Bad Friends - Phil Collins & Mean Tweets ft. Chris Destefano

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

LAST DAY of Competition Merch: https://www.badfriendsmerch.com Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Shopify, BLUECHEW, Manscaped & Factor • Shopify: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • Manscaped: Get 20% and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com code: BADFRIENDS • Factor: Get 50% off at https://factormeals.com/badfriends50 with promo code BADFRIENDS50 YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Last Chance to Get The Competition Shirts 0:43 Chris Distefano & A Case of Lululemon 8:26 Uncle Chang and the Korean Ban on Dog Meat 19:21 Corey Feldman's Secret Handshake 27:48 Bobby Embarrasses Himself In Front of Maria Menounos 36:27 Chris Distefano's Dad Shares Candy with Phil Collins 45:32 Bobby Throws Water at Carlos at The Comedy Store 54:57 Celebrating Little Christmas on January 6th 1:00:03 Bobby is Through with Love More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At Salesforce, we're all about asking more of AI. Questions like, where's the data going? Is it secure? Are you sure? Are you sure you're sure? Get answers you can trust from Salesforce at askmoreofai.com. Hey!

Hey! Ooh, look at this shirt. It's the competition. The competition is on for only a couple more weeks, ladies and gentlemen. You gotta go to badfriendsmerch.com. We're competing to see who can sell more shirts. And the loser, the loser, has to do what, Robert?

The loser has to massage the other guy. Butt naked. Butt naked. On camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone's gonna see it across the universe. So this is my little beautiful, I'm Bobby Mom shirt. And he's got his beautiful little cartoon. Show them. This is something about his though.

It's a great shirt. It's a catchphrase. Yeah, it's great. It's like glorious, right? Yeah, it's great. But you can find that at Etsy. No, no, no, no, no. My point is that this one right here, this Miyazaki one, man, it's so original.

It's cute. You can wear it out. Yeah, you can wear it out, okay? But this one you can wear in. So wear this inside. BadFriendsMerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com for this. Only two more weeks left of this competition. Once the year, once competition's over, we don't sell the shirts anymore.

That's it. And also this weekend we're in Salt Lake City, then Temecula, Reno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Niagara Falls, Tucson, then we finish in Vegas. April 20th. April 20th in Vegas, we end the tour. So that's it for a while.

We're not gonna tour again until 2025 or something. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets, badfriendspod.com. those tickets badfriendspod.com Hey ladies you say you've done this before yeah one time Last year. Hi. Good to see you again. When did she do it? Huh? When did she do it? She did it. Last year. Last year, at the end of last year, right?

All right, let me see if I won the millionaire jackpot. And this was given to Bobby because Carlos hit Bobby's mom in the face. Pretty hard. 10 top prizes of a million dollars. Any of your numbers match the winning numbers. Okay, so the winning numbers are 15 to 28, 36 and four. Now, if I win, is it just me and you,

or do we gonna give some to the girls? Good song. Yeah, obviously. Not with that attitude? Yeah, after that attitude? You know what, you dictate. We'll deport them. Deport, okay, good. If I don't win, you get deported.

We're deporting them. So if I don't win even a little bit, even like a dollar, you guys are are both going back to the jungle, baby You know what you are? Alright 436 2815 and 2 let's go so No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no But twice really tough to win these things. I don't ever get these things my whole family loves playing the lottery Uh-huh, and it's the saddest shit, but the big lottery right now. I just saw in the news

What's the power ball up to right now? 88 million. Oh, wow, shouldn't we get it? I'll buy the ball you buy the power ball gigantic red ball Wow, that would be amazing how much is that what's it is that ball? What is it made of? The power ball itself. Yeah. Oh, money. I feel like there's liquid in it.

What's in there? It's like Boba. Boba. The power Boba ball. But also just a unicorn cum. Is inside there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that's where it's been the whole time.

Is unicorn cum good? No. I don't think so, right? Yeah, no. It's probably rainbow color. It's two, because unicorns are so physically active. Right. Right?

It's got to be, it's just... I feel like it would taste good. Like what? They make Starbucks drinks out of that. Out of unicorn... Unicorn... How the... I have a venti unicorn cum half sweet.

Yeah. Well, I didn't know. Is that like a side menu, special menu? That's in the Philippines. Oh, in the Philippines, they have it. Oh, you have unicorn come and Pog Pog. Pog Pog? Oh, he wants me to go Pog Pogging.

Where you go? You know what Pog Pog is? Sifting through the trash. What's Pog Pog? Where you go sifting through the trash? Yeah, yeah, where's Pog Pog? Pog Pog is two unicorns. Fucking no, no, no, that's not Pog Pog.

It does make that sound. It does make that But isn't there a dish in the Philippines called Pogpog? Yeah, P.A.G. P.A.G. Like he sent it to me. Yeah, it's it's it's when you go dumpster diving and you make food out of What's it called there look Pogpog Pug. Pug Pug. The tag. I've never had it, but I know what it is. Wait, how do you say it? How do you say it in Pug Pug?

The what, what the fuck did I just say? Well, let me hear you. Pug Pug. Hold on, hold on. Pug Pug. Say it again? Pug Pug. No, you say it? Pug Pug.

Yeah, they're sounding like bug bug. Oh. Pug Pug. Bug bug. Okay. So what it is, look at these photos. You dig through the trash. We'll go back to the Wikipedia in it,

because I think it says, there's a literal definition of it. It's the tag-along term for leftover food from restaurants usually from fast-food restaurants Scavenged from garbage sites and dumpsters and then you collect a dinner out of it You guys have never heard of this before and I've seen the exact to real that I think you're talking about You've never seen people eat it. No Because I thought that you ate that and did a shot of unicorn cum It's probably a tradition yeah, well, that's tag along you guys speak the other one to Galo, right? What is it? What's one of you speak? Okay, fucking shut up. How many are there that land that island is the size of like

How big is the Philippines it's not that big it's not of Los Angeles. There's a lot of dialects. How big is the Philippines? It's not that big. It's not that big. It's small. There's just a lot of islands. There's just so many people though. It's too many. Not too many. No, I think so. It's a good amount.

Home to 120 and 180, between 120 and 187 languages. That is fucking absurd. That's too many. In America we have one. Three. Spanish. Oh yeah, Spanish. Spanish baby.

Spanish. Is there a better language? No. It's the most globally spoken language right is it really I thought English dominated no Chinese Chinese what China wait it's Mandarin You know what Chinese is Since you've been here you've been very fucking like what like since you've been gone. Yeah Let him go so been gone yeah I can't breathe for the first time. They're killing it. I gotta let them go. No good. So um... You have to introduce for the people that don't... Alright so ladies and gentlemen boys and girls

hello welcome to another episode of POTTIGER BALLY I mean POTT BAD FRIENDS BAD FRIENDS I mean because I see them all the time. Don't get so angry. But anyway, ladies and gentlemen, let me start over. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to another episode of Bad Friends, the greatest podcast on earth with the greatest host, Andrew Santino, what a handsome young man, leading actor, big star, give him a round of applause. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.

I love this podcast. Anyway, we've got two, we got two beautiful. We got two beautiful. We got a regular here. She's a part of the family. We've got fucking Jules here, but then her sister from the Philippines is here for a couple of weeks.

You're leaving tomorrow. I am. Yeah, but it was really good to see you. And so give her an ESA, give her a, what's your Instagram tag? Cause I know you like followers. Because you always want me to like you always like should I tag you on this? No, because you want to repost it. No, every time we take a fucking photo.

Okay, she wants to be famous. I know she wants to be famous. So every time we take a photo you're always like you want to collaborate or you want to you know, I'm always like fuck you. So my point is throw your Instagram out. Okay, it's is a vera but with a double Z and an R. Okay, you heard it here first. Yeah, yeah.

How old are you now? I'm 15. Don't show her Instagram to anybody. What are we talking about? She's a kid. Yeah, but they can still follow us. Oh yeah, it was so weird when like the people from here found me.

Yeah. They started like bombarding my DMs with like the weirdest thing. Gross. This is disgusting. Wow. This is our family here on this show. You can only DM or even follow her, click to follow her.

Is it private? Yeah. Good. And you can only even try if you're under 17. Right? Under 17. She has a boyfriend now. It does.

I'm just saying in general, even if like, what does that have anything to do with anything? I know You do have a boyfriend. I do how old is he he's 16? I thought first second. I thought she said 60 and I was like Welcome to America He's 16 you're 15 he can drive. No, you don't have cars there. Oh Is it like the Flintstones They don't have cars there. What?

Oh, like the Flintstones at their feet? Right, they're back of the unicorns. Wait a minute, but he can, oh, it's in the Philippines, that's right, I forgot. Do you get licenses there at 16 or no? No, you can only get the, yeah, the student's permit is at 17. And then 18 is the legal driving age,

but no one really drives. No, there's a lot. I mean, your dad's a lawyer. I Like his car. I don't want his car. What does he have? Oh, he just has an Elantra, but he like tweaked it So it's like it's a tricked out Elantra Yeah, we are Can I tell you some yeah, we are the best country in the world. Yeah, we really a lawyer drives an Elantra I know tough times over there. I am Mitsubishi Elantra is top tier. Yeah. But they have running water. That's good.

Is that your cousin's name? Running water? No, but they, they, they, at one point they didn't have running water. Remember? No way. Yeah. No, they did. No, they didn't. No, but your dad has a trick out of Elantra and you love it. Yeah. Is he going to give it to you? I hope so. Me too. We'll tell, we can ask him. Yeah. Let's ask him. And then you have two little brothers. Yeah, they want it too.

They want to get on to it. Oh really? Yeah, but you're the oldest. Yeah. So you get it. Are they still crazy or no? Every time I see them, they're just running around in circles.

Oh, the youngest is crazy. Oh, I just wanna like punch him all day. You don't like him? How is he 10, okay? Yeah, he's a child But they grow up faster there. No, they don't yeah, he has a mustache like fucking mani-paki. Yeah, they all They're born with mustaches in the Philippines. What were you gonna ask me? What? Oh, no, I was gonna tell you that my mom has like the biggest crush on you Also, why is there a dick pic on your house? What? Of what I was like dicks. There's like a big dick and like small small dicks like around it Polaroids what are you doing? You have dick pics at your house on the wall Whose dicks are they I learned who whose dicks you have on your wall?

dick pics at your house on the wall? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks are they? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks you have on your wall? I literally have no idea. Whose dicks are on your wall at your house? First of all, back up. I'll leave you here right now and get your house to see.

Back up. Back up right now, dick. No, because you don't do this to me. I don't like being challenged. You disrespected me first of all and called this fucking belly tiger bullshit, whatever the fuck that. I'm gonna go to your house. If there's other dicks on that wall that aren't mine, we're in a fucking fight.

It's your dick, dude. No, it's not. I know. Is it orange? It's kind of. Yeah, it was your dick. Oh, all right. Then we're cool. Anyway, can I explain the dick pic or no?

Please. We're all waiting. So you know the Wednesday meeting I go to, right? So I go to this Wednesday. That's what you guys do at AA. That's not what we do. So there's this guy named, I can't say his name because of AA. Of course not.

It's AA. But anyway, there's this guy who's a newcomer and one day he goes, hey, let's do a Christmas like an elephant, whatever, Christmas elephant thing. Right. A white elephant. Yeah, whatever, wherever you draw a name out of the fucking thing. Yeah. So I get him for some reason, right? And I brought, I forgot about it. So I brought cash.

So I gave I gave a friend of mine $100. And then this guy, the other guy, gives me a beanie. Inside the beanie was that fucking Polaroid of a dick pic. Of his dick? I don't know who's dick it is. But when I opened it up and I did it, I go, oh fuck, I don't know.

I said, just put it on the ledge. You kept it. But why is there like one big dick and then like small dicks around it? Wait, wait, in one photo? You really are in Hollywood. Yeah, in one photo. Yeah.

Did I take it? I don't know. Dude, this is what Cat Williams was talking about. You're in Hollywood, dude. You're getting dick, weird dick pic polaroid proposals. You are fucking Hollywood. No. Who's more Hollywood now, bad friends, fans?

The guy that has dick pics on his wall No, no, so that's wow, dude. I'm not ashamed. You're evil. You're in the I'm not a shame Who did you have to suck to get that box deal? Oh We want to give you a show So anyway, why did you put it on your wall? Why now on a wall? Oh my god, you guys are fucking where is it? Yeah, if I was ashamed of it, why would I put it with a drawer? Why did you just roll it? It's an honor wall. Oh my God, you guys are fucking. Where is it? Yeah, if I was ashamed of it, why would I put it with a drawer? Why would you just throw it away?

It's funny. People walking up to see the gigantic dick pic, it's funny. Okay, I don't know. Would you have dick pics in your house guys? Just laying around? Carlos, I shouldn't be asking you. Thank you, Carlos. That's why you're in the program too.

Right. But I mean, you know, if you're gonna, first of all, do you wanna clean my house again? Again? And you're telling everybody the inside secrets of my house? I'm just telling like weird stuff in your house. Yeah. You have a dick on display.

Thank you. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm also this, right? So contradictory way you just said. You're mad about it, but then she's like, no, it's displayed. You're like, right. I'm not embarrassed. I'm not embarrassed.

I'm madding up. Well, my point is this, okay? Is this that next time you see some stuff like that. But I can't keep a secret. I haven't told it. See something, say something. Thank you, Rudy. Okay.

You gotta teach them right. They're doing good. Yeah. And then why is it when you clean my house, that if you wanna talk about things then, let's talk about things. Right here on the show. Talk about whatever you want on the show.

Why is it when you clean my house and stuff like that? I see your phone, it's on, right? And you're in a different room. You're in a different room cleaning. But who's on the phone? Oh, my boyfriend? Yeah. Yeah.

And he's just laying there like this. What? Yeah. So she's cleaning another room. Like your face timing and he just lays there? But he's not even, she's not in, she's downstairs. Mm. Like us, we just like downstairs. She's downstairs another room. Like your face timing and he just lays there. But she's not in, she's downstairs. Mm. We're like, she's downstairs.

Right? And I'm getting a drink in the kitchen and I look, I see her phone and I see this gigantic nose. Oh my God. Oh my God, what? He doesn't have a big nose. No. He doesn't have a big nose.

Does he have a big nose? No. See? It's not wide. No. Okay, it's not wide no, okay? It's normal from where you from but from here dude. Yeah, it's not follow-up. I guess Your nose is not even normal What's up with my nose and what is up with your nose

Tell me about my nose. Why is it not normal? Let me see lift up. Yeah, it's yeah. Well Yeah, pretty really good pretty normal. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, why do you have this kid? He's your slave What do you read? It's creepy that he watches the house, but I'm not even in the room, but you have to stay on You know me on the phone face on FaceTime The fact is he likes it. Yeah. Ugh, it's love, maybe. No, that's not love.

That's weird. He just lays there while she cleans. That sounds like some weird fetish shit. No, because he's watching something and we're just doing different things, but staying on call. Does your boyfriend stay on FaceTime with you when you're doing something?

Really? That's, maybe it's just what young people do. It's what they do. You know? Is these whip, no. FaceTime with you when you're doing something real. That's maybe it's just what young people do. It's what they do. You don't? Is these whip, no. FaceTime my wife? You fucking out of your mind? I live with her.

Yeah. FaceTime? No, you don't do that. You don't do, I mean, we FaceTime if I'm like, across the country on the road, but your boyfriend lives in the same city, you call him, it's different. Young people do FaceTime shit.

Okay. They love FaceTime. Anyway. How many times have you done FaceTime? What do you mean? In general, you never them, it's different. Young people do FaceTime shit. Okay. They love FaceTime. Anyway. How many times have you done FaceTime? What do you mean? In general. You never do FaceTime.

I do it every night. To who? To who? I've been FaceTiming somebody every night. Who you been FaceTiming? Who you been FaceTiming? You know what, dude? What's going on here?

What is going on here today? That's how everybody wore your shirt so they could call you out for shit and make you not feel bad. Yeah, anyway, I do FaceTime. Are you FaceTime with someone that you enjoy right now? Yeah. How long do you stay on FaceTime with this person? Half an hour maybe.

That's pretty good. Do you remember when we were young and we talked on the phone to someone we liked for hours? No, when we were like young, young. Oh my God. And they would sit on the phone for hours and hours and hours, you guys don't know about landlines. No, when I was, when I went on the road,

my first road date was in San Antonio. And I was seeing this girl, Jennifer Field, one of the girl that texted me when I was 23 and ate her fucking vagina in her mom's closet. Who could forget? Yeah. Who could forget? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I remember going to, because I was opening for Mencia, Carlos Mencia, and we're at the, that San Antonio mall. LOL. Not LOL, it wasn't even there yet. It was in the mall. The other one, yeah. Right, and they had this weird like condo

that I had to stay in. And I remember from after the show, maybe it was like, I was one o'clock in the morning. I talked to her to like eight in the morning. Yeah. On a landline. I remember those. On a landline. And I talked to her till like eight in the morning. Yeah. On a landline. I remember those days. On a landline.

And Chesley, I love you, I miss you. You know what I mean? We be falling asleep and wake up and keep talking. Yeah. I miss those days. Me too, man. Never gonna get that ever again. Now these kids just stay on FaceTime

where they clean other people's houses. Now when a girl calls me, I treat them like a telemarketer. I gotta go, I can't. Wrong number. Wrong number, I can't. I can't. I can't. Wrong number. Wrong number, I can't. I can't. I have so many subscriptions.

Too many, honestly. On my phone and my iPad, all my stuff, right? And it's like, I don't even, I'm losing money as we speak. Tons of money. What does Rocket Money do, dude? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills. We all want to lower our bills in the new year. We're all sick of paying for stuff that we

don't want to pay for anymore. You've got to use RocketMoney. They have over 5 million users, and they've helped save their members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. You never got to get on the phone with customer service. Look, I've used RocketMoney to cancel a bunch of stuff that I didn't need, a bunch of apps. And also I signed up for stuff they have reoccurring charges. You guys know what I'm talking about when they say, first month is this much and then you forget

how much the next 10 months are and it adds up. RocketMoney finds it and gets you to stop paying unnecessary bills. That's right, they'll even get you a refund for the last couple of months wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you up to 20%. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money takes care of the rest.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use guys. Cancel your own one one of subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. That's rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. Rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. Butcher box. I love meat dog. You know I love meat. I love protein and I love high quality

Meat and that's the problem right now a lot of times people are getting meat. That's not high quality And and they don't know where to turn to go get it They don't want to go to a butcher shop. They don't want to go to a free store now You can easily find high quality meat and seafood you can trust it's a hundred percent grass-fed beef right free range organic chicken Pork raised crate free and wild caught seafood. My God. You mainly raise no antibiotics or hormones. None of that stuff injected into your food. Get rid of that crap. There's nothing better than driving up in your driveway and seeing a butcher box box outside your car. So exciting. I know what I'm making for the

night. Pork chops. Salmon. Salmon. I love those little critters. Pork and chicken and beef. I'm a beef eater, I do love it, and 100% grass fed is the only way to go because there's so much stuff out there that's nasty and inhumanely raised. ButcherBox is doing it the right way. New members get two pounds of ground beef, three pounds of chicken breasts,

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and last year, I missed a fan-dull kick of destiny during the Super Bowl. It's no good! He missed it! I spent the last year reflecting, meditating, hanging out in Himalayan salt caves, anything to get the image of that hook kick out of my head. So when FanDuel called and asked if I'd give it another go, I jumped at the chance to lace him up for a shot at redemption. And this year, I won't miss.

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Make any night Wing Night End with Popeyes! Love that chicken with Popeyes. But you know here's the thing about young love though. Yeah I've been asking around to people Where has it gone? Young love for me. Well, you're 52 That's what I'm not saying young love. Where's old love? No, no, no, no. I I'm just saying the feeling of like. You know, St. Andrew's retirement home is right down the street from me. Yeah.

Come by sometimes. I know what I'm saying is the feeling of like, you're in a pink cloud, butterflies. You get, you don't get that anymore. You don't get it. I remember in my, your age, it was intense. It's different. It was like.

But you're feeling it for the first time. Yeah, but it was just like, oh my God, this is it. This is, you know, this is going to fulfill every... And it doesn't, does it? No, because it always, you always get betrayed. It lets you down. Yeah, yeah. In some way, you're going to get let down. But I want to...

But what I'm saying is I'm trying to find that in my life now. But you're going to get that feeling. No, I haven't felt that since I was their age. You'll get a different version. What when you first I did to get it from there for a couple years yeah yeah but anyway um no but but you're gonna find it in a different way stop rubbing your tits what do you mean stop it I just stop you're gonna warm feeling up no can I just do you're gonna get me hard if you I know but I want to feel it in my chest like love you're gonna get the love it's just gonna feel different you're gonna get me hard if you keep doing that. I know, but I wanna feel it in my chest, like love.

You're gonna get the love, it's just gonna feel different. You're not that young anymore. Your viewpoint on the world is different. So you're not gonna feel the same. You know what it's like for an addict? Remember the first time you got high? Yeah. Greatest thing in the world.

Yeah. And then the second time and the third time and the fourth time you got high. And by the 50th time you got high, it didn't feel like the first time you got high at all. It was kind of a let down. I think that's what it is. So you're looking at it, looking for the old high.

You need to chase the new high, not drugs. You need to chase love in the way of like, this is just who you are now. They should have a business, like a Black Mirror episode, a place where they wipe your memories. You, Scientology's open 24 hours a day. I know, but just a place where I can just restart. Well, when you die, I think you restart.

You think so? 100%. I think when we die, we restart into another soul and body and entity. I think you've died a thousand times. You just don't know it. Not as Bobby Lee, but as other shit. What do you think I was?

Before this? A worm. Samurai? A samurai worm? Yeah. A samurai worm? A samurai worm. A nobler. What if you were a unicorn? Oh, that's why you love it so much.

I don't love it. That's why you're mentioning it now. I'd rather have Minotaur. I'd rather have Minotaur come. You're definitely not Minotaur. No. No. You're Minotaur?

I'm definitely more Minotaur than you are. Yeah. But I'm not. I'm a centaur. You're not a centaur. Oh, fuck, why not? You're a unicorn. You're a worm to club.

What? How about a siren? You're a worm. No. No, I'm not a worm. You're a war, you're a worm. You're not a mythological creature, a worm to it. Sure it is. Worms have been around for billions of years. I've only studied the folklore of-

It is now. How about it? Can I be a worm like in Dune? No. Yeah, yeah, I want to be a gigantic worm. No, you're an earthworm. You're a little tiny baby earthworm. No, no, no, I want to be one of those

in the desert in Dune. I want to be a Dune worm. That's you're an Asian Asian jumping war go go go go go go do that's an Asian jumping way that's what you are doing warm doing warm dude no you're not me no yeah that's my bottle no after you see my bottle exactly like that what it's got the lines and everything look at that's me dude you're in and that's pussy right there those two girls you're an Asian they're going into your but oh yeah yeah yeah. You're an Asian jumping worm Okay, what then what are you then? Ask the girls. What was I in my previous life?

I feel like Horses yeah, I sent or yeah, yeah Yeah, that's me. Oh, so he gets a good one. Yeah, I get one. No, no, no, but you've let okay Well, okay, how about this girls? What was he before he was a worm? Maybe maybe you were you were the one that rode the Andrew? That's right. I rode him you rode on my back. You were like in my horse hairs No, it's Okay, check it out. No, it's like those you know in on a whale, right? They had the little fish that cleaned their back That's you that's not 100%

You're the barnacles on the way They had the little fish that cleaned their back. That's you. That's not me. 100% that's you. You're the barnacles on the whale. You're the barnacles. You're a fucking barnacle. I'm a barnacle on the whale back. Fuck you. Dude, that looks exactly like you. Does that even have a brain and feelings?

Do you? No. Okay, barnacle. I'm a barnacle. Barnacle Bobby. Barnacle Bobby. Barnacle Bobby riding on a whale's back. All right, dude, enough.

Make you feel better. What was he before he was a worm? Because you lived another one. Somebody lived so many lives. What was he before he was a worm, girl? Maybe you were working on nine to five. Yes, you were working on nine to five. A regular guy working on nine to five.

What, he was a blowfish? Man, you've been working nine to five at a restaurant Can I speak to the manager? I'm sorry, but the blowfish has forgotten so many our drinks came late. Yeah, why don't have any hands? What a shitty server shitty or I was a blowfish you're a blowfish. Let's go to you guys then. Oh, yeah, what were the girls? Oh shit How many varieties of maggots are there? You can't make the call cuz we already made your call. Yeah. Yeah. Oh really? So what's the call? I can't make a call Our fucking game is this what are you talking about? I think I think I think Rudy. Oh My god, I can I can see it now her previous life

Rudy was Rudy was Have you ever been to the Great Wall of China? At the Great Wall of China, there's a little patch That that a little crack in the rocks and flowers go grow a little crack in the rocks and flowers grow through the rocks. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, coral?

Flowers. Oh, okay. There's a group of wild flowers. And the Chinese government has just let it continue to grow, so now it's a patch of wild flowers. I think you were a wild flower. That's not so cute. At the Great Wall of China.

That's good. He said, where were you before this? I can see it in my head. Let me see it. Let me see it if I can. Oh, I see it, I see it, I see it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh my God, I see it see it I see it I see it oh my god I see it I see it now oh no oh no oh no she was oh my god she was a little ground squirrel a little

little tiny ground squirrel and she popped up at a construction site and her head came right off oh my god it was a Squirrel and she popped up Construction site Head came right off. Oh my god. It was a tragic. That was oh you have the ability I can see Let me see Carlos. Oh, oh Carlos. Oh my god. I can see Carlos. What is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? Oh? Oh my god, you remember. Oh my god, you know in in New York in Central Park They had the horses on the carriages. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know the bag that catches all the horse poop Carlos that's Carlos a bag of horseshit. Oh shit. He was a bag that collected all the horseshit in Central Park Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my god at the turn of the 20s. Oh, do you're a guest? Wow?

Well, let me see if I can do fancy. We have a 180 800 number. Yeah, just to call me. Yeah. Yeah Call me now for your free history reading. Yeah, it's miss Mr. Cheeto miss the cheeto. Yeah, okay. Hold on. Let me see if I can do fancy. Hold on Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, would you kids can you feel it? I just gave it to you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, what is it? He's the um, oh Yeah, I know what he's it he lies But not on top of human head. No, no, no It's a turd it's a turd it's a turd it's a turd creature. Oh, it's it's it's Eric Griffin.

Dude, I like that, I like that Rudy said you're fucking pussy-lice. Pussy-lice, women don't get lice. You get lice? You guys know about pussy-lice? Is that a real thing? Yeah. Women don't get lice. Do they get lice? You guys know about pussy lice? Is that a real thing? Yeah. There's not. It's called crabs.

No, crabs and lice are two different clans. Shoot everything. Cubic lice is super common. Tiny insects that look like tiny versions of the crabs you see at the beach. They live on the skin and coarse hairs. People get pubic lice. Whoa.

No way. Have you guys ever known anybody that's got that? No. No. But we used to have so much lice on our hair. When you were kids. Oh, really? A lot.

Really? So funny. We were like picking it out. Yeah, guess what, guess what? Andrew and I never had it. Never had it. You know why? Shower.

It's probably because you wear a lice in your old life. Yeah. Oh, wow. And then you died from getting picked and then you were born as Bobby Lee. Oh, wow. Pick Don, pick. I get it.

What did you do? How do you get lice out of your hair? I don Don, pick, I get it. What's the deal? How do you get lice out of your hair? I don't know, it's just happening. I don't know, roll around the dirt. That was how you got it out. I feel like that's how you get more lice. Yeah. Yeah.

Combing wet hair with a fine toothed knit comb, remove lice and some knits. There's something called knits. Yeah, we used to have a lot and like eggs and like. Oh, at the egg? Yeah, you'd see like crawlies. And I bet you egg? Yeah, yeah, you see like crawling. And I bet you money, I bet you money you eat those too. No, no.

Yeah, right before it's about to hatch, right? You eat it like a little, like little tiny blue balls. Yeah, little blue balls. You want some blue with sprinkle of lice? Yeah, yeah. Right, so basically so you get the little eggs too up there. Yeah, so lice comes from eggs. Yeah. They lay them.

They're just reincarnating on your head. Oh, that's interesting. It's so itchy. Yeah. So, lice comes from eggs. Yeah. They lay them. They're just reincarnating on your head. Oh, that's interesting. They're so itchy. Yeah, yeah, I bet. A lot. Did they come from... Oh, imagine that. That's awful. Oh, that's awful. You never had lice? No. No, we never had lice. We don't ever get stuff like that. If you live in like a swampy area, you can get like, if you go swimming, you can get leeches. Ticks. Ticks and leeches from the woods. Yeah.

You can get, and ticks give you Lyme disease. You know what that is? Yeah. You guys have that over there? No. Lyme disease. But they have, you have leeches in the water, don't you have leeches?

Show them a leech. You don't have leeches at all? I've never seen one. I've never seen one. Oh, they suck on your skin like that. They suck your blood. They're little vampires. Who's that? Maybe Tito Bobby was like that. Oh my God. Oh, they suck on your skin like that. They suck your blood. They're little vampires That's not Bobby was like oh my god. Oh really now it and that too

She's saying before before this was another life Have ever had a good life. You were a 95. I was a 95 blowfish as a waiter and then you're a leech Where where was he a leech was he working? Oh, you're a leech in the Philippines. Oh the Philippines. It wasn't working. He was I was a layman empire leech. No, you're a homeless leech All right, so I didn't even want to work. No, no, you're just You guys going and suck the blood I'm just gonna sit here on the corner and beg for fucking you couldn't get me blood

You would beg for blood you'd sit all the guys would go suck all day. They'm just going to sit here on the corner and beg for fucking. You couldn't get me blood. You would beg for blood. You'd sit. All the guys would go suck all day. They'd come home and you'd be like, we got any blood? Well, no one would give you any. Speaking of blood, I was watching Planet Earth. Yeah. Right.

And there was an episode where they have this little, this island where these birch birds, right? Birch bird, a birch bird. Yeah. And this tiny island, there's not a lot of food and stuff, right? Mm-hmm. So how do they eat? There's these gigantic seagulls that fly over there, right? Because they can't make it to the mainland these little birds And what they do is they jump on top of their backs

They poke them their back. Mm-hmm, and they start drinking their blood. Whoa That is very smart. Yeah, and the fucking those gigantic birds They don't even know what's going on. They don't care. You know, like, you know, we don't know They suck the blood out of their backs to stay alive. Yeah vampire birch birds, maybe they're like zombies They are look at their eyes are blood red. Oh So they drink blood see right there whoa in that photo. That's cool. And the big bird doesn't care. No, look at him.

He's like, ooh. Oh, he just digs in. They dig in, unbelievable. So they're just taking advantage of this other bird's blood, but they don't ever eat anything but blood? I think there's certain times of the year where they can't get anything. So they go, oh, we'll go blood.

They just gotta eat blood. It's unbelievable though, look at that. Do you even get full with blood? I don't want you to try to find out. Depends on how much blood you drink, I'm sure you can. You can get full off of blood. Yeah, yeah, you ever had blood? No. Oh, someone's not in Hollywood.

You never into a restaurant? You never had baby blood? You never had baby blood? Never been to a restaurant where they offer you blood? Yeah. No. You know what's so gross though is that bird. Uh-huh that little blood bird. Yeah, I bet you In a species format would outlive it has outlived humans and will outlive humans forever. Yeah, they're sucking blood

Yeah, meanwhile, we're eating Wendy's and fucking Taco Bell But you know, maybe we should be sucking blood to live longer. Here's a concern though What the seagulls gay and he's unprotected Yeah, he's dangerous blood. Blinds back. That's right. Infects the whole fucking up. Now you're a bunch of friends. Old colony.

Birds, birds, birds. You know. I saw this morning, I was watching the History Channel. I love this stuff. I love the History Channel. I love nature and history. Me too, do you like ancient aliens? I love anything that's ancient on me too

Nothing current. Yeah, no modern shit. Yeah, you like ancient like ancient old stuff Oh, what's up? Is there old shit like when you in the Philippines? Is there like old ruins that you can go go visit and stuff not ruins, but they are old there's old shit Like old there's like there's no like Mayan temple. Well the Mayans wouldn't be there. I mean just some temple that you guys... I don't think temples? You guys never did buildings back in the day. They still don't have buildings now.

I know. Let me go back to the five ruins. Go back to the magical five ruins of the Philippines you just were at. Yeah ruins of famous ruins in the Philippines. Here we go. Here we go. Fortune Island. Oh the sunken cemetery is cool though. Yeah what's going on there? Oh, yeah.

There's just... Oh, there's a... Yeah, that's a dope. That's cool, yeah. So wait, there's a cemetery that's that got overtaken by water over the years? That sounds like the Spaniards did this. This is from the Spaniards. That's disgusting. I think this was because of a volcano. Yeah, the Spaniards. We call them volcanoes here.

Oh. So Mount... Or that could be aqua aquamans family right there all dead. Yeah sunken have you cut that out? That's a name funny And I got why did you say that sorry you guys have never been here? I've been there you swam down there No, we can't swim because they said it's haunted. Shut up. It's haunted. There's so many graves there. I know really there's have you ever seen a ghost in the water swimming doing a backstroke? Probably can't swim so when there's someone swimming on top They're gonna try to reach on to you to get back up in the air. Oh, so we're buoys to fucking ghosts. They drink the blood too. But what happens if a ghost catches you?

What happens in the water? It's not gonna kill you. It's gonna drown you. Yeah. Oh, just like in Lord of the Rings. Do you remember? No. No.

What? What are you talking about? Do you remember? What are you talking about? Lord of the Rings? Yeah, but when does he cut... when does someone under water... I think in the third movie, there's a swamp area, and Gollum tells Frodo not to look,

or but the starry eyes, shut the fuck up, stop! Do you remember? I'm not a nerd! I've seen the movie before! Do you guys not know this? Right, and so then Frodo fucks up, and he stares at it... Looks into the water. Looks into the water. Looks into the water and there's kind of a dead, glowy eye in there.

But doesn't try to get him. No, but then he goes into a trance. Oh, right. Then he falls into the fucking swamp. So they trance you. And then all the fucking ghosts in the water try to grab him and guess what? The fat fuck Sam, right, dives in and gets him.

He gets him. Always a fatty to save the day. No, it was Gollum actually. It wasn't fat fuck. Oh, thank God. Was Sam and the other to save the day. No, it was golem actually it wasn't fat fuck. Oh, thank God Yeah, was Sam and the other guy gay? Yeah, okay, what what? No, yeah, he yeah, they were no they were gay. It came out years later. They were gay They were

The internet it broke the internet look it up. Yeah, yeah Well Sam from Lord of the Rings gay is it because they cried a lot on each other's arms? Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, sometimes that happens when you're about to die too. The fantasy science fiction author, Marion Zimmer Bradley wrote that Frodo and Sam are the most intense love described in the book.

Told you. Yeah, but it's not, it's the kind of love me and Andrew have. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up. We're all the backup. First of all, the love that you and I have, pictures of my cock are on your hallway. Same thing as Sam and Frodo. That's what I'm saying. It's the love we have. Yeah,

gay. It's not gay. That's I some most guys would all check it out, dude. We go down to Alabama and talk about our love. No, this is gay. Our love is so Chinese and Irish man are fucking gay, dude. Y'all seen them Chinese that Chinese dude a little fucking redhead and Chinese dude Them dudes is gay, dude. They flirt all the time. He kissed his nutsack one time on live. I did I did but that's okay Okay, what? I'm gonna let me just explain myself real quick. I want to be real not even in a comedy way All right, and I really believe this okay, okay? I believe that you and I, our love is so intense, right?

That's on the edge of gay, but it hasn't crossed the line. It's so close to gay, it's a million miles away. Exactly. I understand. So what I'm basically what I'm saying is that if you and I went on a journey, much like Frodo and Sam. You're saying like a date? No, what, yeah.

A day journey, however you want to say it. Okay. Right? And we're having meals out in the forest. Some call it picnics. Okay. You know what I mean? I just call it second breakfast. Second breakfast.

Yeah, right. B2. Yeah. And you and I, you know what I mean? At night, because it's cold at night. It is. Right? Because we're trying to get to Mordor.

It's far away. Yeah, what do we do? Get naked and hug each other. Butt fuck. No, we don't. We don't butt fuck. We don't butt fuck we do? Get naked and hug each other. But fuck. No, we don't. We don't but fuck. We don't but fuck. We just get naked and we get naked and hold because of our body. Body warm. Yeah.

And we're so comfortable with each other. That's right. Right. But fuck. No, we don't but fuck. We don't. We sleep first of all. A little spoon. No, it's who's a little spoon. Yeah, yeah. Come on. Yeah. And also, could I just say

this? I'm a fucking ladle. Yeah. He's a he's a little like a little baby spoon. Oh, so the ring is so dangerous that we had wrapping around Andrew's dick, right? And my butthole is the safe. Right? It has to turn and lock.

Yeah, but that's not gay. We're protecting the ring. That's right. No one can pull me out. Once I'm in and locked, I can't get out. And we sleep, right? Gollum to the tree watching us this going look at these fucking gay fucks Right, right, but so we do that right in the morning when we go travel we unlock and this and I do a little sigh

And then we go on our voyage again, right every night we do the fucking routine lock the We lock the ring into the safe Right, but that's not gay dude. That's just keeping the ring safe. Yeah, we're keeping it safe I really commend you guys thank you Yeah, but then when we get to this fucking when we get to the fucking Mordor when we arrive we're trying to throw it in Right We both die. Yeah, we both because we forgot to unlock We just jump in together. Yeah, this is how we want to go. Yeah. Yeah, we go because we forgot to unlock. We just jump in together. Yeah, this is how

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When are you gonna come back to the States? Do you even know? No. No, it's undetermined. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah. Last time you were here was a year or? Do you even know? No. No, it's undetermined. Wow. Yeah. Last time you were here was a year or two ago? A year? A year.

God, that's wild. So do you usually come every year though or no? Um, yeah, lately. Once a year. Yeah. Well, you came for her birthday. I remember that. Yeah. Once a year is a good, are you gonna end up moving here?

You said you wanted to last time. I want to. I think she should come for college. Well, you've still gotta get through high school first. You never know if she might not graduate. But can we do the same program? I had good grades. Yeah.

Can we do the same thing we did for you? Same program. Well, you came in high school, right? Mm-hmm. You lived at my house. You came your senior year, right? Junior. Junior.

And we walked you through high school. Why can't we do the same for her? I don't know you can she can you want to do that? I guess Yeah, she doesn't want to you finish high school but dump your boyfriend and then you can move to the states Oh, yeah, your boyfriend your boyfriend's brown. Oh, man, we got some we got some good whites We got some good white. We got some good whites. Well, he's not brown actually. He's not brown. He's the whiter side of the Philippines.

I know, but wait till you get here. Wait till you see how white some of these guys are. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. The skin is so dry. Top whites. Top whites, yeah, yeah. And we also, what do we have blacks to?

We have everything really. We have everything here. Yeah, everything you've ever seen. We have a bought, what do we have? Blacks too. We have everything really. We have everything here. Yeah, everything you've ever eaten. We have a more variety, so why not? Let me ask you something. In the Philippines, if you go to a 31 flavors, you know what that is? They don't have that.

No. Baskin Robbins? Oh, Baskin Robbins. An ice cream place, right? Is there only one flavor there? No. No. We have all the flavors.

Poop, poop. Yeah, poop, yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome, poop. Yeah. Yeah. We have all the flavors. All the flavors Yeah. Yeah. Yeah one welcome poop We have we have all the flavors all the flavors we have every single one you've ever dreamed of and more She likes her boyfriend. Don't dump your boyfriend. They have fun and then come but move on here. Why don't we do that? Yeah? No Enough with her. What do you mean? Well, here's the deal one comes in one's got to go. Yeah, you got to go back That's the deal. That's the fancy came in because someone left

No, no, no, I mean from the Spain yet you when you come here from Spain you have to send a Spaniard back to Spain That's the only way it works. It's reciprocation. You have to cut it is We're full. Don't you listen to Donald Trump? We have too many. Yeah, we're fucking fucking full is in the blood yeah that's true you're poison the blood of pure Americans you're a man I'm not doing anything yeah right your boyfriend right is an American is he not yeah got a baby what happens green card poison the blood but the blood poisoned. Yeah. No? It's upgraded. I'm not gonna have kids, I'm gonna abort it.

Okay. All right, all right. All right. Okay. Hey, she really is American. Hey, you are American. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

What does that say? Schools in the Philippines have a stricter management. They have stricter management than the United States. They have a higher standard of education. Do they really? Well, I'm not surprised. Look at this fucking country. We're upside down a higher standard of education than the United States. Do they really? Well, I'm not surprised. Look at this fucking country. We're upside down.

Higher standard of education in the Philippines. Students are taught well. Teachers are considered second parents to the students. Wow. Are your teachers like your parents? Yeah, it's like best friends. Like you hug them goodbye and stuff? That's insane.

I fucking, my teachers opposite. Yeah. Hated. Hated. Hated. Hated them. They hated me. I fucking hated them.

Hated them, man. We're bad kids. Oh, yeah. They hated me, I fucking hated them. Hated them, man. We're bad kids. Oh yeah. Really bad. What happens with bad kids in the Philippines? I don't know, there's not even a detention. Yeah, there's always a detention. What?

There's no detention. There's no suspension. You just go talk to the principal or something. Yeah, but that's it. What does he say? Stop being so bad. Yeah. Stop being so bad.

Yeah. Be better. Because I remember, remember under third grade, someone stabbed someone with a pencil. Right. What, is it prison? No. It's their Sandy Hook. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah. And you know how hard those are to acquire. So he stabbed him with a number 2DD die?

Nothing. I don't know what happened, but he was still there. He was still going to school. Nothing happened. That's a, and that's a talked about thing. Wait, wait, a student stabbed a teacher with a pencil? No, not a teacher, a student stabbed another student. Right.

What if that kid still had the pencil stick? Can't take it out. He draws with it. He draws with it. Very good. What does that kid still had the pencil stick? Can't take it out. He draws with it Very good, what does that say though? You go back it said there's never ever been a school shooting in the Philippines Yeah, it's fucking why can't we do this? That's right. There's no guns in the Philippines the cops have guns It's access it's no but wait a minute the cops do have guns. Yeah Yeah, there's gotta be some bad cops doing bad shit though. Oh my god. See the cops are up to no good

Yeah, there was one shooting a tenured a manila. Oh A tenured a manila. It's at a university. Yeah, it's not is that high school there. No, that's a college Wow College. College, college. Wow. Shooting at a college? Oh, at the nail. At the nail is a good school.

That's a good school. Think about this though. English is a second language to them, right? Of course. But look how great she speaks. Yeah. We don't realize that that's, her language is her native tongue.

I know. And she can do. They're smarter than us. I think that's what it is. They pay more attention to shit. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to tell a difference. I don't think, would you if, she said she was born here. They sound identical. Yeah

Okay, she's been here for much longer, but yeah, yeah, but I think she has more of like a American or something she has better English than me cuz I feel like I still have the accent well, she's smarter than you That's true. Yeah, that's a big piece of it. Hey, can you guys like talk like a valley girl? Oh, yeah, let's hear you Yeah, that's a big piece of it. Hey, can you guys like talk like a valley girl? Oh, yeah, let's hear you talk about yeah She can do it that sounds exactly exactly For the next couple minutes. Just talk that way say say say say today. I want what do kids do that the mall Yeah, I'm so good at this Let me be this Let me be the guy. OK. All right. Hey, don't. Hi. No, let me.

Oh, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Welcome to. Where are you? At the Philippines. She's here. We're here.

I still have a language. Let's do it like that, because that's how we do it in the Philippines. I always purposely do it. Welcome to the Starbucks. That's not the accent. No. Welcome to Starbucks.

What's the local coffee shop called there? Yeah. We don't have one. There's no local. Just Starbucks. Only Starbucks. Or Coffee Bean. Welcome to Starbucks. What's it? What's the local coffee shop called there? Yeah, we don't have one There's no local just Starbucks only Starbucks or coffee bean welcome to coffee bean Bucks welcome to boze boze welcome to boze. Can I take your order, please? Hi, can I get a? Can I get a grande matcha latte, please? Oh my god? That's so that sounds exactly like a valley. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Rudy you try now. It's Rudy's turn Okay, welcome to the

Sitting up. Hi, can I get an ice vanilla latte? You sound like you Yeah, you can go far crazier try it. Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Get your body Get your body into it. Yeah One with autism but still Yeah, that's great. So that one's so good. Oh really sounds like if you close your eyes. Yeah, say Oh my god, I lost my valet ticket. Oh my God, I lost my valet ticket. That's fucking- Oh my God, dude, we gotta get raging.

When I close my eyes, I literally see like a white chick. I do too. Yeah. That's what some of my friends say, cause I do it with my friend a lot, and then it's become like my accident kinda, so. Wait, who taught you to, well, where did you hear to do it? Were you just from town?

Online, the internet. Yeah, the internet. But then I would meet new friends on the internet and they would think I would be a white girl. Wow. Wow. What a superpower. You could catfish. I can't.

Yeah. Wow, she's a queen. Wow, you should catfish as a white cat. I have catfished. Really? I got money from it. Wait, tell us! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. Yes! That was a fake talent. Oh, I have to tell you got money from it wait

Okay, so you know how you stalk people on Instagram no we don't People I You mean you're saying look at it someone's insert like an ex-boy or something like that? Yeah, but you make another account. It's like a Finsta. Yeah. You know what's a Finsta? A fake one. Yeah, fake account.

I know what it is. And you stalk it. I have a fake account, because I saw a reel and it was like, it was something about like having a Finsta, right? And so I was like, I'm gonna make an Indian man Finsta. So I have an account where I just act like an Indian man, Finsta. So I have an account where I just act like an Indian man and I

talk to my mom on it. I tried scamming her for an iPhone 15 and she replied to me. No. She did. Wait a minute. Did you try to pretend that you're a guy interested in dating your mom? No, I tried to scam her. I can't say the username because everyone's going to know. Yeah, don't say it. Wait, how did you get money? Who gave you money? Oh, no, no, I didn't get money from that. I got money from Discord.

What did you do on Discord to get money? I would pretend to be like a really cute Japanese girl. They would give me like nitro and like one time I got Minecraft, but then when I stopped talking to them, he took it away. I was so mad. Japanese girl and they would give me like nitro and like one time I got Minecraft But then when I stopped talking to them he took it away. I was so mad How much money did you get on discord? Um, I didn't get money money. I got things like that could buy from Good buy with money It's crypto

That's amazing now what you do you need to be a full-time scam artist. We need yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. Now what you do- Dude, you need to be a full-time scam artist. We need- Yeah, yeah. Why not? Do you do an Indian accent or not? No, I can't. Okay. Yeah, but you should really think about being a full-time scam.

No one's a criminal anymore, like a professional criminal. That's not out to hurt people physically, but a professional scammer. That'd be great. Dude, dream big. You dream big. Dream fucking big.

Think about it, there's some old guy right now, there's some really old guy, right? Whose wife died years ago. He's got six or seven million dollars. He doesn't know what to do. You could steal from that guy. Yeah, he could be dead soon. You could steal from that guy.

I'd support that. Because the money's going to you guys anyways. It's going to my family. That's right. So you should support it. That's right. That's very good. All right, INS get in here. I get it's going to my family. That's right. So you should support it. Yeah, that's very good. All right, INS, get in here. I get it, get in here now.

Yeah, yeah, that's amazing. You know what's so funny though? I don't know, Carnegie, you guys don't know, you know who Carnegie is? No? Carnegie was one of America's richest men, right? And Carnegie believed that if you die rich, you're a soulless man.

So he gave away, look up how much money Carnegie gave away at the end of his life. This guy gave away most of his fortune at the end and he believed to influence other rich people to be philanthropic. It was kind of the turn of the century. He was like, people should give away. He distributed 350 million and had 30 million left, which went to corporations endowment fund towards other things. He pacifist had a single goal achieving world peace. So Carnegie believed if you die with money You're kind of a sucker. So he tried hard to give away all of his money management Carnegie's son. Yeah, fuck dad

I got fucking $10 a bus ticket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be so pissed. Well, this influenced this influenced Yeah, yeah, I'd be so pissed. Well, this influenced many other rich families, richer than him, to do the same thing, which was kind of interesting. I watched the whole thing about this, it was fucking insane. But because the amount of wealth acquired by him was equal, I think they had said at the time,

was equal to like $62 billion that he ended up like lording over and then realized it was worthless. He couldn't do anything with it. Wow. He had too much money. More money than anybody we ever have seen today. Cause what's our richest guy on earth today has like upwards of 12, 20 billion, something like that?

Elon Musk. Elon Musk is not in the 200, oh my, holy shit. Holy fuck, that's a lot. I didn't know it was in the hundreds of billions. That's a lot. He's the only person who also lost 200 billion. And got it back. He's also Bobby's age.

What? Wow. Oh, you're saying about failure. No, he's just saying that's a pretty big gap of achievement. I know, I know, I know. But think about this is my point. What the fuck is he gonna do with $229 billion? Give it to us.

He should. He should. You listening here Elon?229 billion? Give it to us. He should. He should. You listening here, Elon? Can you imagine? I watched your podcast. Genghis Khan, all these guys, six trillionaires who lived on earth and reached the pinnacle.

Genghis Khan, Akbar the Great. Wow. Genghis, wow. But didn't you know that though? Just give out all your money when you're dying already? You should. If you're dying, what the fuck are you gonna do with it? You should give it all away when you're dying. If, if you're dying you should spend a lot have fun

How do you know when you're gonna die? I think if you reach an age when you're like, yeah, hey man It's probably soon. Yeah, but still you still don't you're like in hospice Right, and you're getting all those treatment. You're you know the rich man treatment, right? When do you do it the day the day before? Well, I don't think it's like an immediate death. No, I just wanna know, man. On your deathbed, you push the button. Right, you go, okay, all of it.

You can draft up a fucking living will, and then in your living will says. Oh, I see, that's what I would do. Yeah, on my final, on my- Right now, because when I'm alive on earth, I still want all of it. Well, you don't want all of it. No, to the end!

And then when I'm dead, then go. Bad boy. No, not a bad boy, cause you're gonna still, you're just like Genghis Khan. That's right. I am, fuck it. You should give it away. I will when I die.

When I once, I'm no longer conscious in here. Yeah. Then I'm gonna, I'll have it all worked out with my lawyers. Who would be the most unlikely person that you would give money to when you die? My mom. Oh my God, there's so many. You're gonna give people money that you know like don't deserve it or you don't like anymore,

just to like show them up or something? Well, you know what, that's cool. You know what I would do? I would give people money and just go, listen dude, I knew you were a fucking jackass while I was here and a complete and other fucking asshole. And I fuck it every time I hear your name or saw you, I wanted to vomit, all right?

But dude, here's a million dollars. That's like the best revenge. Is that cool? Yeah, that would be a cool way to say fuck you. Fuck off. Have you ever heard the Adam Sandler story about Adam Sandler was at NYU and college and drama school, I might be misquoting,

but and I guess one of the professors took him out for a beer and the professor was like, you don't have it. You just don't, I'm sorry, but you just like don't have it. Like I, like you're such a great guy, but like you gotta find another thing, dude. Like this isn't not gonna work out. Comedy? No, no, yeah, well acting in comedy and everything.

Oh, wow, wow, wow. And then, you know, Adam was obviously like, well, fuck that, I'm not gonna stop. And the guy was like, I'm just telling you, I just don't think this is, you're gonna be your lifelong career. Wow. Right? And then at the height of Adam's career,

when he's like tip top, I guess he's in a bar with a bunch of friends and sees that this professor is there. Wow. Right? And an opportunity to go up to him and what endless of possibilities. What would you do? Well, hold on, let me finish with this.

This is what kind of guy Sandler was like. I love it, I love it. He walks up to the professor with his friends and says hello to him. His professor says hi and he turns to his friends and he says, you know what? This was the only professor that bought me a beer. And then introduced him to his friends and that was that.

I know. Class. Talk about a great A classy guy, Sandler. Really classy. What a fucking cool fucking dude. He could have done so many smart assy things. Not rude, but like he could have been like, I guess it worked out.

You know what I mean? But does the professor remember? That's the thing. Remember Adam Sandler? No, does he remember saying that to Adam Sandler? If you took a guy out for a beer, for sure you remember. This wasn't in class if he was like, Bobby, next time you the scene has gotta be,

no, no, he took him out just him and him for a beer, one on one to tell him he doesn't think that he should continue. He remembers. And after Adam Sandler said that, I would love the professor to double down. And be like, still not working out Or is like once that Netflix deal is done. Yeah, you're shit. You're tough. You you won the lottery. You know that oh

Right, right like you still have your garbage. You still don't have any talent. Yeah, right double down. No, no I don't know what would you say to the professor? I'm at there's gotta be people in your life that at the beginning your comedy career We're like you're not you're not gonna make it in comedy or they said something around I had I had one up incident like that. What? Well, I just flip his name out an agent I know who he is you do yeah, so Ab you sent me a meeting with him and we're And we're sitting down in his office

and he looks at me across from the desk. Then he goes, yeah, I just, you're not gonna work. And I go- Not gonna get work as well? Yeah, I go, what do you mean? He's like, you're funny, but it's like you're just never gonna work. And I go, oh, and he goes, I just don't see it.

Wow. And I go, okay. And I remember tears rolling up in my eyes. And then we took the elevator down. Together? No, me and Abby. Oh, it's just how weird. And my manager was like, it's okay.

See, we will find somebody else. Right. And I'm like, I just don't like what's pointless. Why, you know, and then years later, I was on Mad. And David Salisman, the owner of Mad goes, hey, Bobby, come into my office. Like, when it was off and he goes, I need an Hispanic guy as an actor on the show.

We just, we had Nelson and Sancio, but this being years ago. So I go, Johnny Sanchez. He's my friend. So he goes, who is that? I kind of educated him and I go Johnny Sanchez. Yeah, he's my friend. Yeah. So he goes, who is that? I kind of educated him and I called Johnny and I helped Johnny through the auditioning process. He got the show. But his agent. Wow. Right. So now we're at the first live, right? And I'm at video village and it's Johnny, he played Joker, one of his characters. And he was in front of a live studio audience,

and I'm sitting at Video Village. And I, because I'm so nervous for Johnny too, because I want him to hit a home run. And I feel a presence right here. And it's a smell. Yeah, not a presence. It's a smell, right? And I look, and I go, like, I see my periphery,

and I go back to the monitor, I go, see my periphery, and I go back to the monitor, I go, like I do one of those. And I turn around, he locks eyes and he's smiling. And I go, hey man, and I hugged him. And I say congratulations on Johnny. I'm so happy for him.

That is a class. He's like thanks for, but then I regret that. Why? Every single day. No. I should have done something different. Bobby, that's a classy move. Yeah, yeah I regret that. Why? Every single day? No! I should have done something different. Bobby, that's a classy move.

Yeah, yeah. Class. I think at the end of the day, you fantasize about all these things, but your true self comes out. Yeah. In those situations, you go, who gives a shit? Because your heart is really good. Yeah, who gives a shit?

Yeah. But have you had a moment like that? Oh, dude. When I was a PA, when I first moved out here, there was a person who I first moved out here. There was a person Who was a super powerful executive? and I wasn't a big fan he just was Pretty diminutive the way he spoke I was young anyway, but he they treated us like shit I back in the day Hollywood the viewer PA dude

They might as well pissed on you in the mornings like they fucking you were dog shit and When I finally went to quit, cause I was quitting to go try to do comedy really like full-time. And I had to say it to one of these people and somebody else. And I'm being very vague on purpose, but they got, but I said, after I put in my two weeks or whatever the fuck, he walked down the hallway cause we were going on the same way. And he turned to me and he's like,

you really think this, you're gonna do this comedy thing, huh? And I said, I mean, I really believe, like I really wanna give it a shot. And he was like, hmm, you know, most people don't make it. And I was like, no, no, no, I understand that. And honestly, but like I have to try. And he goes, yeah.

And he kind of like stood there for a second and he looked me in the face and he goes, good luck. But it wasn't good luck as in good luck. There's a way to say good luck. When I learned the phrasing, the intonation of a word matters, he literally went, good luck. Like, you're fucked.

It sounded like you're fucked. Instead of, hey man, good luck. Different, right? No, this was good luck. Like fuck off,. Yeah, and It hurt me a little bit because I was bummed and I was like God these motherfuckers they did they think I'm dog shit And I was out every night doing shows two shows a night So I just gonna add something real quick. Yeah those little things too because we're so comics are extra sensitive Of course that we we replay those things in our head. Oh, I see his fucking face.

Yeah, they just last a long time. Forever, they're embedded in your. I don't know my mom's middle name. But I remember that guy's fucking face saying that. I know, I know. And then years later, I was at an event and I had gotten on, I'm dying up here. Like I just booked the show.

And it was like in the headlines of like, Jim Carrey produces, you know, hand picks, Jim hand picked us, you know? And I was at an event and he was there working for a company and I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's there next to me and other people. He's in this group setting. And I see him kind of looking over at me

waiting to say something. And I'm like, and I see him kind of looking over at me waiting to say something Yeah, and I and I'm like I wonder what this fucking Talking and talking and talking and he turns to me and he goes Andrew Congratulations on the show and I said I'm sorry Wait, no, there's no way I said I said, there's no way you did that. I'm sorry. Sorry what?

I'm sorry what? Say your name again. Oh. And I go, I'm just kidding. I'm just fucking around. Oh, very good. It was a nice, it was just to fuck around. But you still had that little, yeah, it was a joke.

You had to dagger it. And then he kind of chuckled at it and shook my hand. He said, I'm very proud of you. Like happy for I said, thanks a lot, man. Yeah, thank you so much. And then I kind of broke off and went to get a drink. But it felt so good. Cause I wasn't mean.

I was just joking. It was clear I was kidding. But I went to get a drink and man, I got fucking wasted. I excited, just drinking at a party. It's like, look at me, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just felt like. What do you think he remembers? Probably not.

Yeah. Probably not. Because I don't think that's, my guy remembered. No, they probably don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't remember hurting your feelings, no. I have another story. Give another one.

But it's not about that, it's more about like, it's kind of that, how if you're nice, something happens. Yeah. I was working the back door, I you're nice, something happens. Yeah. I was working the back door. I've never shared this story before. Good. And I, because it's one of those stories where it's like, I just feel it's too magical almost.

Too perfect. It's a magical story. Yeah. You wanna hear magic? Mm-hmm. How about you? You bitches like magic? You guys like magical stories?

I like magic, love magic. So I was, I wanna name any names, but I was working the back door of the comedy store And at that time I had no bank account had no money at all. I had maybe 15 bucks on my pocket and I remember Jason Glearn, you know Jason, right? He's going he's like, you know I'm you know what I like about you Bob. You're nice to people even though you're completely struggling and things are bad. I know, thank you. Calling it out.

Yeah. So one night I was working there and I see this lady in the parking lot and this is when the comedy star, nobody wanted to go. There was shootings, right? And it was just got a bad vibe to it. Yeah. And I see this lady, She was wearing like a power suit

She looked like a business woman. Mm-hmm. She didn't look like she belonged right, so I walked up to her and I go Excuse me ma'am Can I help you? She goes I just fucking hate this club. I don't know how to get in here. You know, I mean, I'm seeing somebody You know me I'm an agent right and I and I go okay, um Come here. Follow me. I go to the back door And I go, okay, come here, follow me. I go to the back door and I go, just come in. I'll get you Mitzi's seat.

And I go, do you want it wine? And she goes, I would love some wine. I go, what would you like? I bought it because they didn't give it to me for free. You paid for it. I paid for her wine, right? Gave her a wine. She saw whoever she needed to see.

And when she was leaving, she goes, what's your name? And I go, Bobby Lee, she could do comedy, huh? I go, yeah, I mean, I'm okay. I'm about to do premium blend or something. I don't know, you know what I mean? That was a big deal. Yeah, yeah, and she goes, okay. And then she leaves the agency that she's at

and now she's at Fox, right? And I'm auditioning for Mad, right? And so at the end, the final audition for the test, it was between me and Taryn Killham. And I'm sitting, and everyone's telling me, you're not gonna get it, Taren's getting it, right? Because they want a white guy and they only have one spot. But you're just the option, right?

So I'm sitting there like, I don't think I'm gonna get it. And I walk into the room, and as I walk into the room, because Taren had just left, I see the sea of executives. Because at that time, when you tested, you had a test in front of live. It's a fucking worse. You have to audition for the executives and the president.

And they're just sitting in a room sharing it. And I already know I'm not going to get it. So they're just like, right? But as I walk in, that lady walks in with me. The Fox lady. The lady that I helped in the parking lot. Mm-hmm. and then they go Some of the exactly goes hey, what are you doing here? She's not even supposed to be there

She goes oh, I'm here to see his audition They go oh And as soon as I left the room, I got a call I got it You can't say her name. But how wild. Yeah. Powerful. Do you still keep in touch with her? No.

No. No. No, I don't. I don't know what, I think she got it on the business or whatever, but my point is is that. She's at home right now watching this being like, I'm still in the business. Yeah, yeah.

But I just remember that. That's powerful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just be nice. You guys got any cool biz stories? No. No biz stories? Are you not no biz stories?

Rudy, because of the success of you on the show, have you ever gotten offered anything online? Like has anybody said they want you for something? No, nothing. I'm shocked. I'm shocked too. I would assume somebody would reach out and be like, hey, I want you to be a part of this thing.

Yeah, yeah. Well, listen here, directors, writers, and producers, we'd love you to cast Rudy in something. Well, I don't have a problem with ESA. Or even ESA now. Well, ESA's gonna be fine. Oh, yeah. We're worried about this one.

Also, if ESA, you come back and you live here, maybe you could be a part of the family. She is a part of the family. But do this, you know what I mean? Regularly? Yeah. No. No, yes, of course, of course, of course.

I wanna talk about Joe Koy. Okay. I do. What can I put on some chapstick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you do sexy music while I do this? Okay. Go ahead. I love Joe Koy.

What the fuck? I said, put on some, do some sexy music while I do this. Oh, you want me to acapella? Yeah, cause he's gonna zoom in on my face right now doing it. Go ahead. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooi. I'm not done. No, no, no, no, no, no.

All right, so what do you wanna say about Joe Koi? What I wanna say is that I thought he did a good job at the Golden Globe. I'll tell you why. Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. You guys know Joe Koi, don't you?

He had 10 days to do this thing, right? It was a risk. He did the best he could. I thought that they didn't do any of him any favors in editing. Life. Okay. No, but what I'm saying is editing, like cutting into the audience and seeing some reactions that...

Where did you... Oh, right, right, right. I understand. That's what I meant. Okay. All right. They didn't do any favors for him. And it's like... Cut into the person he's mentioning.

Go ahead. Finish with... I don't want to go. No, finish your favor. I don't want to go no finish your I don't want to continue please I want to hear you really you're really on my last nerve and I want no I honestly want to believe what I'm saying is is that dude you're so fucking rude so rude you're so fucking rude and so funny. So funny. Okay, go ahead. Yeah. What I want to say is is that you know, I Because I've known Joe since the May I didn't say fuck. I didn't say anything. I think you made a noise. I took a breath. Don't I hear you breathing into the

Mic all the time. Okay. Sorry. Sorry Go ahead now now you've known Joe for a long time. Yeah, and what I'm saying is is that he's a hard worker He's an extraordinary performer, and it was like a difficult Circumstance he was in ten days to take this gig on what I'm saying is is that you know, I love him He's such a talented guy. He's but here's the thing that people don't get he's a super kind guy, too And so I just thought you know know, I rewatched it and I was just like, you know what dude? He, I think he did a great job.

You watched it again. I did. Did Barbie win this time? Anyway. Oppenheimer didn't win. My, my, um. He got a lot of flack on. My heart goes out to him.

I love him so much and he will be, he'll be back and he's never gonna go away and he's gonna kill it and. Well, nothing changed for's a stand-up. Yeah. Yeah, that's true anyway This you want to game? Yeah, okay Yeah, we want to see how good you would be in the business if you if you were in the business, okay? Okay. All right, so so the rhythm would be Nah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, would be na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na hi i'm Rudy Jules and welcome to Rudy News. Perfect. Very good.

Magandang aro kapa bayon. First tonight, a manila man named Hernando Guanlao turns his house into a library and local patrons are forever grateful. Public libraries are rare in my country. For students Claire Maika Ogoy and Jane Reyn Van Nida, Mangananis Library is a significant aid in their studies. Mas naka, mas naka aliupo kasi ito kaisa sa social media and sa cellphone po. Said Ogoy, thank you, Hern you Hernando that's it we're

rooting you again that's it with Rudy news I'm Rudy Jules good night correct it's not you you did great you did great who did the writing it's just not funny was it supposed to be funny well Well, it's a real news story. Yeah, but I thought at one point it was gonna get crazy in it. Yeah, and funny. And funny. Yeah, we need a writer.

Yeah, but you are, he is a comedy writer. Yeah, it's just the news. I know, but I, I, I, I, What we assumed you were gonna do was take the news and interject insanely wild shit. Well, I thought it was already funny the way it was. Well, you're wrong. Just the regular news, don't take your wild shit. Well, I thought it was already funny the way it was. Well, you're wrong. Just the regular news, don't take your headphones off.

Yeah, yeah. What was that? What's that move? Me mad at Bobby. Are you gonna make him use? You're gonna make him fucking use. Be nice. No, no, no, no.

I'm sober, dude. I'm so happy for your sobriety. And I know you did your best. But as a comedy writer. Yeah, yeah. I just, I was waiting for like, it could get so crazy that we would all be like laughing. You copy and pasted the news. Well, just the quotes

because I can't write. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You copy and pasted. Not completely. I was reading it and then writing it. It wasn't plagiarized. I got that. So you know, there's gonna go shaman, I'm a thing that you know what I mean? And just crazy words. You know what I mean? Show Bob that video then. Show the video that you said I sent you. For having me and I am very excited to pitch at degree fail. That one's tough.

That's a tough one. I'm looking forward to meeting him. Go back to that real fast. That one's the toughest part. That's a tough one. We're excited to pitch at? For having me and I am very excited to pitch a degree field. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Since he woke up that morning, he was repeating wiggly field. Wiggly field. Wiggly field. Wiggly field. Wiggly field. And the driver is like wiggly field. And he's like wiggly field. Wiggly field.

Wiggly field. That's mean. Okay, keep going. They don't make us do that when we go over there. What do you mean? You know when like basketball players go play overseas, they don't have to like learn the language to do a press conference.

That's so hard to do. But is there a word in Japanese that Americans can't say? All of them. Everything. Everything. Oh, you think so. We can't speak Japanese.

Well like, give me like a little Japanese, Malang, I can think I can do it. Issa, issa. Yeah, Issa can do it. You can speak Japanese? Yeah. Oh, that's right, you were learning it. Issa, Issa. Yeah, Issa can do it. You can speak Japanese? Yeah. Oh, that's right, you were learning it last time.

Yeah, yeah. Speak some Japanese, say, hey, I'm so excited to be here in Los Angeles. America, I love you. That's it. They really can, they really do everything really more efficient than I thought they would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can say that. That's, I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles.

But saying, I'm excited to be here in Los Angeles.来ることができてとても興奮していますでも セインとても興奮しています とても エクゼイドの方法で セクシュアルの方法 本当ですか そう もう一度言って もう一度言って そう もう一度言って もう一度言って

もう一度言って もう一度言って いいですね もう一度言ってここに来るだけで もう一度言って Absolutely not. Okay, do it again. I'm so excited. That's good. Just to say I'm so excited to be here. Just say to be here Yeah Coco, you could go to the ticket to the table for a girl for the she-na-na-ma That's it. Coco Cola one more time one more time Coco, you could go to the ticket to the table for a girl That's it. One more time. One more time. That's it. That's it. One more time.

One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time.

One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time.

One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. One more time. As you're starting to come into looking forward into like you're not a little kid, you're not a grown grown up, do you start to see the world in a way where you're thinking about what you might wanna do in the world, what you're contributing, what do you think you wanna do in the world?

I don't know. But do you, but does anything interest you like that? Are you like, you know what I would do for a job would be fun? I should be a scam artist. Yeah, that's true. We did say that on this show. Yeah, I think that was bad to influence her to do that, but.

Yeah, but Izzy, what do you wanna do? What would be fun to be as your life? I should be a realtor. Okay. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she could sell a house. Sell us a house. This is my wife.

This is my wife, Babina. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi. I'm Babina. What a beautiful house. Very beautiful. Hi. I'm Bobina. What a beautiful house. Very beautiful.

This was picked especially for you. Wow. Wow, what do you mean? We just, we just, we literally just came here. It's an open house. No, you're supposed to, you're supposed to tell me what you want.

And then you send it to the house. No, well it says open house. It says open house and we walked in. And we walked in. Why do you know that? I'm Bobina. This is my Felipe. I'm Felipe.

That's Bobina, my wife. Yeah, so just, just you instinctually know that this is our house. Wow. Yeah, I can feel it from your bones What's your feel bone bone energy? What do you army hammer? What's wrong with our bones leave our bones out of this? So miss what's your name? Oh? Bobina what you're You have the same name as my wife? Yeah! Fucking crazy. No, that's how I knew that you wanted this house.

Can I see your ID real quick? Oh my gosh, we look. It is Bibina. Wow. Look, it is Bibina. Wow. Wow. Okay, Miss, well, how many bedrooms and how many bathrooms are there in this-

Oh, this has six bedrooms. Wow, that's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. That's a lot. How many bathrooms? Four bathrooms. Four? That's a lot. Yeah, that's a lot. How many bathrooms? How many bathrooms? Four bathrooms? Four? That's not bad. How many square feet? You must know the property you've been here all day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How many square feet? Around As much as you would want it to be. What would that be? What would that be the specific number?

Because how many do you think? Because we do have, we have certain certain specifications. Yeah, how about let's ask my partner no no no You have a another partner No, her name is poopina. Oh, I'm a Pena. Hi, Pena. Oh, Pena. Oh, she's deaf Oh, she's oh, she's a mute. I mean she's mute. All right, so Bobina how many square feet do you think it is? Guess because it may be around Just throw out a number throw out a number. Okay ten ten square feet Wow, so six wait wait wait excuse me for a second. Let can I ask something?

six bedrooms Four bathrooms in ten square feet, this is insane. This is how they do it in the Philippines. In the Philippines. Wow, these rooms are so small. This is unbelievable. Well, how big is the lot around it? How many square feet is the lot that we're on?

20. So 20 square feet. So just double, okay. Yeah, so wow. How much is it? How much is the house? Well, do you want to end around do you want around pesos or well dollars would be preferred? 30 mil

Square feet of land Six better for but intense wow Wow God, six better four, but intense. Wow. Wow. 30 million. 30 million. We're gonna call our accountant. I don't know if we can afford her. Yeah, yeah.

Can you explain to me the school system? Because we have six kids. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. What kind of schools are in the area? Well, the one near us actually had a shooting, so I wouldn't recommend that one.

Oh, it's a shooting. Maybe the other closest one would be around two hours away. Two hours away. Two hours away, wow. I think you're selling us. Yeah. I think you're selling it. We do want to be away from everything.

How about crime? Yeah, what's a crime rate out here? A lot. A lot. Tell us how much. A $30 million house in a high crime area. Yeah, 10 square feet, high crime, no school. Six beds, four baths.

Six beds, four baths. Wow. Wow. There are actually a lot of people that would try to carry your house, so you might want to be careful of that. Carry it. Oh, so it's portable. Portable.

So this is on wheels? It's a portable house. We are buying a portable $30 million house in a bad neighborhood. That they can carry. Like, huh. What's, is there HOA fees? Is there any, what does that cost?

Yeah. You know what the HOAs are over here? No. What do you think? Oh, there isn't any or there are no? Cause it says there's HOA right on the flyer. Yeah, they are. Yeah, what does that mean?

What is that? A month. A month? Yeah. Maybe half 30 mil. So 15 million a month. So 15 million, let me get this straight. H over A fees, 15 million a month.

A month. Wow, what a deal. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Does that provide security of some kind? Of course, there's actually, there's actually There's actually She comes with a house

Wow and and but she can't talk so bad happens talk and fight so she would try to sign the the robber She would sign go away beware. Okay Okay, I see alright so are there any other offers on this house? Because we might be interested. Yeah, yeah. Are there competitors out there or people trying to buy this house? There's a lot of people who want to buy it. A lot of competition. A lot of competition.

You might want to buy it now. Wow. Okay. Oh, so people want to buy it right now. I see. What percentage down payment do you require to buy this? What percent? Yeah.

Around 90? 90 percent down payment. So we need a contract. Oh my God. Fucking God. Around 25 million dollars. Do we have 25 of liquid money? We do. We do. I just don't know if this is all we have. That's all we have though. 25 million, 15 million a month. 15 million a month. That's a lot. For HOA. Wow. Okay. Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I think you got a future in real estate. Yeah, I know, I know, that's great. All right, so look, we're happy you're back,

we're sad you're leaving, we hope when you come back you come see us. You know how we end the, we log off the show, so you wanna say it? Thank you for being a bad friend. Perfect. Amazing. Woo! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah.