Bad Friends - Monkey Farts & Asian Fetish

Starting point is 00:00:00 Imagine how lonely it can feel to be facing mental illness or addiction on your own. Now imagine how lonely it might feel during the holidays. That's why CAMH needs your help to light the way forward. Your year-end donation can help us make sure no one is left behind by fueling progress in mental health care and patient experience. Visit CAMH.ca slash donate now to double your impact with a match donation. That's camh.ca slash donate now. You two are bad friends.

Starting point is 00:00:32 You are these two idiots. What do you do in an Asian dinner? You two are disgusting. Are you two or something? We're bad friends. Um, welcome, welcome. And uh, listen, last night Andrew was on fire. We did Adam ratio.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Yeah. He was on, he was so quick. It was like, oh, I want to tell that. But he beat me to it. We had a couple of good jokes. Adam Ray. You did. Adam Ray did it. He was quick.

Starting point is 00:01:13 Dr. Fit. Oh my God. Did he start he's starting at you right now? You know what dude? He is. He's quicker than me. I'm slow dude. No, you're not.

Starting point is 00:01:21 Slow burn dude. Just starting. I'm speeding it up. And I will, you know what dude? One day dude, I'm going to be the champ of speeding it up Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh Yeah, what's going on over the years, you know, I've been seeing him around right and he I feel like he gets offended easily and stuff and like he's like a come on Bob and this and that But I love him as a performer. I really do. I think he's just so interesting What a what a what a vibe you want to introduce him or you just want to leave it hanging like that Do you want to tell you Taylor Williamson? You do not know his name?

Starting point is 00:02:05 I do, I just said it. I got so nervous. Tailor Williamson. Yeah, we couldn't get Taylor Tomlinson, but we got Taylor Williamson on the show. I said to get Tomlinson. Yeah, you said that is the wrong one. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:16 It's a little too soon for that one. Is it too soon? I tell you she's so talented. She is. We have nothing in common. Yeah. I'm saying Diego. But that's it. But like, there's like nothing in common. Yeah, I'm saying Diego. But like that's it But like there's like a one-way rivalry with I have with her

Starting point is 00:02:28 Yeah, I get tagged every time she gets a Netflix special or she's she's host of TV show Congratulations Taylor com but he and I'm like I think he meant Taylor Tom Oh, no, I got brought up as her recently. You know how they say um dogs look like their owners This one does not. To me, it does. Let me see. His belly is like his head. Well, they both said, I asked you before the show,

Starting point is 00:02:52 you both have the same trauma, right? What happened to the dog that happened to you? We both have a abandonment issues and neglect. And we were both in a hoarding situation in a car with 20 dogs. Really? Really? Both of us, we grew both in a hoarding situation in a car with 20, uh, dogs. Really? Really? Both of us we grew up like that.

Starting point is 00:03:08 And this is Betty. This is baby Betty. Baby Betty, and you knitted her sweater. I knitted this with my own hands. Is she on fentanyl? Why is she nodding off? Yeah, yeah. She's nodded off like four times already.

Starting point is 00:03:18 She's, honestly, don't take this the wrong way. She's from Bakersfield. She's from Los Angeles, they are going to know where. So yeah, Bakersfield. Bakersfield, yeah. When she doesn't, when she's up and vanbunctious, I want her to sleep. I put on your show and she falls asleep very quickly. Okay. See what you're doing right now. In-sult insult does not work. See what you're doing right now. What happened? You don't do that. No, I'm a fan. No. I love how he tried to say it. I love it. I love it. He's, I love dude. What can he do? He's doing it. Okay. So listen. You don't have the side of you that I love, dude. Keep doing it.

Starting point is 00:03:45 So listen, so Bobby, Bobby, like a couple of years ago, he, I see him in the hallway at the comedy store. Yeah. And he's been, he's randomly very nice to me. Like when I was 18 years old, he helped me. Can I just say one thing real quick? He is. I just realized, you know, Hitler did that with his mustache,

Starting point is 00:04:01 but he did it with his eyebrows. Oh, wow. And it's really, wow. Are you telling a Jewish guy that he has hit their eyebrows? That you copied, that you copied, yeah. During this time. Yeah, so anyway, go ahead.

Starting point is 00:04:14 I still don't understand. You say that. I was out there to go. My eyebrows are just short. I like it. Anyway, let's move on. It's a natural natural natural. That's great.

Starting point is 00:04:22 Those are natural eyebrows? Yeah. Told you. Oh, you did. We had a bet. That before the show, I said, that you those are natural natural. That's great. Those are natural eyebrows. Yeah told you oh you did Yeah, we had a bad that before the show. Yeah, those are natural. I got there's no way you cut them that way. No, I said those are natural That's all that baby. Yeah, those are God given so go ahead. Sorry Jewish God given no less I didn't know you were just I did not know you were Jewish. Yeah, I didn't know you would not have had you on the show my mom told me to start Mentioning and to help my career these days, you know, is that you help me help me get attacked say it how she would have said it though Yeah, how's your mom say it?

Starting point is 00:04:46 Hey, Taylor, you should say your Jewish. Sure, what? She's shy. Your mom, your dad? Actually, single mom, yeah, kind of. Oh really? I got punished. You would say I'm a mother and a father.

Starting point is 00:04:58 You're abandoned? Yeah, a little bit. What happened to dad? He's around, we wish him, while he's a nice guy. What do you mean? What do you mean? He has a good LinkedIn profile. But he's nice guy. Look at me, what do you mean? He has a good LinkedIn profile, you know. But he wasn't in the house when you, he was in his house.

Starting point is 00:05:09 What does he do? He was an insurance agent. And then, yeah, no more of that. But if you need insurance, you're good. I don't think I'm gonna look up for your dad. I want to support you, not your father. And your father wasn't there for you, it sounds like. For him, you know, with divorced parents, you know.

Starting point is 00:05:24 I went, well, how old? Like a comedian. When I was really little, it sounds like. Before him, you know, with divorced parents, you know. I wouldn't, well, how old? Like a comedian. When I was really little, like a baby. One for me. Oh yeah? Yeah, pre one. I think it was just before I was one, they split. Oh.

Starting point is 00:05:32 That's what you and I have in common. Oh wow, there you go, there's one thing. Just two divorced parent children of divorced parents. With a puppy. I do have a dog, but my dog is not as a loof as yours. But she's more alive. But your mom found another man. She did, she found a great guy.

Starting point is 00:05:51 Did your mom find another man? She did, what's his name? David. If I really just made that. He was nervous to say. Well, I mean, it's just kind of weird. David. I just like would give out names.

Starting point is 00:06:03 Yeah, we are. You can just make it up if you don't want to. Yeah, yeah. But we're leaving it. So Rafi out. We're leaving that in. Let's see what you want to do again. We'll just, we cut that out.

Starting point is 00:06:10 Yeah, what's your, what's your mom's new guy's name? What's your mom's new guy's name? Dave. No, you, God damn it. He's not, he's not, he's not. It's different. It's different. What kind of breed a dog is Betty?

Starting point is 00:06:20 She's, thank you for asking. She's, I did that she's a rescue. I'm a great person, you know? I did the DNA test allegedly according to the thing I said she's a 50% one to one take my guess is Chihuahua for sure. Yeah. Uh, maybe a little bit of, uh, I see some pit, maybe some strong pit, some pit in there. Maybe, maybe some American bulldog. Yeah. Okay, so it's a Chihuahua, um, Maybe some American bulldog. Yeah. Okay, so it's a Chihuahua, have an ease right now.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Chihuahua, do you want to close up? Close look. No, no, no, no Magic eye was a thing. It was like a scrambling of an image and if you got closer and pulled away slowly, look, there's magic eye. If you got closer and you pulled away, you got to see the image that was layered within that. It's actually incredible technology. Do you remember magic eye? Well, is that the one where you look, it's on glass and then you have to see through the glass and then the images comes 3d I Mean I kind of just explained it seconds ago, but yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Starting point is 00:07:30 If we get to why seconds different than what I'm talking about no, no If you got close and as you slowly pull away your eyes readjust there is an image within that image He's thinking but is it 3d though? Well, dude. Yeah, okay Well then because the ones that my mom has one it says I love New York But she doesn't want people to really know so they have to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, to her. It says, I love New York, but it's this thing

Starting point is 00:07:50 and she doesn't realize that she just thinks it's that. Oh, that's so fun. It is so beautiful, the color. I go, no, but it's that thing. Oh, good, good, good, good, right? It is good art. And I stared at it and I went away and you see the buildings and I love New York.

Starting point is 00:08:03 And I go, mom, look, no, it's red, it's good. You know what I mean? So she does it. But so, are we talking about the same thing? Yeah, when Asians do magic eye, how do you have to get closer, you think? Or because your eyes are strained more often than ours. Well, it's like longer. I need a longer panoramic eye.

Starting point is 00:08:20 Yeah, the panoramic eye. Panoramic eye. Yeah. I need a panoramic eye. Panoramic. Can I ask the question?orama. Panorama. Panorama. Panorama. Can I ask the question? No. No. No. Is that true? Are you being funny? Because I'm actually curious. This guy. This is fucking... First time last time on the show.

Starting point is 00:08:34 Honestly, this guy does. I'm fine with that. He loves you. Can I tell you this is this guy. He's like when I was 18, he helped me get the comm. He's a big deal from Ag. He helped you get in. He helped me get in, you know? And like, and he was very kind. But then like every, but then every, like once every three years,

Starting point is 00:08:50 he comes out to me, says the sweetest kind of thing, which means the world to me, so I admire you so much as a comedian. And, and, but, but then in between, he's weird to me the whole time. Yeah. And like, and that's love. I was very, but so, how am I to you? Um,

Starting point is 00:09:06 you'd be honest. Be honest. We don't talk that much, but you're always kind. I would say hi. We say how we have a kind exchange. What did I touch? I touched. What did I touch? Touch my butt a lot. Yeah, I do touch your butt a lot. Yeah. And you've apologized for it. Then you do it again. I do it every time. Why do you touch his butt? Got a great little touch. He does. Got a great little touch. Yeah. Thank you. But it doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I do it every time. Why do you touch his butt? Got a great little touch. He does. Got a great little touch. Yeah. But it doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I do apologize because I go, he probably doesn't want me to touch his touch,

Starting point is 00:09:29 but I do a little tip tap as I go by in the hallway because it's a nice touch. You look like you come quick. Yeah, oh yeah. You come quick? No, actually. Are you saying what's going on right now? Whoa, wait, you last in bed?

Starting point is 00:09:42 Yeah. Yeah, I'm on circumcised. I'm on circumcised. I'm actually circumcised. Where is that in? Where is that in? Yeah, what is that in? I've talked to people about this. Isn't circumcised making it harder to do?

Starting point is 00:09:52 Well, they say if you've got the sleeve, it's more sensitive, and you've been clipped, you have a helmet. We all have a helmet, buddy. We're all, we're all. I mean, this is part of a part of the, it's war.

Starting point is 00:10:01 We need a helmet. Wait a helmet. Wait, I don't understand. What is a helmet? A helmet means you're on circumcised, no? Circumcised, man. Circumcised means we need a helmet. It's war. Wait a helmet, wait I don't understand, helmet, what is a helmet? Helmet means you're uncircumcised, no? Circumcised, man. Socised means you have a helmet? Well, it doesn't look like a helmet.

Starting point is 00:10:10 I mean, what is your head of your penis? Yeah. Like, just shi- look right now. No, no, no, is it? Well, you can, yeah. Are there two parts to it? Who's just a one-soluble kid? You have a sleeve covering up the head of your penis.

Starting point is 00:10:21 My penis is one piece. Let me show you something. Does your dick look like this? Or does it look like this? Right, I thought I'm not kidding. I thought that was the helmet because it covers it. Buddy, this is the helmet when it's out in the open. This is if you got a cloak on, you got a sleeve.

Starting point is 00:10:35 You're sleeved up. This is uncircumcised, they got sleeves. But that's not the helmet. No, it's not. I know, man. The helmet protects it from the beginning hurts. I bet it's on a... It's a hoodie. It's a hoodie. You hurts if it's on it's a hoodie to hoodie. It's a hoody

Starting point is 00:10:45 You know it's the assassin's creed Yeah, he's out slashing slashing right yeah, and then what he's flucky takes it off helmet helmet How do you know that yeah? No, yeah anyway? Let me just kind of just tiles have a helmet I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just, I just Did you do an old school brist they did at the hospital? What can I tell you something? Carlos told me what I should do to be a good guest. Oh, that's a good guy to listen to. And he's like, just bring good stuff. You're failing.

Starting point is 00:11:33 Yeah, failing. It's okay. No, you're doing great. It's funny, this conversation came up. We don't have to do this, but I thought we'd play Two Truths in a Lie and I share things. And then I'll... I think we'd have a great time. I think I should do it. Two Truths in a lie and I share things. And then I know. I think it's, I think we'd have a great time.

Starting point is 00:11:46 I think I should do it. Two trusses in a lie. I think it's fine. Cause wait, let me just set this up. It takes time, some fucking, uh. The more I listen to you, the more I realize you're Jewish. Yeah. By the way, you jump through conversation.

Starting point is 00:11:57 Yeah. All Jewish people go, I, I, I, I, I, I, and then they say it and then they go, I, I, I, I, I, I, and then they say it. Slow down. I'm not a hurry. I know we're here. When your backers do make a noise, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I sincerely started doing that.

Starting point is 00:12:12 Yes. And ironically, I make it. I hold you now. 37. Yeah, do it for which you get 40. It gets worse. Do you say, oh, when you're 40? Yeah, I am Jewish.

Starting point is 00:12:19 As soon as I had 40. You turn Jewish. I turn Jewish. Yeah. Oh, mazzles. Gr turned Jewish. I turned Jewish. Yeah. Oh, mausole. Gratzi. Ah. Ah.

Starting point is 00:12:28 Ah. Is that, are you single? Ah, in the question ball. What is that? Oh, you're kind of in a relationship. You're seeing somebody. I've been seeing somebody in Wada Wada. Right.

Starting point is 00:12:38 Yeah. And she, a comedian, huh? No. A lay person? Lay person. Yeah. A human. Human, yeah. And then how did you meet her? I met her, um, I met her at the improv many years ago.

Starting point is 00:12:48 We were, we connected a couple of years ago and she's really special and stuff. And she goes in different city that we're dealing with stuff. Oh, we're just, what, what, what state I wanted to get specific. Uh, Georgia. Atlanta. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been not, have you ever been into men?

Starting point is 00:13:03 No. Only women. Only one. Have you tried? I haven't tried. Have you thought been not, have you ever been into men? No, only women. Only women. Have you tried? I haven't tried. I haven't been taught about it. I've been, honestly, I've thought about it a lot, because I've been offered it tremendous amounts of times.

Starting point is 00:13:13 Yeah. And I've been offered wonderful things in exchange for participating. Like what? Uh, the condo. Uh, money. Condo civic. I've been buying my condo civic.

Starting point is 00:13:24 Yeah, yeah. Have you, have you gone to condo? I have a house. Well, gonna buy him a Honda Civic. Have you gone to Kondo? I have a house. Well, that's a much richer guy. I'm sorry. You think I blew somebody for the house? I've never thought we were talking. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 00:13:34 I think I paid American money. Well, but the money was acquired by... Oh, by fucking you. By fucking blowing guys, yeah. I blew a guy, but yeah, but... That's great. The only reason I ask is because when I first met you, I did think you were gay and I don't mean that as an insult.

Starting point is 00:13:51 No, up until I was like 26, people were like, you're gay, you just don't know it yet. And somehow it just stopped, like it stopped completely abruptly. People cut it out. Yeah, but I just, I don't, I need America's Got Talent, I'm like 27 or whatever, like it just became. You're fantastic on that show, by the way.

Starting point is 00:14:06 Oh, thank you. I do remember seeing you doing that and thinking, oh, this is like him proving himself nationally because you're quite young on the show. Thank you. I mean, last year I got you in the comedy sort of before that show. That was like 10 years before, buddy.

Starting point is 00:14:20 I did that. You and Maz and John Caprulo. Yeah, but let's just give him the credit. Not those. Yeah, yeah. I give all the credit to you. Interesting. But you help me get like, midsy watched me and you look great. Good looking kid.

Starting point is 00:14:33 Who's that woman? Heidi Klum. Oh great. I kissed her on the mouth. Isn't that? Didn't that feel weird with a fucking Nazi sitting next to you? Is that not fuck up your ass? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:41 Oh, you did kiss her. Look at her. Oh my God. No, but you can be up. There's a real mouth kiss when they're somewhere. Oh wow. You just are a bunch. Yeah. Now what was this about? Yeah, what's that? And there's ginger. I know ginger. Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute. What's this about with you in Heidi Klum? Did you have this thing, dude? You know, we just you kiss the lady and no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't just kiss a fucking on air personality without a backstory. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't just kiss a fucking on-air personality

Starting point is 00:15:03 without a backstory. She's, so on the show, we had a whole thing, and like she was mean to me, and then I got her to like me, and then like now like almost 10 years later, people come to me and they go, how's Heidi doing? And like, it's like a stick.

Starting point is 00:15:16 Was there, yeah, I know what she's like. I bought a house off of a goofing with Heidi, you know? Are you asking if I made love to her? No, dude, I'm not. But a house off of the... AGT money? Yeah, I'm like, also like... What do you mean?

Starting point is 00:15:30 I'm very talented and I can... No, I know, we get it! That's why you're on the show! Dude, don't do that! I'm very confused. Listen, you're on the show because we, for a reason, we see you around. You don't have to do that.

Starting point is 00:15:41 Alright? So what I'm asking you is, did you buy a house based on the money that you got from AGT? Yeah. Wow. So how much do you get for AGT? Touring and stuff. Touring and saying from this career, the rest of it. Well, then just not the same. But what I mean, it pays you, yeah, they pay no money. Carlos, you didn't tell me what to do when this happens. Yeah. Yeah. But wait a minute. But what I really want to know, you're skipping through it. So you and Heidi had to, I know this is a stick, but also you're kissing. Yeah, yeah. So she came, listen, she came out to me

Starting point is 00:16:07 after the finale, the whole, like I'm very lucky that I got to have like a, on these competition reality shows, you don't get to have a storyline, it's just performance and reaching back, I got to have a storyline throughout the season because of- What was the storyline? It was just a set, I'll tell you some stuff.

Starting point is 00:16:21 So he beat homosexuality. Yeah. When I was young, they all thought I was gay. Yeah. I tell you, Heidi, get over here. Give me a kiss. This was the definitive proof. This is when I actually shifted gears. Interesting. I go, guys not gay.

Starting point is 00:16:39 So on my season, there was two opera singers who the story was, were gay and our parents still love it, but we're still gonna sing for our family. They're gonna have the storylines. I was like, I got bullied, let's talk about it. And they were just like, you're cute comedian, and you wanna pay your bills, and I was like, yeah, you're cute, that's fine.

Starting point is 00:16:54 You don't need something deep, you're cute, and you're fine, you grew up healthy, right? You didn't have crazy shit happened. So you didn't have that storyline, like I was bullied and stuff. Well, I tried to say I got bullied. I was like, let me give you excited. But everybody got bullied, so I never really worked.

Starting point is 00:17:08 He got bullied, I got bullied. These two guys, you want to be. Definitely got bullied. I don't think anybody in our business didn't get bullied. In fact, the more I hear stories, Jennifer fucking Lawrence is probably like, oh, they made fun of me when I was young.

Starting point is 00:17:20 Yeah. I think even like hot people in our business were bullied. Everybody was kind of bullied because you would have to be when I was young. I think even like hot people in our business were bullied. Everybody was kind of bullied because you would have to be a kind of person to think that you're going to make people feel entertained for living. I mean, I believe that little loon, a little loony. I believe bullying is for me and I don't endorse bullying. I do.

Starting point is 00:17:40 I know you do. But keep on bullying, baby. But I believe that without the bullying, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. It pushed me. It's like every time I'm in a situation where someone says, no, or I get fucked over or this and that, my whole thinking is, I'll show you.

Starting point is 00:17:56 I use it as energy. I'll show you. He do, he does that. It's like revenge almost, right? Like Marvel wrote movies just about Bobby's story. Yeah, I got one Korean. I think Koreans, we love revenge movies. Everybody likes revenge.

Starting point is 00:18:09 I know, but sort of the Spanish. But Koreans, their movies, the scene, revenge is always a thing. Well, because of the history. Yeah, like fucking old boy is revenge, you know, in a rate movie. Yeah, so my point is, gets you thick skin and-

Starting point is 00:18:21 Who won your season? This guy, Kanichi, Japanese. We love Kanichi. Did we have him on the show? Can we get him on the show? You know who I love Kaniichi and I like wall. Oh Kaniichi and wall dude very good. Well, it's great dude together. Oh Kaniichi the magician no that guy won. Yeah, he's like that guy's the best Is it me? Have you seen the head thing? Yeah, I saw it. He's great. Yeah, he's great Yeah, but once you see it once you see it, you know, yeah But can you take your head? You're writing new jokes. It's like once you you seen the head thing? Yeah, I saw it. He's great. Yeah, but once you see it, once you see it, you know.

Starting point is 00:18:46 Yeah, but can you take your head off? You're writing new jokes. It's like once you see the head go down. He's taking his head off as fucking torso. It's not coming off. I checked it out. That's real, dude. It's a rig, dude. No, it's not.

Starting point is 00:18:56 He's taking his head off as torso. That's fucking big. So this guy won. Look at that. This guy won, now he's an act in Vegas, I imagine. He's in Japan. He lives in Japan. In Japan, Vegas. He's doing a lot of money, like in Vegas, I imagine. He's in Japan. He lives in Japan. In Japan, Vegas.

Starting point is 00:19:05 He's doing a lot of money, like doing, like, that's the thing with the dancers, you can only do seven minutes before you go. You get through an hour's show. In Japan, every other person could do that. It's not even a big deal when he's in Japan. Did I had a guy? He goes, and I can do it too, you know.

Starting point is 00:19:19 So, yeah. But I do think the whole goal used to be, right, getting a Vegas show, right? Wasn't that the whole thing? To get a residency in Vegas. Shen Lim did it. Yeah, he's still there. He's our boy.

Starting point is 00:19:35 Yeah, Shen Lim did it. He came on the show. Oh, yeah. Gave us some magic. And I got to tell you, enjoying you much more. Wow. Much, much more. Also, we have a rapport, so it's different.

Starting point is 00:19:44 Wow. Thanks, I love, my favorite compliments are like, I like you better than whoever. Oh, I can. Also, we have a rapport, so it's different. Wow, thanks. I love my favorite compliments. They're like, I like you better than whoever. Oh, I can say that about you about so many more people. Well, don't let me get started. The list will never end. Morgan and Morgan. Yeap. I'm in a car accident.

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Starting point is 00:22:52 or visit connectcentario.ca. Can I ask you? I don't want to be mean. Huh. What would you do? My hair. Not just the yellow. Everyone asks me when my hair is made. Are you going his face? No. You're not like his face? Oh, his hair. Not just, you know, you're gonna ask him in my hair.

Starting point is 00:23:05 Are you doing his face? No, you're not like his face? Oh, his hair. Like, fuck, I make a decision, you know. Like, I'm doing. We either do not, not, yes, yes or no, but don't do this. What are you trying to say, man? You're trying to say I'm thinning hair and...

Starting point is 00:23:21 No, I'm just saying, what are you doing? I feel so, what's up? Have you asked happy things giving? Thanks. I'm gonna do a thing asking you. I'm gonna saying, what are you doing? I forgot. What's up? Have you asked happy things giving? Thanks. I'm gonna do a thing asking you. I'm gonna have happy things giving. That's how I do it in Korea. What are you trying to say?

Starting point is 00:23:32 Why don't you have, should I? I love you. I mean, thanks for being here. Listen, I got bleeds in case I have thick skin. I can handle it. He can take it. Please ask me a direct question. I got you.

Starting point is 00:23:41 Go direct if you're gonna ask. Okay, okay. What I'm saying is that, you just, I got you. Go direct if you're gonna ask. Okay, okay. What I'm saying is that, just, let me try. What? I just, what? Nothing. I just, I feel you trying to load up.

Starting point is 00:23:53 I'm trying to load up. You know, it's like when I see a Q-tip, right? You know, it's either I want, because sometimes I take the, what's it, the cotton off? No, I know, yeah. It hits the, you know, it hits parts of my ear differently, right? I don't think Q-tip is the cotton off. No, I know, yeah. It hits parts of my ear differently, right? I don't think YouTube is the right analogy, but everything that you just,

Starting point is 00:24:11 you know what I mean? So it's put Qtips in your ear, by the way. I know, is that fine? And you're saying you take off the safety part, he tickles it inside of his ear. I do, but the wire, the hardened paper part, the stick, he put that in the area. We had him on the bus, he did a lot of it.

Starting point is 00:24:29 Let's pass, pass on that. What I'm saying is, what you're doing right now is it's balding, right? But you have a few hairs and you're just trying to like, does it bother you? It wasn't until I saw it now and there's like a little, you know, in the Bible that sees the parting of the red sea. That's what I'm showing you, Moses.

Starting point is 00:24:49 Yeah, that's happening and it's kind of distracting me a little bit. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. I'm just wondering why you're going to put your, you're, please don't be mean. Well, you, what, what, please don't be mean. You can let him defend himself. Not depending, I'm sorry that it's, I'm asking you,

Starting point is 00:25:04 I want you to be comfy. I'm so comfortable. New City is making uncomfortable. For a second I was just kind of wanted to ask you a question. That's not really, you know, I can live with it. Do you want me to turn around? No, no, no, I don't need to turn around. I love you. You know, I love you. I'm just because I've been wanting to ask you. Yeah. And I go and I go, you know, because what Carlos is doing, he's like full. Have you seen Carlos without his hat? How long have you known Carlos? Do you go back? I don't know him by like 15 years.

Starting point is 00:25:28 So Carlos, this is, we've talked about this. So you know, this is, you know, this is how he gets laid. He's the man. Yeah, you don't like that? He's beautiful. No, the hair. But his hair isn't like that.

Starting point is 00:25:38 I would have fucked him before I was 26. Yeah. Phil Heidi Klum got a hold of you. Anyway, let's move on. I'm happy to talk. No, I don't need to. Was that inappropriate? No, it's, I feel like he clumed got a hold of you. Yeah, anyway, let's move on No, I don't need to Was that inappropriate? No, it's I need I can you ask why don't you didn't want to ask? No, not really I mean it didn't hit me. I don't really look at it. Is it you now though? Look at it now. Well now that you've made it uncomfortable that you've mentioned it. Yeah, no, I'm still not thinking

Starting point is 00:26:02 It's not on my mind even a little bit. Okay, I think it looks good. I you know what? Yeah, no, I'm still not thinking. It's not on my mind even a little bit. Okay, I think it looks good. I, you know what? Yeah, okay. But I, I mean, but as someone who has so much hair like you, I get that you look at other people's hair and you judge everyone because you have such long, luscious hair. That's what I'm doing.

Starting point is 00:26:15 Yeah, what the fuck am I wrong? What am I doing? Am I wrong? You're right. You have long, luscious hair. You see other people's hair. You immediately mock them. You're a bully.

Starting point is 00:26:23 You know, I was gonna say this is a bull. That's what I'm saying. When I You know, I was gonna say this is a bully. That's what I think. Because when I, one time I was looking at this guy, it's funny because you are being a bully actually, and here's why because I was talking to this guy once, and I was looking down in his hairline, and it was like his thick hair hair. And while I was actively thinking,

Starting point is 00:26:37 oh my god, he looks at me up, but he goes, you're so tall. Oh, right. Funny how normal, healthy people, we see kind people, I'm sorry. We see what we wish we had and we had someone else has. We you go, I have all of it. And you have not.

Starting point is 00:26:53 That is what you do. That's so. Is that what I'm doing? Yeah. You know what, can I say something? Take your beanie off. Okay. Just to show them how much nice hair you have.

Starting point is 00:27:02 I know it. Thank you. I'm sorry. That's like 40 grand a hair right there. Thank you. Thank you. At least. Thank you for. I did it.

Starting point is 00:27:09 You've shown a light at my frailties and my character, Defan. Yeah. And I want to apologize deeply. No, I love you. No, no, I'm just saying this. Okay, and you know what? God for second. And God bless you.

Starting point is 00:27:20 Okay. This looks like a scene, this looks like a scene from Old Boy. Yeah, yeah. And you know, you've given me deliverance. You have, and I've seen the errors of my ways, and I will correct myself. It's very nice. I apologize.

Starting point is 00:27:35 Listen, we're all evolving and we're all doing the best we can to be what we were given. And I appreciate this exchange. And does the dog sleep in bed with you? Yeah. Really? I was not gonna be that person. Is that a point of contention

Starting point is 00:27:46 with the person that you're dating? No, it's honestly, it's wild. Like, have you told me at 37, I'm gonna be the guy with a tiny dog, I take places on ironically, I'd be like, what the fuck happened? No, there's nothing wrong with that. We love, this is animal friendly room here.

Starting point is 00:27:59 I love animals though. My girlfriend's so, she has a dog in the bed. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, a dog in the bed. It's in a lino. Yeah, I just get scared of rolling over on my dog That's what I get fucked up about because I'm a big guy. Well, I'm just a alright Not fat. I'm just being funny. He's hair and I'm fat now I'm not gonna everybody in the room What? Knock out everybody in the room. Yeah, man. I'm having trouble right now. I got high cholesterol. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I get it man. I'm on fucking what am am I on? Oh, you're gay weight you gay weight

Starting point is 00:28:25 I did what am I on right now my cholesterol medication. What's it called? O stamp. No, I'm on levitra. Oh Is that what it's called? No, Lippitor levitra is the boner pill I'm on Lippitor. I'm on Lippitor. This is my new thing Honestly, it's pissing me off Why am I taking this my cholesterol, I did get a little fat. I got a little fat effect. Do you want you to take a little bit more? I mean, not really.

Starting point is 00:28:50 What are the side effects? I mean, maybe let's see if I got any of those because I just started fucking taking it. Hunger. Hunger? Hunger? Are you saying hunger? No, hunger.

Starting point is 00:28:59 Nice try, bitch. Diarrhea, normal. Joint pain, normal. Headache, get real. Stuffy or running nose, appetite increase, nausea, constipation. So this is normal shit. This is basically they gave someone a placebo. They said all these things that usually happen to regular people.

Starting point is 00:29:16 They have to write it down in the book as possible side effects. So no, I haven't had any of this stuff. The only thing I have had, I'm not gonna lie. When it first, when I first started taking it is, the moment I would eat, and I mean, the moment food would be, like you know, in the cartoon, like splashes in your belly,

Starting point is 00:29:33 you know what I mean, like you feel like go on your throat, splash in your belly. My body immediately was like, get it out, get it out, I'd have to go right to the bathroom. But it wasn't nasty, it just had to come out. You know what it was?

Starting point is 00:29:45 It was like the train got in the station, the other train needed to leave. Can't tell you something, no joke. My dog has that. Is your dog on Lippetaur? Like after she eats, she has this look of like, got to go. Yeah, I got to go.

Starting point is 00:29:57 Yeah, I don't know what it is, but it's not, it is, honestly, it's not gross. It's just, one train's got to go for the other one to get back in the station. You know what it is? It's a Jewish thing. I know I'm Jewish. I know you became Jewish She's yeah, dude my wife is Jewish. I get it dude. I know I know she is Jewish Bob is the only one that's not Jewish in this room. Yeah, yeah, by the way Let's congratulate right now speaking of dogs

Starting point is 00:30:19 South Korea unveils its plan to ban dog meat by 2027 What do you want so long? Well, you got to get cut let it 2027. What are you, why so long? Well, you got to get cut. Five years? Let it catch up. Yeah. They got freezers full of it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:30 Well, I'm mad at like dogs and cages like five years. How are we going to make it? No, they're not going to make it. We think I've fought. No, five years. What do you mean is 2027? Yeah, they have to face it out. Buddy, it's 2024 and an inch.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Tomorrow's 2024. Right, so three years. Three years. It's not that bad. Oh, he doesn't. Buddy, it's 2024 and an inch. Tomorrow's 2024. Right, so three years. Three years. It's not that bad. Oh, he does it. Yeah, that's what's so funny. Oh, God. Math.

Starting point is 00:30:51 Math. Math. An Asian who's bad at math, it's just nuts. It's nuts. It's crazy. It's like it's rude. It's like when a black guy can't play basketball, you're like, what's going? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:01 I don't know. I can't even shoot. I don't know much. Korean unveils that plant to ban the dog. You can see those dogs right there waiting to get eaten. They might well one of them. They're fucked. They're fucked. That's a dog meat farm. Yeah. Yeah, this is a dog meat farm. Yeah. Wow. I know. Zoom in on who wrote the article. Minju Kim. Oh my god. Well, Minju, I hope you save some of those dogs when you got that nice photo of them. Bob, by the way, that Zoom in on Minju Kim,

Starting point is 00:31:25 that looks like Bobby and a wig. That's a hot, is that not you? That's insane, that's you. Gotta feel so bad for those dogs and that. This is what's crazy, because we're a big dog show over here. Everybody in here has pets. Well, except Carlos, did you your dog die yet? No.

Starting point is 00:31:41 No. He's alive. I know you told me I have to give him to Bobby if I fuck up again. Did you fuck up again? No, I didn't, so I'm just, him to Bobby if I fuck up again. So did you fuck up again? No, I didn't so I'm just I'm holding I have him on on what is it called? He's on probation because he fucked up when he first got a dog. We're all supportive and then he fucked up. What'd you do? I just messed up an airport pickup for Bobby Does it involve the dog no not at all. Oh, I don't care Well, I thought you could say that he like injured his dog. No, he has done dumb shit with it.

Starting point is 00:32:05 He's left the dog, he's left the dog places. He's put, he left it in a Jeep for four hours without the AC on or anything. Really? Carlos. No, not really. Okay. But it was actually mad at all of them.

Starting point is 00:32:16 I know, I liked it. Oh my God. No, but we did say if we find out that he's not behaving correctly with the dog, like if he's not behaving correctly with the dog, like if he's doing dumb shit, like not feeding it and forgetting about it, leaving the places where we're moving the dog from him. I love that.

Starting point is 00:32:32 I think everyone should have to. You have to have to have a whole responsibility for your person. You're so talented. Thank you. I'm the second most talented person in America. Like literally. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just saying you're very talented and

Starting point is 00:32:48 thank you. That means a lot. You know, I think the times when I made fun of you and stuff. I never made fun of you. No. Yeah, but the times I made fun of you is I was trying to, um, because a lot of times you eat, you know, at the comedy clubs. Yeah. You know, I mean, you're just like, this is what you know, I mean, it's very inside yourself. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:33:04 Which I think is why I tap you on the tush, just to scare you a little bit. Like you turn into a cramer when I tap you on the butt. And then we can just shock you, because you look so like. But we've also talked about things that are going wrong. You always come up to me with things that are going wrong, things aren't happening.

Starting point is 00:33:19 What's going wrong right now? Yes, you have. I have once, but you know what I'm saying. When are the advice you gave me? Okay, yeah, go ahead. This is what bought this is Bobby Lee's career advice. From a few years ago, right before COVID, I was like, I'm really stressed. I'm just hard. I'm whatever things that don't work out. Some highlights, whatever. And I'm, I don't know what to do. I'm feel like a dead end. And he goes sincerely and loving like, no stick. Like he cares. I know you care about him even so much, he gave me his heartfelt advice. He says, Taylor, stop trying to do anything.

Starting point is 00:33:48 Stop hustling, stop pushing yourself because when I stop doing those things, that's when everything happened for me. And he gave me examples of his famous friends who have helped him because he's very talented. They've known him for many years. And I'm just like, oh, I think this is not good advice. I don't think it's good.

Starting point is 00:34:02 It is good. No, I think it's a good advice. It's very good. I think stop trying to do everything. No, last night, no, okay. Can I say stop doing anything? I hear how it works for you and I respect you. And I'll do respect, may I talk?

Starting point is 00:34:15 With I'll do respect, okay? Do less. Am I, what, I'm doing, do much? Do less. Go less, okay. Don't hit him so hard. You're right. He's here, he's brave, do.

Starting point is 00:34:24 Because he'll keep striking. I'll go, okay, you're right. Because he's really ripping me apart right now. I know, him so hard. You're right. He's here. He's right. You know, cuz he'll keep striking I'll go get you right because he's really ripping me apart right now. I know we'll relax not at all Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've attacked him a couple times. I don't find that to be true I found the opposite to be true. I gotta tell you if we put up an attack board. I think it's tied It's gotta be two to two. I mean one time I've attacked this gentleman. Well, though you just pointed at him Yeah, I was rude. I did it again. You keep doing it. Sorry. The three four This I don't like he doesn three, four. This is classic. I don't like it.

Starting point is 00:34:46 He doesn't like that. This is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I took Japanese classes. This is rude, but this is polite. No, this is like, here's some food. And Japanese. Oh, cool. Oh, she goes here.

Starting point is 00:34:55 In polka. Let me do a sentence. Let me hear if I can translate it. Oh, Genki desu ka? Oh, Genki desu, I mean, good day. Not too far. Yeah. How are you? How are you? Yeah. People say for how are you far. Yeah, it's how are you? How are you?

Starting point is 00:35:06 Yeah. People say for how are you or a good day, it's kind of the same thing. No, I know this is a fact. It's the same way we say, what's up? We're not really asking you what's up. It's like, what's up as like saying, hey, how's it going or what? It's means 50 things.

Starting point is 00:35:17 You have an Asian fat ass. Me? No. We put it in pieces. No, you have an Asian fat ass. Of course he does. I fit. You know, you thought his girlfriend was white in Atlanta. Are you out of your girlfriend? White? No. What is she? She's Asian. She's half Filipino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Okay. What a little language. Well, I mean, I can get into their minds. Can you get into their mind? You get into their pants?

Starting point is 00:35:45 Yeah. She doesn't speak Japanese. It doesn't matter. How much do you weigh? That's what you want. That's your ultimate goal. I think I'm 165. I knew it.

Starting point is 00:35:53 Yeah. Well, anybody under 170, a white guy under 170 who's tall cannot date a white girl. Life. They all like Asians. Any tall, you're listening right now. If you're tall, white guy, I can tell you. A six. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:03 See? Any guy that's over 5'10, that's less than 170 pounds, 100% has an Asian girlfriend or what? Small vagina's long udon like penis. She does not have a long udon like. No, you do. No, you do. He's saying you do.

Starting point is 00:36:17 I know she doesn't. Yes, we have. You've seen it though. Your penis? Can I tell you what? I'm sorry, I thought you'd know. Wait, are we flirting right now? No, I'm not flirting.

Starting point is 00:36:28 I know I'm just coming to revelations. So I fit all the checkmarks, but I can tell you why study Japanese and it's like it ruins it. No, no. No, you don't, I'm going to calm down. I'll let you fit. No, I'm going to calm down. I like it.

Starting point is 00:36:41 I'm trying to calm down. I don't want to take away your sand. You're not taking it away or anything, my friend. I'm too shy. Okay. But what I'm trying to calm down. I don't want to take away your stand. You're not taking it away or anything, my friend. I'm too shy. Okay, but what I'm going to say is, yeah. Is. Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:51 I'm trying to be calm. And then the ponga, because he gets me all wrong. I know he gets you jazzed up. What I want to say is, I don't need to know the reason because I already know the reason. That's right. You understand? I understand it.

Starting point is 00:37:03 Right. I do too. I've been to countries. I've seen do's like you. Yeah, X pets Like you you know man, yeah, and you have that energy. It's fine. Have you been a Singapore or Malaysia? Not you never been to Asia Thailand you've been oh you just did Japan. How long well when he was on the hunt That's where you hunt Hunting trip with your buddy goes on his treat. White bodies. Yeah, we're here.

Starting point is 00:37:27 Kanichiwa. Konichiwa. Yeah. And what did you say? What was the first thing? Mugu guy pan. Close. There's Oganki Deskai.

Starting point is 00:37:35 Oganki Deskai. Is that mean? I mean, how are you? How are you? What's going from the Ruvajina in Japanese? I don't know. Yeah, you do. Well, we can Google it. I don't. You really don't? I don't know. Oh. What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:37:45 What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:37:52 What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on?

Starting point is 00:38:00 What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? and I'm like, I think I can. And then on the stop, he goes, I'm gonna ask you questions, you can't handle. I'm like, I don't know, he's like, and he goes, I'm gonna ask you like, do you look pussy? I was like, I think I can answer that.

Starting point is 00:38:11 Do you? That's a pretty easy answer. You think he loves it. He does, he does, yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. I feel like he gets nervous though. Do you get nervous when you're down there? What's the fun about this?

Starting point is 00:38:21 I don't have to be here. You know the answers already. Yeah, kind of. I have no fingers on. Please hands are shaking. I love already. Yeah, kind of. I'll fix that. Please hands are shaking. I love it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:38:27 Yeah. Anyway, so let's go back to what I was gonna say about my advice. I hear you, but I've done like 20 years of, of just being, really working really hard on my standup and being funny and then I got on a show because I asked, you know. And like I have a special coming out. I have a special coming out because I still financed it and made it myself.

Starting point is 00:38:51 And what's it called? Live at the comedy store. Creative. Hanukkah release, doing a Hanukkah release. Oh, that's good, dude. That's great. So you released the special in 12 parts? That'd be kind of fun to do.

Starting point is 00:39:03 It's eight, but that's funny. Eight of a 12 is good, you know what I mean? Tell us a better number. We could have, because Jews are back. Make it a dozen. Let's make it, it's hot because it's 12 nights because of a pressure. I like this.

Starting point is 00:39:14 More presents. Yeah, so it's live at the comedy store. It's a special, my best joke's forever told, and I'm so proud of it. Oh, yeah. Is your first special? Second. Second special.

Starting point is 00:39:24 But the first one, did you, you didn't sell finance the first one? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Second special. Yeah. But the first one, did you, you didn't sell finance the first one? No, no, no, no, other people finance it. Yeah, this is out of your pocket. Yeah, it's like very freeing like. Dr. Squatch. Let me tell you something, Andrew. So I go to, I valet my car a lot.

Starting point is 00:39:38 You always valet your car. Right, and the valet guy at the Wee Spa said, dude, why do you, you always smell so nice? And you do? And I go, Dr. Squatch, baby. Dr. Squatch is so good. It's high performance natural products. This is 98% natural soap.

Starting point is 00:39:54 98, you're never gonna find this anywhere else. Becorp certified, no harmful ingredients. It's having you look and smell and feel your best. I got this, the Birchwood Breeze, Bobby loves the pine tar, that's his favorite. It smells so good on your skin, I got this, the Birchwood Breeze, Bobby loves the Pine Tart, that's his favorite. It smells so good on your skin, it's smooth, and by the way, knowing that it's natural, doesn't have any you feel good.

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Starting point is 00:43:33 I want to know more about you instead of this father. Yeah, he comes to know more about when's the first time you fucked. I say 20. Were you say 20 but it wasn't? Whatever, a fucked fuck just 21. Then why 20? I got a quick look at that. Why 20? I did a little bit of something when I was 20, you know? Like you dipped it in?

Starting point is 00:43:52 Yeah, yeah, when those, you know, it's a little bit, huh? What is it called? Let it soak. You let it soak. I didn't even, I just did like, it was just like, and she was like, all the, every woman I've ever, by the way,

Starting point is 00:44:01 like every woman I've ever dated, like has been like, or have it hooked up with whatever has been like, kind of, I don't need it. Like all the stereotype of a man is like, guys you're like, I don't want, I forgot it, we don't need it. Right.

Starting point is 00:44:13 Every woman I've ever, you know, you know, I'm, no, I don't know what you're saying. Well, here's why, he, I don't know where you're, if I'm a girl, you look clean. Thank you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I was a woman, I'd be like, no. This guy's fine. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I was a woman, I'd be like no this guy's fine. Yeah. Thank you Yeah, also I wouldn't be afraid of you getting me pregnant. Yeah, I figured you know like you decent genetics. No, no, no, no

Starting point is 00:44:34 I feel like they would be just really They're relaxed relax, but they're not going the right direction, right? Yeah, yeah, they're going back in Do you think I'm infertile or just no? No, no, you have a lot of sperm, but they go back into your penis Okay, and all you get is the liquid part. Okay. Yeah, but they going back in. Do you think I'm infertile or just... No, no, you have a lot of sperm, but they go back into your penis. Okay. And all you get is the liquid part. Okay. Yeah, but they're back in. I think they get nervous, they get out there and they're like,

Starting point is 00:44:50 oh no. You can go right back. Thank you. I think they get a little tepid. I also think that your testicles are cozy. Oh. Yeah, you have so many. It's like a cozy testicles.

Starting point is 00:45:00 Warm balls. Warm, warm balls. Yeah, let's... I love this. Yeah. Whatever the opposite of bullying is. Jabba Daya, let's go back. I don't know what their name is. What's the bigger testicle right or left?

Starting point is 00:45:10 I don't know. Are they different sizes? They sure are. One hangs lower for sure. I just learned they moved like recently. They go wherever they want recently. Do you know you're never in cold weather? But I mean like you can hold them and then they're kind of like with those Mexican jumping

Starting point is 00:45:23 beans kind of. Sorry Carlos. No, but that's what they're kind of like, with those Mexican jumping beans, kind of. Sorry Carlos. No, but that's what they're called. I know, thank you. Sorry. By the way, somehow Mexican jumping beans is sound so racist.

Starting point is 00:45:35 Yeah, yeah. It just sounds like something Trump said. Yeah. I was at the air. They're Mexican jumping beans right over the wall. Over the wall they go, Bing Bang Bing. It sounds like he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:50 Mexican jumping beans. All right. But is that not what they're called? No, they are. They are. I was at the airport in Tucson and they had them for sale. I haven't seen those in like 20 years. It's like what?

Starting point is 00:46:00 Yeah, they probably got rid of them for sure. Well, what they're little insects in the bean, right? Yeah, and they're trying to get out. Yeah, they're slowly dying. They're tortured animals. It's like sea monkeys. They're just like, it teaches you're torturing. Well, what creatures are we okay with torturing then?

Starting point is 00:46:13 I guess let's make a standard. I don't like these balabsters. People are down for just like, it's like, do you know about lobsters though? They're evil. Oh, yeah, they're satanic. I ain't, oh good. They their claws, the fuck in this is what they're doing the whole time. yeah, they're satanic. I mean, oh good. Oh, yeah. They their claws, fucking this is what they're doing the whole time.

Starting point is 00:46:28 Yeah, they're doing this and then they're like molesting crabs. They found them in the crab. They're like, do their victims, then? Yeah. But it's not, it doesn't make it okay, but someone hurt, hurt people, hurt, someone did that to them and now they do it to the lobster. To the lobster? Who did it to the lobster?

Starting point is 00:46:44 I don't know. I don't know squids Oh, yeah, those are the fucking dick ass. Those fucking assholes You know who we like the least on this show dolphins dolphins can fuck right off perverts Yeah, they're big honestly do you like dolphins? Be real do I mean the like you're in the ocean you saw dolphin next to you. What would you do in the ocean? I would be scared honestly that I saw Dolphin next time if I'm in the ocean and I can do anything to you. Yeah, what would you do? In the ocean, I would be scared, honestly, that's how I'd do it the next day. If I'm in the ocean and I can do anything to you. Yeah, yeah, what are you scared?

Starting point is 00:47:07 I don't want, I'd be like, is that a dolphin or a shark, first of all? Well, he just told you it's a dolphin. Well, the dolphins, like, don't worry, I'm a dolphin bro. I'll be like, he, they don't say that. They don't say that. So they, and then they start fucking. Are they just chilling next to you,

Starting point is 00:47:20 like, so you can get a good look? I'll swim by ya. I don't know, they're chilling, they're not like, I don't want to actually next to a dolphin in the water. But if I'll swim by you. I don't know. They're chilling. They're not like, I don't want to act to a dolphin in the water. But if I'm in like, I was recently at a friend's house who's doing well for himself and he has a house by the beach in the ice, we saw dolphins in the...

Starting point is 00:47:33 Daniel Tosh, we get it. Oh, yeah, Danny. I know Danny from Florida. Yeah. Danny from Florida. That's what we call him. You call Daniel Tosh, Daniel from Danny from Florida. So you went to Danny's house?

Starting point is 00:47:42 Is that Danny from Florida? From Florida's house? When he calls into radio shows, that's what he calls. Okay. So you went to his house from Danny from Florida. So you went to Danny's house? Is that Danny from Florida? From Florida's house? When he calls into radio shows, that's what he calls. Okay. So you went to his house? Danny from Florida. I was at a MacFend Max's house. But Max has money and he lives on the beach in Malibu. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

Starting point is 00:47:54 That's cool, man. It's great, but the problem though, is that in like 10 years, the house is going to be gone and you can't really. Who cares? We'll be dead in 10 years. Oh good, I didn't know that. Did you not hear Joe Biden address the country yesterday? And what he's saying? We'll be dead in 10 years. Oh good. I didn't know that. Did you not hear Joe Biden address a country yesterday? He said we'll be dead in 10 years. That's it. He was like

Starting point is 00:48:07 We're gonna be gonna dead 10 years or 11 of March and full full full part. So you see I'm gonna be dead in two years I couldn't make it out what he was saying, but I did think he was saying the world's over Did you translate any of that stuff? No, but he did mention something about Taylor to about about about this Taylor Yeah, Biden. What did he say? No, he said that we're all gonna die but specifically Taylor Williams. Yeah, that's all fuck. Do you see the picture of his cake on fire?

Starting point is 00:48:31 Did you see that photo? Well, no, I was, let me see it. This is classic Joe Biden. This is our president. That's crazy. It's crazy though. 81 candlest, it's on fire. It's crazy.

Starting point is 00:48:44 It's not happy birthday, Joe, you're on fucking fire. Should I blow these out? No, dude, you'll die. That's really, that's like a joke. Why is that real? Here's the problem with this guy. Yeah. So many, I could go on for hours.

Starting point is 00:48:58 He's really genuinely so unaware. It's not even his fault anymore. They're parading this guy around like fucking, uh, guy. I mean, genuinely. They're parading this guy around like fucking, I mean genuinely, they're parading this guy around and he has no clue what's going on. Like they literally posed him for that, but they put his arms like that. He's like Gumby.

Starting point is 00:49:16 You think he was post like 100% I bet my life on it. That's so he doesn't fall. You know what the more? This guy, the earth is spinning fast for this guy. But when you put your arms out like that, the candles were probably normal and he could have done that with his dark brand in. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:49:33 Laser eyes. Yeah, dude. That's cool, that's true, honest. Now have you ever met a lizard person, a politician of any sort of strength or power? Have you ever been in a room with any lizard people? Not lizard people. I've been to some USO tour,

Starting point is 00:49:47 so I've met the chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff. Whoa. That's pretty good. I know. Yeah, close. I spent fourth of July with General Milley. Whoa. Milley Bobby Brown.

Starting point is 00:49:57 Yeah. When did she get generalized? That's straight. No, I didn't know she got generalized. Congrats, Milley Bobby Brown. Was is he nice, General Milley? He's so badass and cool. I think he's a Massachusetts guy.

Starting point is 00:50:07 That him right there. And that's a badass dude. And he's, like, he's famous because Trump, we're not supposed to know who these people are, you know. But he's famous because Trump is always hating on him because he's, like, kept the democracy intact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool.

Starting point is 00:50:20 Look at all those fucking things on his chest. Look at all the flags. Those are all the countries that he bombed. Yeah. Is there one for countries that he bombed. Yeah. Is there one for swimming or something? Yeah. Is it canoeing and stuff? Like, boys, guys are no.

Starting point is 00:50:32 The very top one is for swimming. If you can hold your breath in an Olympic pool down and back once, you get the first one. You get the top one? You zoom in a little bit. I'll tell you what all those are. Yeah, yeah, tell me what all those are. All right.

Starting point is 00:50:42 So the top one's swimming, right? The very very, right underneath it to the left. The green and yellow. It doesn't chicken wings under a minute. Really? Yeah, yeah, tell me what all those are all right so the top on swimming right the fair very right underneath it to the left the green Green and yellow doesn't chicken wings and under a minute That's what I had no idea my my uncles in the military. He tells me all this. Yeah, it's why oh I know the one's the right we broke three boards with the karate chop. Yeah, karate chop. That's karate Yeah, yeah, I have one of those It's somehow not that impressive. I know I mean I have one my dad has one with my whole family as well

Starting point is 00:51:05 Do you have a karate chop metal? No, I got to yellow belt and I my mom started taking karate single mom Cool, but single mom thought she took it. I was taking past karate. It's a time she was taking karate And then she took it cuz I was taking it and then I I failed it Orange belt test and she passed the orange Wait, you're did she keep going Is your mom a black belt now? No, she stopped after I stopped. After she fucked you up, she quit. That's so funny that your mom stopped

Starting point is 00:51:29 after she beat you. So you have yellow still for the rest of your life and your mom has orange. Yeah. Man, that's so cool. Your mom's the shit. Is she available to come on the show at some point? I mean, what does she do for a living?

Starting point is 00:51:41 She's a brilliant artist. Like she was, she is? She's in Japan and that's why I started in Japanese last. What's her name? Can we look, can we showcase her art? If you really, I would love to unfortunately hear her online presence in St. Killer.

Starting point is 00:51:52 Someone else has her name, but if you look up Suzanne Marie Art Del Mar, you'll find here. Suzanne Marie Art Del Mar. So down in Del Mar, does she have a shop? So yeah, that's one of her, like that one, the second one, like that's some of her art. Okay, let's see, so. Her art's been in a bunch of movies and stuff. Oh, okay. There's some stuff like, whoa, that's one of her, like that one, the second one, like that's some of her art. Okay, let's see.

Starting point is 00:52:05 Her art's been in a bunch of movies and stuff. Oh, okay. And stuff like, whoa, that's beautiful. Let me see, let me zoom in on that. She was like legit superstar in the 90s, can't tell you. I was in Japan a few years ago. Yeah. And I walked by an art gallery and I went inside and in Japanese, these people don't speak

Starting point is 00:52:18 English, I was like, Boku no Kaisa and Suzan Marides, like my mom is Suzan Marien. And they were all freaking out. Because she was like, I think they were all freaking out, because she was like, I think they were freaking out, because you spoke Japanese. Oh, oh, you know, oh, oh, oh, pair men, pair men, and this creepy old Japanese guy who's like,

Starting point is 00:52:35 by 70, he was like, oh, Suzanne Marie, very tall, and I was like, okay, well, wait, wait, oh, that's fucking great, actually. Is that oil? I don't know what it was made on. I don't know. Do you watch your work ever? I know.

Starting point is 00:52:50 You don't fucking know what your mom's what medium of art. She uses oil. She uses acrylic. Where does she live? San Diego? Del Mar, we know. And you go down there and visit her? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:59 And you don't see her studio? She's not doing as much as she used to. She's older. She's not older. She's not older. She's been doing all some other stuff. She's still with your step dad? Yeah, yeah. You like him?

Starting point is 00:53:08 Yeah. What does he do? He's a doctor. Oh, she did good. Yeah, he said Del Mar. Oh, Del Mar, nice. I'm living in Del Mar if he's, you ever go to the Del Mar fair? I think fourth grade.

Starting point is 00:53:18 I love the Del Mar fair. Yeah. The nice part of San Diego is very nice. I like it up there. Del Mar is beautiful. Yeah, I'm lucky. It's funny. I grew up a single mom style like a townhouse, you know, and like like And like artist styles like so many years that we have money. So we're broke What are we doing, you know and up and all my friends are like filthy rich?

Starting point is 00:53:35 Yeah, that's got to be well to grow up in that world where you are the poor artist scumbag Child see everybody else's finance kids. I don't like my buddy got like a BMW M3 for his 16th birthday. For his fucking birthday? Oh yeah. And then he has a job at the, this is what they do because one of them marries, the dad marries normal kind woman, you know, who's like, no, right? She know, that's the generation, you know.

Starting point is 00:53:58 Now women have jobs, it's beautiful. You know, I'm saying my canceled. So then, but then, but then like, they get jobs like the movie theater, because like my mom told me I have to get a service job, but they have to just work a regular job. The job is M3 to make like $5 an hour at the movie. Keep them humble in some way.

Starting point is 00:54:13 Right, it's a balance. I get that. That makes sense though. Cause you had money coming, you worked at the fucking coffee shop. That's right. I worked at Postal Annex. Did you really?

Starting point is 00:54:24 Yeah. Three years, Postal Annex. God, that's so funny. Can we go back to your mom's art or no? I could hold an envelope and tell you how much you weighed and how many stamps it needed. That's so pathetic. That's my mom's art. Can I buy it?

Starting point is 00:54:36 How much is a piece? You're so sweet. I would love to connect you. She has been... How much is it? I don't know. I don't know. I guess.

Starting point is 00:54:43 That says $600. Oh, that's $600. This is a Sierra graph. It's not an original. Oh, I'll do the 600. Okay. I mean, this doesn't go to her, but this is something like creepy guy who has her stuff in a long time ago.

Starting point is 00:54:53 Yeah. Then I won't add it to court. Yeah, I don't buy it from this. I don't, I don't like these people. Whoever they are, they just scumbags who like own her stuff in a long time ago. Oh, really? They're reselling her art.

Starting point is 00:55:01 Yeah. Well, this show is gonna help. So I guess don't buy any, any of the fans that are interested, please don't buy anything unless it's gonna be direct. And if you wanna buy direct for Taylor's mom's art, his phone number is right here on the screen. We're gonna put it up right on the screen.

Starting point is 00:55:13 Taylor's direct cell phone number. Call him and ask him for the link to his mom's art. Thank you. Honestly, like my, please, there's another Suzanne Marie respect to her, but it's not my mom. The one that's mostly on the internet, not my mom. She just didn't adapt to social media.

Starting point is 00:55:28 Right. She's just more private collector. She's a big thing at Hebrew University. If you ever go out there, she does a lot of things for private collectors. If you can't get a hold of Taylor from the phone where we just put on the screen, we're gonna also put up his home address right now.

Starting point is 00:55:40 I'd like you to go by his house, say hi to him, give him a handshake, and tell him that you'd like to buy some of his mom's art. Keep going. Thank you. Yeah. She teaches it, so she teaches Art and Hebrew University? She has her work has been in. Let's go back to your past. I think her art.

Starting point is 00:55:54 Can we go back to your past? Her art is in the movie Bachelor Party where it falls off the wall. Oh, really? Yeah. Tom Hanks. Yeah. Woo! Great movie.

Starting point is 00:56:02 I love that movie. She has the art piece that falls off the back of the wall. Yeah. Mm. Barry time isn't that movie. Barry time and I've opened for him. Rustin' piece. So we've on?

Starting point is 00:56:11 He's not dead. Is he not? No. No. Some people just think her dead. Yesterday I thought, is John Goodman dead? No, he's still alive. I know.

Starting point is 00:56:19 I know. But do you know what it is? He knew it just died. Who? Jimmy Carter's wife. Yeah. Roseland Carter. She did she was 94. Oh, no 99 still alive. What's he up to Jay cut JC? Like just every second

Starting point is 00:56:35 What's that all right? He just stand alive staying alive dude that rest in peace I saw a video today of a guy who's 103 years old. They said what's the secret? I mean, it's just go, no. No, no, you got to ride it out. Oh, you got to ride it out. So the wheels fall off. Yeah. Now, with that picture of him with the thing over his eye, I remember this happened.

Starting point is 00:56:52 Who fucked him up? Was he at a bar and just got fucking not, imagine Jimmy Carter? Oh, I know what it is. Look, he looks Japanese there. Oh, stop Asian, hey, stop what happened. Stop what happened, dude. Did someone attack Jimmy Carter thinking he was Asian?

Starting point is 00:57:05 Fuck you, you old Asian piece of shit. Does he look kind of like, oh, he's going in the sky. Oh, he's staring right in a clips and they tell you not to look at it, but there he is looking right at it. These aren't the best photos of him. The internet does this, man. When you get older, they put up so many fucking rude photographs of you. This is why you're supposed to die young, dude.

Starting point is 00:57:27 Marilyn Monroe is the best example. She died at 36 years old. There isn't a bad photo of the girl. And the guy, James Dean. James Dean. Same guy. Yeah, same thing. Steve McQueen.

Starting point is 00:57:37 There's no bad photo. Steve McQueen, there's no bad photo of this fucking guy. When you die young, they can't take a bad photo of you. Look at that fucking guy. He was he was like seven either, no? No, he looks great. No, when does Steve McQueen die? Didn't he die young on the younger side? He died of cancer, right?

Starting point is 00:57:52 When did he die? Hold was a Steve McQueen. 50. Yeah, he's a young guy. That's a young, that's a young, a shifty years old man. 50 so fucking young. What's that?

Starting point is 00:58:04 He died in Juarez. Yeah, Juarez, Mexico, right? And in, uh, see that I, you can not get a bad photo while you're 50. You know what, dude? I know what you're fucking doing right now. I know. He's targeting it. You all day today.

Starting point is 00:58:18 Are you talking, look up, Bobbi Lee. See if there's any bad photos in. You're trying to talk shit. Look at these images. Handsome, cute, cool, funny, sharp. Okay. You look like Sarah Jessica Parker in that one picture. Yeah, you do.

Starting point is 00:58:32 Cool shirt. Look at that though, not one bad photo, Andre's. You jerk. You can't even tell the difference there between me and Steve. No, you can a little bit. Yeah, good photos. So we're cam what you said, take it back, fancy, please. Can't even tell the difference there between me and Steve. No, you can a little bit. Ha ha ha. Yeah, good photos. So, Re-cam what you said, take it back, fancy, please. Are we just asking?

Starting point is 00:58:50 No, no, no, you know what you were doing. You were shooting your shot. Honestly, honestly, dude, I would be real. I was gonna fucking let it go, dude. What is your fucking problem with me today, dude? I was gonna let it go, but what the fuck is your problem with me today, dude? You been attacking me since fucking I got here. Yeah, I've only been nice to you

Starting point is 00:59:07 And also can I say something I've been giving you hugs dude. Yeah, you had he has been hugging women Have it happened hugging you your fucking ugly pork body. Oh my guy. Hey be nice We like a see fly. No, I don't know what see trim Shumai. I don't know you said trim Shumai Hey, sorry, I'm so sorry that you went through. What food won't you eat? I don't eat a lot of foods. I'm a picky eater. I can tell.

Starting point is 00:59:29 I can tell. He's got that fucking picky white eater guy. Yeah. Yeah. Look, let me ask you something. Yeah. Would you eat fried butterfly wings? That's a good.

Starting point is 00:59:43 Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't want to like, I do it for not to. Like if I was, I would, are you a meat yeah. I wouldn't want to. Like, I would prefer not to. Like, if I was, I would, Are you a meat eater? I don't even read meat. How about this?

Starting point is 00:59:51 So, do we, do you white meat? I, I like chicken and turkey. Yeah. How about this? Yeah. So, yeah. I'm at a restaurant. I'm a waiter.

Starting point is 00:59:59 I put down a nice plate of sauteed monkey farts. Yes. You would eat it. No, what region are they from? Right. I'm Papa Doughini. Oh my god. You would eat it. No, what region are they from? Right. Papadugini. Oh my God, you're not gonna eat that? I'll eat that, pass it my way.

Starting point is 01:00:09 I wouldn't be eating as the best monkeyfarts. Yeah, the best. Delicious. Sa Tade. Sa Tade Monkeyfarts. That's right. A little bit of garlic. I would eat it because I feel bad that's going to waste.

Starting point is 01:00:19 Like the monkeyfarts is dying. Oh, your preservation. Yeah, yeah. It's probably not a lot of food there. Can I guess what your favorite meal is? It does it the best. Your favorite meal? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:29 I want to say pizza for some reason. You feel like you like eats mac and cheese. Mac and cheese. I never liked mac and cheese. I get the vibe while you eat that. You never liked mac and cheese. That's a claim I don't think I've ever heard a human say before. Porridge.

Starting point is 01:00:43 Oh, no, I don't like that. A little porridge for you. Your porch poigets. Are you a pot pie guy? No, I don't think I've ever heard a human say before. Porridge. Oh! No, I don't like that. A little porridge for a large poigee. Are you a pot pie guy? No, I don't like those consistencies. Oh, so you give me consistency and I'll tell you what you eat. Beans? That's it, okay.

Starting point is 01:00:56 Wait a minute. You just eat beans? Yeah, big. I don't like beans. You don't like beans. No, give me a consistency you like and then we're going to try to guess. I mean, it's not like all I eat, but like, I guess like... You're a big chick filet guy, aren't you?

Starting point is 01:01:09 Yes, see, I got it. Did I get it? I got it. Fuck, chick filet. It only took me a few. What? Did you see in my car? I didn't look in the car, I didn't know where you parked.

Starting point is 01:01:16 I was in a natural gas. You do look chick filet bit, I have a bit about chick filet. Oh, really? Let's not hear it. I don't want it. I don't want to hear it. The waffle fries? They got you.

Starting point is 01:01:24 I like that. How many little nugs, I don't want to hear it. The waffle fries? They got you. I like that. How many chicken, how many little nugs are we getting? What pack, 20? They're all good, I'm usually driving and I would get the sandwich some driving. The sandwich drive. If I'm not driving, the strips. Ooh.

Starting point is 01:01:35 But then the nuggets are probably the most delicious. So I understand, you have a childlike appetite. Sure, but I've gotten better at it though. Like I can go to dinner with a lovely lady or a business thing and I can pretend I don't want fish sticks will you push around the salad though? You're not gonna eat the salad. I don't love salad. I know I can tell you I'm a beautiful woman. I meet you online You broke up with your girlfriend man. Yeah, I'm a Japanese

Starting point is 01:01:57 What's your name? Tiko. Oh Tamiya, go need you are Tiko Tiko Tamiya Tiko Tamiya. Your hat's Japanese. No. I don't think Tiko is a name. No, it's my internet name. Oh, okay. I'm an influencer. Tiko Tamiya.

Starting point is 01:02:11 First of all, dude, let's not disrespect Tiko Tamiya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's pretty well known. All right, go menace, I'm sorry. I don't know that. I'm an American. I respect them. So sorry for assuming that you should speak a language.

Starting point is 01:02:23 Anyway, anyway anyway anyway anyway they will anyway they will have access though even though you're bored and sending she's an influencer dude I'm an influencer dude all right yeah and I you know I hawk seaweed snacks yes on my um TikTok yes so anyway um where are we eating restaurant you gonna? Well, then when you do that, let me say something. I love that noise. Yeah. You do that with a waffle fries and the fucking chicken sandwiches, right?

Starting point is 01:02:51 Is that the noise you're penis-made when you kiss Heidi Klum? Whew. It may act as you get hard. Frankly, no. Okay. So anyway, back to me. Respect to her though.

Starting point is 01:03:02 What's my name again? Uh, Tiko. What's my name again? Tico. What's my last name? Tico to my. Come on, Tico, come on. Anyway, where are we eating? I'm not sure. I'm like, I-

Starting point is 01:03:14 Were you making reservations? I take you maybe like a nice vegan Thai food restaurant. Interesting. I saw Ed Begley Jr. there once. Sorry. Okay. Ed Beggley Jr. That's a good one. That is good.

Starting point is 01:03:32 I love him. I met him once. He's super sweet. So a vegan Thai joint. Maybe I'm not vegan, but like some of our interesting conversations. But have you been there before? Yeah, I've scoped it out. Now have you eaten there before?

Starting point is 01:03:43 Yeah. Is it good? Yeah. okay? Where's it at? I'm not looking to plug this I mean this one in the studio city area. Okay, you should go Do you think that's a good date? No, this sounds like a bad date. Yeah, like you're not okay. What do we do afterwards? You know I don't know like I've been in the relationship thing I'm just trying to think of what's single life. What do you do? Maybe I don't know, go to a bar down the street. What bar?

Starting point is 01:04:07 Ventura has a lot of bars. Tiko, you're sober. Yeah, I'm sober. Maybe I stay good night. And like, because I'm not in a hurry, I'm an older guy now. I'm like, I have a dog to go home. I want a smash.

Starting point is 01:04:19 Then maybe I go listen, let's- I want to, where are we to smash? I have a dog now, so I don't know. I mean, I've had a- I guess I got to- And I hope you stay in this relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. Can I tell you? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait After dinner? So it checks paid, we're staring at each other.

Starting point is 01:04:46 Are you paying? Are you staring at me? Are you paying? Yeah. Oh, thank you for paying. Yeah. Where are we going? Where are we going to smash?

Starting point is 01:04:53 Oh God, Tiko, look how much you tipped. 16%. Wow. That's pretty interesting. You know when I saw that? A little juice. A little bit. A little bit.

Starting point is 01:05:01 A little bit. A slightly over a dupter. Yes, 16. She likes it when you're a bad. A slightly over. Yes, 16. She likes it when you're a bad boy. It's bad boy. Can you tell me that? No.

Starting point is 01:05:11 You hear it. You have hearing, right? I'm poor hearing. What do you think that is when I hear you hear that? I had a two more as a child and I can't hear in this ear ever. Are you being serious? Yeah. You can't hear out of your left ear that one?

Starting point is 01:05:22 I'm very poor hearing in my left ear. Where was the queen? He laughs at the sad parts of my life. It's just so sad. But I'm sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a tumor there now? The tumor's been removed.

Starting point is 01:05:33 I have a titanium thing that allows me to hear it. So you can hear, I can't hear whispers. Have you whispered sweetly? Oh, so you don't hear it. What if I say it? So I go, then I know you didn't hear it. I go, well, I just, my vagina just made a noise. What can I ask a question on this?

Starting point is 01:05:49 No, go ask, ask me. I like to ask me. I, Tiko. Tiko. I, I, I, I, I, Tiko. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,, you know, usually guys try to impress, and they'll pay like, you know, I dated Bobby Lee once. That guy, he tips like 30%. Yeah, 30% and it's like too much. It's like me, look at my big dick, right? And he has one.

Starting point is 01:06:13 Yeah. That's why he does stuff like. Right, excuse me. I, I, I, I, excuse me. He does. We're talking about Bobby Lee. Yes, the comedian, big dick. Okay.

Starting point is 01:06:23 I'm happy to hear it. I heard it. What'd you hear? What'd you hear? I'm just gonna tell you what I heard. Yes, the comedian. Big dick. Okay. I'm happy to hear it. I heard what you hear. What you hear? I'm just gonna tell you what I heard and I wrote it down. You know, what would you hear really? I'm telling what it's just true. Yeah. So we did a photo shoot me and Betty with Jen Rosenstein today. Yeah. I love Jen Rosenstein. And she told me to say, uh, because I told you I was worried you could be meant to me like you told me you would be yeah, and she says for me to tell you Be nice to Taylor or his dog is gonna bite off your tiny pee pee Hmm, she's not a comedy writer is she I'm just I didn't you know she's married to right. Yeah, my ex-girlfriend But I that's a bad chef. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Hi, Sarah. How are you? I'm good. How are you? So you know who tell you Taylor Williams

Starting point is 01:07:31 and his? I do. So we're having him on the pod right now. Me and Andrew. He's on the show right now. He's on the show right now. So are you? It's all right. So your wife wrote a letter to me claiming that I have a small penis. Tiny peepie. Tiny peepie. Okay. So what the fuck is going on around here? What is she wrote? She wrote a letter?

Starting point is 01:07:58 It was, I, I, I think she dictated it. She dictated it to Taylor and says that if,'ll tell me exactly what he said. I'm gonna She said for me to tell Bobby be nice to Taylor or his dog is gonna bite off your tiny pp It's gonna bite off my tiny pp now. It's very interesting. Um, are you telling your wife that I have a tiny pp? No, we've never talked about yours in Italy in my life We'll talk about it. Yeah, yeah, so you've seen my genitalia, right? Yeah, you as an Italian, I love. Let's talk about it. Yeah, yeah. So you've seen my genitalia, right?

Starting point is 01:08:27 Yeah, yeah, you're good. I'm good. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, listen, you know, I have complete, we are not, we don't function the same. That is her own autonomous opinion based on whatever is going on. She told me that story when she got home that she told Taylor to say that to you.

Starting point is 01:08:50 I was like, did you really? She's like, yeah, I was like, okay. Okay. Well, you know, she needs consequences. But it's none of the, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She needs consequences or there's going to be a problem between you and I. There needs to be consequences. She needs to be reprimanded. Bobby. Where's Janette? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, back in the scene. Tico, Bobby, my dog also won't bite. Anyway, anyway, we're not talking about Bobby Lee and my,

Starting point is 01:09:26 what I want to say is we're gonna go to your place and then we're gonna smash. Sure. Okay. Yeah. This is the first date, by the way, Tico. Well, you would know, right? Have I met you before this?

Starting point is 01:09:37 Right. Right. So then Ding Dong, it would be our first fucking date, right? He must be dating a lot of Asian girl. Yeah. How many fucking He just looks so much like anyway anyway when a good ear house is smash okay no condom I can't you can't work on them I can't do no condom

Starting point is 01:09:55 What's up? Can we get I want to break out a character real quick. Go ahead. Yeah, why not? If I was in a monogamous thing I would be you you how many times have you won a condom every time In them in my relationship. I have never not I mean we were beginning I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna have No condom sex with a stranger Good for you. I listen to love line. It's great. It's great. It's great. I didn't have Carlos

Starting point is 01:10:26 Learn have you had sex thought economy with a stranger. Yeah, every time. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I've gotten I've gotten I've gotten STD's for with my skin Let's go to commercial Oh my God. It's just like the, yeah, yeah. I've had stuff on my skin. My skin, my body. You've had S-E-D's. My trunk.

Starting point is 01:10:52 So you've had sex with a girl and you had S-E-D's on your skin? Yeah, on your chest? Yeah, there's like skin, skin stuff. But you can get from towels and stuff. It's not that exciting. What, are you in the sports at all? As a fan? Yeah, like are you a fan of sports?

Starting point is 01:11:05 Do you watch sports? I'm my thing is I always like pro wrestling. That was the thing. Nice. Yeah. So not real. Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 01:11:13 Well, no, it's like a play. Like, you like the theater. Theater. Yeah. Yeah. Like, who was your favorite pro wrestler? I mean, there he goes that. I mean, I can't, these are great questions

Starting point is 01:11:22 I wasn't prepared for and they change over the years. You know, you don't mean your heroes. You meet them and you're like, well, he's off the list, you know, like, yeah, I don't know. Like Gerald Brisco, I'd be confronted with Gerald Brisco, who's an amazing, he's like, that would be Hall of Fame or he's nice. Do you still go to the events? No. I go less now, but like I've been spoiled.

Starting point is 01:11:41 You know, we can invite you to things. I've been to so many, like, yeah, big ones. Yeah. I'll touch a WrestleMania this year in LA. Oh really? I was supposed to start working for Fox Sports They were gonna I was gonna be like like a daily show tour correspondent for Fox. Do you go you have a little he-man in your pocket? Right he's got like a Yoda pes dispenser. I Just ready. I don't eat just ready to go. I don't understand. Do you like boxing? I'm not a fan of like these I know it's not good for my comedy career. Yeah, but like I'm not a big MMA fan. No, we're not we're not big I see you never said that either you guys are like from real white no people we've been to the fight. Yeah, we're into the fight

Starting point is 01:12:15 It's not like we're not big. I'm not if I you couldn't ask me. I didn't know I don't know the ins and I think you could take Etzen Barbarco Barbosa. Thank you. I know that's the third time I've heard that today. Okay. I wanna show you, there's a new boxing league that I'm really into, I wanna show you guys, and I'm gonna get your opinion about it because I'm a huge fucking fan. This is like one of their premiere fights that they just had,

Starting point is 01:12:36 and you tell me who you think won. Okay. I know. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Couple of points. That's pretty good. What do you mean? Whoa, so are you both array? So for people that love the show they've been asking us for years what's Doc up to?

Starting point is 01:12:59 Dude, how crazy is that that's a great double punch. Double punch, whoop. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. That's right.

Starting point is 01:13:11 There you go. The black guy hasn't landed a punch. It's so unfair because the other guy's got like a full, full upper body. Yeah. Oh, there we go. A little tip tap, little tip tap. Yeah. Is that a pacifier, a little tip tap. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:25 Is that a pacifier in his mouth? Yeah, yeah. He's just a widow baby, fine. No, dude, it's a mouth guard. Pacifier, are you looted dick? All right, he's not that guy now no less than 12 times in this clip. God, it's horrible.

Starting point is 01:13:39 Oh, yeah. It looks like a great. See, he gets up the same way I do, because my bad back like I can't be can't really bend God he's fine man killing that guy but look He was it's so funny he wanted wow yeah, no we're laughing at the brutalization But the other guy laughed after he saw you lost yeah,, yeah, yeah. Somehow some piece of me thinks it was a plant. But man, the way he go to the very first second, the way he charges him,

Starting point is 01:14:09 look how hard he charges this guy, he could have really fucking heard him. Mm, yeah. I mean, man. Whoa, that's insane. It's a little much. It's a lot. Anyway, I'm into this now.

Starting point is 01:14:21 Yeah, but it looks like the guy in the blue though is a little person from just from the waist down almost. Yeah, he has like, I think we have someone that, well, when he was getting born, he halfway came out and then his mom sneezed and then I see how that works. I see. Yeah, I met you. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. That is funny.

Starting point is 01:14:48 It's funny. 30 seconds later, was you visualized? No, I didn't expect it these guys. We love the hustle, the tenacity. Yeah, it's amazing. We're not really into any of that. We don't fucking, he loves soccer. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:02 That's his number one football, football, football. And we love soccer in this, in this room, because of him, we support soccer. Oh, yeah. That's his number one football, football, football. And we love soccer in this room because of him. We support soccer. But you're like any sports that, aside from WWE professional. I like them. I kind of rock around with a little cousin. He's 10 years old.

Starting point is 01:15:15 He's being scouted by Ellie. He's hugging your family, man. We're buying your mom's art. We got a fucking, yeah. I mean, holy shit. And your son's being, who, your cousin? Who?

Starting point is 01:15:24 Ellie Galex, he's like, he's like, he's like a little soccer product. Wait, that like, Alex, he is scouting him? Yeah. And he's 10. Wow. No, 10? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:33 They know. At 10? Yeah, they know. They know at 10. They, he's gone out to the stadium. He's white. Yeah. How old was Messi?

Starting point is 01:15:40 We went to Barcelona. How old was Messi? We went to Barcelona. Probably 14, 15. Yeah, but you know, I know that the Arsenal Academy,? We went to Barcelona. Probably 14, 15. Yeah, but I know that the Arsenal Academy, the team that I like, you know, 13. He was 13.

Starting point is 01:15:50 That's not a stretch. I think the Americans are doing that now. But he was also doing it. He didn't just show up at their can go. Can I get led? I know, but I know. But I've done it for like five years. I get it when basketball and football,

Starting point is 01:16:03 because these guys are just bigger than everybody. But at 10, you really can't tell who's, they're all the same size. But he's from Argentina too, Argentina too, so they had to fly him out. They're flying him out, you're living here or staying at the academy. Right.

Starting point is 01:16:18 And so, you know, he must be killing it at 78 years old. They can tell. It must be just like murdering everyone around him. Jackie Chan did that, his parents sent him a what? Jackie's chair was sent to go to be like a martial artist. He didn't know about his own uncle Relax relax dude. I know what my uncle did What a fucking asshole. Where's Toki? Oh? We want to talk. Where's she go? Oh?

Starting point is 01:16:40 Tiki the Tiki I could say where is Tiki in Japanese doing hair? No, yeah, go ahead. Tiki, wa doko desu ka? I am a here. Oh. Tiki, wa doko desu ka? It's such a long way of saying where is she? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:53 In my special life, Joe. Is there slang? Yeah, I never learned, I only learned formal speaking. Like really? Do we talk to a grandma? How do you talk? You like that? How are you there?

Starting point is 01:17:03 Wow, thank you for asking. I'm having a nice day, you know? Because most guys, if they're with a woman for the first time and she goes, I don't want to condom, I think I would just gamble. Would you? She's hot. Sure, yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:18 Right. And she's like, yeah, we just don't have one. If it's Toki, then yeah. Oh, Tiki. Tiki, Toki. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you would. Then I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it kind of makes sense to me. That voice is the voice for me. Yeah, Tiki. Tiki, Toki. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you would.

Starting point is 01:17:25 Then I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Then it kind of makes sense to me. That voice, it's the voice for me. Yeah, that's kind of what sells everybody. When this episode comes out, we do want to remind our friends and family of the bad friends, people to go watch life from the comedy store, Taylor Williamson's special.

Starting point is 01:17:39 Yeah, go check it out. Not Taylor Tomlinson. Respect it. Taylor Williamson. Don't watch her stuff anymore. Yeah. That's what Taylor says. Don't watch. I never saidinson. Respect it. Taylor Williamson. Don't watch her stuff anymore. That's what Taylor says. Don't watch her. That's what he said.

Starting point is 01:17:47 Watch me. He says that stuff a lot. She's your arch nemesis you said. I'm making that joke. She's wonderful. Okay. Are you friends with her? I wasn't sound like it.

Starting point is 01:17:55 I'm friendly. No, you're not. I would love to be friends with her. When she walks by, you give her a look. No, I give her a hug. Oh, your hug satis with her. She's open for me and San Diego. Wow. How does that feel? No, she's now a talk show host. It's wonderful. She's selling out huge

Starting point is 01:18:15 theater. I'm on tour, by the way. When he, where I'm going, did you know that she was going to blow up when she opened for you? I mean, she, I've never, like, it didn't even exist when you were younger. The superstar and she has, you know. Yeah. I knew she was really special. I didn't know that she's mute. Well, we know that you're really special.

Starting point is 01:18:33 Do you want to hear what the city is I'm going to? Okay, go ahead. Just let them do it. Play music over this. Go ahead. Yeah. Loud though. So you can barely make other days and the dates.

Starting point is 01:18:42 Thank you. Calgary, Fort Wayne. Turn the mic off. That's so good. No, dates. Thank you. Calgary for a wait. Turn to my call. That's so good. No, where are you going? Calgary? Stop me anytime. My website is making my call.

Starting point is 01:18:51 Stop. Calgary is good. Okay. Go to go to his website. Hey, Louis and that dot com is my account. Yeah, go to him. Yeah, they'll find you. They'll find you.

Starting point is 01:19:02 Going around America. I love to have people come watch me. We're going to come watch you. me. We're gonna come watch you. We want our fans to come watch you. What did you just pull up? Was that him? Was that his website? No, it's Bob.

Starting point is 01:19:10 Man knows this Asian Nazi facing federal charges of illegal gun purchases. I want to bring this up. What the fuck are you doing, man? You know what, dude? We talked about, we had a famous, I quit after that article. No, well, it looks like you didn't. You're still on the move.

Starting point is 01:19:21 Yeah. And he's Texas man with a penchant for dressing as a Confederate soldier and singing Dixie online. Now faces multiple charges related to illegal gun versus I think he's Korean too. We he is. We talked on this show years ago about him, right? About wouldn't it be funny about a heaven

Starting point is 01:19:36 all an Asian Confederate soldier? Yeah. This guy's it. Wow. We have a lot. I think he's amazing. We got to have a lot. He's Wistland Dixie with a Confederate flag.

Starting point is 01:19:44 And he's staunch, he's very racist. Yeah. All right, let me tell you something. We've had such a good show with our guests who we love very much. Yeah. Bobby said to me, we gotta get Taylor on the show and I said, absolutely.

Starting point is 01:20:01 You did you say that? I don't think so. No, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, no, let's get it. No, being honest, yes, I of course I did. You said, really? And I go, yeah, I don't think so. No, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, Is he gonna be able to handle you to you? Why me? Your trouble. What are you fucking talking about to? Trouble little China, is that what you're gonna say? You're gonna say that, trouble little China. Fuck you, dude. But I did say that.

Starting point is 01:20:32 I was gonna say that. Yeah, fuck you, dude. I thought, because you're a comic, you can't handle anything. I don't try to be diminutive of you being able to handle stuff, but I thought sometimes, Bob can be heavy, and sometimes guests don't know how to do it I'm sorry. We've had guests before that just don't feel comfy because we have fun and go goofy Yeah, and he goes wild. Yeah, and then sometimes they're like I don't even know how to feel. Yeah, but I thought not Taylor

Starting point is 01:20:57 Can handle it. He's funny enough and quick enough. They're hair stuff Dude you're in the pocket What is that? What does that mean? You were like, I'm sticking into my guns. Well, this time, like, I'm a, and I love it. Can I tell you, like, I'm a fan of both of you, who's staying up and I enjoy your show. Like, I look, I, this show makes me laugh when I watch it. You really watch it? I was up on my YouTube algorithm. I watch clips all the name in a moment. Carlos talking about getting milk in the, in the, okay. I'll see his fault. Guy watched, guy watches the show.

Starting point is 01:21:27 Wow. I'm a bit, I watch everyone by watch it. I'm also, I'm curious how people participate, but I get it, you have a vibe and some, and get the vibe if you go on there, don't go on it. You're doing it. And I got the vibe. You got the vibe.

Starting point is 01:21:40 You brought the vibe. Well, I had to come back, and you came in and attacked me, but I loved it. I, I thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. But you've warned me too, you said, I don't know if you can handle it, I had to come back cause I got, and you came and attacked me, I loved it. I, I thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. But you've warned me too, you said I don't know if you can handle it

Starting point is 01:21:48 and I prepared myself to handle it. Yeah, you did. And I, I, I brought too much ammo, by the way, so you're gonna have me back cause I have this two truths in a lie thing that would be so much joy for all of you. I know, we will do that when you come back. And when you do come back,

Starting point is 01:21:58 we'll have Chick-fil-A for you. How's that sound kiddo? Uh huh. Is Daddy making happy now? Is that a, thank you for being a bad friend! Yeah Woo Yeah Woo

Bad Friends - Monkey Farts & Asian Fetish

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