Bad Friends - Skibidi, Slay, Purr

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: BLUECHEW & Manscaped • Manscaped: Get 20% and free shipping at https://www.manscaped.com code: BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Rudy Opens the Show 5:30 Singing The Real La Bamba 11:30 Sunburns 15:30 Infinite Blackness 22:00 Wash Cloths 30:00 Hollywood Parties 40:00 What Adam Sandler Did For Bobby 45:00 Wheelchairs on Airplanes 52:00 Skibidi 57:00 Burger Dog 57:30 David Chang More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbylee.live More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.com/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends #sponsored #ads Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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So anyway, let's start with love. Well, let her start the show. Go ahead, Rudy. Start the show. Hello, everyone. How are you? Hi. Yeah.

Talk to the audience. How are you guys? I'm Jules or Rudy or whatever you want to the audience. How are you guys? I'm Jules or Rudy or whatever you want to call me. And this is Tito Bobby. This is Tito Andrew. And over there we have Carlos, Andres, and Mikko.

They know the show. What we want is going to sort of write our biography. So just where he was born, family and all that kind of, and then me too. Okay, we'll start with Tito Andrew. Tito Andrew is from Irish, Ireland. Yes. Yes.

He's 38 years old. Sure. They moved to the U.S. when he was eight years old. What city? In Ireland. Yeah, what city? Where are my family from in Ireland? Chicago.

Chicago, Ireland. Chicago, Ireland. That's right. Chicago, Ireland, where the bear is. Yeah, where the bear is. The bear is. Yes. The football team.

No, she's talking about my mom. Oh wait, Andres, congrats on España. No, boo, I don't want to either. We're not doing that. We. The football team. No, she's talking about my mom. Oh wait, Andres, congrats on España. No boo, I don't want to either. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. Let's go back to the biography. Oh. Tito Andrew has a cute dog.

He does. He has, What's his name? Name is, You got it. Name is Curly Tops. Curly Tops. Curly Tops. I love Curly Tops. Curly Tops. Curly Tops.

I love Curly Tops. Curly Tops. Okay, let's go over to Tito Bobby. Tito Bobby is from North Korea. Yes, that's true. And he moved to the US when he was 10 years old. 11. Oh, 11 years old.

11 years old. With his brother and his Say it. Abusive father. Abusive father. I like the fist. Yeah. That was nice. Yeah.

And then he got famous over a video where he got by a Down syndrome boy. That's right. That's right. That's right. You think that's why we're famous? Isn't that funny? That is how he got famous. Well, that's what TikTok.

Or TikTok. Yeah, TikTok. That is true. They should call TikTok facts. The facts channel or whatever. TikTok facts. Yeah, TikTok facts. Quick facts on TikTok facts.

How about Carlos? Where's he from? Ooh, Mexico. Mexico. What city in Mexico? Do you know? Mexico City. Mexico City, Mexico. Mexico. Yeah, that's right. What city in Mexico, do you know? Mexico City. Mexico City, Mexico. Yeah, and I don't know how he's that white, but. Yeah, whitewashing.

You know what Michael Jackson did at the end? That's what he's been doing. He's been bleaching his skin, which is not okay. We can say it. This podcast will come out significantly afterwards, but congratulations to España in the Euro Cup. One of the, it was kind of, it pissed me off. It really pissed me off so much.

You wanted the British to win that way? I did because they won the 60s. Yeah. You guys always win. Everybody wanted England to win that game. Yeah. Spain wanted England to win. It's been. Spain wanted England to win. No. It's been 50 years.

And I'm gonna say this, in terms of players, I think England has the best players right now. Yeah. Obviously not. And don't give us a Spain flag emoji. I watched Wimbledon and we won Wimbledon too. That is true.

That is true. That is even more heartbreaking. What's going on over there? What's up with these Spanish players really showing up? I think we all was there. No. Let me ask you something. When you guys went to Africa and stole all those black people

and you're putting them on the ship. No, you guys invented that. Am I not right? 100%. Yeah, yeah. You know, why did you push them in the middle of the ocean and, you know, if they were a little sick or whatever? What was that for?

What was that all about? Testing. You're testing? Yeah. Oh. Can they swim? Pfft. Pfft.

Pfft. Oh, so you thought, you heard a stereotype, right? And you were like, maybe it's wrong. Well, was there a control to your experiment? You had to have a control. Yeah. Can Spaniards swim? Most of them.

Yeah. I don't know, I've never seen a Spanish swim. Don't forget the Filipinos. Whoa. They went, oh yeah, that's right, Spain went to, yeah, what's up with the colonizing, dude? Yeah, what happened down there? You know what's so funny?

That should be that country's slogan. Don't forget the Filipinos. Philippines, don't forget. What did you see at Sinespia last night, McCone? I saw it mid-summer. So great. Have you ever seen a movie in the, we talked about this on the show.

Have you ever seen a movie in the cemetery in the summer? No. Oh my God, it's the best. I bombed there once on a show. You did that live show there? Yeah. Oh, I said, no way. And I bombed so bad, I was like,

I can never come back to the cemetery. You died as hard as those that are around you. Yeah, Oh, I said, no way. And I bombed so bad, I was like, I can never come back to the cemetery. You died as hard as those that are around you. Yeah, yeah. It works, I think. Yeah. It's one of the coolest venues. That's it? Yeah.

It's one of these pieces of LA that people don't know unless you're a local, and it's beautiful. It's great. And you gather around. I watched Kill Bill 1 and 2 last time I was there. Let's watch a movie there. What's next? Well, let's see.

Bring up the calendar. Oh, there you go, there you go. Empire Records, Bridesmaids, True Roe Rants, La Bamba, The Nightmare Before, yeah, there's six left. Yeah, I would do True Roe, go up a little bit more. No, let's go see La Bamba. Dude, La Bamba's great. It's so good. I had a dream too, Richie!

That's the only line I remember from that. Hey, say, say, Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba. Let me hear you say that. Ba- say, say, Ba la ba la ba la bamba. Let me hear you say that. Ba la ba la ba la bamba. Have you ever heard of Richie Valens? You are tone deaf. You've never heard that song before.

Ba la la la ba la bamba. It's not like that, it's para bailar la bamba. Don't fucking correct us. If you correct the host again. I don't know, I can't continue. You stepped on his toes five times. You're talking shit when Bobby walked in. Oh, I thought they were just going, ba la ba la ba la ba la, but I guess there's words. You stepped on his toes five times. You talking shit when Bobby walked in.

I thought they were just going, but I guess they're saying something, but who gives a shit? Yeah. So parabailar la bomba. And how awful is that? Parabailar la bomba. Necessitita una poca de gracia. Say it the way that you know it.

Say it the way you know it. I was just doing it. No, the way you know it. Oh, la la la la bomba. Better. La la la la bomb it. Better. Better song. Yeah. More familiar. Right.

Right? What do you think? That's it. That's a better version. Yeah. I want to buy that record. Yeah. Or what about this classic?

Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna.

Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh, Donna. Oh better version. Yeah, I want to buy that record. Yeah, or what about this classic? What fucking song is that? I don't know what that is. Yeah, that's a fucking Richie Bellum song. Oh I go I do the oh really long. It's way longer. Yeah, yeah, I love it. Oh, Donna. It's such a great song. It's a white girl, Donna. And their love wasn't permitted because of racial tensions. And that's what's gross about this country, man. And we're changing it one step at a time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One step at a time. We're trying. Oh, Donna. Have you heard that song? No. No, she doesn't. I'll tell you.

I had a girl, Donnanach was her name. Dun dun dun dun. Since she left me, I've never been the same. Dun dun dun. Cause I love. Yeah, whatever. You got it. Yeah, yeah.

But guess what? You know how he died? How? Guess. Tragedy. Guess, guess the tragedy, how he died. Like- Because you're psychic, we know

that you're gonna get it right the first time. Like, who's that rock star, Elvis Presley? That's right. He died on a toilet? Yeah, because he was too constipated. Mm-hmm. That way. Same.

Wait, wait, you're saying that many, many years before Elvis died, right? So Elvis is a hack. He, wait. You're saying that many, many years before Elvis died, right? So Elvis is a hack. He stole it. He stole the death. Yeah. I'm gonna die on a toilet.

I'm gonna die on a toilet. Somebody give me a peanut butter sandwich. Wow. I'm gonna die on a toilet. Incredible. Richie Valens died on a toilet. It was a tragedy because- It's awful.

Not only did they, it took three huge acts. Yeah. That's like Radiohead, Billie Eilish, back then. Taylor Swift. And Taylor Swift dying in one plane crash. Imagine the tragedy. Crazy. Crazy.

Was it the Big Bopper? Big Bopper. Yeah, and- You got it. The guy with the glasses. You got it. Come on. Fuck, what's got it. The guy with the glasses. You got it. Come on. Fuck, what's his name? The guy with the glasses. Give me the first name. No. Give me the first initial. B. Benny Hooligan. No. Benny Hooligan.

What? No, uh, B. Give me, give me the last initial. Z. That's not that! I don't think it's B either, you fucking liar! What is it? The song is... It's B.H. initial Z that's not that What is it what the song is it's BH I just said it's the song is like it's BH every day Little closer. I gave my wife going down a roller coaster Come on love like that will take buddy Holly. There it is I got it buddy out but so the big bopper which Richie Valens and Buddy Holly died in one plane. And back then they were like huge. Spirit Airlines.

It was Spirit Airlines. Yeah. Even back then it was bad. Even back then it wasn't good. Yeah. Allegiant, maybe. Yeah. Crazy.

Well, speaking of dead celebrities, and thank God we didn't call them out because sometimes we call people dead on the show. Richard Simmons died. And right after Shelley Duvall died, like back to back. No, Shannon Doherty died. What? Today? Not last night or something. Wait, are you fucking kidding me?

Bro, yeah, it's been about- So young? We got three though yesterday, right? She's your age. This week. I know, 53. God, that's awful, dude. What is going on? Richard Simmons. I know.

He died cancer as well? I guess we're all gonna get it. And you just gotta hope it's an easy one. Oh my. Or one that doesn't hurt a lot. I want the butthole kind. You're working on it. Yeah, yeah.

Your diet. I know. Yeah, I met him once. My dad had prostate cancer, which is good because you beat it. If you find it quick. Oh really? Yeah.

Yeah, he was a lovely man. Skin cancer, oh he had skin cancer. Yeah, well you know, he has that skin, you know, he's played out in the sun too much I think. He played in the sun is such a funny way to say that. What do you mean? He's playing out in the sun too much, like he's a nine year old.

I mean, he's like doing all that in the sun. He's dancing in the sun. Yeah, yeah, it's not good for the skin. It can't be. Well, it depends on who you are. Yeah. But he was a little- If you're white. What?

If you're white. Yeah, whites, we're not- We're not white, you fucking cocky Filipino bastard. No, she's right. We're not supposed to be in the sun. We're supposed to be inside and you're supposed to be outside in the fields. Yeah.

I get it back out there. No, but- No, it's awful. It was a bad day. It's awful. Darker skinned people are less, what did you just bring up? Are less likely to experience sunburn. No, but what a bad day. It's awful. It's awful. Darker skinned people are less, what did you just bring up? Are less likely to experience sunburn. No shit.

No shit. Google can black people be in the sun longer. Yes. Fucking Carlos. By the way, it is funny. When EP came over to my house and we were outside and he was like, give me some sunscreen. And I was like, come on.

You're black. I need it. Oh really? That's like stealing oxygen from somebody who has like COVID, you know what I mean? Like taking their tank at the hospital. I need it. Yeah.

You don't need any sunscreen. Can I ask a- I'm on the brink. I mean, look at this. Very sensitive question. Yeah. And I wanna be able to approach it in a very, you know, non-racist way.

Mm. Mm. Okay. I want to be delicate here. Yeah, dance lightly. Very lightly. You know, I've been on a beach. Yeah, you've been on beaches. I'm a beach guy.

No, you're not. I'm just for the story. Right, she's right. You've been to a beach. Hawaii, you go to the beach. I've been to a beach. Hawaii, you go to the beach. I've been on a lot of beaches, and that's the truth. I've been on beaches with you! Yeah, but you hate being there.

I know, but I'm still, I didn't say I love being there. I said I've been on them. That's what we share in common, I hate them. I love you so much, dude. I have zero, why am I there? Yeah. What? I'll just go to the pool, why am I there? I just don't like sand in any of my cracks.

And it gets in all your cracks. And you have a lot of cracks. I have more cracks. I have triple cracks. I have triple cracks than most humans. That came out weird. You're cracked up. I'm cracked up.

Anyway, let's go sensitive. Thanks for the humor there. I appreciate it. But I've been on the beach before and I've seen, you know, African-Americans. Uh-huh. At the beach? At the beach, which is great.

No, come on. What are you saying? I love it. You've seen them at the beach, yes. But I've seen them put the oil, sun tanning, you know. Sun tan lotion or oil? Sun tanning lotion. Sun tanning lotion.

Yeah, yeah, right. And then they lay out, you know? And I'm talking about like Del Rolindo black. You know, I'm talking about. Yeah. Go ahead and finish it. I've got to try, dude. I'm talking about Samuel L. Jackson black, right?

Successful. Yeah, no, yeah, successful, great guy people, spiritual. No, no, like umbrella. No umbrella. Just out in the sun, right? Yeah. And I always think to myself, and this is, and here's where the racism might be construed as,

what's the point? What you doing? I always wanna go, what you doing? Well, catching some beautiful vitamin D. Oh, is that what it is? That's just a little bit of vitamin D. Okay, that's all I wanted to hear, and thank you so much for cleaning that up, thank you. Just a little bit of vitamin D. Oh, is that what it is? That's just a little bit of vitamin D. Okay, that's all I wanted to hear. And thank you so much for cleaning that up.

Thank you. Just a little bit of vitamin D. I'll tell you though. What's so funny? Nothing. Have you ever thought that? No, never. Oh my God.

I'm the only one in this room that has thought that. Look at me. Yeah. Yes. Are you being fucking real right now? Why would I? I've never thought it though. I just literally just thought of it now.

In your mind, you go to the beach and you see a black person at the beach and you go, get out of here. No. That's what you say. You go, hey, you get out of here. No, I just want to go up to them and just go, hi. Right, and they're like, what's up man?

Yeah, yeah, what you doing? That's all. And then they're going, yo, ma'am, tanning. I'll be like, okay, have a nice day. I mean, That's all and then they're going yo ma'am tanning I'll be like, okay. Have a nice day. I mean, that's all tanning complete Yeah full tan. Yeah, you're 33 33 years ago Or whatever, you know, I mean, but you know, first of all, yeah, this comes from a place of humor and jealousy Okay, because I can't be out in the sun for more than five fucking seconds without it hurting. It hurts.

I'm in pain right now. I think I have a mini sunburn on the side of my neck. Yeah, you look red, dude. I took out the trash. I take out the trash. I'm fried. It's disgusting. I belong in a basement, in a windowless basement, programming on the dark web.

Can I ask a theoretical question? Yeah. What if though, okay, I'm doing my Bill Nye here, dude. I see it. You see my Bill Nye right now? You are a scientist. Yeah, yeah. What if blackness is infinite?

Well, black people are infinite forever. The color black, that it just gets, you can get black or black. But it gets, at some point it gets so black, right? It just looks all black, right? But it gets blacker, you know what I mean? Scientifically. And what are you saying?

I don't know, I'm just- But I- I- I'm just- What? I'm just, it's a theoretical question. Can we ask Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm- Is black, is black? Oh yeah, Vant's a theoretical question. Can we ask Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is black, is black? Oh, Vantablack absorbs 99.965. They're trying to get Vantablack is what I'm saying. Maybe black people are trying to get Vantablack, right? In the next Black Panther movie, if Vantablack isn't a superhero, that's a character. Vantablack. It's a beautiful, I mean, black.

Dude, look at that. Gorgeous. Well, it's my favorite color on this. Black is the best, black is the best color. It looks a beautiful, I mean- Look at, look, dude, look at that. Gorgeous. Yeah. Well, it's my favorite color on this. Yeah, yeah. Black is the best, black is the best color. Yeah. It looks the best on every, look at that's Vantablack.

That's so black. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, yeah. You've never heard of Vantablack? No, zoom in, zoom in on that. Dude. Zoom in? Oh my God.

Wait, wait, zoom into the original, the Vantablack, the guy holding it. It looks edited. Yeah, it looks fake. It looks like edited black. Wait, zoom in a little bit. You can hear it, listen. Hey, motherfucker!

All right. Keep that in. You gotta keep that in. That's funny. That's funny. It's funny. Fucking tease. Anyway.

I went to the San Diego Zoo once. Uh-oh. And I learned that rhinos also get sunburned. Rhino, oh, they do, yes, they do. And they get into mud. Mud, mud, to protect their skin. So I never thought that a rhino would get sunburned. Rhino, oh they do, yes they do. And they get into- Mud, mud to protect their skin. So I never thought that a rhino would get sunburned. How does an animal born in the sun not,

like how has that not progressed? They can get sunburned. They're like one of the only ones that can. Whoa. What are the animals in the animal kingdom that can get sunburned? I think all of them. No.

Theoretically all of them. Lions can't, there's so much fur. Just as clothing and shade protect against, pigs, pigs get sunburned, hippopotamus, warthogs. Oh, cute, a little sunburned, by the way, a little sunburned pig. Oh my God, so cute. How cute.

Little bacon in the air, little guanciale, huh? Yeah. By the way, I had- You had guanciale? I had guanciale the other night. That's great. Ohanciale, huh? Yeah. By the way, I had- You had guanciale? I had guanciale the other night. That's great. Oh my God, is it good? It's so hard to eat a pig,

cause look at them, look at how rad they are. But boy, oh boy. No, yeah, I- Is that a sunburned pig? Yeah. Oh, oh! Oh my God! It looks like a little sun.

I have a question. Okay, here we go. This is the good part of the show. Okay. I can't wait. Since there's like a derogatory name I have a question. Okay, here we go. This is what the good part of the show. Okay, I can't wait since Since there's like a derogatory name for black people. Hmm What about man is it Sunday today?

It's a Lord's Day. Yeah, I was asking what about for white people. That's oh there are like really really bad Well, I mean, no, we haven't come up with the best one, but I'll give you some of them. We're still trying. Yeah, yeah. Cracker. I'm just telling you, right? It's tough, cause I love Ritz crackers. They're so good.

White Devil. Yeah. Yeah, White Devil. Honky. Honky is one. Colonizer. Colonizer, yeah. Bitch ass. Bitch ass. We get bitch ass, don't we? No, yeah. Bitch ass.

Bitch ass, we get bitch ass, don't we? No, you get bitch ass. Whoa. Well, I'm just telling you, that's what happened. Yeah. But if you're, yeah. He says it so. There's no filter.

I mean, he says it like you would say French fries. Yeah. It's unbelievable. There's a term, it's W-I-G-G-A. Wigga. Wigga. Can you say that or? That's a positive, I think.

No, well. I think that's a positive. I think that's a positive. I put this in my first special. Kids used to call me a wigga all the time. When I was a kid, I got made fun of a lot because I wanted to wear clothing that all my black friends wore. So people made fun of me a lot and said that.

Okay. Yeah. Bluechew. It's my penis. Can I say that? I think so. It's so dynamic right now because of Bluechew. It really is. Thanks to Bluechew. Because it would be a zombie.

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it has nothing to do with race. All right, real quick. All right. Just as a scientist, and this is not, it has nothing to do with race. What does soap do? Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with race. You set it up like it was going to. Wait, what does soap do? It kills the bacteria on your skin. I was in the shower last night, using soap, lathering it,

but in my mind I'm like, what is it doing? Well, look, dude, there's parts of the world that don't night, using soap, lathering it. But in my mind, I'm like, what is it doing? Well, look, dude, there's parts of the world that don't have access to soap, and they get just as clean by water on their skin. Yeah, so what's- You're just washing off dead skin bacteria that can just build up. But you don't need it. Not really.

I mean, dude, we use it for, we use it for germs. You need it if you're touching something that's bacterially. You're touching raw chicken, you need to wash your hands. Right. Because you don't spread disease. But in the Philippines, you guys use soap? I mean, for the most, is that terrible? That's a legitimate question.

We have soap in the Philippines. No, that's not, hold on, stop, stop. Of course, what are you talking about? No, of course they do. What are you? I've been there! I use soap there! What do you do, do you guys have Irish Spring?

No, it's called mud. But anyway. No. Here, look this up. Is that a bad question? No, it's legitimate. I think it's a legitimate question. Well, this is a forever never ending race.

This is a race thing that I've talked to about many black friends. White people don't use washcloths. Do you use washcloths? That's a washcloth. Wow, you don't use washcloth either. What do you use? I might be one of the only whites I know that uses a washcloths. Do you use washcloths? It's a washcloth. Wow, you don't use washcloth either. What do you use? I might be one of the only whites I know

that uses a washcloth. What is a washcloth though? A little tiny towel in the shower that you use soap to get the reaches of your body, not just soap in your hand. You use it for your back and. Well, I use. This is another joke, white people don't wash their legs.

Have you ever washed your legs? No, see, white people don't wash their legs. Wow. Yeah. So I use one of those loofs, but the long ones, what do you call them? A loofah. But not the spongy kind.

There's a loofah on the end. But the long sheet kind. And I put the soap on it. That's a washcloth. And I do the, that's not a washcloth. What? Is it cloth? No.

Are you washing with it? It's not cloth at all. What is it? It's, what do you call that? Loofah. It's not even a sponge. It's the blue, it's? No. Are you washing with it? It's not cloth at all. What is it? It's what do you call that? Luffa. It's sponge. It's not even a sponge. It's the blue.

It's like plastic. It's like a. Plastic? No, look it up. No. What are you fucking? I don't know what you call it. Hold on.

Washcloth blue thing? No, it's not that. It's. Bob, where? Yeah, the fourth one. The fourth one. That one, the color ones, rainbow color ones. Like a microfiber towel?

Yeah, I have that. I have that. What? It says washcloth right on it. You fuckhead. Nylon washcloth, loofah towel. It's all the same thing. The fuck?

Come on. That's a washcloth. It's a cloth that there's no cloth in it. What are you saying? It's a cloth is just a That's a washcloth. It's a cloth that- There's no cloth in it. What are you saying? It's a cloth is just a term for a fucking woven material. Yeah. That shirt is cloth. It's like this is a metallic chicken. If it's a regular chicken, it's not a fucking- Yeah, I mean, what are you talking about?

Is it a metal chicken? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a washcloth. It's not a future metal chicken, dude. It's like a fucking chicken, dude. You can't just use a fucking word and then have it not be that fucking element. It's a washcloth.

There's no cloth in it, dude. It is a broad term for something in the shower used to wash other parts of your body. Oh, so it's not made out of cloth. Fuck, doesn't have to be. Okay, that's a washcloth. Nylon. It's a nylon washcloth, that's what I use.

That's what I use. That's like two minutes of. Nylon. It's a nylon washcloth. That's what I use. That's what I use. That's like two minutes of the same thing. But you know what I do though? What? I just, people want to know my ritual. Okay. I take two soaps.

So I lay it down on my, you know, I have a nice little shower. I know you do. You know what I mean? And I do two, so I get like a body wash, you know, like an axe. Really? You're an axe guy?

No, a ghetto axe. Then I put a high end in it. And then mix the moisture, the smells. Little science experiment. Little science experiment. You are Bill Nye. I am, dude, I'm so Bill Nye right now. Bill Nye.

And, and I really get in there. So do you do that? And I, but the first thing I do is my legs. I do, I always do legs and feet. But that's also because I, when I sweat and work out, my legs get sweaty.

I get sweaty legs. Do you immediately shower when you work, after you work out? Yeah, man, I cannot stand not, I don't like sweat on my skin. Okay, I noticed in SoulCycle, and I noticed- You go to SoulCycle? With Atika Lai.

Oh wow. I didn't know you do that. And I noticed mostly white girls after the workout, they dry their underwear in the- That's disgusting. The what? What's it called? The air- The air dryer.

Yeah, the air dryer thing. What? They dry out their panties in a fucking- What do you mean, what's it called? A hand dryer. The hand dryer thing. Yeah, I dry out their panties in a fucking- What do you mean what's it called? A hair dryer. The hand dryer thing. Yeah, I mean, you know what it's called. Well, they might not have them.

But the word- All right, sorry, my bad. In the Philippines, you wash your hands and you just go like this. Yeah. Okay, okay. So they wash their, they dry their panties in there? That's so fucking gross. Wow.

Go home and shower. That's what I noticed. These white girls, man. These white girls are gross. You know what's hot? What? The other day, I was in my- He's inside the hairdryer.

Ooh! Yeah. Yeah, right. What? The other day, I found some female underwear in my bedroom. I don't know who it's from, but it was kind of cool. Were you sniffing it? You did, you little pig.

You sniffed it, didn't you? Yeah. Is that wrong? I mean, it's in, you sniffed it, didn't you? Yeah. Is that wrong? I mean, it's in your house, it's somebody that you had over, so obviously, no, it's not wrong. I mean, it's not wrong. Then I did.

Yeah, you did. If it's not wrong, I did. I mean, if it's someone that you know. I don't remember. You can't do it to someone, you never walk into somebody else's house and do it. Would that be weird? If I went to your house-

Oh my God. And sniffed my wife's underwear? Oh my God. Stop, stop, stop for a second. You're getting angry and I just, stop, stop. What I'm saying is what's the problem? It's so gross. I know, but what's the problem?

And you explained to me what the problem is that I won't do it. Because it's your little greasy face in her underwear. I know, but what harm is it doing? I just said it, your greasy little face in her underwear. I'll wash it, what if I grabbed your wife's underwear? Sniffed it then washed it? No, and I said, dude, I will wash it after I sniff it.

No problem, get to wash it. Okay, good. Hand wash though. And I went, I wonder if I went to the bathroom with it. Would that be weird? Yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah.

Would that cause a rift in our friendship? Yeah, it'd probably be a little bump. Okay, my bad, dude. Are you sniffing? Holy shit, dude. So insane. Yeah. Now, if you sniffed mine, fine. Yeah. That doesn't bother me. Interesting.

Doesn't bother me. Yeah. Okay. Don't sniff. I won't sniff. Don't sniff. What are you confused about? It's just crazy. It's crazy town. Yeah. It's crazy.

I will say, I noticed that when you go to certain people's houses, some people give you a towel, a hand towel, and a washcloth on top. We always do that. I provide, when people come, three towels. A body towel, a hand towel, and a little washcloth. What do you want when people come?

When people come and stay at the house. Family, friends, visitors. This is a very, Bill Nye again. I don't think, no, take Bill Nye out. I know he's not a science thing, okay? But can I ask you a question? Yeah. And what, I don't know how to, okay.

Over the years, I think I've lost friendships over this. I've had friends from San Diego. I just had Shay Matash, a comic from Las Vegas. And they say, dude, I'm gonna be in LA for a couple of days. Can I stay at your house? And I always go, nah, never. Right. They should know better.

You would never. I know, but what I'm saying is, if it's a woman that I'm seeing, dating, yeah. Oh yeah. I'm totally fine with that, right? But for some reason, my friend from San Diego, a guy, you know what I mean? Like I want to be there for four days.

I always go, no, I'd rather get you a hotel. Yeah, but is the- I'll pay for your hotel. Are they hanging out with you? That's the problem. I don't know what they're up to. But if they're coming to see you, clearly they can stay at your house.

No. So they're coming to hang out with you, but they can't stay at your house. I don't want them to come up to hang out with me then. Well, what do you mean come up to hang out with you? Hey, Bob, I want to come up from San Diego. I don't do that. And I want to spend a couple days.

And that's the difference between you and I. That I have real friends. No, that's not what I'm saying. That's literally what this is. You don't have towels. Is it a towel problem? Is it a towel problem? No.

Do you not have towels? No, I'm just, I guess- How do you dry off? Dude, you standing out of the shower, just like shaking your body dry. Like, what do you mean when they dry off? Do you have extra towels for guests? Yes.

Yeah, he has a lot. Thank you so much for- So what are you gonna do with them if no one can use them? I use them. Okay, so they're your towels? Yeah. I mean, I use them like if I have 12 towels, there's 12 days of towels.

Use a towel every day? Oh yeah. You change towels every day. Do I not? That's insane. That's how I do it. Every day? It's America.

Wow. Exactly. Yeah, it's a great country. Okay, because I don't know, I'm like, I'm oddly clean. Tito Bobby, like his bathroom smells so good. Yeah, it should. Even if there's a lot of poo stains, it smells good. Yeah.

For some reason. Damn it, there's no poo stains, woman. Yes there is. No there isn't. There sure is. Right, so, like I do hang out, like, so I wanna tell you, last night, I was at the comedy store. And Five Dances in town.

Yeah, Ian, we love. Yeah, Ian Five, We love Ian Five Dance. And the other day we ran into this guy and he goes, there's a Hollywood party Saturday night, man. Lot of women gonna be there. And he sent him for me and Ian Edwards at Five Dance. And we were like, I'm like, oh, okay. And Ian was like, let's go.

So Saturday night he's at the store and I actually went. You went to the Hollywood party. Yeah, it was way up in the hill. Was anybody famous there? We couldn't even get in. What? Why? So I parked my car, right?

Five miles up a hill, we have to walk. It's 12, three at night. We go and we go and then we overhear somebody in the car goes, yeah, you need a yellow bracelet. Well. Oh, I know, not human. You're like, I'm wearing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, not a human.

Yeah, you know what I mean. Okay. Like a Livestrong, like for? I don't know what it is. No, it's not like a. Yeah, yeah. Like a Lance Armstrong. No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, it's so, and we were outside this fucking gate for an hour. Not one person saw you and didn't go, that's Bobby Lee, let him in. No. And then the guy that invited you shows up. The guy invited me shows up and he goes, oh, don't worry about it, you know what I mean?

And he keeps texting the guy. And then all of a sudden, helicopters appear. Cops? Yeah, and then all of a sudden helicopters appear. Cops? Yeah, and then all of a sudden ambulances and cops, and they're all now there. Oh shit. Going in, and my instinct is like- Leave.

I guess it's over. Yeah, I'm gone. No, we'll get in. The cops are there. I know! I know. It's not a great story. Yeah, but did you guys try to get in still?

No, I made Ian go and we left. You guys took off. It's not a great story. No, it's a good story. I'll tell you why I'll tell that story though. Because I've never done that before. No. I've never been to a Hollywood Hills party before.

And not gotten in. No, I've gone to Tim Dillon's house. That's in the Hollywood Hills. I understand that, but it's a little different. Why? Because it's not like, you know what I'm talking about, where it's like clubby. But time out, I think you're missing

what's right in front of you. We're doing the metallic chicken thing again with the cloth? Is that what we're doing or what? Tim doesn't have any washcloths at his house, no. No, dude, Tim is famous. He has very famous people there. It is a Hollywood Hills party. I'll tell you why I don't think it is.

And you're right, you're absolutely right. So what is it? Andrew Santino is absolutely right. Thanks. Okay. But I'll tell you why I don't think that. Why? It's because they're all people I know. Because you're famous.

No, I'm not. No, what I'm saying is I'm famous in a certain way. So it's like, if I show up at a house and I see Whitney Cummings, I'm not like, oh my God, there's Whitney. I know, but to the outside- I understand that. What I'm saying is I want to go to a party

where it's like, oh my God. DiCaprio. Yeah, that. Right, you never will go. Yeah, I know. We'll get over it. Right, you never will go. Yeah, I know. We'll get over it. Okay. They don't want us there.

I know. What would we do? You've been there. To where? Those parties. No, I haven't. Dude, you're gonna make me so mad right now, dude. I've been to a couple of like-

No, you've been to golf resorts in Washington or whatever. Yeah. With super big guys. Yeah, but those- That's a party. Only people I know. Gladiator's party. in Washington or whatever with super big guys. That's a party. Only people I know. Gladiator's party. Yeah, Gladiator party too.

Yeah, Gladiator party. That wasn't Hollywood party. It's still very high end. It was weird. No, see that's what I'm saying. I've never been there. Actually I have. Yeah, you have.

Let's move on. Yeah, you 100% have. Let's move on. Can I ask you a question? Is it a real question? And I've thought to myself with you, I wanna be more open with you and honest. Okay.

Okay. When I got off the stage the other night when we did the show together, you and your wife were standing there in that little opening. Yeah. And you guys looked at me with shame. Is that what the look was? Yeah. No. What the fuck are you talking about? Did I look upset? You guys both looked at me like you were upset with me. Well, I'll tell you why I was a little upset. I wanted, selfishly, I wanted to go up after you.

I didn't want, because you brought up another comic and then they brought me up, which is fine, but I like going after you or- Vice versa. I just like that. So I was a little bummed that I had to wait because I prefer to, I think it's a nice synergy. So I wasn't upset at you, but I do love when we're paired.

It feels good. It's funny. The rhythm is really good. Funny what one mind does. We assume all these things that aren't true. Yeah, it's not true. Yeah. But you, but I was just bummed

cause I saw you were having a great time and I thought, fuck, I would love to go up there right after you and have fun. Cause I saw you guys do this. I think your wife was doing this, like this. Yeah, she's, well, I would love to go up there right after you and have fun. Because I saw you guys do this. I think your wife was doing this, like this. Yeah, well, she was airing it out. She's got to air it out sometime. And she was like, you guys were like.

Yeah, yeah, because we knew we had to wait for another. And I go, bye. Remember? Yeah, and I had to wait for another comic, and I was like, I'd rather go right after Bob. That's what it was. That's almost always what it is. That's selfish.

Can we talk about though, if you ever had any grievances with me that you would say it or no? Yeah. Or would you hold it into your soul? No, I would tell you. Okay. I would tell you because I love you,

but I don't, you're hard to grieve. Now, some people in the studio, easier. To grieve. Yeah. Yeah. I got some vincers with some of these people, including McCone. Well, get it up, because I knew you were going

on a rant earlier. McCone has made his way into my social circle. Yeah. He's found a way to infiltrate. By the way, and I can't stop doing favors for him. He's getting free furniture for his new apartment. I think you're doing him a disservice. I know, I know. Not being real. I know. I'm you're doing him a disservice. I know, I know.

Not being real. I know. I'm sorry. No, it's true. Because what I realized over the years is it's in the struggle where we find it. And he doesn't get to struggle. He's not struggling.

You're not struggling. Not anymore. Well, so do you- You never did. You're 20 what, four? 25. Oh, oh, excuse me, Gary Oldman. I mean like what?

You've been in the business for a long time, excuse me. 25? Wow. Wow. We struggled for at least a decade. Yeah, a long time. Do you think we should decrease his pay? No, I'm just saying, when I look at you with him,

I'm like, God, he's giving him so much love. I know, I don't know. I'm having a hard time with him. And then it makes me be the guy, because I want him to grow, to be the dick. I'm like in a position where I have to be the dick. I'm being real. That's what I realized. And then you look at me with resentment and anger

because I'm doing more love. I'm giving you more love. Yeah. Tough love. Good love. The good love. Good love, that's the real love. The real love.

I give you fake love. He gives you fake love. Yeah, I'm a phony baloney. You're not, you love him. I do. It's a deep father son kind of connection, but I'm just saying that it does him a disservice. Speaking of real love,

we were talking about you at dinner the other night, me and Spade and Swartzen. Why aren't I ever invited to those dinners? Speaking of real love, we were talking about you at dinner the other night, me and Spade and Swartzen. Why aren't I ever invited to those dinners? You were, and you said no. That's right, all right. Yeah. Go ahead. So annoying.

But Spade was joking about Swartzen the way he orders, and he orders exactly like you order. Who does? Swartzen. So does Spade. He did a little bit, but we told him he was paying for the meal. Wow. So he immediately was like, okay, slow down.

And Nick was like, we'll get three more orders of the toro sushi with the caviar on top. You went to Nobu. We went to another sushi place. On Lhasa Siena. Another sushi place. I know that place. We went to the other one.

I know that is the other one. And he goes, can we get the toro with the caviar on top? And Spade was like, come on. And Swartzen goes, can we get the toro with the caviar on top? And Spade was like, come on. And Sporzen goes, six pieces. And the guy's like, oh, okay, well you have six coming. He goes, keep it coming. And Spade was like, all right, that's enough. Also, can I tell you something about Spade?

When you're eating with him, he sits like a 12 year old rich kid like this. Yeah, like he grew up in Aspen. This is a fucking seat. And he's just like eating like this, you know what I mean? And just fucking crazy. It is really cute. It's so cute though.

It's so cute. You see everyone looks because he looks like a cutie. And he stands up to talk to you. He stands up. He lets you know. Yeah, he does. In the middle of the meal, he wants to talk to you. Yeah.

And then here's another thing I hate about it. We love him. I know I love him. I'm just saying, so I go every time you go to the host and you have to go, I'm here for David Spade. And they look at you and they go, really? And I go, yeah, how do you know that? How do I know that he's here? And they go, okay. And then they walk me and I'm like- Are you his driver? Yeah. I mean, that's what it feels like. Leave the keys. Yeah, that's what it feels like. The hostess

of a restaurant eyes me up and down and goes- You're with Spade, huh? Yeah, you're with Spade, huh? In what capacity? And then I feel like I have to explain myself, but usually they do it. Yeah. And then he's so not, he's great, he's got great- He is a sweetheart. Anyway. He's a little sweet prince. Which is, can I just say a cool thing that happened?

Yeah. It was one of those things I wanna do for somebody else one day. Go ahead. Right? Bumble knows it's hard to start conversations. Hey. No, too basic.

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It's the best. Isn't that cool to look like? He goes, Lee, what's up? Hey, you know man. Yeah, yeah, I go. And Sandler goes, dude, he looks at my dad and goes, this guy, what a funny guy, what a great guy. Right, and he does one of these taps.

I do like, hey man, it's good to see you. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I go, I see you soon, I see you soon. But it was just like one of those gestures where I'm like, very good. I like, you know what I mean? It was like, you know.

What makes you look really cool? Like, I wanna do that for somebody else. You do do that for people. You say hi to people and it makes people feel good. McConaughey. No, I want to like help a guy get laid. Oh, that would be tougher for you. Well, I don't, well, what I'm saying is that why, you know.

What I mean is- You don't have that transferable. That's what I'm saying. Well, I don't think- No, no, no, no. Well, you know, I can't. What I said before was I would like to do that with somebody and then you're like, yeah, you can.

And then now I'm explaining it to you. Now you're like, oh, yeah, you can. You're not going to help someone get laid. No, so you don't think that- You think a woman is going to walk up with a guy. No, no. And then you see the guy and you go, hey, buddy. And then you say to the girl, this guy is the man.

She doesn't care what you say. That's what I said before. But then you build me back up and then you say to the girl, this guy is the man. She doesn't care what you say. That's what I said before, but then you put it, build me back up, and now you shut me back down. I'm so sorry, but it's not gonna happen. I know, but don't build me back up then. I'm sorry. I was already falling.

I'm sorry, buttercup. Okay. I apologize. Could you do it? No, but that's- Yeah, you could. We don't have that power. Are you fucking- We don't have that power. We don't have that power.

Ditto Andrew has the power. Thank you. I love you. But you don't have that power. We don't have that power. Yeah, yeah. Tito Andrew has the power. Thank you. I love you. But you don't think I do. You have, Tito Andrew has this kind of power, you have this kind of power. I think so. I think so too.

Love you, Rudy. I think so too. Okay, can I tell you what? I did a nice thing. Did I talk about this on the, I think, I don't know. Go ahead. A police officer held the door for me to get, I was going into Jersey Mike's,

and he held the door very politely for me and my lady. And then I said, you know, I'm gonna buy his sandwich. And then so I got to the front and then I turned around and I said, are you gonna get chips and a drink? And he goes, no, why? I said, because you know because I'll get the sandwich, but I don't want to get the meal deal. Do you know what I mean?

I'm not going to pay for the whole fucking, you know what I mean? Just a sandwich. I'm kidding. No, but I said, are you going to get chips and drink? He said, no, just a sandwich. I said, well, whatever he gets, put it on there. And I paid for it.

And he looked at me so earnestly and he shook my hand and he said, thank you so much. That's very nice. Very nice of you. And I said, well, thank you. Because honestly, how many people say anything nice to a cop during the course of the day? I'm being serious.

I'm scared of cops. Well, you should be. I had to go to a police station. Well, you're fucking illegal, dude. Why are you, wait, why are you scared of cops? You had to go to the police station? I'm just scared of them in general, but I had to go to the police station

to report my missing Passport and did they help you yeah But I was crying before I was go before I went because I was so scared of them Have you had bad interactions with them when you were a kid? No, so why are you scared just like the idea that they're kind of superior, right? When you cry oh my god your eyes bulge out. Yeah, it's ugly crying. No, like a cartoon, like. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah-hoo-ga. Yeah, yeah. Doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. Yeah, it's like crazy. But were the cops nice to you? They were really nice. So then stop being so scared. Yeah, after that, I stopped being scared.

You changed your mind. Yeah. I imploring all of our fans to buy a cop a sandwich or something if you see. You know what you're also good at? Say hi, be nice. Another thing that you do, and I do it too, you always say thank you for your service to military people.

You should. I do too. Because I don't have the balls to do that. So fucking, we should all say something. Although when we were coming back from somewhere, no, no, this made me laugh. I don't know where we were traveling from, but you know when they call the airport lines and then they say, uh, uh, families, military.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Of course. Yeah. Of course I do. There's a guy that walks up and Bobby's like, that guy's not in the military. I was like, yes, he, he probably already served. He's like, no, he's not a military guy. Like you knew that he wasn't in the military. I don't think he was. You think he was stolen valor just to get on the plane? When you see a guy that looks like Ralphie May, right? Yeah, I'm in the Marines.

I'm like, that's not the guy. What is he, explosive guy? I mean, what does he do? Well, he lays not the guy. What is he, explosive guy? I mean, what does he do? Well, he lays on the bomb. He's the AED guy. All good. But you can tell sometimes. Sometimes he looked a little bit like he might've,

well, but look, he might've worked in the computer. He might've just been- Or maybe, but I'm just saying that guy shouldn't go. When I say military, you have to be either on a boat in a war so you're saying you know jumping over one of those large fucking thing you know you're doing a doing it with the net with the net a tough mutter yeah you're the wired fence and they're underneath crawling you have to be doing that what you're saying you have to be yeah that. What you're saying. You have to be. Yeah, that guy has to be.

You have to be in shape military to get on the plane first. That's what you're saying. No, he's just gotta be like in military, he's gotta be like a guy that we're like, yeah, John, war. War. Yeah, not, you know what I mean?

Get in the office and do whatever. Right, yeah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, I can't do it. I get it. Yeah, and then it's also this, it's like, what? I just. Can I say another thing? Yeah. It's when this, it's like, what? I just don't get it. Can I say another thing?

Yeah. It's when they go, all right, people that need help to get on the plane, I get it. I mean, what a headache, right? You mean people that are like disabled. And my heart's out to you, okay? But there are some, and I've tried to call them out, right? Where it's like, they get wheeled up, right?

I know what you're saying. No, stop, right? They get wheeled up, right? I know what you're saying. No, no, stop, right? They get wheeled up, right? And then? And then all of a sudden they're fucking Carl Lewis. They get up and they start running to their fucking seat and it's like, what is that? That's deception and lies!

Right? I don't like that. And we should call that out. Don't you think we should call that out? No. Yes. That's insane. It sounds like you couldn't get from there to there, but you can run to the rest of the

way. I don't get it. What? Also, you're right. Look, drives me nuts is when they say people that need help get on the plane and it's like one person disabled and nine family members that get on with them. I hate that. And they're like, we're all helping. You're not all helping. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's crazy. I hate that. That is crazy. And here's, okay, so one time Gabriel Glacius, right? This is before us. I love him. I love him too. Yeah. This is before us, which means, you know, I mean, I wasn't where I was.

Yeah. So I was, you know, I would do, you know. Coach. Coach guy. I wasn't where I was. Yeah. So I would do, you know, coach, coach guy. What do you mean? What'd you say? Oh, coach. Oh, oh, oh, right, right. I'm a flight coach.

Right. I was in Canada playing yuck yucks. I know. I was at the airport and I was like group nine or something. I was like the last group. You were in the cargo? Yeah, to the point where I had to like I there was no more overhead compartment space so I had to wheel up my

thing go can you check this right like one of those guys right I'm sitting there and I see Gabe with his entourage okay in first class no they weren't interested in first class Gabe walks up to me goes what's up dude up dude? And we hug, all that. Yeah. And I go, you're seeing Flyer? I go, yeah, I see Flyer. And he goes, yeah, we get on before everyone. Like they get on before even, you know what I mean? Meep meep. You know what I mean?

Meep meep. You know what I mean? All those guys. Right? Meep meep. Yeah, yeah. They get on before, right? And I go, and for a split second I was like,

I don't like, because if I saw this and I was outside the, you know what I mean, the circumstance, it had nothing to do with me. I wouldn't like it if I saw it. You'd be pissed. I would be pissed. Right? But I did go on.

You went with them. I mean, I'm not gonna say no. But then what, when they go to first class, then you just kept going back to the back. With the very back in the middle seat in the back. Yeah, yeah. And then I couldn't even go, but I got on first, I had the overhead, but it's underneath now.

I already checked it. I already checked it. Yeah, anyway. I know I couldn't even go, but I got on first, I had the overhead, but it's underneath now. I already checked it, I already checked it. Yeah, anyway. I know what you're saying though, it is- I don't like it. What is this, what is that you're showing us? The private celebrity friendly terminal? Yeah, at LAX. I would have done that.

Whoa, is that new? No, have you done that? It's new. Right there. Have you done that? I don't know. Be honest. Have you done private jet? Wait, stop, stop, stop. Yeah? It's new right there. Have you done that? I don't know be honest Yeah, look look at me right now

Stop stop and because we were talked earlier. We're up front with each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you done that? I don't know. Yeah, you you have I don't think yeah you when you looked at it, you're like, oh, I know what that is. What does it look like? You don't know. What's that like? It's so cool. It's so cool. Who's there?

They, it's really cool. I'm not a member. I was brought by a friend, right? And if a friend has a pass, you can bring people. And what you do is you park your car there and then you see where all the planes are across, right? You get to sit, you can have breakfast, drinks, lunch, whatever, and then they drive you in an SUV to the plane and then you get on from the outside stairs that go up to the plane.

Okay. So what do I need to do to get there? It's pretty expensive. I think it's, I don't know how much, well, it says it runs $3,500, and then you pay a monthly fee and then other stuff. What do you mean, $3,500 a month? $3,500 to get in. One time. No, no, no, that's to have the membership, and then you pay monthly fees.

And what is the monthly fee? I don't know. I don't do it. I was a guest, but I will say it's fucking unbelievable. Here it is. Okay, so can you zoom in? Cause I can't read that. All right, so annual fee, 4,800.

So 5,000 and then $750 per person you bring with you. A time, one time. Every time. Every time. Every time. I see. And then the private suite rate for four travelers is that 3,500. And then they valet your car and then, yeah.

Per person. Now let me think, is that worth it? I don't think so. I don't think so. It's so fancy. Why do you need it? I mean, look, it was very cool. It was very nice to be a part of it. But also I just don't know.

I don't know. Yeah. I don't really, we're of the people. You know who does that? And I can just guess. Bert and Tom. I don't really, we're of the people. You know who does that? And I can just guess. Bert and Tom. The 100%, well they take private jets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those guys are private jet guys. Yeah, I think Theo does that now probably. They're more famous. Yeah, you and I won't do it. Well, they're more famous. No, let's do Southwest for life. I'll do Southwest for life. I don't give a fuck.

I'll fly Southwest. I'm going to Vegas in two weeks, I'm flying Southwest. I don't give a fuck. Why do I care? I love Southwest. I wouldn't say I love it. You know that I don't give a fuck. Why do I care? I love Southwest. I wouldn't say I love it. You know that I don't, right? Yeah.

I thought you were gonna jump on me for that. No, but I'll fly it. I just don't give a shit. Me too, me too. Do you know what's like, slay pussy purr? I know slay. Slay pussy purr? Slay is a term in the gay community that means like go off.

Yeah. But pussy purr, I don't know. Yes, pussy purr. It's the same thing, but my friends, like the girls, they see it in like go off. Yeah, but pussy purr. I don't know. Yes pussy purr It's the same thing, but my friends like the girls they see make the pussy purr. You make the pussy purr. You better believe it Not actual. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but like you say oh slave pussy purr purr slave purr Appropriating gay culture very good stealing from the gays. Give me another one. That's what you're doing. Another one. Slay Queen.

It's a new one. I don't really use it, but skibbity. Skibbity. Skibbity do da, skibbity da. We started that. Our generation. Skibbity is a word that means nothing. Oh.

No, it says it's bad. Like, it's bad. Well, let me tell you, the Today Show says, what cool, dumb, bad uses a filler word, so how would you say it in a sentence? I don't know, it's the younger generation. I know, if it's nothing, it's like, how was the party last night?

How was the party last night? It was all skibbity, dawg. No, that's not, that can't be it. That's it, it was nothing. You sound like an old guy going, hey, young kid. No, I'm not, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that sounds weird. Yeah, skib it a toilet. What skibbity toilet I don't know what skibbity toilet see even you don't know yeah stealing is phantom tax

Stealing is phantom tax tax fan. Um fan. Um phantom or phantom Fanta it's gotta be phantom phantom tax is known as phantom income or dry income. What are you talking about, taxes? It's, that's what they're saying. Oh, I know what phantom tax is. It's residuals in our world. Yeah, phantom tax. Right?

Residual, like, you know, sometimes, like for instance. Phantom tax, an internet slang term for describing the theft of food between friends. C-F-A-N-U-M. Phantom tax, it's the theft of food between friends? Man, the future's-N-U-M. Phantom tax. It's the theft of food between friends. Man, the future's fucked. It's fucked, dude. What are we talking about?

Phantom tax. Stealing food from your friends. So if you, I have french fries, go steal it. Here, well, yeah. I'm gonna charge you a phantom tax. Is that what it is? Skibbity no. I don't fucking know.

I don't know, I don't know. When we were young though, do you remember, I don't know if this was like this for you, but like at lunch, I never, okay, my parents never, my parents worked, my mom never made lunch. So I had to buy lunch at school, school lunches, and all the time I didn't want to spend money, so I would steal or I just ask friends for their side shit

or their leftovers. Did you do that? No. Oh yeah, you were rich. No, I wasn't rich, I just wouldn't do it. I'd rather starve. I would just be like, can I have that? No, can I have your apple?

That's insane. Yeah, people will go, yeah, I don't want it. Yeah, but you would rely on it. So sometimes you probably got a bunch of no's and then you didn't eat. Some days. Yeah, yeah. So your mom didn't-

No, I'm kidding. Your mom didn't pack you a lunch? No, no, no, she never did. But here's what she would do. She'd leave me $2 on the planning desk, on the desk by the door. She goes, there's two or $3 there. And then what I would do is, if I'm being real,

I'm not joking around now, I'll joke aside, I wanted the money. So I would save the $2 a day and just steal other people's food. Oh, you're a hustler. Yeah, so I had, so I had, stand by the end of the week, I'd have five, I'd have 10 to 15 bucks.

Look up Korean school lunch. They're so good. Do you ever seen the photos of these Korean school lunches? It's so unfair. No, what do they give them? What does that say? Grilled Australian shepherd? Dude, that's at school, dude.

Wow. That's insane. It's insane. Like that's an American school lunch on the left. Yeah, yeah. By the way, zoom in. Dude, I am having flashback nightmares. I know.

In the top left, the fucking peas and carrots cut up. They're hard as a rock. They're not even cooked. It's so fucking gross that they fed that. That shit was so gross. It was so wack. The patty and the hamburger. I found a ice cube in one in high school.

There was a full-blown ice cube in there. By the way, that carton of milk never was cold. It was left out on a shelf. Oh, there's different states now. Well, Oregon, yeah. Of course, Oregon's better. Yeah, way better. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it's all Chinese. What state has the worst school food? Oh, let's guess. What state has the worst lunch food, high school or element, high school lunch food? Oh, let's guess. What state has the worst lunch food, high school or element, high school lunch food? Okay, let me try to guess. State. Mississippi.

I don't know. Mississippi. Louisiana, fuck, we're right next door. Has the worst in the country based on several facts. How many fruits and vegetables? And the state is followed by Idaho and the most popular lunch is pizza cheeseburger. Pizza cheeseburger? That's good. I bet it.

Yeah. Pizza cheeseburger does sound fucking good. That's pretty good. Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. Oh, by the way, when I was up in San Francisco, when I went to go golf at this place, they do a famous thing called a burger dog. Look up Olympic club burger dog. This was, dude, I got here. A buddy took me as I was a guest. This, I could eat fucking a thousand of these. Oh my God, it looks so good.

Dude, I'm not even kidding. You have one of these fucking things and you're like, I don't even feel like playing golf. I could just eat this all fucking day. I could eat a hundred of them. They're so fucking good. And I don't know why no one else does this. That looks good. It's like a Philly cheese steak almost. No, kind of. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I think we should wrap up by talking about the David Chang thing

that we did. No. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What? No, we don't have the picture. I mean, we were there, dude. Yeah. I don't know what they look like. I lived it. You know, Yeah, I know what they look like. I lived it, you know? Is he bringing it? Oh no. Please don't bring it. Did you see us do David Chang's dinner time? Who's David Chang?

You don't support us. We were trying to get you a visa to stay in this country. You don't support us. You don't love us. You say you love us. You don't clean his house when you're supposed to. You know. I don't know who's David Chang. You really hurt my feelings.

He's a chef. Oh. Famous chef. Oh. A very famous chef. So he has a Netflix show where he cooks stuff for his friends. We were on it live.

So Andrew and I did it. So good. It was very good. And I have to say. Go watch it on Netflix. What did he make? Oh my God, he started off with wagyu sliders in little Hawaiian rolls.

Yeah. Wagyu sliders. You ate all of it. I didn't, I couldn't stop. Wow. I couldn't stop. Dude, it's so good. And then he made us

like lightly fried scallops and lightly fried crab. Crab, yeah. Crab, so good. Then we had ramen with more wagyu in it. With um. Tofu with spicy tofu. Yeah with the right burnt rice. Burnt rice, crispy rice. Crispy rice, I mean, yeah.

Then he made us. Dude, then he made a creme fraiche. Cheesecake. Cheesecake. With caviar. Yeah, and the breading was Ritz cracker. Ritz crackers. Right, and then a bunch of caviar,

and I'm telling you right now, dude, that was the best thing I've ever eaten in my life. It was so soft. It was so good. You know, what do you think a cloud tastes like if you could bite a cloud? Yeah. It tastes like I ate a little slice of heaven in my mouth.

And by the way- Like Jesus' pussy. Jesus' pussy? Yeah, yeah. And he never made it before. He never made it before, he improvised it. He's a culinary genius. And he's a really good dude and we did it.

People should watch it on Netflix. And you should have watched it by the way. Yeah, that was a fun- Is he better than your other chef friend, Tito Babin? Careful. Who's the other chef friend? The one on the bear?

The- Matty Mathison. Oh, Matty. Yes. They make two different kinds of, it's not competition. Okay. There are two different styles. I think during that thing though, I think I overdid it upfront

because you gave me a look. What are you talking about? When we did the live. Yeah. For some reason, because it's live, I'm like, I gotta stand up and do things. Yeah, you put on a show. I try to put on a show.

You're a showman. I know, but then you were sitting there and you were looking, because you were so calm in the pocket. And I looked at your eyes and I, just through your eyes, you were like, you're doing too much. Well, here's the funniest part.

Bobby forgets we're miked up. So he turns to me at one point and he goes, do you think I'm doing too much? Am I doing way too much? And I go, no, but they can also hear you. And he goes, right. I don't know if it made the cut, but. Yeah, I hope it did. I don't know if they cut it out. Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because I was like, dude, we're miked up. Yeah, right. I don't know if it made the cut. I hope it did. I don't know if they cut it out.

Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because I was like, dude, we're mic'd up. Yeah, yeah. Everything that we're fucking saying. You're right, I think you're right. I think you're right. You weren't too much.

Here's the deal. I'm gonna end the show like this. You're a showman. You're a scholar. You can and will help someone get laid one day and you will crush tonight in front of Michael Bay. He'll be begging to put you in his next film because that's the future that lays in front of you.

You too. He has a great band. And don't forget the 2026 special on Hulu. Spain won today. Fairly. That's all you get. Fairly. Okay.

And take what you get. And by the way, before you come here, I don't know if you need to stretch or something, but something's not working up there. All right, Rudy, say goodbye to everybody. Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. Who sings? Fuck. You don't know Sting?

No. Oh. Sting is a singer was in the, of the band, The Police. And he was also a solo artist. You don't know this guy Sting. You've never seen Sting before? No, no. Really? Okay, this is a fun game.

Sing a song. What? Sing a song. The most famous song you would know. I know this one. I'll get one. Go ahead. Rock sand.

She doesn't know that. Okay. She knows, she, you know what song she knows that she's gonna know anything. What, what? About? About stalking. Come on, dude. The whole song is about stalking. What song am I thinking of?

Gonna stalk you tonight. Gonna stalk you, stalk you, stalk you tonight. I'm staying. No, what is it? Seriously? Every Breath You Take? Oh yeah, that's a great one. Every Breath You Take.

I told you she would know it. You don't, yeah, okay, you do that. She likes stocky stuff, she's a stalker. Have you ever stalked someone? Everything she does is magic. What, is that how you say it? Everything she does. Every little thing she does.

Every little thing she does is magic. Wait a minute, you stalked? Who have you stalked? Like crushes or ex. Like Bobby? Oh wow, you stalked, she's a stalker, she's admitting. You stalk the X. Yeah, I have a specific account for stalking people.

Ooh. Ooh. What do you do? Do you do anything shady? I wouldn't say this out loud, I don't think. But they don't know the account. Yeah, they don't know the account. That's true, okay.

Yeah. A little stalky account. Because you look at your exes, what they're doing. Yeah, if they got fat, if they got uglier. And then they just pathetic. Did they get fat and ugly and pathetic? Yeah, catfishing kind of. Do you ever talk to people through the stocky account?

No, no, I just talk. No, that's what it would be. It's catfishing if she spoke to people through it. Yeah. OK. See you next time. Sorry.