Bad Friends - Steve-O’s B-Hole Beauty Pageant

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.liquid-iv.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://babbel.com code: BADFRIENDS & https://upstart.com/badfriends & https://www.microdose.com code:BADFRIENDS YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com More Steve-O Wild Ride: https://www.youtube.com/c/steveotelevision Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/steveo Twitter: https://twitter.com/steveo Official Website: https://www.steveo.com 0:00 Steve-O's Top 10 Arrests  4:46 A Full Ride to Clown College 12:27 Johnny Knoxville Special Site 15:00 Bobby Wins the B-Hole Context 22:26 Jackass 4.5 & Bobby's New Road to Enlighten  32:42 Rudy's New Boyfriend and Steve-O's Year Long Celibacy  41:50 Steve-Os Pube Party 48:26 Roe V Wade and The Reasons for Steve-O's Vasectomy   58:18 Rudy is Back! 1:00:36 The Only Famous Asian Clown More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Rudy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendrudy More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andrés Rosende & Pete Forthun This video contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo! Why dude? I'm an Asian dude. Woo! You two are disgusting. Woo!

Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. What's up, bro? Are you flipping it inside out, man? What happened? Why'd you have to flip it? I just realized as I walked here. Oh, you didn't know it was inside out?

Oh, I like it. Now we're there. Hello. Hi. Grooty. Hello. Hello. Hello.

It's funny. Yeah, dude. Yo. You have pretty good feet, huh? You don't like your feet? Ah, I don't feel strongly one way or the other. Oh, about your feet? Yeah, I feel like you're being mean to them.

Those are pretty normal feet. You have fucking, you have such ugly feet, dude. Yeah, so don't comment about other people's feet. I want this to come towards me. Get on it. Start spreading the news. Steve-o is here. You don't like that chair, dude?

So when do we start? Yeah, can I tell my story? I have a story I don't want to tell, but... Nah. We already started. This is how we start. This is how we start. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How can we do this? Can we all tell stories? Can we all talk? You know, when we talk, can we all talk? Yeah. Because I don't like what you just did. What did I just do? You guys completely ignored me.

Who the fuck are you talking to? He was talking, then you interrupted him, and you wanted to tell a story, and nobody gave a fuck about your shit story. He had to finish what he was saying. Don't do it. Why did you do a pause? I already forgot. Yeah, I know.

What? Dude, I'm quite exhausted. What'd you do today? Yeah. I just was in the edit bay all day. Oh, for your own shit? Yeah. Movie?

What is it? I'm working on a YouTube video called My 10 Craziest Arrests. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Top 10. Top 10. Not all. How many times have you been arrested? Not all.

I mean, really, probably about 14. Maybe it's the 12 to 14. Times you've been arrested. Yeah. How many times have you been arrested? None. At tools? Zero.

Zero. No? You've been arrested? Yeah. For what? Disorderly conduct, fighting, getting... We got a bunch of people got arrested for being in a fight. It's college.

Oh, I see. I wasn't... I didn't get arrested for anything real. Oh, I bit a bat. I bit a bat. You got arrested for biting a bat, or you just want to talk about biting a bat? No, I got arrested for biting a bat. How?

What do you... I was a woman. I was a woman. I started the COVID. Anyway, go on. I just remembered one. Yeah. I mean, it was rather insignificant, but it technically counted as an arrest.

It was driving in Beverly Hills with expired tags, a broken windshield. You know, my license was suspended, which meant I had no insurance. And when the cop, you know, sort of took inventory of what was happening, he said, there's too much going on wrong here, so it's actually not a traffic situation. This is a criminal matter, and I technically have to arrest you, but I like you. So I called the police station, whatever, and they gave me permission to release you. But I'm giving you your court summons. This is technically being arrested.

But he recognized you from Jackass? Perhaps, yeah. It was a catch and release situation. And so he said, but I can't let you drive home from here. He says, I'm going to have to tow your car and call you a cab. Okay. So he called me a cab. And I'll never forget.

I was in the cabin and I just looked at that car as the cab pulled away and just waved goodbye to it because I knew that I was not going to bother trying to get it back from the time. You said goodbye to the car. I let the tow yard keep the car. Yeah. And the sad thing about that was that my clown, I was a professional clown before that. It had my juggling torches. Fuck, the juggles torches.

Those are expensive. Those are tough to lose. Because him and I, we went to the juggling store and the high end ones are very expensive. Seven or eight grand. Yeah. A piece. I don't know about seven or eight grand. Well, we go to a nicer store.

We go to a titanium right out of alloys. Right. But yeah, my clown wig from Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College. Damn. Because it's probably still in the trunk of that goddamn car. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck.

Probably a waste of money going to the college. But it was actually free. You went to a scholarship? Full ride. Full ride. Full ride. Full ride. Full college, bro.

Well, I mean, I was living with my sister in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Yeah. And she wasn't very thrilled about this. I was an alcoholic. I was a slob. I was unemployed and broke, eating all of her food, making the house a mess. And she was taking a shit at work when reading a book of trivia on the, while taking a shit. She came across a question.

It said, what is the only college that has no tuition? It's just free to go to. Yeah. And the answer was Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College has no tuition. If you can get in, it's very difficult to get in. Oh. Now, the cool thing is, they do charge you for what was called your materials, for making your costume.

Your costume costs like some $2,000 that you had to, but they waived my costume fee. So I did go to Clown College on a scholarship. On a scholarship? Yeah, yeah. Why did they waive your fee, you think? That's fucking good. No way. That's my actual class right there.

The one, the Big Shoe Review, that one. Are you in the poster? I'm sure I rank it. Oh, god damn it. Is that you? You in there? Okay. I'm top right.

No, let go. Go top right. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Dude, the one with the white wig that looks kind of like Nikki Six's hair. That's me above you. Yeah. Actually, the guy above me didn't speak English. He was from Mexico City, but he was incredibly talented.

Oh, really? Yeah. What makes him, he giggle good? Yeah. What makes him talented? You're being real diminutive. What? You're being real fucking diminutive about, you don't know shit about Clown College.

You think you can get through this? I don't know. What's the talent of Clown College? It's a very subjective art. That's right. Thank you. I think that this guy was just compelling in his mannerisms. Right.

Do you think I could have gone to Clown College? I think that you would have been a fantastic clown. No. Dude, one of the best probably. Oh, shit. Dude, I would be that, bro, I would be the Michael Jordan of Clown College. There's never been a famous Asian clown, and there never will. Do you know why?

Because we have strict parents. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. No. Imagine this. Can you Google? It's all in the eyes with clowning. Wow, dude, look at that.

Oh, I see. I see. Hey, dude, it really was me. That is you, dude. That is me, dude. Can you look up famous Asian clown? There's never been, my dude. Yeah.

It's all in the eyes, dude. Yeah. If you say the eye thing again, yeah. But I'm serious. Look at all the expression. Give me the Asian clown. Give me the Asian clown. I mean, dude, there you go.

Dude, dude, is that an Asian clown? Dude, we look dope, bro. That is absolutely an Asian clown. Dude, that's dope, bro. A hunker. Okay. No chance. A hunker.

A hunker. A hunker. There's no fucking chance there was a famous Asian clown. There's another one. There's two of other ones. We never said there was not an Asian clown. The most disappointed Asian clown. What?

There was an Asian clown. There's no famous Asian clown. I see. I see. They never made it. So I have a resentment towards you. Can I express it? I have a real resentment.

Real. This is not even real. Sure. You're not fucking around? I'm not even fucking around. Maybe we can clear away some wreckage in front of my past. That's what I'm doing right now. And it's a recent thing.

So it's a recent thing. I welcome the opportunity. Okay, good. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So I'm hanging out with my friend Jean late night. We want to see the movie Top Gun.

Okay. Okay. You look at it. And I've only heard positive reviews of this movie. We loved it. It was so good. We really highly suggest it. So fucking good.

It's late at night. It's probably 11.30. And Steve Oh never text me. He never texted me. Well, I gave up on texting you a long time ago because you never respond. Correct. Okay.

Fair enough. And I've long had a resentment towards you for that. And I'm willing to listen to your resentment. And I'd love to address that as well. Right. I mean, we have. We have. All right.

So let's let's let me just finish mine though. Yeah. Let me finish mine. All right. Yeah. So I need to talk to you. No, no, no. I said, are you up?

Okay. Are you up? Much less urgent. Just hurry up. Mind you. Mind you. Are you up? Right.

At midnight when somebody doesn't text you for years is alarming. Okay. Is it not? Wait, wait. What's it said? Are you up? Yeah. What time of night was it?

Midnight. Yeah. He's just being like, yo, did you get out of a show? Are you hanging out? Yeah. I wouldn't scare you out. So he would never. What?

Okay. That would mean, right? If you text me a minute, are you up? That means you need to talk about something. Yeah. Okay. Right. So that doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

I just want to ask you something. I want to talk to you. All right. But to me, I'm worried. Okay. Right. Are you up? Oh, fuck, Steve.

Something's going on. Right. So I'm driving and just hear me out. Right. Ask Gene. I was frantic. I got to call Steve right now. So I call Steve.

You did call right away. I called right away because when you text me like, what's that? Whatever like that. I won't text you back. But are you up? I text back because I'm concerned. I love you. I mean, you called.

Yeah. I love you. Right. That means a lot to me. And he goes, dude, let me just try to, you know what I mean? Yeah. Dude, you know, Johnny Knoxville. Like, of course I know Johnny.

I mean, I don't know him personally. You know what I mean? Well, you know, he doesn't have a website or something like that. Right? Something like that. Well, right. But I just, let me finish. Let me just.

I thought he was texting you the link. I know. I know. What? Let me finish. Let me finish. Is this so funny? Like, you're so inaccurately telling the story.

I never knew. And then when he corrects you, go, let me finish. Let me finish. You're getting it wrong. Right, right, right. And then he's correcting and you're like, can I please tell the story? It was a big deal to me that, I mean, this is over a year ago. Well, maybe closer to two years ago, my buddy who I work with, out of curiosity, he wanted

to see if the Jackass guys had merchandising operations, if they have websites. So he typed in Johnny Knoxville.com, lo and behold, he found it to be available for purchase. And I bought it. Should, yeah. And I made this big, I worked for years on this whole fucking thing, this epic video, which launched this crazy like, you know, business initiative. And it was the night that I was unveiling, the website was to be launched and I'm refreshing it, but it's not launched.

And so I'm thinking, damn, my phone is remembering a cache of an old version. I need to contact somebody who can just tell me, is this fucking site live? That makes sense. This makes sense. And I texted Bob. So I'm the guy? I'm the guy. I texted a bunch of people.

I texted a bunch of people. Who texted you back? Yeah, I think you're the only guy texting back or calling back because I love you the most. You clearly love me more than any of these other people. But it was just as simple as, hey man, is that live? Is that live? So I'm in the car.

Is that live? Can we go on it? On our computer? Go to Johnny Knoxville.com. This is what I'm doing in the car with my friend in the car with me. Yeah. Later tonight. All right.

So I'm on the phone. I go, yeah. He says, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to my anus. And you watch his hair turn gray. Is that your dick? Who's dick is that? That's just a nice looking dick.

Boom. And then you enter the website because they're my online store. The guy in the car, it was a producer of a show of mine. Yeah. Of a show that I'm doing. Right? So it was embarrassing. What's embarrassing?

Right? I have a guy in the car that I'm trying to impress and be cool. Right? Yeah. And meanwhile, now we're looking inside your bun hole. But his butthole takes you to a site. That's true. That's true.

There was a destination. Yeah. You don't think Gene would find that creative? Yeah. Yeah. It is really pretty special. I'd like to see it again. Let's loop it again.

If you don't mind. I do think it's actually a fucking cool creative idea. I mean, it's a flattering shot of my butthole. Yeah. And you have a really clean touch. Is that really your butthole? It's absolutely my cavernous butthole. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Plus, look at the hang I got on my balls, dude. Yeah. You got a great, you got a killer hang. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm touching water.

Whoa. Cool butt. Yeah. By the way, this is Rudy Jules. This is Jules. Jules. Steve, what do you think about his butthole and nuts? You want to rate him?

It's clean. Clean. Very good. Very deep. Very deep. Very good. Not that hairy. I think that's the camera though.

It's the camera. It's also ILM. Special effects. No, no, no. That was all raw. That was raw footage. Yeah. There was no...

No camera trickery? No filters. No, there was no editing. It was, I mean, the lighting, the light, it was a little bit side lit, so it did look a little bit more cavernous. Maybe... Can I judge it? Yeah.

Yeah. A little dark. Your word. The cheeks were white. Yeah. If you look at the cavern part, it's really dark. Right. Okay.

Right. So, I don't know what that's from. Standing. Huh? Do it again. Watch it again. All right. So, watch it again.

Watch it. Can I propose that? Wait, let me just add this raw, right? I'm just going to... Can my... My eye? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You can't press pause on that anyway when it goes... When it does that, it does that. I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you, right? All right. Let's see. All right. That's it, man.

They fucked it up. There it is. No. There it is. Yeah, there it is. Dark. Dark. That's hair.

I fucked up. Oh, we thought those were scars? Yeah, they were scars. So, I'm going to show you. Let's see. Look, there's a... A... A butthole beauty pageant right now.

Very nice. Let's do it. We can spread our... I... Spread our cheeks as wide as possible. I took a shit 45 minutes ago, and... Let's see your butthole. Dude.

I took a shit 45 minutes ago, and... Let's see your butthole, dude. Can I tell you something that's very premature, because we've only just gotten the samples, and only today did we make the order for a bulk order. like 10,050 packs of Stevo's butt wipes for your butthole you got butt wipes coming I've got butt wipes and they're called for the butthole I mean stevo's butt wipes for your butthole. Okay, but can I say some aren't all but wipes for the butthole

Why would you need to put the second? No, some but wipes are for you know Like a table waitresses use it sometimes they do they're like, oh, let me let me wipe the table down before you guys eat For the table, yeah, we have stevo's butt wipes for your butthole in the bathroom in the bathroom I see you can use those on your own. Oh, here we go. He's gonna show you're spilling the drink. He can spill the drink Okay, you can do whatever you can you okay. Thanks Jules. I I Still think we should stevo's butt wipes for your butthole and he's got his butthole on the packaging Which is actually pretty fucking dope. Would like to see please

Let's not get away from the fact that very good Bob. Let's do your butthole competition Let's see if your buttholes as nice as steve. Yeah, it's funny because you talked about his butthole I understand that but since we're doing a competition, right? And since I feel like I'm the champion you should go first So you I think you should go first. What do you mean? He's got the belt He isn't Rankings though, dude am I your number one, but I rank harder than him You gotta leave. Does she have to leave the room for this Jules? Are you comfortable? Yeah, me too. Oh my god, but I just I just took a shit like right before we came here. Okay. Wow, dude

He's really gonna do it. Oh Wow Wow, was it cool You guys both have gorgeous buttholes yours is so clean it is it's fucking spotless Thank you, dude. I didn't see yours. I had a sighting Steve saw my I saw the inside of this is a pig. I assume I mean dude it for two guys who just took shits But both luck just clean enough fuck. Yes. Fuck. Yeah, man. Fuck. Yeah You know who who do you think of our crew if you're looking at these guys?

Who do you think has the the cleanest butthole of those three guys? I don't know, but I'm just wildly impressed by by both of you for how attractive your buttholes are And for the way that you guys just fucking broke them out like we did it And you know what? Yeah, our buttholes are the same. We have we both have nice buttholes, you know, it's so funny Don't because I say something don't try to one up my eyes. I'm one-upping you. Yeah, I'm agreeing with you. Thank you What I'm saying is is um, I Like to be competitive with you sure with comedy Numbers all these things, you know, we do a playful numbers

But when it comes to buttholes, I love being on an even plane with you. We're an even plane butthole Yeah, you're right. Very good. And I got blessed. Do you want to finish the story of the text that this was it? You got a text from him about finish getting to a website live you freaked out in front of Jean Hong. I Yeah, I mean, I it seems pretty This is the fucking most exciting news and for you for you Talking to you on the phone in years We saw you came up to on the van to my house. Yeah, and I did your podcast me five six months. It was wildly successful Exact and you're welcome. Yeah

But say it's just apologize and then you have a resentment toward me, so I mean like I worked out my my deal with you, you know, like I Text you I don't expect a text back anymore. I don't let it hurt my feelings smart All right, but can I see the reason why I and and and to the extent that you were upset with me sharing this exciting hilarious website now before anybody got to see it you were the first I was the first guy to see it That's cool. Thank you. Yeah You know what you're right. Thank you. I'm sorry How do people say I'm sorry if you were offended. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry that you were offended No, we laugh, you know, I'll be honest with that's the truth be told. I'm sorry. We laughed for about 30 minutes

Yeah, he was I'm sure on the right and we just tears on our eyes laughing of the surrealness of it all You know, that's you know what I saw I was are you up because I got something good. Yeah Oh my god, the hot summer months are here, baby. They're here. You gotta hydrate Yeah, and we need to be proactive about keeping our bodies fueled and hydrated. We love liquid IV Love liquid IV. We always get so much from them and we distribute the bags to our friends as well to put it in their water when they come To the studio and give it to them because it's on the go because guess what liquid IV products taste great They got a bunch of new flavors now They got Concord grape lemon lime pinu colada, which is my favorite and tropical punch, which Bobby loves

I love tropical anything, but my especially liquid IV, you know water's okay. Water's fine. It's fine But when you put a stick of liquid IV powder in them, you're getting all kinds of nutrients, baby 16 ounces of water in liquid IV hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone It contains five essential vitamins. They got three times the electrolytes They're made with premium ingredients and non-gmo free from gluten dairy and soy anybody can have this stuff B3 B5 B6 B12 and vitamin C. They got literally everything you need They got the cellular transport technology the CTT and that's designed for enhanced rapid absorption Listen grab yourself some liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 25% off when you go to liquid IV comm and use the code

badfriends at checkout that's 25% of anything you order when you shop better hydration today using promo code liquid IV comm For all your summer travels whether you're going abroad or staying domestic and want to immerse yourself in the culture now Is the perfect time to start babble babbles a language learning app that sold more than 10 million? Subscriptions thanks to babbles addictively fun and easy bite-sized language lessons There's still time to learn a new language before you reach your destination easy to learn other languages This especially this is the best way to learn you only need 10 minutes to complete a lesson That's right

You can start having a real-life conversations in a new language in a little as little as three weeks I gotta tell you I'm using the app and I have it right here on my phone to prove it to you I've got it right here, and I do like it because I'm learning Italian or right there babble I'm you're learning a little italiano, and it's very simple very easy and you can do it at your convenience Which is what I really like you can stop and start it you can choose from 14 different languages Spanish French Italian German And these are created by a real life real life words all right the other language learning apps use AI They use language experts right now save up to 60% of your subscription when you go to babble.com Slash bad friends that's babble.com slash bad friends for up to 60% of your subscription babble language for life

I watched the bonus footage of the of the movie on the flight the other day coming back Dude some of that stuff. Well, it's not it's for what is it called? You the extra footage it was like four and a half or what do you four point five? Yeah, this is um, it's Ancillary movie Deleted scenes essentially. Do you have you seen it? No, have you seen the newest Jackass or no? I didn't well fuck you. Here's the thing. I see all for the first three though, and I love when we make it Look at me like that. You should have watched it your friend is in who supports you. I saw the first three And I saw three of them. I didn't see you know

Attack of the clones or whatever you're mean. Oh, right? I said the first three main ones right and then later You know they did attack of the clothes on all these other ones right and I'll get to it I'll stream it but my point is is that I saw the original three I'm not sure you hope Empire Strikes I return the job. That's what the first three are you saw the first three Yeah, so I think that's good enough. Yeah, I did like like our friendship Our friendship is not contingent upon you consuming my art, but he is gonna take that But he is gonna take that with him in future dealings when you're like, hey, can you watch this thing for me? No

And let me let me Let me say something that really does mean a lot to me. Yeah, I I asked Bobby for some feedback on My hour Oh on your honor stand-up hour. Yeah, he came right over and and and and watched it and Sweet Prince it gave me feedback and anybody was really interesting because I had been doing stand-up for for just five years And I was about to tape my first special which I was not ready to do and I've asked Bobby to come over to give me feedback on this hour like maybe a week before the actual

You know and he's like why did you wait until a week before? Because it was me and Ian Edwards We went over there. We're like what what are we what can we do in a fucking week? You have to cut the whole fucking thing up I know because also we you know, we you have to go up and try this these new ideas that we might have had or whatever Yeah, I mean it was very helpful and and you know, they'd like the special did come out like The best that I was capable of at the time. Sure. Yeah, it was great And and and it's nice to have a mile marker so to speak of that like to

You know show the growth since then and so I'm happy about it. We have history you and I we do Yeah, and I've seen different versions of Steve. Oh, and um, you know, I I was telling Kalyla earlier that I go I always say this I go. What a What a different guy, huh? Because I knew when he was drug drug. Yeah, when he was wild and it was ugly. He's bad on pretty bad dude Yeah, it was wild, but now it's good. It's great He's a completely different guy and how much time you have so sober forever now 14 years. That's amazing But that's how long we go back

How much time you know You know, I went out and I did hear that five months now sober six almost six. Yeah. Yeah Um And when you were recently in treatment that was like sort of a guarded secret that people did not know Yeah, in fact when we were in Cancun to do our show you were there and I tried I did everything I can to avoid you Because I was drunk. You were drinking. Yeah, I remember you initially going out and it being just weed No, he was drinking. I was drinking. He threw up all over the hotel room. I

Had to fucking take care of him. Yeah fucking the worst yeah, and the poo thing. I'm sorry Yeah, he fucking this guy man I go to help him out to clean up all the throw up in his room and he comes the door Naked with poop all over his hand and poop on his toilet paper And he's what he's shitting in the dark because he doesn't want the lights on yeah, yeah, and he's like Poop and dude it was it was fucking nuts Were you just trying to avoid sober people you specifically because I know you were definitely he was trying to avoid you for sure Yeah, there wasn't a lot of other comics your sober guy, and I I feel felt shame about it

Right, I mean because you know we that's how we know each other too. You know I mean I mean we knew each other long before I got sober But our bond is that one of our we have two bonds, right? We have the bond of being sober And we have the bond of being entertainers as well, right? But I think the first thing goes beyond the other thing, right? It's a big deal. It's a big deal It's a big deal, but you got to know that I wouldn't have it was embarrassing It was shame and we were fucking bummed It was really hard for us. Yeah, cuz we had to deal with it the whole time. We had like

Were you drinking around Andrew? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so we'd sit down at dinner and Andres and I would sit there. I'm so manipulative. I'd get like a diet coke and a water and Then he ordered drink and then we try to tell them we'd be like come on No, we're not gonna have a drink and then we tell the server No booze and they'd bring him a drink anyway because he would be like well because he's he's an icon He's a loving they had no idea who he was down there But she kept going he would like flirt with her and be sweet and she thought maybe it was a joke She thought we were kidding. Yeah, when we were like, no, no, no, no more no alcohol. No more work. We're done

Yeah, and so she's they kept bringing him Fucking margaritas and shit. So and then he got mad He got in a fight with me because he told me to go get him a drink and then I said, okay Because he'd already been drinking so I went and I got You know something and I told them to mix a bunch of shit in there with no alcohol And then he got finesse yelling match. There's no booze. There's no booze in here And I was like, there's so much booze in there. The whole thing is booze Yeah, I'm not dumb dude. Did you're already drunk? I thought you wouldn't know. I know I know what booze tastes like did

Did you have the experience they were they you know over any can over any? Period we get worse never better. Yeah, was that did you pick up where your alcohol is? Oh, yeah, I had left off but an and worse like yeah, it's automatically like just zero to Charlie Sheen, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was 24 hours a day Yeah, the puke and the poop were a key indication of where he was at and then You know when I first got to his fucking hotel room. He opens his suitcase. It was like narcos. I mean it was like Where did you fly from? Yeah, he came from Hawaii. Yeah with like a pound of fucking weed Pills all over the place. Well, you didn't fly with a pound of weed. Yes. He did

Internationally, yes, he did. That's fucking yes. I can't make that up. We both got to the room and I was like How did you guys get through dude? This is not good and Pat I mean, it was just like bags and bags of weed. It was pre-roll joints And then it was three bags of individual read then it was jars of pot and then it was Fucking tons of edibles. Yeah, I was like, why would you fly with all this? I needed it. I needed it. That was that was it just for the drugs. It was just the weed. Anyway, look, can we talk? Not talk about I'm sober now. No, we're not talking. We don't have to talk about it. I know you I've had a psychic change and you got a trophy because you kicked the habit

Oh, yeah, and and I'm on a nude road to recovery. You sure are baby. We're proud of you I love that and I appreciate that. I'm happy that that you're back But you're gonna say something. I just I think that that That my experience and whenever anybody goes out, meaning whenever anybody relapses I feel so profoundly grateful Because here like they They're Reminding me of the the importance of protecting my sobriety. Yeah, you know and reminds you to stay so to say so

It reminds me to be diligent about working a program of recovery Well, that's we see that's and it's a lesson. I've learned many times is once you start drifting away You're already in a dangerous spot Right, you can stop if you when you stop it's calling your sponsors when you stop going to meetings and then you it just It's just inevitable and you you you can last for years that way, but it's it's a ticking time bomb Right. Yeah, so um and when whenever somebody loses time Yeah, yeah, it's tougher to come back and and sobriety becomes more tenure, but I'm glad that That bob's got support systems in the sober community

Like you that fucking help Because it does Yeah, and you know, there's only two ways to work the steps you do or you don't yeah That's really it and and if you're not working with others, you're kind of not doing it That's this the microcosm of this show by the way We go from showing our fucking assholes I don't That's the beauty of this show. We'll go way up there. Yeah, I'm still very impressed by that not not let me

Uh, let me ask a question here because you said that you'd like to be competitive with the interview over a comedy everything said over numbers everything and um Like the idea I'm fascinated by the idea that you've got the tiger belly podcast Yeah, you've got your whiskey ginger. Yeah, whiskey ginger and yet you both have this podcast together. Yeah, so Is this podcast numbers wise more successful than your individual podcast? I think so. Yeah, some it's not a thing It's very democratic. No, it's literal. It is. Yeah, these these the producers will tell you it is this this one is bigger So you guys together are larger than the sum of with the Avengers We're with the Avengers. We are right and which one am I?

Let's see. That's what I'm saying because there's not a lot of Avengers. I can be What do you mean? What do you mean? You can be captain America? You can be all these other ones. What can I be now tiger belly is a Pretty big podcast. Yeah, it's pretty big. It's pretty big. Thank you. It's not as big as this, but it's pretty big Is it not as big as it's a completely different audience, man It's a completely different audience. That's all people that look like her a lot of that tiger belly audience It's a lot of browns. It's a lot of south browns It's a lot of south asian browns Um, who just got back from the south asian brown, didn't you?

Yeah, you happy to be back in the united states or no a little bit She said she got drunk the whole time. Is that what you did for real? Yeah, and I got constipated I couldn't poo for like two weeks. That's because you're not drinking enough water. Are you pooing now that you're back in the states? Yeah, your congratulations every day. That's why this is the greatest country in the world If you come you have to do that show I already said I would go but her boyfriend's coming that dude is gonna come Yeah, wow, and I told him I told her are we gonna bring him out on stage? No Why not? Why not? No, but make sure she's got a new boyfriend steve and she's in love Yeah, yeah, make sure make sure you hug him because I said I was gonna give him a 20 second hug

And make sure you touch his face to see what his face looks like. Okay, you and I we're making a pack right now We're gonna hug him together and then you kiss one cheek and I kiss the other one. Okay. Good You want to say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the kiss has to be like one of those 10 second Yeah A sloppy one. How about this? Let's make a bet. Let's see who can hold a kiss on his cheek for the longest amount of time That's a fun. I'm gonna win that one. You think so? I could go 45 minutes. I'm strong. I'll just hold him Is he a big guy? Is he strong?

And he's fine. Okay. Bobby's got that by a mile. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can kiss forever Yeah, but I could hold him if he's physically stronger than you then you're gonna kiss right? Um, we we haven't needed to for me to know Go give him a kiss you want to give him a kiss so bad. This guy's got a girlfriend. That's weird. He's got a wife I have a fiance. fiance. fiance. fiance. fiance. fiance. fiance. Are you with your fiance or were you would you be allowed to kiss someone like bobby or no? She'd be okay with that. Let me ask you something like this She would shure me. I think reasonably comfortable with that go on then so the no masters

Cause I'm doing the no masturbation thing, right? Okay. So I'm gonna ask you about this. Okay. I just did today before I came here VR by me so how long how long did you not masturbate for? I did not ejaculate for the entire year of 2014 and the total period of my celibacy was 431 days which came to I believe 13 months and or maybe 15 months I don't know it was like it was from like October 2013 to February of 2015. How good was the nut you busted when you busted the first one? Dude it was lack fucking luster man. A marshmallow came out. It was ghostbusters all over it. It wasn't even that fucking great. You know now I know. Was it jerking off or was it with somebody? I jerked off.

Did porn or just your mind? It wasn't even that it wasn't in feel that great. It wasn't that impressive of a load. It just landed unceremoniously on my tummy. I took a photo of it and texted it to everybody. I think I got that text. That one you respond to. No resentment over that one. Let me ask you something because you don't jack off for over a year right? Right. And so you're I don't I'm not a medical guy right but you see I assume you're not. I assume that your body right generates you know what I mean your scrum generates sperm. Yeah right. So where does the old sperm go? It just goes right into your body back into your body.

It's just going to cycle through your body. Oh I see that's what happens. So it comes out of your ass actually. So you have sperm coming out of your asshole. Well what happens is it cycles through your digestive tract right so that at some point. It's got to go somewhere. Do you sweat it out? You can. You can be sweating jizz yeah. So like when you're dry sauna they're just out of the pores of your skin they're coming. Where does old jizz go Carlos? What happens to jizz that doesn't come out? What happens to sperm if you don't ejaculate? I think we've literally done this on this show. It's reabsorbed into your body. There you go. Reabsorbed into your body. Or in nocturnal emissions when you night come. Have you ever night

come? Dude throughout that period of celibacy. Yeah. There were many times where in my dream I was in some sexual situation and about to come but I was like no I can't break my sobriety. In the dream. In the dream. This motherfucker sober in dreams. Wow. That's how dedicated he is to sobriety. So what is it you're not watching you're not jerking off now? No I'm jerking off to no porn but I'm still to memory but I can't do it through memory. Because your memory is bad. I have bad fantasies. I'm not creative. I'm using my buddy bought me the Oculus. It's so cool. Have you done that? Have you seen VR porn? I've not seen VR porn but I swore I've porn a long time. So you're done off of it. Like I made one exception for a bit for my new hour that I'm touring with.

It's a good exception. It's called skyjacking. Oh I know we talk about this. What do you do? That's this is where it was a stunt. You know I'd very like a handful of stunts that I'd had the ideas for years and years but just never there was kind of like too much to go for and I said fuck I'm going for him. One of the ideas was to go skydiving for the first time but naked furiously jacking off with another man strapped to my back and time it so that when I'm below my load I'm simultaneously falling out of the airplane just coming everywhere. It's art. It's art. It's the crown jewel of my goddamn entire career is what it is. Is it raining? No that's not rain. It's so like it was the most challenging thing to put together. You did it? Oh yeah. You jerked off.

You did it. Oh I did it and I screened the footage in the theater every you know it's my bucket list show dude. Where can we see it? Can we see it here? I mean it's exclusive to my tour. It's on his tour. He shows it live. It'll come out like it'll come out whenever I tape that special but it's a triple X rated multimedia comedy tour that I'm on and it's called the bucket list tour. Oh wow. Let me ask you this because I remember years ago I was telling Jules this. I saw something that wasn't on the jackass and because I used to kind of hang out with not you but we man or whatever back in the day and I saw Chris Pawney as jerk off in a patio in front of his friends and they try to right can you so let me ask you something right now is there could you jerk off? No I

don't want to do it but just theoretically could you jerk off with Andrew and I in the same room get a wreck and ejaculate? It's challenging that that's what made this skyjacking stunt so challenging was that I had another man strapped to my back and he was only wearing a fucking speedo so that was kind of awkward and it was a tiny little airplane it was full of all my buddies and everybody had cameras pointed at me. Yeah. Point blank. So you had to get hard to the point you had to watch. I took four Cialis pills. You have to. Yeah. And you watched porn? I brought a portable DVD player. Yeah and what kind of porn did you watch? It was that we actually went to a porno DVD store. Wow. Fancy. Candidly as I looked through all the titles and made my selection I just

based my choice off of like you know what the the prettiest porn star that I saw on the cover of I didn't it never even occurred to me to read the title which was like anal destruction for you you know. I have two and three. Yeah. Upstar. Hey Andrew I've had so many credit card debt and problems. I've been in debt so many times over my life man. And that's why you use upstar because it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you have high interest debt and sometimes it can be even harder to ask for help that's where upstart comes in. Saying goodbye to high interest credit card debt is one of the first steps towards financial independence. You want freedom you got to use upstar. We've all been there you know you get with unexpected bills

medical bills expenses who knows when that happens you can feel like the weight of the world is coming down and it's normal to not know where to turn. Luckily upstar is here to help. Upstar powered personal loans can help you pay down high interest debt all online with simple and easy to understand payment terms. They've helped over 1.8 million customers on their path to financial freedom. It's amazing. You check your rate in minutes for loans between $1,000 all the way up to $50,000 without impacting your credit score and you can receive funds as fast as one business day after they accept your loan. Upstarts model considers other factors in your income like employment and other information provided in your loan application to find you a smarter rate for

your loan. Bobby and I have both had bad debt. We've both been stuck and if upstart was around back then we wouldn't have had to crawl out of a weird dark financial hole. Don't wait and check your rate today at upstart.com slash bad friends. That's upstart.com slash bad friends to check your rate today. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you loan amounts if you determine based on your credit income and certain other information providing your loan application. Go to upstart.com slash bad friends. Loomy labs. They're the creators of the microdose gummies. Look, I love these things. This is incredible. People know what microdosing is. Some people don't. Extremely small, regimented out dosages for you to provide you a little bit more of an ease of

balance throughout the day. Their overall mission is to raise awareness around the concept of a microdosing safety use psychedelic to provide a solution for people interested in microdosing THC for general wellness and performance enhancing purposes. Let me tell you something. Sometimes you smoke a big fat dooby-doobs and it's got way too much THC in it and Loomy Labs has found out a way to microdose everything out, keep it portioned properly so you can kind of keep more of a steady continuous dosing of THC in your body. It's pretty great. I got to tell you, I liked it very much and the gummies taste good, which is a big plus. I will tell you this, microdosing has helped members of my own personal family. I've had people who have had treatments for medical purposes and they've

used microdosing to help them get through the day, get their appetite back, feel a little bit better, get sleep at night. There's a million different reasons that you can microdose THC and you can find out way more about microdosing on their website. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use the code BADFRIENDS to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com code BADFRIENDS. Oh dude, now let me tell you this. I had this, I like the way I look better when I've shaved my chest and everything. I just don't like my chest hair. So I like to shave it and I shaved

my bush and everything. So at one point I shaved everything and I had all of my body hair in a big pile in my hand and I took a photo and posted it. I was like, look at the nice and clean shave, this big mountain of hair in my hand. And my buddy Preston Lacey said, dude, you should save all your pubic hair and make like a fucking Sasquatch suit, just out of pubic hair. So that's what I started doing. I would grow it full and then I would harvest and then grow it and repeat. I had like fucking three years of pubic hair and as I got ready to do this, I realized that three years of my own growing pubic hair was just not even fucking getting close. I really wanted to look like a cool fucking Sasquatch. So what I did

was I went on my social media and I said, hey, everybody in the Southern California area, I'm having a pubic party. I'm calling all males with healthy pubic bushes to come meet me. Like you have to bring your own shaving, shaving equipment because I didn't want to. I used manscaped, but anyway, I love manscaped. That's what I learned. And so like hundreds of people showed up and here I harvested. How would it do showed up? I mean, realistically. Dude, I have the footage of it. It was a fuck ton of people and I got like it and it got like out of it. I got like a goddamn bonafide Ralph's grocery bag full of fucking pubic hair. Could you make a Sasquatch with it or not? Oh, yeah, I did it. I did it. What about women? Women have pubic hair?

Why could you? You could have done women. Yeah, that respect for my lady. Okay. But here was the takeaway. Two takeaways. Number one, manscaped really is. I handled so many different shavers and if it was a manscape, it was like, God bless manscape. It was very clear by the end of that that manscape really is. That's the footage they should use for their commercial. They really want to sell those. I tried. They didn't have releases for fucking hundreds of people. I was like poor planning. But the other takeaway and this what it blew my mind because I didn't ask for everybody to show me their wieners. Didn't ask. But the thing was that like everybody's pulling down their their their pants just to get to get there very easy. If you want to like, you know, offer

me your pubic bush to pull it down just enough that I don't have to see your wiener. I can just shave your pubic hair. However, like so many dudes just pulled down a little too far. And I learned I saw so many penises that day. I learned what a micro penis is. Oh, there was a guy that had one. Dude, they're not fucking particularly rare. Wait, what? You saw more than one? More than one micro penis. How common are micro penises? Because I've heard this lore, but I've never seen it. I want to see one in the books. Look at this. Estimates vary, but studies have shown that 0.6% of men worldwide, that's insanely low. So one in every 10,000 births. Maybe you don't know what a micro penis looks like. You would look at mine and go that's micro penis, but I don't

think I have one. I did. I don't even need to see a photo because this is what I want to describe to you. Like the fucking dude. You know a light switch? Where you click the light switch? I'm talking about the size of a goddamn light switch. I saw some shit like this. A real penis. Where it's down. Once it just pops up, like a light switch. Can I ask you something? Could it have been a clit? No. Could it have been a clit? Tiny fucking wieners. Because I always considered myself, that's regular. I always considered myself pretty normal. Thank you. Our average. I came out of that Pew party thinking that I am fucking. Gargantuan. Yeah, you got a bigger penis. Can I just say that you are a celebrity and maybe they were nervous. Oh yeah, maybe they got a little

sad. I'm talking about like pinkie. Last knuckle. I saw pinkie, the fucking outer edge knuckle. How was their disposition? Were these guys happy guys? I mean, dude, they seemed actually totally happy. You know what? That's just proof. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you have a tiny penis. You can still be a happy guy. I don't know. I don't think so. These guys got to hang out with Steve and show them. Yeah, I don't think so. If I had one. Do you think statistically men are sadder with smaller penises? I think so. So you think sad people just have small penises? So when you see a sad guy. Small is one thing, right? Because I go to the Wii spa and I look at the black men. I look at the black men there. Sure. And I give them a nod. That says congrats.

No, it's more of a like, whoa, like as if you're seeing Kanye. Neat. Yeah. No, like, whoa, you're here. You know what I mean? And I've seen, you know what I mean? But I've seen a couple of dudes with really small ones, right? You don't look them in the eye. I don't not only don't look them in the eye. I kind of like avoid them in that way. I don't. Yeah. Spit right at their little dicks. I do a chogi. You know what I mean? I spit. No, my point is, is that there is a disrespect there. For small penises. Yeah. And now if they were like a little man, and they had a micro, I'd be like, proportionally, but I've seen bigger dudes with mikes, little mikes. And it, it just. Mikes. Big guys little mikes. How do you guys feel about the road versus Wade?

Oh, man. We're really hitting all the key marks on this show. I mean, so we could just get away from fucking. Okay. I have an unpopular opinion. What? I'm not pro choice or pro life. I'm pro abortion because let me qualify this. Okay. I believe that there are some people who just should not be fucking allowed to have kids straight up. I think that it's absurd that you have to get a license to drive a car to catch a fucking fish. You have to get a license. Yeah. Any asshole can create a human being, compare it. And I. Okay, let me, I'll give you a scenario, right? Let's say Andrew and I, I'm a woman, right? I'll be the woman in the scenario. He's the guy. Of course. We're both married, right? Right. And you're the, you know what I mean? The person

at the government or wherever, right? That's interviewing us to see if we. Kind of like when you go to the DMV, you got a test drive. We're coming in. Hi. Hi. My name is Goyoko. I'm Goyoko Santino. This is my husband, Andrew Santino. Hey, this is me and my wife. All right. Yeah. Ask us some questions because we want to have baby. I think that like, like what should be the, the benchmark for, for getting licensed to become a parent. I think that. You're supposed to ask us a question. We're in a scenario here, Steve. I mean, I think that you, that you should have to pass a course in developmental psychology. Okay. Because because. You're telling us the characters in the scenario or you're just telling. I'm just saying. In general. In general. Yeah.

I think that people are, people are ignorant of the different stages of developmental psychology in ways that really harm their, their children a long, long term. Yeah. One of the few things I remember from, from, from the university, when I was at the university of Miami, I remember like learning Piages, this, this philosopher guy, remember this psychologist, his developmental psychology and, and, and he, he pinned it down to like a, where, okay, babies just come home, right? And like newborn baby, it's in the crib and it's crying. Like there's, there's a philosophy, like I'm not going to come into the, every time the baby cries and like, like the, let them feel like teach my baby that, that the crying gets you somewhere. Right. You know, that's bad.

That's my, that was my dad, by the way, did that to me. He said, fucking cry all you want, bitch. You know, but they hear that, that, what that, which you're not allowed to have a baby cry. Why? Because the babies doesn't know about the world, right? It feels, it feels upset. It feels sad. It's scared. It's crying. It's responses. If you pick it up every time it cries, the, the, the theory is that it wouldn't understand that it thinks that that's how it gets everything it needs. If it cries. Right. But the reality is, according to Piaget, is that, that, that, that the baby learns about the world kid, like I need comfort. I'm scared. The world doesn't fucking care about me. You know, like, and this is where deviance is, it starts now. Then, then,

the next thing I remember, you know, it's like, the world doesn't give a fuck about me. I don't give a fuck about the world. Fuck everybody. Yeah. That, that, that starts rebellion. That starts in the, in the crib where, like, whether, in how you handle the baby crying. Then when you get to, what are you supposed to do? I think you're supposed to come in and comfort it like, hey, if the baby's crying, you comfort it. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? I think that that's what I remember. All right. So when you were crying, you weren't comforted. Correct. And your dad went, fuck the baby. Let him cry. Right. And then I'm deviant as all hell. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to learn not to have one of you. Right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So because if you don't do

that, then you're going to have a fucking baby in the sky jacking off. So there's a lot of ways of thought though. It makes sense. And I remember being particularly fascinated by this. There was a, with, with potty training, right? The baby, you know, like there, there's a position you can take that like, oh, that's bad. I'm gonna fucking tell you, you know, you just fucking did something wrong. That's bad. And we're going to, we're going to teach you the right way. And that's not it. Well, in the baby's mind, that they did nothing, like nothing wrong, right? Like it's a perfectly natural thing. And now I'm being scolded for, for pooping and peeing, where like, I can't help that. And so

this is where insecurity can come from. No matter what I do, no matter what I do. So you just want them to shit and pee wherever they want. I don't see. No, I'm asking you. I'm not, I'm not a fucking parent. This is something that people should. You didn't get a license. Yeah. You didn't get a license. Something, you know. But that is interesting. So if you scold the baby for shitting and pooing, then it's like, it creates insecurity. Yeah. The world's not fair. You know, I didn't like, I'm being punished for something that I like have no control over. It's like, you know, just let them go free. No matter what I do, the right thing is the wrong thing. The world's going to fucking shit on me. It's going to punish me and the world's not fair. And so like, what do I do?

So you hold the baby when it's crying. We're learning. You hold the baby when it's crying, right? If it shits and pee, just let him go free. Just let it shit and piss him off. What about if he steals the toys from other kids? What do you do? You don't, you don't let them. You, you say no. I just assume you would say no. I don't remember that from. But no, I'm just asking what you think. What do you think? If you're a kid, right, is stealing a toy from another kid? What does Steve Voh do? And that would be real. Steve Voh's kid steals a toy from another kid. Yeah. What do you do? What does Steve Voh do? What does Steve Voh do? Fuck, man. I seem like this is too heavy. That's why I got a vasectomy. I can't deal with this. That's why I got a vasectomy. What would you do?

Well, because you wouldn't get the license then. Well, I fucking, I shoot blanks. I cut my vast apron. My kid steals another kid's toy. Yeah. I'm the other father. Hey, man, your kid just, we're at preschool. Can they watch? What? Is there a window where we watch? Yeah, we're watching. Yeah, we're looking after a fucking two one-way mirror. Yeah, it's like the Feds. We're in that one way mirror. Yeah. Yo, dude, I just saw your kid steal a toy from my kid. Oh, no shit. Yeah. What kind of toy? What do you steal? Tonka. Oh, Tonka truck. Yeah, Tonka truck. Yeah, he loves Tonka truck. Yeah. So that's what you would do? Do you have kids, Andrew? No, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? I'm not, yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah, he loves those trucks. Yeah, you're not gonna. What's

that? Steal, just tell, tell, tell, scold your kid. Hey, buddy. Is that your truck? It's his, right? Good boy. That's what you do? You gotta take what you want in this world and don't let these little fucking Asian pieces of shit. That's what you're teaching him, two things. Two things. I pick what I want and that racism. And start Asian hate. Yeah, right, right. So you're teaching two things. I like that. Nah, what if your kid, if your kid does something wrong? Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. I would add to that. That's what you would do? Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. Tommy, Tommy, don't, don't, no, no. Right? Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. Right? Oh, Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. I would, I would probably go to the other baby. I'm sorry. I would, I would

always have to have some sort of accent, probably. I'm sorry. Right. And I would bring it back, give it back to the kid. You give him the toy back, right? And Tommy, now we don't, no, no. Right, right? Tommy, my son, right? Why not? Why not? Right? That's right. Why not? And I would have to come to you and call you, probably. Yeah. Why not? I go let him steal the toy. Yeah, and I'll bring it back to Tommy. Tommy, don't, yes, yes, yes. Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. Yeah, yeah. But Tommy, yes, yes, yes, yes. A lot of yeses for Tommy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, I think there's no right way to fucking parent. It's got to be a fucking nightmare. It's a total fucking nightmare. All of our parents fucked up with all of us. Nobody in this room had parents that didn't

fuck up. The point is, everyone's going to fuck up. You want to promote anything, Steve? Do I want to promote anything? The tour, you're touring right now. Yeah, I'm touring my dick off. When are you done? It depends. I'm not sure. I have dates booked through, like, fuck man, I think November. I don't think they're all announced yet, but I've got dates into November. Go to Steve's website and check that out. Yeah, there's a good chance I'm coming near you with skyjacking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you get married, we'd love, if you want to invite us, we'd love to come. Yeah, that's so much, but don't do that. I would love to have you. No, because I never get, no, here's what, no, fuck you, because I never get invited to those things.

To weddings? Yeah, so now I want to just tell them I'm willing to come. You just went to a bunch. I know, I know, I like them. So what do you mean you don't get invited? You literally just went to two. And I'm going to go to his, too. What's up? So you do get invited. We are planning to get married in Canada. What? In Canada. We are planning on getting married in Canada. And I'd love to go to Canada. Go check it out. Where in Canada? British Columbia. Yeah, Vancouver. I would say about an hour east of Vancouver. Can you make it? Yeah, I would love to go. She's far. Jules, would you like to go? I don't have a visa. I think. We've missed you so much. This is our first episode back, by the way. Yeah, we never asked her a lot of questions,

but we'll next one. Jules, do you want to talk about your experience about going to the Philippines? Do you want to say anything that you were, I saw you post a picture of you underneath a waterfall or swimming at a waterfall. Remember, we looked at it on the show. Like, she was just sort of like. Oh yeah. I was just drunk the whole week, so. And she saw her sister. She has a sister. She almost came out here. So, Issa, her passport was expired. No, I was getting it. I was getting there. And so, she was going to come here for three or four months. She couldn't come. Yeah. And when she was leaving from the airport, Issa cried. They both cried. You cried. Yeah. You never cried. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I guess I kind of miss them. Oh,

no. You're starting to feel feelings. Yeah, yeah. And she came back in the town. Her boyfriend picked her up. Yeah. What did he say when he saw you? I missed you so much. Yeah, but we didn't fuck. You didn't fuck. No, no, no. Why not? They haven't fucked yet. He's a virgin. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Does he think you're a virgin? No. He knows. What? So, that means that you guys can do like everything except actually. Yeah. But wait a minute. Have you talked about, have you talked about losing his virginity to you? He wants to. Wait, he's scared? He's scared. Yeah. What can we do to help him? We'll see him tomorrow. We'll do a pep talk. How old is he? 20. Yeah. I think he's on the right track. What do you mean? I mean, in the words of my good buddy, Chris Ponies, who just gave

this advice to a high school graduate, just graduated, he said, remember, a vagina is no place for semen. That's a fact. Write that down. Write that down. We're gonna make a plan. Vagina is no place for semen. Yeah. And I agree with that. Keep your calm out of these vaginas. Yeah. So, might as well just leave the dick out. Leave the dick out. Yeah. Right. No dick. Yeah. Got it? Yeah. Say, I got it. I got it. Say, no dick. No dick. No dick. Also, he's never done it before. He's gonna come in two seconds. Yeah. Right. Why? Because when guys have sex for the first time, it's a sensation that they've never felt before. Never felt before. And it's the magnitude is indescribable. You've tried it? Fucking? No, they're coming. Yeah, we both are. No, they're coming in

three seconds. Have I tried coming? No, nobody tries. Nobody tries is what just happens. Well, look, Steve. Steve, can you look in the camera? Because we have a closing statement. Okay, good, good, good. And say, thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend. I think you would be a great clown. Thank you. I think you would be a fantastic clown. I think you're a wonderful clown. The first famous Asian clown. First Asian clown. The first famous Asian clown. What's your clown name? Oh, yeah. What was your name? Well, I was Steve-o, the clown. Okay, yeah, that works. Nip, nip. Is that two? Nip, nip. Nippy the clown. Nippy the clown. And there's

holes cut out over your nipples. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nipsy hustle. Nipsy hustle. Rest in peace. God bless. Rest in peace. Let's not talk about the dead. Rest in peace. Nippy the clown. Nippy the clown. That's fine. And your nips are out. So if someone's like, that's racist, you're like, it's about my tits, my nipples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nippy the clown. Yeah. And you squirt. Yeah, yeah. Milk comes out of your little titties. Yeah. Nippy the clown. And now we're like a little armor, I'd say. And my tagline was like, there's a chink in my arm. No, there's an arm. There's a chink, right? They go, that's racist. They go, no, that I haven't wearing armor. That's an arm. There's a little bit of a dent. Is that what chink means? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

You have stumbled on a pun. Yeah, what's your clown? What's your clown name? You wouldn't even have to change your hair. Your order is already ready. Yeah, yeah. When I was in clown college, they said that we are proud of our art. We don't insult our art by coming up with stupid names like snuggles or anything. So we use our names because we're proud of who we are and the art that we perform. Oh, so I'm Bobby the clown. And I said that. Is that what you're saying? Bobby the clown then? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. And you're Andrew the clown. Andrew O. It would be like Andrew Santino. The clown. Andrew Santino the clown. Bobby Lee the clown. Bobby Lee the clown.

Yeah. Does it have a ring to it? Billy. How about Billy? You could be Billy. Billy the clown.