Bad Friends - Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

New Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://hellofresh.com/badfriends16 code: BADFRIENDS16 & https://policygenius.com & https://sportsbook.draftkings.com CODE: BADFRIENDS http://shipstation.com code: BADFRIENDS More Chris Distefano  Chrissy Chaos: https://www.youtube.com/c/chrisdcomedy Hey Babe: https://www.youtube.com/c/NoPreshNetwork Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy Twitter: https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Tickets and More: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com 0:00 White Friends and The Reason Bobby is Absent   5:29 Where Not To Put Your Rainbow Flag  9:42 Rudy's Thoughts on "Casino"  17:47 The King of China  29:28 Carlos' Secret Makes Rudy Loose It  32:42 Fancy's Deportation Story  46:02 Is Chris Distefano Gaining Weight?  50:42 Harry Styles Wears Rudy's Clothes   57:00 Famous Atheist Last Words  1:05:47 Chris' Daughter and the American Girl Dolls  1:12:25 Rogan, Patrick Mahomes and the Richest People Andrew and Chris Know  1:14:20 Ralph Fiennes' Hairstyle TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Are your levels good? You sound good? I sound good. I feel good.

Bad friends. Bad new friends. Bad new friends. It's a brand new. Bad new friends. White friends. White friends. White friends. We started Asian hate.

Yes. We did. We started it. We did. We want to bring back the campaign. We do. Bobby's gone. Listen. Hopefully for good. Let's be real with the fans. Okay. Here's what's going on.

Bobby and I got into a little quarrel about where to shoot Bottoms of Turtle Island. He went out on his own and he is island shopping. And I mean this. He's looking to buy an island. Okay.

He's searched the Caribbean or the Caribbean as you people call it. And he's looking for an island and he's looking to shoot somewhere next year in the fall maybe. So Bobby's going to be gone for a couple of weeks. Okay. So what did I do? What'd you do?

Bling bling bling bling bling bling bling bling bling bling Hello? Hey Chris. Hey Andrew. It's the red cockat. Hi kids. I'm on the phone with the devil. I need you to come to the studio. Okay. And to be my co-host for an episode or two.

Ooh. Okay. 10,000 episodes sound good. You got it. Bobby's in rehab. Druggy. He's a real druggy. He's a druggy. What can we say? We know. You guys know it. He's the love of our life and I love him so much

because he's one of my best friends on earth and he's in rehab. You know what? We're comfortable talking about it because people have addictions and people have problems. We have problems. We got problems. We got problems, dude. We got problems. I was here in LA. The truth story is I was here in LA for something else and I was walking past the 7-Eleven

and Bobby was asleep outside of it and I called you and I said, we got a problem. We got a problem. So I gave him a go-go to keto and a slurpee and we put him in a nice church fan up to rehab and it's called, and he's getting people clean

and Bobby's gonna get a clean sweep and a new lease on life because we want him to live forever. I don't like mans no more. Yeah. I'm not gay no more! That's his guy. That's his pastor. By the way, look up the average lifespan

Okay, North Koreans got to be longer because they do it good up there. Yeah, let's say average lifespan of a South Korean 83 years. That's pretty good. Do you think Bobby will make it? Nope. Oh look at this George wants to give you a gift This is Thank you. Oh, this is from is this the ball gag you guys put in my mouth when you put the pubes in it Wow, do you have sex toys at home? No Jasmine has sex toys that She I think she uses them she never used them with me and I think she uses them on herself or My little daughter seven month old violet. I don't I think it's the carpenter who does work in our house I think it's his child. I

Got it. I got said we have sex toys, but I got a rooster ring. You know, really? Yeah rooster ring What's a rooster? It's a nice way saying cock ring. Okay. I got a rooster ring and it Vibrates by and you can put it on top of your of your slang and it on her ding dong Or you flip it upside down And it massages your cojones. Oh, you're nosados and it Yeah, so you can put it on top for it once it's for her for him for her and for him My friend is a police officer spinning around Yeah, my friend's a police officer in New York and he texted the group chat the other day and he goes guys

I just came from a call, you know, a DOA, you know, the guy was dead there He a guy died had a heart attack sitting in his computer with tidy white. He's down around his ankles Blasting gay porn with a cock ring around his cock And he just had a heart attack and he said like his white like he has a full wife and kids They just weren't home So it's like the guy was just ripping gay porn with a cock. Do you tell him? What do you tell the wife? You're a cop me and you we walking on a guy. Yeah, right? We walking on george, obviously Yes, who's got a big old thick cock ring on the fact that carlos isn't gay is mind-blowing by the way

He is they all are yeah, Carlos. He is gay. He's just not allowed to be it per his father, you know When his dad dies, he'll be able to do whatever he wants same with me. How old's your pop? 64 oh dude, he's in the he's in the thick of it nice because everything is gay now He's like, what are you gonna paint your nails? You're gay gay hurling insult. Where's your dad from? Uh, mexico city. Oh my the most homophobic city it hit. Yeah, mexican. That's the thing It's like everyone shits on whites the most racist homophobic people i've ever met in my life are non-white non-white Yeah, look up. Look up. Look up. Look up. What's the most homophobic city in the united states? Let's see who hates the gays the most i'm gonna say mexico city's got to be way in the united states or in the world

In the world i'm sorry in the world most yeah, yeah in the most homophobic city in the united states is boston 20 most dangerous 20 yeah, it is 100% get out of here dude with your fucking cock rings and your butt plugs Fucking cocksack guys. All right. This is the 20s most dangerous places to live for homosexual men and i'll tell you what's not Nigeria number one i would say that's just dangerous place to live period period I'm surprised. It's not something in the middle east. Oh Yes, there you are. Yeah, yeah, man coming through yeah, man big saudi boom Tanzania taking it back Iran let's go back people are the problem though. Why people are the devil Here we go. We still haven't hit us. Sudan. You haven't hit one of us. No Malaysia. No, these are all tourist destinations

But we don't live in Zambia St. Lucia. Oh st. Lucia beautiful island though. Uh, Uganda. Uganda Pakistan west bank in the Gaza Kenya Maldives Jamaica Ethiopia Egypt. We only stop you right there. I haven't I haven't seen Brooklyn I didn't see queens ready for this. Let's go to the top five safest places for lgbtq gays number one Sweden then canada white norway white portugal white of spanish white spanish white belgium waffles I mean, I mean, so the fact but we're the enemies. We're the enemy vote republican only way to fix this By the way, you know, we should get we should get more Caitlyn Jenner's in public office because you want Gay republicans. Yes, if you really want to mix up the system, you got to get gay republic now

She's against gay marriage, which is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. That's very strange I think she I don't know if she flipped back but for a long time she was against gay marriage meet the gay republicans This is a good article see but there should be more gay republicans. Well, I think a lot of them flip the stigma, dude Yeah, well, isn't the guy um with the eyepatch gay? That guy who's the eyepatch? No, no, he's not getting crencha or something like that. Dan crencha I thought that's what you got a cock in the eye Was it like wasn't a friendly fire wasn't shocked by he was shocked. That's what he says. Yeah, it's friendly come well That is friendly fire. Yeah

No, he's not he's not gay, but I do think there should be more gay republic just to mix it up I'm sick of the same old same old. Yeah. What about there's a gay guy in the nfl There's a lot of gay men in the nfl like but there's one open gay guy. Isn't he on the rams? Oh, he's on the raiders. He's on the raiders. Yeah, because pirates Why was that a so why would oh, why would why did butt pirate become a thing? Where did that come from but pirate maybe um, because pirates seem to be not gay They seem to be like Didn't they like loot and rob and rape and pillage?

Yeah, like the a heiny pirate maybe because you're going like but to but you're on the 7c No, they would know they wouldn't sleep but to but They'd sleep penis to butt to step. I'm saying as a pirate would go port to port. You're going butt to butt. You're a heiny pirate Um, but where does but pirate come from? What's that amount of Rudy? What does it say a Rudy queer man who likes to ram his schooner into another man's glory hole? Well, that's just fun to say. I guess. Yes. That's just nautical talk. Um, yeah There seems to be a lot of urban definitions for it. No origin. Oh, he's trying to say black and he does afraid to say Hey, it's Rudy. Rudy's here. Come on in. Let's give it up for the rude. Hey, Rudy. How you doing, Rudy?

Um, are those Kanye West boots? Those are dope put your mic up to your face. We got started without you, but we're happy that you're here That does Rudy know what's going on. It's her young years. It's too much Does Rudy know what's going on? She the how she lives in is with the guy that we're yeah, so she knows Okay, do you know? Okay, let's ask. Okay, Rudy Do you know that uncle Bobby went to rehab? You know Tito went to rehab yesterday. Yeah, so there, of course, you know She lives there. Okay, you know, you know, she's she acts innocent. She's 40. You're 40. You're a 40 year old Filipino man Oh, hey, Rudy. What's up? How'd you learn? How was school anything good?

Um, I didn't go to school Oh I switched classes and I just didn't go to school because George What what the fuck is going on? Uh, she did not report back to me this information I like this little sneaky snake. She's out. What were you up to then? What'd you do and you didn't go to school? I was trying to watch casino The movie casino you watched it. Yeah

Wow, my favorite. You like it. I'm so proud of you. It was okay. Oh, what why so one of the greatest movies of all time What what didn't you like about casino? I like that there were a lot of like Like stabbing. Yeah Killing. Mm-hmm a lot of angry men. Yeah angry men. You do like that. You like angry men sometimes like Yay, that's my thing So wait the stabbing you liked what would you have a favorite scene? Do you remember one scene that you liked? I just like What's his name? Robert De Niro. I just like that

giving Um ginger a lot of jewelry. I like that Right the whole movie. That's that's your favorite part. That's it. Um that she that she gets a lot of jewelry What's your favorite movie of all time? I don't know don't ask me that she hates those questions. You can't do that but do it again and do it more Okay, how about this not okay? What is your favorite movie with an asian american? Or at the asian lead of all time. Who's your favorite asian actor or actress jet lee? Who's your favorite asian?

Tito bobby is really tito bobby is your favorite. I like not as an actor just as an asian He's your favorite asian of all time Yeah, I guess he's up there for a lot of people's favorite asian. I mean he's up there. That's an interesting question Like I wonder if you posed Who's your favorite asian on twitter if a lot of people would say bobby lee? I would say mine are Um lisa ling love yao ming love. It's got a rhyme now Okay chingo bling chingo bling Uh sing sing but my overall favorite asian is kim jong un. Yeah, he's the best number one. You like kim jong un

He's the leader didn't have parents. I think he's the big dog. He's the big papa. Yeah, he's an actor Yes, yes, he is he's acting like uh He acting like he doesn't want to kill everybody all the time But he does acting like he might not bomb us all but he's gonna that's where bobby really went He defected back home to north korea Imagine how funny imagine they loved him. I could see that kim jong un loving him if they love kim jong Who loved he loved denis rodman who else went up there didn't steven sagal go up there or something like that Probably there was another famous guy that went up there and they loved him. Um rudy. What class were you supposed to be at today?

chemistry Oh, you want to do some talk about the periodic table of elements? You want to you want to uh, Gold uh, uh fe. What is fe? fe is iron Um, he didn't even know that. No, he didn't know that. I did. No fe. No fe is um, is one of my favorite asians um, who Who what is gold? A.g. Yeah, he's easy because I like a.g. Um, what is um barium? Oh

Or b.r. b.a. or b.r. I think b.r. Is barium, but I'm not really sure You'll be a baby girl. Got it. Do you want to work at somewhere and Like what I don't I don't understand what the point of chemistry And these classes at your age at 20 years old. Why would you need to know chemistry? Because my major is biology and in biology You need to take chemistry. Your major is biology. I like it. I've never known that. I like it I thought I that's I thought you're doing something with animals Yeah, yeah, she's dissecting them. Are you just killing them? You're slicing them up. I want to do that I did that. I was a physical therapist. So I had to go through all that class. I dissected, uh, uh,

gerbils, rats, cats, humans How come you had so many gerbils on hand? Mm-hmm Chris, Chris, yes, and we all want to thank Chris in class for bringing home the gerbils to stay safe with him Yes, and they come back very excited And very wise for somebody like they can figure out anything they can know how to they don't want to get around And they're all they're all a new coat of brown. Um, did I ever tell you do you know people put gerbils in their butt? No, this is a real thing. Yes Uh, because it just gets in there and rummages around and kind of hits the prostate a lot and you know

It's a nice orgasm because you're you're in your Your tush inside of your tush is is a maze pretty similar to what they run them through for testing Do you know your butthole's a maze? Yeah, your buttholes. You know how you're you know, everyone has an individual ear every ear canal looks different Your butthole looks like that inside. Mm-hmm And they used to have gerbil butthole racists and you let them go at the same time You chewed a little gun and they They made run around your little butthole and they have to go touch your prostate and then

They run all the way back out. Sure. Do you know they touch the prostate because you oh you because you come everywhere Yeah, that's why they ping that's why. Yeah, you know see like um a lot of nurses You know, they wear that face shield COVID a lot of them were gerbil butthole racers 100 judges I saw a nurse on the flight. Uh, by the way, what a crazy weekend. I want to talk about Whoa crazy, but I saw a nurse on the flight and she was wearing um scrubs. You know what scrubs are. Yeah And why did I ask you like you're like you wouldn't know what scrubs are. Of course, some people wouldn't she didn't know what um What what she didn't know what um, she's very something was was before no, no, no, no, it's not I know She's very intelligent. I know you're very intelligent. It's just sometimes it's a it's a youth thing

Yeah, we might have a different word like if my dad used to say don't park by the johnny pump I was like the fuck's the johnny pump. It's a fire hydra Is that what they call it a johnny pump johnny pump my dad calls a fire hydrant a johnny pump Well, you were tampitoni this past weekend. I was with tampitoni this past weekend. He was wearing diabetic socks Uh, the girls loved him. He took about 50 pictures and now he has a slight cough and body ache So oh see what happens. He's got rony rones. He might have it But he said he doesn't give a shit. He had a good time in Tampa. Did he get vexed? Yeah, he got vexed. He got the boosted is uh, my stepmother made him my stepmother told him it was a flu shot

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's how to that's how we should be suckering people to get a vexed. Yeah, she said it was a flu shot Yeah How will they ever know? No, that's what he, you know, he just my dad's one of those guys they have that relationship She's been my stepmom 35 years So my dad doesn't do like the paycheck just goes to her like my dad does nothing She just calls him. She feeds him. He just shows up and he's like, what are we doing? You know, so she brought him to the doctor and he was like She was like, you know, you'd get at least get your flu shot and then she had told the doctor before don't tell him

This is the covet vaccine. Oh hell is never going to get it. So they just fucking did it I gotta tell you that's a pretty efficient way of getting it done. Yeah, did you get the booster? Did you feel sick? Yeah, I was really I had a headache sore and Yeah, did you get it the booster? Yeah. No No, because I had the shot and I had coveted Yeah, and I think it was too close to I think I'm up a fish. I think I'm uh, what is it called? I'm like, um eligible for it now in the month of January. Yeah, so now I'm eligible for I'm eligible in March

Yeah, because you got the second shot was yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if I want to get the The boost man. Yeah, did you guys boost up? Didn't do anything to Yeah, but you can also I got the booster two weeks before I got covet Really? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I remember we ate dinner and he called me. He was like, by the way I have Did you get covet bad? Were you really sick? Uh, no, it wasn't that bad. You know, there's an article online about people that men are losing penis size because of covet I don't believe it though. Look it up. No. No, I know I've seen the article, but do you believe it?

Yes, anything on the internet is believable. But how could you lose penis size? I think that said something about skin shrinkage like your skin is deteriorating. Well, that's when you got to get warts Well, you got warts grow skin back. Oh, I call it extra skin layers. Yeah, like a rainbow cookie coronavirus lingers in penis and could cause impotence So that's why I because I've been I've I've I've really been actually having a well, you haven't got a baller in about 15 years It's been very tough to get an erection. You got a Nothing, you know, Jasmine's very beautiful Puerto Rican, but I just it's like I'm just mashing it up a softy right up against their thigh Yeah, it's a wet noodle. It's very embarrassing. How do you feel about Puerto Ricans? You know any Puerto Ricans? No Puerto Rican friends. Do you have any Mexican island friends Cubans?

I would think the Philippines. I should say not Mexican. They're the Puerto Ricans of Asia racist Would Filipinos be the Puerto Ricans of Asia would the king of China be like the the Puerto Ricans are the Philippine? Like the king of Spain would say the Puerto Ricans are the Puerto Ricans And I wonder if the king of China would say the Puerto Ricans are the Filipinos. Is there a king of China? No, but you know There feels like there feels like it is the emperor. Whatever his name Xi Jinping. Oh, Jiang Zhizhuang I want to go to China so bad just to see the uh, they don't want you there. Why no What do you mean you don't want to go to China? No, no, they got pandas in the wild Yeah, that's true, but you do not

Want to go to China not right now because you're a muslim and what they're doing is they're taking muslim people What do you mean? I can pray there Nope, but they're shaving their heads in certain provinces and putting them on trains into concentration camps. Get out of that So you're a dead, you know, I mean you look as muslim as anyone I've ever seen Well, I didn't take up muslim and muslimity until very recently, but I've been thinking about it I've been always thinking man. I got to be a muslim some at some point. Yeah, and you're and you're still christian Catholic baby catholic and I'm back at church. See it's one of those things where like people go How could you go back to church with all the stuff going on with the priest? I said, that's why I'm going back

I'm looking for some cock You were an altar boy, weren't you? Oh, yes, I was shout out father bill. There was a couple of times father bill Did you get in trouble yet? He didn't but it was funny me in the way me and my and couple of my friends who went to uh Uh, the grammar school that I went to in the high school I went to there was a big article that came out in the new york times that Exposed like a hundred parishes in the new york city area and like 200 priests and we I was read We were reading that list with our hearts like that like I wonder if one of us god I wonder if one of them got us one of them got us and then there was one priest that we all knew

And yeah, what's his name? Uh, father bill and oh And then and then we were all like whoa Whoa, and and it was me and my three other friends and then one of my friends made believe you had to take a Well, you know, we didn't know this at the time, but he said, you know, he took a phone call He's like uh, and then he never came back. I was like, ooh, I think he got hit Well, but you know you make fun of him. It's what friends are for he's dead by the way Yes, he's killed himself from alcoholism. Well, what are you gonna do? What can you do? You got to hide it somehow

You got clipped. I know that's so weird that you said grammar school my mother says that too But I said elementary school. Do you know what grammar school is? No, did you call it elementary school? Yeah, see The Philippines Yeah, she's still there now She's not here. Oh, that's right. You're in the Philippines. Yeah, she's in the Philippines. This is broadcasting from the Philippines She moved here only how many years ago I told you I don't know if I said this the last time but when I was a physical therapist

I worked with a lot of uh, Filipino people Uh, they're a lot of them are physical therapists and they're so good because out of all the asians They have the smallest hands They do that's a that's a fact google Filipino people have the smallest hands. She has right. That's a regular size hand. No Filipino people have the smallest hands That's why they're very good at massages because they can get in the vertebrae because they have little baby hands So Filipinos have very very small hands. So what race has the smallest hands? What race has the smallest hands? What do we think? I I mean Filipinos seem Malaysia, Philippines

relative lengths Of hand size do black people have bigger hands than oh, yeah, they have to yeah, they got it They have to they have to have the biggest hands and the biggest feet not the biggest penises though Who do you think has the biggest penises? Um, I truthfully in my heart believe that I think the biggest the biggest penises um, are from um I wish people Irish people you think Irish people no they like it's a classic that they have small penis Irish people I bet you okay. We all know that black google this please We all know that most likely that the african nation of Africa probably has the men with the the biggest penis size

Who has the biggest balls is what oh that's way more interesting because that's more interesting because that's not necessarily black men What do you think has the biggest balls Rudy? Big sigh what does reddit say uh German she says Germans Hello fresh hey with hello fresh you get farm fresh pre-portion ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep Skip trip to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal Okay, I use hello fresh at my own house. They send it to my front door, and I love it as so much Look, am I a good cook? No, but do they tell me how to use all that stuff? Yes They got quick and easy meals. They got 20 minute recipes low prep easy cleanup

It's 72 cheaper than a restaurant and the meal's the same quality You can save an average on 65 dollars a month when you order a hello fresh instead of grocery shopping That's more money put towards those 20 22 goals of yours. All right. Hello fresh offers 50 different market menu items to choose from Including they got veggie calories smart if you feel low pudgy watch family friendly gourmet options providing plenty of variety recipes like Hibachi sweet soy but that's steak and shrimp. Wow. That's Bobby and me Bring restaurant quality meals right to your kitchen while their white cheddar wonder burgers make it easier to skip the takeout my friend Uh, I love it. I use to set the house. It's very simple to do and if I'm so stupid and I can do it You can do it go to hello fresh comm slash bad friend 16 use code bad friends 16 for up to 16 free meals and

Three free gifts. Come on. Hello fresh comm slash bad friend 16 use the code bad friend 16 for up to 16 free meals and Three free gifts. Hello fresh America's number one meal kit policy genius Hey life insurance can give you peace of mind that if something happens to you or your loved ones Uh, would have a financial cushion for rent mortgage payments loans education costs and everyday expenses, right? You never know what's gonna happen. Bobby might turn up at a ditch someday by the hands of me And we need some insurance to protect that having life insurance through your job may not be enough And a lot of people don't have insurance with the job Most people need up to 10 times the coverage that they have to properly provide for their families

That's crazy and policy genius is your one stop shop to find and buy the insurance that you need Click on the link in the description head to policygenius.com and answer a few questions in minutes. You can compare personalized loan quotes from Top companies to find your lowest price. You could save 50 percent or more on life insurance by comparing quotes with policy genius Don't go out there blind help policy genius find the light the team of licensed experts policy genius are going to help you Understand your options and apply for the best policy that they can find the team works for you Not the insurance companies you can trust them to offer an unbiased help and advocate for you at every step until you're covered All right policy genius doesn't add extra fees. It doesn't sell your info to third parties Like facebook does policy genius has thousands of five star reviews across google and trust pilots since 2014 policy genius

That helped over 30 million people so many people Shop for insurance and placed over 120 billion in coverage go to policygenius.com head to policygenius.com to get your anchor If you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please It's free. Awesome. That's cool. These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone Or your computer you do it from your phone like on the go Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool anchor will distribute your podcast for you

So it can be heard on Spotify apple podcast and many many many many many many many many many many more Go ahead. You can make money from your podcast, too No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started Free life insurance quotes to see how much you could save. What is this ethnicity and penis size biggest testicle? So this is what I want to know penis girth Oh, yeah, wow east asian the smallest on both smallest balls and smallest girth. Unfortunately east asia matter if you have big balls

Does it mean anything if you have big balls? I would think that it would mean I would think a woman would look at a man's testicles and the bigger the better because I think it might subconsciously tell her There's more sperm in there higher chance to get me pregnant, which is what subconsciously just sex is Yeah, I know but look at the at the gym that I go to I see guys shower sometimes I see guys with massive massive balls and really small penises Mm-hmm. So that's an offset. Yeah, that can't nobody wants huge balls with a small penis You'd rather have regular balls in a regular penis what I have that's unfortunate is I have uh, I have Relatively small testicles, but a huge sack

You're so you got to get so much gum down there. It's just so much skin Yeah, it's so much excess. Did you ever stretch it over your hand like a watch? You know, you know guys that could do that in high school. No, no you ever stretch it over here You could pull it over your wrist. Could you guys are you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, somebody puts on you Can you do it Carlos? I feel like I can actually you have big enough balls. Yeah. Oh, that's nuts rudy. Come on Cut it out being gross. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and jasmine has my sack She's using like a blanket like a snuggie. It's a snuggie That's a love sack. Yeah, it's a beanbag my nuts are beanbag

Um, I just would rather not have huge balls in a really small penis because I see guys in the gym sometimes And they're older guys because your balls just never stop. It's like your ears knows in your balls Now, I'll tell you what I know you probably don't know this but I'm being dead serious I know he's a close friend of yours, but there's no way in hell Travis Kelsey doesn't have the huge cock with huge balls. There is no possible way Yeah, he doesn't have at least eight with I would say maybe his testicles might hang 10 11 inches We measured yet the other day You you seen it. Yeah, I went to his house. I was at his house literally after the game

Yeah, we measure see that boss bottle. Yes, that's about that's about oh the length in the girth soft Wow. Yeah So to see if kids No, not yet because it's I was going to say it's going to be hard to impregnate because you kill every woman you have sex Yeah, he does. He's killed about 13. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's insane. Yeah He's the best. I love him to death and the great win for the Kansas City Chiefs I got a lot of hate online was uh, people are like, oh, you're a bear's fans

Like dude if one of your good buddies Yeah was a hall of fame tight end. Yeah and was going into playoffs You'd go and root for them too because that's fun to do Yeah, my father's the biggest Yankees fan of all time like die hard Yankees fan Uh, he there was a show that I was doing in the city once and it was hosted being hosted by David Ortiz My dad was there in the front row like a little fucking girl Yeah, salivating waiting to just get a picture with David Ortiz. Yeah, because we love we're all I love the sports I just love sports. Yeah, I love the sports. What am I going to tell Kelsey? It's a shut up. These people are idiots

They're idiots. No, but they were like, oh fair weather fan. You're like, okay, so I shouldn't go have fun So my career has put me in a place to where I have friends with NFL athletes And I shouldn't go to their home after they just got to the AFC championship game It's so dumb. You remember did you guys stay out till five o'clock in the morning? We partied until I had to leave my my flight literally left this morning. I left Kansas City at six six thirty three a.m Your flight left I landed in LA at nine a.m

So you had to be on the plane be at the airport by five thirty Yeah, I literally went from the house to the hotel grabbed my shit and went to the airport zero zero So not one second of sleep in Kansas City after the game. No, I probably I mean I was packing I probably slept on the plane two hours of the three hour and 20 minute flight Did you did you um buzzing right now, buddy? All the guys and I lost my voice you can hear how long did they stay at at Kelsey's house? Everybody was there for a long time. Kelsey's the party house I mean it was last night. Yeah, it was awesome. Was Patrick Mahone's brother there was his brother there

Uh, his brother was in the suite was in their suite and then they came over to say hi brother the people Yeah, but but his his wife came britney came and uh He pat came hung out for a long time and then he left and then Trav and everybody were playing beer just drinking good coach and you read come or no and he reads stop by Really a buy a cheeseburger Now he would have never can you imagine I wonder what a coach like Andy Reed does when he's done when he wins something like that Where does he go?

Uh a guy like Andy Reed I think he probably goes to a denny's. Yeah. Yeah, just hangs out. Yeah, I think he goes to a denny's Maybe just I think he probably puts on the local news. Just look at the walrus, man He's the boss that guy's that guy's the shit. I I What does he look like to you? What kind of guy does he look like Rudy? Like does that guy look like a a sweet white guy an angry white guy a cool He's like a pedophile. Okay. Okay. Interesting. All right. Yep. He you think he does Yeah, why is it the way he's holding the football? What is it? Look at that. Oh, is he saying give Shen send over one kid? What is that?

No, he's not he's a sweet smart. Yeah, wonderful man. He you Says that about everybody. She said that about Carlos. She said Carlos looks like Carlos does he looks like a creep Carlos, but that's the irony is Carlos looks more pedophilic Carlos like this, but then when he takes his hat off, it's bad. Oh, he's like more more pedophilic Look, you're never seen with all this earlier. Is that a word? Look at this. Oh, yeah. Okay. How about now? How about now? Wait, hold on. Hold on. Is it on camera? All right. How about now now put now against andy reid beautiful the wonderful walrus and this man? Who do you think come on?

Carlos is a bit scary, but now put a hat on put a hat on and Normal sweet guy. Yeah, or it is take it off. Take it off hide your kids. Yeah Yeah, put the hat back on Hide your wife This guy a babe magnet dude out when he took his hat off at the trash tuesday podcast I almost fell out of my fucking chair. Why don't you buzz it now? Uh, I like it. I think it's funny. Can I do it? I do it is it is but can I tell you some confidence? You know why because you're you have a handsome face

Yes, because you have very nice eyes and you have a very handsome face So it doesn't even matter you pull it off and I've seen arish a fear grow his hair Like and it looked it's so because it's so or a guy stavros. Yeah, I love stavros because it's so funny It's so insane and I think a woman looks that it's like this dude is so confident He must have a huge cock and I'm gonna blast my blast me break my back. Yeah, but are you single right now? Yeah, the young man is out on the prowl. So ladies right into uh, uh, uh, give me that give me that beefy bald at gmail.com and we'll try to set you up at the date with Carlos

Are you interested in going on some dates with? Yeah, sure some of the field. Yeah, open it up I'm into it. You might as well, you know Because otherwise one day you're gonna turn around you're gonna flip around and you got Two kids with Puerto Rican and you know, you're living in Staten Island and you're floating away You know, it is you got your cholesterol is at about 280. I need my second divorce. So let's get Did you get divorced? He knocked out one. Yeah. Whoa, and you're a young guy. What what happened? Just didn't work out. We should have just probably been how long into the marriage. Did you know you fucked up?

Like a minute like four years. I would say I think wait a minute. Uh, are you guys are so cool though, right? No, she lives in Portland now It didn't end well. Well, I mean like we I thought we were cool and then I looked at her instagram like A year and a half Right row after our divorce like I didn't look at all and I saw she was at all of Andrew Santino's comedy shows Yeah front front row with her tits out No, you know, it's funny is I thought that that was gonna be the case

She's gonna be like partying and stuff and like going out with rock stars or whatever Yeah, she's been in a relationship like the whole time and she just had a baby Oh, that hurts last week. That stings a little bit. Did you congratulate her on the baby? Of course not. Yeah What if they named the baby Carlos? How fucking what a stinger? Oh my god, and Yeah, it's a good name Does that bother you a little bit that she has procreated with someone else? I'll tell you this it's so weird But it did not bother me at all. Not even a little bit. No, I was so excited to tell my therapist like Every time I was like, oh, she has a boyfriend. I don't care. It's weird. She has a baby. She's pregnant. Whatever

I never care. It's funny like he comes into a therapist with his hair and his head like that And she's like it doesn't bother me. It's fucking looking at you She's like would you like some medication? Would you like some Xanax? Do you like Carlos more or less now that you've seen him without a hat on? Yeah I like him more. See? Wow Because you got a sweet smile You do you got a really nice smile and you've always had like a nice sweet face I think that's what that's what it is though. It's like people don't even see it

They just see your beautiful little smile. Did you swap out Carlos with fancy because they're like a spanyard for a spanyard? Fancy got extradited back to Spain for for what did he do for well? He had sex crimes Yeah, you know, it's interesting fancy when I saw I think he was what was he doing? George? It was like somebody he was like shipping old ladies across borders You know how they you know they say like you'd see those signs at airports that are like hey if you're it's a human trafficking Yeah, you know and like whatever. Please report it. This guy was taking geriatric human trafficking to a whole new level He would Alzheimer's patients Alzheimer's patients this guy. He would trick Alzheimer's patients Into he'd be like no, no, no, we're going to see your kids. I'm your cousin. I remember and they were like

Oh my cousin and he would trick these old women and he pimped them out He's been pimping old men and women for about four or five years You know what's so fucking weird nuts because when I was here the last time, you know, and I was it I was with my kids Fancy dropped us off, you know, we went to the market and he dropped us off and then we were unloading the car And he goes, hey, do you guys mind if I take one of those boxes of diapers? And I was like, what do you need? Why do you want diapers for? He was like, I just you know, I just Would you just mind that it's kind of for a bit

But now it makes sense. He was using them for the small elderly people that fit into a yep my kids diapers 100% And they caught him. I think they got 67 or 68 cases of fancy. So where did he go? Okay, do we not know he's spain he got extradited to spain too much spain to espanilla They want it there and they're they're charting him with crimes against ureatric humanities. So he's in trouble, dude Who knows if he'll come back. I know I'm gonna miss him. Yeah. Yeah I mean, look if you want to go to okay, so we got a letter the other day asking us who wants to go Testify on his behalf and George and Bryce myself all said No, thank you. I'm not going to go to court to fight for this guy who's been human trafficking people that are 65 and up

I thought you liked him. I do but do you want to go to court for him? Yeah, you're willing to go to court for fancy. Wow Wow, what what is it? What's the reason if he's if he's trafficking old women and men and men They're old They are gonna die and the case she's right. Yeah, do we really care about the elderly? I think the judge put here at the gallery got sold sold Listen, let him leave Yeah, you're right. They are old. They are the oldest person that you know

My grandma, how old is she? she's 75 You're great. That's like my parents. That's so funny. No, it's crazy. Yeah, my dad's like 77 75 that's it. That's she's she's young and she probably looks young doesn't she The islanders bro. They live forever. I know I know the islanders. That's my favorite hockey team. No, it's not Yes, it is. What do you what do you think the diet is that makes every island people live so long? Is it rice and pineapples and stuff fish a lot of fish a lot of fish you guys don't need a lot of bread

No, real sweets, right? There's no desserts in the asian culture Um, yeah, they're ready. No, no, no, but nothing like deep starchy sugary. It's like fruit desserts Wait a minute. Don't call it. Look at it. It's the average age of the philippines 71 years So by the way, it seems better to live in north korea than it does the philippines north koreans lasted. How long 83 for 23 South korea was 83. Oh, sorry. Okay, so north korea has got to be way longer No, it's slower. Oh I wonder why who's the longest lifespan? Is it the japanese? Oh, it's got to be like the swedish or some the swiss swiss or something. You know what I mean?

One of the no, I think it's a I think it's japan. I bet it comes from treating the lgbtq community. Well, I bet it does too Hong Kong Hong kong No, dude. No, they hate they hate these guys are all bigots. Japan is too. You see switzerland. I said switzerland number three I was right in Singapore four Interesting. Yeah, look at this. We're not even in the top 10 What year do you want to die at if you perfectly what age would you like to die a perfect? Would you do a thing if you could both questions for everybody?

Would you do a thing right now if you said you're gonna die at this age? But you might if you picked it though, you're gonna live to that age But it doesn't mean you could be a paraplegic. You're gonna stay alive to that age 100 100 on the nose I just think there's something cool about dying at 100. You lived a century. You ready for this My grandmother died on her 100th birthday Shut up. She died at about four o'clock in the morning Four hours into her 100th birthday and when you turn 100 you get a card from the president So she got a card. She's the only person in history. We believe she accidentally got a card from president ronald reagan on her

99th birthday saying congratulations to being 100 and then she got the second card on her 100th birthday that you know my Family opened what like right before her funeral. So she has two cards from president reagan different dates saying You know congratulations. Do you have these cards where my mother has them? Yeah, I was like I said to my mom. I said, I don't think there's anybody like that might be like a Guinness record That's my credit. That's the only thing I could do to something this next time coming to the stage You see them on podcasts his grandmother lived to be 100 got a letter from the president christis. I better Yeah, come see me. I never heard of that that the president sends you a letter I don't know if it still happens, but they got a letter probably stop with obama. Yeah

Yeah, fuck now you get a fucking email Imagine how much they don't even bother to say, you know what, you know, you know, obama don't even say he sent you email They don't even write letters no more. Fuck them all I um, oh look at that. Does the president send you a letter on your 100 birthday? No The president does not call Birthday and other greens you burger. Oh, you can You can request you can request a birthday to my family requested Where have we been?

Dude, maybe my you know my grandfather great-grandfather fought in world war one and he used to tell stories about world war one That were nuts. There's a documentary called they shall not grow old that peter jackson who directed lord of the rings He colorized and put words into like had lip-syncing experts take this old world war one footage and colorized it and made like the real thing dude, it was out of control, you know, my grandfather used to say this he says a lot of guys would die in the toilet And I was like, what do you mean? I remember being like 12 years old He was like, yeah guys would die in the toilet like they'd be so weak that their heads would just fall into the toilet And like they were drowned in you know Shit and piss and then they said that word for word pretty much in the documentary like a common way to die because they were all dying of

Disinterity disinterested so they said they had no energy So something would happen where they would just fall into a toilet and then that's it. Look at Don DePetis here Oh, you pig perv pig perv speaking of pedophile here. Look go go a little bit closer Uh, how about this idiot? Does he look like a pedophile? What do you think? Yeah, but is it worse than Carlos? Yeah, who's worse? No, I like Carlos. We like Carlos. We like Carlos This guy look at this guy. This guy gave me covet He he gave me covet the first time He's the one he's the one done. That's his legend is that he gave me cove

That's what I bring up onto stages. We're doing the gore theater in Cleveland and on this guy gave santino covid Yeah, but you know what? No one else really got it. No one else really got it I was a show in Kansas City, by the way, so it turned out okay the theater had a great time St. Louis Kansas City was so fun, man I had a great time those this midwest people came out in droves, man And the theaters were really nice. You're did you do it? You're did them doing them? I'm not doing st. Louis in Kansas City I'm doing the Warner theater in Washington DC on February 11th and on February 12th with a tabernacle. Oh, you're in Atlanta. Yeah, and then agora theater

And royal oak theater in michigan and Detroit or gore and cleven march 4th and 5th those I heard are fun Those I heard are fun. Are you doing those? And then guess what me and you were doing green bay wisconsin. We do a green bay wisconsin march 24 for uh march 23 March 23 green because march 24th. I'm at the win in las vegas march 25th You're at the win in las vegas wait. I thought it was march 27. Okay, so I'm march 25th at the you're right I mean, it doesn't really matter march 24th. I do want to look it up. We are we are playing green bay You've never been to wisconsin. I've never been to wisconsin So we are co-headlining together you and I at the widener center on march 24th and then march 25th

I'm at the win in las vegas and march 26th and your sentino is at the win in las vegas So just make it a christy sentino weekend. Look at us a christy tino weekend christy tino at the what the weiner center Yeah, why did they name it the weed nurse center? I don't know. It's pretty stoop. You know We got to do we got to reach out to somebody and let because it's going to be the off season They got to take us over to lambo fields. So I've never stepped foot inside. Have you we got to go you've been we got to go You saw did you say the bears there? Did you see the bears play there? No, who'd you see play there? Nobody? I never I've been outside. I've never been inside. How did you wind up getting to green bay? Did you do a show over there once no one time? I went to green bay to go visit a family friend

Oh No, no, no, no, this is like an older woman an older. What were you doing, Andrew? You know I was kidnapping her to take her back to fancy be that perv. He's like I need some green bay pussy for me So I snack no we want to go see my buddy's aunt And I got to go see it from the outside, but I've never been in a never been in a game up there never been I would love to do it. We got to reach out. We're at the weiner center and tell tell them come on come on over Hey, yeah, we should bring rudy. You want to go to green bay? Rudy's checked out What do we do there?

Okay, the attitude. What do you mean? Well, well, there's there's breweries that you can drink at 18 there You can have there you go a lot of big white men. Look at how nice the weather is. It's 11 11 degrees outside There's cheese curds. You like cheese curds What are those a lot of constipated men show her what cheese curds are. You never seen them. No, they're like Little nuggets of cheese you put on fries with gravy. What about that? Tell me that doesn't look she likes it Yeah, you like fatty food. They squeak when you eat them Don't you think he seems the most pedophilic now after that they squeak when you eat them They squeak when you go get your van

That should be a sound bite. That's how you know a good cheese curd. It's fresh if it squeaks Well, it kind of does it does make a little poppy sound. It does have a little sound. I don't love them to be honest with you You don't like cheese. I don't love cheese curds. I don't hate them, but I don't love them Do you like poutine? You know the Canadians they do cheese curds and gravy and I cheese grosses me out Get out of town. I I'll tell you what I can't eat cold cheese. I can only eat warm cheeses I can only eat a melted cheese You can't have shredded cheese on a taco That I can eat sometimes but like if if there was a

A cold cheese platter. I would not take a bite out of any of it. You're not sharp cheddar You don't want to put a little sharp cheddar on a cracker zero I've never I don't think I've ever eaten that once in my entire life. I'm stunned stunned, right? I do not like a cheese board. You know something in my buddy in Maine. Maybe it's Maine No, Vermont my buddy from Vermont. He puts a slice of sharp cheddar cheese till a McCheddar cheese on apple pie Whoa, have you ever heard of this? No, this is the thing Vermont my buddy from Vermont if you're if you're done that you're put cheese on pie No, I don't like pie. You don't like pie. You don't like pie?

Apple pie with cheddar cheese. See look at this Vermont cheddar cheese. It is Vermont It's a thing up there. They do that. They put a slice of cheese On the pie with it and apparently it's knockout. I haven't done it But I think I kind of want because I'm getting a little porky pork right now. You know what daddy's up to right now What are you up to? 206. Whoa, I'm you know what you know what do you think I'm up to? Uh, 217 baby 225 242. Oh Hey bad friends draft kings sportsbook has teamed up with the bad friends because they got great offers If you're a sports better, you know draft kings is the best. They are the official sports betting partner of the nfl

They got a huge offer for this weekend's big game All new customers can get 56 to 1 odds on either team to win this weekend Just bet five dollars just a link in there and win 280 in three bets If your team is victorious, that's all you got to do is sportsbook isn't available in your state yet You still have something to play for this weekend Everyone can play for their share of millions of dollars in total prizes with draft kings daily fantasy football Contest, but that's right Just bet five bucks on either team to win the big game this weekend a draft king sports book will give new customers an additional

$280 in free bets if the team that you choose wins download that draft king sports book app right now Use promo code bad friends and get 56 to 1 odds on this weekend's big game Just bet five dollars to win 280 and free bets of your team wins That's promo code bad friends a draft king sports book an official sports betting partner of the nfl Ship station. Hey me and bobe have talked about chip station so much because we use it on this show If you are someone who is looking to keep track of what you are selling on the interwebs Online shopping isn't slowing down anytime this season right now. It's in full effect So if your business is ready to keep pace or not, you're going to find out with ship station

You'll never worry about shipping ever again make this switch to a solution that handles all your shipping needs quickly affordably and painlessly They already are trusted by over a hundred thousand e-commerce sellers Funnel all your orders into one simple interface no matter what you're selling you can manage every order amazon ebay edsy your own website anywhere or your phone Save money when you compare carrier options and choose the best shipping solution every single time ship station works with every single carrier I'm telling you they find the best fit for you Save your sanity your orders are handled with care because ship station is the best ship more and less time with ship station Use our offer code bad friends to get a 60 day two months free trial That's two months for free of no hassle stress free shipping. Just go to ship station dot com

Click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in bad friends ship station make ship happen Fatty patty look at my little fatty patty. Oh daddy got the dice 242. Are you really 242? Oh my god. I'm fat. You're not. Do you think it's okay Rudy that I'm fat like this? Does he look fat? You don't look fat. But I but I feel fat and that's what it's about. It's about how you feel You're never gonna get fat No, she doesn't even eat apple pie. Do you know any islanders that are fat? Is there any Filipinos back home that are fat? My mom and dad. Oh shit. Are they short and fat? No, my mom and dad are pretty tall. What did they eat to make them fat because most people I feel like in the Philippines aren't fat

Pork a lot of pork pork products bad for you. We're gonna get bombed for this episode This episode's bomb. This this episode is bomb Now we're doing now we're doing good. We're having a good time. You know what we're thrown off because dad lost dad lost his voice um Our our dear friend Bobby and all seriousness had to go away to go get help and we're proud of him and we're happy And I hope he finds what he needs. That's what I think I'm supposed to say now. I hope you find what you need I'm seriously. I'm not even lying. I'm seriously truthfully considering taking testosterone. No, you don't think I should do it I mean, I think the downsides

Hi, you know, look, what's the downside? Doesn't shrink your balls. Yeah, but my balls are already small Yeah, so you want smaller balls because my sack is they're not grown into my sack. They would have by now Oh, you got so much sack. I told you my test. I know but extremely small But you got so much sack left over you just want it to be just a sack So you get silly but you could roll the newspaper on it and read it. Yeah, yeah Yeah, my my nut. It's it's so much skin. It's like it's like actually like insane Is your balls are sensitive if I tapped your balls? Do you do do you flinch like that? Yeah? Yeah

I do I have very hypersensitive balls because a little tiny because they're very tiny and my sack is just so thin It's like a cape It's a little cape for your ball your little Superman balls. It's a little cape on their nut cape. Yeah And um, and uh, is it hard to trim your nuts because your sack is so loose and big I can't shave my pubes because jasmine thinks I'm cheating on her if I shave my pubes Wait a minute. She doesn't want you to clean up. I'm not allowed to I have to have a full bush at all times If I I can shave them but it causes a fight for a year because she'll like I'm very itchy right now Especially with the heat on like I would love love to shave my pubes before there's trip

But I can't because if I do that she will be like you're cheating on me and I'm like, I'm not I mean, I am but I'm not what do you shave your pubes while you're at home Then she'll think I I can do that But I then I can't I there was one time where I shaved my pubes and then I had to cancel a couple of dates Couple of nicks. Yeah a couple of nick No, no, no, no because if I if I'm gonna shave my pubes. Yeah, stay at home I gotta stay at home. I cannot get on a plane or go anywhere. I can't even go outside I get so scared every time I trim honestly always

It I don't care if they've got the newest technology. I get scared every time I do it. Don't you get scared every time? Yeah, I get a little nervous. I just think of the like I don't know if they're a sponsor But do you use manscaped? Yeah, because that are they sponsor? Yeah, they are great. Yeah, I know we talked about it I love it, but I'm just saying I still get scared. I don't care I still get scared because it's two razors going like this to my nutsack I still get scared. I see like an old movie when when someone's in a barber shop, you know And he's like, uh, and they you know like catch up pack it and they fake it in my mind I'm like, I bet you that's I'm just gonna get too close. Am I nuts gonna

And fly out. I just one ball right out stringy hair like to be honest with you My pubic hair looks a little bit like Carlos's head. Let me see. That's a see like it's it's stringy like that It's the top. Yeah And Carlos looks wild. Yeah, he's a wild looking guy. He might look more nuts than Stavros He kind of you know, he right now you look like Pull up Stavros. Can we pull up Stavros some Comedian stavros. Yeah, is it just Yeah, holocaust. Yeah, there we go. I mean, it's it who looks crazier to you. Who looks crazier Carlos or Stavros

Carlos is crazy Well, we'll show him the picture or the picture one when he lost his tooth go to that one because his tooth fell out How about now? Still Carlos, I don't know. I don't know this for a fact But I'm just assuming and I'm sure if we could get in touch with him. He would let us know By the way, he's one of the funniest Comics around but I bet you he gets a ton of women because when you go out like that you are so oozing with confidence to a woman

I bet you he gets a ton of girls. Yeah, of course. But you think he's attractive truthfully You don't think he pulls it off. Who's a very handsome man to you. Oh god, we've done this on this. Oh you have I'm sorry. No, no, but it's fine. But go ahead handsome She loves Harry Styles She can't get enough of this guy. She'd fucking look they she cannot Right, I just disagree. Why not? It's just because he looks and this is not Don't get mad at me communities. He looks too femme. He just doesn't look that's fine. That's what makes him hot

No, I I want a tough guy. No I want you to elbow to throw me around. Yeah, I want someone to beat the shit out of me. That's what I like That's why I like Tom Hardy because I know he's gonna fucking headbutt me and then suck my cock. Yeah, who out of the comics Do you think is there anybody handsome? Pete Davidson I know we did this thing. She did that. She talked about this. It drives me nuts. So not me No Not even a little bit

PDD PDD. We know PDD very well. I was with PDD last week at the Patrice O'Neill benefit, dude Bob's uh, rich boss rich boss, you know rich boss. Yes. So so rich boss He was killing us at the Patrice O'Neill benefit. He hosted the show. He opens up. There's 2,700 people there He opens a show. He goes, um, he goes, what's up everybody? Welcome to the show. He goes, uh, Bob Saget told me He'd rather be dead than being a lineup with Pete Davidson He's like Bob Saget had died like two days before Then he's bringing me out to stage my god He brings me out to stage and any whispers in my ear. He goes patrice would have hated you. Have a good show

Did you know patrice? No, I never met him. I was so I always loved that guy. I thought he was so Yeah, I don't know. There was like part of that arrow of guys that were just way above and beyond Then he goes, then he goes, then he goes Come on guys. Let's end the show before nicky glazer writes a song about patrice Because you heard that thing where she wrote a song about Bob Saget. Yeah. Well, I thought it was funny It got passed to me by like five different people. Yeah, it was funny, but but it was just like good bits What did what did you listen to it? I didn't listen to it. No Is but oh, it's a sincere song. I don't know. I got it got sent to me a few times

I didn't I didn't see it, but I saw that she posted it Well, nicky's cool enough where she would have laughed at that joke if she was in the crowd Of course. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta laugh at your own bullshit. Yeah, we all I I uh She's doing I just saw her do something else. I know that you made me She was doing like a jimmy fowlin and they have like a game show together Yeah, she's she gets a lot of nicky shuffling dude. She's in there, man. Do you like nicky? Who's nicky? Nicky she's beautiful. I think I think what yeah, are you attracted to women at all?

I know because people under 21 usually there's no sexual orientation. Well, there's there's uh, the lines are blurred Right, you're allowed to do whatever you want. So do what did you think was is she good? Hotter than harry stiles or no, no harry stiles is the best So nobody's hotter than harry stiles. Yeah On earth, but she's also hot She looks German, but you still think harry stiles hottest guy has ever lived harry stiles will wear nicky glazer's clothes That's fine and her skin. Yeah, he's gonna rip her skin right off her body and wear it. That's fine There's miss nicky glazer. No, so you don't but you don't you don't want a guy guy guy bro guy

You like a very soft sensitive in touch with his emotions guy. I like anything as long as he's confident Nobody in the comedy scene no dating in the comedy scene. Mm-hmm. Can't do that Anyone She's not well, you do whatever you want. She's not dating anybody but last time she told she wanted to get her What did you say? She wanted her body count to go up. Oh my god. I know she goes. I want a high body count. I was like Wow Did your dad ever divvied the person to be stuck my dad told me what my dad told me was this

He said um when I got jasmine pregnant Um, uh, you know and now we have beautiful family when I got her pregnant He said he goes remember your last girlfriend when I said you dodged a bullet with that one and you didn't believe me I go. Yeah, he goes. Well now with this one. You got shot He goes it ain't a fatal wound, but you got shot you got clipped you got clipped my dad then you got shot again Yeah, yeah shot twice. I got shot when my dad got the booster I I my dad never talked to me about sex really neither did my mother. We went to catholic school Um, and they didn't talk to us about it either

So they just refused so I actually never ever ever was spoken to about what sex is Um, I remember I asked one of my aunts once is during sex do people kiss and she goes that'd be nice But that's not what your uncle does That's what and I remember being seven years old washing my hands being like, I don't know what that means People kiss she's when they have sex. She's like they spit on each other sometimes. Yeah, it's kind of like kissing Yeah, she goes your uncle eats my asshole out a little bit, but he kisses my butthole Yeah, so Did you guys have the sex talk when you were kids with my with that you remember?

I don't remember really, but I think my dad tried to have it at the mall once with me and then he was just over In front of journeys. No, it's like in front of sabarro. Oh, I would end up. It's a great spot though All right, that's where I took jasmine out on our second date to a sabarro took her to a fat Joe concert and then a sabarro No, swear to god That's why you guys have kids. That's why they're not bang you're gonna bang or you're taking a fat job to it She goes this guy really likes me How about this tt jerry who's the transgender, uh, Puerto Rican? Uh member of my family she was talking about death the other night like I don't know why she was like

I just want to let you guys know that if I was to die tomorrow like you guys you made me so happy And and my life started good and it ended good and she was like and it's just beautiful because you put me on your broadcast The christie chaos broadcast she calls this she calls podcast. She goes you put me on your broadcast Well, it is a broadcast it's broadcast and she goes and and you just have such beautiful And I love you so much and I started to like tear up like I was like genuinely it's like oh my god And she goes chris while you crying she goes, you know, I'm gonna be stuck in dick in heaven That's how she gets into the gate my daughter walked the daughter was eating oatmeal. She's like why why didn't jerry say? I was like earmuffs. They're at the gate. God's magic. You cannot get in tt. Yeah, he's like watch me

How funny would that be like she just gets in there and starts sucking cock like she's sucking everybody's cock Sucking my way through heaven. Yeah, the tt jerry afterlife story. I want to animate that. She genuinely tries to blow jesus Why did she talk about that? That's so sad. I was upset by it There's a bunch like famous last words of atheists and for some reason they had like a list of famous atheists And I don't know where I saw it. Maybe it's like tiktok or some bullshit like that where a guy is like Unknown facts about da na na na na na, but it was like the last creepy, right? Yeah, famous atheists laugh and and one of them was like, oh no, I was so wrong But like there was a bunch of them famous

Atheist last words unbelievers and death voltair. What did voltair say? I'll highlight it. Yeah, voltair. Oh, thomas pain is a good one. You know thomas pain is no, let me see thomas pain He was the first thomas pain was the man. He wrote common sense. He was like the first uh first guy to ever go viral Let's see what his what did he say zoom in on that. Can you punch him? He was he was the revolutionary one He was the one he was he was the first one writing writing pop and shit against the british So he said stay with me god's sake. I cannot bear to be left alone. Oh lord help me. Oh god What have I done to suffer so much? What will become of me here after? I would give worlds if I had them that age of reason never been published. Oh lord help me christ help me

No, don't leave stay with me Send even a child to stay with me for I am on the edge of hell Here alone if the devil had an agent I have been that one Wow, so he believed but how did they write that down with a feather to pen dipping in the ink? There's no way they got the boys back then I had fed the boys Feather boys they had to be good me and you would have been feather boys for sure 100

Yeah, you know writing down stuff and sneaking sneaking smooches in between feathering I feel like me and you like I every time I look at like You know old war photos like colonial times of the civil war me and you would be in the back playing the drums Oh, sure. Yeah, we're just getting hit by cannon fodder No, like those two little fruit cakes make them play the drums and we're like bang and I'm like don't bang mine Bang bang. Yeah, we're like we're like boys. We came up with a new song We're a little drummer boys for sure. Yeah, because we I wouldn't last a minute in the field I'm not good. I'm not oh, I'd run the other way. I throw my god. They're back

I run to the enemy I'm a traitor. I'm a traitor. Go right into their arms. Yeah, I would I there's not a chance in hell I would have lasted in war. No chance the only time I ever lived to over 30 is this time I would have been dead immediately 20 every other time 16 15 you'd have been out done You'd have had a kid and someone would have killed you for some bullshit. You owe somebody money Yeah, kill you done. You can't fight and I get so many sore throats Or I used to get so many sore throats that I feel like but one of them would have killed me back in the day You know used to just die of a fever. Why did you get sore throat so much? I think well because one

Uh, I was biting my nails a lot and then I think too anytime. We'll bite in your nails bite my nails Oh, so you got E. Coli you got bacteria from your nails in your my tonsils are huge My testicles are small. My tonsils are big God swapped them. Yeah fucked up. So my my my tonsils are so big that a doctor and uh ear nose and throat doctor told me that If I go down in a woman or or bite a nail or get any type of bacteria that on a normal person's tonsils Would just kind of get washed away, but he said your tonsils are so big It just gets stuck there and I get like pus bubbles on my throat like pus pus and how long you sick for Like until I take antibes when you take antibes, you're good. Yeah, you would have died you would have died in any of

You don't ever what something about Andrew is you know when you were going through your COVID stuff I was talking about you wouldn't even take an Advil you took nothing you let the immune system knock it out Yeah, you almost never you go years without taking any type of medicine whatsoever. Yeah, correct. Yeah, I don't like I never took my mom Uh Gave me a warning one time because she had taken a lot of Advil at one time in her life And it gave her these insane headaches because her body was addicted to taking all this Uh ibuprofen and the doctor was like, yeah, you can't take this every day for long You know people there's people that take Advil like every day

Once the last time you took any type of medicine or Advil anything whatsoever any type of pain reliever None I mean I I honestly can't remember zero you've never taken the last time I took an Advil was probably like Um, oh, I took you know what I do know when my back was bad like what was that six months ago seven months ago When I facture fractured my back. I took Advil. That's it though Once I've seen you taking any type of antibiotic or medicine from a doctor I don't trust doctors and you know that so you you've never trust doctors and you know that Wow, I don't trust them. They tell me get the vex. I say kick rocks. Yeah, you said. Oh, I already got the vex Boom, there's my car. I trust the science. I uploaded it onto the system the biology scientist over here. Yeah, tell me the chemical code

What's the periodic table for uh, silver? Boom, why do I need a doctor bang? Hey you over there? Hey, you over there. I got a fake vaccine card 500 cash comes with a booster Do you have the guy friends that have fake back? Oh my god. Nino's pizzeria. Absolutely. That's how you get them Yeah, brooklyn baby. How much are they? Now, okay This is true They were about 200 dollars cash in the summer now

They're about 500 to 750 because they come with two boosters because a lot of people are like, oh, you're not gonna be able to get it Like it's they're pretty much saying the fake guys are saying you're gonna need one booster And then you're gonna need a second booster. So we just got you two right here So you the cards that you can get for 750 you good till about 2024 It's so funny, dude. New york is the greatest city Great number one and then we got and then we got other guys that they take pcr tests And they just photoshopped different dates on you for the pcr test It's all seamless and they email it to you

So if you need a pcr to get into somewhere, we got boom pcrs. Well, we took we took that party bus out to go watch the Kansas City game and everybody had to get tested and I was the Chrissy O'Connor, you know little Chrissy I know a little Chrissy O'Connor. I love Chrissy O'Connor. My little brisket Yeah, and little brisket was you know, like he was so excited because we were like we're with Travis's family We're gonna go in the Kelsey family booth and like, you know, he's like living the this is amazing And he goes and gets tested and he comes back inside and he's like pacing and he's ripping his vape and he's like twiddling his fingers I'm like, what's going on? He's like, this would be the worst moment in my entire life I'll jump off this fucking building if I can't go to this thing and I realized

Oh, yeah, because if one of us comes up, you know, Kovie You're done hit the whole thing's over. No homeless pimp didn't come out with me Tonight, uh, this trip because yeah, he had COVID. We were at the Patrice O'Neil benefit Everyone had to get COVID test all of a sudden I go down into the soundtrack and come up pimp's gone I said, where the hell's pimp? They said he got COVID test. He got thrown out of the building I was like, whoa, then I texted him. I was like pimp. Are you okay? He goes. Yeah, man. It's fucking bullshit Uh, there's no way this test is right. He goes, I feel fine. There's no way this test is right He goes, I got a little bit of cough, but it's from smoke and weed and I was like, yeah, dude

It's bullshit. So I got angry like a little bit. I walked up to the COVID person and I said, hey You just threw my friend out get him back up here. There's no way that's a positive test. He goes, sir We gave him three PCRs. They're all positive. I was like, oh Yeah, but but but the fourth what about the fourth? Yeah, give him four. Yeah. I mean, what the fuck everybody knows four is the magic number Yeah, I can't believe little rooty root hasn't gotten it yet, but neither have I you're getting it. You already had it You pig. I never got it. There's no way because look at it like this How'd you sleep at Donnie's tsunami's house? I never test they were testing me. Yeah, but did you test for antibodies? I've never had the antibodies either. Have you tested? Yes. Well not recently though in fairness not in the last six months

I think you've had it. Yeah, there's no doubt in my mind. Yeah There I just there's no way and you you're gonna get it I hope you do I hope you get it bad Why I don't want you to die. I just want you to feel something because you're so numb I just want you to feel but this is the youth. The youth is a little bit numb Yeah, they are very fine. I'm not hating on it. No be present Yeah, enjoy live. Are you on your phone a lot or you're not addicted to your phone?

She watches shit all day long. That's all she's doing phone or iPad. Yeah, that's never television No, I don't like it. Yeah, see that's interesting because my 11 year old steps on we got a big tv for like the family room They can like he's good. The kids are gonna love this. They hate it. They'd rather watch movies on the iPad They want the smaller screen. Well, because we wanted a big one. They want they want to take it to go Yeah, they're to go generally movies. He was getting freaked out at the movies. He was like, this is too big I don't like this too big You want to make the movie strange? I know it's weird. What do you like so much about it? You can take it in the in the shower in the toilet out in the backyard. Yeah, you can just move with it

Yeah, and you feel too too harbored by a tv too stationary It's so wild. I mean, listen, it's also like even like my child my six year old, you know Is in school. She has to wear a mask and I get angry. I'm like, I want her to see people's face I want to see this when I see that but she actually doesn't know the difference So it's I'm getting angry at it, but I'm like my kid. I asked my kid. She doesn't care. She's like, I'll wear the mask dad It's fine. Well, because I think they you know, their life is so Easy those little shits, you know, she doesn't do anything. No, but we get your daughter to get a job No, I well, I she's old enough now. I remind her all the time

I said Delilah, you know, daddy loves you and everything like that But I'm gonna need you to hustle a little bit more because remember you're not pure right. Look at your mom She's mixed look at your mom, right? You're not like daddy. You're like daddy. You have bits of daddy, but you're not a full daddy You're so Right remember that and then you got you got to put her back in her place Yeah, and then she gets it and she you know, she runs around she starts, you know the cooking cleaning whatever she needs to do Imagine your daughter becomes your maid. Oh my god, dude. My daughter's 10 times funnier than I could ever be

Do you think she'll become a comic? Maybe she told me she told me recently She's like, I'm gonna be better than you ever were at six years old just right and she spoke right into my heart But she's right though. She's right, dude. She's like, you're not selling well Warner theater I'll sell out too. She thinks she can sell two shows at one. She told me She said her first words were fuck live nation Fuck live nation. That's what she said. That's nuts. She's an outback girl. Yeah, she's signed with AEG She was just very specific. No, she's funny my kid. She goes, um, we were having a conversation once and she was like daddy Why do you always have to leave? I hate when you leave. I hate when you leave and I was like, baby

You like this house you little fuck. I know. Yeah, I said you like central AC Bitch no, so I said to her I go I go baby. I was like daddy has to leave because I said that's where I make money And she goes, well, we don't need any more money We have this house and I just want you to stay here and I was like, baby The american girl dolls, how am I gonna buy you more american girl dolls if I don't go do the shows and she goes American girl dolls cost money and I was like, yeah, and she was like go to work And then she just walked away and I was like, yeah Go to work white devil go to work and she was like, yeah and dude and you know, I mean between her mother

You know and her mother now, you know, it's a spin instructor. She's got a patreon patreon.com com slash jazzy method if you want to go work out with jazzy and uh, you know, so but I have to come out here And do show I have to show I have to show 10 pockets a day and fucking kill myself Because she wants to do spin and I'm like listen jazzy you can keep doing the spin But you better spin that bike a little faster and it better start shitting out bitcoin Because we got no money You're not in bit though. You're out. No, you kidding me. I'm prissy crypto I thought you got I sold it went back in you sold and went back in I went back in on crypto on on bitcoin big

Ethereum big and then I went on some altcoins. Oh, yeah, I got some wild alt right coins. Yes, sir George me and George you got me and Kimmel. Yeah, you know the Kimmel. Yeah, you know So the Germans have released 10 new coins with this. Yes What are you are you in bitcoin? No, no crypto No, you only pay tax when you sell it So if you're gonna get it the steel Bobby have one bit. Why no, he's not into it I don't know George would know George be closer to it than anybody Um, I think it's too complex for him. There's no way it is. Do you have bitcoin, George? Oh, of course

How many bit you have a couple of bits full bits? Um I forget how much he's got like a half started doing the uh The the market, uh, I've got a I've got a fund that had invests in different bit coins Oh, that's great gray scale thing. Uh, I didn't like gray scale that one lost me a lot of money Or like so I got how much is a lot of money that you lost be honest Yeah, that went 500, but I got deeper into like the other one. Wait 500. Yeah dollars. Come on. You're fine. Yeah, that's fine That a lot of money to lose in crypto. I don't be I don't be able to loss like 50 grand That got just murdered. Oh, I lost a lot of money. I went in I went in uh a year and a half ago when it dipped and I bought all this

I'm sorry. It didn't dip. I just got really hot on bitcoin and I bought at like an all-time high and then it just Fucking dipped you're gone. Yeah, and I literally I don't even think about it I actually what I did is I deleted coinbase off my phone. Yeah, you should yeah And then I listened to one of your friends vin feruso He was like I got a real hot tip and I lost about five grand sitting at the comedy site our fuso. Yeah I was like way to go. Yeah, he clipped me too. Yeah, he clipped me fucking palestinian. Fuck. Yeah, he's hiding our money Yeah, where are you? Where are you?

I love it. I know I love it. He is the best. Did you watch this documentary? It's good. I did. Yeah, I actually think it's fantastic It's good. It's really good. It's like insightful onto what's going on I know and you know what we start talking about that youtube is gonna ban us Oh, you can't even mention this so far. It's like this. It's a volatile world of oh, yeah You get over there. You get in this weird world of like Whose side are you on? Why do you have to be on a side? I'm not I'm in the middle, man I told you I am Chrissy right down the middle's. I um, I've said it many times I have a republican haircut a democratic brain

I have white skin and it's and a uh black girls ass black girls ad but you have a you have a a republican haircut a liberal heart and a What's the other party? What's the fake party that everyone likes the libertarian a libertarian body? I have a libertarian body. Yes. You have the tits of a libertarian. Yes, and I have yes They're milky, but they're you know, but they are built from muscle at some and and my nut tech looks like Mitch McConnell Imagine imagine he has a great set of nuts

Because you imagine he's got like a fucking huge cock. Yeah, he's been banging AOC this whole time. Yeah, just punishing her Yeah, just that's hilarious It's so gross to think about them together That's a scandal. Why do we need another white house scandal again? Yeah, we need something like that in the white house You know what I've been watching you ever seen the show succession on HBO. Yeah, we finished the last of this Dude, I'm into this third season. I mean, that's the best show I've ever seen in my life. I love it. Have you seen it? That's a good show. I think you'd like that You guys yeah, I've seen it. It's so what do you think? I love it. I love Jeremy Strong's character. Jeremy Strong is fantastic Kendall

Yeah, it's so good. So fuck and I want to live that life a little bit You want to be that kind of pompous? I don't want to be that little piece You know because when they talk about money like with you know, like they talk about like like they'll give like he'll give his Son a hundred million dollars as a gift like they have like infinity money. Yeah, it's wild to think about the body Do you ever know somebody like that a billionaire? Do I know a billionaire? It's a good question. Do I know a billionaire? Well, your friends with uh, what's his name? The next right aren't you buddies with him? James Dolan? Yeah, no, not buddies. I just I've been in the same room with him

But didn't you do a show for him or something? Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'm his friend. You're a good friend. Oh, yeah Well, he's my best friend. Yeah I Know I think the richest person that I actually personally know like the person I know with the absolute most money Shit because I don't know I mean for me, it's rogan. There's nobody. I don't know. I don't know. You know, he's the most money I've ever heard. Yeah, no, he would be the one that most of our peers would you know, but I don't know him personally So after that

Maybe you know Santino, not if you're not even in the top. What I know who that's actually rich. That's truthfully like handover Like fucking rich No, nobody in the comedy scene that you're friends with Um, joh de rosa Joe de rosa, everybody knows he's the richest guy. He opens that sandwich shop, you know I mean, and he's it's a money front for sure because the sandwiches are bullshit. No, no It's a money front. No, it is a money front. And yes, I want to make fun of joh de rosa and tell him

That pat mahomes is probably the richest person that I know for sure, but but but yeah 477 million dollars a couple of bucks Whatever he is the richest person I've ever known. Yes. He has a contract for 477 million dollars He's worth every fucking dime. I will say joh de rosa sandwiches though. No By the way, if you're in new york, you got to go to joe's sandwich shop I haven't gone because I want to go eat him, but I love joe. No, no, no, no, no But no, I want to make fun of him too. And I mean, he's you know, he does discuss me in many ways But I do have to give him credit that those sandwiches at his shop Joey Rose is down on rivington street in the lower east side of new york

Our fan like the best cold cut sandwiches have ever had in my life. Truthfully He got the meat from somewhere specific some some uh, sliced it right off slice some of his So day, huh? Yeah, I got a fucking capicola cock. It's good. No, it's got a cool. Come on. Let's see I want to eat at an Italian restaurant with you. What's the place that we always eat at by your house? We well, I'm not gonna say what that is into the mic. What are you fucking nuts? Oh, yeah, I forgot we're in the pot. It's so easy with you. Yeah. No, you know what? Where do we eat? I'll tell well, we always go to the spaghetti factory is where the old spaghetti factory old You know, my dad loves olive garden loves

I gotta be honest with you. It's nuts. I don't hate olive garden. I'm not saying I love it. I don't hate it Give me back your italian card. I've told you I'm mostly german So is a so is he whoa George I'm pointing at George. You know, George looks like a nazi though. He does doesn't he? He does but he I got my hair growing out. You know, this is when he had it really short though He looks so nazi boys. It was nazi stuff. I shouldn't admit this. But uh, yeah, when I had my short haircut I always took uh, I cropped it in real close But I took the photo of Ray Fiennes and Schindler's list and I was like, this is the perfect haircut

It looks great on me. He brought that to the barber No, and that is serious give you the $8 barber at echo park Casanova's numero dos And I'd zoom really in so they couldn't see any nazi person and as he's cutting it in spanish He's like fucking put the nazi mother. What the look at that George wanted to be that's insane That's a good-ass hair. How sexy is Ray Fiennes? Oh my god How about him you like him right rude? Yeah, he's he can get it, huh? But he's like yeah, but he kind of looks soft too. He looks a little femme. You know what I mean

Yeah, that that's a very that the hair cuts in the world where two era were were good Well, that was the thing that the nazis really figured out was hair was styling their hair and uniforms I've said this many times if you want to talk I don't agree with their politics at all like truthfully don't I think the Holocaust was disgusting But if we're just talking about fashion nazis went by a landslide. Yeah, you go boss uniforms. Look at Macklemore Macklemore another That's Macklemore right there. There you go. There he is and there's eric trump down there Oh, no, that's not eric trump. Who is that? That guy the face of the alt right. What's his name richard spenter

Richard Spencer is the face of the oh, yeah, that's what I ain't gonna answer that real quick. You were trying to bait me, weren't you? Yeah, yeah, he was looking for it. He knows he knows who his leader is. I think I could beat up Macklemore I don't think so There's something he's like six four. Maybe is he really that's all I think he's a big boy Interesting Macklemore height He's got a What do we say six three five ten five ten small guy never mind. I think I'd beat him up I think I can beat up G easy

I see. I think G easy might take you. Hmm Machine gun Kelly. I think I'm oh, no, I think it'll be all these guys kind of look alike in your mind That's why you name that's why we're naming all the thing is what machine gun Kelly Is he's a very bony if he hits you with one of those bones, you're going lights out Yeah, we ever got punched by a really skinny guy. It hurts her. It hurts so bad Playing basketball against them. Oh, I'd always get bruises. I would look like my mom Six four CMG K's PDD six four two. Yeah, PDD would hurt you six three Yeah

And Megan Fox and now they're married good Megan good for all these people get for them good for marriage Shout out love. I've never gotten married. I probably won't get married, but I like being a problem You'll never get married, huh? I don't think so because I had kids first You don't want any government intervention. Yeah, and I just for me the whole thing is like and it just gets messy I I like the way it is now and and she likes the way it is now you say you're saying that for her Yeah, she is repulsed by the idea I don't want to get married and thinks that it absolutely adds. I pretty sure kids. What's it's two kids? Where am I fucking going? Where am I going with a full bush?

Yeah, that's but you had nice bush nice bush. Where would you go? I mean, yeah, what are you talking about? What is she like, you know, uh marriage is tough though. So I get it why you're like, I don't want to get through this whole process We already got little ninos, you know, we can't do it and I'm like, oh your family with COVID We can't do it. I just keep delaying it. Well, because you know the child support is It's coming. Can you imagine how do you calculate child support? See what that's about? I know a buddy that had to pay like $10,000 a month or something. I think it's 17% of your gross income In New York 17% of your gross income per child. I think per child It doesn't even go does it go exponentially lower as your more kids you get or is it 17 if you got 10 kids or

17% of the combined parental income for one child 25% of the combined parental income for two children How does that make sense combined parental because she doesn't make like if your wife doesn't make any money It's just all your money. That's what I'm saying. So this is just a ruse to make it feel like it's a yeah It'd be like 25% of the father's income. Oh my Sticking it out, papa. You better stick that shit up. You better stick that shit up, but you ain't going nowhere, friend Okay, no, you better dig your heel then you going nowhere No, just that's not that's not even alimony if you get divorced then it's alimony on top of that

How much is alimony percentage if he gets if no, you're not you're not you're not married But let's just say hypothetically, but what are you common law right doesn't common law marriage ever? I don't think that's a real thing in california. It absolutely is it absolutely is in the state of california for marriages less than 15 years support should last 15 to 30 percent of the length of the marriage whoa So if marriages last 15 to 20 years support should last 30 to 40 percent of the length of the marriage So if you if you were married for 20 years, you pretty much got to pay for like eight years Right eight years after wow

Wow Wow Oh my god Oh my god This is why I we got a family friend that won't get divorced. He's like, I'll kill her before I'll divorce her I'll just he just gives her money. Really? Yeah, he's like, I'm gonna get a divorce. He's like, but he's like the houses are You know what I mean? He's like here. They have everything. I'm not gonna get a divorce. Yeah He's a financial nightmare nightmare. You ever want to get married rude jude?

Never right you said that before but what about if what's his face was what if harry styles wants to marry you? Seriously, oh look at you now. You change your tone. Harry. I would marry. He's the only one you'd marry But what if he said I'll marry you because I love you But you got to let me have all the other women in the world as well And you don't care. He wants your clothes all your nice dresses We can share Okay, what would be the one thing that would turn you off about him? What would you where isn't there anything he could do that you'd go that's I don't want that that would fuck it all up for me

Maybe if what if he was physically abusive you stick around? Yeah, okay. That's terrible to know. Okay. That's just so bad She said immediately. Yeah, I didn't even skip a beat. Yeah. Yeah, I actually want him to hit me. What if he was uh vote for trump? Okay, so he can beat the shit out of you Yeah, but if he votes for trump, that's a whole different story Oh, wow, this is the point of contention. Wow found out what bothers her. That's what it is most people Trump if he votes for trump, you're not gonna get with harry Yeah, but he can hit me. He can hit you. Okay. This is unhealthy to push out to the world Young girls out there that are Rudy's age. This is not what you want to be like

Wow, he can hit me, but he can't vote for trump if trump was here Truthfully and was a fan of the power. Would you have him on as a guest if trump came to los angles genuinely? Donald trump is like I want to love whiskey ginger. It's huge. The show's huge. Bad friends is huge I want on the show How could you do of course? How could I say no? I would have done it at the height of 2016 I would have done it by the way and anybody that says anything otherwise You were mesmerized by him for four years. It was the most entertaining shit. We ever saw Everyone would want to see what he would say the bus and also between

Between me and bobby and put him in the middle of us The most fun the most the most comedian of all time would be dying to have him on Yeah, because it's something that it's I mean, it's like when people criticize rogan or criticize Marin for having certain people on a favor. They're like, why would you have them on it? It's like because that strikes in for interesting conversation. That's why yeah, it's just that's all it is. It's fun Interesting conversation. Yeah, you're not gonna like all the gas. So if he hits you Uh, that's all good votes for trump get out of here. Harry's dying, but he can hit you He can really I mean really like give you a shiner

Yeah, okay. What do you say the police ma'am? What happened to your eye? I just fell You fell on your eye How come nothing else is there's no other evidence of uh, of a fall? I don't know. It just happened. I feel like you're lying to us ma'am Is someone abusing you at home? No, don't roll your eyes at us because I can see that swollen eye. I can tell Did someone raise a fist to you ma'am? No one's abusing me. You fell. Tell me how you fell I was walking with my drink and then I forgot that there were stairs. What kind of drink?

My wine My wine. Oh your wine glass. Oh your red wine. Okay. I didn't know that I thought that you were 20. That's 21. That's interesting. Yeah This is five years after Oh, yeah, that makes sense domestic. You've been in a visa relationship for quite some time. Yeah So you're walking with your wine where? At the house at the house that you guys own together in Beverly Hills. Yeah, is that where it is? How many stories is it? Two just two and you fell down the second first story to the bottom. Yeah

No, that's it. I just fell you slipped and fell but how come you there's no bruising or cuts on any other part of your body? You it's almost I just raised my legs. Oh, so you fell with your legs up Mm-hmm, right. So you just slid down on your butt like a kid on the infant. Yeah, yeah on carpeted stairs. Yeah Interesting. Um, would Harry Styles be able to sign something for my kid? Yeah, okay. I say we let her go. I say we let her go. Yeah, that's fine. I said, yeah What did you end up saying to him that why he hit you? I said you fucking did. Oh You crossed that line. He should have hit you. You don't say that to Harry Styles. We got to go. Have a good night, ma'am

We did it. You said let's go Brandon It'd be so funny one of those innocent kids like Harry Styles came out as like a hardcore trump in how funny Oh my god, because then it's like it turns it on its head. It's like, what are you supposed to do now? You're not gonna buy his albums. That's the thing with with tt jerry is she's transgender Puerto Rican But she's loves trump. So it's like, what do you you can't? She does love trump, right? You've told me that before she told me every inmate in prison loves trump too So all of them 100% she said if she if the if the federal inmate system could could vote

They would they would all vote for trump is did she have a lot of trans friends in prison? She said all her trans friends who none of them were white all of them Adored donald trump. Is she fully transition now? She's got um, um estrogen tits, but a dick. So she's got tits, but she's keeping it, right? Didn't you say she's keeping her penis. She doesn't want to lose her penis. She got a nice penis. I bet beautiful You don't want to give it up. It's so good. Yeah, don't you think that that's part of the whole reason she likes that She said she likes to utilize it. You know what I mean? Yeah, she wants to use that. She doesn't want it, you know It's a gun. It's a gun. She wants to shoot it once in a while once in a while. She pops off. Yeah, so it's nice

She likes it. Do you have any trans friends? No, I have a gay friend. Oh Big deal. We all have a gay friend right here You're gay Not necessarily Yes, that's probably more true. Also the standards are blurred dude. Sexuality is on the spectrum. Look at Carlos. Nobody knows what he is Yeah, it doesn't matter But he looks like he like he makes balloon animals without a doubt makes balloon animals. Yeah

Yeah, he looks like the guy that that uh, that store that gets the tahin for the guy that sells fruit on the side of the road He goes and gets the tahin for him go on a run get me some tahin come back And Carlos stands there and he looks like a guy like like in like a movie like an ancient war movie like you know When they're like walking into a village that had just been rampsack, his head would be on a spike Yeah, just like that with the hair blowing in the wind Well, listen, what I love you. Oh, I love you too. I god bless you for coming to this and and and um In all seriousness, we are thankful for our bad friends. We love you guys Uh, thank you for Chrissy. He's gonna do

Maybe another episode with us. Maybe we'll see whenever we'll see we'll have some other guests come through while um, Tito Bob is uh Getting some uh some help and I'm gonna let Rudy stare into her camera right there And go ahead and um say something sentimental about Tito and then close out the show and thank people for being a bad friend Go ahead make it count Bobby We're missing you already true

I Farted into the mic during your speech I hope that's what bob would have wanted Take care and we love you. Thank you for being a bad friend. Love it Love it. Thank you. Thank you