Bad Friends - Fat King & The Lying Jester

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Starting point is 00:00:19 With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hey! Hey everybody, we're doing a Bad Friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA. Scary Time USA.

Starting point is 00:00:36 And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash bad friends. It's Thursday, October 24th. Yeah. At 6 p.m. we're gonna have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA. Hey dude, America dude.

Starting point is 00:00:49 Yeah, live stream. October 24th at 6 p.m. PST. We're live streaming it. So join us, moment.co slash bad friends. We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP after party after the show and active patron members can join the VIP after party for free. Free, Scary Times USA.

Starting point is 00:01:06 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! A white dude and an Asian dude. Woo! You two are disgusting. Woo! Oh, you two are something. We're bad friends.

Starting point is 00:01:17 Boop! Boop boop boop boop boop! Let me do the horn, will ya? Boop! Shashamanic baby, gone. But I learned about, can I tell you what? You know, how many, let me ask you, how many jazz musicians can you name?

Starting point is 00:01:32 Every single one. Well, give me 10. Coltrane. What's his first name? John. That's very good. This guy, dude? Thanks.

Starting point is 00:01:40 He knows everything. Keep going, dude. Miles Davis. Good. Muddy Waters. He's not in that. Muddy Waters is blues. He's not jazz. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:49 He's not in it. Okay. I refuse to let him in. Dizzy Gillespie. Dude, that was a good one, dude. Thank you. Dude, that's deep cut, dude. Dizzy Gillespie.

Starting point is 00:02:00 Go ahead, dude. Dizzy Gillespie. Yeah. Etta Fitzgerald, Ella Fitzgerald. Bro, deep cut. No, not really, pretty mainstream, go ahead. Mike Martinville. There's no Mike Martinville.

Starting point is 00:02:17 He used to be an insurance salesman and then he went to jazz. No, there's no Mike Martinville. Yeah, hi, I'm Mike Martinville. Oh yeah, okay, maybe. You don't remember him? Oh yeah, Avant Garde. Yeah, Avant, maybe. You don't remember him? Oh yeah, avant garde. Yeah, avant garde.

Starting point is 00:02:26 Avant garde. Is there a Mike Martin go? I don't think so. That's him right there. Oh, there he is. Right there. A Mike Martin. Okay, he went to Vale.

Starting point is 00:02:38 It's Martin Vale, no, he's hyphenated. He got married, he took her name. Super progressive for the 60s. What did you learn on this doc though? Ken Burns taught you what about jazz. What did you take away from it? It sucks. It really legitimately sucks.

Starting point is 00:02:53 No, jazz is great. It's terrible. But here's what I learned also. What I learned about it is, man, it's terrible. And also, I mean, cause I wanted to go through, I went through the whole thing and I was like, maybe this, from 19 wanted to go through, I went through the whole thing

Starting point is 00:03:05 and I was like, maybe this, from 1935 to 1940, maybe I'll like get into it. Right. But I never did. It never took. The only one that I really like is Billie Holiday cause she's so depressing. Right.

Starting point is 00:03:17 In my solitude. And I was like, kill yourself, why don't you? It's so depressing. She's like heroin. But you don't say the same thing about rock music that does sad, depressing stuff. Why? You just don't like the physical music.

Starting point is 00:03:36 I like her, Sarah Vonn's okay, but I just went through the whole thing and it's like, I just asked myself why. Why? Yeah, yeah. Well, it touches people in a certain way. Well, you know, Louis, goddamn, man. I know. What a guy. Died in 1971 and Duke Ellington died in 1974.

Starting point is 00:03:56 I just memorized. You just know when they die? No, I just kind of memorized random things, you know what I mean? Yeah, you should. In my mind, you know what I mean? So he died in 74 and pretty good. You know, modern day guy is a guy named Winton Marcellus. Ooh. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:12 I've seen him on Kill Tony. No. He's good. Yeah, no, he is good. That guy, dude. He is pretty good, dude. Look at him. His style is great. And then he had a brother named Brandon or Brandon Marcellus?

Starting point is 00:04:25 Marcellus Wallace. Oh, from Pulp Fiction. Marcellus Wallace is good? I heard it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny joke. And that bandaid in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone.

Starting point is 00:04:37 He can blow from the back of his neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a dolphin. You know where he's half dolphin? Yeah. Marcellus Wallace was half black, half's a dolphin. You know he's half dolphin? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're so small. He's half dolphin. Half dolphin, dude. You didn't know that?

Starting point is 00:04:50 Yeah. I almost watched Pulp Fiction last night. We were at the house that we stayed in at a little movie theater and instead we watched, there was a vote on what to watch and my vote didn't win, but I really thought it was going to win. What did they want to watch?

Starting point is 00:05:03 One guy wanted Terminator, another guy wanted Pulp Fiction, another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street, and I wanted Wayne's World, but Wolf of Wall Street won. Of course it did. Wayne's World is so funny, it's so funny. It's a great one. Front to Back is one of the funniest movies.

Starting point is 00:05:18 It's a great one. The amount of lines. But yes, I wanted something uplifting. Wolf is actually super funny, it's just I wanted Whackadoof funny. Right. But we were, dude, I forgot how actually super funny. It's just, I wanted Whackadoo funny. Right. But we were, dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was. It's pretty good. I forgot the scene with McConaughey

Starting point is 00:05:30 is so unbelievably funny. Yeah. When he's doing Rudy Tudors, when he's doing the little- You're gonna be so mad at me right now, dude. Why? I never saw the movie. You've never seen Wolf of Wall Street?

Starting point is 00:05:40 I refuse. Why? I don't like wolves. I really don't. I don't like wolves. I don't like that creature I really don't. I don't like wolves. I don't like that creature. You know what I mean? I like dogs.

Starting point is 00:05:47 You know what I mean? But I watch dogs in Wall Street. Yeah. That'd be fun, right? Little poodle. You know what I mean? Just a board room of dogs barking? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:57 I'd watch that. Nas-Tac or whatever, you know, they're in the Wall Street, whatever, you know? What do you do? What is that? Did you hear about this? How Brittany Furlans' dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news today? What do you mean it got attacked that? Do you hear about this? How Brittany Furlong's dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news today.

Starting point is 00:06:06 What do you mean it got attacked? Like in their house? Oh my God, in their house? Yeah, in the back. Whoa, in its mouth? Yeah, right there. That's fucking wild. And then what happened?

Starting point is 00:06:16 Is the dog alive? It died? I think we can't leave the dogs out. She says- They're safe. Yeah. Nina was safe. I gotta call her.

Starting point is 00:06:24 Don't leave the dogs out. No, no, should I call her? Can we play that song while she answers the phone? She's not gonna pick up from me. I'm gonna play Who Let the Dogs Out. Dude, wait, before, dude. But let me get her over first and then play it. Hold on. Well, let me get her, try to get her.

Starting point is 00:06:41 Yeah, before, before, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Is she gonna be mad? This is mean? This is mean the dogs alive the dogs alive. It's very funny though Please pick up Brittany, please pick up Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude. Wait, is she still there? Hello? Brittany, we love you.

Starting point is 00:07:13 We're just calling to make sure everything is okay. Well, hold on. That's amazing. Well, who did let him out though? Yeah. You know? That's so scary and sad though. What happened?

Starting point is 00:07:27 Eat your pizza, fat ass. Telephone number three. What did you get? From the Prince Street. Oh, it's so good. That's my favorite. Oh, it's the Britney forlorn, Britney forlorn. She picked, call me back.

Starting point is 00:07:37 Get the phone. Hold on. Hello? Oh my God, you're the devil. What do you mean? Get the dogs out? We heard that. We heard that. We heard that.

Starting point is 00:07:47 We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that.

Starting point is 00:07:55 We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that.

Starting point is 00:08:03 We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. We heard that. saw the video. We didn't know about it. And it looked, because we have dogs. It must have been a tantalizer. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It was awful. But we have to laugh at pain. Yeah, we have to laugh at pain and the dog didn't die.

Starting point is 00:08:12 No, I fucking pulled her out of its mouth. Is she injured? Oh my God, look at it. Oh my God, look at it. Oh, it's so bad. I'm so sorry. She's, she's like, I'm going to take her to the vet. She doesn't have any like puncture wounds or anything,

Starting point is 00:08:23 but when I touch her, she's starting to cry. So I think she might have something going on. I'm sorry. We're sorry. We're sorry. Can I ask you, what are you wearing while you're out there? It's in a robe. A bathrobe. Oh, I thought you were like,

Starting point is 00:08:35 you're not doing yoga or anything? No, I was just about to get in the shower. Oh, I see. Just like, it was fucking terrible. Yeah. I'm sorry. We're sorry. We're so sorry. Where's Tommy during this instance playing drums?

Starting point is 00:08:50 Okay, well tell him we said hi we love you so much you're on bad friends Hey, watch it. Well, wait, wait, what's your podcast called with Brittany? This is the worst. This is the worst check their podcasts out Yeah, we and we did we are we were we wanted to send you love We were initially called to say we're happy the dog's okay, but I just, I had, we had to play the song just to show you some love. You guys are literally Satan, okay.

Starting point is 00:09:15 I love you, bye. The dog's alive. It's alive. Rudy, you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dogs out? This is a big nightmare for me. Rudy, you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dogs out? Hmm. I don't know. I don't know. What? What?

Starting point is 00:09:27 I don't know. This is a big nightmare for me. This is nightmare fuel for a lot of people. It's a nightmare. Honestly, every time, so now at night. Yeah, yeah. This is during the day, which is even more insane, but they live in the hills.

Starting point is 00:09:37 Yeah. Where there's way more coyotes by you. Yeah, yeah. So down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood, but at night now, I walk with the dog in my arm, put her down to pee and pick her right back up. I used to let her out, but now I don't let her out anymore. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:09:51 Because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere. Isn't a cannibalistic? A coyote eating a dog? Well, they're the same species. It's like eating a monkey. We ate monkey last week. Oh, that's right.

Starting point is 00:10:02 Yeah, it was delicious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're really good monkeys. Spider monkey. They're so good. It's like, yeah, yeah, it was delicious. Yeah, yeah, it was a really good monkey. Spider monkey. It was so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're fun to catch. They are, dude. You gotta climb the tree, right? They made that noise.

Starting point is 00:10:11 Kee kee kee. And they hate it. But my point is, dude, I just saw a video. Did you ever see, did I send you this? Oh my God, I saw a video of a man eating a monkey. It was terrifying. Pull it up. On TikTok, I saw like a man cooking a monkey. It was terrifying. Pull it up. On TikTok, I saw like a man cooking a turtle.

Starting point is 00:10:27 I've said it once, I'll say it again. It's the greatest app ever created. Yeah, yeah. You can see a man eating a turtle. I got it, I got it. I got the monkey one. Wanna see it? We'll send it to Carlos so he can play it for us.

Starting point is 00:10:38 All right, so send us to... In the meantime, Jules, what's going on? Take a bite of that pizza. I know that's so good, isn't it? It's one of my favorite. Is this your favorite, the Naughty Pie? Naughty Pie is my favorite, by far. It's not even close.

Starting point is 00:10:50 It's the best. It's not even close. They're contending with some of my- Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go. Oh no. It's a big one. Oh, um. Snack each other.

Starting point is 00:10:59 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, dude. Snacking on some monk. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Just the spine. Oh. The spine. That's where some monk. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Just a, like, the spine. That's where the meat is, the spine.

Starting point is 00:11:10 It's insane dude. As he's eating him, he's like, I miss you George. Yeah, I was curious George. Curious George. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There he was. He got too curious George. I wanna add, my aunt in the Philippines,

Starting point is 00:11:24 she had a dog and then the dog escaped. Went missing? Yeah, and then there was like, like after a week there was a party, like her birthday party or something. Stop, stop. Stuff for that, I love it. I think I know where this is going.

Starting point is 00:11:44 Can we guess or no? Yeah. All right, so I love it. I think I know where this is going. Can we guess or no? Yeah. All right, so dog's missing. Yeah. Now there's a party, okay? What kind of party, is it a birthday party? I think it was hers, I don't remember, but there was a party.

Starting point is 00:11:55 There was a party. Yeah. And people were just, dun, dun, dun, party, right, bum, bum, right. Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh. Oh boy, I'm hungry, are you hungry? Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.

Starting point is 00:12:05 Hungry, hungry. Oh, did you get a Jollibee? Who got Jollibee? Anybody? No, nobody got Jollibee. Oh, fuck. And then what happens? And then her father said like, oh, try this.

Starting point is 00:12:21 Oh, okay. What's his name, the father? I don't, I- When someone says, try this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try this. Oh, okay. What's his name, the father? I don't, I- When someone says, try this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try this. In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party.

Starting point is 00:12:32 Everyone, try this! Try this! Yeah, yeah. Music stops, DJ stops, right? And then they look at the dad and do they go, what is it? Yeah, she asked like, what is it? And then he just said, chickens, just chicken. Just chicken, just chicken.

Starting point is 00:12:50 Out of nowhere, chicken? Yeah. OK. OK. Just out of the blue, chicken. So she ate it. Where did you get the chicken? I don't know, but she ate it.

Starting point is 00:13:00 And she said, oh, it's really good. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, OK. And then? And then the father laughed and said, oh, it's really good. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, and then? And then the father laughed and said, oh, it's your dog. Oh my God. Which is the oldest prank in the- It's the oldest trick in the book.

Starting point is 00:13:11 It's the oldest prank in the book. It's really a fun, it's a fun prank. People think it tastes like a cross between beef and mutton. Very funny. Wow. Terrible. Would you be mad? If you ate my fucking dog?

Starting point is 00:13:24 But in that context. Oh, if someone fed me my dog? You're having a party. Yeah. Right? I come in. Yeah. Hey, eat this! Right?

Starting point is 00:13:34 And it's my dog? And then you ask me. Yeah. What is this? Chicken. Oh. It's fucking chicken, dude. It's dark.

Starting point is 00:13:42 Eat it now. Oh, delicious. Yeah, yeah. And I go, ha ha ha. Me and Carl, Carl, are you there? Yeah. You're obviously there. You have to help. Who else helped do it?

Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah, yeah. Blood on my shirt. Yeah, would you help? McCone, no, McCone wouldn't help. Well, what did you do? Did you crockpot it? Did you put it in the oven? I wanna know how you made it.

Starting point is 00:13:58 We boiled it. You boiled it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Terrible. Yeah, and then you ate it, and then I go, it's your dog. Let me tell me the consequences now. I'll tell you the direct steps of action.

Starting point is 00:14:08 Tick, tick, tick, I walk in the kitchen, grab a knife, thing, and I stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, I stab you to death. And then I serve you at your own funeral. Oh, a wall, dude. Pretty good. That's really. Pretty good. Yeah, that's, you know, it was a prank, dude.

Starting point is 00:14:23 A little too far, it was a prank, dude. A little too far. It was a prank. See, some people can't take pranks. That's right. You know, it's like, you know that sometimes, you know that tree prank where people are like a tree or a bush. And they scare people.

Starting point is 00:14:35 And people walk by and people use, their general reaction is, ha ha ha, you got me, right? But sometimes you'll see a guy kick him. Yeah. Right, and they're like, oh, you can't take it. That's you. Kick the tree guy? Yeah, you have to kick the tree guy. There's one clip on the internet

Starting point is 00:14:48 that tree guy jumps out at a handicapped girl and he feels terrible. I love it. He scares her. She starts crying. I see it. It's awful. I love it. This is awful.

Starting point is 00:14:57 It was on TikTok. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. I got you. Did I scare you?

Starting point is 00:15:07 What an asshole. See? Now this is why guys like me kick the Bushman. Because you do that to a handicap girl and you ruin her day. How do you feel now, pal? How do you feel now, pal? He wants to watch it again. Can we play to the end now?

Starting point is 00:15:24 Where's the feeling bad part? Does he come out? Is she okay? No, she's not okay. I try to scare you. Is she okay? Is she all right? Sorry about that.

Starting point is 00:15:38 No problem, that's just gonna ruin that guy's day. Can I throw something out there? I don't know, it's not that popular. Something. A popular idea, but. No, forget it. Go ahead. I just.

Starting point is 00:15:54 No, go ahead. I don't wanna give it a. Let's give it a go. Yeah, yeah. This process of elimination. You think this is Darwinism? I just, you know, survive, I don't know. Survival of the take the jokist of it.

Starting point is 00:16:07 Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah. If you can't take a prank, you don't deserve to live. That's not what I was saying. Prank or die. That's not what I was saying. Welcome back to prank or die. Yeah, anyway, wow, that's incredible.

Starting point is 00:16:21 I don't like the Bush man prank. You know what I do like though? Even as a golfer, I like the guys that go to the public course and the guy, they honk at their air horns with the guys around the tee box. They get so mad. I think it's so funny and they freak the fuck out.

Starting point is 00:16:33 These guys, and they'll do this in LA. They go to these golf courses and they hide, they hide behind like a wall of trees. And then as soon as the guys are swinging, watch this. I've always wanted one of those outfits. Me too. Can you get me one of those guys?

Starting point is 00:16:51 Yeah. Don't he fucking shat himself. The real flagrant ones, the guys will be standing there. They'll just stand. Can you push pause for a second? Would that bother you? It would shock me the first time. Then I would realize someone's obviously fucking with me.

Starting point is 00:17:18 Would it bother you? A little bit. I don't think a little. No, but then I would know it's a prank and you'd get over it at some point. No, that's the top one. They do it the whole time though. The first one's gotta be it.

Starting point is 00:17:28 The whole game. Oh yeah, drive me nuts. Well, they're not there the whole time. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Starting point is 00:17:41 Uh-oh. By the way, the Asian, the guy that picked us up today, the driver that picked us up from the airport, he, dude, this is why I love Asians. I love Asians. Okay, good. This is seriously, you know, you're my favorite people on earth.

Starting point is 00:17:53 He's an Uber driver, he was in the non-Uber lane, he was in the lane he's not supposed to pick people up in. Cop comes over, starts yelling at him, pretends he doesn't speak English. He was like, and the guy's like, what don't you understand? I'm calling the cops.

Starting point is 00:18:09 And he's like, then we get in the car, he's like, sorry about all that. It's the best. Genius. It's the best. Cause if the guy says anything, he's racist. You being racist to the guy,

Starting point is 00:18:21 he's just an Uber driver, doesn't speak English. Perfect. I wish I could still do that. You can, you can get away with it. I can't, because sometimes people know who I am. So you never know. I guess that's true. But back in the day, you could do it all the time.

Starting point is 00:18:31 All the time. Like during fucking Virginia Tech. What do you think I did? Me no. Yeah, Korean, hi, Chinese. Yeah. Right? You could do that.

Starting point is 00:18:42 Yeah. Yeah. Not anymore, you're too anymore. You're too famous. You're too famous. Yeah. I get asked about, people ask about you so much now. It's like- They love you, dude.

Starting point is 00:18:51 Really pissing me off. I was telling you that yesterday, dude. They love you. That's nice. It is nice. It is nice, isn't it? Yeah. Eat your pizza.

Starting point is 00:18:59 I want to know what's going on in your world for real though. Take a bite. No, take a bite. What is this? I saw her. This is fantastic. This is fantastic. I too love Chinese food.

Starting point is 00:19:24 I too love Chinese food. I know you do. I know you too. You know they got- I too love Chinese food. I too love Chinese food. I know you too. I too love Chinese food. Yeah. But you know in five years where she's gonna be. Where? It's a fetish. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:42 In five years, dude, she can be living in fucking Thailand, dude. If you have long fingernail all painted in five years, dude, she can be living in fucking Thailand, dude. Really? If you have long fingernail, all painted in pink, hot pink. Wow. Right? She's gonna have a weird surgery.

Starting point is 00:19:51 Oh. She is. She is? Yeah, yeah. You think this girl, that's the path she's taking? Yeah, yeah. She's gonna have a boyfriend that has a moped for sure. Get down.

Starting point is 00:20:01 Beep, beep. Beep, beep, right? And this is a- This is a- This is a- This is a fetish, intro to fetish. It's also a dark path she's leading. Really? We have to stop it now.

Starting point is 00:20:11 We have to cut this off? No. I think you gotta let it run. Oh, you do? Yeah. Why? Well, you like white girls. Why can't other,

Starting point is 00:20:18 why can't Chinese guys have white girls? That's- So you're blocking Chinese from getting white girls? I don't, yeah. You only like it. If it was, I like Korean food. That'd be better. That song doesn't exist.

Starting point is 00:20:30 It doesn't, yeah. Alison Gold. Alison Gold. It's a deep, okay. Well, it's from a long time ago. With Billboard Hot 100 singles, what the fuck? It entered the Billboard Hot 100 singles, dude. Click on her profile.

Starting point is 00:20:43 Where is she now? Yeah, where is she now? I bet you she's in Thailand. She released another single. It did not chart. It was just the alphabet, a portion of it. God. She does know that someone already captivated that market.

Starting point is 00:21:01 Yeah. ABCDEFG. The guy that wrote that, ABCDEFG, A, B, C, D, E, F, G. The guy that wrote that, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, H, A, K, L, M, N, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, H, Y, Z. Billionaire. Really? Billionaire. I don't even know if I know the song anymore.

Starting point is 00:21:15 A, B, C, D, E, F. Oh yeah, that one. There's another Big Talk song about A, B, C, D, E, F, G, too. What is it? A, B, C, D, E, ABCDEFU and your mom and your sister. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, dude. I don't like that kind of stuff.

Starting point is 00:21:31 I don't like that, it's too aggressive. I don't like that kind of stuff. Yeah. If you and your mom and your sister? Yeah. What about your brother and your dad? I think she also says that. Yeah, she gotta get the whole family.

Starting point is 00:21:40 What's that? That I don't like. It's the video. That's the music video. For what? For ABCD. Hey. Oh, yeah. You were wrong I don't like. It's the video. That's the music video. For what? For ABCD. Hey. Oh, yeah. You were wrong about the fetish.

Starting point is 00:21:49 Oh yeah. She's- What, I wasn't wrong. I don't know. I don't know. It went darker than I thought. Yeah. Right?

Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah. Now I know what happened. Right. It was like Asians were her like, you know, cigarette. Right. Right. Oh. Right. The intro. Right, Asians was, right? You know, she's like 14, you know, cigarette. Right. Right. The intro.

Starting point is 00:22:06 Right. She's like 14, you know, yeah, I like Chinese food, right? And then at 16, right? She's wearing a Supriro. Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions,

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Starting point is 00:25:06 Lots of delicious flavor to choose from. We all have bad habits too, right? Well, sure. One of mine is I peel the skin from the bottom of my foot. Oh, you really do do that. Yeah. And you eat your boogers. Okay, anyway.

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Starting point is 00:25:56 on the screen to get a free gift with your order today. Is Asian fetish really bad? Like what if they really like love the person? That's impossible to like Asians that much. It's person? That's impossible to like Asians that much. It's incredible. It's impossible to like Asians that much. No, I mean, that's not true to say that. It's impossible to love Asians that much is not a truth.

Starting point is 00:26:16 It's the most insane thing I've ever heard. Of course, I'm kidding. No, what do you mean? Is it bad to fetishize? Like they have an Asian fetish, but once they meet up and like get together, they actually love the person. Of course.

Starting point is 00:26:30 You said, well, fetish- They just like, they just also just like the Asian side. But he said, when you say fetish, I think he's saying when you fetishize something, it's almost like you- Doesn't make any sense to me. You don't respect it. So if you're only like peanuts, oh, is that any sense to me. You don't respect it. So if you only like peanuts,

Starting point is 00:26:45 oh, is that right? Zoom in. And you're eating peanuts. It's a desire with gratification strongly linked to a particular object, activity, the part of the body, other than the sexual organs. So you're fetishizing something.

Starting point is 00:26:59 Yeah, but without the race or whatever that is. You wouldn't like them. Right. So you like the thing? That has to be a part of it. Do you have any fetishes? Is there a white fetish? Well, I mean, numbers don't lie, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:27:15 We're doing pretty good. Oh, the girl that you met yesterday, would you think she was white? No, but I'm just saying- What was she last night, yesterday? Mexican? Exactly, thank you. I'm just saying- But yes, there's a white? Mexican? Exactly, thank you. I'm just saying-

Starting point is 00:27:25 But yes, there's a white fetish. For minorities to like whites, there's of course a white fetish. There's minority women that have fetishes for white guys. There's a girl that I'm seeing now that her previous last four boyfriends, she's white, have been Asian-y. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:38 Either half or full, right? This goes both ways on all sides. Okay. Everyone has a, if that's your flavor, the Kardashians, they only date black guys, except for the one. Which one? I don't know the name. There's one girl that doesn't date the black guy.

Starting point is 00:27:53 She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show. Courtney? Yeah. Oh, Travis Barker. I mean, he painted himself enough. Oh my God. Wait, wait, wait. White with some.

Starting point is 00:28:04 What are you trying to say? I got it. He has so much tattoos that he's trying to be black. Or he's not white anymore. Completely white. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

Starting point is 00:28:15 Jesus Christ, look at that. That is legit. Yeah. That's all of them. That's all of them. You think that's sexy? Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:28:23 You're full. You ever go to a tattoo artist and he goes, you're full. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're done. The tattoos on the head thing is mind blowing to me. That would hurt so much. Well, you've never had a tattoo, right? No, but I just-

Starting point is 00:28:34 It doesn't hurt. The head tattoo just gotta hurt. I don't know, people go, it doesn't, have you had a tattoo? No. It doesn't really hurt that much. The head's gotta hurt. Look at this, the temple.

Starting point is 00:28:42 The eyeballs maybe, but not the head, right? This temple is so sensitive. Maybe, maybe you're right. I mean, I don't want it. Look at this, the temple. The eyeballs maybe, but not the head, right? This temple is so sensitive. Maybe, maybe you're right. I mean, I don't want to, I'm not gonna do it. I just can't, I can't imagine the head, the most sensitive areas are your neck, your vagina, your butthole, the back of your, in front of your knees, and your feet.

Starting point is 00:29:02 Yeah. That's why when you see those, is it- The tongue. The Maori, is it? The tongue. The Maori, is it the Maori people that get the? All right. That is, that must be so painful right here. Because it goes from your lip to your neck line. Do people get them on their gums?

Starting point is 00:29:16 People get them in their mouth all the time. On the gums. They say they, it doesn't hurt. In here? Yeah, it doesn't hurt. You don't have any tattoos, are you? Oh, whoa, look at that. That looks cool, dude.

Starting point is 00:29:27 You have a what? The black? That has the tattoo. That looks like you. What, because I have gingivitis? What are you talking about, dude? Dude, this guy. What is wrong with you today?

Starting point is 00:29:38 I already told you I have some bad things that are happening and then you're like, and then you're just attacking me like that. He's not attacking you. You do have gingivitis. Does it look like I have black gums? No. Honestly. No, they're like brown.

Starting point is 00:29:53 Yeah, but is that bad? They're not black, they're Mexican. I know, but have you looked at, I'm not being paranoid. Your teeth look totally normal to me. So you never, because you never said anything like, hey, dude, you should get that. Let me see, smile.

Starting point is 00:30:04 You have great teeth. Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then? He, hey, dude, you should get that. Let me see, smile. You have great teeth. Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then? He's just egging you on. A joke about that. I'm sorry. Okay. Do you ever go to the dentist? No.

Starting point is 00:30:14 Yes, the guy from Glendale, whatever. You've seen that guy, right? Yeah. Yeah, I like him. How often? It's been like eight years, but yeah. Bill, there's a tooth hanging out, right? Put it back in. Yeah, yeah. Be honest with me.

Starting point is 00:30:26 Yeah. Have you flossed ever? I flossed lately, yes, now I get it. Every day? I've been trying to, yeah. How many days a week, really? Because of the beef. Well.

Starting point is 00:30:37 What? So in Hawaii, they had that dried beef jerky. You have like crispy beef jerky chips. I love that. Right? Yeah. But for some reason they get lodged in between my teeth and they stay in there for like three days.

Starting point is 00:30:49 No, no, no, no. Buddy, you gotta floss it out. I know, but so one had been, and I was with somebody and she was like, it smells like that beef jerky. I haven't had beef jerky in three days. You're like, I know, isn't it good? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:58 And then I realized there was like in between my teeth, beef jerky, so I flossed them out. That happens. That's not embarrassing. That happens all the time. Beef jerky in the teeth? That happens to all of us. All the time.

Starting point is 00:31:13 Yeah. Okay. You're not alone on this island. Yeah. Yeah. You feel better? I guess you're right. Thank you. Yeah, I just, you know, you attacked me with that. Who, me?

Starting point is 00:31:24 No, he's attacking the shit out of you today. What's your deal? Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people? I don't know, I just feel good. You feel. Oh, is that what it is? When you feel good, you like to attack, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:38 It's so funny. But it's never him though, have you noticed that? And I'm not complaining, I'm grateful to be here, but I'm just saying, I love the show and I love you guys, but I just kinda, I look at it and I go, why him? Why not him, I mean grateful to be here, but I'm just saying I love the show and I love you guys. But I just kinda look at it and I go, why him? Why not him, I mean. He talks shit about me. Yeah, but he never, not on the show though.

Starting point is 00:31:51 He's not around, yeah. Yeah, when I'm not around. You're gonna go, hey Andrew, your skin's too pink, go ahead. Cause Andrew's scarier than you. Thank you. Oh, that's right. So if everyone, let's get into that. If people don't know about the show.

Starting point is 00:32:05 What's your, what are you doing with your face? I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say. Right, so the power dynamics of the show is, what? Here we go. Here we go. So the power of the dynamics of the show is, Andrew is, let's suppose that this is a kingdom, right? That he would be the, you know, um. The king?

Starting point is 00:32:25 The false king. Right? He's like, the false king. He's the king, but not like blood. He's not royal blood. That's a redhead thing? No, it's not a redhead attack. Like I'm not born pure?

Starting point is 00:32:41 Like I'm a mutt? But the blood's not pure, no. Okay. Yeah. And that's not, you're the king. I just gave you the props. And what are you? That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm the king.

Starting point is 00:32:55 I have pure blood, dude. Yeah, yeah. But I let you, you know what I mean, sit on the throne. Right? I let him sit on the throne and I'm like, kind of like, you know who I am? Louis the 15th. No, Aragorn. I don't know who that is.

Starting point is 00:33:08 From Lord of the Rings. He's supposed to be the king, right? Strider. Right? I'm supposed to be king, but I'm out, you know what I mean, defending. You do have a lot of similarities to kings. Bloated, gout ridden. Yeah, yeah. But here's the, there we go. Okay. Look up Fattest King's the, there we go. Okay. Look up fattest king. Yeah. There you are. Beep bop boop.

Starting point is 00:33:31 It is in yellow. Ironically. There you are. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Henry the eighth, right? He was a glutton. It wasn't Henry the eighth,

Starting point is 00:33:38 like the fattest fucking king of all time. That's him. Look at the size of this moose. Yeah. Half Asian. So anyway, let's be real. Look at the size of this moose. Yeah. Half Asian. So anyway, let's be real. You're the king. You're the real king.

Starting point is 00:33:50 No, here's the power dynamic for the show, okay? Is you are the boss. So I know it's a 50-50 enterprise, but I let you, I don't let you, you make most of the decisions. Am I not right? Let's be honest. Let's be real.

Starting point is 00:34:09 Well, someone has to get up and do it. Exactly, and I let you do it. No, no, no, I have to do it. You have to do it. If I don't do it, it doesn't happen. But I also go do it. No, you never have told me. Yeah, I go, get it.

Starting point is 00:34:19 No, you say, you're too lazy to do it. That's not it. That is 100% true. That's insane. No, I'm a guy that goes, you know what I mean? I understand, but I'm gonna let him make the decisions. That's not true. You don't have the knowledge of the wherewithal. In fact, you don't even communicate

Starting point is 00:34:33 with your fucking assistant of your own schedule. How could you make decisions if you don't even know how to schedule your own life? I purposely do that so I give you the fucking- No, you do that because you're fucking lazy. I'm not here. Dude, bro. You started this.

Starting point is 00:34:44 I'm not, no. You fucking started all this., bro. You started this. I'm not, no. You fucking started all this. Dude, I'm not, dude. Did I start this? I'm not, I'm not. You fucking started it. I'm not starting anything. I'm just telling you what the power dynamics of the show.

Starting point is 00:34:54 I'm letting the people know how the show is run. They know. They all fucking know. Okay, I wanna, I don't know. Do you think they think? That's what I don't know and I wanna know. You think they think the slept king is the organizer? They know not.

Starting point is 00:35:10 Okay, they know not to know. They know not to know. Yeah, okay. They know that you are a beautiful entity that needs its beauty rest. Right, so. And I like to organize. Right, so you're the organizer, right?

Starting point is 00:35:21 It is a 50-50 enterprise. 100%. What are you laughing? On camera. Oh, what are you saying? Off camera it's not, off camera it's, you don't organize any of this bullshit. No, but it's a 50-50.

Starting point is 00:35:36 Talent wise. Yes. Talent wise. Yeah, you're my brother. Right, right. Well, okay, 45-45, 10. Right. She's very talented. Very talented.

Starting point is 00:35:46 She's such an important part of the show. And these three guys take them or leave them. Yeah, and then these guys act as buffoons. Puppets. No, these guys act as a very integral part of the organization. We need them. We need them very much.

Starting point is 00:35:58 So in terms of my relationship with them, it's, they're pretty much, aside from Andreas, these two are more handlers for me. You're the wacky uncle who comes into town. So this is what pissed me off today. I'm gonna just go get into it. Let's get into it.

Starting point is 00:36:15 I'll show it. I'll show it right here, dog. So shoot, move to 7.30 tonight, he says. But then I emphasized it two hours later because he did it. Exclamation marks, which made me mad. Yeah, you, you can't do that. You can't do that. That doesn't make sense. Because then I said to you that like he already gave me the information. Yeah, I just like I don't act that,

Starting point is 00:36:32 you know, I'm in direct contact with him 24 seven. Oh, what about David Spade? I slipped through that. I made a mistake, but that has nothing to do with me not knowing. I knew I would get in trouble for that is what I'm saying. So I want it to be on top of it. I would get in trouble for that, is what I'm saying. So I wanted to be on top of it. Andrew would get mad at me if you were here at a weird time. Okay. I don't know why you brought up Spade. That was a bad move.

Starting point is 00:36:53 It was, it was, it was evidence. Cause why are you poking the bear? You're poking the bear, dude. Cause he was really, he was 40. Should I get mad? Should I get mad? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're poking the bear, dude.

Starting point is 00:37:03 Why'd you bring that up? Bro, what did you do before the shoot? What shoot? You peed on this one. We're on right now. I can't believe Bro, bro, bro. I can't believe that you are you're soaked with lies Dude, you're the lying fucking gesture. In this kingdom, you're the lying gesture, dude. And you, dude, some people, you're the guillotine, dude. In the medieval times, you've been the guillotine. What are you trying to accuse me of?

Starting point is 00:37:33 Peeing on the court jester's coach. Okay. Say what you're claiming. Yeah, what are you claiming? He peed on my Mercedes that he bought me, basically. He peed on your car. That I bought me basically. What? He peed on your car. That I bought. Do you have any proof of this?

Starting point is 00:37:48 I took a video of Andres looking at a puddle and we can go lick it and see if it tastes like pee. Send McCone out there to lick it. McCone, go lick. No. Wait a minute. You're claiming that Bobby urinated on your vehicle. Yeah, and like where you would pump the gas too,

Starting point is 00:38:04 so I have to touch that area now. Bob, did you pee on his car? You saw me here, right? I didn't see you pee on his car. I know, but did you see him? Yeah, so you had your eyes on me the whole time. I've seen you the whole time. Right.

Starting point is 00:38:14 Did I pee on his car? You smoked a cigarette, I didn't see it. I didn't see that. And the case is closed. And that, apologize. I just feel like the system in this kingdom is so corrupt. No, apologize, dude. For being soaked in lies. I just feel like the no I'll be in this kingdom is so Apologize there For being soaked in line. I'm a man and this brother now, dude. You're I'm gonna watch I've seen the document

Starting point is 00:38:31 I'm gonna do I can't wait to see it. I'm gonna watch it tonight, but apologize, please Interesting no, dude. I can't you peed on my car. I can't be on your car, dude You know what? I feel like fucking insane. I didn't pee on your car. You're telling everybody I did not pee on your car. It's illegal to what like it's public indecency or whatever. That's insane Apologize I'm sorry sir. Okay. I peed on your car Get on your car dude. I peed on your car. That was a good liar. Yeah. Hey what? What's up? I was just gonna say that. That was a good liar. Yeah, yeah. Hey, what, what were you gonna say? I was just gonna say that Tito Bobby has a tendency

Starting point is 00:39:08 to do that because he even pees on a cup in his room. Yes, he will pee in a cup in his room. Okay, what? Sometimes. No, what are you saying? Well. That's next level. I don't pee in the cup in my room.

Starting point is 00:39:22 That's crazy. Okay, when in the garage in your gaming room where I have to clean. Okay, back then I did. You're saying the past. Couple years ago. Yeah, yeah. Because it was so far down and I'm playing, listen,

Starting point is 00:39:35 when you're playing Warzone with your fire team. You can't walk away. Right? And I'm like, and I had to pee real bad. I'm like, hold up, right? And I'm like, and I had to pee real bad. I'm like, hold up, right? And I'm like, I'll crouch down, and then I'll, you know, pee in a cup. I'm here, I'm still here, right?

Starting point is 00:39:53 And then I'll pee, and then I'll go, I'll do this later. What kind of cup? Like a- Sometimes it was like- Coffee cup? No, like a, sometimes a coffee cup, but sometimes also like, sometimes like an empty bottle of water, like plastic.

Starting point is 00:40:04 Wow, you can get it in there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:12 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a thin dig, dude.

Starting point is 00:40:18 All right. I have a thin dig, right? That's rude. I've seen it, it's great. All right, what you're doing is rude. I didn't. I'm sorry. He did pee on your car, it was very funny All right, what you're doing is rude. I didn't. I'm sorry. He did pee on your car, it was very funny.

Starting point is 00:40:27 We were laughing so hard. We did it as a joke. Yeah. I go where the laugh is. He goes right for the laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, then be honest on your side. If we're gonna be honest over here

Starting point is 00:40:36 that he peed on your car, he did not pee on, he peed on your tire. Yeah. He peed on your wheel. No, well- Am I wrong? I think you are, well. Am I wrong? I think you are, actually.

Starting point is 00:40:45 Where did he pee? Just above the tire and it hit the body of the car. I wanted to hit the whole tire. I don't have a half a tire, dude. If you don't, he's right though. You gotta start with the top. Well, cause angle wise, it has to go. I see, okay.

Starting point is 00:40:59 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense, okay. Sprinkle. Yeah, I mean, I could have opened the door and peed inside. It was. That would have been bad. That would have been bad. Yeah, yeah,, I could have opened the door and peed inside. It was. That would have been bad. That would have been bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:08 You're welcome then. Thank you. It was unlocked. He could have crossed the line there. Yeah, I'm sorry. Where's the weirdest place you've peed? What's the strangest, in a mouth? You have peed in someone's mouth.

Starting point is 00:41:21 Have you peed on somebody? Yeah. You've done that. Yeah. And they said, please pee on me. They were like into it. I know where I peed and I can't say, I'm going to get in trouble for this. Please. Please. I'm going to get in so much trouble for this. Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. Hey, from the launcher online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the, we just hit a million order stage, Shopify is there to help you grow.

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Starting point is 00:44:28 It's happening now at BHP, a future resources company. To discover how, visit bhp.com slash better future. I peed at the, right on the side of the stage. No way, no way. Yeah, because have you been there? Yeah. So you have to walk to the backstage.

Starting point is 00:44:47 There's no bathroom back there. The only way to go to the bathroom is through the front of the fucking venue. And you had to pee so bad. So I'm back there and they're about to bring me up and I'm like, oh, fuck, I gotta pee. And I just peed on the wall. Wow. Yeah, yeah. A lot?

Starting point is 00:45:02 As much as I peed on his car. That's a lot. That was a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a huge puddleed on his car. That's a lot, that was a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a huge puddle. In my mind, I was like, while I was on stage, I was like, I'm gonna clean it when I get off. I was gonna spray it down. With what?

Starting point is 00:45:12 With a hose nearby? No, like a bottle of water or whatever. Just to wash it away? Yeah, wash it away, yeah, yeah. And I completely forgot. Well, you know now, sorry. Yeah, but I love that club. Please, I'm gonna work it again.

Starting point is 00:45:25 I'll never do that again. Okay. Okay. Where's the weirdest place you've peed? I'm a girl. I can't just pee anywhere. I wish I had a dick. No, you don't wish you did had a dick. You don't.

Starting point is 00:45:35 Or like a dick. Yeah, dick tube? Yeah, dick tube. A piss tube. You guys should have a piss tube. They make those. Well, that's cool. That's cool.

Starting point is 00:45:43 You're gonna get one of those. Yeah. That is very cool. That's's cool. You're gonna get one of those. Yeah. That is very cool. That's pretty cool. You pee anywhere. Yeah. I was on a radio station once and my ass crack was so exposed on their white couch, then it left a brown streak.

Starting point is 00:45:57 Right? And so the next time I was at the radio station, they got a new couch, but they cut out the streak and they framed the fucking. That's really cool. It was really in my honor. Would you ever get a piercing on your balls? That would be cool to do, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:46:12 On my balls? People pierce their nuts all the time. No, no, no. The Prince Albert goes through your wiener, but the other one just goes through your balls. Scrotum piercing. That'd be tight, a little dumbbell right there. Or a little, just like a little nose ring,

Starting point is 00:46:27 but on your balls. There's like a porn guy that I remember that had- Wait, go back to that other one. There's a porn guy that has- The piercings in the- In a weird way, that could be like Dune part three's fucking poster. In a weird right right, Dune three, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:46:44 Dune, well that'd be Dune two. And you're like, whoa, look at those hills. That's Dune two, two rings. Two rings, yeah, dune three, you know what I mean? Well, that'd be dune two. Oh, look at those hills. What? That's dune two, two rings. That's dune two, two rings, yeah, yeah. Wow, look at that. Okay.

Starting point is 00:46:51 That's a, this is a thing that, oh my God. Oh yeah, yeah, okay. No thanks. Yeah, pass. I pass on that. You know what we should do? We should get your tongue pierced, Bob. No, I'm not.

Starting point is 00:47:00 Please? No, I'm not getting piercings through that. That's a stupid thing. How about your nose? I don't want to do any of that. Your septum, you'll never see. Yeah, I'm not getting piercings through that. That's a stupid thing. How about your nose? I don't want to do any of that. Your septum you'll never see. Yeah, I'm not in, what? I've had it pierced.

Starting point is 00:47:10 When did you have your ear pierced? Right here, this one. You can even feel the cartilage. Right here. I never knew you with an ear piercing. What? You never wore an earring when I met you. No, I did it in when I was 17.

Starting point is 00:47:20 That's rad, huh? Yeah, I had a little. Bad boy. Was it both pierced or just one? What? Both or just one?, a little bit. Bad boy. Was it both Piers or just one? Both. Both or just one? Just one. Yeah. Left side.

Starting point is 00:47:28 And then my dad was like just so mad about it. What? We were in Bebop and he looks at me and he go, oh, you're gay. Like I'm not gay. No, you're gay. He kept saying that. He's right.

Starting point is 00:47:41 Yeah. Why was it that your left side was not gay, your right side was gay when we were a kid? Why was that a whole thing? Both was fine, left was fine, right was gay. Who started that? That's something that she doesn't know about. Yeah, when we were kids,

Starting point is 00:47:56 if you had one in your right ear only, it was gay. If you had one in your left, it was straight. But if you had both, it was totally fine. Oh, it's called the gay ear myth signaling. Signaling, oh. Rich history of jewelry being shown off to show wealth, nobility or status, but then it was used to show off sexual preference.

Starting point is 00:48:14 That's cool. So this was like a code, it was like tipping. I see, yeah. Interesting. The effects of the gay ear. It became common for men to secretly communicate their sexuality by wearing an earring in their right ear. By the 90s, it becomes so widely accepted as a secret code

Starting point is 00:48:29 that it was article about it in New York Times. After that, there weren't many questions about which ear was the gay ear, left or left for straight men, right for gay men. Interesting. But you know who can pull it off without sexual orientation ties? Black dudes.

Starting point is 00:48:42 There'd be black dudes when we were young that would have a right earring in and no one would say anything. Yeah. Dude, I just got a fucking text that made me so mad. What is it? I left $3,000 in my hotel. Cash?

Starting point is 00:48:55 Yeah. Why did you have $3,000 cash in your hotel? Loves cash. I love cash. What would you need three grand for? Well, because sometimes my cards don't work. Well, how much are you eating? A lot.

Starting point is 00:49:13 Well, like I don't, you're not going out drinking. You're not going out gambling. Yeah. You're like, what do you need that much cash for? There's no chance you're spending three grand on dinner. It's safety. You want to make- I feel safe. Well, you should feel unsafe because you just lost it.

Starting point is 00:49:26 Well, no, I left it in the safe. I left it in the safe. That makes me feel safe. How did they know? Did somebody open the safe and find it? No, I left the hotel, came back to LA, and I go, fuck, I left $3,000 in the safe. They're never gonna give it back to you.

Starting point is 00:49:41 So I just, then we went out to them and goes, here's this code, there's some money in there. And they're like, wow, we'll just put it back into his credit card. Can they do that? I think maybe, I mean, that seems strange. Could they do that? Can they do that?

Starting point is 00:49:56 Probably. It seems shady. But it's the Ritz. Oh, they'll do it for you. They'll do it, right? They'll do it for you. Yeah, they're a high end. A five star hotel would do it.

Starting point is 00:50:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any other stars you're not getting that much. So I should do that. I think that's fine. Or they say, we'll send you a check, but I'll just put it back into the thing then. Put it back into the thing. Oh, good, good, good, good.

Starting point is 00:50:15 Put it back into the thing. Yeah, here's another thing, and this is a dangerous path I'm gonna just show you, because I have no, well, I don't know what else to talk about. Take me down that road. This is what I've been doing all day. I'm pretty sure.

Starting point is 00:50:30 What is that? Send the photo to Carlos. I'll send it to Carlos. Jules, what's been going on with you though? Is there any new news to share? I think I have narcolepsy. Really? Really?

Starting point is 00:50:43 Yeah. Tell me about the narcolepsy. Well, my aunt, she also has narcolepsy and she gave me a medicine for it. And then she just said to try this because I'm always so tired. I feel so heavy in the morning. I just, like my brain is just always so empty. Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?

Starting point is 00:51:03 No, but I can sleep anywhere immediately. Like right now you could go to sleep? Yeah. Yeah, she has a sleep thing for sure. So do you. No, but she can sleep like right now. So can you. That's right.

Starting point is 00:51:14 What is this thing? Gas. I mean, is it a mold of your penis? Are you molding your penis? No, no, no, I'm not molding your penis, no. Huh? This is what I've been making. What have you been making?

Starting point is 00:51:24 It's kava, dude. You're making Kava? Yeah, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? Kava, dude. What Kava? The root. What are you doing?

Starting point is 00:51:35 Are you making drugs? Is this new drugs? It's not a drug, no. Is it new drugs I don't know about? It's not a drug. I'll tell you what happened. So I'm in Hawaii, okay? And I'm with Gene.

Starting point is 00:51:45 You're my buddy Gene? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we're at The Cove. The Cove. Yeah. The best I say, both, don't you think? In Hawaii. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:51:55 So, you know, we're regulars there, so, you know, they came up to us and they're like, here's some of this, and it's like a glass of like muddy water. Uh-huh. That. Cava. Yeah. And I drank it, and we were both like, you're not high, but we were just like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:12 It's a calming agent. It's a calming agent. Wow. And so I got some kava and I brewed some at home. So it's a root, it's a kava root. And you break it down. You don't get high. Did you strain that in?

Starting point is 00:52:22 You're supposed to strain it, but I didn't have a cloth strainer. Cheesecloth. Yeah, a cheesecloth. It's called a cheesecloth. Yeah, so I used a T-shirt. I thought it's the same kind of theory. Drinking kava during recovery, is it a relapse?

Starting point is 00:52:40 Is it? No. It's not. Nope, it can affect the brain, similar to alcohol and narcotics, but- It could be a helpful tool in managing cravings. Right.

Starting point is 00:52:50 Yeah. Alternative to consuming alcohol or illicit drugs, it's a healthy alternative. So I drank some last night before I went to bed and I slept for like 14 hours. Give me some of your kava. Dude, kava's the best. Do Bobby Kava.

Starting point is 00:53:02 Yeah. I'm Bobby Kava. Yeah, I'll give you the powder. You can make it at home. Got it Kava. Yeah. I'm Bobby Kava. Yeah, I'll give you the powder. You can make it at home. Got it. Yeah, yeah. I can make it myself. You don't have to go buy kava root somewhere.

Starting point is 00:53:10 No, I have the powder. Did you order it off Amazon or something? No, I got it at the Cove. Oh, you brought it back. Yeah, yeah, I brought it back with me. Did you clarify that when you got to the border? Oh, yeah. You didn't declare it, did you?

Starting point is 00:53:20 I didn't declare it. Well, now you've outed yourself. Oh, yeah, you arrest me for kava powder. But you can buy some kavaa-powder here online. Yeah. It's totally legal, right? Totally legal, yeah, yeah. But it really helped me with my sleep.

Starting point is 00:53:33 I took mushrooms the other night. That's helped me with my sleep. Whoa. It was great. I hadn't taken mushrooms in a long time. Like a lot? Nah, just a little bit. We had just a little something something

Starting point is 00:53:41 and it really jazzed me up. Yeah. Do you perform with it? No, no, no, we were in the woods. Oh. Oh, why is it when you're super drunk you call me? Because I love you. But it's weird.

Starting point is 00:53:52 I love you. And then whenever you call you, and you're with friends, you always go, hey, my little Chinese guy. I didn't say that. It's nothing like that yet. I didn't say that. Hey, little man, little man, you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:54:02 No, I said- And you guys all laugh, right? Like, what's up? It's not true, see, now you're lying to the audience. No, what do you do though? I call you- But you say little things. First of all, first of all, when I called you,

Starting point is 00:54:12 I don't call you all the time like that, cause I don't like to call you when I'm drunk. You call me on stage too. I love calling you on stage. But I called you cause I was with friends and we were talking about you and my friends were saying how much they love you and I was like, well, I want to call them.

Starting point is 00:54:22 Yeah, okay. Yeah, because- I always call you back. You always. Well, okay. Yeah, because- I always call you back. You always. Well, you answered that time. And then I was in fear for my life for a second of it. Why? I was tripping a little bit.

Starting point is 00:54:32 Oh, you were high too? You were seeing things? Were you seeing things? Not seeing things, I was just feeling the wave. When you're out just sort of like playing around, it takes you away from what is really important, I think. What's really important? The quiet times.

Starting point is 00:54:51 Like sitting there with a girl looking in your eyes, right? And sometimes you attach heads in bed, right? And you can make little nicknames, nicknames. Hey, mongo. You know what I mean? you kind of hit your head against her's mongo yeah mongo mongo mongo mongo right there you go what so aggressive you too much yeah it's a love tap it's a love tap you go hey mongo like that right and they're like ow right ow, right? Sh, mongo, sh, mongo, quiet.

Starting point is 00:55:25 Yeah, mongo, quiet, right? Quiet mongo. Yeah, mongo, get me. No, seriously, I love you. You have to say that. You have to say it. I love you, I love being with you. Headbutt, yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:36 Right, make me a sandwich. Can you please make me a sandwich? You miss the quiet time. Yeah, I like those times, right? And then- Let's get you back. Or, you quiet times. Yeah, I like those times, right? And then- Let's get you back. Or when you're watching something with somebody, you're watching it, like a sunset.

Starting point is 00:55:54 Oh. Yeah. You miss those. I miss it. Let's put it out to the world. Like last night- You're ready. So I was watching The Penguin last night by myself.

Starting point is 00:56:04 Yeah. I know you haven't seen it. I haven ready. So I was watching The Penguin last night by myself. Yeah. I know you haven't seen it. I haven't. But I was going, what an interesting character. The Penguin? Yeah. And I always just thought to myself, why isn't there more? More.

Starting point is 00:56:15 Why doesn't Batman have more enemies? Well, the Joker was big. It's just not enough because they're recycling, they're recycling through the fucking, on all the movies. I think the next one, I think the Scarecrow is back for the next one, right? But look at how many, the Joker, Hugo Strange,

Starting point is 00:56:31 Penguin, Scarecrow, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, Man-Bat, Bane, Killer Croc, Two-Face, Deadshot, Boyz IIve, this is a lot of fucking energy. I know, but you, no, but here, let me, I have a, can I say something? Yeah, that's 30 guys. I know, I understand, no, but here, let me, I have a, can I say something? Yeah, that's 30 guys. I know, I understand that. But you can't use the killer croc.

Starting point is 00:56:49 Okay, how about this then? Because you can't, you know, because all the Batman movies now are based in reality, right? So it's like, you know, the Riddler was just a serial killer. Okay, but Catwoman made it through, and that's a- But they recycle them. Okay, but Catwoman-

Starting point is 00:57:03 Get some new ones that are human based. That's so many. what yeah I mean like their calligraphy Ra's al Ghul oh they're gonna use that we already did that okay we gotta find other ones like you know I don't know calligraphy that's not a good enemy but black mask what black mask oh Black Mask, yeah, but he's not- He's woke enough. What? What did you say? He's not woke enough. It's gotta be woke. Oh, it's gotta be, yeah, right.

Starting point is 00:57:30 Well, what if Black Mask transitioned? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Hush. What if they transitioned? What if they, sorry, I apologize. Yeah. Manbat.

Starting point is 00:57:42 Yeah, you can't do that, guys. The Philippines. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's just a Filipino with wings. I come to kill you, Batman. Yeah. You can't do that, guys. The Philippines. Yeah, yeah. That's just a Filipina with wings. I come to kill you, Batman. You gonna go down, Batman? Batman, you die, Batman. But why do they always recycle them?

Starting point is 00:57:54 Because nobody, look, people are afraid of new property. They want the old stuff. Give them the old shit. They want the stuff they've seen before. They want the stuff that's familiar with them. I guess you're right. But we all like the flavor that we know. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:08 You know? Yeah. Like how would you do poison Ivy in this more realism Batman? The same way they did Catwoman. She uses plants to like poison people. She has to be the, what's it, botanist? A botanist.

Starting point is 00:58:22 Botanist, yeah. Okay. Yeah, she's a botanist and she literally gives people poison Ivy. Yeah, okay. Botanist, yeah. Okay. Yeah, she's a botanist and she literally gives people poison ivy. A scientist, yeah. Yeah, okay. You scratch yourself to death. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:29 Good luck with that without lidocaine. Yeah. Here's a, I've been scrolling a lot. Here's ones I don't understand. Why do I always get the fucking eggs? Huh? What? Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face.

Starting point is 00:58:44 That was like fucking a year ago. I still get that though. Jesus. You're behind. You're behind. Yeah, yeah, so I get that a lot. Gambling. Or I get like riddles.

Starting point is 00:58:52 Huh? I get a lot of riddles. Can I show you a riddle? Give me a riddle. All right, here we go. Okay. Riddle me to say, you have to say riddle me this. Why?

Starting point is 00:59:04 Because. Riddle me this. There. Riddle me this. Okay. Riddle me this. You have to say riddle me this. Why? Because. Riddle me this. There. Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons. Okay. Chinese Riddler. Riddle me this.

Starting point is 00:59:17 There's two fathers and two sons. That'd be really hard for him to read. Riddle me this. Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons in a car, but there's only three people, how? I feel like until Andrew can answer this, he's smart. You know that one?

Starting point is 00:59:29 Yeah, there's two fathers and two sons. Yeah, but there's only three people in a car. But there's two fathers and two sons. Right, yeah, it's a grandfather, a dad, and a son. Right. Very good. You're so good. No, it's really easy logic.

Starting point is 00:59:44 That's right down the road. Well, give me a riddle. I've never solved one. You've so good. No, it's really easy logic. That's right down the road. Give me a riddle. I could have never solved one. You've never solved one? No, no, no. I get confused. Go ahead. A train is going 30 miles an hour, right?

Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah. And it leaves the station at six o'clock. There's no way. There's numbers? The train is going. Oh, okay. So I need visuals. I need a visual.

Starting point is 01:00:02 A train. Okay, this is a train. There it is. Right? The train leaves the station. This is a station. At six o'clock. Okay. It's going 30 miles an hour. Hold on.

Starting point is 01:00:10 No, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm being real. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. What time? Six o'clock. I gotta put six o'clock right here, I put six. Okay. Six o'clock train leaves the station at six o'clock.

Starting point is 01:00:23 We gotta read the six. And it's gonna go 30 miles an hour. Oh fuck, how do I do 30? And Tucson. 30, 30 there. 30 miles per hour. And Tucson is 40 miles away. Whoa, Tucson?

Starting point is 01:00:35 Tucson, Arizona? Right here. So six o'clock, 30 miles per hour, Tucson. 40 miles away. 40 miles away, 30, 40. How did the train get there at 6.30? Well, wait, it's going 30 miles an hour, right? But it's 40 miles away, how'd it get there at 6.30?

Starting point is 01:01:01 It's sped up, it can't, can it speed up? I don't know. I'm gonna say this too right now, dude. If this is a fake, if this is a fake fucking riddle, dude, I'm gonna be so fucking mad at you, dude. Okay. It doesn't make any sense.

Starting point is 01:01:17 So 30 miles per hour and it's 40, well, it gets there because the math is right. It gets there at 630. What's the math? Well, the 40, it'll make it, if you do it. What because the math is right. He gets there at 630. What's the math? Well, the 40, it'll make it, if you do it. What is the math? If you're 30 miles per hour, 30 miles per hour in 30 minutes,

Starting point is 01:01:32 you can get there in 30 minutes, 40 miles. So the math is correct. So math's correct. Okay. He makes it there. Sure. Is that it? Yeah. That's the riddle? Of course he's, yeah, of course he makes it there.

Starting point is 01:01:44 So I got it? You got it. Oh, good dude. Is that a real riddle? Of course he's, yeah, of course he makes it there. So I got it? You got it. Oh, good, dude. Is that a real riddle? It's not. You made it up. Yeah, I did. Give me a real one, dude.

Starting point is 01:01:52 I'm not filled with riddles. Give me a real riddle. Get one of me online. Riddle me this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, riddle me this, dude. All right, here we go. Give me a real riddle. Don't look up at the screen.

Starting point is 01:02:00 Okay. Riddle me. You don't look either, because you're gonna be my problem solver. Kids can make it, but can never hold it or- Oh, I gotta sit next to her. Yeah, get over there. Hold on, he'll flip the cam.

Starting point is 01:02:14 Look at me, riddle squad. These are, by the way, these are riddles for kids that I'm reading. Okay. These are for kids. All right. All of you should be able to figure it out. All right, let's go, let's go. All right, zoom in'm reading. Okay. These are for kids. All right. All of you should be able to figure it out. All right, let's go, let's go.

Starting point is 01:02:25 All right, zoom in. Okay. Okay. What can kids make, but can never hold it or see it? What do kids make that they can't hold or see? Fart. Laugh. Laugh.

Starting point is 01:02:41 Laugh, fart. You're both right. Noise, noise. Okay, so you're one for one for riddles. Okay, very good. Riddle squad, USA, let's go. What question can you never answer yes to? Oh, did you ever kill anybody? No, you could easily answer yes to that.

Starting point is 01:02:58 You could know if I didn't though. Yeah, but it's possible. It's not possible, I will never do it. What question could you never answer yes to? No. Yeah, but it's possible. It's not possible. I will never do it. What question could you never answer yes to? It would be impossible to even say yes. Are you dead? That pretty cool.

Starting point is 01:03:17 Are you asleep yet? Yeah, that's good. Are you dead is even better. Don't look at the fucking- Okay, dude, where are you at? I was thinking. Where the fuck are you at, then? You're running a race and at the very end,

Starting point is 01:03:27 you pass the person in second place. What place did you- Second, second, second, second. Bitch. Wait, wait. She's right, she's right, she's right, she's right. Wait, I didn't even get it. Ask it.

Starting point is 01:03:36 What has 13 hearts but no other organs? 13 hearts but no other organs. Artichoke. Very good. Is it artichoke? It's not, but no other organs. Artichoke. Very good. Is it artichoke? It's not, but that's really good. It's a fruit. Shh.

Starting point is 01:03:50 13 hearts? 13 hearts, but no other organs. 13 hearts. Can you give a clue? Oh, cards, dead. I'll take a card. Yeah, it was not more than a clue. I like just told you what it was.

Starting point is 01:04:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. That's not a card. Yeah, it was not more than a clue. I like just told you what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go. That's not a clue. I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest person can't hold me for five minutes. What am I? Breath. Oh, yeah, Bob.

Starting point is 01:04:16 That was so fast. That's really good. I'm fucking a math man. You're a math whiz. Don't look at the screen. What has many, many needles, but doesn't ever sew? Hey. It's a pine tree, but that's, we'll take it.

Starting point is 01:04:33 What kind of band never plays music? Rubber. A rubber band. Oh. Honestly, you suck. I suck. You suck. You haven't got one of these.

Starting point is 01:04:44 These are for you. These are for you. Is a rubber band really the thing? Yeah, a rubber band. Okay, one more, one more, you suck. I suck. You suck. You haven't got one of these. These are for you. These are for you. Is a rubber band really the thing? Yeah, a rubber band. Okay, one more, one more, one more. What gets bigger, you see it, you suck. I swear to God. What gets bigger the more you take away?

Starting point is 01:04:55 It has to do with feelings. I want it to be, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like when you take away. Bigger? Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, your rage gets bigger when you leave more.

Starting point is 01:05:11 Oh. You know what I mean? Like a woman leaves and you get bigger, like rage, and you're whole in your heart. Oh wow. What, love? You're so close though. Ironically, you're so close.

Starting point is 01:05:22 Well, I think it's something like that. You said it. Yeah, yeah. What is it? A hole. Huh? A hole. But you got there.

Starting point is 01:05:30 I got there organically. Organically in a weird way. Yeah, yeah, I got there. This is great. Okay, this is dumb. Yeah. I'm trying different things. No, it's really good.

Starting point is 01:05:40 Do you guys watch K-drama? Here we go. Do I watch K-drama? What is that? Korean shows. Give me K-drama? Here we go. Do I watch K-drama? What is that? Korean shows. Give me K-dramas. Okay, I'm watching this one, Judge From Hell. It's called Judge From Hell.

Starting point is 01:05:51 Yeah, so she's basically a judge, but- Oh, that's hard. And he's a demon went inside her body and her task is to kill 10 murderers who doesn't repent, no regrets about anything that they do and it's so cool. Wow. Is it all in Korean?

Starting point is 01:06:14 Yeah, but there's subtitles. Yeah, I hate reading. I can't. Yeah, we have that in America. It's called Judge Judy. Judge Judy, yeah. Oh, it's the same thing? Yeah, it's the same thing. You ever seen Judge Judy? No. I'll tell you about Judge Judy. It's called Judge Judy. Judge Judy, yeah. Oh, it's the same thing? Yeah, it's the same thing.

Starting point is 01:06:26 You ever seen Judge Judy? No. I'll tell you about Judge Judy. Tell them about Judge Judy. That's not a demon. Yes, it is. That's a demon. That is a demon and it's fine.

Starting point is 01:06:33 Look at her hand. She curses people. She's not lifting her hand, the demon is. So she's also been taken over by a demon. Yeah, yeah, that's demon shit. That's demon shit. Yeah. She's dark. She's dark. Anyway, there's been taken over by a demon. Yeah, yeah. That's demon shit. That's demon shit. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:45 She's dark. She's dark. Anyway, there's another Korean one. What about the one, have you seen the North Korean one? What's it called? It's called Fly By Me. What's the plane, the lady that crashes the plane? Crash Landing?

Starting point is 01:06:56 Crash Landing. A Korean show about North Korea? No, so this lady, let me get, I haven't seen that, but this lady, right, is on a plane. She crashes in North Korea, and then she falls in love with a North Korean soldier. Did he not? It's not a plane.

Starting point is 01:07:07 She was on a parachute. She jumped out of a plane, right? Oh, so she just jumped from the ground. No, no. She jumped from the ground up. Oh, no. As if she's fucking Superman, and then she fucking fell down into Korea.

Starting point is 01:07:20 What happened? It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you- Oh, paragliding. Yeah, that one. Oh yeah, that makes sense. Honey? Honey?

Starting point is 01:07:33 Yes? Let's go paragliding today. I love it too. But you know where I like to go do it? The DNZ. Yes! Yes, at the DNZ. We'll go to the DNZ.

Starting point is 01:07:43 Yeah. Yay! Because you know, we love to paraglide on the border. The wind is awful strong. Yes! Yes, at the DMZ. We'll go to DMZ. Yeah. Yay. Because you know, we love to paraglide on the border. The wind is awful strong. Yeah, yeah. Oh, honey, we're going. Oh, oh no! Makes no sense.

Starting point is 01:07:55 There was a storm. Oh, a storm. Oh, so you're, oh, really? Yeah, and then she was. She's paragliding on a storm, lands in North Korea, and then what happens? paragliding on a storm lands in North Korea And then what happens she meets a North Korean soldier? Yeah, but she has to hide you see there's a there's a hot North Korea You think there's a hot Korean fucking soldiers in there this guy's hot guys, but he's South Korean. Yeah. Yeah, that's the trick dude He looks like he's been eating

Starting point is 01:08:24 Yeah, he looks healthy you's been eating. Yeah, he looks healthy. You think North Koreans' shoulders are eating? No. Dude, there's a North Korean Instagram site and I get into my feed. What's it called? I don't know, but it's like, basically they're making, so basically it's like this.

Starting point is 01:08:42 Who says there's no discotheques in North Korea and they'll show a discotheque. Oh, it's like the government. Yeah, yeah basically it's like this. Who says there's no discotheques in North Korea and they'll show a discotheque. Oh, it's like the government promoting. Yeah, it's the government. Who says there's no Burger King in Korea and then it's like, is that it? Who said North Korea doesn't have McDonald's? Yes, North Korea has an even better version of the American fast food chain. Do you think they build this on a stage? Do you think it's on like a soundstage? But there's people, there's actors sometimes

Starting point is 01:09:10 and they get hamburgers and they don't know what to do with it. So they open it up, they go, what is this? Right? And it's like, you know what I mean? It's the government, you can tell that there's people going to eat it behind the camera and they get fucking scared.

Starting point is 01:09:23 You know what I mean? So crazy. Go back to that video though, click on the profile to see all those scared. You know what I mean? So crazy. Go back to that video though. Click on the profile to see other videos. All those videos. What are you doing, dude? Who said North Korea doesn't have marriage? Nobody said that.

Starting point is 01:09:33 No one ever said they don't have marriage there. But look at how nervous he looks. Yeah, they're all nervous. They're so scared. They're so scared. Look at him. Cause they're going to be beaten after this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:44 Look at that camera from 1968. Go to more, go different. Yeah. Yeah, what's this one? Who said North Korea doesn't have delivery service? As a body. Who's carrying a man's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:57 And they bought a DHL jacket on Amazon. Yeah. Yes, North Korea has a very fast and efficient delivery service. It better be efficient, they'll kill you if it doesn't get there on time. What is, yeah. Who said North Korea doesn't have a maternity hospital? Who said any of this shit?

Starting point is 01:10:14 No one said that. Go to more, go to more, go to more. This is insane. There's so many cool. Who said North Korea doesn't have general stores? Yeah, let's see this general store. Well, yeah, there's a motorcycle inside of it. What kind of general store is that?

Starting point is 01:10:28 Right. That looks like a weed shop. Yeah. Honey, should we get the rice or should we get a motorcycle? Motorcycle. Yeah. We'll take two bag of rice and motorcycle please. Go, go, go further.

Starting point is 01:10:40 Just keep scroll. Can you just scroll and keep scrolling or no? Or do you have to do that? I think, cause it's not on the phone. It's not like the phone. Oh, do the roller coaster one. Yeah. Who said North Korea doesn't have to

Starting point is 01:10:50 get roller coasters? Oh my God. Dude, it just falls off of a cliff on the other side. You know what North Korea don't have? A cat. A cute cat. Did you know that? Yeah, we have to build.

Starting point is 01:11:04 Yeah. Who said North Korea planes always crash? And have automotive vehicles. What, nobody ever thought there wasn't fucking cars there. Yeah. All right, Rudy, end the show the right way. Thank you for being a bad friend. You're very good. Yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah

Bad Friends - Fat King & The Lying Jester

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