Bad Friends - Pandas and Horses and Sheep, Oh My!

Episode Date: July 13, 2020

The Boys talk about Theo Von's family, top 10 Alone items, and more bad camera behavior this time from a Silicon Valley CEO. Andrew discovers Calcio Storico Fiorentino , his new favorite sport. Bobby reminisces about drinking dysentery water. \ Thank you to our Sponsors: http://hellofresh.com/badfriends80 & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & http://meundies.com/badfriends & Beach Body On Demand text BADFRIENDS to 303030 Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor. It's the easiest way to make a podcast Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more. Go ahead You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob?

Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Why do you think I'm an Asian dude? You two are disgusting. You two are bad friends. I switched Bobby's painting and your painting to darling your pure gold because That's more you and that's more you. How great is that for real? I think that that art is so cool-looking. Kasuke Miyagi. Shout out to Kasuke Miyagi. Hi I'm saying hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. No, but Where's yours? Kasuke doesn't want to draw me. I'll be honest. He didn't want to draw your face. You're complex your face though It's it's it's gross. He couldn't draw gross. No, no, you're very

Handsome. Handsome. I called him. I said Kasuke. Where's mine? And he literally was like too Too Asian? Kasuke Miyagi No, he's he's from Puerto Rico No, no, no, he seriously is Puerto Rican. I played with a guy on Warzone. His name is Yamakase Yamaha Yamakase Yamakase is his name. Yeah, so I thought he was Japanese and And then for like three weeks, eventually I said

So what part of Japan he goes? No, man. I'm Bangladesh man. Oh Bangladesh Ian. So I go. Mm-hmm. What's the Yamakase then? I've been calling you. I've been going Hey, go get on the Warzone. I'm behind the wall. Yamakase, you know, and then get down Kamikaze Yeah, but now it doesn't make any sense. No. Yeah, it's okay Bangladesh Ian people come our name Yamakaze Yamakaze. That's his gamer tech. So, you know, bro You can make that up. Well, yeah, what's your gamer tech Bobby? It's Bobby the live. Well, it's Bobby Lee live Yeah, that's forever. You know what I love is that when you're playing

Because on the on the screen, it'll say friend requests or followers Oh, yeah, I'm playing with all my guys and then it'll say it. Do you wait? Do you know how can you see how many people other people follow or follow other people? No, so you just tells me all the Um notifications and you get off on that. I get I get it's excited You're getting and papa gets excited and then you get better what I've also been doing is this is great What I've been doing is um, so I'll be on Warzone with my friend Raimi and I'll be like You want to play with somebody's like, let's just play do I go? No, let's find a fan

That's cool. So I'll go to my messages and I get hundreds of messages and people go Slap King or you know, I mean, I'm a big fan of bad friends. Can we play? You know, I'm really good I this is my KD and I've won, you know, 500 times. What's KD? My kid might kill the death rage. I figured it out And then um, I'll be like they're really good, right? Yeah, so then when we play They're not good Do you know why cuz they're nervous? Yes. Yeah, and then I'll be like, okay. Well Bye chance and then they put it. I was nervous. My hands are sweaty. What if I don't you got to be nice? No, I go. Bye. Bye Because you have to deliver

Yeah, under pressure. What if I got killed himself because you because of you. Yeah, there's one guy named Ben Riley He's nice kid rest in peace English. He's not dead, but not yet Not yet message me. Hey, can you he keeps message me? Can you give me a little shot? No And then you got to hit the ball. Yeah, it's T-ball. It's T-ball. Yeah, you just got a swing, bud you got to step up and and You have to fulfill Your destiny. Yeah. Yeah, you do you have to you have to come the person that you're supposed to be yes

And if you can't the bars here, it's very low. You just got to feel that kind of to just step right over it Right, so but I love when they get nervous because when they die right away. They go, I don't know what happened I go what happened? I don't know what happened. Well, that happened was yeah, you fucked up But this kid Rami that I play with he's good. The reason why I like him though is he kept messaging me and I go Let's play this happened when I first started playing and he for some reason He's 21 year one year old kid Georgia. Mm-hmm. And now everyone loves him. He's friends with everybody now. Yeah, and he He stepped up. Is it because of his skill level or also because he's fun to play engage with he's very polite But does he talk shit like everyone talks shit? He tries to but he doesn't have the chat. Does he have a strong southern accent?

Yeah, but he'll try to do Joe And then we'll be like What the fuck are you talking about man? We're just we're radical. We're being radical out here, man Is it Bobbi was molested man? He was molested by a guy with Down syndrome man. Bobbi remember when you ate poop? Yeah, yeah, and remember when you ate poop, but it'll be like in a you know, I mean after we told somebody happy birthday Right, I'll be like hey happy birthday Jeremy. He's like God damn Bobbi was molested man And it's like the timing's not is it Theo is this Theo and is that who you really play with?

No, no, no, by the way Neil Brennan sent me a A video on YouTube that came out a week ago. What? Theo's family Theo Vaughn's family. Do you want to see it? Yeah? Yeah, this is crazy I know he has what his mom looks like this is his whole family on YouTube. Yeah, look at this This is Theo Vaughn's whole family. Oh, yeah, yeah, I've seen I met I met the way That's his uncle in the red. It's his uncle. Yeah, right there. That's Theo's uncle And is that Theo's brother or dad on the couch? That's his uncle the guy in the red, right? That's his mom right there in the blue, right?

So what are your names? His brother? Yeah, he's off to the right. Okay. Yeah, and in a second his brother will hide Well, just what his brother loves to do. He loves the high All these stories growing up where his brother hides. Yeah, what's the video? He's that my brother used to run and hide dude. He gets so scared man. He just like enlightening claps or even lawnmowers will do it Yeah, and your name is Lorraine. Lorraine. Yeah, yeah, that's his aunt. And there's Timmy, his brother. His brother Timmy Oh, you guys grew up here in an odd West Virginia So let me explain for people that can't see it that are listening at home There was a video that Neil Brennan sent me. Yeah, this is called the Whitikers

It's the most they courted them as the most inbred family in the United States They have the longest lineage of inbredness. It's pretty brilliant. It is brilliant. Their eyes are like hammerhead sharks I know But what I'm wondering is if that guy the guy in the red. Yeah through time That happened because he all he goes is Well, he know the dog barks and it influences his bark. So you see the dog go Yeah, he barked he's dog talk. Yeah, but he doesn't ever speak regular English So what I'm wondering is at 12 he was like, hello, my name is you know came out British

Yeah, yeah, yeah, my name is Frank or whatever, right? And then 22 is like, hello, my name is Frank and then 30 Yeah, you think yeah developed develop well, dude, here's what's and I first I thought I first I thought I shouldn't say anything About this because I'm this is mean, but then it's they're not handicapped. This isn't making fun of disabled This is just inbred. I mean, yeah, I think that's what happens when you inbreed too much. That's what happens But I got to tell you This is this is if this isn't a reason to not have sex with your brother or sister Yeah, watch five minutes of this. It's staggering. What was it also the lady right there? Yeah Cuz she has one eye that goes that way. Well, they all have eyes that go all the way

Yeah, yeah, but mate imagine making love to her. I do you have to keep going like this. You like that Hey, what's over there over to the side? You just have to put mirrors all over so she keeps looking back at you Yeah, and then one eye is like, oh, it'll be very straight I would have to just you know cover up cover up my well It has to be dark But at first I saw this video and I thought this can't be this has got to be a I thought this was a sketch I'm not kidding. Yeah when he said to me I go this is a this is a someone's doing a comedy sketch Yeah, it's so funny because you didn't prep me on this. Yeah, isn't it odd that I know I you from odd, Virginia

How did you see it? I just know about somebody something popped up. Yeah, because only came out a couple days ago But Brennan said it to me. He literally wrote to me. Oh, he did my brother likes to send me Brennan goes I don't know why I needed to send this to you Yeah, but I had to and I watch I was like this is exactly what I what's funny is that what the other guy does the guy the end Of the cow the guy that's sitting on the right. Actually, he'll walk out Right, hold on. Let's get through make a sandwich or something. Well, they all make so much back in yeah, yeah, and He just starts to hide right. Did you see that he hides away? Yeah. Yeah, you're like he crawls somewhere, right? Right, maybe that's his maybe they have played an afternoon game of hide-and-go-seek

I don't know what they're up to out there in odd bridge This is a very staggeringly sad picture and it obviously is their handicap I recant what I said before because I'm an idiot, but it's not a fair picture though What do you mean the lighting the lighting is bad? No, it's like you know that there was a point where that drool wasn't there No, that drool is always there There was a point where the drool was building yeah, right? He could have taken that photo right, but he waited until it got to the So you're saying that the photographer exploited these guys a little bit

I think this guy when I looked on at this video. He seems it seems very It's really they're exploiting this family for his sake of his documentary. Yeah, cuz he doesn't show a lot of heart about it Like it's not like he's kind of just like look at how crazy but by the way Yeah Beyond jokes it is insane to think that five generations will have sex with their family Yeah, five time five decades of people were like, okay It's not fair because I've never been to odd, Virginia. I can I see it. I get it There might be there's not it's not as if there's like suicide girls walking around

Where you could tap them There's probably only the Whitaker's okay You're saying you're saying you're only as good as well the options aren't well who are you gonna fuck not your family? Yeah, but if there's no one around not your family, I know but just hear me out feverishly masturbate until yeah, let's see Let's say I had us. Let's say I had a Sister all right, we're gonna have to put music over this I'm just trying to play it out of my head. Yeah, but look let me just play it out of my head All right, here. We are in odd, Virginia. No, we're in um

Nana nana nana nana no, we're in Tohoku Tohoku, West Virginia. No Yeah, it's an Asian community in West Virginia. West Virginia, right? Tohoku. Well, how do you do a Japanese toko, welcome Virginia It's a southern Okay, so you're out there in West Virginia And I I don't go to school. Yeah, there's no school no schools And they're the only families are the Lees, right and the junks. I know that yeah, Lees and the junk

Yeah, they're there. Yeah, but the junks only have boys all boys. Yeah, all boys and the Lees have my brother Steve Now as a girl. Yeah, what's Stephanie? Stephanie? Yeah, Stephanie Lee, right and The junks, you know, I fucked everyone already in town or the Oh, the junk the junk so the entire guys so Ken Bob Steve Kevin Mark and Randy and Randy. Yeah, yeah Yeah, and when you're done for some reason Vladimir There's a Vladimir. He's like, I love to see you. Yeah, and then you know, um, the only woman women around is my mom And the junks Mrs. John Mrs. John. Oh, that's right. Mrs. John. Yeah, and then my sister Stephanie, right on So after them after you knock out the mom's 33. I

Decided to drink some um, you know, moonshine moonshine It's a Japanese one Saki sake sake. Yeah, sake sake sake sake sake too little too much time. Yeah, it's it. Yeah, having a night I don't I have to do an agent and stuff. Hey, oh, yeah. Oh, yes, brother Yeah, good night Okay, close my door right and then an hour later I just can't believe five Okay, how about this though somebody had to know in the family the first time that they were like ooh

That's not weak. That's bad. Yeah, but then one person went it's not that bad Or someone someone had to go. I guess it's not that bad. Yeah, because this is so many years of it Yeah, that's this isn't the first fucking time. This is all the time It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's like and we're not being mean Being in bread is gross. It's fucking your family is fucking. It's isn't it illegal. Isn't it illegal? I hope so is incest ill. I hope it is. I Rudy is incest incest illegal Somebody wrote is it a crime? Incest sexual relations between family members who are not spouses formerly known as incest is illegal across the u.s

Because of the harm it can cause the family relationships That's why family relationships. No, it should be about you know, creating brain damage brain damage incest Obviously charges violation of a different law such as child abuse child immunization rape or stature rape, but that's my thing It's beastiality. No legal Yes, if animal fucking I don't think it is Yes, it is right rude. I think so Is beastiality that's beastly that's rats illegal to watch. Oh, dude, and now my computer is gonna be yeah You're getting flagged by the FBI

Illegal is bestiality illegal to notably the legality of bestiality cannot be controlled by from the federal level There we go. The only relevant federal law is the sodomy law under the military. There we go So if you're in the military, you can't fuck animals Yeah, but They find a way they find a way. Yeah, there's a will there's a way you can't be out there and in the I think there I think there should be like a list of animals that you couldn't shouldn't fuck all of them like if they die like if I fucked a turbo it would die Well, you couldn't even you couldn't do it. It wouldn't work. Oh, I could make it work. You'd put it in and go

Or to be like one of those remember when we were kids and those little warm things you'd put over your finger They're like the gel molds. Yeah, do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know those things from the store? They didn't have those in the Philippines. You probably use real animals as toys. Didn't you know you chase you chase an animal beat It and then they would just play with it all day. Yeah, if there was an animal you had to have sex with though forced Yeah, probably sheep I'm from Ireland. I think they do that shit all the time. Yeah, yeah sheep I think because because it's soft. Yeah, and they're don't laugh at me Yeah, I think because they're soft. Yeah, and and even if they get upset. They're just like

So it's not that bad For me would be Panda Oh, because they're so cute. I didn't think that's through and you could I could I here's the thing if I was having sex with an animal I wouldn't want them to think hey Hey there. Yeah, right Somebody fucking me Right, I wouldn't want them to think that you just want it to be a thing. I don't want them to go Hey there. Well, then if you fucked a big animal, then I would do with a panda is you give them a great a bamboo

Oh, like I love the chew that shit. Why goo bamboo, right? So I'd be like here's bamboo Oh, they'd be like hey there Mm-hmm, and then I would you know me And they'd be just so focused on but don't think it's so fucked up from the eucalyptus is that eucalyptus is is that pandas? No, man. Who eats eucalyptus? Sloth sloths and they black out right? They just pass out. Yeah. Yeah, they get really fucking high This is a dark thing, but um, I did I don't know why I thought about this, but let's just posed bestiality Just hear me out. Oh, it was a huge thing in the world. What do you mean? Like a normal because right now?

There's probably seven dudes who do it. Yeah, you're crazy In in New Zealand apparently yeah a lot of farmers fuck sheep, okay? I don't want to know that but let's just assume it's Let's just assume it's 20 dudes. Okay. All right 20. Let's suppose now Let's jack it up to a million dudes do it Okay, so it became like a normal thing. It's kind of normal in some semblance of society yet I think the one animal that would be completely just off limits. No, you'll be they would just be extinct Oh because of it because of it is the sloth

Right because they're so easy to catch. They don't they can't go anywhere. They can't I mean I'm at because sloth they go Well sloths live in trees. How can you get them because I thought about this, right? Honestly, I don't know why I thought about this, but in Papua New Guinea, there's a lot of sloths, right? I didn't know there is right. Yeah, so well they would do they would go to Papua New Guinea Right and sloths. You don't know I googled this. I don't know why I don't know why I researched this But sloths they come to the ground while they take a shit or they go to the bathroom I've seen this right. I've seen this in Costa Rica. They come to the ground, right? Yeah So imagine a bunch of sloths in the tree, right?

Where you going Johnny? It's lots like Yeah I'll be right back and as soon as he lands get him 50 dudes come out they form a train Yeah, right, and then he's trying to run away Right, and he's like and his buddies are going Run Frankie! And Franklin I'm trying to run

Right and he gets on the tree Right, he's already been raped 40 50 times, right? And people are like jumping up and tagging him Right and just ripping him right from the tree. Well as he goes up the toller the toller guys get to go Yeah, the toller guys, right? I mean, there'll be a nightmare. They'll be extinct And then by the time he gets back up there, they're like, are you okay? He's like, it's fine What they love they liked it. What animals off limits? That's the real question. Yeah, Rudy. What's a big no-no? If it was normal, we're joking about it. We're joking about it, and we would never have this disgusting

But if it was normal what animal was a big who's the one what's the one animal that you're like? No, you can't they can't touch it um Probably like small ones like dogs. No. Yeah, I think she means smaller Oh dogs are okay. Yeah. Yeah Well if we're assuming that this is a real thing all right, right so dogs are okay because people eat them already so Right, right, right, right. So what's the difference? So what's smaller dog? You mean like um um Like hamsters and gerbils rabbit bunnies. Yeah, but see bunny would be so nice. It's so soft. Yeah, so soft

BC ality doesn't exist with women. I'm sure there's not one woman. Oh, I've seen it what Where videos where a woman has blown a horse or has fucked a horse. No. Oh, yeah, shut up I've seen videos like that back in the day. Yeah, that's gotta be fake How do you would you think you think that these people went to ilm a horse They went to george lucas's fucking company and went horse penises are like six feet long They're mad. There is a fucking documentary. Just stop don't google don't google What is the average horse penis size? Let's see

Dude you 20 inches you never saw That's the average is is is a foot and a half you never saw zoo The movie zoo there's a documentary called zoo. Uh-huh and it's about a businessman. Yeah I swear, I don't know it. Go put zoo documentary Look look zoo documentary. Oh, wow. There it is. Yeah 2000 film called 2007 Okay, so go to the image of the that poster of the um Right of the horse. Okay. If you look in the eye of the horse, it's a naked woman. It's a naked man

Oh, okay gross. So the documentary about is an actual incident where a man tells his wife Hey, uh, I have a business convention in washington I haven't seen the documentary in a while. So I might get a couple of facts. Let's make up more stuff. Yeah, yeah Right, but this is essentially what it is. Sure. And the his wife and his daughter went. All right. You want us to go? Yeah, I'll get a hotel. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. So while he they're at the hotel. He goes to a farm because in the internet there's a Bestiality group that they get together. What? Yes. This isn't it's just real

So it's like a media. It says like a reddit thread for bestiality people Right. So like what's going on today horsefuckers? His wife and his daughter is in a hotel Right. Uh-huh. And then he's at a fucking um farm with dudes from japan And from canada people fly all over the world to do this come to the yeah Who owns the farm that lets this happen the king beast king bees king beast man, right? His name is carl I guess carl. He's like, hey, welcome fellas. So what they do is they um, hope you got your animal fucking shoes on You know that syrup thing that they let the horse go up No, there's a thing where they put the um horse on some sort of like and they lift it off the ground

They lift it to do some like to clean it and stuff like that. Maybe they horse shoes and stuff Maybe I don't know. I don't know horses. Yeah, but um, so they lift it in that thing And then they take turns getting fucked by the horse No, no. Yeah. No. Yeah, they steer the dick. So they didn't you need a bunch of guys there To help steer the crane operator It's like you need Back it up And so they steer the dick in right

So this this is actually happened. So So they do the session. I don't know what they call it. You know what I mean? I think it's sessions right sessions, right? Yeah, and I guess he goes to sleep there in the barn sleep after that born Yeah You're not an agonizing pain. He passes out in the barn that he had that he got sexed in no what happens is um So while all his buddies are sleeping He goes, I'm gonna get another go. Oh, he wants one more go. Yeah, but I don't want to wake anyone up So, you know, I mean, I don't know if he's other he wants to do it by himself. I want to do it myself

Idiot, right. You always got to bring a friend. Yeah. Yeah The buddy system. All right. Yeah And I guess he goes to the barn And the he does tries to do it and the horse Penetrates him so hard it punctures his stomach lining And his organs and his stomach all came out of his ass. Yes, and he died Yeah, it makes perfect sense. Right. And then what the police had to do is go to the hotel And then form his wife and his daughter

Okay, what's that? What's no, I don't I want to be the police. I want to be the police. Yeah Hello, what it's it's 3 30 in the morning. I'm sorry. Are you mrs. Jefferson? I am it's something wrong at the yeah, and you're the wife of Todd Todd Todd Jefferson. Yes, that's my husband Todd Jefferson. What oh my god. Is he okay? Was he okay? But no, he there was an unfortunate incident. Oh my god. Do you why did he hit anybody? No, he's a terrible alcoholic and I know that's a big vice of his We're trying to get him help and good god. I hope he fixes his issues as oh god

Did he hurt himself? He was punctured by horse dick. I'm what? I'm sorry punctured by a horse dick He was punctured What are you saying to me officer? He the dick, you know the horse, you know what he was driving drunk He hit a horse and the horse penis killed him. No, not necessarily though You know, let me do you know about the horse anatomy? Of course. Yes horses have penises. I don't sure the males that penis of a horse. Yes punctured

the stomach lining Of your husband. What was he doing near the horse of a penis of a horse? Stretching Oh, he was just getting ready for the big game. No, no, no. He's bent over You're telling me my husband was having sex with a horse and I killed him. Yeah I should I should have directly told you That's my bad

The fact that you had to dance around it, but imagine if the cop was like this if it was just yeah Hello, yes What time is it? Hello, you barber jefferson. Todd jefferson's wife. Yes. I am. Yeah, your husband's dead He got fucked to death by a horse. We got to wrap this up I'll pass away. They just throw it away. They would just throw it away. This is a I've never heard of this thing Yeah, but it's funny. You can't find the I try to buy it amazon. I couldn't find it Amazon always has this kind of shit on it. Yeah, you got to watch that document. I have to watch it Yeah, yeah, what what five out of five out of six out of ten IMDB run tomatoes liked it a little bit

Yeah, it didn't go really I think they there's just obviously some foot They couldn't get interviews with the fucking the wife and the dog. But what does this really mean? I mean, let's let's let's let's try to think this out because they say it's a you know, they say taboo topics like this This isn't taboo something happened Because what would lead you to want to have sex with an animal? No, dad, you've never looked at an animal and gone. I don't know what it is. What trauma No, they've talked because I've heard interviews with beastie people that are into beasties Is that what the beastie boys are?

No, and it's their if infinity infinity and their love So they're in love with animals so close to nature Yeah, and animals because they love it so much that they find them erotic Really? Yeah That's so strict. I know It's like when a guy fucks his car. I know I saw that guy, but that guy's really mentally there's something He loves cars. I love cars. Yeah, I would never there is no sexualization of it Yeah, I know you don't love them that much though. I do I love it people people have sex with balloons

That's fine. People have sex with um Everything trees trees. I'm kind of okay with and people just have I don't know what it is. Maybe you think they were molested by a car or molested by a tree and they're an old Old Mitsubishi galant fucked them when they were seven Or maybe it could be this maybe it could be you know, let's say a guy. I fuck cars Yeah, and it turns out that my dad was super into cars But my dad got in a car accident and died or my dad molested me in a car in a car On the yeah, and that's the car you love having sex with yeah, or something like that. That could be close

That could be close. Is that close rude? Yeah, are you following any of this logic? We shouldn't be talking this over talking about this in front of you. Well, well, what it's a real thing It's a real documentary. Yeah, it's so sad to think though. It's disgusting. I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry That's so gross. Don't fuck animals. Why people is fine People seems fine. I don't I guess there's something wrong There must be something wrong. It just reminds me of one Jeffrey Dahmer You know Jeffrey Dahmer is going to like the darkest podcast

We're going to like the I don't forget it. No because by the way I don't like talking about Jeffrey Dahmer. All right. All right, but let Jeffrey Dahmer It's Jeffrey Dahmer so he would capture men, right? Yeah, he would drill a hole in their head Milwaukee Milwaukee, and he would put acid in their brain Because what he wanted was a human a lot a live human body that just wouldn't think Yeah, you think that has a lot to do with bestiality in terms of like like that's that's like necrophilia That's when people have sex with dead things. No, but he wasn't dead. He wanted the body to be alive Uh, so but he didn't want the thing to think

Oh, it's like Frankenstein. Yeah, like a warm-blooded, but just the sex Uh, doll don't all that just couldn't make decisions and it was kind of brain dead The worst story about that. Did you hear about the guy he ran away from his house? Jeffrey Dahmer stores if people let know, you know, I know he ran from the house high or something And he ran into a cop. Yeah, he had a hole in his brain Yeah, and the cop saw this guy and Dahmer ran up quick enough and was like, he's just drunk He's my lover. He's wasted and the cops were like, get out of here. You're crazy kids All right, they didn't see a fucking hole in his head. Yeah, how insane are these how dumb were these cops that they were just like

Yeah, you're partying too hard go home Get a hole in his fucking head. How did those cops keep their job? Milwaukee Right, it's wisconsin. Yeah, dude, you know wisconsin is that they don't have they don't they don't have many laws up there You can have as many DUIs as you want there's an it's not a you know, we're a three strike state If you got three DUIs in california be suspended licensed for the rest of your life forever If you got three DUIs here, you can never drive again. You're done. That's it. Okay, wisconsin. There is no limit

You can have as many DUIs as you want. You can keep drinking and driving until you kill somebody that I don't know, but that's there's there's a far cry from that and You know, but i'm saying that's their lax law guy getting eaten. They can just keep getting DUIs and nobody cares So if that's your lax law imagine all the other laws. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it's like they must not give a shit And and it's funny that because damer went up there. He wasn't from Um, wisconsin nobody wanted to live around to call there's a college campus circle There's other college campuses. There was a specific reason why he went to wisconsin. I think well marquette's a religious school He was religious. Uh, and so he was a devout christian, but ed jeans from wisconsin. He is yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah

Something about wisconsin That is really when I played but wisconsin. I went to madison. I played comedy on a street comedy on state. Is that what it's called? Yeah, it's the greatest club and the greatest people I've ever Period period. Yeah, it's the best that was one of the best clubs. I miss stand-up so much. I know pop up It's okay. I do too. I do too, baby boy. It's okay. It's okay. Rudy. You see what you did This is all because of you There's been so many goddamn fucking videos put up now like we can't even keep up with how many videos are like Did you see the guy in northern california that was like fucking asian piece of shit?

Oh my god, you have it. He's just sitting at dinner. He's like sitting having dinner and uh, he just said he calls uh uh asian racist In sf. What's that down there? Here it is. Look at how fast that came up Look at this tech ceo Whoa, okay say that again Yeah, say that again Oh now you're shy

Say it again. Now you're shy Say it one more time Trump's gonna fuck you Need to leave fuckers need to leavey says Oh my god You fucking asian piece of shit this guy this guy is a ceo of a huge tech company. Not anymore. No Oh, no. Bye. Bye But he's drunk

He's obviously drunk. No, he's apology. He said he was he was totally sober. No, he was blacked out, of course Yeah, he's drunk. Yeah, it's like so are you allowed to be racist if you're drunk? I don't know what I've said drunk Yeah, but you don't attack people for you don't you don't turn into a racist just because you get drunk But I've said crazy things drunk You would never be out having a drink and go. Hey you fucking blacks. You would never that's not Yeah, maybe it would actually now that I think about it. Yeah, maybe you would no, but I could say stuff like god damn fucking dark loving it Like the fucking color of your darkness. Yeah, but that's hot. Yeah, but like something would come out

this guy's I would probably sing a song right or something right sure Friole Friole You know, I mean if it's do something like that and then people tape it Yeah, but this guy's he's why am I defending? Yeah, what are you doing? I'm defending this piece of shit Better help is there something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals?

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To get your 15% off for your first order first free shipping and 100% satisfaction guarantee go to me undies.com slash Bad friends. That's me undies.com slash bad friends when people say because I haven't really I've never really talked about this because um You know, it drives me crazy when I see like I'll go on twitter Yeah, I'll see it's like, you know a public service announcement from like Asian actors. I'm never by the way You're never asked. I'm never asked to do it. They know better Hey, you won't do it. I won't do it. But I never asked. I mean like hey, I'm Daniel Day Kim and you know anti You know racist rhetoric is wrong, you know, I mean and I'm ken jung, you know

And we're all the same people doesn't that I'm never invited to that because they see one episode of this show or hear it They're like, oh, no, right. So But I haven't anti that too What? I I feel the same way as other Asians. I I feel like, you know, the rhetoric that's happening I'm not it's going to say the guy's name or people's names But when you call, you know, the coronavirus kung-fu and you call it the china virus all that stuff It it it incites, you know, these feelings amongst certain sections

Asians no Of certain white people in this country. Oh, you're saying oh it incites It incites and then incites something within them and then they are more vocal about it Sure, that's in never that's common sense. Well, but it's hard. It's hard to communicate that because it's it's it's like saying How how do you assume that one leads to the other but you have proof when you go When you aggressively say something about immigrants Automatically we see the video in arizona where the girl's like you fucking go go to mexico, bitch. Yeah, it becomes this like she They justify it. They justify saying it, but I'm not I don't think that I'm

I Think that cancel culture is a little out of control. Well, sure and you know Does this guy deserve his whole life to be ruined Because of one drunken mistake No, I know what you're saying what you're saying is and I don't know if I'm there anymore with that No, okay, let me say this though. Yeah, I understand what you're saying I agree. You shouldn't have your life ripped away. This guy shouldn't have his entire life ripped away forever. That being said

Now that we live in this time that you know You could be filmed Why would you black out? Be at a table and when someone does pull up a camera you still double down and go Asian piece of shit I know he doubled down. He did double down if he in the video went I'm sorry. I've had too much to drink and I'm acting. Um, I gotta go home. He probably could have fixed it Yeah, but you have two ways to go

But also because they turned the camera on they go all right say it again. Yeah, they yeah at that point. Listen white people Yeah, you can say racist shit. We'll say it to me. Oh, sorry white people. Yes, you can say racist shit Thank you, but we've said this before on the podcast when a camera comes out, right? Yeah, learn how to act turn it up Oh, okay, turn it down learn how to act right on you switch characters If you want to be racist, let's put it like this if you want to be racist do it at home Do it in the goodness of your own home. Yeah. Yeah, just be racist inside Asians, you know Bring them into your house and do it there. Do it there. Go fellas. I need to have a chit chat with you You fucking pantheist gook enjoy the fucking pot roast

Right and Steve it from his you know what I mean from his workplace is like this is a weird dinner This is strange, but this is a very good pot roast Martha. Yeah, no, but I said that about what's his name that used to own the clippers What was his name that he got in trouble of Donald Sterling? Hmm. Remember him his girlfriend taped him talking shit about About black eyes Inside of his house. Let me tell you something. Yeah, I was on his side because all he said was I don't want you bringing big black dude to the game that you fuck And she taped him

He knew she was cheating on him and he was like just don't bring them to the games The big big beautiful athletes. Yeah. Yeah. It was he racist Maybe I don't know but he was just being a cock in his own house if you're gonna be a dick just do it inside Yeah, but also he in that specific incident like it's like racism is when you're derogatory in terms of like Putting a race down beneath your own race almost below you right that obviously he was threatened Well, yeah, a big black beautiful dick. Well, that's because he knew she was just getting slaughtered right Her vagina is just like juicy from it Right, it's juiced out from it. You know, it's just like if you look

Right She's just squirting out Just having a good time field day. Yeah. Well, she was loving the genus. Probably if they could make a face He was just an old fat white guy. He was jealous. That's all it was. He was just a fat porky dude who was jealous But like, yeah, this right here Different story sided by the rhetoric that's happening in this country that that asians are responsible I hope I hope we find out fucking crazy because number one those people obviously aren't chinese No, they're not chinese. Yeah, they're they seem more island asian

I couldn't even see who the family was filipino to me. Is it filipino? Rudy, can't you can't you tell a side profile of that? Well, this says the news today loft house sell uh Caught a video making an anti asian racist tirade against a family celebrating a birthday in carmel valley. Um, it does not say Anything about the family, but I guess I look at the back and just to tell by the video Well, hold on. There's got to be a I'm sure there's a picture of the or there's a part of the people here Because I think the dad gets on camera at some point or somebody Puts themself on camera See, he apologized the lady in the beanie

Now that was just, you know, that's just just that's just them like putting put yeah an ad putting over something But yeah, anyway, I mean, you know Don't uh this guy. Well, he's got a nice fashion though. At least a very nice fashion San Francisco tech. So what do you think what? What do you think is the responsible thing to do then so he gets fired as ceo or does he keep his job? So if we're doing to do this line of like we shouldn't be canceling people just for no reason, right? But we also people need to learn a some kind of public lesson if you're caught like this same shit Well, you know, what's the line immediately it affects the pocketbook because I don't know what the tech company does

Yeah, right, but people will stop doing business with him. Yeah, right And then um when you don't have business your your company, you know, will crumble obviously, right? It's called solid. So it'll it'll happen organically. All I'm just saying is is that the mob of the internet, right? Going he should step down burn him alive. Yeah, I mean he should lose everything. You know, I don't really know if that's I think um, I know what you're saying as a society. We have to kind of step back a little bit man It's an information technology service company Uh, it says established in silicon valley cloud transformation experts. We lead change for consolidating in the cloud and also hating Asian pieces of shit Oh my god, that's in their breakdown

Uh, yeah, so it's just a it's a yeah, but honestly There's a billion of these up in san francisco. They'll be fucking there'll be 10 more this morning. Yeah Who gives a shit another fucking tech company? Get over it. Yeah, get over it. There's too many fucking tech companies. Anyway, but this thing You know, well, tell me what's appropriate. What do you do to that guy? Michael loft house? What what happens to him? Do we put him in a public like jail? We put him in some kind of like, uh Social jail of some kind What do you do? He's throw right you get to throw rocks at him for a day No, what we have to do is get to the fucking root of the problem, right?

And cut it out like a cancer Yeah, but the real thing is is that we have to That's a big sigh. That means a lot. I know Can't fix it's hard to fix. Okay You're gonna cry. No, it's just it's it's just you know It's strange to think that like Because I looked the way I fucking do some motherfucker Yeah, can just at a restaurant. Uh-huh fucking just full-blown going to tirade when it has nothing to do with me

Sure. Number one. I was born here. Number two. I'm not chinese. No, I don't know where the fuck it comes from the coronavirus We do I know china. I know, but I don't know But I don't know how it came about. Yeah, we don't know. Yeah, I don't know You know, I think it's from a lab. Does it come from eating, you know, animal animals? Well, it doesn't come from eating animals. They proved that that's all right So it comes some lab hand fucked up But how does that Have anything to do the rest of the people with me, right?

You know, so that I walk I go to a park and some guy goes Hey, you chink you brought the virus go leave And you're like what well, you got to do is you got to go get a real chinese guy and show him him and go It's because of him. No, I'm korean. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, it's insane. Yeah, but I don't even I'm sure to think of I don't know any chinese people. Um, do you know any chinese? Sure. What? Yeah, what's the guy from the comedy store? um What's his name? Why are you my brain is just so bad blank? Um, oh, this is embarrassing. No, no, no, no We keep this in what's the chinese guys come on, dude. So we don't know. No, I do know. What's his name then?

I I I What's his name ching lao chan han what is this ching ching? Uh, uh, it's not like ching ching. It's it's it's it's tongue. Uh, no, no, no, honestly. What's his name? We have done crazy. No, I know. I'm trying to think of my mind. I swear to god Yeah, I don't mind having like a brain fat. No, that's an actor chun chun. That's an actor. Yes. Yeah, yeah It's um jackie jackie jackie jackie chung ching. Uh, his name is uh, his name is chan chung ching. There it is No, it hasn't I don't hang song hung. What's his name though bing bong? I don't know. I'm sorry I figured out text somebody. I can't continue if we don't know. No, but I don't I'm gonna text somebody

I don't want to cuz you're what are you gonna text him? Who's who's the big no, let's see Well, let's see who we can call. What's being bong's name? Yeah. Yeah, hold on. Um I mean The honesty, so I know but it's I just I forgot uh uh uh Chow fang god, dude, why is my child fangs his name chow fang yeah, change your name chow I just changed the Chao part. Wait, why, why?

Fung's easy to memorize, yeah? Chao Fung, Chao Fung. Chao Fung, am I saying Chao Fung? I need to make sure. Let's call him Eli Fung. Eli Fung, for my one. Eli's a good name, Eli Fung. Fung Chao, Fung Chao.

Fung Chao? We fucked it up. But the letters are right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The words are right. Chao's easy to remember. Chao Fung, his name is Fung Chao. Fung Chao, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, Chao's easy to remember. Change Fung, get out of Fung. Get Fung, can I tell you something about that kid? What? I was in New York doing like a two-day shoot on something. Yeah. And somebody was like, oh, do you want to go do comedy juice up at wherever that was at?

Is that not Caroline's? Maybe, whatever. I go over there. They're in the basement. A bunch of comedy store guys. Abbey Robers was there. And Fung Chao's there, and he goes, you going to stay to watch my set?

That's not the accent. Well, his is like, he's more like, I'm trying to, no, no, no, he's deeper. He's like, you're going to stay till, he's like guttural too, stay watch my set. And I'd never, and I'd seen him like twice at the store. But I wait in the back. I go, yeah, I'm going to have a drink and hang out.

He goes, oh, cool. Like he got excited about it. I said, oh, OK. He goes within second. I'm thinking he's going to like ease it in. He goes up there. He's like, my mom's a fat cunt, a stupid fat cunt. I was like, what?

It's really funny. He's hilarious. I had no idea that he, I didn't know that he was that like aggressive and raw. He's so Asian. This is how, so. How Asian is he? He's so Asian that one time I needed an MC for the Irvine

impromptu. Yeah. And I came up to him. And he bought a house down in Irvine. Was like, I already lived here. No, no, no, it's even worse. OK. I go, hey, this weekend, I need an MC.

And I know that you've asked to open for me over the years. And I'm giving you the shot. He goes, yeah, but I have to walk. Yeah. And I go, yeah, but, you know, this is work. This is work. This is a better work. Right.

But I told the comedy store that I have to work Friday, Saturday. I go, yeah, but in America, you know what I mean? You can, you know, you can tell people, hey, something came up. I have to do this. The comedy store, obviously. That's what they want you to do. They want you to do that.

Right. My word is my honor. Really? In fact, he says, I come from a lineage, a line of people. We don't go against what we are worth. Wow, I like this motherfucker. And I go, yeah, but dude, I'm not going to ask you again. And he goes, I'm not going to tell you again.

I will not tell you, Mr. Lee, again. I will not cancel my war. He didn't do it. He didn't do it. I give him a lot of credit. You should keep asking him again. But then, like, six months later, he comes up to me and goes, I fucked up.

I fucked up. I was talking to a bunch of comedians, and they told me that I fucked up. And if you could let me have the opportunity to open, I go, no. No. That's it. He goes, OK. He's a great dude.

Will you take him when we open back up? No. Please? No. I'm going to then. I will. Fung chow, we're going to take you. How about this?

The first shows that we can do together, Fung's coming with us. Fung and Rudy. Yeah. Come on. Yeah, Fung. You don't want to commit to it? No.

OK. I have this weird thing where there was this bar. You don't want another Asian comic on the show. That's not what it is. That's your fucking racist. I have Asians all the time on my show, man. What Asians open up for you? Peter Kim's open for me.

When? Dante Chang's open for me. How many years ago do these guys open for you? The last five years. A year and a half ago. But I had to say, Peter Kim's so fucking funny that I told him to go home. Why?

Because he ripped her too hard? Oh my god. This guy could rip it. You got nervous, huh? I got real nervous. There was this bartender at the comedy store named Max back in the day, eight, five years ago. Up here?

And he'd go, hey, man. Yeah, in Hollywood. Oh, yeah. It's my dream to open for you, man. All right, dude, I'm doing Ontario improv, right? This Friday, you can emcee. It's 7.30 when the show starts. He's not there.

Where are you, Max? I'm in traffic, man. Buddy. I go. Buddy. Turn around. Bye. And a couple of months later, he quit his job there

and never saw him again. Holy shit. I feel bad. No, you shouldn't. Why? Because everybody, dude, when I opened for somebody, the first time I got to open for somebody was fucking Billy Gardell, I think.

Yeah. I was at the fucking Irvine improv three days before I was supposed to be there. Oh, yeah. I showed up. The sun was coming up. I got to Irvine at, like, 9 a.m. And I just waited around.

I was at, I went to an Olive Garden for lunch. I sat in the parking lot in my car. Yeah, it should be your number one priority. The only thing I had to do that day was go to the goddamn show. I call Fihim. I go, hey, you want to open for me next week? He goes, I'm already here.

That's what I got. I'm already here. I knew you were going to ask me. I'm already here. He called me yesterday, by the way. We talked for a long time. We love, we, if you don't know Fihim Anwar, easily one of the funniest comedians

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Go to hellofresh.com slash Bad Friends 80. Can I show you something? I found my new sport. I found my new sport. It's called, and I'm going to fuck up the name, Calicio Storicio. OK, let me explain this sport. This happens in Florence, Italy, every year.

I saw a documentary about this. This blows my fucking mind. OK? It's only in Florence, Italy, and it's three teams, three different colors. The color. Let me just back up for a second. This literally looks like Spartacus.

Even the saturation of the film, is this the 1960s? This is 2019, but it's in Florence, and they don't have good technology yet. OK. OK. Look at me when I say this. It's the most insane sport that no one talks about, because it only happens in Florence.

Three teams, the colors of the Italian flag, and the team you play for is the district you're born in. You're not allowed to go, I play for Liverpool. Oh, no, I get to play. No, you're born there, you stay there, right? Yeah, I like that. The game is a combo of rugby, soccer, wrestling, and fist fighting.

Really? I'm not kidding. Wow. When the game starts, these men on the front line, you'll see. OK. They get to fist fight, and whoever goes down, you have to stay down until a goal is scored,

then you can get back up and fight again. Really? The front line has to fight, the back line tries to score. OK. Watch this fucking shit. This is the pride of Florence, Italy. Look at these fucking guys. Oh, my god.

Ready to beat the shit out of each other. Just calm, hang out, do a little bob, and dance it up. And they wear these ridiculous, beautiful, like, they look like, oh, look, they're OK. Well done, but they're not lost. OK, here we go. What happens? Look down.

Just fights. They're beating the shit out of each other. You can go 2-1-1. You can do it. Dude, you can do tackle. No rules. Look at that tackle. So now that they're both down, whoever took down,

look at that kicking. No rules except for penis stuff. No penis stuff. So let me pause. That's what happens. Hold on. Once a guy is down like this, like these two men, so the man who took him down.

The guy on top is the winner. That's right. So the bottom has to surrender, like in wrestling, but he just has to stay over him so the referee knows. He took him down. He has to stay now until the goal is scored. Mind you, this guy wants to stay down because otherwise you get attacked by four guys.

They come and beat the shit out of you. They come and beat the shit out of you. All the meanwhile, someone's trying to score a fucking goal in the background. But the guy in the blue is going to stay down there, too. If he got taken down as well. And by the jockey, if you knock someone out and you go down with them, but you don't go down first,

they're done. You can get back up and fight someone new. OK, let me say this. But once I'm down with that other person. You have to be on the ground until the goal is scored. So it's not a good thing to tackle somebody go down then. Well, you don't want to be taken down as well, right? So that's what that happened there.

Yes, he took him down with him. Why don't you? So the guy that took the other guy down has to be. So he's on top of the guy. You physically have to pin them. Right. And then it's like, OK, I'm down, too. Then the guy on the bottom would basically say, well,

get off me then. No, we can't. You have to be covered. No, we're both down. Doesn't matter. I'm covering you. We're both down. Lay down next to me.

No, I'm on top of you. Get off of me. This is what I like. This is what I train for. The fistfights, to me, are the most shocking. They just, look at this, just a couple of guys just beating the fucking kid out of each other. And they're from a mile away from each other.

They were born at just four miles away. So this guy with the ball, they're passing in the background. Trying to advance the ball past the fistfights. So this guy, right, they're both going down. No, what, no, he's down and he's down. They both have to stay down. Yeah. But they're allowed to wrestle it out until he can pin him.

All right. Now, get off. No. All right. No. OK, so now watch. Let me advance it to a point. Now, look at this, two tag team.

Oh, fuck it. Let's go. Oh, let's go. Who, you want some? Is that the judge? The guy with the hat has the jacket under the judge? That's the judge right there. Look at that.

That's the referee, yeah. Fuck out of here. Look at these guys. The beauty of this sport, by the way, let me say this. They all go get fucked up together afterwards. That's what I love. They all go party because when it's over, it's over. They smile at each other.

Two of the guys in the documentary. One guy was from the blue team, one was from the white. He works with him. OK, now this is after the game, you and I. Yeah, we're all fucked up. Oh, man. Congratulations, man, you guys won. Hey, we're Italian.

Yeah. We're Italian. We were, I'm like, eh, dude. There it goes. Do that. Bada bing, bada bing. Hey, Antonini, good to see you. How you doing?

Oh, good. I bruised, bruised. You know, this is bruised. It bruised all over my body as well. But you know what? It's good to see you. You're good to see you. When I told you.

I was for cool, I was for cool. Get off of me. You did not get off of me. Because I want to be there. Hey, look, but we're already fucked down. It does not matter, that's what I like to be. You're on top of me. Hey, I can't get on top of my wife. I get on top of you.

Florendo, I'm not gay. I am not gay either. But you gyrated. Yes, and I kiss your lips. Yes. No rules. There is a rule that's against the ordinances. No, it's a no rules.

Get off of me. Don't kiss my lips. I'm going to stay. Don't come on my belly. Let me buy you a drink. OK. Let's do it again. These guys beat the life out of each other.

Here, I'll turn the volume down on this. You need to hear the announcers. But so these guys just beat the shit out of each other. Until the ball can be advanced. Holy shit. I mean, it's a console. When you say gladiator, that's what it is. Yeah.

This is, this is. Look at the guy's bleeding. Oh, bleeding. You can't do that. One of the guys in the documentary had a. What's the documentary called? I'll fuck. I'm so in.

It's called Calicio. No, Calicio Storico. C-A-L-C-I-O. I have to watch this shit. Yeah, I have to watch this shit. But there's a documentary on Netflix. I think it's called Home Game or something like that. Really?

I think Home Game might be right. But Storico. Storico, Storico. I wish I knew how to say that. Calicio Storico? Storico, Calicio, Calicio Storico. Here it is. Is an early form of football that originated

in the 16th century Italy. Wow. Once widely played, the sport is thought to have started in the Piazza Santa Croce in Florence. That's right. In the Florence Square. Wow. That's what they said.

It's amazing. What else does it say in there? Does it tell you? That's it. Wait. So yeah. And it only takes place in Florence. And this happens every year.

These guys come back and they beat the shit out of each other every single year. Here we go. In Italian, let me spell it. C-A-L-I-C-O, right? Calcio Storico. Calcio Storico. I was not that far off.

Very good. Because you're Italian. You should fucking know that. No, I should have know what he said. What? What did you see? You saw three seasons? Three seasons of Alone.

And you fucking loved it. I saw the one that's on Netflix. Phenomenal. I've started the new season. Oh. I'm four episodes in. Dude? So good.

So fucking good. Are you watching it, Rude? Why? I saw seasons. I'm watching anime. Oh my god. She just sits there on her days off. She just sits there on the bed with her iPad

and just watches 16 hours of anime. I don't know what that does to the mind. Rots it. Yeah, maybe. Or are you going to be an illustrator one day? Can you draw? No. Oh, well fuck it.

What are you doing? I saw season four, season six, and I'm starting with season seven. And I'm going to say. Alone is so good. It's good. It's so good. It's so good.

It's so good. But I think one of the seasons, a guy that you thought would never win one. Yes. So a lot of it is not necessarily skill. Oh, no, no, no. A lot of it is mental fortitude. Right.

And also, you get these medical tests, people that have seen the show. If you don't pass the medical test, you could feel great and be doing great. If they see that your body is eating away at your fat, I'm sorry, at your muscle, they might take you. But I would love to try. Bob.

I'm not saying that I'm going to last two or three days. How long? I mean, you would. I just want to try. I want to see if I can last 48 hours. How about this? Yeah. We should set something up.

We'll have the crew set something up where you and I go. And we spend 24 hours alone in Joshua Tree. Yeah. And all we've got is a sleep tent. The 10 things. I want the 10 things. No, you don't get 10 because we're going for one day. I still need the 10 things.

I need me to tarp. I need my machete. No. You do get a machete. We'll get nice. Can I get a cooking pan? Yes. And a fire starter.

Can I get space-age food? No space food. From the fucking astronauts. One can of beans. You know how the astronauts have dried freeze? Yeah, dip in dots. That's where that came from. One knife, one tent.

Knife, tent, fire starter, can of beans. That's all you get. No can of beans. No food. OK. You're going to hunt our food. You're going to eat. You're going to eat.

I'm going to trap. Joshua Tree's the desert. There's nothing out there. I'll trap something. OK. Yeah, yeah. Knife, fire starter, a pot or a pan. Yeah.

Water because there's no water source up there. I need wiring. Wire. You need 10 pound wire, 20 pound wire. To set my traps. Yeah, OK. That's five. What else?

And then I need a snake stick. I need a stick that I could stick a snake. A spear? You have to make that. You have to make that. OK. OK. What else do I need?

Then you get to bring. No water. No, you have to. There's no water source. There's no water. Let's go to a place where there's a water source. Because I've learned through naked and afraid and through alone how to do it.

What do you do to the water you find in a lake? Well, some rivers. Like, I'll tell you a story. My dad and my family went to Yosemite. And I was probably maybe eight or nine years old. Went to Yosemite. And there was no bottle of water back then. No.

So we were driving along. And I was thirsty. Yeah. Like, Dad, can we stop somewhere? Because I'm thirsty. He goes, no, there's no place to stop. I'm so thirsty. He just pulls over.

And we go to this field with this lake, right? But it's like the lake is a pond, Domo. Yeah, it's a pond. Right. Drink. You didn't know. I drank out of the fucking pond. You could have got dysentery and died.

I went to the hospital. No shit. I almost died. What did he say? He goes, you said you were thirsty. You know what I mean? I go, he doesn't know any better. I know that the water has to be flowing.

Or sometimes when you take a lake, you dig another hole so that the water flows into the other hole, it filters out the soil. Bacteria can stand. But bacteria can still get in there. Right. But then I would boil it. You have to boil it.

So I would boil the water. OK. Right? And then because of a loan, I would set little traps. Yeah. Right? So I'd take a rock, a little stick, and I'd put like a, you know, a skittles or something.

No, not skittles. Or whatever lures the animal. When they set those traps up? A Boston bean. A Boston, one Boston bean. Do you love Boston beans? Yes. One Boston bean.

The candy. Yeah, I know. Everything. Everything loves that. You're going to put it right down there? Right there. And put the little thing. Yeah.

And then a heavy rock, right? Yeah, a heavy rock. And the mouse will go, Boston bean! And it would stick there. And then his fat hip will hit the fucking stick, crush. Right. I don't know how to gut an animal. Well, that's super important.

Because how are you going to? Yeah, but I make assumptions. Oh, you might know. Yeah. So what I would do is take a Swiss army knife. Yeah. Right? And I would first to see, I would shake it first.

Shake the mouse or the knife? Yeah, to see if it was dead. Can you hear the Boston bean rattling around inside it? Yeah. But if I like this, I'm like, you know what I mean? I would stick it back in the rock and just walk away for a week. When you just crack its neck? No.

I would do it. I would be able to do it. Oh, you couldn't do that? Yeah. Rudy, could you crack an animal's neck? No. If you had to eat it, if you knew you were going to eat it, could you just crack a little rabbit's neck?

Maybe. Maybe. I saw my grandmother go back. So I would take the rat, shake it. It's dead, right? And immediately, I would just take the dick. No, take the dick off. Why?

Why the dick? I don't want to eat it. The dick is not. Don't want to eat it. Don't want it out. What if there's a lot of protein in there? I don't want the dick. I just take the dick out.

The dick probably is inside their body. I know where a dick generally is on any animal. If you blow on their nose, the dick pops out. Oh, really? No. I don't do that. So then I would gut it. I would take an army knife and take the belly and slice it open.

And I would peel the skin off. Right. You have to skin it because you want to keep the skin. Yeah, so I'd try to peel the skin off the best I could. Right? And then I would gut it down the middle and just take everything that I can from the inside. All of the organs.

Yeah. And would you eat the heart and the liver? No. You're supposed to. I won't. Because I don't know which one is good. Right. You don't want to guess.

What's the tastiest portion? Well, the meat is going to be the best. Right. So I'll just take them. And then I would stick a stick through. You know what I mean? And I would just like a rotisserie chicken over the fire. All right.

Maybe we should go. Maybe we should set something up, the bad friends in the desert. But snake, I don't know how to do. Well, I'm not eating a snake. But snake, it doesn't taste. Yeah, but in a survival situation, they do eat snake.

Some of them. But I'd rather just eat vegetation if I can find it. Yeah, I have to get a book on what herbs to eat. And what you can eat, because you can get some berries and you can get fucked up from them. Yeah, or some frogs if they're too colorful. Well, then they're poisonous. If there was a gay frog.

They're. You know what I mean? The frogs are gay. No, no, no. But like, well, you know how some frogs are like, here I am. I'm a frog. And they have like purple. They have a whole thing.

And they just show they go, rebet. Right, right. I'm a frog. And so, you know what I mean? It's like, I won't eat those. Because I don't want to get fucking high. Yeah. We could die.

We get really sick. Did you just fart? Yeah. In the middle of. I don't know. Gay frogs. Stop it. I want to talk about gay frog.

Stop it. This isn't a big room. I know. I get really gassy. Can we call fancy bee? On this. Oh, wow. Hey, guys.

You look cute today. What's the date? Good to see you. What's the date? What's the date today? What happened today? Wow. You guys are like, yeah.

You're excited too about your life, 13. We couldn't be more. We're so excited about your life, 13. When I woke up today, it was a special feeling for me. I was like, I'm not going to let you guys see me. I'm not going to let you guys see me. I'm going to let you know. I'm going to let you guys see me.

I'm going to let you guys see me. What a special feeling I had in my gut. Yes. I go, this is a monumental moment here. What is going on on July 13th? And I thought maybe there's some sort of historical relevance about the day. Is there any revelance about today?

There's tons of revelance. I'm going to tell you, this day is very important. So in 2016, 40 years ago, on July 13, Prime Minister David Cameron resigned from his duties in the UK because of Brexit, the beginning of end of the UK. Wow, Bob, that's important. That's important. What else happened today?

Well, like 35 years ago in 1985, then Vice President Bush became acting president for one day because Ronald Reagan went under surgery. Reagan went under surgery, I remember that, I remember that. Wow. I think he tased power then and then. Then he got hungry for it. Did anything else crazy happen?

Yeah, 47 years ago in 1973, the investigators for the Watergate discovered there. I remember that. Yeah, Watergate. I remember that. Watergate. Yeah. They discovered that Nixon had a secret recording system.

Yep. Yeah. Did anything democratic? Democratic Escapistiamen building. Did anything else happen today? Yeah. Sorry? Anything else happened today on this day in history?

Plenty of things, like 206 years ago, this is my favorite. This was why I got really interested in this day. Italy created the Cavaniere. Cavaniere, yes, the Italian with the hats. Cavaniere, the Barololo. Yeah. That's right. I know that, too.

The National Guard. I thought it was Italy. Yeah, it is today. Yeah. Yeah. I have a question. Who the fuck holds a mic like that? Well, he's pinching it?

Yeah. Hold it how you hold your penis. How do you hold your penis? That's how you hold a microphone. That's how you hold it. Oh, Andres. Andres, very nice. Bueno, bueno, bueno.

Bueno, español. Español. OK, so look, today in history was an important day. You did a great job. It's really good to see you back on the show. It's really nice. Yeah, good to see you guys. We miss you, OK?

Yeah, I've been missing you. But we, I've been missing you. But we've got Rudy in here now, so I don't know if we're ever going to see you again live, I gotta tell you. I've been, like, coming to that conclusion on my own. It's OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let me ask you, do you, is there, be honest,

is there any resentment toward Rudy? Be honest. Be honest. Well, there it is. There it is here. Yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah. I have to say.

What is it? What is the resentment? Just get it out. Might as well get it out in the open. He called me, and he was like, we were having a discussion about the show. And he's like, he's getting a little heated. And he's like, why do you need it so fast?

Are you trying my best to do that? And I'm like, yeah, you just need to. And he's like, well, why don't you have that bitch in there, do it for you? And I'm like, what? Wow. He said, why don't you have that bitch in there? I was your favorite for her.

Wow. Yeah, you know, you're not. You're not our favorite foreigner. Yeah. No, no, we'll take a Filipino any day of the week. Sorry, man. They're just, she's nicer than you. She's cooler than you.

She doesn't talk back. Doesn't talk back. Right. And you run your mouth sometimes, pal. Yeah. You get a little caliente in here. I'd smack you around, OK? I mean, I've been plotting against her a little bit,

but yeah. Have you really? Yeah. Yeah. All right. You know, I'm going to fight. You're a director. You're a director, right?

He's a director, a writer, producer, and. When are we going to do that short a film with me and Andrew? Yeah, when? Have you written that script yet? Well, you mean, you could be surprised. I have prepared not a short, but a feature for the two of you with Carlos Rera. He's got a feature for us.

I love Carlos. Yeah, I love Carlos a lot. Yeah, he's a good guy. He's the best. So do you run with Carlos Rera? Yeah. Huh? OK, good.

I've been working with him. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. What is, can you give me the premise of the movie? Yeah. It's a horror teen comedy where. You know Bobby's 50 and I'm 36. Like imagine something like Superbad meets Friday the 13.

Oh, OK. So it's a bunch of friends. I mean, you two guys and some of your comedic friends play in teenagers in high school. Obviously, there's a role for Rudy there. And you know, there's like a murder on the loop. And while they try to lose their virginity around prom night, and they have also to solve this murder on campus.

So me and Bobby lose our virginity. So we play high schoolers. I think we could do it. Yeah. Yeah, we look like high schoolers. No, no, no, no. I know we don't. But I think that'd be funny if I shaved my mustache, cut my hair.

Yeah. We put a lot of makeup on. Still not going to work. Yes, I think it will. And I think so. Imagine baby. What do you mean? You can have Eric Griffin like it could be a bully.

He pushes you in the locker. Well, he could play like the janitor or the principal or something. Right. The magical janitor. You know, you know how sometimes like, you know, what was that golfy one with Will Smith? There's always a magical guy.

The Bagger Vance. Yeah, Lager Vance, right. Or the Green Mild. I love when there's a magical black guy. Yeah. Oh, so he's our magical black guy. Yeah, he's a magical guy. He doesn't really exist, but he's the janitor of the school.

He just kind of appears like a model. He's at the school. Well, what if he's like an object at an animal job? Like what if he's a talking locker? You know? And the vents up top are the things that talk. He's like, you late to class again. That'd be fun.

Andres, I want to read this script. I'm excited. OK. OK. All right. Well, look, we love you. Give us a kiss. Give us one big long kiss.

Ready? That's not long enough. There it is. Love you, bud. All right, buddy. Love you so much. Bye, baby. Get to see you guys.

You hate that guy. I love him. I'll tell you, Rudy hates him. No. Yeah. Yeah, she does. Yeah, you do. You know, it's funny.

I love him to death. The last couple of days, I've been asking Rudy, what's the matter? Yeah. Because when she looks at me or she's in the kitchen, she just has a sad, glum vibe about her. What's going on, Rudy? And I go, what's going on?

And she goes, I'm fine. She's plotting to fucking kill you, dude. I'm telling you, she's sharpening knives. There's something going on. So can you talk about what? Don't do the, I think. About the boy? Is it about the same, that boy?

No, something great happened the other day. What happened? Can we talk about it real quick? Yeah. OK. So you know that her real father, her biological father. Bill Gates? No, no, no.

He's some Filipino dude who, when he was seven years old, he started his own family and hasn't seen Juliana since then. Yeah. And last night, was it? Or two nights ago, he reached out to you on Facebook? Yeah. And he said he wanted to talk to you. What did you say?

And she said, OK. And they had a conversation. Wow. Yeah. Get closer to the mic. Real close. The name of this show should be get closer to the mic. Yeah.

Wait a minute. Get closer to the mic. How was it, Jules? Was it weird? Did you enjoy it? It was awkward, because I forgot his voice, his face. You haven't seen him since you were seven? Yeah.

And so did you video chat or just? Video chat. Yeah, on Facebook, video chat. When he reached out to you on Facebook, were you apprehensive? Were you like, I don't want to talk to this guy, because he hasn't really reached out before? I was curious.

But then I also didn't want to talk, because I don't know. It's weird. Yeah. Yeah. That is, it is weird. I have a friend who was adopted, and he didn't want to meet his. Yeah. I would assume there's some sort of resentment or abandonment

issues. Yeah, because it's like, why'd you fucking leave? And they're like, no, but I want to meet. So did you speak in English to each other, or no? English and Cebuano. So you go back and forth? Yeah. Is his English good?

Yeah. Has he been to the United States before? No, but he's been in Korea. Why in Korea? Because his wife is Korean. Yeah. Oh. He started out, yeah.

Those are like Koreans from the island of Cebu. It's like, I don't know. His new wife, because your mother, they knew how they met when they were really young? Yeah. What was that? Did you want to cry, or no? No.

I was just laughing, because. Dude, they say that that's what psychopaths do when they're. I know. They just laugh instead of crying. Jules, Jules. See how there's this much space between, yes. See how there's this much space between the mic in my mouth?

You have to eat the mic. You have to eat the mic. Get closer. Click closer. It's already close. There it is. That's fine. That's good.

We have her fucking levels turned all the way up, just so we can capture. I know, I know. Because she goes like this, ask me a question. I'm Rudy. Go ahead, ask me a question. Go. How's it going, Rudy?

He's pretty good at it. I know. Yeah. All right, so it wasn't as painful as you thought it was going to be? Yeah. Are you going to speak again? He really wants to talk to me.

He's got a relationship. Yeah. Let me tell you something. You're a grown-up. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. If you don't want a relationship with him, you can say no for now and revisit it later. I think it's different.

You shouldn't feel pressure. I think it's different because her stepfather, I know because he's been to our house. You like your stepdad. That's her dad. Right, that's why it's a good thing. Yeah, you have it. So Kalyla's sister, Honey, right?

What a name. Is Rudy's, so Kalyla's your aunt. Yeah. Yes. My girlfriend. And Giovanni is your dad, right? Ooh, that sounds like a great name. They've had, wait, wait, one, two, three other children.

So your brothers and your sisters are with you. Four others. Well, the fourth one isn't real, right? Adopted, but still real. Well, it's a real person. They just keep it in the basement. Yeah, it's not by and large. Well, yeah, they keep it away from people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Get closer to the mic. Get closer to the mic. He keeps wandering. Yeah. It goes straight ahead like this. You're driving me crazy. OK, good.

And so I don't think that she has any kind. I think she's OK with it because she doesn't really view the guy as her dad. Right. So right? Yeah. Yeah, because, yeah. So when we talked right after you were having the conversation

with them, you seemed OK. Yeah, almost happy. Yeah. So you're happy about it. Yeah. All right, good. Well, I want to see what this relationship continues. I want to see if you guys actually get along.

We'll check in. If you get on with them. Can I show you something? OK, go ahead. You tell me if you think, give me your assessment on this pretty lady. What do you say about this lady? She's trans.

She's the first trans woman. I had looked at this a thousand times. I was like, that was not a guy before. This is the first trans person in Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Wow. I looked at it a thousand times. I was like, can you lower it down?

I want to see what the legs look like. The penis? Oh, the legs? Yeah. Look at that fucking face. Yeah, she's pretty. I was like, that was never a guy. There's no chance.

Would you? Yeah. If you were single? Yeah. You'll be too. Yeah, are you nuts? Yeah. I mean, if there's a PP, it'd be weird.

It'd be hard. You would suck the PP. It'd be weird if her penis was bigger than mine. I'd be so bummed. I know, but you would do it. Yeah. I know. Yeah.

It's still coming in my mouth. Nah, come on, come on. Back it up. I back it up. Anyway, incredible. First, pretty monumental, huh? That's pretty wild. That's congratulatory.

The first to Valentina Sampio, I'm going to look her up. The first transgender model appeared in Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and is better looking than all my exes by a landslide. Thank you for being a bad friend. I didn't hear you. She didn't even fucking say it. I didn't hear you.

No, you didn't. No, you fucking didn't. You're going to do it on your own now. No, you're going to do it. Yes, yes, you're doing it on your own. No, no, no, it's on your own because you fucked that up. You fucked it up. Thank you for being a bad friend.

That's great. Very perfect. Love it. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.