Bad Friends - Rudy Hates Drake’s… Personality

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Thank you to our Sponsors: Viator, Liquid Death, Rocket Money and Butcher Box • Viato...r: Download the Viator app NOW and use code VIATOR10 for 10% off your first booking. One app, over 300,000 experiences you’ll remember. Do more with Viator. • Liquid Death: Go to https://liquiddeath.com/badfriends and check their healthy infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closer retailer + free shippping. • Rocket Money: Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Go to https://rocketmoney.com/badfriends • Butcher Box: Sign up today using code BADFRIENDS to receive a special offer + 20 dollars off your first order at https://www.butcherbox.com/badfriends code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Last Dates Of The Bad Friends Tour 0:46 The Bad Friends Religion 4:35 Rudy's Prospects for Valentine's Day 18:10 For The Wedding of the Lamb Has Come 23:23 Reaching a Consensus 27:20 You Are What You Eat 33:38 Rudy Is Sacred Of George's Dark Rage 42:50 The Restaurant That Rejected Bobby & Santino 45:30 Rudy Has Something to Say about Drake 49:28 Bobby's Body, A Red Flag for Aliens 53:40 Rudy Wins One Million Dollars 58:55 Does Santino Have Beef With Donald Glover? 1:05:25 Tokyo's Robot Cafe More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:25 or visit connexontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hey, bad friends. Hey, hey. We're on tour still. We had the last leg. That's it. Windsor, Ontario, Canada.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Yep. Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Oh, yeah. Tucson, Arizona. We're going to the desert. Yeah, buddy. We're going out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Las Vegas, Nevada closing it out. We end the tour, 420 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Please join the Bad Friends. We will not be going out for a long time now. We've got our own stuff going on. We're on a tour separately. We might not go out for years. Who knows? So go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, or Niagara Falls,
Starting point is 00:00:56 or Tucson, or Vegas. Go to badfriendspod.com for tickets, badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo. Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woo. Dot-com What are these pamphlets that you I don't even know it's from the fan that the religious guy oh Yeah, remember we got a talk about this guy. Yeah, yeah, this guy. Where was it in salt? No, no Reno No, Salt Lake
Starting point is 00:01:23 No, no Reno no to macula god, Salt Lake. No. No, Reno. No, Tamakula. God damn it. Tamakula, right? Yeah, he comes solo. Yeah, we get plastic see through bags. Yeah. Right. And you know, so when we when we do meet and greets, we like it when the fans have a bag because you never know what's going to happen. The gifts are amazing.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Yeah, it's either like somebody hand drew a naked photo of my penis or they'll do. We've gotten like 30 of those, right? Yeah, right. For some reason. Or like, you know, a letter of some sort, like you saved our lives. Or a dope piece of art. A dope piece of art.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Oh yeah, yeah. But I know, we appreciate the fans so much. And we throw it in the garbage. No, we don't. You're sick, dude. No, we don't. You're sick, dude. No, we keep it in it. Anyway, we have a warehouse full of them. We actually do have a warehouse.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Thank you for the gift, here I mean. And we love them. So a man came up to us and said, Rudy, you're gonna love this. And hi, Rudy, welcome back. Welcome back. And your headband is on backwards, but leave it that way, because that is perfect.
Starting point is 00:02:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll leave it. Ilove, ilove. Ivor, Ivor. Ivor, Ivor, Ivor. Ivor out. You are Ivor. Ib leave you. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Oh, God. You're going to be this slow all day today?
Starting point is 00:02:36 Jesus. This guy gave us, so he came up to us and he said, I think you guys would be interested in my church and my God. And I said, would your God like us? Does he know about the show? It's almost as if, what show are you watching? He loves us. I know, but it's like, but he understands that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the show changes. No, that's not true. We can accept Jesus.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I talk about rabbit, sewing machines and all that stuff. Jesus invented all that. Oh yeah. Lord is behind all that. Lord did it. Have you ever Jesus style? What?
Starting point is 00:03:18 You just go like this? I have. You pump away? Yeah. You've never done that? Yeah, but so much blood on the hands. Too much. You know what I mean? And I bleed out.
Starting point is 00:03:25 The Bible prophecies about the second coming of Jesus. So he handed us these pamphlets and he goes, I really think you guys should, I really think you'd benefit from Lord. And I think I agree. You think we should use Lord more? Should we be more Lord-like? Is it like a different Lord where like it's like the religions about like sex and like butt fuck?
Starting point is 00:03:44 No, no, no, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 00:03:52 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, We praise to like three. Three gods? I think Catholics only have one God. Why? The Holy Son. No, the spirit. The Holy Ghost. The father, the son and the Holy Ghost. Yeah, we... That's all the same guy. Oh. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Okay. Unfortunately, it's the same guy. Here's my fear. The father, son and the Holy Ghost is different, but it's the same guy. It's like, it's like Steve Buscemi in Big Lebowski in Conair and in Billy Madison Did you see that theory on the internet? Did I send you this? Mm-hmm that they exist all in the same universe Well, yes, let's go to that theory after this God thing. Sorry
Starting point is 00:04:38 My brain is running. I know it's cool. Why do you run running real wild? Well, I'm free today I am free to when it rains I get free baby a pores I that's my grandfather said When did you do a poor anyway? Um when it rain we poor Are you happy? Is your boyfriend doing anything for you for I? Don't know Valentine's Day. I don't know yet. Maybe well the good news is you can dump that that guy because we have Prospects that want to take you out for Valentine's Day. Yeah, who go ahead Carlos a lot of people reached out to the Carlos in the booth Gmail after a couple weeks ago when you said that you were open to dating a woman a lot of people sent in applications
Starting point is 00:05:18 And we got a few of them right here. So we got a few right here Bridget M I'm a 24 year old living in Lake Tahoe and I'm a ski instructor and lesbian. She's pretty. I heard the Bad Friends episode about Rudy and her curiosity about women. I've been gay for a while now and I'd love to take Rudy on a no pressure fun date. I'm an easygoing, fun loving, sweetheart, big fan of the whole crew and wish you all the best. Let me know if you have any questions.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Best Bridget M. What do we think about Bridget M? She sounds fun. That would be nice. You go skiing with her? Yeah. I've never done skiing, so she can teach me. She would love to teach you.
Starting point is 00:05:49 She'll teach you pizza pie. She's pretty. She is. So what do we think on the scale of would not date zero? Definitely would five out of one out of five. It's not a judging her looks or just judging the likelihood. The vibe. The vibe.
Starting point is 00:06:03 The vibe. Eight. Okay. It's out of five, but yeah No, that's okay. It's all right. So you really like her No, probably three. Okay three. All right. Let's go. Let's see the next one Made you imagine you can do yeah go back up My judge okay one out of five you'd take her are you gonna judge or no? No, no, I'm not a lesbian Oh, either one, but okay. I. That's debatable. All right a Four so four you would go if I was a woman. Yes
Starting point is 00:06:30 If I was a woman my fear would be She would be a ski instructor. I take me on the hill. I'd embarrass myself in front of her Yeah, and I pull you know what you can do it. Oh She's like hold on to this. No, I know where to put this, you know? Ah. There's two of them. Oh, right. All right, let's go to the next person.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Come on. Olivia M. It's Olivia from Dallas 25. I think Jules and I have some common interests, but I also believe we have a similar sense of humor, and I appreciate how straightforward she can be. I'm also recently open about my bisexuality, so we can find comfort in each other
Starting point is 00:07:03 and with any initial awkwardness. Anyway, I'm an office manager by day. Beyond that I enjoy riding motorcycles, playing video games, and adding to my Star Wars collection. I'm not much of a partier. I don't drink or smoke. I'm not sure to spend evenings unwinding with an anime binge. Not sure if I'm her type but worth a shot. She's so cute. She is. Yeah. One through five. I have a shot. She's so cute. She is. She's crazy. One through five.
Starting point is 00:07:27 I have a boyfriend. No, but it doesn't count if it's a girl. Yeah. Yeah, that's the rules. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. No, no, no, everybody knows, that's the rules. That is the rules. If it's a girl.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Like I have my guy. Yeah, I have my guy too. Okay. Yeah, yeah. This one's a five, I think, I know. Yeah? Yeah, well, she's got a job. She has a car She's supposed to be we haven't seen the other candidates. So let's put her into four whoa
Starting point is 00:07:52 You might go back you might go back. All right. You're a little bit of a snob though, huh? You got you want it You want a roster you want to get four four four five for sure? She's gorgeous. She's also beat two be two foot eight. You can't oh the But I mean, I know she's leaning against a vehicle. She was doing that to show you scale. Oh, okay Oh, no unless that's a micro card. That's I think it's a catfish you think it's a catfish this little blurry right there. I don't know wait wait What do you mean? What do you mean? It's not like in 1080 zoom zoom in That looks pretty legit to me. Lo's who takes a photo in the office like that. That's how I gotta be her work photograph
Starting point is 00:08:28 It's gotta be but that's how peep that's how catfish is used photos like this. They do yeah I've you have you been cat when you go on because that looks like a what do you call it one of those like um stock Like a stock photo. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't look like a stock photo. This looks like a okay. It's the same girl twice. Oh Yeah, obviously yes, it's not fake. Let's move on God. I would get catfish, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I bit the next one is Elsa why hey bed friends pod my name's Elsa 22 from Seattle. I love the show think Rudy's cute as hell super funny I'd love to go on a date with her and then we might be good match because I'm also by curious I have kissed a woman and it was awesome. Look at that. She likes pussy. Oh, she's and she has a cat. Mm-hmm. That's not hers She that's just for the photo. Oh
Starting point is 00:09:13 Three three. Okay. Let's see the next one. How many of these do we have? That's a let's keep on Madeline 22 year old woman lives in Illinois. I'm getting out as soon as humanly possible. I like Rudy I many others one of the most perfect editions of the podcast. Makes me laugh, chilled out personality. Not sure what an interest I'd be more willing to learn. I did see her briefly enjoying a knife, which is sick.
Starting point is 00:09:36 As I love, what's a bal song? Bally song. Bally song? I can't see it. Zoom in. Bally song. Bally song. Yeah, you know. in what is what's a Bali song? Yeah, you know is that your language by the song no Person my favorite thing to do is is to learn pretty down to do anything with seeing new places What's a Bali song Google what that is? I gotta be honest with you in that second. Oh, it's a butterfly knife. Oh, yeah That's you know how cool that is to do that that thing that you know how they flick it. Yeah go back to the photo isn't that
Starting point is 00:10:05 Dylan Klebold on the right. That's not the Columbine shoot on the right that That is very much Yeah, Columbine. This is honestly. This is what Carlos likes really yeah wild I could die well She's got a ferret there or is that a what is that? It's a fair. Yeah, Bobby's projecting right now onto me You could tell how quickly George knew what a pharaoh was. He's like, that's been on my ass. No, because I went out with a girl since Kallalina broke up and she was like super poor
Starting point is 00:10:32 and it went into her bedroom and she had like, you know, like scully kind of posters and stuff. No furniture, but on her thing was like switch blades and you know what I mean? Like other like clippings of nails on the table. That's weird shit. Some residue, you don't even know what it is. You know what I mean like other like clippings of nails on the table I just weird shit some residue you don't even know what it is you know I mean and so you look at the sheets and stuff you're like oh my god so dirty right sounds kind of familiar were you at your house
Starting point is 00:10:59 just walking real fucking asshole today that's a motorbanny it's been the money so keep going she had dirty, well she, she was the sex good? I never fucked her, but I made up with her. And in my mind I'm like, oh, I'm into this. Oh, you like bad girls. Like a dange, like Harlequin. Don't you love Harlequin, Nick?
Starting point is 00:11:18 Yeah, Nicky loves that kind of stuff. And you have like your girl that you're gonna go on, burn things down. She's like, meet me at the cemetery at nine. Yeah, that's the start of the date And then you watch a movie there or what? No, you just you chase each other around. Now they do the movies in the... Yeah, oh, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, go ahead. Let's move on. You like her one through five? Three. Okay, there's another three. I'm a four. Oh Okay, this is Michelle N My name is Michelle from San Diego, Bobby's hometown. I'm submitting my application
Starting point is 00:11:45 for girl, Juliana, my hands and knees for a woman. I'm on my hands and knees. I'm 21 years old and I'd love to court her. Four. Well, she's biting a girl, right? Why? You know why? Why? Biting a cat. Because she's brown.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Yeah. Yeah. Let me say something about white people. What? I want to defend George, Nick Nick, right? They're pure people And let me say something about that. Okay, that's right brother. Yeah, they're a pure people reach the word brother They're dry. That's right skin is super dry. I'm cracking right now, right? These when they when they age they shrivel up. Oh, yeah, like a raisin like Clint Eastwood men, right? Get off my porch career
Starting point is 00:12:22 some of them are like They seem dirty What kind what what kind you know, I mean, yeah, that's tight. What does that mean decrease? I'll just say your name. You're here. All right. They seem dirty, but let me say something creative as fuck Like when they come up with like back in the medieval days with like you're saying What I'm saying is is that you're based on the photo she wasn't the hardest one but just because she was brown you chose No, I just Because you feel safe
Starting point is 00:12:52 No Because you think you're evil No, I think she's really cute Okay And also she thinks white people are evil These two things can coexist Am I too much today? I think I'm I think you're right on the line
Starting point is 00:13:03 No, should I calm down? I think it's I feel like I I think I'm, I think you're right on my mind. Should I calm down? I think it's great. I feel like I'm like very, no, no, no. You excited Nick's here or something? No. I thought that was the excitement. Our good friend Nick crisis in the studio today. I love him, but.
Starting point is 00:13:15 Well, what, what, he's not, he's being fine. Stop judging. I wasn't. We're not judging. I feel like I'm elevated or like yelling and you know. Well, it could be George's here. Cause when George is here, it kind of tunes you up a little bit.
Starting point is 00:13:25 He gets me riled up. It does. Why is why is fancy not here? He's on the East Coast. He's out of town this week. I still want to read more of this. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:34 That's okay. Let's keep going. There's Holly L. Too much to read. She's 22 from the UK. Despite us English girls being five known for looking like Gorklock. Five. I can assure you in my photos
Starting point is 00:13:45 I'm absolutely do not I'm very single interested in not interested in anyone in England. It's dire times I would mirror her right now five she said she loves dogs. She has a black Labrador She's underlined black and all caps for some reason black nutsaxe. I'm extremely adventurous foodie. She loves food She's a dumb. She's a dumb. Yeah, you're sub I feel like yeah, she's pretty beautiful. What do we think about this girl? Three what you're so fucking done right now. We're doing this dude. Fuck you. We're giving you that's prime white also English prime prime white That's prime white, also English. Prime, prime white. But I want my color. This is OG white. OG white, dude.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Can I try my first time with my own, like, color? You fucking bigot, dude. You're such a racist. It's so crazy. Get outside of your own circle. You know what, dude? What? I'm kind of agreeing with some people about the border shit. I'm tired of it. I'm on your side, dude. I told you, brother. I'm telling you.
Starting point is 00:14:44 We gotta close it up. Yeah the separation maybe is right. Okay fine four four. No don't say it. I'll do four. Five it. Go down. Give her a five. All right the next one is Sadie B. Sadie 24 lives in Southern Maine. She wants to she I look tough because I work in a prison. Whoa, and I'm also very soft and silly Rudy's hilarious such a great person a question my sexuality while I go to but after hearing your awareness test I can promise you you're gay, babe. Yeah, I know we could have some good times together. Let's hang out. Oh Man, she'll lock you up. Yeah. Yeah, three Dude, I think I don't know
Starting point is 00:15:22 Dude Every one of these girls is pretty every one. Yeah, I Have a little thing about what the second photo What I mean, it means she sent the one with the fucking pimple patch on her face It's because it's showing that she's she's she's human just like you okay. I like it. She's in uniform there What's that little bad say? What can you zoom in? What does that say? Derek Chauvin is innocent No crazy it says that no it says Kyle written house is gone. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. That's what it says there
Starting point is 00:15:57 Yeah, he's sexy. She is the only gave her a three. Let's move on. I mean, it's insane next up is Bailey. Oh, hi I'm Bailey 21. I live in North Carolina Okay, yeah, this I get I work at Hooters. So I'm good with women 510 She can be a crazy and bitchy and she said she also doesn't have tits. She says she's flat. I love it. Hooters What do they? Oh, why we should open up? I just feel like I'd be scared of her. Yeah, she'd fuck you up. She's 5'10". 5'10"?
Starting point is 00:16:28 Says she's a little flat. But she works at Hooters, which is crazy. Small movies are fine. Great chicken wings. No, why would she have small tits and work at Hooters? It's the fucking whole thing. You know what? We should open up a restaurant called Peckers.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Peckers, little Peckers, and all the server for men with little tiny penises. Yeah. Okay. And you would be lead on the floor. So one out of five? Yeah, I'm just, I don't know, I'm just scared. She seems like nice, but I feel like- I like her.
Starting point is 00:16:55 This is the white that you are scared of. I like her. This is the white you're scared of. Yeah. I understand it. I'm a white. More, more, more, more, more, more, more, more. That's it actually.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Okay. All right. So of all the candidates, let's slowly scroll back up and see. So unfortunately, Bailey is a no for you. She lives too far. The cop, the Sadie B that works in the prison, Sadie B, then we've got the Brit, Cheerio, Molliel, then we've got the Brown that bites, that bites it.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Like the Brown. Michelle, then we've got Dylan Klebold, Madeline T. And then we've got Elsa Y. Let it go. And then we've got Olivia M. We liked her too. She's pretty. You think she's a catfish maybe. And our first girl goes back to the very beginning. That's Bridget. Can I do top three?
Starting point is 00:17:41 Yeah. Yeah, do top three. Okay. First one is Michelle. Yeah, I know. We know. The brown one. Yeah, do top three. OK, first one is Michelle. Yeah, I know. We know. The brown one. The brown one.
Starting point is 00:17:47 Number two is this girl. His bridget. Number three. Number three is the second one. Three is this one, Olivia. For the wedding of the lamb has come. And as bride has made herself ready. Blessed are the...
Starting point is 00:18:00 Dude, what the fuck are you doing, dude? We're trying to have a moment. I'm doing my fucking model on you. Can you not? Fucking sorry, dude. Rude. I'm doing my fucking model on you not fucking sorry dude rude I'm sorry. It's out of pocket Truly truly out of pocket is pig for the wedding of the lambs come All right, you know what dude get out get out of the room man
Starting point is 00:18:22 If you're gonna fuck up his shit you gotta get out talking about God and the Lord in they're wanting the same. All right. I'm out I'm out. No, well you can you just learn to not laugh when I'm being serious. Sure. Yeah Look at me right now, dude. I'm gonna look at you while I say this I'll think of and if you fucking laugh I swear to fuck God you're fired. All right. Let's go. What do you think? I've been wanting to fire him for a long time. I know. Here we go, dude. All right. George, I swear to fucking God, dude. Ready? Here we go. For the wedding of the lamb has come. And his bride has made herself ready.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb. Very good. Is that what it says? Yeah, I don't know what it means. Let me read it. I don't know what it means. Let me read it.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Oh, here, here, I don't know what it means. Yeah, yeah. See, it'll do the way I said it. Or it should do it better. For the wedding of the lamb has come. There we go. And his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb.
Starting point is 00:19:29 The bridegroom is the lamb, the bride is the wife of the lamb. Guess, invitees, who is the bride, the wife of the lamb? This is why I don't fuck with this stuff, because it's too much. What are you talking about? What are you fucking talking about? I've never seen a lamb. Anyway, um... Blessed are about? I've never seen a lamb. Anyway, um... Blessed are the...
Starting point is 00:19:48 I've never had. Have you ever seen a lamb? But people talk about the Bible, they talk about lambs and sheep. I've never seen them. Well... It's not... He tried. A part of my life.
Starting point is 00:19:58 The bride of Christ or the lamb's wife is a metaphor used in a number of related verses in the Christian Bible specifically. Whatever, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I believe in something. I have verses in the Christian Bible specifically. And blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I believe in something. I have a belief system. Me too. I don't like rhetoric.
Starting point is 00:20:10 I don't like, I just don't like, it's like, let me just believe in my fucking... Let me ask you something. Let's be real, dude. Yeah. Okay. Let's, as a consensus in the bad friends, you know, the ecosystem here, let's get a consensus over here, right? Consensus, yeah. Okay. Nick, please. Okay. Consensus.
Starting point is 00:20:30 Let's get a consensus. That's what I said. Let's go. Gay marriage, what do you feel? Yes! Supportive. We'll say it on the count of three. One, two, three. No! No. Why? it's a sin
Starting point is 00:20:49 Okay, no what let's be real though. I'm gonna get the ecosystem. Okay, of course. Yes. I'm going to a gay marriage soon Yeah, I love him. Ah, you know, I love the ad. I don't let me tell you something I don't like any wedges anymore. I don't want to go to anybody's wedding. Yeah, I don't want to go. I don't want to go I don't like any weddings anymore. I don't want to go to anybody's wedding. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. Viator! Yo, dog, what's up?
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Starting point is 00:23:28 tea 8 packs with Amazon Prime or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven Target Walmart Whole Foods or on Instacart. Go to liquiddeath.com slash badfriends to check out their healthy infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer. That's liquiddeath.com slash badfriends. Liquiddeath.com slash bad friends liquid death comm slash bad friends Yeah, what do you think a gay marriage? Yeah, yeah, I don't give a fuck. I don't care what people do. Okay. How about this one? Sex before marriage one absolutely against it. You've done no you've never had sex before marriage
Starting point is 00:24:00 Really? No, wait it Never even got a tugger. Interesting. Nothing. So, your wife? Your wife? Yes. Scott's honor.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Scott's honor. Right. Sex before marriage. Yes. How about yes? Yeah. How about these guys? Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:19 Nick? You're fine with it. Center. Sins in, sins in. Okay. Does a border have anything to do with the Bible? Little bit. I'm running out of things guys. All that murder.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Here we go. Murder, yes, right? Wrong. Right. It depends. It's wrong. Depends on who you're killing. Self-defense.
Starting point is 00:24:37 Yeah. Dude, this girl loves fucking murder. That's her whole thing. Let me give you a scenario. Okay. By the way, we should build the border out of Bibles. Dude, that's so brilliant. Then when they try to get over here, they can grab one and read what's really going
Starting point is 00:24:47 on, get the word of the Lord while they're trying to scale the wall. That's so good. We should put other things in the wall if we're going to put pamphlets in Bibles. What? Well, something that's exciting. Like, how about that new, how about that crab book that people like, what's that? No, I mean, the, um... What?
Starting point is 00:25:04 No, no, no. They did a movie about it. It's about the Southern... It's a... We just told it. They did a movie about it. It's the Southern... I read it, it's about the cra... Not the crabs, but...
Starting point is 00:25:13 What are you looking for, buddy? It was a book. Anyway, other books. How about this? I don't know much books. So, what do we put in? What do we put in? Like, the Sun also rises by Hemingway.
Starting point is 00:25:25 I love. There we go. Or something that they- Oh, remember that book I saw online today? Hatchet. Remember the book Hatchet? Everyone had to read that. It popped back up to this book.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Yeah. Like every kid in junior high had to read that fucking book. What would it have to do with Hatchet's? I don't fucking remember the book. Yeah, yeah. Gary Paulson though. I remember the name Gary Paulson. What was it about Macon? Do you remember I think it was about a kid that got lost in the Alaskan wilderness?
Starting point is 00:25:50 That's right. And he had a kid he had a kid and any it's an it's an honor zoom in It's an honor award-winning young adult wilderness survival novel Gary Paulson. I think he's from Minnesota Shut the fuck up Always yeah about Brian Roberts survival following a plane crash Shut the fuck up Yeah about Brian Robert survival following a plane crash explores the theme of positive thinking and perseverance he faces challenges from nature bears Porgy my Z hydration starvation with only his trusty hatchet to help him Can we go back to the wall or we want to go back to the fucking Bible the wall wall wall wall build a wall build a wall incest love but not like direct like relative like what about second cousin
Starting point is 00:26:32 are you talking like royal family stuff yeah yeah like mona yeah yeah you know what that's a good question yeah thank you for that question and I'm gonna go I'm with me dive in oh god, please right first cousin. No second. Yeah Well, I'm done. Don't know this Christ so fast. Oh, so I'm not also done with first cousins. There's caveats Right, you can marry your first fucking cousin where in in like ten states Laws regard California you can I know California, Alaska, Hawaii New Mexico Colorado, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Virginia, New York, and Jersey, and Massachusetts and Maine.
Starting point is 00:27:19 And the places they actually do it, it's super illegal. Like Texas. Right. It's a criminal offense in Texas. Yeah. That's when they do it. That's when they do it, it's super illegal. Like Texas. Right, it's a criminal offense in Texas. That's when they do it, that's where they do it and it's like, no. Can you imagine North and South Dakota had to bond together? What if one of them was like, no way, and the other one was like, come on. And they're like, come on, we're a package deal. We're North and South. You have any hot cousins? No. Yeah, either do I. I mean, I don't, I don't feel them. No, but that's rude to say.
Starting point is 00:27:43 I'm sure they're pretty. My cousins are, yeah, like, it's like I have, they're, they're I I mean I don't I don't feel no, but that's rude to say my I'm sure they're pretty cousins are yeah Like it's like I have they're there. I have They're not ugly people. How many first cousins do you have a thousand my mom's one of ten kids You have twenty eight first cousins. I have a million twenty eight. You a dog What did you just say did you just say are you a dog? dog you are what you eat just just just just just like that's again oh you are what you eat and I'll tell you why that's good it was good it was. It was very fast. It was something that you would say. It's something I would say.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Right? He's learning. I'm going to give you credit. That was very funny. Yeah. Okay. I just stood up because of the timing. It was perfect.
Starting point is 00:28:35 It was very good. I'm going to give you props for it. Thank you, bro. Very good. Wow, that was very good. That was good. What did you think? That was very good.
Starting point is 00:28:43 Very good. Why do you ask Rudy? Do you want to marry one of your cousins? No, I'm just saying. Have you ever kissed a cousin? No. You ever had a crush on one of your cousins? Yeah, I've told you. Yeah, that's right. I'm just saying, I feel like that's fine to marry like your second cousin.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Why is it, of all the people you could meet, you just feel comfortable with family? No, like what if there's like an actual like attraction and like it's just pure love? Yeah, let's say you're single, you're at a fucking family function, your second cousin is Margot Robbie. Yeah. Right, she's single. Yeah. You're at the banquet. Yeah. Buffet table, whatever. I don't know what you guys eat, but um, right chicken, I don't know. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Right, anyway, you know what I mean? You guys are at the chicken plate. Okay, I'm me and you're Margot Robbie.
Starting point is 00:29:29 Hey. I don't know how it's going to go. She's from Australia. Oh yeah, I don't want to do. Hello? Hello. Hello. Hey, what's up, Margot?
Starting point is 00:29:42 How are you? Good to see you. Congrats on everything that's been going on. Barbie, what a success. Thank you, thank you. It's incredible. I heard you. Are you sick?
Starting point is 00:29:50 Yeah. I'm under a little cold. You sound different, Margot. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine how hot Margot Robbie is and with this voice? You'd never fuck her. Anyway, I love you on the bad friends oh thank you thank you thank you Margo yeah yeah can I have some of that Gouda can you pass
Starting point is 00:30:11 the fuck sorry anyway good yeah the good thank you thank you thank you yeah yeah thank you hello hello yeah I would never hook up with this cousin. That's, I mean... I don't know! I don't know! Anyway! No, even if Margot Robbie was your cousin, no, of course not. Second cousin? No, because you'd still be like, that's my family. Okay, okay, what if you met someone and then you fall in love with them and then you find
Starting point is 00:30:38 out? Then I kill myself. I jump off a fucking bridge. I feel like it's fine. You, you're, yeah, I know. But can you have a baby with your second cousin and the baby become normal Yeah, the likelihood slides I think after maybe a little autism something well look at all of us in this fucking room Yeah, yeah, we're we cousin babies. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:30:55 The child of a second cousin is known as a second cousin once removed to put this in perspective You're the second cousin once right, but the chances of having What are the chances of having birth defects from cousin this is insane I know she's yeah she did it the risk of birth defects is slightly higher than for the child of unrelated parents as three to four percent compared to two to three for any child so really you're only a percent higher with your second cousin yes little gamble huh you're like, yeah. Cats Vegas, baby. What? Hit the tables.
Starting point is 00:31:26 So, about third cousin, you're fine. There's probably no... Four to seven percent if there's closer blood. Whoa. Now, if you had a baby with... God forbid, no one does it. God forbid. With your sister, biological sister, what happened?
Starting point is 00:31:37 Give me the percentage on that. I mean... Give me the percentage. With sibling, 75%... No, what is it? The birth defect rate of all kinds about 2% between siblings is 3 to 4 the increase is 75% Not 25 75% No, it just says the increase is about 75% from 2 from 2 Wow, okay
Starting point is 00:32:00 The problem is when multiple generations do it. It's not Or just not, go have babies. Can I say something? Yeah. They should have just fucking upped this just to make people more deterred. I know. Because if you're a pervert and you're looking online
Starting point is 00:32:15 about like, what if my sister, and then you're like 2%, fucking whatever. Manipulate the numbers. Yeah, they should change the numbers to be a little bit higher. 0.2% of all marriages in the United States are between second cousins are closer That means there are about 250,000 Americans that are in second cousin relationships right now. That's interesting So somebody we know maybe yeah, do you think if you and I go back our ancestry is that we find some sort of like
Starting point is 00:32:39 Incest no, but just maybe how many generations would you and I would have to go back never ever in a million nothing There's gotta be you kind of look the same though. Okay. Shut the fuck are you talking about? No, but even back in the there's you don't think we can go like 100,000 years back. No cuz I'm from an island Ireland's a little fucking from peninsula. Yeah, it's not okay How would we? Yeah, they don't work. I know about this. Yeah, the bloomin gonna... Okay. How would we... Yeah, they don't work. I know about this. Yeah, the bloomin', yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:07 But how would we even link up? We would never link up. We would never have any sort of connection. I mean, it's just too far back. Okay. You two... No. For sure.
Starting point is 00:33:15 No, Island, Peninsula. Yeah, but you're still on the same side of the world. But not only that, they've been mixed with other bloods. Spanish. No, he means like creatures from the sea. Oh, I like that. Yeah, trust me, I know you do. No, but you know, like the span,
Starting point is 00:33:30 you guys have been colonized. That's right. Did you hear about this? So, should look if this is true. They said all blue-eyed people are related. Oh, wow. All blue eyes stem from one man. Wow, wow, wow, wow.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Is that crazy? And they said it's incest, right? Well, here you keep going back. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna move past incest right now. Yeah. Get everything out now and then we'll move fast. New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single common ancestor. Go up to the top.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation which took place six to 10,000 years ago. 6,000 to 10,000 years ago. And it's the cause of the eye color of blue-eyed humans alive on the planet today. So you're all a part of one fucking answer. Not you, you. Yeah. Are you blue-eyed George? Oh, yes You would be you fucking not your Hitler's dream. Look at this guy blue-eyed blonde hair But North India has a lot of blue-eyed people too. Yeah, you know George is actually one of those guys
Starting point is 00:34:18 I would kick it this Hitler who do you think you'd hang out with if you came back today? Well, George Kimmel seems like somebody I would like to maybe get a snack with. So he dresses, so he laughs, his glasses. He reminds me of myself when I was his age. You do have rage, man. Yeah. There's a rage deep down there. Bublin.
Starting point is 00:34:40 We haven't seen, I haven't seen you in so long. It's deliberate, but it's good to see you now. Yeah, it's just a little rage. I'm scared of George more than I know exactly wait really why thank you. There's some things there's like Rage right there's a right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's bubbling I'm not rage because mine comes with heart and love and his is from something something dark Yeah, you're right. Oh, so you don't suppress yours you you express your feeling I let it rip The other day we did the show you got a little depressed when I came in I came into the room and I go you okay? He's I need my space and I get it you're very honest about your emotions and I love you so fucking much
Starting point is 00:35:13 I love you and when you get sad my little butt me Andrew gets sad man I get real sad too. You know what bummed me out the most the pizza was terrible dude. I Had the shit not only that I had the. It fucked my day up the next day It lingered in my body. Is that what you got a stomach? Dude. Yes. It fucked me up My stomach hurts so bad. Yeah when we were sitting on that plane We sat on the tarmac and Reno. Yeah for like a couple hours. Yeah They had to de-ice us take us back de-ice us take us back the whole time. I'm thinking I'm gonna shit myself I'm gonna shit myself. I'm gonna shit myself right. I'm either gonna shit right on McCone, cause he sat next to me.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'll just take one for the team and just do it in the seat. I'll tell you, I didn't know why it's bad. Because I took six emotium 80s, and I still had diarrhea. Shout out to round table pizza. Really putting in work.
Starting point is 00:35:59 Now that you say that, I wanna bring up a gripe. Bring up a gripe, I love it. And I don't wanna see the restaurant. Oh, should I not have said round table? No, no want to bring up a gripe. Bring up a gripe, I love it. And I don't want to see the restaurant. Oh, should I have not said round table? No, no, but there was a restaurant that we wanted to go to. Uh-huh. Carlos called and said, the boys are in town.
Starting point is 00:36:14 I know you close, you know what I mean? Oh, right. Right, and we would love, and they go, we don't give a fuck that they're here. They were here. We don't give a fuck. They're here, no, no thank thank you don't come in and I'm Disclose of fucking you know, I'm just cool. I wish you would I know I don't remember that's why I can't you're doing your
Starting point is 00:36:32 Do you remember you do do Nero? It means you're mad. I'm just fucking close. I'm telling you the right now I'm fucking this close. That's really good. And let me tell you something right now But why don't we give credit where credit to you know a restaurant stayed open for us in round table? No, oh Salt Lake City. Oh in the bubble at the rooftop. Well, not really rooftop of the higher Regency in Salt Lake City Remember we oh my god now that place respect phenomenal phenomenal respect Heavy loved it heavy props. They stayed open late and then outside Bobby was first like they're gonna fucking walk us outside We're gonna eat outside
Starting point is 00:37:04 But it was like little huts like little outdoor your own little hut with your own like we were in the Caribbean I want to go there and it was on the roof. Look at that's our little hut right there that hut and it had music and a heater Yeah, of course this guy Immediately like Bluetooth says own fucking I He's fucking found yeah, like you're DJ. Why are you DJ every time? Let's rewind you literally turned to me in the middle dinner and goes I love every song you've played. I know I did So what are you fucking talking about? I played everything you like I know but I played big thief and you were like holy shit I love this and I played so much shit you liked and now you're fucking flipping it for the pot It's not that I'm not flipping it for the pot
Starting point is 00:37:41 And this is just a gripe that I have and you can you guys back me up and please that for once here We go anytime I'm not flipping it for the pot and this is just a gripe that I have and you can you guys back me up I'm pleased that for once here we go any time there's a Bluetooth whether in the backstage in the green room or any restaurant, right? It's always him that's in charge of the DJing and it is and I'm wondering why did I have I fucked up He the is he the leader. Oh my god. Are you the leader? I try to make the ambiance I do my friend. Well then say I want the Bluetooth. You won't even let me. That's right.
Starting point is 00:38:09 But say you want it so I know you do. And then I go, no. Anyway, let's go back to the restaurant. That restaurant wasn't gonna do me any- Carlos, what were you gonna say? What were you gonna say? Just that, was it your like Bluetooth speaker? Like, who's was that?
Starting point is 00:38:20 It was the restaurants. The restaurants, oh. They left it for us. But no, even in any situation Have you noticed this is trying to be nice, bro? Thank you, dude I really do because we had a tough night. It was just I think he's in the music selection was righteous You fucking liked everything. This is what you do. Oh my god, great I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:38:38 I'm sorry. I'm a part of fucking this society And I'm playing by these rules. Okay. Okay. What you do is you think to yourself, gee, in every single situation, I'm usually DJ and I hook up the Bluetooth really quickly and just play my own music. I think that's a nice thing to do. I just stop, right?
Starting point is 00:38:54 Is that not a nice thing to do? In this particular situation, may I, I'm gonna do this. Hey guys, you guys wanna be DJ for tonight? But he doesn't do that. Unbelievable. You know, he goes, he goes right to the fucking Bluetooth thing
Starting point is 00:39:06 Oh, and then they wait connect with the speaker. They pair. Mm-hmm. He's pairing stew He's I you'll look he looks around the room. You'll see what I got into our you know, I mean it's like all right We get it dead no lie told yeah, yeah, and then I play fucking bangers some of them bangers some of are not what? What did I play that you didn't like that night every fucking song? Well, there's one song that you played that I can't stop listening to. What? Warren's Avon. The best. So you're welcome. That song. Warren's Avon. I know. So I guess you're right when sometimes you DJ. I do flirt. I do like. A little circle. Yeah, but I can influence you too. You won't let me. No, that's not true. Help me the fuck out. You know what? This is insane. It's just say you don't bring it up up Bob. You don't say anything if you said I want to DJ
Starting point is 00:39:49 Do it. I said do it Don't don't George Bush. Yeah, don't I felt like that reporter when George Bush, right? Just don't push him Bush ducks. Yeah, that was the best duck That was the best shoot he threw to shoot in America in world history That was the best duck. That was the best shoot. He threw two shots in world history. He eyed it. Dude, he's my president. When I saw that, that's the guy I did. That's how you know he has good reaction time and good precision. I mean, he put both of those planes into the towers. Yeah, this is Biden. Yeah, right in there. This guy, he can throw a pitch. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:25 He can throw a pitch, he can dodge a shoe, and he can crash three planes into government buildings. He's the man. He is the man. I love him. Anyway, let's move on. Rocket money. Rocket money.
Starting point is 00:40:35 You guys, you know, I have so many subscriptions on my phone and iPad and stuff. It's ridiculous. And I'm losing money because, you know, you don't even, you're not even aware of these things. You mean some sort of like game thing. Especially now that all these companies are not putting out new apps and new versions of the old one that you used to pay for I sort of got I just got an email two days ago I'm not gonna say from the company and they said we've been raised. We raised the rates already Yeah doing it again
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Starting point is 00:43:19 Anyway, so DJ, let's go, oh, the restaurant. So let's go back to the restaurant, right? Oh, it's phenomenal. No, the restaurant that they denied us. Oh, this is what it felt like. Well, what's the name of the one that we liked? Here, I'll pull it up right here. Yeah. Oh, you don't know how to say it. Marmuntayana. It was phenomenal on the rooftop of the Hyatt Regency and Salt Lake. Shout out to those guys. They were great.
Starting point is 00:43:36 And also the service was Oolala. She was incredible. Everybody was so great. Food was great. Yep. All right. Now, go back to the place you ate. Let's go back to the fucking place that we call, we call, and they acted as if we don't want that garbage in our restaurant. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. I'm just one of the top 10 comedy workers. On planet Earth.
Starting point is 00:44:04 No, on planet Earth. You know what I mean? They didn't want to fuck Earth. I'm fucking Earth. No, I'm fucking Earth. You know what I mean? They didn't want it. And I could right now write down the restaurant and go like this and go fuck this arrogant, you piece of shit, the food diarrhea. Worse than fucking, I could do that, but I'm not. You're not.
Starting point is 00:44:19 But next time we're in town, if you do that again, fuck you. War. War. You don't want war with the lead. Am I being a dirt jerk? I feel like I'm being arrogant. But I'm gonna tell you something right now though, alright? They would probably do it to like,
Starting point is 00:44:32 oh, the manager at fucking, you know, right-adies here. You know what I mean? Like, they, you know what I mean? That's how, come on in. Let's go down the list of comics. So you think would they do that to Berkshaw and Tom Segura? I think they wouldn't. They would have had a table for them.
Starting point is 00:44:46 I truly believe they would. What about Theo? No. They would deny him. Yeah, he's garbage like us. He's garbage. I mean, in terms of the, like we're rat people. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:58 Right, and he's a rat, and I love rat people. He's the rat king. He's a rat king, and I love rat people. I love him. He's hot. He's hot. Okay, enough of you. We said stop that now with our stop. He's not your cousin. All right, so anyway You like him, huh? Give me another name who would give me another name that would not get or say gets if they would get
Starting point is 00:45:12 Yeah, yeah Spade. Oh, yeah, 100% Oh, you want to close we'll close the restaurant down for you. I know all right. Give me another name Schneider No, they yeah, he's out like us. He's like us now damn. Yeah, he's in the. He's like us now. Damn. Yeah, he's in the wild. But maybe he is still him. Yeah. Jim Jeffries. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get a table. Yeah, he would. Sit up a table, you fucking. Yeah. I mean, I can tell you who just off. You ripe your cheek, your left. I don't know if it's a booger or something. Where? On your left cheek. That's a that's a yeah. What is that? Is that a bug? It's wax or something.
Starting point is 00:45:48 Hmm. Is that what you find on the tub? Yeah. You're going to open your gift right there. I got you the barrel. Turn it around. Well, this one? Yeah, turn it. Yeah. Open it up. Oh, yeah. You can, Drake's dick.
Starting point is 00:46:05 That was leaked today. It's as long as that. It's big. Let's see it. I heard it got leaked. Look. That's not Drake. It is.
Starting point is 00:46:18 That doesn't, that guy. Don't pinch the base. No, you got it. That gets more flow to the top. I know, but it's still not like accurate. So wait a minute he sent this as a private and then someone leaked it. That's me. That's me. But I guess or he or he. So long. Let me see. Go back again. How'd you find it the first time? I think that's an yeah I don't know. It's long. It's not. I think that's just an
Starting point is 00:46:43 image. I think that's a video. All I think that's just... There's a video. All right. All right. Anyway. What did you do all day today? Let's talk about your private life. So let me say something. You said you're still at school.
Starting point is 00:46:54 Wait, I want to share my story. Please. OK, so in our new house, we think we have a ghost friend. Go on. Because every time Atikalaya goes to Hawaii, I hear footsteps and Atikalaya's voice, just talking in her room. Yeah, that's me. It's not you.
Starting point is 00:47:18 But it's been happening like... Then you're in the house by yourself when she's gone. By myself. But it doesn't seem like it's a bad energy. It's just... It's just there. So the ghost is mocking... It's like a parrot. It's mocking her.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Kinda. And it's like walking around like at night, especially at 12 AM. Does it say Rudy? Does it say anything to you? No, but it's specifically at the Kalayla's voice. Okay. The four dogs. Are they in the room with you? Yeah, and they don't care.
Starting point is 00:47:47 They're not going crazy. You would think that a fucking ghost. Hmm. Talking. Rudy, you know what I mean? It's not saying my name. Well, any name! That the dogs would go ape shit.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Cause dogs can see dogs. They sense that shit. I don't know. You've never seen the movies? They sense it before anyone else senses it. I've told you this before. My dog has stared at the go- Cause I've told you about the go- Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:06 My house. She'll stare. She'll sit and stare right at the hallway. And then she'll turn around and look at me and then look right back at the hallway. That's what my dogs do. Well, they're go- I mean, if they're good spirits, it's fine. Do you know what- Mine's an old woman that died into my house.
Starting point is 00:48:17 Do you know what Bojo did to me? What? I'm fucking watching videos on my iPad. Bojo walks under my fucking table, right to the edge, and looks at me like this, right? And I look at him like this, oh. And we do this for about a minute. Then I go, I'm gonna get some water.
Starting point is 00:48:34 I get up, Bojo's still staring where I used to be. Whoa. Right? So I'm like, oh, he wasn't fucking looking at me. Right? He just, he just. and then watch what he does He's looking at nothing now and he gets scared. He goes At nothing I ran out of the house. Maybe you're dead. Oh
Starting point is 00:49:01 What if you're what if you're dead What if you're... what if you're dead? Oh man. Holy shit. What do you mean? Do you want to tell him? Bob, I was driving drunk and you were in the passenger seat and we crashed into McCone's car outside of Bad Friends. And McCone and you are now gone.
Starting point is 00:49:25 You guys have been dead. It was funny though at the end. We were having a good laugh and you... That's right. So in the other world, McCone is funny because of that dog joke. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:39 That's now it all makes sense. He would only be funny and smart because of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because getting the energy from all the other spirits up here. Yeah, it's not his shit. It's not original. Wow, yeah, he's a hack. Yeah, he's stealing humor from the other world.
Starting point is 00:49:55 That's interesting. I did decide, by the way, this past week that I'm going to be wrapped in a forever suit where it's a... What do you mean, my friend? When you die, it's, it's, they basically wrap you in this a forever suit that like detoxifies your blood and the toxins inside of you. So you can be put into the earth directly. They wrap you a mushroom suit. Yeah. Pretty rad. Oh, let me see it. And the good death. Yeah, they wrap you in this stuff and you just grow, you grow into
Starting point is 00:50:30 the earth. Eternal suit or something like that. I don't know. Yeah, I've seen that before, but wouldn't you grow without the suit? Like your dead bodies would still neutral, give the soil nutrients. No, because we have so much toxins inside of us that it's like bad for the ground. So this suit helps you kind of detoxify and organically decompose. So the plants around you can, that's not it, Carlos. What the fuck are you doing?
Starting point is 00:50:55 What the fuck is that? What the fuck are you doing? Fucking avatar shit. No, because I saw a document called Eight Ways to Die. New Ways to Die. Yeah. Right, and that was one of them. Well, there's a place where they wrap you in a thing.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Yeah. And then you find the plot of land where you wanna go, right, and then they die and then a tree grows on top of you. I love, I think that's amazing. I want that, that's what I want. I don't, why? Because I'd like to be re-burst into the earth.
Starting point is 00:51:17 Yeah, do it, I'll chop down the tree. You'll be fucking way dead by the time I die. You're not gonna fucking outlive me. I don't wanna say shit like that, man. Well, you'll be fucking way dead by the time I die. You're not gonna fucking outlive me. I didn't say shit like that, man. Well, you made dad. Can I burn you when you're done? Jesus Christ. Can I be the one to do it?
Starting point is 00:51:33 No, I don't want to be burned. I want to be in a suit. Okay, can I wrap you then? You can wrap me, yeah. And then to the lobby? Well, he wants to be cremated. You can burn him. What? I don't want to hear that, man. Well, he wants to be cremated you can burn him What I
Starting point is 00:51:46 Don't want any of that man. I want I wanted there's been in this in this fucking Documentary I saw about death. There's a new way. What? You get put into a rocket ship and shoot you into space. Yeah, I'd rather be up there. What are you wearing? Is there you're right am I not right? No, this is real. No, I saw talk about it you You go in that's nice into space But I think your ashes get squirted out into the fucking whoa, you know what I want Launch into space and return to earth for three grand Huh launch into earth orbit for five grand launch in a lunar orbit or surface starting at 12 grand and
Starting point is 00:52:26 Voyager launch into deep space for 12,000 nine or nine so you can be launched into fuck-off space for $13,000. Yeah, but I don't want to be ashes. I want full body Well, no, no, I want to be out there just are they saying naked just yeah, yeah Yeah, and maybe I'll be the first welcoming thing with the aliens Imagine my naked body you're an alien. It's cremated remains or DNA No, I want my whole body out of this way. Oh No If that's what they look like down there, we should avoid going there you'd be like a red flag
Starting point is 00:52:57 The human red. No, I'm cute dude. You are cute. Let's penetrate the right. Let's fuck it and eat it No, I mean no good. No, maybe there's more of that down there. Yeah, but... What a thug. I think they should be able to shoot your body into space. Yeah. Why couldn't they shoot your whole fucking body up there? It's too much weight.
Starting point is 00:53:17 Yeah. That costs a lot of money. Yeah. No, but if you gave them like a one million dollar... Oh, they would do it. They would do it, yeah, yeah. What you could do is like pay a couple million to go to space and then just open the door and just go out and just die if you wanted to end it all.
Starting point is 00:53:29 Oh. And you're just floating forever. No, I think that's a terrible way to die. Why? You would implode from the inside out. Well, here's what you do. Take like a cyanide pill or something and then go on for a space walk.
Starting point is 00:53:42 Yeah. So then you have like minutes to die. Then you're dead and your body is floating. You would die instantaneously out there. It was the most painful death What are you talking about? You'd be wearing a suit you'd be wearing a Oh, oh spacewalk a spacewalk And then you float forever What oh, no, it's just gonna say we do have some Valentine's Day. Let's do it. Valentine's Day stuff. Yeah, let's do it Let's see it. I'm a cun's bringing it y'all. Valentine's Day stuff? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's see it. Yeah, McCombs bring it out right now.
Starting point is 00:54:06 What's this? It's a scratch off. Scratchers. What is this? I don't like it. What the fuck is this? It's candy. Oh, it's candy.
Starting point is 00:54:15 Yeah. I know it's real meat. Like what the fuck? You would eat that. Well, these are from Christmas? These are old. I want to win something on these scratchers. No.
Starting point is 00:54:29 This is very nice. Thank you for the Valentine's Day gift, you guys. Thank you. We love y'all. Clearly I didn't match anything ever. Look at this. It says... This is the thing about scratchers. My whole family plays scratchers. How is that? Don't chew it in the mic. It tastes like chicken.
Starting point is 00:54:48 What is that? Lunchables? Lunchables with the flavor of the meat and stuff. Oh wow. You guys just got me regular old chocolate? Yeah. No, I like it just fine. Do you need to have all the numbers or just one? Uh, what does it say? It says on it.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Would you win a dollar? I have 28, 28, 1 million. Shut the fuck up. What are you talking about? Yeah, how do you do this? Did you play this game? Let me, it just says if... Just one, right?
Starting point is 00:55:22 You need... Scratch off the entire play area You're gonna match three of them oh three yeah Yeah, no that's on his you have a different one when any of your numbers match any winning numbers the prize under the matching reveal a money Win walls win also system symbol win all 20 prizes when any of your one numbers match any winning numbers Where's the winning numbers for 36 28 15 to 28? Did she win a million dollars is this real? Be real is it is it real? I mean let me see it. Let me see it honestly. There's there's no let me see it Let me see it. It's not all the winning numbers. I play oh, it's you got to match to all the winning numbers
Starting point is 00:56:03 It's as any Okay, so 28. 28, 28, 28. I don't see 28 on here. There is. No, there isn't. There's 29. Under. 38. Oh, do I hit 28? Just give it to me. First of all, let me see. Is it any? We're figuring this out, but also our house also you don't get all of it I know I'll share we're splitting it. I'll share it. No, no, we're not splitting it you and I get it and that's it We're splitting it Yeah, you're in our house
Starting point is 00:56:40 Honestly, this is weird because winning number 28. That's awful. It should be one million. I mean honestly based on this but Based on this. She won one million dollars. I swear to god. It's fucking crazy. It is real. Yeah, it's real I got him at 7-11 before this Off a coin. I'm not fucking kidding around dude 28 28 1 million you have to win three of them. No you don't. Yeah you do.
Starting point is 00:57:06 No, winning number. Close! When one of your numbers match any winning number, right? So any of these winning numbers, one of these numbers. Give us a name. 28, 1 million. Give it to me. If you rip it up, I sort of fuck up.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Why would I do that? Don't rip it! Don't rip it! Oh I did the body! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're insane that's crazy Fuck you. No, yeah, but you don't get to win it. No fuck you. What are you doing does happy Valentine's Day? Is it real?
Starting point is 00:57:47 Put it back together. Are you sure? No. Fake. Yeah, dude. Would you get that? Oh my God! Would you get that out?
Starting point is 00:57:55 Amazon. That's insane, dude. That's insane, dude. Because I swear to God, dude. I thought it was real. That was real, too. Dude, their face is when I ripped it up. He literally got... Am I about to go, you know thought it was real. I thought it was real too. Dude their face is when I ripped it up He literally got my body. You know what? It's a bad friends movie. I mean
Starting point is 00:58:09 Here comes Trinle Island The way we want to make it Dude so funny the way that her face looked when I ripped it. Yeah fucking incredible Wow I thought it was real. Wow that was pretty good. Change your life forever Yeah, and then you gotta fake one a real one That's a real we have real one. I got nothing. Yeah, I never win those things are bullshit bullshit anyway. What do you got? Thank you for the Valentine's Day. It was really nice. It's very very nice. Yeah Give me chocolate. I don't like that. Yeah, let me throw one in your mouth. So yeah, no, I want to pick the one open up
Starting point is 00:58:44 Fucking hurt. Let me try again. No! One more. Please. Well, I can't give you your mouth a- There you go. Oof. Alright.
Starting point is 00:58:51 One more, one more, one more. I do you now. One more. I do you. This is how it feels. Okay. Alright. You're gonna fucking love it.
Starting point is 00:58:59 Don't throw it hard. I would love it. I would love it. You chip my teeth. I'm not gonna love it. I'm gonna love it. This is not allowed. I would have loved it. I would have loved it. This is not allowed. I would have loved it.
Starting point is 00:59:08 You did twice. Right? No. All right, no more. No more. Okay, okay. Give me the... Here.
Starting point is 00:59:16 Can I take though? Yeah, just have one. Whatever you want. All right. Take the whole thing. I spit one out because one tasted... Fuck. It tasted bad.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Have you guys seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? No. No, because we saw the original movie. No, and I'll tell you why I don't want to watch it. Yeah. Why? Because I know why. Why? Hold on. Why? I know why. Tell me why. Why don't I want to watch it? You don't like Donald Glover. Why? That's not true. The shit he was talking about Dave? I don't not like to watch it? You don't like Donald Glover? Yeah. Why? That's not true. The shit he was talking about Dave? I don't not like Donald Glover. The shit he was talking about Dave? You want me to clarify?
Starting point is 00:59:52 I'll clarify. I don't not like Donald Glover. I don't have any beef with Donald Glover. But since I was on that show Dave, there's been like speculation and back and forth about somebody comparing us to his show because we were both on FX. And then a while ago, it came up that I guess he, I don't know, in some way he was kind of like offended that people compared us. Yeah. And so then Vanity Fair did this thing with Maya Erskine
Starting point is 01:00:28 who's phenomenal from Pen 15 interviewing Donald. And then here, look. Do you think you're more talented than this person? He's on a lie detector. Yeah. Yeah, you know, this is gonna start beef, but I actually like him. I think he's a really nice guy. I just, but I'm just conceited. Ha ha ha. Were you insulted when critics compared Dave to Atlanta? Uh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:57 I don't remember any like critics. I think it was just people, but I definitely was insulted. Not because I think that they're that Dave is bad because I actually really think Dave is a good show. I just don't think they have a lot in common. That's true. True.
Starting point is 01:01:16 Okay. So, first of all, fuck Vanity Fair. What a fucking lame, weird setup. Elitists. Yeah, but that's a bullshit. It's a bullshit question. lame, weird setup. Elitists. Yeah, but that's a bullshit, it's a bullshit question. Right, are they not? Elitists. So I don't, I don't, I don't fuck it. I mean, look, Dave is done, our show is over anyway.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Kick a dead dog and when it's sleeping, you know? Kick a dead, it's a Jewish dog no less. So they should, you know what I mean? Given the circumstances of the world right now. No, but I just, I don't have any hate for Donald fucking Glover. I don't, I just think it's a fucking, no I shouldn't. Yeah, you did, yeah you did. I'm sure he was saying anyway. No, I think it's a lame line of questioning. Are you more talented than this guy?
Starting point is 01:01:49 It's like what the fuck are you talking about? That's so subjective anyway, and then for him to be like we will get revenge There's no revenge. I will we will get revenge speaking my game is no Here Vanity Fair you hear listen here to listen now The race isn't over the race is over when I'm dead And I will get revenge. All right. We will do I don't need it. We will and dig dig Watch your back, dude Do you think you're more talented than this other person I'm tired of elitism aren't you a tired of elitism We see it in calm. You think you could beat this guy in a foot yeah
Starting point is 01:02:25 I hate it. It's a can we just fucking just do what we do and let's move on I commented on this video Do you think your dad could beat up my dad? That's what this is. Do you think you're more talented? Do you have more of a skill set than this other human being yeah, what the fuck are you? You know that comic right now that's doing the little voice? Get the fuck out of here. What's that? That voice? The auto tune guy. Auto tune guy. What's it? He's very funny. Yeah. I see his clip. I've heard comics go, well, that's cheating.
Starting point is 01:02:54 I go, why? Because he's crushing with the fuck. Who cares? It's different than you. It's different what you're doing. He came up with it. He's great at it. It's fun. Who are you talking about? Yeah, he's great. He just did. He's doing a Brian Marek show. He's very funny. I think I met him once, nice. But I don't give a fuck, dude.
Starting point is 01:03:10 Who are you talking about? Watch. Oh, oh, oh, you're talking about, I know who it is. His name's Morgan J. Yeah, I like him. Yeah. And so I've heard a comic, I don't know what his name is,
Starting point is 01:03:19 like, what, isn't it cheating? I don't know, it's brilliant. Did you do it? Yeah, you didn't do it. So then shut the fuck up. Dude, it's It's like let's we're all gonna die soon Right. Yeah, God willing right? Let's just get through this. No, so I have no I didn't see the show I have no fucking hate towards Donald. I think I thought I liked Atlanta a lot I think he makes a lot of great shit. I don't understand the industry trying to pit them against each other
Starting point is 01:03:43 Yeah, it's a weird thing to even put an article out and then shame on vanity fair Suck a dick for fucking being like who's more talent? I mean get bent. It's fucking get a better writer right better questions Noody bullshit. It's snooty bullshit. I'm gonna get my fucking revan to one Bobby's gonna get his revenge on you You'll see did you like to show you liked it a lot? I'm still watching it, but it's really good. I'm sure it is. They're both fucking extremely talented. Is it, are they assassins and they live together or whatever? Yeah, but it's not more on the spy stuff. It's more like really.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Did you see the original with Brad Pitt and A? Yeah, I saw good. You did? Yeah. And you're saying that this version is better. This is a TV show. Or is it hacky? Or is it, oh, we've been there, done that. I love pop. Wait, it's a TV show or is it hacky or is it hacky or is it oh we've been there done that I?
Starting point is 01:04:26 Love pop wait. It's a be honest me because you're you your generation You guys are shit when it comes to fucking film I was a girl yesterday, and you know and I go Would you watch movies? Yeah, like she'll say so like like I like that mr. Mrs. Smith. I go well you never saw No, you haven't seen any Coen Brothers movie. Fargo, you know what I mean? No country for old men. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:53 Raising Arizona blood simple. Get your shit together, man. There's shit out there. Dude, Dupama, Scorsese, all those fucking legends. Legends. Right? Do you ever see the French connection? No
Starting point is 01:05:25 So so basically what you say this I've seen everything, right? And you're going, you should watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah, why can't you just enjoy a movie without like, oh, I've seen better movies. I don't like. Because I don't trust your opinion. I also don't trust your opinion. I know exactly.
Starting point is 01:05:42 And the reason why you're upset right now is because you know I'm right. No. And that's that That's that I refuse to watch it. Okay. I'm just saying I like All right I'm sorry What is this Tokyo cafe offers jobs for people with disabilities to remotely operate robots that serve customers Okay, Tokyo. So if you want to go to a robot cafe, it's the robots are being operated by kids with
Starting point is 01:06:07 disabilities. Yes, exactly. Wow. It's a nice place for them. So the kids with disabilities are operating them remotely from their home? I think they're like in the back or something like that. They hide them? Yeah, like they don't want them to be around.
Starting point is 01:06:20 So they hide the kids with disabilities so you don't see... Why don't they just have the kids with disabilities work at the restaurant? Or put the robots stuff on them. Or make them in robot suits. Do you want more coffee? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And also, you know, if they're acting natural, you're going, oh, it's just, the mechanics
Starting point is 01:06:34 is malfunctioning. Right. Employees are waste that remotely operated by individuals with physical limitations or disabilities. So it could just be somebody without legs. Or maybe like, let's see that robot over there maybe they're like designed based on the person so maybe the person in the back has no legs and stuff right there you go yeah that's interesting how do you talk to the
Starting point is 01:06:54 manager let me talk to the manager line the manager. What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan?
Starting point is 01:07:12 What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan?
Starting point is 01:07:20 What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? What's Japan? Genius that's genius. How do you feel about that? You're in BTS You're killing millions millions and then you got to do two years in the army. I Think they should have some exemptions if you're BTS you don't get a fucking no they have to go they say there's some exceptions for like Do they have to go yeah, yeah
Starting point is 01:07:42 Sports but not me not the biggest Sports. Yeah. Sports but not the biggest pop group of all time. Wait, so is Sun from Korea? I don't know. I've taught him. Did he ever do two years? I think he did. I don't know. Tens of thousands of young South Koreans are drafted each year to perform their duty, but athletes and artists can get exemptions if they're seen. So artists, so I guarantee you the BTS doesn't have to do it. No, they're doing it. They are doing it. They are doing it.
Starting point is 01:08:00 They're doing it because they want to because it's gonna help their image. They obviously could get an exemption. Oh, but if you don't do it, you can get exempted, but they'll probably shame you a hundred percent. Ah Huh, I think we should do this in America. We should make you serve Well Elvis did they made Muhammad remember Ali got his fucking championship fucking torn away from him because of that Elvis he wouldn't go Elvis served. He did. Yeah. But Ali didn't and then he got fucking fucked for it. Muhammad Ali. Cassius Clay. Thank you. I didn't know who he was. I knew Cassius. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Toby Keith died. You didn't know that? Toby Keith is dead? Yeah. The music artist. Yeah. He'll put a vote in your ass. 62. It's the American way.
Starting point is 01:08:41 Wait, he fucking... How did he die? Do you know this stomach cancer? He just died I think today holy shit really. I don't know who toby Keith is he was a famous country music artist I he died. Oh my god. He was so young. He died his stomach cancer. Oh, no I kind of don't care a dude Jesus. What do you mean? You don't care American icon, dude I don't like country singers. Hey who cares there. They don't like you what? American icon, dude. I don't like country singers. Who cares? They don't like you.
Starting point is 01:09:04 What? It's an insane thing. I quite don't like them. He's dead, dude. May you relapse and die. That's insane. It's not that crazy. Based on what you said.
Starting point is 01:09:13 I have 30 days tomorrow. Oh, congratulations. Congrats. You know, I've never been noticed by when I go public. And I guess the podcast is getting really popular. Wait, wait. What's up, stop. You've been noticed before, what are you talking about? What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:09:28 Barely. And then now it's like every time I go out, someone like knows me. And then at work. When, when did it start? December. Like every time I go out, someone knows me. And then at work, the chair of the cinema and television department knows me.
Starting point is 01:09:48 What'd she say? He was like, oh, you're from that podcast. Hey, what'd you say? I was like, oh yeah. And then he kept asking like, oh, how's the podcast been? How are you? How's Bobby and Andrews like? They're okay.
Starting point is 01:10:03 But then my manager found out about it and then she was like, oh, you're in a podcast? It's like, yeah. And then she was like, oh, what's the name? And I said, no, you don't have to know it. Trust Tuesday, just say trust Tuesday. Because I don't think she'll like it. Yeah, don't let anybody know.
Starting point is 01:10:19 Don't be, no. No, no, don't let anybody know. Be ashamed. But it's my manager. Be ashamed. Like we've talked about sex, anal, anal, everything here. I don't think she'll like it. Well, how do you know her?
Starting point is 01:10:34 What if she loves it? Yeah. No, I know her. She's, I don't. Well, you don't say anything now. Yeah. Because you're listening now. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Do you like her? I like her. Or is she a bitch? I like her. I'm just scared of her. Yeah, yeah, you do great work on the show. Nah. No, you do. They love her. You do good work on the show. Yeah, and let me say something. No, you great. There's a new sheriff in town though. There's a new sheriff in town. Oh, the group. And it's called the Goop. The Goop is taken over. In fact, we should have you and the Goop together. Yes, yeah. I think you and the goop together will be good cuz the dead ski no No, there's a new sheriff in town sheriff and the goop
Starting point is 01:11:08 And he's got water guns obviously you don't listen to the show then yeah clearly yeah Well this week's episode uh-huh what listen to it the goop the goop is the best He's the best wait you see this you wait to see this I'm in love with him the way that people love you we love the goop and I you see this. I'm in love with them. The way that people love you, we love the goop. And I will say this, all joking aside. Yeah. I do love you, Jules. I think it's wild to think how much we've watched you grow and grown up with you. And it's fucking crazy. It really moves me sometimes to think, you're family to me. I love you. And it's really crazy. You used to hate him. Yeah. Not hate, it's crazy. You used to hate him. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:45 Not hate, scared. You scared, you scared. You scared. And you, I used to be so scared of you. When? And I wouldn't talk to you. When? All the time.
Starting point is 01:11:54 Still now? No, before. We're family now. Yeah. You love me now. Like when I first moved, I was scared of you. I know, you were pretty scared of me. You never hated that she was scared because we're scared.
Starting point is 01:12:02 We're not scared anymore. No. Yeah, you feel great. But you know what made me think how beautiful it is, what this family means to me and the fans truly, when we go out on the road? I never hated that she was scared because we're... We're not scared anymore. No. Yeah, you feel great. But you know what made me think how beautiful it is, what this family means to me and the fans truly when we go out on the road? It's great. Is, I think, what a weird world and time we're living in.
Starting point is 01:12:14 We started this show during the pandemic after your dad died. And this little fucking brownie came into the studio to stop you from going to get COVID. Oh yeah. The whole goal was keep Bobby away from 7-Eleven, from ride aid. Oh, she came as a nice chaperone. From Thrive. She was your chaperone, a child. And then she was, we were going to have her on.
Starting point is 01:12:34 No, we didn't want to put her on. And then once she showed up, how did she, how was she on? You asked her? Well, we started talking to her because she was in the room. Oh, right, right. And gave her a microphone. Right. And then to think you were guarding Bobby from getting COVID, now you've had it five times.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Five or six, yeah. I might do my lower back. Oh my god, it's terrible right now. Not only have you had it five or six times, you've had it so many times so frequently, you don't even fucking give a shit anymore. I don't care about it. Yeah, it's lower back
Starting point is 01:13:06 Wow, how we've grown, you know. Yeah. Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Thank you for being a bad friend Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
Starting point is 01:13:32 Woo! Woo! Woo!

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