Bad Friends - When the Plane Goes Down

Episode Date: July 26, 2021

Thank you to our Sponsors: https://www.liquid-iv.com code: badfriends &  https://www.meundies.com/badfriends &  https://hellofresh.com/badfriends14 code: BADFRIENDS14 & https://www.coinbase.com/badfriends YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Audio Subscribe: https://apple.co/31Jsvr2 Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com  0:00 Rudy University Merch Announcement   1:19 Rudy doesn't want to have a nice moment with Bobby  5:52 Bobby's last two words on a plane crash  14:21 Rudy's bad attitude  17:20 Cheetos that taste like state 24:23 The Jenga champion and the magic from Shin Lim  35:06 Kissing Bradley Cooper  44:32 Bobby's experience at a mix sauna 48:26 Tanning your nuts  53:13 Andrew's favorite prank videos  59:20 Kevin Samuels gives the best relationship adviceMore Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo, what up, bad friends? Guess what? We got new merch, baby! Yes, the Rudy University series. This is the Rudy University shirt in black. We also got the gym shorts. We got gym shorts for you, the Rudy University gym shorts, and the Rudy University shirt in meron.

Meron. So, go to badfriendsmerch.com to snag those right now, badfriendsmerch.com. It's right down below. You know how to get it. You can snag this stuff before it all goes and sells out. Also, I'm on tour. AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. I'm going to be in Denver.

I'm going to be in Nashville. I'm going to Boston, and we're adding 22 cities in two weeks. We'll be adding all of the cities I'm going to, but come see me, Denver, Nashville, Boston, and many, many more at AndrewSantino.com, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends. I just got off an airplane. I just got in from Houston. Yee-hoo! How was it? Pretty good, dude. Sold out?

Sold out. Four shows and hoos. Did you meet Raymond yet? Did you meet Raymond? Who's Raymond? He's the general manager. All of them over there. Uh, no, I didn't meet a GM.

So, when we were driving here, this is what Jules goes. What? What does he say? We had a really nice moment, because we're driving, and she goes, um... Can you play American Pie? Can you play? American Pie. Oh, the song American Pie?

The song American Pie. Really? So, I'm driving, and I'm like, you know what I mean? Trying to find it. Yeah. We park. I finally have it on. Right?

And I go... The music starts playing. Bye. You know, I don't want to sing it, because I want to get flagged, but, like... Now, you can sing it if it's original. Go ahead. Do your version. Bye, bye, Mr. American Pie.

Yep. Right? And I'm kind of, like, dancing a little bit, because... And she's sitting there, and I'm like, this could be a moment. Between you guys? Yeah, like a cool summer moment, you know, and we're listening to a fucking song that she requested, and her uncle, you know, and my niece, we're just having a moment. Yeah.

And she goes, let's go inside, Andrew's waiting, and I go, you know, let's have a moment. No, I don't want to. Right? And I go, we're finishing the song. Right? And I sit there, and when I'm trying to get the song, and she does not want to have a moment with me. Why don't you want to have a moment with Tito?

Because we're late. No, you weren't late. Well, you were already late. It didn't matter. So, at that point, just enjoy it. Do you not like having moments with him? Is that what it is? Are you scared of having, like, a really nice, sweet moment?

No, I'm okay with it. All right, well, let's have one right now. I want you to look him in the face right now and say, Tito Bobby, I love and respect you. You mean the world to me. And then we're going to play American Pie... You can't play it, huh? We can play it. You can play it in your own version.

Okay, ready? So, let's do it again. Turn on the radio. So, say... Tell me to play the song. Tito Bobby, can you play American Pie? Excuse me, sweetheart. Which is what I would say.

My lovely sweetheart. Excuse me. Can you play American Pie? Oh, sweetheart. My love. I'll play it. Play. Bye, bye, Miss American Pie.

Don't do that with your face, let's have the moment. Okay, good. Yeah, fuck it. It's not working. Why don't you... Why don't you want to participate and have a moment with him? You know, he's getting older and he thinks about this stuff. My parents do this too.

They're getting older and they want to soak up these moments because they're fleeting. You only got... Seriously, think about this. I don't know. You have 30 summers left. That's it. Maybe even less, probably 20 summers. Isn't that crazy to think about?

It's crazy. 20 summers. 25 summers left. And when I look in the mirror now, I go... I literally think, oh, you're dying. You're dying. Like, I could see the bags on my eyes and the wrinkles and the liver spots forming, right? Yep.

And I could just see when I get up, I go... I have to make a noise. My knees, you know, my back, right? So it's like, I'm dying. He's dying. You don't want to have a fucking moment with me? Why not, Rude? I don't know.

I'm tired. She's tired. She's tired. You're tired a lot. Yeah. You know, she's tired. I get why she's tired because she died a busy day today. She saw a black widow.

Oh. And? That's it. That's it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's it? I'm so tired.

That was your day? Yeah. Oh, cool. Then I got home, had to make dinner, clean up the house, and do my laundry, and then I got here on time. So shut up! Yeah. Black widow.

Black widow. How did you like it, though? It was good, wasn't it? I heard it was good. What was it? It was the biggest box office since... Top to the bottom. Top to the bottom of the box office.

Yeah. You know what I also saw last night, which I didn't want to like? I finished Manifest, by the way. Did you see the whole season? I did not. I didn't. I just couldn't get through what I... I couldn't get through...

No, how many episodes did you get in? Five? Yeah. Six? I don't even know. Yeah. I know. Look at me.

Let him go. No. Yeah. I can't break it. You know what I mean? I had... There was a moment where I was like, is this a bit? No.

You make me watch this as a bit? I'm on the plane watching Manifest. I'm not saying... It's good in a bad way. It's like what Lost was. But Lost was pretty... Lost was kind of good. Lost had good moments.

You know what's weird when you're watching a plane crash on the airplane? Yeah. Because people look over at you watching people... Oh, that's so funny. ...on a plane crash on an airplane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the turbulence and the lights go out and the guy looked next to me and looked at him and I was like...

I always thought... Because we fly a lot and I always think to myself... This is the one. This is the one. And then I've had turbulence where I was really bad. Me too. And I'm always thinking like, if we were really soaring down and they lost complete control like the engine is out and the lights are going off and people are screaming, what I would

do? What would I do? What would you do? I don't think I would scream. I've asked this before. I said, if you could only yell out two words, what would your two words be? Suck on. Suck on?

Yeah, yeah. Suck on. Suck on. Because I'd probably see a hot chick. Right. Suck on. And we're going down and I think the cheating at that point, I'm dying. Right.

And you think she's going to undo her seatbelt and be like, okay. Maybe. I don't know. Probably eye out. I always eye out the hottest chicken thing. Right. So if she's like five rows behind me, right, I'm probably trying to go suck on. Right.

Suck on. And she goes, okay. Right. We would be like, it would be difficult. It would be difficult. And then I would pull it down. Right. And we're like trying to.

Suck on. Suck on. We're trying to balance. Right. I mean, I'm not trying to be aggressive, but I would have to grab her head. I mean, I guess because the plane is moving. Yeah. Shitting all over the place.

Hold myself. You know what I mean? Right. And then as she's doing it, the plane would level out. Right. And I'd just be like, sorry about that folks. That was just a little bit of turbulence there. But then what would you, I hope nobody has their dick out and they yelled suck on in

the middle of that crash. But would you tell your girlfriend? Yeah. You'd have to. I don't think so. You, because you almost died. Because I didn't come. Oh right.

Okay. Then yeah. I didn't come. I think if I came, that's the rules. If you're in a dying situation, but then other people, probably two or three people on the plane, maybe recognize me. Do you think? Yes.

A couple of people. I think a few. Yeah. So I think they would say something. Right. That's kind of like those people that are, you know, there might be people trapped in that building in Florida. You know, they had to go look, but can you imagine this is sad and weird and gross.

Nightmare. But imagine you're trapped for like two days. Nightmare. And you know, you're going to die. Yeah. You don't know if they're going to save you. You think somebody just rubs one out. This is his last go.

Don't you want one last nut? You're like, I'm trapped underneath rocks. Yeah. And I'm just like, I've been yelling help for two days. Even if my hands were pinned. Yeah. Right. I would still find like a fucking pipe sticking out and I would try to get my dick in the

pipe. Right. And I would just do like 15 pumps. I would definitely. Yeah. And they would find my body with my dick. In a pipe. In a pipe.

Yeah. I think you'd want to go. You'd want one more nut. Yeah. But what? Like I thought about that when Franco was in that 127 hours or whatever. I would have fucked the crack. You'd have fucked the crack.

You would have fucked the crack. Yeah. You'd have fucked the crack. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting to me. Like if you're trapped and you know you're going to die. Yeah.

Because the chances of getting out are almost non-existent. Yeah. Maybe you want one more. Let's say you're pinned underneath the thing. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you have your left hand, right?

Yeah. That's all I'm going to add. I'm going to end there. No. That's not what I was going to say. Oh. What were you going to say? Are you okay?

Yeah. You're going to tap her to see if she was fine. Yeah. Tap her so you're okay. You're alive. And she'd be dead. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What are your last two words on a plane, Jules? It's going down. Mamp, mamp, mamp. Going down. And it's, oh no. Everyone's freaking out. And then Jules, you get to yell out.

When I yell, I usually say mama. Mama. Yeah. And then some more. Just kill the man. You yell mama. Some guy in the back goes, ooh. Mama.

Ooh. That'd be hilarious. The pilot's like, didn't mean to make you cry. And everyone sings Bohemian Rhapsody. That would be so cool. That'd be cool. What a cool way to go out. That's a cool way to go out.

As it's crashing. Wow. That's cool. You would start a song. You would start a song. That's amazing. I love that. What song else could you start?

On a plane like that? It's got to be a song that everyone knows. The song they play at the stupid Red Sox games is Sweet Caroline. Yeah. Ba, ba, ba. Sweet Caroline. It'd be embarrassing if you think, I'm going to start a song. We're dying.

And you try. And you go, sweet. And no one says anything. And you're just kind of like, oh, that's a bummer. You go, sweet Caroline. And everyone's like. It's so dark. Dude, you know what?

But every time I fly, every time I fly into Burbank, it's so sketchy. The runways are this big. And they have to barrel down. And this time we landed on the left wheel. And then the right wheel went down. And everyone went like this. Yeah. Like you feel it, dude.

Let me ask you this. When you're sitting, you know how when you sit down in the emergency exit row. And I'm not doing a hacky joke, but I'm like, a stewardess comes up to you. And he says, in the case of emergency, are you going to be able to help? Yeah. And you always go, yeah. Yes, of course. But you know, deep down inside, you're not.

Never going to help. Because I don't know how it works. No, first of all, I don't know how any of the levers work or anything like that. I'm pulling it up and I'm running out by myself. But is that all you do is pull it up? Yep. I'm leaving everybody behind me. I feel like there's three or four things you have to do with that door.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no way. It's that big lever cracks open and the door, the door swings sideways and pushes out and it's off. Yeah. I would just run. Well, if I was in the emergency exit road, I would be passed out and I'd just be a blockage,

I think. Sir. Yeah. They'd have to hop over my body. It'd be a whole like, you know what I mean? Extra thing. That's an extra thing to have to deal with on the way out. Yeah.

But you don't sit by the exit row anymore. You're a rich guy. You sit in first class, baby. But that only started in the last couple of years. Because before it's like, I don't want to say what my manager is like, cheap. Yeah. They booked the flights for you? My manager books the flights.

Oh, still to the same? It's just, you know, it's a 300 flights. So just do middle seat, Southwest. And I'd be always like, all right. Yeah. Yeah. The worst was when... You never chose your own flights and shit?

No. Dude, that's like my nightmare. Here's where it ended. So I... This is a true story. Mm-hmm. So I did the oddball comedy festival. In San Francisco?

No. Wasn't in San Francisco? I did the Texas run. Oh. So it was me, Sebastian Manoscaaco, Ali Wong, Tom Segura, a bunch of people, right? Wow. Game cook. Wow.

And... Big names. We're all supposed to book our own flights. So I have the manager who I have. So we all are flying out in Burbank to Texas. But we're all at the airport. Yeah. All the managers got their clients first class.

Except for you. Wow. So they get in first. Mm-hmm. And now I'm sitting there. Like, I'm also zone three or four. You're the back of the plane. Yeah, I'm the back of the plane, right?

Yeah. You're not even getting in. And I'm just like, like, literally thinking, should I fire my manager? Right? And then as I walk through fucking first class, these guys start throwing fucking shit at my face. That's so funny. It's so funny.

Segura and those guys? Oh, yeah. They start pillows. And they're like, boo. You see what I mean? Get back. You're like yelling, get back there. Back of the bus.

You little immigrant. You know what I mean? So I'm back there, and each one of them, through the flight, would go back there and throw me, like, peanuts or stuff that they got in the first class. That's so mean. It's so mean. But it was so funny. But that's big props, because you would, you, Bobby Lee, would do that absolutely to

somebody else. No. If we were on the same flight and I went past you, you would totally fuck with me. Yes, you would. Yeah, it would be so fun. Yes, you would. It'd be so fun. But you'd fuck with me.

So then after that, I got back in town, I said to Abby, I go, I just, I think we can do sometimes first class, especially in that situation, it's like. If you're flying as much as we fly, yeah, I get that. By the way, when we go to Cancun, when we do Bad Friends in Cancun, what does, does she get first class? That's a big thing. That's a big discussion. They're paying for it.

I know, but they're asking us what flights we want and where we want to sit. So do we put her in the first? Have you flown first class? I think when you'd never have, no, we went to Seattle and it was first class. Oh yeah, I put you in first class. You did. Yeah. That's very nice of you.

Man, you keep doing nice stuff for this chick. And now she just want to have moments with me. It's crazy. And you don't want to have a moment in the car where he wants to sing once. No. You know what, that right there, you're not getting in first class on the way to Cancun. And Cancun is not a close flight, by the way. Yeah.

That's a nice little trip. And in fact, when we land in the airport, you're going to find your own right home. That's right. No. Yeah, so start learning Spanish right now. Yeah. How do you say take me to the resort in Spanish? You know how?

No. Well, you better learn it, kiddo, because you're going to be on your own. And since that Tuesday she performed, she's got a little... Oh, she's getting cocky. I knew it, dude. I could feel that she was getting a little bit, because she walked in here and she kind of sloughed her way in and she goes, same studio, huh? Yeah.

That's what she said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's old news to her. And like one of the dogs is her dogs. One of the dogs is her dog. She's like the primary. Yeah. And this fucking dog is shooting all over the house.

And she doesn't care. And now, no, she used to, but now I have to clean it. Really? She's like tita babi with her finger tita babi. Oh, she waggles it at you? She waggles it at you? You got a lot of nerve, kid. Like you would?

Yeah, yeah. You got a lot of nerve. And then you know what she also did? Mm-hmm. Which literally was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my life, in terms of like my body reacting to it. Yeah. Like goose bumps, I'm not kidding you, from the top of my head to my toes, I cringed and

I almost kind of yelped. So I'm in the backyard smoking. You know what I'm talking about. And so I put the cigarette out and there's like gigantic, not gigantic, but a mid-sized metallic trash bin with a lid on it. Right. So I put out the cigarette and I always put the butts in there. So I lifted it up and there was probably, oh my God, there was probably 200 feet.

200,000 maggots. Ew. I know. Crawling up this thing, all the other, I don't, and then dog vomit. Oh my God. Dog vomit. Who threw dog vomit in, you did. Yeah.

And the maggots were all over that? Oh dude, you got to hose that out, kid. We already sprayed it with insecticide spray, so. Okay, that probably does work. I guess. Do you need water or are you going to water? I hose it out. Whenever the dog, whenever the dog pukes, I just hose out the bag.

Oh yeah, yeah, but when you have maggots, what do you do? I've never had that situation ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like when the dog throws up in the yard, I just break out the hose and hose it out. Not her. She clumps it together, leaves it open, and puts it in the hot summer sun. I put it in a plastic. If you find maggots in food or trash, you can boil them and the eggs together to kill

them. Boil them? Who's taking the maggots inside? Another option is to thoroughly sprinkle them with salt or spray them with insecticide. You did it. Boil. You can boil them and the eggs. Well, that's for the Filipinos because they eat them afterwards.

Is that how you guys want it? Do you guys eat maggots? No. I don't know. Funky overseas stuff. Oh dude, look at this. Yeah. This is, I got this sent to me.

This is real. Cheetos that taste like steak. From where? This is all Japanese stuff. Open it up. Let's see. I'll see if it tastes like steak. Yeah, try one.

Have you eaten one of these yet? No. This just came into me today. This is from a guy who sent them to me. Steak Cheetos. This is a guy named Sonny Hill Exotics and he sent me all this stuff. Look at this. Yeah, yeah.

Oreo Thins Vanilla Moose. That sounds good. Right? You've had these pink Kit Kats from Japan, right? These are the best. Does it taste like steak? Let me see. We got to give some commentary.

People don't want to hear you chew for three minutes. Hold on. Well, give me the bag. Can we taste it? Can I have the bag so we can, Jules can have some and I can? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. Here's my commentary.

Give it. It tastes like Doritos. If they just put some salt on it. This doesn't have a steak taste at all? That to me, no. Not even a little bit. No. I mean, I had steak for dinner, maybe that's what it is.

Be honest. Steak? No, but they're good. They're very good. It's not steak. It's not steak, but it's good. What is it though? It kind of tastes like, let's try another one.

This one is, let's see, this one is, what is that? Who can read that? That's... What's the symbol? What's the symbol? You can't really tell. Look at the symbol. I'll be able to do it.

You are Asian, you should be able to know what it is. That symbol is... Do you like it? That symbol is pork. No, it looks like pork. That's what I thought it was. I think it's pork. You do?

Yeah, yeah. Try that one, open that one. And this one is, this one is, see it says made with real beef. These are made with beef. Is that one good? Oh my God, it's terrible. It's bad? But kind of good, honestly, these will fuck you up.

Why? Because you don't know what it is. Because I don't know what that symbol is. Right, that could be dog testicles that you're eating right now. Let's see, this is pork. That was good. I like it. You do?

No. But it's good. No, it's not good. Let the flavor hit. Yeah, no, the basket. Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. Maybe that went bad. It went bad.

Give me, um... This is Jolly Rancher Misfits. And look at this. Yeah, yeah. These Oreo wafer roll sticks. Okay, what do you want? You want this one? This is real beef.

This says it's made with real beef. It's not made with real beef, dude. Give me the fucking, um... Made with real beef. Dude, just because it says it doesn't mean it's true. Of course it does. Everything is true if it's printed. Yeah, but everything is true if it's printed.

Yeah, but you could... it could be soaked in like some sort of, you know, pork broth. No, it says made with real beef, cranberry ginger ale. Okay. Give me the, um, sweet stuff. Which one? These? Jolly Ranchers? Yeah.

Misfits. Gummies. Yeah, this guy sent me this stuff. When we were in Japan, did you like these? It's okay. Did you like the first one? I like the second one. You like this one better?

You can keep... Here, keep them. No? I like Kit Kat. Yeah, you want to Kit Kat. Okay. These are fucking... Dude, these are fucking amazing.

Bob. I'll eat one later. Liquid IV! Oh, dear God, I hate water, but you know what, when it's mixed with liquid IV, it's heaven on earth. Boy, when? No. Because I'm getting nutrients and vitamins and different things.

The hot summer months are here, man. Yeah. You know, you need to be proactive and keep your body fueled up and hydrated. One stick of liquid IV in 16 ounces of water hydrates faster and more efficiently than water alone because boo water throw in some flavors like watermelon, strawberry, lemon, lime. It sounds and tastes delicious. Yeah. How do you use liquid IV?

I take it first thing in the morning. I usually take it when I wake up. I chug a big glass of water because I read that that's good for you, but I like to put stuff in it. Let me ask you this. Yeah. What do you love most about liquid IV? To be honest with you, I do like the flavoring is good because I'm tired.

I'm trying not to drink soda anymore, so liquid IV helps. It does taste delicious. I think the apple pie is my... That's my favorite. Yeah. Let me ask Jules a question. Yeah. Which hydration flavors or products do you like the most, Jules?

Which one do you like, Jules? Of all the liquid IVs? I like the lemon lime. Oh, lemon lime is good. Oh, that's a good answer. Old school. That's very old school of you. You know what?

It contains five essential vitamins, more vitamin C than an orange, and as much potassium as a banana. That's really good. It hydrates you faster, more efficiently than water alone, and also they're giving out a bunch of stuff. They've donated four million servings in response to COVID-19, so they're doing a good thing. So grab your liquid IV and bulk it nationwide at Costco, or you can get 25% off when you go to liquidIV.com and use the code BADFRIENDS at checkout.

Hey, Jules, read the last one. That's 25% off anything you order when you get better hydration today using promo code BADFRIENDS at liquidIV.com. Meundies. Hi, friends. What are you wearing right now, Bob? Oh, meundies. It's my favorite underwear of all time.

Not only do I like the sustainable, breathable quality of the fabric and stuff, but I love the designs. They're so cute, and the colors, and I have panda ones. I have ones with giraffes on them. I have pizza. Yeah, pizza, and they're so cool. Yeah, they are cool. They got classic colors.

They got the regular stuff if you're boring or you can have fun, and they go from sizes extra small all the way up to 4XL, so Rudy to Bobby. We both love meundies. We wear them all the time. They have great offer for our listeners. If you've never had meundies, you don't know what's going on because it's so comfortable and they don't bunch up and all that stuff. Andrew, Andrew.

You know what? I just thought of this, okay? What? I have a great offer for our listeners. I'll give it to them. Okay. For any first-time purchasers, you'll get 50% off and free shipping. Meundies also has their problem-free philosophy.

If you're not satisfied with any product for any reason, they'll refund or exchange it. No, Kavi, it's no question. Yeah. To get your 50% off. To get 15% off your first order and free shipping, go to meundies.com slash badfriends. That's meundies.com slash badfriends anchor. If you haven't heard about anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain.

Oh, please. It's free. Awesome. That's cool. There are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer. You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh, my God.

That's cool. And on the bus or the subway, you can do it. That's cool. Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many, many, many, many, many, many, many more. You can make money from your podcast, too. No minimum listenership. How about that?

You can make money with no minimum listenership. It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go, Bob? Go to the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. Cavites. But that condo collapsed. Look. Let me just talk about homework.

Let me just start in my mouth. I wasn't making a joke about the condo collapse. That's sad. Okay? That's very sad. It's nightmarish. It's sad. But also, I have thought about, sometimes when I go skiing and I go off by myself, if

I do a couple of runs solo, I genuinely get scared that I'm like, what if I got an avalanche and then what am I going to do? What do you do? They can't find you for days and days. You're sitting there. What do you do? But the condo thing is, I just want to ask you this. I don't think that, isn't there any way to get that shit?

Because they did a search and rescue for over a week, right? And if my brother or you or anybody was in that rubble, I'd just be like, get the cranes in there. Let's go. But I think it's not as easy as that. Because if you move one piece, another piece falls. It's like Jenga. You're playing like Jango.

Get the best Jango fucking players in the world. Who's the best Jenga player in the world? Look that up. Yeah, yeah. Get him out there. Get the best Jenga kid out there. It's kind of like how the Japanese kids are with the Rubik's Cube. They know these guys, they can do it in like May 13th at his home in Pima County, Arizona.

Ty Star Valentini officially bested his own world record for most Jenga blocks. Get Ty. So get Ty. So we call up Ty Star Valentini. Condo collapse. Call Ty. That's what I'd say as a police. Yeah, call Ty.

Ty shows up, right? Yeah. And he goes, all right, remove that piece first. And he labels them. He goes A6, B7, H4. Right, right, right. And then they can go, are you sure? The probability is 98% that that's supporting that.

He's like a beautiful mind. He's doing the math. There's got to be people out there like that. This guy, Ty, Ty Star, Ty Star Valentini. This brings me up to the most embarrassing that happened to me two days ago. I wasn't even going to bring it up. I'm going to bring it up. Okay.

Yes. Okay. It's that, I don't know if you guys know, but I'm obsessed with magic. Yeah. All right. I love magic. And I love my favorite magician nowadays is a kid by the name of Shin Lim. Shin Lim.

Yeah. He's the best. Where is he from? He won, not just America's Got Talent, but he also won the- Oh, I just know this guy. Right. Yeah. So I'm with Howie Mandel two days ago.

Yeah. And I'm like, you know, if I have a wedding, I want, if, you know, my dream would have Shin Lim help me with the proposal. Do like a magic proposal? Magic proposal. Oh, that's cool. Right. And Ty goes, oh, he's a good friend of mine.

Oh, that's cool. He's like, and you guys are like, he's Asian, he totally knows who you are. You guys are like Asian. You guys are Asian. So he'll definitely who you are. Yeah. In my head, I just assumed he would know me. I don't know why.

Because it's Asian. Yeah. Right. You would think, right, if another redheaded guy- That he knows me. He knows me. No doubt. No doubt.

If he's a comedian, he knows me. Exactly. Yeah. He's, we're both performers. Entertainment. Yeah. He knows me. He knows you.

And so Howie hands me the phone first. Oh, your face. Because he doesn't have Howie's number. They got his number from somebody else. Oh. So it's like, it's not as if when he called- It says Howie Mandel. He picks up the FaceTime.

And I'm like, hey. And he's like, no, who are you? He had no idea. Yeah. And I go, I'm a Canadian. He's like, no. Don't know. Is he flipping cards the whole time?

No. He's doing his own Vegas show in the Mirage. He has a- Right. He's a residency. He's a residency. Right. Right.

He's like a big star. He's huge. So howie takes the phone. Me to me, Howie. He looks like me. And now- Right, Orin? Yeah, yeah.

Now I don't even want to- Now you don't want to go see him. No. Let's go see him in Vegas. He said he'd give you a backseat pass. Of course he would. Now that that embarrassing moment happened, now he has to make up for-

I know, but have you seen this guy perform? I saw him on AGT. I saw that- This guy is so good. Yeah. His stuff. I mean- Listen, you can see like-

I know Penn Gillette. And it's like, you go to YouTube and you see like, you know, magic revealing videos. Yeah, like they crack the code. They crack the code. But a lot of the shit that he does, they can't even- They don't know how he does it. Well, that was like Penn and Teller had a show called Fool Us or something like that. No, that's-

And Shin did that. Oh, he did that show. He did that show and he filled them twice. Two times. Yeah, and then Penn just called me a week and goes, he wants me on the show. He wants you on- And like a guest judge or something.

On the Fool Us or what? What is the show called? Is it called Fool Us? I think it's called Fool Us. Yeah. So let's link up with Shin. Let's get Shin- Let's go to Vegas and go watch the show.

And then we should be like- You figure out how to- I've been itching to go to Vegas. Me too. I want to go. It's open. You know what she said too? Huh.

Her dream is to go to Vegas and go to clubs. It's not a dream. I just want to do it. It's a reality. Let's go. We can do it. 2021. Next year.

Yeah, next one. What month do you again? November, right? What if Shin Lim is the door guy in Vegas and we walk up, he's like, I don't know. Yeah. That'd be embarrassing. Door guys know who we are.

No. They're listening. Even today. Yeah. If I go on the road, right? Even before the pandemic, right? And I'll be at a, you know, at a restaurant or something after a show, like a late night and some guy will go,

hey, there's a club, man. It's like, you want to go? Right? Because I'm going to meet a bunch of people there. I strictly, I don't want to go because I might, my biggest fear in the world. Is not being recognized. No.

Not being able to get in. But they'll set it up so you get in. And that happens. Like we went to that, that, remember that ramen place, right? Called Jinnah. I love Jinnah, right? Right. The other, right?

Last week, we tried to go and they're like, no. You thought that we're going to notice you and be like, oh, we have a thing. Yeah. But we're like, they're like, no. Yeah. But that, but with Vegas, you just pay for it in advance. So it's all.

No. It rings in my head. I know. Okay. All night long. No. No. No.

No. Let's get the palm. Let's get the hotel. Let's get the room at the palm where has the pool, you know, that goes out over the, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's take a private jet. And you know who will pay for it?

What? George, their company. That's right. Their company. But you know what I love to do? They produce the show. We can go, we can go, we can get Shin Limit. We can get that.

Shin Limit tickets. We can see Penn and Teller because they're my friends now. VIP. Right. VIP Penn and Teller. Kara Top. You know, Kara, you must. We all know each other.

Okay. Can you call him carrot or? I can. I can. You can't. I have to call him carrot top. You say CT or carrot top. Right.

I can call him carrot. Right. So, um, do you really play? Cause. Cause whenever I see him, I've seen him five times in my life. I always say carrot top. You have to. And it's weird to see the whole thing.

What's up, carrot top? Have to. Yeah. Yeah. You can't say carrot. What's his first name? Spink. No, what's his real name?

I have no idea. I've never known his real name because I love it when you see a famous person that has a different name, but they're like, call me by Scott. Yeah. Call me by my real name. It is weird when he's like, when he's like, Hey, I'm Scott and you're like, you're a carrot top. I know.

You know what I mean? No, you're not. Your name is not Scott. Yeah. That is funny that I assume you assume that that other person, their real name, it doesn't exist anymore. Yeah. It's like that guy that did our show, Chad.

Yeah. Chad. That's his real name. I know it's not. Yeah. It's Tom. Yeah. Chad and JT.

And he goes, when I first met him a couple of weeks ago, he was like, just call me Tom. I go, no, it's Chad now for life. I'm not calling edge anything else. No. It's the edge. Sting is sting for life. Bono is bono for life. What is Sting's real name?

I don't even know. No one cares. That's insane. Isn't that funny? Yeah. At some point, what's Sting's real name? Yeah. Let's take a guess.

Hold on. What's Sting's real name? Leonard. Leonard. Yeah. That's such a good guess. What? Adam.

Adam. I'm going to say it's Robert. British. Maybe. Yeah. It's Matthew Thomas Sumner. Yeah. It's Gordon.

What's CBE? That's when you get, you know, is that when you get knighted by the queen? No. He has like a, probably like a CBD company or that. Right. Right. Marijuana. What is CBE?

Is that, that's when you get knighted, right? You put C, you're allowed to put CBE at the end of your or something. Okay. What's Prince's real name? You know? Prince's real name was Marcus or something like, Marcus? What was it? I don't know.

What do you think? I want to go for. Dude, this is really. Marlin. Marlin. Okay. Marcus Marlin. What's Prince's real name?

Michael. Michael. Marlin. What's Prince's real name? His real name is Prince. Prince Rogers Nelson. You know how dope that is? His real name is Prince.

That's pretty dude. Cool. That's why that guy was so cool. Yeah. His parents birthed him into being cool. And he was so androgynously cool. Like he wasn't gay. He wasn't straight.

He wasn't. He wasn't a guy. He wasn't a girl. Bro. He wasn't black. He wasn't white. I went to some NBC state. I was maybe the out front or something like that where it was like at a bar.

Mm hmm. He wasn't he and the bar was attached to another bar. So the only way to get to this other bar is through the shitty bar that I was in. So annoying. Right. Yeah. So he walked through with an entourage and I'm like sitting there with. I mean, there's a bunch of celebrities in the room.

Right. Like big TV stars and whatnot. Right. As soon as he walked in, the music stopped. You could hear no sound in the bar. Silence. And people just went. Like silent.

Like somebody had died. And he's just kind of walking through and everyone's just kind of looking on the ground. How smooth did he walk? Oh my God. It was just like he didn't have the legs. He floated. He was floating. He was like shifting through the room.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how he breathed. Right. And he just kind of floated. It felt like 10 minutes.

Yeah. I remember just like I was crying. He started. You started crying. Oh my God. I was like my lips were trembling. It's printed. I was crying.

My lips are trembling. And you floating by. And as soon as he left, people just started. Then the music came back on. I feel like that's what happens. Guys like him can stop anything. Anything. Everything.

Everything. I mean, I don't think you can have. No one has that kind of power anymore. Like the Beatles back in the day. Well, that's different. We could stop. The world. The world.

They could tell everyone to kill them. So they could be like, we're all going to commit suicide on the 14th. Everybody would. Yeah. It could be like, it could be the first day of like some sort of marine training. And people are like climbing the thing. As soon as the Beatles showed up, they just would freeze. Freeze.

On the fucking thing. On the cargo. And they would walk by and then they would keep going afterwards. I mean, they just have that kind of like. Essence. Power. You know, sometimes you do meet celebrities and they have that when I first was a PA. Yeah.

I met Bradley Cooper before he was Bradley Cooper. Yeah. He was kind of still like on the come up. Yeah. And I was a PA and I had to walk him to one of the executives offices. And we get to the office and he was really, really handsome. And I walked him there and like, he was really nice. He asked me my name and everything.

And I said, okay, you're good in here. And then nobody was in there. This guy's assistant was gone. And he goes, you want me to just wait in this empty room? I was like, I mean, you don't have to, you can go back. We can go back to the front. And he's like, you have a kitchen? And we go to the kitchen and I'm not kidding.

He's like, I just want to make something to eat real fast. And he opens the fridge and he takes out deli meat, like a piece of deli meat. And he wraps it in a piece of cheese. And he's just eating it, talking to me. But even him eating it was really sexy. I was just like watching him eat a hand sandwich. Brett Moran says the same thing about him. You're just sexy, dude.

Brett Moran was working at Conan, remember? When he was at Conan, yeah. And he's ran into Bradley Cooper. And I guess Brett Moran, they were talking face to face. And he had the urge of just going, like kissing him. Yeah, he was really hot. He was hot, dude. This is when I was shy and I didn't know what to say.

But if I had this opportunity, so it's not as big as... Oh my God, blow that image up. It's not as big as Bradley Cooper. So when I was on MadTV, we had a young actor, Ryan Reynolds. Oh yeah. Right? So Ryan Reynolds is sitting there with Dick Plessucci, right? Who's that?

The executive producer? The executive producer of Mad. And Dick goes, Bobby, sit here, meet Ryan. I don't know who he was really much, right? But I just sat next to him, right? And I was just like, you don't know what to say, like now? What are you going to say? Now, with who I am now?

Yeah. I would be having that guy's number in my phone in five minutes. Well, you'd be making jokes. Yeah, yeah. I would be able to get him into my world in five minutes. But back then... Yeah, it's so awkward. What's going on?

Like, I don't know what to say. Think about it like this. You know when someone comes up to you? Yeah. And they say hello to you? Yeah. Right? And they don't know what to say because they're a fan.

Yeah. It's the same feeling. You know who came up to me today in the airport? Who? A pilot. A pilot is walking. You know how they walk with like two flight attendants? You got to be kidding me.

Two pilots are walking with two flight attendants. We cross each other and he goes, Santino! And I turn like I know him. I go, hey! Yeah. And he goes, hey! And I was like, I don't fucking know this guy.

I have no... Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he didn't know what to say. He just wanted to say hi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, what are you going? What are you going? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it.

I was like, where the fuck do you think on a plane? Yeah, yeah. But you make them feel comfortable, right? I try. But sometimes the energy is weird when people say hi and I don't know what to say. Yeah. Like especially if they go like this dude in the bar at this big, this big jack black dude in the bar, he goes, hey, are you that dude from Dave?

And I was like, yeah. And he goes, yeah, I thought so. I know. What do I say? You never, you don't know what to say. I just go, yeah. You don't know what to say. It's me.

Yeah. Don't hurt me, I guess. I hope you'll like it. Yeah. Because what if somebody goes, hey, Bobby Lee, right? You're Bobby Lee. Black people do that to me. You know where they go?

Yeah. My dog. My dog. And they'll give me a pound. Right. And I'll go, oh, thank you. Like, because I want to go opposite. That would be weird.

Yeah. I just play to my fucking strengths and go, hey, what's up, buddy? Right? And they go, my dog. My dog. And I do a little pound. That's all I do. You want to really put them in an awkward position?

And they go, well, my dog, just bow and see what they do. Oh, that's where I liked it. My dog. What's up? Don't say my buddy? No. All right. My dog.

That. No. Perfect. No, why? They would love it. They go, this motherfucker is hilarious. Oh, yeah. They call you stupid.

That means they love you. Yeah. When they go, he's stupid. They love you. Yeah. It's, you know, I love black people. Yeah. Well, I mean, especially comics, because I just have an angle with all of them.

And it's, what do you mean? It's hard to explain. I'm going to try to explain it. You're going to say like a minority angle? No. What? It's a different. It's a, it's a touching me for a little too long angle.

What do you mean? Like they, like, no, like if like I see in Edwards or anybody or I saw Finesse, Mitchell Leroy, right? Right. And they, they're happy. What's up, man? And I hug, right? And I hug enough until they pull away.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. But you can tell like I'm bringing them in and they have to physically force their way out. Black guys have a time limit on how long. That's what it is.

Yeah. A white guy, you can hug and kiss me on the face and we'll laugh about it. I know. I know. You can't do that to the black guy. And I love it. And I don't know if it's like, ah, you're weird. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like don't, oh my God, like I'll like take my fingers. Like if he's sitting there in the MITSEAS booth and the OR. Yeah. And he knows, he doesn't know I'm coming and he thinks I'm a girl and I'll just

lightly in the back of his head do this, right? And he'll be like, he thinks it's Whitney or something, right? And he'll be like, God damn motherfucker. He'll like really get angry, right? He's, he loved it at first. He thinks that like God is watching and then when he gets to the afterlife, He's gonna be like you had seven gay moments. Let's play them back Like they saved all these times when something but it's so funny like whenever I have ever had like

Gay moments. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's you have to laugh them off Like when I go like when I went just a Monday I used to take us out to gay night clubs Yeah, and my penis would get grabbed the amount of times I was sexually assaulted in a gay night club every time I've gone out Every time just like grab my pee like and they pull on it like it's a yank chain from a toilet in England Yeah, like I like they grab it. Yeah, dick and you just have to go There's nothing you can do. I was at the Abbey. Yeah with my friend Mike who's been there, right? We're at a table. Mm-hmm, and he knows eight of these dudes. Well, they's there Yeah, they all know each other. They all know each other, right? And they're having right drinks

I'm having a diacos. I don't drink right and my knee right brushed up up against another guy's knee That's across me. I don't know right go, but you know that I have What do you call it clubbed feet OCD? What I have to touch things three times. Oh, yeah, OCD Yeah, so in my head. I'm like I gotta now brush my knee That's what I got two more times like right so I go one Two he thinks now that's a signal. Yeah, that I'm like that's like we're gonna go fucking the bathroom Yeah, it's tapping on the right so that he kind of like puts his hand on my knee like this. No, yeah But what do you do? You know, I pulled away and he goes he goes excuse me and I go excuse me and he goes

You guys I go. Oh, I'm not gay and he goes. I thought you were No, I'm not sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry, but it's like but you did end up. I blew him in the bathroom. You have to Yeah, yeah, you did it. Why don't you do the knee thing the knee thing fucked me Hello fresh, you know I get excited Andrew when I'm hungry during the day and I come home and I see that hello fresh box outside My door. I like it man bring it all the way upstairs, and I can't and I always look to see what it is Yeah, what it up, and it's the best and even a simpleton like me can cook it up And it's like no being honest like it's like real high quality gourmet food

It is delicious man They cut out the stressful meal planning and what I like about is you can get the the quick and easy meals 15 20 minute dinners breakfast on the go They have for like 50 menu market items every single week including ready to eat salads The sandwiches there's something for everyone to enjoy with all recipes designed and tested by professional chefs and Nutritional experts to ensure deliciousness and simplicity. Go ahead Jules Get better value. Hello fresh is 28% cheaper than shopping at your local grocery store and 72% cheaper than a restaurant meal without sacrificing the quality. That's incredible. Look, I do love this genuinely I use it constantly

It's always at the house because I need to eat something fast because we've got so much stuff going on So it's nice to have pre-measured out ingredients and easy step-by-steps to help you put it together very simply And I do love it when I'm super busy to throw something together You know we share hey guys go to hello fresh comm slash bad friends 14 and use code bad friends 14 for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping go to hello fresh comm slash bad friends 14 and use code bad friends 14 for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping Hello fresh America's number one meal kid coin base Andrew. Do you identify as crypto curious? I'm a crypto guy if you thought about entering the world of cryptocurrency

But felt like a little overwhelmed coin base makes learning to buy and sell simple I know a lot of people don't understand it I think it's some weird club or whatever But they believe that everyone everywhere should be able to get in the door whether you've been trading for years Or you just getting started like me dude Much coin such base you've been following cryptocurrency craze, you know It's a time to get involved right now coin base makes it easy and quick to start your portfolio and learn to trade like a pro If you've been looking to level up your financial portfolio, it's always good to diversify

Why not think about cryptocurrency backed by the world's leading investors? Coinbase keeps your portfolio safe and secure while adding crypto into your mix That's right coinbase offers a trusted and easy to use platform to buy sell and spend Cryptocurrency, yeah, that's right They offer portfolio management for protection learning resources and a mobile app So you can trade securely monitor all your crypto and one plates millions of people are doing this whether you're looking to diversify Or just get started get started today with coinbase for a limited time new users can get five dollars and free bitcoin When you sign up today at coinbase comm slash bad friend sign up at coinbase comm slash bad friends for five dollars and free bitcoin

This offers limited time only be sure to sign up today Rudy. That's coinbase.com bad friend. Nope slash Say that's coinbase comm slash bad friends would not without the laughing go ahead That's coinbase comm slash bad friends. Yeah, baby. Wait, I want to tell you something real fast before I Went there was a long line in the bathroom at the airport this image was singin in my brain It was so hard to not start laughing There's a long line and everyone's doing this thing when there's a line in the men's bathroom They're like you check that stall because people have to pee so bad. They're like because the stall doors are all closed

So I'm not kidding. I'm not I'm not fucking kidding I'm second to go and the guy in front of me is like really antsy and he goes and he's checking all the stall doors Well, they're all red. They're all like it green direct, right? They're all red. They're all red Yeah, well one of the locks wasn't locked all the way. Oh, I've done dude. I'm not kidding He opens it wide up and the dude on the pooper Goes down to grab his penis. Yeah, and he just goes like this. I'm in here I swear to God, I'm in here and the guy goes. Oh, and he closes the door What else could he say? You don't have to say anything we see we see I know but what do you say?

I open the door. You're pooping. There's like 17 dudes staring at you now. What do you say? I Honestly, okay, so I'm pooping you're pooping. I swing open the door That's it. Yeah, what if I then go oh and then I walk in and just start peeing right between your legs You gave me the nod. No, that'll be weird. I would never happen. I'm gonna piss on your chest. I'm at a cascade right down Okay, okay, that would never happen if it did happen. Yeah, then after that every time that happened I would say hey, I'm in here. Hey, I'm in here But at this point in my life, it's never happened. It's never happened before What would you say if a girl opened the door and you were in there?

If a woman opened the door in the stall and you're in the stall, what do you say? I wouldn't say anything. You just stare right at him. I just shut the door back. No, you can't it's too far away from you It's you're not it's not that close. He was in an airport. It's push back. I just stare stare at him. Okay Okay, how about this how weird I was in Germany? Mm-hmm, maybe taking a shot 20 years ago. Yeah, I was doing a commercial there Which one it's an IBM commercial that they flew me all over the place. Yeah, the one with what's with the space one? Yeah, yeah, right Joe picker. Yeah, so I was in Germany at a steam room Mm-hmm, and I was the only one in there. So I there's like two levels and

At the Korean spot where I'm at where I go right now I always go to the last level because there's no we're never in there and I'll just stand there You stand on top on the third level in the steam room and just stand there like this. Why do you do that? Why would you stand on like it's super hot? Yeah, and you know all the steam to be in every organs to my body. Yeah, so stand there like this, right? And then three in Germany, I did this three hot chicks walk completely naked. It's mixed. Oh, no Were they smallest dick in the steam room were they cool with it? No, they were just like what the fuck is this little Asian guy? What's the stars? Yeah. Yeah, it must have been like that. That was a gargoyle a part of the ambiance

Yeah, oh they included a gargoyle inside. I don't know if that if that's true now But back in the day it was mixed it was mixed like you would have old ladies and everyone would be naked They would so it wasn't a problem. It's kind of harmonious. I think it's better. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Oh, yeah, once you go to a nude beach one once you kind of understand Who goes to nude beaches? It's never it's never good-looking. Yeah, it's never the ones you want But it is always old dudes with long penises long They're always long. They may not be thick, but they're long. Yeah, and gray long and gray Yeah, great penises because I got to put zinc on it so it doesn't get sunburn. Do you have that Beatles on the long and winding road?

I'm serious though. Do you have sunscreen on your penis? Yeah, would you ever go to a nude beach? No Why not? You feel self-conscious. You don't have to get naked at the beach. You know that, right? Yeah, I went and you don't have to be naked. Oh, then I can go. I'd say you want to see people naked at the beach Yeah, she's getting curious. Like when I go to nude beach, I'm wearing armor. Yeah, yeah, the battalion outfit. I'm wearing a sweater Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm wearing a I'm wearing a jumpsuit when I go to a nude beach I don't ever like to I also the idea of your wiener in the sun is weird to me Why do you want your penis isn't supposed to have sun all over it? Well, it makes you but I who told me this Somebody told me that they tan their nuts. They tan their nuts

Yeah, they every day they'll spend an hour on the sun But they'll put their nuts in the sun and it makes it more Viral. No way. Yeah, look that up. Type in testicles in the sun type in testicles in the sun Let me go on like a testy in the sun Testicles in the sun Testicles sunning boosting testosterone sunbathing your balls. That's what I'm telling you somebody told me that Boosting your testosterone by sunbathing your balls. Yeah. Yeah, that's right testicle sunning or sun in your balls Not to be confused with the viral trend of butthole sunning, which is what I was talking about

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm talking about nuts the practice of exposing your testicles to direct sunlight you're gonna be doing it tomorrow I'm doing it tomorrow morning I'm gonna send you video I come with you a hundred percent combat. I'm gonna set up by the pool and do it And our nuts are nuts But how would you do it though? What do you mean? Like how do I hide my wiener? But tan my nuts. Yeah, cuz I don't want to see your dick I pull I have my pant on my short still on I just unzip my zipper and pull my nuts through my zippo go through the fence. Ah I see what you're saying put my nuts out. I'll do that too. Let's do that. Well, you want to turn our nuts nuts out

I'm so into it. Would you put on sunscreen you would 30 met 15? Maybe No, I'm not gonna you don't need it. You you're good. You can tan a little bit, right? Which which which which I want to talk about You know because wait wait hold on now, of course you might need less time on the sun based on your skin tone I yeah, it can cause skin damage skin cancer, but apparently The okay, so you really can improve your testosterone levels by sunning your nuts. Maybe this is something I need to try it Yeah, huh Butthole sunning is not butthole sunning. However, very different. What's the point of butthole sunning? It's really good for you

What they get they parent look there. They are right there. I know look at those fellas right there Yeah, yeah, but apparently high levels of vitamin D can enter through your anal cavity You know vitamin D is really good for you. So that's like really good to like sun your butthole Let's see that video. I want to see these fellas on their bus on my butthole full screen that papa In a mere 30 percent it's that guy or somebody he's the one that he's more You fuck this electric node see then you would in an entire day being outside With your clothes on so you receive more energy when you sun your butthole

This is so tight. I'm doing it tomorrow. I swear to God. I want to do this Can we get a picture of you and I son in our butthole like this? Yeah, I will honestly dude. We'll tape it tomorrow. Okay, come to your house come to my house Oh, yeah, come to my house and son. Yeah, yeah, cuz I get a ton of sunlight Because I don't want your wife to tape it. We'll have we'll have one of the guys one of these guys do it Okay, Pete. Can you come tape us son in our buttholes? He's got kids. He's not gonna. We do have to bring the kids No, but he's gonna tell us why I gotta go fucking tape the guys son in their buttholes. It's his job. It's my job

You want us? You'll you'll you'll you'll you'll check it out. So we'll do do We'll for like 30 minutes. We'll son our butthole. I don't think it's there. I think it's a 30 seconds. I Don't think you're supposed to sit in the sun. It takes a while for me. You need a lot of buttholes. I know I Don't think it's gonna work right away for me I think I have a lot of like layers of stuff buttholes son in yeah Yeah, so let's do like 30 minutes of butthole sonning all right fine It will do 30 minutes of not not no not sonning has to be much less No, we'll put stuff on it. Okay. We'll go get we'll go I'll go to this

I'll go to the pharmacy go to CBS and we'll get I'll get the sunscreen. Okay. I'll get different varieties. Okay, right? It's pretty rigid all right Bryce Can you do me a favor and get me another diet coke like this? But do the thing what you did with the lighter to open it? Thank you. What he oh just you don't know how to do that how to crack it open now come here I'm gonna teach him don't open. I'm gonna teach him. I there's no way. I'm gonna. I'll break the thing Will you learn please?

We have plenty of those diacos you have seven of those in that thing Hey We got a lot of diacos. I don't know how to I'm gonna teach you dude. That's how do you do with the lighter? Yeah I'm gonna show you But I'm gonna I'm gonna do that starts fights at the house right? I always go Where's the fucking ball opener? No, see I know here give me the letter so I can I'm not gonna open it You are but I'm gonna show you the way okay See you need to put sunscreen okay. Hold on. I have this one okay

You need to put sunscreen on your butthole right now. This has posed people right you should be sunning you should be doing it All right, we'll do it. So look grab it like this and there's one of two ways You can either brace it here, right? I like to brace it right here on this you it's easier So you just go like this and you see you're bracing it with this. Yeah, and all you do is crack it up It's really easy very very easy Let's see it like this look using this look using that as a Yeah, hold on let me see Bobby Bobby Bobby Bobby yeah, did you like that? Yeah, it worked great the boys were clapping downstairs. Hey

Now that you're in die coke mode what I want to show you something this will be good No, oh my god. This is my favorite stream of videos on the internet right now Go ahead. There is a guy there. Well, there's a group of guys. I don't know the origins So I can't I don't want to speak out of turn, but they play these pranks on each other Uh-huh, and you've seen this on the I'm sure if you've seen this if you're on the internet at all Okay, but look what these boys do to each other Oh, yeah They put Mentos and coke and it explodes into order to print that they do this to each other all the time

So it doesn't explode everywhere. He puts his mouth over it to let it stop the stream Yeah, but what can you do with your hand? It will never work, and it's funnier when it's the other way. Okay, here you go I know I love these guys. I know but it's do the one where they're in the car though I know it's great. It didn't used to be that's what I said when it started out They should do it naturally do each other in a car. Yeah, they would do it in the car, and then now they do it stage of course Look how big that thing is do that again Dude, it's so fun to watch. I know it's stage anymore, but it's fun to watch them have fun with each other I'm gonna be in that house party movie and

Oh, you'll do that. No, I'm gonna do it next week, and then I do it in August again Wait, wait, so I'm the only white guy in the house party. I swear to God in it. I mean Every cool black person and then me They tell me tell me who's in the house. It's like it's like they put up the they put up the breakdown And then we're like cool black guy cool black girl cool black guy and cool black girl Yeah, and Andrew Santino, and I'm like I want to see who's in it DC young DC young fly Erie Soleil Tosen Cole George Lindbergh Jr. These are all like cool young hip black guys. Yeah girls. Wow Yeah, they're cool as shit and we're funny and then I'm in it. I'm in it. It's a comedy though. No, it's house party

It's like it's a remake of that of a kid kid and plays comedy. Yeah I would play I don't you a cop in it. What are you? I'm an extra? I'm one of the dorky next-door neighbors like the white like hey guys turn it down. That's me. Oh, I love it Yeah, I love it. Well, like, you know, did you see the original John Witherspoon rest in peace? Yeah, one of the greatest He was he was in the original. He was one of the neighbors. Oh, I didn't know yeah, dude Oh, which is sad because if he was still around, you know, they would have had him play as like an homage again Right. I love that when actors get to come back to movies that they first did and get to redo it I'm actually can I be honest with you? Yeah, I'm envious that you're in that movie and house party. Oh, yeah

I mean it for three tenths of a second. It's not it's not even gonna be real, dude It's not it. I'm not in the movie for what it's worth. I'm like, all right I mean, there's a house party going on and the next I'm one of the right, so it's like there's always that yeah I'm always neighborhood movie, right? There's always that annoying neighbor. Yeah, right. So you knock on the door Yeah, there'll be a scene of you knocking on the door Like a cop or whatever and excuse me. Can you turn it down, please fellas? Yeah Well, I'm not gonna give I'm not gonna give away what the scene is but yes, I but it's that type of scene Mm-hmm, right. Yeah, you're gonna be in the movie and it's gonna be memorable

Maybe yeah, I could easily see them Um, the rooming me, you know, did they do you don't die in it? No, but something happens to you. Yes Something crazy something cool because you know, it's so funny. You know, how they yeah, yeah They reintroduced me to do something cool at the end. Yeah, yeah, something crazy though So that happens to you something that you'll that you will go. I love it I love it. Yeah, you'll because I love the Ferris Buell. Hey, Jules. You ever see Ferris Bueller's Day Off? No way I knew she has it. No way one of the best movies in the history of film John Hughes. John Hughes. Yo, yeah

Tim Robinson show I think you you should leave have you ever seen it? Who's Tim Robertson? Holy shit You don't know Tim Robinson is no. Oh my god Tim Robinson it was a writer for Saturday Night Live. He's an amazing comedian. Yeah Yeah, he had a show on Netflix called I think you should I think you should leave Yeah, and the first season was great. The second scene just came out. It's I'm not kidding. It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life Because you've said that before and then I've knocked out. It's knockout hilarious. Here's the product Here's the thing about sketch. I'm gonna preface this and I'll say this to our audience too

Yeah, and I loved him I texted him on the plane and I said dude. Yeah incredible The thing about sketch is and my this is my stupid opinion. Oh my god. I love it already. You either are hitting a home run Yeah, or it's a foul ball. Yeah, so here's what I like about sketches. Uh-huh Sometimes it's a miss. Yeah, sometimes it's a strikeout. Yeah, that happens in all of them Yeah, but the ones that are home runs are fucking amazing. Yeah, there's no double I mean key and peel had some key and peel had the classics and they had a couple of the funniest things you've ever seen Yeah, but this guy Tim Robinson is a fucking genius and I'm telling you dude Yeah, this show has some bits in it that will you will shit your pants. They're so funny

Oh, I can't wait to watch you're gonna love it. Yeah, you're going to love it. I already can see it in my head You're gonna love it. Yeah, it's he's quirky. He's great. No, I just from the photo itself Oh, he's so good. You mean, it's like, oh, I have to watch that. Have you guys seen it? I've seen the first season. Yeah, it's great. You like the first season. Yeah, I think this is better than the first season I like the first season, but I think this has more home runs in it because what he does in it He goes through this world of like Reintroducing characters and old bits from other which I love, you know, mr. Show used to do that Remember the same thing where you're like, oh, that's a guy. That's the character from this other sketch that he put into this sketch

Yeah, it's a callback. Yeah, it's really wonderful. You've seen it up Pete Yeah, Bryce, you never watched it. You don't have time You're gonna watch this. Hold on. I want you someone sent me this video I want to show I want to show you this real fast because this guy is my favorite guy Do you know who Kevin Samuels is? Have you ever heard him? Do you know who that is? This guy's amazing. This guy. So he's like a I'm gonna preface this This guy is like a motivational speaker

And particularly he talks often to black audiences is only like his directive is like Helping met black men and women talk open and honestly about relationships and sex and Presentation and he's a little Brutally honest, okay, so watch some of this just watch some of this You got a big day, huh? You have a big dick. I mean it's above average. I ain't no No, I asked you if you had a big dick. I just said was it above average? I don't know what that is really got a big Dude know what now you got a big dick. I know I got a big dick. You don't know I Mean, you don't have a big dick. That's the point. You don't have a big dick. You don't have a big wallet

You a bit your fat dude You got a lot of nerve thinking you should get choosing signals and five foot ten and three hundred pounds Making less than a thousand dollars a month at 20 years old And women should approach you what they get they don't even get a big dick Do the other guy and then he hangs up on people. Yeah, I do other guys like oh People call Bobby people call him for advice. Yeah, they let him shit on them. I gotta see more. Yes He's I love this guy. He's amazing Kevin Sam. Who's we a black man? Who's that? Who's that? Who is that?

Check your shit Get this big bitch Look at this little fat fool Let her talk Bro, that's why I just sat there and let her stupid ass talk This is why you're dying alone Ain't nobody rushing to try to make That was a straight bro, yeah, it's endless I've watched this I'm not kidding

I have to watch all watch hours of him hours. How do you find it? How do I find Kevin Sam is just you to Kevin Sam wait? Well, let me tell you one before this next one plays the funniest one. I think I've ever seen in my life Yeah, he's got a guy and a girl. I couldn't find it He's got a guy and a girl and he's doing kind of like a match a matching thing But he all he's really doing he's setting them up to tell them their flaws to each other Yeah, like making her go. What don't you like about this guy? Yeah, and in the middle He's adding stuff, so she'll go. Well, he you know, he's bald and he'll go

Yeah, he bald and he's fat and he got big ol forehead and he'll just like yeah Yeah, and they love it. They do they take it but but but is it is he a relationship coach? No, dude He is a life. He is a life coach. Yes, and particularly his whole goal was like to get away from these I deserve Stigmas of like a lot of times he would try to coach women and be like here's why guys don't want you This is this whole life. By the way, white guy cancelled. This is if this is a white guy. Oh, they're gonna kill They're gonna count they're gonna kill him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but but in the black and the black community Yeah, they can take this fun honesty and they go back and forth if you said that to a group of white chicks Yeah, they'd sue you. Yeah, let me see

No, man Marriage is a natural choice because if marriage was a spiritual choice God will be responsible for all the divorces And he is not but God created marriage. No, we did not Yes, no, we didn't okay. You're gonna argue. Okay You're not gonna argue with me because one I know what I'm talking about and I can first of all Even if you're a Christian, you shouldn't be arguing with me the first Correct What were Adam and Eve married?

Yes Who performed the ceremony? Jesus did oh Oh, yeah, seriously, I'm saying oh shit because you are you serious God Adam and Eve were married There was only one person on the planet. It was Adam God put him to sleep and he wrote Went inside of him took out a rib and said flesh of my flesh

He made Eve he presented Eve to Adam. They didn't get married. Who did the ceremony Simba? Are you kidding? They weren't married Let me see another one that one's okay. Hold on. Let me see another one and I'll tell you I'm five three. How much do you weigh? That's none of your business. I told you I was fat. Okay, we don't play that shit on my channel You get your big fat ass on somewhere I don't deal you big sassy ass broads As an image consultant and as a person and a professional there

It is you can be five three and weigh so much that you don't even want to tell somebody how much you weigh And think you don't get a man to marry you A high value man So you go ahead and go on back over and get your two piece or three piece or whatever you got coming from You know Chick-fil-A or Popeyes Do you think she talked to Brad that way? Hell no. Oh, I love this guy Kevin Samuels Kevin Samuels Can we find a way to connect with him to get him on this show? Wouldn't you love that?

Yeah, but it's like, um, this guy's great. He is great, but it's like, um, he's so mean. It's wonderful. It's mean, but it's not Big bitch ass out of here. That's really true What do you mean? Because it's like if you're a five three. I understand. Let me tell you something. Yeah The people that call into the show. Yeah, they they know what it is I know I don't get it. So I understand that but I'm just saying I'm just saying it's like all right. There's several ways To get a man, of course, right? So if you're five three, right?

And you weigh what 200 pounds. Yes fat, right? Yeah, right, but The inner skills have to be great Yeah, right. So for instance, he's an image. I know I know he's talking about image only That's his whole thing. Right. But I'm just saying that these women are calling. I can't find a man I know five three right shame on them for calling this guy. I know but there's just several I'm just saying if I was an like a consultant a life consultant. Yeah, right like there's two ways either lose the way Look look good or become an empire Right, right, right, right, right. There's only two ways, but that's not look if no the reason Kalila's with you

Is not because you're a good-looking five foot four guy Exactly. It's because you're talented and I have other things. I knew you make up for your flaws I look in the mirror long ago. Yes, and I used to young man and I went Okay, gotta better be love beautiful women. Yeah Yeah, I did. I've always liked it, right? And I'm not like the other guys my time's going I'm just gonna go for what I you know, I always am high in everything that I do Right. Well, because if you if you aim, you know, shoot for the moon, you'll stand up and end up in the stars Yeah, like for instance, I came into this business think I was going to be Tom Cruise

This is where I landed. Yeah, this is fine by me though. Your Tongo cruise now Right. So what I'm saying is is that like, you know, I looked in the mirror and I go What do I need to do you figured out your strengths? I had to go. I'm funny, right? I have interests, you know, I mean and maybe it's doing some sort of performance. Yeah, right? I'm not a good musician. So I did that earlier. I was that's not you were a good musician Okay, right, but it's like I think that I got to do something. So I did incredible Like risks at risk taking Like I would just go up. I have no

No experience performing really, right? So I walked up to a club and I just signed my name and I waited for six hours They called my name and I ran up there and I have no writing You know, I mean, I don't want to a seminar or I'd go to college for writing I just wrote down whatever I thought might be funny And 95% of it was junk But every week I would just keep going and then I would go three four five times a week and eventually I figured it out And then eventually I started getting women that were like above my pay grade pay grade. Yeah, right? So I'm just saying that I know what he's saying

First of all, what he's doing is entertainment like he's just doing this just to create content It is funny. He's trolling people. He's trolling people, but it's wonderful. It is wonderful. I want him on the show I want Kevin on the show But you don't feel bad for these women that are calling in I I didn't say any of the mean things I like listening to it because it's hilarious. Yeah, but he does this the guys in the first clip We saw he's like you got a big dick. Yeah. Yeah, and he does it to everybody. Yeah He's trolling you and by the way, that's my point is if you don't like him or you don't like the behavior of that talk

Don't call in don't watch don't listen. Right. Right. That's my whole point about censorship in our business at all Howard Stern has been the filthiest mouse Like here's a dude who's like i'm a vegan and I we rescue dogs It's like dude, he spent the first half of his career being like show me your tits I mean, dude, what do you mean? He's a shot guy even us. It's like I've read comments on bad friends Yeah stuff the worst podcast or whatever it might say the worst you did they think were the worst somebody had said that The worst or like there are so many worse podcasts unlistable, right? Every week they say every week. It's unlistable, right?

But they listen every week. Yeah. Oh, right. Right. So it's like it kind of is like there's way worse podcasts out there good for you My point is is that like I should stop reading that shit Yeah, 100 a hundred percent a hundred percent. It doesn't mean anything. You know what and you let me say this Let me say this because I'm going to close the episode with something sweet out of all the questions I got this this past week in houston a lot about you which was very annoying It's very annoying because she's getting a little bit too big for her britches and I'm getting a little frustrated Yeah, and they all asked about her because they love you and at the very end

One guy said I don't have a question. I have a comment. I just want to thank you And thank you guys for giving us content every week for doing what you do because it means a lot to us whether or not You recognize that we know that it's you know putting in work and time and effort and all that stuff So to that dude, I wish I'd give him a big hug I think that was amazing because I we do appreciate all the fans. I don't give a shit about Comments positive or negative. I just want to say thank you to the fans because it does mean a lot, dude It means a lot when they come to the shows and they're super supportive and they're excited about this Is us doing this? I mean when I'm being genuinely ended that last labor. It's very brave show. I did

They're all you know, you were you had left the stage Yeah, and I literally tried to be vulnerable and I said and I really meant it. I said I just I like you guys Have recreated me. It's reinvented. You reinvented me. Yeah, and I feel like you know, I've I've had fans before But not this intense and personal and so it's like when they come up to me and they go Can I get a photo or I I talk to them like regular like it's regular It's like it is. I think I think that look them in the eyes. I thank them I say I take every photo and I'm and I'm just very like

In awe of it and I you know, I know that we do what we do You mean as a service, you know, whatever but we love it. We get it back though from them Oh, yeah, dude, and it fuels us and it's like it literally is just the most amazing Life that I could ever imagine We love you guys You do it I thought you were gonna do it with me. I was really it Let's do it really softly and quietly because we mean it

Yeah, thank you for being a bad fan