Bad Friends - Rudy & Fancy's Betrayal
Episode Date: November 15, 2021Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com Thank you to our Sponsors:  https://betterhelp.com/badfriends & https://www.babbel.com/badfriends & http://hellotushy.com/badfriends & https://www.meundies.com/badf...riends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/ More Doc Willis Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/docwilliscomedy 0:00 Happy Birthday, Rudy! 8:46 Black Magic Is In The House 12:30 Doc's Love Live 22:51 Mr. Silverman, Will Smith, Morgan Freeman: Movie Remakes 34:28 Scissors Bros. Want to Start a War 44:20 Andrew Meets Really Hot Guy On This Is Us 48:28 Wakanda Forever 1:00:13 Jeremy Watkins Phone Call 1:06:57 Steebee Weebee Phone Call More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You two are bad friends!
Who are these two idiots?
Why do you think I'm an Asian dude?
You two are disgusting.
You two are something.
We're bad friends.
Happy birthday to Jules, Juliana.
Why do you have to steal the show?
Why do you have to steal the show?
It can't just be a group thing?
Wait, wait, stop.
This is plural. Bad friends.
Bad friends, plural.
Can I make a comment before...
May I make a comment real quick?
Of course, please.
It's good to see you, number one.
Great to see you.
Had a great time in Mexico with you.
You know what's so funny?
Yeah.
The best time I had in Mexico was with you.
Not on stage.
Okay, we'll talk about it in a second, right?
But the third thing, if you ever talk to me like that again,
I'm gonna rip your eyes out.
Shit.
Alright, so I wasn't trying to be
steel-focused, right?
I just, you know, I get nauseous
when I hear the same song over and over again.
Okay.
So I try to make it my own.
Alright, let's do the black version of Happy Birthday.
Oh, yeah, let's do it.
You know the black version of Happy Birthday?
Why does this fucking song still go?
No, no, no.
The white version is...
Happy Birthday.
The black version is...
Happy Birthday to ya.
Look, see, let's act cool.
Happy Birthday to ya.
Happy Birthday to ya.
You see what I'm saying?
You feel like Bobby?
Yeah, and Fancy got a cake.
Ooh.
What?
From Porto's.
Favorite.
Wait, stop, stop.
One last thing.
Can I complain about one last thing?
What's that?
Beautiful cake.
I love Porto's, right?
But when I...
Can I just say something?
When I get my cake...
Can I just...
When I get my cake, right?
I get it from the Vons.
No, we got her a Porto's cake.
I know, when I get a cake.
Because she's important.
I get a cake.
She's a beautiful, young, smart, vibrant...
You go straight for some sort of like...
Gas station.
Yeah.
Right, AKA or CVS.
They're not a bakery, right?
They're pharmacy, right?
We got your cake from...
I get those cakes.
She gets...
I said the cheapest.
We didn't even get you Vons.
We got you Johns.
I know.
I know.
We got you Johns.
Yeah.
And the guy who made the...
Who did the...
Did the like the naming on it?
The spelling?
He had cerebral palsy.
He like couldn't do it right.
I'm dead serious.
All right, so...
Your gift is in the mail.
Your gift is in the mail.
What is it?
How many times...
Stop for a second.
How many times have I told you that the gift is in the mail
and the mail always comes and I get your gift?
Just one time.
One time.
How about this, Bob?
You said you were going to get me a gift for my birthday,
which is a month...
I forgot.
Yeah.
I forgot it.
And you said it was in the mail.
You lied.
You said the exact same phrase.
I went under the light, but...
Can I say this?
I'm going through a hard time.
It was a month ago, my birthday.
I know.
I apologize.
My birthday was the last month, too.
And guess what?
The next one?
I might not make it.
I might not make it.
What?
I might not make it.
I know.
But if you do make it...
Happy birthday.
All right, let me say this.
Yeah.
Two things.
One, we had so much fun in Mexico.
Jules, I'm sad you weren't there because you would have loved it.
And the second show was actually great.
First show was bad, second show was great.
And two...
Okay, so...
Wait, and two...
Yeah.
Right behind you, we got the tops of Turtle Island.
Amazing.
And I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen.
Can you guys see that on camera?
Turtle Island.
Yep.
It's our kid show.
Oh, yeah.
It's so cool.
Yeah, this is great.
Top of Turtle Island.
Yeah.
And today's the word is haters.
And our special guest is Black Magic Doc.
That's you, Black Magic Doc.
I don't...
Why does Rudy have hair on her face?
Because she...
Well, that's something we wanted to talk to her about.
Yeah, yeah.
Honestly, she has, like, hair on her face.
Yeah, she's...
Well, we're all muppets.
We're all muppets.
Yeah, but there's no hair here.
This is what normal...
Why my muppet look like a manual Lewis look?
You look like a manual Lewis.
Yeah.
You 100% look like a manual Lewis.
Okay, well, I guess so.
Well, this...
You're too thin here.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So, if it went this way...
You know what I mean?
Like, but there's not enough, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Canvas.
It's just too thin.
I hate it, bro.
That's what I'm saying.
All right, so first of all, I want to give Rudy my gift.
Gifts.
Because I got you multiple gifts in the receipts at the bottom in case you want to take any
of it back.
I am never included on all of this.
No problem.
I'm so excited.
I went shopping just for you because I saw it.
I said, what really is Rudy Rudy?
And look what I got you.
What is that?
Show the camera.
Show the camera.
What is that?
Is that a black Barbie?
Ocean Barbie.
Oh, okay.
It's a Barbie that's... she's brown from a part of the ocean.
How do you find ocean Barbie?
I ordered ocean Barbie for real.
There's an ocean one?
That's ocean Barbie.
Is she dead in the water?
Is that...
She's like on a...
She swam here.
She swam here.
Okay.
And what is that?
Look at that.
A mini little waffle maker.
That's cute.
That's dope.
And the last thing is something very just cool.
It's tiny in there.
It's just a... it's a girl thing.
It's a jade stone roller to make your... to keep your face young.
What?
Because 20 is pushing it.
Carlotta has one.
They're dope and you keep them in the fridge and it feels good on your skin.
Yeah, Carlotta has one.
No, they're great.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I have...
What?
To keep your shit young?
Yeah.
I mean, you're fine.
You're black.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Old red bones over here.
So look... so check this out.
Ocean Barbie.
She's... it literally says on the back, she swam here.
Oh.
She swam here.
And it's nondescript over where she came from.
But look, it's a doll lined from recycled ocean bound plastics.
So she was cleaning up plastics while she came here.
Wow.
Isn't that cool?
So all the lighters, I feed the dolphins.
They get made into Barbies.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
So when people are like, don't litter in the ocean, you're like, yeah, right, we get Barbies
out of it.
Right.
I feel like keep littering is how I feel.
That's how I feel about it.
100%.
Yeah.
I'm telling you to keep littering.
I love it.
But race is this, you think.
So on the packaging...
For some reason, I need to know the race.
But look what it says on the back.
It says...
Say it.
Look what it says.
What?
It says made from recycled ocean.
That part?
No.
Scan here for more?
Hey.
What?
Hey.
Yeah.
This is where you make up a joke.
Can we do it again?
Can I see?
Yeah, let me see.
You know what it says?
It says mixed race Barbie.
It said, unlike most mixed race Barbies, this time the dad is white and the mom is black.
I love it when that happens.
That's what it says for her.
The dad is Bill Burr.
The dad is either Bill Burr, Robert De Niro.
Or Gary Owen.
Gary Owen.
Gary Owen.
Gary Owen.
We're sure Gary Owen.
I don't even know who he's dating, but we're sure Gary Owen.
So do you like ocean Barbie?
I love it.
Awesome.
But you like the waffle maker.
You like the waffle maker the most.
Yeah.
You make me a waffle Saturday morning or what?
Maybe.
Ooh.
Throw some shade.
Throw some shade.
How was Hawaii, Island Girl?
It was good.
Yeah.
You had fun in the sun?
Yeah, but I wanted to go to Mexico.
Yeah, we wanted you to be there.
And by the way, you know your group, they paid for a room for her and everything?
Yeah.
And you know what?
I found out she got the fucking ocean view.
I'm not kidding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You got a fucking ocean view room.
We got the jungle view and no one was in her room.
I said, can I switch?
And they were like, no, it's for a woman.
It's for a female room.
Yeah.
I never saw Nikki all week.
Nikki was there for one night.
Oh, she was.
She was there for one.
I saw her when she got in with Andrew and then they took off.
She sang Taylor Swift and went home.
But we're really appreciative of the people that came out.
That was really cool.
It was so much fun, man.
It's like it took a lot of photos.
It hugged a lot of people.
And it was a real, you know, people, they would have recognized you too, Doc.
Doc.
They would have loved it.
Yeah, they would have loved it.
Fantastic.
And I really believe, Rudy, I mean, Jules, that we saved you from a traumatic experience.
Big time.
Was that bad?
That first show was traumatic.
It was.
It was bad.
It was chaos.
But it's okay.
It's okay.
No, you know what?
You know what?
We're warriors.
We're warriors and we stormed right through.
No.
Like, like I'm gonna have to say it afterwards.
Yeah.
I have never seen you so sad.
I mean, there was one point where I was just kind of, it was hot.
It was so hot.
I'm just laying there sweating and just figuring out what the fuck just happened.
Yeah.
And I look over to Andrew and Andrew looked like.
Yeah.
I had my, I had my head straight down to my hands on my knees.
Like with his hands down like this.
In between my legs.
Like, it was like a thinking man.
It was more like, I killed myself, man.
I killed myself, man.
Yeah.
Like it looked so sad.
I was very depressed I looked at him I go you're right man, and you go. I'm not I'm not yeah
We let them down. I kept saying we definitely I
Just because the professionals okay doc the fucking equipment was broken
I wasn't and they try to fucking railroad us. Yeah, that's right, right and we survived. We survived, right?
And then in Saturday when we did the show again, right?
We made sure that that was not gonna happen and it didn't happen and it didn't happen. It was amazing, okay?
So I'm gonna tell you that we preserved my little man. I love your face buddy, right?
I know true. I love James Baldwin. Do you love him?
What does that have to do with that?
I like James Baldwin too. Yeah. I like black magic for his name. Yeah black magic is amazing. I like little black hole.
Little black hole for me
It's a fantasy and it's not like a sexual thing. It's at all. Okay. It's more like you know
Let's just put it this way. We don't have to cut this out. Oh, no, all right
We won't but and I honestly I'm gonna do this do it and in God and if you die
It would be so sad, but if you did okay, right? I would go straight to the mortuary
Okay, before they cremated him. Okay, and I would go just save the
Say oh the touch
Not that I don't want the cheeks just a sleeve. No, just the ring the sleeve. Is that what you call the ring with the sleeve?
I don't want the sleeve just the ring
Yeah, yeah, I would have said sleeve, right? I just want the calamari part
Right, and they're gonna be like well, that's weird. We'll just we know cuz we cremated with the rest. No, I go
No, I don't understand like a pumpkin. Cut like how it out carve it out like a pumpkin, right?
It is there any way to dry it out so that like oh my god
Let's be real
They're like dry out now an anal rectum muscle I go off. You know what just give it to me
I'll do it at home
Pete is searching. Can you dry out an anus and anus and save it?
Now you might ask why yeah, that was most people right when you ask yourself why because I saw your face
Right, okay, it's
Number one a ring right right probably gonna probably go around
probably tight
Let me get it in there
Rings on sets or whatever they got a little measure the measure right so you're you think the pinky or you think thumb he's thumb
Well, whoa, that's crazy
Crazy that's you. You're double thumb. I'm double thumb. You're double thumb. Yeah
Okay, double thumb, you know what yours is if they did that
And I went to a science class and I put it out and I go. What do you think this is and I had it a little in a little jar
Mm-hmm. I think the on it. That's an elephant's asshole like that's how big
I don't know why I think don't die. Don't die. Yeah, don't don't die. Yeah, you know life is what it is
All right, did you do that or no? I think money buys everything if you went if you go and waiving money
Is you have to ask the family if I'm gone
Oh, I got a bunch of people in Detroit
Also, you have all your the bitches
To all the kids don't forget the 20,000 bitches that'll be up. Yeah, but let's get it. Let's get an update on your bitches
Can we get a bitch update?
Welcome back to K Cal evening news
We're gonna throw it live to dock in the streets with a bitch update. What up dog. Hey man same old same old dry lands out here
Just struggling in these streets. Yes, they'll sing. Okay, so dog. So dog
Yeah, and I'm not shaming him right now. Don't so what you're telling me now and in the information that we've gathered
You've been on the podcast and we were
Dude ask them. I always go is doc gonna be there. We love having you right?
We love both. I think you guys create such great chemistry for the shot
But look at me right now, dude. All right, I'm looking at you every time I see you
I feel like throughout my life. You've always had a
dry spell
All right, so I'm wondering
And I believe you
I want to tell you I want to tell you I come from a place
Of belief. Yeah, right, right. So in my mind, right? I'm like 20,000 bitches
Yeah, right. There was there's I know in my I don't know. Yeah, bring it down. I'm just playing a highball. I get that's way
I don't want her
Do you think that's insane how about 2000?
Uh, yeah, that's even that's insane. That's it seems insane doc. Wait, how old are you right now doc? How old are you 48?
48 48
Let me Andrew. Wait, hold on. Would two feel better?
Yeah, dude. It's just 20,000 bitches divided by 48 years. You'd have to fuck four hundred four and 16 girls a year
There's no way that's one and a half. He's ever seen four or 60 people in his life
All right, so all right. Um, okay a hundred
So, so when what years I just want to ask because when I write your book, you know, I want to be
Accurate he is ready. How are you gonna write my book? I'm running your bio for what your life story
I don't know how but go ahead. What do you mean? I don't know how I fucking type it
I go to a publishing place. You don't know shit. You just know
I'm asking you now. Fuck face. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Sorry. Sorry. It's your birthday. I apologize
Dude, this is so funny. What years were the big year? What were the years that we missed out the pro years?
You were tired now, but when were the years? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was the championship run? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Give me the run
the championship run was uh
19 years old and ever since day
19 to now the so when you were
19 20 21, that's when
Yeah, that was what your mom was talking about. Yeah. Yeah, and then you got out to LA and then it just became
Sahara. No, no, dude. It was a it was a thunderstorm of pussy
In LA it was raining on him when he first got here. I didn't know. Yeah, raining. You got me about that
You know more about that when doc first moved to here we go. Here we go. When doc first moved to LA
He had an apartment on uh, what?
Uh, that was the amount of oh Westchester about airport by right by the airport and I'm not kidding
Flight attendants would fucking line up outside his door
Just to take a turn and they would fuck doc and go right back to the airport to catch their flight out
Really? That was a common theme. So these kind of conversations were going on probably back then big time. Hey sally
Where you going? You just landed. Are you gonna go to the hotel? No, I'm gonna get a little black dick
I'm gonna get a little black dick and that's what she said
I want to get a little black dick and they're like black little get a big one
No, no, no, no, no his dick is big his human is small
Oh my bad. I
You're right. So this so the flight attendants land
Yeah, and they and they go where are you headed?
Sally sally, where are you going and I go? I'm looking I'm looking for a little black man with big dick
Uh, do you mean black magic?
Yeah, how do you know I've known black magic since I've been running this la route for 10 years
So you go there too? I go there every time it's your appointment 12 30. What time are you 1 30?
So I get after we're just gonna miss each other. I know but can I ask you this? Yeah
Can you because sometimes like, you know, I know what you're gonna say. I know I know what you're gonna say
Sometimes it's like it's always aroused. Yep. Always aroused 24 because he's a man. He's a man, right?
But it's like sometimes it's just the oomph of the burst
Right. It's been a little depleted because of people like you yet. Well, I've been pulling it all out of them
I
Go suck it at all. I get early. I get in there early and I get the big pump
Yeah, because by the time you probably get like it's probably like half and half now half. Yeah, mine's more like almond milk
It's running. It's it's running. Yeah
Fuck it
So, how are the bitches now though? Hey, man, steel drylands over here drylands
Yeah, we need to get enough something man. How do we do this? Ladies, we tried with the dating app. Can we please have some people submit?
Fancy I want to make an email right now today called I want I I want a little I want a little black magic at gmail.com
I want a little black magic at gmail.com. Did you should work at it adding?
That's real nice. That's my next move after this. Yeah
What did you say they should be coming in about a droll is what that should you okay?
I want a little black magic at gmail.com. It's right there
So ladies send a photo in and reasons why you think you you could handle a little black magic
You know what I want to do sometimes
It just doesn't stop. I know he doesn't stop. Yeah, I sometimes I honestly I sometimes think he has no idea what's going on
None. Yeah, none
So it's going on and he gets quiet at the weirdest time. He talks when we're all talking I know when I turn to him
He doesn't he's he's done. He's done
doc
We're gonna get you. We're gonna. I know it is uncomfortable talking about sexual things with you, right?
But I am right. I am right in the book
So I just need a couple more some more more information of that. That's okay with you. Yeah, if you want him to write a good book
Yeah, yeah, um
What's your power move in bed?
What's the power move?
Rudy cover your ears cover your ears. I know you're 20, but 20 years old today, by the way
We do need to get to that, but tell me your power. Tell me your power. Yeah power move. I mean, uh, I don't know where the power move is
I would say uh, all of it's a power move
So it's constant power
Do you not have levels? Are you in are you in fucking high gear the whole time? Yeah, no not high gear
I mean, are you something just when you're fucking or you're just talking about
Hey
Man
And then I man, what's I don't even know, but what is your power move? No f bombing
What's your power move in a relationship? But what is a power move? God damn damn, dude. Uh, it's unbelievable. This guy
He's been surviving all these years without
I know it's crazy. Yeah, they're just all at fucking. I mean, this is basically what you're getting. Yeah, you're just getting
It's just soft. Oh, no, see I think he's
I think he's a jackhammer. Yeah, so you're he's a rabbit. Okay
Yeah, people wake up like is I think doing construction next door and if he's oh, I see and he's wearing a hard hat
Right, right, right, right. There's no girl there. No, there's no girl there, but right like in double dutch a girl just has to jump in front of it
Well, it's yeah, he just goes
And a girl just has to wait one and two. No, he's like that guy. He's like that guy painting it all silver
He's got a bucket in front of him, right, right
Scare them because they think that he's a statue. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah
Let me say this. That's him. There's doc. There you are doc. By the way doc if this
That's you
That's you, bro. Dude, bro
honestly, dude
You know what let me ask you something wait his name is black magic silverman. That's black magic silverman right there
I always like the black magic, but I it's always
Notice it's always black guys that do this that do this. Yeah, 100%
But why
We do the best at freezing because our who's better at popping and locking than black guys
But I know but I've seen them freeze for like an hour
Well, yeah, because if I mean there's enough cops walking by they're gonna stand
That's coming for I see. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's a time score. There's nothing but cops
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No, not enough. We're treading on odd water right now. Very odd. All we want you to do is make good money
I bet you on the streets. Mr. Silverman over here could make
A couple hundred a day. What was the movie with will smith, right? Like he was a golfer. Was it a golf bag of vans?
Was he a magical black person in it? He was magical black, right? Right? Yeah, why don't we remake it? But it's a
Mini. Oh my god. I'm mini golf course
We make part two right? Yeah, he's the mini one the legend of handbagger vans
Legend of handbagger vans imagine all the movies we can remake right with him in it
Somebody please take this poster. Yeah, and make doc in the middle make Rudy on the right and make make make bobby or me on the
Fucking or we do a green mile. You know the green mile. Oh Michael Clark Duncan. You're right, but it's for um, juveniles
Right, it's a juvie. Yeah, right so the smaller and they they're like, he's huge
Look at that's me. That's I'm the guard and that's
So that's gonna be you what else can we remember magical black I love magical black. Well, let's do more black magic movies
What's another black? Yeah, what's another black magic movie with a man is magical
There's got to be something with samiella jackson. There's no doubt. He's been a magical black guy
He's got to have been I don't think so fancy. I don't think samiella jackson's ever been a magical black guy
No, it does morpheus count as a magical black guy
No, he's not no, he's not a magic because in that world they all can do it. Yeah, but he's he's different
Yeah, he's special
Freeman has been god. Oh, he was god more than freeman was god. Yeah. So you're gonna be what was the movie called? It was called uh
Bruce almighty. Bruce almighty. So right he can't be god did we can't let him be god
He can't be god. What he can be he can be like he can be the god of like insects
Oh, let me let me could ask you this. That's an interesting idea
I can't wait for fans to
If we're all dead right if everything dies like our dogs
Cats animals everything right
Do they have a place to go? Are they going to the same place? We are heaven all dogs
You're out of heaven. You've never seen that movie. All right. So what I'm saying is there's insects then as well then or no
Of course, right, of course. So maybe you're not gone, but you
Run for god and you run the insect department, right? Okay. Okay. What do you say to the crickets that come in? Yeah
What do you say here? I am I'm a cricket. I just
I'm a cricket and I got run over by a lawnmower
Yeah, and I'm what do you say what do you say to me? I say to you ma'am welcome and uh, we love you a lot and uh
And and it quick. I don't know what you're saying. It's yeah
I don't like but but if you fucking need you don't even talk English, right?
What fucking course I speak English. I fucking I died. It's Nathan. Nathan. I died in southern california
I live in alhambra the cricket
He's got 40,000 fucking followers on instagram dude. I'm huge on the gram
How do you not fucking know who I am?
Man, I'm sorry. Yeah, so are you a fucking god or what's going on?
No, god's over there the the taller black. Oh, I'll go to him. Yeah. Yeah. Go to him
Can you imagine if you get to heaven and god is like I have a job for you and you're like, oh my god
He's like you're cleaning up. You're the maintenance boy of heaven. Here's a mop. You have to clean heaven
That's because you just got in but you weren't good enough to like actually kick it in heaven
Right like you were kind of bad but kind of good and like you got to do janitorial shit in heaven because who's cleaning up
Wait, wait, wait. Now we have to get to what's in heaven. What is in heaven? Right clouds
Yeah, well, I think clouds are just a kutramat. I don't think there's eating
You don't think you get to eat. That's like one of my favorite fucking things. I know, but you're not hungry
No, you're not hungry, but you have it, but you get to eat
Yeah, there's a buffet, but you know who goes there
All right, that's fine. What if I want to trade for something?
So what you're saying is is that there's a toilet
I mean if there's no toilet as I'm just saying to clean heaven
You got to clean up. All right. How well how is it so white if no one's cleaning it up?
That's a good stuff's gonna get dirty stuff's gotta get dirty right my friend. So so I I just feel like there's a job for you up there
A job
Well, wait, they're gonna give them something. They're gonna just go sit on the cloud for eternity. Yeah, you got to do something up there
What would you want to do in heaven? They do something cool. What would you want to do in heaven?
Maybe play soccer a little bit. Can you play soccer? No, that's what I want to play
Oh, you think when you get up there, it's all you get all the powers that you never have
Doc what doc wakes up and he thinks he's full-size up there. All right, and he's like, what if I could dunk?
That's funny. And then he sees everyone else is still bigger than him
Yeah
He would go to a section at heaven. Yeah, what section they're like you over there and like
Brad Williams
Brad Williams
Brad Williams and like doc you're gonna be in regular heaven. Just like all of us. Yeah, you okay?
Okay, yeah, I feel a little black wing my little black magic man. You will be
Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna shift a little focus real fast real fast
Rudy Jules
Pull the mic pull the mic near your face and happy birthday. Thank you
I'm so happy that you are one year older. I can't believe we started this show when you were 18
That's insane. It's insane. We watched our change two years. Have you grown as a person on the show?
Maybe I think I'm more confident. I do agree with that. What else do you think you gained from doing the show?
I can scream more at the to barbie that's true. You get away with a little bit more for sure
What else?
I can scream a little bit more at you. Yeah, that's also you know what the way you talk to him is different
I like that. Yeah, because you used to be so scared of him. So scared. Yeah, yell at me right now
Do it
Do it
Fuck you. Oh really? Oh really? Yeah, that's it
Give it to me
Fuck you. Oh, come on. No more
No more
Say something to me. Oh, no. Well, that's easier. Let me move over
Oh
I love you
I love you
Hey, but she betrayed you last night. Wait, what happened last night. She cheated on you both of you
Wait, what what did you do? What do you mean? She did? Do you know nothing?
What the fuck you didn't know what she did last night? What do you do last night? She cheated on us
What does that even mean? I don't understand what you're saying. She did germany wikens podcast
Oh
Oh
What I went to scissor bros, but not only me andres went to
What the fuck you went to fucking scissor bros fancy. I was just making sure rudy wasn't jumping shit
Dude, spanish people are weasels weasels. Yeah, he was on the show and here is it. I just made he showed rudy was okay
Dude, you're a liar. He's a liar. Was he on camp rudy won't lie. Was he on camera? And he was on the mic
You piece of fucking shit. That is so
Fucking
Gross to me. That's disgusting dude producer
When a producer tries to fucking chisel his way
Into fucking screen time. It makes me sick to my fucking stomach
You know what? He's leaving the camera and then edit
He's gonna leave it on him this whole time that we've been saying this
Have you noticed though if you see because I've been watching he gives himself so much screen time
Yeah, it'll just be him going like this right
And if you see him in fucking mexico, oh bro, oh my you would think that fucking like, you know, brad pitt was there
Yeah, he was
Hey, everybody
Hey, who want to take a picture? He would ask. Yeah. Yeah. Who want to take pictures?
He would ask. Form a line. Form a line. Form a line. Form a line. Form a line.
And then George was like, this we know what this is a good clue
Right, George would say stuff like
I just let him have it
He's kind of like broke it. You know what I mean? Like let it go. He knows who won. Correct. Right. Be
Fine. He's not fine. You can see his face. You could tell George is so bothered by it. It's killing him
Yes, it is my compa, my compadre. Oh
What do you say you are my friend my my colleague my brother-in-arms
Of him and who somebody else maybe these two or somebody, you know, maybe we can maybe I'm more annoyed that that we got stepped on
By you guys went to scissor roads. What were you there the whole episode?
Yeah
Wow, how'd it go?
It was fun. What?
Not fun like this
She doesn't have fun
So by her saying I get fun there because she doesn't have fun here. Right. Right. Good. He's saying
Basic saying I prefer that. No, okay
Well, then what'd you say? Well, then let's let's let's let's call it. Let's call a spade a spade
Sorry, I mean, sorry. Sorry. No
Uh
Let's call a spade a spade keep that up
You can go to scissor bros if you want to be released
Do you want to be released?
Maybe they're more sweet. Wow. Wow. What's true. Fuck you can be aggressive. That's insane. I think you can be aggressive
You can be aggressive and I'm gonna admit that I'm in a minute as well
Yeah, yeah, but I I gotta call these scumbags right now. All right. I'm this is piss me this piss me right off, bud
Piss me right off this scumbag stealing you guys and fancy. I said some nice shit to you this weekend
You're my fucking. How do you say poop in Spanish? Kaka? Kaka? You're on my kaka list
Fucking he's probably taking care of his baby
Merda, Merda is shit
Hey, man, it's Santino, uh
Uh, I saw what you did
I saw what you did stealing Rudy and fancy b
And I gotta tell you something bud
If you care about your family
You better watch your fucking back, buddy
You better watch your skinny little fucking white pieces shit back my friend because what you did was fucking war war
And you want to fuck with the fucking armada, bro? You want to fuck with the armada, bitch?
You don't have enough weapons in your arsenal fucking fucking over bud. It's over. All right. Let's see how that's received
I show Bobby the picture that you just sent me
What is it?
unbelievable
Oh
Zoom in
Okay, that's my brother
That's my brother and that's you
Yeah, and it's pretty close. It's pretty pretty close. Yeah, it's pretty close. They try to
You you actually look like a hot korean girl
Like those tits he's got nice tits on they wait wait. Does he have a fat suit on I think it just looks like tits
He's like holding up his tits
Right. Am I wrong?
He made a a fat suit. Yep. That's not a fat suit. That's tits
And that and his hair is beautiful. That's extended. It's gotta be that's like someone's extensions that he knows
You know, it's funny how they just steal steal
They just
Look up. Can you send them an article about plagiarism?
Yeah, the definition maybe. Yeah, it's illegal. It's illegal what they're doing. This is nuts crazy
They still are fonts. Remember they sold. Yes, they stole everything. Yeah, is this more photos?
He's my brother and so I'm just letting it go. Let me go. But so he looks like tino and then he looks like you
That's what's going on here. Yeah
Did you see that you I know
Fucking fucking
It's just so behind the apple and look at that. You know, that is do you know who that is? That's doc
The brown the brown cloak the brown cloak. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what's going on there?
Julia, are you cold? Are you a Mayan? What the fuck is going on here? Oh, there's a clip. Oh start the clip over
Hold on start over please. Let's hear. Here we go. Oh, they'd be holding you captive. Go ahead. Yeah on my birthday and and uh
And they won't let me go until everybody from bad friend subscribes
Okay, I'll see you then to it
Whenever you're ready look right into that camera over there
God this piece of shit
The scissor scissor bros have captured me
And they won't let me go
Unless everyone from bad friends bad friends fans will subscribe to their show
But they seem sweet
Unlike tita barbie and tita andrew. So maybe you should do it. Give me back the fucking barbie. She give me back the fucking ocean
And you know what and I want the fucking waffle maker back now
No, no, keep it. Let's keep the waffle. Well, you can keep it. I want to eat it. Yeah, you can have it. Yeah, yeah
I'll take the waffle maker, but it's yours. Happy birthday. So that's my present to you
That worked very well give him the barbie. Give him the barbie. It's my gift. Yeah. Oh, what was that?
What was that? Yeah, you you you count you kowtowed to the fucking arch nemesis of the enemies
And she improvised most of the lines like she was coach a little bit, but she added things about you guys. She improvises too there
Yeah, right. Okay. I'm I'm actually live it right now. I know you are
Help down to breathe. Hmm. Yeah, I know. I know dude papa gets upset. I know buddy, buddy
Huh, look at me right now, dude
Right, not everyone is a good person like you. That's right
Yeah, a lot of a lot of young people from a different country
Yep, right. They have a different ethics and a different code of doing things. Yeah, you know back in some countries
You know if an old lady's crossing the street, you know, I mean and she's struggling to get there
In some countries they just push them on this in the middle of the road. Yeah, you know, whereas you you will help them
I help them. Yeah, I help them up and then you go you want to see my baseball game
You know how white people love to yeah, I said you want to go to the park. Yeah the park
Yeah, I have a student for sandwich. You want to go to the park, right, right, right, but you yeah, you push them down
You push them down side note. This is not I'm not making fun of this
What a man on set today?
Fell down a bunch of stairs. Yeah, and I first was extremely worried. I go. Oh my god. Yeah, but I saw he was fine
And I laughed
You left hard. Oh my god
I was like, was he laughing? No. Yeah, but we were I know because he was okay. Yeah, it's not funny if someone gets hurt
Yeah, but as soon as someone's okay, you're like, it's okay. I laughed at somebody
It hurt. What? Me and Khalil did. I laughed more though
When we were first shopping around for houses. Yeah, there was a man older man. Yeah, I mean, how old are we talking?
Well, you know, you don't know with them 70 to 106 maybe or 12. Yeah
So he was like, yeah, so, you know, this is where you you know wine and dying people and he was going back
Like walking backwards, right and we're like, thank you and all of a sudden, you know, let's see our eyes
Is a is a screen like a frame like a frame, right? Yeah, he fell out of frame
Right and he's on now
Concrete. Oh fuck. Yeah on his back
right
Like this, right? At first he starts shaking a little bit. We thought oh my god. He's fucking
What's so funny? I'm just trying to but we didn't help him up because we just couldn't stop laughing
Like
Yeah
Well, when he gained like some consciousness, yeah when he came to he was like, oh the silly me, you know, I mean
I've been touring around this house for a couple years and you know, because it's been available over the couple years
Right. I should know all these little nicks and cravis and cravis or whatever. Is he ever concussion? You died?
I love falling though. Well, Rudy, I'm sorry that you've decided that scissor bros is more important than bad friends, but
Yeah, whatever man
You have anything to say for yourself at all?
I'm not sorry
Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, yeah
and
I liked it
good
Is there anything that you could recommend us to watch?
A movie
I got a real I got a real star studded event in this room tonight
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We brought out some really good shit this episode
And we're just letting her drive the train right off the fucking track
Like and back to the future when that train is going to go back
She's never broke the mileage
Right off the edge of the fucking bridge. Yeah, I've never seen like that's what she does pull up a video of a
If that was a scene in a movie like she just went off hint, right? Yeah, the director wouldn't even say cut
He would just like they would just reset. Yeah, they just go reset reset reset reset
Yeah, right. You don't even get an official cut. You just get reset saying this is chaos
Adjusted a solid reset
Dude a guy took a shirt off on the fucking set today this guy you want to talk about more about the tv show that you're on or
I feel like you want to so it's like you grind it out twice
You're not tv show fx with the guy the it's not that show. I just did a one-off episode
Oh, that's right. You did. Can I mention what you did? Sure? It's fine. Right. He did this is us
This is us on mbc and this is you know what that shows
Okay, big show big show but but the guy that took off his shirt
Was so fucking hot. Yeah, it was like it really bummed me out
Dude because I'm getting older and fatter and I go to the gym
But it's not the same and this guy his skin was so smooth and he turned he had a really nice smile and I was like
Fuck you'd man. Yeah, fuck you you fucking hot guy
And then he put a shirt back on and it's you could still yours
You know your hot guy when you can still see how nice your body is with the shirt on
Yeah, look at us bro. Look at that. Fuck. I mean when I was in the city, right? Yeah
I'm on it with somebody's love interest with the guy. Yeah, right? Yeah, and he is perfection
Just stunning from top to bottom, right? Like if you look at his nails
What do you mean? No, he's got manicured nails, doesn't he that really turns you on, huh? Yeah, I could tell
It's hot. It is hot. You looked at his nails. They look like a plastic hand
Mm-hmm. Not a not there's nobody. It's that little sucker that comes out little stick a little hangnail
Hangnail I get those all the time. Those are the fucking work. Look at my shit hands. They're cracked. They're bloody
This nail right here has nine colors going on. Yeah. Yeah, that's a rainbow nail. That's a real
Yeah, yeah, and sometimes because we're at a desk. You'll put his hand next to my rainbow finger
What I'm if I do if you don't mind
If he puts his hand down, I'm like, well, fuck that. I'm not on camera. Oh, yeah
Yeah, I don't want him to see see. Yeah, we don't compare. Yeah. What is this a picture of us in hawaiian love?
I mean, uh, why would you fucking put that on there because I'm fat
That's the fattest fucking photo
Pete Pete
Pete. Yes. Is this you taking a shot at bobby?
I thought I was relevant. Oh boy. I thought it was relevant, bob
So look at me our fucking our our our let me let me just go ahead. Okay fire away
This dude
Was at my house earlier pdpd. Yeah, and he sweated
Only from his titties
Are you on camera right now, Pete?
Okay, so show your tits wet. I want to I want to know it's gone now. No, it's not here now
Yeah, yeah, but before he was in my garage, right? Yeah, and he had
cone tits and on the top
It was wet, but not just like wet. You could tell it was growing like a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah, but it was like there was some sort of like
mechanism mechanism that was making the wet spot grow
And I go you fat fuck disgusting piece of shit or something like that, right good morning to you
Yeah, it was in the morning. There's a good morning to you fat fucking sweating piece of shit. What did he say?
What did you say giggles like a fucking coward, but
Is this the attack on me from today? I feel like that's what this is
Yeah, yeah, this is a retaliation. I apologize then
Can you take that off?
Okay, can you do something real fast? Can you zoom in on my left calf there?
Let's just daddy
You have girl legs
Thank you
Those are nice legs. No, that's the most honest thing. I have nice legs. You've ever said and I'm proud of you
I have nice legs. He's got girl legs. These are nice legs
I got nice thicky daddy like in my case in fact if you were an avenger
You would get
Another actor to do the tooth pick
The other they would get a body double
For your legs. Well, I'd never be avenger. You know why?
Because you're redheaded because I'm redheaded. No, but you could be one. That's on fire. What's her name was redhead?
Who?
Yeah, hot girl. Oh
You're not getting in the fucking avengers either. Well, wait, wait, wait. Is black is black panther. Is black panther available?
Black pan, you mean you mean black alley cat? This guy from black panther. There we go. Black alley cat. Yeah
What do you think dude?
By the way, and and his claws are like, you know, uh, what was his claws being?
Hey, hey, what black alley cat and the and the tag for the movie is don't stray too far from home
There it is right there. There you are, dude. There you are. There you are, dude
Oh, that sucks. That that is just black panther. Could you imagine the RuPaul of x me right there? That ain't even fucking
imagine
Can I honestly?
Literally honestly think think if you're you buy a ticket
What are they $18? It's like 25 bucks. So you wait in line, right?
What if it's a surprise? They don't even tell you you think it's is it Idris alba? Who knows who knows, right? We're not gonna announce, right?
The movie comes on right and you and I sitting we have our popcorn right doing a Wakanda right Wakanda, right?
And he comes out right this little ball of a thing, right?
He's like that hedgehog Sonic. Yeah. Yeah. He just starts rolling
Right into the thing right as soon as he pops and we see a full body of
People with dying audience they would laugh so hard
People with little no honestly, you would be you would need medical people there. I would be like
I would laugh so
Fucking hard it would be the best movie ever made
You never saw black panther
You didn't see black panther. Yeah
Yeah, no you didn't
Bobby no, no, no you didn't Bobby
No, you didn't I felt at the moment so dude
How did you not see fucking black panther?
Okay, what's the plot of the movie? Yeah, what's the plot? What's the plot of the film?
Where does he live? Like what's the land that you know, you know, I saw the movie once I know it
Yeah
What is it?
We're taking away that happy birthday. Okay, give it to us. Give me another part of the movie
When they was fucking fighting that was that was nice when the car is in shit
I never saw it. Never saw it. I can't believe you never saw. Do you know what's a pant?
What's a what's a what's a move that he does? Yeah
He kicks. Okay, that's enough. Holy fuck. It's such a sad thing
How about this name one more other name one more person in the movie name? Well, how about name anybody in the movie?
What am I saying? Who is black panther?
Holy shit
Wait, where is he? No, what now? Why are they why why are they doing why are they using a different actor?
Oh, he passed away. I just heard you think he died. We have the audio on the mic. I have ears, bitch. Oh, I know Chad dad. That I do know.
Did you not know he was black panther? Yeah
Who else in the movie there was a lot of people in the movie name one other actor then if and then and then we'll stop asking
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah
He was on Cheetol in it. Oh
Now don't you know what's in there? He was an Avenger. Yeah. Yeah, he wasn't an Avenger
Yeah, yeah, but I remember when I came back there was no scene with Don Cheetol and black panther
Yeah, yeah, but you did make me think about it for a second. I did think I was like
No, he didn't anyway fancy. He's not in right anyway doc. No doc. I
Don't know what you're trying to do right now. I
Really don't know what you're fucking trying to do. You never fucking saw the fucking movie, right? I have an idea
What you know how they do mystery science theater where they watch movies and they had crack selling in black panther?
Remember when it was in a part when he lived in apartment buildings. Okay, fuck it. Maybe maybe I need to watch you think they threw a crack
selling scene
Oh, yeah when they were in the crack house and they were smoking. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes wait captain America
Yes, right. Yes, because they were fighting. They were tired
They were walking by and like a what kind in what kind of they have crack houses
I remember and black panther was like nah, right check it out and then they yeah, yeah, you know, can you just Google?
Can you Google black panther?
Crack smoking scene because that should come right up. That should come right up when they smoke rock and black
Oh
You know what Andrew I remember the scene now
There is right there the third slide in that was black panther. I
Remember that I remember that I do remember that that was a 45-minute scene. It was so long
We're smoking black panther. Yeah, there's a scene. There's another scene. There's black panther smoking crack
That's why in Wakanda you see all those coke cans littered across the ground
Yeah, yeah, would you doc? No, no, there's no crack scenes in fucking but not a crack scene
But there's like a fuck like when they in the hood fancy is any of this real when his father get killed
They're very beginning
Opus in the Bronx. No one's smoking crack, but no one's smoking but I never say they were smoking crack
You didn't say crack at all during this
Maybe I did but I'm you definitely did. Okay. Well fuck. I just don't remember the movie. Yeah, well then don't shut the fuck up
Like mystery science theater does they watch movies we as a family are gonna watch black panther together together
Yes, yeah, okay, you need to fucking you need to get a chunk of that for your own lifestyle because
I feel like if we watch the movie with them that we're gonna end up explaining scenes to him
That's a fucking you know
Yeah, I just explained to y'all that goddamn fight scene with the cars
Remember, yeah, wait a minute. It was under the bridge. Oh, so are you playing that you don't know what's going on?
Are you doing a good job of playing?
What?
I'm a very confused boy. You don't say anything. You don't say anything right now. Are you pulling some fucking black magic on me right now?
He's doing with his black magic. Just shut the fuck up for a second. Thank you for being here. Let me talk to Andrew for a second, okay?
Do we have a moment? Okay, I think we're dealing with somebody that has a
Mental thing that we're not privy to oh, right either. It's a condition
Mm-hmm that we're not privy to because we don't have his medical records. I don't know. Yeah, that's right
There have been signs
When I've hung up with them where I went that's weird. That's very weird. Yeah, why would he do that?
You know I mean from being here right like the bitches thing and it's crazy a lot of crack stuff
So the bitches the crack yeah, he seems to be a guy that's never seen
Anything unless maybe he's seen it he doesn't understand it doesn't understand. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a documentary
Right and it's like Black Panther
People around him are like what?
No, no, okay, what I want to do is I want to be so mean
Mm-hmm that he has to find a professional to give him some sort of medication. Oh, okay. What's the dresser?
Okay, yeah
It's wrong with these two
We're concerned friends. We're just concerned and we love you. Hey, man. I just forgot a movie go
That's true, that's true. That's true. You know what? Yeah, I take it back. I take it back. You've seen Black Panther
Yeah, I just told you about the goddamn fight scene
What's going on doc? What's been going on in your life though that share cuz I do want to know what's up in your life
Okay, this is this the game right? So this is how your boy doc is
All right, I work in the morning. We're at
Amazon, okay. Oh, can we say that at the Whole Foods? I don't know. I will whatever wait. Can we say yeah, you can
Yeah, you look at the Whole Foods for Amazon. They own them. No, I worked for Amazon, but he owns whole he owns Whole Foods
He bought him last year or two years ago. He's was it 2017 now
So I split up my shifts so that I can audition. Hopefully if I get an audition that afternoon
So I work from six. I either work from five six or four in the morning to eight nine or ten
Then I wait around to see if I got an audition or if I got one in
In advance
Then I work on it then I go back to work at four right and I get off at eight
So now after eight I have like a 99 year old, right?
So after that, this is the real shit. There's a really yeah
So she has dementia and she's like hey, can you call me every day?
So every day I get off work. I try to call her after work. So I don't miss your mom's sister
No, it's my mom's mother sister. It's my great auntie great auntie great auntie at that point
That's auntie. Yeah, I call auntie. Yeah, that's what I do 99. Yeah, so that's what she answers the phone
Does she know who you are right away or no? Yeah. Yeah, she's not bad
She's her dementia ain't that what to where she's not wait a minute 99 years old about to be a hundred January 12
You're doing it. She's not watching a little drink and we gonna do it. She's not watching the show
Okay
Auntie watching this show. Yeah, by the way, if auntie is watching the show. Yeah, that's him
Join us because we're kicking out this brown one. We need a new brown
We need a new brown, but y'all felt it though, right?
Bro, you call her every day. She has dementia and then do you have to like re-explain after like
Why it's the same stories over and over but what I do is I just let her talk for two three
Oh, you're a good guy. I go to sleep and then I do the same thing every day
Oh
Let's talk about his life. I
Can see your face. There's concern. I am concerned. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, be honest
I love the guy. I love this guy. I just feel like the amount of talent that you have
Yeah, what and like ability that we can maybe trim some of this work down
Right and try to figure out. What are you doing? I'm about to show you some
Because if it's a fucking dick pic, dude, I
To slap you can't just bring up black magic on the show. Yeah, what is it? Okay? Now here we go. You're ready. Yeah
Okay, so see these little that's my alarm up. So I'll watch her to see what's going on
So I keep what is she up to can I see she's not live now. Oh, it's live. Yes live. Yeah. Yeah
So, what if she's changing and stuff? That's what I'm saying. It record. That's what I want to show you
I'll show you I'll show you that
Like so see how she's walking right
God bless her. So wait doc. That's so sweet. You watch her through the camera make sure she's okay
Make sure she's okay. She falls here or something. I need to see how far are you from her?
If she falls, what can you do? Nothing, but I can call
You can call 911 or you can call 911. If she fell over, would you laugh a little or no?
Do you cut the tennis balls for her?
Do I what? Did you cut the tennis balls for her? She don't have tennis balls on her.
Everyone has the tennis balls on them. I love the tennis balls.
Does she have wheels on the front instead? Yeah, we'll see that's wheels are wheels are wheels are a little dangerous. Where does she live?
LA Detroit
Oh
So I just try to like okay to answer it. Sorry. I know you're Nana. Sorry, Bobby you talk ready
Hello
Yeah
Hey, what's up? What's up, TV?
I just got your voice now. What's up, TV?
What's up, TV?
Huh, you see your thief
Yeah, you're a thief
Is this pop or sentino? It's Bobby
Oh, hey, Bobby. Hey, man. So uh like to steal or we heard what you fucking did, dude
You stole our guys. You stole our fucking guys. You stole our guys. You stole our outfits
Right. Um stole our energy, dude. You stole our energy for sure our um
Our vibe. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then you're you're trying to steal our audience?
Oh, that's burns. Yeah, dude. And what are you gonna do about it?
Oh, fuck dude. See what he's doing? See what he's doing? You're treading on thin ice pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're treading on thin ice
You know what because we treat them nicer than you treat them. Yeah, okay. Okay
You know, I'll tell you something pal
I know you're coming up in the world and I'm really proud of you. I really am and congratulations on the baby and stuff
You hear me? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that you're really talented in this and that
I just want to say this so me and or not. I know people that you don't know
So you crawl this you crawled up this business, you know, I know Dave Rath
I know all these people right right, but it's like at the end of the day, dude
We know people. Yeah, you don't know
Uh-huh and people that I can make a phone call right and make it very difficult for you. Oops. Oops. Daisy. Daisy, bud
Are you threatening my livelihood? I'm not threatening your livelihood. I'm just giving you facts
You dumb white piece of shit. Yeah
You piece of fuck you get more white stuff
Asian warlord, uh, you want Asian warlord is a slam. That's a that's a fucking compliment for my compliment warlord. Thank you
I own all this. That's exactly right
Anyway, what's up?
Hello
Yeah, no, I'm I'm listening. Yeah, you better be fucking listening pal
Let me tell you something. How does it feel?
You look like you have hiv, but you don't have it
Dude, you look like you started SARS. What are you talking about?
That was a slam. That was what that hurt. That's slam. That's fucking her.
That's fucking her. First of all, dude, it was the Asian bird flu not SARS. Get your fucking diseases right, bub. Okay?
Yeah, and let me tell you something here
Okay, go ahead. Rip on him, too. Let me tell you something here. Let me tell you something swine flu. There we go
That's your name swine flu because you're a fat porky pig. You're a fat. No him
You're a freaking potato famine
Fuck you know, let me tell you something you northern european socialist piece of shit. Okay
You fucking everybody deserves equal pay. You're a fucking turd pal and we're gonna hunt you down
We're gonna hunt you down and we're gonna shave your head. You know that fucking little hairdo that you got going on
It's gone. Oh, yeah, you're but yeah, and we're gonna swoop in and fuck your shit up, dude
Hang up now. Hang up now. I'm hanging up now because I'm only telling you that because I think it's rude to do otherwise
Yeah, you're being polite still you bitch. Yeah, you know why I'm being polite pal
You know why I'm being polite pal? Yeah, because your fucking wife and baby are there, but otherwise, buddy. I'm calling steve
Otherwise, buddy. I'm calling steve
You're fucked. I'm not in right now, so leave a message. He never picks up. I never picks up. I'm gonna text him right now
Call me now
Fuck so steve. He's a weasel and we're gonna bury him. Weasel, dude
I cannot believe you would do that shit
Ooh, that makes me sick in my fucking stomach. He's a little rat and it's you know, it's a funny
If he was here
Yeah, he would melt because he'd be fucking pissing and sweating and shitting in his fucking pants this piece of shit
Right and can I say this too? Please right?
She
Right and andreas
Um, they're they're onto something and they're doing something behind her backs. Oh, I know what it
I know what it is right? I know and we gotta figure out what that is
But this thing is melting and I want to fucking eat it
Eat it. So can we get a slice of this? Give me a fucking slice of this
How good does this look put your arm away from her?
Look what he's doing. Look what he's doing
Whoa, no no no no no no no no no put your arm away
What you guys are jealous of?
No
What what is going on what is going on here doc? What are you doing?
All right, let's cut up some of this cake. Yeah, give me the cake
What's the matter?
What's the matter doc?
No, you're not fucking going anywhere
I'm behind me real fast come behind me. Yeah, come by love you Andreas come sit here or come come right here
Put your fucking head right behind the gong
Real fast you two George back there. All right. So so so let me tell you let's let's heat it hasn't gotten you to eat my
bed
So I was there only for five minutes. What was there the whole time?
Okay, fancy who treated you the best in Cancun. Okay, who loves you the most of this whole show
You went behind my back and I trusted you we had a pact we had a pact yeah, and you went behind my back
So you know what this means, right?
Yes, yeah, you do
You fucking right you're gonna
Kick and you're gonna give Bobby a big fucking slice. No, no, just a slice. I want one piece of every fruit
That's on that's what he wants. Wow
And I memorized every even that leachy fruit up there leachy leachy leachy fruit up there
Oh, by the way, oh, is this is this your happy birthday? Look at this is for you. I
Don't want every apple. Whoa, dude. That's a little love it. That's what she gets. That's what you get
Yeah, I don't give you every fruit. Just give me a little tiny slice tiny slice. Is this is this is this a
This is a great bakery. No portos is my favorite. But I mean, what kind of cake did you get for her?
What is your dirty more Spanish fingers on it?
Fucking bastard. All right, sorry Bob was this Jersey from a fan and was that the one in Cancun?
What a fan in Cancun gave you an arsenal Jersey. Yes, but this one no, but they did didn't they they did it's my closet
Isn't that fucking great?
Love life. I love life. This is so fucking good. I'm like annoyed
It's like shocking look. Oh pick up
Hello
No, we're just doing bad friends and we're just talking about
You know what's going on Steve? We're just talking about sorry man. We're just talking about betrayal
Oh, here we go. I'm Steve. Oh, so Jules and Andreas wasn't on your show yesterday. I don't know. Maybe I don't know
Yeah, and I understand that and you weren't dressed up as me and you and here's another you
Did you wear a fat suit?
Did you wear a fat suit?
Dude, it was a joke. It's that do you like making fun of my fucking unhealthy body? I could die. I could die
I could die a little bit. Oh, I put a little bit dude. It was just it was a gag. Right. Oh
Was it already hard? Yeah, I'm laughing so hard. Yeah
Oh, come on. You guys are being bad sports. Come on
Oh really and then before even when you guys were launching the fucking thing you did good friends good friends
That's right. Remember that
Did you question Jeremiah? Yeah, we did we just call the park dude. I ate him alive. Oh you did? Yeah, we threatened his baby
No, don't get off the phone
That's what I know when you're getting out the fuck. I love you guys. Take care. Have a good one
Fuck you dude. You're not leaving shit
All right, so I apologize. I'm sorry guys. I apologize
Listen, you guys dude, you got to be careful Steve. We got a black guy here now. I'm making up to you
I'll do whiskey ginger. Everything will be good. You know, we have a black guy now working for us. We have a black guy now
Yeah, you're not scared you believe it Steve
You're not scared of them though. You're not gonna steal him. Are you are you gonna steal our black guy, too?
All right, anyway, I love you. I love you this week. Love you Steve
Anyway, so let's do this. Let's end the show like this
Let's look into our center camera there and we want to talk genuinely to our fans. There we go
If we find out that any of you and I mean, oh, yeah, any of you. This is great
Are going to subscribe to fucking scissor buds or whatever it is or snippet pals
We're gonna fucking come after you one by one. I've got pete Pablo down there
He's gonna be searching in the algorithm to find out who's following them and you're following them
You better unsubscribe right now and if we find out that our fans are no
Keeps a subs subscribing
Okay, all right, okay, I think a better route right is to do some boo-doo. Oh
Right curse put a curse put a hex put a curse. So it's like
Um for those of you listening and if you're a bad friends fan, right and you subscribe
To I don't even want to say the other fucking podcast name. I don't even know what it is. Yeah
That you're gonna start feeling ill
very
And not even COVID ill like a real no like a deep illness not like I lost my zange of smell
No, like I can't you're not gonna die. You're not gonna die. Maybe I'm not gonna guarantee. Yeah. Yeah, you will lose
I'll lose something you lose something. I lost my spleen. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
He's like, well, did you so if but if you betray me with bad friends? Mm-hmm, right?
The flow the good energy flow that we give right?
Unbeknownst to you. Mm-hmm. Is it the right word unbeknownst correct? Yeah unbeknownst to you announced
Beknownst to you. Yep, right? You will receive enlightenment luck. Mm-hmm favours and favours flavors flavors of life
Flavors of life. You like flavors of life. We got them. We caught it. We got icy
Flavors, we got foodie flavors. Yeah. Yeah, we got flavors from the the exotics. Sometimes we have too many fruity flavors
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?
We got crack. We got crack. We got crack, we got it.
But most of all, yeah, we want to say we love you. We love you. Yeah. We respect, we appreciate you and
Thank you for being a bad friend
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rudy.
What'd you get?
What'd you get?
A dork vater box.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Taco Bell.
Oh!
Taco Bell Box!
Is that a Taco Box filled with tacos?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
That's been another whole time when you get to eat any of that.
I'm not gonna eat any of that.
Well, take it home.
Take it home.
For fucking nine hours.
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!