Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 13: Comic Book Shops in New York, NY

Episode Date: February 20, 2019

Hear ye hear ye! Green grocers and proprietors alike! We have an episode that will surely challenge your views and give you a bad case of the sweats. Gather yourself below one of the Brooklyn Bridges, open up to page 1 of Christine's Teen Zine, and pour out a cup of our child's water. Just be sure to leave your 2 year olds behind. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everybody and welcome to episode 13 of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Boom! I wrote it down.

You did it. Oh, I'm less impressed. I had to write it down though. Oh, well, hopefully next week without notes. We'll see. We'll see. Well, thank you for everything, everyone. Let's start with that. You're welcome. Except you.

I'm Christine. Oh, I'm Alex. We didn't do that yet. We are pretty pumped. Our first YouTube video went up today, and we're pretty amped. Yeah, because in the morning before it was released we were pretty nervous yeah it's kind of an overwhelming feeling of uh vulnerability but people seem to be really nice about it so thank you yeah and actually more than just that everyone's been super positive asking for more

uh just going along with it because that's a good way to put it. If you guys haven't watched it, it is... Alexander and I are basically... We go to the Corrieville Kroger to test out the Long John Donut from episode one. We wanted to go back to our roots.

Yeah, and see if the Baron of Cream really knew what they were talking about. It turns out kind of, but not really. Kind of, but not really is probably the best way to describe it. Did you see that a donut expert chimed in? I did. Yeah. The donut expert said that they inserted the cream wrong. Yes. At the Coryville Kroger, which, yeah, definitely a star knocked off. Yes. But we decided to review it based on more than just one star.

Right. I think we gave the Coryville Kroger five out of five, but you'll have to watch to find out why. And you guys, where can they find it? They can find it at youtube.com slash sea slash beach too sandy, water too wet. Do you want to explain the noises that everyone heard in last week's episode? Yeah, people were a little confused, and guess what? I don't blame them. I do. Last episode, I had said that our URL was youtube.com slash beach2sandy and that's not a thing. That's wrong.

I didn't, we're not, we're new to this. I didn't know how YouTube channels worked. So basically, Alexander overlaid Trump, Donald Trump saying wrong, his famous wrong, over the hyperlink. A lot of people thought it was a spooky sound effect. Or they thought it was me. I thought it was you. I really did until you told me otherwise. So yeah, that is what that noise was. So stop asking.

And I am sorry. That was my fault. You can direct those to me. I like the people who are like what they were like what is that noise and we're like oh it's the the wrong and they're like no no it's something else yeah that's interesting though i was thinking about it but since i actually put it in myself listening to it there's no question what it is but since so many people were like why is there someone screaming i'm like oh shit like how are what i mean to be fair it is donald trump literally screaming yeah but anyway point wrong that's what it was so that is the correct url youtube.com slash c slash beach to sandy water to wet if you guys want to watch if you could subscribe

and uh get notified for future videos that would be awesome that would be awesome because we do have some fun things planned we do um i want to read one review on our video, if that's okay. Yes, please. It was a comment. It was a comment, not a review. It's by Michaela T. And it says, wow, I never leave reviews, but this video had everything. A Prius, a long John mukbang, mukbang. I had to Google how to pronounce that. Oh, is that how you say Long John Mukbang. Mukbong. I had to Google how to pronounce that. Oh, is that how you say it? Mukbong. I did not know that.

Everyone argues about it. I didn't even know what it was before now, but I am learning the YouTube. Oh, man. Concise and honest reviews. If I could, I'd give this video six out of five stars, but unfortunately, YouTube only has a like-dislike rating system. Can't wait to see more from this dynamic duo. Thank you, Michaela.

That was very kind. So we're pretty amped about it. We had a lot of fun making it. And Alex Zinner, I think, had a lot of fun editing it. It took a while. This thing was recorded a couple days before Christmas or something. Yeah. It took so long.

I mean, I kind of regret all the debt that i owe to my uh media degree because clearly you know what you're doing well i didn't and then i learned i got a free software because i don't have a mac so i couldn't use imovie so i got some free software and watched a lot of youtube videos in order to learn about it. Well, I paid tens of thousands of dollars to learn the same thing. So here we are, guys, making a free radio show. Yeah. Okay, sorry. We'll get back to the real stuff now.

We had a theme this week that was comic bookstores in New York, New York. And you gave me the challenge of finding a review where someone ordered a virgin drink, but it was alcoholic. Oh, that was so good. I know it was Ali virgin drink but it was alcoholic oh that was so good yeah i know it was alleys but it was so funny um okay cool so i'll go get started with my this is a crazy one is it and it's not just one this person this is a saga i'm so amped okay just everyone buckle in i'm not gonna give their name because they had some weird name that wasn't their own name and i don't want to read it i don't know what it was it was something carl probably some weird reference anyway okay so this is a one-star

review of desert island comics okay and i'm going to omit at least one paragraph, maybe more. It's a wild ride. You'll see. I went in here to sell the new issue of my zine. Oh my god. And we are in 1992. I knew you'd like that, But we are just getting started. I'm already crying.

Holy shit. Apparently it's a thing. Like, I didn't know. Like, this guy brought his zine into the shop to get it, like, put it on their rack so they could sell it. Cool. I mean, sure. Why not? But look what happened.

We put this fucking radio show on YouTube and people seem to like it. That's, yeah. Can't judge. Listen listen do whatever the hell you want yeah i showed it to the proprietor who recoiled and bluntly snapped i'm not taking it i'm not so fragile that i'm going to write a bad review of this shot because i wouldn't stock my zine however i will give it a bad review on the score of lousy salesmanship. The proprietor made a right poor fist of speaking to me with any degree of courtesy or humanity. This is presumably his vaunted laid back customer service celebrated by other reviewers. Oh dear. No matter.

I was leaving when the proprietor testily goes, what, you're mad? This is like a boyfriend girlfriend fight. Don't walk out of here. He apparently wanted to engage me in a stiff exchange. He kept insisting that I was upset and furious. I thought that was funny. Not only was he not going to take my zine, he wanted to additionally waste my time debating it and insult me a while yet. Perhaps he was annoyed because I didn't go into his shop to spend money on his full price fare. This strange cat kept stressing to me that he was, quote, many years a bookseller. Peculiar thing to boast about.

He clearly didn't know whether to be a businessman or a patron of the arts, though, because next he claimed that, quote, nobody is a greater supporter of self-publishing than I am. Here I balked. I can think of at least one person who is a greater supporter, demonstrably. Is it him? No, it's actually the buyer at Academy Records who took four copies of my zine. I thought it was going to be himself. Me too. Oh my God.

Me too when I was reading it. I also want to add, I did that thing again where I said boyfriend girlfriend fight. I meant just a fucking couple fight. I'm not trying to be. No, you only said that because of your own experience. My boyfriend girlfriend experience. And your experience with watching me and Ally. You and Ally.

And I'm not trying to be heteronormative. I'm just saying in this household, boyfriend girlfriend fights run fucking rampant yes they do okay go ahead yes mate i thought oh shit why did i drink wine can i try spelling this for you please okay yes is spelled y e hyphen e s s s s s so i didn't know how to say it but now everyone can have that E-E-S-S-S-S. So I didn't know how to say it, but now everyone can have that in their mind. I gotta read this zine. Yes, mate. I gotta read this fucking zine.

I gotta, I gotta. Nobody's a greater friend to the small presses and the freedom of speech, as long as that publication strictly conforms to a conventional and well-established size and shape. I say nothing about the shop and its gaily colored contents, mostly because it is like a Park Slope version of a comics shop, which is to say not really a comic shop at all. It's more like the gift shop at an art gallery, with the same prices. For comics, I go to Rogers Time Machine, and if I want Fantagraphics, Drawn and Quarterly, or the high end of the self-publishing spectrum, like another reviewer said, I can get them elsewhere. This is New York, after all.

The quote, laid-back proprietor, clearly likes the sound of his voice. Oh, really? Really? Somebody likes the sound of their voice and it's not you, sir. I, alas, do not. Oh my god! End of review. What a psychopath! Yes. But that's just the beginning.

What?! Because... No. The owner responded. Oh boy. And that response is since deleted. My blood pressure is so high right now. I need a moment.

Well, this response to the owner's response, I wish we had the owner's response because it must have been beautiful. So this is, sorry, so this is this zine writer's, zine author's response to the manager's rebuttal, which we have not heard. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Still one star, mostly thanks to the recent petulant little remark from the proprietor. Sorry. The petulant little remark from the proprietor sorry the petulant little remark this person is british i'm not saying that because they are yes i did

some research oh by looking at their yelp page i didn't get that from yeah honestly i just thought this person uh really liked to write zines and learned a lot of unnecessary verbiage there were some phrases in there that are like okay that's something that sounds like a british person would say but 99 of it i'm wondering if most of this stuff is just him being a total you know douchebag you know you know i'm just gonna say it wink oh man what you know wink oh douchebag yeah okay i gotta start this sentence over it's too good sorry i found out my our dad listens to all these oh sorry i said douchebag i'm not me neither still one star mostly thanks to the recent petulant little remark from the

proprietor that green grocer that bourgeois what it took you nearly two months to come up with that? It took me only four hours in my basement to come up with my... To call you bourgeois. Yelp review. You petty little green grocer. And by quote verbose, I assume you mean I don't trade exclusively in monosyllables. I fucking hate this person. Alexander, I really, really don't like this person. I really don't.

When you wrote that Obama-esque little note a while back offering to buy me a beer, I thought that was at least magnanimous. Whoops, four syllables. I'm sorry. I'm syllables. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We're getting through this.

This is too good, right? He said magnanimous, oops, four syllables. This is like the opposite of that guy who said one word way overpriced. Yeah. Did you see someone commented that on our YouTube videos? Like one word way too good or something. Or maybe that was an iTunes review. Yeah, that was really good. Guys, okay, go on.

But now you're back at your wanted best. Wanted spelled with an O, which I assume is a word. It's true. But I just don't know. Habitual. Usual is what that means. You Googled it? Yes.

Just now? Yeah. That was fast. Thank you. Blundering. Entitled. You Googled it? Yes. Just now? Yeah. That was fast. Thank you. Blundering. Entitled. In a word, Williamsburg. Shots fired.

Oh my gosh. And then they quoted the manager that when they had asked to buy them a beer and was like, what can I do to make it right? Such an Obama, am I right? Yeah, I know. And then he said, what happened? Where did it go wrong? Let me restate my opinion since you so graciously stuck your chin out.

Your shop is like a glorified outpost of urban outfitters. Nice, expensive, colorful, and routinely superfluous doodads for the wealthy. Our proprietor despises fanboys, wishes he were Gary Groth.

But that... That's not who Gary is. What is happening? But has all the traits of one himself, the blazing egotism, and that crucial narrow perspective. And, apparently from his last, a hatred of the language.

Stick with the picture books then. Better still, stick your picture books what i quit i quit i'm out i'm done too far it's too far i can't i can't either i can't handle this really this is too much right i'm sweating so much me too okay it's not. No, and it's fucking rainy and cold here. Do you want a little bit more from this person? This was a bookstore in New York.

No, I don't. But you do. I fucking don't. This is a one-star review of a bookstore called Skyline Books NYC. By the same person? Oh, yeah. Oh, for God's sakes. If I say it myself, I have frequented and over-frequented

bookshops in the last 20 years fucking shocker i'm trying to sell my asshole zine on sundry continents henley on tames thames shit see oh my gosh this guy would rip into me you're such a monosyllabic fool green grocer monosyllabic green. Greengrocer. Such a monosyllabic greengrocer. Oh, it's so bad. Wallingford. Reading. Oxford. London.

Canterbury. Sorry, is this guy literally bragging about the cities he's been to? Yeah, there are a few more. Well, and then the last one is California. So that's not really a city, but yeah. I have little to impart from this experience, except perhaps that most booksellers are mad and thwarted. What a piece of shit. So here's some from the middle.

This little fellow is decidedly funny peculiar. He sits there morosely amid the ruins of his shop, seemingly wishing that this world of appearances would vanish and be gone from him, leaving him in the realm of pure introspection. Thought. He swears that the world of appearances is the devil's. Is that Zoroastrianism? No. Is that?

Is that not how you say it? Shit. No, I'm saying no, it's not Zoroastrianism. Wait, is there an R in there? Zoroastrianism? Okay, because they didn't include it. We got him. We got him.

We got him. We got him. Take him down. Fellows. Small, little fellows, take him down. Little, little peculiar. Little peculiar greengrocers, take him down. Is it Neoplatonism? Be that as it may, if he wants quiet and solitude, he should of course not sit in the middle of a bookshop.

Yet this he does, all the live long day. I thought I was done laughing, but nope. You got me. This is just insane. It goes on, but then- Tell me when it's over. This is the last part. Okay. So my little man and I had completed our exchange,

and he fiercely returned to his magnum opus on the screen before him. As I turned on my heel, I remarked ironically, I beg your pardon? For a moment, I was under the mad impression that you worked here. I figured it out. Tell me, what did you- I figured it out. That was his fucking zine. Oh! Oh my god!

That was his zine. Oh my god! was the zine oh my god and we just fucking bought into it there were so many one-star reviews and i bet they're all part of his zine it's the it's called beach too sandy water too wet zine oh my god yelp yelp zine nope i'll work on it okay yeah you tell us what you come up zineon the z-qual oh shoot that's taken uh i don't know i uh really have i thought we had reached the worst of the worst and wow you just really plummeted yeah remember what last i think it was last week i said oh that's my least favorite type of person oh i found a new one this person is i, that guy was studying for the SATs. So, you know.

True. Let's give it to him. He had a couple magnanimous words. But this guy, man. And it's a trend with this guy. This guy has. It's a trend. I checked.

He reminds me of that Simpsons character. Is that a thing? The comic book guy? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like he just sits around and like shits on everyone. Yes that guy's kind of douchey right yeah but i think has redeeming qualities this guy walks around in a top hat though like for sure in a top hat yeah yeah and i think that maybe he's faking his british accent probably you think i think he thinks he's mark twain reincarnated well he's been to wallingford

has he he's been to henley on thames thames wrong wrong put the wrong in there you guys okay okay that was well fuck you just like really killed me there i don't really know how to keep going yeah okay okay i guess we're done give me a break give me a minute is that it am i supposed to go now oh yeah it's your turn fucking a what was that how how do people like that exist i don't know fuck man i thought la was bad i mean it, it is. But wow. Okay. All right. Let's listen.

I'm sweating. Get back into it. Channel that. Okay. I feel like my reviews are just trash now compared to that. You can't beat him. I can't. I mean, no one can beat him. Just don't join him, though.

I just want to read the zine though i know that was actually from 2011 by the way so who knows what happened since then i need to know yeah we'll figure it out maybe it's someone who's extremely successful now and will ruin us for this kevin spacey is that you sorry that was literally the first person i thought of wow when i say extremely famous you think kevin spacey is that you sorry that was literally the first person i thought of wow when i say extremely famous you think kevin spacey well i thought of someone who had a fall from grace oh yeah okay midtown comics do you want to know how i found this one alley or blaze no oh i googled what i put my pin on google maps on the brooklyn bridge

and i said nearby comic books oh my goodness that's actually a good idea i wanted the most brooklyn bridge comic book store i could find this is it this is it midtown comics and don't you fucking at me about bridges people because i don't know and i profess which of the brooklyn bridges because there are like 10 of them right there's, because I don't know. And I profess. Which of the Brooklyn bridges? Because there are like 10 of them, right? There's 11. And I don't know which one it was. It may have been the New Jersey one.

It may have been the Manhattan one. I can't tell you for sure. I was just kidding. I thought there was one that's called the Brooklyn Bridge. Huh? I thought there was this one. No, there is. Oh.

I'm fucking with you, too. Oh, OK. I was like, I was trying to make a joke. Oh, OK. We're both being ignorant. Yes, anding your. I'm yes, make a joke. Oh, okay. We're both being ignorant. Yes, anding you. I'm yes, anding you. Oh, my God.

Yeah. That was supposed to play off my joke that I thought every bridge was the Brooklyn Bridge. Okay. Cool. Glad we're on the same page. We really aren't. Are you guys having fun? Okay.

So this is the closest to the Brooklyn Bridge. Midtown Comics downtown. One star review by Phil. So I go there and when I do, the two guys there are awesome, but let me tell you about the ladies that work there. I like your Phil voice. Because it's all spelled wrong, so I'm trying to catch up. Also, it's one sentence, this whole thing. I need to hear about these ladies.

Also, it's one sentence, this whole thing. I need to hear about these ladies. Cheer up. What? Okay. You about the ladies that work there. Cheer up. If you guys don't like working there, leave.

Geez. Oh, no. If I'm putting money into your guy's paycheck by buying stuff at the store, be friendly. The girls there are so rude. Never say bye. I guess the guys they cosplay with left them for hotter cosplay girls in film's mind that's like that's the worst insult you could give a woman who works at a comic book shop oh that burns because these by the way this is all oh my god it's still going oh yeah it's all it was over okay it is all one sentence for hotter cosplay girls because these

girls are too damn depressed to be working at such a fun store to the dudes that work there you guys rock the girls should get docked end of review oh and you said that was one star it was one star and it was also one sentence one sentence one star and to give you an idea in my word document that's six lines oh my gosh one sentence uh four words spelled correctly one star thank you phil thank you phil now i moved on to something called bulletproof comics um and this is uh a one star review written by The Iron M, which I can only imagine is playing at Iron Man in a not-so-clever way. Okay. Do you think

could it be, though? Could it be? A real one? Let's see. No. Ready? Yes. I went to the store and the worker said, What are you doing with your life?

Don't you know that e-books are things? This guy had no reason to be such a jerk. All I wanted was a Superman comic. End of review. Does that person... Wait, why would he want a Superman comic? Why didn't he get a Superman e-book? Because he doesn't know what he's doing with his life.

Oh. Didn't you follow? Duh. That employee had it right the whole time. The greengrocer knew... Bourgeois. The bourgeois greengrocer knew better. Okay, now.

This is where things get wild. This is a review by Thomas M. And it's of the same Bulletproof Comics. And then I'm going to read you the response from the quote-unquote proprietor for using Top Hat Man's language. Funny-looking. Funny-looking little man. So Thomas M. wrote a one-star review of Bulletproof Comics. Hey, guys.

The sign in the window says you open it. I thought it was, like, addressing, like, the people who are reading the review. Oh, no, I don't think so. Like, hey, guys. Like, hi, everyone. I think it's literally a review. It's Thomas here again, ready to review another comic book shop. Hey, guys.

You might be wondering how we ended up here i'm thomas m also known as iron man okay what does iron man have to say to bulletproof comics hey guys the sign in the window says you open at 11 o'clock it's now 11 52 and the store still has not opened does 11 mean 11 or do you mean whenever someone rolls out of bed? This is not the first time this has happened. I'll continue to go to the smaller store on Flatlands Avenue. And I was like, okay, I mean, you know, whatever. Does it happen twice a year when the time changes? That's an intro.

I did remember that time I ended up at Trader Joe's. Oh, yeah. Oh, and you were pissed, right? Outside the door. I fucked up. I was pissed at myself because I stood outside an hour. Yeah, but you were pissed at the time thinking that they weren't open yeah oh i was pissed at the time yes i stood outside like a crazy person let me in let me in i was trying to buy bacon to make you guys

breakfast on new year's day i don't remember what was weirdly specific i do not remember that it was when you blaze and i moved to los angeles got it okay so this is the response from hank who is the business owner at bulletproof comics proprietor proprietor green grocer thomas six spaces sorry about that four spaces i will try harder to open up next time. I'm usually not that late. What? I'm on the edge of my seat. I forgot about this part. It must...

What happened? It must have been on a Sunday when I finally went to church. Oh. That's so sweet. Oh my God. Let me try again. I will try harder next time. I'm usually not that late.

It must've been on a Sunday when I finally went to church. How ironic. But after 20 years of opening seven days a week, it's really not as easy as it seems. But I really do appreciate you calling me out on this. It has really made me commit to opening up on time every day. Thank you, Thomas. Hank. Oh, my gosh.

Like the most depressing thing I have ever read. Please tell me that Thomas responded and changed his review. Thomas didn't fucking respond, but I do have a redemption of Bulletproof Comics because I've read a bunch of reviews of this place and it seems pretty baller. So if you guys are in town, check it out. Maybe we'll do a video there someday.

I don't know. That's an idea. Yeah. Let's go to New York, baby. Okay. This is from Mark D. And it is a five star review of Bulletproof Comics. Hank is the best. End of review. I agree.

I'm with you, Mark. So Hank got his redemption. Hank, good job. You're the best proprietor in town. So that's what I got for you. Yeah, thank you. That was good. That was really touching.

See, we needed that. We needed that. We needed that. We had a long half hour there. And that messed us up a lot. That was really touching. See, we needed that. We needed that. We needed that. We had a long half hour there. And that messed us up a lot. Painful half hour. All right. Are you ready? I don't know. Honestly, after that, I don't know. But okay, we'll try.

Okay. Here's a review. Oh, by the way, my challenge was to review a drink where, or a review where a virgin drink had alcohol in it. Right. a drink where or a review a review where a virgin drink had alcohol in it right this is a review of river city cafe in surfside beach south carolina for a minute i thought you said rainforest cafe i got really fucking excited i've never been to one but it seems like a place where this would happen i went to a knockoff one in berlin why i don't know i I went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Munich. I went to the Hard Rock Cafe in Berlin. Wow, that's sad.

There you go. Let's stop talking about this. Hey, I went to the one on the Thames, the Wallingford River. Yes. No. Yeah. Wow. My top hat.

With a little man. That's all I could reference from that one. It sounds like a... Who's the guy who did nightmare before christmas come on you gotta back me up here i almost said johnny depp i mean i feel so stupid tim burton we knew that it feels like a tim burton movie like this man in uh in a top hat walking around with another little man who's a green grocer walking on the river on the river thames the thames um is there is there a brooklyn bridge on the thames there's actually four oh wow northwest east and south oh man okay should i continue yes this is a two-star review from VS.

Careful of virgin drinks. Good beach views. Our family was there after the July 4th holiday week, so the area was still pretty busy. I had ordered a hamburger, since the menu noted how good their burgers were, and requested it be made medium. It came out well done. Human error, I guess. I can kind of live with this. I can kind of live with this i can kind of live with it just kind of not totally i might die but we'll see the place has a key westish divy bar feel it's okay i kind of liked it we also ordered a virgin frozen slush pina colada

for the kids oh no oh no oh no red alert yeah, oh no, red alert. Yeah. When receiving the slush, I asked to make sure it was non-alcoholic. The young girl went to double check. Once she said it was non-alcoholic, we drank it and gave some to our kids, one of which was a two-year-old. This is so awful. The same girl came racing back and said it did have alcohol and told us they would make a new one right away. No! Okay so far. What? But mistake all though. At the end the restaurant had the nerve to charge

us for the alcohol pina colada. No! Citing that we did not give it back. What? That's not how that works. By the time they had told us it had alcohol in it, it was half done. They knew it was given to children and still had the nerve to charge at all. By the time I was...

By the time we found out, my two-year-old... Fell out of their chair. Was texting all his exes. Gosh, your image of this two-year-old is bizarre. Top hat on Amazon. Oh my gosh. Fell into the River Thames. Even though this was a mistake,

they had the chance to make it right. I asked our waitress, Gay, I'm guessing short for Gayle. I'm guessing short for Lord Gaylord of the Thames. What the fuck do you mean? They put gay in quotation marks

because I don't think they wanted people to get upset that they put the word gay in there. Right. Because it was a person's name. Understood. I'm guessing short for Gail that this was wrong, and she agreed. She also added that they only charged me for one drink when they had given us two. This only happened because of their mistake. This was stated as if they were doing me a favor

Yes, doing me a favor of giving a two-year-old baby an alcoholic drink When you first tell me it had no alcohol She said, although if I wanted to complain to a manager The money would be taken out of her pay Isn't this always the fallback answer for waitstaff? What? So I said, fine I just took it out of her tip

Yeah! being from the northeast i typically tip 20 being from the northeast i don't know what that everyone else is an asshole yeah is what that means being that this location and restaurant is heavy in tourism the attitude may be just to screw the customers as you may never see them again as opposed to a non-tourist area getting local regulars overall the decor and the vibe is fine our waitress was kind but i don't agree at all for charging us for their mistake very unfair and on top of it all their burgers weren't even that good worth a check just don't expect much and be careful of virgin non-alcohol drinks okay bizarrely like this person's from

canada they're not from the northeast they're from either minnesota or canada there's no way yeah also what the actual fuck that this restaurant was like yeah there's no alcohol in it here it's for your two-year-old and then like after the fucking drink is gone comes back and says like well you drank it yeah and they were like but they and then i think they said well okay fine well only they brought the second one and then we're like fine we'll only charge you for one but i think they charge for the, okay, fine. Well, they brought the second one and then we're like, fine. We'll only charge you for one. But I think they charged for the alcoholic one. Yeah.

So they charged more. That's insanity. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's so fucked up. This was hard to find one where the reviewer was wrong. Like this challenge set me up. You're right.

Where? I don't think it's entirely possible. I don't think it is. Unless somebody had said like, oh, give me a glass of wine. No, I meant one without alcohol. Like, it's just never going to happen. Well, I do have another one. What?

Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Where this happened. And just from the title, you can tell it should not have happened. This is a one-star review from Heather someplace in Phoenix, Arizona that I can't pronounce. Gave alcohol to a two-year-old what are with the two-year the drunk two-year-olds we dined at this location on saturday with my family i asked the waiter for a children's water for my almost two-year-old daughter not even two years i'm sorry a children's water yeah what's that oh it has it has alcohol in it oh vodka vodka soda that's what we say when

you colloquially that's what that means it came in a paper cup with the lid and when i looked over the contents coming through the straw were not clear frantically i took the cup from my daughter opened it up and it was a frozen drink i took- I took a sip of it and it was an alcoholic piña colada. Shut the fuck up. My parents and I proceeded to tell the waiter, which he laughed off and said, oops. He came back with a water and

said that the bartender had put the leftover contents from a piña colada that someone else had ordered and the waiter didn't notice it was not water. What? Nothing was done after that. We asked that the waiter didn't notice it was not water what nothing was done after that we asked that the waiter please let the manager know since the manager was not there that evening that night i called and spoke with a woman who apologized and took my name and number to give to the manager the assistant manager called me on sunday and asked

me what happened i told him the information and he told me that it was non-alcoholic. My two-year-old is still hungover. It's terrible. I told him I tasted it and so did my parents and it indeed has alcohol in it. He then told me that the waiter said it was non-alcoholic. Oh, for God's sake. I again told him what the waiter told me that night, that it was overpour from someone else's and the waiter that night did not deny that it had alcohol in it the assistant manager said he wished he would have been there to taste it himself to determine the situation i asked him to have the general manager call me

this situation is outrageous this is my baby that received an alcoholic drink and if i had not looked she probably would have drank it all because it is sweet literally though like truly honest to god and like if someone put that in front of me and i thought it was water and i was drinking it i'd be like oh this is sweet i'm gonna drink the whole thing and i'm not even a two-year-old one and a half year old yeah i find it very concerning that they are not taking the situation seriously and management does not believe me because they were not there i should have kept the contents and called the police but i was in disbelief and not thinking that way thank you heather and we're sorry for your two-year-old i have one regret what i wish they'd call the police that would have been such a funny

overview oh yeah it's like that waffle house oh yeah that one maybe that's what happened because we still don't really know what happened with that crazy waffle house. And we know that they drank the drink, so maybe. Yeah, true. Wow, I cannot fathom that. That was a lot, huh? That is really fucked up. It is really fucked up. We were joking about it last week, and I was like, oh, it would be funny if it's like a 16, 17 year old or something. Yeah, I met like a teenager. I didn't find that. I only found one where well no teen is gonna be like mom this isn't water that did happen to me though once kind of i wasn't a teen but i

was in germany uh living with my grandfather at the time who definitely doesn't listen to this we go to this place uh we go to a mall actually it was like early in the morning it's like 9 a.m or something yeah we go to the mall and we're gonna do some shopping but first we stop at this cafe that's in the mall and there's a page on the menu for iced teas and i think that's how they put it they put it like english iced teas right um and i was like oh great like i don't want coffee I would love an iced tea and they had like different flavors so I was like oh I'll get one of these I order it it's super freaking like fancy all done up and looking like a cocktail had a top hat and the waiter when I had ordered it was like looking at me was like okay and wrote it down didn't say anything

brought it it was all fancy and i started drinking it i'm like that's interesting but i like didn't think there was any alcohol in it i was like okay it tastes funny i drank it pretty fast because i thought it was just a nice tea and my grandpa was like is there alcohol in that and i'm like no and then it hit me i was like oh shit maybe there is but i told him there wasn't we get up to go i was drunk what i was like i was walking and the whole time it was like i have to make sure that i'm walking straight because otherwise he's gonna know that i'm like actually like tipsy right now being in a mall with your grandfather is already traumatic enough with our grandfather i was gonna say you know him too our grandfather he's he's this man who only wears

suits and he carries 600 keys on his on his belt loop like a crazy person and whenever he goes anywhere he drops them on the table like it and like throws them down freaking table so wow so what what what alcohol rum no yeah i think so really yeah it was really sweet oh sweet okay yeah and it was i was not okay i mean like so it's like a long island iced tea maybe that's what i think that's what they were saying but they called them iced teas so it had four different kinds of booze and oh maybe it had that yeah i don't know it was like they had different types too i have no idea because when i was ordering it i was like okay it's just literally just an iced tea hilarious oh i mean terrible but also hilarious yeah so but you were a teen that was user error i mean i just feel like

i guess actually technically i think i was like 19 then yeah so okay you were old enough to like know what like a two-year-old is fucking too much see that's what i'm saying is that's what i expected was a review like that i was trying to find something funny like that not that that story was particularly funny sorry everyone but but yeah something that wasn't so sad it's really fucked up and also like that could have gone really wrong it wasn't like well taken care of in either situation i'm a little concerned about that one lady, which I'm always the type to be very... I'm not confrontational. And I always, like she said,

use her error. I get it. But if someone was like, oh, sorry, I got your two-year-old drunk, but also you have to pay for it, even though I told you it was virgin drink. And also I fucked up your burger and it sucked. And then they're like,

but please don't tell my manager because it'll come out of my pay. And then the lady writes a fucking, I'm talking about this lady. And she writes a review that's like, you should still check it out. That's what I'm saying is like, if a waiter or waitress says, oh, don't tell the manager. I'm like, fuck that. Like, of course I'm telling the manager. Gay. Come on.

Yeah. Gosh. I can't. Yeah, that would really upset me. Yeah. No, of course. It would upset anyone. But these people seem surprisingly...

Chill? I don't know, chill about it. Because they probably had too much to drink. I kind of wish they had called the police, but next time. Next time. Okay, wow. That was a lot. So this was a very emotional episode.

I feel very heavy in this room. Very charged. Thank God I'm drinking tonight.'m not or are you did i slip some rum into your boots into my water into your child wouldn't even notice your children's water you wouldn't know why is it frozen like a slushy okay so do you uh should i give you the theme first or no you do the thing yeah okay so i'm going to reveal your challenge for next week and you're should I give you the theme first? Or no, you do the thing. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to reveal your challenge for next week and you're going to give me our theme. Right.

But first, I'm going to tell people where they can find us online. Great. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram at Beach2Sandy. Facebook at Beach2SandyWater2Wet. YouTube at YouTube.com slash C slash Beach2SandyWwater2wet. YouTube at youtube.com slash c slash beach2sandywater2wet. Our website is beach2sandy.com. Our email is

beach2sandy at gmail.com. And you can support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash beach2sandy. Nice. And I have a listener review now. You do? Okay. Let's go go is it from itunes it is from itunes a five-star review oh yeah these really help us guys so if you get the chance that would be awesome absolutely these are the best and we do read them we read every single one this is by

hugs not drugs 135 great got it alex and christine come together in a combination of belly laughs, dramatic what's, parentheses Alex, and adorable family chemistry to create my favorite 20 to 30 minutes of the day. Blech, family chemistry. I will stop listening to this when fat rabbits fly. All hail the squirrel shrine. And their theme song's a banger, too. Aww. Thank you, Hugs Not Drugs 135. That is so sweet. That was a really good one, huh? the squirrel shrine and their theme song's a banger too oh thank you hugs not drugs 135 that

is so sweet that was a really good one huh that is we needed that this is a what is this episode uplifting i don't know this is heavy i think mercury's in retrograde this is like that podcast that you that you are a groupie for yeah it's heavy stuff sometimes only sad things yeah that's why i drink a lot oh yeah you do drink i do drink a lot yeah and that's why i drink only child water okay please tell us something so this is the theme the theme for next week is libraries in los angeles oh okay i like that do. I've been to one. I have been to the West Hollywood Library,

and guess what they have on top of their parking structure? What? Tennis courts. Really? I've played tennis on top of the... So you went to a library to play tennis? Yes. You're so bougie and green girl.

It's like they're free, so it's not like... Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so libraries in Los Angeles. We did New York last week. Let's cross the coast and do LA this week. Yeah, I like that idea a lot. Cool.

And there are probably some crazy ones, yes. Yes. And your challenge... Uh-oh. This gives me so much anxiety. Your challenge is a review of an air freshener that mentions a dead body. No! Yeah.

This really is like that groupie show I do. I know. I wasn't even thinking of that or thinking that this episode would possibly be this dark. I talk about dead bodies literally for a living, by the way.

I know. But I still consider this a challenge. Okay. Good luck. You're right. I'll try it. It might be a little harder than you think. I mean, I gotta do it. challenge. Okay. Good luck. Good luck. You're right. I'll try it. It might be a little harder than you think. I mean, I got to do it.

Yeah. You have no choice. All right, guys. Thank you everyone for sitting through this one. Thanks for sitting through this with us. Thanks for all the support with YouTube, Patreon. Please check it out. We would really love it if you guys kind of put your two cents in.

Yeah. Because we had so much fun with that YouTube video, but we're excited to make more and move on to the next one and do even better. Yeah, so the more subscribers we get, the better. Absolutely. Thank you guys for listening.

Thank you, everyone. Pass the child's water. Bye. Cheers. Bye.