Bad Friends - You Are Always With You

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Thank you to our sponsors: DoorDash code: BADFRIENDS & http://aveovision.com/badfriends & http://buyraycon.com/badfriends Watch on YouTube: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Bad Friends is a comedy podcast with hosts Bobby Lee & Andrew Santino. More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com/ More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantino... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com/ More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Produced by George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Anchor if you haven't heard about anchor It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain. Oh, please It's free. Awesome. That's cool These are there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer You do it from your phone like on the go. Oh my god That's cool the bus or the subway you can do it. That's cool Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify Apple podcast and many many many many many many more You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership. How about that? You can make money with no minimum listenership

It's everything you need to make a podcast all in one place. Where do we have to go Bob? Download the free anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started. I Just think that and this is just my humble opinion Yeah, that you just maybe need a little bit more spirituality in your life. First of all, I grew up a Catholic So you don't fucking know that spiritual. Yeah. Well, that fucks you up It makes you not want to be spiritual more namaste spiritual namaste. It's hard to get to when you're when you're when you're Catholicism is your youth But what I'm saying is is that can you be at least be open to it or no? Do some meditation. No, because as a young Catholic you learn to not be open if you're open. That's when you get caught

You're gonna change man. You're gonna fucking change. That's what I'm asking you. Clinch and bury. No, no, no. Clinch. Buri. Clinch. Buri. Because people like me are gonna get affected. Clinch your butt. Buri your emotions. Because people like me are gonna get affected right? One day you're gonna snap right? And then I'm gonna be the one that's shot. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White food and asian dudes. You two are disgusting. Are you two or something? We're bad friends. Jules, are you ready to start? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

She doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she doesn't wanna be here. Isn't it crazy that you brought a 14 year old girl to the studio? Yeah, well, um, I don't know if it's crazy, it's not my fucking daughter. What do you mean, it's not your daughter? You think that fucking, you think that person right there is my fucking daughter. That's not your kid? No, it's fucking Juliana... Juliana is...

That's wait, you're male. That's Rudy Giuliani. You look good. Rudy Giuliani. Rudy! That's her nickname. Her nickname is Rudy. Rudy! So, um, my sister's older sister, Honey. Honey. Honey. Honey. She's a Filipino lady and she lives in the Philippines and she had her oldest daughter is Giuliana.

You're the oldest daughter of all the girls. How old are you? Eighteen. She's fourteen. No, are you really eighteen? Yeah, she's eighteen. That's why people go over there because you can't tell how old they are. Right. That's why white weirdos go over there.

Yeah, they go over there, right? Because you can't tell how old they are. Yeah. Here's my wife and she thinks she's eight and she's forty-six. I'm thirty-nine. So you're eighteen. Yeah. Are you in school?

Straight A's. What are you now? Is it senior year or high school? What is it? What? Junior year. Is there a mic over there or no? No, because, well, George had it. Do you want her to have the fucking mic that George had? No.

We set it on fire. I burned it outside. Oh, you did? Yeah. We had a fucking ritual. What I want to say, though, is that I feel like you're breaking down. I'm having a breakdown. I'm having an emotional and mental breakdown. Because even today, you acted like a little bitch on the phone.

No, I didn't act like a bitch. I wanted to set this up. I know, but what I'm saying is that you know what you opened with? Usually when you call somebody, you open with, hey, how's it going? How come you haven't been calling me back? You're not going to return my text? Like you're my little fucking side bitch. No.

First of all, what I am is... Don't get angry. I'm your organizer. No, but say it in an adult type way. Okay. All right. We have an adult relationship. We're friends.

Okay, here we go. All right. So say it in a very mature way. First of all, I'm not your bitch. Okay. I'm not your bitch. Okay. I am trying to organize this podcast because you didn't want to do it via satellite.

You tried twice to try to do that, right? It didn't work. So we're in the studio together for people at home. We're six feet apart, six plus feet apart. Okay. We've all been quarantined. So we're doing this as safe as we can. No one's coughing.

No one has fever. And I was trying to set this up. This was hard. The next time I call you, why don't you just rub your little coochie? You know what I want to hear when I call you, right? Hello, Andrew. I want to hear your little fucking coochie. Little bitch.

So stop acting like that. You're acting. You know who you're acting like? A friend of ours. All right. That's what you're acting like. And I want to say this. Take it back.

No. Take it the fuck back. I'm serious. Take it back or I'll get mad. I'll kick this fucking thing over. I want to say this. You're not like him or this person that we know, but today you acted just like him. Okay.

Well, okay. Take it back. I'm not going to take it back. All right. I'll throw this on you. Fuck you. I'm not going to do that. Why?

I brought my fucking air gun. Do you have the gun for real? No, I don't. Don't. All right. Hey, but just stop acting like that. I came in hot because we needed to do this. Look, for people at home, let's inform the audience.

We tried to do this via satellite. It was fucking. A fucking wreckage. You know what? Let's, we'll give you a piece of it right now. Tell me you have lots of those pairs of pairs or is that just the same one? I just have the same one. That's just the same.

That's not like you, you don't have like 10 of those colors. You just have that one pair of that one that I always see. I have one pair of underwear. Okay. No, don't let the, no. Yeah. This is hard to do. I fucking hate this.

I hate it too. It's just, it's just not efficient. I can't feel you. I can't feel a vibe from you. Yeah. I can't feel your negative energy. Not being negative at all. So we just cut to a clip of how awful our interaction was on there.

It was fucking terrible. It was the worst. Here's why it was the worst. Me and you are great when we're together. I don't, if I'm separate, we couldn't, it wasn't working. It just, there was no rhythm. I couldn't really feel you. You look like you were far away.

Kalilah kept popping in in the background. Yeah. And trying to figure out what was going on. My people, my fucking people know. Yeah. Right. And they're like, if I have to go on the road back in the day and they go, well, can you do it?

Cause you're not going to be in town, but they want you to do this radio show on the phone. I'm not going to do it. I can't do it. Because I need to go in the room and I need to make fun of people. Yeah. The only way that you're going to get any good rhythm comedically in those regards, especially something like this, is if I can feel you.

I can't do, you know, and I stopped doing TV. I can't do TV anymore either. I won't do morning shows. Oh, you won't? I can't. You probably really weird on them. I'm so uncomfortable. I would love to see that.

You fuck with the hosts. I've seen what you do on morning shows. Oh yeah. I can't do that. Why? Because I don't want to be there. I'm so annoyed that I have to be there. I look.

It's so funny because I go back to a city, right? And when I show up, I go, where's, what's his name? And then every, every time I go back, they always go, yeah, that person didn't want to do it again. Yeah. They quit because of you. No, but you were, you, you, you weirded them out. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. You were weirded them out enough so that they one day go. We don't want them. Well, a bunch of comics did it like Segura had a run of stuff that he did. So everyone did that, but then when I would go, I would just feel so, it's so disingenuous to begin with. I just felt like, here, you be the morning host and I'll be me.

Hey, welcome back to Philadelphia in the morning. Hey. You've got, oh, a very funny comedian from the Joe Rogan podcast and from his, his mixology. What a great actor he is on that. Andrew Santino. How are you? Andrew? I'm great.

You know, that, that show's not on the air anymore. I do have another show that's on right now and I have my own podcast. So thanks for having me on. Very good. Very good. Tell me about yourself. Uh, I'm from Chicago, Illinois and I'm on the road right now doing stand up. Great.

Great. What kind of, are you, are you, are you like Jerry sign? Do you know Jerry sign? Fuck! Fuck! That's, I, I lose my, I can't do it. I, I, I, it, that's, you know how some people say they have social anxiety when they get out around crowds, they get uncomfortable?

Yeah. Polar opposite. When I'm in a room with someone like doing that thing, I crumble on the inside. Right. I can't handle the anxiety. It goes through the roof when somebody's like, so, uh, do you do, do you do any relationship material? I don't know how to get away from it.

I don't know how to, cause I can't be mean cause then I look like an asshole because you know, even when I'm not being mean, I sound mean. Yeah. Right? Like ask me, ask me what kind of jokes I do. So, um, I love the comedy. I watch it on Netflix. I love the comedy.

Wonderful. What kind of jokes do you do? Do you talk about relationships? Uh, it's me. Most of it is just me. Most of it is just me. Fuck! Fuck!

No, but I love it when you, you comedians, I love it when you comedians do your impressions. Oh, right. Do you do a very good Christopher Walken or a, or a, do you do a Donald Trump impression? I actually do an impression of you. I've done, I've actually. What is it? Please do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't, I don't know how to do it. You know what I want to do? I sound like an asshole every time I talk to that. This is what I want to say. Ask me.

Okay. Welcome to New Jersey's finest WKQM here in the morning. Today with me is Mr. Bob Lee. Bobby Lee is a comedian actor. We love this guy. We love this guy. Now my, a mad TV's finest, you've seen this guy, mad TV's finest, Bob, you're doing, how many shows, how many shows are you doing here?

You want to meet toky? Is this a man TV character? No, you want to meet toky the dumb dumb. I would love to meet. Who's toky? And I want to pull my dick out and do a little fucking, and then they have to go, oh my God, the cameras, cameras. That's what I want to do.

When you pull out your penis, you want to pull out your penis is toky farm. I would love to pull out my penis on a morning. I mean, I would probably get canceled. No. If I pulled out my dick in a morning news show, it would stay on the internet for life. But they would blur it. They wouldn't, first of all, they wouldn't put it out. Oh, it's live.

It's live. Yeah, but there's a delay. There's like a five second delay. Oh, there is? Yeah. But how about this? I think it'd be okay. It'd be appropriate to do if it was all men in the room.

Don't you think? If it's all guys, don't you think it's okay? No, no. Why? It's just a bunch of buds. No. Have you ever pulled your penis out in front of a bunch of friends? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So it's just a bunch of buds. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever masturbate with other guys when you were a young boy? Did you ever do that? Did you ever jerk off with other boys? So you did.

White people do this thing. White boys do sleepovers and they'll, boys will jerk off together. Something I had to learn. I didn't know. I, I've done, I can't talk about it. Yeah, you can. No. Bob.

I've done weirder things than that. I know you have. Yeah. You ever have a sleepover with other boys? Oh, yeah. What did you do? Come on, Bob. Bob, it's quarantine.

People need to hear this stuff. I know. Well, you know, uh, I did more than masturbate. I'll just say that. You have sex with other boys? No, no, no, no. Not anal. Not anal.

Not anal. Not anal. Of course. Did you kiss other boys' pee-pees? At a sleepover? Did you have another boy kiss your pee-pee at a sleepover? Let's just put it this way. I had a dude.

I can't say his name. Yeah. But... Say his name. No, there's no way. Say his name. He's got a family probably now. Say his first initial and then say his...

Never. Never. Never. And don't fucking do that. Say his first name and his last initial. No, no, no. I'm not going to do that. Mike F.

Tony Tony. Let's just call it Tony Tony. Okay. Tony Tony. Tony Tony. Tony Tony. We'd be at a party. Mm-hmm.

And he would just go, come here. How old? 14. Okay. Be drunk. Okay. And then he would just grab your head and make you blow him. Yeah, yeah.

Just a buddy thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a buddy? I would do it. What do you say when it's over? Nothing. That's the great thing about it. You walk away.

You pretend it didn't happen. Does he come? No. So he's just like, yeah, you suck at my penis. Yeah. And then he's like, get out of here. What is he saying? No, no, no.

There's no get out of here. It's just your... Because I'm not a bitch. Right. Right. I'm a human being. I have dignity. You're not a bitch.

He didn't just grab your head. I'm not a fucking garbage here. Yeah, I'm not some garbage piece of shit. I'm a guy that just sucks your cock behind a tree. No, you do it. And then you just kind of stand up. You don't really lock eyes. I look at the tree.

Oh, you don't look at him in the face? He looks at the sky with a smile. He'll just like do this. And I look at the tree with like, why did I just do that? And then we just go in and I'll just go to the party and start dancing. Wow. Pretend like it didn't happen. Is it?

My mouth is still wet. You know what I mean? Cheers. How many other men, how many other men made you kiss their penis? Three or four. Wow. Tony, Tony, Tony was Tony Tony. But he was the worst perpetrator, huh?

He's not a perpetrator. It's not like he forced me to do it. He just goes, he made a suggestion and I, and I did it. That's not. Okay. He said, he made a suggestion. He said, he didn't ask. He said, he didn't say, will you suck my cock?

He just said, come here. And he made you do it. Come here and just grab the back of my head and come here. That's not a, that's a force. Yeah, but I could just pull, I have neck muscles. I could pull it back and go, no. And I could speak English. Bobby.

What? You were forced. That was right. I'm not going there with you. I just went there. We're there. We're inside. We're right now.

We're inside the room. I closed all the doors. You've never had a gay experience? I think, I was thinking about that. The gayest experience I've had was like, as you were talking, I was like, do not have anything gay. Like that kind of stuff, nothing like that. No, but like at sleepovers.

Yeah. Like what? Boys will watch a porno and jerk off together. You've done that? Oh yeah. But you don't, you're not, you're not looking at each other. Like your dick is under a blanket. Yeah.

Everyone's pretending like they're not jerking off, but they're all jerking off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. White boys do that. White boys do that. But they don't, you don't see other guys penises. Yeah.

And you don't know that, it's everyone's pretending they're not jerking off. I forget to, if I asked you, you were never molested, right? I was never molested. No, you've asked me that before. I was never molested, but, but one time I got an offer from a distant family member. How much money? Was it good money? 60, 65 bucks.

Yeah. No, I was never, I was never molested. Yeah. I know a kid. Obviously. I know a kid and he revealed something to me. He goes, growing up. Somebody I know.

I'm not even going to go there. Come on, Bob. Bro, we're not, this is not, we're not going to fuck it out. This isn't live. We're not recording any of this stuff. We're not going to out people here. It's just that private thing that somebody had once told me. Okay.

About, it is somebody that you know. Yeah. That he grew up in his, he knew this multi-multi-millionaire in this town that he lived in. Yeah. And he would like text, not text, but call him and go, I'll give you 200 bucks if you just jerk me off. What? Right.

And he would do it because he was a poor, he had a poor family. Oh man. But that's like, if he's a millionaire, ask for more. More money. 200 bucks is nothing. Yeah. Grand. Start with grand.

Start with one grand. Yeah. If I was poor in a town and, and, cause you know, I wasn't molested for free. Yeah. Nothing out of it. Well, you got good stories. It's good for the bond. But no, yeah, you got nothing in return.

But if I were to get paid for it, I think it wouldn't have been at that as traumatic. What do you mean? You think it wouldn't have affected you as much? Hey, Bobby, how do you feel about it? I feel bad about it. Look at my new car or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

200 bucks. And how many times did he do this? I think he said about five or six times. And I, and I, when he told me to start him and go, that's, you should have asked for, you know, I got really kind of angry about it. When you have to jerk someone off like that for money, do you have to look him in the, how would you, you just look away while you do it? Oh, that's what I would do.

You, you, you would? I would look right him in the eyes. Oh, you'd stare him in the eyes. Cause I'm a kid, I'm a kid, he's an adult, and if you're jerking him off and looking him in the eyes, you know the guilt will set in. Oh, big time. Right. And if you just like,

How old was he by the way when this happened? He must have been 12. Jesus Christ. Like I was like 50. Like her age, 12, 13. Yeah, 12, 13. 14. Yeah.

You know what? If I was 12, yeah. Just to fuck with them, I'd make baby voices the whole time and go, hi, I'm here. Just to fuck with them. Just because I know he's a piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to get money that bad. And when I, when I jerk him off and I would sing that song, I'd go, baby shark, dude,

dude, dude, dude, baby shark. The whole time. Yeah. Just to get it. So every time he heard that, it would be cause he's a fuck. Dude, I said that today. Yeah. Do you know this is a real statistic?

This is going to blow your mind in to make you sad. Yeah. Um, I'm not going to say who I got the information from cause I don't want to out them, but uh, you can look this up if you have access to it. Since the quarantine, since all of this is going on. There was a projection that child trafficking was going to start to decline. Decline. Yeah.

Right. It almost doubled. 1.8 times. How? Dude. How were these perverts finding? What the fuck? I swear to God.

It almost doubled. The statistics you can find online. I haven't seen a kid in three weeks. I know. What are they? I don't know. I've been looking for them. Where do you get them?

I've been looking online. I've been touring around the neighborhood with an ice cream truck. Yeah. Yeah. They're not around. They're not around. No dude, seriously. And I said, I said yesterday, I said, where do perverts find, how do they find the time

during this thing to get even worse? But then it made me think they're shipping kids from, yeah, stuff like that where there's no rate. They need out. You know what I mean? Yeah. Was she, was she? No, I don't know.

I don't know if she was one of those, but she, what you, hey, when I send you back, when I send you back, tell, you just teach some sort of course, right, with the Filipino children not to get abducted. DoorDash. New year, new you, win back some me time this year and pamper yourself. Order with DoorDash so you can focus on you. DoorDash has something for every single lifestyle. DoorDash is a food delivery service that brings whatever you want, whenever you want to the

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For your 10-day trial pack for one American dollar. You're not going to get this deal anywhere else because just go to AveoVision.com. Bad friends. Do it. Did you grow up around a lot of lady boys? Yeah. Yeah. Why?

That's such a... I'm so fascinated by lady boys. I think it's why. It's such a... What a fun culture. You know? I know. What a fun...

And it's so accepted and promoted. I was in Thailand and I was shooting a movie in Thailand and I had sex with a couple of prostitutes, regular ones, but one night I was just in the mood. You know how you get in the mood sometimes? Well for what? That's for ice cream. I don't know. I just woke up with a tingling sensation.

For dick. No, just in the mood. In a mood. Yeah. Don't say the mood. The mood is different for you. I don't know. I never felt like that before since, you know, but I woke up and I'm like, you know what?

I'm in a mood. You're in a mood. And I am going to go down to the lady boy town, right? And I walked around and what happens is it's... I don't know if you've been to Tijuana. I've been to Tijuana multiple times, yeah. Where the kids come out of nowhere. The chick with kids?

Meester. Meester. I need money. Meester. Meester. Right, but in fucking Thailand, right, they were like, meester, I'll suck your dick, meester. And they were coming out of nowhere, right? And I had to like...

You know what I mean? Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here. Let me see. You know what I mean? Let me see your dick. Get the fuck out of here. But I...

For some reason, I was just like, I can't... I can't do it. What do you... I couldn't take that extra... You couldn't go through with the lady boy thing? I can't take that extra step. But the lady boy thing I'm okay with as long as they're of age. If you want to go have sex with a prostitute that's over 18, I'm fine with that.

Yeah. The problem is a lot of those lady boys are underage, right? Aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. That's my beef. That's gross. Fucking kids is gross.

But... If you felt like fucking a lady boy because you wanted to party because it was a nice Tuesday, I'm down as long as it's a grown-up. You are? So if I told you... I don't want to do it. If I told you that that's my thing, lady boys, you wouldn't look down on me or make fun of me in that way?

No. No. I've supported you, our entire friendship, with a lot of weird shit. I wouldn't look down on you at all. Thank you. That feels good. Yeah. Not even a little bit.

If it was of age, I got a big problem with the kid thing. That's a weird... You're pointing at me and saying, kids, I've never fucked a kid before. I'm just saying, she keeps nodding off that, yeah, there's a lot of lady boys that are little kids. There's a lot of kids. Yeah. No kids.

Yeah. I don't care about the adult stuff. Adults can do whatever they want as long as they're ad-grown adults. If adults are like, you know, I saw a guy on the internet yesterday, somebody sent me a meme. There is like a whole, this masochistic porn where guys will hang upside down from the ceiling on their penises and get hit. You know, people hit them and stuff.

And the woman spits on them, dominatrix stuff. I know what dominatrix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But hanging by their penis, that's a new thing. I've never seen that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm okay with all this stuff. Let me ask you something.

As long as two adults are cool. But I don't want to get in trouble out there, but I just want to propose an idea. Okay. Propose. Is why 18? Why is that number? Yeah. Because you know a thousand years ago, whenever it happened in America, there was some sort

of meeting, right, and a bunch of dudes got together and go, all right, let's make the kind of dudes. Just Christian white dudes, white dudes, white weirdos, let's make the legal age 18. And you know, there was one guy in the back who goes 16, 16, just throwing it out there. My wife is nine. Could we maybe skew it lower in some places? Yeah. Well, you know, there's some states is not, it's some states, it's not, it's not 18.

It's 17. There's certain states that it's not the legal. But why is it because of, why is 18 and 21, why are these numbers assigned? It's the arbitrary. Okay. Is that the right word? Arbitrary. Arbitrary is right.

Yeah. They do, they are arbitrary, but they, and I could be wrong. I'm not Joe Rogan. I'm not going to, I don't know the, I don't know how to delve into these things, but like, what I think is... Yeah, I want to know your thought. I don't have the truth. Well, what I've heard is, I think it's because they say your growth of your brain activity

and the development of your brain, when it hits 18, you kind of have developed your brain in full. So you're no longer an adolescent. You don't have adolescence still. But what if somebody, let me propose this idea. Are there 15 year olds, I'm not saying, but are they fully developed? Yeah, are their brains completely, is there any way to check that? Yeah.

And what you're actually saying is, you know, they say women mature faster than men. So I bet you an 18 year old boy is like a 14 year old girl. So then you're good. I also propose that maybe there's 21 year old women that their brains are not fully developed because I've met those as well. Most of them. Yeah, yeah. No, I think, I think what you're saying is right though.

Why are those the numbers? I don't, I don't know. Yeah. But also, like, liquor is 21 here. Everywhere else it's 18, right? Yeah. Yeah. Because the rest of the world thinks if you could fight and go shoot a gun at your country

for war, I don't know why you wouldn't be able to drink alcohol. We do it, I think, because we binge more than other countries. Because look, back in the day, like in the, like, early 1900s, kids, nine, 10 year old kids used to work in factories. Well, you also had a child at 15 years old. Right. So why did these laws and these rules come up? As we progress as society.

All right. All right. That's all I'm asking. No, no, but we live longer. That's all I'm thinking. Oh, we live longer. We live much longer. You said diet, 35.

Right. You would be a great grandpa. So you had to get your fucking in at 7. You had to knock it out at 7 or 8. Right. Right. Right. You had to go to work in the morning as an eight year old in the factory.

Get home. You'd pump your six year old wife. Yeah. You'd hopefully have a kid and, you know, and then you'd die by 30. Imagine those days when like in the, if you see dead order before the 1950s, people would just do cocaine because it wasn't illegal. Yeah. Right.

I mentioned there was like a 20, 30 year period where you can do heroin, opium and it was completely legal. It was just kind of, people looked at it like, as if I said, like how people smoke pot. Yeah. It's legal now. If somebody doesn't like pot and they see some of the smokes pot and they're like, I'm not really a fan. Yeah.

That's what heroin was like a hundred years ago. For me, like whenever, if you see old Western movies and TV shows, the Asian dude, there's three jobs Asian people have. Opium den. Opium den. Railroad. Laundry. Laundry.

Railroad. Right. Those three. I would be opium den. You would. Come this way, Mr. Jones. Right. And they would sit there on the bed.

Yeah. Smoke, be free, relax. And you know what I would do? That place is amazing. Lee's fucking opium den. Jesus Christ. Lee blows you too for no reason. Yeah.

You forced him to do it. He doesn't even say no. Yeah. Because what I would do is I would get people high. I would go through their shit. Right. Because they pass out. They fucking pass out.

I would steal some shit. Right. And then I would probably smoke some of my own shit. No, you wouldn't. No, you wouldn't because you would see the effect that it has on those people. All right. And you'd know that it would fuck you up. Right.

In fact, I think a lot of those opium dens weren't they controlled by the mafia? Wasn't it? Weren't they controlled by like the... What's the... I wasn't around back then. I don't know, man. But what's the new... The yakuza?

Isn't that the Japanese mafia? Yeah, but there were Chinese... I know. I know. I know. But I'm saying whatever the yakuza was for China, they owned all the... The triad. The Chinese triad.

The triad. Right. Didn't they own all those drug dens? Wasn't that their shit? I don't know if the Chinese mafia was around in the old west. Had to been. What do you mean? I don't...

Because I'll tell you why. Yeah. Is because the worst job that you could have as an Asian person back in that day, right, is... Railroad is one thing, right? But there was a division that had dynamite duty. Yeah, dynamite. It was always the Chinese.

Yeah. Right? So if they had mafia or some sort of union, there would have been somebody that stepped on and goes, oh, no, we're not going to do that anymore. Right, right. That was... Right. Yes.

So there was any kind of, you know, mafia to help... That just depends on how protected you are, right? Yeah. You can't protect everybody. I want to ask you this. This is a very serious moment. Dead serious. Do you think...

Do you think the statistics that they're kind of skewing online and not really opening up about, about Asian people, specifically Chinese people getting attacked in public, is... Do you think it's a real thing? Do you think it's becoming a real problem? I'm being serious. I read a news article that said people are spitting on Chinese people now when they see them in public.

I'm dead serious. Yeah. I mean... I don't... You think this is inflated or this is real? Listen, all I can talk about is my own experience and online and the little bit I've been out, I have not experienced any kind of... Since the virus, if you're out in public, have you ever heard of racial slur?

No. I know we live in a very insular place here. Have you jewels? Have you ever had someone... No. No, nobody? Nothing. Have you ever had someone go out in public or no?

Because I think that... I'm sure it's real. But here's the thing. I've come with... I come with my experiences with racism before this event and I do have feelings about that, but those feelings haven't changed. I still believe there are massive amounts of people in America that are racist, right, in the middle, some in the middle, some in the south.

No, you're not. No, I'm not. You're absolutely not. No, I know. I'm not. I come with. So I think those people are maybe extra racist during this time period, but it's like I don't know if racism has clicked up.

That's right. Yeah. Because that's what a lot of this stuff says. They say, like, Trump's rhetoric is making people more racist, you know, they're saying because they called it the Chinese virus, which we joked about before and the kung-fu. It's like, is he making people more racist? And I think you're not going to be more racist than you already were a fucking racist. And I don't think this is like imploring people to go do more racist shit.

If you're a dumb jackoff that's a racist, you were going to do whatever you were going to do because you're, I don't think this, I don't think this changes things. That's my point. I just don't. I don't think so. But I do think that maybe if people are more, it gives them power to be more vocal about the racism. Sure.

Yeah. So I think that that could be the case. They could, they could post on their Facebook to all their creepy friends, like fucking goddamn fucking jinx again, and they get away with it because now, you know, because of now what's going on and no one, no one, no one gets on them about it because people around them that think like they do go, yeah, fucking fucking Chinese. So it loops. So maybe.

I do believe that for some reason or another, because of who's in charge, it's given, it's given power, right, to the one, like before you were able to hide the shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? Hey, our president's number one on Facebook. Number one. Number one on Facebook. Yeah.

What number are you on Facebook? I don't care. We're in a pandemic. Listen. I'm not on Facebook. I know. But when he said that, I laughed. I'll tell you why.

When he said, I'm number one on Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. When he said that, right, Trump. Yeah. I imagined, right, some guy hooked up to a respirator, right, in a hospital going, good job. Why?

That's awesome. I don't know why, but that just came in, yeah, you know what I mean? One paralyzed guy being excited. Here's the thing is that, regardless if he's, I don't know if he's a good president or bad president, but it's like, hey, man, there's just a time to say something. Yeah. And there's a time not to. That's the thing.

It's like, instinctually, you know, I want to post certain things, but I pass it, I call other people. Well, you ask Kalyla before you post. Yeah. I'll go, Kalyla, do you think this is weird? And she'll go, no, dude, that's just so fucking narcissistic. Why would you post that? You go, you're right.

Who's the comic that you call before you tweet something? Is there someone that you call? For black stuff? It's Ian Edwards? Yeah. He's my guy. Yeah, Ian Edwards. I'm not kidding.

I'm not neither. Ian Edwards is the first one. Ian is my guy. If I have a tweet that might be racist, I always go, is this racist? And he will genuinely go, yeah, no, that's fucked up. One night I was at the improv, I was at the improv and I'm not going to say who's, I'm not going to say who it was, but there was a buddy, a comic I'm friends with, black comic who was on stage.

And you know, look, it's a typical thing in our culture that we joke about that black guys run the light on stand-up shows. It's just a joke. It's not a joke. No, but it's a scientific. It's a fact, but it's a joke. It's a joke with us, right? We always joke about it.

Yeah. Black comics usually run the light. I don't care that it's not racist. It's a fact if you're a comic. It's something we joke about, right? Mexicans do it too. Yeah, but they deserve it. Do I have to give them a little time?

Okay. No. So he was running the light and I, and I put something in my Twitter drafts and I asked Ian about it and I said, is this bad? It's not a mean joke. I just said, every time a black, every time a black comic smacks the mic on his leg, another one runs the light. That's funny.

And he was like, he was like, no, that's not, that's not that bad. But I ended up not doing it because I was afraid. I would, I just didn't want the thing because Twitter was so volatile at the time. Yeah. Remember when anything that anybody would say people were like, and they would jump on you about it? Yeah. That's another thing that you just brought up though.

My pet peeve is, is that, and I'm not saying a lot of white comics do it as well, but it's like when a joke, when they tell a joke and they laugh at it themselves and then they, you know what I mean? Smacked the mic on the leg. Smacked the mic on the leg. I hate it. It, it, it drives me. Well, Chappelle does it a lot and I think a lot of comics, yeah, but I think a lot of

comics stole it from him. That's what it is. It's just, he started it and it's fine when he does it because what he's saying is very, very funny. It would make him laugh, but now comics do it when it's not funny. Yes. It drives me nuts. Smacking the mic on your leg.

It's not your thing. So don't do it. And then the audience gets fooled into it, right? There's so many like little tricks like that on stage that people do that I, I know about. Yeah, we know. You know what I mean? There's a playbook. I know what you guys are thinking.

You're thinking, you know, when they say, when they start, you know what I mean, pointing out what the audience is, what they're, and then the audience laughs as if. Well, they give them the, so they give them the thing that they're supposed to laugh about. Yeah. So they go, and I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're saying, sir.

Right. So they just gave it to them. It's a trick. Right. It's a great trick. Yeah. There's so many little tricks that people do. Little par, little parlor tricks.

Yeah. I'm going to ask you a real question. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about this. You talk real fast. Do you think, I know, I'm on Coke. Do you think that, do you think you have to have a little bit of fucked up-ness to be a good comic? It's a never ending debate.

No, because I think before, when I started doing stand up, that was the case. But I think comedy has changed. Do you think everybody that's at the top is fucked up a little bit? No. I think that, I mean, give me a list of comic, I'll tell you who's not fucked up. I'll give you a list right now. Sebastian Monoscalco. Yep.

He kills kids. He kills kids. I know, he goes to a private island to shoot children. I imagine. Who else? Who else is high on the list? But Sebastian doesn't have any issues, I don't think. I think he had a, I know his sister, I've met his parents before, he's the nicest guy,

good work ethic. You know, he's not even Italian, you know that, right? Yeah, he is. He's Argentinian. No, he's not. Here's another one. Yeah. Al Madrigal.

What do you mean? Good dude. Al's insane. Al has massive anger issues. I know Al very well. Yeah. Al's crazy. He has anger issues.

Al will kill, Al will kill, Al will kill somebody. Al is a murderer. Yeah, I know dudes that will kill somebody that aren't fucking comics as well. What I'm saying is that- But Al is volatile. Al can be volatile and he's a crazy person. I love Al. He's crazy.

Okay. Let me call Al. Let me see if he thinks he's got, watch this. Let's see if- Yeah. Let's see if he's got any. He's not gonna pick up. Wait, what's going on?

How do I do this? Why wouldn't he pick up? You don't think he's gonna pick up the phone if I ask him? I think he'd pick up for me. Oh, well you wanna call him at the exact same time? Yeah, let's see. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

Well, I can't connect to the- Oh, now I'm connected. Oh, wait, wait, don't do it yet. No, I'm calling. No, let's do it at the same time to see who he picks up first. Well, no, because I'm connected to the mic and you're not. I'm connected. Hey, look at how fast that was.

One ring. Magical. I'm on the bank wearing a mask. Oh, you're at the bank right now? Oh, you're at the bank? Are you robbing the bank? I'm in the bank wearing a full mask and luckily all the tellers are wearing masks. Are you guys doing bad friends or are we doing bad friends right now?

Yeah. Hey, Al, can I ask you one quick question in the bank before you rob it and kill everybody? Do you think that you're a little fucked up and you have the capability of snapping and killing someone if need be? If it came down to it and I needed to kill someone, like let's say somebody was trying to attack one of the kids, I'd break somebody's neck or kill somebody in two fucking seconds. Yeah, but that's everyone. Okay, but Al, don't you think-

Yeah, we're talking about, you know, you know how comics have issues and they had fucked up childhoods and that's what drove them to do a standup. And we're talking about healthy comics that I don't think that had that kind of history and I mentioned your name, I just feel like you're typically just a normal, regular kind of a nice guy. Yeah, but Al, don't you have an undertone of anger? Yeah, yeah. Talk to us.

We'll document it. All right, Al. I love you. I love you. Talk to you soon. I have a lot of momentary regret. Bye. Bye.

He's the fucking best. See, he's killing it right now. I know, he just did Ben Affleck movie. What was it called? Basketball Times. Basketball Times. Hey, yeah. Welcome back.

But like, even if you- You know, he's second on the, he's second on the thing, on the billing or whatever when I saw his name. I know, it went Ben Affleck and Al Madrigal. And he is in another movie coming out, too. Yeah, he's got more shit coming out. Yeah, what a fucking killing the game. Ben Affleck, by the way, saw him at the Clipper game.

Yeah. When they were doing the premiere of that movie a month ago. Yeah. Dissed him. I dissed him hard. You dissed him? Dissed him hard. Ben Affleck?

Yeah, Ben Affleck, he turned around. He goes, Santino. And I go, yeah, man, what's up? And I looked away. Why? He didn't do that. He doesn't know you. Yeah, no, he does.

We got old beef, dude. Ben and I have old school beef. What happened? We went out and a group of us went out to dinner one time. Yeah. You know, and everyone's like- Why do you have beef? I'm not going to name names.

Ben Affleck are out at a nice dinner. But you, I'm telling, everyone listening right now, all right. You fucking guy. No. Yes, you do. Do what I did that. You want me to name names? No, but I'm making up the Ben Affleck story.

I know, but I know you're not. I know you're making that up. Yeah. But I just wouldn't, look how angry you're getting. But don't name any fucking people. I swear to God, I'm not. But he's called me before this guy and goes, I have to fuck that guy. Fuck that guy.

And it's usually a big movie star or a TV star. Yeah, but- What happened? He was out, man, and I said hi to him and he was acting all weird and he didn't listen to me or anything. The only reason I say fuck that guy is if they deserve it. If they deserve it. I only fuck you if you deserve it.

If you're a dick to me, I'm going to be a dick to you. You're too nice. You let people be mean to you and you're still nice to them back. No, you don't think that I have beefs with big celebrities. I know you do. I have personal beefs with- I know, but they have to cross a big line with you. They cross lines with Papa.

And when Papa gets, you know, I'm at a point now in my career, let's have a war. You're ready? I am ready to have a war because I'm 48 now. I don't give a fuck. You know, Ken Jong got pissed off about what we said about him and Joe Biden starting a podcast. No. John McHale.

They got pissed off. Why were they pissed off? Ken Jong went public about it. He said, I can't believe these two pieces of shit are talking about me. No, they know it. I talked to him. He said, Bobby's talentless and Santino's a nobody. Two days ago, he texted me and we talked.

So you lie again. I'm telling you. You redheaded freak full of Chicago life. Did you really? Yes. What did he say? Nothing. We didn't talk.

I don't even remember even saying his thing about bad friends. What's their show called? The Greatest. Good Buds. I don't know. I didn't talk to him. You fucking liar. I didn't talk to him.

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That's right, baby. Hey, let me ask you one more real question. Are you finding time to go to meetings? How are you doing it? Do you zoom in a meeting? I did a meeting Monday night. It's a men's meeting. It was 86 men and everyone shared.

Wait, wait, wait. Online? Yeah, on Zoom. You do 86 people on a Zoom? It took four hours. How can that be? But it was great. Ah, fuck it.

Say it. So I had a friend. I have a friend that you know he's a comic. Yeah. Oh, I know who it is. Yeah. But don't say his name. Yeah.

And he was also in the meeting. Yeah. And it's what's great about Zoom meetings now is that you could, I have my phone to my left. They have the computer in front of me. Yeah. And we could text each other about what people are wearing or like boo-hoo or even positive things.

But like, I think that's what made the meeting good. Because sometimes when people share, do occasionally people share and people like roll their eyes. Yeah. And sometimes I get angry like, you know, one time about a month ago, somebody shared something. Because in the meeting that I go to, there's a two-minute time limit. You can only say, talk for two minutes. Only two minutes.

And then as soon as the bell goes off, you have to shut up. So is there any black people in the meeting? Oh, there's a lot of black people. Do they run the limit? No. They don't even fuck you. But there was a guy, I swear to God, there was a guy that shared whose head is, guys, the cancer came back.

Oh shit. He's like, the cancer came back and it's spread. He's crying. Oh fuck. It's spreading and they're saying that chemo might not even be enough. And he had to sit down. Yeah. He stopped talking.

You have to. Oh my God. And the people were like, all right. So and the next guy shared. And he said, like, I wanted to go give him another minute. Yeah. Give him one more. Yeah.

I know this is a very hacky concept, but I mean this. If it's anonymous, why do you announce your name? Because I can say. Do you use, does anybody use a pseudonym? No. I can say that I'm in AA if I want to, but I can't call anyone else out that's in the program. I know, but if I feel like if I was in a program, I would not say my real name.

But because it's anonymous, no one's going to talk about it. I know, but I don't know. No one says your last name. No one. You know, I'll go. Well, they know who the fuck you are. Yeah. I'll go.

Hey, my name is Bobby Lee live. That's my Twitter handle. And I'm an alcoholic. You know what I mean? But so I don't give a fuck. Right. You say alcoholic and drug addict. But there are some guys that are big celebrities.

Yeah. Who had changed their name as a celebrity, but they go by their real name in the room. Right. Right. So I'm Tony, you know what I mean? But you know them as like, you know what I mean? Marcus. Somebody else.

Yeah. You know what I mean? The rapper. Oh, TX. Whatever. But they'll go. Do you have any rappers in your program? We have everything.

Wow. We got like moguls. We got, you know what I mean? Plumber. We got all kinds of stuff, man. Plumbers and moguls. That is cool. See, it's kind of like us in LA.

I feel like meetings are more of a fucking cultural meetup than anything else. No, but it's men's and it's like, it's really real. It's like what I like about it. No women at all. It's a men's meeting. Yes. Why? Why?

Is that a normal thing to separate sexes? There's a stack. The stack meetings are better for me is because the mixed meetings is there's a lot of distractions going on. Number one, when you share, you keep in mind because there are women there as well. You get conscious of that. You get conscious of that. Right.

And you can't really be that vulnerable, but in front of men, right? And when men are being vulnerable, you say whatever the fuck you want, it feels better. And also, what I like about it is that when I see people that are doing in perceptionally better than me or bigger than me, famous wise, just in terms of the history books, you know, and they're going through trauma and daily life things that I go through and they still struggle with issues, it makes me, I don't know, it just gives me like, I'm not the only one on this boat. Right.

You're not alone. Yeah, I'm not alone. That feels really nice. It feels good that no matter where you are in life, no matter how much money that you have, no matter how much success you have, that you're always going to, number one, take you with you. You're always going to be the same. It doesn't fix you.

Right. Everyone knows that whatever you get, that's why, you know, when, now when people are, when friends of mine get successful and this and that, I just know that, you know, whatever they get, it does not, it's not fixing whatever issues that they have. They're the same guy. Sure. And that it doesn't really fucking matter. You know what I mean?

So I need to be reminded of that. You take you with you is very cool. You're always taking yourself with you. So it's like, feeling happy is an inside job. Yeah. It is. No, trust me, I learned that. So I went to, what is it called, Alanon?

Is that families of? Yeah. Yeah. You would know if you went to it, but anyway. No, I did. I just remember, I didn't really, I went with my dad one time and I didn't enjoy. I remember not enjoying it. It was really hard to get me to go to go.

I really struggled. Because there are comics that are heavily into that. No, no, this one. And by the way, this wasn't Alanon. This was. Something. Yeah. I though I had been to that, but this was a real, it was a conference, like a national

meetup. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. International A conference. Yeah.

And I went to one of those and he was there and it was really, it was really tough for me. Well, your dad's recovering. Mm hmm. He's been clean for years now. But did he go to A meetings? Yeah. Oh, he's active.

He's, he's, he's, he's my brother then. Yes. He goes to NA meetings. Yeah. But he's my brother. Sure. Oh yeah. Yeah.

That's cool. Yeah. He's also much older now. So I don't, he doesn't go as much as he used to, but. But he, I could talk shop with him. You, well, yeah. I mean, you, you live two very different lives, but yes. Yeah.

Why? Because his was more crime induced. His landed him in jail a lot. Yeah. But you know, the similar. They always say, they always say look for the similarities, not the differences. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Well, no. Yeah. You are. Yeah. So I went to one of those, but it was really hard for me. Yeah.

I still never come to grips with the idea of like being in and out of prison for drugs. I never understood that. It made me mad. He never robbed anybody, never killed anybody, never, he never like imposed violence. So. I don't want to, do you have therapy? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I just, you know, I just. The last time I went was oh eight, oh eight or nine. I know. I just think that, um, and this is just my humble opinion. Yeah. That you just maybe need a little bit more spirituality in your life. First of all, I was, first of all, I grew up a Catholic.

So you don't fucking know. Not that kind of spiritual. Yeah. Well, that fucks you up. It makes you not want to be spiritual. Yeah. So grow up a Catholic and see what, what goes through those schools. It's more, more Namaste spiritual.

Namaste is hard to get to when you're, when you're, when you're Catholicism is your youth. Anybody who's a fan that knows about Catholicism, it'll fuck you up as a kid. It's crazy. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, is that can you be at least be open to it or no? Do some meditation. No.

Because as a young Catholic, you learn to not be open. If you're open, that's when you get caught. You're going to change, man. You're going to fucking change. Clinch it and bury it. That's what I'm asking you. Clinch and bury. No, no, no.

Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury. Clinch and bury.

Clinch and bury. Yeah. I'm going to be the one that's shot. No, I don't want to die and I love you. I would never shoot you and kill you. No, that's another thing that you do on our phone calls. Even though you do answer with fucking like a bitch. Dude, stop saying bitch.

Like a baby bitch. Stop saying because I will fight you, I will fucking fight you and I don't want to hear bitch anymore. Stop saying that. All right. Say asshole, asshole. How about this? Yeah?

You act like a very loose pussy. Is that better? And you act like an aloof, I don't want to say the word. I don't want to say the word. Don't say it. Why can't I say that word that I'm thinking of? Gooke? No.

No. You act like an aloof, mentally challenged person. I get what you're saying. But look, yes, we all probably need a little bit more therapy. Can I tell you a moment in therapy that really made me. But I want to just say the thing that you're doing though, that I've noticed is at the end of our conversations. I like what you're saying.

At the end of our conversations, you always say. I love you. I do, I say I love you. Do you know why I say that? Do you know why? Fuck you. Bob, do you know why I say I love you? Do you know why I say I love you?

Because it's my way of saying, I know I'm heavy. I know I'm a lot. Yeah. You know I love you. You sort of really, it's more of a, it's not a real thing then. No, no, no, it's saying like. You say that everybody. I say it to people, to my, only to my closest friends.

I won't say it to a, I won't ever say it to her. Brian Callan, if Brian Callan called you, would you say, like he probably picks up the phone and goes, hey, buddy. No, he goes, hey, loose pussy. No. No, when Callan picks up the phone and he picks up, you're you and you're calling me on Brian. Here you go, ready?

Yeah. Wait, who am I? You're you. Okay. Hello. No, you're calling me. Oh. Okay.

Got that ready? Hello, hold on, one second, it's Brian. Hold on, one second. Turn, just turn it off, my oxygen tank. Yeah. Hold on. Let me get up, bro. No, if I said, when Brian, when I hang out with Brian,

I say, I don't know if I say I love your brother to him, but maybe a lot of guys I do that I'm, that I really do love. All right, let me ask you this. I only say it. Look at my eyes right now. Do you really do love me? I do, I love you very much. I love you too.

I love you too. She's smiling. Jules, Jules. I don't say anything, but because here's the thing with, I want to, I just got to get this off my chest. I like that you're yelling. She doesn't have to say anything. You're yelling at her and telling her not to say anything.

This is like back home for her. She doesn't want to talk. She, she. You can't talk. Yeah, she doesn't want to talk. If you have to poop, put up number two. She doesn't want to talk. Yeah.

She's shy. But, you know, I don't know how she feels about me. What do you mean? I think, I don't know. I don't know if she's like, I have to live in this house with this fucking crazy person. Right? Yeah, but isn't she living rent free?

Yeah, she is. Yeah, well, she's fine. If she's living rent free, then she's fine, pal. All right. Well, I think that it's difficult for her because she's from the Philippines. She grew up in the Philippines. She's out here for school

and we did a lot of things to get her out here. She's getting straight A's. She's acclimated herself to American society, but she doesn't know the language. I mean, I think she's fine, but she doesn't really talk to me that much. What do you mean she doesn't talk to you that much? She'll go, good morning, Tito Bobby,

which is, I guess, Uncle Bobby. And I keep telling her, call me Tito Tito. Tito means uncle? Right, yeah. So she'll go, good morning, Tito Bobby. How are you? Fine. And then that's the conversation for the rest of the day.

So you think she doesn't like you because she doesn't talk to you? I think that she, I don't know. I just, for every once in a while, would like her to go, how are you feelings? How are you feelings today? Maybe she's not in touch with that side. Yeah, she is young.

Maybe she's someone who's just not in touch with that side. Yeah. Do you think about that, maybe? But one time, it was great because Kalaila and I, when we were in Seattle, we took Jules to Seattle, remember that? And then we were in the movie theater to watch hereditary movie, right?

And so it's me, Jules, and Kalaila, and there's this couple in front of us. And there was a point in the movie where it scared me because it's a horror fucking movie. So I go, oh, like that. And then the couple turns around, will you shut the up? They shut the fuck up?

To me. Be quiet. If you're gonna do that, stay at home, watch it at home. Fuck you, lady. Right, so Kalaila and I, remember that? So Kalaila and I, we stopped watching the movie and we just started staring at the back of their heads, right? So this is what happened.

Start, and then we, so I had to watch the movie twice because now at this point- Now you wanna kill these people. The whole time. And then Jules, did you feel what was going on then? Yeah, so she felt it. So then the movie ends, the credit starts rolling, and everyone gets up to leave.

Not Kalaila and I. Oh, you sat there. We sat there and just stared at the back of their heads. And now they're sitting there like this, like they're not leaving. They're not fucking leaving, right? They can feel you guys. Oh yeah, as soon as the lights go on,

Kalaila and I stand up and just start fucking, right? Fuck you! You know what I mean? Fuck you, and Jules is... What the fuck is going on? Yeah. And then we follow them outside the fucking movie theater. You know, four levels, they're on the escalator.

We're on the escalator, Kalaila and I just, fuck you bitch, you pissed in the net. Was she embarrassed? Was Jules embarrassed? Were you embarrassed? Were you angry? Were you upset at them for doing that, or did you like it?

She was upset too. Yeah. Yeah, but it was a crazy thing. She seems too nice to do anything like that though. No, but apparently she is edgy. She's got a dark side. In the Filipino language. So I guess if you're in Cebu.

Yeah, Cebu. Yeah, she's like fucking Sarah Silverman, you know what I mean? Like edgy, yeah, yeah, yeah. But here in America, she's like fucking Liberian. T2 means uncle? What is, is there a word for redheaded people? Like, what's the word for weirdo or gross or free?

Oguri. Oguri? What's the word for oguri? But thing now. But thing now. Yeah, that's me. But thing now. It's a beautiful island.

Look at that. Thank you. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's what I want to do is let's call Andreas because I know you want to hear from your fancy bee and let's see what he's, he's got for us in the chamber because we could do video with him. Do you want to see his face or you don't care? I love his face.

So you do want to see him? Yeah. By the way, he called me the other day, he's, the other day he's getting, he got kicked out of his place. Really? They can't afford it. He's like, could you loan me a little bit of money? Yeah, let's, no, we don't, we don't need to help him out.

I said you'll figure it out. Grow up. No, no, no, no, don't be a dick. I said be a man, dude. Grow up. Don't be a dick in this fucking circumstances. We are. I sent him monster.com.

There's a ton of jobs you can get. I said there's a whole. Hola. Hola. Hola, que paso? Que paso, amigo? Hey, do you want to do, do you want to, do you want to come on, do your video standup right now, do you have the ability to or no?

Yeah, I do. We want you to do the jokes that you prepared. You know what I want to do? Let's do a different exercise. What do you want? Let's do some improv. With, with him? Yeah, so I want him to stand there, right, right, and we, he's going to improvise the

bits. Okay. Hey, Andres. I need to put him up against the wall. Yeah, because, because the challenge isn't strong enough. Yeah, it's not a challenge. Andres, I'm going to get on Google, I'm going to get on Google chat and hit you. Okay.

Okay. Well, if you could save time, maybe it's a little better policy. Yeah. I'll FaceTime you then. How about that? How about that? Okay. Yeah.

Piece of shit. Thank you. Dude, I, he's gotten a little too, ever since we started, you know, employing him, I got to tell you, he's been a little much. We have to be careful though, because I know I've been on podcasts before. Yeah. And I've had, you know, I've seen, witnessed people that were like an engineer or somebody that just was in the background, get kind of popular on a podcast and then they, they changed.

So we got to put him on. You think he's changed? No, I just, we just don't want that. Right. We don't want that to get to that point. Yeah. I don't want him to get. If, if need be, Jules can take over.

Andres. All right. Here we go. Let's see if we can, let's see if we can get Rosendee here. Hey, there he is. Hey guys. Hey. You seem nervous.

Yeah. Why do you seem so nervous? I don't know. There he is. So, um, you know what, I, I, Andreas, the last, the other day when you did it, um, you read it off the page, they're, they're still to, um, talk showy jokes for me. Yeah. So we want to, we want you to just improvise a little bit and, and not, and just improvise.

It doesn't have to even be funny, but I just want you to, it's not going to be funny. Thank you. Right. Yeah. You can only, you can only see me. Do you want me to turn it so you can see Bobby? No, I don't need to see him. He doesn't need to see me.

Yeah. So like, um, you know, I want him to like do more Seinfeld the jokes, like what's up with airports? Well, you want jokes or improv? I was going to talk about airports, driving, talking about how about, how about you get up there? You start, do one of your, um, one of your regular jokes and then you're going to talk to me and Bob as if we're members of the audience to try to engage with us.

Okay. Let's see how good you are. Crowdwork is what we call it. You ready? Okay. All right. Get up there. Read, read one of your best jokes and then start doing crowd work with me and Bobby.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Right. Here we go. We want to do the intro this time. Hey, welcome to the fart factory laugh house here in Connecticut. Uh, I'd love to bring up this next guy.

He is incredible. He's a size 37 waist. Where the fuck did you go? Oh, okay. Get off camera. Then we'll start that way. Get off camera. All right.

Here we go. Ready? All right. Welcome back to the fart hut. Chuckle fuck house. This is your next comic. He plays clubs and colleges, so good to be here. Thank you for having me.

So last week, uh, what we were shooting, uh, the episode six of my friends, I found a note from Bobby in the trash can. Oh, wow. Can I read it? Yeah. Bobby wrote this note. It has even like, you know, some ashes from his cigarette says, you know, Bobby Lee's resolutions in times of Corona.

Exactly. Okay. So let's see what he wrote. Uh, make sure to touch face enough so people notice I wear gloves and yeah, I think he's doing a great job with that, don't you think? Okay. Okay. Yeah.

The second one is play less strategy Valley and more math blaster. That's good. It's good. Good. Uh, good challenge. I think fun parts were from two, two, two, two to one, two, three, four, so fans can guess it. Yep.

I think that's a good one because a lot of people have been commented on that. Um, it's not using that was done as high chair and start pedaling more and that year can lose to birth pressure in triathlon. Yeah. So he needs to start training more. Um, and this is like, try the low car Lumonati's pizza because he's eating too much of the of the pepperoni one. So yeah, that's a good one too, uh, sweep the other side of the streets on Mondays.

Yeah. That's good name to Bobby ectotic to enter the highway high hall of fame, um, we be more woke and settle up the alarm before noon. And then the last one says here, have Andrea as well have fancy be writing 15 minutes of jokes for my special. He's crushing it. Oh, thank you. Bobby.

Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. Do some crowd work. Like we're audience members, we're audience members to ask us where you're from. So guys, what do you think? Where are you from? I'm from San Diego, dude.

Oh, that's so good that you're basically a Mexican more, more, more, what do you do for a living? You're still, you still stay on that audience member. Go ahead. Hi. What's your name, sir? David. Hey, David.

What do you do? Oh, I work at, um, P.F. Changs. I'm a waiter. Yeah. Thought so. Uh, okay. And I thought so.

Hey, man, you're killing stick to this member of the audience. Stick to it. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? You thought so. Uh, yeah.

Not sure. You look familiar. I've been to your town before. Uh, what's, what's your favorite meal there? I just like the, uh, kumpau chicken. Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

You do. Yeah. Okay. Go to go to Andy now. Go to Andrew. Let's go to someone else. The ginger one that was out. What's your name?

Where are you from? Uh, um, I'm from Los Angeles, California. Oh, wow. So you guys, uh, how are you doing through this pandemic? I'm good. Uh, we're just making it through, man. How are you? I'm, I'm great.

I'm here trapped in my one bedroom house. Uh, yeah. We're at a comedy, we're at a fucking comedy club. Oh yeah. I'm in this amazing comedy club just performing to this amazing like public. Yeah. So ask me what I do.

This is great. Ask me what I do for a living. What do you do for a living? What do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a, I'm a mechanic. I actually fix cars. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Do you, do you speak Spanish? Oh, yeah. So mi coche tiene un problema. Oh, well, do you want me to help you fix it? Absolutely. Okay. You know, like, do you know how to change a tire?

I do. Do you know how to change a tire? I do. Great. Okay. This comic. Does the PF Changs guy know how to change a tire? The PF Changs guy?

Does he know how to change a tire? PF Changs? The PF Chang guy left the club room. Oh, he left. He didn't pay. He didn't pay his bills. You walked everybody but me. You walked the room.

Yeah. You walked me. But I like it. Yeah. Great job, man. That was your first crowd work. Thank you. That was a very good job.

Thank you. You remember the rules of crowd work? Oh. The best rules of crowd work. Okay. Okay. Be as mean as you possibly can. Yeah.

Alienate the audience. Be rude. Be stupid. And be monotonous. Make no sense and don't align anything up with whatever they're saying. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Where are you going? What happened? Oh, he's spraying. He's spraying. He's getting some disinfectant. Andreas, thank you so much. We appreciate you. We love you.

Stay safe during the pandemic. Okay, bud. Yeah, you too, guys. Thank you. All right, buddy. Bye. We love you, man. Bye, dude.

Bye, dude. He's awesome. Wow. He should never do it. You know what? Can I say this though? Yeah. He's better than George.

Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. George does stand up. You know that, right? No, he doesn't. You know he does stand up, right? He doesn't do stand up.

Yes, he does. He had an open mic he did every week for years. And let me say something right now. How much time can he do? He did. Okay, so this is what happened. So I go, all right, you can do 10 minutes. Does he really do stand up?

So he goes to the Irvine Improv and my friend Gilbert was there. We taped it. He bombed so bad that two minutes in, I started screaming at that. I was panicking. He's going to lie down. He's ruining it. He's going to lie. I mean, I was, he was that bad.

Do you remember any of his jokes? No. He did a joke about a futon. That he said he has one? Yeah, he was like about my futon. I don't need to understand the joke. He was just like, he was fucking terrible and he did it for years and years. Does he still do stand up?

Yeah. He does? Yeah. Where? Just open mics around town. No way. Yeah. I didn't know that.

No. Oh yeah. I mean, I thought he had dabbled in comedy before. No, he does open mics. Does he really do mics? Ask him. Now that we're separate from everybody, we need to call everybody we know on our phone. Yeah, sir.

George, do you do, do you do stand up? Let's say I hosted it for probably a year every week. Okay. So Andreas just murdered with crowd work, by the way. Yeah. Murdered. Murdered. He lit the room on fire.

Bobby said, Bobby said, you're willing, you could be willing to give us one of your best jokes right now. Okay. Let's hear it. All right. What about best jokes? You know, I grew up religious and, you know, when Jesus Christ is a co-pilot, funny thing is he never let you set the good rest of Pussy Town.

What? What did he say? I can't, you broke up. Did he break up? Do the joke again. Slow it down. I couldn't hear it. You must have broken up a little bit.

Okay. It's a great one. So I'll do it again. Okay. You know, I grew up religious. And when Jesus Christ is your co-pilot, somehow he never let you set the GPS to Pussy Town. God. It's okay.

George. George. Where do you think Pussy Town is? Uh, between a lady's leg? This is pretty rough. This might not be live. Are you guys doing this live? No.

No, no, no. No. Let me know. Anyway, great. I gotta check myself. Good to see you, man. Oh. We love you, man.

Thank you. I'll talk to you later. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye, George. Oh, my God. At the end he goes, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

But I told you, he does it. He does it. I didn't know he did stand up. Oh, yeah. I think that's crazy. You know, it's so funny because it's like, you know, for some reason everyone around me, so I started Tiger Valley and all of a sudden George starts doing it. Gilbert does it.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I do life. What if Calila started doing stand up? She did do it. No, but I mean, like really got into it. She did 12 times. What?

Yeah. Calila did it 12 times. She opened for you? No, she never did. She did open mics around town. I think the last gig she did was at Flappers. Did you see that video they put up? Of what?

About Flappers closing down? Forever. They put up a video online about it? Forever. I don't know if it's forever, but they put up a video that they're going to close. You know, I'm going to tell you. They can't stay open. Can I say something about that club?

Sure. You like that club? I've never done it. So the lady calls me. The woman that owns it? Yeah. Yeah. And you know, she's probably a nice lady, but she calls me and she goes, hey, it's letting

you know I'm opening up a club in Burbank. It's called Flappers. I go, great, man. I'd love to do it. So call my agents and just tell me what weekend I can do. Oh, no. No, I'm sorry. You know, I'm having like elevated headliners like Jimmy Dorr and stuff.

So, you know, I was just calling to see if you could do maybe a Tuesday or something. What? Yeah. And I go, oh. Bye. Bye. Wait, she offered you to come do the club, but not the headline. Yeah.

Like, then I guess a year later she calls me back. Yeah. She goes, oh, I'm sorry for that call. I just, you're at a different place. I didn't know what place you were. And now. But know that then. And now can you do a weekend?

I go, no. But then know that. Yeah, don't call me. Then your job is to know that if you're a comedy club. I love Jimmy Dorr. He's a great comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love him, but I'm just saying that, you know.

He's a headliner too, but to know that you are. I am as well. Yeah. They should know that you. Yeah. You own a comedy club to go. Oh, I didn't know what position you were in. And whenever something like, like at Haw Haw Cafe on Lancashire.

I would do it more. But one day I was sitting there and I go, can I get a Diet Coke or whatever? And I was doing the show and then they charged me for the Diet Coke. Shut up. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, this is that kind of club. I can't play here. What year was this?

Like six years ago. They charged you for a diet fucking Coke. By the way, that club's closed down. Haw Haw's forever. I mean, I've driven by it. It's boarded up. Oh, really? Yeah.

And so Flappers has gone forever. I don't know. It might close. They said it might close. So many businesses are closing. You know, that's sad to hear. Yeah, man. It's a great club for people.

No, I'm not. I don't. I was just reporting what I heard. I've never played the club. I don't know. The only time I've ever even stepped foot in there is my very first. JFL showcase was there. Oh, really?

I think so. I played it before. It's a nice room. Yeah. The comedy store closed permanently. Would you be sad? Are you fucking kidding me? But like, what would you do?

I've always thought that what the fuck would we do? I moved to New York. You really would? If all the clubs here closed, if it was like, because if the comedy store closes, the fucking improv is gone. Okay. Right. And if the improv and the comedy store are gone and the factory is not there either,

it's like, what am I doing here? I don't know. They would, but obviously- Shows would pop up. Pop up. It would pop up. No, I wouldn't move to New York. I'm being fucking-

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm verbalizing. Yeah, but no, no, no. But honestly, it's what's happening right now. Not being able to go to the store has been- Oh my God. I know. I fucking hate every- the night sucks.

My nights suck. I know. I know. I know. They're dark days, man. Dark nights. But you know what? What makes me get through it is that we're all going through it together.

Yeah, no. Yeah. We just as a society, and let's be real. Let's just be real for once. Let's be honest and real. Jules, stop joking around. Stop fucking around, Jules. Stop fucking around, Jay.

Let's be real, all right? Listen, everyone, we're all going through this. We're all, like, number one, I wake up and I go, what the fuck is going on? This is insane. This is my first Pandy. I don't know what the fuck. Pandy won. Pandy won, man.

And so we're all in this together. Yeah. And we all have hardships, some more than others. And God bless the people that are helping out in the medical field, in the nurses and the doctors. Do you know what I did the other day? What did you do the other day? Can I brag?

Yeah, go ahead. No, because if you, yeah, go ahead. I'm going to brag. I'm going to brag. I'm going to brag. You deserve to brag a little bit. No, because Whitney and Josh Wolf were organizing buying ER nurses and doctors meals. And I was like, I'll buy them meals.

So I bought 30 people lunch. Yeah, I'm doing that. I just talked to Whitney this morning. I'm doing that next week. It felt really good. So can I brag too? Yeah, but you didn't do it yet. Yeah.

We'll see if you do it. You want to know what I've done? I've done things you don't even know, capable of knowing that I've done. When a comedy festival asks for you to submit people, do you submit them? Bro, I've set up showcases for my agents for people. Name one comic. Theo Vaughn and Eric Griffin, I'm the one that got signed them to CAA fucking. What's his name?

The black guy from Trevor Noah. I saw Trevor Noah in South Africa 10 years ago. And you said you got to bring him over here. No, I said, I when I did a show with Trevor Noah, I called CAA and Matt Blake and I go, you got to see this fucking guy. And what did they say? I'm not going to go to South Africa. I go, you know what, Matt?

Trevor's coming to America to do a show in Vegas, opening for somebody, right? I've sent Matt over there to sign him. Yeah. All right? So fuck you. So Trevor Noah is because of you. Trevor Noah is because of you. I helped.

Or did it hurt? I do want to say something very important because we did get real for a hot second. I cut you off, but yes, thank you to the health workers. We are going through it at different levels. Everyone's having a tough time, but let's let's loop something around. We never do this. You said something earlier that I think is very cool. I want to take you take you with you, no matter what level you're at.

So whether in bad times or good times, it's going to be exacerbated of who you really are. You take you with you. That's the name of this episode. Yeah. And that's important to remember. I'm being serious. Yeah. And we have to do everything we can.

I know it's difficult, but to get out of ourselves and help where we can. Helping other people is what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to do it more and more online during this whole thing because this whole thing sucks. It sucks so much. I'm glad that we're that we got to meet up in the studio. So fucking bad. Because we don't know what's going to happen. I think that's what it is.

There's a lot of questions like no one can tell us, you know, they say a month. No way. No fucking way. I think July will be back up and running. August. What? Really? Yeah.

Wow. I think August and that's that's when we start slowly coming out. Wow. Yeah. So that really like scares me a little bit. Yeah. We're in for the long haul. You know, I was talking to Whitney before and it feels like this is we're entering a new age.

Yeah. You know, you know, we, you know, people will, I think this, this will be, you know what I mean? A real a time like a time in the history books. Yeah. A shift in how people act and how people behave when it's all over. Yeah. This is going to be a definite shift.

Yeah. You know, they may they'll call it before coronavirus after coronavirus. You know what I mean? Wow. Yeah. BCV. Yeah. I think so because here's the thing.

It's like it's even, even, I think it was in Singapore, Hong Kong where they, they, they loosened restrictions and it's come back. You know, so even when we do come out in August, if we do come out in August, this thing can rear its ugly head. Also, it could change. You're right. It could become airborne because it is airborne. I know viruses need to survive.

Am I changing to something even harsher? We don't know. And, you know, this is also a tale of, of there are other diseases and viruses that can manifest themselves. So we have to now become very, very aware of this. Yeah. Yeah. So this is a different shift, you know, and we're witnessing it.

We're living through it. And that's why we're scared because we don't know. Yeah. Well, we got to be safe, right? Like I want everyone to be, be safe. We're doing our best. Look, Bob and I are wearing gloves and masks. We're doing the podcast limited.

There's no one in the room but us and Jules who, who we keep quarantined, right? Yep. In her little cage and you feed her, you put little little peanuts, little peanuts through the cage. Little peanut peanuts. Yeah. Peanut peanuts. Yeah.

Okay. Look at the camera, babe. We're seeing a bad friend.