Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 150: Reviews of Halloween Movies

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at a and w's in ontario experience a and w's classic breakfast on now d-in only until 11 a.m. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome. This is Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.
Starting point is 00:01:26 Sinner, stop talking, there's a ghost in my house. You didn't hear that? No, that scream that you just, I mean that someone, an apparition did? No, I screamed because I heard a scary noise. That was me talking. Oh, that explains everything. God damn it. Our improv skills have gone down the toilet since we left LA.
Starting point is 00:01:49 Were they ever good? They were never out of the toilet. That's fair. Welcome, Sandy. You did improv in an old cellular store. I did improv? That's right. In a strip mall.
Starting point is 00:02:03 How fun was that? Granted, it was a pretty cool place and a lot of great improv people were there. I'm not actually, it was my favorite place to go. It was like, Em saw me do improv there. The clubhouse? Yeah! Is that what it was? It was next to the Rite Aid in an abandoned Verizon store.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Yeah, it was some sort of cellular wireless store. Oh my god, how funny! I remember Lisa and Em saw me there once. I was so nervous. Welcome to our show where we are not in a cellular store, but we are somewhere a little nicer. Scarier. Your home. My home.
Starting point is 00:02:37 And this week, Zannie, what is our theme? Our theme is Halloween movies. How did this go for you? It went okay. How did it go for you? Well, guess where I just lived? I know. I figured. I just purposefully didn't go there because I knew you'd be there. I figured I would ruin that for you because I went to every single movie. I purposefully did not go on Common Sense Media
Starting point is 00:02:59 because in my head I knew that's where you would be. I do appreciate that. You would be making your rounds. I couldn't sleep last night as is my new pregnancy uh you know tradition so at like three in the morning i was just researching like barney halloween and all this stuff i was in bed laughing so hard poor boys was sleeping and i was like this is my job is so weird i was like our johnny halloween i went a very different route i went like more scary scary ones i went some mostly mostly barney halloween direction so we're gonna bring a mixture to the table um i have a little one to start with oh fantastic it's probably the worst of the bunch that we'll get today it's the kind we don't like but i wanted to include a little little little taste let's do this is a review of the
Starting point is 00:03:45 movie saw oh oh have you seen saw uh no do i look like i've seen saw by the way everybody uh in terms of spoilers and whatnot i was on imdb the entire time and i purposefully didn't pick any reviews that quote unquote contain spoilers according to imdb so you can mark your review as containing spoilers and then it's hidden i did not select any of those however there might still be some spoilers in here i don't know i do want to say if you are hoping that i don't spoil mickey mouse clubhouse mickey's monster musical i can't promise that for you i wasn't as generous and kind as i just kind of read whatever i wanted so if you're seeking no that for you. I wasn't as generous and kind as Alex Lehner. I just kind of read whatever I wanted. So if you're seeking no spoilers for, you know, some fun Halloween baby movies, well,
Starting point is 00:04:32 sorry in advance. And also, I haven't seen most of the movies I brought to the table anyway. I haven't seen Saw, have you? I have seen Saw. That's just something I can't do. I see Saw all the time. Is that an existing joke or did you just make that up um no in the office i thought i think ryan asked oh dwight dwight says most most and i see saw all the time that's right of course i've seen of course i've seesawed because he
Starting point is 00:05:02 says have you seen saw and he's like of course i've seen saw in what world would that ever come up naturally and yet it just did well that was beautiful thank you thank you like i wasn't thinking that would happen bravo bravo thank you to uh the office writers for making me funnier than i am i have not seen the film anyway i have i have seen the almost the entire franchise really you know why because some friends and i, D, O, P, Chris and I, I think. The four of us? Very recently, we just watched a bunch of them. I'm not going to do that.
Starting point is 00:05:32 Nobody asked me to, but I'm not going to do it. Yeah. They were doing it without me, and then I snuck my way in. I can't even watch. I'm just such a big baby. Maybe that was final. There was a weird scary movie like Time recently.
Starting point is 00:05:47 I watched Exorcism of Emily Rose, The Ring, and what's that other one? Paranormal Activity. There are so many scary movies. I've never recovered from those three. Those are the three scary movies
Starting point is 00:05:58 I've seen. Okay. Never recovered. Hereditary is the one that I still haven't recovered from, but it also made me appreciate scary movies more So now I want to watch more of them
Starting point is 00:06:07 And I have been watching more of them What was that one I watched with you and Em and you fell asleep? Oh my god I was scared shitless I slept through the whole thing Yeah I screamed and you two were sleeping I took sleeping medication I was so mad Anyway this is a one star out of ten
Starting point is 00:06:22 So these are out of ten One star review of 10 so these are out of 10 uh one star review of saw left confused confusing title i thought this was about a lumberjack boy was i wrong end of review i thought i thought it was gonna be like some horrible racist thing when you said it's one of the ones we hate no we'd rather have we'd rather have racism in the world than no that's not what i meant i meant just like the kind that how do people find you just roll your eyes and think my god you're such you know what and you leave a one star review and for what you know what is sad is there was one i almost picked and i realized it
Starting point is 00:07:00 was fake and he was of hotel transylvania 3 and i was like why are you wasted like it's one thing to go on imdb and write salt but like you're on common sense media with a fake account rating hotel transylvania 3 yeah what a weird thing to be doing with your time yeah um so you know what and i will say just some facts about this actually yeah so this was a review from 2019 many of the reviews i read were like time appropriate for the movie coming out. So there are movies from like 1999 that had reviews from 1999. No. The early days.
Starting point is 00:07:35 And IMDB used to, based on a review that I read, used to have a 10 line minimum. Oh, so you had to write a review. So you had to really give a review review. So that was unfortunate for me because so many of them were actually of quality they were they might have been one started a little dramatic because they're paying for the internet their dialects they're paying every second counts they have only so much time to get this review out um but yeah so a lot of these reviews were really early so this really goofy one was from 2019, even though the movie came out in 2004.
Starting point is 00:08:06 If only people back then knew what a waste. Their review would be covered up by this nonsense someday, decades later. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have a review here. This is a kid's review of Barney Halloween Party. It only has one review, and it's by a child. Did you think about how I would feel about spoilers? You didn't tell me to watch these ahead of time.
Starting point is 00:08:25 I'm a little upset. I know how you feel about spoilers and I'm about to ruin your day. Actually, Alexander's already ruined our day because he walked up to my side porch and dropped both of our Dunkin' Donuts on the ground. We did not get two singular donuts that I dropped. Our Dunkin' like order.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Our Dunkin' order. You said our Dunkin' Donuts on the ground. They rolled down the hill. No no he dropped both of our beverages and i heard like a oh crap and i was like that that's not good um and we had to hose down the porch so you know what oxen this is your this is my revenge i might have also broken your hose to be determined maybe xander also broke the hose but that's to be determined we can blame the construction folks next door who are also borrowing our hose. To be fair, you did that. And then I said, oh, no, that was probably me.
Starting point is 00:09:12 You were like, actually, I just hurled it at the concrete. I threw it at that point. And that point hit the wall. And now that handle is missing. And now the water is spraying ungodly amounts all over. Okay. This is a review of Barney halloween party um i think baby this is a spoiler so i apologize i'll plug my ears i won't listen you're not gonna listen
Starting point is 00:09:30 okay this is written by teen 15 years old who says this movie is appropriate for ages 18 plus oh my god i was about to say okay this teen is gonna rip on this baby movie. No. That's not what I expected. The title of the review is sexy. Christina. I'm so sorry. Oh, no. You're living for this theme. I am.
Starting point is 00:09:54 It's terrible. The review goes as follows. This is crazy what Barney thinks is acceptable. Viewer discretion is advised. Wait, it's like Barney, the executive producer. Barney, how'd you let this through who signed off on this the big purple man himself this title contains sexy stuff okay that's all that's it that's the review that's hilarious i had to start with a with a sexy barney halloween party i didn't christina we should always start with a sexy barney halloween party i didn't christina we should always start with the sexy barney halloween party i didn't know what else to do i just i i found this review i was like this is so stupid
Starting point is 00:10:30 and i was like i'm just gonna start with it much like you were like probably this is so stupid i'm gonna start with it yeah that's exactly what i thought it's a similar sentiment does barney barney doesn't wear pants right barney doesn't wear anything question mark oh does he wear not where is he not winnie the pooing i don't think he's winning, does he not wear... Is he not Winnie the Pooh-ing? I don't think he's Winnie the Pooh-ing. Yeah, he's not, is he? I think he's naked. He's complete...
Starting point is 00:10:48 No wonder. No wonder. No wonder that strong, long tail. He got his costume from the sexy adult section at Party City. Oh, nice. You know. I've got to pick me up one of those. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Okay, my next one. This is of Hocus Pocus. Oh. One out of ten. This is reviews from July 2002. Pants. How can anyone watch this film and remain awake? I'd rather swim with the great white.
Starting point is 00:11:18 It makes Ed the Duck look like a masterpiece. Condemn this film to its grave. End of review. Okay. That was and a review okay spooky review a lot happening here pants i don't know i've never seen hocus pocus so i just included that in case that was something that made fans of the movie i've seen it once way too late in my life um i still don't remember any pants reference that's the name of the title of the review so it's is pants p-a-n-t-s maybe that's a thing that i just don't remember maybe this person like like while panting oh god oh it's like a cool cruiser lingo yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:11:57 how can anyone watch this film and remain awake like that so they're swimming with the great white as they write it. True. I would rather... Okay, there's a lot, but... Yeah, that was a weird turn. And then Ed the Duck. This review is very dated.
Starting point is 00:12:13 It's a really shitty movie. Is it like a YouTube video? Or is it like an actual film? No, it's a film. I'm pretty sure. Isn't it... Hold on. Isn't it, I say?
Starting point is 00:12:25 Isn't it? As you don't know it, I say? Isn't it? Because you don't know what's going on? No fucking idea. Oh, I don't know who. Oh, I'm thinking Howard the Duck. Who's Ed the Duck? I don't know, Alexander. That's why I'm so confused.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I've never seen Howard the Duck, and it shows. Ed the Duck. Ed the Duck. I typed in Ed the Duck. Oh, Ed the Duck with two Ds is a puppet duck which appeared on the cbbc interst what is that word interstitial yeah interstitial wow program the boom cupboard whoa okay um it's a canadian thing ah that explains it so i don't know if that's what they're they spelled it wrong because ed they spelled ed with one d but ed actually ed the duck has two d's so they'd rather is that what they were they spelled it wrong because ed they spelled ed with one d but ed
Starting point is 00:13:06 actually ed the duck has two d's so they'd rather is that what they said they'd rather watch ed the duck they said it makes ed the duck look like a masterpiece the thing is ed the duck is just a character the duck is already a masterpiece so it's very confusing yeah i mean it sounds like a witch hunt at the end there condemn this movie it's a witch hunt it sounds a little bit like they're in on it yeah ed the duck does in fact wear pants by the way oh that is a very good based on what i'm seeing here astute assessment um thank you for checking i'm glad that we're learning what of all these cartoons wears which of these cartoon characters wear clothing it's really important um okay so i have something for you now. It's called Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Mickey's Monster Musical.
Starting point is 00:13:49 And this is a three-star review by Teen, 15 years old. The title is, Minnie is a player. You don't have to tell me, kid. Count Mikula keeps hitting on Minnie in front of Mickey and Minnie is into it. Count Mikula, what a Chad, though. Oh, yeah. How can you resist? Mickey either interrupts or sits there awkwardly.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Minnie is either a player. What a beta. What a little beta male. He's third wheeling it. Sad Mickey. Such a cucked beta male. He doesn't have a title. He's no count.
Starting point is 00:14:31 What does he expect? Sorry. Mickey either interrupts or sits there awkwardly. Minnie is either a player or she is fine with being treated as an object, being fought over and stuff. Personally, I believe you can't steal a girl she either doesn't want you or she wants you less than him however if neither of these are the case she's being treated like an object note mickey is obviously uncomfortable in this while mini is not end of review i'm so confused i selected the following this review read my mind oh i love it uh i'm sorry for what i became during that yeah you became
Starting point is 00:15:08 something less than pleasant it was you became a reddit user that i wanted to block um anyway that is i don't know i didn't know how else to respond but go deep into it i um minnie's being used as an object by count micula but she's into it which i sort of feels like okay then let her be into it i don't know if she was like resisting it that's one thing and if if she's uncomfortable okay then stop but it seems like she's kind of like i don't know i'm into this either three person situation. She likes to flirt. She likes to flirt. She likes to flirt. Who doesn't?
Starting point is 00:15:47 And Mickey keeps interrupting. Yeah. Mickey. Yeah. Come on, Mickey. Maybe just flirt with her, too. No, maybe. Are they together?
Starting point is 00:15:54 So wait. Hold on. Are Mickey and Minnie actually together? I think so. Aren't they married? I don't know. But like in this. Oh, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:02 They're normal in a relationship. I don't know. And I also don't know that this child is fully reading this situation like in the way that it was intended i'm not sure um mickey keeps interrupting or sitting there awkwardly i say mickey go out and like do your own thing and show her what she's missing hell yeah mickey yeah um she's either a player or she's fine with being treated as an object so hot Mickey Summer. Nothing good. Go crazy, my boy.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Nothing good coming from this. She either doesn't want you or she wants you less than him. Whatever that means. Yeah, I love how they just cut into like, there's no such thing as stealing a girl, which, yeah, okay. P.S. or no, Mickey is uncomfortable and Minnie is not. Yeah, I think we got that pretty quickly um also this was written this year so i'm sort of like wow you so this child probably still has the same mindset yeah i don't think it was a bad no no i've seen worse from
Starting point is 00:16:59 teenagers exactly on this website like if they had acted like i acted when hearing about this now that would be a problem we don't need you to be involved we don't need more of that no we don't okay uh my next one hmm which one to just to choose i'm going to choose orphan oh god have you seen orphan do i look like i've seen orphan it's a fairly recent one i told you the three movies i've seen i forgot them already so i'm gonna keep asking This is a one star out of ten. This movie ruined Christianity. The movie was really great. I would have given it the rating of seven, but I hate the scene when it messed up with religion.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Some of its scenes were really harmful, like throwing Bible on floor and many more. like throwing bible on floor and many more i am a muslim but i also respect bible even more than christians because it is also my holy book and i am amazed to see that my christian fans didn't even mentioned it and i smell something fishy here i don't know no no i don't you know why there is no way if this was a christian they never say, I'm a Muslim. No, and they would, yes. But they would also say that a Muslim respects the Bible more than they do. Oh, true, true, true, true, true. They would never say. Yeah, you're completely right.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Wow, what a strange angle. This is like standing up for Christianity, but for what? In the movie Orphan, too. It's not even like The Nun or something that's like specifically about christianity i mean i've obviously never seen it i yeah i don't know the other reviews were like why should i care what happens to this rich family or something like that i i have not seen the movie so i don't even don't tell me how inaccurate that is but don't tell me how how they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps so that this orphan worked hard
Starting point is 00:18:45 for what they have i don't uh whoa that's i feel like that's the the reviewer on common sense media that grew up and never changed the way that they like look at like their strange angle they take or they still are a child or that um the bible being thrown on the floor in a horror movie being the like egregious thing i don't know that's the other thing i'm like that's what you took away like i feel like so many horrifying like non-christian quote-unquote things happen in horror movies like you know stabbing people in the eye and sawing people's limbs off but like the bible's the one that's the most horrific. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:19:28 I mean, I... If that's triggering for you, I guess. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Do you? With who you want to... Do you with? That's exactly right, Odd Center. Thank you for that.
Starting point is 00:19:39 You're welcome. Well, I actually went to another adult movie now. I went to Halloween, the movie. No, I have not seen it. Is that Michael Myers or something? Yes, it is. I have also not seen any of those movies. I think I have one from that series.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I feel like that's something I should watch because it's like actually a classic film, you know? Yeah. I read a lot of, is that the one with Jamie Lee Curtis? What's the one? I believe so so yeah i i don't know she plays laurie i think i read so many reviews of the later of that one the later movies and oh my god people those that fandom y'all it's wild it's wild oh well do you have any clue how many people put this title contains good role models too many just a lot why oh no because of lori oh like people were so into the characters like it's a different angle than most horror movies like it's like people are really into
Starting point is 00:20:37 the characters and the story even once described the plot to me and that sounds like it was something boring it wasn't i was like please tell me the plot okay and i was like this is actually a really fascinating plot i still haven't seen it the worst things i've read were the the ones the reviews where jamie lee curtis was not in them but then when she was back in them they were like oh she was probably they were like so defensive of her they're like this movie is garbage but like for her contract she probably had to be in this and i feel so bad for her and i was like well she probably got paid pretty good i mean she's also in those yogurt commercials like yeah yeah yeah and arp stuff yeah whatever yeah um okay i have a one-star view by an adult these are from the parents section
Starting point is 00:21:21 and this adult's username is drew, with a three for the E. And Drew believes that this movie is suited for ages 18 plus. And the title is Seriously People? So here we go. I'm just going to quote a few of the other reviews first. There is toplessness, but nothing that a kid over the age of 10 hasn't seen. Halloween is very frightening at times, and it does contain some drug use and sexual content, but nothing a mature seven-year-old can't handle. Classic horror, my first R-rated horror movie, saw it when I was six. Okay for two
Starting point is 00:21:55 and up. I would continue, but what's the point? Okay, so this is not the Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Saw. Does that mean you want your your young impressionable children being exposed to this? There are so many studies that show that violence in movies, particularly sadistic violence like the violence portrayed in horror films like this one, has an awful effect on young children. So what if they can handle it? I could probably handle having my legs chopped off, but does that mean I would go do it? And just because your kids have probably seen a woman's breasts before they turn 10. And I certainly hadn't seen many breasts when I was 10. Doesn't mean I'm not surprised.
Starting point is 00:22:33 I say, as if that's a cool thing to do. I don't know. I'm serious. Like loser, loser, nine year old. He's like busy getting his legs chopped off for fun or whatever.
Starting point is 00:22:44 As if that's that's it's equivalent yeah yeah the only reason you'd want to go see a horror movie is to i don't know i don't get it doesn't mean that you should willingly expose them to more breasts i'll stop now before i get really upset thank god i love when people write like you have no idea how angry i'm becoming you don't want to see me mad. I guess I should have known when I was reading reviews by people who enjoy these kinds of movies that they would have different views about films.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Just out of curiosity, how old do you think your kids should be before they see the Saw movies? 12? This title contains violence and scariness and sexy stuff. They promised they'd shut up and then they did.
Starting point is 00:23:23 Be like, I'm going to get real. I'm going to stop before I'm mad. Stop before I get mad. Just kidding. It's too'd shut up and then they did. Be like, I'm going to get real I'm going to stop before I get mad. Just kidding. It's too late. I can't stop myself. And they didn't really
Starting point is 00:23:29 get that mad. Eight people said this review read my mind. Oh. So, yikes. So, end of review on that.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Um. Just because you want to get your legs cut off. So, what I'm learning from this is there are boobs in this movie yeah there's breasts in this movie okay sign me up jamie lee curtis but again why is that the thing that people get hung up on it's like i don't know well of course kids have seen boobs they're fucking children that's how they eat when they're babies like what do you mean why is
Starting point is 00:24:01 that the thing that's so traumatizing and then you're like well yeah everyone gets stabbed to death and a bunch of teenagers are murdered but there's a boob in there and I'm gonna go get my legs chopped off I don't get it which by the way you said I can handle getting my legs chopped off I'm like can you can I I don't think I could love to see you
Starting point is 00:24:20 try buddy yeah yeah so yikes yeah so yikes um yeah so anyway okay my next one this is of uh coralline i've never seen coralline okay i haven't seen any of these fucking movies i'm sorry everybody i read the book when I was little. It scared. I remember. It's a Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl. Roald Dahl.
Starting point is 00:24:49 I don't think so. Who wrote Coraline? Let me look it up. It's not. It's Neil Gaiman. Oh, Neil Gaiman? Gaiman. Gaiman?
Starting point is 00:24:58 Is it Gaiman? Gaiman? I don't know. This is embarrassing. The book. We're so cultured. Okay, listen. I read it as a child you're right i
Starting point is 00:25:05 totally i don't know why what movie am i thinking of that oh i'm thinking uh i know they're different and i know the differences but no um didn't roll draw doll right um the witches matilda oh yes that's what i why i said that that's what you're thinking of no i know what coralline is i know the difference tim burton was the director i believe of coralline sure okay but here's the thing i read that book when i was little and it scared me so badly that i found a crawl space in her house at wolper and i put the book in there and then i never took it out jesus so someone's gonna find that someday or not and it'll just be there forever. But it scared me because she had to sew buttons.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Her new parents sewed buttons on her eyes. Like, what the fuck? It was terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I hear it's creepy. Well, you would agree with these reviewers that I found. So here's one. This is a one star out of 10 of Coraline. Definitely not a movie for kids.
Starting point is 00:26:03 This is the most deeply disturbing movie I have ever seen. And I have often put on The Shining or The X-Files to go to sleep at night. Oh, boy. I wanted to turn it off, but my 14-year-old nephew objected, fearing that it would definitely give us nightmares if we didn't see how it was resolved. End of review. Wait, that's genius.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Yeah, right. I'm sorry, Auntie. I can't. You can't turn it off or I'll never sleep again. Wow, what a threat. And I'm telling mom all about this. I'm telling mom that you gave me nightmares. I mean, I guess it makes sense to finish the movie because it probably ends on a happy note.
Starting point is 00:26:44 I mean, I guess it makes sense to finish the movie because it probably ends on a happy note. I have no idea because I haven't seen it and I didn't read any reviews with spoilers. You didn't even read them? No, of course not. I mean, I guess if you're not going to use them, why read them? But I would see the movie. It really, the book really scared me, but I feel like books can sometimes be scarier than the movie anyway. So I guess I'd watch it. You know what I say.
Starting point is 00:27:06 I think real life is the scariest of all. You know what I say. I could probably handle getting my legs chopped off. So for what it's worth. I've seen at least one pair of boobies before I turn 10. Losers. No way. No way.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Oh, yeah. Okay. Update. We got new beverages. And just talked for like 30 minutes yeah and then almost forgot to actually record we did not we would never had no idea where we were we just lost track of life and time and everything but we're back. So I have another review here of Halloween. And we're talking about boobs again. I'm sorry. Don't be sorry.
Starting point is 00:27:51 I could talk about boobs all day. I've been seeing them since I was nine years old. If you talk about that one more time. That is like the last thing you said an hour ago when we stopped recording. And now you're starting the next recording. It sounds seamless to everyone else. It doesn't sound seamless because you're just repeating the same thing that you said apparently 30 seconds ago but yes uh so this is a review by kid 12 years old i can't wait to hear what this 12 year old kid has to say about boobs well this 12 year old kid with no username believes that this movie is appropriate for ages 18 plus
Starting point is 00:28:23 and it's a three-star review i would not argue with that without knowing that same like i wouldn't watch it i'm scared to watch it now i'm 30 so the title is inappropriate first kill the rest were great the first one just that one needs to go the first kill michael did is when his sister was bare-breasted end of review what he killed his own bare-breasted sister this title contains sexy stuff so so basically the first kill was inappropriate not because it was a kill because because her boob was out or was it because it was his sister's boobs it's's true. Which is also bad. Both.
Starting point is 00:29:06 Egregious, Michael. How dare you? It's also spelled my chill, but that's beside the point. But yeah, I just love that this movie would have been great. It's just the slight nudity really just ruined it. Ruined that stabbing for me. The stabbing would have been so much more appropriate. So much appropriate if she just had a little a little cover-up on yikes it's so sad it's letting this kid watch this movie anyway i don't understand i can't get over that they're all so hung up on
Starting point is 00:29:36 seeing a boob that like the stabbing part is just not relevant it like blows my mind whatever i yeah no i don't i don't absolutely my mind i really i hope we can contain sexy stuff but not violence like why would you select sexy stuff but not violence as someone who played really violent video games growing up like totally when i was that age if i saw some boob no i mean i did i just saw a lot of them but every time i saw all those lots of boobs um it would still be like oh my god i guess it's true like it just it's a big deal more shocking yeah which is which it shouldn't be no it's absolutely disturbing and it shouldn't be that way we should show boobs to everybody
Starting point is 00:30:16 all the time everyone should be looking at boobs from age nine onward like i was desensitized to violence and not to boobs which is really not not okay. That's the exact issue. It should be the opposite. We shouldn't put so much value. Okay. There's so much stress on nudity. It's just so silly. So much negative value.
Starting point is 00:30:37 That's what I mean. Making it such a big deal. Right. Nudity. Whatever. But violence, we should probably be like, yeah. Maybe don't stab people, whether they have their boobs out or not you know yeah it's just my my hot take that was pretty controversial i know but it's as hot as boobies in halloween yeah um
Starting point is 00:30:59 very inappropriate no man if i do say so myself i've got another one of coralline this is two stars out of ten not for children this movie is way too intense and horror-like for any child it's exactly like an adult horror only animated i have no idea how this film managed to be allowed to be classed as a children's movie it's end to end chilling with spirits ghosts and demons jumping out every few minutes not to mention the gothic witch demon the dark spiritual vibe going on throughout will only frighten the life out of your kids it's way too dark to be a kid's movie i'm shocked it's borderline abuse letting your kids watch this horror if you're gonna let
Starting point is 00:31:46 them watch this you might as well follow on with the exorcist then maybe nightmare on elm street maybe this is one of those indoctrination movies designed to fuck up kids heads like mk ultra or something haha or maybe i should just put on my tinfoil hat top hat emoji end of review whoa it got weird why did you just not stop not you the the reviewer like just tone it down halfway through i mean it it seemed like a pretty normal review from like a parent but like okay but it got weird maybe this is mk ultra haha maybe the government is okay wait wait wait wait wait what it's like first of all i feel like coralline isn't the same as the x or c i'm sorry i also don't think it's the same as mk ultra and i but well that's where we differ maybe another story
Starting point is 00:32:41 that's where we differ that's where we differ've put my tinfoil top hat on real quick um yeah it's not the same i'm sorry i an animated film alone is already less scary than a fucking exorcist movie yeah i don't know it's a stupid argument um does this person have children did they say um they say my kids or anything like that actually no because they said they were complaining about it's not for any child i just wonder i wonder if they're just they just hated it and so now they turn it into children shouldn't watch it because i'm so scared they said it's borderline abuse to let your children watch it so i don't think they would tell on themselves that way and say my child watched yeah so they must not have a child that watched this they must have watched it and been like wow if my parents showed me this i'd be calling 241 kids i don't know there are movies that i remember watching at a young age that really kind of messed
Starting point is 00:33:37 me up a little bit but they weren't the tradition i don't know i mean you know which one got me good which one uh a perfect storm oh yeah that one fucked me up too that was really all of those movies where people like died that's really vague but like the perfect storm scared the shit out of me yeah we also watched it during a literal storm real unlike the horror a lot of the horror movies like coralline at least you know it's scary and spooky but you can at least kind of um yeah you can yeah well in a perfect storm we watched on vhs considered a cartoon in maryland wow what's what's is it considered it might be like because it's it's stop motion stop motion yeah the clay it's animated it's
Starting point is 00:34:17 animated yeah animated yeah yeah um but perfect sorry i used to work at nickelodeon did you that must be cool what a cool job yeah yeah i bet everyone thinks you're so cool no uh we watched perfect storm in maryland on vhs during a really intense thunderstorm and our house was on the water and i remember we were taking sailing lessons and i was like this is not good for me and my exactly how i remember it scared the hell out this is the first time where you set a memory where i'm like yeah that's actually 100 not like not exaggerated you're not missing something it's wow christine didn't exaggerate for the first time in her life i'm just incredible no i feel i feel good that we just have that same terrible moment well especially of maryland we barely have the same memories of
Starting point is 00:34:59 maryland they're usually it's me and max billion you'll have something like that didn't happen christina that's often what i say that's usually and then the other movie is a million dollar baby also not like a scare i mean it's just one of those scenes that really got you yeah and then you're like how the fuck did our dad think it was a good idea to bring us to the movies to watch this yeah well what year did that come out we were probably just really sensitive it was a good idea to bring us to the movies to watch this. Yeah. Well, what year did that come out? We were probably just really sensitive. It was like two years ago. I feel like we weren't that little. It came out in 2004. So I was 11.
Starting point is 00:35:34 I was 11. You watched it in theaters. I watched it in theaters. You were too little. I'm sorry. Why did our father think that was a good idea? I was shocked. I was crying so much. Holy 11. I like these people who are like, I'm eight and I love watching Saw.
Starting point is 00:35:52 And I'm like, I can't even watch. I don't understand the youth. The youths are just really tougher than me. Yeah, that fucked me up real good. It's a great movie, I think. I mean, I haven't seen it since i was 11 but no that's not true i think i re-watched it but it took me a long time i certainly did not re-watch it but i remember the exact scene where we all went okay this is not good um all right i have a review of casper the
Starting point is 00:36:17 friendly ghost oh wait thank goodness that's the other one that fucked me up not the like 1990 whatever version to like 1940 something short animation where like he's like all these ghosts are like smoking and hanging out and drinking. And he's like, no, no, I'm telling you. And he's like, I'm going to go make a friend. And then he makes a friend. Yeah. I don't remember. You don't.
Starting point is 00:36:40 Can I tell you? Spoiler alert. Sure. He makes a friend with a little fox in the fox. Yeah. The animal. Okay. Oh, I don't remember the fox getting shot. And he cries and he cries and he cries. sure he makes a friend with a little fox and the fox yeah the animal okay oh i don't remember the fox getting shot and he cries and he cries and he cries at his grave i know but it was like so upsetting that he like held the fox as it died yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:36:55 that one really fucked me up i'm sorry dumbo you know yikes what yeah i found a gif of the of casper holding the dead fox and he's like sobbing yes that is really disturbing i remember it so vividly it's horrible the articles this vintage casper cartoon will destroy your soul well it did thank you for for letting me know it did when i was like five or whatever yeah okay yikes anyway sorry this is not of that this is of the one from like 1999 or whatever which i never saw is that the one it's also animated but like or is it no no it's not it he's animated live action but then they have okay yeah yeah so this is by teen 14 years old now this is kind of a dramatic review the title is through rose tinted glasses
Starting point is 00:37:48 14 year old okay what could that possibly mean in the context of a casper movie review well this is a three-star view and this 14 year old believes the movie should be for ages eight plus okay okay and the title actually i forgot an article it says through the rose tinted glasses dot dot dot and here's the review while i remember this movie fondly when i was younger i've come to discover more and more of the flaws as time goes by my rose tinted nostalgia glasses have almost shattered here. While the movie is pretty dull, kids will probably enjoy it. The score is just stunning
Starting point is 00:38:30 and one wordless dance sequence almost was able to pull me in. What? I guess they dance together. Was it that sexy or something? She and the ghost. Wendy and the ghost. People tell me I expect too much from kids flicks
Starting point is 00:38:48 maybe i do but this movie is probably best for the tweens and it won't be for everybody else end of review wow you're right people people always tell me i expect too much from kids flick who tells you that what are you talking about i have no idea who are you talking to that tells you that this has like the weirdest freaking cast though this is a casper 1995 yep that's the one okay first of all bill pullman who i had seen a lot in things like independent stay and whatever but um i've been watching him in the center have you seen the center he plays like the main detective in the center and so it's so funny seeing yeah i think she's in season one i've only seen it's like it's like each season is a new case but it's the same detective
Starting point is 00:39:33 okay um so anyway uh bill polman's in it uh christina ricci um and then i'm looking like eric idol from like monty Python is in it. I don't know who these people are. I know Christina Ricci. You would recognize Eric Idle. Ben Stein is in it. I mean, he just shows up in random movies all the time. And like Mr. Rogers is in it.
Starting point is 00:39:56 And Brad Garrett is the voice of Falso, Fatso or something. Falso. Alexander, one wordless dance sequence almost so weird is there wait is there even a wendy is her name not wendy i thought it was i'm looking i don't see a wendy i see christina ricci played cat oh maybe that was kathy moriarty played kerrigan i don't know who these people are. What's in her? Tell me. Talk to me. Maybe once you watch it, you'll remember the scene where Ben Stein is in a wordless dance sequence. Please tell me it's not Ben Stein.
Starting point is 00:40:34 Mr. Rogers or something. Mr. Rogers? I said that. He's in this. Wait, what? Yeah. So is Brad Garrett. That's what I said.
Starting point is 00:40:43 I wasn't listening. He plays Falso, remember? Falso, that's right. How could I forget? Okay. garrett that's what i said he plays falso remember so that's right how can i forget okay um anyway that's all your turn nobody cares no one cares we're reading an imdb article this next one is scream four of scream four this is a one star out of ten screaming to leave oh good one just watched scream four after reading all these awesome reviews on imdb i am a huge movie fan i own over 400 dvds and 100 blu-rays how are you feeling now in 2021 that you own 400 dvds how are those treating you oh my god um although i do want the director's cut of... Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:26 No, no, no. Barney's sexy Halloween. Oh, that's only on the underground. Like, you need a bootleg copy of that. No. Hereditary. Not hereditary, but the Swedish one. The Swedish hereditary.
Starting point is 00:41:42 The one where they went to Midsummer yeah called midsummer thank you why do you want that on dvd well i want to see the director's cut i haven't seen the long version we almost went to that yeah i know i had tickets and didn't use them because of so i don't know something came up don't remember um but was gonna go to that and i didn't see it so that's another movie i saw the way to yeah you did see that i saw get out too and uh the other one the other one this is us or whatever yeah that one was good no this is us this is is it just us it's us yeah with the scissors the scissor one uh that was scary i watched on the play it was spooky one anyway but they only sell it on dvd right now i don't think you can get it digitally anywhere well i don't even have a dvd player exactly and i don't have i i want i kind of want a playstation 5 just so i can have play blu-rays
Starting point is 00:42:29 i own a copy of uh blade runner the sequel the one that came out more recently obviously that's what a sequel is um on blu-ray but i've never been able to watch well um that's too bad maybe i'm sorry for this man or person who from 2011 who had all these 500 dvds this review is from 2011 by the way here we go i'm a huge movie fan and was ready for a good west craven remake this movie was terrible the only part besides the last 10 minutes that was even remotely jumpy was when a guy turns around and bumps his head on a plant. That's something I do on a daily basis. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:43:14 That's pretty. It is traumatic. Pretty jumpy. Yeah. It was so boring. I wanted to leave after 30 minutes, but there was no way I could leave because movies are like 10 bucks now. The acting wasn't
Starting point is 00:43:25 that impressive constantly throughout the whole movie i was saying you are slur to the actors yeah to the actors because they seem to lack common sense if you read this please i'm telling you wait till it comes on tnn or something three years from now and watch it the fuck is t i have no idea i don't think that's the thing there's t or classic movies tcm tnt maybe tnn is just this underground theater theater news network this guy's cooler than i am or wait till it comes to dvd for all the movie people that collect the series i would rather walk around with crap in my pants all day than watch this movie again if you read this and still go see the movie i told you so end of review wow i really do feel like people it tells it says a lot about a person
Starting point is 00:44:16 what they would rather do or what they say they would rather do swim with a great way rather walk around with crap in your pants what Why was that the thing that went into your mind? I guess. Because they've done it. So they know. Like that was a bad day. They can put that on their little chart. They have a ranking.
Starting point is 00:44:34 Yeah, that's fair. Wow. Wow. Screaming to leave. Clever. But not referenced again. I thought that was going to be a callback. But lo and behold even this fourth 12 year old or what a 14 year old brought back rose colored
Starting point is 00:44:50 true nostalgia glasses yeah okay let's see what i have for you i'm like really upset now about casper and that fox i can't stop thinking about it. Look at that kitty over there. I'm upset now. Does that make you feel better? All right. You brought it up. I know I did because... I know I did. Just leave it at that. End of sentence. This is a review of The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad.
Starting point is 00:45:18 That, Christina, that was on some of these Halloween must-watch movies movies like lists sorry on imdb i'm like what the fuck is that and i skipped it i didn't read the reviews i think i've seen it it's like the headless horseman and mr toad the crossover of the century are you shitting me is it really like that mr toad there's no way i think so like frog and toad Toad? There's no way. I think so. Like Frog and Toad? Or is that a different thing? No, that's a different thing. Oh, I'm thinking Frog and Toad. What's Mr. Toad?
Starting point is 00:45:49 That would be good. Mr. Toad was like a different cartoon. Oh my God, I'm having a contraction. You just sent me into a fucking... Oh my God. Mr. Toad is like a separate thing here. Legit. Mr. Toad's wild ride.
Starting point is 00:46:02 He like... He doesn't kind of... That doesn't help me at all. He kind of looks like Frog and Toad, but it's not Frog and Toad. What? That's not Frog and Toad? I don't think so. No.
Starting point is 00:46:12 Toad, I think from Frog and Toad is a little bit taller. He's taller. He's taller. But they wear the same amount of corduroy, it looks like. Well, he is a toad. I think that's kind of. Oh, my God. Look at this. It's just a toad thing. It's a toad i think that's kind of oh my god look at this one that's just a toad thing it's a toad thing wait what how is this a thing that i just don't know oh my god
Starting point is 00:46:31 uggs in her so you know esquire yeah of course where i used to work sort of but the magazine yes they have an article called unlikely style icons mr toad which I love. Yeah, okay, I see it now. Disney's Mr. Toad is like a specific. Oh, I see. I'm looking at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw that. That's the one that got me. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:46:53 And so there's an adventures of Ichabod Crane and Mr. Toad that kind of Disney crossover, essentially, which, by the way, most people said was not a Halloween movie. Oh, my God. Matt Lucas in the 2006 Wind in the Willows film. essentially which by the way most people said was not a halloween movie oh my god matt lucas in the 2006 wind in the willows film yeah that wind in the willows is the is the one that he's in that's matt lucas played mr toad and i know matt lucas you know him not personally um yeah he he uh wasn't he on great british baking show yeah he's one of the co-hosts like the i don't know if he's like one of the we are not movie people i don't know why this entire voice inomio and juliet
Starting point is 00:47:31 obviously i don't know why this entire episode has turned into like us discussing movies i think he was known especially for his like performance in les mis on stage like Really? Yeah. He's also in Bridesmaids as the brother. Yes. Of Rebel Wilson, I think. Anyway, let's talk about The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. King. I can't wait. I would love to. It was also on a list on Common Sense Media
Starting point is 00:47:57 of scary but not too scary movies for kids. A lot of people said this is not a Halloween movie. But in a gatekeeping way right or what or it is like what do you mean are they saying like oh like this doesn't deserve to be called a halloween movie it's not halloweeny enough i think it was more just like why does everyone say this is a halloween movie i rented it and it didn't like add to my halloween what's like die hard being a christmas movie yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like an argument like that yeah except for lower stakes i think that yeah much lower stakes no offense to this no offense mr toad and your beautiful gingham style okay so a 15 year old
Starting point is 00:48:37 teen said this is a 10 and up movie and rated it four stars watched it when i was five my parents scared me after it by sending me outside then when i came back inside when it was dark they got an orange pumpkin head and scared me now every halloween i have been scared stiff and i am 15 i started to get over it at age 10 but still it depends on the type of parent you are if you're the whole type of boo during saw you probably don't want to show your kids this title contains violence and scariness i do not understand the type what this child thinks different types of parents are well if you're the boo type during saw yeah he said his parents set him outside after watching the movie and then put a big pumpkin head on and like
Starting point is 00:49:31 sounds like our old neighbors which the ones i'm not saying their name like the because i didn't want to bring their family yeah oh it sounds like exactly what michael would do oh yes like something they would do i was like did they wear pumpkin heads what are you talking about no no like a jump scare type thing yeah i just didn't want to like bring names into it but i guess i don't know carl the one who actually did break oh yeah well yeah that is carl but as far as i did carl have offspring no good he he used us as that because he wouldn't exactly yeah scratch on our windows but michael had offspring and probably did that stuff did things like this i see yeah so basically um i love that they sent the child outside and then didn't let him back in until it was dark yep that sounds
Starting point is 00:50:12 a big i'm not already i feel like it's happened in our childhood when we'd go over there it's really familiar isn't it yeah um so i love that also he started to get over at age 10, but he's 15 and it's still troubling him, which is like, oh, God, either your parents are really sadistic or like they did not know what they were doing to you. No, it's been five years. And Mr. Toad, the Halloween movie of Mr. Toad is still so traumatic for you. Every Halloween, he's scared stiff and he's 15. And wow, he probably I mean, try living that life. It's awful. Sounds rough.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Sounds really rough. But I would be a baby about this too. Like I'd be like this kid. Like I can see myself. I mean, we're still over here whining. I'm whining about like the Casper animated short. Yeah, true, true. We whine about a lot.
Starting point is 00:51:00 We do whine a lot. And I'm not even 15, so. Good to know. believe it or not um i have one more okay only this is of the sixth sixth sense i love when you say that i hate it this is a review from may of 2000 no spoilers you said 2000 even though we've spoiled this on the show before yeah i was gonna say haven't we like spoiled this before but i don't think this one has a spoiler we'll see the most overrated movie ever the sixth sense the film must be talking about is the sense to sniff out a terrible movie
Starting point is 00:51:38 i have that sense it's hard to believe how big this crap fest has gotten how many people it has fooled baffles me i can't believe anyone bought that ending and that there were a bunch of you fruits that actually cried but i don't blame you you were hypnotized someday you may snap out of it end of review whoa no spoilers but um and even yeah spoiling that movie wouldn't make this make any more sense wow this person really has a high and mighty view of themselves oh clearly wow you sad little sheeple you're getting hypnotized by the media i gotta say there was something about these sixth sense reviews though because they were all like a lot of them were from late like 1999 because i think that's when the movie came out or 2000 and all the one-star reviews were like like this is just hollywood bullshit
Starting point is 00:52:28 like i get i knew the the twist right at the beginning blah blah blah and they were just so like how can people how can anyone think this is actually good and worthy of any award some shit and it was like they were complaining it was so funny because it was at the time so they were saying if this gets nominated for any awards, that'd be ridiculous. And then there'd be one that said, I can't believe this got nominated for awards. The timeline of events of these people's downfall. I love how insulting and also just fucking rude of like, it's not your fault. You're just too dumb to know that this is a terrible
Starting point is 00:53:06 movie it got nominated for six oscars by the way and yeah so people were saying this better not get nominated for any oscars then it got nominated for six but it didn't win anything but um the best maybe this wasn't the best but um someone was like saying that um michael cain should be in like was probably insulted to be nominated alongside hayley joel osment as best actor in a supporting role because he's like this kid can't act or whatever like michael cain must have been so insulted sir michael cain ended up uh winning. Leave Sir Michael Caine out of this and your rude comments and your dial-up internet.
Starting point is 00:53:48 You rude 1999 people. He won for The Cider House Rules. Oh, I never saw that. Neither did I. I like The Sixth Sense. Sorry. But the other movies
Starting point is 00:53:58 that year for... This is just a supporting actor. Jude Law. You've seen him. I've seen him all the time. I know, it's creepy. For The Talented Mr. Ripley. And for... Michael Clark Duncan for The Green Mile. He was in Sixth Sense too. And Tom Cruise actor jude law you've seen him i've seen him all the time i know it's creepy for the talented mr ripley uh michael clark duncan for the green mile and tom cruise for magnolia stop it he was in
Starting point is 00:54:11 stop saying all of these people voiced by jude law all right well instead of just reading more nominees for 1999 oscars i'm gonna read the next review this is the weirdest episode i feel like we're getting derailed every time we read All right. Well, instead of just reading more nominees for 1999 Oscars, I'm going to read the next review. This is the weirdest episode. I feel like we're getting derailed every time we read a review, which we're not like movie buffs.
Starting point is 00:54:32 I don't know why this is happening. I think that's why it's getting derailed. That might be precisely why. I feel like movie buffs can stick to specific films, but we have to jump around because we don't know anything. We know nothing. So we pick at the little things we know.'s a fair point and run with it and then try to tell each other about them which is like not interesting to anybody else all right this is a review of a
Starting point is 00:54:53 movie called the little ghost as if i've never seen it well have you i'm a movie buff christina i think you would have remembered it the little ghost it's weird i think it's jude law it's jude law and tim allen i think barney's in it too sexy very sexy um so i am just gonna read because i don't want to spoil it i mean i will spoil it don't get me wrong but i want this reviewer to spoil it i'm gonna read one review and it kind of gave me a big question mark. And then the second review, I'm going to read kind of answer some questions. All right. Yep.
Starting point is 00:55:28 So this review is written by an adult named Batman, the realist. Okay. Okay. I already, if you call yourself a realist, I'm and it is realist like IST, not like the realist.
Starting point is 00:55:42 Oh yeah. Oh, I assume a realist, which that's all right it very much is especially when you're someone who writes reviews about like children's movies yeah so this is a three-star view this adult believes that this is for ages four plus title is great i had sound quality issues with voodoo where the sound was off from the acting for people saying this is racist are reaching
Starting point is 00:56:05 name one ghost that's not the misty white color people like the ones who claim this is racism need to just stay home and keep their racist opinions to themselves this movie was far from racist go to every store in your area and look at their ghost they are white mist is this like a kkk propaganda film first of all i love that they're like go to the store and look at their ghost yeah what store are you going to room or like i guess they mean the ones hanging in the windows but it sounds like they're saying like go to ace hardware and check their ghost in the basement it's white mist and also i already love how they say i'm not racist you are yeah you stay home in your basement you'd be racist go to every store in your area and look at their ghosts they are white mist it
Starting point is 00:56:51 has nothing to do with the color of people's skin it's the color of mist other than being a weird knockoff of casper it was good not amazing but good great job on the movie i'm sorry we have sensitive people who read into anything because they love to be upset all the time and offended for no reason this title contains positive messages uh-huh um so i'm confused though as well yeah exactly so big question i was like oh is this movie actually racist well you know that's not for me to say because i've not seen it but you are a white person so i think you should of anyone should be able to say what's racist right but i'm not a white mist and i think that's what it is not yet anyway in a few decades i'm sorry i put you on the spot as to say you tell me if you think this
Starting point is 00:57:36 is racist okay well i have another review here that might answer some questions might not this is so good white mist it's the color of mist what is happening what why is this why did someone feel the need to argue that that's what i'm wondering so please give me some context because parent of a four-year-old is the is the next user okay cj phillips parent of a four-year-old uh rated this two stars ages four and up title is overtones about color are disconcerting and ruin the movie so i'll give you some like clarity here i think okay i decided to let my four-year-old son watch a kid-friendly halloween movie and settled on the little ghost which is currently streaming on hulu i was disappointed when a significant part of the plot revolved around the friendly
Starting point is 00:58:23 white ghost being turned black by the sun and subsequently perceived negatively and called the black unknown by the townspeople. I was uncomfortable and had to clarify to my son that the ghost was not bad just because he was black. At the end of the film, the ghost became happy again when he woke up at night and turned white, exclaiming gleefully over and over again. I'm white. I'm white. While it seemed cute and innocuous at first glance, I do not recommend this movie for young kids who are just learning about skin color. It was too much to explain to a little kid who just wanted to see a ghost
Starting point is 00:58:55 movie on Halloween. Fair. I, I, what I will say from based on that, the word I love to use the most, at least recently makes the movie a little sussy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:08 Apparently it's a dubbed film. So that could have had something to do with like not necessarily direct. But literally what happens is the ghost like goes out in the sun and turns black while all the other ghosts are white. And he keeps saying, I want to be white. I want to be white. Not a good line. And then they're like, he's black. We need to hide him from everybody. We don't want to be white i want to be white not a good line and then they're like he's black we need to hide him from everybody we don't want to be around him and then when he turns white again
Starting point is 00:59:30 he just creeps keeps screaming i'm white i'm white and everyone embraces him again like that's yeah sorry it's just not a great no i that doesn't that doesn't yeah you don't i could see why that's not something that you want to show children yeah it's like how awkward to explain to your kid, like, you know, don't run around screaming, I'm white. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. So just that's fun. It's also very creepy, this ghost.
Starting point is 00:59:57 Is it? I haven't really looked. Christina, you have not looked at what this ghost looks like? Please. The Little Ghost movie. Oh, my. Yes, I have seen it. it sorry that's why i clicked on it initially it's frightening can you imagine that thing screaming i want to be white like no wonder i'm pretty sure it was a german film which doesn't it was originally a german's children's yeah german children's book yeah Yeah, this just like... Which German children's book famously did not age well.
Starting point is 01:00:28 Any of them. None of them aged well. That's exactly right. This one is not quite as old as some of the others, but it looks like toothless. Yes, it does. Okay. God, that's bad, though. Yeah, it's bad.
Starting point is 01:00:40 I'm not... It's just bad. Any other kind of angle maybe would have been better than that um so now i just have a couple redemptions okay redeem us please yeah here's a movie called scared shrekless which i guess is a shrek film but also the is it like a shrek sanctioned is it the dreamworks sanctioned film or like it's a dreamworks sanctioned film but it's parodying a bunch of adult scary movies so it was kind of weird because kids don't get it because it's parodying like yeah the exorcist and saw but it's like shrek characters what i know so it didn't
Starting point is 01:01:19 get good reviews i did not even know this existed me neither neither. What a bold choice. It was very weird. I was reading the plot and I was like, wait, so the Pinocchio guy gets hanged apparently. It's like really bizarre. The Pinocchio guy named Pinocchio? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've heard of him. Yeah. So this is a review by, this is a redemption though. And this is by a kid, 10 years old.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Ages two plus is what he thinks of this film. Five stars. Title is Looks Cool. this is by a kid 10 years old ages two plus is what he thinks of this film five stars title is looks cool have not seen it but i want to see it so bad shrek is awesome he would make a very great halloween special this is much like the barney thing like like um what did he say what does barney think is appropriate nowadays shrek would make a great Halloween special I know it but I never knew there would be some swearing in it so I hope my parents will let me watch it I bet they will because I've watched many movies and TV shows with swearing in it and it would be funny if donkey got waffles for Halloween instead of candy because he loves waffles so much but I
Starting point is 01:02:20 don't know if it actually is going to happen because I've never seen it and all the Shrek movies are funny and have funny jokes in it. And I bet they will have one about waffles. I will watch it. That's so cute. Isn't it? I really, really hope Donkey got waffles. I don't think there are waffles in it, which makes me really upset.
Starting point is 01:02:35 Yeah. I want to make a short film just to make this little kid happy. This title contains language, educational value, value positive messages and positive role models wow just hasn't even seen it but picked all the positive ones all the positives i know shrek and i know the movie he would make he would make a great film uh and it would for sure include waffles maybe not but maybe so um i now have a redemption of casper the friendly ghost uh this is a five star review and it's by kids seven years old the title is my brother watched it when he was four but my mom was okay about it it said bad words the baddest
Starting point is 01:03:13 one was the b word it also said c star star p the c word it's very good but sexy these children think they say about me it's really bad it's very good but sexy they also drunk a ghost eyeball popped which was kind of scary they also tried to use guns but kids will never say those bad words they won't even remember them it's still a great movie end of review what do you think the b word is to this kid it was bitch it was they said it twice in the movie but they were joking because it was about a dog oh weird though it was still it didn't fit like if crap is the c word i was like the b word must be but butthead yeah something no apparently there was a dog and they were like the bitch is back and then it turns the camera angle turns as a dog
Starting point is 01:04:03 but it's like why would you even put that in a kid's movie whatever that seems off yeah it's like yeah it's a little sussy but um you know to just completely steal your word also i love my word yes i love that they tried to use guns they didn't use guns yeah so it's okay because they were only they were not successful yeah and also kids will never say those bad words don't even worry about it they don't they won't remember they won't remember they too drunk to remember yeah um so this title contains violence and scariness drinking drugs and smoking language and sexy stuff um i think that was it i think that's my last one yes it was nice that was good what a success this was perfect i'm i'm watching later i'm watching uh a big word but midnight mass what's that came out i think today you're going to church
Starting point is 01:04:52 yeah yeah virtually church virtual church no i'm watching it's the newest it's uh haunting of hill house honey blind manor and then wait it's out i think tonight yeah oh i'm so excited i have plans to watch it with dnop so i hope it's out both of those yeah oh i'm so excited i have plans to watch it with dnop so i hope it's out both of those and i was very proud of myself because i watched them by myself or you watched the first one with me hill house hill house yeah and then i watched the other one by myself that was scary i was alone very spooky nice yeah i love blind manor was fantastic i loved it like a hill house was much spookier i think for me like it was scarier it was more like manor was like also creepy and stuff but like beautiful it was like
Starting point is 01:05:31 just so good i thought it was really good um midnight mass we'll see for all the shit that i'm saying i don't watch anything scary i do watch sometimes yeah but um yeah highly recommend if you haven't seen those those are fun and uh also mickey mouse clubhouse if you haven't seen those. Those are fun. And also, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, if you're not feeling, like, super scary. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's crazy what Barney thinks is acceptable nowadays. So, like, definitely proceed with caution. Yeah, yeah. Warning, warning, warning.
Starting point is 01:05:56 Contains sexy stuff. So, thanks for listening. Next week, we're doing costumes. We are. And I have a little bit of an announcement. Oh, do you? Because we just talked about this. Our Patreon content has been a little bit of an announcement oh do you um because we just talked about this our patreon patreon content has been a little uh lackluster lackluster slash non-existent
Starting point is 01:06:11 slash gone um and we've been people have been wondering what's going on there um yeah so to make it up to you or at least in our minds what will make it up to you we're gonna find some good uh sheifer vault content from the vault exactly which means um embarrassing content from our own phone videos yeah and photos that have not been released to the public uh that we will release to you so you can just your eyes only get a weird taste of us including videos yeah there's some weird shit that we've discovered that we don't know where else to put and we're like we don't want to release this publicly maybe we'll just share it with our good friends yeah yeah so you all deserve it thank you for your support despite us not fully delivering but hey you've been wonderful in the facebook group and the discord it's been lots of
Starting point is 01:06:58 fun so yeah um anyway enjoy all that Enjoy it as best you can. Anyway, see you at costumes.

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