Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 140: Reviews of Candle Stores
Episode Date: August 4, 2021Please don't yank your candle while listening to this episode. Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy...! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.
need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast,
but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everybody, welcome to Beach to Sandy Water Too Wet, the podcast where we are reading bad reviews together.
Who's we?
Blood related.
We are blood related. We're two blood related bozos reading shitty reviews from the internet.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Happy to have you here.
This is episode 140.
We're reading reviews of Candlestores, which was sent in by Grace.
Thank you, Grace.
I am glad to see Alexander again.
It's been a while, Cindy.
It has been.
I just got back yesterday from my lovely trip.
I can't believe you finally did your lighthouse tour.
I did. It's not over. I can't believe you finally did your lighthouse tour. I did.
It's not over.
I did see 11 lighthouses, which was wonderful.
I still have many more I'd love to see.
I now have a lighthouse passport.
Yeah.
Different lighthouses have different stamps.
I think you mean light homes.
I do mean light.
Well, it depends.
It actually depends on the lighthouse.
So, for example, the light ship.
I saw a light ship in delaware
that i wouldn't necessarily consider a light home okay um but it still is classified as a lighthouse
but then the one in st michael's maryland that i saw i would argue that's that's a light home i
was inside of it and there are beds so it's a light home home is where the light is yeah is what we say in the lighthouse biz isn't that a motel
ad home is where the light is it's like come in the light is on i don't know
we left the light on for you we that's it i don't think that's it that's literally it i don't think
it is yeah we'll leave the lights on for you or something motel six that seems like a little
passive that's all i stayed in was motel sixes because of that it's it's a thing in the lighthouse
community we only stay in motel six you also have a motel six passport that you get stamped
every different motel six yes um but no it was lovely um shouts out to uh d and shouts out yeah shouts out oh my god it's not shout out passersby
passersby um shouts out i don't know if that's even correct but that's no i don't think so
uh shouts out to d in new york for hosting me and bringing me to my very first one in montauk that
was a that lighthouse was incredible it was a great start and then it was your first ever
lighthouse i know it was okay just your first of the tour what i'm
calling it is my first lighthouse with intention oh okay this is getting a little much because i
had seen lighthouses before but it was like okay cool chill a lighthouse i happen to be on this
beach that has a lighthouse you didn't have a stamp yeah yeah and i wasn't like oh i'm going
like the feeling of when you are like i'm going to the east end of long island
just for this lighthouse and then you turn the corner and there it is rising before you the beacon
on the sea i mean you know it's so weird about long island is how large it is and it did take
us like three hours to drive across everybody and i know we get so much weird shit for being surprised by that i
love like i love everybody that listens to the show except except you know who you are i'm just
kidding we got so much shit for talking about long island and they're like we'll try driving
through texas i'm like how many times have you and i driven through texas many many times 40
i've driven north south through texas east west throughwest through Texas. I've done it all. I'm not saying...
I just drove freaking from Baltimore to Delaware, or to D.C. then Delaware.
It's not that we're saying, wow, what a long...
Philadelphia, then Pittsburgh, then Cincinnati.
I'm not saying, wow, what a long drive.
We're saying, I didn't realize Long Island specifically...
Exactly.
Thank you.
Despite its name.
Despite its name.
Okay, yeah.
We sound kind of dumb there.
Despite how the whole universe already told me um i just want to say
one last thing before we start the reviews which is yeah i'm not even done with my shout sorry go
to your shots so d with montauk and new york and then marina and baltimore which uh was a great
time especially because of that stout little guy that i saw oh the portly the portly the portly
lighthouse that i saw it's a seven foot knoll i believe is the name uh it was quite cute and quite unique um and then someone recognized me
in a lululemon there which i was like you need to he had to call me because he said i needed to
explain via words with my mouth why i was in a lululemon to begin with it was a whole thing but
isabel and uh baltimore who works at lululemon and was like thank you for
being so kind and helping me buy some lululemon pants but at that point i couldn't say no because
i'm like oh well shit okay my sister came our sister came over yesterday and was like
alexander owns lululemon pants i called them my lulus stop it see that's already um so that's
gonna be a thing um so i'm sorry and yeah yeah. Well, I am a little bit frustrated.
Tell me.
That you, without warning, sent me pictures of the home of Maximilian without any warning.
Maximilian.
The home of Maximilian.
He lives in the lighthouse.
He's stuck under the dock.
We've talked about this.
At the crab claw.
And I feel like you really intentionally yep i did threw me for a loop
with a bunch of photos of the time which by the way somebody tweeted i think or i think they tweeted
it and they were like i listened to christina a lot on like both podcasts and she's really never
brought up on and that's why you're drinking like 200 some episodes that she spent time in maryland
growing up on instagram yeah oh on instagram and like i that's the one, I just don't talk about it.
And I was like, oh, that's.
Imagine me being back there.
It was so strange.
I had to bring you into it too.
That feeling of like, oh my God.
He starts sending me pictures of the outside of the house that we used to stay in.
And I'm like, this is getting a little too much for me um in my psyche my fragile
fragile psyche if i'm fragile you have to be fragile that's the law eat at the crab claw yes
what did you eat there were reviews remember that said there's nothing to eat here for me
no i had some fries okay and a beer okay so i mean i was happy i don't know what people are
complaining about then um yeah so anyway that was from the crab crab houses was happy i don't know what people are complaining about then um yeah so
anyway that was from the crab crab houses episode or i don't know crab restaurants doesn't matter
but it was a long time ago max million still lives in my psyche i promise and see that all
this is relevant to the show because months ago i talked about wanting to do a lighthouse tour on
the show so if you're like what does this have to do with the podcast it has everything related
with the blood related um so yeah eventually i want to do more lighthouses though because i've
got that passport now there are like 700 lighthouses in the u.s so i've hit 11 so you're
getting there but i hit 11 in 11 days i'm so impressed okay okay anyway sorry at that rate
you only need two more years and you'll be done. Okay, that's fine. Two years of lighthouses?
Sign me up.
Oh my God.
Okay, well, who wants to go first with candles?
I'll go ahead.
I've been talking a lot, so people want to hear more from me.
I see.
This is a review of Paddy Wax Candle Bar and Coffee in Philadelphia.
Okay, Paddy Wax.
I happened to be in Philadelphia when I found this.
I just searched candle store and this came up so okay here we go it's a one star review uh this is by
robert i was so eager to go to the store because i had read about paddy wax coming to philadelphia
in the fall and it looked like a really great concept fun friendly and a place i would enjoy shopping because i have a
passion for candles so today february 18th 2020 which was my day off i decided to swing by on my
way to doing some other shopping in that area on chestnut street but i have to say i was anything
but impressed i walked in and saw a few other shoppers looking around and i also noticed a
candle class going on in the back of the store.
There was an Asian woman behind the counter who looked like she was doing something on a computer.
I decided to look around on my own at first, but was hoping that eventually she would greet me and just ask if I needed any help.
Since it was my first time in the store, I had a couple questions, and I wanted to ask about certain products and the company, but she seemed
totally preoccupied with what she was doing.
One of the other customers
looked at me as if to say,
is anyone going to ask us if we want any help?
I don't think
that's what they... I could read it in his eyes.
Could you imagine, like, someone looks at you and you're like,
yeah, I know exactly what they're
saying to me right now. It's probably they're
looking at you because they're like, should I call the authorities?
They're staring at that poor woman so intently.
Yeah, right.
Instead of just going up and asking a question.
And she eventually left the store.
I also noticed that during my time waiting for assistance, another customer walked into the store and started to talk to the Asian woman asking her.
Why do you keep saying that?
I know I hate it.
So it's so terrible.
It's so unnecessary.
He started talking to the female pilot.
It's like, why do you?
Why must you?
Ridiculous.
Why must you explain it?
It's not relevant in the slightest.
But it gives us some insight
into this person's mind,
which is not good.
Here we go. Another customer walked into the person's mind, which is not good. Here we go.
Another customer walked into the store and started talking to the Asian woman.
I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'm done reading that sentence.
It's so bad.
This guy would be so bad at writing a book.
It just sounds like the worst.
This is so bad.
Most poorly written thing.
Okay.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Go on.
Asking her questions about the store and how long it had been there.
However, she answered her abruptly and without any warmth or interest.
So the customer walked out of the store.
Eventually, the woman behind the counter said hello to me and then continued to go about her business on the computer.
Finally, I walked up to her and said that I had been in the store for a while, yet it took her over six minutes to even acknowledge me.
Sorry, six?
You've been timing it.
Of course.
This person has been standing, peeking over, watching.
And listening.
Every single interaction this person has had with the customers.
And yeah.
Until she felt uncomfortable enough to actually acknowledge you.
Okay.
Oh my God, Robert, come on.
I told her that I was in the retail industry myself and that her customer service was totally
uninviting and that I had every intention of writing a review about the service I received.
I would think that a new business would be a bit more welcoming to its customers in the
hope of building a strong and loyal customer base.
However, the feeling I got when shopping the store was that they simply didn't care and
were preoccupied with other things.
I will not be going back to Paddy Wax because my first experience, which is the most important, was so lackluster, cold, and unconscious.
I suggest they start training their employees on what good customer service is, or they won't be in business long.
Oh my goodness, that was a horrible LZM was a horrible oh i know that's why i brought it
to the table that's just what sucks it's like you're just minding your business going through
some inventory doing whatever you need to do and suddenly some man walks up and starts yelling that
you are rude and they're gonna write a terrible review about you and you have no idea how to be a customer representative. I mean, geez, calm down.
And to also kind of imply that
because this person is on a computer,
they must be just doing other things.
Wait, there's been a lot of reviews
about people are just on a computer.
And it's like being on a phone is one thing.
But like at a store,
being on a computer does not indicate like...
What do you think they're doing?
Watching Netflix?
Playing Minecraft. Sweeper? Sweeper. Minecraft, Minesweeper. a store being on a computer does not indicate like what do you think they're doing watching netflix mine mine what's it sweeper sweeper mine sweeper i mean i'm sure plenty of people
play minecraft at work spider solitaire which i never totally figured out but played a lot as a
kid uh mine sweeper yeah yeah i lord i don't know um yeah it's just awful i don't know people suck believe it or not
we're back sorry we have recorded an episode in a couple weeks weeks now i'm just like
stating the obvious all over we're back we're back to the shittiness um okay well i have a review
this was sent in by carissa a lot of people sent in candle reviews thank you i didn't even get to
like a third of them i didn't read a single one i apologize if i don't get to yours but thank you for your help i feel bad but i took a few um this
one's from carissa uh this is of warm glow candles um off i-70 in the county that carissa carissa
lives in uh the building is shaped like a candle and it's pet friendly they also have peacocks on the
property so really unique excuse me i don't know that's what carissa tells me is that relevant to
candle making i just like the candle place is shaped like a candle like that's cool no
no no i mean i'm thinking about the peacocks yeah i recognize that
it being shaped like a candle is relevant to candles, but what about the peacock?
Okay, this is a two-star review, and there's a response from owner.
This is by Janine.
Overpriced tourist trap.
A cute stop off to stretch your legs on a trip, though.
Great atmosphere.
All the candles look the same.
No interesting designs or molds, but several were over $200.
Seems crazy to me. The furniture there was in the
thousands. Here's a response
from owner. We are sorry
you feel that way. We have candles that start
at $1.20 to
$37.50 in price
and we do not offer any candle for
$200. That would be
crazy. End of response.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
I was like, I was nodding my head.
Okay.
Yeah.
That is a lot to spend on a candle.
Did they just read the price tag wrong or something?
I don't know.
Or are they just being purposefully.
How do you read a price?
I mean, I guess if it was $20, but like the person literally said the highest candle they
have is $37.50.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they said several were over 200
dollars uh it seems crazy to me and their owner's like yes it also seems crazy to us which is why
it doesn't happen oh my gosh anyway i yeah yeah i like that the owner was like yeah yeah that
would be ridiculous which is why we don't do that we don't only the peacocks are 200 maybe that's
what the price tag she read she thought it was a candle i don't like that peacock on fire
okay my next one is a review of uh glassy baby have you heard of this place no so it's a cherry
charity oriented glass shop crafting colored vote vot holders and drinking glasses in the on-site studio.
Cool.
It's located in Seattle, Washington.
I think they might have different locations, but I think it's from Seattle.
And a big part of their selling point is that uh so the creator had uh lung cancer and so a lot
so a lot of their sales they donate to charities uh specifically for cancer okay um yes so anyway
and these candles are expensive not too i think they're like 5555 or something per candle. So a lot of money, but handmade and like a big part of it is, hey, a portion of this
will go to cancer.
I don't know how much.
It'll go to cancer.
Sure.
Yeah.
We're funding cancer.
No, we're funding cancer research.
Okay.
So anyway, I don't know too much about it, but that's what I know.
That's what you need to know.
Here's a review by Katie.
One star.
Worst customer experience I've ever had ever.
I received a gift from this place.
A blue glassy baby called Peace for Christmas.
It has brought me nothing but anxiety.
Sorry.
That's like that time that person wrote an essential oil review being like,
I bought like world peace essential oil
and it only brought me like
anxiety and turmoil and depression.
I was like, I don't think that's the oils fault.
Sorry, go on.
Well, it depends on what side of,
if you're selling the oils, I can see why.
If you're eating the oils or whatever, putting them on your feet.
The lime oils in your guacamole.
Wait, do people do that?
Yes. Fucking disgusting.
I'm in on the like
anti-mlm like the subreddit and like facebook groups and people will post like oh it makes me
ill it's perfect for recipes and they'll put like their lime eat that oils in their like that makes
me ill actually really ill it makes them ill too yeah it makes a lot of us yeah don't don't put
essential oils in your please don't unless you really know what you're doing just don't i not that i know what i'm doing but i don't know if you know what you're i don't know
i love how you're everything deserves a caveat if you're like oh i do this for a certain reason
fine whatever but like don't just whatever okay you know i would love to know those reasons eating
essential oils um okay here we go okay ahead. I've wanted a glassy
baby because the company donates to cancer
non-profits and I was diagnosed with cancer
when I was 18. When I lit the candle
on this thing for the first time, I removed
a gummy sticker on the bottom and put it
in my discard Xmas wrapping paper
pile because I figured it would get hot
and I didn't want the sticker to make a mess.
I decided the blue color made me feel
blue, so I put the whole thing in the
original packaging and went back to exchange
it. No big deal, I figured, because
they charge a hefty price for these things and I
assumed the customer service would reflect
the price tag. Nope.
They explained that because I had removed
the gummy sticker from the bottom, I was
shit out of luck and they couldn't tell
which glassy baby it was from their line.
It was Peace, I explained, and showed it to the staff right next to mine on the shelf, in identical colors. shit out of luck and they couldn't tell which glassy baby it was from their line it was peace
i explained and showed it to the staff right next to mine on the shelf in identical colors but we're
not sure it's the same blue they said um literally it's the only shade of that blue that was there
it's not not aquamarine not sky blue not cookie monster blue anyway see for yourself in the
attached photo my only recourse was to call some number
and deal with another customer service arm of the company.
I guess that's not what the people at the store do.
I don't have time for this,
so I just left the whole darn thing there on the counter,
all $60 of it.
I don't want it in my house
because it brings up bad feelings
instead of the positive ones they've cleverly marketed.
Don't waste your money.
If you want to support cancer treatment,
there are worthy charities like American Cancer Society,
Fred Hutch, and Seattle Children's
that deserve our money so much more.
Or support another local business
that knows how to treat customers.
End of review.
Oh my God.
So, this person receives a candle as a gift.
Is that what it said?
Yes, they received it as a Christmas gift.
They did not pay money for this candle. They took the tags off. tags off yes they took the sticker which i don't know what the sticker
looks like they didn't show but off the bottom right went to bring it back and said hi i want
to exchange this and they said no like for a different type of candle and they said like not
even the same type like nothing was wrong with it it just made them feel blue because it was the
color blue i'm sorry can you imagine like for reason for. It just made them feel blue because it was the color blue. It made me feel blue.
I'm sorry.
Can you imagine like the reason for your exchange?
It made me feel blue.
I mean, okay.
To be fair, I just, so when I was in Baltimore, I literally tripped, fell in the street.
My Nalgene fell out of my backpack pocket.
You had to go find it, didn't you?
Yeah.
And I forgot and I didn't realize it fell out.
And I fell and I wiped out.
It was hilarious. But people stopped because it was so funny and they actually wanted to see
if i was okay because it looked pretty bad i was fine i went back to the hotel realized i had a
had a couple drinks i was day drinking leave me alone went back to the hotel realized my water
bottle was missing went back to where the scene of the crime and halfway down the block was my
water bottle and it had gotten hit by a car
had skid marks on it was shattered basically oh no and i sent and with with nalgene's you get like
it's a lifetime warranty you did not on their website i put in he got hit by a car i literally
said i fell in the street my water bottle fell on my backpack then got hit by a car here's a picture
and today
like a day later because i sent that in yesterday a day later they were like oh look for a shipping
label or shipping uh notification within 48 hours what what are they doing they're getting me a new
one what it's it's lifetime warranty yeah but i know the moment i sent it off i was like well
it's not really their fault it got hit by car. It's not like it just kind of...
Like cracked on its own accord.
Yeah.
So I'm going to be a Nalgene customer for life after this.
That's crazy.
And I'm giving them a little free ad here because...
I feel like...
Wow.
That's really...
Go buy Nalgenes.
I mean, talk about...
Wow.
Talk about...
I don't deserve the free one.
Solid customer service.
Yeah.
Anyway, that...
So...
But that was a shattered product, least i don't know i'm i
don't know what i'm trying to do your guilt here i'm i feel very guilty about it i really do the
moment i sent it i'm like am i a karen like i wasn't like demanding i was just like oh let me
submit this form and see if it works and sure enough they said yeah we're sending you a new one
well that was very nice of them um i don't know what i'm supposed
to do with this information um i think this was relevant to these candles being returned i see
and something but yeah i mean to be fair yours got hit by a car she took the sticker off same
difference like if she came in was like i just tripped in the street outside it shattered like
i under like well i don't know what to do and they were like this candle got hit by a car where's this where's the sticker like you're but in this case
it was literally they received it as a gift they didn't even pay for it they took the sticker off
themselves and then it was made them feel blue and that's their what i'm what i'm thinking like
there's nothing wrong with the candle okay like no and i feel like you're blaming the candle for
your emotions which you know don't get me wrong like certain songs like make me upset because they make me sad or
whatever but like but you're not gonna go to itunes and say give me a refund because this
song makes me sad the song makes me blue um and so i don't think that um i don't think that that's
a fair thing to put on this poor candle that's just trying to poor bring you peace and like and this person didn't even donate money to charity like like
yeah they didn't even pay for it did not like this person saying like go donate to charity
it's like yeah definitely do why don't you do that then that would be then go do your blueness
will go away if you go to seattle children's and give them it just seems so fucking i don't think you're supposed to have candles in the hospital though so oh true essential
oils um anyway uh don't need to essential oils companies instead oh my god donate to
young living young living please don't okay your turn this is from misty it says hi fellow scarred for life by strove of pita sheafers
misty thank you she her pronouns this is a one-star view um and it is written by bailey
stop by the store tonight that was supposed to close at 7 p.m.
but was closed at 6.36 p.m.
when I arrived.
Not really a big deal
that they were closed 24 minutes
prior to what the sign said.
And then the narrator cuts in and says,
it was a big deal.
Yeah, because I'm like, okay.
Not a big deal.
So what was the problem here?
Not really a big deal
that they were closed 24 minutes
prior to what the sign said.
The problem I had is that the lady that walked toward the door completely ignored the presences of me standing there.
While I'm asking, are they closed or if the door was just locked because of COVID and only letting a certain amount of people in at a time.
Not only on top of that, the manager maybe walks toward the door and does the same exact thing while I'm screaming through the door by this time because it's rude to ignore customers like that when you shouldn't even be closed this
is unacceptable end of review yeah yeah it was a problem but i'm weirdly the manager had to come
like close the blinds because the poor employee's like this lady's screaming through the door oh my
god i'm picturing though the manager going over to like unlock and
go and then like taking their hand back like like tricking this lady into thinking that they're
actually going to open it for um yeah no uh the fact that you were quick to scream at these
employees i think they made a very good call screaming is a little much um for just being
closed is a little much um in my opinion uh this reminds me
of the time when we read i don't know i'm having so many flashbacks but like we read liquor store
reviews in like louisville or something and this guy said he was he's like man they're always
closed when i show up and we were like had this like theory that they just turn off the open
sign every time i saw him approaching oh my god um so i feel like that's
what's happening here like i approached started screaming through the door and like suddenly they
were all closed and locked and nobody would talk to me um francisca and i when we were in dover
delaware uh we got in pretty late and we needed food and like everything normal was closed so we
see a place it says speedway cafe it's like close at 3 a.m and i was like great they have like the whole vegan menu and everything
i was like this is so cool walking distance from our hotel and we walk over there it's like pitch
black it's dark i'm like wow okay they're not open we end up going the next day and it's like a like
a diner that closes at like 2 p.m according to their door i'm like i don't know why i thought
they'd actually be open at like until 3 a.m why did you think because google said that so i like i should have been like this
must be a mistake because there was also nothing else like there was nothing else in that area it
was like very i mean there was a panera hotels and like a couple of places but like i don't know
anyway so yeah i but my first instinct wasn't they're gonna hear about this online well your
first instinct should have been i'm to start screaming and see what happens.
Yeah, that would have gone really well for me.
I almost did because I was very hungry.
Like I started, almost started screaming, but more into like into the night rather than into the empty Speedway Cafe.
It was quite good though.
The next one we went for breakfast the next day.
But yeah, just go go just go tomorrow what is it bethany uh bailey go tomorrow bailey don't go tomorrow
they don't want you okay stop screaming okay yeah don't don't do that um i'm stalling a little bit because i did a thing what uh i stopped reading candle stores
and i started reading uh candle apps um what an accident what a strange i don't know how it
happened i type in candle stores in google and all of a sudden my app store opens and it searches for
virtual candles you were trying to play minesweeper and then minecraft it's i
understand it happens thank you thank you for being so understanding anyway the rest of mine
are of candle apps what is a candle app first of all but i mean i'll find out you know what you
will find out i'm going to not really talk too much about it it's a but it is exactly what it
sounds like it is literally an app where you open it and it's a virtual candle.
She's lighting a candle right now.
What candle is that?
I don't have time for this virtual candle business.
I'm lighting something called...
She's not good at this.
It's taking her forever.
Ow!
Sorry, it's really hot.
Breaking news!
Fire is hot!
Ow!
Put it down! I'm trying! Oh oh my god that was a here's the thing i'm gonna write them up
no i'm just kidding um the problem is it's almost empty so it's harder to light because there's
barely any left and the glass gets really hot because of you know fire yeah there's a fire in the glass and then the
glass gets hot i'm sorry science it's called luna by goodness candles hand poured in arizona
it's a very bougie candle that i somehow own i don't know where it came from i mean there's
another one right here that one smells really nice smell that one soy and cotton it does smell quite nice right
sea salt surf wood cream jasmine it's lovely my my motto wood cream and jasmine it's vegan i love it
yeah they're all vegan because you know broken top candle company bend oregon okay anyway we're
just doing all sorts of ads for things today. Spooning Cafe, Nalgene.
Listen, be careful because they get hot.
Okay.
I just want to warn you.
Let me endorse another business.
The virtual candle list.
IHandy Inc. who makes a virtual candle HD.
What's it called?
ICandy?
IHandy.
Oh, IHandy.
Inc.
IZandy.
IZandy.
Swear on my app store. So it's used for all sorts of things here's here's
a good example or here's a good review i don't know actually know what this review says one star
review great great not a good app this app does not do what it says for example real candles flicker
and dim down randomly this just has a steady flame that looks good while
you are staring at it, but the
light that comes from it is mainly white.
My advice is, if
you want candle light, buy a candle
and don't download this app.
End of review. Thank you so much for
that insight. No one has thought to do that.
I've never thought of it before in my life.
No, no, no. My first instinct when I
want a candle is to buy a candle app. To download? No, no, no. My first instinct when I want a candle is to buy a candle app.
To download?
No, no, no.
You have to pay for it?
Not anymore, but a lot of people in these reviews said they paid a dollar for this.
That really hurts me physically.
And it still had ads, so.
But like, what are you doing with it?
Like, I mean, I understand if you need an app for-
You'll find out.
You'll find out.
Oh, there's more information.
Christina, we're going to have lots of reviews. Because that person just taught me what a candle does in real life so i'm i feel like i'm
one step closer do you want me to read two more here from this like right now i don't but like
do it first before you get yeah okay so this is a little more inside a negative review though two
stars not romantic i was looking for a romantic candle this is more of a dinner candle end of review
and i know my candles apparently you know you should type download is talking tomcat talking
tom talking angela that's romantic speaking of romance what if you had one ipad that had talking
angela and one that had a dinner candle. I am. How romantic.
I would bet a million dollars that that has happened.
Christina.
Yes.
Well,
people for at least for this one said this was perfect for my iPad.
Like it was a thing to get this on your iPad.
I guess that makes some more sense.
At least it's big enough to put it on your iPad. So,
yeah.
Well,
here's another,
this is a five star review.
This is where.
Oh,
okay. You excited? Yeah. Um, here's another. This is a five-star review. This is where. Oh, okay.
You excited?
Yeah.
Here we go.
Five stars.
Best sex ever.
Okay.
Wow.
What a great app.
Kill me.
Definitely provided a romantic experience, if you know what I mean.
End of review.
If you know what I mean.
They kind of laid it out for us.
I hate when people tell you exactly what they mean and then two minutes later go if you know what i mean i'm being really subtle here yeah that's
in our that's terrible yeah wow if i go over for a date and i see someone with downloading an app
to put a candle on the table i'm like this person is willing to spend 99 cents i mean to make our
dinner romance a little flickery christina sorry they can't
afford your like 50 candles or whatever those are as if oh i know not everybody can i'm just
a romantic you know at least and christina these people are not getting burned i know literally
freaking out it's so hot it's like hey at least these people don't have that they're taking care
of themselves be nice i know i'm sorry um okay this is from andy who's she her slash they them pronouns who says hey friends i've
accidentally found a review from fox oh the fox that fox the infamous yelp elite from buffalo
new york y'all were introduced to like two years ago i looked up reviews of the yankee candle at
mall of america which is my local mall and found this horrifying review which happens to be by fox anyways here you go it's graphic i'm so
sorry what the heck fox what are you doing to this candle i'm sorry alexander this is i mean i'm not
because you just are doing it to me too over here but i'm reading okay yeah man so when when andy um screenshotted this fox elite i just had an update on fox's status
same black and white profile picture suave as ever suave or suave i say suave now i'm okay
why is suave in your head enrico suave i don't know oh okay fox looks looking really slick.
And in his black and white pro pic and Elite 2021, he did it.
Not that we expected anything less.
Currently has, let's see, 15,620 reviews, 47,051 photos, and 4,433 friends.
Fox is killing the Yelp game. Honest to
God. It's a four-star review from
2018, but
the stats I read are current. Okay, I was gonna
say, wow. Man, it must have been.
No, no. Fox was already a 2021
elite. Exactly, like three years early.
Three years early. If anyone deserves it,
to be fair. So this is
Yankee Candle Review, Mall of America by Fox. Four stars. early three years if anyone deserves it to be fair so this is yankee candle review mall of
america by fox four stars i just came back from needing to yank the candle which i did in the
bathroom get fox you dog you dog you fox i just came back from needing to yank the candle which i did in the bathroom ew
sometimes i just get horny what can i say what is this i have okay i know we've had some weird
fox reviews but is this this is another level no going through something i don't know sometimes
the smell the fumes get to you in one of these stores you know i wonder if fox reads like old
reviews i was like wow what the hell was thinking? Like how we listen to old episodes.
Literally what I was about to say.
I would say probably because I feel like anyone in such a creative endeavor like us and like Fox, you know, they learn and they grow.
I mean, maybe not us, but, you know, some people do.
Sounds like Fox is doing a lot of his growing in the bathroom.
Stop it. See, you know what I mean? You're is doing a lot of his groan in the bathroom stop it
see you know you're not any better than him sorry he's masturbating if you know what i'm if you know
what i mean oh my god can you imagine you walk in and someone has a the lights off in the bathroom
but they have a downloaded app on their phone and it's a candle the only time that's acceptable is
if it's fox i'll give you permission and it's totally
unsurprising um i just came back from needing to yank the candle i don't know why i'm reading in
sometimes i just get horny what can i say just me no nobody located at the spectacular and enormous
mall of america is this yankee candle store which has higher ratings and more enthusiastic reviews
than almost any other yankee candlele store we've been to.
It kind of reminds me of the other ones, but it does have definitely good service that shines more than a lot of other stores.
The Mall of America is full of interesting stores and nice service, and this one was no different.
And of course, Barbie bought a candle because she has done almost every time we've ever been in a Yankee Candle store, lol.
I guess that's his girlfriend?
Yeah, I don't know
i think she used to have a different name or maybe it's a different girlfriend i'm not a big fan of
the stores and the headache that the stores give me because of the strong sense but she likes them
i don't know why strong scents give me headaches it doesn't make sense and a birdie foxes has a
way with words it's also a picture of the lossusitan or however you say it like the french yeah yeah so i don't know why that's the photo that's included i don't know and not actually
a yankee candle but you know that's besides i think fox just uploads as many photos as possible
of everything just to get those thousands yeah it's tough when you reviewed a hundred probably
reviewed a hundred businesses that day so sometimes a couple uh they get mixed up
pics will get mixed up you're completely right yeah um yeah you know classic fox though i know this is just classic fox you
can never go wrong with the classic fox review i mean you can go extremely wrong but that's okay
but it always feels so right it's too late my next one is of candle hd which believe it or not is an
app that you download we're still in apps. I was like, that's funny.
That sounds like an app, too.
Yeah.
Candle HD, you download it, and it's a candle.
Great.
I mean, it's not a candle, to be clear.
It's not.
You don't get a real candle.
This one, 35 ratings, 2.4 stars.
Oh, no.
Who is the 35th person who's like, I'll give it a shot?
I think maybe my experience will be better.
Well, here's part of the reason why it doesn't have maybe the best reviews.
Okay.
This is a one-star review.
I can't believe the ad for a hardening pill continuously during the burning of the candle.
And I'm not even a man.
I will be removing.
End of review.
That's pretty bad.
That is pretty bad. No. But hey hey like considering what other people are using i guess it's romantic it's weirdly uh fitting can
you imagine though if you're sitting there having a romantic like third date with somebody and then
like the app just keeps flashing like by acra i feel like it could kill the mood probably i was
on the subway in new york and there are all these like what is it roman the erectile dysfunction ads or whatever oh yeah the website and i was like
what is that and i like didn't know what it was did you google it no and then i saw ed and i was
like oh because all the ads were like weirdly like not they weren't suggestive enough to make me
think so anyway i don't know why i'm going i don't know like were you having a romantic date on the
subway is that what you're trying to get out here i know okay i'm just trying
to relate what you're saying to uh a candle hardening ads i'm thinking about hardening
stop after fox's review stop stop stop yanking his candle stop it i'm done i'm done are you done with that is that all for now okay i'm going back to my reviews
this is what i get for all my cruise ship nonsense like and your freaking truck nonsense too last
week don't forget about my i didn't because i had to freaking upload that episode was like oh my god
i forgot about this whole forum bullshit that we went through. The fucking like kidnap. Do you remember this, Kristen?
Not really.
Oh, yeah.
The whole thing about like kidnapping people.
This is what happens when we record them so long ago.
Yeah, we recorded that so long ago.
And now it was like three weeks ago.
It was three weeks ago.
Oh, my God.
That's a really.
Yeah.
Wasn't that weird?
So it's really fun when you tweeted us and we're like, what?
Wait, what?
What was our episode about? Yeah. Oh, when people tweet us out of us and we're like what we what what was our episode
about yeah oh when people tweet us out of context and we're like what did we say and why could we
possibly have said kidnapping in new orleans um okay this is a review it was sent in by whitley
she her pronouns and it's a it's a one-star review by, I'm sorry, a two-star review by Tammy
of a Bath and Body Works in
Goodlettsville, Tennessee.
Local guide, by the way.
Asked for assistance,
was told, I've never heard of that one.
Let me look. Then she disappeared and I
never saw her again.
And Whitley's
emails
says, some say Tammy is still in the store waiting for assistance
what it sounded like what it sounded like was they said they asked for assistance and the person
and and the person was like i don't know if we have a candle called assistance but i'm gonna
go check that's just i i don't assume that's not what actually happened imagine i've never heard of that one yeah you're right they literally said the way they put it
made it sound like that's what happened um and they're still looking for assistance in the back
in the storeroom i've never found it oh my god looking for assistance oh my god what a smell
that would be though yikes talk about making me blue what a smell folks would be, though. Yikes. Talk about making me blue. What a smell, folks.
Let me tell you about that smell.
Shut up.
I have two more reviews.
Great.
Both of the same candle app.
This one is called Candle-Ultra Real Blowout.
And then the description says,
Multiple candles for everyone.
Okay, so we got a dinner candle we got a flickering
romantic they also have like music oh like within the app and stuff i did not download it one time
renee and francisca and i downloaded a strobe light app i don't remember why i don't know
for one of your weird dances probably for one of our home videos but i don't really remember why yeah probably something like that here's a five-star review you light up my life thank you for this terrific candle app i love all the new
updates that you added i wish all app developers were as responsive as the developers of this
terrific candle app the candles in this app are not only beautiful and realistic the app is now also
extremely user-friendly ironically the creators of a candle app are so talented that no one can
hold a candle to them stop see what i did there and a review see what i mean you know what i mean
and it's funny in the developer response uh it says hey thanks
for reporting update is on the way which makes me think that originally they had a review saying
hey this was an issue and then the updated it the developer responded fixed it responded and they
were like oh great let me update my review which is nice freaking ideal scenario like instead of
updating their view they said actually, actually, let me hit
on this person.
The first couple lines were so, what did they say?
It was something like really flirtatious, I feel like, unless I just totally misunderstood.
What?
I don't know.
I'm trying to read this and pick the sentence that you're thinking of.
There was something that sounded really flirtatious.
Tell me.
Just from memory, what sentence was so flirtatious in your head?
Everybody should be more like you.
I don't know.
I wish all app developers were as responsive.
I think it was right before that.
I love all the new updates that you added.
It just sounds so personable. I think the way i said it maybe i just maybe my my intonation was just very sensual i
mean it tends to be very sensual normally but when i'm reading somebody came up to to be like i don't
know it just seems very um purse too personable for an app developer comment whatever yeah app
developers don't deserve that no they don't deserve love i'm sorry i know that's
why they keep making these candle apps because they're just seeking some romance but they don't
deserve it jesus okay anyway what do you have okay i have um this is from gabby okay and gabby
cracks me up because uh for a lot of reasons but gabby wrote hello to the she for sibs and the tiny
future local guide growing in christine which is horrible and then said first off i love y'all
actually i just connected with someone on bumble bff because of and that's why we drink and she
listens to this too hey girl i promise i'm not a weirdo i just see i just want gabby to find
find a bff hey girl i promise i'm not ao. I just never meet people who like the same podcast as me.
Now I want you two to be best friends now.
If you're like, oh my gosh, Gabby on Bumble BFF.
I know who this is.
Come on, go on a friend date.
I tried Bumble BFF.
It didn't work.
I saw this whole thing of someone who went on multiple hangouts with this Bumble BFF for like days.
Yeah. And then like they met again and met their,
the person's friends and the person introduced them as their,
uh,
partner.
Um,
again,
they were kind of like weird about it in Koi.
It turns out they were not actually on Bumble BFF.
Shut up.
So the whole time,
like every time they hung out was like a date to the other person.
Well,
that's one way to,
and they're still friends.
So it worked
out but oh my god what where did you read that i have no idea oh my god okay that's that's like
really social anxiety inducing um anyway gabby says when i heard you say candle stores i knew
i had to send you something because i used to work at bath and body works candle day is an actual
nightmare what's candle day i don't know i guess it's
probably like a discount on candles or something oh boy sign me up oh it sounds like black friday
in the candle world i don't really know um although i guess they have black friday too
at bath and body works which also must be a nightmare so let's see is a, there were a bunch. I just picked one.
This is a two-star review by Ursula.
Busy, rushed store, no room to move.
Register workers had the friendly attitude of a thumb.
Like the thumbs from Spy Kids.
Oh, you did talk about thumbs recently.
You did talk about those.
I just think that's such an odd expression. Yeah you're as friendly as a thumb like that's very much sounds like a some sort of
european it does translated like some sort of weird european phrase that i don't know what
language and then they come to the u.s and try to use it in english and everyone's like that's not
a thing but we at least know what you mean today mom i was on the phone with mom and she was like
you know she's such a bicycle
rider.
And I was like, what?
And she's like, you know, when someone rides a bicycle, I was like, well, I know when someone
rides a bicycle.
What do you mean?
And she's like, because you push on the pedals.
And I was like, this is thinking no sense.
And then she goes, which was my favorite thing.
Oh, you've never heard that before?
I'm like, no, I haven't heard that before.
But it turns out it means that somebody who's in a workplace and is
pushing down the people at the bottom and sucking up to the people up top but I was like okay I feel
like there are easier ways to say that than a bicycle rider to move forward you like have to
use your feet on the pedals so that you're like well that's not how she's doing the pedals are
doing the work but you're just stepping on them kind of thing I know she would hear this and go
that's exactly what I said but like it's fully not what she described it. The pedals are doing the work, but you're just stepping on them kind of thing. I know she would hear this and go, that's exactly what I said.
But like, it's fully not what she said.
But it does make more sense when you describe it.
It makes sense to me.
But that's just how I did just spend like a week traveling in the car with her.
You did get Stockholm Syndrome from spending an entire week.
Exactly.
I didn't love her as my mother until this past week when I was forced to pee.
You didn't love her, you said?
No.
Yeah.
Oh, until this week.
Yeah. Oh, good. Don't worry, though. We're good, though. Yeah. Stockholm Syndrome. That's great. Congrats. until this past week when i was what you didn't love her you said no yeah oh until this week yeah
oh good don't worry we're good yeah that's great that's what i'm just following up on your joke so
um that reminds me though of a video it's like this is a talk show i don't know what show it was
and they were doing a cooking segment and there was an italian chef i think it was italian
were doing a cooking segment and there was an italian chef i think it was italian and the woman one of the the woman who's one of the hosts made a comment on his food saying oh if it had this
ingredient it would be a whatever like i don't know some type of pasta and he goes and if my
grandmother had wheels she'd be a bicycle and they were like losing their shit and he was like
upset that they were like laughing at that because he likes towards cracking up so much
and to him it was like such a normal phrase of like so clearly i'm not like the only one here
confused by these bicycle idioms yeah but that one i and it actually though when you think about
it it's like yeah you if you put this
in this it'll be this it's like something dad would say completely irrelevant like who cares
like that's not the point here and yeah i loved it oh my god i watched that video quite often
right after he said um everyone in there everyone and his grandmother and then he would immediately
say something about it's like oh he always says go
in peace but go and i sometimes think about that and i'm like i don't it doesn't totally make sense
i i think he's just i don't know he's just saying like i want you got like i'm gonna be polite about
it but i want you to leave my house but the point is you have to leave yeah which which like i get
it's like really funny every time he tells it to new people i get a little like uncomfortable
because i'm like they're're not going to get it.
And they always laugh.
Yeah, they always laugh because I don't think they understand what he's saying.
You guys, if somebody said to you, go in peace, but go, would you get it?
I'm curious.
I feel like we should do a poll.
Okay.
I don't know how we'll figure this poll out, but we're just going to get tweets.
People are like, this makes no sense or this makes lots of
sense and then we're just gonna have no conclusion so okay that's that's about how this seems about
right i have one more i'm done basically this is a five-star review of that same candle app
uh candle hyphen ultra real blowout oh i remember this is five stars came in clutch just like the
ad said.
I went to my friend's B-Day party.
He made some dank hamburgers and then brought out a cheesecake, the B-Day cake.
He went to the bathroom.
We were sad that we didn't have a candle.
And then I was like, dude, I bet there's a candle app.
I typed in birthday candle app and this was the first thing that popped up.
I opened the app and put it in the cake.
B-Day boy. Wait a second. You put it in the cake. B-Day boy.
Wait a second.
You put it in the cake? No.
I don't.
You ruined a perfectly nice cheesecake
with all your germ, your germy phone.
Yeah, I, that's.
It's tragic.
B-Day boy came out, sang happy B-Day,
blew on it and it worked.
The only weird thing is how the ad full candle blow out.
Okay. But I can't hate because it worked the only weird thing is how the ad full candle blowout okay but i can't hate because it worked i might delete the app but it definitely came in clutch happy b-day peach
end of review peach is like please stop please leave my house go in peace but go go in peace
but go you keep putting things in my cake when i go to the bathroom that is pretty gross yeah
it's pretty gross like it's already gross as we've all learned through covid to blow on candles like this was
also a year ago so oh yikes so it was not a good time super duper poor peach was like i bought that
at costco yesterday um i just yeah it's like we've already kind of learned like blowing on
candles on a cake is like already iffy but then to stick your germy ass phone in it and then blow
on it that's a little much although i do get it that is kind of fun to download a little birthday
candle app yeah and there were other reviews of like during covid they were like we actually
instead of having candles on our cake like that's very like we had a small get together with our
family and like i downloaded this app and had them blow onto the phone and it was like that's very sweet i like that it was like a way to have the the birthday candle experience without the
actual uh candles and spittle on yeah yeah and like you know maybe we should tell tim because
our stepdad is like really not about fire like candles and stuff i mean maybe it's because that's
i don't know how to light them yeah i don't blame them i'm looking at you like well you're looking
at me like no that's only for you you're the only one who's
not allowed to use candles we've played with so many open flames in the past week when we were
hanging out just because you were getting it all out of his system it was great tim would hate that
joke we'd say like hey what do we want to do and we're in pittsburgh and i was like what should we
do and tim was like well i've got this matchbook to just head down to the river and like throw light matches
and throw them in the water?
And I was like,
I've got this cool app.
And he's like,
I'll do you one better.
And he pulls out a matchbook.
He pulled out of like,
he's got a real candle.
Like 10 candles
and they're all connected still with the,
he just like lit them
and then tossed them into the Ohio.
Oh,
like nunchucks.
Yeah,
that's fun.
Anyway,
so stupid. Okay. You have anything else for us yeah i
do okay so this is a two-part thing that i discovered that i didn't discover i can't take
credit but um i don't know if you came upon this during your research but the first thing i have
here there's two very important links that kind of um sent down, you know, a rabbit hole.
This first one was sent in by Misty.
And I think I may have said something else was sent in by Misty.
That wasn't,
maybe I did.
Maybe I didn't.
Oh yeah,
I did.
So Misty,
if you didn't send that in,
I apologize.
And to whoever did send it in,
I also apologize.
I'm a mess. But so the strovelepita misty sent this
in and she's probably really confused that i gave her yeah that was a long time ago that was like
it was i mean to me it feels like a lifetime ago to you all it's probably like what 30 minutes i
am so sorry about that i don't know how that. And I'm so sorry if I maybe that was Carissa who sent it in. But let's see. So that so anyway, Misty sent this and said,
hope you find as much joy in this as I did when it first came out. So this is the first kind of
miniature rabbit hole I went down. And this is from BuzzFeed News. It's called moms are angry
that their Yankee candle orders areders Are Delayed Big Time.
And so I guess in 2019, December of 2019, there was this huge kerfuffle, this huge to-do,
because Yankee candle orders were being delayed.
Were they too busy yanking their candles?
They're called yanking the candle.
Oh, sorry.
And second of all, probably.
So this is an article on BuzzFeed written by amber jameson and i just love it so much i'm just gonna read a couple snippets and some comments that they grabbed
from facebook from moms candle moms yankee candle the favorite holiday candle brand of moms
everywhere has infuriated hundreds of customers who bought up big and black friday sales but have
not received their brightly colored candles in jars as christmas approaches angry customers are posting on the company's facebook
and twitter accounts complaining that they have received no response after inquiring about orders
placed over 10 days ago that have not yet shipped so his first comments from megan it's a facebook
comment bought candles on cyber monday and never received them apparently they'll be here next They didn't add, if you know what I mean.
And then somebody reacted with a crying face reaction on Facebook.
Lynn says, I've spent way too much time on hold, have emailed with no response yet, no information from any avenue. Disappointed? I was disappointed last week. Now I'm mad.
Respond to your customers. That has nine reactions and five responses.
And then Karen literally wrote, I've emailed, called, and waited on hold for hours. Where
is my order? Terrible company. I am so disappointed. so apparently people were waiting more than two
hours for someone to answer the customer service line and when buzzfeed news rang the line a
recorded message said our hold times are exceeding an hour and the queue is too long and then hung up
oh my god so um it's just pretty wild uh a lot of big to do it is and a lot of moms were apparently
tweeting saying i will never be ordering
another yankee candle again which i somehow doubt um and then somebody took a photo of her phone to
prove that she was on the phone for over two hours um a lot of people start and then people started
getting upset on behalf of their mothers so maya tweeted my mom's been on hold for two plus hours
trying to buy candles the yankee candle can y'all do something please i want my mom's been on hold for two plus hours trying to buy candles.
The Yankee Candle.
Can y'all do something?
Please?
I want my mom back.
Oh my God. It's been two hours.
Not like two years.
Jesus.
Yankee Candle's not holding your mother hostage.
I don't want my mom back.
I don't want Yankee Candle.
Can you imagine you're in therapy and you're like, I actually lost my mother.
Stop. Oh my God. To the the yankee candle customer service it's like no that's a great idea though
actually yes i did see they probably nobody i'm still on hold no one's taking with the attorney's
office then linda tweeted y'all my mom has been on hold with you for almost two hours are you
capable of handling your customers or and then missouri mom cindy who is like totally over it okay i just want you to know right now
she's totally over it she placed an order for eight holiday candles on december 6th and said
it's kind of a running joke in my family that i always have so many yankee candles but 10 days
later her order of christmas cookie red apple wreath christmas eve and home for the holiday
candles still hadn't been sent. She has shelves set aside
in her rural home closet specifically for the 12 to 15 Yankee candles she has at any given time and
ranks them according to season. Quote, I love the fall and winter ones. They are my absolute favorite,
said Cindy, 61. It gets to be September and I start getting their pumpkin and apple and then
I slide right into Christmas and this year I'm going to be without christmas this is like the next uh lifetime movie but when you think about it if you burn a candle like all
day every day you're going through a lot of candles and it is kind of a big deal for you if
you don't have your candles i know but it's also not good for you i mean i know that nobody cares
no you're not supposed to light a candle for more than four hours. Really? Yeah. I mean, okay.
At least that's what all my instructions say.
Maybe they just mean me again.
Maybe it's another Tim situation.
I feel like it's in their best interest to have you burn as much as possible.
So the fact that they're telling you to not burn it.
Yes, exactly.
I don't think Yankee Candle is going to say stop burning them so much.
Wow.
I didn't know that.
I'm pretty sure it's not necessarily great for you to be burning a candle at all hours of the day.
But Em told me that I should stop saying that because they're going to do it anyway.
So I was like, fine.
So let's see.
This is what Cindy wrote.
I am a very loyal longtime customer.
I've purchased so many candles in the past, my husband was not pleased.
With that said, I placed an order December 6th, so I would have my faves for xmas so far no candles no response hashtag pissed and she said what i
really want from them is an explanation tell me what is going on she said she added i am a huge
christmas person my kids are adults and they come home from christmas and expect to see those
familiar scents and that's what's so disappointing i bet the kids are like mom we want to see you mom not the candles but then again their mom has also been lost to yankee
yes it's out that lot years ago it's an epidemic this has been this is this is not a new thing
though for cindy her rural closet or buzzfeed that sounds so condescending. Her rural home closet. Her rural home closet.
Oh my God.
And then last thing, Tammy, a 42-year-old mother from Columbus, Georgia, told BuzzFeed she has been hankering for the sweet scent of a magical frosted forest candle.
She likes it because it's Christmassy, but it doesn't slap you in the face when you walk
in.
It smells like Christmas trees, but not too Christmas tree-y, she clarified.
Okay.
This is absolutely bizarre that
there's an entire article on this i'm not saying that it wasn't necessary i won't go so far as to
say that however absolutely i still find it quite bizarre she tweeted at the company on monday i
really want my candle dad gummit she told told BuzzFeed News. The candle is something she lights on Christmas morning with her daughter at home before they
head to her husband's family.
Wait, don't leave the house.
Wait, she lights it Christmas morning with her daughter at home before they head to her
husband's family to build a gingerbread house.
It's not going to be so magical this Christmas, she said.
Get another candle.
I'm sorry.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Yes, it will
but like it won't okay and then the narrator steps in and goes but it wouldn't be magical
for tammy she said she added it's a candle it's not dire at all okay like clearly it's dire
clearly it's dire um so anyway this is all just like lovely and i love that buzzfeed uh put in all these like
a mom from green bay ordered four candles steamed vanilla milk christmas cookie all is bright and
holiday lights her two beloved daughters aged 12 and 15 live in ohio she wanted to send them
the candles as a present um and then obviously they didn't arrive on time so she had to send
the package care package without the candles without the candles. Without the candles.
Oh, no.
That's pretty sad.
Wait, who wrote this article?
A genius.
Oh, you know, I want to give Amber Jamison a shout out.
Because first of all, I think this is weirdly fascinating.
Genius journalism.
And I hope you had a blast writing this.
And this is the last of it.
It sounds like you did.
I had a blast reading it.
So this is the last of it it's i had a blast reading it um so this is the last bit uh after hearing nothing back from her multiple attempts to contact yankee candle she began to worry she'd
gotten scammed it's the time of the year for scams she said made me start thinking was i on the
official yankee candle link so then people started thinking they were being like fished or scammed somehow.
Someone was yanking their candle.
See, that works.
I feel like the way that What's-His-Face used it.
That one I was proud of.
That was pretty good.
That was really funny.
I wouldn't have been able to come up with that if it weren't for Fox, though.
That was really pretty clever.
So anyway, I guess Yankee Candle was like, we know how stressful things are.
We're so sorry you're upset
um everything will arrive by christmas and we'll make it right i figured it out though what this
is all a ploy okay these people are gonna be so stressed out they're gonna need more yankee candles
they can't function yeah they need to de-stress with the sense they need to get one of those
peace candles yo you know wow that might
make you blue don't get me started on how blue that makes you uh anyway so i know that that was
already a lot but now i have something even more dramatic god and this was sent in by both sean uh
who uses he him and she for pronouns and uh who's from the hog pen i suppose is what you say you
suppose i don't know i i feel like i feel
weird saying that because i don't actually know them so i'm like oh did okay so he didn't say i
suppose yours i'm saying i suppose and then suzanne also sent this in and um they described
it as sort of a a pretty but they didn't describe it as dark i'm describing it as dark as a pretty, they didn't describe it as dark. I'm describing it as dark, as a pretty dark black hole.
And of course I saw that and thought, oh good, conspiracy, black hole, here I come.
I believe I saw this on Discord from Sean.
I didn't click it though.
Sean's already spoiling it.
For the record.
Excellent.
Well, here it is.
apparently apparently the candle industry is suffering from a loss of smell due to covid or it was at least and now this sounds like a conspiracy but apparently it's actually true
okay this is interesting because i did not click it so i saw like a little thing that
sean had said but okay let's see so it's so the
washington post uh released an article what negative candle reviews might say about the
coronavirus this is by christopher ingram these reporters these days are getting some really wild
stories and i love it um i mean just think you could be writing like when you think oh a global
pandemic and then you're like yeah okay you going to write the article about how this affects candle sales.
A Yankee candle.
Yeah, I feel like that.
Which I'm not saying isn't interesting.
I'm actually quite interested to hear
where we're going with this.
I feel like that's a really cool angle to take.
And maybe one of the more enjoyable.
Yeah, I feel like it's refreshing.
Yeah, it's refreshing.
I think that's the good part.
To the rest of the news coverage.
So I guess there's this person named Terry Nelson, who's a science illustrator and cartoonist,
who wanted to find out if the virus is robbing people of their sense of smell and if that's
being reflected in online reviews of fragrant products.
So she looked up the stinkiest holiday thing I could think of scented candles and then
tweeted.
There are angry ladies all over yankee candle site reporting that
none of the candles they just got had any smell at all i wonder if they're feeling a little hot
and nothing has much taste for the last couple days too and so that was the tweet and it got
like some attention right and so it got thousands of retweets um went a little viral but then this
research assistant with harvard kate petrova saw logical next step
yeah harvard picks us the internet you know this happens and decided to actually take that
hypothesis and test it oh sorry it's kate petrova with the harvard study of adult development at
bryn mar okay sorry i feel like i gave the wrong college credit there i don't really know i don't
know which one deserves it.
Let's just say Kate gets the credit.
Kate gets some credit because she decided to test the hypothesis by scraping roughly 20,000 reviews of the most popular scented and unscented candles on Amazon.
It is rare, at least in my line of work, to stumble upon an anecdotal observation that can be examined using such vast amounts of easily accessible data, said Petrova, who stressed that this was a personal project with no relation to her research work.
The results were surprisingly clear.
Before 2020, reviews of the top scented candles hovered between four and four and a half stars year after year.
Since January, however, those grades have fallen roughly one full star.
A whole star.
That's a big deal.
20,000 reviews have fallen like a whole star that's a big deal 20 000 reviews have fallen like a whole star yeah um so
while by the way the control group here unscented candles did not show the same pattern they stayed
steady oh that's makes a bigger deal so there's a graph um and it shows unscented candle reviews
are like pretty straight line like pretty steady and scented candles in starting like early 2020 just like dipped really well um and so
petrova analyzed the reviews to see if they contain terms like no scent no smell and can't
smell she found that the proportion of scented candle reviews containing these terms nearly
tripled from january to november from roughly two percent to six percent i mean when you think of how many people got covid yeah
i mean yeah yeah this is this is this this makes sense there's like terrifying it's bananas weird
and scary but like this is a weird look into this it's really weird um so wow people i like this by
the way on november 19th a user assigned one star to a recent purchase of Christmas cookie scented candles.
There is no scent at all, the Amazon posting said.
Parentheses, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos owns the Washington Post.
I guess they have to say that.
Humble brag, I don't know.
Humble brag.
Okay, washed poe, I get it.
I literally had to bring my nose to the rim of the jar to notice any scent
another reviewer wrote this is one of the weakest yankee candle scents i've ever had the displeasure
of purchasing um so anyway that's kind of the fun like little rabbit hole um and she oh here we go
while i am pleased so petrova wrote while i'm pleased that so many people are
getting excited about the power and potential of data i also want to remind everyone that what i
posted on twitter was just a fun exercise at data visualization not a peer-reviewed study yeah yeah
so don't calm down everybody everybody leave kate alone alone don't tell kate how flawed her
research is i'm just kidding um but like it's just bananas no that's so
fascinating i mean regardless of it being peer review it is fascinating and it's and then there
was one actual um in the one susan the link susan said there was one actual like example of a review
that like proved this okay where somebody d lynn 10 posted one star of a candle waste of money i
purchased three of these what a waste there's
virtually no scent to these at all if i wasn't confined to my home because of covet i would
return these for sure so there we go um maybe take that logical leap i know it's like i don't
think that maybe it's not the candle's fault that you can't smell anything um it's the candle's
fault i'm blue it's the candle's fault i can't smell wow okay it's the candles fault i'm blue it's the candles fault i can't smell okay maybe the candles have just always been at fault for like everything they're the scapegoat
all along yeah um and i just have one redemption before you get to your challenge sorry this was
sent in by courtney and who says oh no it wasn't what is going on what is happening with you i
don't know these poor people i'm like losing my mind this is from courtney
this is from carissa and this is from sean this is so good everyone they they've they teamed up
this is what happens um when oh here courtney what did you send you send something okay fun fact
courtney sent in the one about screaming through the door not Misty so I've at least solved
that problem okay so at the very least um at the very least I figured that out okay I'm proud of
you are you happy now no okay I only I don't care about my happiness I care about Courtney I feel
so bad sorry Courtney Courtney gets credit for that one misty you don't misty shut up misty
sit down not everything's about you okay this is from amanda who says hi she for comrades my bff
brannon sells some cool candles on etsy her grandma wrote this five star review okay cute
okay i'm loving this and said hoping it's not what she actually meant oh dear don't no don't tell me
this grandma's yanking candles too god damn it five stars by donna wonderful candle to pleasure
yourself stop that's brandon's grandma donna i hope that is what she yeah no this is just this is all about i mean donna was a big
part of the sexual liberation movement so it would make a lot of sense that um poor leave poor
brandon alone okay wonderful candles to pleasure yourself wonderful handmade gifts to show you love
can you imagine being like grandma can you write a review for my etsy shop just to like help me get
some get started?
And then Etsy's like, we've removed this really inappropriate review from your page.
So anyway, that's pretty much that.
Although the shop Black Little Cat, I believe, by Brannon,
looks like it has some great reviews.
I mean, if you're interested in pleasuring yourself, everybody.
Who knows?
We know the person who can help you do that.
They're handmade and they come uniquely hand gift wrapped.
So end of that.
So anyway, thank you, everybody, for your sorry and thank you.
Thank you and sorry.
Thank you and sorry.
This candle thing, this is Grace's fault.
So if you have any complaints, please direct them towards Grace.
Directly to Grace. But i found that very pleasurable i pleasured myself reading that's enough that's enough i've had about enough of this um anyway let's move on yes time for my challenge which was from nicole they them nicole wanted me to find an amazon review
where the person is addressing jeff bezos as if he personally reads them it's a washington post
apparently does that so it's fine it's probably not that hard um i did see a thing about washington
post and it was a side by side of the opinion pieces before and after Jeff Bezos.
No, I mean, I'm not surprised, but like it is a fascinating.
It was just for examples.
I don't know how any.
So it might just be very pick and choose kind of thing.
But it was specifically about taxing billionaires.
Oh, come on.
After.
Are you being serious?
That was an opinion.
I feel like
that's such a conflict of interest after jeff bezos owned uh the opinion pieces were about how
taxing billionaires is not the solution to anything okay uh so and then it was accidentally
geotagged from outer space and people were like how did this happen yeah but i don't read the
washington post so for all i know there are regardless fuck jeff bezos let's
move on okay um that's your opinion piece alexander's gonna get owned by jeff bezos soon
and then he's gonna have to change he's gonna get bought out but no honestly jeff bezos reached out
and asked if he could buy out alexander for me and i was like yes you can have him but he's paying
me for it yeah so it's all good yeah um hopefully it trickles down to me we'll see which is why i love jeff bezos
anyway here's a jeff bezos challenge there was something awkward that happened i found this
wonderful review i was very proud of it and then later i go and check the emails and the rich
because i realized oh you said nicole who sent in the challenge had also included a review nicole sent in the same sander so nicole this is full credit to you i will take
some credit to say that i found this myself as well but i'm proud of you for finding this because
it's the best review ever okay uh this is of monster safari uh which is a movie and let me
read the description get your pith helmet because it's safari time
first we will go on a hunt for bigfoot and then make contact with sex crazed alien visitors from
another galaxy monster safari is a cheesy late night romp that explores the depths of what we
know about our world and beyond ever heard the term it's so bad it's good yeah it's uh okay well you'll you'll hear more about
it great so this is a one-star review on amazon titled amazon this was a cinemax after dark soft
core porn title why is it edited and here's the review dear mr bezos while your stock has soared
some of your customer service and content has left me puzzled.
More on that later.
A simple thing for now, though, is the Prime Store.
Why is it that older Cinemax After Dark softcore porn titles that were rated TVMA throughout the 2000s are now cut for an R rating and considered unrated?
Gasp.
I loved these hilarious corny romps.
Just for the laughs, though.
Just for the laughs.
Just for, like, no reason other than the headlines,
the laughs, it was all a good time.
Um, no, and you'll hear about that.
Oh, great.
Cheesy stories, hot girls,
some pretty long and at times even well-stimulated sex scenes.
Yikes.
Cinemax doesn't have After Dark anymore, sadly.
On your Cinemax channel it has
one show motel which is about as sexy as watching a goat give birth okay you have pleasure spa
unedited sex school shorts unedited cinemax had so many great after dark movies and series why
don't you have an after dark channel i'd pay 9.99 for that in a heartbeat. It is also false advertising to say that these movies are not unedited.
Parts weren't just cut out, but new non-sexual parts were edited in.
What?
As a customer under this account since 2007, I have come to expect more.
Please respond with answers and corrections.
Thank you.
End of review.
Please respond.
And they signed their full name at the end.
So it was like a letter to mr bezos wow
please respond you think he responded um probably i of all things i would say that jeff bezos would
respond specifically about monster safari that has uh 15 total reviews and uh he gets so many
messages a day and this one he's like i gotta give in fellas i'm sorry
i usually ignore them this one's too good our other like prime our actual prime video titles
no no no like but the soft core porn make us money from cinemax yes yes yes he's like you
know what actually i'm realizing too i have similar values to this person and i also miss cinemax i also know poor jeff um that is the wildest thing i've ever
heard okay then there was also so thank you nicole for that one uh then there was an email from nora
she her who uh sent in a review of the fire tv stick 4k streaming device with alexa voice remote
i'm not gonna lie like people really do think they are addressing jeff like yeah okay anyway
it's just baffling this is was a long one i cut it because it was oh thank goodness they had also
multiple edits about what now they're using roku or whatever because they hated it so it
it's a one-star review okay so here we go fire sticks remote is the best i have ever used bar
none that said i am extremely frustrated by the interface.
It's just too busy.
It's like writing on paper with no lines.
Poor delineation and too much work to scroll horizontally.
Now, I don't mind Amazon tooting their own horn on the home screen like others do.
I don't even mind the trailers in front of their originals.
But what I do mind is the auto the auto preview trailers screaming at me in prime
video without giving me the option to turn them off tacky useless data eaters and inefficient
a real turn off literally literally they mean like turn off the tv oh don't don't worry i know
you're still have fox on the brain i'm sorry actually fox and donna i actually had virtual
blast off candles on the brain, but whatever.
Just blow on it and then turn off.
Yikes.
I stopped watching Netflix because of this.
So I guess Prime Video and the Fire Stick are next on the list.
As an adult, I am capable of choosing what trailers I want to watch.
And as a grandmother, I don't want my grandkids exposed to content in this way.
And these trailers just don't play once per title.
They play over and over and over every time you browse the channel.
I'll tell you what, Mr. Bezos.
I want to come into your home and yell in your face every time you look at me.
Hey, look at me.
I'm over here.
I have something I want to tell you.
Something I want to show you.
Look at my pretty pictures and listen to my playlist.
How many times would you be willing to let me do that?
So you and Netflix can, for some financially induced reasoning,
regardless of repeated complaints reviews, continue to be obnoxious
while Disney Plus allows users to turn that function off.
Funny thing happened when somebody listened to consumers.
Disney Plus is doing pretty well for itself.
Instead of forced bombardment of advertising, they concluded customers enjoying their interface would end up being more profitable.
People do get tired of being harassed and they will move on regardless of how popular a service is.
Nothing is too big to fail.
The Titanic was labeled as unsinkable, too.
As a longtime Amazon customers customers i hope you recognize
the error and correct it and before you get on that unsinkable spaceship you're headed right
oh wink wink wink wink they said you couldn't crash that thing um wow i mean i bet if you did
offer that as a service to go into jeff bezos home and scream at him that a lot of people would pay for that money.
Like if Amazon Prime had that on offer.
Yeah.
Like a cyber special.
I think he would become a trillionaire.
Prime Day.
Oh, yeah.
If he did that.
Let people in to scream in his face.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm so pretty.
You're like, watch me.
Look at my photos.
Look at my pretty pictures
listen to my playlist
listen to my playlist oh my god um wowza i guess people get really annoyed about that
i mean yeah clearly um but yeah i think it's also now i don't know when this review was written but
i think now on net Netflix you can turn the
autoplay off of those
I believe
I think I did
so I think they
listened
I don't know if
Amazon Prime listened
I don't really know
but I did start
watching Marvelous
Mrs. Maisel
you'd finally
it's so good
it's so good
because I hung out
with Kirsten
and like
she's like
she recommended it again
I tell him
he's gonna watch
all these shows
and then like
he has to wait for someone else to tell him yeah but you know it's fine it's not that i i had
started it and just didn't and then kirsten i made a deal where i was gonna start watching that
and then she was gonna start because she's like i don't know what to watch i was like you should
watch the boys oh that's a good show i know i know and she was like see i listen to you and
you tell me to watch things yeah because i have good recommendations so do i clearly well yeah no i do love marvelous mrs basil yes it's very good anyway what's the
other one i just told you to watch recently i don't fucking know you think i'm watching it
probably not that's exactly right i want to prove to ever want to prove that yeah you don't even
know what it is it was that bad so no it's because i just you immediately dismissed me and so i was
like i felt that's not true hurt that's not what i do that's somewhere i don't remember i'll come No, it's because you immediately dismissed me. And so I was like, I felt hurt.
That's not what I do.
That's not fair.
I don't remember.
I'll come up with it.
I don't know.
Yeah, let me know when you come up with it.
I don't make recommendations lightly because... I do.
Okay, well...
But they're all good.
Okay.
Anyway, that was great.
Do you have more?
I do.
Oh, great.
Here's one of the Maxted Underdoor Draft Stopper, 32 to 38 inches, gray adjustable,
insulation soundproof door air draft blocker
for noise, light, smell stopper.
So this is something that you slide,
has two thick ends,
and you slide it on your door,
on the bottom of the door,
and then it blocks things from going in and out.
A draft or a lighter.
A draft or a light or smell.
Or Jeff Bezos coming in from under the door.
Yikes. Terrifying.
This is a five-star review.
Dear Mr. Bezos,
my parents stink
and this helped.
Work allowed me to move from New York to Florida
to escape the snow and live with my parents
while we are working from home.
I haven't been home since I was a teenager.
Turned out my dad has this nasty habit of smoking in his room especially right before bed 11 p.m and
smoke fills my room causing my nose to clog and difficulty breathing i always wondered why i had
sinus problems when i went off to college like wow i didn't notice this until i came back yeah
wow that's that's a good point i guess you wouldn't if you grew up
just kind of being used to it yeah totally i installed filters in the air vents but they're
still seeping into my bedroom then my mom wakes up at 4 a.m and starts to fry food arg old people
are odd this door stopper prevents me from running back to the northern blizzard prematurely no more smoke and frying smell in my room ah end of review wow so that is so so okay it's a positive one it is a positive i wasn't
expecting any of those i know um i just remembered what show i was gonna recommend already recommended
oh what is it mayor of east town yes you did recommend that i said no no that is on my list
that is one i want to watch because it sounds like i'm just trying to prove to everybody that
i'm not just making like willy-nilly recommendations
here.
I'm very serious about my recommendations.
You recommended Sharp Objects.
I started that.
I'm like three episodes into that.
Yes, I did.
Yeah, hey, I listen.
But very specifically to you because it fit what you were.
That's true.
I feel like I'm very particular about.
Recommendations.
Yes.
Yeah.
Here's a two-star review now.
So we're back to being negative.
Of a show?
I forget.
Crooked and Narrow is the name of it.
Okay.
The daughter of a terminally...
This is the description.
The daughter of a terminally ill ex-cop pays him a jailhouse visit in Philadelphia,
where she seeks his assistance in joining the local crime scene.
Now the corrupt cop who put her dad behind bars is hot on her trail,
but that might be what she wanted all along.
Okay.
I don't even know what I just read.
It doesn't matter.
So this is relevant.
For the record, this is not a Prime video,
a Prime original or anything.
This is some outside studio.
So you can just purchase it on Amazon.
And you can watch it on Amazon.
I see.
Two stars. This is some outside studio and you can watch it on Amazon. I see. Two stars.
This one crazy movie.
I think they must have used the movie class 101 to get this mess within
the allowed $10,000 budget.
Is this what my Prime membership is starting
to give me for my money? May have
to consider going back to Netflix.
Even the halfway decent movies with Prime are charged
now. Come on, Jeff. Give up some of that top dollar scratch you are making and pass some of it
on to us poor folks well i mean i think that's kind of kind of the bigger picture that everyone's
trying to get a grasp on yeah true i i don't generally when i feel that way it's about jeff
it's not because of the movie selection on prime come on throw me a bone here
i'm bored yeah give me give me something good to watch buddy you have so much money give me
something give me something good to watch hbo level give me some good content shit it's like
these billionaires aren't allowing us to watch what we want to watch you don't need to
pay your taxes i just want to watch a good series oh my goodness oh
lordy oh my god okay uh and then i have one more this is a four-star review um okay this is of
ravenol j1c1125 transfer case fluid dtf1 full synthetic one liter this is um an outside also outside brand outside seller nothing not an amazon product
um some sort of fluid for a car cool that's all i know about what the fuck this is did i say dtf
yeah yeah i did it says it did i tell you what happened to me yesterday speaking is it relevant
to dtf because i don't want to know it's relevant oh mom told me yeah
to fluid well that sounds bad not relevant to dtf well kind of it's relevant to fluid yeah
i was at a valvoline getting an oil change and i had my window down so i could like discuss with
them and pay pay you know with a card and the hose of the transmission fluid broke and it went it like i'm not kidding like doused me doused my
car doused me um just oil like all over my body all over my car um and then they ended up giving
me ten dollars off that's it yeah and it cost like 200 some bucks with like the transmission
what the fuck that's really fucked up i know but i didn't know what to do because well first of all
the one guy there started yelling about like my eyes
and I was like, okay, I'm really worried about him.
And then he kept walking up to me going,
why does this always happen to me?
And I was like, dude, I don't know.
This always happens?
This is what he said.
You should probably leave that company.
I'm sorry.
Nobody was amused by this guy.
He kept saying, why does this always happen to me?
And everybody who worked there was like fully ignoring him.
And I was like, it must always happen to him yeah um anyway that's all i had to say except i just i was i was annoyed
they were like we're gonna give you ten dollars off and i was like seriously i have a coupon for
that much that's like not that impressive that is nothing especially if it got in your car yeah
but i was like i'm not gonna like be like give me more i don't know i just felt really weird so i
just left then they hosed my car off quote unquote they were like you need to pull out
back and we'll like hose your car off but it's oil so i like they're like turn on the windshield
wipers just smeared like all up my car and my francisco got in the car yesterday and was like
why does your car look oh and she's like i can't see out of any of the windows i was like yeah oh
my god anyway sorry i don't know i just heard of the windows i was like yeah oh my god anyway sorry
i don't i just heard like fluids and i was like no no no i have different fluid stories but since
you took so long i'll save everybody okay thank god my fluid stories thank god it'll be a patreon
special speaking of which we had an episode release yes a bonus so that was on beaches
it was we haven't recorded it yet we're about to
it's going to be on beaches it's going to be and it'll have already come out by hysterical
oh my god we had the best time it was fun um so fair warning i'm reading this whole thing
will i regret it maybe but feel free to skip ahead 30 seconds if you want because i don't
know what any of these words are it's very car stuff um oh my god why couldn't you just block
out some of it because i i don't know it feels weirdly relevant in my head that i read it all
okay four stars october 4th 2019 i received one liter and installed 0.85 liters of ravenol
atc synthetic transfer fluid tf0870 and drained and refilled my transfer case in a 2012 porsche
cayenne s it helped a lot with the turning while backing up binding in the drive train and the
second gear deceleration coast or uneven deceleration problem yeah i know same that's
exactly what happened yesterday it didn't eliminate it but it shifts and downshifts much better than it had been. Now we fast forward.
So that was October 4th, 2019.
February 13th, 2020.
I received a reorder of exactly the same thing per the previous order,
and it originally appeared that they had sent the wrong item.
What I received is now labeled Ravenol ATC Full Synth Transfer Fluid DTF-1.
There is an article number label on the back of the bottle. I do, yeah. I can tell. Don't we all? still calls for the TF-0870. You know this is becoming a giant pain in the ass.
I do, yeah.
I can tell.
Don't we all?
Seems like half the time something I order from Amazon is not what it was,
or is even not what it is supposed to be,
and it's up to me to determine if it's wrong or right.
Come on, Bezos.
Stop fighting with Trump and get your head in the game.
This BS isn't cutting it.
And I'm looking for new suppliers of what I need and use all the time because of stuff like this.
Very frustrating.
End of review.
This is the thing.
Like, you can be like Jeff Bezos.
I'm going to stop buying games.
He doesn't give a shit because he's just going to.
It's just.
I'm sorry.
It's not going to.
Yeah.
You don't matter to him.
And also. You matter to me. What's even more wild about reading there are more reviews i didn't include but of
various items what was so wild is it's of the most like inane yes inane inane things that
weren't even amazon products like a pint of oil because Because Amazon, they have terrible practices where they
copy products and then sell it for
cheaper and all that stuff. It wasn't even for those.
It was for something where outside
sellers who happen to also sell on
Amazon, have their store on Amazon,
are receiving reviews
complaining about Jeff Bezos. The only one that seemed
fully relevant, not relevant, that
none of them were relevant, but the one that seemed
actually to be directed,
I guess in the right direction is like,
why is Amazon changing the scenes of my favorite films or whatever?
Oh,
the first one,
the first one.
Yeah.
You could have just said the porn one.
Yeah.
Whatever.
The monster porn.
I mean the fire stick at least like the fire stick.
That one too.
Yeah.
But like,
it's not like Jeff Bezos is sitting there with the amazon fire team
talking about the interface like they're yeah it's very defeating because like it's just not
gonna do and i it it's not gonna do anything i wish it would but it's not gonna do anything
and so it's just kind of a bummer because it just wastes everyone else's time yep um i mean
hopefully they got some some venting out you know at least or something let's hope
um let's hope that they feel better exactly so that's it though that's all i've got
come on bezos get it together it was so funny get your head in the game addressed him in different
ways like and mr bezos was my favorite mr bezos oh my god yeah and that was the softcore porn one
yes exactly in cinemax one so which i appreciated yes
nicole thank you for this challenge i had lots of fun with it that was good
it was depressing as it is it was lots of fun so thank you oh lord lord is right are you ready to
announce our theme and challenge for the next not next week's episode but two weeks two weeks from
now and then three weeks from now and i uh I figured out this time you give the first theme.
I do.
I understand.
You actually get it now?
You know how I don't have a good spatial awareness?
It also applies to things like this where I'm supposed to look at like a pattern and I just can't follow.
But I think I finally get it.
So you do the theme first and then I do the challenge.
Okay.
My theme for episode 142, releasing two weeks from this episode's release,
is from Samantha.
And Samantha specifically talked about
Chicago-based,
but I'm going to make it more general.
We're going to do reviews of public art.
So, for example,
That's so smart.
The Bean in Chicago.
When I was in...
That's so smart. Where was uh harrisburg pennsylvania
we drove and i saw a statue of a man reading a newspaper i love that and it was very popular
in the area and it has reviews i didn't read them yet but yeah it was jeff bezos reading the
washington post probably it's actually him editing it he takes it every morning and takes a red pen and goes nope they say we should tax billionaires
and he writes n apostrophe t and they have to change their opinion piece okay um this is the
challenge for episode 142 from matt and the challenge is to find a negative review where
someone mentions one of their parents is someone special and will make you pay.
Sort of like, do you know who my dad is?
Oh, so it's specifically parents.
And then Matt also said, particularly if they are a junior or a third.
And then Matt said, P.S. I go by my middle name.
I am a third and have never said my dad would make anyone pay.
So Matt seems a little defensive.
Yeah.
Matt, I'm going to find your your yelp your trip advisor and your
google profile and i will scour every review you've ever read so this is just an interesting
angle of um of uh privilege of oh yeah do you know who my do you know who my papa is
um and so that sounds really fun thank you now i gave the theme for the one after that yes you do that was from aubrey um who included a review but i think i'm gonna steal it so don't
take it okay um and this is from aubrey and it's minor league baseball parks love it yeah because
we got the florence y'alls now in kentucky here i've never been to a minor league baseball game
which is very sad i don't think i have either but blaze loves them dni this is relevant dni
had tickets to go to the Yankees game.
Yankees Stadium.
You didn't go?
No, it was,
the game was canceled
because too many Yankees players had COVID.
I didn't remember.
It was the only game in MLB that day.
I was waiting for you to post about it on Instagram
and I was like,
I guess you never post.
Day of,
we found out that the game was postponed
until,
I still haven't gotten my refund.
That sucks.
I'm like working on that
well the florence y'alls are the same thing yeah yeah it's gonna be the same experience
um but anyway okay so that's a that's a great one i'm excited for that one uh now because remember
minor league baseball that's where what's her name yeah yeah yeah yeah nancy was it nancy
it's not felt like a nancy sander or nancy and then it turns out it wasn't even that person
yeah yeah half of you were like, yeah.
And the other half were like, they're not saying anything.
They're saying a lot of words that are nothing.
No, there was that minor league baseball team that had a day dedicated to the person.
Who wrote a three star.
Who wrote a negative review.
And they had a whole day and invited the person to come.
And then someone came and they did a whole thing.
But it turns out it wasn't that person.
Because she bailed.
Because they bailed. Yeah, she bailed last minute so they took it like an employee and
said pretend you're this person yeah it was a whole thing this sounds convoluted i'm sorry
i'll find it for next week yeah what's my challenge the whole thing your challenge this is from
rodney who enjoy very much appreciated uh specific segments that we had recently that you you brought to the
table i knew it you know what this is huh nope you don't i just knew that it was going to be
something i did oh yeah yeah uh just taking credit oh okay you know where this is going
no i don't know anything i'm just happy that it's a good positive compliment about me
let's see how this goes i'm i'm i'm yeah you look nervous. I want it to work, but we'll see.
Okay.
Reviews where people spell pigeon wrong.
What?
You have got to be kidding me.
And Rodney said the same thing.
Rodney said that those reviews, like the pig oin, were so funny that they want to see more pigeon misspellings.
I know y'all are very helpful always but if you have any
clue how to do this please help me out see if you can find anything the the subject of the email was
pig oin um and then they said maybe it's just me but i was dying over the pronunciations of
misspelled pigeon so if we can get more that would be great everyone please help out with this one
if you can um i don't know how possible this is
so what i will say is if you are struggling pigeon related adjacent reviews like possible
reviews it'll be fun and funny but yeah i'm so excited any misspellings you can find okay i'm
amped um thank you very much yeah well thanks everyone for tuning into our newest episode
after a hiatus that wasn't a hiatus for anybody but us.
You could probably tell it was because I'm sure it was all over the place.
But thank you for sitting through all our anecdotes and German idioms.
And we appreciate you and come back next week for some pig wine.
Yep. We'll talk to you then.
Bye.