Bad Friends - Hey Homie ft. Frankie Quiñones, Johnny Sanchez & Cristela Alonzo
Episode Date: March 27, 2023Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Thank you to our Sponsors: https://babbel.com/BADFRIENDS & https://www.zocdoc.com/badfriends & https://www.forthepeople.com/badfriends & https://betterhelp.com/...badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Bad Friends Tour Update 0:55 The Mexican Takeover 6:09 What Bobby Thinks of Aging and Dating 14:55 This Fool is in the House 26:08 Johnny Sanchez's Spanish Audition 33:25 Coconuts, Bananas and Twinkies 40:15 One Hundred Years Ago 47:35 Bobby's Power Moves: The Rabbit & The Sawing Machine 56:59 What Cristela Alonzo Thinks of Bobby in Bed 1:02:20 Villans & Heroes More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Fancy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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What up, bad friends?
I am on my way back to the US of A from Aussie, baby,
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You two are bad friends.
You are these two idiots.
Why, dude?
I'm an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I know how to.
Oh, darling.
Oh, oh, darling.
When he died, when Richie fell in love with that,
was that sad for you guys?
It tore me apart from the movie.
Really?
Yes, it tore me apart.
That's like your Harry Styles, right?
Oh, my God.
Richie Valens?
Oh, my God.
You know that I.
He was only 17.
Are we recording right now?
Yeah.
Harry Styles, I didn't know anything about.
Until when?
I heard a song called, was it watermelon shit?
Yeah, he loves fruit.
Dude.
Well, that's what I thought it was.
I was like, man, this guy loves that waferska.
You know what, bro?
I feel like I'm being racist.
It's a fucking mouth snatch and shit, bro.
You know what I mean?
But welcome to yo, dude.
Mexican amigos, bro.
Welcome.
I'm going to take off now.
OK, it feels weird.
OK.
Anyway.
Oh, my God, you had another one underneath all the time.
I love it.
So welcome to it.
So good to see you guys, man, because let me tell you something,
man.
Andrew's been out of town, and I've been doing this all alone.
And I needed friends, bro.
And we did an all Korean episode, bro.
And I thought, what's next, bro?
Mexicans, dude.
I fucking love them, bro.
We got a fucking.
I want to introduce the people in the room, bro.
We've got a fucking raccoon in the house.
A fucking raccoon.
He's half raccoon.
Half fucking Mexican this guy.
You know, bro, when's the last time you slept, dog?
I stayed up late last night.
But I have these all the time anyway, Bobby.
Dude, it's at a point.
I know.
I need to get some work done.
You're going to have to Michael Jackson it.
Yeah, I know.
You're going to have to Michael Jackson underneath your eye,
because it's like, it's so prominent.
Listen, I looked into it.
Here's the problem.
Are you a panda?
Can I ask you that?
Panda's good, too.
Panda, raccoon.
Do you want Johnny to have Sammy Sosa lids?
You know, there's a laser.
There's a laser thing.
But you have to go to somebody really good,
because if they take off too much, dude, then it gets.
It's like, it'll be pale.
It's worse.
I don't know, dude.
I don't know.
I think pale is better.
It's bad, huh?
It's so.
I know.
It's you.
It's you.
Some people just have dark circles.
Yeah, but it's bad.
Look, it's bad.
That's bad.
That's pretty bad.
I don't think so.
Yeah.
But it's going to get, you know, it's going to get,
the dermatologist told me it's going to get dark.
It's just going to keep getting darker as I get older.
And it's going to get here.
Please don't get them done that.
And it's going to.
I have to see what happens.
Like in about five years.
Yeah, it'll be, it goes lower and lower.
Oh, please.
Oh my God.
When we start calling him Crater Sanchez.
Crater.
Crater.
Crater Sanchez, bro.
Man, people have tried to hike it, but they've never gone.
They've never seen again.
So we got Johnny Sanchez, my old friend.
Yeah, buddy.
You good, bro?
Yeah, I'm all right.
All right.
I'm sorry for making fun of you, man.
That's right.
Yeah.
It goes, you know, that's how our relationship is.
It's always been like that.
It'll never change.
Yeah.
I love you.
It's, you know, it's funny.
Can I introduce you to the next person?
Well, just real quick.
You always go, it's always been funny.
You've always gone after my looks.
Like you always make fun of me.
But you, you.
I called you Cricket.
Yeah, Cricket.
Yeah.
But you, you make fun of me like you look like Brad Pitt.
That's what makes me.
I look like Shed.
Yeah.
I look like Shed.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I know.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
I look in the mirror.
OK.
And I know where I'm at, you know, who I am.
Yeah.
We're going to talk about that, right?
How about what?
Dating and.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we will.
But can I introduce people?
Introduce.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah.
We have one that, we have one Mexican that's not even shown up yet.
Yeah.
He's on Mexican time.
He's on Mexican time.
What's that mean?
And he was the next person.
I get it.
I get it.
So the next person that I want to introduce is somebody that,
and that many, many years ago, she was living in Dallas.
Yes.
And you were working at the Addison Improv.
Yeah, I was the office manager.
You were the office manager.
Oh, my God.
And I found out then that you were doing stand up.
I had just started.
You just started.
And the way you rose, it was just, I was so proud of you.
I'm still very proud of you.
You just dug your way out and you, you're so talented and funny.
Cristela Alonzo.
She had her own sitcom.
What was it called?
Cristela.
Oh, my God.
It was actually called Nine Is Enough.
It could have been called Cristela versus Cristella.
No, no, no, no.
You're right.
It could have been.
Look, George Lopez has used his name on every show.
And even then, when he has a new show, I'm like,
it could be Paul this time.
Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for being here.
I've been hung out with you in a while.
Yeah.
And I called you out of the blue and you were like,
let's do it.
And yeah, I was telling Johnny before the show that we're at an age
where we're pretty much going to be, we're unfuckable.
And we have a sad futures ahead of us, you know.
Do you do you do you do you?
Can you see yourself with a woman that would be like in her late 40s, early 50s?
You like still like young.
That's crazy.
I don't even know what you're accusing me of.
What are you accusing me of?
No, no.
I'm young like you like girls that are like 20s and like maybe early 30s.
Listen, I don't care about the age.
It's what I see.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you you probably wouldn't go out with a woman that's like 48, 49, 50.
It depends.
Oh, right.
If I'm going to I'm 44, by the way, you look great.
You look wonderful.
Okay.
All right.
Are you saying that's for me to be careful of the way I?
No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't give a shit.
No, I'm saying like I'm 44.
So like it's like I'm saying that there's people that are women that are 49,
48 that don't look, you know, it's like it.
Yeah, it just depends.
Yeah.
Right.
If I'm in a bakery, right.
And if the cake looks fresh, I want to eat it, right.
But if it's damaged, you know what I mean?
There's, you know, rotting wear and tear.
You mean there's some wear and tear.
Yeah.
It's what I call moisturizer.
It's like, see, like there have been times there have been times I do this shit all the time.
I will Google people I hated in high school.
And I know that we're the same age and a lot of them look like shit.
And it's because I tell people they never learn to moisturize.
So it's like we're the same thing.
It's like that thing about like not knowing how to take care of yourself.
Maybe because you're too busy.
You're having a fucked up life where you're trying to survive and shit like that.
Whatever it is, you didn't do it.
So people sometimes look different than other people the same age because they just didn't do.
They didn't take care of them.
Moisturize.
It's about moisture.
Like putting lotion on your face.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah.
I'm simplifying it like that just to say that that's like the example.
But can I add on to that?
Let's do it.
Could it be about also stress levels?
Yes, absolutely.
Well, that's what I mean.
Is that the moisturizing is just an example of how like people do extra steps sometimes
that they probably don't even think about.
Like the moisturizer is a thing obviously stress level because that's what I'm saying.
It's like if you have a life of survival of like trying to get by or something or
shit's just fucked up.
Sometimes you trying to take care of yourself like physically is the last fucking thing on your mind.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The mind fuck I suffer from depression and anxiety.
And when I get depressed, I get depressed.
And when I feel like that, I'll give a shit what I look like.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
And that's it.
It's kind of going to your fresh cake.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you know, also to culture.
Oh, what?
Go ahead.
Well, I want you to talk culturally.
I I feel like white people age faster.
The lighter, complex, fair skinned people.
What are you saying?
Seem to get more wrinkled earlier than people who have oily skin and darker complexion.
So you're saying black people look good?
Well, we all know that.
Don't call him oily, though.
That's weird.
No, I thought you were going to call him Mexican.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like my dad.
Yeah, well, you just call them oil ladies.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
The Mexican like my dad has very oily skin.
He's 80 going to be 88.
He looks fantastic.
Is he the raccoon part of your family?
Or no.
OK.
I did not get it from my mom or my dad.
Where does that come from, though?
That I had a great aunt that had it.
And I had an uncle that had that had it.
Yeah.
Not my mom and dad.
Oh, you know what?
I just realized you look like you're about to play football.
Oh, yeah, that's cool.
Yeah.
So that's cool.
Anyway, I love you.
Thanks for coming out.
You're one of my favorites.
You're one of my favorites.
Hey, you piece of shit.
I love you, buddy.
I love you, buddy.
Hey, you fucking disappoint me.
You're my life and body.
Fist bump, right?
Yeah.
Like I'll give you like Rachel Bielsen.
You know who that is?
Yes.
Yes.
I remember her.
Yeah.
I know her.
And she's, you know, in her 40s, right?
And she's beautiful.
I mean, I would, you know, I mean, if I could date her,
I would probably, you know, I mean, she,
she had a baby with Darth Vader.
Yeah.
Hating Christensen.
Oh, Christensen.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's the level that she's at, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'm just saying it's like.
She's fucking young Anakin.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, young Anakin.
Yeah.
I can't fuck with a young Anakin.
Yeah, exactly.
Because in the Star Wars universe, I'm a Jawa.
Because the Jawa fucking, no.
I am like the Jar Jar Binks one night stand.
Like in the Star Wars universe, who would you be?
I know.
I already know.
Oh, what's this?
I know what you are, dude.
What?
Remember that blue guy that was like flying?
He was the boss?
He was the boss.
And one of the newer ones?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What was it?
What was his name?
The blue one that was.
Yeah, that's you.
That dude.
That's fucking you.
Oh my god, dude.
Unfuckable.
Oh my god.
I remind you when people say, like when people,
when women come up to me, they're like,
you remind me of my friend.
What did I do to you?
Your big feet?
Wide.
Other wide.
Because I used, I grew up barefoot.
Like Apocalypse though.
Dude, that's my cousin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like back in the day, you probably could have just run up a tree.
Oh, I could still do that.
No, I used to, I was barefoot all the time.
We were real, really poor.
So my mom would give me one pair of shoes for the whole year.
A year.
So then during the summer, I used to be barefoot all the time.
I'd walk to the stores barefoot and everything, you know?
Because so I have wide feet.
Whoa.
You know?
Yeah.
I'm dropping some fucking on.
No, I really like it.
But they're pretty pretty.
I've never seen them.
Yeah, yeah.
I will say that they are on the internet and I have been
approached in public by somebody that wanted me to show them up.
Yeah, the foot fetish thing.
Yeah, the foot fetish thing.
If I wanted to, like, let's say I was a guy on the internet.
I saw your feet and I hit you up on DMDU and I go,
hey, how much could I give you money wise?
So I just want your feet on my penis, but I'll jerk off the tip.
But just have the penis at the base.
He's put some thought into this.
At the base, right?
And I'll just, you know, I'll take, you know, me and Lou.
I'll just jerk off.
Can I come on your feet?
How much would you charge?
Well, first of all, I always hate these questions
because I would probably do that shit when I'm drunk for free.
I hate when people say, like, how much would you blow somebody for a million
dollars? Bitch, I've done that for a nickel.
No, I think that the feet thing has always been very well.
Any fetish to me that I'm not familiar with has always been like,
whoa, really?
Yeah.
For that much?
But this person's a stranger.
No, I wouldn't do it.
You have to do it sober.
You wouldn't do it at all.
No, I wouldn't do it.
For a million dollars.
No, because I can actually, because I think I can make my million
dollars some other way.
That's true.
Okay, good.
Good.
Would you do it?
How would that work?
I believe in you.
No.
Oh, the girl?
I'm a guy.
Yeah.
I DM you.
Oh.
I love you on K-Loco.
I didn't do K-Loco.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I didn't either.
I was not cool enough to do K-Loco.
That is so crazy.
He turned it down.
I did.
I said no.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you were starting.
You were young.
You were starting.
You just started.
There's a lot of shit that I didn't get in that work.
You know what?
This is interesting.
So I started in Dallas, moved to LA.
In Dallas, I was kind of like the only Latina comic in the scene.
You know, like then I moved to LA.
There were a lot of Latino comics that didn't like me.
And it was this thing where I didn't realize that
there was this thinking.
And I've talked to people about this all the time.
A lot of the older comics, and by that,
I mean people that had been doing it longer.
At that time.
Not like age-wise, right?
Yeah, yeah.
They thought that I had disrespected them.
Like when I met them by not trying to shake their hands
and saying, hey, it's really nice to meet you.
It's so interesting you say this because it's like,
I have the same issues as you do,
but I'm beginning to think it's a perception thing.
Oh, no.
No, I just stop.
No, stop, stop, stop, stop.
All right.
To you, it's real.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah.
I believe that.
Yeah.
Okay.
But is there a perception thing a little bit?
That because people live, listen,
I feel the same way I say.
It's all quiet.
Everything just stops.
What's up, bro?
Do you guys know him?
Of course.
Hi, Frankie.
What's up, bro?
My little man.
We didn't know him before.
Yeah.
That's funny.
He lowers his chair.
It's all lowrider.
Oh, it's lowrider.
Let me get all lowrider right here real quick.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
What were you, Frankie?
I just want my family.
It's Sunday, right?
Is it?
Is it Sunday?
Yeah, yeah.
Sunday is a big deal for you people, right?
Sunday is our Sunday.
That's all right.
It sounded weird.
It sounded weird.
Sunday is our Sunday.
I caught myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're with your family, bro?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you guys doing?
Uh, you know, we're just kicking into our family stuff,
but barbecue or?
Nah.
Nah, home is rainy.
Yeah.
Oh, shit is?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, you can't barbecue inside?
No.
That's called cooking, babes.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my god.
That's right over there.
Did you eat food?
What's that?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Good time?
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
All right.
What's wrong with you right now, bro?
Yeah, what's going on?
Yeah, you keep it all fucking shifting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's totally shit.
Is this like the movie Speed
where you can't say a full sentence?
So shit might happen?
Yeah.
You're not high, right?
No, no, no, no.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You good?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You look cute.
Uh, thank you.
So, can I introduce him or no?
Yeah, do it, let's do it.
Oh, yeah, introduce him and then let him
about what she was talking about,
because that's interesting.
I forgot what she was saying.
About, you know, not being welcome.
Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right.
She didn't feel welcomed or whatever.
You know, Frankie Cuneo-ness?
Yeah, Cuneo-ness, yeah.
I said it right.
Yeah.
Frankie Cuneo-ness.
Yeah.
You mean, total fit?
Yeah.
What am I?
He's on the show.
Hey, homie, what's it?
Hey, fool.
Hey, homie.
Hey, homie.
This fool.
This fool.
This fool.
I gotta move.
He's on the show.
Hey, homie.
I know.
He's on a very successful hit show.
It's a great show.
It's a great show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fucking love, hey, homie.
That's actually a good name, buddy.
I know.
Hey, homie.
Hey, homie.
Dude, you gotta steal their idea and do it.
Yeah, yeah.
I wanna do hey, homie, dude.
All right?
Us three could do hey, homie.
Well, we could do hey, homie.
And we'll go on Hulu and compete against your show,
bro.
Yeah, yeah.
He's on this fool.
Second season now or no?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys already shot it?
We're like halfway through.
Oh, so you're in the middle of production?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Is it going well?
Yeah, yeah, it's going good.
Yeah, wow.
You're really good on that show, man.
Yeah.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, very good.
I actually had an audition for the show.
I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.
Why?
Because I couldn't shoot the, I was out of town.
I couldn't shoot the tape in the deadline or something.
But it's cool too.
Oh, don't you hate when that happens?
Yes.
Dude, I don't get why the process is like that.
They're like, hey, we want you for this part.
We need it tomorrow by three p.m.
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah, yes.
I don't believe that.
Yeah, unbelievable.
It was like this thing.
I remember I had an audition for a movie
that is coming out this year that was,
that I got the audition like two years ago.
Yeah.
Right?
And it was a quick turnaround.
Like, hey, you gotta turn this in tomorrow.
Oh.
Right, and I asked for an extra day
because I was like flying back, right?
And they're like, no, we got to do this right now.
That shit did not get cast for another eight months.
And I was like, come on, really?
Like, you gotta give me another day.
Dude, they're fucking liars.
They are.
They're fucking liars.
Yes.
And it's like, we all fucking dance for them, right?
Yeah.
We want to see it now.
And you know what I say to them, man?
Fuck you.
Yeah, I had a feeling.
You're not going to see it.
We'll be poor and we're never going to make it.
That's not what you say.
What do I say?
Yes, right now.
And just start dancing.
Oh, you think I'm a dancer?
Yeah, I'm a dancer.
Oh, you fucking piece of shit, dude.
You're right.
I am a dancer.
You want to meet the tape right now?
All right.
Yeah.
I have done that.
At midnight.
I have.
But because when you're at my age, you're like,
you hear the talk clicking.
Talk clicking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Clock ticking.
Clock.
Talk clicking.
Another good thing for a show.
Let me just see.
Talk clicking.
A talk show.
Talk clicking.
Hey, homie.
Talk clicking.
Clock ticking.
I fucked it up.
It's OK.
No, you didn't.
You created magic.
I just created magic.
OK, so my point is, is this, right?
So you think this is my only shot?
You know what I mean?
Like in your 30s, you go, oh, I'm going to have opportunities.
Oh, god.
We had so I know.
Don't I think back up of how many times I said no for auditions?
Like what?
By tomorrow?
No, fuck that.
Just oh.
Yeah.
I'm not going to go in.
I know.
They got to give me more time.
They won't give me more time, John.
Well, then I'm fucking, I'm not going to go in.
But you regret it now.
I should have just said.
I know.
I should have.
That's a lesson to you.
Fucking do it.
Oh, I know.
No, I'm very picky about the shit I do.
I say no all the time.
Yeah.
I know, but you're going to regret the no.
That's what he just said.
No, because you know what?
You can either regret the no.
Or you can regret the yeses because then you see the bullshit
that you that you were done with that you did or shot.
Yeah, but you regret what the fuck you did.
Hey, like, oh, let me say something to you.
OK.
Are you are you fucking mugging me right now?
You're bloody popping right now.
Fuck, what up?
Hey, homie.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
You have integrity.
No, here's the thing.
Because even the shitty shit that you I've said yes to things,
right?
And it didn't turn out the way I thought it was going to turn out.
But you always learn from these situations.
Yes.
You meet or you always it's all about relationships.
Yes, it is.
This town, right?
Yeah.
So I've done shitty things and met somebody.
And three years later, I've gotten a job out of the person
that I met.
My point is that it's not all out the window and a waste of time.
No, here's my thing.
I am very like I have learned the industry has taught me
that in order for me to be on TV,
I have to write the thing myself for me.
You know what I mean?
No, that's because people for some reason can't write for me
because they make assumptions of who the fuck Latino character
is not even me.
So it's like this thing.
I realized when I yes, when I had my sitcom,
I was in every fucking audition.
I was in the room at every audition and I would see their
resumes as they came in.
And I noticed that with the Latinos,
like the Latino men, Latino women,
they didn't have comedy experience because we weren't writing
for them.
So how the fuck do you teach timing?
How the fuck do you teach people how to act in sitcoms?
If you're not casting, if you're not writing the parts.
So for me, for me to be on TV, because at that point,
you know, it's like people told me,
you'll never be on TV.
You're fat.
You got a crooked tooth.
So for me, I was like, that's great.
You don't have a crooked tooth.
I fixed it, dude.
Oh, she fixed it.
That's it come money.
That's what it's it come money.
Oh, my God.
But it's that thing where people got that specific.
The old, what is?
Oh, damn.
That's it.
Oh, I know.
But the thing is, is that like I had put it out of my mind
that I was ever going to be on TV because they told me
I was never going to be on TV.
But I wrote my show and I accidentally got on TV.
Yeah.
You know, so it's like this thing though.
When I see like roles that come to me,
I don't fit the box that they want for Latinas.
So I end up getting a lot of sassy a lot of sassy roles
that end up getting cast by black women
because I don't fit the box that they want.
I always say that with Latinas, you're a sex pot.
Everybody wants to fuck you.
And then you have to go away and like slightly retire
for 10, 15 years.
And then you come back as the grandmother.
So, Abuela.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Damn, that's the idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's always like, I'm Mija.
I did not come to this country.
So that you can do it.
I love those characters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're the favorite part of the movie.
I love it.
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Conditions apply.
Do you ever guys think about like what you guys go ahead?
No, no.
I just want to jump.
I'm going to jump back on what's
auditions and roles and stuff.
Go ahead.
Well, no, I want you to go now
because I'm going to we're going to a different direction.
Oh, okay.
You know what I've noticed recently with auditions
for Mexican or Latino roles in general?
They've been requiring a lot of Spanish.
And I'm out.
That's out for me, man.
That's it.
But Frank is in, right?
Frank is good.
You did Spanish.
I have to.
I could.
I can't do like conversational,
like getting interviewed in Spanish.
I'll like fuck up.
Oh, OK.
You're kind of like me then.
But I scripted.
I could do.
Well, let me let me give you some sentences.
I want to give you some sentences
to see if you guys can do it.
Let's do a fucking little game here.
OK.
All right.
Excuse me.
Where is the bathroom?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
No, we don't.
But I wouldn't have.
You should have asked me first
because I was just going to move
and chop it.
He just got a point.
Yeah.
I just already got to sign up for this shit, are you?
Oh, am I playing?
Because I'm Spanish in my first language.
Well, what?
You just play.
Because that was going to kill everybody out there.
No.
I raised my hand and then you went to him.
Oh, my bad, my bad, my bad.
How about just a little coffee or whatever?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you also said, excuse me.
So the correct thing would have been
con permiso.
Donde salvar?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Con permiso.
Ah, look at him.
That's right.
Oh, yeah.
That's right, bro.
See, I wouldn't be able to do that.
I'd have to call my mom.
Yeah.
And then my mom would tell me how to say it.
I would write it down phonetically, not in Spanish.
I would write it down phonetically.
But you grew up in farmland.
And my parents speak Spanish.
Yeah.
So what happened?
I understand it.
We just never, we, we, they didn't teach us Spanish.
Were you part of the generation
where your parents spoke Spanish,
but they didn't want you speaking Spanish?
Because it was like, you got to get a job.
No, in my neighborhood, it was like, like,
there were a lot of people that spoke Spanish parents
that had kids that wouldn't teach them English,
because it almost seemed like.
You mean Spanish?
You know, I mean Spanish, because it almost felt
in a weird way, and I don't mean this,
but it's like, like, it's like,
it's almost like a promotion.
Like they were here in the United States.
Sure.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, this is why this is what happened.
My dad, you know, my mom is a stay at home mom.
My dad's like, I'll work, you know, back in the day, right?
It's back in the old school style.
So he, he told my mom, you teach them Spanish at home.
But then my mom said, no, I don't want to teach them Spanish
because she thought we would have an accent.
And when she was growing up, they put all the Mexican kids
in the back who had, who had accents.
They put them in the back of the class.
So my mom was like, no, I don't want them to have any accents.
So which is not true.
It is true.
Look, look what I'm at.
She doesn't have an accent.
They put me here in the back of the, of the podcast.
You see, they do.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't understand the vibe.
You're from there.
You're not even funny, but you're Spanish, right?
You're the one that fucking colonize the fucking thing.
I know, exactly.
Because I colonize the fucking thing.
That's why I can't even do this podcast.
I fucking knock you out.
You knock you out, bro.
Hey, man.
And that's not a Mexican either, Carlos.
Are you Mexican real?
These are real Mexicans here.
I'm really Mexican.
My parents are from Mexico City.
All right.
Yeah. Well, he's got his blood.
He's got his ancestors.
Right.
Is what and you guys had as to see,
I would have been an Aztec warrior, dude,
if it hadn't been for his ancestors coming over.
Franky and I would have been freaking warriors, bro.
So anyway, so get this.
Let me tell you what happened.
So I did one.
I think it was for that show.
I did audition for that show.
Hey, homie.
Hey, homie.
Hey, homie.
Hey, homie is so hot.
It's got to be we got to do something.
Anyway, Hentified.
Remember that series?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
But they required they even asked at one point,
when you're done with the audition,
like after you do your read,
we want you to do 30 seconds,
a minimum of a convert.
Tell us about yourself in Spanish.
Minimum of 30 seconds, dude.
So Rob de Rocha helped me.
I had to have Rob de Rocha come over
because he's fluent.
OK.
So and then I'm doing it in poor guys,
like he's trying to help me.
Then there was a couple of lines
and I have I got I got to post this one of these days.
But I read my line in Spanish
and Rob starts to deliver his line
and he just starts laughing.
Like he's like so bad.
It was that bad.
And in I read my line,
whatever it was.
That's great.
That's great, Johnny.
And he goes.
I don't understand everything you said.
I don't understand you.
So what would you say again?
What you just said?
I don't remember what it was.
But it was something.
Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up.
Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up.
Pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up, pen up.
Something like that and it is.
Verda or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Rob, Rob starts to go,
see, you go take it.
And he starts laughing his ass off.
I go, what happened?
He goes, dude, it's just, yeah, you're not sick.
Like I don't because I.
And because he did that in the audition,
you probably fucked yourself up.
Oh, that was it.
That was it right there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you know, it was a home date.
You go in with that.
But no, no, no.
Oh, it was tape.
It was tape and you send it in.
But still, he just kind of went.
He took the best out of all the bad, all the bad ones.
And he just goes, I would send that one.
He goes, besides white people are going to think maybe
if the producers aren't Latino or they're not Mexican,
they might think it's OK.
But I've been seeing a lot of Spanish in auditions, dude.
And that's just that it's a, it's a, I can't do that.
I can't do that.
But you can.
Dude, I had not.
I cannot have conversation.
Like he said, I can't have a conversation.
Look at the Australians, right?
That learn how to speak in an American accent.
But that's an accent.
No, that's not an accent.
I'm not speaking the whole language.
I mean, that's, I mean, you know.
Hey, look at me.
I'm speaking Spanish right now.
That's different.
I am so fluent in Spanish.
Yeah.
Remember that time at the place?
I was crazy, man.
Freaking.
It turns out I was Spanish all along.
It's delicious in your heart.
It's like a nice hand in my blood.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm dead.
I'm dead.
So if you had an audition, and it's,
oh, you do speak Korean, right?
No.
OK.
Yeah, that's so, yeah, yeah.
So could you, could you go in a, if it's, if it's an audition
and you're supposed to have a conversation back and forth,
would you be able to?
No.
OK.
No.
No, no, no, no.
So do you get hit up for auditions like that?
Yeah.
But my agent's not go, he's not going to do it.
Yeah.
OK.
They already know.
Yeah.
Because I can't, I've tried it.
Even my Asian accent sucks.
I have two types.
Yeah.
High and low.
That sounds like an Asian's name.
How are you, how are you doing today?
Like Chinese, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
And then, and then you do that Japanese thing a lot.
What?
So that, that, so, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But sometimes I think, but can I pivot now a little bit or no?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just wanted to say that I'm noticing this is not been good
for me lately because there, I don't know what's going on
and why everybody's requiring Spanish these roles.
But, you know, look at Pedro Pascal and these guys, dude.
I mean, they're, they're, they're already fluent.
So it's, so I got to write my, in other words, kind of,
kind of going off of what Cristela was talking about.
For me, I, it's, I feel like I have to do the same thing
because they're not going to write shit for a coconut, dude.
They don't want, Hollywood doesn't want coconut.
You're slaying people what coconut is.
Brown in the outside, white on the inside.
I'm a banana.
You're a banana.
Yeah.
Filipinos are Twinkies.
Portals are Twinkies, yeah.
Yeah.
What are you?
Well, same thing.
Coconut.
You say pocho is like a, you know, Americanized machine.
Yeah, but pocho is bad.
That's a, that's a, that's a, that's a low dig.
It is?
I used to get fights over pocho, dude, when I was in school.
It's similar to coconut, though, yeah.
Yeah, but isn't it coconut sounds worse.
A couple of implications there that you're kind of crazy.
Okay.
Okay.
Cause we said, uh, Koreans, a banana, right?
Filipinos, Twinkie, we know Blacks Oreo, right?
Can I just say something?
Wait, wait, let me get this one out.
Guess what?
I found out Native Americans call the white, white wash ones.
What?
Radish.
How great is that one?
That's great because of red.
Yeah.
Wow.
Red on the outside, white on the end.
Oh, I didn't know.
A Native American.
Why is it all about food?
I know, I know.
These are some fucking hungry generalizers.
Yeah.
But when they say white in the inside, it's not white.
We're American.
Yeah.
But why do they always like say, they call white one.
They just say white wash.
We live, we were born.
I was born in America.
Yeah.
And I'm an American.
Yeah.
You know what I, you know what I, I don't call myself a Mexican.
But you know what I consider a Mexican American?
What?
Is somebody who was born in Mexico and then came here and became,
and then got their citizenship and became or Armenian, American.
I was calling myself American Mexican when I was in school
and everybody laughed at me back then.
Yeah.
You guys love Antonio Penderas.
Antonio Penderas.
Oh my God.
Dude, I love Antonio Penderas.
Yeah, he's great.
Is he Mexican?
No.
No, he's not.
He's not my bad.
He's Spanish, right?
Yeah, he's Spanish.
Is he?
Yeah, he's my bad my bad.
He's Andres' uncle.
What?
He's Andres' uncle.
Yeah.
Dude, that, that, that, I remember that preview from the trailer
from interview with a vampire back in the day.
We used to die laughing because the announcer would be like,
you know, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Antonio Penderas.
No, he's not.
We're like, oh, that's just so, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, was he was in the movie?
Yeah.
Yes.
Interview with a vampire.
He was, wait, he was a Spanish vampire?
His art man.
Oh, that's right.
I haven't seen that in so long.
I forgot about that.
It's so good.
It's a good movie.
I haven't seen it in years, but I remember loving it.
Can we pivot a little bit more?
Yeah.
Do you have anything else to say about the topic of auditioning
at the time?
No, but I was going to say.
We're not going to talk about it again.
No, no.
I just want to say, remember, one time on Mad.
Oh my god.
Cole, I was supposed to come out.
They were doing a fake thing that Mad was going over to Mexico.
Mad TV.
Yeah, the show was going to start airing.
We were both on Mad TV.
Yeah.
And so Colton Dunn, love Colton, right?
Great writer, actor.
Cole, that's the whole idea.
I don't like this.
You're just, you're just going through the motion.
So I get this over with.
He's telling for a new generation who's watching the podcast.
Oh, got it.
That's true.
They don't even know about it.
He wrote a monologue for me to come out,
and I was going to do it.
So he wrote it in English, and then he just hit translate.
The translation.
Johnny, Johnny.
I don't know what kind of Spanish that was.
All right.
There were words in there.
I was like, what is this?
And Colton's like, I just hit translation on Google.
You were so funny on that show.
I was so proud to work with you.
It was fun.
Yeah.
It was a fun two years.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Go on.
You know what?
That was, that you could cut out.
No, we're not.
That last piece.
No, we're keeping it in.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pivot Panic.
Pivot Panic.
Pivot Panic.
All right, Bobby.
What you got now?
He holding me up for so long.
Pivot Panic.
Yeah, pivot.
I'm going to pivot right now a little bit.
You about to pivot?
Now I kind of don't want to pivot.
Now I feel like the pivot's not going to work.
No, no.
You got to pivot.
Do you have any desire to learn, speak more Korean?
Or are you just like, ah, I am Korean.
That's it.
Well, I just don't know how that would help me.
Oh, OK.
Because Koreans are doing well in movies,
but the Koreans in Korea are making their movies.
I'll never be as good as them to be in a movie like that.
So it's like, and I don't really get Asian parts anymore.
I'm just like, I think I'm more known as a slackery kind
of fuck up.
You know what I mean?
And so I'm getting kind of those stonery kind of.
Which is actually a really cool place to be at.
Yeah.
I've always liked that.
So once you become a type, you could work forever.
I mean, some of those actors that are character actors,
they're a type.
Like Luis Guzman.
This dude has worked because he's always
going to be when they go, hey, we need kind of like a sloppy
Hispanic dude.
It's Luis Guzman, dude.
They're going to go to Luis every single time.
He's a type.
He's been a type for 30 years.
But even if I'm on Reservation Dogs and I play a doctor,
I'm the same kind of as the magnum pig.
I'm just a bad guy.
Yeah.
Pivot?
Pivot.
Pivot.
Every time I start talking, it's pivot time.
Because you talk a lot.
I've actually been.
OK.
I talk a lot.
I talk a lot.
I talk a lot.
No, I talk a lot.
My bad.
I don't know why that.
I love you.
I have talked the most.
Yeah.
It was.
But I can't attack her.
Yeah, you can.
No.
But she's bringing up great points.
She's making an entry.
You guys are killing it.
This is so fun.
Thanks so much for being there.
That just seemed.
No.
I mean, it's so fucking fun.
Oh, I love it.
OK.
Thank you.
OK.
All right.
Pivot.
He only pointed to us because you were late.
Yeah.
No, I love you.
I'm sorry.
No, I don't.
Bro, bro, bro.
You have family time.
I know.
I know.
I was.
I was relieved to see they were here, though, because when you,
you know, George and me was like, yeah, they're going to have Mexican day.
Bad friends.
I was like, what?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Mexican day.
Who'd you think was going to be here?
I was like, oh, I don't know.
Like a big old homie.
OK, by the way.
I wasn't even told that it was Mexican day.
Oh, you were?
When I told you it was with the two people that they're on here,
do you didn't make that assumption?
No.
I just thought that we were comics.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah.
He told me.
I was like, I'm going to come here and it's a fucking like.
I didn't do this fucking thing.
The Spanish fuckers did this.
They turned up to betray you.
It's a betrayal.
Again, the Spanish.
So I always think to myself, if I see a Western or whatever, right,
I think to myself, oh, if I was an Asian back then and who I am now.
Yeah.
With all my eccentric behaviors and who I am.
What would I do like a hundred years ago?
What job would I have?
A woman would I have as a wife, you know, in America?
What do you guys think you'd be doing?
I would.
I would have.
Oh, like if I grew up with my dad's era, my dad was born in 1935.
Yeah.
Um, I probably would have been like him, like a lot of labor work.
Oh, that's instruction.
Pull plastic.
You're little too.
So what's that got to do with it?
What's that?
Yeah.
What does that have to do with construction?
Because if I owned the farm, I would just go.
Yeah.
You know, you would have went to an interim camp and not even being Japanese.
You probably would have been such an intern.
That's good.
Because they would have just been like, we don't care if you're Korean.
I'm pretty sure there were some Koreans there.
Like, what are we doing here?
Right.
Yeah.
Like that.
Yeah.
So you would be working.
I would be.
I know, right?
You know, it's actually, that does sound like a Mexican accent.
If you did the whole like, what are you doing here?
Yeah, go up.
Yeah, go up.
What are you doing here?
What about you, Christella?
Um, I think I already know what you'd be.
But go ahead.
I come from a family that's very old fashioned.
My dad kidnapped my mom and like her village in Mexico.
Your dad kidnapped your mom.
That's how people got married back then.
Wow, the simpler day.
Imagine if you were still unfuckable in those days.
No.
What if my kidnap skills aren't good?
No.
You have to lure.
You would have no choice.
I just back you away.
Yeah.
No, the man would just go to the house and make the woman go with him and the woman had
no option.
So that's my mom.
So I would say that if she eventually fall in love with your dad.
No.
No, no, no.
My mom was actually the first woman in her family to ever leave her husband.
She tried to leave him and she went to her brother and her brother took her back to the
husband.
Of course.
That was abusive.
And he said, your job as a woman is to be his wife.
Poor women did back then.
To me, that's what I would say my life would be.
My life would be to just, I was raised as a kid in Texas to make sure that my brothers
were taken care of.
All the men, you know, had more rights than I was, and that's why it's kind of weird.
But I get to do stand up and that I've gotten to the place that I've been at because it's
a total 180 from where I grew up in, you know, so like for me, I wasn't saying you're going
to be a community organizer or something.
You see like one of those people that would like with the far, you know, that's a far
like, you know, you need better rights, you know, back in the day, half my life is that
like right now that's what, like I'm going to DC tomorrow to do a anyway, what about
you, Frankie?
I was going to go to DC tomorrow to, you know, to put my feet around someone's dick.
He wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
He wasn't here.
I was like, oh, he wasn't here.
I'm sorry, Frankie, that's my side hustle.
I see Frankie's friend.
Well, I proposed this earlier.
I'm sorry.
Hey, homie.
That's part of that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If somebody DM'd you and said, hey, bro, I'm a big fan, you know, I'm a billionaire,
right?
How much would I have to pay you?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm a billionaire.
Talk like that.
Hey, bro.
I'm a big fan.
I'm a billionaire.
He invented low riders.
He invented low riders.
Hey, bro.
I invented low riders and Mariachi.
Yeah.
Mariachi.
Mariachi.
Just one.
Mariachi.
Yeah, 500 years old Mariachi.
Yeah, man.
Is that a guitar or a singer or a player?
Mariachi?
Yes.
It's like the whole crew.
Yeah.
It's a group.
Oh, a Mariachi is a group.
Yeah, the Mariachi's.
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You're still a Mariachi.
You could still be a single Mariachi.
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And
if I was a cartoon, you would see a light bulb and then you would see that would
vanish you see a rabbit right and then I'm like rabbit time right and I'll do it
for like 20 stages hard right like hard and the I don't know what their faces
are like but it's I don't think they like it I think they're like this is
weird yeah it's too fast it's too fast for him I think I'm doing it for her but
probably no it's not for her it's not for her at all that right there when you
start doing that they think that it's all about you and you're interested in
getting it off and you're not gonna do shit for her because it's true no
because because you're saying that when I rabbit fog at the end of my rabbit
fucking there's come it's not no I go back to slow for no it's not offensive
because I'm saying that's what they think at that moment
I start going back in the slow form I would say so I would say so yeah yeah
it's kind of when you're playing a video game and you're a full power of your
character rabbit fuck is full power and then you're like oh I gotta like wait
to load up again right right the little energy bar kind of yeah you gotta like
take it to the edge yeah like you gotta find like a life support shit or
something yeah some crates you know I'm old and I'm not in shape yeah I can
rabbit fuck for days my early 20s I pictured you a vibrator no it's not
I'm not the flash you're writing your own Yelp review I never asked I always
pictured you as a I'm just gonna lay on my back and have the girl ride you
you seem like that kind of guy I just I totally would not picture you doing the
sewing machine because you're late you know you even say you don't like to do
anything like a lazy wow he's like Bobby's accepting all of this he's like
really processing this yeah you know what's weird when they say something you
laugh hysterically I say what you're saying I think about right because it's
very potent what you're saying and real and I'm trying to analyze what you're
saying that's why oh yeah yeah yeah cuz you do like me you know a girl on top
true but can I say something right now my friend yeah my old friend you get
amigo yeah you can wrap it style from the bottom what's about you're doing the
under power thrust under curging right I will tell you this I think that women
or maybe me yeah when I meet a guy I imagine how they're gonna fuck right and
sometimes I don't want to fuck them by what they look like all right yeah this
is great have you ever been surprised though when you thought you had a
homie figure out when I say let me disclaim it when I say by what they
look like I don't mean physical looks I mean by like like when you were saying
the slacker thing yeah like I agreed with you we you don't know Frankie
Johnny or me no right we're at a fucking we could be at a bar or a quinceañera
whatever you want whatever you want in this scenario okay let's go bar all
right okay so we're at a bar right in Albuquerque been there love okay so we're
in a bar in Albuquerque right we're homies yeah that's where we walk in yeah
hey homie you know how we do right and you're looking at us so go to Johnny
first how would he fuck just based on his luck and be real Johnny's a strong guy
he's a comic legend I would say that Johnny likes to take his time in a good
way I think that just by looking at him I know that he's not like he's not in
his 20s so he actually has been around where he might have picked up a couple
lessons like a lot of tips so I think that for me like you know what if I saw
Johnny at a bar and like we were in that realm I'd be like you know what I would
maybe chance it you know what I mean I would probably you know it's like because
because of the it's like what and by the way question like when I say that I
assume like you know that I guess what the guys are and stuff I also mean that
I've talked to them a little bit too you know what I mean so okay you want to
get some conversations going on I just wanted to have that okay but you know
kind of vaguely what he talks like yeah I would be like just from that and like
what he looks like I would be like he might be you know he might be like a
decent fuck Frankie Frankie I think
how do you feel right now she's pretty spot-on and I'll tell you let me tell
you why yeah I don't know if it's cuz I was raised the three older sisters no
brothers oh here we go I'm I take care of the woman first it's all about her
people rarely do that yeah I know no men men don't it's all about them so I take
my I've always I'm not I'm not lying I've been told I'm very one one word
that's been used for me for years and years passionate and I'm very passionate
oh yeah yeah I take my time I make sure she's all right yeah yeah yeah I do that
too dog all right let's go to Frankie now now I would think that Frankie if we
were at a bar I would be excited to see him if we talk I'm like oh you know what
this could go either way you can either be really great but I doubt it because I
actually think that he's the kind of guy that would that would probably have a
couple choices and when people have a couple choices they don't really focus
on one person because they're spreading it around so it's saying is I don't have
any choices
I've never been a guy that's had a bunch of options I've never been a woman that's
had a lot of options he's lying well I I'm telling the truth you're lying that
was only because you're lying me perform and I was young when he was young and
the hottest comic in LA this guy you see the hottest comic I like when he says
this leather jacket I used to watch you from the back I go this guy's a rock
star yeah a fucking rock star but that but the girls are hooked up with me
because I was on stage Bobby that's enough of about that no pain coming so
I need some support that's why I look at Carlos I know some pains coming I'm
not gonna lock eyes with you during this segment Carlos right and I'm not gonna
have any expressions and I'm gonna take it like a man go ahead since you said
that we had already talked I think that I would consider you very hard to
impress on my end I think that you're actually somebody that you know because
you think that you're not fuckable or whatever but the way that you talk you're
actually somebody that's very intimidating towards a woman so because
like the way that you talk you're not playing any games that that the women
are used to you are not like you are not what women are used to dealing with so
they don't know what to do with you so like imagine like you know that's why
when Johnny was saying that you look like a like because you give off the
slacker vibes you would expect that the woman would be like dominant meaning
that you want to be dominant and like not doing anything because and that is
actually very confusing because at this point it's just like wait I either a I'm
gonna have to do all the work because you seem like you don't give a shit enough
like like where you're just like happy you're like calm you're where you are
like whatever but when I talk to you it's just like man does he want to fuck
or not and it's that thing we're like so when we actually get to have sex fuck
yeah you know it's like I don't it's a riddle because I'll tell you this I will
say I was a mind game I'm a Batman villain you're a henchman like you
wait your turn you know what you're a henchman because people don't know shit
about the backstory of the henchman and that's you oh wow you know what I mean
everybody but I am evil you got you got a bad side to you oh there we go but
with Bobby do you think the end result would be satisfying or you'd be doing a
too much work there is no answer because Bobby I will say fucking Bobby is
having like is get buying a candy that's a mystery flavor and you don't know
like a Harry Potter candy I don't know anything about Harry Potter but like
airheads they have a mystery flavor that's like question mark you're like
yeah what is it like you would be I'm a mystery player he's like somebody that I
wouldn't know which way it's gonna go right yeah yeah like I could have a dig
or a platypus foot you definitely have a dick like you know what it is it's like
I would either expect that like when you tell people like like I could either be
like fucking Bobby Lee yeah that's a fuck you Frankie fuck you Frankie I'll
never saw you this interesting you know what because you know I was actually
saying this right I think right before we started recording it's like the reason
I said like when Bobby asked me to be on the podcast today I said yes I like Bobby
a lot because he's no bullshit so it's that thing where like he doesn't hold
back he's very him so like that's the thing that for me I'm like whatever he
says goes and it's just like and that's how you know who he is so at a bar if I
saw you and we talked I'm like that's what like at least I know who the fuck
you are you're not telling me that you're looking for something serious you're not
trying like just to get me like just to try to get me back into like no small
now now it's our turn I don't mean the pivot but she was talking about
villains and I just want to ask a question because I find myself ever
since I was a kid I always gravitated to the villains and not the heroes me to
okay like when I remember watching the first you know the very first Star Wars
and you know there's Luke there's Han Solo whatever I just was like nothing
nothing I'm just like this as soon as I saw Darth Vader hmm I'm like there's my
guy and I've always been I've I just lean toward I love the Riddler I love the
Joker's my favorite villain because they're complex characters I mean you
look at Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver right yeah I mean what a dark character
but you're on his side because a lot of his issues you kind of relate to you
know the isolation the overthinking you know you know I if I wasn't a stand-up
comic and had the life that I had I could see myself not become a killer
or anything like that but I could see myself going dark and thinking a lot and
I mean that weird inner thoughts you know I mean I just don't act on them and
whatnot but I relate to those characters me too is that what it is
maybe that's yeah I think that to me it's kind of like I see certain villains
as an underdog well and it's because the way that we show the good the quote-unquote
good how you're supposed to be kind of like the good team the good side is
always very like oh man they're just perfect vanilla like they're just oh
man look at like they have the looks they have everything it's kind of like I
always go back to like bad news bears right it's like a team of just like
these like people that come in together and try to make it work and like they're
seen as the underdog and a lot of the villains Darth Vader to me is kind of
like a different thing because if you look at the merchandising Darth Vader
is just so dominant over the good side because the good side has so many heroes
yeah but we always go back to Darth Vader right so he's dominant right but
it's that thing where like you're so empathy there because you have the
emperor yes right so you know he's not you know he's being manipulated to from
a guy above a hundred a hundred percent and then he had a lot of trauma as a
young kid right yeah yeah when you see the prequels you actually start
thinking like oh when you see Anakin's rise you're thinking oh now I know why
he's Darth you know and you kind of can't like what is it with like like
Princess Amidalia or whatever it's like you know you start seeing and you're
like fuck like now I get why he's a dick you know what I mean yeah to me that's
why like when we get to delve into the villains and honestly I think that the
villains the villains and the heroes those are labels that we create but in
our everyday life we have villains and we have heroes that we label because the
heroes are nice to us and the villains aren't and sometimes the villains aren't
nice to us because maybe we're the villains back to them you know so I love
that kind of yeah I'm probably a villain when I drink right Bobby I changed to the
villain yeah yeah that's interesting yeah yeah you know you said you brought up
teams like the bad news bear when I was a kid my dad 49er fan right so I had
the wrong outfit you could finish I promise you'll finish let me just okay
right you're pivot king and I love it yeah I love to see you work okay all
right let's go on baseball now no no no let me just say this I'm not gonna go
in a base what I was but when I so I'm a 49er fan right the colors gold red
white it's at the bright I started watching the Raiders they were mean they
were dirty they cheated and they were black they were in black and I just fell
in love with that team did and I'm jerseys were black they were all they had
a lot their hair was outside of their helmets I mean they were called mullets
the day didn't even that wasn't even mullets this is the seven this is the
70s so I remember I switched to the you know broke my dad's heart the rest of my
family all nine are fans all of them and I went to the dark just because like
she said she liked the bad news I love the Raiders because they were they were
they were mean and dirty dude and I as a kid I was just like and I think that's
because I have got picked on a lot you know what I mean because I was the
smallest kid in the class little guy you know it's funny is that my family I'm
the only Cowboys fan everybody my family Steelers and I told you yeah well
because I want to say that in the 70s they had an exhibit game or something in
Mexico and my family we just became in love with like the Steelers and because
I was born and was raised in Texas I picked Cowboys and it's just that thing
where like your family doesn't understand why it's almost like you
have a like like this problem yeah yeah man yeah but anyway I just was curious
about villains people with I just didn't know but I guess other people do that
and gravitate towards I love Bobby's facial expressions throughout all of it
he hides nothing like you're you talk about trying to change it he's like oh
okay yeah but how come he keeps doing that face when I talk nobody else can I
I'll be on it completely honest with you can I be honest with you yeah yeah Bobby
of course because I know you the best mm-hmm I have a long history yeah right
and yeah I mean I I love you man like if we visited his like if we visited Bobby's
house Frankie and I would use the guest bathroom oh you're in the main yeah
you're like you get to use my soaps we do go back man you know I met you and
I we met in 98 I know I know that's 25 years ago it's insane 25 those 98 man I
was gonna add 10 no you're thinking 90 you're thinking 88
how old do you think we are well apparently from your stories well I'm
older than Bobby yeah yeah I mean I was enamored by you yeah anyway and I was
the only one nice to Bobby at the comedy store let me just say this okay
great episode oh are we done yeah no great episode chemistry was great
yeah I generally don't laugh that hard but with these these ones when I do this
kind he was gonna say these ones like these one was so fun too oh yeah and
they're just so you like the theme you like the theme ones not just themed I
like being it with you know people that I like that are funny and seeing what the
mixture because even the last one I didn't know what the mixture would be
like it just could have gone around yeah yeah I mean yeah I even called Carlos
and I go I don't know what this mixture is gonna be like yeah I mean so um but it
was it's just beyond you know I mean expectation Johnny can you look at this
camera and say gracias por ser malos amigos
say that again gracias por ser malos amigos gracias gracias por ser malos
amigos malos amigos para parcias gracias oh gracias you said like you said
parcias that's all I would say is that cover it
because what he's trying to say is the way we close the show somebody looks in
the camera goes thank you for being a bad friend oh that's right okay oh gracias
por ser malos apacios go ahead gracias don't help them again just do whatever
comes out okay go ahead gracias gracias por ser malos amigos