Bad Friends - Bobby Quits Smoking & WAP!

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Thank you: http://shipstation.com code: badfriends & https://www.joinhoney.com/badfriends & http://buffy.co code: badfriends & http://adamandeve.com code: badfriends https://www.villagehypnotherapy.com/badfriends mention “Join Bobby” for 5% off your Smoking Cessation Program with Jason. Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 Rudy refuses to go on the tour 5:04 Bobby's remix of WAP 19:50 Our Hypnotherapist takes Bobby to his Happy Place 39:30 The Phone Call Argument 50:15 Andrew does Jimmy Fallon impression 1:07:05 Milana Vayntrub's ATT Ad 1:09:21 George's favorite subreddit 1:15:00 Blissfully Unaware & Finding the Red, Bobby & Andrew's documentaries More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more. Go ahead You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? How do you feel Bob? I ain't going out like that. I ain't going out like that. I ain't going out like that I ain't going out. It's actually I ain't going out like that. I ain't going out like that That's what it's like, but I don't know that that that I don't know that that that that I have my own way of doing it man, it's like a fucking Yeah Yeah, it looks ridiculous like a dumb-dumb 2012 Off to a good start. Yeah. Yeah. Why is your hair like that?

Just to tell you You want me to be Italian I'm an Italian gangster for you And you slit your hair back Can we do we close that or no that's it? Can't go close right now because the because George is in there and he wants to be somewhere George is in today because Fancy B is on vacation vacation Listen, um, everyone listening so we're setting up something. Uh-huh something very special We might be going to a city near you we could be coming to a city near you very very very soon

And we're gonna do um live podcasts in every city one nighters one nighters with we take an RV Uh-huh with video accompaniment with Q&A. We got all sorts of stuff planned. Yeah, but you guess what guess what bad Rudy can't go wait. Why cuz she has school online Yeah, but I have a full load Oh It's the attitude is yeah clearing did you with the way she said it she goes? Yeah Also, don't say full load weird thing to say a full low kid just say I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy and how many classes do you have? Okay, that is that is a full load. Yeah, but it's also it's online

So what you don't think we're gonna go to places where there's the internet and actually do you know what I just bought the other day What a mobile Wi-Fi hotspot like I literally have the Wi-Fi hotspot for when we travel So you can have what high-speed Wi-Fi internet and the things also that we could teach you you'll learn a lot more than in school by far Yeah, ask me a question Jules. I'll fucking give you the answer anything ask him anything What is the 1817 the Declaration of Independence was to by John Adams and he created the Constitution Within so that we have social justice because of the fact because of the fact. Yeah, and what do you think about that? Yeah, go ahead. Oh, actually, what was the question you were gonna ask? Yeah, I'm sorry

What is the chemical formula of oh four point two? Water let me you you obviously know what that is H2O Is that a show look at I looked at it because I didn't Yeah, but did you believe I got that? Yeah, it was good my eye of my eye started vibrating Okay, what's what's carbon dioxide co2? What's carbon monoxide? See get your ass in class. Yeah, you're not going punk kid. You're not going you need it You need to learn. Yeah, do you know how many elements on the periodic table? Are you aware of? There's about

20 I don't know 28 I don't don't look at me. You're in school also that we finished we finished and also this book smart shit Well, I doesn't make it doesn't make you survive in the world. I mean, I'll give you real life streets fucking yeah All right, well, let's suppose you're walking down the street two in the morning. You're on 6th and and Western, right and a homeless man goes a kid come in this alleyway. I have some candy Hey, what do you do? Do you like twix? I have What do you do? What do you do Jules? I don't talk to him. No, you get the candy

It's free. It's free. You're not gonna take free candy. Are you out of your fucking mind cuz here's what happens You don't talk to it. Watch this you be the homeless guy, and I'm Jules and I'll be when you don't talk All right, watch what happens Hey, hey brown brown you're brown little girl, huh? Yeah, yeah from Philippines. Yeah, you've been a pinch Hey little girl. Yeah Yeah, come in this alleyway my home and I got a bag full of candy for you. No You know what a loser boo loser you go. Where's the candy? Yeah, what if he has a vault filled with a what are you? What's your favorite candy?

Nerds Nerds nerds of all the good candy nerds nerds is but it's just sand pebbles even make that anymore No, oh, yeah nerds. You don't like any chocolate. You don't like I like Reese's okay Reese's Reese's cups or bars cups Do you want to read do you want to read the lyrics of what ass pussy? Well, I mean, I've never read it before I don't know if I guess but don't say all the cuss words in this Let's see if we can do an edited version of this is Cardi B and Megan the stallion And this is WAP. This is the new song. I'll try to change some of the lyrics Let's see what you get on it doesn't become you know, I mean, yeah, uh loose women in this house

No, I don't sing it. Don't do that Don't do that. All right. I don't know the song so I can't loose women in this house There's some loose women in this house. There's some loose women in this house There's some loose women in this house. Ho, I I said certified freaks seven days a week Wet moist vagina pussy. No, I'm gonna make the pullout game week Yeah, yeah, yeah Let's go

You fucking some Well, you said the app for oh shit you freaking some moist vagina Bring a bucket and a mop for this moist vagina Give me everything you got for this moist moist. I can say ask vagina, right? Beat it up again. Let's charge Extra large and extra hard. That's fine. Put this vagina right in your face Swipe your nose like a credit card. Hop on top. I want to ride. I do a keggle

It's inside Spit in my mouth look at my eyes This what this vagina is moist come take a dive Time me up like I'm surprised Let's roleplay. Oh, we're at the skies. I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage Make what make it cream make me scream in public make a scene. I don't cook. I don't clean But let me tell you how I got this right. Okay. Hi. Yeah. Hey

Yeah, thank you Thank you. I can't believe you're not gonna be able to come on the on the little trip with us I'm a little bit bummed about that. Who are we gonna have to take? Well, she's she said that she would do stand-up at the Irvine show you will you'll come down Yes, you will yeah, she's doing the Irvine we're doing Irvine for sure, right? Yeah. Yeah, so what if she goes on stage with Andres? Oh, yeah, dude. They do a bit. It'll be called it'll be called the broken English buds the broken English buds And you both of you can do stand-up together. Would you like that? You don't have a choice. Yeah, you don't have a choice. You don't have a choice. We're gonna make it. Yeah. Yeah

She's look she's so betrayed by me right now because in the car she goes don't talk about the show I'm not doing stand-up. You know me and I'm why would you do that when you know? We're gonna talk about it then no because we made a deal with Dita Bobby. What's the deal? I Would lie for him. Oh, all right. Stop. No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait the word dude. Wait, wait, so I'm warning you right now. Okay I don't care about the deal. I don't give a shit about the deal. All right young lady, right? My word is God. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's if you fucking betray me right now. You'll see what comes to you, okay?

Hey, yeah, mom's the word mom is the word. Yeah, say it say mom's the word That's right. Yeah, she's so angry. No, I can feel it. You shouldn't have told him not to say something You know he's gonna say it. She feels so betrayed. No because he started it. He said if you lie Then I won't say anything right so you're creating an allegiance here. I like that. I think it's smart. Look. Yeah, Rudy Do what's gonna benefit you the most? Yeah Okay Okay, okay. Okay. So you now you're a friend you now you're thinking Rudy

You're thinking that I won't reveal the lie on air I will reveal the lie just to spite you. Okay, so Sunday Sunday, okay? I did the Hypnosis mm-hmm. Okay. How'd it go? It went great. Seriously? Yes But I think I fell completely asleep That's okay. No, but I don't think I was in deep sleep. Yeah, but I think it's subconscious It didn't work. It didn't work. I don't think it worked. You're smoking. No, that's not that being said. No. Oh, okay So he allowed me so Monday. I did a cooking show Right, so I did a cooking show and I said when I'm doing cooking shows

I need to smoke I get stressed out tea when you do shoots. Yeah, all right So then he allowed me to smoke Monday and then Tuesday I completely ran out of cigarettes and he says he said I I can only smoke one cigarette a day So I ran out of cigarettes, but I have these gigantic ashtrays Filled with butts you smoking butts So I think I smoked The equivalent of one cigarette, but it could have been 20 cigarettes. I don't know because it was just butts Yeah, there was no way to measure but

There's so I mean, I think about I think one but I Think to get one full cigarette. You'd smoke six butts. How about that? No one full 20 20 butts I mean, that's the scale I was using. Okay. Okay, and then so, um, then I told her I go I'm only supposed to be down to one cigarette a day, but I think I'm not doing it, right? It's I said don't reveal that on the podcast. You just did I just did because I made a deal with her that right I wouldn't mention these things. Okay. I mean, so I had I called myself out. All right now. We good then. Are you mad still?

You're fine now. I feel she's might be partially mad Do you get along with a hypnotherapist? I love the guy. He's a great guy, huh? He's a great guy, but um, you know, I just It's I don't know I see Here's the thing When I was in high school, right? Yeah, we we had a hypnotist at at the high school He you know, like a show. No, he did a show this right like a guy came in to speak all the students go up on stage And everyone's like, you know Everyone's supposed to be hypnotized and he's like turns into a duck

Yeah, you guys are roosters, right and I was on stage too and I was one Doing it, but I knew I wasn't hypnotized of course. I just wanted to do the cruise I think they pick people at those school things that they know are gonna be showman They don't pick like the court. They don't pick Rudy. They pick you because they know you're gonna do it Right theory. They know they go this guy's fun. Yeah He's gonna be a goofball this little silly little China kid. Yeah, look at him. That's what is it the son? She's a little China kid. Yeah, he looks like somebody's principal cuz he's smiling right now with the principal He's like, all right, check it out. I want a little

I want the tubby little China kid. Yeah. Yeah, I want the goofball with pimples with the red hair I want him. Yeah, and I want the the loud fat the loud fat black kid I want them like they pick people that they know we're gonna have fun. There's no way they don't pick quiet Nerds Yeah, she wouldn't do it worse candy on earth. They wouldn't pick. Yeah. Yeah, they wouldn't they wouldn't pick her. Yeah Cuz you wouldn't read that the thing is is that it's another as if they said they point to people and they go you The guy kid in the back who's not raising his hand They ask for volunteers and the ones that are volunteering like I'll do it are the ones are gonna do it anyway

Of course cuz we'll do that right who would be the first person to go? Oh, oh pick me up Cuz all the friends are going I know everyone around you goes Bobby do it Bobby and you're like shut up And he do it. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I'll do it People did that didn't I yeah, see and you're up there doing a rooster and then after the show people go He do it man. You're crazy up there and then you lie you go. I know I didn't even know what I was doing see See like you know, I didn't want to do it But all of a sudden I'm fucking acting like a fucking obnoxious from the snowman and I feel like I might have feathers coming in soon Yeah, does this guy does this you do you trust this guy?

Like what if he hypnotized you into doing some weird like there's my thought what if he gets you in there? Mm-hmm, and you're like deep in it and he's like and you're gonna quit smoking Yeah, cuz you could use it for evil see that's the thing if he did that and I was Giving him my social security card my bank account and stuff like that right then I would be like yes hypnotists Hypnotism works, right if he really did that. Yeah, but let's make him do that then Let's make him embezzle a couple hundred thousand dollars from you, right, and then we'll know it's real Let's make him do something evil on you just to prove that it's how about him Have him do something that something I definitely don't want to do the last thing I would do

With it suck Eric Griffin's dick That's the last out of everything on on planet earth right dead last where there is not to do dead last that's the last thing Okay, if he can convince me to suck that guy's dick, right? Then he's the real deal. Okay, maybe we need him It's gonna be a lot more money what I think it's a lot more money to do sexual stuff But we'll see what he says and then he does it and then week later my mouth looks like the Joker And I go it worked Griffin had a good time in here. Did you enjoy when Eric was in here? Yeah, he's funny

Shut up. Okay. He's not funny like we're funny. Take it back right now. Yeah say we're funny You're funny. Thank you. We don't but don't I'm joking. I'm don't say it if you don't believe it. No, yeah funny, right? Yeah, but you're also funny She didn't mean it she didn't mean it. Yeah, she didn't mean it. Yeah Rudy yeah, no he we love him. I love grift dog I'm so he had a good time and people online were saying you guys should have more often and I said maybe yeah Well, we're gonna definitely have guests. Yeah, we got to start having we're gonna start having some guests And we'll figure that out. But um, you guys tell us who you want to see on the show. Yeah

See, I just don't want people that have done other shows before That's the problem. It's like, you know, there's some we got to get some people that never do shit that never do podcasts Yeah, that would be really fun. Like I was trying to get Rhonda Rousey to do ours She said no Tiger Belly. Did she say no? She just didn't respond to me Rhonda. Yeah, but I've been reaching out to people that or like, you know, um, though The did you see the seasons alone? Yes, you finished it. Yeah, we're done So Callie Yes, you know Callie. I know who I know who she is. I don't know her but you know, she's on the show

Yeah, you reached out to her. Yeah, and she's nothing Really you got stood up by the alone on an alone cast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, she just didn't respond It's like she didn't see the DM. No, it wasn't DM. I commented on her on a picture on a picture on her Instagram But why don't you just have like an agent? But the thing here's the thing is is that there was like 15 other responses It was the only one that had a thread. It was like the number one thing. She had to read it right at she saw it Yeah, yeah, but see I never understand. Oh, you know what usually happens. Oh, too. What a lot of people don't run their own stuff She runs her own thing. She might have someone do it now She has 5,000 followers. She runs her own thing, man

5,000 that's it. It's so funny this one right here 30,000 over 30,000 and here's the thing She has two accounts. I know. Yeah, she has a real one. Yeah, her private one and then she has which has what 12 followers Right, which is the one that she posts. Yeah and everything. Yeah And she has the bad Rudy one which has over 30,000 All right, and I'm telling her right now the whole reason to have social media is to brag brag boast Is to boast take a note from Bob right bragging both. She's telling me that she has friends That in the Philippines right now that want to be influencers and they want to be social media, you know Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, and they all have what 1200 followers maybe at the most right and they're the thing

There's a shit this girl has over 30,000 and I'm telling her delete the other one Yep, use the 30,000 one as your thing. Yep. Try to get verified. Yep, right? And then you become right the envy of all of the Philippines Right, but she's not listening to me. You're the pride of saboo You can be the pride of saboo you ding dong. Why don't you do that? Because I think my friends are gonna judge you Yeah, because

They they don't know that I'm doing this. Let me tell you something when you get verified and you get famous enough You don't need friends anymore. You get rid of those people forever. You know what they mean to you nothing When they go Rudy, you're being mean go. Are you are you verified? I'm sorry. Are you verified? No. Goodbye Goodbye, push them out of your life You don't from now on we're gonna get you verified. You don't talk to non verified people. Do you understand? Yeah, ever again ever again ever again Ship station as folks adapt to this changing world We are all going to be buying more stuff online and then ever before right Andrew

I buy stuff all the time on the internet every single day and if you're an e-commerce seller You need to use ship station and by the way ship station is going to be the thing that we use when we get our t-shirts ready That's right. We got our merch coming out in one month. Yeah, we love ship station. Yeah ship station.com It's the fastest easiest and most affordable way to manage and ship all of your orders a few clicks You'll be managing everything printing out labels do it from the comfort of your own home Yeah, baby no matter what you're selling Amazon Etsy your own website ship station brings all your orders into one Simple interface. That's right. The best part is you can use you can use your phone. We're setting it up right now So we're gonna be yeah, baby from our phone for the bad friends to you at home

They work with all the major carriers including usps fedex ups and even amazon fulfillment Come on man. If you want to ship something you got to use ship stations the number one choice of online sellers right now Bad friends listeners can try ship station for free for 60 days. Yeah, baby Bad friends, baby ship station dot com bad friends. Click the microphone at the top of the home page Type in bad friends ship station dot com makes ship happen baby Buffy hey, let me ask you a question. Andrew. Yeah, baby. What's the most comfortable bedding you've ever had? Buffy exactly when you gave me a buffy blanket just for free. Yeah, I gave it to you for free

Me and claud that's all we use on our bed. It's our favorite blanket of all time Don't you like to wake up in the morning and snuggle with the pups and coli line a buffy bedding. Yeah Can I tell you something? Yeah, it's made from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber that feels softer than cotton. Did you know that? Yeah, no, I know I know how it feels it feels so good It has sleeping temperature control so you don't overheat in the middle of the night And everyone loves this because it's cruelty free and hypoallergenic and more earth friendly That's exactly why I'm a man of the earth He loves the earth man 10 times less water to grow this beautiful delicious eucalyptus fiber. It's soft

Honestly, all jokes aside bobo and I use it and we love it. And what's so nice bedding company? Sheeting company has more than 20,000 five star review. It's probably none. It's said except for Buffy except for buffy. Buffy's got to be the only one buffy offers you a free trial free shipping free returns Dude, they give it to you. You don't like it. You can return it. You're not going to return it No cost to them. You'll never return it, but no cost to you. Yeah, try their products your own bed for free no commitment to buying Um, it's honestly our favorite. We love it. So go to Buffy.co enter the code bad friends. You'll get 20 dollars off your buffy bedding again buffy.co enter the code bad friends We need to talk to our hypnotist or a hypnot therapist. Hey, there's my man

What's up, dude? That's my main man right there, dude Hey, what's up lex? I was the card. No now you're lex lex luther lex dog. What's up lexie? Uh, let's take it. Um, I really appreciate sunday, man Well, you did for me sunday. I I went into a deep trance It really worked. I did the um Remember the thing you taught me to do Yeah, this what is that? I I transcorted him. Yeah, he went like this. He goes. This is uh, this is how small your dick is No, this is what happened was he put me in a trance

And he I went to a happy place Did he ask you to go to a happy place? Oh, yeah, he guided me into the happy place. Can you tell us where it was? I thought it was a happy, of course. All right, so you weren't in it I had just thought of that. You weren't in the happy place. Really? Yeah, I don't know why I should have been there No, but you weren't in the happy place. Maybe I was everyone else was there really? Yes, I in my happy place, right? Okay, right. Everyone was there My dad was there. Juliana was there my girlfriend my mom Eric Griffin my brother was there

Whitney Cummings was there all of these humans were there and I wasn't in your happy, but you can't control the happy place Yes, you can. You literally are controlling it. It's your happy place. I was in a trance, right? I'm in a trance, right? I can't control what's in the happy place Because I was in the water So what my happy place was off an island Cebu. Yeah, I was in a lagoon. Yeah I was on my back in the water, right and I can hear my dad and my mom Fighting talking not fighting talking, right? Here's splashes, right? Then I heard like

Whitney Cummings and my girlfriend talking. Yeah, I think Nicolle Glacier was there and Esther Fafinsky all these comics. Yeah, and um, I'm sorry. I just had Half of the store was there pretty much Why am I now my I don't know why but I was on my back and I'm floating And then he goes I guess in the trance. I fairly remember because I'm in a trance, right? He's just like now put your thumb and your index finger together, right and any time you want to right Like when I'm just going all about my day when I press them together. I will immediately return to this happy place

Did you use it this past week? Yes, I did and look happy place. You're not there. You're here You're here. I'm here right now. Not there. I'm not there. You're here. Okay. So that's what it is Can I try this exercise? Well, he has to put you in the transfer. So then um, trance me No, no, it takes a long time. What can we do today? What are we doing today? It's important to reinforce what we did. Okay, we lock it in and so Because I gave him a suggestion last time and he'll be aware of this that he's gonna fight it much easier To go and relax now. So we're doing a very short session right now. Yeah If you like if you're open to that

All right, let's do it. Yeah, stare at him right here. He's right here. All right. All right. Here we go I'm excited Rudy. Are you involved or out? She's out Okay, go don't drink red bowl. We're not trying to get amped up. That's water for him. Yeah, it's like water to me You know how yeah, people it does different things to people. Yeah Yeah, some people can do pouring, you know, some people can just do coke and like function. That's exactly. Yeah, that's that's who I am Yeah, yeah, I'm giving a run for my money. My gosh. Yeah. Yeah. What are you drinking vodka? We're not judging you. Yeah, yeah Okay, hypno

Okay, go ahead. All right Well, hold on. Could I just say something doing it in my fucking garage with just you and I is one thing Doing in front of all these people is another thing. What's the big deal? There's only four cameras in this room and me and Rudy and yeah, but when I go to the fucking Yeah, but here's the deal dude. Go to your happy place when I go to my happy place. Look at me right now I can't go to the happy place with you Do you want me to leave? No, you're in the building. I could smell you Don't get angry. You're I love you. Okay, like a brother. I love you too. All right

Or you're just you're in a sad place. I am when I go to the sad place. That's where you are And what am I doing there? What you're just like fucking you're working out. Yes. Yeah, you're working out You're eating beef jerky See, that's my happy right and you're right and you're like hitting the wall with your fucking fist drywall So fun to punch right right and then you're like putting more tumbleweed on your fucking stupid eyebrows To thicken those fucking beastly eyebrows up. I don't need to pay for this. I just got my happy place right now Yeah, I'm there

I'm in the gym. I'm punching a wall. Okay. Go ahead. Look Bobby. What's important here is that you feel comfortable doing this Right, if you do, let's do it. If you don't that's fine too. Okay. We gotta try. That's right. Let's try We don't try we do. No, we sorry we do. Okay, Yoda You remember that from last time, right? All right All right, so uh settle back. Okay. Can I just say something? Stop cutting them off. I'm sorry. I apologize. Jules laughing Is bugging bugging me out right now. Jules You cannot hear you laugh. It's bugging me out lady. No laughing. Okay

But the difference here, this is not stage hypnotism. You and I know Bobby, right? This is real stuff So there's nothing actually humorous going to happen here. This actually could be really interesting for you guys all right, so Bobby pick a spot in the studio out in the distance Please open eyes Yep Wait, stop. Stop. Stop. Jules Jules Jules Jules Jules Jules Jules

Jules I know stay in the room, right? I'm sorry. Just just just just give me a second bear with us bear with us. Okay Look at me. Look at me right now. All right If I hear you laughing, it's going to take me out. He needs to go this is very serious. All right, so You cannot laugh. Okay. All right Bobby you can let any of the distractions Just drift out. I'll let it drift away. I'll let it drift away away from them. It really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter Okay, yeah last time when we worked together. There were distractions. You probably don't even remember. Yeah Yeah, just let it go

Don't look at don't look. I'm gonna look down. Look at me. All right. I'm gonna look down. Nobody look at me And shut off everybody else's mic All right, so here we go So as you recall Yeah, go ahead. Look at the spot and you'll probably find that your eyes will get tired over time like most people do Staring at a spot and you'll begin to find it going out of focus deep breath Let all the stress anxieties and worries from the past week all the work that you've done. All right, Bobby

Close your eyes Close your eyes I don't know why it's so funny. Bobby close your eyes. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Close your eyes. Close your eyes Oh, shut up. Don't tell me to fucking close my eyes. Let me get in the fucking relax game. All right. All right. All right. Be nice All right. Be nice freaking me out right now. Everyone's freaking me out. All right. So just all right. Be nice. I'm sorry You're great. Here we go. You're great Let's do the staring at the thing again No, just I need to stare at the thing to lose focus

We lose the focus. I need to do it I had to get in my mind if I'm not doing it. I can't get in there. Okay. Come on. Let's go. Let's do it Ready Deep breath, Bobby Okay Allow your eyelids to drop when you're ready Go ahead. Good. Take three more deep breaths When you're ready, you'll drop down drop the eyes

Relax, okay You're good. Allow them to settle down and seal shut Good sealed from left to right Very good. Walk to the top now of that escalator See its detail See the black wailing going around. No, guys. What's that noise? What's the noise? What is that? Did you hear that? Can you hear that? What was that? Hello?

George, what was that? No idea. Okay. Who did that? Did you do that? How what do I have that I'm gonna do a phone you're on your phone You probably the fucking what song is that? What? Was that in my head? I'm not on my did you hear that? I'm texting on my phone Did you hear that though? George did I not just text you to turn your levels down? Yes, you did I just texted him turn your levels down. I don't know what that song was but was that in my own head? I only listen What are you talking about? All right, okay? You're not a trans yet. Don't worry All right, close your eyes. You're good

All right, seeing the escalator now see each of the steps Exiting Moving downward holding on now Moving smoothly and quickly down and you can count down in your head with me George it's not me Where's that coming? Check your bluetooth. Is your bluetooth on? Is your bluetooth on your phone? No, check your phone. Is your bluetooth on George?

Are you fucking doing that right now? Are you fucking around? I'm not George. Are you on your phone? Are you on your phone? Yeah, get off your phone. That's what it is You're listening to some sort of fucking hip-hop Hip-hop video or something Juliana George did you do that? It's not me. George. I will fucking fire you dude I will fucking fire you if you're doing that shit. Can we get through this? We're gonna never get you we're gonna keep breaking out if you don't go all right. All right, come on

I was I literally was almost there. I know if the music happens again. We have to we can't do it Okay, relax. All right everything's fine. Jesus I'm at the top of the escalator. Okay We're at the top of the escalator holding on counting down with me now Stepping on 10 nine eight seven deeper and deeper six

five halfway there four three two And one stepping off firmly and securely seeing your door in front of you One two three four and five fully and completely feel those good feelings within you and the pride and success that you will have Good How do you feel? Good. Did you notice that we took your pants off during that whole thing? Look down

You know my pants are still on. Well, we put them back on Thank you. Hey. Hey, dude. How you feeling? I can really get there Yeah, you can That works That's the real You feel good. Yeah Thank you so much

You're welcome It's Andrew, right? He's the one who asked for this to help you out. Don't don't. Yes. No. Yes Thank you Yeah, you're welcome, Bobby and happy to help you continue with this if you'd like Fuck you and help. Thank you. That's not that's not a healing thing That didn't fucking help. Fuck you. Thank you. Really? Yeah. Okay. Fuck you. Okay. All right. Thank you You know what if this is how he's going to be I'm never doing this again Don't do whatever do you need to do to survive?

All right, where did you go? I went into that happy place and then when I got there I can't and then I saw you was like, oh, yeah, that's not real It's a shit place Did you enjoy your session? I loved it. Thank you so much. Thank you You're welcome. When you're ready to quit quit, you let me know. Okay. I will. I love you. Bye guys. Bye Bye. Bye It really does. I really can get there. Did you get to the place? I can really get to that place. Yeah Jules and I were loving it. I can really get to that place and um, so

You know and maybe it did work because I've only been smoking butts And maybe I was only doing one cigarette length butts that day I mean, maybe it worked. We have to find out. Jules is gonna be my reporter. I think from now on. Yeah. Yeah I think we're gonna find out now. Yeah, Jules. You have to tell me on that that you have to tell me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah But are you gonna admit to playing the music? I didn't do it. Yeah I don't know how humor works in the Philippines. I did shut up Jules. I know it was you They took George told me it was you. Yeah, he texted us. Yeah. Yeah, so there's no one else. It could be it

Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I don't know how humor works in the Philippines, but in america There's timing timing. There's times to do something and times that you know, you're far if you do a fart joke You don't do it at a funeral, right? You do it before the funeral. You do it or after the funeral or after You don't do it at the funeral. That's insane. Yeah, he's dead in there. Yeah Or it would be funny if you were in the funeral and you're like it'd be funny if he farted while he was dead All right, that would be there. Just there's a time and place for certain things All right, you have to figure it out and when I was doing that that was so fucking rude so rude But that's I guess your deal

That's who you are. You got anything to say? I did. Yeah, you did. Do you have anything to say? Yeah, it's just I it's it's your lies. You're lying. It's not good. It's insane Jules, it's not funny. It's really fucking yeah at your age to lie the amount that you lie And to be adamant about yeah, get off your phone first of all. I'm not even plugged into any wire Yeah, you are it's not and it's not a wire. It's not a wire. It's a bluetooth. It's a bluetooth Your phone has bluetooth. Yes. Yeah, but and you hooked on to the bluetooth, right? I'm not connected to any bluetooth. Oh, oh my god. We did that earlier. We hooked her up earlier We hooked her up earlier. Why that's not cool. It's not cool. Well, you look you'd look like you feel a little bit better

I feel much better. I feel a little um Your shoulders dropped. Yeah, I feel a little mellow. I was I was higher energy earlier in the beginning of the podcast I'm a little mellower, but um, it's funny. You know when I was at the beach In in that lagoon, you know in saboo. Yeah, and I really want to analyze why you're not a part of it And you know because we fought yesterday on the phone two days ago. It was a two days ago Yeah, we got to scream at each other two days ago on the phone I think you called and screamed at me. Didn't you? No, I don't raise my voice though. You raised the voice bob

I picked up I go. Hey bob and you go you do this fake thing like you'll do something like Hello, sweetheart, or you'll do something like that, right? I go. I go. I go. All right, sweet. Oh, yeah Yeah, or you'll go. I love you'll you'll act like a like a pansy and you'll go. Hey, I go. Hi, Bobby What's a pansy? I don't know I go. Hi, Bobby. You're right and in When I know that we have serious shit to talk about And then you like you'll raise your voice first, which makes me raise my voice you raise your voice to me first You did I know it for a fact I approve right there because you're you're putting out a nonsense thing you raise your voice

Now what you're doing right now is exactly how it works dude. You're such a little snake. Here we go. There it is Okay, ready? Yeah, you raise your voice to me first Okay, and I'm gonna say this if we did a poll out there and maybe we should do a poll Honestly, go ahead. Who do you think would raise their voice first In an argument between Andrew and I I bet you money That it would be 90 you do you know why that's do you know why because you projected a lot you just put that out I'm not projecting a lie. The reason why that that's that is because that's the fucking truth No, see you just have said that to them now you're serving them your answer

People know your character. No, no, no people know your character people know Your your what your sensibility people know your what your message is and your story People know everything about you and they know you're a dark horse. They know you're a dark black magic Fucker fucker. I am. Yeah, you are see the big in a poll people think I'm jolly People think I'm jolly. I have a round face right when I walk in the room people go You have to turn sideways when you walk into a room. See there we go. That's now you go into racism. No You go into flat face racism, right?

Yeah, yeah, see that's no in a poll. They would say show that you called me names I'm gonna call you names. You know how many people have said It's just Andrew. I just don't know about that guy when I I saw him at a Party, I'm not making it up. You saw me at a party. What was I doing? I'm just getting an example, right? I don't go to parties. I that's exactly what it is. Nobody invites me to parties Why do you think that is it's because you're a dark horse because I steal stuff No, you're just that you have this you're a good guy everyone listening right now Andrew Santino. I swear to god

If his foundation he's a sweetie beady. I am he's a little sweet sweet, right? But you push my buttons, but you know if you ever if you get in an argument with this fucker, right? I guarantee you that his vocal right will go up before yours Especially if you're leading me to be frustrated, especially if you're saying stuff that isn't true Yeah, which is what you were doing. You need meditation medication meditation. I'll take medication No, I can't do that. I can't do what you just did. You know why why anger? I don't want to go to the place. Yeah, you don't want to go to the happy place That's why there you're not there and maybe if you can get to the happy place because I can meet you there

Maybe I can meet you there. Well, first of all, he was like you're in an escalator. What where is the escalator? It's Here's what the deal is. I would rather take an elevator. I don't want to take an escalator I know okay before okay before the escalator but before the couple of sunday Did you touch the doorknob with your bare hand? No, man. I have gloves on you did I have gloves on and and and you go escalator and you go to the escalator and then there's a golden door Right, you open the door. Oh god. There's a gold That's just my business. It's so tacky. Go ahead. I imagined it doesn't he could be any door

What do you purge it could be fucking wooden mine would be made of man wood. Yeah, I'd be a thick. Yeah, like a pioneer door Yeah, exactly, right and it'd be hand carved Let me tell you something. Yeah, here's my happy place When I oh, oh, oh Oh, did you listen to what he said about texting people back and engaging? Yeah, no, I didn't hear it Uh-huh. I didn't hear it. I texted you three days ago four days ago. I said, hey, man. Want to get lunch? What'd you text back? Yeah, where you didn't that's right. You didn't text back. You didn't say anything. Do you know why?

Why bob because I it's like this. It's like data. Let's go back to this next generation Star Trek next generation. Okay. It's the only right references I can do. Yeah, right? It just doesn't compute just to get lunch. It doesn't like I don't want to Do you it's not necessary? I was right near your house. It's not necessary. I was sleeping I don't want to so I take I take the information and I'm like data. I go does not compute Put that to the side and I just pretended didn't happen. You can just go. No, I'm not I don't want to eat I know you're awake. It said red right underneath it. Not dumb You're the moron that left red receipts on your phone

Every time you text you where the phone does that red. Yeah, I know that you read it This is the way the phone do that. Yes. Oh, shit. Yeah, and I'm not gonna tell you how do you how do you I'm not gonna tell you. Fuck you. I need to turn it off. Fuck you that way. I know I need to learn how to turn this off. You're not gonna What you're not gonna because I need to know when you read George George. No George absolutely not George You're gonna teach me how to turn that off George do it and I'll break your legs and I'm dead serious Well, I'll just ask Kalala do it. I'll break her legs I'll break everybody's legs Rudy

Don't make me break them legs because of this hypnosis. Maybe I will start taking you back. I hope Yeah, I think it would be nice. I was by your house. I said, hey, I'd love to buy you lunch Yeah, and then where we're gonna go crave. That's all you want to eat For breakfast. I like that place. I was gonna take you for sushi. I just tested him Did you see his he? Did you see you leave me down a juliana juliana juliana juliana, right? That was a test that was a test and I wanted to see if and I knew it would go up And so everyone listening right now, you know

Men and her and I had that argument there tonight, right? I was fucking Steven Segal namaste Hello, how are you? And then all of a sudden And I was like that's get that's what gets me up there, right? I said I said hi Bobby I actually did that British thing. I go hello, sweetheart, and you go. Oh, and then you started talking and then you talk smack And I'm not gonna say what you said because we can't say it on there who we were talking about really we can't I'm not gonna Talk about those right dude. Do you know reason the reason why we can't talk about it? It's because you're about to lie and the information didn't get in your head. No because I'm gonna make believe man

I'm not gonna mention names about who you live in the make believe land Let me let me let me tell you something. Yeah I'm gonna beat you on camera. I'm gonna beat your ass. I'll beat that now. I'll beat that happy place Here's a proof. Here. No, what here's the proof A man who has anger issues always resorts to violence against another man who frustrates him. No never really listen Really, I would I would never hurt you unless of course You made me break your life. I'm in the happy place. I'm in the happy place right now, dude Right. You're in a fucking dark land. All right. Put me in the happy place then put me there

The only way you could be in my happy place. No, no, no No, put me there in the next month in the next month, right? I need you to change Because this whole bolt this all all this bullshit about me smoking texting people back I need to improve your life this and that so it's all bullshit. No, it is real But maybe you should be looking at your own issues as well. Okay my anger towards you. Yeah, okay Okay, I will do that. Thank you. I will do that. Thank you. I'm gonna look deep at it deep deep into it Maybe respond to a lunch text You know, if you were one of the you know kindred spirits that you know that were in my happy place

Then maybe I would have responded to it George turn your mic down. No, no, no, no, see because I'm gonna go I'm gonna lose it on you. Yeah Yeah And I'm gonna go off on you dude. Go out. I won't this is what I want Maybe I'll learn go ahead Teach me. No, we tried last week. No, go ahead. Get off. You got frustrated with me and me and griff We we ganged up on you. Yeah. Yeah, and and I'm gonna say this look at all the comments Right

Because you're telling them what the truth. No the truth the truth is you you provoke me No, I don't provoke anybody and everyone listening everyone. He doesn't Do people listening to he's late every single day right now. Oh, whose voice is going? No, I'm just because I This is interesting. Yeah Oh, this is an interesting little justification. This is playful. This is playful It really it doesn't come from anger and people know this right people listening right here They have eyes. They have um their own opinions. They have their own filters how they ingest information And what everyone realizes is this

The thing is the thing is is this what is the thing the thing is this what is it? Okay? Is I'm the jolly guy I'm the happy guy I am I I'm the sweet guy Right. Yeah, you're The angry guy. Yeah, who makes me you're the dark guy who makes me angry. You're the guy that has a temperament George and has George. Do I get do I get angry at you George? Uh, no, yes, George. I don't get angry at George. George

George. Yes, Bob What you're you're playing with fire right now. That's me. I'm fire and you don't get it. I don't get angry at you I do I George Who's defended you George? This has nothing to do with that. Yes, it does. Who defends you George? No He always gets he yells at me all the time, Bob. Thank you. It's just for no reason sometimes Uh, uh, George you're as yellow as your hair You yellow belly chicken shit. Look at me. Look at that likable

No, you've no you manipulate people to make you to make people think you're like you're simple It's a simple. Yes up here. You're very simple. You're a simple man. Yeah You have to resort to name calling. No, I just mean you're simple. There's not a lot going on. You're saying that I'm a dumb guy No, I'm not No, I'm not at all. You're a simple man. You're very simple Your two modes sleep and sloven Resort to that

I'm going to look deep into myself and find out why I'm so mad at you. Yeah That's your baseline But I can't wait to be on a bus with you and go on a little tour. Oh, that's gonna be great The the amount of fights we're gonna do. I don't think we'll we'll but you know, and we probably won't find out It's funny. It's funny too. And I just want to add this Is and we have testing by the way, we're going to have um anal coronal corona testing Do you know if you test in the butt? It goes faster. Does it really swear to god? Yeah, twice as fast if you go in your butt if you go to your local testing site, by the way

This is knowledge I learned this week if they try to put it up your nose ask for a anal cavity Or what do they call it? They call it a I'm serious. What's it called? What does that call when they test in your butt like a thermometer in your tush? I'm not doing that It's the results go twice as fast. I'm gonna do in the nose the guys. They kind of put it in your nose I said rather you put it in my eye. I feel like it's a trick. I feel this is what's gonna happen, right? Have you ever heard of a thermometer? Stop for a second. You're that you're getting aggressive again. Calm down. Namaste I'm in the happy place. Okay. I'm not there. I don't care. It's a matter. All right

so, um Bend over bob. Okay Do you feel the metal the metal thing in your ass? Oh, yeah, uh-huh It's gonna take about four minutes. Hold on. Yep, let it sit there, right? You pull it out, right? Right, I pull my pants back out and then you're gonna go You fell for it You I've been down this fucking I've been in this rodeo before All right, people put stuff in your bottle

I've been in this rodeo before how many people put stuff in your butthole and you didn't know four or five times in my lifetime I've done this rodeo before I learned my lesson the first time right You're not sticking anything in my asshole and then tricking me. Come on, Bob. No, please I'm gonna do the nose thing and that's the only test. All right. All right. We'll have a common nose test then And I'm still disappointed that Rudy's not gonna come. Yeah. Well, she is gonna do Irvine We're gonna do Irvine in a drive-thru. We're gonna do podcast at the spectrum. Yeah drive-thru We can't say we're gonna do Rudy's gonna do a couple of monologues from her favorite movies Oh, yeah, either the monologues. Yeah, you do some anime monologue. She's just anime monologue

She's gonna do a whole dance routine that the Cardi B thing that you've been working on. Oh, you're doing WAP? Yeah, yeah, the Cardi B. Are you really doing WAP? Yeah, she's gonna do the WAP Oh, I think Lila and I have practiced it. Yeah, what's the song? Let me say something right now What's the song that you guys were dancing to? WAP No, but what was the song? What As you see

You just made a lot of people mad It's it's the song Okay, if that's what you say I can't even say the name because I'm Christian Honey dude, bro. Yeah, we all shop online. Yes. Yes, of course And we all see the promo code field taunt us at checkout Yeah, it's like do you have a code to save money and you're like, I don't taunt us all the time, dude But thanks to honey. They do. You don't know more. You don't have to do it anymore. They do all the work for you They support over 30,000 stores online, bro. That's so that's everything

That's everything when you're shopping on your favorite sites when you go to check out the honey button drops down All you have to do is click apply coupons. Yeah, wait, and it will automatically get you the discount Yeah, you're gonna save so much money guys Yeah, I saved it on a couple of t-shirts that I bought including a little uh little something something a gift for the old lady Can I say something guys? Uh just this morning. I got some posters for bob from vista print On a $40 order saved eight bucks. Boom. There is the guy. All you have to do is click on honey. It's that easy It's quite simple. They have 17 million members 2 billion dollars in savings. Oh my lord You have to have honey. It's so simple to download. Uh, if you don't already have it

You can start to miss out on free savings. Mm-hmm free. It's free. It installs for free You're doing yourself a solid support in this podcast get honey for free join honey.com slash bad friends That's join honey.com slash bad friends. Yeah, baby adamin. Oh my god This is my favorite place to give people gifts and stuff for my own stuff is incredible They say the best part of staying at home is playing at home. Yeah, I just got myself a nice new pump. Yeah Yeah, yeah, it's been working. They molded my penis. They did and they created this fucking uh apparatus Look at that. It's the coca pump too. Yeah, so they molded it from my own penis Hey, man, this is pretty incredible

If you want some good sexy toys for home take advantage of the downtime and choose almost any item from their site for 50% off Yeah, okay when you do you're gonna get free six spicy movies that three piece bonus kit And the best of free shipping delivered to discreetly right to your door, right? And we got this package and on it it doesn't say anything about it So you don't have to hide it from your neighbors and all you have to do is go there Buy a bunch of toys to have fun with and use our offer code, which is pink dick That's pink dick at checkout They got thousands of products to make you glad that you're staying at home sex toys are so fun

They're for everybody. Okay of all ages. It doesn't matter who you are. They're stuff for bobo. They're stuff for me Go to adamin eve.com use that offer code pink dick again. That's adamin eve.com. What's the offer code bob pink dick? Yeah ends up doing james with james cord and when jim carry We remember you did that you did that with al magical. Yeah, they just look at you now Did I go up or down angry? No, I was happy. I was happy. I'm happier here than I was there. Go ahead What did you where did that james cordon come from? I saw al magical post. He did post about it when he was on uh, yeah, he was on me. I'll be honest

I got a little envious That was me al and jim carry and jim carry and air and jim cordon griff was on Hmm. He did stand up. He didn't have he didn't he was on in the photo Well, we were on the couch and they he did stand up on the show or a griffin did but they didn't let him sit on the couch Of course, they didn't there's a weight limit on the couch Of course they did Yeah, yeah, no, seriously, they didn't let him sit on the couch because there wasn't any room but He did stand up and he ripped he murdered

You like james cordon. Do I like him? Yeah, I don't know him. Was his show Both those have you ever you've done a late night show. He produced game on. Yeah, they do. I love him But but but the he's nice to me as a guy. He's a good guy. The show is weird. I don't know how to do late night shows Yeah, I've never been invited. So I wouldn't know Well, I did you think I got invited you were on it. I saw jim carries coat tail holding on for oh Yeah, going in with one of the biggest comedy fucking stars. I know but it had nothing to do with me It was jim. They were like, they were like, can we get jim? And they're like, yeah, can we get al and santino too? And they were like fine, but it's amazing. You looked handsome. Thank you. It was a look good. We're on tv together

Yeah, we did it was nice. Yeah, I've never been invited to any of that. It's a late night show I did the tonight show in 2000 but I that was a young comic not on the couch. You did stand up. He did call me on the couch Really? Yeah Leno. Yeah Wow Well, let's pretend like you're on the tonight show now ready. Yeah, I'm jimmy fallon. All right. Yeah Oh, I got a good one. Okay. Okay. Okay today. Oh, you're gonna love this guy

You can love this guy. This guy's great. Um, this guy is on podcast right now called bad friends. It's a great one He's got his broadcast at tiger valley. Oh, so great one. This guy's also on a game show right now. It's awesome He's selling a show. He sold a show. This guy is going to be bigger than he's already. He's already big He's already big ladies doing bobby lee bobby lee Hey, man. Hey, you fucking white fucking tard You Tardo Bobby Bobby you're buggy eyes. I remember you back in the day, bro. Yeah, what's going on, man? We didn't think you were gonna make it. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you did. I made it. Yeah. Yeah, I got the roots

I got the roots. You got the roots. I got the roots. Hey root. Yeah Say hi roots. Yeah Anyway, good to be you fucking Tardo great to be here Bob. Yeah. Yeah, so tell us it's been so long So you were telling me before the show. Yeah, you just got a new turtle. Okay That's it. That's what the shows are like. Yeah, they're really hard I hate it. So you told our producers about you have to tell them a setup I know I hate and if you don't stick to the setup they go like this. They go like ready. Yeah Uh, what about this fish story? Tell us the fish story. What happened? Yeah

And then they go and they go oh man It was crazy my wife and I my daughter wanted a fish. You know how you know your kids want fish Yeah, it was crazy. We're to the fish store. I know we got one of those clownfish from the uh Yeah, yeah, yeah from the Nemo Nemo. Yeah. Yeah, I did a voice on that movie by the way You did. Yeah, I was the I was the I was the crabfish. I was the crabfish Anyway, crazy story man. So we uh, you put the you know the fish in the tank inside it Wait a minute. My brother Billy came over and put tequila in the tank The fish drunk

Ah That's what that's what they're like. That's exactly what they're like. Yeah And meanwhile no kids no fish no brother. Yeah, he made the whole thing up made the whole thing up He's a single guy. He lives in a studio studio. Yeah, he made the whole fucking thing up just so that he can get a story in And here's the thing about um the difference between that and podcasting. It's everything Because we're not you know, well, what about what Andrew Schultz is doing? He's podcasting kind of like a late night show, but he's doing his own monologue. Well, Andrew Schultz is um, you know, I know him. He's done yours. He's done mine. Good friend. He's I love him. Yeah

Right, but he's a special kind of a kid. Right. Right. He just is got something different He also taught me that like because you know, um Me and there's a couple of other guys at my my age Still want to get in Hollywood. What do you mean? You're in Hollywood. I don't know. My point is is that like we still want to You know, rub elbows with them. I can't get that audition. All right Oh, I wasn't invited to this, you know and and get bummed out You want to have Alice and Janney's phone number in your right? Yeah, but Andrew taught me that no, dude

You do it on your own. Yeah Why do those other things when you can make all the money on your own create your own franchise? Yeah, that's what we made. That's what we're doing this from scratch. And that's why I love the kid Yeah, he's great. Yeah. Have you been watching? I saw a documentary on Netflix there. I couldn't believe it blew my mind It's called speedcubers No, how come we didn't talk about this Did you see it the asian kid warms my soul the way he loves the australian kid I cried when white people get autism. Yeah, they count matchsticks

Okay, no be real. Okay, right. Yes the asian guys cars. They love trains The asian guy could solve five seconds. He was the fastest even when we have autism. We're better. Yeah, you're better Yeah, you're way better with autism. Yeah, we're even better than with autism broke five world records Yeah, one day. I know and you know what he was still disappointed. I know the mom was right. It's okay But I don't think the crying is the autism. No, it's not it being asian. It's asian It's being like I didn't do a good enough. He knows he let that's his inner asian voice, right? But dude when I first because I've had a rubus cube since my sophomore year still I still have it never solved it Same never have I've tried every day. I pick it up and I try I work on it for about an hour

Yeah, never these six to five seconds the closest I've ever come. Yeah, you know how you watch with it So it's it's this this and they also spin with their bottom fingers Yeah, so the closest I ever come was one time I got high Yeah, and I did it and I just and I was like I'm not even gonna look at it I'm just gonna do what they do and I and I get pretty close you did Hey, I mean it was like I was off, but it was still close I did this one closer than when I try it my friend Randy growing up, right? He had solved it in like a week So I got a rubus cube and I

You can clip off the fucking the pieces the pieces and put them back together I put it back together like Legos. You couldn't do it. I didn't know how it worked at first Okay, here's how lame I was after we watched that I googled and you tube. Yeah how to solve my rubus cube Yeah, I spent hours trying to figure it out Yeah, in fact, I got worse googling. Yeah, because I'm not good at math. Yeah, I'm not good at math I don't know how to do it's all math. That's math equations, but you know what I love about the kid the Australian kid How nice oh my god, please. These are I wish that was us that is us. That's not us. We're the opposite of this No, no, you're no. Yeah, you're right. The Asian guy looks the Asian guy in the max park max park, right?

Looks at the Australian kid with just doughy eyes and looks up to him. You do that to me. No, I think you're garbage No, you do that to me. I kind of do I guess you do that to me. You love me I guess I do you know what I do to you. What what is the Australian kid's name? What's his name? I forgot his name It's called speedcubers. Is that what it is? Yeah Um, dude what he does. Oh god, it's so sweet. It's just the cutest thing in the world It's max park and felcus zemdex And felcus zemdex is me and you know what he does to max He treats him like a brother and and and shows him and teaches him

I do that to you. No, but I show you I teach you he does it because the only reason he brushes his teeth Is because felcus brushes his teeth. He said that this is the right one. This is this you're right I'm helping you get you nailed it. You nailed it. Yeah, because so felcus knows this is that let me just Yeah, go ahead. I just want to show them to get a focus knows right that max park Has so much more talent than him Yeah, that's what it is. No and looks at him and he goes I need to be nice to this kid right because I don't have the skill level anymore. No, that's what it is No, felcus had his run for a long for 10 years. Congratulations. You had your run. I had my run. You have malmagical you jim carer

Right, the reason the felcus is so nice. You're on baby. The reason that felcus is so nice to max park. Do you know why? because max max Might lose a tournament to the next best thing that comes because it's coming everyone gets replaced, right? Felcus got replaced by max max has got someone on his tail. Remember the little fat. So max has a kenjung exactly max has a kenjung so felcus is nice because when max loses it and He's on the good side of the gun, right? I know that eliot rogers. You think he's gonna do an eliot rogers Wow, when he snaps when you snap, I know I'm gonna be on the good side of the gun

Yeah, when you lose it. I've that's why I'm always nice to like the weird Don't you the guys that's I'm gonna snap. Mm-hmm because I don't want to be the guy Like who's the weirdo? Do you think in the comedy store that would snap that would be like the snappy loser? Oh my god? There's so many um, um, I think Tony hinge clip for sure He's gonna snap there. There is a rage in him. Yeah, that's a bubbling over Yeah, a lot of things would have to happen kill. Tony would have to just be gone He'd have to go about five or six years not working Yeah, but then he'll get to that place of like he'll snap he'll kill writing on the walls and lipstick and stuff

Yeah, yeah, he he's a batman villain, but you and I are on the good list with him. So we're good I don't know with me. Do you think he'll kill us? He might really? Yeah, but you're with me. We're purple fine What about Rick Rick Rick Ingram? No, I don't think so. I don't think no no too good. No, he's too funny He's too funny too funny to let it get ahead of him. Yeah No, and you know what and he's got a family now. He got a little baby So he can't do it. You got to have somebody if the elements are if the baby is gone, right? God willing. I don't want to talk about but let's see, you know Let's say we kidnapped the baby or the baby just you know implodes it explodes. Oh, it explodes. Impley

He goes like a black hole. Yeah Yeah, yeah, right implodes and just disappears. Maybe it goes to the a different dimension Right. So it doesn't really die. Yeah, but he's floating in some purple goo Oh, yeah Ether in ether. Yeah, the baby do ether. He's happy there. But anyway, um, and then like Rick um And then the stand-up is completely gone because he wasn't much of an actor. No, well, he well, he no, he was he did it He did a um, he did a uh episode of I'm dying up here and he was great. Oh, he did. Yeah, he was really good Oh, I love that guy so much. He's the best. Do you know who hit me up on instagram?

By the way, and uh, is trying to start some beef with us. Who buddy of yours moved to new york mr. Bike guy. I call him mr. Bike boy. Nick Yusef. Yeah, he's trying to start some beef with us, dude. Nicky Do we need to fight Nick Yusef? No, he's the thing with Nicky. No, I know he's starting some beef. He goes He he tells me he's coming after you. He's ready to end you. Yeah, Nicky. Listen, Nicky. Listen up, Nicky. Nicky I've given this fool So many years of work Right He's a sad hipster

He's a sipster. Yeah He likes he likes his, uh, rod denim Yeah, he does. He likes his handleball mustaches. Uh-huh. We sometimes remember that one time he bleached his hair blue Yeah, like he's fucking future joker But he but he's you know, what you know, he can get away with it. Why good-looking dude, man He did that porn star for a long time or did it two porn stars, right? A couple porn stars. Come on. You know He's a good-looking dude. He's tall. He loves a leggy. I hate when he goes to mom-and-pop coffee shops I think this is a great fucking latte

Talk about a flat white. Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah, but he's starting beef with you for some reason online because he asked He called me because it's one of those things where I didn't text him back Oh It is one of those things. So it's uh, he texted me like hey, I'm going through some tax problems Can I get your number to your accountant? You I would never call you for tax problem account Exactly that there we go. That's his first bad But then you should send him a video of me going. Why are you calling Bobby? I don't even want to go through the motion Right, right. Yeah, it's here's another Schuyler stone. You know Schuyler. Yeah. Yeah. Schuyler texted me their day

Hey, it's jaymore's birthday. I'm creating a A compilation of happy birthday greetings and I'm editing it now. Can you send one? I don't need respond Jaymore's birthday. Yeah, so he's doing like so I'm gonna go and then then you do it because I've done it before Hey, jay. It's me. Bobby. I saw you couple days anyway. Happy birthday. I love you, buddy And then you send it and you're in some stupid fucking collage of fucking bullshit So Nick goes give me your tax. I need a tax guy And I don't you want to deal with it? So then I just never returned any but he did it every day for like a month

He texted me every day. I'm bill desperate, buddy What you are the last person I did. Exactly. This is the wrong move. It's it's on him. It's on him Nick get your shit together There's no way to call Bob of all the guys in the store that you'd call for taxed up First of all, this is who I am the other night. What did I do almost caught the fuck house on fire? Yeah So, you know what what we almost did too Because the gas guy was fixing my water heater. Yeah, and I'm not kidding

His face was an inch away from it and I'm gonna reenact it. He was a little he's a little tiny irish guy He's probably like, you know five two. Yeah, and he's going and he goes like this. He goes. Yeah, these burners sometimes They just uh, you know, sometimes the burners their connections bad with the with the gas and he goes And it goes And it shoots a fireball and he goes Oh I swear to god His glasses were all

When they almost died duty. Oh my god. Yeah, I go, uh, get away from the thing and he goes, uh, it's cool. It's fine It's fine. I've never seen that before and there's huge dude a fireball this big shot out of it Something like you see an anime One of your little anime videos a fireball and he just goes well He couldn't care less. He put his head right back down underneath it again. Yeah, I can't believe guys do that Well, okay. Okay. I mean when you said that was the noise again. What do you mean? The guy give me the noise again. Wow. Okay. Yeah dudes do that, right? But you know what drives Kalei crazy when white dudes go like this

Oh, yeah, yeah, like they're excited. There's a fucking there's a commercial with forrest griffin the fighter Oh, it's a car. It's a car commercial where where um, I know a guy walks into a car I just want to explain to the audience right and frances and ghanu right is in the car He goes, wow, there's a UFC fighter in my car and the dealer goes. Yeah If you buy a car you get you know, you it comes with the UFC fighter, right? So the girl goes she sees two guys, you know, I think it was pettus and uh I forgot the other guy and they're right but forrest griffin is like Mechanic on the side. She goes, I'll take that one and he has a coffee maker goes

Like that and it repeats But it gives Kalei a PTSD, but every time it comes on I drag her in the room to watch it It drives her fucking crazy There's so many commercials that get under my skin though. There's like I see the same ones on loop over and over again It kills me the worst And I'm sure she's a nice lady It's that girl that does either t-mobile or something She's a girl. She's not not not AT&T not not

not uh Stephanie Courtney. No, no, no AT&T is um, uh Melania wine trop. Do you know her right if the movie? That's her Look her up Melania. Melania wine trop. She's the it's trump's xx mal another Melania That's her. That's Melania wine trop. She does that. She does the AT&T commercials. You've never seen that's what you're talking about, right? I don't know. She's in the commercials. That's not what she looks like. Yeah, that's her her Yeah, this is the AT&T. She doesn't bother me. I think she's super sweet. She looks very different But she's like the new 5g right, but there's one where it drives me crazy. She's a comic

She is yeah, she's a comic. She has sketching improv. Oh, okay. Yeah There's this one where um, she dresses up a guitar or something with a mustache. That's my new best friend Right and it cuts back to her and she goes and she sees a cup with another mustache. She goes Sorry sally Like you know And I don't like it If others me Like because in in no world is that yeah, even remotely funny

Yeah, but there's no way to get anyone in a room But they gave her millions and go no, it's not her fault right, you know, I mean some guy wrote that Yeah, some some dude did copy and was like, yeah losing it You want check this out? Yeah So you're gonna save the best friend with the guitar with the mustache, right? Yeah. Yeah, but you know There's gonna be another couple with a mustache. It's gonna hurt its feelings We'll be right back with jimmy fang and it's a night show right after these messages Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, do you know what's going on with her by the way?

She speaks out about um, her milkeys people are saying calling her boob milkeys She spoke out pretty publicly about it because they because she I guess she was saying like people were talking about her cleavage from the commercial And she went live on instagram. Are you woman? um, yeah, I mean reporting them all is It's honestly, there's like so many more of them than I have time to report Um, here's how to handle make your milkers your identity once you show people Their words have the power to hurt you. They'll never stop doing it ah

So just so this is actually like showing people my my weaknesses Showing people that I have feelings is actually just gonna make people want to hurt my feelings So people are calling her boob's milkers or milkeys. So what it's a nickname. It's a month. It'll disappear And she's saying she's saying she's getting harassed constantly about people going show your milkeys and Show your milkers or whatever No matter who you are As a female in entertainment You're gonna get that from trolls on the internet constantly. They're gonna say everything. Yeah, what kalilah goes through the shit that she reads me

Do they say stuff about her? Oh, yeah, her body. Yeah, you know the worst is she's only with you because you have money And I and I've said that one time by the way. I've only commented that once let me say that jewels, okay You know how disgusting I am Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah, you know how Filthy I am and my behavior is erratic and almost difficult to live with right I Nobody would live there with me unless they truly did love me, right? Yeah, I mean that's I that's I know that that's why I purposely go funky

I purposely live Disgustingly to just test her love. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if that's the solution, but I do know what you're saying Let me show you the commercial that you don't like. Okay. This is it. I found it. Okay Hey, lily from AT&T here. I'm back and while most stores are open. I'm working from home and here to help Here's a tip get half off the amazing iphone 11 on AT&T america's fastest network for iphone second tip You can put googly eyes on your stuff to keep yourself company. Uh, for example, that's heraldo. He's my best friend Oh, sorry, nancy. I forgot you were there Get the amazing

Ah, he had appeals to idiots. He's gonna go buy an iphone 11 because of that. Did you really laugh at that, george? He loves it. I'm telling you Stupid america loves this stuff. Have you seen reddit glorp? We can't show any of it on on this show But glorp is my favorite subreddit glorp. Yep What's glorp is this guy? This is it. Uh, it's a subreddit that puts googly eyes on On sex things. See see they put googly eyes on penises googly eyes eyes on vaginas googly eyes on like Mixers that go in vaginas and then the googly eyes get all funny looking. Do you see that hilarious this guy loves he

Yep, see look at that. No We can't show it, but that's funny and evil. Can evil Okay, all right. All right, all right, but that's not that's not a coffee mug. Okay. If that wasn't the AT&T commercial you would I would I would have been like that. I'm gonna I'm a frozen. I'm switching over That's great. Like imagine if the middle of the podcast Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if I just if my penis came Bobby if my penis came up from the desk and it just had googly eyes on it. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, yeah I mean, dude, that's what give me some more. Yeah. Give me some more googles

What is that? What the fuck is that? I don't know No, that's very funny. That's great. That's real funny. That's hilarious. Yeah. What's up, Johnny? Yeah, that is very funny. You hear that voice This one they dress up they put oh Oh, Princess Leia on a dildo on a dildo. We're not gonna be able to show any of this on George. Nope. No They can fight it on their own. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That's insane. Was that a vagina? Yeah, where no no go down. No the sideways one. Yeah, the side was right right down with the big eyes Sideway go down scroll down more that right there

No, no, that's a cut in someone's arm. That's stitches. Oh, it is. Yeah. Oh, shit. That's not good Googly eye. Oh, this is one on a flashlight. That's very funny. That's very funny. That's really cute. God. That's funny That's really funny googly eyes on penises is very funny very funny This evil keneval might be the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life It's so great and it looks like a real character and the helmet's perfectly rested on the penis It's like a squid character in some sort of like this like a cartoon. Yeah, it's you really cute If we do animated it should meet you and I should be penises animated Yeah, our own penises or somebody else ours

Yeah, nah, it would work. I'd be tall you'd be short. Yeah, it would be mine would look like it was been in a fire But mine is the exact same skin tone as me does freckles. It's pink. Yeah, mine is just like it has nine different colors Ask anybody. I don't like it rainbow Rainbow peen. Yeah. Oh wait, by the way, skip back. I watched another documentary you reminded me when you said cubers I watched another one called John tries to contact space or tries to John tries to something in space It's it's you have it's gonna throw you for the biggest loop and I don't want to ruin it for anybody This guy has outfitted his entire

in grandparents house With with equipment to talk to space for like 50 years The whole house has equipment trying to speak to space and he sends music every day He does like a podcast He did a podcast where podcasts were a thing and he podcasted out to space to nobody It's it's he threw his life away. No wait till you watch it watch it watch it. He threw his fucking life away No, we didn't you know cutie was back in the 70s. He's still a cutie patootie. No back in the day. He could have been fucking A roadie for the black crows. I don't know, you know, this is more important to him

He didn't do it yet. He watched the documentary. He's trying to contact it. Has he done it yet? No Well, then it didn't work, but it worked through the way, but it worked for something else No pussy. Look at me. No pussy. It worked for something else. No money. No pussy. Do you want me to ruin it? Should I just ruin the whole thing? No, no, no, no. Stop for stuff. No, you don't have to ruin it Okay, because you're you're guessing wrong stuff. I know I'm just saying Let me ask you a question Did he get a lot of money from it? No, he lost a lot of money

Obviously poor grandparents do probably their money there. Yeah, he actually killed them and used the insurance money Whatever number two. Is he married children? I'm saying do you want me to ruin the end of it or no? Do you want me to ruin the end of it or no? Yeah ruin. I don't care Okay for people at home. It's a spoiler. Okay, you're gonna have to turn your volume off now In three quarters of the way through it's only 17 minutes long. They reveal to you. He's gay Okay, and you won't believe this what the guy he falls in love with. Yeah looks exactly like him And he loves spaceship

He found love on earth trying to look for aliens Okay, so he found it. He found dick. Yeah, it worked, but no aliens No aliens dicks look like aliens Dicks look like aliens. That's true But there we go. So he did that's fine. So he did all right found love. Okay Congratulations, you know what that means to me and this means and this is everyone. Listen up. This is a life lesson. Yeah If you do what you love Love will find you

And let me let me do what you love. Let me add love let me add on to that red Let me add on to that right please. Will there ever be a Netflix documentary about me? Probably not. Yes, there will. Yes, there will I'm making it It was a goal. What's it called? Hold on. Yeah, your Netflix documentary when you're dead. Yeah, I will make it. It'll be called A childlike essence An elf-like body And a noodle-like brain

A man a boy a noodle. Okay. Thank you for being a bad friend. Fuck you Thank you for being a bad friend. Fuck you. Hold on. Hold on. If my Netflix documentary was about you, seriously it would be it would be called um Blissfully unaware The bobby lee story Because because of your lack of awareness of nonsense if you don't let it get in your way. It's beautiful You know when they say ignorance is bliss. That's you You don't know you don't need to know how much does a car tire cost? How much?

A car tire? Yeah, how much one car tire go your Prius. I would spend I think if I spent over a thousand dollars on a car tire, I'd be like I think I'm just gonna say $1,000 on a car tower. I'd be like I think I'm just too much. You think that's too much. Yeah So you're saying just under a thousand is a car tire? I would say anywhere between $500 and $1,000. Okay Just let's show the world real quick How much does a car tire For a Prius Rudy you want to guess cost Rudy guess? Um, don't look close your eyes while i'm googling it

20 20 what? $20 Or 50 for a car for a tire. No you said $20. I said $500 $20 500. Where is it? Tell me wait seriously you 20 american dollars. Yeah, this is from the pettis the Philippines I had to say pettisene. Okay The average car tire here like let's do this mile star radial thing. Okay. Yeah On amazon one tire Oh, no, I was saying four tires. I said one tire bob. No, I think I thought it came with a set

I'm I swear to god Why would I think that one tire was 500 bucks one tire here? Yeah is This is $70. Just the tire. So that's for this round that off. That's $400 for four tires. You were not saying Yeah, so By the way, this can't be right. Yeah This you know what your documentary would be about this is more about the numbers 123 200 a tire. That's about right $20. Yeah, I I estimated from the Philippines. So I thought that's how much car tires are on the Philippines Yeah, we got to move there. I know. So that's right. We're both right. You're both wrong. The documentary I would make about you

Is called finding the red Finding the red. Yeah. Oh, I love it and the whole thing is about because You There's something that happened You're a fucked up person. Mm-hmm Something happened in your past, right? And it's finding where the red, you know, the the anger No, see you're you're making a mockery of it

I'm trying to be real So you're so you're making a you're making see you're making a mockery. So something did happen Yeah Yeah Did you see the trailer for the new batman? I'm not done. It's called the batman. I know I saw it. I love it. Look at me The batman. Yeah, I saw it. Why are you switching topics? What do you want to know? What do you want to know what happened in my father beat me senseless into a coma when I was seven That he hit me with a car tire and I woke up four years later. Is that what you want to know?

Is that what you want to hear? That's the documentary. How amazing is that? Yeah, what a great documentary would be about the four years that I was in the coma. Yeah, what happened? Where did I go? I had a nightmare last night. Melissa Villas and Yura and I went to a a theme park and she fell out of the ride I swear to god, it was a gondola If you were in a coma, probably you what would happen is what what happened to ooma thurman and kill bill Everybody would have sex with me Would you be there? I would do it for the last One two three, thank you for being a bad friend

No, she needs to say it with us Thank you for I want her to lead it. You lead it right now. Okay. Thank you for being a bad friend I