you serious? No, which one is it? How do you know? They said it there.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Just look. Oh my god. Take a guess. Take a guess. The white guy? Show him again. Zoom in a little bit more. What do you think, Bob?
Starting point is 00:36:21 OK, next one. I don't know. OK, good call. These guys are hardcore gangsters, though. This is Marvin Herbert and Bobby Cummins who are like true gangsters, like fucking killed people. And they talk about it on this documentary. OK, so let me just ask you something.
Starting point is 00:36:43 If you were a gangster, which style would you be? Would you be left or right? I think by default, I'd be on the left, because that's the kind of clothing I like to wear. I don't like suits. Yeah, me too. You know, that would be you and I. But Juicy would be on the right for sure when you're right.
Starting point is 00:36:55 You're a suit gangster. We could never do this. What would you do if you went to fucking prison? I think you're wrong. I think you're absolutely wrong. You could be a gangster? Dude, you and I grew up in, like, middle class. So?
Starting point is 00:37:11 We went to schools, public schools. You know, I had country clothes, tennis lessons. I didn't have country clothes. I did. I did. Country like tennis lessons, ice skating, all that stuff, right? No.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Yeah, I did. I had none of that. I know. Can I just tell you me then? Yeah, don't say me. Sorry, sorry. So I had tennis class, wrestling. I did on the team.
Starting point is 00:37:28 My parents got me a car at 16. You know what I mean? And we had a pool, tennis court. Yeah, I didn't have any of that. I know, I did. And I grew up, and this is what I turned out like this. But if I grew up in, like. You've said this before.
Starting point is 00:37:42 No. This is wrong. Puyong. It doesn't matter if Puyong. Puyong, if you grew up somewhere else. In the street, my dad, you know what my dad was? My father was Korean. My father, no, this is the truth.
Starting point is 00:37:57 You want to see her truth? My dad was a professional boxer in Korea. Do you know that? His record was 0 and 8. He never won anything. He really did. I know, I can tell. 0 and 8, never won anything, right?
Starting point is 00:38:12 And he never went to school because during the Korean War, he was a gangster in the streets, right? And he led his own gang. So my dad had, like, stab wounds on his body, all kinds of fucked up shit. That's why he was so violent. Because everybody fucked him up all the time? Yeah, he was so small.
Starting point is 00:38:27 But if you talked to the guys that he grew up with and stuff, they would always say, no, he was like, he would jump on your back and start biting your neck and stuff. But he would always lose. It sounds like he would lose. No, in the professional boxing arena, yeah. But in the streets, he did knives and shit. But you told me he had stab wounds all over.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Yeah, he lived through it. My point is, is that my point is, is that he was a thief, too. They used him like a knife block. But he was practicing on your dad. But my dad was like a thief. He was like a bad guy, right? What'd he steal? Well, I know gum.
Starting point is 00:39:01 I know you told me it's still, he's still a bad guy. Fuck, block that guy up. He's still like a bag of gum. A bag of gum? Korea is so fucking weird. So he's still a bag of gum. What's so funny? A bag of gum?
Starting point is 00:39:18 Yeah, back there during the Korean War, that was like worth a lot. They just put it in a bag? That's like Korean diamonds. There is gum. So then, and then he changed his ways. You know what I mean? And when he came to America, he became a businessman. My point, though, is he's a hard worker.
Starting point is 00:39:32 But if I grew up in the same environment, like my brother and I, we were street kids, who knows what would happen? I could be in prison. Same with you, look. No. Oh, yeah. Dude, you're rage and you're anger as it is now.
Starting point is 00:39:44 See that twitch? Those are rage switches, man. So what I'm saying, yeah. I think I heard it in the headphones. So what I'm saying is, if you grew up in a fucking bad environment, right, you would be in a different place right now. My dad was in prison, which is the reason I'm not in prison.
Starting point is 00:39:58 I know, but that's in your blood. Prison blood. Prison blood, dude. You're prison blood, dude. My dad going to prison was the reason I didn't want to go to prison. I know, I understand that. But you had your mom and your step dad
Starting point is 00:40:11 and that, you know what I mean? You had to look for, to have guidance from. I know, but all I, but yeah, but I'm saying. And if you didn't have them and you, and your dad went to prison and you were in the streets, you would end up just like him. Maybe. That, that's, that maybe.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Yeah. Maybe. So basically, if I didn't have my, my mom and my step dad. Yeah, we were blessed because we had guidance in a weird way. I had AA early on in my life. Like I would go to AA meetings and these old AA guys tell me like how to live life and the rules and all that stuff, you know. What are the rules?
Starting point is 00:40:44 Which is to live in the moment, you know what I mean? Do you think you live in the moment? I do. Do you live in the moment, Juicy? I try to. I think I do. Yeah. You don't?
Starting point is 00:40:53 No. Will you live in the past? Wait, let me take that again. Can we go back? Yeah. Do you live in the moment, Juicy? Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Starting point is 00:41:02 You don't? I don't. Yeah, you do. I don't. You live in the future? I live in this. In your mind, I mean. I think I have a tough time living in the moment.
Starting point is 00:41:12 I admit I'm not good at it. I'm not good at it, but I try to practice it. I don't. I'm being honest. I wish I was better at enjoying the thing while it's happening. It's kind of double-edged, though, because I feel like I'm so in the moment that sometimes I forget about like other things.
Starting point is 00:41:28 But what else would you need to know? Like I don't stay in touch with people as well, because I'm just like where I'm at. Like right now I'm here. But let me tell you something. I can tell you something. I had this discussion with someone a couple days ago. As you get older, in general, it's
Starting point is 00:41:43 so much harder to stay in touch with people. It just is a part of life. You kind of just lose touch, because everyone's got their own thing going on. So it's only going to continue that way. I don't think it's you. I think it's time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:59 It's unfortunate. It's always like that. But it stinks. It sucks. I hate it. Because you just lose touch. You know that old saying. I was going to text somebody that we know in this room,
Starting point is 00:42:08 that we three know. It was their birthday. And I opened up my phone. And I saw it was their birthday on my calendar. And I looked at our text message and last time I texted the person on their birthday. So you could do it. And they didn't respond when I had said happy birthday.
Starting point is 00:42:27 Well, that's because they probably get 1,000 of them. No, this person wouldn't. Oh, I see. And because of that, I just deleted it. Wow. Really? Well, because I didn't get angry about it. No, I didn't want to feel that feeling again.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Right. Of like seeing another year. So I didn't text Tabby birthday. And I deleted that original text. As if to say, that's the end of that. Damn, you just. Why didn't delete them from my phone? I just I thought, well.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Deleted them from your life. Yeah, kind of. Hello, I love making things from HelloFresh because I feel like a chef doing it. And I know that the outcome of what I'm going to eat is going to be a delicious meal. Subscribe to HelloFresh and check Save Money off your Fallout to-do list.
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Starting point is 00:45:38 Now, download the Viator app now and use the code Viator10 for 10% off your first booking. One app over 300,000 experiences, you'll remember. Do more with Viator. A friend of mine told me he got a role. And they asked him. At a bakery? French role.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Yeah, an onion role. And they asked him to do it in a different accent. And then he did in the accent. And then I guess then they were like, just do the your regular accent. And he was like, oh, did I do it bad? I'm like, no, they probably just thought we can't have him doing an accent of another person
Starting point is 00:46:14 because we would have to cast the other person and they'd get shit for it. Cause I think these days people are getting shit for being like, why would you just cast that kind of person? Yeah. Fucked up. That's a weird, that's a weird time because it's acting.
Starting point is 00:46:25 It's acting. You're faking it. That's, it's like you have to act. It's acting. It's like, what? Are you only allowed to play Korean guys? Can you play Chinese? No, like when I, when...
Starting point is 00:46:35 Can you play Chinese? I can. Do it for him. You're hired. And the Oscar goes too. Bobby Lee. That's a clip. Right?
Starting point is 00:46:46 Because they're protesting right now because of COVID, right? Who, what? Yeah, to Chinese are protesting against EE or whatever it was. Apple employees in China. Yeah. So they're going.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Apple employees are protesting. They're protesting COVID. They're protesting COVID. They started it. What do you mean? No, there's not enough COVID restrictions in Apple. There's still like a lot of COVID restrictions there.
Starting point is 00:47:04 Show the video. There's a video of robots going through a town in China spraying stuff into the air. Have you seen this? I like it. I like it. Do drones spraying disinfectant? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:16 There's a fucking video of these drones in the air spraying disinfectant or something for COVID? There. Right there. Trying to drone spray COVID. Look. Those are drones in China spraying shit
Starting point is 00:47:35 for COVID protection. Wow. You tell me this ain't the greatest country in the world. Dude, how creepy. That's fucking creepy as shit. Yeah. What's in that? COVID vaccine.
Starting point is 00:47:48 What if we find out it's just MSG? Oh my god. What about those little robots in LA? What are they? They're delivering food. No one ever told me about it. So I'm driving on the road and I see it for the first time. I almost crashed my car.
Starting point is 00:48:00 That's so funny that you're like, no one ever told me. We needed to come to you. Boston Dynamics calls Bobby. Well, just call me and go, we have those. I see them all over the place now. What's in it? They're Amazon delivery pack. They do like.
Starting point is 00:48:12 Pizza. That's pizza. What? They're all for pizza. So they deliver Amazon packaging? They deliver all sorts of shit. And how do you know what happens? Is it knock on the door or?
Starting point is 00:48:23 It beep boop bop boops. And look at that guy, he got fat cells. So on his phone, he goes, it's here. He goes downstairs. It opens up with the code. Yeah, it opens up with the code. And it literally goes, what's he about? It speaks the language to you.
Starting point is 00:48:36 No. Yeah, I've learned some of it. Give me some. I'll have it. That means thank you. It's Chinese? Well, who do you think fucking makes these things? That's right.
Starting point is 00:48:46 By the way, some of them have COVID in them. Like it's random. It's kind of like, you know, like this guy, like he just got COVID for sure. Yeah, that means thank you. And then look at that fat ass. Sometimes they're rude. Sometimes they'll say disgusting things to women.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Well, they're made after our image. That's exactly right. You're going to get some. Can you stick your penis in one of those holes? That's originally what the top thing was for. Oh, is that? Yeah. Those two circles?
Starting point is 00:49:14 Those two circles, yeah. Me and you could do it together. And then you're from Niagara in court and that thing's like, you know what I mean? I'm an accused man. Me, me, me, me, me, me. I remember whole being. This thing gets on a cues.
Starting point is 00:49:21 It's on a cues. It's on a cues. And the award goes to Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep-A-Peep. Rude. Rude. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's amazing.
Starting point is 00:49:35 They're so fucking stupid. What cities have, is it only in LA, New York, or is it all? Take a guess, it's all the annoying cities. LA, New York, Chicago, San Francisco. Yeah, it's all like the fucking pretentious. Right. They, this wouldn't last a fucking hour in like- Boise, Idaho.
Starting point is 00:49:50 Fuck no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they push it over, they shoot at it. For sure, they'd shoot a gun at it. You see that, you shoot that, you see a little robot this morning, fucking kill that thing. They wouldn't let it go. Right.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Postmate, yeah, it does all sorts of bullshit. They're all over the place now though, I've seen a ton of them. I see them too. I'll tell you what trips me out though, is they're gonna start trying to do, Amazon is pushing to do fully electric truck, the automated trucks.
Starting point is 00:50:21 Oh, they would love that. So no fucking- So they wouldn't have to pay anybody. No human, no human. That's gonna be a nightmare. I don't know how they're gonna fucking do that. How's it gonna get from the truck to your door? Did they have one of those things come out?
Starting point is 00:50:34 So yeah, what comes out of the truck? Wow. The job sucks though, I have a friend who has been driving with them for years and they don't get bathroom breaks. A lot of the dudes will just go pee in the truck. Like in a bottle. Wait, seriously?
Starting point is 00:50:50 Yeah. Because where do you park that thing? And they record all of your route. So they're like- They've got air tags all over you. There's cameras in the car, you can't just stop at a circle kit. What do you mean you can't piss?
Starting point is 00:51:04 But if I wanted to go to Taco Bell, I can't go to Taco Bell. They would probably write you up because- You gotta go to UPS, buddy. You have a specific route and you have to get your deliveries done by a certain time and if you look at your phone, they'll like, ding you. Is the pay good?
Starting point is 00:51:18 I think it's average. I think the pay is pretty good. Okay. I mean, I don't know what that means, but I think the pay is good. Just say he's one of my six roommates. So I don't think it's that good. Oh really?
Starting point is 00:51:29 Oh wow. Go back to that thing that you just saw. 20 bucks an hour is what they're getting. That's not bad. It's 11% better than the national average. Amazon says it has over a thousand Rivian electric vans making deliveries in the United States right now. Wow.
Starting point is 00:51:40 I think some jobs should be replaced by robots. Like what? That one. But in return, there should be more better jobs created for humans. Yeah, right. Well, that's the argument, right? That is like, as long as you supplement it
Starting point is 00:51:54 with another job, humans have to fix the robots, right? Yeah, exactly. More fix a job. What else should be replaced? I think- Podcast? No. Welcome to the Bad Friends Podcast.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Today, we'll be talking about diarrhea. I've had diarrhea before. I'm trying to think of what should be replaced. It's very difficult. Fast food. Fast food workers are treated like shit. They don't deserve to be treated like shit. But where would they go?
Starting point is 00:52:28 What do you mean? The fast food workers, where are they going to work? Oh, I don't know. I haven't thought that far. I mean, it's just like, you know- They could start a podcast. But fast food should literally be a big fucking machine that has all the ingredients in it.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Like a vending machine. They could do that. You just put in a car. Yeah, what the fuck? You don't need to be mean to someone for 14 hours. I do think there should be some humans if there's food involved. No.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Less humans if food involved, in my opinion. What? Humans are fucking- If it's fast food. Yeah, but what? We're talking about fucking a steak dinner. What if it accidentally grabs a bottle of poison instead of ketchup?
Starting point is 00:53:05 Why is poison inside the fucking machine? Yeah, you get one person as the person that inserts the food. Like, he's a maintenance guy. Yeah, the human jobs are you have to load the machines. Food loader. Fix them when they break. Yeah, so there's one guy that works there, but you could eliminate so many.
Starting point is 00:53:24 So how about then find dining? No, no, no. You've got to have, because that's about customer service. Because getting a nice server that knows the menu that can wine-pair well with a sommelier at high-end restaurants, all that is a part of the experience of the meal. Although I sometimes like talk, like, I'm doing a show at night,
Starting point is 00:53:42 and then I spend the whole day alone. And I'm like, I have to get out of the house to just talk to people before I go on stage in front of 100 or more people, right? So if I go into Taco Bell, and I can't talk to anybody, and I just touch a screen, and then the food comes out, and then I eat alone, and then I, you know what? I mean, that's alone.
Starting point is 00:53:59 Utopia. Utopia. That sounds perfect. That sounds great. Boop, boop, boop. And then back in your car. Back to, yeah. That sounds like utopia.
Starting point is 00:54:11 That's gross. That sounds like Japan. They do all that kind of shit. Japan is fully automated. The whole fucking country is automated. Sprinkles, right. They do cupcake. Yeah, but they got to load that with cups.
Starting point is 00:54:21 And that's the loader. The loader. Huh? Yeah, they just have a loader guy. Well, I'll talk to a loader. But also sprinkles, right. That's a bullshit business anyway. Fucking cupcakes.
Starting point is 00:54:28 Who needs that much? You know how many times I eat cupcakes? Once a fucking year. Why do I need a vending machine filled with cupcakes? How many times do you eat fucking cupcakes? All right, I'll get out. Every other day, maybe. You eat a cupcake every day?
Starting point is 00:54:39 Every other day. Where do you get a cupcake from? I get at sprinkles. And I also get every other day. I'm being real. Fuck you. I do. Look at my fucking postmates.
Starting point is 00:54:48 I get crispy creams every other day. And also, um. So don't tell me to take down a picture on Instagram because you look fat. OK. That's true. But yeah. That's true.
Starting point is 00:55:00 But I mean, you're just saying that people don't eat it every day. I don't. You might be the only one I know these cupcakes that frequently. What do you mean? Fans, comment below how often you eat a fucking cupcake. I bet you it's once in a while. I don't eat icing. That's my fucking.
Starting point is 00:55:17 Why don't you just go bake a cake? It's the perfect amount of fucking delicious fucking bun bun. I love it, dude. All right, is that that's the treat you eat the most of? Yeah, I wouldn't eat sushi out of a machine. That's fucking crazy. I would.
Starting point is 00:55:32 How? Depends on where I am. These are in Japan. Japan, I would do it. That's where all the fucking sushi goes. Oh, right, right, right, right, right. A fucking sushi from a machine there is just like a bag of chips here.
Starting point is 00:55:46 Same thing. Yeah. What else should be automated? They have these. These are women's underwear, too. You can get Japan. That I'm a big fan. But they're worn.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Some of them you can buy worn. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if that's really true, though. So I've gotten it. And I was like, this doesn't seem worn. Back it the fuck up. You've ordered some worn panties off the internet? I got them in Tokyo. And then what do you do?
Starting point is 00:56:09 Why do you want them worn? You huff them? No, it's they claim to be worn. So I opened it immediately and was like, I had to check this out. And it was pretty clean. But did you smell them? Maybe.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Oh, I mean, what do they smell? Do they smell them? How come are you wore them? I was on my honeymoon, Juicy. I didn't wear them. Oh, my mistake. Somehow that makes it better. So wait a minute.
Starting point is 00:56:32 You got used panties from a vending machine in Japan. You open up the package. You know it's not used. Yeah, I'm like, I think it's just instinct. I just felt like it was a scam. Just tell me that you have smelled them. I definitely smelled them. And they didn't smell used.
Starting point is 00:56:45 They didn't smell like poopy or anything like that. Do you like the smell of poopy? No, but that would have indicated that it was definitely used. Were they female underwear or men underwear? Female, of course. Good question, Bobby Lee. That's a good question.
Starting point is 00:56:56 I didn't think about that. You don't smell men underwear, even if it says used. Well, I don't think you can even get men's underwear. It's more of like a female underwear. You can now. Bad friends underwear is going to now be available used. Bobby and I's underwear. Let me ask you, if you smelled the underwear,
Starting point is 00:57:11 the female underwear, and that you smell pussy juice. Is that the right vernacular? Please don't use the word juice. You smell pussy sauce. Thank you. Pussy sauce. You know, the sauce of the pussy. You smell some sauce.
Starting point is 00:57:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the sauce, I mean, because sometimes it's like, when you smell the sauce, right? I'm being real. It's like, is this like from Europe? This is good shit. Good sauce. From Europe?
Starting point is 00:57:38 I love this sauce, baby. What sauce? It's like Chick-fil-A special sauce. Right, right. And then it's like, if I smelled underwear with that sauce, I would have to find the distributor of it. Right. So maybe that's a movie.
Starting point is 00:57:50 I imagine it's just a product. You're in a machine. You used female underwear. You smelled the sauce. It's so good. It's your destiny to find this woman. I believe, I have a theory that the sauce is so good, right, that no matter what the distributor looks like.
Starting point is 00:58:05 You'd be in. You'd be in. Wow, this Christmas. What about Santa Claus? Mrs. Claus. Mrs. Claus, I mean. Mrs. Claus has got some sauce for you. The underwear is like this big.
Starting point is 00:58:20 Yeah. Whoa. I'm going to let's order some used underwear for the show and see if it smells from Japan. But also, Japanese people are very clean and cleanly. And I feel like their dirty underwear wouldn't be as gross as our dirty underwear. Yeah, they're very clean.
Starting point is 00:58:36 We're fat and gross people. I still can't believe you eat a cupcake every fucking other day. Why? It's just not normal. I'll tell you what I eat every other day. Cupcakes, Krispy Kreme. I also eat, I don't know why, but every other day, Uncle Pauly's.
Starting point is 00:58:55 Did you see when I got sick? I had to get Uncle Pauly's. It's one of my favorites. My favorite, too. What is it? It's a sandwich. It's a sandwich. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:04 So I get that delivered every other day, but then I order five sandwiches. I store them in my refrigerator. It's too many sandwiches. How many deliveries do you get at a time? I don't eat them all at one time. What? Why don't you just order them when you want them?
Starting point is 00:59:15 Because at midnight, they're not open. You can have Uncle Pauly's at midnight. Yeah. Do you understand? But should you have a sandwich at midnight? I don't know. Right. But I do.
Starting point is 00:59:25 I get a sandwich. I think they're closed before midnight because you shouldn't eat it after midnight. Vitamin D, whole milk. Oh, no. I love it. Bob. I love it.
Starting point is 00:59:36 And then, you know what else? Can I put the picture back up on my Instagram? No, no, no. Yeah. Wait, how much do I use? How many food deliveries on average do you get up per day? Door dash. At least two.
Starting point is 00:59:49 At least two. At least two. Oh, OK. Two a day. Yeah. How about you? Maybe one. A day?
Starting point is 00:59:55 Yeah. Yeah. What do you get? I get sweet grains a lot, or I go to a body energy club. I'll get them for pickup. Oh, I see. Body energy club. What do you get?
Starting point is 01:00:06 Somebody is doing well. Have you been there? No, I have no idea what that is. It's really good. They do acai bowls and smoothies. Oh, I'll tell you what a buddy said to me, by the way. I should show you something. You want to talk?
Starting point is 01:00:19 Can we talk conspiracy for two seconds? I love conspiracy. Yes. Go back, sit down for a second. Can you sit down or not? Of course you can, dude, if he wants to. Do you want to be on the show, Max? I don't mind.
Starting point is 01:00:33 Do you have arthritis or something the way you walk? No, I just walk on my toes. Why? Because he wants to be bigger than you. That's incredible. Thank you. Why did you think that I was an Arsenal fan? And why are you shocked by it?
Starting point is 01:00:44 Because I haven't met many, like, Arsenal fans here. So that's the only reason. You didn't base it upon my ethnicity, my attitude. This is called race baiting. Oh. He wants you to say something about him being Korean. No, I meant when I went to the Arsenal game last year, I met a few Asian people there.
Starting point is 01:01:01 I'll get the fuck out of here. No, no, no, no. Time out. Stay there. Do they look like him? No. What do they look like? Go ahead and describe it.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Well, you know, I'm a police officer. I'm a police officer, right? We're cops. We're cops, right? And the sketch guys there, whatever. I'm the sketch guy. You're the sketch guy. This is Cliff Robbam.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Hey, I'm Cliff Robbam. I'm Officer Robbam. I heard that something went down, and you were the only one that saw. It was a couple of Asian guys, yes? Yes, it was a couple of Asian guys, or? It was a couple of Asian guys, you know? Describe them to me.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I need to be able to draw them, so go ahead. Asian guy number one, describe it to me. We're on like, you know, five, nine, five, eight. Are you sure it was Asian, or? Five, nine. Pretty tall. Five, six, maybe. OK, thank you.
Starting point is 01:01:49 That sounds right. There we go. Yeah, five, six, you know. You know, buzz cut. Buzz cut, what did you explain? Like just like shorter hair, like a shorter hair. Color, color. Buzz cut.
Starting point is 01:02:01 Sort of like tan, maybe Filipino. The skin? It was like a tanner. The color of the hair first. Oh, a black. Black, and then this. It was like a darker skin. A darker skin.
Starting point is 01:02:11 If you were going to give us an example of what that skin looks like on something else, like. Like that wood, sort of maybe. Oh, wood. Like this. Wood skin. Wood skin. They had wood skin.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Wood skin, black hair, five, six. Black hair, wood skin. Facial features. This is number one. They have like, you know, eyebrows. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. A delicate dance. A delicate dance.
Starting point is 01:02:39 One had a goatee. Or one had a goatee. A full goatee. Did one of them perhaps have a Fu Manchu? Was it a Fu Manchu? Like they do in the movies. What is that? What's a Fu Manchu?
Starting point is 01:02:50 Interesting. He doesn't know. What about the eyes? The eyes. Color. The eyes? What color of the eyes? It's OK to tell us that you couldn't see.
Starting point is 01:03:00 The color of the eyes? I couldn't really see the eye color. OK. Do you think shape is important? It is. Shape is important, is it not? I'm drawing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so.
Starting point is 01:03:10 The shape. You know, the typical. No, the tip. What does that mean? The typical. All right, you're free to go, sir. You're free to go. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:03:23 We'll bust them. We'll find them. We'll find them, yeah. We'll find them. I got to tell you, this was, OK. So because I spent the last week, sicky boy. Yeah. I had to go to CVS.
Starting point is 01:03:36 I'm not making this up. This is what the shelves look like in the cold and flu section. I know. Look at me in the face. Yeah. At every CVS and ride date I went to, to find some, I had to find two things, they're all sold out everywhere, of everywhere.
Starting point is 01:03:50 A pharmacist is on the fucking phone at the desk when I go to get a prescription, and she goes to the other pharmacist. Somebody robbed Silver Lake CVS. And the guy goes, what? What are they, like at gunpoint? No, he stole a bunch of fucking medicine. Wow.
Starting point is 01:04:08 I'm like, and there's a piece of me that's laughing. Everyone is sick more than it's ever been. Am I getting my conspiracy theory thing? I am. Something's going on. Oh, here we go. Look at it. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:04:20 Look at the fucking shelves. Bobby, this is not one of those seasonal everyone gets sick. Everyone I know, everyone I know has just got over being sick or is sick. It's the last time I was sick. Three months ago, I called Juliana, Rudy Jules, go to CVS, get me these things. They were there.
Starting point is 01:04:37 No, they weren't. They weren't. No way. Yeah, I can see it. Did it look like that? It looked like that. Empty shelves. They didn't have a Nyquil.
Starting point is 01:04:44 Couldn't find it. They couldn't find a Theraflu. Something's going on. Couldn't find it. Yeah, but you were sick on Friday? Was this Friday when you went? This was two nights ago. So Cyber Monday?
Starting point is 01:04:57 Oh. Yeah, Cyber Monday. That explains it. Right after Black Friday? After Black Friday. Because you know Black Friday, for a cold and flu, stuff goes out the shelves first, I guess. But is that on sale, though?
Starting point is 01:05:09 Yeah. Well, you can see all that. Honestly, this is a real question. It's all on sale. Oh, it is on sale. That's why. No, that's just CVS pricing. That's just like, you know.
Starting point is 01:05:17 But I don't know how Black Friday works. Is Black Friday everything is for sale? No, here's the deal. On Black Friday, only Black people can get the deal. That's not true. That's the thing. You said that last year, and I Googled it, and that's not true.
Starting point is 01:05:30 That's not true. I think I'm not going to fall for that trick again. All right? I literally did Google that last year, and that's not true. So what's so funny? I can't believe you tried to trick me two years in a row. I just know that you did Google it. You were like fucking Andrew.
Starting point is 01:05:43 Everyone is sick, and my buddy and I were talking about on the phone, you know what it is? You know who's behind all this? Bezos. Campbell's. Soup? Campbell's soup. How often are they selling soup during the year?
Starting point is 01:05:59 Couple cans here and there. Come November, when everybody's sick. Yeah. Everybody's eating soup. Campbell's is behind this shit. This is Campbell's thinking chunky, dude. They want you to get soup. Oh, you can't get any medicine.
Starting point is 01:06:14 You can't get cough syrup. You can't get anything you need. Get a can of soup. Dude, literally soup is not something that I think about when I'm sick. Get a can of soup. I've never thought about soup. You never have soup when you're sick?
Starting point is 01:06:23 I've had soup in like six years. But you have a fucking cupcake every day? I do. Every other day. Every other day, sorry. Every other day, yeah, I do. Who eats soup when they're sick? Raise your hand.
Starting point is 01:06:35 It's the only time I eat fucking soup. I don't get Campbell's, though. You know I was the best chicken noodle soup? Whole foods. Dude, you're fucking getting fancy. You're getting, she's getting, you know what happened? She got a couple of bucks in her pocket, and she's going to, whatever that, energy.
Starting point is 01:06:51 Next week is me air-wonding. Yeah, oh my god. Next week is air-wonding. I can't go there. I used to go there, I used to go there for crew when I worked on The Late Late Show, and I would pick up the crew their lunches there, and it's too busy and too comfortable.
Starting point is 01:07:03 What's The Late Late Show? Oh, with James Corden? Yeah, I used to PA on that. Wait, did we talk about that? Can I say a reporter called me the other day? Wait, what? It wasn't nothing crazy. They were just doing some story,
Starting point is 01:07:17 and I haven't worked there in over a year, and somehow they knew I worked there as a production assistant and asked about my experience with James Corden. Well, that's because they got him in Balthazar, throwing, you know, this whole thing. Yeah, in New York. More or less, they, they said, they tried to make it out to be that he was,
Starting point is 01:07:32 like, a fucking tyrant, but, you know, Hollywood has way worse tyrants. You told me to go there, remember I ate there? At Balthazar. Yeah, in New York. Of course, I know, and I was uptown, I couldn't meet. Let me tell you about James Corden, right? Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:07:43 Do you like him? I don't fucking know him. I work for him. You did? Yeah. What'd you work for him with? I did a show called Game On. Oh, yeah, that was their production, it was Ben's show.
Starting point is 01:07:52 Yeah, Ben's show, but he was also the producer. No, I know, I understand, I understand. I've driven him before. Ben? Yeah. He's a good, he's a good dude. He's just a nice guy. Yeah, Ben's great.
Starting point is 01:08:01 I don't know what the thing is, is he an asshole? Who, James? Yeah. No, dude, they said he was at Balthazar to a restaurant in New York and he treated the server like shit. That's, that's kind of what this, I guess that's a summation of it, right? Am I missing something?
Starting point is 01:08:12 No, that's it. So they, so they wanted to dig him in this fucking, you know, bad, Europe, Hollywood elitist asshole thing, which I don't know, but a restaurant interaction. I, you know what, dude, do you ever have this thing where somebody says hi to you? And like a girl, a girl was hiking and I passed her and she turned around and went back up the hill
Starting point is 01:08:34 with her friend. And as they were halfway away from me, she was like, you're so funny. And I didn't turn around, but I go, thank you. And then she goes, I'm a really big fan. And I go, thank you. And I just kept going down the hill. And I thought that's fine.
Starting point is 01:08:48 But then there's always a piece of me that goes, that's not fine. Is she going to go, fuck him. He didn't even fucking X, Y, Z. You got to turn around. No, I'm like, I'm going down, I'm jogging down. You got to turn around. I'm jogging down the hill.
Starting point is 01:09:00 I have to stop my jog. Jog back up. Jog back up. Yeah, you got to jog back up. You write it down. It's a lot of pressure. I was starting to get a small taste of this. Now, when I work at the comedy store
Starting point is 01:09:10 and I'm checking people in my last name, I can't get, there's always at least one person, but it's growing in numbers. Like last night I worked and I probably six to 10 people in the line stopped to say, oh, I watch Bad Friends and two of them took pictures with me. And I'm like checking them in. So I have to keep the line moving
Starting point is 01:09:27 and my coworkers are like speed it up. But I'm trying to get them. Is it tough? It's cool. I'm saying I'm getting. It's fame. It's fame. You're taking me.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Fucking grow up. I'm asking you, how do you make a moment out of it? Well, what I'm saying is I always say thank you or whatever, but there are moments during the day when what I'm saying about the James Corden thing is I don't fucking know about him and his server. But in general, people forget that you're also doing your life thing.
Starting point is 01:09:57 So sometimes you're not being as conscious of their stem as you are doing whatever the fuck it is you're doing. You know, like, I think that's a forgotten thing where people are like, hey, like we were walking to USC, UCLA game and some drunk fucking dude I mean, it's a ton of people. Everyone's trying to mill into this. So I'm going to say no.
Starting point is 01:10:21 And I go, hey, man, like fucking please don't yell like that. There's so many people around and it's like, we're just trying. Then he goes, fucking one up, dude. And I was like, hey, man, OK. And then he goes, you're the shit, dude. And I instinctively yelled. I go, thank you. This could be like, fuck off a little bit.
Starting point is 01:10:41 And people were laughing. And he was too, but it's like, don't you also know that that's not how to do this? In front of humans, other people are there. Yeah. Some dad, some old dad was like, what the fuck? Who are you? I was like, nobody.
Starting point is 01:10:57 I mean, I liked it when they did it to Ted Cruz at the Yankee day. It was at the Yankee game or whatever. Fuck you, you know what I mean? That's funny. Donald Trump called your wife ugly and you ate it. You know what I mean? You fucking coward, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:11:08 I like that. What would you have done if Trump said you were still with Carlisle and he said, Carlisle is a big, a big, fat, jungle big? Well, I never supported him in the first place. No, but I mean, if he was out in your face, what would you do? I go, fuck you, dude. And he go, fuck you, you little dumpling.
Starting point is 01:11:24 Now what? Now what are you doing to Trump? And then I go, can you sign this head shot? I mean, it's a big deal. It is a big deal. I think I need a selfie. All right, let's tell a truth. Let's tell a real truth.
Starting point is 01:11:36 OK, Trump is in LA. He is right now? And we hear that he's a huge bad friends fan. Yeah. Huge. I'm a huge bad friends fan. Yeah. And he wants to come say hi to us.
Starting point is 01:11:47 You don't have to put me on the show, but I want to say I'd see the studio. Do you let him do it? 100%. Do you take a photo with him? Do you take a photo with him? No. You say no.
Starting point is 01:11:58 You literally wouldn't. Do you not want him to see it? If he walked in here, you wouldn't shake his hand? I would shake his hand. But if he said he was taking me to get a picture of the crew, would you get in? Maybe I would, but I would do something funny. Yeah, we don't have to do no smiling.
Starting point is 01:12:13 But can I tell you something? Like, bummed out. Would you guys? What would you do? I'll try to put him on the show. Oh, yeah, good producer, good producer, good producer. Would you get a photo with him? If he was like, I want a photo with fancy bee.
Starting point is 01:12:25 Yeah. What about Putin? 100%. Oh my god. Putin walked in here. 100%. Hello. Nice to meet you.
Starting point is 01:12:32 I'd go juicy. Your day is done. And then I'd have Putin sit down. But what if he had Ukrainian blood on his hands? I mean, it makes for a good pod. He'd ride Ukrainian blood on his hands. Putin will be on the merge. He's rubbing his forehead, dripping in blood.
Starting point is 01:12:46 You're like, oh my god, Putin. Yeah. That's interesting to me. That's an interesting question. Like, I hate him, but Trump, but it's like. I would take a photo. If I saw him. Dude, so would every fucking buddy.
Starting point is 01:12:57 I know, I know. That's the thing. There's a few people that. Take crews. Selfie? That's a photo for sure. That's funny. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:03 That's a funny. Any of those. Lindsey Graham, any of those. O.J. Simpson. Ooh. The juice. The juice. I wouldn't even think twice.
Starting point is 01:13:10 We get the real juice. I got a better one. That's the real juice. What if Bill Cosby? Bill Cosby is a big fan of the show. Want a photo? You getting a photo with Bill? He would be, he would sit there.
Starting point is 01:13:19 You know what, you know what I would do in the photo? What? Right? And I would say, one, two, three, and I'd go. Right, right, right. I would absolutely take a photo. It's funny. It's a thing to say.
Starting point is 01:13:32 I fucked up. I'm going to just say, I want to share this with you guys. So I was listening to The Moth. Oh, yeah? You know what it is? Yeah, yeah. Right. And there was a story where this lady, you know,
Starting point is 01:13:43 it's more, you know what The Moth is? Remind me, I forget. Every city, you know what I mean, over the last 20 years, they've, they've, they did these, they did these story telling competitions and stuff, and they record them. They're great stories. Sometimes you get prize money, but now it's a podcast
Starting point is 01:13:59 and they collect all these stories they've archived and they're very fanatic. So once courage will take one from 12 years ago, another one from London that happened a month ago. And that, you know, that's thematic sometimes. Yeah. So there was this one where, and I, there's this one where there was a woman and she's 81
Starting point is 01:14:18 and she's telling a story. I don't know if I do it. It's pretty long. Fuck it. We're going long anyway. We can cut it out. In the fifties, she was saying that I got a job at some science lab.
Starting point is 01:14:28 I was the only woman there, right? And all these guys were bullying me. They've been pranking me every day. I hated the job, right? Then this other guy started working there and he started protecting me. He stood up to the bullies and stuff. And we became friends and we would write these letters
Starting point is 01:14:44 to each other, this is in the 1950s. And we had this coded language that we would give notes back and forth that only we could understand, right? Which is nice. Yeah. Four months later, she leaves the job, never sees him again. This is in the fifties. She's 81 now, right?
Starting point is 01:15:01 And she's like, I wonder what happened to that guy that I worked with in the fifties? And she Googles him, can't find him at all. But then a week later, he finds her and he gets her address and he sends her something in the mail. It's all those notes he saved since the fifties, right? And he goes, I've been thinking about you for all these years. He's 91.
Starting point is 01:15:28 Holy shit. 81, 91. Yeah, 81, 91. Perfect time. Right. He lives in San Diego. He makes his oldest son drive him to New Hampshire. I guess that's where she lives.
Starting point is 01:15:39 So fucking far. Does it just get a plane? But he drove. He's old. That's like five days. I know, but his heart can implode. He could have died on the drive. That's true.
Starting point is 01:15:50 Anyway, that's what happened. It took like a month. That's what happened. OK, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not part of that family. So long. So anyway, he drives there and they get married.
Starting point is 01:16:03 What? No. Yeah. They get married. And he kisses her in every spot around town. Everywhere they go, like at the post office, at a restaurant, in a park, because he wants a memory of a kiss at every place in this town with her.
Starting point is 01:16:20 Wow. Right? He's 91. He's 91. I think it's that he just keeps forgetting. Right. Have I kissed you here? Yes, we kissed six minutes ago here.
Starting point is 01:16:36 Right. And have I kissed you here? It's really funny. And so for five years, she has the best, just the best five years of her own whole entire life. And she dies. He dies. Yeah, I was going to say.
Starting point is 01:16:58 95, 96, whatever, right? Wow. She's still alive. So she's looking for love? No, no, she's looking for love. My point is, so it's a romantic story, right? That's five years. It is.
Starting point is 01:17:09 But I told Kalyla to hear it. So I'm sitting at the kitchen table like four days ago. I go, listen to this mob. And as soon as that note thing happened, right? Did she tell us all right? She just burst into tears and like, I can't find love. It was like, terrible. Oh, that was bad on her part.
Starting point is 01:17:25 Yeah, it was bad in my part. Yeah, give it to your ex. Yeah, give it to your ex. Yeah, so you guys, don't give that to your ex because it's fucking devastating, right? I can't find love and welcome you. You know what I mean? You weren't even there.
Starting point is 01:17:36 That's a bad loss to her. Yeah, it was fucking terrible. Yeah, it was fucking terrible. Yeah. I got to tell you. I got to tell you. What? I'm putting back up the photo on my Instagram.
Starting point is 01:17:46 No, you're not. Thank you for being a bad friend. Bad friend. Yeah, whoo, yeah, whoo, yeah, whoo, yeah, whoo, yeah.

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