Bad Friends - Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://meundies.com/fancy & https://www.doordash.com code: BADFRIENDS2022 & https://buffy.co code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriends 0:00 A Most Incr...edible Birth 09:03 Netflix is a Joke 18:35 Is Bobby a Guy's Guy? 28:45 Fancy Famous and Who is Superman? 33:41 Burn Out or Fade Away? 37:11 Madonna's Beautiful Downstairs NFTs 40:14 Like a Prayer and Papa Don't Preach 48:39 The Joke that Cracks Jerry Seinfeld Up  51:22 The Last Days of Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun This podcast episode was sponsored by Candy Crush Sponsorships: on for this episode Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 You two are bad friends! Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Who are you two or something? We're bad friends! Anchor! If you haven't heard about Anchor...
Starting point is 00:00:16 It's the easiest way to make a podcast. It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please. It's free. Awesome, that's cool. These are... There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer.
Starting point is 00:00:29 You do it from your phone like on the go. That's cool. And on the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and many, many, many, many, many more. Many, many more. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:00:42 You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. A woman born with two vaginas had...
Starting point is 00:01:04 Gave birthed... Wait, wait. In between. When you looked that up, a woman born with two vaginas, a woman in Alaska, has two vaginas and gave birth. But which hole did the baby come out of? Not the hole that I had sex with. Bob?
Starting point is 00:01:18 What? Let's see this. This woman... I was lopsided while pregnant. Woman feared her two vaginas and cervixes and wombs would leave her childless. Gives birth naturally. But is there... I would have taken a prop bed on which vagina the baby would come out of.
Starting point is 00:01:34 But the two vaginas is a... Like a Siamese twin that was underdeveloped, right? Oh, is that what that is? If you have two... She was born with two vaginas, two cervixes. So one of them is an underdeveloped Siamese twin. Oh, so all that's left of her twin is her... It's her sister's baby.
Starting point is 00:01:54 She's the aunt. All that's left of her twin is her pussy. Yeah. Like her twin is gone, her vagina is the only place left. Well, sometimes in India, a kid will be born with two legs and a hand sticking out of their back. Dude, when you see that, it'll be like a fist out of their face. Yeah, yeah. It's the craziest shit.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Right. Whenever I meet them, I always shake that other hand. And I always call it a different name. Hey, Frank. You shake their fist? Ted, excuse me. Yeah. This woman was born...
Starting point is 00:02:21 This is what I'm going to... This is what I want to know. Yeah. When the baby... When the baby's coming out, it sees two... Well, it doesn't see anything, but two vaginas, which one does it pick? And would that change its life? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:35 I don't know. Come on, dude. Oh, so it's a... The whole you come out of... The tube of destiny. Exactly, tube of destiny. The tubes of destiny. The whole you come out of very much dictates your complete future.
Starting point is 00:02:45 You think so? I 100% believe it. Why? Why would that matter? Because there's got to be some kind of powerful juice magic when you slide out that dictates almost everything. Maybe. So there's...
Starting point is 00:02:55 Look at George. There's two rules. Right. He came out of the wrong hole. He definitely came out of the wrong hole. He came out of the wrong hole. There was only one choice. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:03:03 He came out of the butthole. You're a butthole, baby. No. You are 100% a butthole, baby. Yeah. And the doctors were like, yeah, this does look like a butthole, baby. Yeah. My question is when they remove the limbs, like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:03:15 Sometimes this is what I hate about white doctors in Western medicine. We don't like white doctors either. I know. I don't want a white doctor. So in India, right, a kid will be born with like, you know, an extension of asymes to incoming or other body, right? And there's always like a doctor in America, I'll operate for free. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:03:32 Yeah. To get the publicity. Pro bono. Yeah. But it's like, what does... What does the kid think? Like, don't take off Larry. He wants his brother there.
Starting point is 00:03:40 I don't know. Someone to chat to at night. Well, especially when it's like a face, when there's, when there's a face, well, the face one is weird. Yeah. Yeah. These are all these deformities that we shouldn't... I just so sad to even...
Starting point is 00:03:54 We're not making fun of the person. I'm not making fun of the person. No. It's called Lakshitatma. Yeah. What is Lakshitatma? Zoom in a little bit there, George. Lakshitatma.
Starting point is 00:04:03 Oh, that's a human. No, that's not a... Yeah. What are you doing, man? That's Lakshitatma. They thought she was a god. Remember this, a goddess? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Yeah. Can you pinch so I can see her? Yeah. God, I wish fucking we had Carlos here. We need Carlos here. Isn't this insane that you bring this guy in who's been a fucking... This guy has been a podcast producer for how many years? 10?
Starting point is 00:04:25 12? Yeah. No, let me ask you something. Yeah, over seven. No, no, no. Let me make fun of him for a second. All right. Seven fucking plus years.
Starting point is 00:04:33 And I said, can you pinch and zoom? He can't do that. Do you know we pay him the most of anybody we pay? I know we do. I know we do. It's disgusting. For the next rest of the year, you're switching salaries with fancy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:41 So just let him... All right. He's a butthole baby. All right. So here's the deal. This is... Yeah. I have something to say about her.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Right? Go ahead. Here's the thing. I'm going to be very mindful about it. Right? Make sure you just focus on him for this job. Just imagine the cool jobs you could have as she gets older. Drummer?
Starting point is 00:04:59 She's the number one at the sweatshop. Locksheed. Locksheed made 15 nikes in 20 minutes. How? Yeah. Just 38 hands. There's another job that she could have. That's amazing, right?
Starting point is 00:05:10 Goalkeeper on a soccer team. Oh, my God. Nothing's going by her. Dude, imagine you're doing a penalty kick and she's with all her arms. You know what I mean? Yeah. You wouldn't know what direction, right? And in two of the arms, she's doing taxes on the other ones.
Starting point is 00:05:23 She's doing other things. Like, honestly, she's like Googling something. You know what I mean? With an iPad. I don't know what she's doing, right? But there's just so many things to do not remove those arms. I think you keep them. Yeah, that's a power.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Well, this says Locksheed before her 24-hour surgery, you know, seven. So obviously, she did get them removed. Yeah. That's really angered me when that happened. But didn't they think she was a goddess because they thought she was compared? Because what's the god of with all the... Shiva. Shiva has, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:47 But that also would be cool. It's just like, I would turn to my mom or the surgeon and go, please don't remove it because I've just been sitting on an altar eating grapes all day. Right. They've been feeding you grapes. That's her job. Now she's just a regular girl. She could her whole life just chilling eating grapes all day.
Starting point is 00:06:05 People were saving her. Picking a grape from here. This is very mean, but that image reminds me so heavily of the creature in the Simpsons. Do you know what I'm talking about? That guy. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The aliens.
Starting point is 00:06:21 The aliens. The aliens. Whoa, dude. That's heavy, dude. No, but that's... It's heavy, dude. No, no. Whoa, dude.
Starting point is 00:06:29 No, no. Hello. Yeah, yeah. Are you calling Eastern Indians aliens? No, I'm saying the image of the multiple arms doing things reminds me of the octopus. There's other references. She reminds me of calamari. That is an octopus.
Starting point is 00:06:43 That's one and the same. That's easier. We're on the same wavelength. Imagine if calamari looked like her. Would you eat it? No, no one would eat calamari. Do you like calamari? No, I didn't even like it.
Starting point is 00:06:52 I think it's gross. I think we lie to ourselves when we eat it because it's supposed to be like a delicacy almost. I think calamari sucks. Say chewy butthole. It's chewy butthole. Yeah, yeah. I don't want a chewy butthole. First of all, we're back to the old school days.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Yeah. We're back to the old school days because COVID once again got, Doc is sick for the fifth time with COVID. Yeah. Oh man, I got me one time. You know what it is? What? It's because Doc does all this NASA science stuff on here and the government's trying
Starting point is 00:07:15 to kill him. You know that. That's interesting. The government is trying to kill him. That's interesting. And he would, by the way, who would vouch for it? He would. He'd be like, yeah, man, they're coming after me, Drew.
Starting point is 00:07:24 Yeah, yeah. So he's gone. Rudy is gone. He's not faxed. He refused us to vote. I don't know if he's faxed. My assumption was that he wasn't faxed. He's not.
Starting point is 00:07:32 But we talked about it. We've got fancy sitting in the chair to fill in for both a little Block Magic. How did the show go? How did my show go downtown? Yeah. It was amazing, actually. What ended up happening, well, the night was great. My buddy Chris and I met up, had something to eat and I went to Theo's show at the Wiltern.
Starting point is 00:07:51 He had two shows. I went and did 15 or, no, I did 20 minutes before Theo. And it was awesome. It was me, Larabites, and Frank Castillo. Yeah, like Frank. They did great. I went up. I got a great 20. I did I haven't have a really fun 20 minutes. It was great Gave a hug to Theo and then we jetted over to the palace and I had a great time downtown I'm amazing. It was amazing to see LA come out for LA which was hard because I complained the whole time about Netflix
Starting point is 00:08:17 fucking Netflix a Thousand shows in one night the same night we performed. Yeah me and Theo down both close to each other Fluffy was at the fucking Dodger Stadium. My god. Malani was at the Hollywood Bowl. My god a Schumer was supposed to be doing a show, but she canceled because she got COVID Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were doing a fucking Reading a tape like a table read thing together. Yeah, J. Fair. It was like 40 fucking comics So thank I'm thankful for the people that came to my show. There's millions of people that live in LA though I know man, but there's but there's not million. They're not all comedy fans
Starting point is 00:08:51 Yeah, so the comedy fans that came I'm very appreciative of you think like the fluffy fans were making it just hey, bro It was between me for which one you want to go to bro? Fluffy or I don't know dog. I think between Between Santino and Iglesias. Yeah. Yeah, maybe Santino away. No, by the way I did have mostly Mexicans there because I asked how many Mexicans are there and they went not he knows He was that he saw how many I mean, dude It was like 80% Mexican which made me so happy and then there was about 10% Chinese Asians or Chinese we have I specifically said Chinese. I said how where my Chinese people at? Yeah, and I heard about 30 people About Korean. Did you know where my Korean people at but they heard that the Chinese I didn't say a word
Starting point is 00:09:28 I was in the audience. They were nervous. I was like, well cuz the Chinese were there looking at him Don't you dare amazing? No, it was really really fun. And now I'm almost done. So I'm really glad I was there You know what I did Saturday? I did the main room in front of ten people. So Well, why would you do a show on the weekend with the Netflix thing? I? Just did our Netflix show by the way at the our bad friends. I should say show it had nothing to do with Netflix What do you mean? I like they just put their name on it They put a box Somebody showed up put a box on stage and then left put a Netflix box
Starting point is 00:10:00 Yeah, a crew a guy who build stuff put a box together throw it up and then went home Yeah, Netflix had fucking literally nothing to do with it And I'm here to tell you cancel your Netflix subscription. Why just cancel it. No cancel it. I'm pro Netflix man. Oh You oh really? Yeah. Oh really? Yeah, I am me too. Let's be pro. Let's be pro Netflix you guys Subscribe subscribe to that place. They need the help They could use a boost, huh? It was a fun show our show our show was good. The problem was I Have a bone to pick with you I would I mean I could I just say this can I fucking let me pick the bone
Starting point is 00:10:43 My bones are there to be picked bud raise your arms. Right. I'm roadkill your fucking vulture, right? Right go ahead vulture before I do yeah, right. I've just been having a tough week Fuck off. I'll be gone. Okay The bone to pick that I've always had with Bobby and we've talked about this When we do a show together or when you do is your show the Bobby Lee and friends or when we do bad friends Bobby and I should go at the end But instead Bobby goes in the middle of the fucking show in the sweetest of sweet spots They're here to see us you get off and then you bring up two more comics and then I have to close the show
Starting point is 00:11:23 George is nodding cuz he knows it's insane. Yeah, but I asked you don't close it You can go up anywhere you want. No, dude. It's our show. We should close the show That's one of the worst things he did. What was the worst thing I did you tell doc after the show is over Oh my god, back and do 30 minutes. You know, you know, he went out and did time. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah doc went out and did like 20 20 more after ever after this was perfect because it got us to be able to escape I know but the poor bastard he goes out there. Yeah, he's like, oh man, but hey man Come on bad friends. Let's stay and people were getting up and they were like fuck dude Should I have to do I have to stay you know what you know
Starting point is 00:11:59 How like at the end of a movie after the credit roll somebody has told you that there might be an extra piece of the movie Yeah, yeah, that's what it was It was like a Marvel movie because when I saw a doctor strange We waited to the very end of the credits and the clip wasn't worth it was it was not that's how they felt when I saw Doc especially the Batman at one. Yeah, but that one. Yes, it's a question mark stupid stupid so dumb Yeah, but that's what we did. We put a question mark So we're walking out you guys all left early so you didn't want to get mobbed We're walking out with Esther and doc is just getting in the groove. Yeah, and I like he was on fire in his head
Starting point is 00:12:33 Did he get laughs? No, were you there? Everybody was confused They sat down again. Yeah, they had no idea what was going on. Yeah. Yeah, I just I love doc a little blood-backed man Blood-backed man. I love him He doesn't Get it Well, no, but here's what happened. He just told us I told us race The show is over you got to get him off stage go so Andres runs up and I'm scared that I'm gonna get yelled at by Doc for taking a stage time Andres comes out like tells doc hey show shows over guys
Starting point is 00:13:05 You can all go home and doc like comes out. He was like Thank you Bobby told me to do another 30 minutes. I was starting. I was about to start a big bit. You were joking He believed you you can't he's like a child. You can't joke with it. I was kidding around. Why would I think that? Because he believes that kind of stuff But can I just say this though He did great by the he did great, but I want to say this though He did five minutes right to open the show, right? Yeah, I paid him 400 bucks to do the show, right 30 minutes I
Starting point is 00:14:03 Understand five minutes for $400 is crazy. It's a little much. It's a little much. It's a little much. Yeah, so but also He we need we need to get him off of Amazon his contract is up his contracts up Also, did you also see this so when we did the question and answers at the end of the that show, right? A girl comes up to the thing and she obviously is hitting on doc. Yeah, right? She's just like so you're saying you know, so what kind of girls do you like? I mean, it's just kind of go look at me. Look at my body I don't know what was the spot. Oh God. No type. Yeah. Yeah, I don't got no type But that was a clear. Do you want to fuck me? Do you want to fuck? Yeah, right? He did not read it
Starting point is 00:14:41 No, cuz he doesn't want to fuck. I'm not focusing on these holes Can I say a theory go ahead and he can defend himself what next time he's here or not, you know, I just think that Let me still You know Do you think that, you know, if a bunch of your uncles were slaughtered because they were gay? You know from the gays, right awful. Do you think that's a terrible thing? And I'm so very Traumatized by it all. Yeah, you know, I think about it all the time. You do you think about it daily you text me I do I do and is that hereditary it is there there is partial scientific evidence to prove that it might be hereditary
Starting point is 00:15:21 But in my opinion, I would think if enough people in your family were gay, you'd feel left out Right, you think it's peer pressure. You think it's condition might start sucking just to fit in yeah, right I mean, look at you go to Thanksgiving and all your uncles are like and then we went to the manhole and we were Manholes amazing and so they're bragging about it and you're sitting there with your green beans and you don't know how to, you know Oh green beans What do you mean green beans? No, I'm saying you're Thanksgiving dinner Thanksgiving dinner, I said you're sitting. Oh, I didn't hear the thing
Starting point is 00:15:53 Oh, I see you're at a holiday dinner and you're fucking everyone's bragging about dick and you might want to throw your hat in the ring Right or toss your cock ring in the butthole. You might want to have a little bit of validity to and go, you know, I'm Also, I suck at dick, too You know, you might feel like you fit in Family gatherings are tough as that as it is because when the girl was obviously hitting on him on the show He had no interest. Yeah, she was actually very cute. Yeah, he was eyeing some other dude in the audience right behind Yeah, he's a lot more tight behind you What is this? There is no gay gene. There is no straight gene
Starting point is 00:16:29 Okay, so then it's true and not true at the exact same right human sexual orientation Has a heritable component. Ah, there's a component that you can inherit Yeah, and we're not like, you know, I think it's a great thing. You know, I mean, I I'm just like Here's what I don't like because of like we know a lot of comics that aren't out Yes, right. And there's like this we suspect Yeah, I mean, well, we know but yeah, we know but we can't there's no It's not it's not it's not our business to tell right but the whole idea that they can't Say it because it's a sort of social or the business and the business is very
Starting point is 00:17:09 It's it's it's not a good thing. I hate that well because the business if you're gay The business says you got to be fucking gay You can't like suck dick and throw a football. They don't like that. Yeah. Yeah, you one or the other to them If that's why the business is full of shit. They're like, we want diversity. No, they don't they want their version They want a gay guy that's like, yes queen They don't want They don't want a guy who's like, I just like to Fuck and fuck dudes because I'm gay, but I'm also I don't always have to we don't all have to sound like that
Starting point is 00:17:40 Yeah, it's like if um, have you ever seen the show? Um uh, the other Oh my god, the other two or I mean, yeah, the other two it's all it's fucking awesome. Molly Shannon plays his mom Yeah, it's such a good show if you haven't seen the show go watch it. It's on HBO Drew plays a struggling actor and him and his sister Helen of York I think is her name and their younger their younger brother this kid case walker is like a huge star a huge star and they're and they're in the background, but drew plays very much a young gay man
Starting point is 00:18:12 who's trying to maneuver through hollywood and You know not get lost in justice sexuality where he doesn't want them to just just promote him as just a gay actor Right, it's very true to form. It's wonderful. I think it's wonderfully written. It's beautifully done. It's I think Sarah Schaefer wrote. I think uh The writer two writers from SNL the head writers from SNL wrote it. I think Sarah Schaefer maybe is the Writers of it. Look who wrote it there. What does it say writers? Um, oh, yeah, Chris Kelly and Sarah Schaefer right from SNL And it's just cleverly done in a way that's like this is what the industry does they take somebody and if you're gay They're like you gotta gay it up a little bit
Starting point is 00:18:49 You're right and he on the show is like I can't why can't I just read it as me and they're like Could you be a little bit more gay and he plays with that world on the show? Because most gay people that I know aren't flamboyant in that way Well, I mean, there's some that all yeah, but it's just like who cares though and at the same time No, I don't care. It's just like it's not the stereotype that's on tv is so fucking fake Yeah, every gay person or every gay man is a yaskway Yeah, not every guy's like that. Just like not every guy's a big bad bully, bro Hey fucking the fuck chicks. There's a lot of guys like you
Starting point is 00:19:25 They're very sensitive. What soft. What do you mean? Well, you're not a guy's guy I'm still a guy guy. You're not a guy's guy. I got guy all the time. You're not a guy's guy I I'm I shave I don't shave Shave what hair you don't have hair to shave on your face. I know but I'm growing it out like a man Yeah, you put that beard. Yeah, it just takes a while. You put that mustache on 15 years ago and then 43 years ago That was prickly. No, you're not a guy's guy But let's get because I feel like I am but let's let's talk about that for a second because I need to explore this You're not
Starting point is 00:20:00 Raise your hand if you think Bobby's a guy's guy One for four guy guy one for four what one for four one for four Yeah, but these guys have resentments toward me and they have something again These guys are in love with you. Okay. So let's prove that I'm a guy guy. Okay. What do guy guys do that? I don't do sports of any sports. You can't play anything. I love ping-pong not a sport Okay, I love, um soccer I know but you don't play it
Starting point is 00:20:27 Really do you play football? Sure. I've I've kicked a ball around That's not what football is the soccer though American football. All right. Okay. So real football. I do like sports I like MMA a lot Okay, I watch it all the time. So that makes me a guy No, no, that doesn't make you a guy right women women like MMA too Making you a guy's guy means you're a kind of guy that men Feel a masculine vibe from and they want to hang out with but do you think you're reading my size?
Starting point is 00:20:57 And that also goes into it right most little men are like doc doc is doc doc a guy's guy. Yeah Dock doc black magic is a guy's guy. I'm not this is no no no doc is a guy's pal Not a guy's guy right and my guy's pal pal. You're a guy's pal. All right. So he's not a guy's guy He's not a guy guy, right? You're a guy pal, right? So we're both guys pals, right? You are is andreas a guy's guy No Right. He's a guy's pal. George is actually a guy's guy. George is a guy's guy. He is why because he raises chickens Well, yes, he's very he's very like Like George can camp he can set up a tent like George has manly skills that make him a guy's guy
Starting point is 00:21:38 Just because he's not you don't have to be in a sports to be a guy George and George does like sports But George has guy guy things he can do masculine Manly bullshit like the other day I bought this. Um, I think I know what you're saying So I went when I was in Oklahoma. I bought this time out real fast. You're a guy's guy. You're a guy's pal He's a guy's pal Fancy's a guy's gal. Oh, you're a guy's gal. I get it. Now you understand now It's very clear to me guys guys. You definitely are the guys guy pal gal pal. Yeah, I gal. I mean, look at how he's sitting That's a guy. That's a guy's gal. Yeah, guy. Yeah, the way he says or you said it. That's a gal pal
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Starting point is 00:24:29 I got boa steakhouse. I get all everything from bow from door dash. It's my favorite It's amazing because door dash connects you with the restaurants you love right now and right to your door Uh, you know those grocery store essentials. You can get those with door dash You can get drinks and snacks and household items delivered in under one hour dinner. Yeah. I love dinner dinner deodorant Check check morning pick me up from dunking donuts Check check get everything you need whenever you need it with door dash door dash is incredible I got over 300,000 partners in the u.s. Puerto Rico canada in australia support your neighborhood go-tos Or pick from your favorite national chains and let me tell you bob and I promoted this stuff because we both use door dash
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Starting point is 00:25:42 A thing where you put on the wall and you and you put your keys on it, right and some guy had a dream catcher I think I explained it wrong. Do you put keys on there that you wish of cars that you had? And In the back of it, there's no like way of like there's no hook or anything, right? So I just put it against the wall just slides off and I don't know how to do it, right? Right, so I looked at george and I go. Hey, can you do this for me? And the other day he brought screws and a little thing and he started doing it guys guys. Yeah, you never hung it up yet Um, I didn't want to get in trouble doing something to your wall
Starting point is 00:26:24 So I was hoping you would put a few nails into the wall. Oh, you want me? Oh, yeah, I can do that By the way a conscious guys guy He doesn't want to fuck shit up. He can help you, but he doesn't want to ruin it I'll put a hole right in your wall and not think about it. All right. Okay. That's a guy. I'm a neanderthal guys I'm not he's advanced. Yeah, I'm just like That's I want to break it and I'll fix it later All right, so then you know what? I think now I'm leaning more toward, you know, I mean a guys pal You're a guys pal. Yeah. Yeah guys guys guys pal guys gal. Yeah, or a gal pal
Starting point is 00:26:55 Now having sex, right? Does that affect the way you make love? Absolutely So do you do this like I lock eyes. You don't lock eyes Um, I always well, I don't I what do I do? Well No, no, I can't look into your eyes. All right. I I'm a eye locker. You just eye lock. Yeah, it's creepy Right. I'm closed eyes most of the time. Yeah. Yeah, like when I'm eating her out I we lock I have look at me. How did you you look she looks she's staring right now? Yeah, she's always going
Starting point is 00:27:25 No, no, stop stop stop But you but guys guys pals like you are more are more sensitive love makers. That's right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I do thigh work Me you do thigh work. George and I are ground and pound. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do thigh I do finger four leg lock and I've got All right, and I'm your naked choke. I'm drill. I'm just I'm drilling. Yeah All right, you're painting and maybe you'll find like an iron ore or something and sometimes you do get something good Yeah, yeah, you are painting strokes smooth smooth and soft. Yeah, yeah, George and I are jackhammer
Starting point is 00:27:57 All right, right, but can I just say this and Andres when he has sex he sings Ah You sing He just sings in Spanish when he makes love or a little creepier. He does what the riddler does and he sings ave Maria Yeah And they're just like and you wear that little green mask that you got at the army surplus store Right not by the way not to step on toes or infringe on people's privacy, but I gotta tell you Yeah, fancy's wife came along this weekend to say hi and I want to say this
Starting point is 00:28:33 She is Fucking beautiful. She is beautiful. She you have a stunningly beautiful wife. Yeah It is really it's and she's sweet and she's smart and she's cool and she's successful And I keep going. Why does she fuck fancy? And I know that's a cheap joke, but honestly after this morning right now Of course, she wants to fuck a gal pal Yeah, she wants a fucking guys gal. Yeah, she wants a gal pal because he's sensitive. He's sweet. He's loving He's carrying. He's hard-working. He's intelligent. Yeah, she wants a guy's pal. She wants a guy's pal. She wants a guy's pal You want a gal's pal? No, no, no, she is that what it is. You're a guy's pal. I'm a guy's pal
Starting point is 00:29:10 She would never fuck you. I she wants a guy's gal I get it which is fancy. I understand a gal pal. I understand. Can I just say something too? I think I saw a clip that really I had to turn it off because it kind of It put a chill down my spine and it made me shiver Right in a wrong in the bad way in a bad way negative shiver in negative shiver and what it was and I think I saw it Correctly. I'm not sure. It was at your show Were you in the audience? Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:29:39 Was there any point where you stood up Faced the audience and did a wave and got like a cheer. Yes. Yeah, that was the grossest thing Are you mad at me? No, not you It was literally the grossest thing he invited me stop stop stop. All right. Let him tap. Let me have it. Okay It's the grossest thing I had ever witnessed in a live show in my life Buddy, it's not a bad friends event. It's his own show number two, right? You're just soaking up love and it makes me so sad for you Right now. How did that feel defend yourself fans?
Starting point is 00:30:18 I was recording the event He was he was working the event and I was actually behind the curtains Well, you know and then Andrew said hey come here fancy. So I just like poke my head. I don't I never said I don't think you did that. Why would you do that on your own show? I went like this. I went like this fancy go back go back and he goes come on the stage Also, come here. Look everybody give it up for fancy B. The fancy Oh my god, get off my stage It's insane
Starting point is 00:31:02 They love fancy so much. That was that's what I felt. That was him. Yeah Um, because you know what the power of this show and the fame of the the success of this show Yeah, which we're very appreciative of for the fans. It's gone to some of these guys heads I I didn't want to say it out loud, but I believe that's I'll say it. Yeah, it's definitely gone to fancy's head Carlos now, I mean he he's gotten a little out of control because he's on a car I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know Because he's on a couple, right? He does this sometimes, but he does trash Tuesdays a lot, right? So he's soaking in a lot of like little side fame. You know, here's how that's his vibe, dude
Starting point is 00:31:42 Let's look at Clark Kent Okay, so if Superman can somehow Touch his friends and give them a little bit of his power. Oh, yeah, right Because he doesn't show off to fly. He only does it when there's an emergency. Oh the sky a skyscraper is falling I gotta fly up, right? Have to save it. But these guys let's say these guys were Superman's friends They would be all day long just kind of going a hundred feet off the ground On the street and just telling people like what I got. That's what it is. You know, man Look what I can do. If you could put a little laser out of their eyes
Starting point is 00:32:14 Right and burn like I could see this they're bringing all the neighborhood people out, right and putting a fucking like aluminum can on like a you know I mean, you're right Doing it and people going. Yeah, right. That's what they're doing. Yeah, it just pops a little bit. It's so Fucking sad. But can I tell you something? What? Who's Superman in this whole thing? Because he's really to blame You it's you
Starting point is 00:32:39 What? You're Superman. Thank you. You're Superman. I Superman. Yes. Yeah, you are. I'm Harvey Dent Oh, no, I don't believe that I know that's I know it's a different movie, but it's a completely different Different movie. Yeah, that's that's why I didn't equate. I just meant one side of my face is nicer than the other Yeah, you think there's a do I know, you know what I can say you are like Harvey Dent I think there's a duality. Yeah, and obviously you're a very sweet guy But then you sometimes scream. Yeah, sometimes I lose it you lose it and I you know, that's the Harvey Dent side I have very I'm very dent-esque qualities. I mean, that's the uh, you know, I don't what's the name of that actor Aaron
Starting point is 00:33:16 Aaron Eckhart, man, I fucking love that guy. He's a great actor. Thank you for smoking Yeah, that was amazing. God Aaron Brockford. This guy made a million fucking hits, by the way Look at how many hits he's made. London has fallen. Yeah He did one that was really bad. I Frankenstein Did he do that? Oh, wow, that is a bad fucking terrible at least he gets a chance to do big fucking bad movies I want to do a big bad movie. I want to be in a huge failure I want to be in a huge fucking failure. You do. I think there's something beautiful about that
Starting point is 00:33:47 Yeah, but if you stop getting into those situations, you get a bunch before that and then you do one big bad one And then they don't talk to you for a long time, which I think is kind of a beautiful thing Yeah, who's another who's somebody that had that going like a ton of shit went right and then one thing went wrong Yeah, but the rule thing that went wrong was really wrong. Look at Kim basingers career Kim basinger was supposed to be the next greatest actress Yeah, I have a I have a what movie did she do that? Well, let's see. I'm just gonna find out because she fell deep down the rabbit I know somebody that kind of like had to shift was uh, Halle Berry
Starting point is 00:34:19 Catwoman. Oh, that was bad for her. Yeah, that was bad for her, but she but she's so cool and beautiful No, she's in moonfall Yeah, she's in moonfall. That's good. Is it better to burn out or to fade away? Oh, wow, is it easy? I don't think the same thing No, what the fuck do we burn out and fade away? They're both bad Do you not know this song? No, no Better to burn out than to fade away My my
Starting point is 00:34:52 There it is, right. So who knows this song. Do you know what I'm sorry, but I want to know the difference between Neil Young I want to know the difference between I'm so sorry Burning out and fading away burning out. I'll give you okay. I'll give you a fading away fading away is what would be Go ahead Andres you want to make an analogy? Who's an actor that's faded away Like came back basting came basing or basically faded away. Who's an actor that burnt out fancy? Will Smith No, no
Starting point is 00:35:20 I'd go Robert De Niro faded away because he stopped doing like real roles Yeah, that's true. That is very fucked. That is so sad and so true because he started doing bad shit Like lame shit because he didn't want to have to act anymore, right? He wanted to do like fucking the the fucker not the fuckers, uh, rocking bullwinkle when he did that I was like, what the fuck is going on? He faded away now who burnt out, but can I just Johnny Depp? Johnny Depp burnt the fuck out He went out and he's going out in flames I don't think so. I think there's gonna be a he'll never come back from this
Starting point is 00:35:51 Those people both of them are like are gonna be fucking I disagree. I'll bet you my bank account neither of them will work again What is work again? Okay, now that they won't be movie stars ever again So what you're saying to me is I'm gonna be I'm not gonna sit in the theater You're not gonna see Johnny Depp in a blockbuster film. You'll see him in any indie movies. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah It's like it's like James Franco Franco is never gonna work again, but he'll work Do you know what I mean? They're never gonna make him a movie star again
Starting point is 00:36:17 Right because of all that shit, but he is gonna do he'll work But he'll never be a he'll never be in blockbusters like he used to be Hmm. No unless he does an indie movie that becomes a blockbuster I know, but I think I love when that happens But that'll only happen if but the industry the indie market is so fickle that I think they wouldn't let it go through Do you know what I mean? Nicholas Cage, you know, that's someone Nicholas Cage, but he's trying to come back He is coming through the movie round. Yeah, that movie helped him. It's not just that he did Mandy He did a bunch of like smaller really smaller movies that were really good
Starting point is 00:36:52 Mandy was so good, right? So I think that he is coming back He's trying but he but he has a chance to because he hasn't done anything fucking egregious Right These other guys are getting clicked. So they're doing fucked up shit and then they're like, well, we can't let you back Hmm. That's what happens Like they he's burning out. I I think it's better to fade away Than to burn out. I think burnout always looks bad Yeah, the Neil Young was saying you should burn out. He says it's better to burn out than to fade away
Starting point is 00:37:21 I don't know if that's true What do you want? I want to fade away Yeah, I want to say goodbye and good night But either way though, what does it mean? It's like if I burned out, right? Let's suppose I burned out and I burned out with money Like, you know, who's burnt out who but and but it's it's more tragic like Britney Spears burned out You know what I mean? It's like sad and it's weird now
Starting point is 00:37:47 And now it's like, you know who's about to burn out. I sent you that article Fuckin Madonna if she keeps whatever up. She's doing she's about to burn out She's gotten weirder and we're fucking like parting with Drake and Julia Fox. You're like, what do you what? Madonna reveals fully nude nfts and a shocking 3d model of her vagina Yeah, that's weird. It's just getting in a weird zone. Yeah, she's been a star for so many decades That's the problem. So you got to slowly fade away. You don't need this anymore. You don't need the money You don't need the attention. That's fucking hot as shit. That's hot as shit. Look at that It's like that of a tree
Starting point is 00:38:23 I see it's growing out of her pussy. I was right. You're right My bad Always pushing against the resistance of the earth So that I won't this is beautiful this video, by the way, this is so so it's just burning out here, baby It's always pushed the boundaries The bark saw off my branches Chop me down Burn me to the ground
Starting point is 00:38:51 They will never destroy my essence Don't take my glory Nor extinguish my soul Can you go whoa, that's a dope loop pause to the vagina part that it's blurry. They blurred it on purpose Oh, they did. Did you see that loop how incredible that was it went back to a flower that turned into a vagina again? I'm buying it Yeah, we're scroll down. I'm gonna buy this nft. I want to buy it It's actually a beautiful poem that she wrote to go along with it. Yeah My issue inherently is
Starting point is 00:39:21 Oh, it's with people Who people who the biggest he's the the biggest nft guy or like he started as a digital artist that was huge and then Jumped in that video. It's incredible. I'm gonna give her a lot of props. That was fucking awesome. I just think sometimes she's oh Now butterflies come out of her puss too. Yeah. Yeah See, this is what happens if you have a double vagina a kid comes out of one a tree grows out of the other one Yeah If you if you met a girl and she spread her legs and butterflies came out. What would you do? I'd save some of them
Starting point is 00:39:51 I know, but would you what I continue on? I don't know what could can butterflies hurt your penis I can't imagine they would nibble. Do they have teeth? They are you right. I don't know. I don't think they do do butterflies have teeth. I don't I don't think they do Yeah, but I think they would just flutter on your pink. Maybe it'd be add to the vibration Maybe or one would just land on the tip, right? Just one on the tip Just one on the tip butterflies don't have teeth. They do have probisks A probisks is basically an elongated snout that's straightened by hydrosatic pressure
Starting point is 00:40:22 Allowing them to drink the nectar from the two black flowers. They could drink out of the tip of your penis, bob Right, they would die instantly. So They would die instantly and then they shrivel up. I think it'd be harmless There's a fucking meme or there's a there's a trend on the internet going around about young people on On tiktok and stuff that didn't know that Madonna's like a prayer was about a blowjob It was Are you fucking joking? No
Starting point is 00:40:50 Wait, look at the lyrics for like a prayer. What do you mean? Just look up lyrics for like a prayer. What what I thought it was about Jesus and the praying Well sex and God and all these things are kind of intertwined the poem. She just did with that tree zoom in and look at this When you call my name, it's like a little prayer I'm down on my knees. I want to take you there in the midnight hour. I can feel your power. Yeah, that's God What yeah, you're getting on your knees. You're in church, right at the middle of night That's when God comes to you what God comes for sure You know what God comes to you at night and and he comes and let's read the lyrics. I close my eyes. That's how I pray
Starting point is 00:41:24 Oh my god, I'm thinking I'm falling. That's how I feel. That's how I feel when I'm coming I feel like I'm falling. No, I feel like my life is falling apart and I'm falling Well, this is a personal thing right now for you, right? So, um, Out of the sky you call my name is like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees I want to take you there. Where would you want to take God to? I'm down on my knees. I want to take you there to take you there to my pain. No Yeah But see it you're reading between the lines here. That's what music is bitch
Starting point is 00:41:51 Music is all about missing is about interpret. You whisper softly to me. That's how God doesn't yell Yes, hey cut it out. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's like cut it out. No, no, no. God's a yeller. Oh, yeah You're in control. You're right. You're in control just like a child now. I'm dancing. It's like a dream No, and no beginning you're here with me. It's like a dream. Let the choir sing you call my name It's like a bra. I'm down on my knees. Come on the midnight hour. I can feel your power This is about giving head Yeah, I don't read that one or getting or getting head. It could be her getting head. Okay
Starting point is 00:42:27 About papa don't preach that It's about fucking her dad Buffy the greatest thing that you've ever done for me. Andrew of all time Is doing the show with you. I know that and but the second greatest thing is you got me a buffy comforter I did and to right now the but that buffy comforter is on my main master bedroom And here's why I like buffy comforters. Why genuinely, okay? It's about to be hot It's starting to get hot in la bingo. Buffy comforters. Don't get you sweaty. Okay. They stay super soft and super cool Technology, it's like cool like last night. It was hot. Yeah, and the buffy comforter was cool
Starting point is 00:43:03 It's so you know, sometimes you have to flip your pillow right to get the cool side The puffy comforter is always cool. It's always cool, baby. You don't have to flip it. It's softer than cotton It's naturally soothes your skin. It's sustainable. Eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow and its fiber is produced by recyclable earth friendly solvents It's hypoallergenic just like bobby, which means you won't sneeze Plus its high thread count shuts out dust mold might for a healthier sleeping environment It's machine washable man Thanks to an innovative stitching pattern that keeps it fluffy fill in place
Starting point is 00:43:34 It keeps it fluffy the inside fill of each comforter is made from 100 recycled bottles that are transformed and give it a second life As a super fluffy fiber. It feels even softer than down while keeping approximately 50 bottles out of landfills and ocean For $20 off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co and enter bad friends You can try a comforter in your own bed for free if you don't love it return it at zero Cost for $20 off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co like I said and enter bad friends That's right for $20 off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co and enter the code bad friends Papa papa I know you're gonna be upset. All right. There you go
Starting point is 00:44:11 Because I was always your little girl, but you should know my now. I'm not a baby. Oh, she's saying I have hair down there Is that what she's saying? She's hitting on her dad, right? Dad, I have hair down there. You always tell me right from wrong. I need your help. Please be strong I may be young at heart, but you know what I'm saying. What are you saying? Are you saying daughter all of all of her stuff is sexualized? Well, like I'm the dad and say that to me the way the lyrics are and I'm the dad You want me to sing them to you? Yeah, it's like I'm home from school Well, maybe she's from college papa. I know you're gonna be upset because I was always your little girl
Starting point is 00:44:41 What? Wait, wait, wait. How was school? Well, you should know by now I'm not a baby This sounds like the intro to a porn movie. Right. This is like a step porn movie and you hear it Daddy, please be strong. Yeah. Yeah. I hate the word daddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. I hate it Does Kyle ever call you daddy? You don't do that sex stuff daddy. She calls me a papa. That's cute. That's endearing That's endearing. Yeah, but not daddy. You know whose wife calls him daddy I know when she was when she was ready to go. She goes daddy. We have to go home now. Oh my god
Starting point is 00:45:18 Yeah, and he goes shut your mouth Andrew and he didn't want me to talk about I didn't want to talk about No, you know what he does when he gets home and I and this is not even a joke. I really believe this Um, you put on a black leather right Velvet velvet like a gim a gim and a no the mask has only a zipper here, right? And you get into a wooden fucking, you know, I mean cabinet or something, right? And you go good night And she closes it. She locks it
Starting point is 00:45:46 Right, and that's how you sleep. That's how you sleep. Nothing sexual about it, but that's just comfort for him Do you do that? Yeah, how do you know? I have a feeling I just have a feeling that Andres is the one in the relationship that wears lingerie Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He feels like he wants to be pretty Yeah, what is it when the girl fucks him with the dildo pegging? She pegs you. Oh, yeah, right? It's look Personal you don't disclose this. You don't we disclose it. You don't have to we're doing it for you And then you look at the dildo and you go USA
Starting point is 00:46:25 That was part of becoming a citizen. Yeah, you can only use dildos made in usa Or china because that's you know Can I say something every dildos made in china? I also want to just ask you a personal question if you don't mind, right? He definitely minds. Yeah, um You don't seem like somebody that is an aggressive aggressor Right in terms of like who made the first move when it comes to boinking back in the day when you first dated her I did. Do you believe that? No, I guess I don't either. Yeah. Are you excited to go back to? Oklahoma to film. I'm not going back. Wait. Where are you leaving to florida?
Starting point is 00:46:59 Why what's in florida? I'm doing will sassos movie Oh, wow, just a couple of scenes. Is it something he wrote? No Companies, I don't know. He's in it. Yeah, he's in it. He's the star of it and they asked me to be In a couple of scenes. That's awesome. Yes. I'm just gonna go do that back to the old mad tv days you and the sass Yeah, and I just worked with Ike and uh Nicole and those guys for history of the world curl wasn't on bad mad tv. Was he no, but he was there He was around. He's like Producing it or something
Starting point is 00:47:31 history with mel brooks. Is it a remake? Unless that they're doing the second part I love there, you know Well, the real whole reason why I did it was because I thought I'm gonna meet mel brooks, but I guess he's not he doesn't come He does everything through zoom because of coven and stuff. He's a old man. He's a hundred Isn't he the oldest man in the world the 2,000 year old man a 2,000 year old man? Yeah George because mel brooks is somebody somebody I grew up with 95. Yeah, like he's insane He's not 80. That's not that's insane because you know as a kid even I remember watching space balls or like, you know
Starting point is 00:48:10 Blazing saddles and young frank and young frank. Oh my god. One of the greatest movies of all time into the comedy That movie is so fucking funny. His bloodline is incredible. What do you mean? Albert brooks? Oh, yeah, that's his son Are you joking? No, albert brooks is mel brooks's son What planet am I living in? I did not know I honestly I did not know. Wait, I don't believe you I don't believe you. I don't believe you somebody look at my son I don't believe you I will say isn't isn't uh Super dave osborne was name. His name was bob einstein. He was albert brooks's brother. Isn't that true? Isn't that crazy?
Starting point is 00:48:50 Albert brooks is bob einstein Aka super dave osborne rest in peace. He's his brother He was so good. He had the best joke albert brooks's dad is Number one and also The movie mother has nothing to do with this. Well, anyway, yeah, yeah, I fucked it all up Super dave osborne by the way has the best joke go to youtube if you want a good laugh Super dave osborne told a joke to seinfeld and larry david on the set of um
Starting point is 00:49:19 curb do super dave osborne curb joke And I got to tell you Maybe one of the funniest jokes i've ever seen live and you can tell that neither of them know it was coming That's it right there marty funkhauser Watch this bob. You have to watch this clip Jerry marty funkhauser. Hey marty. How you doing? How you doing? Good want to hear a joke? He doesn't want to hear a joke. We got a read through. Yeah, we gotta just get right through it Okay, a woman's very afraid of the size of her opening. What is she afraid of the size of her opening?
Starting point is 00:49:50 So she goes to her mother. She says what am I gonna do? I'm so big down there when I marry harry He's gonna divorce me Her mother says don't worry sweetheart. It runs in the family do what I did when I married your father Go to the market get some raw liver put it in there. I'll never know the difference. Oh my god So she does they have eight hours of sex after their marriage She wakes up at 10 o'clock. He's gone. But there's a note on her pillow Says my darling harry it to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so A lot of them surprised didn't wake you up
Starting point is 00:50:18 The only reason I'm not here now darling is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house A picket fence will have dogs and children. Oh, this is not so bad. Oh, yeah, this is great. Will you finish the fucking joke? Okay, when the five o'clock dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossamer of your loving your arms Your loving husband harry. That's nice. P.S. Your c**t is in the sink From what I've heard Seinfeld didn't know the joke was coming. Yeah. Yeah, so just rewind just I want to see his Response or just a second back when he says it watch watch Seinfeld's face. Yeah I want to see this dinner bell rings. I will be home like the winged gossamer of your loving your arms your loving husband harry That's nice. P.S. Your c**t is in the sink
Starting point is 00:51:06 Okay, you told the joke. Let's go. I'm good at that. Oh, he surprised me He really thought he was funny, I think rest in peace. Yeah. Yeah fucking Bob Einstein. He died. Yeah, super day passed away. How? I don't remember. I remember it was it was only like a year or two ago, right? Wow. He died. Yeah, super day click on super day George, please. Yeah, I don't remember how he passed away And he wasn't an old she was he was a young man Um, he was 76. Yeah, it's quite that's so young relatively. I guess yeah. Oh cancer. Yeah, fuck cancer gets you out. It gets you My buddy my buddy's going to see his a family member that's got cancer today and it's uh
Starting point is 00:51:53 That's it. I feel comedy coming I feel a joke coming The joke is no so whose friends it has cancer No, my buddy's uncle and he's going to see him today. I felt terrible for him because they got like, you know They get the end diagnosis if I if I told you yeah, it made me think genuinely If the doctor says Bobby you you got four months to live And I'm not and there this is it. Yes. What are you doing for four months? You're gonna quit the podcast. Oh, yeah, you'd quit
Starting point is 00:52:26 Fuck yeah No, there's just too much to do. I there's just too much to do but we could we could we could we could Chronicle your cancer and your death. I got the before that I have to get this golden clock and start to valley Right, that's the first thing that's literally the first thing is I gotta get because I'm at four million dollars now Right and it costs 10 million dollars because I already bought the obelisks and I bought the fucking um The little staff that gets you returns home, right? So I'm like I'm I'm like a week away from getting the fucking golden clock So that's the first thing I did you're right there. I'm right there, right? Would you would you quit tiger tiger belly? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They're all gone. There's too much to do man
Starting point is 00:53:02 I'll get the second thing is is that I would call Bethesda as the golden clock Maryland. Yeah Bethesda, yeah, I think they are in Maryland But there is a city called Maryland, but Bethesda softworks and I go can I get an early audition of starfield? They're the game that's coming out in November an early edition Yeah, because I'm sure they're working out the kinks, but I got kinks with all the kinks I don't care because I'm dying in four months. I gotta play it. I've been waiting 15 years for this fucking game Is kinks a racial epithet? What I don't know they used to call that to me in high school
Starting point is 00:53:33 But I was I was waved when they called me that good. What's up? You fucking kink. Yeah, yeah So you want that so you want the golden clock? So what else would I want you want to get the stardew valley Bethesda asked if they can give you the early release What else are you gonna do four months, man? And then the real stuff I would do that, but I'm not being real But also I would make some amends Not all right, and then I would also do this. There's a guy that you can hire To speak on your behalf at your funeral So there's a guy that you can hire so this guy you hire and he'll say stuff like
Starting point is 00:54:07 Uh, yeah, so ted died, but he wants your wife amanda. He's been he's been seeing somebody else for the last 10 years Or this guy will say stuff like yeah, frank. He was gay Right, right. He didn't want to come out when I was alive. What's this man called? What I don't know what his name is the truth spitter I I don't know, but I would hire him to say certain things to people. Yeah. Yeah while you're alive or wait No, I'm dead. Yeah, so we have to get together with that guy and go all right So I want you to say this to kevin, right you have to say this to kevin And but kevin won't go to your funeral, but I want to make sure he goes. I like that. Yeah. Yeah, you have to say this to dr
Starting point is 00:54:45 Ken You have to say this to andrew. Yeah, right up to me. Yeah, yeah Yeah, there's just certain things that he needs to say to people that I can't say You know what I mean while I'm alive. What is it for me that I love you? Is that what you can't say to me? um It was okay Have you know, I would I wouldn't hire them to do that Now I would say all the things that I was going to say to you. I would say to your face
Starting point is 00:55:10 Yeah, I would hope so there would be some letters, right and then there were some be some stuff I would want to say after I'm dead and then um Are you taking any trips four months? You're about to die. You're not gonna go where am I gonna go? I'm gonna be dead there too. I mean, I'm dead. I'm no, but I'm jumping on a private jet to go where all the places I haven't been Yeah, but for me, I've never been everywhere, but I've been to every environment I would jump on a private jet spend 24 hours in a bunch of different places and just keep jettin around I would waste all my money on private. What I'm saying is what's the difference between toloom and hawaii if they're all tropical
Starting point is 00:55:45 So why would you want? I haven't been to toloom, but I've been to hawaii. Who gives a fuck, right? I think toloom and hawaii are completely different places. I know in terms of in terms of in in the Temperature temperature climate. Okay. There's way more than just temperature All right, so there's palm trees in hawaii and toloom. What else is different except for mexicans culture food What do you mean? But like the hotel room is what bobby's saying, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, the four seasons is the four seasons everywhere. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah, that's insane. Yeah, right. So I've been to um Um, cold places like I've never been to Antarctica, but like why would I want to go there? Why not? I've been to canada Same place. Yeah. Yeah. It's the feeling is a little bit more south a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right
Starting point is 00:56:24 So you're not taking trips right not gonna trips. What else are you gonna go try anything? Like you're gonna jump out of an airplane or bungee jump or do something you've never done before No, because I'm gonna be in heaven. I'm gonna do that there You don't have bungee jumping anymore and heaven after the accident Oh, really they had to stop doing it You would think there would be like you either have a little fucking bungee attached to a cloud one guy fucks up It ruins it for everybody. Ah He went all the way down to hell. Mm-hmm, right, right. It snapped pull me back up
Starting point is 00:56:50 I just couldn't Yeah, so then um, what else would I do? Um, a lot of Rick real amends like I'm sorry that I did that Yeah, but what about for you? What about what don't you want to feel some gratification for would you use again? You'd probably relapse. No, I would you wouldn't no. I want to see god sober Oh, I know I I don't be dying. Oh, sorry god. Hold on. I'm a little bit I'm going to heroin detox Do you think it when you die of heroin you're high when you get to heaven or hell? I think you're groggy a little bit up there. So how many days do they take to get back to normal? Probably a week
Starting point is 00:57:23 Yeah, you just sign a cloud Just twitching and sweating going through fucking withdrawals, right? Yeah That's the worst would be if you If you're going through withdrawals and then you're in a pit of fire in hell And you never get away from the withdrawals. That's what hell is wow you withdraw for the rest of time That'd be fucking what would you do? I told you partially I would get on a private jet and I would literally tour with my family and friends All over the world and just spend like a day in a bunch of crazy places spend money eat that means he has money
Starting point is 00:57:52 Eat as much food but spend every time I have right I had zero intention on keeping any of my money if I knew I was gonna die Oh, so you wouldn't leave some for your sister for who your sister get a fucking job Your family get a fucking job. Yeah. No, I would leave some for my brother and zero not one fucking dime will be left when I die Why I can't have a little no nothing I'm spending literally all of it in fact I'm gonna have an accountant budget out what I could spend where I could eat fancy restaurants private chefs I would spend every dime I've ever fucking worked hard to make and save
Starting point is 00:58:24 I'd take it all out of everything that I've ever invested in and I would throw it I would throw it away so fucking fast, but I wouldn't buy things. I would do it buy experiences I'm buying private jets all over the world to exotic places to eat amazing meals And and bone my womb bone my woman on the beach And get a ticket for it. Yeah go to prison for it And then I would after I tour tour around the world for one month jet jet jet setting Then I would spend the next month um
Starting point is 00:58:58 Seeing family and extended members of friends and saying my goodbye And I would say because I don't want this close to the end. I want to do it now and get it over with And then the last two months I would try to physically set hollywood on fire I would literally go to every every studio. I'll help you do that and I would every studio Comically, I would set up. I would try to blow up every studio. You know what I would do the day after you your funeral This would be devastating. So I'm at your funeral, right? Right and people are grieving. Yeah, they're grieving. I'll say how I'll hug your parents
Starting point is 00:59:33 Right, your sister. I'll hug a little extra. No Yeah, just a little extra because she's grieving Right, it's okay Right, hold on. No, right. So then um And the next day I would come to the studio and continue bad friends with Anthony just hold neck Would you be mad? No You'll be in heaven the money would still go to my account Would it really? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I've set it up that way
Starting point is 01:00:02 All right Yeah, I wouldn't honestly would you guys please if he died And doc still wanted to do it and jewels and everyone wanted to do it and we just needed a second guy It would not be the same without you. Okay, but would you if I would you continue it? Be honest I would hope you would Just because I'm dead. It's really hard on the name and the brand. All right. Who's we? me So the brand baby. So what would you do man? I would definitely keep doing it. Yeah, how about you George?
Starting point is 01:00:35 No way. No way. It wouldn't be the same. You got to start something different. God bless. Oh, it would change the name a little bit Stop it. You're good friends. George Kimmel. You're the fucking man. I love you to death. You see that I was giving you guys an out. I said, yeah, you should continue doing it But George what he said he goes we should change the name and start a new show What would you do the day after my funeral? Like a ken jong in here I just I know so many more koreans now. I know you do so Steven young could pop right by yeah You know who really fit in david
Starting point is 01:01:03 Cho, yeah, I would fucking love to that would be a banger No, but let's be honest. You want the truth? Yeah Nobody In my comedy career too. Have I ever had what I have with you? Nobody me too. No, no, I'm serious. I've been real There's nobody I've messed with as more as fun as we do Comedically than any comic I've ever worked with so no, it would never be the same and that being said We want to take two seconds right now to say thank you to the fans
Starting point is 01:01:29 It means a lot to us that you guys watch the show We continue doing the show with or without little black magic and Rudy they'll both be back when they can And we also want to remind you We are doing more fan interactions. We're going to be setting up some stuff and We're not going to announce the date, but we are going to be doing a bad friends live soon Live stream doing a bad friends live stream soon. So you can you can see that we've got a ton of special surprises 2023 we also want to do way more live dates. Yes, and to go on the road next year We want to do we want to do a bunch of stuff together to come see you guys
Starting point is 01:01:58 We're also going to sometimes now have some guests on we're going to start having guests on the show as well Yes, so if you guys have suggestions name down below who you guys think you'd want on this show So comment who you guys think would you'd want on the show? and we'll We'll start we'll start having some fun guests on the show because we think it'd be nice to mix it up a little bit and then After that I want Andres to close out the show and And take us home fans
Starting point is 01:02:24 Thank you for being a bad friend

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