Bad Friends - The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive

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Starting point is 00:00:29 Prices exclude delivery. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? Woo. White dude and Asian dude. Woo. You two are disgusting. Woo.

Starting point is 00:00:39 You two are something. We're bad friends. You use those? You use those? I tried the one, yeah. Tom and I did, a long, yeah, Tom and I did, a long time ago, Tom and I did an episode where we went to a sex store and we got a bunch of sex toys.

Starting point is 00:00:50 Yeah, yeah. And we tried them out. And I'll tell you, there's one. It's called the man wand. Oh. Don't look at me. Oh, I know, Harry Potter uses it. That's it, that's it, that's it, that's it right there.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Oh, the man wand? That thing, dude, that thing, that thing is better than any chick you'll ever meet, any dude you'll ever meet. But anyway, yeah, and you know, now girls come over to my house and I have it out on the table, I don't care. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:17 I don't hide, I don't hide. I would be insufferable as a boyfriend. Like if Leanne passed away and I started dating, there's no- Or just divorce could have been a thing no why go there's why go to death getting divorced yeah if she died that's the only reason I'd start dating other people really that's the only way we're never gonna get divorced what if she goes um I'm killer all right I'm gonna make a drink hey bird

Starting point is 00:01:43 already stressing me out. Yeah. So, Bert, I just want to let you know. We're not doing a good accent. Hey, Bert. There you go. There you go. Hey, Bert.

Starting point is 00:01:53 Hi, Bert. Hey, Bert. Hey, Bert. Hey, Bert. Yeah, we have wonderful kids. We have wonderful kids. And you give me a great laugh, right? But I want to tell you right now, man, I'm into the ladies,

Starting point is 00:02:05 and I just think that right now. I'd be cool. I'll go, just keep dating ladies, we're gonna stay married. But then that gives you the green light to go with other girls? No, I probably won't. Whatever you want. Okay, I discussed this.

Starting point is 00:02:17 I discussed this. It's not a Freudian. It's not a Freudian. Freudian slip. Okay, go ahead. This is why, like I was just talking to someone about this the other day Might have been my daughter's

Starting point is 00:02:28 My daughter's that's my body count the other day. What is your body count six? This year no whole life holy Six your whole life. Oh You're like a Christian To you you're like a Mormon or something. This is insane. I don't know who I was just telling this to, but like I definitely, the problem is I was just bad. I was not, the first time I did it, it was really bad. Who was I just telling this to?

Starting point is 00:02:56 And it was really bad. And so after that, like just, I didn't perform well. I came fast. My dick wasn't even in her inner. it was between her butt cheek and the bed and then it was like it was such a nightmare that I was so like I remember getting into the bathroom after it was done looking in the mirror and so it was so humiliating and then even like my next two times were so still just not wasn't good at it and I thought I'd be good at it. It's like saying like it's like it's like being like you're good you're're good. No, now I've gotten better. Yeah, yeah. But I was not. But are you sure? I'm sure.

Starting point is 00:03:27 No, because that's what Leanne says. No, no, no, now I'm good. Yeah, but Leanne could be lying to you. You couldn't. Oh, she probably is. But then you're not good. No, yeah, maybe I'm not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm telling you you're not good.

Starting point is 00:03:38 It's the reason like people that don't. I wanna say you're not good. People that don't sing karaoke, they sing karaoke for a reason. Yeah. So I don't fuck other people for the same reason people don't sing karaoke. Yeah. Yeah karaoke for a reason. Yeah, so I don't fuck other people For the same reason people don't sing karaoke. Do you lock eyes? Dude, I was okay. No me but that I like I didn't even talk to her in sex like I was silent

Starting point is 00:03:54 like Helen Keller You'd moan like her agree I'd freak out just That's not good bread bread yeah the air bouncing off my hand Helen yeah Wow and I'll just go, grr, grr. And then someone will come in and go, bread, bread. Will the air bouncing off my hand, Helen? Yeah, wow. You know, I wanna, there should be a statistic, right? And I don't know if this is a fact. I don't think they have a statistic for this.

Starting point is 00:04:16 But I believe that for fat Asian guys in America, right? I think I have the biggest body count. Oh, what's your body count? I can't tell you. What are you talking about? When did you start keeping secrets? Me and you are open fucking books, Bob. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:04:32 I don't know. I literally don't know. You had to ballpark it. Like, let's just ballpark it in Asian countries, okay? Are you China, where it's like so big and you're not going to wrap your head around it? No, no, no. Okay, are you Japan, where you're just... Well can't compare with a Chinese guy in China because it's like I feel like it's

Starting point is 00:04:51 Easier, what do you mean? Oh, like if I was a Chinese guy in China It'd be easier to get girls My point is is but coming to America being a fat Asian guy and getting white chicks and Mexican all this That's the fucking key. It's challenge. I feel like I. And I feel like I have the highest body count I think. It's easier when you pay though. Wait, are you talking about your body count? You know what, I'm trying to come here with positivity dude, right?

Starting point is 00:05:13 And you're just a little chokes dude, right? I'm gonna let them slide today. I wish I had paid for sex. You've never done it? No. Okay. I wish I had. I look back and I go, I'm bummed I never did. Yeah, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:05:25 It's better to have, you know, when you get free roaming. What's the same reason, what? Free roaming. You know what I mean, like in the wild. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's more challenging. It's like, you know, paying for sex is like, you know, killing a cow at a barn.

Starting point is 00:05:41 You know what I mean, like he's enclosed and trapped. It's easier. Yeah, obviously, yeah. I mean, I don't know if there's cows in the wild. I think the, I he's enclosed and trapped, it's easier. Yeah, obviously. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if there's cows in the wild. I think the analogy is shooting fish in a barrel, not killing. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:53 I think it's- You can't just apply that to any fucking animal. But I tried a couple of my own analogy. It's like hunting horses. All you need is an apple and a gun. All right. Oh, yeah. Fish in the barrel. Fish in the barrel.

Starting point is 00:06:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish I had had paper sex, the same reason that I'm glad I went skydiving. Like I'd never do it again, but I'm glad I had the experience once. Yeah, I would never do that. You would never go skydiving? No, no.

Starting point is 00:06:15 Bungee jumping? I would do it with Henry Cavill. Oh, Superman? Yeah. I think his name's Kaville. Whatever. And I wanna say this too, I know it would be controversial right now. Oh, I'd love to hear this. Yeah, I think his name's Kavil whatever and I want to say this to you. I don't be controversial right now

Starting point is 00:06:26 Oh, I'd love to hear that. Yeah, but not only I think he's the best Superman of all time. Oh Who's better Ben Affleck is better than Henry Cavill he's Batman. Oh than Henry Cavill. He's Batman. Oh, oh, you're right. Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, was Henry Cavill Superman when Ben Affleck was Batman? Yeah, they fought each other. OK. Henry Cavill is the best Superman. Yeah, they fought against each other. That was my favorite Superman. What when they fought against when they fought against each other?

Starting point is 00:06:56 That was too long and convoluted. And then Wonder Woman showed up and Aquaman was sitting in the water. Aquaman was not in that was in the Justice League. Aquaman and the Flash were not in that movie because I just rewatched them in fucking, in Montana because I had nothing to do. I watched, I went from Christopher Reeves all the way through, okay.

Starting point is 00:07:14 Pull up all the Superman real quick. All right, so what I, I honestly believe I can rank them. And let's just do film, I don't want to do TV. Nick Cage was Superman? He was supposed to be. Oh, okay. And in one of the Superman movies, he was in it or something, right?

Starting point is 00:07:28 In The Flash, they do a little- A little montage at the end where they showed him in a multi-verse kind of a. But so I think that it goes Henry Cavill, then it goes to Christopher Reeves, then it goes Brandon Ruth. Oh, I would put Kirk Allen in there. You don't know Kirk Allen. Oh no, George Reeves. Of course, Christopher Reeves. Then it goes Brandon Ruth. Oh, I would put Kirk Allen in there. You don't know Kirk Allen.

Starting point is 00:07:48 No, no, George Reeves. Of course, George Reeves, I mean, George Reeves. Oh, George Reeves, yeah. George Reeves is the one I remember the most. Oh, that's the old school 51s. Dean Cain looks like the kind of guy that votes Republican now, doesn't he? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:59 Like he's got some real opinions on Francis. He looks like Kim Jong Un, actually, look at him. Yeah, yeah, but what do you think? I think I, Henry Cavill's my- Best Batman. No, no. What's your best, best Batman? My best Batman?

Starting point is 00:08:10 Yeah, yeah. Ben Affleck, I'm a big Ben Affleck fan. The only reason I never get sober if Ben Affleck called and said he wanted to be my sponsor. You met him. No, I've never met him. I love that guy. Wait, wait, wait, you would get sober

Starting point is 00:08:18 only if Ben Affleck asked you to be his sponsor? If he called me up right now and he was like, yo, it's Ben Affleck, I would love to be your sponsor get you into sobriety I'd be like fuck. Yes. Okay. Let me throw some how about um Anthony Hopkins? No for being sober for Batman All right, what about um, so no I'm gonna um Brad Pitt no He's the only one benefit. I think I get him. I get his. I feel like I like him. I like him, you know?

Starting point is 00:08:49 You know why? Why? He doesn't hide his emotions. Right, and I don't either. When he's walking out of the fucking limos with JLo, normally as a guy we would be like, all right, there's gonna be people there, smile. Yeah, he's just so drama, like I hate it.

Starting point is 00:09:04 I don't care what people think. And he's smart as shit. Oh, he's so so draw a drum like I hate it I don't know what people I don't care what people think and he's smart as shit. Oh, he's really smart smart, dude I saw him on Bill Maher's what's it called? Good real time real time and he fucking lit that dude up Yeah about the yeah him and Matt Damon are two of the smarter dudes. They're so smart stars. They're so smart They are they we don't have that, we don't even, I mean like Rogan's smart like that, like he could eviscerate. He's smart too.

Starting point is 00:09:28 Rogan and Burr are the two guys that could eviscerate somebody in like a conversation. Who are the dumbest? Me and you. Well by far, by far. By far. Okay let's talk about Gaza. I don't know, I don't know where it is,

Starting point is 00:09:43 but my point is, it's gotta be near Israel. It's gotta be. Can I tell you, I don't know where it is. But my point is, it's got to be near Israel. It's got to be. Can I tell you, I really believe that Gaza is like, is like, is like sunset Boulevard. Yeah. Like it's a road. Yeah. Is Gaza a road? Yeah. It is, right? What do you guys don't know either, do you? It's a strip. It doesn't have roads anymore. Wait, is it a strip? Like, is it like the Vegas strip? Yeah. People like for a bachelorette party, they go to the Gaza Strip. I don't follow any of it. Yeah. I remember the first time Andrew brought up Gaza.

Starting point is 00:10:13 I didn't know what it was. So he goes, what do you think of Gaza? You know what I said to him? I go, Azan. And he goes, what do you mean? He goes, I go, that's backwards. That Gaza backwards. Right. And that's all I can. That's all I know. Wait, don't don't don't bring this. I want to talk about this. So here's I just prove. He goes I go that's backwards that guys are backwards right? That's all I can that's all I know wait Other I can I can feel all of a sudden got smart. I don't know when the fuck that happened He doesn't if you watch his interviews. He doesn't he pretends to be I mean yeah, man

Starting point is 00:10:41 You know you can't say yeah, man after someone someone says something smart How would you have interviewed Donald Trump? That's a that's a weird approach I don't know what I saw What I wouldn't have done I don't think I would have done I got invited to the National Republican Convention and I wanted to go just to get fucking wasted and just have fun. Mm-hmm And my wife wouldn't let me go She's like you will get caught into some conversation like Billy Bush and be like yeah grabbing the pussy I hate that we're like that in this country

Starting point is 00:11:12 I thought you were talking about we're still talking about me and you oh And you were like that if you go to the fucking National Republican conference conversation the common conversations Conversation but here's the thing is right. I know no I can shut my mouth Bull yeah, I just shot my mouth, I can shut my mouth. Bull? Yeah, I can shut my mouth. I can shut my mouth. I know how to shut my mouth. Oh, you think that when I go on the set of Sex and the City

Starting point is 00:11:34 and I'm with Sarah Jessica Parker, I start mouthing out about pussy? You know what I mean? Like, what kind of badge do you have? I would never do that. No, I say to myself, shut the fuck up. OK. The fuck up. The fuck up.

Starting point is 00:11:47 Do you know the smart people don't have the inner dialogue where they go, shut the fuck up. They don't. Don't speak. Don't speak. Don't speak. It's not that we're dumb. It's not that we're dumb.

Starting point is 00:11:54 We just don't have that little thing in our brain. Oh, yeah. I don't. But that's not being dumb. Do you know everything? We would be in the Paralympics, not the Special Olympics. I take that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:04 And the Paralympics is just people that are like physically, there's something going on. Yeah. But our minds are normal. Can I tell you the only thing I drew from the Paralympics, do you know the reporters are para reporters? Oh, they're going too far. No, it's para reporters.

Starting point is 00:12:18 All the reporters don't have arms either. Yeah. Did you know that? No. I've been watching the Paralympics. That's insane. No, no, it's it's it's Appropriation if they have like Bryant gumball doing all you have to do this is are you paraplegic to as a reporter?

Starting point is 00:12:31 I'd be like yeah, man. What's up? You can't ask someone what their illnesses. Oh really that's a oh, then you can go. Yeah, my toes are missing Yeah, if you go like so wait, what's your thing? You can't you gotta go? I choose not to tell you Really? You're invading my body. Oh, that's cool. So then anyone can be a reporter at the Paralympics technically. Yeah, yeah, just lie Yeah, yeah, that's just bump into a wall Is it the same with Special Olympics? Same thing with Special Olympics? No, I don't think so See this is where my brain's going shut the fuck up Bert

Starting point is 00:13:02 Shut the fuck up That's so interesting I didn't know that, huh? Yeah. But it's like, don't you think that's gone too far, no? No, because that's the whole thing is that, listen, let's be honest. Let's talk real. If you're watching the fucking 100 sprints

Starting point is 00:13:20 and Noah Wiley's there, and I got a guy with no legs doing the interview, you're gonna be like, this is awkward, this is really, couldn't you guys, if a guy's like, hey, you ran really fast, and Noah Wiley's like, yeah, do you? Like, I run really fast, do you? But like to everyone else, I'm just really fast, but to you, I'm like, mind blowing.

Starting point is 00:13:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are there reporters that have limbs missing in the regular Olympics interviewing? No, why would they? That's not fair! Okay, it's not fair, that's why they give them the jobs for the Paralympics because here's the deal you are gonna if they show a guy with no arm Interviewing an ice skater you are not gonna listen the interview They're gonna you're gonna go what happened to his arm, especially when his little shirt flat moves All right, it's gonna distract you and I'm just telling you I'm being real. That's why they you know, it's it's losing an arm

Starting point is 00:13:57 It depends on where you lose it They just let women on the sidelines to interview football players They're gonna lose their arm and they're gonna lose their arm and they're gonna distract you. And I'm just telling you, I'm being real. That's why they don't- You know, losing an arm, it depends on where you lose it. They just let women on the sidelines to interview football players. Like, when do you think they're gonna, it's a fucking, can you imagine them just- Would you rather have your arm here?

Starting point is 00:14:15 Oh, fuck yeah. Or right here? It's a game changer. I've known a lot of guys without arms. I don't want it here. I know so many people without arms. Because you have that little piece sticking out like that. I don't like that.

Starting point is 00:14:24 No, no, well, that's not why you don't want it. Why? I just don't want to hear. I know so many people without arms. Because you have that little piece sticking out like that. I don't like that. No, no, well, you know, that's not why you don't want it. Why? I just don't want a little, you know, the little thing sticking out like this, right? I would do it here. That's not why. Why?

Starting point is 00:14:34 That's not why you don't want it. Why, why, why? Because this is a lot more usable, this thing. Oh, this part? You want, the more of the limb you can salvage, the better. So what's the worst here? This is the easiest. That's the best. If you just want your here? This is the easiest. That's the best.

Starting point is 00:14:45 If you just move your hand, that's the best. Okay. Oh my God. I don't want to see photos. I don't want to see that before. We can imagine it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, Bobby, it's this.

Starting point is 00:14:57 Right, it's this, yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, you say this is the best situation. This right here is second best. Second best. And then here. If you lose right here is second best. Second best. And then here. If you lose it here, it's tough. Yeah, yeah. But a lot of dudes.

Starting point is 00:15:09 So I know I know probably four guys and a girl that have lost. They lost their their use of their arm. Just hangs there like a dead arm. And they get it cut off because it causes so many. And they like burn it on stuff and they bump it in and slam it into doors. And so they got to get and slam it into doors. And so they gotta get them taken off. Wow.

Starting point is 00:15:27 I know a girl that did that, God, we should remember her name. She was really cool, young lady. She got into a moped accident in college and broke her arm and then got in another moped accident and broke it again and never got use of her arm back. That's what you don't want. What do you think about getting attacked by animals,

Starting point is 00:15:44 like a shark at all? Wait, wait, stop. You's what you don't want. Do you think about getting attacked by animals, like a shark at all? Wait, wait, stop. You're coming at me so quickly. What? Because we want to know what amputees, the sharks. I think about shit. I know, I know. So you know the connection is losing the-

Starting point is 00:15:54 It's just like a fun day on the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of a sudden you don't have a fucking leg. But just don't go that quick to the sharks. Okay. Let's segue better. I'll do it better. Right, right, so.

Starting point is 00:16:04 Hey, do you like the beach? But you gotta bring this into it. Do you like the beach? Oh, I love the beach. I was just recently at a beach. Dude, I saw one guy, armed guy swimming in circles. Hey, are you afraid of sharks? That's it.

Starting point is 00:16:15 There we go. That's it, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my answer to you. Did you see the guy with no arms swimming in the Olympics? No. Can you pull that up? He's Asian, you're gonna love this, Bobby.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Oh, whoa. He's Asian. Yeah. And no arms. And the only reason he's winning the whole time, the only reason he loses is he doesn't have fucking arms. That's the only reason why he loses? That's the only reason he loses because the other guy goes like this.

Starting point is 00:16:37 It's Asian Paralympics. And I want to throw another thing about this guy. Here, that's it. That's it. Oh, maybe he's too crazy. Before you play it, though, I want to say one last thing. Look at this. Look at this, Bobby. I know. Just give me one last thing, about this guy. That's it. That's it. Oh, maybe you play it. I want to say one last thing. Look at this. Look at this. I know. We'll just give you let me see one last thing.

Starting point is 00:16:48 Bert. All right. Is what also sucks about his situation. He can't even use his dick to help him. To swim? Yeah. It's like a rudder. Yeah, but it's so. Oh, I see what you're saying. Cut that joke out.

Starting point is 00:17:01 That didn't work. I paused the whole flow of it. This is to do a small dick joke right and it came out weird so go ahead so watch this watch him watch him watch him This he's just look at oh my god. Look at him right. He's Breathing though his breathing, but the only Other guy wins is cuz he's got fucking arms. He's got to hit the wall with his head, but with the wood with the arms What does he have? What's missing? It's, you can't ask. Oh, so you could be, you could be, okay.

Starting point is 00:17:31 Watch. The only reason that- But Gao's second. That Ukrainian guy won is cause the Chinese, that's Chinese, right? Yeah. Look at this blind guy still- But Gao's second.

Starting point is 00:17:41 The Chinese took second. Chinese took second. That's good. No, but if he had one arm, just one arm, he would've won. That's life. If I was six foot three, I'd be Yao Ming. Come on. You know what I mean? Not really.

Starting point is 00:17:52 Seven foot, if I was seven foot, I'd be Yao Ming. Wait, hold on, isn't he Chinese? Yeah, you get what I'm saying. No. Jeremy Lin. Yeah, if I had a bigger dick, I'd be Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So look, I wanna talk to you about something

Starting point is 00:18:06 because I wanna get the facts straight. Shoot. And as people know, I was injured on your tour. Oh, God. Yeah, okay, let's get it. Well, I just wanna, because I just wanna do some investigating here. No, I love your investigative reporting.

Starting point is 00:18:22 Thank you so much. I'm a big fan. I seem to be the target of it every time, but keep going. I'm not targeting you. I know, every time I get a fucking text, hey, did you see who was on Bobby's podcast? And I'm like, motherfucker.

Starting point is 00:18:32 Go ahead, I love this. So at 2, 2, 2.30 in the morning, I fall off my bunk. Yes. Hit my lip. Yes. Get knocked out, bleeding, blood everywhere. Blood everywhere. You know, I go to the front of the bus. I don't know what the fuck to do I go to the front bus driver, and I go hey, dude

Starting point is 00:18:48 I think I need to go to the hospital. You can't wait five hours We're almost there at Fort Lauderdale five hours, so I'm sitting there now. I'm you can't wait five hours. Yeah, yeah You guys um I spend so much money on apps and stuff on my phone. I bleed money because sometimes I'll get a meditation thing that I forget about. And all of a sudden every year there's a subscription that I'm not aware of. You bleed money, all right? I've been paying for so many subscriptions that I don't use. It's awful.

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Starting point is 00:23:37 amount of initial losing bet. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.co slash bball for eligibility, wagering and deposit restrictions, terms and responsible gaming resources. I was hurt by it. I bet you I would have been hurt. I was so scared.

Starting point is 00:23:54 I was so scared. I was so scared. So I'm sitting there, I have my shirt over my face, bleeding and I'm texting you guys. Yes. I text eight people. God damn it, I gotta find this fucking. You'll find it, you'll find it. I have all the fucking. All right, you guys. Yes. I text eight people. God damn it, I gotta find this fucking. You'll find it, you'll find it.

Starting point is 00:24:07 I have all the fucking. All right, you'll find it. And the only. Please someone send me that fucking chat thread. It was so fucking hysterical. How? It was because, so the problem with me and you is that when we get honest,

Starting point is 00:24:22 sometimes people still think we're joking. And so Yeah, when you said I fell out of my bunk everyone thought it was we didn't know that was real And then Leanne was the only one that was like wait Bobby's really hurt that was you were the she was the first person to be like Bobby's really hurt, yeah, and so That was the what that was at 6 in the morning. It was like around 10 a.m. 10 a.m. Yeah Yeah, I think they were taking you to the hospital already. No, no Leanne's the one that saved me Yeah, Leanne Leanne. Don't give a shit. The first person to respond was Mark Norman He wasn't even on tour. I know he was just like yeah, you just left

Starting point is 00:24:59 Yeah, and he and he got the text as he was like getting on a plane and he said busted rip And he got the text that he was like getting on a plane and he said, busted rip? So funny. So funny. So I'm gonna tell you who were the helpful ones. It wasn't me. I know exactly. That's why you're not on this list.

Starting point is 00:25:15 Okay. Who are the hopeful ones? Number one, Leigh Ann, your wife. Yes, she was very helpful. Oddly enough, Dave Attell. No. But he, cause he was the one that texted me a bunch of times afterwards to see how I was doing, David Hell. No. But he, cause he was the one that texted me a bunch of times afterwards to see how I was doing,

Starting point is 00:25:28 checking up. Really? Yeah, yeah. I checked in. No you didn't. Yes I did. Yes I did. Nope.

Starting point is 00:25:35 I definitely did. Fuck you. I definitely did. Yeah, yeah. I did, I 100% did. Listen, you know what you are? What am I Bobby? Remember in the Game of Thrones, you mean?

Starting point is 00:25:46 Yeah. Who was the original king before the Lannisters went in there? That big, poor Robert. Baratheon. Baratheon, that's what you are. I'm Robert Baratheon? Yeah, you're Robert Baratheon. Is that bad or good, I don't remember.

Starting point is 00:25:59 It's in the middle. I'm the one, I'm the father of King of. There you are. So I'm the one that gets killed by'm the father of of King of um there you are so I'm the one that gets killed by look at you that's you dude I might be Robert Brad I always saw myself as a Ned Stark kind of guy no you're not a start I'm a little more like Ned Stark but what am I in the world what am I in the world in Game of Thrones yeah you're the little the guy that throws fireworks everywhere The little guy that throws fireworks everywhere And they're like those fireworks everywhere put an Asian guy fireworks game of throw

Starting point is 00:26:41 Asian guy fireworks game of oh they I'm that guy wait. Oh, that's uh yeah. Yeah, that's uh whatever. That's not yeah That's David. I don't know okay. If you're no Asians in Game of Thrones, okay? Let's be for real. Okay. Are you in Game of Thrones? You're gonna see Peter Dinklage's character. No. No no no buddy You're not that smart Peter Dinklage is a gangster in Game of Thrones. You're kind of organized as Jason Momoa No, okay, fuck you're more like Khaleesi's brother. Oh The one that gets gold on his face. Oh Yeah, weasley. Yeah, like you're not you're not I'm like a weasel. No, no, no, you know who you are. Thank you. You are no, you're not Khaleesi's brother

Starting point is 00:27:11 Give me another shot. You are The baby dragon. No, you're one of the you're one of the you one of the guys that's on the night watch. Oh I know who I am the kid that betrays him Oh, I know who I am. The kid that betrays him. Yeah, you are. Right, and he gets hung. The kid who stabs him. You're the kid who stabs him.

Starting point is 00:27:30 Yeah, yeah, yeah, the little kid, and then he gets hung at the end. I'm him. Do you know what I wanted to do with you so bad? What do I want to do? I want to do a Trauma Bowl of candy. What's that? Have you ever seen Trauma Bowls?

Starting point is 00:27:40 No. Have you never seen Trauma Bowls? Can we go back to the lip thing or what? Okay, so let's go back to the lip thing. All right. Let's go back to the lip thing. All right. Anyone's following this podcast They're like I don't know what they're talking Thank God they have I like this Tom to do. No, I like this. I like this. I do too. Yeah I like it. Okay, so here's what I wrote. I wrote. Are you are you fucking crazy? I feel bad that I ruined it Wait, oh, this is you. This is you. Okay, okay To okay, it's 206. so it's a little late in the day.

Starting point is 00:28:08 2 o' six. In the morning, yeah. What do I say? I wrote. When you say the people that are in the thing, try to do their voices too. No, no, hold on. So I can get.

Starting point is 00:28:18 I can get locked in. This is just me and you. What are you doing? Hang on, hang on. Let me do my fucking investigative journalism. All right, so I'll just talk about my half of it, okay? So right here you have, the first thing I do is send two photos

Starting point is 00:28:32 in a gigantic group chat for 40 people that are in it, okay? And then I write a letter, okay? Dear everyone, I fell off the top bunk and hit my mouth on a ledge and my lip is split open and I don't know what to do Okay Another and I say good night The next text I get is three hours later Three hours later, dude. Oh my god

Starting point is 00:28:58 Can someone please find the text that was just sent with all the texts attached of all the comedians replying to that that you just sent me. I'm fighting with Bobby and I need to win. There's no win or lose, there's only facts. No, I- These are facts. Okay, let me go to fully loaded. Oh yeah, go to the fully loaded talent week one

Starting point is 00:29:19 with Bobby Leonette. I got week three, I got week- There's just so many weeks. Week two, and then I got week one. I got week. There's just so many weeks. Week two and then I got week one. Yeah. Okay. Let me get to your face. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Okay. This is it. Okay. I know who's wrong. Okay. Okay. Good morning. Today's activities are the Birdcast episode in Bird's Shower Room. We also have a private pool with a bartender starting at 2 p.m. 2 p.m. Snow cone trucks will be coming. Is there a ballpark for the podcast? I don't know very loose plans and then Bobby Lee wrote. Oh, hang on. Oh, hang on That's right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. What are you doing?

Starting point is 00:29:53 Do you hear everyone hours after I fell off the top bunk? I have a funnel edge lip is split open and I don't know what to do. Thank you. And then he wrote good night. Good night Kyle canane wrote put ice on it and tell everyone you got hurt doing something cooler than falling off a bunk bed. And Kyle, fuck you. Leanne wrote, oh shit. Yep, here we go.

Starting point is 00:30:15 Rachel said, coming to help. She's the best. And then Victoria said, coffee? Yeah, Victoria I have issues with. I have really big issues with Victoria. I'm not ashamed to say it Okay, she put voodoo on the reason why lip my lip thing you think so Oh, yeah, she said she would do voodoo and then I got hit my lip and so that's the one dude. Yeah Anyway, fuck Victoria and then it says then you do the some asshole those good morning today's activities

Starting point is 00:30:41 I'm about to die and somebody goes an activities fucking announcement right and then And then yeah, and then you said a picture the pictures horrific yeah Yeah, you're doing amazing I'm so sorry Bobby, please let me know if you need Someone else right looks better Some sleep Why didn't you text hang Hang on, Victoria wrote. Did you see what he's doing?

Starting point is 00:31:26 Not text once. Hold on. I was busy doing activities. Who was at the bar? I didn't know that it was as bad as it was. I sent you photos, fuck time. I was laying in bed, I was sleeping. And then Chad Daniels wrote, your skin looks great.

Starting point is 00:31:40 Mark Norris wrote, busted rip. That was very funny. Good laugh. Mark, good laugh. He wrote, woo, what happened? You get Will Smith again? Very funny. Okay. And then I wrote at, I wrote privately to you.

Starting point is 00:31:54 Oh, you did? I did, of course. I'm not gonna write to, I don't write. Oh, that's right, that's right. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah, I wrote. Let's go back to Bert. I wrote.

Starting point is 00:32:01 Okay. Go way back. Hey buddy, how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do? It looks good. You're right, you're right. I think you're right, yeah. Absolutely fly home tomorrow if you need to. I wrote. I wrote. Hey buddy, how are you feeling? Is there anything I can do? It looks great. You're right, you're right. I think you're right, yeah, yeah. Absolutely fly home tomorrow if you need to.

Starting point is 00:32:08 I feel horrible. And you went, are you crazy? I feel bad that I ruined everything. I wanted to do the remaining dates in a couple weeks. I'm so sorry this happened. I love you so much, but I can't literally open my mouth in so much pain. And I wrote, Bobby, you didn't ruin anything, buddy.

Starting point is 00:32:19 We're all bummed that this happened. I'm sorry. Everyone loves you. I wish you were here to tell you that. I love you to death. Take care of yourself first, brother. I love you and have fun. And I can definitely have you on those remaining you. I wish you were here to tell you that. I love you to death, take care of yourself first, brother. I love you and have fun. And I can definitely have you on those remaining dates.

Starting point is 00:32:27 And then I said, wow, does it still hurt? And you, it seems a little bit better, but I'll see you next week, I'm gonna kill it for you. And I said, you're the best. And I wanna say something very positive to you and your family. What's that? And I've never, I never expected it.

Starting point is 00:32:42 And I also was like, why would they do that? But Leanne calls me and she goes, and by the way, the dates you missed, we're still going to pay you for those. Yeah. Which is. I mean, I'm not going to get I was emotional when I got that, because it's not like I was whatever. I would never even thought about it, right. But it's just the idea that you're just that cool that you guys would just do that, which is and it's not chum change

Starting point is 00:33:06 It's a it's a nice chunk of money You know I mean and so it's like for me I you know you know I have to I have to admit you and Tom over the years I've been real friends and allies to me and Andrew and our family and this and that and It's just a real blessing. I just hard to give you compliments, to be honest with you. For real? Yeah, right now I just wanted to say something negative, but I'm trying to get into staying in the zone, but no, you guys are really just really great guys

Starting point is 00:33:32 and I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Really nice, thank you. I'll tell you why we honor the money. Because when Georgia was four, she fell and broke her jaw, knocked out all her teeth in a pair of Crocs. And I got pulled off a tour, because I had to fly home.

Starting point is 00:33:46 It was a Sunday night and it wasn't a ton of money. It was like, we were making $5,000 a weekend. We were doing probably five shows. So maybe it was like $1,000. And I flew home, I missed a Sunday show, and they docked me $1,000. And I remember being so fucking mad. When you did clubs.

Starting point is 00:34:03 When I did clubs. And I was like, wait, I didn't bail on you, my daughter got hurt, and they were like, yeah, but you didn't do the show, so we get to keep the money. And I fucking was livid. You're not gonna tell me what club it is. It wasn't the club, it was the fucking, it was Jameson.

Starting point is 00:34:17 Jameson. It was Jameson, I was whiskey too. And it fucking, it sent me through the roof, and I still have a grudge about that. And so when we did, and when we did Fully Loaded first year, we did Mississippi, and it got me through the roof and I still have a grudge about that. And so when we did, when we did fully loaded first year, we did Mississippi, and it got rained out, Brandon, Mississippi. And they said, you know, well, we'll see if we can get everyone back.

Starting point is 00:34:31 I said, well, we got to pay everyone first. And they were like, hold on, we can't afford to pay them. It'll really fuck our budget up. And I was like, yeah, but we can't stiff them. And so we reached out to everyone. I think you'd have to ask the individual comics, but I think we gave them half the money and then bought them a gift bag to send them

Starting point is 00:34:47 and then said, hey, we hope that you'll come back, we'll honor the, hope we'll come back and do it, and we'll honor the rest of the money, but if you can't, we'll just pay you the money. And so people that didn't, we paid them the money and then everyone came back. But I got, I remember getting fucked by that and that bothered me so much.

Starting point is 00:35:01 So thank you very much at first, we used to say. No, really, nice. I love you, dude. Here's the deal, here's the deal, I love you more than you love me. That's fucking insane that you would say something like that. Try to talk shit about me on my podcast and try to talk shit about you on my podcast and watch what I do, okay?

Starting point is 00:35:16 Okay, what do you mean? What do we do? No, no, no, what the groove, what's the groove? You'd be someone that doesn't like Bobby Lee. Like when you lay in your bed and you think the things about yourself that you think people are saying, say those right now, I'll be interviewing you. You're

Starting point is 00:35:26 someone that hates Bobby Lee. Oh, so I'm a guy. Let me create a character then. Okay. What? I'm Richard. Who's someone that dislikes you? I don't see that's the thing. I want to create a character because there's a couple of people, but I want to put third of their name in there. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people that hate me.

Starting point is 00:35:42 Yeah. My name is Mando, Mando, I'm Christ, no. Mando Calrone. Yes. Mando Calrone. I'm Mando Calrone. Okay. What's up, dude? Oh.

Starting point is 00:35:52 I know who this guy is. Yo, dude, I'm Mando Calrone, dog. I'm from fucking the inner suburbs of everything, man. What's up? So, have you ever worked with Bobby Lee? Yo, dude, that little motherfucker was a piece of shit, dog. He's a good friend of mine. Yeah?

Starting point is 00:36:08 Well, how could you be a friend with a guy that shows his pubes every- Oh, because I'm the same guy. We're like brothers. I love that guy to death. Why, what were you gonna say about him? That's how it works. Wow, that's what you do?

Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah, but that doesn't get views on a podcast. Oh, okay. Oh, right. Ready, this is how you get views on a podcast. Oh, okay, oh, oh, right. Ready, this is how you get views on a podcast. Go ahead, be Mando Caron. What's up, Mando Caron here, dog, from the inner suburbs of fucking Easter. With Sean Washington.

Starting point is 00:36:36 Dude, I love your set on Def Jam. Thanks, thanks, dog. What's up, Mando. Do you know Bobby Lee? Yeah, dude, that guy, man, fuck, bro. What a fucking creature of delight, man. Oh, Lee? Yeah dude, that guy man, fuck bro. What a fucking creature of delight, man. Oh, what? He's a piece of shit, man.

Starting point is 00:36:49 Well tell me what he did. What? He showed him a pubes and stuff, man. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you really do. Are you saying that if they're saying things about you that I should be more defensive of you?

Starting point is 00:37:01 No, no, no. No, be honest. No. Because I will be more mindful about that. No, I don't, no. It's also, who cares? I don't. But at the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter.

Starting point is 00:37:12 It definitely doesn't matter to me. I try to think about, like, I try to think about, I try to think of my brain as like a condo. And so I have like, say I have 18 vacancies in my head. And then I go, who am I gonna give rooms to, right? You give a room? A rich? You give a room a rich man's condo. Yeah, is that at 18? This is a lot Yeah, I don't know never lived in a fucking condo. I actually lived in a apartment building. It's apartment building I live in a car building. Yeah, I said the wrong word. I never lived in a condo. So, okay No, my number six. Shut the fuck up, man

Starting point is 00:37:40 So then you go where you gonna who do you who do you allow rooms in your condo for? Oh, I see like who do you allow like in your condo for oh, I see like Who do you allow like because there was a time when I was younger that I have strangers in my condo People I don't know are my condo like 50 of them. Yeah. Yeah, come on here sleep over do whatever do whatever you want You know I mean and they just run around fucking shit on everything. Yeah, who do you think allows more strangers in their condo? Santino or Tom oh shit Santino you really yeah cuz I know Tom a little bit Tom doesn't at least when I do shows with him on the road he's very like just calm but maybe he's doing an act no it's I really calm I don't think he he has a weird thing where he does he genuinely does not Care about things. Yeah, I think it's also losing his dad for him was a new thing of like and then Christina going through

Starting point is 00:38:31 What she went through? I think he was just like, okay, I'm done giving a fuck I think he was like I got a condo and I'm gonna give 16 rooms to what's going on in my life with my kids My wife and my and whatever but I think so. Yeah, I think Santina I can't Santina doesn't strike me as someone who's there's people that live there. Really? Yeah. And they're strangers. OK. Who do you think has more people in their condo? Shane Gillis or Joe Rogan? Oh, shit. Shane Gillis. Yeah. You think so?

Starting point is 00:38:56 Yeah, I think Shane Gillis. I think he still reads comments. Yeah. But he also tells the people in the condo. He. I'll get you back. He serves eviction notices. Yeah. Actually, actually, I know I know some people that have condos in his head I know I know a guy who rents a who's actually hasn't paid his rent a long time but a long time ago he moved in and Shane's waiting for the right time. Yeah to light his condo on fire Really? I know who it is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What who is it? I can't talk. Okay. Can I tell you I have a chain gillis problem here

Starting point is 00:39:27 What oh he don't like you? No, no, no, no, no, he loves you. Yeah, but can I can I check? I'm gonna let me go to his text here. Yeah. All right, so there's a chain gillis problem. I love him Yeah, you know me and he's a great guy so I had this thing now where I I just Refused to do because I just did a movie in Montana. I play a regular guy. Like a white dude? Yeah, I'm just like a white guy.

Starting point is 00:39:49 There's no racial references. For real? Yeah, never. You're not Asian at all in this? Dude, in all the roles I've had in the last five years, reservation, sex in the city, all these magnum, there's no real Asian references. I don't have an accent, it's not an issue.

Starting point is 00:40:03 You were in, what was the new movie that just came out? Uh, Badlands. Borderlands. Borderlands. You're just a regular dude. Regular dude. Okay. So all the things I do is a regular dude, right? And I kind of refused to kind of do Asian ones, right? So then he goes, uh, I saw you in, you know, a movie I just saw, uh, the movie you just did about fucking, uh, getting sober. It's the right. Yeah, Sweet Dreams. Sweet Dreams. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:40:26 All right, keep going. Anyway. Okay. You were great in that. Oh, thank you so much. I think you played gay and not Asian. Yeah, I was a little gay. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 00:40:34 All right, so this is what he writes. He goes, we wrote a role for you in Tires, which is great. I fucking would love to do that show, right? Yeah. Then he goes, if you're interested, please be interested. And I go, fuck yeah, I'll do it. Then he goes, yes.

Starting point is 00:40:48 Then I go, I always say this, no accent please. He goes, dude, I swear it's all accent. No English at all. Right, then I go, ha ha ha ha ha, right? Then he goes. That's one of the lines. He goes, I'm not joking. Ha ha ha ha, right? Then he goes. That's one of the lines. Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, he goes, I'm not joking.

Starting point is 00:41:08 I'll explain that, but I'm not joking. Can you send me the script? You know what I mean? So what do I do? If I have this moral thing of like, because I desperately, I love those guys. O'Connell and all those guys. I would love to do it, but it's like,

Starting point is 00:41:25 do I show up and go, okay, guy, I do it? You know what I mean? You can also love those guys and just love their show. And just be like, I love those guys, I love their show. I don't need to be in it. Yeah, yeah. But here's the problem is you do get, people do, it's not a shitty thing,

Starting point is 00:41:41 but they just go, I'm looking for a fat drunk who, oh, let's get Burt. And then you go, yeah, but I'm not a shitty thing, but they just go, I'm looking for like a fat drunk who, uh, oh, let's get Burt. And then you go, yeah, but I don't, I'm like a fat drunk. And they go, yeah, but that's okay. And then you just sit in there going, well, I guess that is what I put out. Yeah. And then I put out a thick Asian accent. No, no, but no, but I really do.

Starting point is 00:41:58 No, be real. Do I do in the show? Do I do on this show? I mean, come on. I just said, do I do. Same, same, but different? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. RBC has helped millions of young Canadians turn their most likelies into most definatelies, making their ideas happen with scholarships, internships, and skill development, plus resources

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Starting point is 00:43:03 because your back-to-school era can come at any age. And BetterHelp makes it easy to get started with affordable online therapy you can do from anywhere. Rediscover possibility with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more. That's betterH-E-L-P.com. I know, because I talk so fast. No, but here's the thing. They trust you. They trust you. They trust me. So if they're gonna do an accent, if they're gonna do a role like that, they wanna go to someone who they know is funny and they know also can tell them, that's not cool. Like, you know, like they wrote it.

Starting point is 00:43:34 It's a bunch of dudes from Philly that wrote something fucking wildly funny. And they wanna trust, they trust only funny people to do it. So they're going to you because you're a friend. I guarantee you that whatever they wrote is funny as fuck. I bet it is, yeah. And it overwhelms the whatever Asian accent thing you're thinking.

Starting point is 00:43:48 I'm probably going to do it. I guarantee you it's. I would do it. I would do it. I would do it. I'll put the buck teeth in. I don't care. I'll fucking do it.

Starting point is 00:43:53 But you can also just love those guys and root for them and go, I can't wait to watch this. Well, I want to read it first. Let me read it first. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, OK. I can't wait to see nine Philly guys write

Starting point is 00:44:04 an Asian character's accent. I can't wait to see nine Philly guys write an Asian characters accent That's that's the child that's no that's the viral moment is you do the show in the day it airs you post the script where it's like Whatever the yeah. Yeah, I should and since I talked about this then I talked about it here. We're gonna edit this out, right? No, don't yeah. Yeah. Let me connect. Let me ask you another thing that I'm going through right now. Okay. And it's something I hate about myself.

Starting point is 00:44:29 And I can't talk to Andrew about it because he doesn't really wanna listen to me. Okay. But I have a thing where, oh, so, I was in Winnipeg with your friend Tom. Yeah. We were doing a show backstage. I don't know if we talked about this,

Starting point is 00:44:44 but have we talked about this? There was a guy backstage. He's a club owner in Winnipeg. I know the club. You do? Yeah. Yeah. Nice guy. Seems like a very nice guy. Well, that's the club that Tom bombed in horribly. Correct? I don't know. Yeah, keep going. So anyway, Tom goes, Hey, this is a guy, you know, he's owned the club for years. Yeah. And immediately I go, how come you never even booked me? Why would you say that?

Starting point is 00:45:09 What? That's the thing. Yeah, you can't say that. Why? Because it doesn't matter. It does matter. Why? I'll tell you why.

Starting point is 00:45:16 Okay, keep going. There's all these clubs in America that I remember calling my agent, because even before podcasting, I did pretty good numbers, right? So I go. Good numbers. What? You've always done good numbers. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I did pretty good numbers. Right. So I go and good numbers. You've always done. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:45:26 I mean, I do way better now. But, you know, but I but and they would come. They just don't want you. Right. It would make me mad because it's like I want to play it. I want to go to that city and play it. And I look at their lineups, I have more credits, whatever. It would just be I would build a resentment. Right. So then now that I see these club owners now, I'm kind of like weird.

Starting point is 00:45:45 Yeah. And I don't wanna be like that, but it's like am I the one that's in the wrong? Yeah, you are. I'll tell you why. Why, tell me why, teach me. What happens when you get famous, or when you get success in comedy, is you, all those little fuckin' thorns in your side

Starting point is 00:45:58 that wouldn't work with you, and didn't wanna fuck with you, and didn't wanna talk to you, and maybe sometimes didn't even know you, didn't even know you existed. You, when you first get famous in comedy or not famous but get some success there's an impulse I've seen so many people do it to light those people up and let them know now you couldn't get me or

Starting point is 00:46:15 something like that right and it's ugly what you should say it's that guy I'll tell you I'll give you a perfect example of someone I love to death that I wanted to say that to, okay? Who? I wanted to work, comedy works so bad. Denver. Denver so badly. I wanted to, I can name a hundred of these clubs because I didn't have your career. I had like a bullshit career.

Starting point is 00:46:38 Like I had one where like, no, I worked on Travel Channel, no one ever thought I'd ever make money. No one ever thought I was ever going to become no one ever thought I was ever gonna become successful or get a special on Netflix. So like there were a bunch of clubs, the cool clubs would never work me, would never fucking work me. That's interesting.

Starting point is 00:46:52 And so I wanted to work ComedyWorks so bad, but I always worked at Denver Improv, which is predominantly a black room. One of the worst rooms. And it's one of the worst rooms in the world. I know. And so I fucking, I languished in the Denver, in the Denver Improv doing, never selling a ticket

Starting point is 00:47:08 and I wanted to work comedy work so bad. And then I met Wendy and there was a part of me that wanted to say, why didn't you ever work me? And then Wendy just was like, you're fucking hilarious, where have you been? And I was like, oh my God, I thought I didn't say anything. And then she's, anytime I ever stop by Denver, she always, it was all in your head.

Starting point is 00:47:26 Dude, I remember, I remember. It's not in your head. He didn't even book you. No, how about this? I'll give you a better one. I'll give you a better one, okay? Yes, sir. Anne Harris and Joanne Grigioni.

Starting point is 00:47:36 Love them. Okay, they were the, I would say the kingmakers of Comedy Central. They gave you half hours, they gave you hours. And I remember going like, I remember sending audition tapes to them, and I didn't get a reply, no feedback, nothing, and then I was like, fuck, man,

Starting point is 00:47:53 I got so in my head that I was like, thank God I never ran into them drunk and said something, because I would have said my emotions, and I would have said all my feelings, and then one day, one day I get a phone call from both of them, and they're like, you're fucking so goddamn funny, where have you been this whole time?

Starting point is 00:48:08 And then I was like, I never said anything. I understand. But it's a natural instinct. I watched a guy light up a fucking club owner who all he said was, hey, congrats on all the success. And he's like, yeah, I bet you wish you would fucking book me now. And then I was like, why are you doing this?

Starting point is 00:48:23 He just said, congratulations. I would never do that. Yeah, but here's the deal. He's had an arena and he's watching you perform. Murder, murder with Tom Segura. He knows how big your podcast is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you guys doing?

Starting point is 00:48:36 Please say you were too Asian. We got a call. From who? From Andrew. Okay. Santino. Hi, Bert. What's up, happy Labor Day. Happy Labor Day. I'm in Chicago with my family. I'm. Hi, Bert. What's up? Happy Labor Day. Happy Labor Day.

Starting point is 00:48:47 I'm in Chicago with my family. I'm drunk on my patio. I feel like doing you doing you justice. I'm having a glass of vodka with your best friend. We're breaking each other down. It's pretty good. All of us. Yeah. Is he pissing you off or is it good? No, it's good. It's good. It's very healthy.

Starting point is 00:49:02 It's awesome. Well, well, tell him I miss him so much. It's good. It's very healthy. It's awesome I'm right here. I can hear you about share all this going But but can you tell him to tell him we got got a signing. Hey, we got a signing. Hey, are you coming out for Skanks Fest in Vegas? I'm not gonna be. I'm gonna be on tour. I already got shit for it three other times. I'm doing I'm doing the Resorts World Theater, September 27th, 28th.

Starting point is 00:49:38 It's the same week in a Skanks Fest. Yeah, but if you're I was gonna say I'll see if Bobby wants to come out. Where where where Resorts World was that 2728th in Vegas. I wouldn't do it. All right, you're in. All right. I'm gonna Bobby come well I can do stand-up. Yeah, I want to go. I love you guys. I love you to death brother All right, I'll talk to you later. Bye. Will you tell him look he keeps calling me noodle. I don't like it Noodles not bad. He goes. Hey, how's my favorite noodle? I just don't like it. What's so funny? Sweet, what were we talking about? Oh, I'll tell you why you said it.

Starting point is 00:50:09 He goes, and I get, I got it. He goes, I just heard there's some wild aspects of your show that just wouldn't fit into. And I go, you know what, I think you're right. And I only bring this up, listen, I'm only like this with certain clubs and you're right, I wanna change. And so, and obviously in show business,

Starting point is 00:50:29 of course they're like directors, like wherever you've been, I've been in town for 30 years, and I get, I'm on their radar now, right? So that's why they say it, and I understand it, and I'm blessed, but it's like, the only reason why I brought it up is because it is an ugly side of myself that makes me feel uncomfortable, it makes me go, Wow. I wish I could just not be like that

Starting point is 00:50:48 Do you know who doesn't say it? Santino and Tom. Do you know who says it? Me and you. Yeah. Yeah We're better people, but you got we better Let's be I would rather be us me than tom I'd rather be me than andrew. Yeah, I think that's the truth. Can you imagine Andrew? Can you imagine being Tom? Can you imagine being Tom? Where you where everything's gotta be like this like this? Yeah. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Hey this vodka is great. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is a really cool car. Yeah. Yeah. Shipped it over from Germany like a week ago. Yeah. He's just dead inside. Yeah. I'd rather be imagine being like this. Oh it's 8 the morning i'm on a golf course and then at

Starting point is 00:51:30 two i have 15 meetings and at three i gotta go over the fucking okay what do you want what would you want what here's what i know what both of us wish we could do more like our friends although you wanted to switch it up like what you, what would you take from them? It wouldn't, it wouldn't be Tom's body. I have such a better body than him. Way better. Ridiculous. Way fucking better.

Starting point is 00:51:53 I mean it's not even fucking close. Bigger dick. Athletic? No, exact same dick. No, that's not true. I'll tell you why. I've seen it. We've seen both of each other's dicks together.

Starting point is 00:52:01 We were almost docking each other. Oh really? Okay, I've seen yours though. Yeah. Bueno, bueno. Yeah, other. Oh, okay, I've seen yours though. Yeah. Bueno, bueno. Yeah, very good. Thank you, thank you. So let me give you,

Starting point is 00:52:11 he's better at communicating with people in terms of like family. Wow, are you talking about Tom or Andrew? Andrew. Oh my God. He loves being around family and friends. That's Tom too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:22 That's Tom, that's Tom. He's better at communicating with people. Like I not going to communicate yeah if i get a text i go i just don't reply that's actually that's actually the one close blowout fight tom and i ever had yeah was so simple to solve yeah but we sat down and he's like we need to have like a legit conversation he's like we run a to have like a legit conversation. He's like, we run a business together, we're opening another business. Okay, good, keep going.

Starting point is 00:52:50 And he said, you need to reply to my texts. I tried to. And it's so funny here, Bert, that you say this. I'll show you something right here. So then, but I hate it when the people don't text me back. Oh yeah. And I'm all like, so I'm gonna give you one right here. I stop texting people because I don't text me back. Oh yeah. And I'm all like, so I'm going to give you one right here. I stopped texting people

Starting point is 00:53:06 because I don't want to wait for their text back. So I see Jordan Peele. Oh, fuck that. I couldn't text Jordan Peele. So he's on, he has, I saw this photo online and I thought he looked so cool here. So I go, like an idiot, I go, you look dope. Nothing.

Starting point is 00:53:23 That was a week ago. OK, and it hurts me. Let's see. Let's see who's got an unread text from me. Really? How do you do that? These I can I can find I can just go into anyone famous. Anyone famous doesn't reply to me all the time. OK, OK. I can find an easy one.

Starting point is 00:53:44 I'll tell you who just replied to me that I did not expect to reply. I just said don't expect to reply was Snoop. Okay, I got a reply from a famous guy the other day. Who? I got six blue hearts. Is that good? Jack Black.

Starting point is 00:53:58 Wow. I go happy birthday and he gave me six blue hearts. Oh, because you guys just did a movie together. And also he did Bad Friends together and also he did bad friends Oh, we did. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um, I Have nothing from Jordan you look at that cool At least love it, you know, no, so the only ones that bother me are guys that I feel like Like the that I go. Did I did I do something?

Starting point is 00:54:22 You know, mmm Okay, I think that I go, did I do something? Okay. Okay, so there's two things going on here. If you're super busy, I get it. My fear is they don't text me back because I'm not cool enough. And I think that there are people that are like that. Is that what you do to us, for example?

Starting point is 00:54:44 I text you back all the- I would never text you guys. Okay, okay. No, no. Like I would not, I have a list. If you look at my list for my employees, and I'm not saying you guys are employees, but if you look at all the texts they sent me,

Starting point is 00:54:55 I would never reply to them. I'm not gonna spend my time replying to them. Right. You can talk to me when I see you. Yeah, I don't reply to emails, I don't look at emails. What's the matter? Have I not been better about communicating with you guys? Have I not? Have I not tried? Okay, then what the fuck's up with these jokes?

Starting point is 00:55:20 Okay, I'm trying. I feel like I am. I feel like I you know what I want to be more, right? Yeah, and then every time I try to do more you push me down And you say it's not good enough and that's what my dad try to do more, you push me down and you say, it's not good enough. And that's what my dad used to do. I'm tired of it. I see. God. OK, can I can I jump in? You could do whatever you want. You can. I'm on your time. I'm on your team. Yeah, I know you are. It's not normal for us to be disconnected. To your employees.

Starting point is 00:55:39 Yeah, it's not normal for anyone to get access to me 100% of the time. Like, it's so fucking wild. I'm so glad you're here. Yeah, let's lay it down on the line, dude! We should not be able to get in touch with each other. All the time! I can't, okay, I can't tell you, hey man, I'm going through some shit with my daughter, we're getting ready to go to college,

Starting point is 00:55:57 and then post a picture of me eating edibles at the beach, then you watch it and then go, hey man, you're at the beach, what the fuck? Why'd you lie to me and say you're at your house packing up your daughter? Yeah. And then I go, you're not supposed to be able to call me on my shit that easy. No one should know that.

Starting point is 00:56:08 You're not, you're not. I got caught. Oh yeah, you did. I got caught in a lie. I told someone, I was like, I'm packing up with my daughter. I can't do that today. And I was at the beach eating edibles and I just didn't want to do it.

Starting point is 00:56:20 Right. And I was like, I should be able to lie to you. Old school, like in the 40s. In the 40s, yeah. And no one calls me on it. It was easier in the 40s. It's not like I lied to you when I fucking killed somebody. I just don't want to be around you. I'm trying to be nice.

Starting point is 00:56:30 Imagine being in the 40s, okay? Oh my God. You and our comics. Oh my God. Okay? Okay. Oh, where are you performing? Right?

Starting point is 00:56:38 Out on my stage. Yeah. I don't know. Out on my stage. Chinatown. Okay. San Francisco out of Chinatown. Keep stage. Yeah. I don't know. Out on my stage. Chinatown. Okay. San Francisco had a Chinatown.

Starting point is 00:56:47 Keep going. Okay. Just hypothetically. Okay, we're both in the 40s. Yeah, what I'm saying is- It's a magical world where Asians and whites live together. It's me, you. I'm Joey Chestnut.

Starting point is 00:56:59 You're Kobayashi. Keep going. Okay. I watched that. I watched that. They did a Netflix, did a hot dog eating live content today. And I just thought, that's fucking odd.

Starting point is 00:57:11 Why? I don't know, I followed out of World War II. I just thought, do you ever think our grandparents would be like, so this is how it ends up? Yeah, yeah, or between the two? It's just two fucking, two of our people just eating hot dogs against each other. Wait, we're that close?

Starting point is 00:57:24 It's incredible how our world has changed in that way. Holy shit. It's so much more inclusive. Yeah. It's so much, honestly, I was in Montana and I think 20 years ago, if I was in Montana, I was there for a month, I would have been like, oh, I can't go anywhere or I could get hurt.

Starting point is 00:57:41 Yeah. I wouldn't say 20 years ago. I would say 25 years ago. I wouldn't, but I'd say 25 years ago. Maybe 40, whatever, right? But you know, I'm in Montana and it's like, not only is there no racism, it's pretty inclusive. I mean, people are like hugging me and like, I mean, hey man, can I get a photo?

Starting point is 00:57:57 I mean, maybe that has something to do with fame. Probably. A little bit, you know what I mean, but. I don't think, I think here's the weird part is like, well maybe, I don't know, maybe if you're walking around Montana as a Korean dude, people are like, who is he, why is he in this neighborhood? Oh shit, it's Bobby Lee.

Starting point is 00:58:12 No, because I went to, okay, I'm gonna tell you something that happened to me, okay? So I was in Montana, Butte, and you know, I had a couple days off, so I need to go to a AA meeting. Really? Yeah, so I went down to the- Do you do those still every day? No, I go to go to a AA meeting. Really? Yeah, so I went down to the- Do you go to those still every day? No, I go to maybe once a week.

Starting point is 00:58:27 And I went to a church way deep into the suburbs. Oh, fuck. That's the AA meeting I wanna go to. And there were people in there with like, some people with oxygen tanks, that's how old they were. All white. Old school drink. All white. Fuck, yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:42 Like old school white. Like, and as soon as I walked in, obviously, everyone's 80 years old and super white. And a little Asian guy comes in there. And I turn heads. But as soon as I sat down, they're like, would you like some coffee? And they pour me some coffee.

Starting point is 00:59:00 And then they go, is there anybody from out of town? I go, I'm Bobby from LA. And then they, you know, I shared. And then afterwards. What do you say? Like, you don't have to tell me exactly what you say, but like, what do you share?

Starting point is 00:59:11 What do you share? Like, do you go like, hey, I'm from like town? This is so gross. This is so gross of what I'm about to say right now, dude. But I say little things to let them know that I've been in the program. Oh, I thought you were gonna say you say little things to let them know you're've been in the program. Oh, I thought you were gonna say you say little things to let them know you're famous.

Starting point is 00:59:26 No, I don't care about that. But it's more like, yeah, you know, when Dr. Bob and Bill back in Akron, Ohio, you know what I mean, I try to like, you know what I mean? That's wild. I say Dr. Silkworth, you know, when he talked about the psychic change

Starting point is 00:59:40 and the doctor's opinion in the big book, like I wanna throw them some knowledge that I'm like, I'm sober, you know what I mean? Just like you guys, right? And I say something maybe a little something personal. Why, what's so funny? I did something gross the other night. Let me finish this up.

Starting point is 00:59:54 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So but then the second time I went there, there's only one Uber in Butte. So I'm like, I don't know how I'm gonna get home because it'll come later at night. So this couple, nice couple goes, hey buddy, we're big fans, you wanna ride home? I go, yeah.

Starting point is 01:00:12 And so I get in the car, really nice couple, and they start going the opposite way over where my hotel is. I swear to God. And I go, I go, oh, are we going? And they go, well, you're going to our house. I don't, and I go, huh? Get my kids, you're gonna get my kids. Oh my God, okay.

Starting point is 01:00:36 So now I'm in the boonies, inside a living room. These two gigantic dogs are just, you know, attacking me. These three kids come out of the room. They're like wiping sleep. They have school the next day. And they, oh my god, nice to meet you. You know, our dad took us to Missoula. This is what he said. Our dad took us to Missoula and they gave us a $300, you know what I mean? So we just sent $300 on new school clothes. And okay, cool. I gotta get the

Starting point is 01:01:03 fuck out of here. You know what I mean? It was so weird. I mean, what would you have done okay, cool. I gotta get the fuck outta here. You know what I mean? It was so weird. I mean, what would you have done? Oh, I would have done the exact. Exact, exact thing. You would have been. Me and you are the people that.

Starting point is 01:01:12 We are the good ones. Yeah. We're the good ones. Imagine, imagine. Bill Burr. Oh, that wouldn't happen. Yeah, that wouldn't have happened. Would not.

Starting point is 01:01:20 Get the fuck out, yeah, I'm gonna get the fuck outta here. No, there's guys like him and Tom take care of themselves first. They, they. No, I was taking care of myself. No, there's guys like him and Tom take care of themselves first They go they know I was taking care of myself No, no, no, no, they would have been like they would have been like someone said can we give a ride home and immediately? They said no, I've got a car coming. I've got a car. I got an uber They would have they're in charge of their shit guys like me and you go to a meeting or go to a party And don't think of how we're getting home anyway, so tell tell me about, you made a fool out of yourself. Oh, I'm not doing it now.

Starting point is 01:01:45 No, you have to, you have to, you have to, and we'll cut it out if it's bad. Okay. I'll tell you what I made, I'll tell you, you tell me, I'll tell you an even more embarrassing one. What you're talking about is ego. It's your ego. You want people to know you've been in the program.

Starting point is 01:01:57 Yeah, yeah. And so for me, my ego is that I've just, like, I don't know, I think I was broke for so long. All those stuff I was telling you about what young comics do when they first get famous, I was guilty of some of those things. Not all the time, but I definitely was guilty of them. The other day, we're at Night of Destruction,

Starting point is 01:02:16 it's a demolition derby in Irwindale. I'm with my wife and my daughter and all her friends. And people are taking pictures with me, they're coming up and taking pictures with me. And one of the dudes goes, who the fuck is he? And I heard him, so I said I'm a comedian. And then he goes to my wife, he does this, he goes,

Starting point is 01:02:39 whoa, it must be making his head big. And it was a weird fucking thing, but it struck me wrong, right? And then he said, so where do you do standup? And I said, just anywhere, really. And then he goes, you do the improv? And this is what's crazy, and Isla called me on it. I said, yeah, I used to.

Starting point is 01:03:01 I still do though. I lied, I lied. I've seen you there. Yeah, I do it. I've seen you there. Yeah, I know. if I, if I. I lied. I see you there. Yeah, I do it. I see you there. Yeah, I know. And I said I used to and he goes, oh, have you ever done it in a while?

Starting point is 01:03:10 I said, well, and then I start getting this dialogue. This an inner dialogue with me to this guy. And I go, you know, I'm off tour right now. I'm taking nine months off and I've been on tour for the past seven years. And I just got done this arena tour. My daughter, Isla, is like, what are you doing to a person that does not give a fuck about me?

Starting point is 01:03:27 What are you doing, Berg? What are you doing? What are you doing? I don't know, and I just, and I was like, cause he did the thing though, whoa, like he must have a big head. And I was like, bitch, I'm watching you. Like I'm right here.

Starting point is 01:03:39 What do you mean? Yeah. He's like, everyone's taking pictures of you and he looks at me like, whoa. And I was like, I was like, what the fuck? And then I just vomited my ego onto his shoes. Yeah, would you too? And he was like, he didn't even notice.

Starting point is 01:03:53 He was like, cool. So when do you do the improv next? Wow, wow, wow, wow. I fucking hate myself. I know, but you know what? I get it. The worst is when they go, oh, you do comedy? I get it. The worst is when they go, oh you do comedy?

Starting point is 01:04:08 I go yeah. Yeah, LA? I go yeah. You know my friend Rocky Ramon? You know what I mean? Yeah, he does comedy out there. You guys probably do shows together. I go yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, Rocky Ramon.

Starting point is 01:04:18 You have to pretend. I got it. Here's the worst one. When people go, so if you get recognized and then other people go, who are you? Yeah, I am. And I'm like, I'm nobody, I'm just, I'm a comedian. But why are people taking pictures with you?

Starting point is 01:04:34 And then I cut to the fucking chase and I go, I'm famous. And they're like, I don't know you. And I'm like, I know that. That's why we're having this conversation. I had a girl at a Grateful Dead concert come up to me and go, hey, what's up? I said, how you doing? And she goes, I know you. And I said, no, I don't think so. She goes, no, no, we went to high school together. And I went to an all boys Catholic high school in Tampa.

Starting point is 01:04:54 I know we didn't go to high school together. And she's like, no, bullshit. You're not from Tampa. I know you. You're fucking with me. And I went, no, I'm famous. And she went, no, you're not. And I was like, and she goes, why would you say you're famous? I go, I'm so famous, you think we went to high school together. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. And then her friend goes, who the fuck do you think you are? And I go, my name's Bert Kreischer. I'm a comedian.

Starting point is 01:05:16 She knows who I am. She just can't place it right now. And I guarantee you in a couple of minutes, you're going to know who I am because she knows who I am. And they go, fuck you. And they turn around. And then the girl in like fucking two minutes minutes, you're gonna know who I am because she knows who I am. And they go, fuck you, and they turn around, and then the girl in like fucking two minutes goes, you're the machine, and I went, yeah, I go, but I had to go through all this ego death

Starting point is 01:05:33 to get to here. Why can't we just, why couldn't you at the very beginning, be sweet? And go, hey, I know you, and I go, no you don't, and you go, okay, maybe I don't, and turn around. I'll tell you, I had a famous person do that to me one time. Cause that's the thing with famous people is you think you know them.

Starting point is 01:05:47 I did it to Reese Witherspoon. I thought I knew her. I was like, we grew up together. She was like, did you? No, but that's how, that's what happens. Especially like someone like Reese Witherspoon is so beautiful. You just are drawn to her.

Starting point is 01:06:00 Let me throw that. What'd you say? Reese Witherspoon. She's okay. To me, it's just not my thing. Let me what would you say Reese Witherspoon? She's okay To me. I just saw it's not my thing. No what white no, I love why she's perfect She is the ideal white if Hitler was gonna make a person it would be her Okay, I mean, okay. That's it. Okay. Hitler would have been like that's the fucking one We just had different sensibilities Hitler and I all right keep going you were saying I don't even know okay It's so embarrassing. I don't want to say it. Yeah

Starting point is 01:06:24 That's all we do. I was in an event with this girl, I was sitting next to her sitting there at this event, and she was like, what do you do? I go, comedy. She goes, yeah, what kind of? I was saying, yeah, I'm killing it. I'm killing it, I said.

Starting point is 01:06:36 I'm doing really good. Every club I go to, I sell. Club, I said. I say club, I said every club I go, I sell out, right? And she goes, oh, that's cool. I go, yeah, yeah, it's like cool. I get like a versus deal. I say oh Yeah, and she goes what's that? Oh, yeah, the club gives gets takes 40 I keep 60 I don't know so whatever the fucking thing is and I this is the worst one

Starting point is 01:07:01 I've heard and I talked about it for about a half an hour about myself and I go what do you do? She goes I'm not my dad's a comic. I go who's your dad? She goes Ray Romano That's the best one I Completely made that story up. Oh Yeah, I was like I didn't know what else because I didn't have a story Pretty good though. Thank you. That was like, I was in my head. I didn't know what else because I didn't have a story. Pretty good though? That's good. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:07:27 That was really good. You should make up more stories. I do. That's a pretty good makeup story, right? That's a really good one. Yeah. Can I give you a redemption one? Give me a redemption one.

Starting point is 01:07:38 I haven't told anyone about this. This is a big one. I would love this one. I'm going to love it. This is intense. OK? OK. Hold on. Let me put a dip in. OK. I quit tobacco. Oh love this one. I'm gonna love it. This is intense. Okay. Okay. Hold on Let me put it in. Okay. I quit tobacco. I know you did. I didn't know that. Sorry. I lied So go ahead 20 probably 23 years ago, I had a TV show where I interviewed Gene Simmons From kiss the lead singer. I was the biggest fucking Kiss fan in the world.

Starting point is 01:08:07 As a child, Kiss was the, I dressed up as Gene Simmons. I did my talent show as Gene Simmons. I could sing every fucking, shout it, shout it, shout it out loud. I knew everything, right? So I go to, I do, you swallow it? I knew him water. What a great interviewer he is I mean this is like top-notch Oprah shit Have you ever been watching real time when Bill Maher when someone's about to did you swallow it?

Starting point is 01:08:40 It should be noted that I preface this was I haven't told this story to anybody I'm so sorry. Oh my god. It went down the tube Okay, go ahead Shout it out loud. Let's go. I'm so sorry. I love you. Please continue So so So, so, so I do a show where I interview Gene Simmons and he was less than nice to me. Like I mean, he was almost horrific, right? And so I fucking walk away.

Starting point is 01:09:17 I was called the X show was the late night talk show. I walk away, I go, it's heartbreaking. It's destructive because you go now I can't listen to their music. I have to fucking right off my childhood is a mistake. It really sucks. So, cut to this Netflix is a joke festival. I'm at maybe the Tom Brady roast, I think. And Nick Simmons, Gene Simmons' son comes up to me

Starting point is 01:09:41 and I know Nick is friends with Tommy and he does his podcast and Nick's really a cool kid. He comes up, he's like, dude, you're fucking hilarious. I was like, thanks, I know who he is. I was like, I love getting on podcasts. I think Nick's cool as shit. And he was like, I'd love to introduce you to my dad. And I said, I'm good.

Starting point is 01:09:56 And he went, what? I said, I'm good, I would not like to meet your dad. And he goes, excuse me? And he goes, my dad's a fan. and I was like a buddy I had a bad experience with your dad and I'd rather not meet him and I said I'm sorry that I'm doing this I don't want to be around your dad he goes well my mom's with him hold on so he brings his mom over I think this was actually at my show it sounds crazy I think this was at my show at the forum so get the fucking story

Starting point is 01:10:20 straight so is it at the way because my parents were there my parents were there had to be my show so so his wife comes over and she comes over and she's almost giggling she's with Nick and she goes I heard my husband was a dick and I said he was she goes yeah let's bring him over you tell him exactly what happened and I went no no no no I actually do not want to be involved in this why at this point now? I'm so nervous Okay, also he was a hero of mine. Okay, and it is Jean fucking Simmons And you don't want to double down on the hate and I don't want to have this moment I'd rather just never talk to him exactly. Okay. I was like I was like, I'm cool

Starting point is 01:10:56 I've already hated him for fucking 25 years Okay, Jean Simmons walks over with his son and his wife and he sits over and he goes I hear that I was rude to you. And I said yes, and he goes, please tell the story. And I went, okay. And so in front of his wife and his son and him, I tell the story verbatim, as if I was telling it to you and shitting on him

Starting point is 01:11:20 on a podcast. And he looks at me and he goes, I apologize for my behavior, I hope you'll forgive me, I think you're absolutely hilarious. Oh my God. And I went, you're 100% forgiven. I said, you're the fucking best dude, thank you for this so much.

Starting point is 01:11:31 And he goes, let me pay you. And I said, what? And he goes, I'll give you $5. And he gave me $5, he goes, are we good? And I went, yeah, and he goes, let me sign it. And he signed the $5 bill and he gave it to me. And he was like, the coolest fucking guy in the world. He got me back in a heartbeat

Starting point is 01:11:56 Son I was texting with son. I was like boom. I go. Thank you for no, he didn't thank you for doing that I was so his son's cool shit is that his son. Why do you have this isn't the first time this has happened? Let's make a man. What if he you go you go all is forgiven and he goes And spit right in your face. What would you have done? I would have fucking laughed hysterically and been like you got me good Serve that I would have a better that yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Gene Simmons is a fucking gangster And I've texted with his son a bunch you can I pitch you an idea? No, okay go We should do a secret podcast that we don't tell our partners about. It'll make them mad.

Starting point is 01:12:29 And we'll just put it on Patreon. It'll make them mad. We'll just put it on Patreon. And we'll change our names. We'll change our names. Yeah. It'll be called. Bad Bears.

Starting point is 01:12:38 It's called Bad Bears. That's not Bad Bears. Bad Bears is okay. We should do Bad Bears. Yeah, yeah. We're two friends. I mean, I've so bad. We should do a bad bear. Yeah, yeah. Or two friends. I mean, I've always wanted to do this as a podcast name. And it'll make him mad.

Starting point is 01:12:50 But I still want Griffin without Griffin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'll make Eric mad, but I've always wanted to do that. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:01 Yeah. Okay. We should do a show called, what's the Superman's name? Henry Cavill. Yeah. Henry Cavill on the Ben Affleck show. And we'll just, and me and you'll do it on a secret,

Starting point is 01:13:11 on the DL, they'll never know about this. They will. No, they'll never know. And Andrew will be so mad. And we do not tell them. You probably do. And it's just on Patreon. And we charge like 50 cents.

Starting point is 01:13:21 Okay. Like we probably charge nothing on Patreon, but we just do it on the DL. Can we dress differently? Yeah, and what we can do is but we just do it on the DL. Can we dress differently? Yeah. And what we can do is we'll just do it over the phone. No, no, no. We gotta be eye to eye. I would love to be. Yeah, we gotta be eye to eye.

Starting point is 01:13:33 Anyway, thank you for listening. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah, woo, yeah.

Bad Friends - The 2 Dumbest Comedians Alive

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