Bad Friends - President Lee Addresses the Nation and Santino Is Back!

Episode Date: October 19, 2020

Thank you: http://bluechew.com code: badfriends & https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & http://liquidiv.com code: badfriends & download DoorDash app and use code: badfriends Subscribe to our YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube 0:00 It's Andrew's Birthday 12:05 Rudy ignores Bobby's feelings 16:30 Erik Griffin for VP 19:55 Bobby Addresses The Nation 29:45 The Bank Robbery 37:05 Andres' Tik Tok Doppelganger 49:05 Andrew's Experience These Past 2 Weeks 57:10 Rudy Sides with Khalyla 1:00:17 Keith Richards and the Afterlife 1:07:30 Top 10 Supermarkets 1:16:00 Fish & Chips Yelp Reviews More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started Attention Riso Adioma victims if you or a loved one has Riso Adioma and it's causing terrible headaches and fits of rage We feel your pain It's terrible that George is a knowing laughter has put innocent Americans in harm's way call us right now Call the Santino and Lee law firm one eight eight eight four three one three six one one You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Bad friends I'll back y'all and I'll back y'all and I'll bigity back and I'll back y'all first of all

George before we start This is regular Red Bull Rut roe Rut roe scoop you have the sugar free or do you have the sugar free George or no? Because otherwise we're throwing a fit. I'm not gonna throw a fit. I'm throwing a fit He wants sugar free George By the way, you know those things who what's the difference between sugar free anyway? Sugar free one has one has sugar and the other one has to rain

Well, it's fake sugar, which is worse for you. So you should just drink good sugar real sugar Really real sugar is not yes fake sugar. So bad. This is a real sugar in it Well, look at it. What does it say? I don't know. I don't drink Red Bull. It's just touring lightly carbonated Touring is the energy element. What's the sugar element? The sugar element is do you think it's sugar? Do you think touring is sugar? It could be Man, it's good to be back. No, because I'll tell you why a lot of times they hide I'm certain ingredients is right and it could it's something else, but I don't know like the technical term at a turn I'll give you an example

It says here Niacinamide, right? Oh, you know what niacinamide is it could be but here's the thing It's a balance inhibitor and make sure that your balance is good even when you're running at a high level It could be like, you know bull dick Ground up bull dick, but they you know, they then they put a term on it Niacinamide and I'm drinking bull dick, but I'm really you know, I mean, but I think it's niacinamide Do you really think there's bull dick in there? I think there's some dick in here I think there's some dick in there is some dick, but I don't think it's bull dick. I've heard stories that there's like Red Bull

What is it? There's some bull bullish elements in here. Well, do you want to know the history of it? Yeah, I'd love to seriously was credited by a German guy. Yeah, and it's but it's like 20 years old It only came to America the past 10 years. Yeah, cuz I went to Thailand. They have the Red Bull there as well Red Bull started in Thailand It did listen. Yeah, a German guy Stole the company like stole the idea and brought it to Germany in the Netherlands and that's where it's that's where it started To grow in Europe. He stole the idea It translates to Red Bull the name of the company translates to Red Bull. I'm dead serious in Thai Smiling cuz I'm just good to see you. I know I'm glad to be back in Thai Red Bull that is to say it

It's wish what kiss me that that means Red Bull. I Know what did you do to my head? By the way, we got these great figurines from Vanduul and my head broke We're gonna glue it back on and I'm really sad somehow my head Oh fuck, what is this could get this off? Why is this here? Well, you didn't even let George explain why don't shake the table cuz then I won't get then my head will fall off again What is this? What is it today Bob?

Do you want to ask George? Do you want to ask George why he did George you have sugar-free Red Bull form? Yeah, yeah, well, so what is this for what is forming this is for our fourth podcast What is the forming thank you George, I love your fourth podcast no, but we've done way more than four We've done more than four my birthday today Today is my birthday. Yes, it is today's my birthday. I was born today Yes, it is. Can I can I read you the text on my mother? Honestly, I gotta look I gotta look it up because if I didn't know it was your birthday and I'm gonna feel so guilty Yeah, so no, I knew you would know and I know and I said to them I knew and I said I'll bet a thousand dollars

Huh, I tell these guys they'll he'll never know my birthday Santino birthday. Did you know it was my birthday? Thanks, yeah, thanks, and you know what's so fucked up about this over 16. That's my bird. That's today. Oh That's today Well, um, I got you something. What'd you get me? Regular regular. I know you don't like does that have bull dick in it? It's good bull dick. Oh, I love these It's good. I don't drink this. I don't drink that stuff, but thank you Is it really about how old are you? I feel so bad 37 you don't feel bad at all. Don't I tell you why why you're because for my birthday? Right, you got me stuff. I got you a Krista Stefano, and I got you a cake and he got you ramen noodles and they got you corona

Oh You know that was for early birthday. No, no, that was your birthday to give you corona to give me corona Yeah, ironically enough. I brought a gift to the studio, and it's for Rudy Jules because I think she deserves it. I'm 37 37 that much younger than me. I've got so much more life to live. You look so much older This is from this is from this company my Los Angeles they look what they got for Rudy show show everybody at home Show Tito and And show the feet look at what you what did she need more than anything? What did you get sick of? What'd you get sick of Bob her?

Repulsive her repulsive sandals. Oh, she finally got new sandals say thank you. My Los Angeles. Thank you What are those? Birkin sucks. No That's a competitor dude My Los Angeles look on the bottom it says it read it out loud say what it is They sent you shoes. What does it say on the bottom of the shoe? My Los Angeles that's a company my LA try mine And put your foot up let's let people see your let's see it the way to hold on

Put your foot up so people could see the old sandals to the new sandals put your foot up So people see also this will end up on like wiki feet or something like now. I just realized it right gross Let's see the old sandals Yeah, we know Look at those fucking things. I know those are Mongo feet Jesus Christ climbed the fuck out of a tree You could water ski on those. I know Like if she was an Eskimo, she wouldn't need those shoes school They would look down and be like you yeah, you're okay. Yeah, yeah

Let me see what they look like are they comfy. Yeah In fact throw those other ones away the brown one. Yeah, right in the trash right over there, please Honestly, I don't ever want to see those over again. Look at how sad she is. Those are like they're from home. Yeah Yeah, they're my only reminder of the motherland who made the other ones those had them in hand made Well, I gave you new sandals from my Los Angeles. Thank you very nice. So it's my party No, you're not yeah, I'll tell you why I am by the way It's my first day back from COVID and I was like I'm coming back. We're shooting on my birthday He won't even know or care and you know what ding ding ding. I was right. I care. I feel bad

You know, I'll tell you why I'm mad at Facebook because usually I'm not on Facebook. Is that why yeah, I don't do Facebook because I get notifications That's how you know. That's how I know so it'll say Bobby it's you should wish Cassie not you but Cassie happy birthday. Yeah, I always go No, and I turn it off, right? But if they said it yeah, right? Why aren't you on Facebook? Why do I want to be unfaithful? You know who's on Facebook like ants like moms and ants and I know but your family and stuff Yeah, you can reach out to cousins. I have high school friends on principle then on Facebook the moment I moved to California I cut those people out of my life. That's right. I don't talk to a new family. Oh, but we miss you

Don't forget where you came from. That's why I moved away Leave me alone. No, I connect with them in real life. I'm not Facebook I connect with them on like, you know on on email or pictures or text. I stay in good contact with my fam Yeah, you have you noticed too that I'm not trying to I'm not being mean anymore. Yeah, it's a little annoying I wish you would get back to where you were. No, no, I can't why I'm not gonna be mean. All right. You can you know because when I turned 50 I'm 49. I mean, right? Yeah And then when you got COVID I kept so much. I know it hurt me. Mm-hmm. I'm like, please Lord Please don't let him die. I have proof that you that you talked shit about me on

On on video games saying people were like would've said you know dies, you know, like if he dies, he dies No, I have audio proof of that literally never said I have audio proof I'm gonna just play it on that next week's episode Yeah, play it next week because you'll have to make it up because I never said that who am I playing with? I'm not playing with anybody online. Yes, you are not playing with my brother who doesn't stream and this kid Dylan Dylan No, Dylan doesn't stream Dylan's dream. No, he doesn't he's been recording stuff and I have not been talking about your trusting I don't ever talk about you. I don't give a fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't talk. Can this be about me for a second It's my day birthday. Thank you. Can I read you what my mom said to me? What the beast read me what the beast said honestly

Yeah, yeah, don't I was just trying to get back to my old cell. Yeah, but other stuff Okay, I apologize thinking of my boy this morning That's what I hear You know how pretty my mom is compared to your mom. It's unbelievable I know my mom's actually pretty and your mom is yeah, you know a decrepit My mom is a yellow cockroach One of her eyes is much lower on her cheek. Look at George went and got you a sugar-free Red Bull You're such a fucking brat. Thank you, George. I was kidding. I don't you fucking war. I was just kidding

You were not kidding. You're such a bitch and listen to what she said. Yeah Uh I have so many fond memories of you how you how you used to run away from me and I couldn't run with groceries So I got scared Used to crawl out of your crib at two and use the wall as a backboard to throw toys back in your crib and climb back in Yeah, the rage started there how we had to change preschool preschools three times because you were very bored and too disruptive You're dumb. No, I just would get into fights and ruin stuff Yeah, because your emotions you couldn't handle your emotions. I here's I go

We probably should have skipped kindergarten and moved right into first grade But one of my favorites is when You were telling dad about the dc trip you were going to take we were going to go to dc in high school To go to the white to see the white house bob. Don't fall asleep. I'm not I'm just focusing piece of shit You're your piece of shit. I love your mom God, you're such an annoying person. I'm so happy to be back. How are you root? I'm good. I'm back in the studio, baby Huh miss information. I feel so good. You don't know what it's like living with her. That feels good

She's a good girl. She first of all, this is what she does I could I'll record it every day I go, how are you or how was school or you know, how are you feeling? Yeah, right? Not one time has she ever asked How I am what I ate What what wait, wait, wait, why would she want to know what you ate? What a weird thing to say No, like I always ask her because sometimes we don't have dinner together Sure

I go would you like last night? I go would you have for dinner tonight? But that's selfish you just want to know because you like to think about food a lot because you're tub. That's not true No, I when you ask somebody how you feel. How are you feeling? That's fucking weird. No, but the food thing is weird What did you eat? Fuck the food thing. Fuck the food thing. I shouldn't even use that as an example You shouldn't have so wait, do you do you never ask him how he feels Jules? I think I asked him like three days ago if he was depressed Oh Yeah, because I mope around and also I only do that that one specific case when she asked me I

Exaggerated right my mood so that she would ask So I was like, I woke up Shoot, I'm walking through the house. Yeah. Oh, no Right. I'm kind of like, you know what I mean? And I work. I walk in a circle. Oh, no, no, no, right Right and she goes, how are you depressed? That's very nice. That's conscious. I only did that so she could I want to her to ask when I'm not acting like that How would she know then if you're depressed if you just it's not about depressing It's just I want her to ask me how I'm feeling about my day

How often do you really fucking dreams Andrew? What what are your dreams? I want to fly in the sky. You'll never be able to you're too too too. I know No, but that's it's the metaphor, right? Oh, right. I want to soar Well, you are soaring but it would be free. Look at you. You're doing so well I just need people around me in my house who are asking here about how not constantly at one time I How often do you ask her really every day? Yeah, every day

And how often do you genuinely ask him how he is? Um, how many times since we've lived together in the last eight months Be honest, uh, maybe five times. That's that's dope one time. Are you depressed three days ago? You've never asked me before. Fuck you Okay, I love you, but thank you. You know, so my point is is this well, no time out. Let's get her perspective Why do you feel like you don't knowing that he gets bothered by it? Why don't you ask him more often? Yeah, because I'm scared that if I ask because he's always grumpy every morning. He is. Yeah, he's grumpy even the afternoon You know, that's an attack on me. No, he's grumpy in the evening. When is he not?

So I don't want to I'm grumpy at night, too. Is that what you're saying sometimes how In what way like when you're when you're done with your game Oh, okay. All right, so you fucking look at you what you're doing No, no, no, no, no. So what you're saying is this Hear me out At two in the morning when I'm done playing Yeah, when you're fucking asleep because you have school at 6 30 in the morning You witness me being grumpy. No, that's crazy

Like a nine or ten nine or ten. I so are you think I walk through the house at nine to ten Angry and depressed sometimes you sigh a lot like oh you sigh and then if one sighs, right? If you sighed a lot and go hey bud, what's the matter? No, you wouldn't you wouldn't even notice I was sighing But if someone in my house if someone in my house is sighing a lot I would take it as an annoying indication that they want attention if you walk through my house and went I go what what is that? What do you want? So you I do that a lot. I sigh a lot at night That's interesting because you want something. What's the reason why you're right? You you you have never asked me how I'm feeling

I don't want to I don't want to annoy you. Oh, that's that's very nice She doesn't want to know she doesn't want to bother you She asked she asks she she acts she acts She acts okay, she'd be asking what she'd be asking. Yeah, right as if I'm like Kanye or something To her maybe you want. I'm not Are you sure? I almost voted for him yesterday. Are you being serious? Well, I saw the ballot box I got the ballot in the mail. Yeah, right And it's he's first by the way on my thing he's first

But he's only running for vice president here and and then I googled I googled the Mexican guy that he's running with Yeah, Rocky de la rocky de la la de la la de la de la parte and then he's a nice old white Mexican man He looked nice. Yeah, and I just I don't know what it was But I just wanted to as a as a laugh and as a joke Fill it out. Well, I didn't vote for him. Yeah, I didn't vote for him either. I did a write-in What do you mean? You can write in your own candidate. Would you write it? I'm not gonna tell you who I wrote it But I wrote in somebody Ron Howard

Will you love red? I wrote in Jackie Chan. I wrote in Jackie Chan. Why did that make you angry? See that you deserve that Your head fell off. I feel bad for Vanduul. Thank you for these things. It sucks in my head. You broke it I didn't I saw you do a table broke it this table sucks No, I I wrote in I wrote in I wrote in a candidate If you're not gonna tell me who it is we can move on from that. No, we can say it Tell me it's an actor. Let me guess. Mm-hmm Seth Green why no, it's not a red. Why are you going to red heads? It's not I would just think that you without because for me Right, there was a congressman running. Yeah, I never even knew who he was and I'm gonna get in trouble for saying this

David Rai you know something fall. Oh I saw it on the thing. Yeah, right and I didn't know I didn't hear any I didn't know who any of these people were. Yeah, so I like I was with Kalaila and I feel that Fong Yeah, and she goes she caught me. She's like are you voting from because Asian? I don't know. I just like his details in his fucking. I like his um stances on the props Yeah, like I try to make something up. Yeah, we all pop pop 12 where he says about the thing He really has it right on that one. Yeah, and she's like you're you just fucking voted from because age I go yeah, yeah, that's fine. Is that fine? Do you think black people didn't vote for Obama because he was do you think?

There's got to be some black people that just were like I want to vote for Obama because he's black right There's nothing wrong if you want to vote vote for who you want to vote for who the fuck cares? That's what I did Do you think that oh, oh you can't vote? Yes, you can't you think let me ask you this good Do you think that Joe Biden asked Kamala right because Kanye ran? Because their name sounded like yes. No, that's not why that's not why Exactly what I thought think of my thinking Kamala Kanye Thinking I'm a lover thinking for a second. All right. All right. I'm gonna ask you something ask me please is So, you know, obviously this is what the theory or is is that?

Some I don't know who but somebody encouraged Kanye to rant run from the Republican side I would say someone someone in Kanye's head. Maybe it could have been a voice in his head Could be somebody in his head. You gotta run. He's right. I gotta run, but so that could have scared people right going He's gonna get you know black votes just because he's Kanye right to take away from the right So do you think that Biden got Kamala because of that fact? Not because of that fact, but I think he got there's a combination of things BLM all kinds of stuff going on Can I tell you something? Yeah. Yes You're right. No, are you being sarcastic? No, no, I think

I think Biden got Kamala. Yes. He wanted to get a black woman is a is a good it helps I think he I imagine he thinks she's very Qualified and great and is gonna do great. Yeah, but also Yeah, don't wouldn't you okay? How about this if you were running for president? Who would be your vice president? It would have to be somebody completely opposite from me, right? Right Joe Biden's an old white guy. Yeah, I got a young I'll get a fat black man So you'd run with somebody I know I don't want to call him out But he's got funny glasses. So you'd run with I'm not gonna call him out. So you're running mate would be

Chunko, we know Chunko So mean he's so chunky though. He's say that so earlier, but who'd you run with? The opposite of me. No, I couldn't ask Chunko because I would want somebody with like Um that could do it because obviously if I'm running I know my frailties Right, I'm not like Trump or I'm like, I know everything, right? I trust me. Yeah, I know my frailties You'd go back. I know I'll be fucked. Yeah, right. So I'm gonna need somebody, right? That you know, I mean could really Imagine imagine how big your teleprompter would need to be you can't read the TV. That's three feet away No, I would never read the prompter. I would so what would you do a speech?

Oh, you'd improvise every speech every speech. All right, here we go a national address right now You're you're the president of the United States. Oh god, not this. Yes, we're gonna do it You're gonna look right into your camera right there. No, no this one right here right that one straight ahead Which one right here? I want you to make a national address to the country to tell them that we're I'm not gonna be funny about it I want to be real. Yeah, of course. That's what they need audio president a lot of times when I do these improv's I Lean toward funny. Don't I want to be real. This is real. All right. Okay, so I want you not laugh I'm not gonna because that's not funny. Tell her she's the one that does it. All right I want you to address the nation and tell them that we're what's going on though. Tell me this scenario

Can I tell you? Yeah, we're under attack right now. We've had a terrorist attack. Okay. Okay. All right We are in in New York City in the subway line. Okay, but can I tell you what was going on down there? What a bunch of terrorists? Decided to start raping Okay, that's all you know raping and killing people in the subway. You're my secretary to defense in the subway This is what this is what's gonna go on backstage. By the way, you're my secretary to defense You're telling me sir. Okay, sir a bunch of I got it. Okay, so you need to rest the country I got it in three. It's a terrorist to New York. We'll wait one Blue two guy. Hey guy. Hey guy. I love blue two so much

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They're recruiting counselors so special offer for bad friends listeners 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash bad friend That's betterhelp.com slash bad friends Here we hear you look there. Okay. Well, you're my secretary here. We hear you to the people You mean I your president have a national address for you Okay, as we know our Constitution creates a foundation for when which we must react to global epidemics and also national ones and Something horrific occurred in New York City

I also want to add that I as presidents to the people right based on all the amendments, especially the second one and all of them They're an all-important by the way, the amendments were created, right as you know a tool set in which we can look down at all of them A tool set in which we can look down the line We have 50 plus amendments there are a lot There are a lot all right I know that I have to fill 30 minutes right they want to know Tell them what happened sir

Sir, I'm sorry. Sorry people are dying This is no laughing matter I Apologize this is no laughing matter, right? Mm-hmm Yesterday last night last night last night at two in the morning. So what so technically today? So technically technically today, right although some would assume that it happened yesterday Mm-hmm because it happened in the wee hours Yesterday at two in the morning in the subways of our great city of New York, which is a part of the United States

I'm sorry. I don't know why sorry. What happened sir a gig of terrorists. I says aka al-qaeda aka, you know from turkey Yeah, a son. Okay, son. Okay wife. Okay son and his wife, right? They dispatched their cronies aka the Isis right to come into our great city of New York Which happens to be in the United States of America, right? Mm-hmm to terrorize us, right with their Ideology that's based on Scriptures that don't go against the Bible. They do go against the Bible. They have a different ideology Although be it we have freedom of religion in this country. Yes, so you may

Worship any God that as you as you want so I am not judging one's religion or sect or don't dominate Dominatrix Dominatrix But yesterday at 2 32 p.m. Right of today, right in the subways of our great city, you know They attacked a bunch of elderly people in the subways not what this elderly group of people were going to a volleyball game They were going to an volleyball tournament right in Brooklyn, right?

They were going from Queens to Brooklyn, right? They were this elderly volleyball team, right? They're called the hasmatics And they were fighting, you know, you I mean the crutches Crutches the crutches in the the final senior citizen tournament volleyball tournament championship championships in Brooklyn And they were waiting for the subway, right? And as you know at 2 32 in the morning the subwaves They don't they're not as active as often, right? And they come in waves The subwaves so in the window between, you know, I mean stop and go between the two junctions, right? To the people, right? Here we

No, I'm not oh shit. I'm not done. Yeah, yeah a gang of al-qaeda Asan terrorists, right? They came in with their masks. We had no idea what was going we have we also have the best police force in the subways of New York Right and they patrol them. You know me at every hour in every station in every point and we are salutes to them So we salute them All the seniors were raped They were raped they were bent over the benches down there in the subways in a line, right?

Yeah, and these al-qaeda ISIS people, right? They bent each one of them over They loop their dates because as you know American citizens and senior citizens. They have dry Orphuses right there getting old, right? They were raped then murdered Then left to rot Oh this morning at 8 in the morning is when they were found Yes, so here. Heary-heary God bless America. We will get these perpetrators mm-hmm and so long

Honestly I mean as your secretary defense pretty good. I'm impressed. Thank you, and that's not well. That's no proud teleprompter You did it no telly teleprompter looking in the camera. You were very coherent coherent. You're fluid I had information lots of information information. Yeah, and I feel like I would have I think Americans would applaud I think we did. Yeah, and I think the poll numbers would be favorable through the roof and I think that um I Would get another term. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I Least I think you might crack the mold and get two or three extra on top of it I wouldn't be able to do it because of pressure. I

Wouldn't be able to be president like I was I'm watching the show on in Netflix Netflix. It's called criminal Oh, yeah, you told me what is it? Is it good? Well, it's basically what it is is The whole up there's a lot of set pieces, right? Mm-hmm. It's basically in the interrogation room is when it all starts Yeah, so it'll start with a guy, you know mean being accused of something, right? And it's like don't spoil anything. I'm not gonna but it's all the episodes start that way. Yeah, they're in interrogation It's like it's like a date line Right, and they're being interviewed by and you don't know what you know, they're accused of until the dialogue It's really well-written. Yeah, right and a lot of them are um

Some of them are innocent some of them are not and all episodes revolve around one case Right, but I realized by watching criminal that that's the reason why I don't commit crimes Is because I wouldn't be able to lie in those situations Ah, well, I think the pressure would get to me right and I even if I had a plan I would be so scared in there Yeah, trying to pretend to make up shit Right to make up shit that I wouldn't be able to get my story straight. I would crumble they would they would get me Well, what about this? How about okay? So your theory? Yeah, is that by watching those shows it deters you from doing something bad? I Yeah, I mean, I don't know no no no there's some validity to it

There is validity and I have something it's a question. I've always asked myself. Do I not commit crimes because I'm a good person Hmm, or do I not commit crimes because I just don't want the consequences of it. I think to be I'm gonna take a ladder Do you think so? I think because you don't want to get in Trub Trub Yeah, but I don't there's also crimes that I want to do but how I wouldn't want to do okay, sure But how fun would it be to rob a bank? Fun, yeah, but you would you but if they knew that I wasn't gonna kill them They wouldn't be fun because I wouldn't get the money Well, what do you mean if you went in there without a gun? Yeah, well, no, I even had a gun, right?

I think they would be able to read the bank teller. I'm not gonna hurt them Well, what if you threaten them with other stuff if you broke like a little mini baseball bat? Yeah, a little tiny like something that wasn't gonna kill him just hurt him a little bit Hey, well, I would have to hide it in my jacket, right? And they would say um I'll come to the front counter. Yeah, or the what is that what I call I guess. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know a count Yeah, it's a count bank a teller teller. I go to the teller and she would probably say something like um, oh, sir Hey, can I help you? Hi, can I help you? What are you doing today? What do you what can I do for you today? Oh, you know what I would do?

I'd be the note guy. Oh, what's that? What is that? Sometimes they say sliding me a note, sir Yeah, I would give him a note and say and I would point to and I it would probably say on the out You'd be folded and I would say open Okay, I just so they would open it right okay This is I wouldn't have to say anything. There's a grocery list from Trader Joe's right and I would probably have boxes in there Okay, like where you can check. Oh what I wanted. What am I okay? No, no, I would ask it like may I have all the money in the bank? Oh, no You would say that yeah, the no boxes. I wouldn't want to I wouldn't want to give them the option you okay

So you do so what does the note say? I would just own the one box. Yes, and that's it. Hey, give me the money Yes, no, I I would probably say give you the money. I'm strapped with bombs. Whoa. Yeah, so I'm wearing an overcoat jacket As you can tell right? Yeah, I'm struck with 3000 magnitude bombs 3000 magnitude yeah, yeah, yeah with chromatic with chromatic touring ice What is touring in there? Yes? Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I so Relicular, you know, I mean acid ice molecular vass it is in there. Yeah, and also Nate Tom Nate. Nate palm Nate Yeah, some so they wouldn't know no, they wouldn't know what they would go

But just in case enough to you mean to shovel enough to blow up the whole city Just to shovel the area and you think I'll say to shovel But what if they what if they give you just a couple hundred bucks if they like that's all this bank has you cool is a credit union I'll go Dunkin Donuts I Go straight to Dunkin Donuts, sir. You robbed a school credit union. You got we have $780 here I could take 780. Okay. Give me the 780 good money. Yeah Yeah, I think you don't commit crimes because you know better

But also on your point of why you don't commit crime commit crimes because those shows it's like back when Marilyn Manson and they were like He's making kids do crazy stuff and and or they're like murderous video games are bad But then they turn out that that's not true even a little bit that like rates don't go up because of video games or because of television shows In fact, it can be the opposite. Yeah, but here's some controversy that just hit the airway It's like the way we just woke up. It's like it does life imitate art or does our imitate life one in the same, right? They're intermingling. There's intermingling. They co-exist like the yin and the yang. Exactly. They co-exist. Here's a good Here's a good one. They're bringing back cops bad boys They're bringing it back

People got mad. They wanted it off now. They're but now it's back on the air cops the show cops The longest-running fucking show about police officers in the history of television Cops C O P S cops. Do you hear me, right? Yeah, I hear you. I know. I honestly is that isn't it's a show then television shows cops They used to be they used to be on and they're bringing it back. Is that what you're saying? It was on forever. It was all controversy. They took it away because I never saw it. How did you not see cops? Is it like she's not even from here? And do you know what cops is? No, say yes. Yes

See is it like an NCIS show where they like No, man, it's a reality show where cops real it's real. They follow cops with cameras and they show them like Busting people and shit. Cool. Holy fuck. I can't believe you've never seen cops I have to show you a scene from cops. I've seen cops you fucking idiot You know, you say that and then piece of me knows the whole time that you have already seen it And then a piece of me goes he's gonna say that he's seen it to make me feel Stupid but him less uncomfortable. No, um, there's a bill Hicks joke where he talks about the show cops Uh-huh about um, it's usually in trailer parks, right? I remember seeing it as it growing up cops

But you watch the show or you just I loved watching the show It's always the same thing. It's different cities. You know what I mean? Yeah So I lied to you. It's good. Yeah, it's a bad lot. I'm very no I I shifted your mindset And I deceived you a bit and you believed me and I win that one. Yes. Sorry. I believed you Sorry, I believe that you're dumb enough to not know what cops are because I did sink on that because you are stupid But so I thought so many things that you're not even aware of name some things that you know that I don't know There it is ladies and gentlemen, right, right, okay, who created the show x-files

Come on who It's kind of fun. No, yeah, skinny fondant chris carter. Yeah chris carter. You don't know. Yeah, the football player chris carter The x the xnfo player. I'll start more information. I know that you don't know. Okay who produced the first four talking heads albums Uh marcus lowfield don't know. No, brianino. China. You know brianino didn't yeah My point is I want to say happy birthday to john mayor because we share a birthday today and we're best buds and we both We love johnny love johnny mayor. Love johnny, but what a nice guy Hey, can I tell you something else moving forward? But I highly recommend the show criminal. It's better than cops

doubt it doubt it um andres is our Um our lover boy our fancy b andres say hi Hello, sweetheart. Oh Two monumental things happened with andres when I was sicky sick sick. Yeah, someone sent me a clip clip Of a guy on tiktok and they said it looks exactly like andres. Okay. Okay you you tell me And rudy you chime in if you think this this guy

Okay, look at this guy. Tell me if he looks like andres our fancy b Oh Oh, oh, oh, oh He's got some move. Okay. Can you push posture first? Yeah. I mean, I don't I'm impressed by andre. Look at that's not How is that not on dress? I don't want to be mean. I don't want to be mean. I do I know I'm going to be okay Um, I believe that You know all human beings Are fall into a certain prototype. Hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm

And it's what you do with that prototype is what defines you How you work with what you've got exactly, right? So this young man, right had the same fucked up prototype As andres so they have the same missing chromosome or whatever it might be, right? Right in the little bald spot, right? But this young man decided not to wear, um Shirts button-up shirts with postcards on it. What's what's wrong with that? I know I'm just saying right this young man, right does that thing called sit-ups This man, right you think he's in better shape than andres. Oh, yeah He took uh dance classes, right? He tried to improve, right his situation. Okay, right

Andres andres, right underneath took the protein the prototype that he was given by the lord himself, right? And fucked it up a bit. Why what I think you did a great job andres. He's a good-looking sweet talking smart boy. Yeah Gonna eat this. No. No, that's my fucking cake I haven't eaten all day can't have food around you Yeah, I don't I don't eat. I don't like icing as everyone knows that so I'm just gonna eat the breading part The cake the breading part the cake part. Yeah, it's cake underneath there breading All right. Well, that was that was a guy that looked like Andres Thanks

I love what I do that. Wait, let me show you something Let me show you this we made Andres do a dance video himself to prove to you He looks like that guy Okay, yeah now when you say and get ready for his dance skills. I mean look you can see these guys side by side Let's side by side and let's play that if I you know what let me say something now when I see it side by side Yeah, Andres is skinnier than him. Yes. He is dude. You are going at him for no reason Andres is an in-shape fit Andres come in the room for a second and he dresses well. Look at how nice This guy in the Rockets jersey looks like a do

All right, let's play let's play both these let's play Andres's first and then we'll play him at the same time Here's Andres dancing. Look skills. Come in the room. Look at those. Oh, look at that Oh, oh, stand right there. Oh, oh, uh-huh. Uh-huh. I apologize. I tapped you, right? For no reason at all not comparing the two videos. Couldn't do it without his mouth full by the way Couldn't wait till he was done eating to apologize genuinely Now that I see him by the back I attacked you for no reason. I can't help that you grew up in a different faraway land Right not that far not that far away different cultural experience. He's from Mexico City He's from Spain same thing. Okay

Five hours away All right Oh burn it's closer than Korea. Okay. I come Andres for the win. I come in. I said come in here I just come in here. I was gonna give you a real apologies. Oh, be nice and be nice Come on. That's crazy. Talk. Be nice, Bob. You don't be like that. Be nice. All right I enjoy you. I really you do work really hard for the company And I really like you also do some work for us for tiger belly a lot of work. I really fucking appreciate it, man I love you. I love you Andres

Let's play these side-by-side. Let's see what they look like just to prove that these two gentlemen I don't know how to play. I'm just gonna play play. Let's see if it works ready one two three Hold on It's so annoying. We can't play music. Thanks youtube for fucking being the most annoying thing. All right. Here we go Let's play these side-by-side. Okay, and Bob. Let's see. Let's see. Let's see genuinely. Let's let Rudy Jules judge Rudy who is a better dancer of these two gentlemen? Okay, ready? Here we go. Bop Mmm, I don't know Oh

What do you think root andres is more um, um andres is cooler andres is cooler That settles it bob Rudy is the judge. Let's give it up one time for andres Andres is a lot like a lot of soft not not I think he's like like a lot of soft liberals. Oh boy when they um They want to pick um the one that's obviously not you know Not the better. What does that even mean? What do you what do you even say? Let me finish what I'm saying Yeah, right, but because she has a sensitivity, right? She wants the underdog to win She chooses andres

So you think she feels bad for andres? That's why but it's it's based on skill level I don't understand life is Yeah, andres is a very skilled man. Sometimes people get hurt Some people some people that you love are good Some people that you know try their best fail And we have to acknowledge that what if you're wrong? What if you're wrong? What do you mean? What if you're wrong? What if her opinion about his skill set is high and you're incorrect? You ever think about that? Yeah, I think about it all the time. I think millions of people really do love andres and they're begging

See look at Rudy's naughty, and they're begging for what I'm about to show you next Liquid IV for your soul for your soul and your mind for your soul and your body and mind Look flu season is right around the corner with the winter months approaching. I love liquid IV. I like the flavor You've got to get healthy. It's better than water way better than water. Water's boring. Yeah liquid IV is delicious Immune support is what I like Bobby likes the sleep because it helps him go to bed bedtime. Yeah, yeah when he's staying up till 3 34 in the morning playing video games six six, okay Get the facts right liquid IV is incredible. You simply pour it in the water and it has a myriad of delicious flavors And it tastes delicious, and it's also

Hydrating your body baby electrolytes put them electrolytes back inside you It's a hydration multiplier plus plus immune support. It really does. I really do love it It's also comes in the packaging is easy to open a little tiny rip right in your water right into the water It's really good man. Well, we both enjoy it. I like to use it during the middle of the day He likes it at night. I like it because I like to have long days filled with dealing with bob and uh, it's very Honest with you. Yeah, I hate water Yeah, well water. I drink it but with liquid IV you I enjoy it. You like it then. Oh, yeah, water by itself is boring Very boring. It's not fun at all. Yeah, this stuff has great. It has great stuff and it vitamin C vitamin D zinc well immune

Uh, it's zinc is the best zinc is the best It's easy on the go if you're not taking vitamins in your water the easiest way you should get this also They're donating million three point seven million serving some response to COVID-19 to try to get to hospitals to help people Feel better first responders food banks veterans in active military people too. They're very good people Liquid IV's new hydration multiplier plus immune support is available at walmart or you can order on online 25% off when you go to liquid IV.com and use the promo code bad friends at the checkout 25% off anything you order When you use our code bad friends, it helps the show liquid IV.com that hydration get it in your body today liquid IV.com promo code is bad friends

Door dash. Oh my god. Hey Andy. Yes Uh door dash during this pandemic has been so vital you use it every single day Sometimes three times a day. I know it's true. Trust me. I love door dash between never ending laundry cycles and incoming emails You've got plenty on your to-do list. Give yourself one less thing to do to worry about and let door dash Take care of your next meal or your next three meals. Look, you want Chinese food. You want pizza You want Thai food. You want sushi a froyo. You want a froyo froyo boba You can get it all on door dash. Uh, we're continuing to support restaurants in our community safely There's thousands of people on door dash restaurants that need your help to stay open get that get the app

Download it now. It's so easy man. All you do is go to your phone Beep boop boop download the app and what happens bob. They bring food. Where to your home directly to your home It's extremely easy the door dash app. Choose what you want to eat order the food 300 000 partners in the u.s. Puerto Rico, Canada, australia Support your local restaurants. What's your favorite to order? What's your favorite little restaurant? I love the cheesecake factory Oh, she's gay. I love Wendy's Wendy's. Yeah. I like to chipotle. Oh, I like a chipotle. Yeah Many of your favorite restaurants are on there already Just grab that app if you don't have it. What are you doing right now? Our listeners can get $5 out their first order

Of $15 or more and zero delivery fees for their very first month when you download the door dash app And enter the code bad friends $5 off your first order and zero delivery fees for a first month when you download the door dash app In the app store enter that code bad friends. It helps the show out. We love door dash. Don't forget That's code bad friends for five bucks off your first order with door dash Andres has gotten a lot of requests from our fans to be on only fans They want to see a little bit more of how sexy this guy is and only fans Only fans is a website that people use to sell

Themselves to either like sometimes they show nudity. Sometimes it's like secret content. You know, you can't get anywhere else Only fans a lot of a lot of women do it and they put actresses and stuff nudes They put like nudes and stuff up there. Whoa. I want to know only fans only fans. I want to look at that So our very own Andres fancy B has his only fans And would you like to see his only fans of content? We're going to give the first video away for free Okay, and then after that people got to pay you got to go to Andres's account and pay Andres, what's the name of the account to search for on only fans? Come check out my only fans at fancy B fans Check it out. Let's let's see you want to see fancy B's watch. It's an app

Yeah, dude only fans. I'm gonna download it. Let's do stuff at like bad friend. Can we do a bad friend's one only fans? Well, we want to promote fancy B first Okay, look look. Okay. All right, you ready? There is no um Wait, hold on. It's a bad friend's day today. So what shirt should I wear? Look at that. What shirt? Look at all those shirts, Bob Two sentino Not enough words in that one. Maybe too many words in this one

Oh Yeah Yep, I think I have a winner just enough words. This one's just right Now before breakfast We'll play my favorite part of last week's bad friends. Cannot stand George and I miss Andres Cannot stand George and I miss Andres I cannot stand George and I miss Andres. Cannot stand George and I miss Andres. Yeah, that's good Oh, he's having a little croissant, Bob. Oh, that's what you see look at fancy real fancy. This is a good croissant

Anyway, I think I'm ready for another bad friend's day See you my only fun next week. Ciao So sign up for only fans if you're looking for content like that. That's that is that's hot. No, it's it's just dot com It's just dot com and watching you learn about it. Well, I'm trying to show you fancy bees has been really fucking frustrating Why are you trying to learn what only fans to access your account? Yes, let them access whatever they need Use your user. Okay. Mm-hmm. Is this how we're going to spend the next couple of minutes? Watching you learn only fans. So it says Save changes. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Okay

Well, let me just hold on. Hold on. Yeah, almost there. Almost there. Yeah So, um, everybody, um, tell me something. Yeah Um, let's get serious. I don't want to talk about it I've talked about it too much Hey, I know we're not going to talk about the things you've talked about Okay Okay, I I'm I'm I'm I'm gonna ask you because you know, it's like, you know um

I was watching that show that movie Um, not hot zones. It was that no one with, um, Dustin Hoffman Uh, Tutsi Maybe Maybe no, it's about the diseases. So, um, um, diseases. Yeah, it's it's hot zones. What's it called? Outbreak Heartbreak. Outbreak. Maybe he's saying it loud. Hot break. Outbreak. No, it's a it's a it's a it's a plague There's a plague going on. It's in some wild way outbreak

Outbreak. Mm-hmm. Thank you And, um, you know, when you watch a movie like that, you go you think to yourself Oh, man, that disease is fucking scary. Yeah, I wonder what it feels like to have it, right? And, you know, COVID came along, right? Yeah, which is like, you know Mysterious. It's scary. It's a mysterious disease. Yeah. And, um, I don't have you're the only person I think that I know That I'm close with that I could ask these kind of questions Yeah, out of curiosity. Yeah, right

So, um, I'm just going to ask you some, um, yes and no questions shoot and then you can answer them for me. Okay. Okay When you're in the height of your COVID journey, could you still make love? Could you get it up and have a desired? Yes, of course, because you're a man, uh, but you can't make love to anybody. You can you can you can pound your pod Okay, good. That's something I talked about publicly. Yep. Now when you're in the height of your COVID, all right. Are you eating things? Yeah You get hungry, but you can't taste anything. Oh, do you also that's real? No taste. No smell. Can't smell. That's really that's real Wow. So if you're eating like, um

Um, a roast beef sandwich, why? Exactly. Yeah. Why am I eating that one? I'm sick. Yeah. No, I'd be eating soup soup soup ramen peanut butter and jelly Right stuff that you mean meat and potatoes simple stuff not meat and potatoes at all I just the term that was a simpler than meat and potatoes right, um, but not meat and potatoes It should be called peanut butter and jelly peanut butter. Okay. Um, so let me ask you this Um Is it worse than the flu? Uh

My personal experience Felt just like a flu to it felt like what I've had when I had a flu So if there was no it was if there was nothing even we've never had COVID right and you got this Yeah, you just be like, oh, I have a nasty flu if we didn't know what COVID was right. I would go man I've got this weird fucked up flu. It feels weird. Okay. So it was then it's different than a flu It's different but this but symptoms things mocked each other right like like tired very tired like the flu Ake body aches for a day Two days what about the long stuff people talk about

So that that affects some people. I didn't get pneumonia. I didn't get a lung infection I mean as far as I know, I didn't have restricted breathing and I didn't have pressure on my chest, which people say So I didn't have that But I've heard that that's fucking bad. Right, but mine felt like um, you're someone beat the shit out of your head Oh headaches bad headaches like when it's like in the movie the dark the third um dark night where Um Batman the third dark night, which one yeah when he punches bane right in the mask in the mask piece And then remember the little Yeah, and he goes

Right, what about like genuinely That really is it what I feel like? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I was it's very banish. Yeah, how Very banish. How long did it last though the sickness? This like feeling sick is a probably a week and some change Wow, but then after that you're just kind of residual effects from being sick because you're lazy and you're tired So you're even more tired because you're being lazy and you I would you want it again. Uh-huh. Would you ever want it again? What a dumb question Would I want to get a fucking virus again? No, I didn't want to get it in the first place. It's just a yes and no question, man

Hey, that's fucking crazy. Sorry. Sorry. Ask me again Would you want it again? No, what a dumb question Okay, that was a dumb question. No, I don't want I wouldn't have to filter these questions. Do I um Is it one of those things where I was I tell you what you know what scares you the most? Is that you don't know enough? Right when you get when I get a sinus infection when I get all the time I get them three four times a year I know what's happening. I know what's to come. So there's an element of unknown fear Yeah, and I don't think and I don't think speculation in the media helps either because everyone's like fuck

What if I what if I get what if I get what if I get what if I get right and it perpetuates hits people in different ways? I hear so it's like some people. It's really really bad. Yeah, some people end up in a coma My buddy's mom. I'm sorry. My buddy's aunt Went into a coma. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, and when she came back out. She couldn't speak English Wow, she spoke Japanese. That's that's what she learned a new language. I know weird That's a difficult language to learn. No the poor woman. She literally came but she survived. Thank god, but when she came out Um, yeah, she had to relearn. I mean, it's fucking insane. It's it's so sad It's disgusting. So some people are luckier than others. That's are you mad at the guy that gave it to you? Yeah

No, because you know what what it's 30 million fucking people. No, I'll be honest with you. How could you? I had to throw my to kind of throw my two cents in to throw them on the table. Number one. It disrupted Our business. Yeah, the pod pod. Yeah, it did. It was tough doing it from home I took it personally. Yeah, because now my friend's sick. I I'm going through unknown questions. You're right You know, do I have to do one with Eric Griffin? You know, I mean do I have to team up with you and me and chonko over here, right? So I'm think I'm laying in bed going we can call be called. Um

Fat friends. Oh, I don't know. Whatever. You know me because I'm fat too, right? That's true, right? So that's number one and number two. I'm like, I hope he doesn't die. Yeah, I hope I didn't die too Yeah, yeah, that would be sad Yeah, and then also then also it disrupted then we when we did the podcast I mean granted, you know this the podcast we've done with with you sick, right? We did the best we could with those we had some fun But what's great about you and I to get I need to see we have to be in the same Because you have a certain energy, right? Yeah that I respond to same and in the the three that we did, you know

With you without you It felt didn't feel the same for me, but you did get some enjoyment you told me after the fact on the phone that you Like doing it with your with your brother. It felt really good. Well, I hadn't seen Steve since the pandemic So how nice so that was nice. So this those so corona. I would rather not you get corona for that Sometimes you got to get corona to bring brothers together Now will you go to hawaii when I go? I don't know I'm thinking about we're trying to plan it because I start shooting davie season two when you go to hawaii Yeah, it's hard, you know, where are you staying?

I don't know. We'll tell the people so they can come say hi Well, I'm staying in in Honolulu somewhere. Well, I'll have days off when we when we find out what hotel bob is in We're gonna tell you guys because we want the fans of hawaii to be able to come say hi to you No, not in the you're a people person. You love people Everyone I'm gonna tell you on my twitter what hotel he's in. I'd like you to go say hi to him and bring him gifts during the day in the hotel drop off gifts at the um Um, wait, I want them to wait outside of your room. So when you wake up, they can have gifts for you in the hallway Oh, like Henry Lau Henry Lau Henry Lau and put some rose petals on the floor when you leave

Is she going Rudy? Are you going to hawaii? Um, I don't know yet. That's a no It's up to at the collider. It's a yes, obviously. You know, it's so funny Rudy It's so funny, you know, it's like everything's up to her. Well, I have no say in anything if if anti collider goes, um You like she orders food, right? She'll go It's good, huh? Jules And every her it does it could be a pile of dog shit Juliana will go it's great

Right. Well, what if she likes to taste it? No, if I order something, right? It's good, right? Okay Oh, I never I never said it. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You never aside with me Why don't you side with him more often and you never you're never on my side Be honest Jules. Is it because you like anti collider way more? You just genuinely love her more. They're bloody. They share blood Doesn't matter. There's people that I'm blood with that. I don't like as much as I like strangers. That's true. That's a true point Is it because you really love her more than you love? No, I love them both equally. That's impossible and that's a lie Everyone that says that is such a lie. Yeah, when someone says about their kids like I love my kids the same No, they don't know they fucking don't they hate one of them for sure. Yeah, so be honest. What is it really?

Say it Say she's got it loaded up. She just doesn't want to unload. Say it be honest. This is a time to be honest. He wants it I want it. Okay. I love I think I'll I'll uh a little bit more God that hurt I know it now now now now instead of taking this negatively the way she's the way the way she did it was really honest Yeah, don't take this negative Bob. How about this? I can I say this? What can you do to beat her love? There's no way There's no way. I'm gonna say this money gifts. I already know that. Yeah, right? But you have to understand that I know that

And I'm trying yeah, he is right and you don't Are you're not giving me the opportunity? I do And um, you know, I'll I'll add another thing even though you hurt me just now All right that I will continue to look at this finger I will continue Look how tiny your pinky is. I know. I will continue to try for the rest of my life Even though it's moot

Even though I know okay that It's never gonna worked in my favor That you're gonna betray me. Wow, right? And that um It's a love I'll never get Okay, are you okay with that?

I love tita bobby and I side with him sometimes never Sounds like never she's a liar. You're a fucking. Hey, hey, hey be nice be nice Be nice. Sorry I apologize. Do you um Are you still having trouble on your sleep by the way? I have sleep apnea No, I know but are you using a machine now? No, because when we talked you said you were gonna get a checked out. You didn't Yeah, I I'll wake up at six in the morning not being able to breathe. I know but bob you got to go see somebody if I die Okay, that's true

And I'm at a point now because you have to understand that imagine dying in your 49 I know but you don't want to die and then you think you think to yourself when you turn almost 50 I'm almost 50. You think to yourself, right? Um, you kind of start googling. When did this person die? Right, and I always have a thing like, you know Keith Richards He's alive. I know Oh, but he's my like meter. Oh when he dies you die. No when he dies. I'll know that's pretty much around the time I'll die. I think you think you live the same life that Keith Richards did. I think he snorted in his dad. You know that

Yeah, did you mixed in his dad's ashes? Did you snort cocaine your dad? No, it's still in the box, right? And he snorted it. He's done every drug in the book. He smoked cigarettes until he was like night, you know, whatever Yeah, right, and he's still walking around. So he's my meter like, you know, oh He's still alive. I have a shot. Okay. What about guys that just did I'll be honest with you, you know, um I always thought that if I got covid that I would die immediately. No, but when trump Went got through it. It kind of gave me like hope like I can't live through it. Right It's just it's kind of like that. Yeah, but you still when you're when you turn when you get toward 50 You literally start thinking about death a lot and your mortality

I don't maybe not everybody but I understand. I think Whoa, are you gonna die? I don't know. I almost thought there's not not every second of every day It's it's every once in a while. All right. How do you how do you want to die not in your sleep? Oh for sure my sleep. Why bob? I don't want to fucking die walking down the like walking around. I do hey john Oh, yeah, I don't want that but I want to know I'm dying. I want to have the moment of oh my god. I'm dying I don't want to just be in bed like having a dream and then and then die in my yeah If I'm in a dream, right and I die I'm not what it's like being in a blackout drunk and die, but you'll never know that you died

You're not gonna know anything even if you die after you die because if you know, no But if you know you died when you died, you saw it. You knew it was real right, but if there let me close this to you bob Yes, if there's no god and there's no heaven. What if you already died in your sleep and this is all just the afterlife Well, then I What if dude, what if you've already died? That's my point. I want to see that I did it I want to go I want to see that I'm like Go go die and and I want to die die and then if there's no

Afterlife which there is if you're a good Christian like me doesn't matter Okay, if there are for instance if I'm in my sleep, right? And I open my eyes And I go holy shit. I'm on a cloud hanging out with Cleopatra. I've said that before right? Yeah, and like I would love to see Coleman Ronnie Coleman. No What's his name Coleman different strokes? Oh, Gary Coleman. That's right So Cleopatra, right Cleopatra gory gary Coleman gary co gary Coleman is that no gary gary Coleman gary Coleman

Okay, the um Gary Goldslaw the television little person TV LP. Yep And I've been hanging out there on a cloud and I'd open my eyes, right? Yeah, and I'd be like did I die? And then gary Coleman good. Yeah, buddy. You did You know what I mean? No, you know what he he fucked that joke up. Why? I'm gary Coleman. Okay. Ask me if you're dead. I die Would you talk about willis?

I was that's too it didn't work. Didn't work. Okay I love it when bits don't work so funny. Is that fun? So fun that little moment Yeah, I've done that on stage. By the way, when you were like you write you go. I know didn't work 100% That this joke is gonna work, right? And you you you when you're driving to the club, right? Yeah, you get excited And then when the guy's in front of you on stage, you just kind of go hurry up I have a joke bit A new bit and you get up on stage and you see the punchline and it doesn't work and it's completely silent

That feeling Is the fucking worst. It's the best actually. I think it's so fun. And then I what would you what do you do in that situation? I know I acknowledge it. Yeah, you have to acknowledge it. I go wow On the way here. Yeah, yeah, I thought that was good and you guys really let me know how bad it was I would even go into the thing like I was I would say everything I just said before coming even doing to this bit I was excited to come up here, right and wow And if they don't laugh at that, right You're now in a hole. Well, then you usually go. I've seen you usually go. Oh, fuck you guys

Oh, yeah And then they love you again. I snap. Yeah. So look I'm being serious You need to go get sleep apnea help. No bob Calliola doesn't want to wake up with you dead because you couldn't breathe in the middle of the night What an annoying way to find your all that happens is I don't die Right. Yeah, correct. You don't die. I didn't die yet I know but if you get how do you then you you definitely won't die happen Okay, what I'm saying is is that you know, I'll just continue this way of doing things because it didn't happen. Okay

Right. Okay. It's just hearsay. It's weird to be so safe about COVID but not care about dying in your sleep Because one of the two you have much more control over because I know I have friends that have it I have a friend that has to sleep with a breathing machine because Joe Coy He has oh, yeah, but he's in pretty good shape too. No, he has the thing. He has to sleep with the All night long. That's what they hear So what's worse you die in your sleep or her listening to the hum of that machine She probably wants you dead. That's what happens People just unplug the machine

What that's what'll happen. You could fill. Can you do that fill it with stuff? Can you fill? Can you get murdered that way? You can fill it with like toxic fumes. Yeah, I imagine you just light a cigarette and you stick it When you blow it in you'd love that if I just oh, yeah You could smoke while you sleep. Yeah You need to get help. I'm being serious. It's so dangerous. Well, I mean, maybe I'm waiting for you. I'll do a thing on the show A friend of mine, so let me let me say this a friend of mine You need your cupcake

Is there more? I don't know dude. I didn't bring them. It's my fucking birthday You should have brought me some shit My friend Dave from my show Davey that you make fun of Dave got me a fucking beautiful cake A big beautiful cake. He dropped off to my house. That's that's different because I'm way more friends with you than I am with him I'll tell you why it's different. I've known you for a decade. I'll tell you why it's different, please Um, like, you know when I go to Hawaii, I'm gonna do magnum pi Oh my god, are you plugging your fucking magnum? No, I'm gonna give you an example. Please. Let me get there. Please god

And when they text me Right. Aloha like if Jay Hernandez the star. Yeah, Texas me. Yeah. Aloha. How's it going? I respond to him right away because he doesn't know that I'm a piece of shit yet Well, he's gonna when this comes out. That's what I'm saying is that because you're working with Davey, right? So you you put on the best face possible. You and I are already friends He knows Dave knows me too. Yeah, but you're not there yet with him. Okay, so you're saying because we're real friends You don't care about me. I know I care so more deeply about more deeply to then you wouldn't want to do We're beyond gifts. We're past gestures of niceties. No, we don't you and I have an internal

Did I go to Vons and get you a cake? Yeah, and I'll tell you one thing. It wasn't good. You didn't need it I don't eat Vons cakes. You just did. Hold on time out time out time out Was it good though? You want another one? Pretty good. Yeah, it was from Vons It was he got it from Vons for real. Really? Andres, is it from Vons? It is. Yeah, it is Let me ask you something, you know It is and this is and Vons isn't bad. Stop. It's not it's not John's. John's is worse It goes John's. Yeah. It goes John's Vons. No, first of all, it goes smart and final

John's let's rate the LA ones. All right. Well, that's what I'm doing. It goes Gelsons At the top at the top Gelsons is number one. Right. And then there's pavilions Pavilions is pretty close to Whole Foods So what's what's Whole Foods at the top then but it's not even in the growth. It's its own thing It's its own thing. It's Amazon. It's Amazon, but so it goes it goes Gelsons Gelsons pavilions pavilions Safeway safe way. No Ralph's. No, no, no. I think I think Ralph's and safe way. I think Because Rock and Roll Ralph's in Hollywood is scary. It's great though. I saw I saw a guy when you see like Marilyn Manson They're like eating an apple. That's fun. But then you go there in the middle of the night

It's on sunset one time. I was going there before I went to the store I saw a homeless guy because they're all over in that little strip right there Walked in walked in grabbed a newspaper and spit at one of the employees. I love it. All right Yeah, I've seen like modest mouse there the band. Yeah. Yeah, but I've run into them there. Who else I've I've seen Marilyn Manson. They're eating an apple He's just eating an apple inside the Ralph's. Yeah, he wasn't even paying for it. I think he was just eating it in the fruit section He can't afford to pay. Well, he was just he was doing one of those things where Marilyn like everyone was like, oh my god Holy fuck, it's Marilyn Manson. He's eating an apple. He's like, I gotta eat this apple

He would never think that he would be eating an apple. You think that he'd be eating a human heart like a bat Yeah, or something right? Yeah, but he's eating a fresh, you know, it wasn't not even a red one Imagine you went up to him. You're like, hey, yeah, why are you eating and I thought you'd be eating like a human heart Yeah, yeah, Marilyn Manson's like, listen, dude, I had to after years of doing that kind of stuff I really had to curb it my doctor said my blood pressure through the roof. I've seen there. I've seen dice there and who dies clay Yeah, I mean Yeah, but we see him at the comedy store too. That's not who I've seen there All right, give me someone and then there are other actors like Spanish actors. I've seen there

Who I don't know their names, but they're like like no that guy's on the most art show on hulu Oh, that guy. Yeah. Oh, that guy's good. Yeah. Why can't they get his name? I don't know. That's why I didn't say it Oh, fuck. Yeah. Sorry that guy. Yeah, that guy's good. Yeah, he's good. Oh, I've seen that guy fancy. He knows say it again We can't hear you Oh, dude, you know what he's fucking he's doing the accent got it got it gotta get So annoying, yeah, give me the fucking american version of whatever you just said Gabrielle Garcia Someone like that. Yeah, he's a guy

Why do they do that on the the rolling thing? I know stop it. Can you roll? Gabrielle Gabrielle. I've never been on the wrong No, that is Garcia Am I good fancy beer? No, really good. Thank you. So yeah, so it goes well and then what then vans Ralph's then vans and then johns and then smart and final Smart and final and then the last one is Where do you shop george?

Trader Joe's swish Yeah, where is it george? What's the bottom? Uh, I do vans usually he does vans. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah smart and final is probably dead last unless or 99 cent store Does that count? That's not it. They don't have fruit there. They have groceries. No. Yes. They do dude. They sell produce When I first moved to LA my old roommate used to buy eggs there and I was so scared Yeah, I was like 99 cent eggs for 12 eggs. Yeah That was so scary. I mean I ate them Do you ever eat at places like it says chinese food and doughnuts?

LA has so many places that says pizza kebabs Mediterranean sushi. Yeah. Yeah, and you're like, I will never eat. No, you do too many things Yeah, master one thing. There's one place on the way to this. There's one place here in the valley That's called h salt fish and chips. I've eaten there. I loved I used to live right I used to live on camarillo. Yeah, right there right there by the way Terrible the worst place on earth. Yeah, it the fish first of all, I don't even know if it's fish not fish Yeah, look at the reviews on yelp. Oh, I don't even know We need to keep talking about it because I'm gonna bring it up. You know, it's supposed to be you know

It's supposed to be fish and chips, right? That's all. Yes. Yeah. Um, why is it wet? Like the breading everything's wet. Hold on h salt fish and chips. This is it right here h salt Esquire esquire. Oh my god. It's called h salt esquire. That's the the nerve of this fucking place All right, uh, it's a chain h salt fish and chips. No, this is it right here. Oh, no, that's unsalted. Oh, wow Is it really chain? Oh my god? Yeah Well, I well, maybe some of them are better than that one. I can't imagine Look at this one. This is a photo on the yelp page. Okay, that's That's not okay. That's look like fish in there. By the way, that looks like fish and chips as one. That's a fish and chip

That's fish and chip. Yeah. Yeah, that's fish and chip. Oh, there's first of that Is that supposed to be the french fry or the fucking fish? This is La med. This is their yelp page. Look at that photo. That's insane. What is that afterward? What is that right there? I don't even know. What is look at that discoloration. What part of the fish is that that's black? That's its heart Yeah, all right, so let's see some of these reviews from the read it. It's all fish and chips Oh, there's some good ones. Okay, but let's go to the bad ones. That's gonna that's the only oh, whoa, whoa

Five star baby. She was high. Let's sort by newest She was high There they are They always put best up first Yeah Wendy says worst customer service ever the owner screams and treats every customer so bad The day I went in she decided she was going to first have my food Asian by the way No, shit. She said he screams and treats everyone so bad

But but based on that, please don't assume that he's Asian. I did. I'm just telling you he is I've been there. I know because I read what it just said. I know but what you're doing is a racist, you know How is that racist? I've never been yelled at by a black or a white owner of a restaurant I've only been yelled at by asian owners in restaurants generally. They are asian right always Not always but hurry up and pick up every time that's not it number two now. Yeah every time Why is it this when you're in a chinese restaurant, right? And they're so calm when they're talking to it, but when they turn to their so this is what I get Would you like to hear about our specials, right? Yeah, um, they tell you the special

Yeah, I'll have number three. Okay. Number three and then she'll she'll he'll turn around go Right and come turn back Why do they do that? Because they need to communicate loudly to the back of the kitchen Or how about this take the fucking order right and walk back there Why did they yell? Why did they yell? Let him bark baby. Let him bark. Okay. So yeah, he is I've been there asian. The day I went in decided uh first it's a woman on this one She first going to decide to have my food photographed and then packed it up expecting me to be happy with it

Then she didn't even want to give me my money back when I didn't want the food horrible customer service So he she wanted to take photos of it Because it looks so terrible What happened? H salt The H salt is off the building by the way, that's true. The letter H is falling off the building. It's very funny Yeah, prices have doubled fish is a burnt rectangle Lady will yell at you to put the food in the bag. I said I was eating outside at the table She ran over to take it away from a tray so I could carry the cardboard box. Wow. This can't be an H salt franchise

Something is wrong. Is it 80 cents extra for some tartar sauce? Oh, yeah regardless of kovat this rate lady is very rude loud loud and yells why This is great. Everything is over price. She tricks you into making things a combo and charges you for sauces Well, that's good. That's just good business. Yeah. Yeah, that's crap business I was there with my friend for lunch two fish sandwiches fries the worst sandwich I've ever had in my life bad service This is mean we should go there and write a really good review. I think I want to I want to eat it though. This is one of the worst quality fish and chips spots in the west coast Zero seasonings

Disappointed I am british. This is valid. Okay. Yeah, let me read it like this guy benji benjamin v He disappointed I'm british and this was not tasty chips with french fries and no chippy chips Fish was a thin rank tangle barely any fish I've been to other H salt and this is not good. Yeah, but then he took pretty good photos That looks okay This is my favorite chips with french fries and no chippy chips. Well clue in Benjamin we eat chips here. Yeah in a bag. Those are doritos. We eat fries and those are french fries not chippy chips Ben this is a good one

Haven't said haven't had it since I was seven Great service great food thumbs up. Do you think that's her at night? Right? This is her she's like get a picture on mexican boy put it up there Constance that's five from her. Yeah Donnie is three So it's not it's it's not too bad, but it does scare me on the way on the way through Is there a good place in LA to get fish and chips? I've heard on the west side. They've got good spots, but I don't go near the beach connie and teds

Yeah, it's a ripoff. I it's look it's good food, but connie teds. Why am I paying 80 bucks for it's a great place. It's a good Connie teds is great. I've had fish and chips there. It's good. I used to live up literally around the corner for I get it Right and the and the fucking sushi place next door. Yeah, don't go there. You know why why my buddy got fucking worms from it Exactly. I'm not kidding. Right got one tons of teds. Good. It's good. Yeah, it's good You you you're the type of person, right? I cook my own fish. Okay, but you're the type of person I cook my own fish. Can I just say what kind of type of person you are the guy who cooks his own fish? Yeah, you are that type as well. Thank you, right? But you're the type, right? That orders at a place like connie and teds sure right and um, then you get the bill

Right and you go jeez pricey, huh Whoppers Man sure wasn't worth it You know the price though Man, it's just fish and you know, I mean some some flavorings and some and whatnot But why is it 80 and then you're the type of person for that probably goes We'll tell the waiter like he has no fucking control over it

Right, you'll be like wow man. I you you probably do a joke. I had to mortgage my house on this one Do some sort of joke, right? And they're like, what do you mean? He's like, I mean an arm and a leg and a thigh Take everything. Well, can't be an arm and a leg and a thigh your thigh is on your leg already Yeah, yeah, the joke wouldn't work, right? It doesn't make any sense that you would say it, right? That's you, right? And then you probably like stand up and make a pic to do look at the tables. Yeah, boy There's something I don't know what the joke is You're that type of person though. Would you talk about willis? Okay, so check this out. I want to play this for you. This is fucking insane

The reason I need you to get help with your sleep apnea Okay, it's because they have these apps now that measure how you sleep when you sleep and also They can record you if you talk in your sleep. Okay a good friend of mine talked in his sleep It's voice activated. He leaves it next to his bed Okay, and it just picks up shit in the middle of the night. So when he starts It turns on You need to get this fucking thing. Listen to this. This is so real though. This is 100 percent real comedian No, this is a friend of mine from back home. Okay, good. This is insane. You can fake it. You know, uh, this is good

Ah, I can't fucking beat him. He's beating me to bits. He's beating me to bits, and then he's beating me to bits There's no way 100 percent swear to god of my life He sent me a dozen of them the app logs it so they put it next to your bed When you're sleeping and it just turns on the moment you start it starts to hear you Not listen that go what the fuck is wrong with he does that's why he's scared He wants to go get help because he's talking to sleep too much crazy I gotta get the app. What's it called? I already did the fucking prove less than a bitch's two discs

Let me show you how to store this Who store this? Wow, he's like mad in his sleep. Yeah, he swears a lot too. He does. Yeah Let's have four to hunt that you think except down to number two under that No, I just don't give you kids a window pop Bro, that this this this sound it sounds a little bit like he's speaking Yeah, like a language almost Let's have four to hunt that you think except down to number two under that

He's drunk. Maybe he's drunk in the sober No, but he's in oh in his dream. He's drunk in the dream. He's at a bar. That's good And he's whispering to like, you know, some old of the regular of the old lady that sits there. That's an alcoholic Yeah, and he's telling some story That's funny. Does that it that could be it. Listen to it again. Look what he just said here think of it in that way And then let's have four to hunt that you think except down to number two under that No, that doesn't give you kids a window pop. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's wasted. What is he in this one? She has to have balls pull her a bunch of

Oh, I know what it is. I know what he's doing. What he's teaching Wait in front of a class. Do you want to know how great you you're gonna think I'm insane. What he used to teach esl Yeah, that's what he's doing That this is That's so creepy. That's what I heard He's teaching but he's not he's walking you in the classroom, right? And he's telling a student something Because he you know, you know where he lived out of college. I don't know who this person is a good friend of mine Guess where he lived out of college if he taught esl. He taught esl English as a second language

where do you If i'm referencing you as my friend, where do you think he lived when he taught esl English as a second language new york out of this country spain Where do you think he lived joules? I don't know out of this country bf chang's exactly New york chang's thank you andres south korea Exactly fucking south korea. So he's telling this to a student a south korean student That's why he's walking around the class. He's not walking but that's what he's that's something banging in his bag

Exactly, that's what he's doing. She has to have balls pull her a version I tell you what Oops. Yep. Oops. You do got the answer wrong Oops, you got the answer wrong. Is that really what that is? Yeah, huh? We got to help my buddy though. Isn't that fucking wild talking in his sleep But what's the abs because I want to do it sleep talk how obvious How fucking annoying and obvious sleep talk is the name of the app Thank you for being a bad friend