Bad Friends - Call of Duty: Emotional Warfare

Episode Date: July 27, 2020

Thanks to our sponsors! http://HelixSleep.com/BADFRIENDS, http://Policygenius.com, http://BlueChew.com & http://babbel.com. Promo code: Bad Friends. Bobby and Santino fight about Warzone. Bobby recounts his weekend in Joshua Tree and Andrew rages about comic demands on the road. Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Bad Friends is a comedy podcast with hosts Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino. More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS This video contains paid promotion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why do you need an Asian dude? You two are disgusting You two are bad friends. Hey, who went to Joshua Tree? Did you have a fun time? Oh my god, you know, it's like in the movies You know, there's a bunch of fucking cars ramming into each other in the desert. What do bald white dudes with fucking crone? Yeah, yeah, yeah It's out there do some mushrooms man

Yeah, yeah, and then there's a lot of dirty whites out there a lot of dirty whites. Yeah, that's who goes to the desert dirty whites I love no, I like the desert man. It's it's there's nothing to do That's number one. No, there's so much to do. Well, there you can look at rock formations You could go you could go hiking you could go swimming. I can go hiking here. Where in Like the Hollywood the Hollywood Hills. Yeah, but you won't I would I've never I know that's my point Yeah, I've never at least if you didn't go hiking there as well I know but what I do love about it. It's a alone time with me and my family so it's not alone at all It's completely alone. It's like the most alone I've ever felt and you're with sex six other people

Well, I have to I'm there with the old man, Raj You were there with old man, Raj Kailah's mama and papa mom I went with did they like you? It's like is not the word I would use it's they tolerate Love they love your love because I'm I'm a special one Yeah, you're a special. I'm a giver. Oh really you're shaking your head. I'm not Who won cheeky-chaw?

What's chicky-chaw is that it like a Filipino card game who are who yeah who won cheeky-chaw? I took second in one tournament Second in that tournament and then who won the four-man cheeky-chaw. Yeah. Do you know why what's the song? cheeky-chaw Cheek-a-chaw for the mind my friend. I'm gonna win the battle of the brain a cheeky-chaw yeah Pick up your car cheeky-chaw today. Yeah, so we did that. What else did we do? I saw the family went hiking and you didn't go I heard and you brought your hiking boots

Well, no, I brought somebody bought me brand new hiking boots. They've never been warned who bought him Kalayla. Yeah, why you say somebody? Like it's a mystery. Who else would get you hiking boots? Sometimes I get hiking boots underneath my pillow from the magical ferry. So they all went hiking you did not You would you do sleep when they were hiking? cheeky-chaw cheeky-chaw for the brain. Yeah, the mind of the brain the first First generation is mine

Did you enjoy the nature? Did you soak it up Bob? I've been there before Well, we also did this. We have some hippie friends out there Shandy Yeah Shandy burning burning woman burning woman and she has a boyfriend. His name is Linus And Linus the man's name is lioness Linus. Oh Linus. Yeah. Oh like from fucking peanuts. Yeah If I've never met a guy named Linus is Linus the stinky one. Yes

And Linus owns a coffee shop No slash pizza place slash CBD Emporium. Yeah, so we opened it up necklace maker slash slash 311 International disc burner. Yeah. Yeah, I know this guy. I know Linus. Yeah, and Linus opened up his coffee shop Pizza he made pizza for us. It was fun. That's awesome. Did you make pizza? No. Oh, would he let you make handmade pizza? No, no, no, no, I don't know how what's his shop called? Should we shout it out? I know Linus is oh go to Linus's pizza and coffee coffee. Yeah Linus pizza coffee Yeah, I there is it, you know, there's a show called I like it's called body bizarre

No, I don't know it body bizarre is a very interesting show. It has every episode has three Very unique physical conditions or abnormalities or deformities This is where the the thing came from that you taught me about what this is where that crazy Diff-de-form disease person came out of different ones Diff-de-form Algeria not progeria the other one that you showed me The one where it's like pre-possess it Pop-pop pop-pop. Oh, which one you you you showed me a picture of someone on the internet. Oh, yeah, that one

That's called Harlequin Harlequin Harlequin eat you can No, there is somebody with Harlequin in it, but there's other different crazy ones where they have ones where They have a skin disorder They do they have a skin disorder where You know that they're born with No skin. What do you oh, I've seen that. Yeah, it's it's almost like you can see their veins Yeah, they're working. Yeah, they're translucent. Yeah, I saw this one where

um The mother in the mornings have to wrap You know his son like a like a mummy before he goes out before he goes to school Like a mummy and then at nights he has to take a three-hour bath to take the bandages off and Every layer it takes off and he screams because it fuses to a skin Yeah, and he has to live like that every fucking day. Don't you feel lucky? Yeah, I want it you want. Yeah, I do want it. Do you see my freckly freckly?

I got more Sun yesterday, and you know what my babysitter used to do my Mexican babysitter She used to take me on the roof when she was tanning. What was her name? Lisa? Mexican alvaras. Oh, there we go. She'd take me on the roof and She hated my freckles and she would make fun of me and she says freckles are ugly And now and I got self-conscious. You know what she used to do. Uh-huh. She's put lemon juice on my freckles to see if they go away Yeah She tried to burn them off my body Yeah, freckles are are ugly

Why? Why not? What's ugly about it? It gives me a little bit of style. It just for me I just don't I used to date a girl with freckles Yeah Yeah, and I used to like when she was sleeping at night And I used to like when she was sleeping at night

I'd connect the dots Shut up Shut up In the back You did? Yeah I have the big dipper Oh, you do?

Yeah I have the dipper on my back Yeah, it's just a freaky little thing that humans have It gives me texture You can call that In the same way that your skin tone is yellow, it has a yellow undertone There's no yellow. It's so funny You know what?

You do have yellow I have a red or orange I'm red and orange undertone You have yellow undertone So if this was Let me ask you something If you pull out a crayon with my skin It wouldn't say yellow

Yeah It wouldn't say yellow on the thing You'd be closer to yellow than you would any other color in the body Brown No, you're not brown Oh my god, you're fucking ridiculous No, you have an undertone of yellow Skins have undertones

Look it up I have an undertone of reddish and orange So what is a bad Rudy? What does she have undertone? Um, a taupe It's a taupe color It's like a poop Yeah, I call it poop

Yeah So I have an undertone You met my brother, he has it too He's a deeper His yellow is deeper than yours It's a deeper yellow It's almost burnt yellow Burnt yellow?

Sun crisp Sun crisp? Yeah He's like a heat miser yellow It's really intense but it's the depth of You know how the middle of a fire, the hottest part of a fire? You know what I mean? It's like guttural and deep

Yeah, it's deep Your red is very deep as well I know this, well it's more orange I think I'm more orange beyond my hair Yeah, it's like My tone is orange It's like the color of, you know how a dog's dick comes out? The lipstick?

Yeah, the lipstick part Yeah Yeah You take that Yeah And you chop that part out If I was going to make your color I would chop that part out

And then I would probably take A really strawberry starburst Yeah Smash that And grind it together Yeah And then I would take Just a big steamy pile of shit

And that's the my color? Yeah Here's what you are Yeah, what? You're a, I'll take a couple of glass noodles Yeah And I mash the glass noodles together With urine, but urine dehydrated urine

Hot bright yellow dehydrated I didn't drink water for a week urine Yeah Okay, then I mix that around for a while Then I take fingernail clippings Okay, fingernail clippings Mash that together inside of there A couple of the butts of cigarettes

A couple of cigarette butts For texture and absorbency Yeah Smash that together Yeah And that's you Ah, you know what I would do for you You're a noodle cigarette butt toenail

Yeah That would be your scent That would be your scent If someone said, what does Bobby smell like? I go noodle cigarette butt toenail What is mine? Dog, you think I'm dog dick? No

Yours is If you took like a fat Karen Okay You know, in the park A Meredith No, Karen's complaining But a Meredith is the fat Karen Yeah, yeah, yeah, a Meredith

Yes And she's complaining, right? She happens to have a yeast infection Right And I tackle that little Meredith down Right And I, you know, put a hazmat suit on whatever Because I don't like Meredith

The smell down there Right And I would shave off, you know what I mean Bits of that yeast Yeah Stick it in one of those like Those little, you know, in Asia We would, we crunch like nuts and stuff

In a Little medicine bowl Medicine bowl, that's right Yeah I would stick that in there, right And I would sneak it in the White House, right What are you doing in the White House? To get Trump

I need Trump's shit Okay Yeah And I would take I had lunch with him yesterday No, you didn't And then I would take the hairs, the taint hairs Of Trump

Yeah It is redder the most Yeah And it's also mixed in with like lies Yeah And I would see Yeah And I would clip that out

Yeah Stick it in with the Meredith yeast Uh-huh Right And then I would take that What's that animal in Chicago? The grizzly animal In Chicago?

Your mom It's funny That grizzly animal Don't talk about my mother It's just a joke Relax Yeah My mother's very pretty

She's a beautiful woman Unlike your cross-eyed mother Don't You don't have to fuck against me I'm not Bobby Mother I'm Bobby Mom You're so fucking mean, dude That's your skin color

Anyway Your mom You know what your mom looks like? What? Your mom looks like You know when kids dress up as old people? Yeah And they're wearing

That's what your mom looks like A kid That's wearing a mask Wow You know kids are dressing up During COVID Really? This is a real thing

Young teenagers Yeah Will put on a ton of like Makeup and like a bonnet And they wear the mask Because it covers up the majority Their face and their hair Yeah

And they wear old people clothes They're going to thrift stores Yeah And they're getting canes And they're walking in They're buying boots They're fucking geniuses They caught a bunch of teenagers

Doing it just the other day Wow How smart When you Because I haven't been to a store Since the pandemic I know Do you have to

Like how do you If I give them a credit card And they go ID please Nobody asks for ID They don't I swear to God I have men

But I don't get asked for ID When I buy booze or anything Anyway anymore But I'd never seen them But now everyone does Apple Pay You know you have this Really weird like Because you know

Sometimes when I look at you I think to myself Here's a really good bro A guy That I could be Pals with Come around You know what I mean

You and I are two children That really didn't grow up with each other But we've It's almost as if Couple neighborhoods away I've known you for all my life Yeah And that we've been doing this

From the dawn of time Being reincarnated And doing it again and again Right But then sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all And that you are An evil piece of garbage human

And I just Don't want to be there with you Where I want to be is with The chummy You know whimsical When we're having fun Having fun But that's only

That's only when you want to have it The parental You know Oh you don't like to be told what to do You're disappointed You got mad at me Because I didn't fucking play video games Because I just couldn't admit the truth

Yeah Which is I fucking don't want to play video games With a group of people I don't I don't It's fine I don't want to play with a bunch of strangers If you said let's sit in a room

And play Super Nintendo together I'd probably be here for 10 hours But instead I don't want to be online You don't have Number one We don't have to stream it It's streamed

It's on the internet I've seen it all I've watched it I know My brother doesn't like when people stream You guys stream every week I know But there are people that

He'll go on and say I don't want to stream And they'll turn it off My point is this How do you know they turn it off What if they record it Or I will destroy them What do you mean

Can't they just record it without you knowing What they're going to Listen I play with a kid Name Rami I know Rami I've heard about this kid Yeah

If he put on If he streamed Because sometimes I'll go My manager will call And I'll go put everyone Pause the stream They all pause it Because I want to talk to them

My manager about things You just trusting all these Random strangers from the internet He's not knowing They're friends now You don't even know them I do know them I know them as much as

I know anybody else All you know about them Is that you enjoy playing Video games together No When you're playing Listen It's not as if

When you're playing You're going to give me some Philosophical depth about you Playing a video game Makes you like best friends With somebody No But I'm just saying

That what you think to yourself Is that when I'm playing It's not as if We're constantly strategizing What are you talking about We talk about How is your day at work You know this happened

What does Rami do for work He used to work at a car dealership But then he got fired Now he works at a four star hotel As a receptionist Because he's moving here In September He's trying to save his money

Why is he coming to LA Because he wants to do He used to work for like a Local sports show in his hometown Of Georgia And he was doing their social media And he also was producing some segments He's always wanted to live in that world

He's a huge fan of yours He's a huge fan of mine He's a huge podcast fan He knows all of them So he's become a real friend I'm friends with all of them But the other people You don't know as well

Yeah, I only play with people That I know In the beginning, yes I'll be at yes But the ones that I'm playing with now So you're developing a relationship With these people No, they're my friends

You're falling in love with these people On the internet Yeah, and that's not People from the internet They're just kids that are always on How old are they Rami's 20 How old are the rest of them

I play with this kid named Josh Price Nice kid from Denver 14, 15 No, he has like a little deficiency Oh, he's disabled Just in the side of his mind Yeah, and then I play with a guy named

Matt, who lives in Wales And he's a tech window instructor But he's missing an arm That's gotta be tough Yeah, if you look at his Instagram He's just going Ha! Ha! The whole time, which is one hour

Ha! And he uses his legs And then this one, it's like Ha! He can only do it left side It's a nub It's a nub Yeah

He's like, get over Yeah, but he doesn't wear Those prosthetic things Yeah He just uses, you know, he's the nut Freaks people out with a nub Well, then, you know, you know Nubs to me need to be perfected

Do you polish a nub or do you color it? I would, you know, like, you know, a pool cue I would use that Yeah, I would use that blue stuff Yeah Yeah, for my nub Because you want more attention on the nub? I feel like most people don't want

Any attention on the nub Yeah, or, you know, when I'm gymnast They use that powder Uh, chalk Just hand chalk Yeah, I'll put that And then Well, it dries it out

But not only, I'm not done And then I would scrape it with fucking sandpaper I would go to Home Depot Get just a sheet of sandpaper Just scrape it So it just evens out, you know Smooth Smooth it out, yeah

You know what I would do? I would get a prosthetic Yeah With skin on the outside You know that it looks like an arm But I want it twice as long as my other one So I just want one arm like this And one arm like this

That'd be cool At all times Just a huge left arm Yeah My other ones like this And just have a string Where you just kind of Yeah, yeah

Control it I'd probably get a, you know, a tattoo Well, I know a friend who has a Who has a missing limb And he has tattoos all over it Like the first joke he got was You should see the other guy On his nub

And then underneath he wrote Don't play with knives And then he's got all these He's got tons of tattoos Joking about the nub And then just to like Give shape and art to it Yeah

It's an art nub His name is Art Nub I would make it so it looks like You know, it's infected You know what I mean? Yeah Like it's almost like, you know Like people are like

That just happened And you're like Yeah, you could go in And do that constantly You could pretend every time Yeah We just walk into a bank You know, people go

I would constantly You know how they can have those Those fire suits You know how they can put enough Of that stuff on to I would constantly light it on fire And just wave it out That's how you could get free shit

Walk in somewhere and go Call the police They would run out Take shit Blow it off And then go out the back If you could lose One of your limbs

What would you lose? If I could If you had to If you had to choose Both or You gotta choose a limb These are like These are the kind of games

Those are the kind of questions That you play When you're I remember in high school You would go camping For the first time With your buddies And you would

You know There's nothing to do There's nothing to do There's nothing to do So you just kind of You guys want to play a game? They'd be like Yeah, it's like

Alright, so Who'd you fuck, Bobby? Me or Randy? Well, I know where that's going Yeah Because you're like both I'd fuck both of them This ends up being an orgy

This is what you're trying to say You're trying to do one of these Trick things on Trying to get me involved In something that you did I didn't have sex with my friends Like you did, you weirdo I didn't have sex with nobody

You know when you go out to camp And your buddy's like Show us your penis We should kiss it No, no You did do a lot of weird stuff Like that when you were a kid You had weird moments of doing weird

I guarantee you You had a moment in the woods With a friend Who made you do something uncomfortable Didn't they? Maybe Yeah Yeah

You're trying to make it seem Like everyone had that experience The weirdest thing we ever did was A leg Yeah A leg You'd lose a leg Yeah

Right or left My left leg Why? It's the weakest out of all my limbs You do have a bad left leg Yeah The knee is not good You're just talking about arms and legs, correct?

Yeah But you can't get a prosthetic What? No Left arm, then Left arm Yeah Because you use your right arm, too

Jack off Mm-hmm I use it Also, the guy Matt Who I play with from Wales Limmy I don't know Isn't he Matt Limby?

No Matt Nubbin? Nubbin, yeah He has one arm Matt Nubbin I don't know how he plays But he plays with the nub Is the nub on the joystick?

And then the buttons are his right hand? I think he uses his nub I don't know what nub And then he plays with But he is very good On a computer desktop? Or this is on PS4? Well, you know, with Warzone

You can put people Most people play A lot of people play it on a computer How many? Is it PS5 now? It's all cross-platforms What do you have? A PS4

Is 5 out? Coming out When does it come out? Soon Are you excited? Not really Let's get it Do you get

I don't get excited About any technology company I do When the new iPhone comes out I'm not like You play video games so much Wouldn't that be It's like saying

A new piece of golf equipment Comes out I do get excited Because I'm like That would be cool to use Yeah, but when a new console Comes out The games aren't really

Necessarily The first generation Of the console games Are always shitty Aren't necessarily that great Because they're beta Yeah But

Yeah, I'm not that excited You know Let's go back to the war zone Let's go back to that I've only asked you to play Because It's just Pure joy and fun

I want to have fun with you My problem with video games is When I play them It's a personality trait I feel like I should have been Doing something else My brain goes You should be writing

You should be working out You should be Cooking You should be Talking to someone You should be But in my mind It feels like I'm just killing a clock

To me It's not that I feel the opposite For you I feel the opposite I feel like I'm really Accomplishing something But you're not

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Your hand-eye coordination For a video game doesn't improve Any more than you already have And it's also It's like watching a movie Like, you know, Kalyla will Watch a Korean soap opera From season to

From the beginning All seasons in a row I don't do that either I know, but she does that And I don't really play like this During if it wasn't a pandemic But it's like I don't know how long

This is going to last But when the Pandy wasn't happening You were playing all night long instead No, I wasn't You weren't playing in the middle of the night? There would be months Where I wouldn't play at all Because you were working

No, it depends on what game it is Like, if there's a game out It's not like If I like movies I'm not going to watch every movie Ever made Why not? You know

But like, I will watch I've seen every Christopher Nolan movie Have you? I guess I think I have I've seen probably Almost all the things that he's made Yeah, I've seen every

Wes Anderson movie Wes Anderson, every Tarantino Yeah But there are some people That I like Like most movies that come out I don't watch And that's like

Like in video games You're saying when you get hooked On a game you're hooked for a while Like, there's a company called Bethesda They make my favorite games They make Fallout And they make Elder Scrolls Skyrim, you know

And every time A Fallout or an Elder Scrolls comes out I will play it from beginning to end Because they're the type of games that I like Right What I'm saying is Grand Theft Auto If a Grand Theft Rockstar

If Grand Theft Auto came out The new one Obviously I've only played them through one time But I will play it through one time Because it's cultural People make references to it And it's important

It's important to you, yeah To everyone No, to you No You think I can get by Without knowing anything about Skyrim? Yeah

Listen I'll be fine When you and I Just because you can do duos In Morison Just two people Okay So you and I

Parachuting down Parachuting down, right Do you know how much fun We would have Where are you going? Oh my god You're right That would be at the whole time

And no Why are you doing that? No, it'd be one of those things Where it's like Also, I believe That you're going to be so good at it That you're going to be an asset To my stats

Oh, I improve your stats You might And If I come over to the house Can I do it with you there? Or no, I have to have my own shit You have to have your own shit But

I'm telling you right now That you're going to be like We play with the same guy Named Kung Fu Nick And Kung Fu Nick Is he a black guy? No, he's Asian Kung Fu Nick

You know When his wife is sleeping You can hear him going She's asleep, guys I can play a little bit So he only plays for like 45 minutes And he goes back to sleep You know

That bothers me so much Why? It's just the idea that a guy's like Sneaking away to play video games Is like, why can't You're, aren't you an adult? Is Kung Fu Nick a grown up? Yeah, he owns it

He has his own dojo Oh, he owns things? He owns his own dojo So who the fuck is telling him He can't play video games? His wife That's the craziest shit I've ever heard If my wife ever said

I don't want you playing video I don't play video games And my wife said I don't want you playing golf I'd be like, bye Yeah You can't tell me that What's the point of golf?

It's the same thing No There's no point to it The difference is I like physical activity And getting up and getting out I don't like being at home I know, but it's still pointless

No, it's not pointless First of all Putting a little ball into a hole Is pointless You're annihilus now Now anything's pointless That's how I feel about video games It's like

It's the same exact thing Right Out of playing video games As you do with golf Yeah No, don't diminish it It's a great sport And don't diminish warzone

It's a great video game I'm not I just don't find that It's ever gonna help me It will No, because my anxiety is so high You haven't tried it I can't finish a movie

Try it I can't finish a movie It's free What I'm saying to you It's free Yeah Don't you have to pay to play? No

It's completely free So I buy the game You don't buy it They give it to me for free Yes Why would they do that? Because they make money off of Like when you play warzone

And you spend You don't spend any money You get You get what everyone else gets Right? But if I buy special weapons No, there's no special weapons No, but

You know, you can buy an operator Because if you If you don't get an operator You'll look like Just a regular soldier On the battlefield But no one has Different abilities

How much money have you spent on the game? A couple grand No wonder it's free No, because I You spent a couple thousand dollars? My brother hasn't spent any money Zero That would be me

But when we fly down Right? He's just like this regular white guy Where I You know what I mean Does he get to design? You can't design your guy? No, but you can get operators

And they're not that expensive They're like three bucks But I have to get all of them You spent thousands of dollars Because you bought how many operators? All of them Over time How long is this?

Dude How long has the game been out? Four or five years Oh, okay What do most people spend? Nothing So most people do Like yesterday we were playing with Raimi

And Raimi was like I need a new operator And I Venmoed him 40 bucks What is an operator? It's just whatever your character looks like When you're down there A new avatar Yeah, when you're running around

Yeah, yeah And you spent thousands of dollars on operators Yeah Operator Yeah, yeah Really? Why not? I don't know

I just think it seems Yeah, obviously Have you spent thousands of dollars on golf? Yeah, but that's a real thing No Warzone is a real thing No, no, no Like a golf club

I physically have to use Yeah When I'm physically doing this You don't have to change your operator Your brother doesn't You don't have to get great golf equipment You can just get shitty golf equipment You have to pay for it either way

Your brother does it for free Yeah, I don't want to I know, but I don't My brother doesn't get operators Because he doesn't have the money to get it So why don't you give him the money Instead of Venmoing the other guy 40 dollars? Because I already asked him

I go, do you want to get a new operator? He goes, no, fine, Bob I don't want one He wants one He doesn't want one Because my brother doesn't like fashion My brother's never liked fashion So you're saying it's about fashion

If I go to like Vans, right And I go, I'll buy you I could go into a Vans right now And go, you want a pair of shoes? He'd go, yeah He doesn't even have to point it out I can go in there and just pick one Because I know what he likes

He wants the plain All black Vans No, it's always brown Plain nothing Cool Right If he gets jeans Hey, I'm going to get some raw denim

How much do I spend money on? I spend, me and Nick Youssef In all these comics, right Kevin Christie We'll go to Self Edge And go, hey, so, you know Did that double ply Okinawa Raw denim come out yet?

Oh yeah, but we only have two They're like 600 bucks You spend 600 bucks? Yeah Per pair? Yeah You don't like fashion It's not about fashion

Yeah, it's about getting If you wear anything but raw denim Aside from raw denim, Japanese raw denim Don't even lock eyes with me Really? Yeah You're really pretentious Oh yeah

About jeans? Yes Who gives a shit? I do Why? Because if you're wearing jeans You know how sometimes they make jeans That are dirtied up

Yeah And they put the lines in it Sure It's not organic It's factory made I don't like it You're wearing a shirt that's factory made You know what this is?

A black Sabbath shirt? No, this is made-worn Look it up Look it up And if I took you there Your eyes would get boggled It looks fine No, I'm just saying

I only wear made-worn What is that? Two $300 shirt? Hello You see this Jefferson indoor gun range From New Orleans, Louisiana Free I shot a gun they gave it to me

And it looks like it I'm fine with that That's fine But you're like my brother You don't like fashion I like fashion And that's why I buy operators When I fucking play Warzone

Because I want to look good You're a little Asian prince I like fashion You're a peasant I went on a new operatist You're a fucking little white peasant You're making up for something You have to have nice fancy clothes

Because everything underneath doesn't work This is the emperor's new clothes No, no, no What's underneath is broken Is not broken This is the emperor's new clothes The emperor needs a new shirt Yeah, I am broke

I am broke I was molested And beat And I'm broke Well, the black Sabbath's $400 shirt And $700 jeans aren't going to help But it makes me feel good Listen, when I grew up

I asked my dad Can I get a fucking game console? No Can I get clothes? No Right? Can I eat? No

Right? No It's always like, you know, on their terms And so growing up I was like So this is just retaliation This is just retaliation Let me finish In my early 20s

I went to thrift stores, right? At first, not out of, you know Because it's cool to look retro Because that's all I could really afford Right But then what I found was I got old rock teas before Old rock teas were cool, right?

So I've always liked these types of clothing Right But it's like, you know But then when I started making money I was just like, you know I remember walking up to Kevin Christie one day And he can admit this This is when you're a friend of A.P.C.

Yes What is it? A.P.C. You don't know Just say you don't know A.P.C. is like, it's a clothing company Yeah, I know They make clothes

Okay And you know, have you heard of Golden Goose? No Okay, so I wear, you know, the tennis shoes All the tennis shoes I wear They look like $20, $30 tennis shoes Right, but they cost way too much $1,200

And that's so dumb I'm just saying Look at this Yeah $7.99 Look at this, Montclair Okay, how much is your sandal? How much is your flip-flop?

A couple hundred bucks Hundreds of dollars Same function Yeah $8 How much has the Montclair on it? Who cares if it's Montclair? They make jackets

No, you don't get it So what I'm saying, I can't Now what I'm sounding in the podcast Is like an asshole As an asshole, so we have to cut all this out No Yeah, yeah No, because this is real

It's not real You really feel that way You think that that's gonna make up for whatever annoyance That you have about anything That's not Why would a Montclair sandal I'll tell you why Yeah

Okay Because, and this is the truth And I like nice shit, by the way No, no, no Dean Delray Yeah Dean Delroy, he called me one day

And he goes, hey man I'm over at Hey Hey man I'm over at I'm over at Fred Seagal Oh

I go, yeah, he goes Yeah, man, there's a Montclair jacket here I can't afford I go, take a photo of it What is Montclair? I didn't know what it was Oh, see, I knew He's like, yeah, just rich, you know

French people wear it So he sends me, and I get it, right The Montclair jacket And now I'm wearing this Camo vest Montclair jacket At the comedy store And I know it, I've seen it

Yeah, and David Spade walks up to me I don't know him at all Never talked to me before Yeah He walks up He sticks his finger on the Montclair logo He goes, what's up, man You're doing good

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I'm shaggy? Yeah Then you're Scooby Yeah, the most likeable You're my dog The most marketable, likeable character That's shaggy No, that's not shaggy

Hey, Scoob Yeah, everybody loves shaggy He was a podhead Yeah He was Scooby's best friend Unfuckable The original incel Scooby?

No, shaggy No, shaggy wasn't an incel He has to hang out with a dog 24-7 His best friend His other friends won't even hang out with him Those friends suck Thelma sucks Those guys suck

They have raves in that van And they're like, fuck you, shaggy You just go hang out with your fucking dog And we're gonna go on an adventure You're right You know what I was doing with the dog? What? You know what I was doing with the dog

Sucking its dick No, I'm making you I'm making you I'm making you suck my dick I fuck you I fuck you, Scoob You want some Scooby snacks? Chomp, chomp, chomp

Oh, you getting tired? I fuck you, Scooby You know, it makes You know, okay You know, I'm not I am an Alias, I guess Yeah, you're Yes

In many ways Look, I like fancy stuff, too Yeah I just never understood the work of But you challenged why I buy operators in Warzone That's what this is And I'm just giving

No, I didn't challenge it I said, why do you I'm just giving you an insight Well, the bottom line is You think it's important to look good To wear nice shit Yeah, and generally It doesn't really matter

I get it At the end of the things Especially This is gonna give us a lot of backlash Because I know Why? People aren't doing well in the pandemic I don't spend that much money right now

But, you know I have I have it I spend money on stupid stuff, too Like what? My car is very expensive Yeah, that's right Yeah, you drive a piece of shit

And I drive a nice car Yeah Yes But that's a thing I use all the time I think clothes to me are like I take this off I get naked at the end of the day At my house

Yeah These things mean They just I only wear clothes Because we have to Because legally the law says I can't walk around Otherwise, I would put on

Just swim trunks And walk around like that all day Yeah I don't ever want jeans Or shirts I don't like it I live in California So I don't have to have lots of clothes

When I lived in La Jolla I knew this kid named Tom His dad was a multi-multi-millionaire I was broke And his dad also was like Hipster-like He looked cool His dad

Yeah, like effortlessly cool Yeah, and he drove up to this His dad one time Drove up to this coffee shop he used to work at In a clunker Like the window was blasted out You know, the hubcaps weren't there And he walked out of there

Just looking like a degenerate Right? And I thought to myself Yes So that's why I always have a clunker The car It's always beat up There's always a window missing

Right Yeah, I don't give a fuck about cars Yeah, but that's what I'm saying You care about fashion That's why you need operators Yeah, but I don't You know, but when you look at me It's not because

I look I like the heroin chic look Yeah, you look like Homeless Plus Yeah, I like when it's like But look, I'm jealous of the fact I've talked about this with you That's a cool shirt I fucking love black Sabbath

Whether or not you even like the band Is a debatable thing Do you like black Sabbath? I love black Sabbath Okay, but people wear those shirts a lot And I resent it because they wear Like the Kardashians will wear A fucking

A metal shirt, like a Pantera shirt I know they don't like Pantera Yeah Okay, that's my problem with the culture That took over wearing cool shit All right, dude, listen So because of it I'd rather wear a Jefferson Indoor gun rage

New Orleans, Louisiana I'd rather wear this Yeah Because it's fun Okay, when I'm at Made-A-Warn Made-A-Warn? Made-A-Warn Made-A-Warn?

Yeah Oh, it's called Made-A-Warn Made-A-Warn, yeah Is it a replica or it's an actual vintage shirt? It's the guy that does Like all of Christopher Nolan's like Clothing and stuff as far as movies Especially the history pieces

This guy is He's friends with Dean But he owns a factory Not a factory, he owns Fairfax And he sells these shirts What he does is he Collected rock t-shirts all his life And

He created a company called Years ago called Junk Food Which was a clothing brand And he made rock teas there as well But they were factory made in Asia And stuff like that So he decided, he sold that company And he decided to

Make a real Vintage clothing company But he took, he takes This is a brand new shirt No one's ever, it's Never-Warn Never-Warn So it should be called Made-Never-Warn And he has a crew of people

Dipping in oil Putting it on the sun You know what I mean, stretching it So you pay for it to be worn? Yeah, and So when I go there, it's like I don't pick out shirts Like he'll go, look at this one

He'll go, I don't know that band So I don't like them So I can't wear it Right So it's like, if it's a clash shirt Or I love the clash Or the sex pistols, whatever it might be I'll get that, you know

So they have little people Ruining the shirts so you can They're not dwarves, it's not like the fucking I thought you said they had LPs there Leprechauns? I thought you said they had LPs No, no, no, no, no So he employs only LPs

No, no, no, no, no So a bunch of LPs, they'll wear out the shirts And they run down to the river And they wash it in the river But also, if you go there, right If I brought you there You'd be like, oh, not just cool His, that factory that he has

And that unfair fact is like a fucking museum Well then let's go It's, ask anyone that's ever been there I don't, you know, because of your attitude Because I have to call and make an appointment Because of your fucking attitude I may not Right now, or in general

Right now Oh, okay Yeah In general, is that okay? In general, yes, but right now The frame that I'm in right now You think I don't deserve No, you don't deserve anything

Oh, really? You're a game combative and nasty I'm being, first of all I'm not being combative and nasty Just play Warzone Chantino, person, please Fight Don't be a fucking asshole and a pussy

Okay You're not a man of your word Here's the deal Yeah I am if it's something I care about No, no As a friend to play one time Okay, so then I have

Here's the problem I have to go buy a system I think you said that you had an Xbox I have an Xbox You said it's PlayStation It's cross-platform I want to play it on the one I'm supposed to play it on

No, no, no, no Half the people I play with Play it on other, I said Some people play it on the computer It's cross-platform All right The game's free I'm gonna go home

So you have the fucking thing I download it Yes I need to go get my headset Well, yeah, make sure you have a mic to it I need to get my headset with a mic Yeah And I log in, I create a player

Then I have to spend hours Learning the triggers and the buttons It's not, it's literally So self-explanatory There's so many buttons On the Xbox thing now Oh my god Listen

It's right trigger, left trigger Top, top, four Even the jiggers are joggers There's four buttons Yeah, I know ABXY Okay, all right So let's say this is the

Let's say this is the control I have it In your little mind Just make an assumption What would we shoot? Right trigger Exactly Yeah

What about the top and right buttons? What about the buttons? Throw grenades Both of them make you throw grenades? It depends on what you're, um... This is where it gets... You're so fucking dumb, dude I just, I don't, I don't have the capacity

Yeah, you do To care It's more of, it's more of It's hard for me to, like, invest I used to play, you know what I used to play? Yeah, what? Tiger Woods Golf I loved it

Simple I'm a simple man I'm gonna play In Tiger Woods Golf, could you... What, you go on a tournament? You play Tiger Woods Yeah, you hit the ball And then, and then

And then you fuck about 12 other women? No way Tiger goes to Waffle House after his round Right If you win a round, you're allowed to leave Go to Waffle House Right And you fuck Darla in, uh, in a Ford Galaxy

Look He never fucked a black woman, by the way Yes, he has Tiger Woods You think during all that escapades He didn't have sex with a black girl? You're insane Name me one

Huh? Name me one Geneva Johnson Oh, Geneva Geneva Johnson That's right Charlotte, North Carolina 4.30 in the morning

Outside of an IHOP My bad, but, um... Look Look, look, look I'm gonna play, I promise No, you're not No, look at me I don't want you to

Oh, you don't now What I am is Hikikomori What's hikikomori mean? You don't know what hikikomori is? Obviously, I just asked you I don't know what it means I know you don't

But do you know what it is? Yes, hikikomori is a... Guess what it is I know what it is What? Hikikomori in Japan are these little tiny... They're almost a muskrat's eyes And they...

No, seriously They're little tiny muskrat, uh, rodent creatures And they've got, um, bulbous bellies And cute little noses And beautiful little eyes Yeah And they roam around, uh, northern Japan You're describing Japanese people

Oh, right Yeah They roam around... No, you're a hikikomori Is, um, is a servant of a Korean, um, uh, fighting instructor A martial arts instructor It's a servant And he...

No Yeah? Isn't that a hikikomori? I'll just tell you what it is Hikikomori is the guy He's not It's the guy who hand makes, um... You know the guy...

You know who he is? He hand cuts out, uh, dim sum Bow... Bow, bow, bow, bow That's a hikikomori A hikikomori That's a hikikomori What's a hikikomori?

A hikikomori is a Japanese shut-in I was so close! I was gonna get that! You still let me get that You're getting it So it's a recluse There are kids in middle-class homes Even, um, upper-class

Kids who have never left their room You're a hikikomori I could have been, I think I think I'm a hikikomori They never left their room And so basically what happens is they go Okay That's just them

Yeah You know what I mean? In their mind They always say okay Yeah, they just set up that they're okay Because they have to go Okay, and then the next thought comes Right

Okay, here we go They always say here we go Here we go Okay, here we go, my friend And then my friend Why do people always say my friend From different lands My friend, because it's a...

No matter where you go My friend My friend My friend My friend, two for one Yeah, two for one Two for one, my friend Yeah

Because they want you to think that They like you Or they go Mister, mister Mister? Yeah Whenever I was... When I would go to Mexico

Mexico and the kids would sell chicklets Yeah, and they go Mister, mister Mister gum Yeah, mister gum Yeah You know what I would do? I'd steal the chicklets

Yeah I'd put them all in my mouth Yeah I'd spit them at the kid Yeah, yeah, yeah Or I was in Tijuana once shopping At Tijuana once shopping Yeah

A man with no arms and low legs And he was just sitting there Like on the side Well, don't do that with your arms Because he didn't have any I know, but this is... People with no arms Yeah

They have invisible ones They wish they had Phantom limbs Yeah So he was actually doing this Right? Right Yeah

And he was like Mister You have money, mister So I didn't know where to put it He didn't have a cup So he stuck it right in his mouth You have to put it somewhere Where do you put it between the eyelid?

I mean, you gotta just... I would have put it right on his head Yeah, he had it I just stuck it right in his mouth He's like, mister, coin? Yeah Yeah Yeah

I want to talk to you about something For real Oh, no, I want to tell you about Hikikomori real quick Oh, yeah, tell me, okay Come back I have something to ask you Because I'm so interested in what you think

But I'm like violently interested Can we go back to Hikikomori then? Let's start with Hikikomori So they're... So I... What was it? Okay Remember?

Yeah That's what he's thinking Okay Let's go These kids go, okay So I don't want to talk to nobody I don't want to work I don't want nothing, right?

So they basically just sit in their fucking rooms And their parents put food, you know Sometimes in a little slot Through the slot Because they don't want to see anybody They see anybody They take it And they're always on computer

Like one kid made a lot of money On like the stock market Uh-huh But he just never left the house So he just gives his parents money And he just says Give me whatever I need And leave me alone

Right But then most parents They just enable it And these kids stay in there And never living... Never seeing the light of day Hikikomori Yeah

So there's a big epidemic So it's... And it's kids that are playing video games That's... It's mainly video games, right? Some of them play video games But some of them are like Manga and, you know, watch anime

Are you a Hikikomori? No She could have been... What does Hikikomori directly translate to? Shut-in Shut-in Hikikomori sounds so much nicer than shut-in I know

It sounds like it's more noble I came up with a movie idea a long time ago About, like, me as a shut-in Uh-huh Where, like, I grew up here, though In LA? In LA My dad dies

So my mom just tells all my friends That I moved back to Korea Oh And then, like, 25 years later You emerged She's sick now Right? Uh-huh

And she calls all my friends But now all my friends are, like, adults With families and stuff And they go, uh... He didn't go back And they're like, what? Yeah, he'd be here the whole time He leaves and God doesn't grow

So it's all my friends coming back To comedy, right? Yeah And trying to get me to live life again As a grown-up But now I'm like... I don't know how to really speak I haven't talked to anybody

Right In 20 years Yeah, an autobiographical thing for you This is almost a little bit... This is, like, your life a little bit No, man I'm gonna go get her Mm-mm

Ask me the question That was rude Ask me the question I didn't mean it You are shut in with video games, though You gonna play today? I'm gonna, I promise Do you know what a conservatorship is?

Conservatorship? Conservatorship No Britney Spears is under a conservatorship Do you know what this is? When she had her public meltdown There was, like, a hashtag going around Called Free Britney

People think she's, like, being held against her will Ever since she got publicly... You know, she shaved her head and freaked out You can put someone in a conservatorship Which means, like, you have a guardian Taking care of you To make sure you're not losing it Going off the deep end

And hurting yourself or others, right? So her dad is her conservatorship overseer And a lawyer And they get salaries And she's only allowed an allowance This is a 38-year-old woman Or whatever she is So I go on her Instagram

Because I'm seeing all these conspiracy theories online And I'm like, let's check this out Is this real? Is this bullshit? But here's what's wild Listen how she is This is what's cra- Two things, one How old do you think she was

When Baby Hit Me One More Time came out? 16 16 Was she 16? She was 16 in that video With, like, a schoolgirl outfit Dancing all sexy and shit Yeah, I've seen that video many times

So they trap So they trap them It was always on MTV It was on MTV the whole time And I loved MTV Yeah, I didn't like it I loved MTV No, but I didn't like the video

Yeah, you did You loved the song You loved the song Did you like the song? Love the song My loneliness is telling me Yeah, so I love that Yeah

So she was trapped in this child world Of being exploited And now she speaks like a child Listen how crazy this is This is not real This is all real This is her That's her Instagram

I want to show you This is her Instagram I saw the dancing one One of the dancing ones You saw this one, the one where she dances Yeah Now, I'm not mocking her, by the way Because I think this is mental illness

And I mean that Because fucking This is a house, though What Kanye's going through Is the same thing He's having a public meltdown Right? Yeah

But, like, I'm not mocking her dancing But this feels I don't know, it feels strange It's beautiful I literally almost cried What? I think it's great It just feels

Something feels off Something feels free Something feels off It's the opposite You don't know freedom, do you? This feels not free If something feels off to me What do you mean?

Tell me another one I don't know This feels like Here you go Answering fan questions And by the way, she won't answer All the fans are like What's up with the conservatorship

Like, people are worried about you Hashtag free, Brittany And she won't answer any But, like, listen Also, listen how child She sounds like a baby Listen to this Her baby voice

Hi, guys So a lot of you have been asking me more questions In the comments And I'm here to answer all of your questions So the first main question That you guys have been asking me Is what's my favorite Disney movie My favorite Disney movie

Is probably Frozen Just because I really like the fact That the two sisters Their relationship And then one goes off And lives in a castle Just because she can't deal anymore My favorite movie movie

Is probably Ferris Bueller's Day Off What time do I go to sleep? I go to sleep Between 11.30 and 12 It's like a baby It's like a child Yeah, it's the same thing

It just feels like What happened to Michael J Fox? Yes No, he got it That was a shaky disease Michael Jackson Oh

Michael J. Fox You know me? Yeah But no It feels like this This is the honest truth Yeah Is I feel like

When you're developing Yes In your child development years Yes Especially in your teens Early teens They're just I feel like those two

Was they were just Exposed with fame Exploited Exploited They were used Yeah They can't That's where you learn

You know Who you are Development You know In your mind So they were trapped They were trapped That's why Michael talked like a kid

And he would play with kids And like They just don't know how to function But this is So this is another one This is a Let me show you just this one more The way she says stuff is just

Okay, so a lot of my fans have been asking me A lot of questions Do you hear my comments I listened And so now I'm going to answer All of your questions The first question that you mainly ask me Is what my favorite song is

My favorite song is toxic That I have done And I have no idea What my favorite song In the whole world is I can't The way she's shaking Back and forth

That's my favorite place to visit My favorite place to visit is Hawaii And Turks and Caicos Turks and Caicos is a little bit more Jungly and more tropical There's not that many people there It's a small island And it basically has the cleanest food

The most beautiful ocean The spot is amazing Hold on Here you go That's my favorite place to visit This Okay, what's my favorite food Is a chili hot dog

And then If I had three wishes What would they be For love, happiness And a world supply Of designer clothes That's it Love

My three wishes Love, happiness And a world supply Of designer clothes Yeah Like this is strange Mine's love Yeah

Happiness Yeah And warzone So I mean if you You know what I mean If you And Japanese Rodin You were also an abused

Young Trapped Exploited person Yeah I just feel something's wrong It feels strange It feels like Like this

Even this photo That's like a scary That looks scary Yeah It looks like I'm like I'm not okay But just imagine being here Yeah

Right At 16 Being Like the most famous thing on earth Because I remember in In one of the Michael Jackson Documentary Where he was just kind of like

Can I meet her? Like he wanted to meet her Yeah And so that's how big she was Yeah When Michael Jackson Wants to meet you Either you're a boy

That's it Or you're a boy Or he thinks he can Make you look like a boy Or you know what I mean You're super like famous Do you think I can make You girl turn into a boy?

Yeah Yeah So and she was that big She was massive Massive Where But then when she Had a breakdown

She publicly had a meltdown And they put her Under this conservatorship And they say it's Not a big deal USA Today did an article New York Times did an article I mean this is like

A known thing Her family is like This is being blown out of proportion This isn't true But you look at a lot of this stuff It looks like it's a It's like a weird lonely It's strange

It's like Amanda Pines Right that was mental health too Right Like the Kanye thing Did you watch Kanye With Dave Chappelle on the ranch? No What?

It's the saddest It's the weirdest Did you know Did you know about this? No Did you know about Kanye To go like just See how he's doing

Because Kanye had that Do you see all the presidential He did like a Yeah but did you see like He did like a speech And was like I almost killed my daughter And he was bawling And no

No I'm sorry You gotta watch all this stuff Okay But Dave goes to his ranch It was Kanye Trump's Senior advisor Yeah

But he Dave goes out there to like Check in on him Flies, flies in And they're standing there In front of the video And they're just like He's like

Dave say something funny And Dave's like What? What do you mean? He's like Do something funny We all need We need happiness right now

Yeah And it just I don't know anything I don't know anything about this I was in the desert so I know It's just It's an

Unfortunately weird video And it's like It's on his Twitter It's really weird man Here we go Alright Dave Please

Just make us smile The world needs some You know We need some Some joy Yeah, we need a smile Brotherhood is real Love is real

Wait a second I'm still not smiling bro I was I was I was I was I was I was

I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was

I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was

I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was

I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was

I was I was I was I was I was that's a laugh and they walk away and he literally goes alright man peace like he gets on a plane and he leaves again yeah it was like a photo op I mean like yeah to Kanye Dave was going there to probably genuinely check on him be like

bro are you okay yeah I'm wondering about Kanye is does I mean I don't know the dynamics between Kim and Kanye but you know it's obvious to me that he has you know mental health issues yeah he needs to be on medication I don't know what his diagnosis is is it bipolarism I think he said he was bipolar bipolar yeah it's manic episodes yeah yeah yeah so um I'm wondering I mean if let's say Khalilah had these mental you know yeah I would and we were that rich right what would you do I would hire somebody just just that you're the pill guy you're the guy yeah that's what a conservatorship is that what Britney Spears

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I go Tito not Tito Frank Margo will be a woman Margo yeah Margo yeah Margo your she takes the pills in the morning yep at night and if she doesn't you have to see it go down her fucking throat yeah and if she doesn't eat that shit you're fired and Margo is gonna be like all right yeah and that's her job and I'll pay her $200,000 a year just to be the pill girl I don't give a fuck that's that's how important it is yeah if Khalilah was in the public eye right and I'm in the public eye and it's our job to have a certain image an image yeah right because Kanye starts going into these

mania and he that's when he goes to Trump where's the make America you know because it was attention-seeking it's he goes and then he goes when he went into a fucking rumor he went to an iPhone Max store yeah walked on stood on one of those tables I know if I stood on a table at a Max store imagine well everyone to pull out their phone and go what is Bobby Lee gonna do right if they wouldn't know they're like what's this fat Asian guy they don't Bobby Lee yeah they do yeah they don't know Bobby Lee yes they don't yes they do you walk in the Apple store they go Bobby Lee I have to do okay if I go to

Max store to two Asian nerds going oh big tiger belly fans and they just hide in the corner no I've had this yeah amen you should have had more than one line in the wrong missy because it's true that's the kind of recognition I get that's real fans no that's real fans that's real fans but so like I would have a fucking if I was Kim I would have just a pill guy yeah but this is an issue this is an issue that's greater than we could ever imagine why because it goes deep like this is a deep weird cut Kanye is Kanye is more famous than famous he's he is he he is a name that's synonymous with our industry not just

music anymore so he's a shoe mogul he's like people that know nothing about him know him he's but time there's layers of that I know there's so much to unpack it's hard and this is gonna be a very difficult thing to say but and people are gonna maybe argue with me what time will tell like for instance there was a time when Britney Spears was Kanye in terms of that kind of no no no Britney Spears was super famous not like Kanye Kanye and especially because now Kanye married the most famous family in Hollywood you're right so there now he's the roof all right okay but I would have to argue though Britney was up there

you would go to Nigeria and just go into a village and go do you know who Britney Spears like we have we have her shoots yeah so I don't know now we're talking you know so who's famed who's my family I don't know ten years from now yeah there might be a time a moment in life where most people don't know who he is yeah time will tell I don't I don't think I don't think so I think he's I think he's gonna last for a long time I just I'm afraid that this is the kind of stuff that Hollywood does and they don't give a shit about it they did this to this guy the system this weird game also I think marrying into that family is the

most toxic shit on earth I think being a part of that family is what ruined him 100% 100% what a crazy backwards family of people that are billionaires for being popular well let's I want to I've never released at said this but what is their talent the Kardashians I'll tell you is captivating America with looks and presence they're able to sell themselves as a whole I am the look that you want I do the things that you want to do their image so that's a talent they sell images okay it's obviously it is talented because it worked because there's a there was it's not a talent like your stand-up comic I'm not say I'm not I'm

not it has nothing to do with me I'm just asking a question yeah no no because I you know one day if this is what happens you wake up I remember one time this is a long time ago maybe 15 years ago yeah where I was I went to this a meeting that's in Cedar which is you know in hospital yeah and but next to it it's like rodeo and all that stuff right and I was getting when you go to Cedar Sun Eye the hospital this this Amy's on a Sunday if you walk two blocks on Robertson there's a fucking Starbucks there I know it so I would go to that Starbucks and one time I would I saw these three girls walking down and then

paparazzi taking photos yeah and then I remember going to another a guy going what the fuck who are they all those are the Kardashians you don't know them I never I at that time I'd never heard of them yeah and then over the years just kind of go you hear the name and then you see the billboards yeah and you turn on the TV and it and they're the center of the universe almost yeah and the but still the whole time you're asking what do they do what how do I see their talent it's not it's not me to for me to become a fan it's not a tangible talent it's not like so weird I know look I spent time hating it years ago being like oh gross

and now I just go no that's no talent they're selling something that people are buying so who's to blame so if I had that I would do it I just don't have it if you could just sell being Bobby as a look and be a billionaire if I could just stand like on you know rodeo drive please please please please please please please stand like this Bobby over here Bobby over here Bobby Bobby right here please please please and then they sell like I'll do something hand thing like this right and they'll sell like photos and then maybe moldings of the hand yeah and this is a thing if you if anybody on earth could sell themselves just as who

they are yeah I guess that is a make a billion dollars doing or is it luck no there's the mother is the great puppeteer she's the master manipulator is the one she's the wizard she's the wizard she's behind the curtain wizard yeah yeah I'll sell my daughters to play boy I mean that was the whole thing is they sold her sex tape and then she got famous after the sex tape and then the sisters got famous because they transformed on camera into like these these then they then they were the ones that started doing the butt implants and all that that became like a thing because they were part of this it's crazy yeah yeah

it's just because there's no way to like there is no what sucks about that you know yeah is there's no like there's no road to that like for instance accident if you want to become like you know you can be a kid and go I want to be in a cool fucking band yeah so then you just you earn your garage playing riffing guitar all night practicing all night long right and you get other people to do it and you experiment with sounds right and you just hard work you're on tour you know and that's a path right yeah and up we have a path as an actor there's always a path but with them it's like I want to be known yeah and how do

you and you just stand well now kids want to be social influencers that's what it is oh I just found out about that social influence you're an infant you paid to go I didn't really know what an influencer well you're an influencer I you know what you were really you know today I've been trying no you're an influencer I'm trying with you dude but you're really trying to fucking get at me I'm saying people like what you do so that so they I'm not an influencer you're an influencer influencing people to do what nothing yep I influenced people to do nothing no you influence people love your hairstyle that there's

a bunch of kids online that are doing your hairstyle now there's a ton of kids there's little Korean kids are doing your hair oh it's they're probably your influencer there maybe yeah kids are fucking going to cats and like taking off cat hair and just putting on their eyebrows that's what they're doing gluing it eyebrows and they're you have you have a tangible putting fucking real weird freckles little poop marks poop marks right and then also doing this like how do I become like that I want to be angry like him fuck you you know man they're doing that yeah influence people as well look you have a tangible

talent no I don't yeah you do all right fine extremely funny it's hard for it's hard for people to understand what their talent is and that's fine people don't like them my point is it's pretty brilliant that it worked okay pretty brilliant that it worked I get what you're saying here's all right so let's just get into it all right you know when I because I'm sometimes I ask myself like what is my talent and you're fucking no but listen when I'm doing this like right now right what I have to remind myself is it's just just be yourself just it doesn't matter because you know you can't in podcasting I know

people listen to some people listen to my shit and they go yeah he doesn't really know much or you know he says words wrong but that's just me just saying fuck it I just I don't care no filter you don't say words wrong yeah I don't know how to pronounce certain words but I guess they're the Kardashians are just being themselves or what they want to or what maybe that's no I think that that's essentially who they are maybe you know their father was a huge lawyer mm-hmm so they come from money and he and he repped probably the Simpsons yeah right right didn't he rep OJ amongst many other many other huge yeah many other huge and

the OJ thing crazy he was crazy yeah he never did anything wrong he's just a nice sweet dude he played football what he is that is he in prison for a Heisman Trophy that's probably what they got him for him too good yeah he didn't do it do you think OJ killed his wife rude I know wait wait she doesn't know who OJ I know get closer to the mic do you know who OJ Simpson is wow you never heard of OJ Simpson at all can you see his face no no no you can't see his face no that's gonna then you're just gonna make it out let me ask you this just by hand based on the name you think he's a white guy oh wow why is that why is that

OJ OJ what do you think OJ stands for I don't know orange juice no do you know what OJ stands for or in fall or enthal James James yeah or enthal James now if I told you or enthal James Simpson was is that something a black guy or white guy white guy yeah that's what do you think he did you just said that he killed his wife no he did not kill his wife it's hearsay and it's fucking all right let's you how about all right you're 18 you're 18 so how about 9 9 11 yeah but you know but you weren't here no that's crazy let me ask you about this you know who Rodney King is no no that was the 90s I just a matter it's like I know who Rosa Parks is

I don't happen the who's Rosa Park is that our landlord no that's not the old Puerto Rican woman that you know the triangle the musical oh the triangle the triangle yeah she invented that nice no so you don't know who that is so what else is another big thing well I'm trying to think of something like obviously you'll obviously all over north no that's probably you know who Martin Luther King was yeah I mean there's names that she shall obviously just recognize historical names that are where were you when JFK got shot do you know who JFK was yeah but I was on my dad I was in my dad's testicles testicles yeah

yeah get out of the way what come on what are you doing are you crazy John John stop stop they can't touch me something happened back there it was a miracle there's no more than you hear me a time's up oh man this end of the line we can take these guys yep we can take a gun you really are the Shanghai kid nice writing with you I know a female comic yeah so she was playing at a club the San Jose improv love I love that room great room and when she showed up

at the club very popular comic she goes where's the gum like she has a rider yeah she has a list of ten things that if that's not in the room mm-hmm she's gonna lose her mind mm-hmm she goes where's the Japanese gum you go they go the club goes all right the Japanese gum you asked for they don't sell it in San Jose and we had a we we didn't have time to go to San Francisco to get it she's like well I'm not doing the show really what I got cuz you needed the gum to do your comedy bit that's not me no I'm saying that out but I'm just telling you this and I'm just saying it to the universe right and so they go please do

the show it's so loud so in my writer it says I need the gum yeah right and my writer says I'm an asshole no yeah I'm an asshole no you're not getting the point of it no the point is you do stand up comedy and you don't need gum to do it fucking brad in brad all right go ahead so they go okay if you do show tonight right mm-hmm if you do the show that we'll get we'll get the guts so the next she does a show that they had this fucking guy kid drive to San Francisco drive to San Francisco and it's one of the rarest Japanese gum mm-hmm you could ever find he went to like 30 different places and he found he finally found it

sure it was a six pack it was the last one they had he brushes it took him eight hours to run comes back he sticks it in the green room Monday when they cleaning out the green room she didn't even touch it yeah that's so fucking rude and disrespectful to the guy that had to go get it the moral of the story is get the gum get the gum fuck that yeah that's the gum that's the moral yeah let me tell you let me when I in fact when I went there a month afterwards I went to the green room because my rider has zero on it nothing no good all I need I don't even need the green room I need a bottle of water and just have like the mic

working yeah right we're comedians yeah so that's what my rider is so the man it was like oh man last month tells me the story and I looked him right in the eye and I said you she got the gum huh she got the gum I go no when before she got there she's got the gum before you she got there huh he's like yeah yeah no yeah I disagree wholeheartedly fine if what you're asking for if what you're asking for has nothing to do with your performance yeah that idea of babying people has to go away no but my point wasn't just that I think what she did was ludicrous yes and insane yeah but their reaction right could have been

different no they could have been laughed laughed it off that's just the way it is what they should have said was it just the way we're not gonna go get you your gum some things will never change because you don't deserve it it's just the way because you're not even that good of a comedian some things what that's what I would sell more tickets than I do doesn't matter she sells more tickets than I do so that's you know it how about this how about this if I was a club manager hmm okay you're you're the person okay ask me about the gum you coming hey how's everything you are you ready for the big show tonight and we're

excited that you're here oh I'm playing her yeah um I'm not really that excited because oh my god is something wrong what happened yeah yeah I have a rider yes and we got we got everything that you had on your rider there is the pH balance bottle of water that you asked for over there is Laffy Taffy's we know you love Laffy Taffy's and we only got you banana cuz you're a big banana girl well it's funny and we got you deli left that off you left that off but what on the rider it does say banana so that's why you got it yeah we know you're a banana girl no it's not you know that I am it's just it's on the fucking rider right

on shit okay we know if you want a job uh-huh and I lose the attitude oh there is no attitude because I make so much we also got you know I'm talking stop don't talk to me like a child really I'll call Robert Hartman call you will be fired call him see that you wouldn't be a good manager no I wouldn't be a good manager because I don't couch out that this is what she would do okay so here we keep going but you have so we got you everything that was on your ride except for where's the Japanese gum what Japanese gum was there Japanese gum on the right look at the rider okay let me look real quick got that it's a 10

thing it's a 10 thing it's the 10 thing yeah dang we must not have got it can we get you other kinds of gum no I'm not doing the show because I want the gum oh wow you you won't do the show just because of the yeah and guess what hmm I'll play all the other improv's there are no consequences right because I make you guys so fucking much money and this attitude is what needs to change no no let's not only not only not only stay in the scene stay in the scene stay in the scene I think you're super disrespectful yeah I think that's really how about this as disrespectful mm-hmm I could call all the powers of B Judy Brown all the people

I can right who have anything to do with levity live or the improv and you'll not work here again let me see let me okay and that's fine because I'm a nice person I only asked for not a nice person I just only asked for not a nice person because we didn't get you gum and now you're throwing a fit about not going on stage because you're a fucking baby now act like an adult now act like a fucking adult and go do your goddamn bullshit comedy bit that isn't that fucking funny because you'll burn out in fucking ten years your dog shit as a comic I've seen 30,000 of you pieces of shit come and go this thing doesn't last

you mean nothing go do your jokes bitch or go back to LA fuck off that's what I would do wow that really got to you no but that's the kind of that's what needs that's what people like that need to hear you're not important bitch you mean nothing you will go away your comedy thing that you think is so important is fleeting bitch you're a fleeting thing they all quit they all die you go away you're a little fucking gum that has nothing to do with your bad act is worthless and meaningless like you so shut the fuck up go do your jokes take your money and go back to your fucking house and fuck off that's what I would

say wow comedy club and if a comedy I got you and if comedy club had that kind of owner and manager I would respect the fuck out of them because anyone close in two weeks no no it wouldn't because top top owners they know how to treat talent well without being disrespected Wendy at comedy works would never put up with you treating her staff like shit never if you fuck with her she'd go bitch you're out you'll never come back yeah you treat someone in their staff like shit bye bitch you don't come back to my club because every other comic will who does treat people well we'll keep coming back and we'll do fine

without you this little girl that you're talking about who means nothing in the grand scheme of things there's thousands of other better comics bye you don't come back to my club bye I love it I got you didn't I yeah I didn't I get you I got you there that's how I feel I know that's how I feel that's all I wanted to do with that story is to get me off is to get you there I don't like people that do shit like that I know I do fucking arenas with Joe Rogan I've never ever once seen him complain about what's in the fucking green room never guess what when we show up he's had the same rider for 20 fucking years he

doesn't even care what's in there they'll go Joe we got you the um this the deli meat and the Sam Adams ever can I get you guys anything else and they'll go no man we're good we usually don't even fucking touch the shit in the group it usually gets untouched unless someone comes in after the show and goes hey could I grab a Red Bull or can I have a whatever and he goes yeah yeah whatever it doesn't it doesn't matter it doesn't matter I did a show real comic I know I didn't show once it was a theater show in she I can't tell you who was involved but they wouldn't let me in the green room there's too many people the head

like I wouldn't know it was six it was like one of those shows there was six comics and stuff all right and it was so many people and I just hung out just outside in this alleyway on a stool smoking a cigarette they wouldn't let you in because no I did I did would but it was so many people was so congested and I remember they're coming out going somebody worked that working for the theater goes can I find you another I'm fine back here but didn't bother you no that didn't hurt that didn't bother you to know that like you couldn't be there be there with your peers that's disrespect bro I have a story that I

can't say it I know but I can't I don't get this person in trouble say it this is gonna drive you crazy maybe yeah well I want to hear it there's a kid that opened for me and he goes and they're doing a documentary about his life yeah so I was playing the Ontario improv and that burp yeah comes through clear it's nice so he comes to the Ontario improv and he goes he brings in a crew of five or six people what do you mean friends no they're shooting a documentary about oh okay so he's sitting in the green room and then they all order from the restaurant they're all eating in there yeah the server comes in they go can you

get you guys anything and they're drinking drinks or that they're shooting sure and I walked in there I was just like what's up man he's just shooting man okay can you yeah hey and then he goes hey man we're shooting can you close the door and he's opening for you yeah I go okay and I close the door and I just sat in the hallway in the back it's your green room I know why wouldn't you say you guys just can't shoot in here did they ask you or talk and then I remember at the end of the night the manager was like dude they spent like $1,800 worth of fucking food and drinks I could just take it out of my thing you paid for

that yeah Bob yeah that's not okay well he was dying but he's not dead is he no so you should send him a bill that's that is not okay I know but he was done apparently from what I heard that's why I did it I got he's dying yeah but that but but people need to know that that stuff's not okay and I want to go to him now they go hey man I think you're supposed to be dead you know he's like nah I hasn't you're supposed to die you're supposed to fucking die man if you don't die in the money $200 back yeah just the people's you know God you got me with that story you got me I did it just gets me amped up about people who have

attitudes in this business for no reason oh well you know what's worse is Eddie Griffin's thing you know his no Eddie Griffin has a thing is every show you need to give me number size 11 Nike shoes brand new before every show why that's just in his writer they buy him shoes yeah but then what happened was when he's this is when he was at his height and over the years he would do the road and people would get from and then one day some club owner said nah yeah that's correct we're not doing that yeah because the shoes don't have anything to do with anything he's like yeah man but it's in my ride and they're

like hey you're not drawing yeah you know you didn't sell out the room yeah so and also it's ridiculous so apparently now he gets only one pair for the whole weekend that's so stupid I know but why see that the nerve of people that think they can ask for it and the problem is if he did something great if behind the scenes we found out he gave those shoes away to people in need I would fucking love it right but that's not the case yeah he just wants the to take advantage of the system Steve McQueen he would ask are you sleeping no I'm so tired go ahead I swear I'm listening Steve McQueen would ask for the wardrobes and

every movie he ever did okay people would say well why do you want all the clothes and they used to make fun of him because he would take men's clothes women's clothes and they're like why what's his deal like that's weird they would label it as strange Steve McQueen was an orphan and little to those people know Steve McQueen would take all those clothes that he would end up getting from wardrobe if they said yes and he would go to orphanages and donate the clothes to make sure that those kids had new clothes more particularly Hollywood clothes from a guy really so he's an adult yeah and he he wears he's

a lawyer in a movie not just a fucking lawyer suit on lawyer goes to the fucking orphanage to go here's a full-grown men's fucking business suit Steve McQueen was five to a hundred pounds he was the average size of a why do you make up why do you make up stories that's a true story Steve McQueen used to go does a period piece you know I mean yeah here's a medieval armor yeah yeah where that you don't think a kid of the orphanage wants to walk around and chain link armor get your shit together man get my shit together I'm just trying to provoke you you're trying to piss me I'm getting there you already did the

story already got me yeah I'm getting you there I love it you're battling me I know can we say rest in peace to Regis Fildman who's that Regis died Regis Fildman died Regis kept Regis Kelly Lee Regis and really Regis from the morning show Regis do you know who Regis is Regis Fildman Regis Fildman he died you know Regis you've never seen this guy Bob you've never seen Regis Fildman he did the morning show I don't know a lot of newscasters I know who um he's it says he's the hardest working man in show business Wolf Blitzer he holds the

Guinness World Record for most hours on US television know him I know Wolf Blitzer holds the Guinness World Record for most hours on US fucking television you'd never heard of this guy Regis Fildman Regis and Kelly Lee I'm losing my shit you know he don't know who he is why you would try to shame me wait no hi you have to it's in movie it was in a movie I watch movies no he's like on TV every day if he died I'm sorry it's not your fault you didn't do it God bless you him him I mean was he good though he was so lovable Jimmy Kimmel put up a picture on his Instagram of him kissing on the mouth

it was really funny don't know Jimmy Kimmel you know I know who Regis Fildman is son of a bitch I knew you knew I know but I was fond of rest in peace rest in peace dude I love you man I really that's so sad he's on the trip right I turned to you don't he she doesn't remember but I turned to clown and go oh Regis Fildman just died so sad but he was 88 gun about to turn 89 next gun down in his prime yeah it was a shootout do you that's how he died yeah no he seriously it was a gun shootout you don't know that he died in a shootout he didn't yes he did I read he did I fucking read it if it was a gun shootout

what it would be all over the news what thank you for being a bad friend