Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 146: Reviews of Beanie Babies

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

We apologize for the bummer parade we're about to take you on... Get your Warning: Contains Sexy Stuff merch here: https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patre...on at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hey, I have some mood lighting and we're ready to go i'm so glad yeah welcome to the show everybody welcome this is beach to sandy water too wet the podcast where we read reviews and it's beanie baby season what september yep that's the beanie baby season okay okay i accept it i personally think every season is beanie baby season but i like to keep it special if it's every season then
Starting point is 00:01:34 it loses its glamour you know you know i didn't know that good to know um yeah this was from my brain it was wonderful so i came up with this i'm very i'm very proud of myself for coming up with it etc etc for you um thank you thank you do you want me to go first yeah but i have something can i read that email we got first yes oh yeah yeah that email oh yeah so folks we got some big news here because we announced beanie babies and we got uh an email from a very special VIP listener. I feel like it happened within an hour of us releasing the episode. It was so quick. It happened Thursday.
Starting point is 00:02:12 So the day after the episode came out, we got an email from a lovely listener who calls themselves a humble Stan five ever. And Madeline sent us an email with the subject i work for beanie babies so of course we immediately opened it and said did you see this um so okay one question i had was it's pronounced ty right not ty i don't know. I always said T-Y. I did too, but then I looked it up and it's short for, I think it used to be called Tyco, T-Y-C-O. So I'm pretty sure it's Ty because it's capital T lowercase Y, Ty, but I don't know. I don't know either. So I'm just going to say that. So Madeline says I work for Ty Inc. AKA the Beanie Baby baby company i'm a massive fan of both shows and
Starting point is 00:03:06 i'm reaching out because i was excited that we were that you and i will be reading reviews of beanie babies which i guess are now called beanie boos okay yeah that's their new thing with the big big big eyes i mean beautiful eyes beautiful eyeseline specifically said, feel free to riff off this. And then in parentheses, gently. So we don't hurt their feelings. I promise we won't. But I do, weirdly enough, just acquired one. Because at the baby shower Blaze's mom threw, there was one in a pinata.
Starting point is 00:03:38 That's right. And I was like, what is this thing? It has big eyes. It's a unicorn. And then it's a Beanie Boo. Beanie Boo. it has big eyes it's a unicorn and then um it's a beanie boo beanie boo which i guess is they still make beanie babies but the beanie boos are the next generation with larger more whimsical features um so if you see those i think my sister it's like me i'm like the next generation larger and more whimsical than i was two years ago uh and i am therefore the smaller eyed more true to nature
Starting point is 00:04:08 one so not as exciting of a description but we're both full of beans beans um so this cracked me up and my line also said that they were going to send us a little gift package of beanie booze which makes me so sweet thrilled i can put one next to my uh dilbert m&m machine it's gonna be this room is gonna be really chaotic so anyway thank you madeline i hope we do you do you justice um and more importantly do the beanie booze justice i am humbled and honored to be in your presence so with that yes you may go first any okay uh i'm also i also have email content um this was these are reviews sent in by uh liz who is my co-host yes um liz says uh hey sheeps i'm liz she her and i'm procrastinating research for my own podcast to find reviews for yours
Starting point is 00:05:01 hope these help well i'm the one who saw it so uh i was probably at the time also procrastinating uh but quick before i go into this i did want to say uh human seeking human the show that i co-host with liz we just interviewed alex goldman from reply all that's pretty cool and it was so much fun it's pretty cool and it's like definitely one of the most fun episodes i've done so that's pretty badass yeah so it was really cool having him on talking to him he was a wonderful guest when does that come out it's out but when this comes out it'll be out for a day okay i was like i haven't heard it yet okay so if you listen to this when it came out came out yesterday so um check that out it was amazing it was lots of fun um very cool stuff um i mean i guess you
Starting point is 00:05:46 don't have to listen because liz just admitted that like she just doesn't even care about her own podcast literally what she said so true so true um but maybe this will make you feel better about liz this is a review it's a positive one this is of uh batty the bat parentheses brown version um here is a five-star review from jerry fan spelled g-e-r-r-y which i think would be a is that a parks and rec reference i don't know maybe it doesn't matter this is a verified purchase cryptid lover i have been fascinated with the loch ness monster and bigfoot or sasquatch since I was a kid and actually did my second grade science project on the Loch Ness Monster. I love this beanie because it is super cute, but also reminds me that there are many unknown things in this world
Starting point is 00:06:34 and sometimes it's better that way. Oh no, I messed that up, by the way. What? That was not for the bat. Okay, I'm sitting here going, did I miss something? Is this mothman beanie baby the way this email is structured i'm gonna put all the blame on liz is there anything you can do right nowadays it was my fault because and i checked it earlier and then i forgot like i knew it wasn't for that but i was like wait i was waiting for end of review so i could insert my own loud opinion but it didn't come i'm like i was thinking
Starting point is 00:07:05 bad bad boy bad like what what i thought mothman immediately no it was freaking for enigma the loch ness monster a uk loch ness 2000 exclusive beanie baby that's so cute that that exists though i had no idea it was a loch ness do you want it it's only 125 dollars i want it so bad and that's not enough for me to like say never mind you don't have to buy it that's fine you can buy me that i'm not going to um it was wow that was a mess i'm sorry liz liz is sitting there like wow not only did you ruin the review i sent in but you also insulted me and alex goldman now started their own podcast you're not part of it anymore okay so that was for loch ness everyone's like what is happening that was for enigma the loch ness monster precious
Starting point is 00:07:52 yeah it was precious if i had just freaking done it right i will say it did throw me though even even so that your science project was on the loch ness monster i feel like that's not really quite the right class for that but maybe in second grade my diorama in second grade was about a desert hare mine was about um what was that little yeah that weird thing that lives in the desert it's like a some sort of like desert mouse thing yeah why do i remember this mean about it no what's wrong with being a rat no the way you're saying like a little thing it was like a jerboa or something he had like a tail he was very cute it was like it had like weirdly long legs yes i loved that little diorama it was so cute i think it was a jerboa i don't think they
Starting point is 00:08:36 make a beanie baby of that what i don't think they make a beanie baby of that they should they should madeline madeline get on it is that it yeah that's all i've got from liz oh okay so there was no bat no there's a bat review i just skipped it and i accidentally read the that's the thing it was review then underneath where it was from but i read up above the loch ness monster review it said bat but that was for the review above where it said that it's funny okay well i liked it either way i have a review of ramsey the lion and this was sent in by nope it was not sent in by anyone except me on amazon this is a one-star review by gail verified purchase the title of the review is not what seller said it was. Never said beanies.
Starting point is 00:09:25 Also sharp lion horn. Nobody likes it. Disappointed greatly. I looked forever for a lion and get worse than all others. From Gail. Um, what is a lion horn? Did they get like a rhinoceros? And they say, what is a lion?
Starting point is 00:09:43 I didn't even notice that. Sharp lion horn. You didn't notice that? No. You just read that and thought, that's normal. Yeah. Those words go well together. Sharp lion and horn.
Starting point is 00:09:55 Oh, yeah. Are you Googling lion horn? No, I'm going back to the Amazon link to make sure I'm understanding this was not for like a Loch Ness monster or something. Alksinner, it says sharp lion horn. I believe it says that. Alksinner, he has a horn. I didn't even notice that he had a horn until right now. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:10:22 It does have a horn. It never occurred to me that it was wrong that it had a horn you saw the line with the horn it looks like a lion to me oh my god it never occurred to me he had a horn wow i'm questioning a lot about myself right now um but gail said it was too sharp it's whimsical it's apparently it's not though well not whimsical enough dangerous and sharp and ugly jesus that's what she called it i mean she also said it's worse than all the others lions which is like a really strange judgment i guess a lion beanie boot collector also nobody likes it and all the people that come to view her collection are like, I don't like that one in particular.
Starting point is 00:11:07 Nobody likes I Looked Forever. And this one's worse than all the others from Gail. So anyway, Gail's really not pleased. She's a high standard for her fake lines. Okay, your turn. Okay. Sharp Lionhorn. So I have a thing.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Okay. Remember when I said this is gonna be what did i say what before we started recording you said something that made me nervous yeah there's this is an interesting episode um because this is a it was a fucking bummer reading some of these okay do you have super depressing i have some really bummers for i have three very depressed like i have what i wrote down as the bummer parade which is i have three really bummers for. I have three very depressed. Like I have what I wrote down as the bummer parade, which is I have three really sad reviews in a row. I have three really sad reviews in a row too.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Where did you get them? An email. Were they from Walmart? No. Okay. Because mine are from Walmart. Do we both have bummer parades? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:58 We have individual separate bummer. Like, I don't know what it was about Beanie Babies, but my goodness, they bring out sadness and depression. I didn't get it at first, but Cass Babies, but my goodness, they bring out sadness and depression. I didn't get it at first, but Cassidy emailed us and said, like, these were really dark and sent a bunch. And I was like, I almost didn't include them. And then I was like, well, I like to ruin things. So I kept them. I literally, like, I'm including them to make you uncomfortable.
Starting point is 00:12:19 So now we're both doing that. What? I thought, oh, yeah. Okay, wait, I wonder if any of them are the same somehow even though they're different websites because if they're all different that's gonna be wild i bet i bet they're similar in should we play like a bummer parade off let's do it okay all right i'm ready you go first who knew that a beauty baby saddest ones honest to god like we've done episodes on veterinarians
Starting point is 00:12:45 and zoos and somehow this is going to be the biggest bummer of all um okay i don't i can't imagine you beating me okay i might not i can't imagine i'm i'm sorry i feel bad that i'm laughing no okay i mean that's good i i'd rather you be the bigger bummer y'all for once i'm so sorry in advance and then i have some non-bummer ones after but here we go i don't know which one to do first honestly they're all so bad okay i'll get this one and they're all ones i need to get out of the way so this first one is of a beanie boo this is of the hope beanie boo uh it's a praying bear covid 19 fund exclusive and it's a bear on its knees oh my god prayer hands it's freaking it's it's praying it's praying madeline did you do this did you create this
Starting point is 00:13:33 monstrosity someone did leave it a review and said it's quote very educational that this excuse me because it's praying i guess we need more of this in our schools our children's schools more praying no masks no masks i'm just praying okay that's fine oh my goodness yeah you can pair it with the thoughts bear well i'd like to add that that is not one of my three reviews so we've already got no yeah oh that of that diversity here. This is my least bummer probably. Okay. Which here it is. It's technically a Walmart comment.
Starting point is 00:14:10 Cause you can comment on things. Okay. Here we go. I chose to buy this tie bear for my family and my goddaughter because both of my great uncles died with COVID-19 as an underlying cause of death in 2020. Stay safe and stay kind, everyone. I just wanted to remind them why they died. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:14:31 I mean, I hope COVID fund, I hope means that 100% of profits from the original sale will support United Way Worldwide's COVID-19 fund. So, um. Okay. That's really a fucking very timely bummer yes thanks a lot for that um that was part of the bummer parade that would fit in our she for madness that's a good start to our kick off to our bummer parade so this is it only gets worse on my end from here fantastic so cassidy she her wrote in and said i took a look at some reviews and most were very sad frown face i
Starting point is 00:15:03 included some pictures of my cats to try to lighten up the mood. Yeah, we might need that. No one else gets it, but we'll get it. I know. They're very cute. There's a chonker named Dewey. Anyway, so I'm going to read you. Oh, and she also got the new bag to put her sexy stuff in.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Oh, heck yeah. So thanks, Cassidy. All right. Here's a review of. Thanks, Cassidy. All right. Here's a review of Barrington Lil' Cali Small Plush Stuffed Animal Calico Cat on Amazon. This is a five-star verified purchase review from Kindle customer.
Starting point is 00:15:41 The title is very well made. Adorable. My sister has Alzheimer's. Why are you laughing? It's those monks all over again or whatever. The friars, I don't know who. I'm laughing because we're in a bummer parade and it's just full force. Okay.
Starting point is 00:16:03 My sister has Alzheimer's and has been missing her dog and cat. This little kitty reminds her of the little cat that she used to have and was the perfect gift for her. It truly is adorable. I think that a child would like this little kitty as well. I also purchased a dog definitely worth the cost. End of review. Yeah. I don't know what to say to this.
Starting point is 00:16:18 I know. It's like, not like funny. It's just like, Oh no, especially because I have something very similar. Okay. Your turn.
Starting point is 00:16:30 This one is of this christina i same vibe but i i would still say mine's even more of a bummer okay tie beanie baby uh shasta shasta the bear um quite colorful flowery cute um here we go a comment on walmart is i can't read. As a gift to use for my mother who has Alzheimer's dementia hopefully it will bring back a memory. End of comment. This is so sad. So bad it'll bring back a memory. I'll sit here.
Starting point is 00:16:58 I can't. It's so bad. This is a lot. I'm so glad you did this too because i was gonna feel like a real shit i know i wouldn't have done it and then there's i even have another one that i'm nervous about okay i'm sweating so much well why are we doing this i might have a winner i'm gonna wait till the till the end but i think i might have a winner we'll see okay we'll compare all right this is another one here um it's the same as this it's the same fucking cat okay this cat just has it out yeah
Starting point is 00:17:31 this is a five-star review verified purchase my granddaughter's calico cat was hit by a car and killed she was very sad and i thought this little stuffed kitten might help her she absolutely loves it and sleeps with it every night thank you so much end of review okay so now we have alzheimer's we have a dead cat and covid death covid death another alzheimer's okay your turn this is of can you guess which one my next one is of princess diana yep um baby princess the purple bear um this is uh yeah this is their princess diana tribute bear and here is the review five stars titled so cute also i love that they're all five stars by the way yeah no yeah no one has a negative thing it makes it so much sadder because it's like wow this really helped in my dark, dark hours.
Starting point is 00:18:26 I was glad I found this. I had the original Princess Diana beanie. When my mom passed away, I put that beanie in the casket with her, as she always admired it as well. The item was well packaged and arrived super quick. End of review. Oh my god. I'm gonna... That's my last one.
Starting point is 00:18:44 And those are really rare. what if somebody grave digs it they're worth like fifty thousand dollars if it's a real original yeah can you imagine if you went through all the trouble to grave dig it out and then it had like an it had like a misspelling and you knew it was i can't see i i can imagine that i don't think i'll ever be in that position well xander what do you want to know that i think i might beat you now no i thought those last two i had were so bad i can't even imagine this one's really bad shit okay this one is of what are we doing this is just so bad this one is of a different one hang on this one is of a white. It doesn't have the name of it, but it's a white beanie baby kitten. Plush kitten. Five stars. The title is Adorable Edition.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Oh my god, I can't read this. I'm sweating. Okay, here we go. My 10-year-old grandson was killed in a UTV accident the day after Christmas 2019. His pet was a stray solid white kitten that he loved very much. I placed your adorable white stuffed kitten in his casket. It was an adorable addition to his going home service. End of review. You win. You win.
Starting point is 00:19:58 I quit. I mean, it was the same thing, but just somehow even worse. Oh, my God. That's in her should we just stop this wait wait i have one more that cassidy sent that's oh do you have any more no a bummer parade no my bummer parade is over i have a redeeming bummer parade that starts as a bummer parade that i thought was gonna be bad okay okay so cassidy sent this one to five stars called fantastic and it's uh a little i think it's i think it's that same white kitten my dog was given one of these when he was a puppy he would carry it around and
Starting point is 00:20:34 would refuse to sleep without it he had severe anxiety and it was something he latched on to at some point it came up missing and he was sad about it for quite some time i don't think i had ever seen him as happy as when i pulled this one out of the bag end of review so he it was a redeeming he got his dog alive anyway no one else is alive so i've literally sent myself into a contraction i'm literally having a contraction i'm so worked up oh my god that was terrible okay we had our bummer parade bummer parade is over but why are they all so sad i don't know but i will say like hey there are so many there podcasts about lots of terrible things including your other show about like very depressing content so maybe we're just like trying to reach those kinds of people maybe
Starting point is 00:21:26 we're finally yeah and then we're gonna stop that now yeah we're back to our usual bullshit we tested it out and it uh made us very uncomfortable we should do a focus group and just play that segment and see what happens what do you think about this show you know how people get dials and they can do like i enjoy i very much don't enjoy this well and then they're gonna be like why are they laughing what is wrong with them oh we're gonna get a lot of uncomfortable laughter there i'm so sorry i just i when you said like you have some bummers i was like um wow cool the whole point is to make you uncomfortable and i didn't think i'd get so uncomfortable too part is that i don't know what the wildest part is, except that, wow, none
Starting point is 00:22:05 of those were the same review. They were all just really fucking awful. Yeah, we all had individual ones. And like, those weren't the only sad ones I found. No, I mean, and those were all from one email from Cassidy that I was like, I almost didn't even include. You beat me, Cassidy. You win.
Starting point is 00:22:19 I hope you're happy, Cassidy. I'll show you the pictures later, Zannie, of all her cats. Oh, kitties. I didn't know there were multiple. Multiples. Okay. Well, I'm going to move on to something else. Great, thank God.
Starting point is 00:22:33 This is of the beanie baby, Sequoia, the brown bear. It's really cute. Let me see. It's really cute. I love this one. That one is cute. Yeah. I want that in the Loch Ness.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Madeline? Get to work. $150 later. Madeline. Okay. Do you get a discount on amazon beanie berries probably not um here's a five star review by lord timothy what is going on just wait five stars i love timothy this bear is the greatest thing that ever happened to me it says the bear's name is sequoia but i named him timothy he will cheer you up when you're sad and will be a lifelong companion but be aware he loves to eat refrigerators he will eat it in two bites so keep him out of the kitchen but he loves grapes but people buy this bear end of review i'm crying why am i crying now now it's like having that one yeah this bird just wants some refrigerators timothy
Starting point is 00:23:34 made me so happy he really turned my mood around good good good he's like if you're feeling sad and i'm like i am i'm actually feeling i actually just left the bummer parade that's why i kept it specifically for after the bummer parade so smart i put i kept my bummer parade for the last segment of reviews and i'm glad you made me do it early yeah i was gonna actually my plan was to ask you would you like it beginning middle or end smart when do you want your butt and then probably best to get it out of the way i think it's smart we got it out of the way um wow uxner timothy the bear i actually started crying what's wrong with what is going on over here um timothy just wants to eat a refrigerator oh that made me so happy oh i did see a few that were like they said his name is this but they're wrong i love that james okay defensively again um all right so i have an email from care now i have a bunch of negative
Starting point is 00:24:32 ones not negative in like a bummer way just negative reviews in a fun way so i think this is probably more our forte cara sent an email this is a review of the Sloth Beanie Baby on Amazon, which is also very cute. I don't know if you saw it. No. I don't think so. I went through, by the way, I went through every single review and comment that Walmart has. Are you being serious?
Starting point is 00:24:58 Literally every single one. I'm glad you went on Walmart because I was on Amazon looking at it. Yeah, I was going to text you that and then I forgot to. I was just hoping for the best bad it usually works out for us we usually figure it out somehow um so this is a one-star review by mary it's a verified purchase of the sloth beanie baby not a sloth disappointed sloth should not have ears or tail as this has received a beanie baby lemur with the name linus it has ears and a fuzzy tail sloths have no tail or ears end of review and um here's here's the thing well sauce probably i don't know how what a soft now i'm like questioning what a sloth so that's
Starting point is 00:25:41 what i did and so then of course i looked up the sloth beanie baby and he's very very cute yeah um let me pull is there a button coming yes there is uh i'm texting about with or without a tail that's therein lies the rub so here uh is the sloth i'm texting you the sloth please text me the sloth he's so cute very cute oh yes now i don't see where there would be ears or a tail no and there's no ear or tail now the other problem is that there's also a um a lemur so the problem is apparently some people when they ordered the um the sloth got the lemur beanie baby. Okay, weird. Now, I'm going to send you a picture of the lemur.
Starting point is 00:26:29 Because if you ordered the sloth and you received the lemur, I can understand why maybe you're not super thrilled. Oh, Jesus. What? What is that? It's the lemur. And it has tails and ears. So, so some people that looks like a cryptid holy god some people received that instead of the sloth and were like this is not a sloth which like they're not wrong and also the sloth is so cute and the lemur is terrifying
Starting point is 00:27:00 um so we can i guess put that on instagram or something but it's horrifying holy god so i guess that's kind of the problem that some people had um i would i would not be happy i would be happy either i would be happy to have it but i would at least expect a sloth at some point if i wow because that thing is terrifying so that So that's where I kind of went, aha, I think some people were receiving the lemur instead of the sloth. Because he said, oh yeah, they said, I've received the lemur with the name Linus. Oh wait, no, this is Gizmo the lemur. Who's Linus? Who's Linus then?
Starting point is 00:27:39 Linus the lemur. Linus the lemur is a beanie boo. Oh, he's a cute beanie boo. Okay. Which is a little better. Less terrifying. Less terrifying. But y'all, if we don't post on the Instagram, look up the other one.
Starting point is 00:27:52 What's its name? Gizmo. Gizmo the lemur. He looks like a gizmo. Holy God. Madeline, if you don't send me a gizmo, I'm going to scream. I'm going to have an actual meltdown. I wonder how much they cost.
Starting point is 00:28:01 I don't know, but I need it. Oh, you can buy them on eBay for like four bucks. I need it. Thank God. I need a gizmo. I don't know, but I need it. Oh, you can buy them on eBay for like four bucks. I need it. Thank God. I need a gizmo. But that picture you sent is so... I found another on eBay and it's like not that terrifying. But like the way they took this picture, like it is so scary.
Starting point is 00:28:14 It has red eyes. It's terrifying. Oh my goodness. Okay. I now have a review of Ty Beanie Boo's Paw Patrol plush, Chase the Shepherd Dog. So, you know, this is a freaking stupid cop dog, but here's a five-star review of Chase. We don't support Chase, but... I'll center.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Police dogs don't get to choose. This one does. Have you seen paw patrol this one had a choice okay i literally know the people who write it but i've never had a freaking choice yeah anyway should i ask them why they do what they do how could you just send me their info i'll reach out okay okay here's a five star review titled quick delivery this is by brenda cutest little dog ever i'm so proud i bought him and maybe we need to write her and be like what did you what have you done yeah and why honestly i was reading that and i was like you know what i should have that attitude
Starting point is 00:29:23 more often i'm so proud of of myself for making this good decision. I went to a record store recently with Liz and Kirsten and I just bought some things. And I was being a little down on myself, a little hard on myself. But I should be damn proud of myself. You should be proud of yourself. Yeah. You're not backing the blue, but you are buying some records and supporting the music industry. Exactly. Not quite as impressive. Supporting my local businesses, small businesses.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Oh my God. I'm so proud of myself. I'm so proud of myself. I love that. We should all have that attitude. Excuse me. So now I have an email from Taylor who says, though it was difficult, I only bought one, parentheses, digit one, Beanie Baby while looking through these. And Taylor, we're proud of you too for buying one and also for only buying one. I feel like it was hard for me to not buy any. Yeah, same.
Starting point is 00:30:16 It's only because I know Madeline and I am expecting some presents. We have very high expectations that we'll get these for free, so that's why we didn't buy any. If I don't, I will be purchasing Gizmo, many of gizmo soon so honestly yeah madeline uh ty has uh you to thank for why they don't have our business yep i'm holding out i'm holding out um so this is a review of slowpoke the sloth so this is that same cute sloth from Amazon. And this is a two-star review by Grandma Susan. It's a verified purchase.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Ugly. Got it for my grown daughter after she had surgery because she loves sloths. When I gave it to her, she said, what is it? End of review. That made me sad. That makes me so sad, too. It looks just like a slot though it does look just like a slot and now i wonder is this the lemur situation happening again oh true if i got gizmo
Starting point is 00:31:11 i'd be like what the fuck is that grandma you wake up from surgery i thought i was alive is this hell i'm in hell and grandma susan has brought you fucking gizmo with red eyes i would be terrified so i think especially if grandma susan's been dead for 10 years and the last time you saw gizmo the lemur you're putting him in your casket and she's like grandma susan is like what is this i've been meaning to ask you for 10 years why did you put this in my fucking casket uh got it for my i think the sloth is adorable he is adorable and if your daughter loves sloths and looked at that i mean she was still under anesthesia or something because it looks just like a sloth looks like a sloth i do too and he's happy like he's really cute i think if she got a lemur and didn't know that it was a lemur and showed it to her daughter who loves sloths maybe that was why she was like what is that but also maybe chill
Starting point is 00:32:09 like she just got out of surgery like maybe just a little woozy like what is that like you know going straight to it's ugly like freaking out like i don't think the grand the granddaughter was like this is the ugliest thing i've ever gotten i bet she was just like what is that across the room she found out was like oh my god it's adorable like whatever yeah i feel like unless your daughter's a real brat she was i mean it's a grown woman i don't think she probably had like a full meltdown about her yeah new stuffy from grandma but i guess you never know i think that sloth is the only victim here i agree so what is it what's its name what what's its name sloth slowpoke i think he's precious cute cute cute i agree i agree okay my next one is of uh
Starting point is 00:32:54 a beanie boo called sapphire the dragon oh it's a little sad looking dragon oh it's cute it just looks like you know it looks like it's being like oh he has like lidded eyes yeah yeah it's hurting but uh here we go so walmart comment i forgot um i have two comments actually that i want to read because i did not see this one earlier i don't know this just popped up this one is a comment by jennifer i like tacos end of review stop what is wrong with people get off the internet go outside and then the thing is so with these comments a lot of them will just say my grandson or my whatever i think walmart sends out emails like why did you buy this or who is this for uh why did you buy this i like tacos we'll leave customer comments
Starting point is 00:33:51 um and we'll just they'll be out of context this one i don't understand what the context could possibly be what were you doing when what were you thinking when you bought this i like tacos i don't know but here's the other one. This is by Kimberly. Another comment. I like dragons, but I am a girl, but I can still purchase it. End of review. End of comment.
Starting point is 00:34:15 Oh, my God. Okay. That reminds me of Timothy's owner. These children on Walmart.com. I don't know who's letting them on there. I don't know. It wasn't on there i don't know it wasn't me walmart stop emailing children i like dragons but i am a girl but i can still purchase it and purchase is spelled p-r-c-h-e-s so i really wasn't sure how to say that wrong purchase it purchase it
Starting point is 00:34:38 yeah i mean it it because it's almost wrong phonetically speaking. Wow, I adore this person who I'm assuming is a child. I can still buy it. I'm like, was anybody questioning that nowadays? Unfortunately, probably. I mean, I guess. I guess there must be a reason. I'm a girl. Here's another one I have from Taylor.
Starting point is 00:35:00 This is of Mori the Moray Eel from Amazon. And this is a four-star review by Kevinvin and the title is not right eel and this is not a verified purchase uh-oh okay so i didn't buy this item gasp we got that uh way ahead of here okay so i didn't buy this item but this isn't a moray eel in the first place. I was looking for moray eel omens because they are my favorite animal, and I noticed something wrong with this eel. It has pectoral fins. A moray eel doesn't have pectoral fins, but it swims by slithering through the water like a snake with its dorsal fin. And another fin fact, a moray eel has two sets of jays one in the front and
Starting point is 00:35:46 another in the back of the throat to pull its prey back end of review i have seen that that's terrifying i don't want to see it yeah i'm scared of it um well that's interesting i i mean is this a beanie boo or beanie baby it's a beanieanie baby. Uh-oh. So it's not supposed to be whimsical. It's not whimsical. This is a whimsical eel that shouldn't have been whimsical. He's a little too whimsical for Kevin's taste. Someone at time messed up, put it down the wrong line. He didn't have enough jays and pectoral fins.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Or he had too many pectoral fins? I don't know. Taylor was like, this is a really intense... Too many pectoral fins because they have a dorsal fin for swimming but not pectoral fins i see because they slither right i mean taylor said something like uh for the record i just learned that just now i wasn't saying this as if i agree here i'll show you the picture yeah okay um look at i guess those are those the pectoral fins the one that stick out i guess so i are those the pectoral fins, the one that stick out? I guess so. I'm Googling pectoral fins.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Yeah. Yep. That's it, huh? And the dorsal fins are the ones on top? Yep, that's right. Uh-huh. And then the anal fin, I bet you know where that is. Super.
Starting point is 00:36:59 That's where the butt is. Thanks. Taylor said, never had such a thorough lesson on fish anatomy and i would agree um i do like that kevin just decided to give us that by the way i love the little play on words the fin fact instead of a fun fact oh fin fact oh my god um it reminds me um i hope no one steals this what so steven and i play we haven't in a while we play old school runescape right and uh there's going to be like a a group iron man mode you don't have to i don't have to explain it all but basically there's a mode coming up where we can play together and create a group and it's
Starting point is 00:37:37 going to be the two of us and our names are going to be fish related because our last accounts were sinful salmon and and nanner fish and so now we're doing trifling tuna and peculiar pike and our group name is going to be called only fins and we just came up with that last night we talked it through i'm kind of glad you're putting that on record so if anyone does steal it you can be like that was mine first yeah you know yeah on the record we were already worried that it was going to be taken so please don't actually take it don't take it because that's really sad for us i'll be really sad um and then yeah that would just be mean i don't know it would be you will be sued yeah you will be sued lawsuit incoming i don't
Starting point is 00:38:24 know how to do that but we'll figure it out we'll figure it out um also can you just tell me what an eel omen is oh i was a moray omen right is that i was looking for a eel omen because they're my favorite animal and i noticed something wrong with this eel um so i don't know if he just meant he's looking for some symbolic symbolic well i googled that and it says, Eel symbolism, facts, and meaning. A totem, spirit, and power animal. Maybe he was looking for a totem. What the heck?
Starting point is 00:38:52 But this one's incorrect, anatomically speaking. Some believe eel to be a umakua, a god in animal form, protecting and giving omens to their family. Ooh! So, who knows? I mean, kevin is that where your head was at because that's not the vibe i got but maybe if you etsy uh eel omen you get a sticker that says i'm sorry miss jackson i am for eels and it's the four and it's four eels there's only one purchase and it's kevin so i have no idea i am four eels oh my god okay um here is a review of another beanie boo this is scooter the snail when i think of a whimsical beanie boo i think of scooter the snail i actually really adore scooter cute adorable i mean it's very like i'm like not a huge fan of like really like cheesy stuff animals but this is exactly what that is 100 cute but it's very like i'm like not a huge fan of like really like cheesy stuff animals
Starting point is 00:39:45 but this is exactly what that is 100 cute but it is very cute like it works i think because it has like that snail body i think it's adorable he's really cute yeah so um here's scooter the snail uh and here's a review this is a comment by lauren it's for my daughter she has one of these already but her sister threw it down one too many times and his eyes fell out end of comment oh my god oh no could you picture an eyeless version okay that's actually really upsetting i feel like they they have such a uh such a beneficial like such a jovial appearance and such like a a winning expression yeah but that all goes to hell when like the eyes are gone because like that's the whole face is the eyes i feel like with a regular beading baby the eyes are so small that like
Starting point is 00:40:34 yeah it would be horrible but it wouldn't be like as drastic yeah those big eyes those big eyes or something also if you found one of those on the floor like looking at you yeah nothing good comes comes with that jesus christ i'm not a fan of that um don't put scooter the snail in my casket please remember when you put your dog wolfie he ended up in the toilet by accident yeah i was playing with him and throwing him around the bathroom for some reason and he landed in the toilet you were throwing him in the bathroom yeah we play a game where i toss him in the air and catch him it was pretty bad to happen i still have him he's on the but when i stream he's behind me on the bookshelf wait really yeah what do you think he drowned in the he's a stuffed animal pooper went missing remember yeah and i just i know that's sad yeah i'm still really sad
Starting point is 00:41:23 i don't know what happened oh i also dropped my favorite green pen down the toilet and flushed it down the toilet right and it came back a few days later and still worked how did i know it still worked because i continued to use it for a long time and it's behind him during stream yeah it's the one i use to this day it's the one he writes all his signatures whether you ever ask him for an autograph speaking of asking for an autograph that didn't happen but um i met someone at a taco place recently who recognized me oh i was like that sounded really weird uh yeah it was mckenzie so mckenzie who uh actually uh suggested islands and it was really funny because that's pretty wild so they approached me very friendly i was having lunch with liz and um they were like yeah i suggested the um islands theme because they were had just gone to catalina oh right and i was like oh that's so funny liz
Starting point is 00:42:20 here was there when i was uh had to go to the hospital while hiking on Catalina. For your heat issues. Yep. And they said that they did not end up in the hospital. So some people know how to do it right. Yeah. So I have things I could learn. Well, interestingly enough, when you texted me that, the day before, I'd been at the dog park and someone recognized Giovanni. Oh, not you, right?
Starting point is 00:42:40 No, not me. They said, Giovanni. So I was like, Gio, come here. And the person goes giovanni and i went oh my god that's so funny i know and their name was bones and i was like oh the dog and they were like no i'm an idiot and i was like oh nice to meet you and they were like this is pumpkin so the dog was pumpkin and they were bones and i was like pumpkin and bones is like the ultimate like crime fighting duo and i love that in a comic book i love that and then on my walk home at the bar near my house somebody
Starting point is 00:43:11 was sitting outside and was like hey i'm a huge fan of your show like from across the street and i was like what is going on and then the next day you got wrecked i'm like something's up in the water something's in the water i think people are leaving more i guess i guess true and i'm leaving more i mean it was just one outing but it's more one more than most days um so anyway while we're comparing our cool autograph stories to my one well you have like 10 times the followers than me so i don't know i feel like you should have seen 10 people this week well i should i should you guys you need to step it up is what i'm trying to say here. Find me. Just kidding. Don't find me.
Starting point is 00:43:46 Okay. I think that's... Oh, no, no. Here we go. I have an email from Morgan here. She, her. Thank you, Morgan. And as she describes it, this is an Amazon review from a person who definitely seems
Starting point is 00:43:56 like they're fun at parties. So that's how you know it's good. This is a three-star review by Patrick. The title is, that's a cockatoo not a cockatiel and it's a review of the cockatiel beanie baby people who are like there were so many so bizarre to me there were so many this is the review and by the way this is also not a verified purchase so oh wow kevin and patrick are running around because they just buy it because they just, oh my god. Sorry to sound a little off topic.
Starting point is 00:44:29 I know the plushie is cute and all, but they got the name wrong. That's a pink crested cockatoo, not a cockatiel. I know this due to raising the little small breed all through my childhood and seeing cockatoos at the zoo or a neighbor's house. End of review. That's a lot of words for saying I'm not really an an expert but right i went to the zoo before yeah cool um so i'm not really gonna take their word for it i went to my neighbor's house in the zoo one time um so i know i don't really care no i don't care either right like if you're gonna be like i wouldn't read that and go, Oh shit. Well now I can't enjoy this bird. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:45:06 exactly. Animal. It's a stuffed animal. Chill. Like if it were seriously for something like one person said, Oh, I'm teaching about iguanas in class and they sent a chameleon. I'm like,
Starting point is 00:45:16 okay, that I get if it's like totally different animal, but like, why does it matter? People using beanie babies for that one iguana guy was i don't know what everybody else is doing i don't know i don't get it and also i don't i don't know if you went to the museum right an aquarium like an educational aquarium and they were selling eel moray eel stuffed animals and the moray eel had pectoral fins yeah i think maybe saying something could be appropriate
Starting point is 00:45:47 because yeah they're it's a learning place yeah but it's a freaking beanie baby it's like why is this bear purple with a rose on it for princess diana i've never seen a bear in real life that was purple it's like okay yeah it just seems a little bit like irrelevant i don't know but you know whatever you choose your battles and this is patrick's battle to die on a hill on diet whatever you know you get it yeah this is the hill patrick will lay down and surrender on jesus i was trying to make anything surrend on Jesus I was trying to make it I didn't think surrendering works I was trying to make it less dramatic oh right the whole not surrender on this hill that's the whole point huh yeah to die on this as in like fight until he's gonna fight to the death on this one yeah yeah we'll we'll die on that hill it's a cockatoo and that cockatoo will be in his cat kiss cast yes yep i'm gonna move on i'm gonna fill his casket
Starting point is 00:46:47 these are my last two they're combined uh this is a fiona the pink cat parentheses glitter eyes oh dear uh it's a beanie boo this is now this that one scares me a little bit yes this one especially compared to scooter the snail i think it's because this one's looking at me and it has the ears look a little like devil horns or something i kind of like it and i kind of am scared of it at the same time yeah yeah it's it's very aggressive which it's aggressive with glitter so it's both aggressive and it has glitter is what i mean yeah which and a weird sly smile as a slightly scary combination as if i should be worried so i will be worried yeah anyway here is it doesn't take much you just give us the slight notion we should be worried and we're 110 in yes exactly so here's a two-star review in the
Starting point is 00:47:39 night there's a five-star response to the two-star review so here's the two-star one no a different person so mckenzie says two stars wrong name i have this beanie boo but just so you know her name is amaya not fiona also her tail doesn't look like that you ever see my one she doesn't have a neat tail it's rigid first stands out end of review oh okay and then casey responds with a five-star review this is brave of casey by the way person who wrote the review wrong name time made her again duh little dingus end of review her name is little dingus the new one l is capitalized i like the little dingus i think madeline needs to write this down a little dingus the new beanie boo little dingus they should make
Starting point is 00:48:33 beanie boos based off of us named little dingus i adore that plan okay um my line i know we've asked you to do a lot but i expect all of it to be done just kidding yeah yeah little dingus I think you need to just like you know find another hill is what I'm gonna say I don't know how else to say it I feel like these just seem like really aggressive things to be upset about but
Starting point is 00:48:59 whatever we've never had anyone like that before it's so weird it's just with stuffed animals i'm surprised how much emotion goes through no it is a it is a weird thing and it's so emotional either people are so happy and it's really uplifting yeah we're so sad and it's really depressing i swear there were very few middle of the road reviews no there's no there's no like love it yeah cool people people have lots i mean
Starting point is 00:49:26 and i i don't know i feel like i expect this when it's like a restaurant or somewhere you have like human interaction and you can get really this is just like okay you just you got a cute little guy he's got beans in him it's wild it's wild um okay all i have left are redemptions oh i'm done so oh fantastic lay them on me this is is Redemption sent in by Taylor. It's a review of Lucy the Goose on Amazon. Lucy the Goosey. But it's spelled L-O-O-S-Y, Lucy. Lucy.
Starting point is 00:49:52 I know, it's so cute. This is a five-star review, verified purchase by Caitlin, and the title is Life Changing. She is nurturing and warm. She connects with my heart every time I see her. She has a kind spirit and is full of love. End of review. I was like, this better not end here. As you're reading that, I said, that better not be the end.
Starting point is 00:50:14 This is freaking weird. She's life changing. Also, it's a verified purchase. This goose, Lucy the Goose. Lucy the Goose, verified purchase. My goodness. I mean, I'm glad you found your goose. It has changed life. And there was another one that I believe Taylor sent in as well of the same goose saying it's all wrong. The colors are all wrong.
Starting point is 00:50:35 So I guess for that person, it was not OK. But for for Caitlin, man, she connects with my heart, you know, that's how I feel about my Dilbert M&M machine, but like... Oh, dear God. Did you read the... Did you write a review of it? I did. And let me read it. Hang on. Here it is.
Starting point is 00:50:52 He is nurturing and warm. He connects with my heart every time I see him. He has a kind spirit and is full of M&Ms and love. Okay. Makes sense. Makes sense. Here is one more redemption. This is my last one.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Makes sense. Here is one more redemption. This is my last one. This is an email from Morgan Sheher Shefer, who sent an Etsy review of Stinky the Skunk. This is a review by Richard M. Stevens, and it's a five star review from August 21st, 2021. So like two weeks ago. Oh, damn. The Stinky the Skunk retired Beanie Baby.
Starting point is 00:51:26 Oh, by the way, this is one long sentence. There's not one ounce of punctuation. That's what I was hoping for, actually. So I'm going to try to make it clear, but in case it's not clear and I take a breath, there's no punctuation. I'm just running out of oxygen. The Stinky the Skunk Retired Beanie Baby was even better in person than its pictured excellent vintage condition. It came in its original box wrapped nicely in a silk sleeve and sealed nicely in tissue paper. Sealed very well on the outside for safe delivery through the postal delivery service. It also has its original Beanie Baby tag and its own name tag on a chain.
Starting point is 00:51:58 It came very quickly and will be a great addition to my wildlife collection of animals. And since years ago, I had a skunk named Stinky who climbed on my back patio door looking for a tasty snack. I highly recommend Vintage Beanie Boutique and Jill for excellent vintage quality beanies. And I will purchase again. Thank you, Jill. Sincerely, Richard M. Stevens from Lake Zurich, Illinois. P.S. I am adding this shop to one of my favorite shops listed. End of review.
Starting point is 00:52:21 Amazing. I'm proud of you for getting through that. Sincerely, Richard M. Stevens from Lake Zurich, Illinois. That was so cute. Oh my gosh. end of review amazing i'm proud of you for getting through that sincerely richard m stevens oh my gosh um oh stinky the skunk i know and like he had a stinky the skunk that's so perfect back in the day he was looking for a tasty snack and now he has his own taste stinky the skunk looking for a tasty snack hopefully stinky doesn't eat too many refrigerators. Am I right? Oh, that was cute though.
Starting point is 00:52:49 Anyway. Yeah. So some of these are just really like heartwarming. Yeah. We had some really wholesome moments. People buy these for like really serious heart wrenching reasons. I can't imagine what the emails or letters that they get at the actual company you know what I bet they get some really wild ones yeah I didn't even think of that yeah um so yeah uh now Richard
Starting point is 00:53:13 M Stevens has a skunk in his wildlife collection good good great great for him love it good job Richard all right I'm happy for you Richard so happy so proud of you actually I'm proud of you for buying that so while we're at it so that's it and then i wrote reviews from cassidy dot dot dot depressing which were my parade so i'm glad we got that over with yep bummer parade and i wrote yeah i wrote ask christina when she wants it beginning middle or end i literally wrote that out oh my god i like how i decided it was at the end i'm glad you actually did it earlier. Honestly. I'm glad we got through the bummer parade.
Starting point is 00:53:48 Me too. And ended on Richard M. Stevens. Time now for my challenge. My challenge was to find reviews of classes where the reviewer thinks they're better than the instructor. And this was sent in by Kristen. Perfect. And I'm going to start off with, from what I could tell, the only email I got, but it was a good one.
Starting point is 00:54:14 So thank you to Amanda, she, her, for sending this one in. You lifesaver, Amanda. You lifesaver. This gave me a little extra, because this was pretty hard, and maybe that's why I didn't get so many emails. You all struggled as well. I got some. I feel pretty good. Maybe it's because they struggled. maybe that's why i didn't get so many emails you all struggled as well i i got some i feel pretty good but maybe it's because they struggled maybe it's because they didn't want to help maybe they just don't like me i've been too aggressive about it it's impossible to tell which it is it's impossible i can't figure it out i'm looking at the map of where this location is because it's a google review and
Starting point is 00:54:41 it's close to something called oligarchy ditch oh which is a very aggressive name um that's the energy we have for this this podcast though so that's good uh this is a review of the ed and ruth layman ymca this is uh looks like north of denver flanfo for a geoguessr um so this is oh did you get flanfo did you get Lake Zurich, Illinois from last time? Are we putting Richard M. Stevens' house? Find that address and put it in GeoGuessr, please. This is north of Denver, Ed and Ruth Lehman YMCA. This is a three-star review.
Starting point is 00:55:20 I appreciate the fact that YMCAs serve the community. They do a lot of good, especially for kids. But a friend dragged me here for a yoga class recently, and I vow I will never take yoga at a YMCA again. It was clear that the instructor had been doing yoga for a short time, maybe just a few years. She's one of those personal trainer gym types who belongs in a spin class not a yoga studio i know i'm a tough judge because i've studied yoga for decades and have taught for over 10 years but it's so disappointing to encounter this more and more untrained teachers who take up space that could be filled by real yoga practitioners like me you have clearly calmed and taken that yoga
Starting point is 00:56:02 to heart and learned about peace and relaxation jesus lord then go teach your own freaking class i feel like that's the truth for all of these reviews i would be so terrified if i were teaching a class and the person was like i've studied this for decades but no pressure it's like oh my god oh my clearly only for a few years i'm like damn that's a long like still like hey also it doesn't sound like you've really gotten much out of yoga like calm down i mean jesus isn't the whole point like to just not be the way that you are right there i don't know their their user username is namaste and then there's like a no it's not a symbol of like wait are you serious i'm 100 serious
Starting point is 00:56:42 their username is namaste and they're like losing their shit about this spin class instructor teaching yoga yeah it was see that's the thing it was it was very aggressive it could have been so much better just to say i was disappointed with uh with the class i felt it could have done better but in these ways some sort of constructive criticism but saying she's one of those personal it was very personal to this person attack on her it was a very specific attack. I know that that was sent in, but that was a really good one. That's like, I could do yoga better than this person. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:11 And I do. Exactly. So maybe I should have saved that for last because it was so good. It was good. But so thank you, Amanda, for that one. My next one, this is from Rate My Professor. Oh, shit. I have three of those. Have we ever read a Rate My Professor. Oh, shit. I have three of those.
Starting point is 00:57:27 Have we ever read a Rate My Professor on this show? I don't think so. They're not good. We always consider it and we never actually do it. I mean, they're pretty. People suck on there. Yeah, I'm not surprised. Like one tiny little bit about that.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Here's a review. This is of a business class. Oh, God. For these, I felt weird like since these are so personal the problem with these is it's so personal about a very specific person about one person you're right you're right and also students suck you know like i was a student once i complained about teachers and now i look back i'm like yeah the teachers that i complained about like i was a kind of just a little shithead. Right. Not excusing some of these reviews because they're just not nice.
Starting point is 00:58:06 And that's what's so rude is like when this is specifically targeted at a human being. Anyway, so. I get that. Yeah, that's why I don't really like these, but it fits the challenge. Okay. So here's the review and I'm not reading the school. That's probably smart. But this is for a business class.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Specifically, it looks like accounting barely squeaked an a out in this class final was super easy i studied two out of 14 chapters we needed to know for the final a car tire could teach this class better than this sorry excuse for a teacher and oh my god a car tire yeah and the reason why i included ones like this where they didn't explicitly say they could teach it better i assume that's kind of what they're saying we're like if a car tire could do it i could do it and i assume this car taught anything i think yeah like i guess that's implying wow yeah yeah car i've never heard is that a phrase i've never heard that before you know i don't know i've never heard that one before you're gonna get we're gonna get a new one in
Starting point is 00:59:11 a couple reviews so there's a different one next uh this is from uh a school's medical assisting department it's the class is med 124 so i don't know the exact class but something medical oh boy and this one's a little different okay my mom has a master's degree in human services and i'm sure she could teach this course much better i just don't understand how and why she is teaching she tells us things wrong and she thinks it's right she should be offered a seat in the classroom as a student because she does not know the info she's trying to teach. What a waste of money. End of review.
Starting point is 00:59:49 She should be offered a seat and then my mom will come in and teach her about human resources? Human services. Human services? That kind of reminds me of your challenge that was like, do you know who my mom is? Do you know who my parents are? I mean, I don't know. I bet, yeah, this mom would probably be pretty good at teaching how to service humans or whatever so i guess yeah whatever anyway i feel like medical assisting is pretty specific but you know i was just making like a a weird your mom joke but oh i didn't get it it was layered it was pretty it was too nuanced for me and my p-brain
Starting point is 01:00:27 sorry and i kind of just shoehorned it in i oh i see i thought i'm being funny okay it was to be fair it was hysterical thank you i'm glad you think so of course you're the only person that i want to listen to this show i would never lie to to you. So good. Thank you. I've got one more rate. My professors. This is an econ class. Honestly, he tries, but he is terrible. He drops two quizzes and homeworks, but it's just pointless. You teach yourself or fail.
Starting point is 01:00:57 I thought he was going to be a good teacher from the reviews. Someone's pet rat could teach me more. He should not teach the subject anymore. End of review okay so now we've got this perfect group a superhero group uh what is it a car tire um a my mom your mom someone's mom someone's human servicing mom uh-huh and a pet rat rat not a sewer rat a pet rat a pet rat specifically it's rat. Not a sewer rat. A pet rat. A pet rat. Specifically. It's very specific.
Starting point is 01:01:27 I mean, rats are very smart. Yeah. I'd rather a rat teach me than a car tire, whatever that means. I'd say I'd rather a rat than any of these reviewers teach me. You know what? That's exactly right. I trust the rat more than I trust any of these students. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:40 Me too. Okay. I've got one more. What if they taught yoga? Sorry i'm just thinking of like what if this car tire and the rat taught yeah taught yoga together i hear that mom's pretty flexible so i would stop but i didn't include her on purpose i would for sure take a take a rat led yoga class namaste that rat belongs in a spin class you know the title we've all seen it you're right you're so right i know okay so this last one is a one-star review of seasons of my heart
Starting point is 01:02:18 cooking school oh my god sorry what i mean cool it's in oaxaca mexico i believe yeah um yep it's in oaxaca uh and this is a one-star review and it's a it's a doozy it's a long one so that's why i'm like this is my last one but you're stuck here for a little bit longer everybody here we go Here we go. We even bought Miss Trilling's book from the PBS series and were looking forward to the class, one of three I had enrolled in for the week. Before we went, I inquired about the possibility of having Miss Trilling autograph my book if I brought it. Oh boy. It was then that I found out she would not be teaching the class. I was told a, quote, very capable chef substitute, end quote, had been arranged. With a green pen from the toilet.
Starting point is 01:03:26 He'll sign it for you, don't worry. I'll sign it right before I teach them how to microwave vegan hot dogs. Yum. Somewhat disappointed, I decided to go anyway, as I thought someone with her reputation would make sure her substitute would be excellent. On the day of the class, we were picked up promptly and driven to the market in etla near miss trilling's b and b and school in the group with me was a fellow traveler i had met the previous day at another cooking class a gentleman who was planning on opening a restaurant and who was every bit as earnest about learning as i was great it was at the market that the
Starting point is 01:04:02 disappointment hit we were met by a woman who seemed a throwback to a 1960s hippie. She started off the tour and we promptly noticed she had no clue as to food, cooking, or ingredients. Every time she needed to talk about the simplest of herbs, grains, chilies, or anything, she was reading it from a notebook. Not only that, but much of her information was wrong. I was tagging along and getting more information from the merchants by asking my own questions i finally had enough when she tried to pass off an egg-based bread parentheses sweet as quote something like what we use for tortas parentheses a savory preparation god forbid can you imagine that's like when someone's telling
Starting point is 01:04:43 you a story and you're totally out of your element and you're like, is this where I like, is this where I react? And they pause and look at you expecting something and you say, wow, no way. I say wow, because it's like that could go one way or the other. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just say the wow. That's perfect. Wow. I told my friend from the previous class I was abandoning the tour.
Starting point is 01:05:03 I was fortunate that I had friends who followed us in a rental car so bailing out was feasible but they followed you there in a rental car what they followed her in a like they followed her like from i have no idea to the market i have no idea i have no idea i really i don't yeah i guess they just she just makes her friends like it seems so weird i don't understand the logistics of all of this makes no sense to me my friend said the whole thing is cheesy but i'll stick it out i called our tour guide aside and told her how disappointed i was and that i did not feel i had paid to have an unprepared guide read from a notebook mean i told her i could do better on my own she said said that Susanna herself trained me, and that I would not get any help from the merchants because we have a relationship with them.
Starting point is 01:05:55 This was, of course, the height of silliness to imagine a merchant would not want to talk about their products. As for the training, if Miss Drilling sent such a poor guy to replace her, I could only imagine what the class would be like. I left the tour after clearly asking for a refund and struck off on my own. Within ten minutes, I had armfuls of purchases of various chilies and herbs, and I was happily chatting away behind the counter of one of the booths
Starting point is 01:06:16 about ingredients and cooking. Get out of there. You're not supposed to be behind the counter. The next day, I ran into my friend who told me the class was pretty good. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. And that the first he heard about Miss Trilling not leading the class was when the substitute guide showed up. This is very unprofessional. It seems Miss Trilling is overextending herself and neglecting the thing that brought her fame.
Starting point is 01:06:39 Good cooking. I have followed up with two emails about my refund. And as of this date, I am still waiting for my money. End of review. What a rude, rude lady. Yeah. Why are you so rude? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:06:52 I don't know. I don't even think it's a lady. Dude. The name is, like my vibe is this is absolutely a fucking rude dude. Oh my god, what a rude dude. I just like, now I'm behind the counter chatting away. Yeah. Making friends on my own.
Starting point is 01:07:08 Okay, well, maybe that's what you're supposed to do from the beginning. Yeah. If you're not going to be a good sport. Yeah. So rude. The height of silliness. The height of silliness. It's such a demeaning thing to say.
Starting point is 01:07:19 I know. The whole thing was demeaning. Yes, it was. The whole thing was absolutely awful. And the best part, I thought, was how the person who actually went to the class said it was pretty good not exactly a ring and then they're like what did you expect them to say when you were so nasty about it i was gonna say they weren't gonna say this is the best class ever because you were gonna be an asshole about it maybe you would have said i doubt that i bet if i had taught it it would have been very good not
Starting point is 01:07:43 just pretty good, because that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. Oh, no. This just made me so mad. But it was very, I felt it fit. It completely fit. I could teach the class. Also, don't tell the tour guide that you could teach.
Starting point is 01:07:59 But see, what I don't understand is what do people expect is going to happen? Like, you tell the tour guide, I could do this better. Yeah. Then what? What is your ideal outcome? That they say, you're right. Here's the apron. What do people expect is going to happen like you tell the tour guide i could do this better yeah then what what is your ideal outcome that they say you're right here's the apron like what do you expect so rude i mean it's just so rude and so unnecessary happen from that that's good and why and the fact that they expect a refund there's nothing there just because your expectations were absurd or unable to be met because of your because of how high they were doesn't mean you deserve a refund the height of silliness they're giving what they promised and
Starting point is 01:08:30 you're off like they didn't promise you um miss trilling i am obsessed with the idea of miss trilling and i'm pretty convinced she doesn't exist and it's like a fiction of everyone's imagination um no it's it's a it's a chef uh she's a pbs chef or something miss trilling i love that yeah i like miss trilling yeah suzanna suzanna trilling so if suzanna trilling says this person is my protege then fucking trust miss trilling yeah exactly and just not happening it's like this person even like go to the class and is giving like shit and saying i could do this whole thing better like what the hell yeah it's ridiculous love to take this person's class i bet it's a riot i bet it's a hoot i bet it is a hoot and a half yeah all right well that was great sandy good job thank you thank you thank you to kristin for
Starting point is 01:09:19 sending that in i i enjoyed it it was it was hard at times like because i wanted to get more than just um break my professor because those were pretty easy because students suck students like to say to make really great analogies yeah like and of course a rat could do this yeah and of course the freshman is going to think they know more than a professor you know it just makes sense like it was easy but um yeah and thank you to amanda for sending that one in about the yoga school i didn't even think of finding a yoga instruction one i did through on groupon i tried to find some but those were all pretty good the reviews on groupon if there were any negative reviews of a class on groupon it was the promo code didn't work this is a scam i brought at one time i bought bras on groupon big mistake don't do that i wasn't planning that was my one star experience on groupon big mistake you bought bras on yeah it
Starting point is 01:10:11 must have been a good deal though i bet i mean some of those are like 95 off and you're like it was a good deal in theory but it didn't really it wasn't a win for me. Let's just put it that way. Okay. Well, we can leave it at that. We have some announcements with the due date of the nibbling, my nibbling, Christina's child approaching rapidly, rapidly. We are not going to ask for or name a specific theme and challenge. We're not going to ask for any emails because we're going to try to record ahead. Yeah, we have to just bust them out and we don't know what they are but there'll be surprises for you theme and challenge like they have been in the past yeah early days you'll find out um you'll find out when we release them as the episodes air yeah so which could be fun and we'll miss your
Starting point is 01:11:00 help but i think we will greatly miss your help i should I think we're capable. We will greatly miss your help. I should at least put out there, I will just greatly miss your help. But, you know, obviously keep sending things in if you find them. We always use them for Between You and Us. Or if we pick a theme and we happen to have some in the email, that would be nice too. So don't feel like you have to cut off communications. We're still here. Yeah. And if you have any ideas for what you want to hear from us these next couple months uh let us know and oh
Starting point is 01:11:30 yeah always send in suggestions too we can we'll read them and see if anything looks good to us so uh no theme or challenge announcement this week but uh we'll get back to that eventually and yeah the next episodes you hear are probably going to be pretty pre-recorded because there's going to be a lot going on. But they should be just as fun and we might be able to try some new things by doing it this way. So we're excited. We'll see.
Starting point is 01:11:56 All right. Thanks, everybody, for listening. I'm going to go to my mailbox and wait for Gizmo. Okay. Bye, everyone.

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