Bad Friends - Rudy Rates Drake’s… Personality

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, we're on tour still with the last leg. That's it Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Yep Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada Oh, yeah, Tucson, Arizona. We're going to the desert. Yeah, buddy. We're going out. Yeah, Las Vegas, Nevada closing it out We end the tour for 20 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Please join the bad friends We will not be going out for a long time now. We've got our own stuff going on Yeah, the tour separately might not go out for years. Who knows? So go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, or Niagara Falls, or Tucson, or Vegas, go to badfriendspod.com for tickets, badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends.

Starting point is 00:00:32 Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why, dude? I'm an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Woo! Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.

Starting point is 00:00:42 What are these pamphlets that you have? I don't even know. It's from the fan, the religious guy. Oh, yeah. You remember? Oh, my god. We got to talk about this guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy.

Starting point is 00:00:49 Where was it? In Salt? No, no, no. Reno? No, Salt Lake. No. No, Reno. No, Temecula.

Starting point is 00:00:56 God damn it. Temecula, right? Yeah, he comes solo. Yeah, we have plastic see-through bags. Yeah. Right? And you know, so when we do meet and greets We like it when the fans have a bag because you never know what's gonna happen. The gifts are amazing

Starting point is 00:01:10 Yeah, it's either like somebody hand drew a naked photo of my penis Or they'll do we've gotten like 30 of those right right for some reason or like, you know a letter of some sort Like you saved our lives How art a dope. Oh,. A dope piece of art. Oh yeah, yeah. But I know, we appreciate the fans so much. And we throw it in the garbage. No we don't.

Starting point is 00:01:32 You're sick dude. No we keep it in a, anyway we have a warehouse full of them. We actually do have a warehouse filled with shit. Thank you for the gift, you know what I mean. And we love them. So a man came up to us and said, Rudy you're gonna love this. And hi Rudy, welcome back us and said, Rudy, you're going to love this. And hi, Rudy.

Starting point is 00:01:46 Welcome back. Welcome back. And your headband is on backwards, but leave it that way, because that is purple. And I'll leave it. Evo. Evo. Evo. I mean, Evo.

Starting point is 00:01:55 Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo. Evo.

Starting point is 00:02:03 Oh, God. You're going to be this slow all day today? Jesus. This guy gave us, so he came up to us and he said, I think you guys would be interested in my church and my God. And I said, would your God like us? Does he know about the show? It's almost as if, what show are you watching?

Starting point is 00:02:22 He loves us. I know, but it's like, but he understands that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the show changes. No, that's not true. We can accept Jesus. I talk about rabbits, and f***ing sewing machines and all that stuff, and my f***ing... Jesus invented all that. Oh yeah. Lord is behind all that.

Starting point is 00:02:43 Lord did it. Have you ever... Jesus style? What? You just go like this? I have. You pump away? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:51 You've never done that? Yeah, but so much blood on the hands. Too much. You know what I mean? And I bleed out. The Bible prophesies about the second coming of Jesus. So he handed us these pamphlets and he goes, I really think you guys should... I really think you'd benefit from Lord.

Starting point is 00:03:02 Yeah. And I think I agree. You think we should use Lord more? Should we be more Lord-like? Is it like a different Lord where like it's like there are religions about like sex and like butt fucker? No, no, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa a mountain god or something. What? Yeah, I don't know. How many gods do you have in the Philippines?

Starting point is 00:03:25 We're Catholicism, so like we praise to like three. Three gods? I think Catholics only have one god. The Holy Son. No, the Spirit, the Holy Ghost, the father, the son, and the Holy Ghost. That's all the same guy. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Unfortunately, it all the same guy. Oh. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:45 Okay. Unfortunately, it's the same guy. Here's my fear. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost is different, but it's the same guy. It's like, it's like Steve Buscemi in Big Lebowski in Conair and in Billy Madison. Did you see that theory on the internet? Did I send you this? Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:04:03 That they exist all in the same universe? Yes. Let's go to that theory after this god thing. Sorry. My brain is running wild. I know it's running real wild. Well I'm free today. I'm free too. When it rains I get free baby. It pours. That's what my grandfather said. When it rains, we pour. Anyway, when it rains, we pour. Happy holidays. Is your boyfriend doing anything for you for Valentine's Day? I don't know yet, maybe.

Starting point is 00:04:31 Well, the good news is, you can dump that guy, because we have prospects that want to take you out for Valentine's Day. Yeah. Who? Go ahead, Carlos. A lot of people reached out to the Carlos in the booth Gmail after a couple weeks ago when you said that you were open to dating a woman A lot of people sent in applications and we got a few of them right here. So we got a few right here Bridget M I'm a 24 year old living in Lake Tahoe, and I'm a ski instructor and lesbian. She's pretty

Starting point is 00:04:57 I heard the bad friends episode about Rudy and her curiosity about women I've been gay for a while now and I'd love to take Rudy on a no-pressure fun date I'm an easy-going fun loving sweetheart big fan of the whole crew and wish you all the best. Let me know if you have any questions. Best Bridget M. What do we think about Bridget M? She sounds fun. That would be nice.

Starting point is 00:05:14 You go skiing with her? Yeah. I've never done skiing so she can teach me. She would love to teach you. She'll teach you pizza pie. She's pretty. She is. So what do we think on the scale of would not date zero?

Starting point is 00:05:27 Definitely would five out of one out of five. It's not a judging her looks or just judging the likelihood. The vibe. The vibe. Eight. Okay, it's out of five, but yeah. No, that's okay. It's all right.

Starting point is 00:05:37 So you really like her? No, probably three. Okay, three. All right, let's go. Let's see the next one. May I judge? You can do. Yeah, go back up. May I judge? Okay, one out All right, let's go, let's see the next one. May I judge? You can do, yeah, go back up. May I judge?

Starting point is 00:05:48 Okay, one out of five you'd take her. Are you gonna judge or no? No, no, I'm not a lesbian. Oh, either of mine, but okay, may I try? That's debatable. All right. A four. So a four you would go on a date with?

Starting point is 00:05:59 If I was a woman, yes. If I was a woman, my fear would be, she would be a ski instructor. I'd take me on the hill, I'd embarrass myself in front of her Yeah, and I pull you know what she can do it You know oh She's like hold on to this. No, I know where to put this, you know, ah There's two of them. Oh, right. All right. Let's go to the next person

Starting point is 00:06:21 Olivia M. It's Olivia from Dallas 25. I think Jules and I have some common interests, but I also believe we have a similar sense of humor and I appreciate how straightforward she can be. I'm also recently open about my bisexuality so we can find comfort in each other and with any initial awkwardness. Anyway, I'm an office manager by day. Beyond that, I enjoy riding motorcycles, playing video games and adding to my Star Wars collection. I'm not much of a partier. I don't drink or smoke. I'm not trying to spend evenings unwinding with an anime binge. Not sure if I'm her type, but worth a shot.

Starting point is 00:06:50 She's so cute. She is. She's pretty. One through five. I have a boyfriend. No, but it doesn't count if it's a girl. Yeah. Yeah, that's the rules.

Starting point is 00:07:02 Hypothetically. Hypothetically. No, no, no. That's the rules. That is the rules. Like, I have my guy. Yeah, I have that's the rules. Hypothetically. No, no, no, that's the rules. It is the rules. Like, I have my guy. Yeah, I have my guy too. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:12 This one's a five, I think, I know. Yeah? Yeah, well, she's got a job, she has a car. Well, we haven't seen the other candidate, so let's put her into four. Whoa. You might go back, you might go back. You're a little bit of a snob though, huh? You got, you want a roster?

Starting point is 00:07:27 You want to get a reserve? Four for me. Five for me. Five, yeah, but five for me. He's so pretty. She's gorgeous. She could also be two foot eight. You can't, oh, the, I mean, I know what she's like.

Starting point is 00:07:35 No, she's leaning against a vehicle. She was doing that to show you scale. How old is she? Oh no, unless that's a micro car. That's a mean, she's got a little. I think it's a catfish. You think it's a catfish? This little blurry right there?

Starting point is 00:07:45 I don't know. Wait, wait, what do you mean? What do you mean? It's not like in 1080. Zoom in. That looks pretty legit to me, Lois. Who takes a photo in the office like that? That's how it got to be her work photograph.

Starting point is 00:07:58 It's got to be... No, but that's how catfishes use photos like this. They do? Yeah. Have you been catfish? No, because that like a what do you call it one of those like stock Like a stock photo. Yeah. Yeah, that doesn't look like a stock photo. This looks like a okay. It's the same girl twice Well, yeah, obviously yes, it's not fake. Let's move on. God. I would get catfish, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I bit

Starting point is 00:08:21 The next one is Elsa why hey bed friends pod my name is Elsa 22 from Seattle. I love the show think Rudy's cute as hell super funny I'd love to go on a date with her and then we might be a good match because I'm also bi curious I have kissed a woman and it was awesome. Look at that. She likes pussy. Oh, she's and she has a cat Mm-hmm. That's not hers She that's just for the photo. Oh Three three. Okay. Let's see the next one. Oh, three. Three, okay. Let's see the next one.

Starting point is 00:08:46 How many of these do we have? Eight. That's all. Let's keep going. Madeleine, 22-year-old woman lives in Illinois. I'm getting out as soon as humanly possible. I like Rudy. I like many others.

Starting point is 00:08:55 One of the most perfect additions to the podcast. It makes me laugh, chill out personality. Not sure what interest are I'd be more willing to learn. I did see her briefly enjoying a knife, which is sick as I love Yeah, yeah, what's a balsong? Bali song I can't see it zoom in what is what's a Bali song? Yeah, you know is that your language by Lee song no Person my favorite thing to do is is to learn pretty down to do anything with seeing new places

Starting point is 00:09:23 What's a Bali song Google what that is? I gotta be honest with you in that second. Oh, it's a butterfly knife. Oh, yeah That's you know how cool that is do that that thing that you know how they flick it. Yeah go back to the photo isn't that Dylan Klebold on the right. That's not the Columbine shooter on the right that That is very much Yeah, Columbine. This is honestly, this is what Carlos likes. Really? Yeah, wild. I could die. Well, she's got a ferret there.

Starting point is 00:09:48 Or is that a, what is that? It's a ferret. It's a ferret. Yeah. Bobby's projecting right now onto me. You could tell how quickly George knew what a ferret was. He's like, that's been on my ass. No, because I went out with a girl since Colleen I broke up and she was like super poor and

Starting point is 00:10:02 I went into her bedroom and she had like, you know, like scully kind of posters and stuff, no furniture, but on her thing was like switch blades and you know what I mean? Like other like clippings of nails on the table. I just weird shit, some residue, you don't even know what it is, you know what I mean? And so you look at the sheets and stuff, you're like, oh my God, so dirty, right?

Starting point is 00:10:22 It sounds kind of familiar. Were you at your house? You just walk into your own. You're a real fucking asshole today. Gracias, I'm not gonna lie. It's not my honey. So keep going, she had dirty little sheets. Anyway.

Starting point is 00:10:37 Was the sex good? I never fucked her, but I made up with her. And in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm into this. Oh, you like bad girls. Like a dange, like Harlequin. Don, you like bad girls like a danger like Harlequin Don't you love Harley Quinn Nick? Yeah, I mean Nikki loves that kind of stuff And you have like your girl that you're gonna go on burn things down. She's like meet me at the cemetery at nine Yeah, that's the start of the date

Starting point is 00:10:57 And then you watch a movie there or what? No, you just you know, they do the movies in the yeah Oh, I love anyway. Go ahead. Let's move on. You like her one two five three three. Okay. There's another three. I'm a four. Oh Okay, this is Michelle and My name is Michelle from San Diego Bobby's hometown. I'm submitting my application for girl, Juliana My hands and knees for a woman. I'm on my hands and knees I'm 21 years old and I'd love to court her for well She's biting a girl right why? Why? You know why? Why?

Starting point is 00:11:25 Biting a cat. Cause she's brown. Yeah. Yeah. Let me say something about white people. Why? And I wanna defend George, Nick, right? They're pure people.

Starting point is 00:11:36 And let me say something about that, okay? That's right, brother. Yeah, they're pure people. Reach the word, brother. They're dry. That's right. They're just getting super dry. I'm cracking right now.

Starting point is 00:11:44 Right. When they age, they shrivel. Oh, yeah, like a raisin like Clint Eastwood men, right? Get off my porch some of them are like They seem dirty What kind what what kind you? Yeah, this type. What does that mean? They crease. I'll just say your name. You're here.

Starting point is 00:12:09 All right? They seem dirty, but let me say something. Creative as fuck. Like when they come up with like back in the medieval days with like... So you're saying... What I'm saying is that you're... Based on the photo, she wasn't the hardest one, but just because she was brown, you chose no.

Starting point is 00:12:21 Because you feel safe. No. Because you think you're evil. No, I think she's really cute. Okay, and also she thinks white people are evil These two things can coexist am I too much today? I think I'm I think you're right. No, should I calm down? I think it's obvious. I feel like I'm like very none. Are you excited Nick's here or something? No, I thought that was the excitement Our good friend Nick crisis in the studio today. I love him, but what he's not he's he's being fine. Stop judging

Starting point is 00:12:48 I was we're not judging. I feel like I'm elevated or like yelling and I'll get him Well, it could be George is here because when George is here it kind of tunes you up a little bit I do it gets me riled up. It does why is that's what I'm nice fancy not here. He's on the east coast I still want to read more of this. Okay, okay, that's okay. Let's keep going There's Holly L too much to read. She's 22 from the UK despite a singlish girls being fine I'm looking like Goulok five. I can assure you with my photos five. Absolutely. Do not I'm very single interested in not interested in anyone in England It's diet times I would mirror her right now five. She said she loves dogs. She has a black Labrador Not interested in anyone in England. Errr, it's diet times. Uh...

Starting point is 00:13:25 I would mirror her right now, five. Why? She said, uh, she loves dogs. She has a black Labrador. She underlined black and all caps for some reason. I have black nutsaxe. You've seen my nutsaxe. I'm extremely adventurous foodie.

Starting point is 00:13:35 She loves food. She looks like she's a dom. She's a dom. Yeah, you're subbed for her. I feel like I... yeah. She's pretty beautiful. What do we think about this girl? Three.

Starting point is 00:13:46 What? You're so fucking dumb right now. What the fuck think about this girl? Three what you're so fucking That's prime white also English prime prime white Ogy white Ogy white did can I try my first time with my own like color you fucking big it dude You're such a racist.'s so crazy outside of your own circle you know what dude what kind of agreeing with some people about the board I'm tired of it I'm on your side I told you we got to close it up yeah the separation maybe is right okay fine for four no don't do it five I'll do four. Five it. Go down. Give her a five. All right the next one is Sadie B. Sadie 24 lives in Southern Maine.

Starting point is 00:14:29 She wants to, I look tough because I work in a prison. Whoa. And I'm also very soft and silly. Wow. Rudy Soler is such a great person. Question my sexuality while I go to, but after hearing your awareness test, I can promise you, you're gay babe.

Starting point is 00:14:43 Yeah. I know we could have some good times together. Let's hang out. Oh Man, she'll lock you up. Yeah. Yeah three Dude, I think I don't know Every one of these girls is pretty every one. Yeah, but I have a little thing about what the second photo What I mean, I mean she sent the one with the fucking pimple patch on her face It's because it's showing that she's she's she's human just like you okay. I like it. She's in uniform there

Starting point is 00:15:13 What's that little bad say what can you zoom in? What does that say? There are chauvin is innocent No crazy it says that no it says Kyle written house is gone. Oh go okay. Okay. That's what it says there Yeah, he's sexy. She is the only gave her a three. Let's move on. I mean, it's insane next up is Bailey. Oh, hi I'm Bailey 21. I live in North Carolina. Okay. Yeah, this I get I work at Hooters. So I'm good with women 510 She can be a crazy and bitchy and she said she also doesn't have tits. She says she's flat. I love that hooters What is it?

Starting point is 00:15:50 Oh, why we should open up? I just feel like I'd be scared of her. Yeah, she'd fuck you up. She's 510 510 says she's a little flat But she works at Hooters, which is crazy small movies are fine great chicken wings No, why would she have small tits and work at Hooters? It's the fucking whole thing And you know what? I'll you know we should open up a restaurant called Packers Packers little Packers and all the service men with little tiny penises. Yeah, okay, and you would be lead on the floor So one out of five Yeah, I'm just I don't know. I'm just scared. She seems like nice

Starting point is 00:16:24 This is the white that you are scared of I like it. This is the white you're scared of yeah, I understand it I'm a white more more more more more more more more more okay, all right, so of all the candidates Let's slowly scroll back up and see so unfortunately Bailey is a no for you. She lives too far the cop Okay, the Sadie B that works in the prison Sadie B then we've got the Brit cheerio Molliel Then we've got the brown that bites the bike like the brown Michelle then we've got Dylan Klebold Madeline T and then we've got

Starting point is 00:16:58 Elsa why let it go and then we've got Olivia M. We liked her too. She's yeah, she's pretty You think she's a catfish maybe and our first girl goes back to the very beginning. That's Bridget Can I do top three? Yeah, yeah, I do top three Okay, first one is Michelle. Yeah, I know we know the brown one. Number two is this girl Okay, number three is the second one three is a little this one Olivia for the wedding of the lamb has come And as bright has made herself ready Let's do it. Dude. What the fuck you doing, dude? We're trying to have a moment. I'll do my fucking model. Can you not fucking? Sorry, dude rude. I'm sorry. It's out of pocket

Starting point is 00:17:44 Truly truly out of pocket did pig for the wedding of the lambs come I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

Starting point is 00:17:52 I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

Starting point is 00:18:00 I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm being serious? Sure, yeah. Look at me right now, dude. I'm going to look at you while I say this. I'll think of. And if you fucking laugh, I swear to fucking God,

Starting point is 00:18:08 you're fired. All right, let's go. What do you think? I've been wanting to fire him for a long time. I know, here we go, dude. All right. George, I swear to fucking God, dude. Ready? Here we go.

Starting point is 00:18:24 For the wedding of the lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb. Very good. Is that what it says? Yeah, I don't know what it means. Let me read it. I don't know what it means. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:43 Say it the way I said it. Or what it means. Let me read it. Oh, here, here. I don't know what it means. Let me... Yeah, yeah. See it the way I said it. Or should it do it better? For the wedding of the lamb has come. There we go. And his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb. The bridegroom is the lamb.

Starting point is 00:19:01 The bride is the wife of the lamb. Guess, invitees, who is the bride? The wife of the lamb. This is why I don who is the bride, the wife of the lamb? This is why I don't fuck with this stuff, because it's too much. I don't know. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:19:12 What are you fucking talking about? I've never seen a lamb. Anyway, blessed are the... I've never had, have you ever seen a lamb? Maybe people talk about the Bible, they talk about lambs and sheep, I've never seen them. Well.

Starting point is 00:19:28 It's not a part of my life. The bride of Christ or the lamb's wife is a metaphor used in the number of related verses in the Christian Bible specifically. Yeah. I believe in something. I have a belief system. I don't like rhetoric. I don't like, I just don't like, it's like, let me just believe in my fucking... Let me ask you something. Let's be real dude. Yeah, okay?

Starting point is 00:19:47 Let's let's let's as a consensus in the bad friends, you know the ecosystem here. Let's get a consensus over here, right? Consensus. Yeah, okay Nick, please Okay Consensus let's get a consensus. That's what I said Let's let's go gay marriage. What do you feel? Yes? Supportive we'll say it on the count of three one two three. Yeah, no No, why it's a sin

Starting point is 00:20:19 Okay, no, let's be real though. I'm gonna get the ecosystem. Okay, of course. Yes. I'm going to a gay marriage soon Yeah, I love him. Ah, you know, I love the app. I don't let me tell you something I don't like any wedges anymore. I don't want to go to anybody's wedding. Yeah, I don't want to go. I don't want to go Viator your dog. What's up? What's up? Sometimes I go on vacations and I need viator Well, what is viator viator has over 300,000 bookable travel experience because you're on an island in over 190 you're confused. Oh, there's like a lake a beach, right? Look at that beach What do you know? But I'm what I want to do is how do I get on that mountain? How do I do the little parasailing guess what with my door inside the ocean with viator?

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Starting point is 00:23:43 Yes. How about yes? Yeah. how about these guys? Yes, Nick You're fine with it sinner sin sin sin Does a border have anything to do with the Bible a little bit We are running out of things guys. I gotta murder here. We go murder. Yes, right wrong right it depends It's wrong depends on who you're killing self-defense. Yeah You can kill dude this girl loves fucking murder. That's her whole thing. Let me give you a scenario Okay, by the way, we should build the border out of Bibles Dude, that's so brilliant. Then when they try to get over here, they can grab one and read what's really going on

Starting point is 00:24:17 Get the word of the Lord while they're gonna scale the wall That's so good. We should put other things in the ball on the wall if we're gonna put pamphlets and Bibles what well Something that's exciting like how about that new you how about that with that crab book that people like what's it? I mean the um You did a movie about it. It's about the southern It's a it's a You didn't move you but it's the southern move I already is about the crap not the crabs, but What are you looking for buddy? It was a book anyway, other books. How about this? I don't know much books.

Starting point is 00:24:50 So what do we put in? Like the sun also rises by Hemingway. I love. There we go. Or something that they remember that book I saw online today hatchet. Remember the book hatchet? Everyone had to read that it popped back up to me this book book. Yeah Like every kid in junior high had to read that fucking book. Why would it have to do with what I have to do with Hatchet's? I Don't fucking remember the book. Yeah, Gary Paulson though. I remember the name Gary Paulson. What was it about Macon? Do you remember I think it was about a kid that got lost in the Alaskan wilderness? That's right. And he had a kid he had a kid and any it's an it's an honor zoom in It's an honor award-winning young adult wilderness survival novel, Gary Paulson.

Starting point is 00:25:29 I think he's from Minnesota. Shut the fuck up. Fuck, shut. You ruin everything. You ruin everything. Always. Yeah. About Brian Roberts survival following a plane crash explores the theme of positive thinking and perseverance. He faces challenges from nature, bears, porcumies, dehydration, starvation, with only his trusty hatchet to help him. Can we go back to the wall or do we want to go back to the fucking Bible?

Starting point is 00:25:49 The wall. Wall, wall, wall, build the wall. Build the wall. What about incest love? But not like direct, like relative? Like what about second cousin? Oh, you're talking like royal family stuff. Yeah. Yeah, like mona, yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:06 Yeah, you know what? That's a good question. Yeah. Thank you for that question. And I'm gonna go, I'm gonna dive in. Oh God, please. Right? First cousin, no.

Starting point is 00:26:14 Second, yeah. Well, let me talk to her. Jesus Christ, so fast. So I'm not also done with first cousins. There's caveats. Okay. All right. You can marry your first fucking cousin. Where? In like 10 states. Laws regardless. Okay. Right. You can marry your first fucking cousin in like 10 states.

Starting point is 00:26:28 Laws regardless. California you can. I know. California, Alaska, Hawaii, New Mexico, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Virginia, New York, and Jersey. And the places- And Massachusetts and Maine. And the places they actually do it, it's super illegal. Like Texas.

Starting point is 00:26:54 Right, it's a criminal offense in Texas. That's when they do it, that's where they do it, and it's like, no. Can you imagine North and South Dakota had to bond together? What if one of them was like, no way, and the other one was like, come on. And they're like, come on, we're a package deal. We're North and South. Do you have any hot cousins?

Starting point is 00:27:09 No. Yeah, either do I. I mean, I don't view them. No, but that's rude to say. I'm sure they're pretty. My cousins are, yeah, like, it's like I have, they're not ugly people. How many first cousins do you have?

Starting point is 00:27:19 A thousand. My mom's one of 10 kids. You have 28 first cousins. I have a million. 28. You a dog?eight first cousins. I have a million. Twenty-eight. You a dog? What did you just say? Did you just say are you a dog?

Starting point is 00:27:31 You are what you eat. Cheat. Oh. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat.

Starting point is 00:27:39 Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. Cheat. You are what you Know just just just just just like that sink in oh Tell you why that's good Very fast do something that you would say it's something I would say he's learning. I'm gonna give you credit

Starting point is 00:27:56 That was very funny. Yeah, okay. I just stood up because of the timing It was very good. I'm gonna keep you props for it up because of the timing. It was very good. I'm going to keep you props for it. That was good. That was very good. Why do you ask Rudy, do you want to marry one of your cousins? No, I'm just saying. Have you ever kissed a cousin? No. You ever had a crush on one of your cousins? Yeah, I've told you. Yeah, that's right. I'm just saying. I feel like that's fine to marry your second cousin. Why is it, of all the people you could meet, you just feel comfortable with family?

Starting point is 00:28:30 No, no, there's an actual attraction and it's just pure love. Yeah, let's say you're single, you're at a fucking family function, your second cousin is Margot Robbie. Yeah. Right, she's single. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:44 You're at the banquet. Yeah. Buffet table's single. Yeah. You're at the banquet. Yeah. Buffet table, whatever. I don't know what you guys eat, but, right chicken. I don't know. Anyway, she, anyway, she. Right, anyway, you know what I mean? You guys are at the chicken plate.

Starting point is 00:28:57 Okay, I'm me and you're Margot Robbie. Hey. She's from Australia. Oh yeah, I don't want to do. Hello. Hello. Hey, what's up, Margo? How are you? Good to see you.

Starting point is 00:29:14 Congrats on everything that's been going on. Barbie, what a success. Thank you, thank you. It's incredible. I heard you. Are you sick? Yeah. I'm under a little cold.

Starting point is 00:29:24 You sound different, Margot. Can you imagine how hot Margot Robbie is and with this voice? Yeah. You'd never fuck her. Anyway, I love you and the bad friends. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,ouda? You like to fuck? Sorry? Anyway, Gouda? Yeah, the Gouda please.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Thank you. Here's the Gouda. Thank you, Mark. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Hello, hello. Yeah, I would never hook up with this cousin. That's, I mean...

Starting point is 00:29:55 I don't know! I don't know! Anyway! No, even if Margot Robbie was your cousin, no. Of course not. Second cousin. No, because you'd still be like, that's my family. Okay, okay, what if you met someone

Starting point is 00:30:05 and then you fall in love with them and then you find out? Then you find out. Then I kill myself. I jump off a fucking bridge. I feel like it's fine. Can you have a baby with your second cousin and the baby become normal? Yeah, the likelihood slides I think after.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Maybe a little autism. Something, well, look at all of us in this fucking room. Yeah, yeah, we're all gone. Are we cousin babies? Yeah, yeah. The child of second cousin is is known as a second cousin once removed to put this in perspective You're the second cousin once right, but the chances of having What are the chances of having birth defects? From cuz this is insane. We're I know she's yeah We did it the risk of birth defects is slightly higher than for the child of unrelated parents as three to four percent compared to two to three for any child

Starting point is 00:30:47 So really you're only a percent higher with your second cousin. Yes, little gambler You're like yeah, it's Vegas, baby. What at the table so but third cousin you're fine There's four to set four to seven percent if there's closer blood. Whoa Now if you had a baby with God forbid no one does it God with your sister biological system would happen. Give me the percentage on that. I mean, with sibling 75% no, what is it? The birth defect rate of all kinds about 2% between sibling just three to four the increase

Starting point is 00:31:19 is 75% not 25. 75%. No, it just says the increase is about 75%. From two. From two. Oh. Wow. Okay.

Starting point is 00:31:31 The problem is when multiple generations do it. It's not just one. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Or just not, don't have babies. Can I say something? Yeah. They should have just fucking upped this just to make people more deterred. I know.

Starting point is 00:31:44 Because if you're a pervert and you're looking online about like, what if my sister, and then you're like 2% fucking whatever. Manipulate the numbers. Yeah, they should change the numbers to be a little bit higher. Point 2% of all marriages in the United States are between second cousins or closer. That means there are about 250,000 Americans that are in second cousin relationships right now. That's interesting.

Starting point is 00:32:03 So somebody we know maybe. Yeah. Do you think if you and I go back, our ancestry is that we find some sort of like connection? Incest? No, like just maybe how many generations would you and I would have to go back? Never ever in a million, nothing.

Starting point is 00:32:15 Nothing. You kind of look the same though. Okay. Shut the fuck up. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? It's like something. Back in the, there's,

Starting point is 00:32:24 you don't think we can go like 100,000 years back? No, cause I'm from an island, Ireland's a little fucking high. I'm from Peninsular. Yeah, it's not gonna, how would we, yeah they don't work. I know about this, yeah the Bloomin, yeah. But how would we even link up? We would never link, we would never have any sort of connection. Right.

Starting point is 00:32:41 I mean it's just too far back. Okay. You two, for sure. No, Ireland, Peninsular. Yeah, but two, for sure. No, Island, Peninsula. Yeah, but you're still on the same side of the world. But not only that, they've been mixed with other bloods. Spanish. No, he means like creatures from the sea.

Starting point is 00:32:55 Oh, I like that. Yeah, trust me, I know you do. No, but you know, like the span, you guys have been colonized. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you hear about, this is, so look if this is true.

Starting point is 00:33:05 They say all blue-eyed people are related. Oh wow. All blue eyes stem from one man. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Is that crazy? And they said it's incest, right? Well, here you keep going back. Yeah, we're gonna move past incest right now.

Starting point is 00:33:17 Yeah. Get everything out now and then we'll move fast. New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single common ancestor. Go up to the top. Ooh. Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation which took place six to 10,000 years ago. New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single common ancestor go up to the top. Oh Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation which took place Six to ten thousand years ago six thousand to ten thousand years ago And it's the cause the eye color of blue-eyed humans alive on the planet today

Starting point is 00:33:33 So you're all a part of one fucking answer not you none of you. Yeah. Are you blue-eyed George? Oh, yes You would be you fucking not your Hitler's dream. Look at this guy blue-eyed blonde hair But North India has a lot of blue-eyed people too. Yeah, you know, George is actually one of those guys I would kick at this. Hitler, who do you think you'd hang out with if you came back today? Well, George Kimmel seems like somebody I would like to maybe get to snack this. So, way he dresses, so, way he laughs, his glasses. He reminds me of myself when I was his age.

Starting point is 00:34:06 You do have rage, man. Yeah. There's a rage deep down. Bubbling. We haven't seen, I haven't seen you in so long. It's deliberate, but it's good to see you now. Yeah, it's just a little rage. I'm scared of George more than I'm afraid of.

Starting point is 00:34:18 What? I know, exactly. Wait, really? Why? Thank you. There's something. There's like rage. There's a rage, yeah. There's a rage, yeah, yeah, there's a right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's bubbling I'm not rageful because mine comes with heart and love and his is from something something something dark

Starting point is 00:34:30 Yeah, you're right. Oh, so you don't suppress yours you express your feeling I let it rip the other day We did the show you got a little depressed when I'm very fucking I came into the room I go you okay? I need my space and I get it you're very honest about your emotions and I love you so fucking much I love you and when you get sad my little butt mandra gets sad man I get real sad too. You know what bummed me out the most the pizza was terrible dude. I Had the shit not only that I had the shit's fucked my day up the next day It lingered in my body. Is that what you got a stomach dude? Yes, it fucked me up

Starting point is 00:34:59 My stomach hurts so bad. Yeah when we were sitting on that plane We sat on the tarmac and Reno yeah for like a couple hours Yeah, they had to de-ice us take us back de-ice is take us back the whole time. I'm thinking I'm gonna shit myself I'm gonna shit myself. I'm gonna shit myself right. I'm either gonna shit right on McCone cuz he sat next to yeah Yeah, yeah, or I'll just take one for the team and just do it in the seat. I'll tell you no I know why it's bad Because I took six emoti-medies, and I still had diarrhea. Ha ha ha ha.

Starting point is 00:35:26 Shout out to Round Table Pizza. Really putting in work. Now that you say that, I wanna bring up a gripe. Bring up a gripe, I love it. And I don't wanna see the restaurant. Oh, should I have not said Round Table? No, no, but there was a restaurant that we wanted to go to. Carlos called and said, the boys are in town.

Starting point is 00:35:44 I know you close, you know what I mean? Oh, right. Right, and we would love to in town. I know you close you know I mean. Oh right. And we would love and they go we don't give a fuck. They're here. We don't give a fuck. They're here. No thank you don't come in. And I'm this close a fucking you know I'm this close. Oh I wish you would. I know I don't remember that's why I can't do it. You're doing your DeNiro. When you do DeNiro it means you're mad. I'm this fucking close. I'm telling you the right now. I'm fucking this close. That's really good But why don't we give credit where credit's to you know a restaurant stayed open for us in round table? No Salt Lake City. Oh in the bubble at the rooftop will not really rooftop of the high-regency in Salt Lake City

Starting point is 00:36:20 Remember we oh my god now that place respect phenomenal phenomenal respect Heavy loved it heavy props. They stayed open late and then outside Bobby was first like they're gonna fucking walk us outside We're gonna eat outside, but it was like little huts like little outdoor your own little hut was your own little like we were in the Cabin I want to go there and it was on the roof. Look at that's our little hut right there that hot and it had music and a heater Yeah, of course this guy Immediately like Bluetooth says own fucking I He's fucking found yeah, like you're DJ. Why are you DJ every time?

Starting point is 00:36:54 Let's rewind you literally turned to me in the middle of dinner and goes I love every song you've played I know I did so what are you fucking talking about? I played everything you like I know but I played big thief and you were like Holy shit, I love this. I played so much shit you liked and now you're flipping it for the pot? It's not that. I'm not flipping it for the pot and this is just a gripe that I have

Starting point is 00:37:12 and can you guys back me up? Please, for once. Here we go. Anytime there's a Bluetooth, whether in the backstage, in the green room or any restaurant, right? It's always him that's in charge of the DJing. It is.

Starting point is 00:37:24 And I'm wondering why. did I have I fucked up Is he the is he the leader? Oh my god. Are you the leader? I try to make the ambiance Well then say I want the Bluetooth you won't even let me that's right But say you want it so I know you do and then I go no anyway Let's go back to the restaurant that restaurant was what were you gonna say? What are you gonna say just that was it your like Bluetooth speaker like who's was that it was the restaurants? Oh, they left it for us, but no even in any situation. Have you noticed it's trying to be nice, bro Thank you, dude. I really do because we had a tough night

Starting point is 00:37:59 It was just I think you and the music selection was righteous. You fucking liked everything. This is what you do. Oh my god, great I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm a part of fucking this society And I'm playing by these rules. Okay, okay? What you do is you think to yourself? Gee in every single situation. I'm usually DJ and I cook up the Bluetooth really quickly and just play my own music I think that's a nice thing. I just stop right right now Not a nice thing to do situation may I I'm gonna do this? Hey guys you guys want to be DJ for tonight? But he doesn't do that unbelievable, you know, he goes he goes right to the fucking Bluetooth thing

Starting point is 00:38:35 Oh, and then they wait connect with the speaker. They pair. Mm-hmm. He's pairing stew He's that you'll look he looks around the room, you'll see what I got. It's like, all right, we got it then. No lie told. Yeah, yeah. And then I play fucking bangers. Some of them. Bangers!

Starting point is 00:38:52 Some of them are not. What? What did I play that you didn't like that night? Every fucking song. Well, there's one song that you played that I can't stop listening to. What? Warren's Avon.

Starting point is 00:39:00 The best. So you're well- That song. Warren's Avon, I know. So I guess you're right. When sometimes you DJ. I do flurn, I do. So I guess you're right. When sometimes you DJ- I do third, I do- Little circle. Yeah, but I can influence you too, you won't let me!

Starting point is 00:39:10 No, that's not true! Help me the fuck out! You know what? And then, and then! This is insane. It's to say you don't bring it up, Bob. You don't say anything! If you said I want to DJ- Oh no, no, Bob, fuck you. Do it. I said do it, immediately.

Starting point is 00:39:23 Don't. Don't George Bush him. Yeah. Don't George Bush him. I felt like that reporter when George Bush right just now don't push him Bush ducks. Yeah, that was the best duck. That was the best shoot he threw to shoot in America in world history He I did dude. He's my president when I saw that that's the guy did That's how you know, he has good reaction time and good precision. I mean he put both of those planes into the towers This is Biden. Yeah, right in This guy he can throw a pitch yeah He can throw a pitch he can dodge a shoe and he can crash three planes into government buildings

Starting point is 00:39:59 He's the man. He is the man. I love him. Got anyone. Let's move on Rocket money you Rocket money. You guys, you know, I have so many subscriptions on my phone and iPad and stuff. It's right. And I'm losing money because, you know, you don't even, you're not even aware of these things. You mean some sort of like game thing. Especially now that all these companies are not putting out new apps and new versions

Starting point is 00:40:18 of the old one that you used to pay for. I swear to God, I just got an email two days ago. I'm not going to say from the company. And they said, we've been raised, we raised the rates already, we're doing it again. I had no idea. And Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions,

Starting point is 00:40:35 monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills. You can see all your subscriptions in one place, which is great, because usually you have no idea where they are and what you're paying for. And if you see something you don't want, you can cancel it with one little tap, and it's gone. You never have to get on the phone with customer service. And they're even going to try to get you a refund for the last couple of months of wasted money

Starting point is 00:40:52 and negotiate to lower your bills for you up to 20%, which is impressive. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money will take care of the rest. Rocket Money has over 5 million users, including me and Bob, and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions. Stop wasting your money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends.

Starting point is 00:41:21 Butcher box. When I drive up to my house and I see a butcher box, I know that week I'm gonna have beautiful pork chops. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna have bacon. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna have some seafood. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:41:34 Like, you love salmon. Yeah, yeah. What you're getting with butcher box is not just meat, you're getting high-quality meat. That's right. Free range, organic chicken, pork raised, crate free and wild-cut seafood. Humanely raised, no antibiotics or added hormones. Here's the deal. Exactly.

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Starting point is 00:42:04 I've been getting this now for a long time prior to them being on the show and they have seasonal recipes, which is incredible. This is delivered right to your front doorstep and Butcher Box is offering our listeners their choice of a weeknight meal essential. Three pounds of chicken thighs, two pounds of ground beef or one pound of premium steak tips for free in every order for a whole year. Oh my God. That's incredible. Eat better this year with the best meat and seafood

Starting point is 00:42:28 on the planet delivered to your door. ButcherBox is offering our listeners their choice of a weeknight meal essential. Three pounds of chicken thighs, two pounds of ground beef or one pound of premium steak tips for free in every order for a whole year. Plus get $20 off your first order. Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash badfriends

Starting point is 00:42:44 and use code BADFRIENDS to choose your free offer and get $20 off your first order. Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash badfriends and use code badfriends to choose your free offer and get $20 off. Anyway, so DJ, let's go, oh, the restaurant. So let's go back to the restaurant, right? Oh, it's phenomenal. No, the restaurant that they denied us. Oh. This is what it felt like.

Starting point is 00:42:56 Well, what's the name of the one that we liked? Here, I'll pull it up right here. Yeah, oh, you don't know how to say it. Marmuntayana. It was phenomenal. On the rooftop of the Hyatt Regency and Salt Lake shout out to those guys They were and also the surface was ooh la la she was incredible. Everybody was great. Yep. All right No, go back to the fucking place right that we call go ahead we call and they acted as if like we know in that garbage

Starting point is 00:43:19 Yeah, they did in our restaurant. Yeah, right and I'm like, oh, I'm sorry I'm like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just one of the top 10. How are you? Okay. I'm fucking it. No, I'm putting it. They didn't want it. And I could right now write down the restaurant and go like this and go fuck this arrogant. He's just shit. The diarrhea, worse than fucking.

Starting point is 00:43:47 Yeah, I could do that, but I'm not. You're not. But next time we're in town, if you do that again, fuck you. War. War. You don't want war with the league. Am I being a jerk?

Starting point is 00:43:56 I feel like I'm being arrogant. But I'm gonna tell you something right now though, all right? They would probably do it to like, oh, the manager at fucking, you know, writing is here. You know what I mean? That's how... Come on in. Let's go down the list of comics.

Starting point is 00:44:10 So you think would they do that to Berkshaw and Tom Segura? They would have... I think they wouldn't. They would have had a table for them. I truly believe they would. What about Theo? No. They would deny him.

Starting point is 00:44:22 Yeah, he's garbage like us. He's garbage. I mean, in terms of the... Like, we're rat him. Yeah, he's garbage like In terms of the like we're rat people yeah, right and he's a rat and I love the rat king He's a wreck and I love rat people. I love it. What he's hot. It's enough. Okay enough of you We said stop your car. All right, so anyway You like him, huh? Give me another name who would give me another name that would not get oh say gets if they would get Yeah, yeah Spade. Oh oh yeah 100% oh you want to close we'll close the restaurant down for you I

Starting point is 00:44:48 know all right give me another name Schneider no they yeah he's out like us like us now damn yeah he's in the wild but but maybe he is still him yeah Jim Jeffries yeah yeah yeah yeah a table you yeah he was. Get a table you- Yeah, he would. Sit up a table you fucking- Yeah. I mean I can tell you who- Just off- You wipe your cheek, you're left- I don't know if it's a booger or something.

Starting point is 00:45:11 Did you- Where? On your left cheek, that's a- Yeah. What is that? Is that a boog? It's wax or something. Mmm.

Starting point is 00:45:18 Is that what you find on the tub? Yeah. Mmm. You gonna open your gift right there I got you? The barrel? Turn it around. Oh one you turn it yeah open it up Yeah Drake's dick That was leaked today

Starting point is 00:45:40 It's as long as that it's big. Let's see it. I heard he got leaked look that's not Drake That's that doesn't that guy don't pinch the no you guys that gets more flow to the top I know but still not like accurate. So wait a minute. He sent this as a as a Private and then someone leaked it. Oh, that's me. That's me and but I guess or he or he so long. Let me see Go back again. How'd you find it the first time? I think that's an, uh, yeah, I don't know. It's long.

Starting point is 00:46:12 It's not. I think that's just an image. I think that's just- There's a video. Alright. Alright, anyway. What did you do all day today? That's, can we talk about your private life?

Starting point is 00:46:21 So let me say something. You're still at school. Wait, I wanna share my story. Please. OK, so in our new house, we think we have a ghost friend. Go on. Because every time Atikalaya goes to Hawaii, I hear footsteps and Atikalaya's voice,

Starting point is 00:46:44 like just talking in her room. Yeah, that's me. It's not you. I'm sorry. But it's been happening. Then you're in the house by yourself when she's gone. By myself. But it doesn't seem like it's a bad energy.

Starting point is 00:46:57 It's just there. So the ghost is mocking. It's like a parrot. It's mocking her. Kinda. And it's walking around at night, especially mocking her kind of and it's like walking around like at night Especially at 12 a.m. Does it say Rudy? Does it say anything to you? No, but it's specifically at the collies voice Okay, um the four dogs are they in the room with you? Yeah, and they don't care. They're not going crazy. You would think that a fucking ghost

Starting point is 00:47:21 Talking Rudy, you know I mean it's not saying my name Hmm talking Rudy you don't mean it's not saying my name Well any name that the dogs will go ape shit cuz dogs can see they sense that shit. I don't you've never seen the movies They sense it before anyone else. I told you this before my dog has stared at the goat cuz I've told you about the girl Yeah, my house she'll stare She'll sit and stare right at the hallway and then she'll turn around look at me and then look right back at the hallway That's what my dogs do. Well, they're, if they're good spirits, it's fine. Mine's an old woman that died in my house. Do you know what Bojo did to me?

Starting point is 00:47:49 What? I'm fucking watching videos on my iPad. Bojo walks under my fucking table, right to the edge, and looks at me like this, right? And I look at him like this, oh. And we do this for about a minute. Then I go, I'm gonna get some water. I get up, Bojo's still staring where I used to be

Starting point is 00:48:09 Whoa, right? So I'm like, oh, he wasn't fucking looking at me He just you just and then and then watch what he does He's looking at nothing now and he gets scared he goes At nothing I ran out of the house. Maybe you're dead. Oh, wow. What if you're, what if you're dead? Oh, man. Holy shit. What do you mean? Do you want to tell him? Bob, I was driving drunk and you were in the passenger seat and we crashed into McCone's car outside of Bad Friends. And McCone and you are now gone. You guys have been dead.

Starting point is 00:48:58 It was funny though at the end. We were having a good laugh and you... That's right. So in the other world McC MacCode is funny because of that dog joke. Yeah. That's now it all makes sense. Yeah. He would only be funny and smart because of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he's getting the energy from all the other spirits up here. Yeah, it's not his shit. It's not original.

Starting point is 00:49:18 Wow. Yeah, he's a hack. Yeah. He's stealing humor from the other world. That's interesting. I did decide, by the way, this past week that I'm going to be wrapped in a forever suit. Where it's a forever suit. What do you mean, my friend? When you die, they basically wrap you in this forever suit that detoxifies your blood and the toxins inside of you so you can be put into the earth directly.

Starting point is 00:49:49 They wrap you a mushroom suit. Yeah. Pretty rad. Oh, let me see it. And the good death. Yeah, they wrap you in this stuff and you just grow, you grow into the earth. Eternal suit or something like that. I don't even know.

Starting point is 00:50:04 Yeah, and I've seen that before, but wouldn't you grow without the suit? Like suit or something like that. I don't even know. Yeah, and I've seen that before, but wouldn't you grow without the suit? Like, your dead bodies would still give the soil nutrients. No, because we have so much toxins inside of us that it's like bad for the ground. So, this suit helps you kind of detoxify and organically decompose. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:22 So the plants around you can, that's not it, Carlos. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah it Carlos, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? I'm gonna advertise it. No, cause I saw a document called Eight Ways to Die. New Ways to Die. Yeah. Right, and that was one of them.

Starting point is 00:50:34 There's a place where they wrap you in a thing and then you find the plot of land where you wanna go, right, and then they die and then a tree grows on top of you. I love, I think that's amazing. I want that, that's what I want. I don't, why? Because I'd like to be re-burst into the earth.

Starting point is 00:50:47 Yeah, do it, I'll chop down the tree. You'll be fucking way dead by the time I die. You're not gonna fucking outlive me. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say shit like that, man. Well, you may dead. Can I burn you when like you're dead? Jesus Christ. Can I be the one to do it?

Starting point is 00:51:03 No, I don't want to be burned, I want to be in a suit. Okay, can I wrap you then? You can wrap me. Yeah. And then to Bobby? Well, he wants to be cremated, you can burn him. What? I don't want to hear that man.

Starting point is 00:51:18 In this fucking documentary about death, there's a new way. What? You can just put into a rocket ship. And shoot you into space? Yeah, kind of tight. I'd rather be up there. What are you wearing? Is there, you're right, am I not right?

Starting point is 00:51:36 No, this is real. Yeah, it's real. No, I saw a documentary about it. You go into space. But I think your ashes get squirted out into the fucking whoa you know what I want Launch into space and return to earth for three grand Huh? Launch into earth orbit for five grand launch in a lunar orbit or surface starting at 12 grand and

Starting point is 00:51:56 Voyager launch into deep space for 12,000 nine or nine so you can be launched into fuck-off space for $13,000, but I don't want to be ashes. I want full body Well, no, I know I want to be ashes. I want full body. Well, no shit. No, I want to be out there just. Are they saying? Naked just, you know. Yeah, yeah. And maybe I'll be the first welcoming thing with aliens.

Starting point is 00:52:14 Imagine my naked body. You're an alien. It's cremated or mains or DNA. No, I want my whole body out of this. Oh no. If that's what they look like down there, we should avoid going there. You'd be like a red flag.

Starting point is 00:52:27 A human red flag. No, I'm cute, dude. You are cute. Let's penetrate that. Right. Let's fuck it and eat it. No, I mean, no, maybe there's more of that down there. Yeah, but what if...

Starting point is 00:52:41 I think they should be able to shoot your body into space. Yeah. Why couldn't they shoot your whole fucking body up there? It's too much weight. Yeah, that costs a lot of money No, but if you gave him like a one million dollar, they would do it Yeah, yeah Well, you could do is like pay a couple million to go to space and then just open the door and just go out and just die if you Wanted to end it all. Oh

Starting point is 00:53:00 Floating forever. No, I'm sure and I think that's a terrible way to die. Why? You would implode from the inside out. Well, here's what you do. Take like a cyanide pill or something, and then go on for a space walk. Yeah. So then you have like minutes to die. Then you're dead, and your body can float. You would die instantaneously out there.

Starting point is 00:53:18 No, no, no. And it would be the most painful death. What are you talking about? You'd be wearing a suit. You'd be wearing a suit. Oh, oh, suit. Go for a space walk. Oh, space walk.

Starting point is 00:53:24 Die in the suit. I see, I a suit. Oh, for a space walk. A space walk. Die in the suit and then you float forever. What is it? What? Oh, no, I was just gonna say we do have some Valentine's Day stuff for y'all. Valentine's Day stuff? Yeah. Let's do it.

Starting point is 00:53:35 Let's see it. Yeah, McCombs bring it out right now. What's this? It's a scratch off. Scratchers. What is this? I don't like it. What the fuck is this?

Starting point is 00:53:43 It's candy. Oh, it's candy. That was real meat. Like what the fuck? You would eat that. These are from Christmas? These are old. I wanna win something on these scratchers.

Starting point is 00:53:55 15, 16. No. This is very nice. Thank you for the Valentine's Day gift, you guys. Thank you. We love y'all. Clearly I didn't match anything ever Look at this it says

Starting point is 00:54:10 This I think about scratches my whole family plays scratchers How is that? Don't shoot me like It's like chicken. What is that? Lunchables? Lunchables with the flavor is like the meat and stuff. Oh wow You guys just got me regular old chocolate. Yeah, no, I like it just fine Do you need to have all the numbers or just one? What does it say it says on it? Would you win a dollar I have 28 28 1 million shut the fuck up We talked about Yeah, how do you do this? I have 28, 28, 1 million. Shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 00:54:45 What are you talking about? Yeah, how do you do this? How do you play this game? Let me, it just says if. Just one, right? You need. Scratch off the entire play area on cover nine symbols. Cover symbol to win that prize.

Starting point is 00:54:56 Don't take toll, Andrew. I'm telling you. You're going to match three of them. Oh, three? Yeah, yeah. No, that's on his. You have a different one. When any of your numbers match any winning numbers the prize under the matching reveal a

Starting point is 00:55:07 money win walls win also system symbol win all 20 prizes when any of your one numbers match any winning numbers where's the winning numbers 436 2815 Did she win a million dollars is this real? Be real is it is it real? I mean let me see it. Let me see it honestly. There's there's no let me see it Let me see it's not all the winning numbers. I play oh, it's you got to match to all the winning numbers It's as any okay, so 28 28 28 28 I don't see 28 on here there is is. No, there isn't. There's 29. On 38. Oh, right at 28. Give it to me.

Starting point is 00:55:51 You've got the first of all, let me see. Is it any? We're figuring this out, but also our house. Also, you don't get all of it. I know. I'll share. We're splitting it. I'll share it. No, no, we're not splitting it.

Starting point is 00:56:04 You and I get it and that's it. We're splitting it. I'll share it. No, no, we're not splitting it you and I get it and that's it We're splitting it Yeah, you're in our house Honestly, this is weird because winning number 28. That's awful. It should be one million. I mean honestly based on this but Based on this she won one million dollars. I swore it on fucking crazy. It is. Yeah, it's real. I got him at 7-eleven before this I'm not fucking kidding around dude 28 28 1 million you have to win three of them. No, you don't yeah, you do you know winning number

Starting point is 00:56:38 When one of your numbers match any winning number, right? So any of these winning numbers one of these numbers give us a man 28 1 million give it to me If you rip it up, I sort of fuck why would I do that? No, we insane that's crazy Fuck you Yeah, but you don't get to win it. No fuck you. I'll share it. What are you doing? I'll be Valentine's Day Is it real? Put it back together

Starting point is 00:57:24 We're gonna get that? Oh my god! Would you get that out? Amazon. That's insane dude. That's insane dude. Because I swear to god dude. I thought it was real. That was real too. Dude their face is when I ripped it up.

Starting point is 00:57:32 He literally got it. I'm about to go, you know what I mean? He literally got it. It's like a bad friends movie. Here comes Turtle Island. The way we want to make it. Dude so funny the way that her face looked when I ripped it. Oh fucking incredible.

Starting point is 00:57:42 Wow. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. There comes Turtle Island. The way we want to make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, so funny, the way that her face looked when I ripped it. Oh, fucking incredible. Wow. I thought it was real. Wow, that was pretty good.

Starting point is 00:57:52 Change your life forever. Yeah. And then I got a fake one, a real one. That's a real one. We have a real one. I got nothing. Yeah, I never win. Those things are bullshit.

Starting point is 00:57:59 Bullshit, bullshit. Anyway. What do you got? Thank you for the Valentine's Day. Yeah, it was really nice. It's very, very nice of you guys. Give me the Valentine's Day. It was really nice. It's very very nice you Give me chocolate. I don't like that. Yeah, let me throw one in your mouth. So yeah, no, I want to pick the one open up Oh

Starting point is 00:58:15 No, one more please Well, I can't give you get your mouth. There you go One more one more one. I do you know one more. I do you see how it feels You're gonna fucking don't throw it off You chip my teeth All right, no more Okay, okay, here. Can I take though? Yeah, just have one whatever you want No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Starting point is 00:58:46 No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Starting point is 00:59:02 No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No, and I'll tell you why I don't want to watch it. Yeah, why because I know why why hold on why I know why Why why don't know why why don't I want to watch it? You don't like Donald Glover? Why that's not true the shitty was talking about Dave. I don't not like Donald Glover

Starting point is 00:59:18 The shitty was thinking about Dave you want me to clarify? I'll clarify I Don't not like Donald Glover. I don't have any beef with Donald Glover. Mm-hmm, but since I was on that show Dave There's been like speculation and back and forth about Somebody comparing us to his show because we were both on FX right and then a then a while ago, it came up that, I guess he, I don't know, in some way he was kinda like, offended that people compared us. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:55 And so then Vanity Fair did this thing with Maya Erskine, who's phenomenal from Pen 15 interviewing Donald. And then here, look. Do you think you're more talented than this person? He's on a lie detector. Yeah. Yeah, you know, this is gonna start beef, but I actually like him.

Starting point is 01:00:15 I think he's a really nice guy. I just, but I'm just conceited. Were you insulted when critics compared Dave to Atlanta? Yeah, I don't remember any, like, critics. I think it was just people, but I definitely was insulted. Not because I think that they're- that Dave is bad, because I actually really don't think Dave is a good show. I just don't think they have a lot in common.

Starting point is 01:00:43 That's true. True. Okay. So, first of all, fuck Vanity Fair. What a fucking lame, weird setup. Aledists. Yeah, but that's a bullshit. It's a bullshit question.

Starting point is 01:00:57 Right, are they not aledists? So, I don't- We don't play that game here. I don't fuck it. I mean, look, Dave is done. Our show is over anyway. Kick a dead dog and we're sleeping, you know? Kick a dead... It's a Jewish dog, no less. So, they should, you know fucking I mean look Dave is done our show is over anyway kick a dead dog and when it's sleeping You know kick a dead. It's a Jewish dog no less

Starting point is 01:01:06 So they should you know and I mean given the circumstances the world right now No, but I just I don't have any hate for Donald fucking Glover. I don't I just think it's a fucking no I was saying anyway. No, I think it's a lame line of questioning. Are you more talented than this guy? It's like what the fuck are you talking about? That's so subjective anyway, And then for him to be like, yeah. We will get revenge. There's no revenge. We will get revenge. I'm just speaking my piece. The game is no.

Starting point is 01:01:30 If any of you hear, listen here, listen now. The race isn't over. The race is over when I'm dead. And I will get revenge. All right. We will too. We will too. And DG?

Starting point is 01:01:42 Watch your back, dude. Do you think you're more talented than this other person? I'm tired of elitism. Aren't you tired of elitism? We see it in comedy. Do you think you could beat this guy in a foot race? Yeah, I hate it. It's like, can we just fucking just do what we do and let's move on?

Starting point is 01:02:00 I commented on this video. Do you think your dad could beat up my dad? That's what this is. Do you think you're more talented? Do you have more of a skill set than this other human being? Yeah, what the fuck are you? You know that comic right now that's doing the little voice. Get the fuck out of here. What's that the voice? Auto-tune guy. What's it? He's very funny. I see his clip. I've heard comics go Well, that's cheating. I go why cuz he's crushing with the fuck that who cares It's different than you different what you're doing. He came up with it. He's great at it's fun. Who you talking about? Yeah, he's great. He just did he's doing a Brian monarch show. He's very funny. I think I met him once nice

Starting point is 01:02:37 But I don't give a fuck dude. Who you talking about? Watch oh, oh, you're talking about I know who it is his name is Morgan J. Yeah, I like him Yeah, and so I've heard a comic sound on say the name go like what isn't cheating. No, it's brilliant Did you do it? Yeah, you didn't do it. So then shut the fuck up dude. It's like let's we're all gonna die soon Right. Yeah, God willing right? Let's just get through this. No, so I have no I didn't see the show I have no fucking hate towards Donald. I think I thought I liked Atlanta a lot I think he makes a lot of great shit. I don't understand the industry trying to pit them against each other Yeah, it's a weird thing to even put an article out and then shame on vanity fair suck a dick for fucking being like

Starting point is 01:03:19 Who's more talent? I mean get bent. It's fucking get a better writer write better questions snooty bullshit it's snooty bullshit I'm gonna get my fucking revenge one Bobby's gonna get his revenge on you you'll see did you like the show you liked it a lot I'm still watching it but it's really good I'm sure it is they're both fucking extremely talented mm-hmm it's is it are they assassins and they live together or whatever yeah but it's not more yeah it's not more on the spy stuff it's more like you see the original with Brad Pitt Yeah, so good you did yeah, and you're saying that this version is better This is a TV show or is it hacky or is it hacky or is it oh we've been there done that I

Starting point is 01:03:56 Love pop wait. It's a be honest me because you're you you're generation You guys are shit when it comes to fucking film I was a girl your day and you guys are shit when it comes to fucking film. I was hanging out with a girl the other day and you know, and I go, would you watch movies? Yeah. Like she'll say so. Like, like, I like that Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I go, well, you never saw the original. No, you haven't seen any Coen Brothers movie? Fargo. You know what I mean? No country for old men. Yeah. Raising your own sort of blood simple. You know what I mean? No country for old men. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:04:23 Raising your own blood simple. Mm. Get your shit together, man. There's shit out there. Dude, Dupama, Scorsese, all those fucking legends. Legends. Right? Do you ever see the French connection?

Starting point is 01:04:35 Never. Then go fuck Mr. and Mrs. Smith. What? You're not allowed to even express your opinion. You're a movie elitist. No, I'm not a movie elitist. Yeah, you are. I just see all- You're saying you have to watch all these other good classic movies.

Starting point is 01:04:49 Yeah, yeah! That's what I am saying. No! Thank you. Oh, so so basically what you say this I've seen everything right and you're going you should watch Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Yeah, why can't you just enjoy a movie without like oh I've seen seen better movies. I don't I don't trust your opinion. I Also don't trust your opinion. I know exactly Oh, and the reason why you're upset right now because you know I'm right. No, and that's that that's that I refuse to watch it Okay, fine. Okay. I'm just saying I like it. All right I'm sorry

Starting point is 01:05:23 What is this? Tokyo Cafe offers jobs for people with disabilities to remotely operate robots that serve customers. Okay, Tokyo. So if you want to go to a robot cafe, it's the robots are being operated by kids with disabilities. Yes, exactly. Wow. It's a nice place for them.

Starting point is 01:05:41 So the kids with disabilities are operating them remotely from their home? I think they're like in the back or something like that. They hide them? Yeah, like they don are operating them remotely from their home? I think they're like in the back or something like that. They hide them? Yeah, like they don't want them to be around. So they hide the kids with disabilities so you don't see why don't they just have the kids with disabilities work at the restaurant or put the robot stuff on them or make them in robot suits? Do you want more coffee? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And also, you know, if they're acting natural, you're going, oh, this oh, the mechanics is malfunctioning. Right.

Starting point is 01:06:07 Employees are waste-off remotely operated by individuals with physical limitations or disability. So it could just be somebody without legs. Or maybe like, let's see that robot over there. Maybe they're like designed based on the person. So maybe the person in the back has no legs and stuff. Right, there you go. Yeah, that's interesting.

Starting point is 01:06:24 How do you talk to the manager? Let me talk to the manager. I'm the manager. It's Japan. South Korean EA FC Pro found guilty of faking a low IQ to avoid mandatory military service. Now this is fucking brilliant. This is brilliant. Say I'm dumb so you don't have to go to war? Yeah. Fucking genius. That's genius.

Starting point is 01:06:52 How do you feel about that? You're in BTS. You're killing millions, millions. And then you got to do two years in the army. I think they should have some exemptions. If you're BTS, you don't get a fucking... No, they have to go They say there's some exceptions for like

Starting point is 01:07:08 Do they have to go? Yeah, yeah Sports but not me not the biggest Son from Korea. I don't know Tottenham. Did he ever do two years? I think he did I don't know tens of thousands of young South Koreans are drafted each year perform their duty But athletes and artists can get exemptions if they're seen so artists so I guarantee you the BTS doesn't have to do it No, they're doing it. They're doing it. They are doing it. They're doing it because they want to because it can help their image They obviously could get an exemption. Oh, but if you don't do you can get exemptions, but they'll probably shame you a hundred percent Huh, I think we should do this in America. We should make you serve

Starting point is 01:07:42 Well Elvis did they They made Muhammad, remember? Ali got his fucking championship fucking torn away from him because of that. Elvis? He wouldn't go. Elvis served. He did. But Ali did it and then he got fucking fucked for it. Muhammad Ali, cash is clay.

Starting point is 01:07:59 You know what I'm talking about? Thank you. I didn't know who Muhammad, I knew cash us. Yeah. Yeah, anyway. Toby Keith died, you didn't know that? Toby Keith is dead? Yeah. The music artist.

Starting point is 01:08:08 Yeah. He'll put a boot in your ass. He's the American way. Wait, he fucking... How did he die? Do you know this? Uh, stomach cancer. He just died, I think, today. Holy shit, really? I don't know who Toby Keith is. He was a famous country music artist. He died?

Starting point is 01:08:22 Oh my god. He was so young, he died of stomach cancer. Oh no. I kinda don't care. Dude. Jesus. What do you mean you don't care? An American icon dude. I don't like country singers. Who cares? They don't like you. What? It's an insane thing. I don't like them. He's dead dude. May you relapse and die. That's insane. It's not that crazy. Yeah yeah yeah. Based on what you said. I have 30 days tomorrow. Oh, congratulations. Congrats. You know, I've never been noticed by when I go public.

Starting point is 01:08:49 And I guess the podcast is getting really popular. Wait, wait. What's up, stop. You've been noticed before. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Barely. And then now it's like every time I go out,

Starting point is 01:09:00 someone knows me. And then at work. When? When did it start? December, like every time I go out, someone knows me. And then at work, the chair of the cinema and television department knows me. What'd she say? He was like, oh, you're from that podcast.

Starting point is 01:09:22 Hey, what'd you say? I was like, oh yeah. And then he kept asking like, oh, you're from that podcast. Hey, what'd you say? I was like, oh, yeah. And then he kept asking like, oh, how's the podcast been? How are you? How's Bobby and Andrews like, they're okay. But then my manager found out about it. And then she was like, oh, you're in a podcast? I was like, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:39 And then she was like, oh, what's the name? And I kept, I said, no, you don't have to know. Trash Tuesday, just say Trash Tuesday. Because I don't think she'll like it. Yeah, don't let anybody know. Don't be, no. No, no, don't let anybody know. Be ashamed.

Starting point is 01:09:53 But it's my manager. Be ashamed. Like, we've talked about sex, anal, everything here. I don't think she'll like it. Well, how do you know her? What if she loves it? No, I know her. She's I don't like it Don't say anything now Do you like her?

Starting point is 01:10:14 I'm just scared of her. Yeah. Yeah, you do great work on the show. No, no, they do they love her good work on the show Yeah, and let me say something. Oh you great. There's a new sheriff on town though There's a new sheriff in town. Oh the good is called the goop the goop is taken over Who's the fact we should have you and the goop together? Yes. Yeah, I think you and the goop together will be good Cuz the dead ski no, no, there's a new sheriff in town sheriff and the goop And he's got water guns obviously you don't listen to the show then. Yeah clearly. Yeah. Well this week's episode What listen to it the group the group is the best. He's the best wait you see this you wait to see this I'm in love with them the way that people love you. We love the group and I will say this all joking aside

Starting point is 01:10:57 Yeah, I do love you Jules. I think you're it's wild to think How much we've like watched you grow and grown up with you. And it's fucking crazy. It really moves me sometimes to think, you're family to me. I love you. And it's crazy. We're really used to hate him. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:11:16 Not hate, scared. Scared. You're scared. And you. I used to be so scared of you. When? And I wouldn't talk to you. When?

Starting point is 01:11:24 All the time. Still now? No, before. We're And I wouldn't talk to you. When? All the time. Still now? No, before. We're family now. You love me now. Like when I first moved, you were scared of me. I know, you were pretty scared of me. You never hated that she was scared because we're...

Starting point is 01:11:32 We're not scared anymore. No. Yeah, you feel great. But you know what made me think how beautiful it is what this family means to me and the fans truly when we go on on the road? It's great. Is I think, what a weird world and time we're living in. We started this show during the pandemic

Starting point is 01:11:45 after your dad died. Yeah. And this little fucking brownie came into the studio to stop you from going to get COVID. The whole goal was keep Bobby away from 7-Eleven, from ride aid. Oh, she came as a nice chaperone. She was your chaperone, a child.

Starting point is 01:12:03 We were gonna have her on. No, we didn't wanna put her on. And then once she showed up, how did she, how was she on? You asked her? Well, we started talking to her cause she was in the room. Oh, right, right. Gave her a microphone.

Starting point is 01:12:13 Right. And then to think you were guarding Bobby from getting COVID. Yeah. Now you've had it five times. In five or six, yeah. I might do my lower back. Oh my God, it's terrible right now. Not only have you had it five times. In five or six, yeah. I might do my lower back. Oh my God, it's terrible right now.

Starting point is 01:12:26 Not only have you had it five or six times, you've had it so many times so frequently, you don't even fucking give a shit anymore. I don't care about it. Yeah, it's lower back. Wow. How we've grown, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:12:39 Anyway guys, thanks for listening. Thank you for being a bad friend.

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