Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 138: Reviews of Ripley's Believe It or Not!
Episode Date: July 21, 2021Picture if you will a podcast, where, believe it or not, they discuss big honkers. Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patre...on.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet.
A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.
Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast.
But I'd give it zero stars if I could.
Hello, welcome to episode 138 of Beach to Sandy Water.
This is a podcast where the siblings Schieffer read shitty reviews.
Schieffer sisters, Schieieffer read shitty reviews. Schieffer sisters.
Schieffer sisters read shitty reviews.
Welcome.
You just said shreviews, I think, but close enough.
Welcome.
This is 138.
Can you believe it?
No, believe it or not.
We're doing Ripley's Believe It or Not.
Oh, man.
It was so much better in my head. Well, I don't know.
What do you say to that? Do you believe it? What if I ask you, do's believe it or not oh man it was so much better in my head no i well i don't know what do you say to that like in the car like you say do you believe it what if i ask you do you
believe it i say what do you mean and then you say something clever okay well then you're the one that
was supposed to say the clever thing in your little scenario you know what believe it or not
let's get into this okay i think you just summed up all of my reviews, actually, because I'm pretty sure that's all I got.
There were so many that were like, I can believe it or I can't believe it.
I'm deleting ones now.
So now I'm going to have fewer because you're basically reading.
You just basically word for word read one of my reviews.
That's bad.
That means that I am holding hands with the reviewer.
Holding hands with the devil.
Okay.
You go ahead, though.
I have a lot, Zandy.
Oh, my gosh. Okay, good. This is a problem, but it's okay i'm just gonna get into it so this is from uh morgan sent this
one in this is a review of um the whisk by the way the theme is from grace i forgot to mention
thank you grace uh sorry for the terrible attempts i tried that we did no you tried to make me be
funny yeah that's that's my job i set you up for a joke and
then yeah and then i set you up for the same joke and you couldn't make a joke either so i was the
one who set it up okay this is from morgan and it's her view of the ripley's believe it or not
in wisconsin dells also does everyone know what that is like was ripley's believe it or not there's
a lot of them i found out yeah they're a shit ton they're like in london and thailand like all over the place basically this this dude
i thought it was just like la and orlando no i know i thought i know i thought it was similar
to but yeah this dude ripley um there was also a tv show but this dude and books right an amateur
anthropologist or something yeah books too i don't know that i didn't know that no yeah and he he
asked but but
a lot of the content came from people he'd invite people to send in photographs of weird things that
they see um and all these oddities like for example opened auditoriums the world's tallest
man or like yeah like kind of circus sideshow-y, like probably not so cool nowadays to stuff.
A lot of animals with unique markings was an example in Wikipedia, I think.
So yeah, and like a three-headed goat, for example.
Oh yeah, two-headed cow, I saw that.
Also, there's one where it's like a man could put his lower lip over his nose.
And I was like, wow, that's...
To live in a time when that made you museum-worthy is incredible.
But anyway, so... i still think that's
museum worthy what are you talking about do you see you watch oh my that was disgusting i didn't
know you could do that she just covered half her face with her bottom lip one of my many talents
oh my god it's one of my few talents but it is is one of my talents. I'm so glad that you're impressed.
Okay.
This is a review.
One star by Delia.
This is in Wisconsin, by the way.
Disjusting.
We're off to a good start.
I know G is next to H on the keyboard, but still.
Disjusting.
Disjusting.
I am so disappointed that I spent $50 here with my two kids.
There is so much in this world that is amazing and unbelievable that is not disgusting or gory.
Why would you need a museum that shows so much icky things?
There's also a room that goes upstairs and there is a sign that says Ripley's Darker Side.
What does that even mean?
Everything I have seen here is dark and scary.
I think the person at the register should give warnings about that area or make a better sign.
Maybe say this an area not for young people.
My boys went up there and they said there is a woman showing her breasts and lots of other disgusting things up there.
I think she meant disgusting.
I was going to say, I don't know what that word means.
Disgusting things up there.
Also a duct tape room?
Why?
I wish I would have spent my money elsewhere.
And then basically the manager commented, what is fascinating and interesting to one person is not to another we appreciate your feedback uh end of review wow um you know
famously the two things that i think are most disgusting in the world yeah women's breasts and
duct tape i was like those are your examples really? There's no example except for a woman showed her breasts digesting.
And then a duct tape room is like the most heinous of all.
What does that mean?
Is it literally just a room covered in duct tape?
Honestly, it's probably like the HVAC system that she just walked into the closet and was like, oh, no.
I mean, I'm not really sure.
But a duct tape room, maybe.
But apparently there is like a secret floor it doesn't sound very secret no it doesn't but no the darker side i like that though i like
that also she sent her young children up there to check it out like if you're already so horrified
and then you see a sign this is like it's even worse up here the children are probably like
20 okay i know i'm picturing them as like
20 year olds like oh yeah saw some boobs and then mom's freaking out boys i mean it doesn't i know
i'm just kidding okay i don't actually mom there's boobs up there okay your turn okay let's just get
this one over with okay okay oh geez okay this is a review of ripley's believe it or not gatlinburg tennessee one star
by uh lorraine definitely did not believe it end of review i told you i brought those to the table
i told you i did not believe it there were some that were like more like ripoff believe it or not
that's bad i know that was saw a couple times on yelp that was a trend
on yelp for a while there in 2016 okay this is another one um of the same
ripley's and it's a two-star review by ronda and this is a response from the same guy who just
responded to that one it was interesting but not sure it was worth the $20 a person. It's smaller and only took
about 15 to 20 minutes to go through it all.
I don't even know if this is funny, but this
is a manager response. It made me laugh.
Hi, thanks for your review.
If you only took 20 minutes, then
you probably missed our hidden
third floor and didn't take the
time to find all of the symbols
in the Temple of Discovery, which
lead you to many hidden artifacts
thanks for stopping by what but i like to think that he just says that to anybody who makes it up
yeah it's boring well maybe you missed the big scavenger hunt we set up the mysterious booby
floor just seriously gaslight them make them think like they're idiots for missing out on a whole
wing it doesn't sound that secret i'm like well i'm convinced it is secret some people seem to Just seriously gaslight them. Make them think like they're idiots for missing out on a whole wing or something.
That's why when you said it doesn't sound that secret, I'm like, well, some people seem to have just missed the entire secret third floor.
To be fair, if any place would have a secret dark location, it would probably be a Ripley's Believe It or Not.
It would.
Believe it or not.
And some of the comments or some of the reviews were like we found the third floor and i'm like
it doesn't sound like that impressive like it doesn't sound like this is a nearly impossible
task like i have a feeling they want you to find it but probably sell t-shirts at the top let's
just say we've i found the third floor to make people think it's really difficult i found the
duct tape room the title card okay here's another one this one is of the hollywood location one star
by uh james as un-american as it gets end of review okay that's not true because when you
said it's the hollywood location immediately i flash back to an actual photograph we have of you standing behind
the world's largest man like a replica statue like the world's largest man and it has you
you're a little little kid and so your head is like above it yeah and you're sitting behind it
and i'm like seems pretty american to me like i'm wondering where the american part comes in
in your story well like a really large man oh oh oh oh large okay large in size not tall
like the heaviest maybe the heaviest man i see i was like explain this i was like am i wearing
like an american flag shirt or something what is happening no you're probably a mega hat a german
beer shirt but um no it was like uh the world's large like heaviest man and it was like this very
large statue right in the lobby.
I see.
And you could take a photo op of it.
That does sound pretty American.
I went through some other of these one-star reviews.
And I actually did a lot of...
Not...
Okay.
I'm going to stop talking like I did crazy research.
But I did look to see what this person was talking about.
I have no idea.
Oh, about the un-American?
Yeah, I have no idea.
Well, there was... I think it was... Oh, oh no, that was the truck stop episode we're going to
do next.
But there was one that was about like Buc-ee's that was like, it's so un-American.
And then there were a bunch and I realized there was an issue where they didn't like
put the American flag somewhere.
That's funny.
I have a similar truck stop review, not of a Buc-ee's, but a similar truck stop review
that mentions that
so something about america that you'll see it's in hollywood like it's not
really the mecca of like middle america it doesn't seem like a place that you would go
seeking americana exactly yeah that's very true and maybe it's a little too i don't know whatever
but um and also bucky's don't doesn't bucky's like really exploit their
workers i've heard no i know they pay well but i've heard really really bad stories about being
an employee like reading the sign on the door of the bucky's is what i'm getting that yeah yeah
all their billboards about so i was like bucky seems pretty pretty american even if they offer
a better wage they uh as far as i know still are they're very strict about standing and
how long your lunch break is and it's apparently not long and it's very terrible and they're very
yeah that's all what i heard i don't know gives me beaver nuggets for lunch i'm i'm out so that's
see that's where we diverge it's at the beaver nuggets is where our views of bucky's diverge
yours goes deeper into american really splinter splinter from one another oh my goodness um yeah
beaver nuggets i hate it so much they're so good okay i have a feeling i wouldn't like them
they're like kind of like caramel corn like but they're like. I do like kettle popcorn.
Sort of.
But they're not popcorn.
They're like.
What are those?
You know how.
This is a Bucky's episode.
Didn't we do a Bucky's episode?
No, but I think we should.
You know Inca corn?
Yeah.
It's like that.
But like a sweet, like a caramelized version.
Oh, like.
They're really good.
What's that cereal?
Yeah.
Like pops.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With the weird frog thing.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sweet corn. Okay. It's Bucky's famous beaver nuggets sweet corn. they're really good cereal yeah like pops yeah yeah yeah with the weird frog thing yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay so i have sweet corn okay it's bucky's famous beaver nuggets
sweet corn they sound gross but they're really good well see the ingredients if they're vegan
i'll give them a shot oh they have margarine so that's m always um so it's like oh i love them
and then people give them to us on tour this is a little sneak peek into this is a spoiler alert
since m doesn't listen to the podcast don't tell don't tell them i said this but um they're always like yeah i love buckies
and beaver nuggets m hates beaver nuggets and so when people give them to us i take all of them
back to my hotel room and even i eat them yeah just a spoiler alert okay that's hilarious get
all the hard-hitting news here well they're vegan so i'll take them too next time damn it send me m's like if
y'all buy m beaver nuggets you're like i'm gonna send them to send them to them i'm gonna be like
you know what why don't just be like care of alex sheaf yes exactly i'll take good care of those
beaver nuggets on m's wow you just switched you did a full 180 on these beaver i'm
sorry i gotta say like you were hating for a solid minute there oh believe it or not this episode is
not about buckies i know wow i'm sorry i'm sorry i just derailed it but i have a review here let's
get back on track i just made the joke you've been waiting for huh did you miss that no i got
it but i thought you acknowledge it otherwise it's not funny. No, because now...
See, now you ruined it, because the whole point was you said it,
then I was just going to sprinkle it in again,
and then you were going to sprinkle it in again,
and we were just going to keep saying it and make it...
Never mind.
Got it. Good to know going forward.
Okay, got it.
One star... Nope, two stars of Ripley's in Orlando, Florida by Steven.
I have been to wax museums from London to Paris to Florida and San Antonio.
Why?
Why?
Here's.
I don't want to know why.
Consider the next sentence.
Okay, sorry.
This is why I picked this for you.
This is why.
But like.
For this very sentence.
And also why San Antonio?
Okay.
Parentheses.
It was a school trip.
I don't have a fetish
okay wait what kind of school are you in that sends you to 18 around the world
this is the international we went to the milan wax museum show i don't know um and i realized i put orlando but it got mixed up this is actually this is the san antonio one i museum show I don't know um and I realized I put Orlando but it got mixed
up this is actually this is the San Antonio one I'm sorry I don't know why I put Orlando
that must have been for the next one um but it is of the San Antonio you know what that means
maybe maybe the other ones were really impressive it's like oh but why would I be caught like
normally I wouldn't be caught dead in the San antonio wax museum because of my fetish which doesn't exist by the way yeah but because of school so the other ones were because of the
fetish for whatever reason it never occurred to me why that would be a school like i didn't
question it yeah i just thought it was funny he said it's not a fetish but now that you mention
it like what godforsaken school sends you on like an international tour of wax museums maybe they
um like madame tussauds university like that's the only thing i can think of like an undertaker
or something they're just oh look how a body should look like it's not a fetish when being
buried so it says that there's another sentence here by far the san antonio one struck me as where the old figures go before they are
retired they have a sheen of age on them gratefully a plaque to tell us what they are and some pretty
sketchy costumes skip it just skip it um so are they they know what they're talking about when
it comes to wax figures i think that's kind of yeah the that that's the insinuation that they
want you to get that steven wants you to get from this i'm typing in wax figure education
i use the word figure for uh because it sounds more academic like erudite um wow no i don't see
anything uh interesting it's an i wish you would stop trying to act like it's a fetish because it's pretty clearly not.
Go to school for my wax museum fetish.
Oh, I mean wax museum interest.
Interest and talent.
My mistake.
My talent.
Yeah, I don't see anything.
I don't know.
But correct us if there are any wax professionals out there.
Please contact us.
But if there's another one.
I kind of hope Steven doesn't listen to this. School trip. Man, it's so weird that that was i just didn't it didn't even occur to me
no yeah yeah oh my god okay i'm gonna just ponder on that okay i'll give you something else to
ponder no actually i'm actually just trying to ponder okay okay keep it down just kidding please
read something else here's a review of the Gatlinburg, Tennessee location.
This is a one-star review by Sarah.
Allowed way too many people in at once.
I got hit by a lady's bag that had a wooden box inside it.
Whenever someone stopped to look at a display,
someone always invaded their space.
There was a lot of interesting things to see i just couldn't stop to read them because there was always someone invading our space and pushing us
along there were no employees there to control things there was also nowhere to stop and rest
we missed a whole section and didn't even exit through the arcade because we didn't know where
to go end of review we're still here to this very day. Alexander, I have that one too.
Because someone emailed it.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's funny.
I was dying.
Because that's one of my favorite ones.
A lady's bag heavy with a wooden box.
With a wooden box in it?
What does that mean?
First of all, how do you know there's a wooden box in it?
It's a superpower.
This is an X-ray vision.
Like an X-Men mutant, whatever.
How would you know that if something hits you in a bag that's heavy?
It's a wooden box.
It's a very unique skill.
Whenever you're hit by something, you know exactly what it was.
Oh, that edge.
It comes in handy usually when there's a hit and run.
It's cedar.
It's cedar.
Oh, and then there's this big flashback, and it can go through the entire timeline,
including when it was just a sapling
this tree and then it grew in the forest
and it's this really fast forwarded
montage of this
tree's life before it gets turned into this
little box that people put their
cocaine in or something
and then it's in a person
sorry it doesn't say that
I thought it did
I guess by the way that it seemed to inj it did no it said it had a wooden box inside i guess by the
way that it seemed to injure this person i assumed it was a large wooden box that was holding a bunch
of rocks there's assessment there yeah that's a good assumption i'd say i'm weirdly impressed that
this person and i found the same review because there are a lot of locations and we both happen
to look at the gatlinburg location and pick this one review well it's
somewhere later but i will say it when we get to it sounds good i'll say the name when we get to it
but yeah that was one of my favorites a wooden box in her purse hit me and then we got i mean
it's some of these people are so dramatic that's why i love the museum ones it seems like people
don't know how to function inside a museum it's like they lose all ability to like find their way anywhere or exit.
And just wait over this next year as people start going to museums again.
Not only do they not know how to function in museums, they don't know how to function in the world anymore.
It's going to be wild.
Social constructs have crumbled.
Like nobody's going to know how to speak to each other.
Oh, no.
Did you hear the intro to this episode? We don't even know how to speak to each other oh no did you hear the intro to this episode we don't we don't even know how to speak to each other it's so sad okay here we go
this is um a one-star review of ripley's world in thailand oh in pattaya thailand so i don't know
why but something about the international ones always make me
nervous. Why? Because they're usually in English, which makes me think that it's just
some idiot American reviewing something they shouldn't be reviewing. But at least it's of
a Ripley's. I don't know why. I just get nervous with the international ones. So this person,
I think, I can't tell if English is their first language. It might not be, but they're very good at English.
There are some like articles missing in some of the sentences, which leads me to believe
maybe it's not.
But I mean, it seems like they're perfectly fluent.
Regardless.
I don't know why.
I just get nervous when it's international.
I get nervous too, because there is an element of xenophobia that sometimes appears in some
of our reviews.
Which is so wild considering they're the ones who are in other countries.
No, I mean like of Americans going to other countries. No, I mean like,
of Americans going to other countries.
Yeah, no, that's, I know.
Yeah.
Like, does, you know,
you mean, wait, what?
Like xenophobia,
like Americans go over there
and go like,
what is wrong with this place?
I'm from America.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I know that.
And I'm saying what's wild
is that they're in a different,
they're not in the US
and they're being xenophobic.
Oh, I see, yes, yes, yes.
Not that it's okay to be xenophobic
when you're in the US,
but it's just wild
that they travel to another country with their culture and everything and then xenophobic. Not that it's okay to be xenophobic when you're in the US, but it's just wild that they travel to another country
with their culture and everything.
And then...
Oh, yeah.
I think it's pretty standard, but whatever.
And you're into it, so...
I get it.
This is a one-star review by Phil.
Don't waste money visiting the wax museum.
It contains a lot of Asian actors and actresses
which don't even look like them at all. The one those can go back to school oh wait i just realized wait a
second second school mention this is like okay okay okay now it's getting interesting okay phil
knows of a school maybe it's in thailand or maybe maybe they're saying quit your day job go back to school and learn something
else and become a chemist or something don't do this anymore please literally when i typed in
wax museum school there's a picture and it's living wax museum talking book reports and it's
oh no a little girl dressed as anne frank oh no no no Go back to school. I don't know what's happening here.
But that is not where...
I don't think that's how you learn this.
I don't think that's what Phil meant.
All right, here we go.
It contains a lot of Asian actors and actresses which don't even look like them at all.
The one doing those can go back to school.
It is an embarrassment.
If I can, I give them zero mark.
It does not look like the work of an international
chain more like a backyard imitate company with third class sculpture skill i was looking at the
andy lau figurine wondering who it was bruce lee look like so wild man face only 20 of figurines
look at least somewhat similar the rest can go trash can end of review wow bruce lee can go trash can. End of review. Wow. Bruce Lee can go trash can.
Bruce Lee.
You know what, Bruce Lee?
I'm like trying to think.
I like I know what Bruce Lee looks like logically.
Yeah.
But I don't think if I looked at a wax museum or wax figure of Bruce Lee, I'd be like, that looks nothing like Bruce Lee.
So I'm wondering how they could screw that up that badly where someone couldn't even figure out who it was.
Yeah. And thinks it thinks it trash can trash can thinks it needs to go try so that's the thing is like clearly this
person is very fluent in english and it made me laugh because i feel like when mom gets really
worked up or like sometimes when people get worked up they like do the the spanglish or like they you
know kind of switch back so it just made me laugh that like once he starts getting worked up he goes bruce lee looked like so wild man face i'm like that yeah it was like it went from like
perfectly i don't know i feel like logically our mother has a better command of english in terms of
specific grammatical um rules like they're she knows phrases and certain grammar things that i
don't even know the name for. Right.
And then, but yet, yes, when worked up especially.
It's like it just kind of goes trash can.
It goes trash can.
So when I saw so wild man face, so I don't really know what is even supposed to be happening there.
But I was like, wow, I think I get it, though.
But to be fair, this is how many Americans leave review like English speaking Americans and that's why I wanted to clarify because like I'm not trying to sit here
and go wow this person doesn't know English that's not what I'm saying oh no I'm just saying wow like
especially as two people who don't know English ourselves I'm just saying this person got worked
up to a point that the the words just kind of went trash can oh. Oh, we know. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I feel that.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
I've got another Gatlinburg one.
This is by Mark.
One star.
Not worth money.
Believe or not, but the register lady is bitch.
Wittish still had my 50 in pocket instead.
End of review. So wild man face.
I felt it felt like the same energy as yours.
It did feel like the same energy.
Maybe a little too much energy.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Yeah.
It was a meaner energy for sure.
Personal attack.
Yeah.
Yes.
Believe it or not.
Your person was defending Bruce Lee's honor.
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.
This person just called the lady a bitch.
And was wishing education on somebody, which maybe in the context wasn't very nice.
But, you know, it's better than just calling them names.
At least you're wishing for them to better themselves and placing your hope in their future rather than condemning them in the present.
With a clever joke about believe it or not.
Yeah.
Without the it, though.
That's the wild part. Oh, wait. Say it about believe it or not yeah without the it though that's the wild part oh wait say it again believe or not but the register lady is bitch because believe or not
sounds like something out of like shakespeare like believe or not and then it's like she she is bitch
this is just making me think though that this whole business idea is somewhat brilliant.
And I feel like we talked something about this with the Dick's Last Resort.
Now I'm thinking about Ripley's Believe It or Not.
You put your whole business idea on the table and say, you don't have to believe it.
I don't give a fuck.
Believe it or not
we're gonna be doing this right that's a good point because there were some reviews that were
like i looked this up later and it's not even true and now that i think about it i'm like
they never said it was true it's not it's not believe this because it's fact it's believe it
or not we don't care if you believe it because we're not we're not even gonna tell you if it's
wow you just blew my mind so like they could literally just say this is the tallest man in the world he's 76 feet tall honestly i think
they should do that if they're not already i think that makes it even more fascinating i would love
for a tv show a ripley's believe it or not tv show to exist right in the present and it's all just
fake none of it is real and it's on prime time everyone's obsessed with it and then all these
fact checkers are freaking out i think it would be on history channel that's a diss that's a
diss got him um wow wow believe it or not believe it or not that just blew my mind um okay well i
have a review here this was sent in from a rebecca or by rebecca and it's a one
star review by ron um this is also one of my favorites let's see one star our photo was taken
at the beginning of the wax museum by an employee they asked for us to take two photos one smiling
and one with effect added in post-production we have no idea what they are utilizing this footage What? What are they asking from them?
Um, they want...
Like video?
Copies of the photos they took.
See, you know when you go to a museum and they're like,
stand in front of this green screen and then we'll try to sell you a photo yeah like they did this at the air and space
museum yeah um i don't know the huntington space center and uh so that's what happened he said they
told us to stand smiling and then one with like effect that they would add in post-production
and he said we don't know what this footage is being used for we asked for a
copy they said they cannot offer those services oh that is pretty weird but i don't think it was
like we tried to buy it of the people now so this is some this is a black mirror twilight zone
like sucked into the well this is the response hello john and thank you for reaching out we
offer optional green screen photos for guests to purchase if they so please.
We do not use any of our guest photos for personal use, and they are deleted every night.
If you would like to further discuss the matter, please feel free to contact me via email.
It sounds like they were not willing to pay.
Yes, and I think they probably contacted them after and were like, we want that footage back.
And they were like, it's deleted.
We can't give it back.
And now they're contacting their lawyer, which seems like an escalation that footage back. And they were like, it's deleted. We can't give it back. And now they're contacting their lawyer,
which seems like an escalation that's unnecessary.
But I guess you're right.
Could you imagine being a lawyer and getting that?
How many lawyers do you think get calls about Ripley's Believe It or Not in a day?
Do you think it's a common occurrence?
Probably not.
I'm actually thinking about this.
In all seriousness, probably not.
They have, but considering how many locations they have, you never know.
There might be something in the world happening.
One bad thing a day.
There's a boob on the third floor.
Oh, true.
And a duct tape room seems slightly dangerous.
Like a liability.
Yes.
If you have a boob room next to your duct tape room, you know things are going to go haywire.
If they get even a little bit too close, things could go awry very quickly.
You're right.
There's actually a Twilight Zone episode about that.
It was boobs meet duct tape.
Picture this.
You're standing in a room covered in duct tape.
What do you see?
There's a breast.
What do they say back then for boobs?
Okay.
Anyway.
Big honkers.
Yeah, that's the one.
And a big honker comes your way.
Okay.
Dumbest episode ever.
Okay, I love this.
My turn?
Yeah, please.
I have one from the location Ocean City, Maryland.
Oh my God, there are so many.
It is insane.
There are so many.
One star review by Kathy.
Good for adults, but not young children.
My son is eight.
In the second room, there were extremely gory and bloody pictures.
He was horrified.
I had to put his sweatshirt over his head and quickly walk him to the exit.
Quickly?
It's a G.
I don't know.
Which isn't close to Q.
Quickly, children.
Quickly.
Quickly.
Quickly.
Quickly.
See, I used to, and I'm so sorry because I feel like I ruined hours of entertainment.
I used to not read typos it drove i was just like so saddened and then afterwards i'd say oh well actually it says
this and i'd be like you just the magic is like you just took a mr clean eraser and just scrubbed
it all out i'm trying now though so quickly children quickly and this poor child has a
sweatshirt like tied over his face.
But this also makes other ones really funny that wouldn't normally be funny.
When I read these reviews now, if I see a typo, I consider it an opportunity at humor instead of something a witness to power.
I see.
Why have you grown so much in your humor?
I've grown.
Yeah.
Comedy career.
After exiting, I went back to the front and asked for a refund of my money they
refused said it was because we walked through the museum um like what was i supposed to do
be airlifted out i think they at least should post a warning for graphic images before paying
i lost 26 i was very disappointed end of review i just like to picture that the kid still has this
hoodie tied over his
face and she's like we walked through but he didn't see anything look at his face he didn't
see a thing so he wants his money back he didn't uh get to enjoy any of the gory experience in in
the response it was something about it said oh well we i think at that time they had a medieval
like torture section so i mean to be fair uh it sounds it sounds not so good but um so they
had a medieval torture section but said well we rotate these out and there are plenty of other
things to see um yeah but what is funny about this i thought was this person complaining it's not for
children there were so many reviews complaining that it wasn't for adults that only children
yeah would enjoy i've seen both
of the like there were a lot of places that had both sides and they were like two extremes of like
only go if you have children or never bring your children here exactly um you can't you can't please
no you can't win i guess you have to be a cool teen to go to ripley's believe it or not so we're
in luck we're in luck we're so youthful um quickly children i can't get
over that i mean think about it i think about the opportunity that would have been lost if i never
read the word fee fund true fee fund that's classic you're right fee fund i would never
have gotten that that is a classic i should have learned from that moment that was i thought you
would have i did not i tried to teach you so many times. Go back to school.
Go to trash can.
All right.
This is an email from Millie.
And I'm just going to read the first line of this because the rest is just kind of along.
Which actually I was going to do.
Oh, just kidding.
This is literally the one about the wooden box.
Oh, funny.
This is from Millie.
And it was basically like I got hit with a wooden box.
But everybody, I give you the full rest of the review. I almost only read the first sentence. I mean, the first sentence is what's funny. This is from Millie and it was basically like I got hit with a wooden box. But everybody, I give you the full rest of the review.
I almost only read the first sentence.
I mean, the first sentence is what's funny.
It's really there.
Yeah.
There's nothing else.
It's hard when people say something funny in the first sentence and then you read the
rest and it's like you have to go back to the first sentence to discuss, you know?
Yeah.
Oh, you're talking about what we did this episode.
What I made us do.
You're talking about what you didn't do.
Sorry.
Okay.
Thank you, Millie.
But I do have another one from millie
so all hope is not i don't have any from millie i found myself so thanks so thanks what to yourself
okay this is a ripley's believe it or not in grand prairie texas what i don't know i i was
surprised by wisconsin dells i know i know people were even tweeting about that, but alas. Just in general. Wisconsin Dells Ripley's Believe It or Not is trending right now.
Yeah, I follow like the Pope.
You can just stop there. No one wants to hear anything else after that sentence.
I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. Okay. One okay one star no it was in response to you posting the
theme and challenge someone was like oh my god we have to find uh reviews of wisconsin dells
to send in okay because yesterday i thought did i even post that you did actually i'm glad i posted
it do you know why i didn't see it because apparently i didn't follow the beach to sandy
account christina jesus christ but i followed the pope apparently follow the pope and not beach
too sandy but i think it's because i did one of those like surprises and block beach too sandy
so because that i have access to that yeah you probably blocked human seeking human and haven't
unblocked it or or stop following yeah sure yeah sure totally totally used to follow it just
kidding i'm sure i did this is a one-star view by Marie.
Horrible experience.
Please hear me out, guys.
That was hilarious, Christina.
Okay, next.
My turn?
No, I'm sorry.
I just love that this reviewer is meta enough to know that people are going to eye roll already at a one-star. But they're like, no, no, no.
Hear me out.
This is a real one. This is worth it. they're like no no hear me out this is a real one this is worth it horrible experience please hear me out guys i came here with my family and
as soon as we walk in one of the workers flipped me off i was outraged my son asked me why he did
that so i had to explain to him what he meant by the finger i believe the worker's name was blair please fire him so i can
come back with my family one day negative five stars end of review wow boycotting because of
blair poor blair i also like love that um they're like what does this mean they also gave the last
name of the employee which i'm not going to give but i do love that um they're like i just want to
come back so badly yeah my family please do this
so my family can safely come back please fire that man so that i can come back with my son
also like who on earth why would anybody flip you off unless there were a really good reason like
yeah it doesn't like it's not fun unless you have a reason for it why would anybody do that there's
no like to a person with a child that's's a good point. I don't know.
I just feel like there's, again, more to the story that we don't get.
But I do love that like, all right, son, it's time for the birds and the bees talk.
Blair walked us right into this corner and now we're stuck.
Jesus.
Anyway.
Oh, Blair.
It's a lot to put on Blair.
Classic.
Okay, my next one. This is of the location myrtle beach south
carolina it's a one-star review by hayley not nearly as good as saint augustine 1962
end of review when the first shrunken head was put into the museum and i was curious so i actually
googled saint augustine 1962 and it came up with the saint augustine movement which was part of the civil rights
movement but it was from 1963 to 1964 so i don't think it's a reference to that because they were
off by a year pre-civil rights or maybe that's what it like i was thinking it's either really
racist in saint augustine in 1962 well my next review is of ripley's yeah i know it's either really racist. No, they probably met Ripley's in St. Augustine. In 1962? Well, my next review is of Ripley's in St. Augustine.
Yeah, I know it's a location.
I just was, but what does 1962 have to do with it?
Well, when was this man an anthropologist?
I feel like it sounds like something that would have existed back then.
No, did it?
Yeah, I'm sure it exists.
Well, I guess.
I don't know.
Because he founded it in 1918.
Right.
Ripley did.
So, yeah, I assume the location in saint august
i don't know it just seemed very specific time oh certainly i mean maybe this person was an exhibit
like maybe he was the one who put his mouth over his face um it's actually the saint augustine was
the first permanent auditorium uh built in 1950 see this man was an exhibit this man was an exhibit yeah he had his mouth over his
face and he stood behind a cage and then he went he went um he went to the one myrtle beach and
said okay they kicked me out of the saint augustine location i want to be an exhibit here and they're
like what the fuck are you talking about we close at five and you need to leave he's like no no i miss the circus
lifestyle you know nobody else does for obvious reasons um man also they were like we can't
understand you your entire mouth is over your face stupid okay um i do so stupid absolutely
so i'm actually gonna read the st augustine one last. So I have two more.
Do you have any more?
I have one more actually of the state because my instinct was then,
oh, I'm curious.
And I did go to the St. Augustine location.
Perfect.
Okay.
So the last second,
the last one I'm going to read is of Baltimore location.
So they've won an ocean city in Baltimore apparently.
And this was emailed from Kristen.
And it says it's one star by Ron.
Terrible experience.
Wrote letter to Ripley's and they never even responded.
Do not take kids to this attraction.
The mirror maze with my six and eight year old was awful.
We were stuck inside and yelling for help and no one came.
My child panicked and ran into a mirror.
I get it all up all that's literally the purpose
that's the goal whoever first designed mirror mazes the whole point was for children to run
into the mirrors what do you think i mean exactly also like if you don't want him to run to a mirror
take the hoodie off of his face and let him walk my child panicked and ran into a mirror bruising his eye and then we found the
emergency exit out into the cold came back to complain to attendant and she did not care a
single ounce end of her good why would she well who gives a fuck your kid your kid was just a kid
i was about to call your kid an idiot then i'm like yeah well i probably did this as a kid too
every kid has to have a running into a mirror thing i've done i've done it we've all been there right everybody
no it's crickets down from around the planet no so i think it's something that's it was a
teaching moment blaze once walked into a mirror no no that's not what happened he was at a bar
i think uh and there was okay so not a child not a no he was five no uh he was at a bar and it was a bathroom and he had
had a little too much to drink and there was a mirror in front of it and he kept he went up and
he's like no after you and then he realized it was himself okay i've i've startled myself by
looking at a mirror when i didn't realize there was a mirror but i don't think i've ever talked
to myself he tried to like sidestep himself like oh excuse me anyway um so yeah my child panic which by the way no wonder your child panicked if you are yelling
for help inside him like i would be freaking out if anybody even somebody who's not my parent were
yelling for help inside a maze i'm probably panicked i'm not a parent but i from what i hear
a lot of times a child is going to react how you react so if you freak
the fuck out when something happens they're also going to freak the fuck out because they're like
oh my parent is freaking out so should I and not only my parent but like all 16 of them that are
standing around in this beer maze are screaming which is like a nightmare like a literal nightmare
can you imagine 16 of our dad like was screaming? No, that's a nightmare.
Uxner, it's a nightmare.
Between you and me, I want to get out of here.
I would smash my head into the mirror on purpose just to concuss myself.
He'd faint at the sight of blood, so it would really shut him up.
We'd all just be just quiet all of a sudden.
And they actually probably would have to airlift us out.
Man.
Oh, my God. all of a sudden and they actually probably would have to airlift us out uh man oh my god also we had to go out to an emergency exit out into the coal i mean this is just the most dramatic thing
i've ever heard just a little bit okay this is my last one this is also this is a saint augustine
florida one um this is uh one star review by billy I went and they said that they were
closed, so I tried to make a joke saying
Ripley called and to let us go in as
a joke.
Sorry, that was just really funny. I wanted to make
sure. Well, I tried to
make a joke saying Ripley called and to let us
go in as a joke and she made fun of me.
End of review. Oops, was
it me? And then
the owner responded and basically
asking them to snitch saying who was it what time did they work yeah what do you mean make
okay come on what do you mean make fun of anyone would make fun of that joke right yeah you'd hope
so like it's not like they went like you're in i mean i don't know what they said obviously but
like yeah it wasn't like they they threw slurs at me it was like they made fun of me for my my terrible joke when i when they
were closed and just trying to be closed and it's better than if she just stared at you blankly
yep and didn't acknowledge the joke i feel like that's even ruder maybe than joking along and
making fun of your joke but the owner is like who can you tell us who it was can you tell us
or at least tell us what time and what time of day do we know we don't know did he give like a private
phone line to call in like a hotline the ripley's hotline the ripley's snitch line is what i call it
not a fan um no they didn't they didn't even offer an email. So I don't know what that's about. But I mean, come on.
I mean, come on.
Come on, Ripley.
Leave Blair alone.
Oh, shit.
Sorry.
Oh, no.
Blair gave the finger again.
No, Blair.
Stop making fun of people.
Man.
Okay.
So I have one.
That was your last one, right?
Yes.
And that was of St. Augustine?
Yes, it was.
Your turn.
Well, I have one of St. Augustine.
And this came in like really last minute, but i just happened to open it up just to see and it was worth it because it said
i read this in christine's voice okay this is i hesitate to read this to you but i'm going to do
it because i personally christine think this is what goes through people's heads when they listen to and that's why we drink and this is where all my deep-seated insecurities lie this is i think
the the headspace many people are in when they first listen to my show so okay so this is a
review of ripley's that you think is a review of and that's why you drink it could be used
the same person would write something similar about or at least think it yeah yeah yeah this
is like when i introduce myself and tell people what i do i feel like this is like their thought the monologue
in their head oh god one star by misty i sure cannot believe it was quite the non-ghostly tour
they put you on a nice little train ride through the city also just side note okay so far yeah
that's exactly how i feel about your podcast. Man, when I pop those headphones in,
I'm just, I go into another world.
I'm on a train through the city.
Christina put me on a train through the city.
No, so.
Like, that sounds pretty good.
If someone said they'd listen to our show,
it's like being put on a train in the city.
Even.
Cool, I don't know why, but cool.
Even with a one star, I'd be like, I'll take it.
It's kind of nice no sorry so i'm pretty sure saint augustine is like considered one of the most
haunted cities in america and i think the oldest city in america and i'm assuming they do some sort
of like you know certain places have mirror mazes some places have like i don't know other exhibits
and i think they do a ghost tour i saw one that has a light up bridge that
makes you dizzy oh i saw that too i think it was in oh that was a weird place i was in canada i
think oh maybe i didn't see that saying all of canada is weird it was just it was a weird place
prince prince edward island is that it yeah it was just a place that i i thought oh they have
a ripley's okay it's just a lot of random spots. They put you on a nice little train ride through the city.
They give you fun little gadgets that even babies can play with.
And they take you to this small building in town.
The adults that were just scammed going in the yard looking for ghosts.
I never felt so humiliated to be a human.
All my intelligence just went down the drain.
I was looking for nothing, wasting my time.
I was looking for ghosts.
What is wrong with me? I then questioned my sanity when I got back on the train and I had to hear ghostly stories the whole time. I then thought, how much does this guy get paid for
telling these stories? What happens if he gets attacked by ghosts? Then the train ride took us
to Castillos de San Marcos. That was so scary, I almost lost my gadget. I was still looking around for ghosts
with my flashlight little gadget. Okay now I know I am in need of a doctor or two. Lastly the train
of horror took us back to Ripley's Believe It or Not. We were asked to take pictures of ghosts that
were not there and post them to Facebook. As we walked through the museum I kept looking for the
little girl in the corner and had to listen to the creepy stories that happened while Mystery Man checked into the hotel and killed a lady.
They did not know the guy's name, but they think he killed the lady who was living there.
Wow, the horror of this story made my wig fall off.
I didn't know whether to run or hide.
I found myself shivering in fear until my husband gave me a great big hug
after eating at the nice Greek restaurant downtown.
He sure felt comfortable and I felt safe again. Sure pays to bring your husband with. End of review.
It sounds like they were brainwashed and didn't know what was going on.
They seemed simultaneously into the idea and completely against it.
Yeah, they were like sarcasticastic but then it would like get too
real for a minute it was like well they said that they were looking and they kept using their
flashlight looking for ghosts and then suddenly they thought said oh i need a doctor like what's
wrong with me what's happened to me yeah oh that's a good hide thing yeah jekyll jekyll hide
or wait jekyll jekyll hide jekyll hide jekyll jekyll jekyll hide jekyll i think jekyll jekyll hide. Or wait, Jekyll, Jekyll hide. Jekyll hide, Jekyll, Jekyll.
Jekyll hide, hide, Jekyll, I think.
Jekyll, Jekyll hide, Jekyll hide, hide, Jekyll.
Jekyll, Jekyll hide, Jekyll hide.
So I think that they were being like facetious and being like, all these adults were scammed looking for ghosts.
I never felt so humiliated to be a human.
My intelligence.
Why can't you just have fun?
Went down the drain.
And it's like, you're clearly, maybe you're defensive.
Yes.
Maybe that's the vibe I'm getting.
Like, oh, I was like walking around.
What's the matter with me?
I was following everybody else walking around with this flashlight.
Because it was weirdly self-deprecating while also not nice about what was happening.
Yeah.
And then, so in turn was also insulting the other people who were in it but you're insulting yourself so you were weirdly self-aware about it but you're
still doing it and i just like hope misty found the help that she needs yeah me too and the many
doctors she apparently thinks she needs well i i think i think misty realized something about
herself on this journey and i think that's what makes it really hard.
That's what people say when they listen to my podcast.
They're like, I've realized something about myself and it's not good.
And now I need a doctor.
I think that's true for our show.
People say, oh, I've written many one-star reviews and it's not good.
Because these two idiots are shaming me.
And if these idiots are shaming me, then I'm at a new low.
Then I need psychiatric help immediately.
Which I recommend to all of you.
Good idea.
Good idea.
So that was something.
I'm done with.
Me too.
Ripley's.
Yay.
Time for me to go into my challenge.
So my challenge in honor of julio's birthday
yay it's from marina the flower hat the flower hat here's the challenge
find a review where a possum ruins or enhances an event or just shows up or is just there. So basically reviews of possums. And I will tell you there are a lot.
What?
But most of them are for.
Pest control.
I have a list in my head.
I'm trying to remember all of them.
Pest control, zoos, and wildlife things, and then camping areas so oftentimes the possum very much belonged
it wasn't where the possum was that the possum arrived unexpectedly yeah i see it was more like
where and i did include some because there were some good just possum general it was like this
is where possum lives um and then a lot of reviews that mention possums uh but specifically as roadkill
oh no either roadkill they found or no the person would much rather be eating a roadkill possum i
read that many times someone would go to a restaurant just say i'd rather eat a possum
that i found as roadkill ew specifically possums are very i mean i guess it's an effective
thing because i just said ew i was like this really grossed out effectively it's good writing
you wouldn't understand i know um it's good i've never heard it before also sorry julio yeah i hope
you're not reading any of course not no no no no no no i you know me i don't like that famously
his favorite animal right is that what it was uh well yes he's part of the julio's mad about
possums he's mad about that that's what we we so we don't know exactly what that means um but we
we know we do know it's a good thing so uh my first line here that i wrote my notes is email
from rachel she her at all oh what because i have did a bunch of people send the same four six eight emails
that i have in my little folder yeah um every single one of these people referenced the same
review no and this is a review i've seen before i had seen this and some of these were from 2019
some of these emails wait what because i've seen this people have tweeted it at us this is like a
thing this is this one is a thing and i don't know if we've read it i cannot remember i don't remember this
at all but um i'm going to uh read these people's names out quick so rachel was the first one that
i opened who sent it for this specific challenge but i also have emails from uhany, from Rebecca, from Sarah, from Rachel, from Taylor, and from Neve.
So this is a review.
And Christina, if you haven't seen this, I think you have.
I must have, but I feel like I don't have any memory of this.
But if you have not seen this, it's so good.
I don't have any memory of this.
But if you have not seen this, it's so good.
OK, so here is the original review that kind of started this movement on Twitter.
This is a review of an Arby's in Texas.
Oh, man, I don't have the exact location. This is exactly if you said guess where it is.
I would probably ended up at Arby's in Texas.
Yeah, McKinney, Texasas okay so uh here we go one star review so normally i don't complain but today well after lots of thoughts on the matter i think it should be known multiple employees saw this guy
sitting at his table with a baby possum the possum was on the table eating off his tray and not one
word was said to him about
leaving the restaurant very bad for business i won't be going back to arby's in mckinney and
right now i won't be going to any arby's have a bad taste in my mouth for this it's possum hair
that ended up in my burger they included a picture oh my god it is adorable it is adorable and this gained a lot of traction specifically on
twitter uh when i've never seen this before when a user tweeted and said thinking about that yelp
review for an arby's in texas where someone gave the place one star because someone brought their
possum in for a snack and then there's a response and uh taylor's the one who sent that i
see sent in a response by the user oz cow o-z-c-o-w who said oh fuck i think that's me i was rehabilitating
a baby possum in mckinney texas in early 2017 i brought him into arby's there and included a
picture yeah no shit that's you who else would it be no that might be the other
baby possum owner that goes to arby's with his possum alexander that is the wildest thing i've
ever seen um yes so basically it was julio right who took the possum to the texas oh yeah yeah
that's the flower the flower hat well that's where the love started. Wow. That's incredible.
I love that possum with all of my heart. Oh, it's adorable.
It's amazing.
What's funny is there'd be reviews like this one.
This is a five-star review of that Arby's in McKinney, Texas that I found.
Oh, okay.
This is by Will.
Where's the welcoming possum?
I wanted to try this Arby's after seeing another customer's review stating that they seen
an opossum dining with a gentleman the food was just as good as any other arby's i've tried in
the past yet i only wish the possum had been there still giving five stars for service though
end of review i mean that possum changed the game that set a new bar a new a new standard yeah their
whole all these all their reviews not all but most of their reviews were now people commenting
on how they want to see the possum and couldn't.
Oh my God.
He meant being the manager there and being like, seriously?
Seriously?
We let one possum into our establishment.
That's all people talk about.
Can you imagine if they had kicked him out?
There would have been a riot on their hands.
Oh yeah.
No, I agree.
I loved it.
So I think it's really cute.
I can't believe that one reviewer was so mad about it. I would have been like weirded out hands. Oh, yeah. No, I agree. I loved it. So I think it's really cute. I can't believe that one reviewer was so mad about it.
I would have been like weirded out, but like, you know, whatever.
I would have thought it's adorable.
No, I mean, personally, I would have.
There were grosser things that probably go on in herpes than a baby possum eating some
fries.
But especially possums, because possums, like it is not like they're not disease carrying.
I mean, maybe they can get can. How do you know that?
No, possums are known for being very like good, like not.
You know what carries leprosy?
You?
Me.
No, armadillos.
Okay.
Well, this is not an armadillo.
Exactly.
If an armadillo were in an Arby's, I'd have a second thought.
Exactly.
Thank you.
I feel like these fries have leprosy on them now.
My point. Exactly, Christina. Good. I'm glad that we came to the same conclusion we're in the same spot so thank you everyone for emailing that's hysterical that we got so many of those oh yeah
and some yeah like i said some of them were from 2019 when this first went viral three of them
actually so um yeah thank you to everyone for uh doing that and also a note i have uh regarding
possums opossum possum either way is okay apparently um there are apparently different
types that might have different names but generally they're interchangeable and i will
be using i think in that last review i read, I used both within the same review.
Only because as I was reading, so they spelled it O-P-O-S-S-U-M, but I read that as possum until it comes to using an, and then it's like an opossum.
An opossum.
Oh my gosh, you're right.
So that's why I did that.
And then I realized it and I was like, oh, well, that's weird.
I guess I never really understood that there was a difference.
But so do you say opossum
like you say the
probably yes yeah
so opossum is pronounced opossum
or and then you can
also spell it without the o and it's opossum
you can also say opossum my possum
opossum my possum
our fearful trip is done
I'm so glad you knew the rest because I for sure didn't
the ship has weathered every rack.
The prize we sought is won.
Actually, I take it back.
The port is near.
The bells I hear.
The people all exalting.
While follow eyes, a steady keel, the vessel grim and bearing.
But oh, heart, heart, heart.
Isn't this what you read at the fucking-
Oh, the bleeding drops of red were on the deck.
My possum lies.
Oh, no.
Now I feel bad that I threw possum in there.
Fallen cold and dead.
But no.
Yeah, we've read that.
Just kidding.
He was faking dead the whole time.
Alexander, didn't you have to read that?
Lincoln Memorial.
It's about Abraham Lincoln?
Yes.
I didn't know that's why you read it.
I thought that our weirdo teachers were just like, here's a poem you memorized.
Say it at the Lincoln Memorial.
No, it's about the...
No.
Yeah.
And that's the one poem that I've memorized that I've maybe the builders i have some of that memory we had to memorize
freaking edgar allen poe yeah yeah good times um anyway where were we possums no man like possums
here we go here's a three-star review this is of man friday which is a place a restaurant in nelly bay magnetic magnetic did i read that
right no i did not actually oh my god what are you doing my eyes are not working today magnetic
island queensland australia that's the weirdest name for that is right, here's a three-star view. Wow.
Nice food, awful possums.
The food here is fantastic and the service is okay.
And it's BYO, which is a bonus.
But there are filthy possums everywhere. No.
And the owners even feed them.
One nearly jumped on one of our friends.
It's an outdoor restaurant, so they can't keep them away.
But I'm sure they are breaching health regulations by feeding them.
We counted ten possums
the night we were there, and they were running
over the shade cloth above the table
and climbing on the handrail
of the stairs into the kitchen area, which
is where it looks like the owners feed them.
I was worried I might get possum pee
or poo all over us. End of review.
Okay. Alright. I mean, I guess if they i was worried i might get possum pee or poo all over us end of review okay all right i mean
i guess if they are on the umbrella cover above your head i guess that's a fair like fair fear
but i mean i feel like that's just fun like a fun little addition i mean i guess most people
wouldn't agree but i would agree though we were in i went to key west with celine and our family once and there
were all these chickens just like wild chickens running around yeah at restaurants and stuff and
those freaked me out a little more like birds just kind of make me nervous i spent a lot of
time around chickens recently and turkeys and they're kind of surprisingly sweet i feel like
they're always like after something that well they're like talons are really scary so you kind of expect them and you know how they move their
head towards you and i'm like oh my god i feel threatened a little bit boom boom yeah yeah yeah
in your head in your face i'm gonna come at you um but yeah they are after something they want
food but they don't eat you so you're safe well they just hope you have food for them
um that's my experience with chickens good luck good luck you're on your
own friend um here is my next review this is of a place called barefoot on the bay in panama city
florida three stars great service great view food blah i was babysitting was taking my charge on a
trip down memory lane at dinner time i suggested let's go to salty hog
when we got there no more hog but barefoot okay being familiar with this place i worked for
original low smith there we went on in surely must be an oyster bar well not so we were able
to get chairs right on the rail water 10 feet 10 feet away. I ordered the quesadilla.
Nothing special.
No decent salsa.
Guag.
Just cup of... What is going...
Okay, I was waiting for an...
It's the G and the Q.
Earlier when I read that other, the Gwiggly, I was like, oh, I can't wait for my other GQ moment.
Guag.
I can't.
Okay, also, I was waiting for an entry point
because if this were my babysitter i would print this out give it to my parents and be like you
need to find me like this is what is going on this is what happens when you're out on date night
this is what happens they call me their charge they take me barefoot to an oyster restaurant
like i'm five barefoot is the name of
the place i thought they were barefoot no i know yeah and also when you said surely i thought you
were gonna say they were shirtless so then i had that in my head and i was like this is a chaotic
time but um just even like if my babysitter were like oh let's go somewhere and then this is what
happened i think the names being salty hog barefoot makes it a
little lot more chaotic are those like two restaurants salty hog used to be at that
location and then barefoot now it's been replaced by barefoot and i assume low smith had something
to do with is that a person yeah i believe so like i don't know what's going on no it is it is
it's very it feels like a very local charge like if i were i think i would print this out truly and
be like mom and dad like you have to believe me yeah something is wrong i i honestly didn't know
what that meant so i'm glad you picked your charge yeah yeah oh yeah like the person you're in charge
of basically got it but i feel like it's not really a term people use often yeah i've never
heard that so i was i think it's more of like an old-timey term but that could just be me i just
kind of ignored it because i tend to do that with some of these reviews clearly this person's from like 1940 or whenever this restaurant
was like a completely different place with a guy named low low smith oh boy oh yeah salty
hog closed in like the 50s so that's weird um this person's like 90 yep okay i ordered the
quesadilla nothing special no decent salsa gu salsa, guag, just a cup of chopped tomatoes.
The kid got a burger and fries and didn't eat it all.
This spoke volumes.
We did get entertainment, though.
While dining, an opossum came up on deck, walked around, ran around corner, etc.
The staff was on tables squealing like little girls.
Thankfully, the scared animal wandered under deck.
Muh better than the broom was facing.
If you want fun, great service.
One of the best views in St. Andrews.
Stop by.
If you are looking for great fresh seafood, perhaps eat somewhere else.
But bring your own possum.
End of review.
Okay.
Honestly, never mind.
If I were their charge, I'd like you redeem this possum redeemed
the night for me yep i take it back i this person passed the vibe check and appreciated the possum
you know what i take it back i spoke too soon i heard guag and i judged too quickly and too
harshly i was just wiggly too quickly i'm sorry too quickly too quickly i was ready for you to
eat your words because i knew when you complained i I thought, you know what? This person is okay in my book.
So we'll see what happens.
Yeah, I'm glad they consider it.
But what I found funny about this was they said the possum came up on deck, walked around, ran around corner, etc.
I'm wondering what the etc. was.
What came next?
Good point.
I would love to know.
Slightly disappointing that there wasn't like
a full full disclosure yeah that's why i'm here i don't care about the rest you know give me every
detail about what the possum was up to it did possum things you know it's like no no i want
to know more i did also like that this person they did spell it opossum first and then possum
second okay they were like i was that wasn't me. That was just how they did it.
All right.
But in the review, sorry, in the response by owner, the owner mentioned the possum and
said, sorry for the possum scare and said, sometimes wildlife makes an appearance.
Owner, it seems like you guys were scared, not the customer.
The customer seemed to have a great time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The babysitter
had a blast i think so too um it sounds like these are great reviews like yeah yeah yeah this is from
marina right yeah marina like new like i don't even it was such a random challenge but these are
like gold yeah i'm so impressed. This is fun.
And it was fun.
Because most of...
And no, that's something I forgot to mention before.
A vast majority of the reviews that mentioned possums were positive.
Were positive.
Positive.
Oh, positive.
They were oh, positive.
I checked their hospital records.
They were so positive.
People were very excited to see possums of all things, which made me happy.
I know.
I mean, I'm really into this.
And isn't Julie a member of the Possum Society or something?
I think.
That's what Marina said, I thought.
You know what, Marina?
I have no idea.
But who knows?
Are there any more?
Yep.
Oh, yes.
Well, this next one is a little different.
I went down your route.
I found a Yelp blog style.
Ooh, one of those forum things?
Yeah, it's a forum post.
Okay.
So the title is,
Possum Hanging Out at Finagle a Bagel
Near Massachusetts General Hospital.
Oh, wait.
I was like, i feel like i've
been there before it's boston i have boston also um sorry just to say real quick um he is even a
member of the north american and then their o is in parentheses the north american opossum society
oh the naos as if you will that okay that's pretty cool cool. Julio is. I missed that. Forget about that. That's a fact.
I think I was just so focused on the challenge.
Uh, so here's the,
here's the post.
This is by,
uh,
Mary.
Can anyone explain to me why there was a possum hanging out in front of
finagle,
a bagel on Cambridge street near Massachusetts general hospital.
This was at 5 30 AM.
And I was so out of it that i could barely comprehend what
i was seeing has anyone else see possums around downtown i wandered out of the er in my hospital
gown with my iv pole dragging behind me does anyone else see that possum this happened yeah
no ma'am nobody else sees that possum and then rachel says maybe he was waiting for a bagel i haven't ever seen an
opossum in the city but since there are skunks i'm sure there are possums too hope he didn't
get squished by a car frowny face oh i mean me too yeah me we all we all feel that way i'd hope
rachel um i and again i what people i think people interchange the way, change the usage or sorry, the spelling of possum as they use it.
I kind of thought that just cover all their bases.
Oh, I see.
I thought it was always just like the flow of the sentence, whatever fit better.
Maybe because I haven't ever seen it.
Because Rachel said, I haven't ever seen an opossum and then said, I'm sure there are possums later.
So I don't know. I don't know i don't know
then we've got some people who are just insulting possum saying man they're ugly and
what complaining about having to see them calm down um and then things took a this is a very
brief turn walk into a mirror maze and look around and then get back to me sir um and then it takes a
turn for the worse what uh i don't know why we had to go into this.
We didn't.
But I guess.
Mary decided we did.
Mary says, we used to see rat orgies while waiting in line for dinner at Sleeper Hall,
West Campus, BU.
They had those floor to ceiling windows and the rats were everywhere.
End of response.
Hey, I remember I went to a pub near BU once with Blaze and there was like a literal rat.
It was trivia night and there was just a rat like sitting in the middle of the floor and i kept looking around i mean i
sound like this person what's their name again mary i sound like mary i was like does anybody
else see this rat oh the original person actually i don't know what they maybe i called them both
mary you did i did not oh that was a different person mary too was that second one i was like
mary needs to like needs to get her eyes checked seeing all these rat orgies.
I just saw an M
and used Mary again.
No, there was just-
Martha, let's say Martha
was a second one.
A rat, and then it,
there was like a sorority group
or like a group of friends
and they were playing trivia
and the rat like crawled
under their table
and I was like,
I don't want to like
freak everyone out,
but if that rat tail
like touches one of their feet
or something,
there's going to be like
an overturned table
with a bunch of beer on the floor. And Ize and i just watched it we were like we don't
know what to do so then we just didn't order food yeah i was like well that's so funny i would order
beer and leave it at that i had dinner with a friend uh my friend lauren and topanga um in la
near la and it was outside and there were rats like a bunch of rats like not like a huge swarm but
like multiple rats would just like kind of pop out of the center you just scared the absolute
bejesus out of me with that keys jangle um i was like they're on my desk now they're in my drawers
oh my god the rats it sounded like something was crawling around but yeah when we saw a bunch of
rats and they but they were really really cute rats freak me out they were so cute i love them and i was so excited do you remember in dc when there were rats
in every trash can it was like a thing like you would like toss something in there and you'd like
hear something and it was always you're feeding the rats a rat was in there yeah but sometimes
they would like jump out of the trash can it was they were very scary yeah um but yeah i loved
watching them and watching to wait for people
to notice them so yeah you see them crawling up to other tables and you just stare and stare and
stare and wait please notice please notice and because you want to see people freak out but
anyway i like didn't because i was like this is just going to be too loud for my ears but
um i have this is one more comment under this uh whole weirdness this is the the turn that i just we
went on it continues um this is what agatha has to say i saw two huge rats going to town in what
is now charlie's beer garden i was dining at the red house al fresco and well really didn't need
to see that but there they were broad Broad daylight two. Those little scamps.
End of response.
Okay.
That's the end of the Boston possum scandal.
I didn't need to see that.
Those little scamps.
I guess not.
Those little scamps.
They sound cute.
All right.
I've got one more.
This is a five-star review.
This is the one that doesn't exactly fit the theme,
but I thought it was adorable.
So here's a five-star review.
This is of Phillip Island Nature Parks hyphen Penguin Parade.
This is in Phillip Island, Victoria, Australia.
Five stars by Paul.
The penguins leave the safety of the ocean at dark and parade back to their homes on the land.
There is an expectation waiting for the first penguin to pop out of the surf.
Then a group.
Then heaps.
The boardwalks are strategically placed for a close-up experience.
Along the way, wallabies and possums join the throng.
My grandson loved it and I did too.
End of review.
I've never wanted to witness something more than March of the Penguins and Possums.
Right?
March of the Possums is what that is.
March of the Possums.
I've never wanted to see something more.
Okay, next year for Julio's birthday, Julio and the two of us, we gonna go to uh philip island that's all i want
we're gonna watch the possums i'm gonna take david attenborough i'd be like we're going to
march of the possums i want an executive producer credit please thank you this was all my idea
you've never heard of this you've never been david sit down i have something to show you
wow the possums joined the parade i joined the throng it was like very
well worded it was so beautiful and my grandson was delighted i'm just so pleased by this whole
scenario you're throwing putting words in paul's mouth here that he didn't say but we're gonna just
let you run with it whatever kind of the image i got wow i mean i'm an executive producer i'm just
doing a little artistic liberty here. Wow, that was good.
That was one of my, I think that might have been one of my favorite challenges you've
ever done.
Yeah, I think it was one of my favorites to research.
It took a little while only because there were so many reviews that weren't, that were
just about, oh, we were camping and a possum showed up anyway.
And there were so many, but they were positive that no one, even at hotels and things, no
one really complained that there was a possum,
which was really cool.
At a motel, if anything, yeah, it's something to see, something fun.
I guess they're just less seemingly threatening than some other animals.
I think that's it.
I mean, I don't know.
I guess.
They look more like a cat, maybe?
I don't know.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know.
So I have the theme for
140 and you have the challenge so i'll give our theme our theme is from grace again and ali actually
had sent this in uh before as well uh so our theme is reviews of candle stores oh which it seems so
out of left field but for some reason when i saw that i thought yeah part of me just feels like we should have kind of right done that by now i feel like that's
just like a american staple like a good yankee candle yeah well when ali had sent it in it was
i think it was last year for your alley no no my my former alley no i don't hear you say that
it is weird yeah but um no it sent it said, oh, this is a lovely fall one.
So I was like, should I just save this for fall?
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
We're doing it now.
It's good.
It's good.
Okay, perfect.
Out of season candle stores.
Well, honestly, that might even be better.
I have a challenge for you.
And this is for episode 140.
Your challenge comes from Nicole, who uses they, them pronouns.
Who says, hey, hi, hello, beach to Zandy and bad girl Cree Cree. episode 140 your challenge comes from nicole who uses they them pronouns who says hey hi hello
beach to zandy and bad girl cree cree uh i work at an amazon fulfillment center and i've been
listening to your podcast since late august per the suggestion of my girlfriend um and so they
have an idea for a possible challenge where you find alexander amazon reviews where people are
addressing jeff bezos as if he personally reads them.
And they sent an example of one and I haven't read it.
So hopefully that helps you on your quest.
Why does this sound familiar?
Did we not do this already?
No.
Weird.
Maybe I think maybe I did one in Between You and Us or something.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I thought we just did something like that, but I guess not.
OK.
Well, if so, too bad. Yeah, too bad. We're doing it again uh yeah so that's that that sounds amazing dear jeff bezos who's on interviews uh nicole nicole i'm
i'm looking forward to this okay um now especially after watching uh now i have jeffrey the jeffrey
bezos song stuck in my head from bo burnham. Christina, you have to watch Inside. I keep waiting for Blaze.
Okay.
But anyway.
This is the theme for 141
and it is from Scarlet
and it's storage units
for our love of storage wars.
Oh, good idea.
Okay, that is
yeah, another one
similar to Candles
where I think
why have we not done that yet?
It's like a classic.
That seems so good.
Okay, I love it.
I love it. That's my challenge.
Your challenge is from Melody, she, her.
Find a review of a product created by a celebrity
where someone hates the celebrity but loves the product.
Oh, Dave Matthews wine, here I come.
And she, oh my God, you're going to write your own.
So she gives a couple examples.
So someone who hates Ryan Reynolds but loves his gin.
I didn't know you had gin.
All these celebrities have booze now.
It's true.
Or someone who hates J-Lo but loves one of her perfumes.
That's a weird.
That would be a weird incidence.
But I guess.
That would be, right?
I feel like that's.
They have to go hand in hand in my mind.
Unless for once the person in Macy's sprayed you.
And it worked.
And it actually worked.
And you're like, what is that lovely smell?
It's like, that's J-Lo's new perfume.
Oh, I despise J-Lo. But that that smell i can't get it out of my head at night and you're like
smelling your wrists like oh i must i must you know what they say though keep your friends close
and your enemies closer your j-lo so if your j-lo is your enemy you gotta become j-lo and smell like
j-lo put an aura on put her on all of your, what are these called?
Glance?
I don't know.
Put her on your glance.
Put her on your glance.
Okay, that's the end of the show.
I'm hanging up now on you.
Okay, fine.
All right, well, email us or something.
Yeah, and check our Twitter for those.
Those will be up.
Twitter.com slash Beach2Sandy.
Follow our Instagram.
We posted something relevant up. Twitter.com slash Beach2Sandy. Follow our Instagram. We posted something relevant recently.
Maybe we should post a possum.
Oh, we should post a picture of us at Ripley's Believe or Not.
Yeah, we'll try to find a photo of us at Ripley's Believe or Not.
Those exist for sure.
Those should exist.
So yeah, Instagram.com slash Beach2Sandy.
If you want to send in a review that matches any of those themes or challenges,
send an email to Beach2Sandy at gmail.com.
Look forward to hearing from you.
And we love you. And we'll talk to you soon. We love you so much. Okay, bye!